Tag Archives: bliss

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Heart Healing Bliss

I’ve been focusing on clearing and opening my heart after recognizing a block there is limiting my access to the Bliss.

The first time, I was laying in bed doing a breathing meditation. I decided to focus on my heart and as I did, I saw a large Band-Aid. So, I peeled if off slowly and set the intention of healing the remainder of the wound from when my heart connection disconnected (end of 2016). When I peeled it off, I could see a raw spot, indicating a wound nearly healed, which was reassuring.

Afterward, I kept meditating and focused on my heart. It was not long after pulling off the Band-Aid that my chest began to feel warm. Then, I felt a pulling sensation in my chest that intensified until it began to feel uncomfortable. As soon as I noticed the discomfort, the feeling vanished.

When I stopped meditating, I rolled over onto my side and talked with my guidance for a while. I don’t recall what we talked about now but the overall feeling was that they would help me and I would be successful at opening my heart. Then, two very distinct bolts of “lightning” hit my chest area followed by a deep aching in my chest area that caused me to get slightly concerned because it lingered for so long.

More Emotional

Not long after I had a dream that indicated I should call my mom. In the dream I was awakened by an insistent knocking on my door. When I answered, my mom was standing there with my aunt who was sitting in a wheelchair. I rarely see my aunt in my dreams and since I know she is battling breast cancer, it felt like a warning.

When I called my mom she was in good spirits but when I asked her about my aunt, she began to open up to me about some past issues that were coming up for inspection for her. She got very emotional, crying and choking up, and causing me to get a bit choked up as well. 

The things she brought up had to do with her parents and some traumatic memories she had of them from her childhood. In one instance, she described a memory of how her mom bought her a new pair of glasses without telling her dad. When he came home and found out, he threw her mom across the room. In another memory, her mom was about to slice a piece of pie and said something passive aggressive about having to slice it just right, when her dad, furious at her mom, stuck his entire hand in the pie and put some on his plate. It destroyed the pie and traumatized both my mom and my aunt.

My mom explained how she was angry at her mother for much of her life and decided she would never let a man treat her like that. She told me she believes that’s why her marriages failed and why she struggled with relationships with men. She said she saw how she became like her father even though she was trying not to and hated herself for it.

We went on to talk about my sisters and her upset regarding them. I listened and gave her my viewpoint, telling her I understood and do not blame her for anything. I told her about how I handle and heal my own past trauma, advising her to not avoid the pain but move through it. Each of us has to focus on healing ourselves and, in doing so, we assist in helping others to heal.

As I wrote the above, it is clear to me that I missed a very clear message to myself. “The only way out, is through”, and this applies very much to me right now. 

That evening, when winding down for bed, I had some strong emotion arise out of thinking of what my mom told me about my grandfather. I didn’t know he was abusing like that! Of all the father figures in my life, I was the most connected to him. I saw his mean side but it never really bothered me too much. Yes, he did some things that could have caused me trauma, but, thankfully, they did not. My love for him always won out in the end. I could see his true self underneath. I really miss him!

I also thought of the trauma my mom and her sister are still trying to heal. It makes me sad and in that moment I could feel their pain. I remember thinking, “Their pain is my pain, their love is my love.” 

Pranayama Meditation

That night I decided to do a pranayama breathing meditation. It consisted of breathing in for five counts, holding the breath for five counts, and breathing out for five counts. I did this for seven minutes and it was quite challenging!

While meditating I could feel a wonderful heaviness spreading through my body. Even though the mediation was a breathing meditation, I felt guided to my heart center. This time, rather then seeing a Band-Aid, I saw a string hanging down. I grabbed onto it and looked up and saw a bright red balloon. With the joy of a small child, I let the balloon go and watched it disappear into the sky. I knew that it was symbolic of letting go, something I very much long to do in regards to the past hurt I have been carrying around with me.

I fell asleep without issue, feeling warm and comforted.

During the night I had dreams of a spiritual gathering. The group was very large! There were at least 50 of us. We encircled a large swimming pool, hands clasped, as we began our meeting. We discussed our unique spiritual gifts. A woman said to me, “You can hear people’s thoughts, correct?” I thought for a moment and then said, “Yes, I guess I can. Sometimes I hear them very distinctly, but most of the time it is muddled. And sometimes I don’t want to hear them! I could probably better control this gift if I practiced more.” 

There isn’t much more I recall from the dream but when I awoke I was very aware of a warmth in my heart chakra and energy moving through my body. It was mostly “energy hug” energy, which is when the energy originates in the center of my spine and spreads outward, washing me in a calm, soothing bliss. There were times the energy would linger in certain places, and when it did it felt very healing and pleasant. This was most obvious in my second chakra. I swear I could feel my entire uterus!

When the energy began to fade I said to my guidance, “I want to feel that (the energy) all the time.” The energy instantly returned and I sunk into it, feeling the love and reassurance of Spirit. I recalled being told recently, “What you want is there, you need only to reach for it” and from this point on a long conversation ensued with my guidance. Unfortunately, and as is typical, the exact messages I received are lost to me now. What I remember is that I was advised to wait for “the proposition”. This caught my attention because, as a Projector, I am suppose to “wait for the invitation”. So their use of the word “proposition” brought me out of my reverie momentarily. 

The entire time I communicated with my guidance, the blissful energy lingered. I was covered in it, waves upon waves of it spreading out from my core. The bliss has a way of pulling me deep into Knowing. I go so deep that the Knowing I received does not come as words but as feeling. This is why I so rarely remember any words. At the time of Remembering, there are “words”, at least it seems so, but they don’t remain, dissolving into only feelings by the time I come out of my reverie. 

When I began my day it was with appreciation instead of hesitation. I want to feel this every day. I want to be this every day. 

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A String of Realizations

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment to get a crown and repair a filling. I wasn’t looking forward to it because my past experiences have not been the best. Mainly it is because no matter how much they numb me I somehow still feel pain. It isn’t horrible but enough that I tense up in anticipation of more. 

Rather than dwell on the upcoming appointment, I decided to put it out of my mind and focus on happy thoughts. The night before I remember thinking, “By this time tomorrow I will have a new crown” and the thought felt solid and reassuring. On the commute in that morning, I listened to calming music. What is cool is one song was about how this is all life is a dream. I took that message and reminded myself that I control my dreams and what happens is up to me. 

When I arrived the receptionist asked me if I wanted to get nitrous. I told her I thought it wasn’t a good idea because in the past it seemed only to make my anxiety worse. I’m not even sure where the idea came from the skip it this time, either, it just felt right.

As I sat waiting for the dentist to arrive and numb me, I thought about how I should be focusing on the fact that I would be getting a new tooth rather than on the pain that might accompany the procedure. I compared it to other times when I’ve considered a certain amount of pain “worth it”. I also kept thinking to myself, “It will be fine. There won’t be any issues.” 

When I got numbed I noticed something I had never noticed before. The tooth that was to be worked on was numb all the way up through the root. I could feel it distinctly. I commented to the dentist that I didn’t recall ever feeling it like that in the past. 

The moment the drill hit my tooth I tensed up and began to feel my heart pounding in my chest. I focused on breathing and relaxing. Moments later, when it was clear there would be no pain, I relaxed.

At one point I was acutely aware of the drill on my tooth and knew it was not a good idea to focus on it like I was. So I focused on my breath and wiggled my toes a bit. I didn’t focus on the drilling again after that.

In the two hours that I was there I didn’t feel even a niggle of pain. Nada. In fact, at the end I was so relaxed I was near sleep! That’s never happened to me at the dentist!

When I got home I marveled at how seamlessly the dentist visit had gone. I knew I had created the experience and it was a wonderful feeling. 

Dreams Match Reality

Recently I had a realization that I believe contributed to my dentist experience. I woke up a couple of days ago thinking about how I prefer my dreams to my waking reality. I thought, “It shouldn’t be that way. The two realities should support one another. My goal should be to merge my dream reality with physical reality, not on how to avoid the physical reality altogether.” It was clear that my two realities were out of sync. In general, I feel free and unencumbered during dreamtime while I feel trapped and stifled in my waking reality.  

With this in mind I wondered, “How do I make my waking reality experience match my dream experience?”

I didn’t dwell on the how for very long. Some memories came to me of certain dream experiences that I would like to have manifest in this reality, but ultimately it felt like the experiences themselves were not the answer. 

It’s All About Intention

After my dental experience, it became very clear to me that the way to bring the two realities into balance is to set an intention and keep focusing on that intention. With my dental experience, I intended to have a pain-free experience and kept focusing on what I wanted, not what I did not want. 

Knowing this is the route I need to take, I am now left wondering what intention to set each day. Most days I do not have much of anything going on. Should I just set the intention to have a “good day”? Or should it be more like setting the intention to go with the flow of life?

Ultimately, I think my intention should be about how I want to feel more than trying to visualize specific movements or moments.

What is a challenge for me at times is not getting caught up in thoughts that can take me down not-so-nice rabbit holes. For example, last night as I was settling down to sleep, thoughts about my sister came to mind. They were worries mostly and thoughts about my failure to help. I felt an inner tug to focus on sending love rather than to focus on my thoughts. When I did this, the thoughts vanished and I recognized how simple and effective a solution it was.

Still, later in the evening, bored and a bit restless, I began to feel my thoughts pulling me in directions I didn’t want to go. So, I got up out of bed and did some yoga, focusing on breathing and gratitude, feeling into my body and solidifying my connection to it. I remember thinking, “What do I want to create?” My answer was: Bliss.

Over the past few years I’ve grown very out of practice with intention setting both in my dreams and waking reality. I use to be very good at controlling my thoughts and emotions during dreamtime. Now I just find myself pulled along in my dreams, doing seemingly random things. If I do become lucid it isn’t for long and there remains a kind of dullness to my perceptions. Funny enough, my waking reality isn’t much different. Numbed perceptions for the most part and feeling pulled along by life.

Pay Attention to Your Dreams

Recently there has been a promising shift in my dreamtime experiences. For example, while OOB I said to myself, “I am awareness.” I then directed the experience a bit more while also listening to my guidance and following their suggestions. 

The key now is to make similar progress in my waking reality. 

What’s important to remember is that past experiences are not necessarily indicative of how present and future ones will unfold. I am learning new material now. It is about putting what I’ve learned to practice and I’ve not been doing a very good job. All my dreams of being in school, repeating classes, missing assignments and skipping school are pointing to that fact. I had one last night, in fact, where I had skipped too many classes (30 days) and was being reprimanded. lol

It is clear to me that my preference has been to wallow in past upsets or failures over pushing forward into new, uncharted territory. It can be difficult to let go of the past, especially those parts involving strong emotionally charged experiences. I have a tendency to pluck from that long dead “tree” the remaining remnants of its delicious fruit but it just doesn’t taste the same anymore. It is dying just like the tree did.

It is time to cultivate something new; thus the dreams of gardening and planting seeds in rich, black soil.

Right now I’m not really able to see anything ahead except blackness. Rather than despair over this fact as I have in the past, I prefer to think of the blackness as a clean slate ready for painting. All I know is how I wish to feel and how I want that feeling to grow and remain a constant in my life. So, that feeling will be my paint and I will prep the canvas with it. The picture will eventually emerge, just like my 52 Light Code Oracle paintings did. 

And while a part of me wants to linger on my failure to recognize all of the above while wandering about seemingly aimlessly in my waking life, another part recognizes that it was all purposeful and part of my own, individual process of healing and acceptance. Because, in the end, life really isn’t about the destination but the journey.

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Kundalini Dream Message: That’s Not the Problem

Unexpected Kundalini surprise in a dream this morning. It’s the first time in a long while that I’ve felt good upon waking. 

But first another short dream, one where I see my grandmother.

Dream: Wrinkled

This dream is fuzzy now but when I had it, it was quite vivid.

I am outside near my grandparent’s chicken coup and rabbit hutches. It is dark and the scene seems to shift between being outside to a dark room. My grandmother is with me and when I realize it is her I apologize to her for having her run so much. In my mind I am seeing my grandmother sprinting across the yard. It feels like I am training her to help her lose weight and get in shape. I mention to her that she was 82 at the time and probably too old to be running. She reassures me that I did not cause her death. I feel somewhat better. 

The conversation shifts to old age and wrinkles. My grandmother mentions how old and wrinkled her face got as she aged. I see her face clearly, remembering fondly how beautiful she was. I tell her that I think her wrinkles are beautiful. They come from smiling and singing. I trace the smile lines around her cheeks and say the singing wrinkles are the most beautiful to me.

Message

I woke up remembering my grandmother and considering the messages in the dream. A whisper of a question came to me, “How long has it been since you last sang?” I knew the answer was, “Too long.”

The messages, hidden in symbolism in the first part, seem to point to out how I am fighting a losing battle. Trying to outrun old age doesn’t work. It finds us all. Getting older can be a beautiful thing. It feels like she was suggesting that I will “run” myself to death if I continue in the direction I am going. She, herself, did similar. The suggestion is to focus on “smiling” and “singing”, which to me means doing the things that bring me joy. Singing is one of them. I don’t smile or sing very much these days. 

The dream comes after I told my personal trainer I need to take a break. For two weeks I am going to take it easy. After that I will start back on training, hopefully with a new mindset. I struggle with the idea of stopping altogether because I know that I need to keep my body healthy and exercise is the way to go. However, too much and with the wrong goal in mind, will not make me happy. Love for one’s body doesn’t mean forcing it to look a particular way, it means listening to it, down to a cellular level even, in order to better gauge what it needs. 

Kundalini Dream: That’s Not the Problem

The dream begins with my return from a vacation with my family. We arrive at a classroom (life lesson). It resembles an elementary classroom. My memory of where I was is not accessible. All I recall is a plane followed by being at the classroom door. There is also memory of parting ways with someone, a man who accompanies me. 

The man, who I can’t see but is standing behind me, asks me a question before I enter the classroom. He asks, “Are you sure you don’t want to come to the library (to seek wisdom) with me?” When he asks me, I recognize the time is 4pm and that he is suggesting I skip school and go with him. I tell him I need to go but don’t speak any words. He sends me a feeling of, “Okay, your loss” and leaves. His general energy is positive and somewhat amused, like he is saying, “I told you so”, in advance.

When I walk into the classroom it is very full. All the desks have young students in them and a female teacher is at the front. I ask the teacher what is going on, why is my desk occupied? She tells me they are playing a game and points to the back of the classroom. She says, “You can sit there.” I see what looks like an upside down bucket (self-restraint). I think, “She wants me to sit on that?” I feel insulted but don’t argue. I look at the floor as I walk to the back of the room and sit in the makeshift “desk”. 

I observe the “game” for a while from the back of the classroom. It appears the students are enjoying themselves but I can’t remember any specifics about the game except that students would walk down the isles of desks one at a time. 

Looking around me, I see clothes hanging from hooks above my head. It reminds me of a souvenir shop. I see t-shirts and tank tops with various messages written on them. I decide I want one, because, why not? But I can’t see any I like. 

Meanwhile, the students are all very immersed in their game. I am invited to take part but decline the invitation. I am just not interested in playing. The sense I get here is that I don’t belong and is similar to how I often feel in life. I watch people “playing the game” all around me but rarely, if ever, participate. 

Then I get a text message on my phone. When I look at who sent it, I realize it is the man who dropped me at the classroom door. I think, “Why is he texting me?” The sense is that this man is just an acquaintance and not someone who would communicate with me outside of work hours. 

When I read the text I instantly realize this man is much more than he seems to be. The text itself is lost to me (which is disappointing!) but the feeling I get as I read it is very vivid. He tells me that what I am doing is not working and gives me a synopsis of my current life issues. The issues involve my current relationship specifically. I do, however, remember the last thing he said, which was, “But that’s not the problem.”  

As I read his text, my heart chakra exploded with bliss, feeling to open up to the point that it extended all the way to my feet. I instantly knew the man’s intentions. It was a complete surprise, totally unexpected. I had no resistance whatsoever. If there was any, it melted away. All I wanted to do was respond to his invitation with a “YES”.  

Let It Happen

Before I could ask him to elaborate on what he said, I woke up, heart still expanded and bliss pouring through my body. I was thinking, “Tell me what the problem is” as I woke and I was a bit miffed at myself for waking up before I could get an answer. I knew there wouldn’t be one. I would be left hanging, but I didn’t care. I was too caught up in the heart bliss. Oh how I’ve missed it!!

I remember thinking to myself, this (the heart bliss) is what I’ve been missing. I can have all the orgasmic, erotic, tantalizing Kundalini one can imagine, but without the heart bliss, it will always be lacking. Without the heart, the merging of Heaven and Earth cannot – WILL NOT – happen. 

To my surprise, the heart bliss remained for a long while after (at least an hour) and I dipped into the in-between where I communicated with the man in my dream who sent the text message. Whether he is a guide, a person, or both, I can’t say. We talked. My mind was going all over the place, questioning what this experience meant and wondering if there would be more. What I heard in response was, “Just let it happen”. Ha! Just like the song I wrote about here. 

A chorus of a song was going through my mind while I lay there floating in bliss. This is the part I recall:

Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind

The more you say, the less I know
wherever you stray, I follow
I’m begging for you to take my hand
Wreck my plans, that’s my man

When I finally got out of bed for the day, I had a slight pulling in the left side of my chest. It wasn’t painful but it was enough that I knew a block had been released, or was releasing. This isn’t really much of a surprise because I have been so emotional lately. I’m pretty sure I’ve been doing some heavy duty clearing work in my sleep. 
Another song was going through my head as I got out of bed. It repeated:

And I want you to unravel me (but I heard “Remember me”)
Come closer, come closer……

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The Voice

Last night wasn’t a dreamless night, I just can’t really remember any of my dreams now. There was on in-between dream/vision of me singing songs with a choir and being adamant about not having to learn new songs, but that is it. lol That in itself may be a hint of my current take on life: “Sure, I’ll do that but only if I have done it before.”

I hear a silent whisper of a voice ask, “Where’s your inner risk-taker, little missy?” <Insert surprised emoji (WP where are your emoji’s?)>

Speaking of voices…..

Something’s up and I really don’t know how to talk about it without likely rubbing a few of my readers the wrong way and/or making me sound even more crazy than I already do.

I have been able to communicate with Spirit and other worldly beings for some time now. The two go hand-in-hand and by now I am so over the shock, surprise, and “special” feeling of having this ability. I no longer care if people believe that I can hear dead people (lol). I have proven my ability a plenty but have long ago let go of the need to prove I can do what I do.

But my ability to hear Spirit has now shifted into what I believe is the ability to hear people – alive and occupying bodies – in exactly the same way as I hear those without bodies.

If you think about it, the two are not much different. Spirit is Spirit, in a body or out.

As with any new gift – well newly realized anyway – it takes some getting use to. I have not worked out all the kinks yet, not by a long-shot. In fact, it is downright confusing at times! Like that voice I just heard that referred to me as “little missy”….is that a Spirit or some person in a body somewhere….or is it just me talking to myself (crazy feelings aside)? And how do I knew the difference when they feel exactly the same?

In most cases (like the one above) it doesn’t really matter I guess and I am damn well not going to stress myself out trying to figure it out. Not worth my time or energy.

But lately I am receiving messages that suggest that I could be communicating with someone in a body living here on Earth right now. Yeah, crazy, right? Hahaha You have no idea…..

Last night is one example. I was settling to sleep as is my usual when I began to receive visuals – almost like I fell into a dream but I wasn’t asleep yet. With them came communication and energy. A swift, blissful rush of energy there was no denying spread across my entire body, lighting up my heart center. The communication with this energy was in words mostly but I won’t repeat all of it here as it is deeply personal and if there is in fact someone out there communicating to me, I don’t feel comfortable sharing everything without permission.

Whoever this person is (if it even is a person in a body….OMG), I have a strong connection with them and it was immediately recognizable. There were flashes of imagery that I have seen before. For example, I saw him draw on my forehead in red what looked like the image of a cross. I have seen this before prior to a major Kundalini event and considering the bliss of the moment, I have no doubt of it’s meaning. It is part of the Heiros Gamos –  like a ceremony or rite related to it.

Some of what was communicated reminded me of previous encounters with a Spirit (person?) who I nicknamed my “tantra teacher”. I was being advised on how to handle the energy – to allow it without focusing on it, to relax into it, to accept it fully and openly without any resistance, to feel myself opening to receive. And when I did this I felt myself going somewhere, like losing consciousness almost, but not. I know if I go there it will take me to a familiar place, one I have gone to only twice before. My previous experience with it is hard to describe without making it sound “bad”; like I am being “possessed”. It feels like I step aside and let someone else take over but it is more like I am sharing space with an energy so much greater than myself that I bow to it in awe and reverence. This all takes place in what seems to be my energy only so greatly expanded that it is without form or shape.

Last night I did not go to this place. My mind instantly recognized the direction it was going and hesitated. The energy is so BIG, so fantastic and attractive to me, that I want to investigate it, to look closer and analyze it. This curiosity (not fear) pulls me out of it’s embrace when that is exactly where I desire to be.

Part of what is communicated to me by this man/Spirit is that I am over zealous and eager. I need to settled down and relax. Hahaha That is VERY difficult to do!

It’s so weird, but where once I was terrified of this fantastically HUGE energy, now I want nothing more than to be consumed by it. I remember him asking me more than once, “Breathe with me.” And I swear I heard him breathing as if he and I were breathing together….

When it was all said and done, I fell asleep wondering if I was communicating with a Spirit guide, a man who is excellent at telepathy, or the Divine Masculine within me (my HS)? OR just maybe this energy – BEingness – is all of the above rolled up into one?

Whatever is going on, I am not resistant. Maybe that is naive but I don’t feel any fear whatsoever. I am excited and, yes, overly zealous perhaps. The male voice suggested that what I have experienced up to this point is nothing compared to what awaits me. That if I breathe through the intense energy, allow it without focusing on it, then more Divine states await. More expansion. More bliss. And likely that “taken over” experience I have encountered before. And, I believe it is from that expansive space, that the journey really begins.

As for who this voice belongs to, I am not sure yet. I will let you know if it does originate from someone in a body. My past experiences suggest this is a possibility.