Tag Archives: awakening

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Attunement

Yesterday was quite an emotional roller coaster for me. After getting yet another allergic reaction (cause unknown) I took a Benadryl and the reaction went away. Unfortunately I was very drowsy the rest of the day and took an hour long nap because of it. Later, my husband wanted to go out to a movie by himself siting that he had watched the kids “all day” (which was untrue) and I was in no mood for his antics. We had a nice fight which then resulted in both of us feeling exhausted and disappointed. All the time we were arguing I felt an energy settle over my entire head. It felt like my head was a hot air balloon ready to fly away at any moment! This feeling was not ignored and I eventually knew to listen (this was after our fight was done) and saw my wrong in the situation. I decided that every day I would do something nice for my husband above and beyond what I already do. I then apologized to him and told him this, saying he should go to the movie. He, of course, jumped at the opportunity and left within fifteen minutes.

I was left alone with slumbering children but was not tired since I had taken a nap that afternoon. I decided to watch a movie – A Little Bit of Heaven. The movie is about a young woman who is diagnosed with colon cancer. She is told she is dying during a dream in which she meets God (who happens to be Whoopi Goldberg).

While watching the movie I was reminded of how I received my own message last July. I wondered about it for some time and by the time the movie was over I was feeling my guide close.

At bedtime I brought up the subject of death and I was told once again, “You will know when it is your time”. When I asked how, he said, “I will tell you”. I did not doubt it. I had a strange feeling settling over me and my crown and third eye chakras were pulling quite intensely. When I noticed I heard, “It is opening” and I immediately connected all the skin issues I have been having to this fact.

My guide then said a whole lot to me. I do not remember all of what he said, but I was surprised at how much he said. I am use to one sentence or one or two word phrases. This was a whole paragraph and it flowed together very well without interruption. This, of course, has everything to do with me and nothing to do with my guide. I am the one that interrupts the communication – thinking/focusing too much upon it and trying to anticipate what will be said next. I will add that I was fully conscious at this time – not on the verge of sleep or even relaxed. I was very alert and quite awake.

What he said to me basically was that this whole process is what I wanted. The knowing of things to come, the kundalini, the shifts in energy, the spiritual gifts – everything was purposeful. I could see this and he acknowledged that he knew I knew. He told me that the warning of the time I had left was purposeful so that I could “prepare” and I was reminded of the movie and how the girl had time to prepare for her passing. There is a grieving process involved, much like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD’s 5 Stages of Grief.

I recalled the conversation I had with my husband when his boss and his boss’ wife were dying. He asked why people choose to suffer. I told him it was because they wanted time to prepare themselves and their families for their passing. To suffer through a slow death is the most selfless way to die. I told him I would choose that path rather than a quick death, even if it meant I would suffer great pain.

These thoughts all came back to me and I felt I needed to choose. Life or death. As I lay there my guide asked me, “What do you want to do?” I said, “I don’t know”. He urged me to feel from my heart and so I did. I felt nothing for life but when I thought of death I felt great longing. I said, “I want to go”. He said, “Okay”.

I went to bed feeling calm and without upset at this decision.

Dreams and Messages

I had a dream-filled night. The dream I recall most vividly is the one I awoke to. In the dream I was visiting a school and quite happy and full of such energy as I flitted around from place to place. I recall going through an amphitheater where an orchestra was playing. My mom was conducting and as I went through she would stop the orchestra and say, “My daughter! Look!” They would all focus upon me and I tried to hide, not wanting all that attention.

When I left the theater, I met up with a classmate and we were catching up, laughing and discussing old times. She was tall with auburn hair that she tucked behind her ear. We were discussing going through a door, one that was off limits. We hid from a teacher but he caught her. I felt no fear at this because I was a teacher, too. I told her, “Don’t worry, I will handle this”. As I left her I gave her a hug and said, “You are getting taller” and she said, “No, you are”.

I awoke from this dream feeling very high energy and so positive that I was surprised by the amount of joy I felt.

My guide was instantly there and began to speak to me yet again. I cannot recall word-for-word everything he said, but he was again speaking to me about my decision. However, I quickly learned that the decision I made was not what it seemed.

Attunement

In my mind I saw a vision of a beautiful place. I instantly recognized it and heard the name. I am not sure if I have it right but I do know the last part of it contains “Laria”. It was as if I were standing on the top of a tall structure. It was made of a whitish material, some kind of stone. It glistened in the sunlight. I could see a clear blue sky above me and the orange sun was very clearly visible in front of me. At the level of the building were puffy white clouds in all directions. Upon seeing it I recalled the sensation of being there – the wind in my hair and a feeling of of total peace and serenity.

organI told my guide, “I know that place!” and he said, “Yes”. “I want to stay”, I said, as the vision began to fade.

I then saw another image and I knew it was located in beautiful place, Illaria. In front of me appeared a large open area and rising in columns one after the other were what seemed to be beams of colored, translucent light. These were large enough for a person to stand in and they went from the floor up higher than I could see. When I saw this, I thought “It’s an organ!”

I knew each of the beams of light to be associated with a tone or sound and all of them together played “music” except that this music was not like any on Earth. It resonated throughout one’s being, flooding them with not only a feeling but a sound beyond what ears can hear. I remembered the sound. Heaven sings all the time! It is filled with this music! The memory of it even now has me near tears. It is the most beautiful thing and no words can describe it.

My guide was speaking to me as I remembered this place and the feeling that went with it. When I saw the columns and wondered what they were for, he said, “Attunement”. And I knew what he meant. I knew that my own vibration would reach the same vibration as these columns of light. It was similar to tuning an instrument to that of the other instruments in a band. When one gets it just right, such a beautiful, pure, rich, and blended orchestra there will be! All the instruments play as if One. And what marvelous, heart moving music results!

As I was soaking up all of this my guide mentioned to me about how I was at this place and I remembered my dream. I recognized that I was not the only one at this place. I said to him, “There are thousands of others”. He nodded. I recalled how I greeted my friends, my colleagues, in the dream. There was a distinct feeling that I had moved on and they hadn’t. That I was “teacher” and they were still “student”. My thoughts drew a confirmation from my guide. I asked him, “Does that mean I am training to be a guide?” He asked, “Is that what you want?” I thought a bit. I remembered that when I first learned of guides that I often asked if I could be one. I remembered this and said to him, “Yes!”

We discussed the role of a guide for a while after this. I do not think I am a “guide” yet, as I do not feel ready and so I questioned him. “Am I learning to be a guide?” The word “apprentice” popped into my head. He nodded. I said, “But how can I do that? I am living a life!” He said, “I have two lives right now”. This puzzled me. Do guides live lives on Earth while simultaneously acting as guides to others who are on Earth? I suppose this could be. Why not?

I understood then that many were moving into new positions as guides or “teachers”. This was needed in order to help the many others who were struggling to adjust to the changes on Earth. That is when the conversation moved to the ascension, or what is happening on Earth now. I asked why it was happening now. Why now? Why me? And wasn’t it “cheating” to have all this help getting to a higher “level”? My guide, of course, said there is no “cheating”. “It is a group effort necessitated by group need. Transformation is a challenge and such challenge as this requires great collaborative effort”.

It was not until later, after this in-depth conversation, that I realized that my willingness to “die” was in fact a willingness to “live”, just in a different state. It had seemed to me so very real that I would actually die and leave this physical body. I was/am completely open to doing so without hesitation. Maybe that is what was suppose to happen?

Future

I must have dozed a bit after this as I recall a brief dream about dogs and seeing my Trooper romping with a German Shepard. I woke up from this dream still feeling extremely positive. However, I felt again that my guide wanted to talk and I knew instantly what the topic was.

I remembered the dream/OBE I had not long ago when I overheard a group discussing my life. I remember knowing that I was to meet a man, a married man, but I did not think much of this during the experience other than feeling pity for him. As I remembered this my heart and solar plexus chakras lit up with energy. It was a pleasant, warm, buzzing feeling. It was a feeling that made me want to shout out with glee. I understood what it meant immediately.

Rather than be resistant to it, I was open to it but a bit unsure that the idea was a good one. It was then that I remembered the timing had been changed because I was not yet ready. I still believe this to be so. I am not wanting to meet anyone and have that kind of connection. It would be disruptive to my life and would throw me into a tailspin. Yet I was now knowing, again, that it was to be. Why?

The answer I got was that it was necessary. The meeting would be mutually beneficial. For me, it was to help clear some blockages and facilitate much needed healing. Of course, I immediately wanted to know when. I heard “December” right away but then I knew this was not set in stone. Changes had already been made and might be needed again depending on my readiness.

A bit apprehensive still I began to get a bit worried. I told my guide, “I can’t handle that right now. I don’t think I can resist such a strong connection”. I was, of course, thinking it meant the kind of connection I have experienced in this life so far. My guide immediately corrected this idea. He said, “What does it feel like now?” He was referring to the amazing feeling I was having in my third and fourth chakras.

I focused upon the feeling for a while. I could make it come and go just by thinking about this “someone”. Weird. The more I focused upon it, the more I realized it was love. Pure and simple love. There was no sexual desire or misplaced emotion. No expectation. I did not tap into it totally but what I felt was enough to calm me down. This was no threat to my marriage.

But I knew instantly that he would not have the same experience. He would want more. No wonder I pitied him in my OBE.

All of this information is a lot to digest. I know I am missing some of what occurred this morning, but that is okay.

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Ascension Symptom Update

Just a quick symptom update.

Current Ascension Symptoms

  • Loud ringing in my ears that eventually goes away
  • Deep sleep
  • Lack of OBEs and lucid dreams
  • Numbness, usually in hands and/or legs
  • Itchy, dry skin
  • Rash on lower legs
  • Restlessness
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Trapped energy
  • Burning sensation on surface of skin
  • Allergic reaction (skin)
  • Intensity of physical body sensations
  • Feeling disconnected from the physical human form

The ringing in my ears has been on and off. One day I had the ringing very loudly in my left ear that lasted for quite some time. The next day at approximately the same time my right ear did the same thing. Then the next night I had the intense influx of energy that made both my ears ring and clog up similar to a very high pressure sensation. I suspect this particular incident may have been Spirit merging with me that caused the high pressure feeling from within as the energy moved in from the right and then exited from the left. It left behind energy, though, which I then had to push down and out my legs.

I still mostly get the numbness in my hands and it goes away pretty easily. I have been feeling restless in my legs, like there is trapped energy there. I have moved the energy out and it helped but last night the trapped energy feeling was so intense that I could not move it out and had to lay on my side to alleviate it. When I questioned why this was happening I was shown energy coming in through my crown and stopping in the middle around my solar plexus. I also saw energy moving up from my root chakra but then the flow was blocked at my sacral plexus. So, the energy is not able to fully circulate as it is suppose to.

I have also noticed a little thing that I feel is much bigger than it may seem. I have been focusing a lot on my sense of feeling. Not only am I experiencing odd sensations on the surface of my skin – numbness, tingling, burning – but everything feels more intensely.  For example, while walking from one building to another at work I walk across this gravel surface. As I walked I was keenly aware of the rocks crushing beneath my feet and it gave me a little chuckle. I could feel the change of positioning the rocks created as my foot moved across them and it thrilled me. I have also noticed that when I am touched it feels extremely sensitive, more so than usual. I wonder if this has anything to do with the skin changes I have been experiencing?

Finally, I have been experiencing what I can only call a “disconnect” from the human form. I no longer really care that much about how I look. I don’t wear makeup when I go out of the house (except to work). This is very out of character for me! I have been forgetting to take showers (I know, gross!). One day I forgot after four days! The hair on my legs was like a forest. EEK! I am also highly intrigued by the body at the same time. I spend a lot of time just observing the different shapes the human form can take. For example, while observing my daughter in gymnastics, I kept focusing upon the human form and all the differences, admiring it in a way I normally wouldn’t. I briefly wondered if this was how Spirit sees the human form? Am I being shown this to remind me that I am NOT my body?

Edit: While typing this, I began to have an allergic reaction again. I don’t know what to, but my ears, face, neck and shoulders are burning and hot and I am getting a rash as well. Just like last time. Benadryl to the rescue. 😦

Sudden Urges

Along with the above symptoms, I am getting tons of ideas and thoughts and a strong desire to not only write them down but also speak about them. I am so busy, though, that I do not get enough time to write them down and when I finally sit down at the computer to write I feel like I need to be “prompted”. What I mean by this, is I feel like I need someone to ask me questions in order for me to say what needs to be said. This is very frustrating for me because I do not talk to people who are experiencing what I am experiencing. I communicate with them via FB or my blog, but that is it. In fact, I know no one close to me who is going through what I am going through. Yet what I am feeling needs to happen is for me to be prompted into action in order for what I am feeling inside, this welling up of information, to come out. And I hear one of my guides say, “That’s quite a conundrum”. I think one of my guide thinks this is funny. Poo!

Since I cannot find the prompting that is needed, I will just write some of the ideas that have been coming to me. I am not sure yet what I will do with them, but at least I can free my mind of them for the time being:

  • EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and trauma
  • Reiki and other forms of healing on the sick and elderly
  • Reiki and other healing modalities to transition an individual to the Other Side; releasing fear of death
  • Video taping myself (talking about what I don’t know)
  • Children and ascension

I know I am missing some of the topics that have crossed my mind this week, but oh well. They will come to me if needed.

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Fishing Cats

My second chakra is once again blocked and this time it seems much more severe. I had hoped that with my success at unblocking it not long ago that it would remain that way, but I guess not.

What Does a Second Chakra Blockage Look Like?

Emotional Disconnection or Lack of Emotion. If the second chakra is blocked then there will be difficulty feeling and expressing emotion. The source of this could be some kind of trauma from our past, childhood conditioning or just from the  fear of worrying what others will think of us if we show emotion.

Difficulty with or Resistance to Change. The second chakra is also linked with the ability to adapt to change or new situations. The second chakra is the root of emotional and mental flow. When we are feeling forced into a corner by life, we may shut down mentally or try to control the situation by trying to push people and events into a more comfortable mold.

Difficulty Enjoying Sex or Sensual Experience. The second chakra is also connected to enjoyment of the senses and of sex. When it is blocked we may find it difficult to enjoy sex, withdraw from intimate situations or find any sensual experience uncomfortable or less enjoyable. This may or may not result is lack of enjoyment of the physical act of sex (inability to achieve orgasm, less fulfilling orgasm, pain during sex, fertility problems, etc.).

Trouble with Problem Solving using Creativity. The second chakra is also linked to our creative ability which is an inherent part of problem solving. This chakra allows us to think outside to box and see possibilities in life. It is the heart of inspiration in the individual.

Why is This Important?

The second chakra is our sensual link to the physical. It allows us to experience life via the senses – the pure joy and wonder of the physical world. The second chakra also allows us to create from emotion rather than thought and gives us spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy. This allows us to establish a deeper connection with others. In other words, the second chakra is our passion.

Passion, which often is immediately connected to all things related to sex, is also how we open up to Source and that deeper sense of Self. This kind of passion is not connected to the Ego Self but to the Higher Self and is about being a conduit for something much larger than ourselves. It is only with passion that we can create something new and wonderful in the world. It is passion that allows us to bring change to the world. When we have this kind of passion it is a sign that we have gotten out of our own way.

My Experience

For a while I have experienced a gradual shutting down of my second chakra. This is often most obvious to me anytime my husband and I are intimate. I just have no interest at all and often I actually push him away. When I do allow intimacy, I flinch at his touch and find myself mentally blocked to any pleasure sensation. I am tense and refuse to relax. I find certain smells repulsive. It is like I am being touched by a rapist or something! I do not get this way with my children, thankfully.

I am also very ridged toward new experiences in life. Anything not in my normal routine is questioned and sometimes vehemently protested (this especially when my husband suggests something). I have been doing better at this and allowing myself to do things out of the norm. I notice almost immediate relief when I do this.

Emotionally I am on and off depending on the situation. I don’t feel devoid of emotion like I use to. The numbness is gone. I am grateful that I at least have some emotional fluidity still. This indicates that my second chakra is not completely blocked but it sure feels like it!

Beside the physical symptoms of blockage, I also am aware of the energy itself. Whenever I have a surge of feeling or pleasure it stops abruptly at my second chakra. Sometimes I even experience a twinge of pain in my second chakra. The blockage is so very obvious that I cannot help but notice it. Unfortunately, I do not know what to do about it.

Dream: Fishing Cats

I went to bed very disturbed by my lack of ability to experience any kind of pleasure in life. I asked what I could do about it and my guide told me I was already doing it. I sighed because I honestly don’t know what I am doing other than asking that it be fixed. Perhaps that is enough?

I had several very vivid dreams last night but will only recount the one that is directly related to the second chakra.

In the dream I was walking along a creek in the woods talking to man about the creek and how it should have a pond dug into it so fish could live there. Not long after I said this, I saw a small pond and upon closer inspection saw a fish swimming in it. I was able to look under water at the fish in more detail and it had large, flowing fins and was gray in color. I was delighted!

I then saw from below the water several cats of various colors pacing along the rim of the pond. One jumped in and tried to catch the fish I was watching. He missed. I moved my vision to above the water and saw all of the cats were doing the same. They were fishing!

At first I was worried about the cats as some seemed mean but eventually I began to like them and watched them with interest as they tried, and failed, to catch fish.

Somehow the dream ended with a sexual encounter but there was absolutely no enjoyment in the encounter.

This dream is very interesting because it again has cats in it but this time I am pretty confident that these cats represent femininity and sexual fulfillment and enjoyment. Fish are ideas and since the cats were fishing, it was representative of my concerns about my second chakra (the cats) and looking for solutions (fishing). The sexual encounter in the end sums up the dream’s point: exploration of my concerns about my second chakra.

angeldevilFeelings

After weeks of waking up in a pretty good mood I awoke this morning in a very sour one. I was immediately angry at my husband and I have already had to take a walk to help ease the upset I have been feeling. It is a swirl of negative emotion that seemed to come out of nowhere but I have linked it directly to my dreams and frustrations.

I feel like something is very wrong with me and that it is somehow all my husband’s fault. This is totally untrue and i recognize this, but I still FEEL it! All of the resentment I have ever had towards him seems to be seething out of me, oozing through my pores and making me a general grumpy person today. Thankfully the walk I went on helped dissipate these feelings somewhat, or at least I was able to make more sense out of them.

A memory came to me from out of nowhere while I was on the walk. It was from about two years ago, prior to when I became pregnant with my youngest.

At the time I had stopped by Walgreens on my way home from work to pick something up. As I was leaving the store I felt eyes on me (you know the feeling that someone is watching you?). I turned and there was a man in his car to my right. He had just pulled into the store. He was staring directly at me with these intense brown eyes. When I turned to look at him our eyes locked. It was only briefly but that was all it took. I was hit with complete recognition of him yet I had no idea who he was!

Ashamed but not sure why, I turned and pretended to look down at something in my car. I was completely frozen, though, and so did nothing pretty convincingly. My heart was pounding and I didn’t know why and all I kept saying to myself, “Don’t look at him. Don’t look up.” I became unfrozen so turned on my car and put it into gear. All the while I could feel his eyes still on me. Why was he doing that!? Why wouldn’t he stop!? I peeked out of the corner of my eye and saw him still there. I saw enough to remember what he looks like even now. He appeared to be about my age, maybe a few years younger. He had brown hair that was long and wavy and came to just above his shoulders. He had one section tucked behind his ear.

I left the parking lot wondering who the man was and considered several times that I should go back and talk to him to find out. I was terrified to do that, though. I still am not sure why. Perhaps I was scared that we had a connection that I would not be able to resist? Yes, I think that was it. I know it was. In fact, I remember thinking that I had just passed up an opportunity; a fling or an affair or whatever you want to call it. Part of me desperately wanted to turn back around but another part of me, the stronger part, did not allow this.

This memory came to me with emotional intensity. I quickly pushed the emotion down. Swallowed it hard. When I did that I walked passed two men in the front of a house. One turned and looked at me a long, long time. I said hello and he responded in kind and turned back around. I kept walking and then he turned around and stared at me again. I felt uncomfortable. DejaVu. And I silently wondered to myself, “What the hell is he looking at?!” LOL I laugh about it now but at the time I really was wondering if I have some kind of sign on my forehead that says, “Stare at her until she screams”.

I wonder now if the recollection of that memory is the key to my second chakra blockages. It likely is I just don’t know how yet. I dread, and I mead D.R.E.A.D. something like that happening again. It terrifies me. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. I think it scares me because I know that I will not allow anything to come of it. The classic Devil and Angel on the shoulder scenario but I honestly don’t know which is which in this case.

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Detroit

I had another interesting Kundalini experience last night. At least I think that is what it was.

I meditated prior to going to bed. This time I did not immediately fall asleep which surprised me. I did not do any self-healing or any specific meditation exercise. I have not felt the need to do such in quite some time. I did, however, focus upon my third-eye by rolling my eyes slightly up and back. I let my mind go as blank as possible, allowing thoughts to come in and then pass through without focusing on them. I also focused upon how my body felt, seeking out any tense spots or areas that hurt or felt off in some way.

I felt the normal sensations that have been coming to me when I do this. Specifically, my nose and the areas on either side light up with energy. One night my nose felt like it was going to fly off my face! Last night, though, the energy was more pronounced on the left side than the right. As usual it felt like a mask of energy over the front of my face.

I also felt my entire lower right leg below the knee covered in a sheet-like energy. It felt like my leg was wrapped in a large, soft sock. I was intrigued by this since that spot I mentioned in my last post is on that leg. I took a seaweed bath to try and suck toxins out of my body and wonder if that had anything to do with it.

At some point, I think when I had reached a point of “no thought” and just being because I do not recall thinking or dreaming or anything, I was startled awake by a strange and unfamiliar energy. It hit me suddenly and from the right, pouring through my entire body. I startled because I felt like I was about to be swept out of my body and upward because the energy hit with such intensity that I felt a slight falling and then lifting sensation. It made my body feel very, very heavy and dense and my entire head felt as if it were going to explode the pressure was so intense. Both of my ears filled with huge amounts of pressure and I could not hear anything but this muffled sound of air and my own heart beat. The sensation in my ears was exactly like what I have experienced when taking off in an airplane but I was laying in my own bed!

As I sat there in what I can only describe as a “bubble” of energy my guide whispered, “Do not be afraid. You are okay”. Interestingly, I wasn’t afraid at all, just curious and wondering what would happen next. Would I suddenly pop out of my body? Would I begin to hear voices or strange noises?

The odd pressurized sensation began to lessen in my right ear. At the same time it intensified in my left. I heard a slight ringing but nothing major. A minute or so later the pressure moved to my right ear and was relieved in my left. Then it repeated – left, right, left, right.

I know I must have tensed my body quite a bit from the sudden energy inflow because my guide reminded me to relax. So, I began to focus on my body and then noticed the heavy, dense energy was not on my lower body, below my hips, at all. I knew then that I needed to move the energy and so, with a quick thought and mental imagery, pushed the energy down and out my feet. When I did this, the dense energy moved very easily down my legs and the pressure in my ears normalized. I also moved my hands which had begun to feel like dead weights and when I did this the heaviness began to dissipate.

Detroit

I fell asleep quite quickly after that. I had once again asked my guide for more clarity on the message I received the day before. What exactly was I suppose to be doing here on Earth?

I found myself driving along snow-covered roads in an older, residential neighborhood. For some reason I knew where I was: Detroit, Michigan. I was heading to my new job and was looking for a specific address. On my way, I passed up the house accidentally and when I attempted to turn around I fishtailed out of control. When my car came to a stop a group of bystanders began to crowd around the car. I looked up as one approached. He was a tall, fairly young, African American man wearing familiar gang attire. I immediately became suspicious but not afraid. One of his buddies was behind him smiling a wicked looking smile. The man told me I should not be out alone at night in these parts. I told him I knew that. The man’s buddy then got out a knife and I knew that I needed to get out of there.

Somehow I closed the door and sped off. I felt they were pursuing me so I went very fast down the streets and then took the wrong turn on purpose. When I came close to my destination, I turned off my headlights and then slowly parked the car. A man was on the streets and I yelled to him to keep an eye out for the men.

I walked up to the door of the residence and knocked because I could not get in. I did not have a key. I heard a response but when I pushed on the door it opened.

Inside I was met by a nice, older woman dressed in very professional attire. She led me into a room where I sat down. Other individuals came in one by one. I only recall now the man who sat on my left and the woman who sat on my right. The man on my left was blonde and had an odd energy about it. I did not want to touch him because I knew he was interested in me in a sexual or romantic way. He rubbed his foot against mine and kept trying to have a conversation with me. He had an odd smell or something about him. I just didn’t want anything to do with him.

A tall, dark haired woman dressed in a suit and high heels walked up in front of the group and welcomed us. I listened, mesmerized. This was my new job and I needed to pay close attention. The man next to me kept bothering me throughout and I struggled to hear everything that was being said. I do remember discussing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and other healing modalities. I was the oldest of a group of five people who would be working at this place. I don’t know what kind of place it was exactly but it seemed to be a school but all I heard was “charter”. I remember feeling a bit apprehensive about getting along with my group but not about the job itself.

Another thing that was very distinct here was that we were in Detroit. It kept being brought up and I remember wondering why I was so far north. I have been there only once and I didn’t like the place. It felt tainted by negative energy. I think that may be what it symbolized in this dream, too, because when I woke up I immediately told my guide, “I don’t want to work with those kinds of people”. In my mind I was recalling the students I use to work with. I worked with them for 8 years. They were either adjudicated, on probation or just completely wild and unwilling to follow the rules.

Kundalini_truthinsideofyouFurther Considerations

Now that I am considering my dream, I wonder if it was the answer to the question I asked prior to going to sleep. I did not specify this time that the answer not come in the form of a dream. I wish I had now. When I awoke from this dream it was the first time all night and I could not go back to sleep. I kept feeling urged to get out of bed, too. All I could think of was Detroit. Detroit? Why? And the people I was with, especially the blonde man, were familiar. Was he one of my guides? Why was he coming onto me? And why were they all so much younger than me? The man was 26 (not sure how I know this) and the woman was still in her 20s also. The entire dream/experience was similar to an OBE in that I had full awareness of what was going on while in the dream. I knew why I was there. I was starting a new job and this was my orientation. I knew the people, though I cannot remember their names now. I knew the location.

And the part that does not escape my notice is that I was arriving to be a teacher or something similar. I was not a student. This was my new JOB. And I cannot help but think of what my guide said to me yesterday (which I almost forgot until now). He said, “You need a purpose. You will have it soon”.

Sometimes I think all of this is just too surreal. I still catch myself thinking this whole experience is just beyond real and has to be a dream. I am reminded of the Bible and Moses when God spoke to him, giving him instruction on what to do. Is what I am experiencing like that? Was Moses talking to God? Or was he talking to his Higher Self or a guide? And I am not trying to say I am the next Moses. LOL I am just thinking out loud.

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Subtle Changes and Gentle Nudges

Last night before bed my guide was close and reassuring me that all was going as it was suppose to. This was because I have been concerned about some physical issues. Some I have spoken about – dry skin and eczema, achy legs, vision changes (fixed) – some I have not. The main concern I have now is that this spot appeared on my lower leg. I first noticed it about six weeks ago and so kept an eye on it since it looked like a bug bite or sore. This happened right after my eczema on my arm so I thought it was the same thing but I didn’t recall it ever itching. Well the spot is still there and since it is hard to see I have trouble telling what exactly it is. So I am going to my dermatologist to have it checked out because it isn’t going away. Of course I have been thinking the worst – cancer – but my gut feeling is that it is nothing to worry about. Yet it bothers me still. I hate feeling like I am missing something that my body is telling me. Perhaps I am just being paranoid since I got the message “listen to your body”. We will see.

So I asked my guide to help me, to tell me what is going on with me and what, if anything, I should do. He said he would and I asked that it 1. not be in a dream and 2. preferably be a direct communication. Well, I woke up with a song in my head. I think now I should have asked him to not send it in a song!

The song (video above) is Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde. The specific part I awoke to was the chorus:

I’m done with it (ooh)

[Chorus:]
This is the start of how it all ends
They used to shout my name, now they whisper it
I’m speeding up and this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart
We’re at the start, the colours disappear
I never watch the stars, there’s so much down here
So I just try to keep up with the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart

The message is quite clear if you look for it. The answer to the first part, “what is going on with me”, is that my energy/vibration is speeding up. So the transformation continues even if I do not notice it or the changes occurring. The answer to the second question, “what do I do?”, comes from the part “I never watch the stars, there’s so much down here”. This tells me that my job is to focus on my life and the physical, not the spiritual. It is also interesting to me that the colors “red, orange, yellow” correspond to the lower three chakras which in turn are considered those chakras which most relate to the physical.

When I listened to the song and read the lyrics I felt the pull in my heart chakra and emotion which tells me that the message was received loud and clear. And it was. I do not like it, though, as I am continuing to struggle with wanting to be in the physical and I am still asking nightly to astral travel without being allowed to.

lightbody-chakra-bodySubtle Changes and Gentle Nudges

Thankfully, slowly the physical is bringing to me aspects of the spiritual. What I mean by this is that I have had two reading requests this week after a very long period of nothing. I want to say it has been at least a year of no such requests. I am told more will be coming. Okay. Fine. I can handle that.

I have already begun the first tarot reading. I usually don’t use tarot but it is a good tool and it helps the sitter by giving a visual for them to follow. Interestingly, I have already noticed a significant difference in how the information is coming through. Usually I “hear” things  – words along with mental image pictures come through from Spirit. This time, though I am getting the usual images and words, I am also getting feelings. This is unusual when I do reading via email as the sitter is not present. The feelings are subtle but as I was doing the reading I was urged by my guide to focus upon them more and the feelings began to materialize more strongly. I never fell into the feeling, as in I did not allow myself to actually experience the emotion, but it was there and tangible. It was more like I was an observer of the feeling, if that makes sense.

I am also seeing changes at work. I have more requests for counseling and more individuals putting enough trust in me to become emotional and tell me things that are personal. I had one tell me she sees her deceased great grandmother whenever she is feeling sad or upset. I had another cry in front of me who in the past was extremely reserved and emotionally distant.

I have also found that I am doing my job better. I am becoming a better listener and I am not pre-judging people. I am completely without thought when I put on my counselor hat to listen and help. And when it comes time for me to talk, I seem to say all the right things, sometimes things I had no idea I knew. It reminds me quite a bit of when I use to give mediumship readings.

For example, when I was listening to the young girl who told me she saw her deceased great grandmother, I was experiencing physical phenomenon that indicated the presence of Spirit – I was overly hot and felt a mental pressure from my right which I ignored in order to be more present in the conversation. When she revealed she saw her great grandmother sometimes the feelings suddenly made perfect sense. How could I have forgotten them?

I have also “known” things about individuals without intending to. I will just look at them and know, “They are having a bad day today” or “They had a fight with their spouse this morning”. Sometimes I will suddenly be directed to look at their energy. One woman’s energy showed a dark blue color that streaked down her entire spine. My understanding was that she suffered pain, likely back pain, and was on medication. In this particular situation I had noted the woman seemed irritated by my talking to her and had initially thought I had done something wrong or she did not like me. Seems I was directed to her energy so that I could recognize her behavior had nothing at all to do with me. A very valuable lesson.

Unfortunately, I cannot just go up to these people and ask them if what I am seeing or “knowing” is true. This would reveal that I know more than I let on and people really don’t like that. I only say what I see or know if asked. I learned this the hard way long ago. But it seems I am being shown that I can know these things and still help indirectly. I know this but long ago pushed this kind of knowingness away because it was too difficult for me to experience knowing I had to hide it from people. I did not need to be reminded that I was walking around pretending to be normal!

But now I am being directed to reconsider this past decision – to unmake it and follow the subtle pushes to use my abilities to help others again. In fact, I remember last night that my guide said to me, “You are very gifted” and I replied, “I know, but I am not using my gifts”. He nodded and the message was clear that I needed to get them out of storage, dust them off and try them on again, like a long forgotten but much loved dress or coat one put in the attic long ago.

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New Shoes

Last night I slept much better than I have in quite a while mainly because I only woke up one time during the night rather than the three to five times that has been the norm for me. Interestingly enough I also recall a very vivid dream I had. I have not been having good dream recall at all.

Backpack and New Shoes

The first dream I recall started out in a shopping mall. I was with a woman friend but I don’t recall seeing her once in the dream, just hearing her. Someone showed me a backpack. It was unique in that it had ties for straps and they were see through and shimmery pink. I instantly thought of my daughter and wanted to see more so the woman showed me others. They were all very unique and different. Some in different shapes with varying straps and colors. I wanted to buy one.

I was taken into a shop and shown the racks of backpacks. I saw the price tag on one I liked. $150!! I was in shock. That was way too much in my opinion. I remarked such to the woman who said, “Everything in the store is 20% off”. I looked at the price tag of another bag and sure enough there was a red sale tag with $109 on it. I was still upset and said, “You just hiked up the prices!” I insinuated that they were price gouging and the woman said, “Everyone gets 30% off if they buy something today”. I was not interested.

I went to the other side of the store and browsed some clothes and shoes. A woman approached me with a pair of size 5.5 shoes. She asked, “Do you wear size 5.5?” I said, “I think they will fit me”. I sat down and she slipped a pair of flowered, feminine dress shoes on me. They were white with flowers on them. They fit me perfectly and I even showed her how I could lift my heel up easily. I was surprised because I do not wear such a small size. I then looked in the mirror and saw the shoes did not match my dress. I was wearing a nice, somewhat girlie white, flowered dress with a skirt that flared out and came to just below my knees. I told her, “I will need a pair of solid colored brown shoes for this dress”. I kept the shoes I had on, though.

girlyInterpretation

The fact that I am shopping in this dream indicates that I am considering my options in life. Backpacks also symbolize decisions but specifically ones that one feels weighed down by. They can also represent responsibilities that feel heavy or like a burden. When I am put off by the price of the backpack it likely symbolizes my own consideration that some option is too costly.

In general, shoes represent one’s approach to life. These shoes seem to indicate that I am open to a new approach, perhaps a more feminine one since the shoes are so petite and flowery. I am also wearing a dress which is feminine and flowery. I do not like to wear dresses in real life.

Library

In the next dream I went into a library to get a book. I was driving a very small car with only two seats. I believe it was red. I dropped it off inside the library waiting area and went to get a book. When I came out ready to leave, my car was gone. I worried over it and remember thinking that the car was not due to be returned yet, I had until the 21st. I paced for a while, worrying how I would get home. I called up my husband’s boss for a ride and she laughed and told me to just ask the front desk for my car back. I did and got the car back right away. Happy to get my car, I went to the restroom.

The restroom was off near the edge of the waiting room (which looked like a car showroom). The walls were gray and when I went into the space there were two people sitting behind a counter with a glass front staring at me like I did not belong there. When I went into the bathroom I saw in front of me black, metal cabinets containing row upon row of drawers that looked like they held video tapes or some similar kind of media. I felt out of place but spotted the toilet and did my business and left in a hurry.

I retrieved my car and left the library.

In Space

The next thing I remember is being with a group of fellow astral travelers. I recognized them and called them by name and there were a couple of names I remember even now. We were floating together in outer space just above the Earth. I was facing them with the Earth behind me. I can still see the glowing, multicolored globe of Earth shining behind me. It was huge and spectacular!

What is odd is that I was wearing some kind of breathing apparatus on my face. It was white and shaped like an oxygen mask and covered my nose and mouth.  It had a rubbery feeling to it which is still very real to me. Attached to the mask was this white tube that went down and disappeared below me. I don’t know what it was attached to but it seemed to flow and move about with me as I moved.

My fellow astral travelers and I were discussing something. I don’t know everything that we said, but they seemed to be trying to teach me something. While we were talking, a song was going through my mind. It was Riptide by Vance Joy, the part where he says, “I just wanna, I just wanna know. If you’re gonna, if you’re gonna stay”.

I recall that my mask fell off while I was talking to them and I became worried that I would suffocate. I began to frantically try to grasp for my mask in desperation. I watched as the white mask floated down below me. What is weird is that just the mask fell, the white tube seemed to stay.

The man in front said to me, “You can breathe. We are dreaming remember?” I heard him say this and nodded, relieved because I knew we were all OOB and would be okay. A part of me then recognized the white tube was a part of me. I am surprised that this did not cause me to awaken within my dream. Instead, it just woke me up.

Interpretation and Considerations

The library in my first dream represents the search for knowledge. I am likely looking for answers. Cars represent life stages or paths. In this case, my car is parked so I am thinking of putting my attention somewhere else. The fact that the car is then taken from me, or checked back into the library, indicates that a part of my identity is being let go of. Since I want the car back, it could be that I am changing my mind about a decision I made.

The bathroom represents feelings or burdens that need to be relieved or released. The fact that I saw cabinets suggests that I have much hidden within me that needs relieving.

Overall I feel this dream is about me deciding whether or not I want to invest more time and energy into my life. That is the feeling that comes with it and follows into the next dream where I am in space. The overall message is that I need to decide if I want to stay in this life or leave it. The song is a direct question put forth to me. I believe the white tube is symbolic of the silver cord that connects the astral body to the physical body. The oxygen mask suggests that I am feeling stifled and unable to handle the burdens of life, in effect suffocating and unable to express my feelings or find relief.

These dreams go along well with the feelings I have been having lately.

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GAPS

Day two of the GAPS diet. My husband came down with a chest cold yesterday, day 1, and my two sons both have it, too. The first day I took the probiotic (I am on day 3 of that) I got horrible stomach cramps which passed after about ten minutes. Thankfully I have not gotten the chest cold as it sounds horrible.

Physically I felt very achy the second half of the day yesterday. Even though I had not done much physical activity, I felt as if I had been walking all day. My lower back ached as did my left leg and leg joints. I got a headache around 8pm and it haunted me all night. Every time I would wake up, which I did about five times total, the headache would be intense, especially at the base of my skull and the top of my forehead. Even as I type this my headache still remains.

My daughter has been really into the diet, which is surprising. She is very good about taking her supplements and probiotics and drinking her broth with her meals. She was so excited that one of the first things she said when she got home was that she had to go poop as soon as she got to school yesterday. Gotta laugh at that one. lol

My middle son is not so excited. The first morning he took his supplements without incident but all day he was very picky about what he ate. My mother-in-law said he did not go poop all day. Sigh. This morning he has been an irritable mess, refusing to take his supplements and throwing a fit about drinking the broth. He did eat some breakfast, but only because I went ahead and made some coconut flour waffles to entice him. We really were not suppose to eat that until later but my whole family love eggs and since the eggs are added in the next stage I just went ahead and moved us to that stage rather than fight my children (and my stomach).

My baby is teething like crazy and also has the chest cold so he has been irritable as well. I have not really done anything with his diet, he is really so young that nothing much has changed. He does like the broth quite a bit, though.

GAPS Day 1 Menu

To give you an idea of what we are eating, here is what we ate yesterday:

Breakfast:

Everyone has 1 8oz glass of room temperature water or mineral water with 1tsp apple cider vinegar in it before eating anything. We take our multivitamin, cod liver oil, and probiotic with this water.

  • Me: coffee with honey no cream, chicken broth, chicken soup, one drink kefir (yuck!)
  • Husband: tea, pear, kefir, chicken broth
  • Kids: apple sauce, kefir, pear, chicken broth (middle son refused his)

Lunch (including snacks):

  • Me: chicken soup, chicken broth, celery with organic peanut butter, pistachios, lemon water, kefir (yuck!)
  • Husband: chicken soup, chicken broth, apple, peanut butter
  • Kids: chicken soup, chicken broth, apple, yogurt with honey, apple sauce, almond butter and honey

Dinner:

  • Boiled lamb/beef patties (these are yummy!) with zucchini squash, sour cream, beef broth

None of the kids resisted this meal and we all had seconds except for my son. The patties had fresh spinach, onion and garlic in them and tasted like mini-meatloaves. I let the kids have ketchup on them (bad mommy) but my husband and I had lactose-free sour cream on ours.

Dessert:

  • Coconut flour waffles with honey
  • Freshly juiced carrot/apple/ginger juice

What Do I Think of GAPS?

Honestly, I am not liking the diet. Even though we already ate very well, we were not a gluten-free family and do not intend to be after this is over. Also, Kefir is my nemesis. I think it tastes like eating rotten socks. Thankfully, yogurt is not out of the picture and I love yogurt. Store bought milk is a no-no so we bought raw goat milk, which I also hate but the rest of my family likes.  I do not like breakfast right now and cannot wait to include more normal breakfast foods. I also do not like boiling everything I eat. It just isn’t as good to me as pan frying or roasting. Thankfully that will not last long either.

In order to have what is on the list of acceptable foods I am going to have to cook in advance quite a bit. Today I am going to spend most of my day making muffins, pancakes, fritters and cauliflower meatball soup so that we have food for the rest of the week. I will have to go to the grocery store because I underestimated how much meat my family would eat. We ate 2lbs of ground lamb and beef last night alone! We also have eaten 8 apples and four bananas in two days. Ahhh!

I also don’t know if the diet is helping me or not. I know I need to give it more time, it has only been a couple of days, but I thought I would feel at least some change. Honestly, though, I mostly want my children to get use to not having refined sugars and I know this diet will do the trick.

Spiritually

Kinda off topic for this post but I wanted to update what is going on with me spiritually. Nothing! Well, not really, as there is always something going on it is just not always noticeable. I am sleeping lighter than I was but still very deeply. I wake frequently and my dreams are a little more memorable but nothing interesting enough to talk about. Yesterday I was in high spirits on the way to work despite the tummy troubles I had from the mineral water and probiotic I took. I had Reiki and healing on my mind all day and thought that I should visit a nursing home and give healing to the elderly people there. So I researched the possibility and found complications that made me second-guess my initial idea. I think the idea came from me wondering what to do during this spiritual lull and so that popped into my head.

In my research I found that certification was key to working at any health institution. Reiki was rarely the only healing modality one was certified in. Usually the individual was also a certified massage therapist or naturopath or something else. So I looked up some of the certifications these people had. Holistic Healer Certification (HHC) was the most common behind massage therapist and naturopath. What I realized from my internet search is that there are many schools out there offering certification in this or that spiritual healing modality but very few are accredited and I did not find any recognized by the federal government. Some charge hundreds of dollars for degrees and/or certifications while others charge thousands. Some have in-depth study while others do not. How is anyone to be taken seriously in holistic health without a common curriculum and nation-wide accreditation?

It is clear to me that in order for holistic healthcare to be taken seriously these issues must be resolved.

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What to Do?

Another night without an OBE or lucid dream. Another day feeling lacking because of it. I really miss my OBEs. I don’t understand completely why they are being denied to me right now. I sleep so deeply at night that even if I were to get OOB I likely would pop back into it very quickly for lack of energy. It is such a bummer!

I am told that I should not go OOB for two reasons:

1. I was told, “You will leave”. I later asked for further explanation of this and got the feeling that I would somehow find a way not to return to my body. This seems absurd to me because in all my OBEs I have always desired to stay out and never return, yet my body always seems to suck me back in whether I want to return to it or not. Therefore it seems very unlikely that I would successfully “leave”. Yet that is what I am being told. It is possible that I am misunderstanding and that “leave” may mean something else. But what?

2. I was also told now is the time for me to “focus on life” in order to maintain “balance between the physical and spiritual”. I understand this as well but I am so not interested in my life. l would rather seek out all that remains unexplored of the astral and the spiritual. It seems that I just recently returned to the spiritual path only to find a huge “Dead End” sign posted in front of me.

On a side note: This reminds me of a dream I had not long ago after I asked about a certain path. I saw the dead end sign in it and assumed it meant that path was a dead end. Now I am wondering – perhaps the sign was telling me that the spiritual path was the dead end?

What to Do?

Without my spiritual excursions and experiences I spend my days feeling without purpose. I don’t have much going on in my mind except typical mundane activities – what to eat for dinner, what chores need doing, etc. My mind is totally and utterly bored. In the past I fixed this by returning to school, but even then I found that my mind was not satisfied or challenged. I need that mental stimulation and challenge! The spiritual has always provided me with the never-ending questions that arise with each new experience and breakthrough. It never gets boring! I am not a fun person to be around when I am bored.

So what do I do? Typically, I seek out something to fill my time and my thoughts. I have already contemplated returning to school to complete my LPC but my heart just isn’t in it. I have thought of returning to the gym to continue my weight lifting and health kick, but I get a firm “No” from within. I have considered promoting my DoTERRA business, but feel this is not the right time for that either. The only thing that seems to come with a “yes” is doing the GAPS diet, but I am not excited about it.

The first stage of the GAPS diet limits the foods one can eat to only boiled or stewed meats and veggies, fruits and nuts, homemade yogurt and kefir, and coffee and/or tea. There are no grains of any kind allowed and absolutely no starchy foods or vegetables. The first stage only lasts a week but I am already second guessing it because my children will likely strongly resist and my husband, though he says he will do it, is so easily enticed by carbohydrates and cheeses.

Every day one is suppose to drink a glass of lukewarm water with a pro-biotic in the morning before eating. Then, they are suppose to eat every meal with a glass of beef, chicken or fish broth (homemade). This stage is the most important because it replaces the bad gut flora with good gut flora and heals the lining of the stomach. It also was developed so that those with food allergies or other major issues (autism, digestive problems, IBS, ulcerate colitis, etc) can heal gradually and with the least upset to their fragile system. The author warns that some may end up with stomach-flu-like symptoms after a day or two on the diet but that this is a byproduct of the toxins being released.

As a short-term solution, I have very few concerns about the diet. However, I cannot see myself on this diet for the long-term because of the amount of work that goes into it and the resistance my family will give me. We love our carbs and dairy! None of the stages of the diet allows simple carbs, wheat or gluten and the author makes it very clear that all dairy should be “raw” and if not then fermented. My beloved oatmeal would be completely out of the question as would all store bought dairy products. I am all for eliminating processed foods but I do not feel I need to eliminate dairy, wheat, gluten or other grains from my diet.

I have decided not to make my own yogurt, kefir or fermented veggies such as sour kraut. Not only do I not have the time but I gag just thinking about leaving milk or veggies to sour on the counter. Ick! And I despise cottage cheese for that reason. Ha! I do not feel this will “ruin” the diet for me, thankfully. I bought some kefir yesterday and do not look forward to drinking it. It is an acquired taste for sure!

What Else to Do?

Following the diet will keep me somewhat busy, but then again it is not very mentally challenging. I do not know what I will do with myself otherwise. I am very irritated at this “ascension” process, or whatever it is, as it seems like I am being asked to “do nothing” with myself and like it! Actually, it is more like I am being given the option to do whatever I choose, but the only thing I want to do is focus on the spiritual and going OOB, but I can’t do that now, can I? I am still doing yoga almost daily and I meditate at night but I am falling asleep when I do it! I really have no desire to do much else. Really lame, I know.

For my own sanity I need to find something to keep me mentally challenged and “winning” or I will fall into hopelessness and despair. I wish it were easy for me to “just be”.

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Unexpected Allergic Reaction

I am beyond freaked out about what happened to me today. While visiting my mother I decided to eat an afternoon snack with her and my children. She was making peanut butter and honey sandwiches but I was browsing through her cabinet and decided to eat some golden raisins because I was extremely hungry and didn’t want to wait. I ate a small handful and then sat down to eat some peanut butter and honey sandwiches. While I was eating my left ear began to burn. I get this reaction when I take niacin so I ignored it and kept eating. However, my entire face began to feel hot as well and it spread to my left ear. Eventually, I became so uncomfortable that I went to the mirror to see what was going on. My face was beet red and covered in tiny bumps. Across my cheeks the dots were red while my face remained a normal color but my forehead was completely red! I didn’t feel right, either, and this really worried me. Upon further inspection my chest and arms were also covered in tiny red bumps. Ahh!

I put some Cortisone on my face and then took some Benadryl to try and get the reaction to stop and my mind buzzed with questions. What did I eat that caused this? The raisins? The peanut butter? The honey? Bread?

I began to feel really weird around this time and I asked my husband to get the kids together so we could leave. The entire drive home I felt off and worried but my face began to calm down halfway home and by the time I got home the redness and rash were gone.

Completely Weird

I don’ t have allergies. The only other time I’ve had a reaction similar to this was as a child when I had a reaction to high chlorine levels in the pool. That time it was horribly itchy and all over my body. This did not itch and seemed only to be associated with my upper body. My ears burned and my face and neck felt hot. The odd feeling is not easy to describe. The closest thing I can compare it to is feeling slightly ill, like right before coming down with the flu. I once had a similar sick feeling after eating a huge number of cashews (like four handfuls or something – way too much) but there were no other symptoms.

I am still not sure what caused it. I am thinking the raisins. I eat raisins all the time, though, even white raisins. My mom said it might be the sulfates in them, and she could be right, but that would be a first for me, too. I just don’t know and I guess perhaps it is one of those things my guide was warning me about. I am worried about eating peanut butter now, too and I LOVE peanut butter.

Ascension and Body Changes

I have read online that many experience strange changes in appetite, food preference, allergies and sensitivities when they are going through the ascension process. When my guide asked me to pay attention to my body because it was going to show me where the changes were taking place, I was told to expect something to happen with my face. I assumed the warning was for more dry, irritated skin, not an allergic reaction!

I looked up what chakras skin rashes and allergies are associated to. The skin is controlled by the crown chakra and allergies are associated with the third chakra (digestion) and/or the fourth chakra (immunity). I found this information here.

In my research on golden raisins (I’m almost 100% sure it was the raisins that caused the reaction), I discovered that dried fruits such as raisins often have mold on them which can cause allergic reactions. The non-organic ones contain sulfates which are also a common allergen. Since I usually buy organic raisins for my kids and had some recently without any reaction, I suspect the perpetrator here is the sulfates. Again, I hope its not the peanut butter because I would seriously cry if I couldn’t have peanut butter.

I really hope I don’t run into anymore allergies. The sudden rash and weird feeling are very scary.

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The Next Level

Last night I had yet another intense dream. This one was very obviously a message about the next level my guides warned me about. Now that my chakras have been “reset”, the kundalini is rising again.

Graduation and Marriage

I found myself within a semi-lucid dream in the midst of preparing for my graduation ceremony. I was arriving along with my classmates who I recognized to be my classmates from my actual high school graduation class. I remember not quite feeling things were right and I suspect this is because I was nearing that moment when one becomes completely aware they are dreaming. Unfortunately, I never made it to that level and remained mostly unaware that I was dreaming throughout the dream.

I sat through the ceremony, watching a classmate I did not recognize brought up to the podium. She was much older than a high school student should be. In fact, she was very mature, likely in her 50s, with short, graying, brown hair. On a screen played moments from her life. She must have been a veterinarian, either that or an animal lover, because the screen showed moments in her life that mostly involved her taking care of animals of all kinds. She was quite beautiful when she was younger and I remember thinking she was a great actress.

When the video completed the ceremony continued but I do not recall most of it as I was distracted by a woman who came in wearing a dress that was white on top and black on the bottom. The other students were mostly wearing all black evening dresses but this woman was not. Her dress was quite elaborate with a huge, white bow taking up the entire bodice. I recall thinking she was quite brave to wear something so out of the ordinary. Amidst this I was considering my own attire but never saw what I myself was wearing.

Then dream then shifted to me fiddling with my cell phone amidst waiting to go home from the ceremony. I remember thinking about going to college and the city of Dallas was on my mind for some reason. I was looking through my phone for an old lover, trying to find text messages that we shared. I managed to find some old pictures taken with my camera as well as our text messages and considered the possibility of contacting this man to resume our affair. I was completely set on doing this despite being married and was trying to figure out how to keep the affair a secret. I recall worrying that my husband would find the messages on my phone and so I was also thinking of deleting them.

At some point, I lost interest in finding the old messages because they disappeared and I assumed them lost. I remember interacting with some old classmates and being presented with a hand-made quilt. After receiving the gift, my friend pulled a small box out of her pocket and told me to open it, that it was from my husband. I opened the tiny box and found a stunningly beautiful diamond and platinum wedding ring with the biggest marquis cut diamond I had ever seen. I recall feeling overwhelmed and astonished at the sight of it, believing my husband would never buy me something so expensive and at the same time completely enthused that he did. I looked up at the friend who gave it to me and she had changed to another woman, this one with long blonde hair and blue eyes who appeared to be in her 30s. She smiled and told me that we would be renewing our wedding vows at our upcoming wedding.

Upon receiving the ring and the message I felt a strong energy begin to build in my root chakra and expand outward. In the dream this was not yet recognizable on the physical level and so felt much like my dream body was expanding outward very rapidly. The energy pulsated and filled me with an intense sexual urge and I eagerly focused upon it, urging it to expand upward. As I did this I excitedly told the woman with me that I wanted this very badly to happen; that I needed it to happen. I began to focus on the feeling and this only fed the intense energy that was building within me. The energy began to move up and expand out so intensely that it woke me up.

ksiring2The Next Level: Kundalini Rising #2

As I woke, I was still conversing with the woman but soon recognized it was not a woman at all but the same guide who I have had with me throughout this life. The energy continued to expand in my root chakra and as it rose it intensified and all I could think was, “This is the sexual energy I have heard others describe when they talk about kundalini. It is happening to me!” I was thoroughly excited because I have had this kind of energy rise in me before and the result was a spiritual whole-body orgasmic experience that is indescribable.

With that thought I began to encourage the movement of the energy upward. When it hit my second chakra and began to move through it, I felt a twinge from deep within me and heard my guide say, “Slow down, it will be painful if you push it”. I stopped and listened. He said, “You carry much pain in this area. You have been sexually traumatized in many of your lives”. I vaguely saw play out in front of me a life of sexual abuse that I have yet to remember. It was distant as if not my own life, but I suspect it is one of many similar lives I have lived. I then heard again about the life where I spent 15 years struggling to survive and I suspect part of the survival included prostitution. I know that such lives exist because I have touched on them in my past life recollections. In one I gave myself an abortion and knew the pregnancy was the result of prostituting myself. I only recall the actual failed attempt, not the life.

I continued to try to move the energy up but whenever it came near to exiting the second chakra, I was filled with a very odd sensation and so stopped. My guide told me to take my time. I then saw in my mind a flash of my dream where I received the wedding ring and heard, “The merging continues”. I recognized then the symbolic meaning of my dream and its message to me that I had graduated and was now to “marry” myself.

The energy still lingered throughout my communication with my guide and I finally became exasperated. If you have ever had sexual energy build up but then never complete to climax then you will understand my frustration! I thought about waking my husband but then the idea of it actually stopped the energy completely. This confused me. I was told that the energy I was feeling, this kundalini, though very similar to sexual energy in the way the body interprets it, is not at all the same. “It is very important not to confuse the two”, he told me. Bummer! lol

He then said to me again, “Pay attention to your body”. I did not understand why I was getting this message again. “Why?”, I asked. “It will tell you how you are changing” and then he reminded me of my vision and how it had blurred suddenly in my left eye. Upon a visit to the eye doctor I was told my vision had improved. “So the changes will not be painful or bad?” and he said, “Not painful, but uncomfortable at times”. Then I imagined the sexual-like energy hitting me in the middle of the day and realized how very “uncomfortable” that would be! I can’t imagine that I would get anything done if distracted like that.

I could not return to sleep after all of this. Even now all I can think about is the energy I felt. I told my guide that I would not mind more of that! I look forward to it, actually.