Tag Archives: awakening

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Holy Spirit – Heart Bliss

Today I went to visit my mom, step-father, sister and nephew. I usually go once a week but since the Christmas holidays I have not gone in two weeks. I missed it!

An interesting thing happened that I wanted to share with you all. My Mom, who has been a member of the Church of Christ all her life, came up to me and said, “I want to tell you something that you may think is creepy.” I said, “I don’t know if I want to know now.” She continued anyway.

She told me about her morning routine. She said, “Every morning when I wake up I come in here and do some gentle yoga stretches. Then I sit quietly for a while and ask for the Holy Spirit to come into me.” She showed how she stands facing the window and puts both her arms into the air to accept the Holy Spirit.

“Well, it does and it feels amazing! The first time it happened I started crying and it stopped. I find if I cry it always stops. But I was told by a woman at church to not resist it so I began to just ask for it to come into me. And it comes every time I ask”.

I congratulated her on her experience and she went on. “I have to tell you, though, it feels really, really good. Like orgasmic.” She giggled here and was a bit ashamed. I said to her, “Yes, but not sexual.” And she said, “Right” and nodded. I asked her, “Does it come in through here (I touched her back at her heart space) and then spread out all across your body?” She nodded, “Yes!” I asked her, “Does it make you just want to melt into the chair?” She said, “Yes, every time”. I told her, “I have felt that for a long time. I call it heart bliss”. She said, “Well I call it the Holy Spirit”. I said, “Same thing to me.”

My mom was so relieved after this that she began to talk to me about her bible studies and the book of Genesis. She told me she doesn’t like reading Genesis. She said, “It just doesn’t make sense to me. There has to be a whole lot of the story missing. For example, when Cain goes to the land of Nod to get married, how could he do that if Adam and Eve were the first and only people? Yet there is obviously a whole other group of people in the land of Nod. I think there had to have been at least five or six Adam and Eve’s.”

I laughed and said, “You should watch Ancient Aliens.” She gave me a questioning look so I went on. “Some people think that the first humans were brought here from outer space – seeded. Some people think that God did the same on many other planets”.

She didn’t even go there. LOL Instead she went on to how she was reading the book of John at the same time as she was reading Genesis so she was reading one book from each testament. I just laugh at how my mom handles information she is not ready for. She didn’t even skip a beat! LOL

I love my mom and I so very pleased to hear that she is experiencing the heart bliss. She is a total believer of the bible and experiencing the very same heart energy that I and many others have experienced and are still experiencing right now. It just goes to show that no matter your belief system the changes happening on Earth are affecting everyone regardless of their beliefs.

My mom is truly blown away by what she is experiencing. For her, something as wonderful as the heart bliss (Holy Spirit) is a life-changing event. I can’t wait to see if it expands into something more and I know if it does I will be one of the first to know.

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Message: Groundbreaking Has Begun

Groundbreaking has begun. Initiates gather to mark the beginning of a new era of Hue-manity.

Light Beacons are anchored. New initiates recognize their roles in ever increasing numbers. Memory codes are activated and released. DNA matriculation has been instituted.

The Time is critical. A pinnacle moment has been reached. After-effects are felt and disseminated.

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Message: Let Go of All Attachments

E’Fonin is back along with 9 others – my Team and my Council; The Many.

He never really left, of course.

2:30am

I had a dream in which I was fixing what looked like a dishwasher but then it seemed to turn into a very large window. I refused my husband’s help saying, “I can do this on my own”. I woke up.

I was pleased with myself for standing on my own two feet but there was a resistance to what I have been asked to do. I felt my Team present, but at this time had not singled out E’Fonin. I questioned them about what was happening to me – why did I seem to have so much clarity and resolve about my purpose and then fall back into self-doubt and resistance?

With the question my heart chakra pulled intensely and I could not help but be pulled into it. From this standpoint all doubt and resistance was erased. Immediately. The sensation of the heart had been unnoticeable until this point and then it felt like a metal rod of energy was shoved into the center of it. I couldn’t help but gasp for air from the intensity of it.

Message: Let Go of All Attachments

Once I recognized my question had been answered (remain in the heart) my Team proceeded to speak with me about attachments.

We are being asked to let go of all attachments. This is not limited to relationships but includes all earthly attachment from material possessions to attachments to the physical body.

We must drop them. All of them.

When I questioned why, I was shown how attachment = fear. It arises from fear. Fear of loss. Fear of the unknown. Ego-driven fear.

Attachments have been encouraged and reinforced by society.

I argued for attachment, pointing out that attachment to one’s children ensures the child’s safety and survival.

I was quickly shown this was an illusion. Even the attachment, the bond, between mother and child is riddled with fear, the main one being that the mother will lose the child.

People stay in relationships; cling to family, material possessions, people, situations, physical bodies, because of attachment. Attachment causes much suffering, propels us into moral dilemmas and keeps our vibration low. It fastens us to 3D. It is the foundation of karma.

Love is not attachment, yet here I was being shown how deeply entangled the two concepts have become even in my own mind.

Embody Love

In order to embody love we must forgo attachments. This does not mean we do not love, it means that we love enough to recognize the big picture; to step away and see the path of All which ultimately converges back into One.

I asked if it meant we no longer have relationships, specifically romantic ones. I could not see how not to become attached.

It was explained that we habitually fall into Ego which triggers forgetfulness and incites fear. We think, “I love him/her. I want them to stay with me always”. We forget they are with us always and have always been. Instead, we become concerned that they will leave us. We remember past physical lives, we become clouded and then we resist the potential of a timeline without them. This traps us into the karmic cycle. This perpetuates fear. This is not love. It is illusion. It is attachment.

If we remain in the heart we will find that we have always been and always will be connected to those we love and to all the potential for love that exists. There is no loss of this love. Ever.

I then understood what it is to embody love. It is to fully live from the heart.

hinduism-philosophy-god5D is Here, Right Now

5D is here. It always has been. We just have not been able to access it. We couldn’t see it. Our hearts have been closed. Our minds have been fooled. We have been trapped in illusion. I have been trapped in illusion.

My movement into 5D continues rapidly. I am accessing alternate timelines; “jumping” timelines. My DNA is becoming crystalline. I am shifting fully into the heart. Once there, I will be in 5D all the time. But what is crazy is that 3D will still be there. It is like they are superimposed. I saw the Earth as two; one 5D and one 3D. They are superimposed but most of us live in the one that is 3D. I am shifting to the 5D along with many others. Once we are there we will stay permanently. Yet I see that I will still have access to 3D. I asked, “What will happen to me? Will I disappear?” I was told, “Does it matter?”

No More Astral

Believe it or not, I was/am not overwhelmed by any of this. Somehow the conversation shifted into a discussion about my astral travels. Why have I stopped? Why can’t I project?

I was told the astral realms are connected to 3D. They are an extension of the illusion beyond the physical 3D reality. From there you can manifest much faster but it is still limited to the rules and restrictions of 3D. My travels are beyond the astral now. It is hard to explain because as I was shown it, the astral realms extend past Earth in layers, like an onion. Where I am traveling is beyond these layers and outside of them. Another dimension altogether.

I asked if I was ever going to get to project and was told I could as a means of rest, like a vacation, but the astral no longer serves the purpose it once did for me. My travels are inter-dimensional now, though I do not recall them yet. I am told my physical vessel is undergoing adjustments still and to be patient.

I was shown a Venn diagram. I have seen this previously, in 2003. One side is the human consciousness and the other is the subconscious. These two sides will eventually merge completely, becoming one. I can’t imagine how this will manifest, but this is what 5D looks like.

Acceleration is Imminent

I am told the incidences of heart chakra intensity will continue. This is when I recognized E’Fonin because I felt him “turn on” my heart connection. It was similar to flipping a switch. One minute it was a slow, steady warm energy, the next it was like a lightening bolt trigger that sent my heart into another gear and kept it there. When the switch was turned on, a part of my mind shut off. I separate from my earthly attachments. It is strange and a bit uncomfortable but the heart connection is so intense that I do not resist.

My mind wants to convince me that this heart connection is a trap, a device to “control” me. But when the thought comes my heart overrides it with a knowing that this is different. It is similar to the magnetic pull of a compass to true north. The pull is so intensely strong that it can easily be confused for some kind of possession or manipulation by an outside force. In fact, this consideration has come several times. Maybe I am being possessed by Team Dark? Maybe this intense compulsion is some kind of ET control mechanism they are using to manipulate Earth to their will?

When I think this way I hear, “What does your heart tell you?” And I always laugh at the absurdity of all of it.

This heart connection is going to increase beyond measure. It will be my compass. I will live through my heart. I cannot do anything to stop it, either. My path is set. Talk about Ego-trigger. hehe

 

 

 

 

 

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Spiritual Loneliness

The energy surges are taking a toll on me. It started out as a high and then yesterday sent me into a restless numbness. I began to see my life as not my own again, but this time it was not in forgetfulness or lacking of emotion. No, this time it was a complete rejection of my life. It screamed, “This isn’t me! This isn’t my family!”

What is ironic about it is that yesterday my husband was gone all day and I had all three of my children at home with me. Since they are so young, I avoid driving places when I am alone with all three. So, we were home all day to figure out what to do with ourselves. I felt completely unmotivated and disinterested in doing anything. I was, in effect, a sloth-person. lol

The numbness bothered me so much that when my husband got home I searched the house up and down for something alcoholic. Anything. Unfortunately, all we had was scotch whiskey (yuck!). Thankfully, I was able to mix up a cocktail and have a drink despite my hating the taste of whiskey. I made one for my husband, too, but we drank them separately.

By this point I was so agitated (not sure why) that I became defiant. I got angry at this spiritual path I am on. I blamed it for how I was currently feeling and wanted the “transformation” to be done and over with. Of course, I had to show that I was in control, so out came the cigarettes my husband bought me months ago after I quit. I had one but nearly choked on the taste and nastiness of it. But I continued defiantly to smoke it until I could not longer bear the taste.

Thankfully by this time the drink had done its job and I was feeling calmer. I no longer cared one way or the other, transformation or not, and went to bed early.

Dream: Under the Bridge 

I had many dreams last night, but only one stands out to me now because of the message it brings.

I was in my Mom’s house in her bedroom laying next to my husband in her bed (I know weird). He was being flirtatious. I suggested we get a fishing pole and went and got one out of the garage. I put the hook where it wouldn’t hurt us and went back into the bedroom.

My middle son was there tagging along and my other two came out of nowhere and soon I had all of them surrounding me. I gave the fishing pole to my husband and retreated, feeling suffocated by their demanding energy. I retreated into what once was my old bedroom growing up and lay down on the waterbed (yeah I had one of those in my teens).

There was a small t.v. set by the bed on a table. It was on so I hit the power button to turn it off. It was one of those older versions, silver and heavy with large knobs on the left hand side. Then the t.v. turned on on its own and showed a green reboot screen. I was upset. Why did it turn back on?? I just wanted to sleep and here it was turning on! Not only that but it was playing music!

I tried to turn it back off but it wouldn’t respond. The t.v. turned computer was rebooting. That was when I noticed the song:

Well, I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I recognized the song. It was a song I use to love in high school. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Under the Bridge.

This woke me up. I looked at the clock: 5:30am. Talk about getting upset. I am so tired of waking up early for “talks”, especially after the previous day.

Spiritual Loneliness

After some prompting, I settled into my heart space and calmed a bit. It was then easy for me to see that I had slipped out of this space the previous day and the Ego had gained ground. But it was so easy to resolve that.

The first message I got was, “We must remove the negativity”. My answer was,”Good luck. I have been negative my whole life”. I saw then what looked like steam rising off my aura, but knew it was the a release from my heart chakra. So this is what is happening? Great.

A question was asked of me, “How can one be so lonely when surrounded by a family that loves them?”

I did not want to go there. To the place of loneliness. Yet I knew instantly this was my problem. I am lonely. I have been lonely my whole life. Lonely for my family. I miss them.

There was no emotional release just a request to go Home. Of course, I got, “You know you can’t. You have work to do”.

I then saw a long, hand written letter in front of my eyes. It hurt my heart to see it and I had a great longing rise up from within. I read the first line: I am sorry, brother, that we can’t be together right now….” But my conscious mind interfered and I could not read the rest. The loneliness turned to grief turned to disappointment.

I believe a reUnion occurred at some level. It is clear to me now that this reUnion has been difficult for me to process on this side.  From the heart this memory is less upsetting, though there is still a reaction. The longing is so strong in the heart that I avoided it and so it was not allowed to process. I have to process it somehow. When I try, all it does is remind me of what I don’t have and what I am suppose to do.

There is memory that we (my family) chose Earth families and relationships with souls we are not as connected with – like second or third cousins. We did this on purpose. We knew it would be a lonely path. We knew it would be difficult for us. Why am I so courageous there and so cowardly here?

Remembering is not always pleasant that is for sure.

 

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Intensity Hits Home

Though the day started out feeling light it definitely turned intense.

This afternoon while driving to visit my mom I had crown, third eye and heart chakra activity, though muted. I also could not seem to focus and kept freaking out as I drove because I felt all ungrounded like I would fly away. This is common when I drive these days.

When I got to my mom’s I sat down and meditated a while because my heart chakra felt off and I felt physically sick from something, but I didn’t know what. Once I grounded and meditated I felt much better.

Then my step father sat down and said he wanted to talk to me about something. I felt immediately that it would not be a fun talk and knew the source of my unsettled, sick feeling.

He went on a rant about his Christian beliefs and began questioning me about my own beliefs. He was accusatory in tone and kept asking why my husband and I believed we were “equal to God”. He also got into a long speech about how God was in control and was the “one True God” and the “only creator”. He was upset because he knew both my husband and I believed we were capable of creating and wanted to make sure that we understood that anything we created was in fact created by God and not us. He was very angry that anyone would think they were equal to God and kept going on and on about it.

I listen uncomfortably for a while and gave him answers which he promptly turned around on me. I explained that although I was raised Christian, that I no longer believed that I needed Jesus Christ to “save” me, nor did I believe that I needed him to escape some fiery Hell. I ended up recognizing and calmly saying that I was no longer Christian, which surprised me but is in fact truth. This declaration sent him into a story about how no one should take God’s gifts and use them for selfish gain.I finally stopped the conversation and asked him to be respectful of me and my husband’s beliefs and pointed out that I was always respectful of his. The talk ended but I felt a huge weight hit me like a ton of bricks and had to hold back the tears.

That was when my mom told me she had a dream that she, I and my sister were singing together. She asked me to sing with her and her husband. So, after the intense talk I had just had where I realized I was no longer technically a Christian, I ended up singing “Jesus is Coming Soon” (ironic) and “I’ll Fly Away”. I love to sing, so it was nice, but when I think back on it I wonder if maybe my mom was trying to somehow make herself feel better, and me, too, by having us all sing these hymnals.

As I drove home, not a mile from their house, a huge amount of emotion hit me and I began to cry. I realized, though, that it was not upset over the talk and what was said, but over the feelings projected toward me by my step-father. As I allowed the emotion to come, I also recognized my own emotion – grief. I was grieving for them – my mom and her husband. It was clear to me that they didn’t see; that they prefer to be asleep. This saddened me and I felt so discouraged.

The emotion came in waves as I drove home. My higher heart was blazing with energy that almost hurt and I was battling with the discouragement I was feeling. I saw the majority of the world in my mother and her husband. So many people going about life, day in and day out, asleep and unwilling to wake up.

I heard my Companion remind that it’s their choice. I heard him remind me that not everyone will choose to stay asleep. I heard him remind me not to be discouraged or give up.

By the time I got home I felt better. But it is so very overwhelmingly obvious that this planet has a very, very long way to go.

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The Children

Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world.

Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight.

 Jesus loves the little children of the world. 

This is the song I have been singing in my head most of the day. I began to sing it after thinking about the children growing up today. I feel sorry for them. Bombarded by so much information all the time. Such easy targets.

If you want to truly know the state of the world today -observe the children. What are they doing? How do they spend their time? How do they treat one another? How do they treat the Earth?

Children are reflections. They mirror everything. I see this in my own children, but as an educator and counselor I see it also in others’ children.

I have also been thinking about the ascension movement and its potential to  affect the young, newly emerging “seekers”. I am so very happy that my awakening occurred before ascension had become “mainstreamed”, before people began openly talking and sharing their experiences. Yes, I felt alone and a bit “crazy” because I had few connections, but it forced me to rely upon my inner guidance rather than on the opinions and advice of others. This, for me, was crucial.

Had I awakened in my mid-twenties now I would have been a goner. No doubt in my mind. There is no way my fragile ego could have resisted. My four year journey through the dark night would have been doubled, maybe even tripled. I likely would have awakened sooner, too. That would have been worse!

Although I think it is great that people are less afraid to talk about their experiences, I see also the traps that lie in wait for the naive and unprepared.

I feel for the newly awakened. I pray they listen to their inner voice. I pray they are able to differentiate between their Higher Self and their Ego Self.

Sadly, I fear most will hear their Ego. They will hear what they want to hear. Just like I did. But because of the extent to which this spiritual awakening, this spiritual shift, is being spoken about, written about and shared globally, I sense an even larger hurdle is up and coming.

I see evidence of this all around me. I’m not pointing fingers. I’m just observing. I’m sad because I know the only way out is through. But worst of all is that they don’t even see it themselves.

I understand so much now about why I am so drawn to the little ones. We must protect them. We must teach them. We must prepare them.

 

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Things to Keep in Mind

Just a random post. Don’t mind me. 🙂

Some Things to Keep in Mind

Stop thinking of this life as an “illusion”, if it was meant to be an illusion, then you would have known it to be so from the beginning. It was meant to be “real” and in fact is very real in and of itself for its purposes. To continue to think of it as “unreal” is to lessen the significance of the experience and thus limit the usefulness of the data collected. It is better to think of all experience as equal and to fully immerse ones self in the current experience one finds themselves in.

Life is a game which contains within it many other games going on simultaneously. It is your choice which games you wish to play. No one game is any less worthwhile than the other. The choice depends on you and what you wish to learn. Recognizing the game gives you an advantage. Remembering you have played the game before is also an advantage. With this memory you can choose to play new games instead of playing the same games over and over.

Some Things to Remember

I really like how I “wrote” this life. I want to do it again!  <- Real thought I had today – I promise!

Specific favorite moments:

  • The first time I went OOB (spontaneous) and the entire “teaching” experience that followed.
  • Learning how to control my astral body. I spun in circles  and sunk into the floor when I tried to walk.
  • Learning how to “see” while OOB and when I finally gained sight being blown away by the spectacular colors.
  • Feeling as if I became objects as I went through them while in astral.
  • Meeting my guide in astral for the first time.
  • Hugging/feeling/touching my guide.
  • The time I heard my guide speak to me in a foreign language – how it came in via my crown along with a golden light that swirled and moved and sounded high pitched like a chipmunk voice. hehe
  • Meeting my father and grandfather in astral and hugging/touching them.
  • Realizing I could communicate with Spirit and doing so as if I had always known how.
  • Helping all the people I have helped.
  • Remembering.
  • Feeling whole and expanded and so very alive.

There is so much more but you get the idea. All in all I am feeling so very grateful and pleased with how this life has worked out thus far. I can’t wait to see what else I have in store for me!

 

 

 

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Preparing for Re-Entry

I was awakened this morning at 5:30. This time I did not resist it.

As with the night before, I knew I had been “traveling”. Unfortunately, little remained of the those travels beside some strange impressions and feelings.

I knew I had gone off-planet, as I had done the night before.

Preparing for Re-Entry

When I woke I was in the midst of a discussion with my guide. I was told, “It has been six cycles since you left. Do you want to return?”

For a moment I was split into two “me’s”. The part that Remembers is the one who answered.

This Me felt very obviously to be “dead”, as in without a physical body. The realization of “death” instantly alerted the other Me. In that instant I felt very strange, as if not the person in this body, in this life. It was as if this life did not exist. My entire focus was on another aspect who current does not have a physical form.

I calmed myself and fell back into the conversation allowing the other Me to continue. I replied, “Yes…… I want to be…..male….no, female. I don’t want to be black, that is too hard…too difficult. I prefer light skin, hair, eyes….similar to now (felt this was not advisable)…..Will I be like I am now (as in this current life)?” I heard in response, “Yes, but you will remember more. You will come in knowing more”. The feeling was that I would consciously remember from birth rather than gradually gain the memory.

There was a pause in the conversation. I knew there was a query about why I was resisting the darker complexion. I was asked if I would consider any darker skin tone. I thought about it and mulled over different faces (saw them in my mind’s eyes). I saw Hispanic, Indian, and Native American and rejected them all outright. Then I said, “I would be okay with Asian. And I would be okay with being mixed race, they are beautiful (mixed black and white).”

The conversation continued with a reminder of the importance of having a family unit that would support my “other worldliness” and “knowingness”. I knew this meant that the families I could choose from that would be ideal were not Caucasian but of a darker skin tone, in this case African. I agreed and said, “You are correct. It makes no difference what I look like. It is important to have the right foundations”.

It was then brought into question whether I would walk-in or be born. There was a mild interest in being a walk-in mainly because it would avoid some of the more traumatic experiences that come with adolescence. I awoke more fully during this decisive moment so do not know exactly what was decided. However, the last input I got from my Council was that there was valuable experience that would be lost if I chose to be a walk-in.

I pulled out of the conversation thinking, “What the….!”

I wondered, “Am I about to die?”
“What is going on?”

Dream: Family Units

I was calmed by an inner nudge and listen instinctively. This was not a discussion pertaining to my current physical incarnation, but rather one that was being lived simultaneously. Apparently this other life ended prematurely and was being sent back “in”, or rather was making this choice.

I was reminded of the OBE where I learned of the loss of my friend Stephanie who took her own life. She had not been able to successfully handle the transition. I grieved heavily for her. Was this the life we were discussing? Had it been 6 cycles? Is that 6 years?

I couldn’t wrap my mind around it so I decided not to. I very obviously had felt to be another Me during this conversation and the choosing of the next life was what I was being shown for some reason.

I wondered about it and was reminded of a dream I had in the night, but only a small part of it. In this dream I was seeing from above several large circles. In each circle were smaller marks indicating family within these family circles. I understood it as “generations”. All the circles had begun as one large one but split off into three different circles. Inside were smaller circles of varying sizes representing other families within families.

The feeling in the dream was that these family units had separated for a reason and were now very different from one another.

Considerations

Just when I think things have gotten as weird as they can get, they get weirder! I understand that we are multi-dimensional beings but actually experiencing it is so strange! I have to let this experience settle in for a while I think. lol

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Self-Created Experience?

The earth-shattering experience I had on October 7th continues to shake me to the core. I am still processing it, trying hard to fill in the huge gaps in my memory and seeking answers from my Team of assistants.

Self-Created Experience

There came a moment yesterday when it occurred to me that perhaps what I experienced was self-created; influenced by my current reading material – The Convoluted Universe by Dolores Cannon.

This conclusion is a normal one in my specific circumstances. What I experienced on the 7th was so unreal to me, so beyond bizarre and so out of my perception’s reach that it is no surprise that it has now receded into the depths of my subconscious to the point that it appears nothing more than a very wildly vivid dream. It is so easy now to just shrug my shoulders and say, “It was just a dream. It was not real”, and move on.

And yet there is a part of me that says, “Well all experience is ‘self-created'”.

On the One Hand…

There is a part of me that believes this is what is happening to me:

The group of Beings who surrounded me the night of the 7th, whom I recall very vividly but only as silhouettes in the dark, is a group of E.T.s (for lack of a better word) who have come to “get me” and move me into whatever my next level is. This is a heightening of consciousness, a Remembering, an “Unfolding” as my Companion calls it.

I am emerging from the chrysalis.

When questioning this group, who appeared to me as 12 and whom I acknowledge as being my Council, I asked where they came from. The response I received was, “Sirius”. When I asked how far away they were, I heard 10 au’s (light years).

These beings appear to me in human form when I see them. They are not “alien” in appearance, at least not so alien that I notice. They often appear very bright and so it is difficult to discern what they look like in detail. If I am allowed to see them close up, they often show me their eyes or just aspects of their face. Usually their eyes are very bright blue.

Prior to the consideration that my Council were in fact Beings from another planet, I just thought of them as “guides” or “Spirit”. Really, even with this new E.T. consideration, it has not changed the way they appear to me or how I react to them when I see/sense them. If anything, I am calmer upon their contact with me than I have ever been.

In considering all the information that has come to me in recent weeks, I have partially come to the conclusion that the human race is heading toward the “End of Days” where a great cataclysm will rocket Earth into a New Age, one in which humanity lives in harmony with her. During the time of the great changes there will some kind of E.T. contact experienced. I do not know if this will be wide-spread, meaning that I don’t know if all will be aware of the “contact” being made. I have personally received many messages now that I will be “called”, that I will see “signs” and that I will be taken Home. The signs have been shown to me ever since my awakening in 2003. They are consistent and the warnings, visions, I receive are increasing in frequency.

How I and others like me will be taken Home is unclear at this time. I recently had a dream in which individual pods were lined up and humans walked into them. From inside these pods a great golden light emerged and the body was broken up into millions upon millions of tiny particles of light which ultimately dispersed. To me, this represents a dissolution of the physical form or perhaps a raising of vibration. It may also be some kind of transport system.

On the Other Hand….

And then I think how preposterous all of this sounds. Aliens and the “End of Days” – all of it sounds like something a crazy person would say. I think of the bearded man walking around holding a sign that says, “The end is near”.

I think of how my whole life I have rejected being here and thus rejected fully immersing myself in this life. I want to escape. I would rather be in my own fantasy world which is much more exciting. There I get to go OOB, I get to talk to “other worldly beings”, I get to see into the future, I get to talk to the deceased, I get to see people’s auras, I get to “know” things other people don’t, I get to have Kundalini experiences… The list goes on.

And I think maybe all of this is happening to me because of this desire to escape. I am creating all of it. Making it up so that I can avoid “reality”.

I just really need to suck it up and deal with life.

Which is it?

Right now I am in the stage of thinking that I need to “suck it up” and stop hiding in my fantasy world. Life is passing me by and I need to live it.

Yet there is and always has been a part of me totally and utterly bored with life, with reality. And I have been down this path before. I have rejected my “fantasy” world and gone back to “the real world” to live life like I was suppose to. I was miserable despite trying very hard to be “normal”. Yes, I had some great experiences and great times, but there was always something missing. I always felt lacking.

Maybe that is just the way it is meant to be for me in the life.

by

Unexpected Life Review

My husband has this weird habit of playing songs that my ex use to play all the time. When I ask him why he plays it, he says, “I like it”. Yet, most of the time he plays music we both like. So, him playing this music is out of character for him.

The music he plays comes from the exact albums my ex use to play over and over again when we were married. Specifically he plays George Strait, Amarillo by Morning (my ex’s all-time favorite song) and Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson songs. Last night he chose to play Merle Haggard Greatest Hits which was one my ex played frequently on our long commutes between Bozeman and Helena, MT.

When I heard the album playing songs I knew by heart, images began to flash through my mind of long ago. I was hit suddenly with these images and seemed unable to remove them from my mind. Mostly, I was seeing the mountains and grandeur of Montana, the houses I use to live in, and the routes to an from places we frequented. The detail was amazing!

There was also a memory of who I was at that time and she was so alien to me as was her actions and reactions to life. She was so selfish, angry and dark. I wondered to myself, “Why was I like that?” There came along with all this memory a deep regret for my lack of enjoying that part of my life and the immense beauty of the places in which I lived.

My memories then shifted to my childhood and images of the places I lived and the things I did began to pour in. These were less alien to me and there was little connection at all to the memory of my childhood. I remember visiting these childhood places while OOB and wondered, “Why do I not visit Montana when OOB?” I didn’t know.

Eventually I began to feel overwhelmingly hot. There was no sweat, either, just a core heat that seemed to radiate out from my center. This came and then went only to come back again. The memories of my life were still repeating and there was a question that came often with them, “Can you let it go?” There was also a statement I recall hearing, “Accept the Old you and the New you will be all that remains”.

Eventually, the memories stopped coming and I was able to just listen to the music as music. I even sang along to it while I cradled my youngest in my arms to help him get to sleep. I felt extremely tired and nearly fell asleep with him.

September 2002

I want to briefly discuss a memory that came while all this review was occurring. It was from the morning in which I woke to a voice telling me, “Get out now”. There was a discussion of this time in my life and a flash of memory of the months preceding this incident.

I had been extremely depressed for months. The depression had been there before but this was a very low, heavy kind of blackness. During this time I chose various outlets to relieve my depression. One of them was music. I went out and bought a guitar and taught myself to play it. I then composed songs. It was through these songs that I received help and my first “messages”. I didn’t know that was what it was at the time. I did keep a journal but did not write about these experiences for some reason. I wish I had.

This depression was so bad that thoughts of suicide were almost constantly on my mind. I did not tell anyone this, though. I kept it hidden and knew I would not have the courage to go through with it. I often prayed for God to end my life for me – freak accident or something like that. Of course, that never happened. I got very close to taking action toward ending my life, but couldn’t do it. It felt so very selfish and wrong. I don’t remember now my thoughts exactly but there was a feeling that a solution was coming.

Having these memories return made me wonder if perhaps a solution had come via that voice. Was there some kind of walk-in experience then? It seems very possible, even likely. I woke up to a voice telling me what to do and I didn’t question it. That was unlike the old me.

After I heard the voice, I left my husband within a week and found a new job within a month. Within four months I had done my first-ever meditation which seemed to activate something within me and within two months of that I quit the job I had just gotten, moved away, changed my name and changed everything about my life and my persona. The life I left behind did not feel like mine. It still feels that way. All of these actions are classic signs of a walk-in.

Even though I am now going through something very different than back then, I wonder if perhaps a similar process is happening?