I hear and read that there is suppose to be a great upgrade underway, or something of the sort. For me, this is not true, at least not that I know of. I am struggling with all things 3D and I have absolutely no spiritual energetic connection at this time. It is like it was shut off and nothing I do turns it back on. Meditation does nothing. Music does nothing. Yoga, well I haven’t even bothered. Asking for it back does practically nothing but I did get yelled at yesterday and had lots of OBEs. lol The OBEs are nice, but after all that transpired in December, they are nothing but interesting sideshows. So all that seems to be left for me at this time is 3D. Yuck.
I have been focused on 3D despite hating it. What else can I do? I have handled our budget crisis. Took me only a week to cut expenses where I could. I refinanced one car and then traded in the other for an older model. I am the one who got the “new” older car since I don’t go very many places. And you know what? When I went to finance the new used car, they didn’t want my husband as a co-signer despite me having no job and no income! Who sells a car to someone with no job? Mazda. hahaha
I also downgraded my phone. I still have a smart phone but wi-fi only. No more checking email while shopping, not that I get any emails really anyway. lol
Despite all the changes, we will still be cutting things dangerously close every month. That is fine with me. As long as I don’t have to go back to work and follow my inner guidance. Yeah, I’m stubborn like that.
I spent all day yesterday doing our income taxes for 2015. I got as far as I could and it was a nice reprieve from life. I don’t love doing my taxes but I like the mental focus it takes. It kept me from going stir crazy at least.
Speaking of taxes, I have been really disgusted about property taxes in our area. We pay nearly as much as our mortgage in taxes every month. That is insane. On top of all that, I see no point in even trying to pay off a mortgage because even after that is done we could still lose “our” property if we don’t pay the ridiculous taxes. Property ownership is all a big fat lie. We never really actually own anything. The government does.
Makes me want to buy a tent and live in a national forest somewhere off the grid. They would probably find a way to tax me and take my tent then as well.
I guess you can see why my guide yelled at me yesterday. I am not being a very compliant charge, wife, citizen, tax payer, person….etc, etc.
Now is a time to settle into yourself and get comfortable with the New You. In this settling in you’re not only an observer of who you are from the inside but you create space for the New You within yourself. You give him/her a Home within. Get cozy together. You have been apart for a long time.
The reUnion is exquisite. It is an explosion of familiarity. Do you feel it? Is it comfortable for you? Perhaps not yet. This New You is unfamiliar to your Earth Self yet at the same time complimentary and comfortable. There is not rejection but inspection of this new aspect.
“Join me!”, he/she says to you. “Have a seat and let’s chat. It’s been far too long and we’ve much catching up to do”.
The space you hold for YourSelf is growing ever more important in these times of accelerating frequency. The acceleration is of Light as well as Dark as the Earth seeks balance and harmony. The intensity of the pitch at which your resonance echos in return can be unsettling and somewhat discombobulating. This is why creating space within is so vital right now. From within this space you can recuperate and refuel in a joined effort of mutual understanding and Love.
And most importantly you are not alone in this space you have created. And this space will grow ever larger as you settle in and become accustomed to the companionship; the wholeness for which you have longed.
What do you do while in this space? Create. It is where you create what it is you wish to manifest. For within this space there is more creative potential than ever there has been for you while in this Earthly body.
You are not alone. You just need to Remember what that feels like.
~ E’Fonin, Counselor and Ambassador for the Pleiadian High Council
It’s official. My last day of work is October 19th.
While I am relieved to be leaving behind me the parts of my job that were less than ideal, I will miss the parts that I loved. Yet I know that my timing is perfect and I am avoiding more scrutiny, upsets and general angst by leaving now.
Yet my husband appears to be less than accepting of my decision now that I have made it. He announced to me this morning, “I will be leaving my job soon, so you will have to carry the weight until I can get my new business up and running”.
I looked at him like he was crazy and said, “Um, I just put in my resignation. Don’t you think you could have made this announcement when we were talking about me resigning?”
“You can just get another job”, he said.
Then he made a comment completely out of left field, “I don’t want a free-loader in my house. You’ve got to pull your weight”.
What? I was unsure if he was serious but then he came and hugged me warmly, suggesting he was joking, but the statement was enough to bother me just a little bit.
He did say later, “I’m sure you will be pulling your weight”.
Sigh. Men!
What Now?
My husband’s joking is likely concerning to me because I am not sure what is next for me. I made the decision knowing it was the right one, but I wonder, “What now?”
I can’t shake this feeling that there is nothing more to come. My future feels empty when I look into it; a void of nothingness. I don’t have a plan of what I will be doing other than getting my business off the ground. I know that this business will bring in income but other than that I am clueless about what comes next for me.
Interestingly enough, I am okay with this “not knowing” and the feelings that accompany it. Again, I’m not sure why.
Business Update
I am in the final stages of launching my business. The product is in the garage waiting to be sent to the warehouse. All that is left for me to do is get good product images taken and set up the site for selling.
Yes, I am doing online sales, which is way out of my comfort zone and something I would not normally even venture. Yet it was one of those opportunities that came out of the blue after I put out to the universe what I wanted for myself and my family. Though my motivation in this endeavor has waxed and waned frequently, there remains one constant: I know it will be successful.
I suspect the delay of my business launch was due in part to timing. I can only guess why the delay was needed. I suspect Mercury retrograde was part of it. Mercury goes direct today, allowing for movement forward when before movement was retarded or even regressed. It just so happens that the photography for my product is scheduled for tomorrow. Movement is already occurring.
My purification is going well. I am on day 9 today and feeling better everyday. When I first feel the Niacin it is intense but the flush doesn’t last as long and the prickling and burning sensations are also decreasing. I also do not have significant purging of chemicals, medications and other toxins. For example, yesterday I just felt my neck get stiff and had a stink come out of my pores. I end off each day feeling refreshed and positive.
Sleep
My sleep has improved significantly since starting. I sleep a solid 8-9 hours and only wake once. Once! I sleep so hard that when I wake up I rarely remember my dreams and even if I do, I don’t care about them. The sleep is just awesome! I have not slept like this since my teen years. Oh how I’ve missed it!
Unfortunately, I am not receiving any guide communication or experiencing any lucid dreams, in-between states, or OBEs. I just sleep and wake and go about my day. I suspect this will continue until the purification concludes. I am already halfway through so am hoping I will be done in another 10 days or so. Fingers crossed!
Spiritual Happenings
Though I have not had much in the way of a spiritual connection this last week, I have had some interesting things occur. The night of the 20th I was hit with a sudden twinge of nervousness. It hit me deep in the stomach area and came out of the blue, you know the “sick” dread feeling? I could not mentally figure it out so I focused on my heart space. The answer I got was that I was being asked to make some kind of decision. I remember running from this decision, whatever it was, and finally announcing to my guides, “I don’t want to do that now”. The feeling immediately vanished and has not returned.
Yesterday I was watching TV and felt a distinct shift in the energy around me. I wondered about it, but again, trying to mentally figure it out was not happening. So, I focused on my heart and recognized where the shift was coming from. It was a “change of guard”. In other words, my guides were changing out. Not all of them, but some of them. This is not really an unusual occurrence, just not often recognized when it does happen.
The number of guides I have around me has shrunk substantially during the purification process. I am back to my usual 4. Sometimes there is the usual 12 I have become accustomed to, but so far more often it is just the 4. I suspect this is just a temporary thing and honestly, I don’t care much one way or the other. I am enjoying my sleep!
Response to Blog
A final thing that happened this past week was a first for me since I started my blog. I got a nasty, insulting blog comment. It was only one word and I quickly marked it as spam. What is interesting is, just a week prior, I had a dream in which I received a nasty blog comment and was discussing with my guide how to respond to such negativity. So it was really no surprise when I got the comment. I feel like my guides had prepared me well for it and others like it.
It is amazing to me how much I have changed and this negative comment helped me see this in myself. I did not react with upset or anger. No Ego reaction at all. I just saw the connection with my dream, acknowledged it, marked the comment as spam, and then went on my way. Occasionally, I would think back on it as if I was looking to see if any part of me would react. It was like I was probing for the Old me, to see if any remnant of her remained. I could touch her reactions but only as memories. It was and is such a freeing experience to be able to detach from that part of me. Every day I wonder if she really is “dead” and if so, when exactly will I finally “bury” her?
Honestly, I think the anxious feeling I had on the 20th was a request to finally “bury” her (the Old) and I was not, still am not, ready to do that. I feel I am still holding onto the memory of her with a fascination that is hard to describe.There is an almost obsession with all that was in comparison to all that currently is. Was that really me? Where did she go? Is she still in there?
It is like getting out the old photo album. You see yourself years ago and laugh at your hair, your clothes, or the silly and sad memories that go along with it. Part of you wants to go back and try to re-experience the old times, to feel it as if it is real right in the present moment. But there is only so much that can come of that and eventually you put the photo album away to gather dust. Eventually, there is little interest at all in ever looking back.
Upon waking this morning, I immediately received communication from my Council. This is what they said:
“We are pleased of your arrival. We have been waiting for you”.
There then came into my mind the vision of what appeared to be a distant star.
“There will come from a star an irradiating light. You will experience this light”.
I then felt a pulsing energy hit me gently. It felt to come from above me and to my left. I felt it intensely from my shoulders all the way to my crown. When it impacted with my energy, there was a slight tingling within my mind and a spreading out of it within my energy field. It was not uncomfortable but it was a new, odd sensation for me.
I wondered what star this light would be coming from.
The answer was instantaneous: “Sirius”.
“We will need your help”.
I instantly agreed, though I was not sure what I was agreeing to.
I lingered in bed for a while, wondering why these communications so often come upon my waking. I kept feeling I should focus upon my heart but my habit is to focus on my third-eye. Either way, the communication seemed not to end but to expand, filling me with a feeling of obligation, or maybe “desire to help” is more appropriate here.
I am not completely sure what I am being asked to help with, but it feels to me that these pulses are a beacon of combined intention sent forth from this far away star, or planet or whatever Sirius is. This emission of intent – of love, homecoming, acceptance – has been irradiating for hundreds, maybe thousands of years. It is familiar to me, yet I am not sure why or how.
This light, or rather communication, seems to be about to impact me, and others. I am not certain yet what the result of this communication will be. A part of me wants to push against this whole communication, resistant to the “alien” distinction that so inevitably arises from these kinds of communication. Yet I feel pulled to listen and to quiet the dissension from within. There is a Knowingness that pervades my Being. All I can do is trust it.
As I write this I am filled with more Knowingness that this light signals the beginning of a further transformation for hundreds of individuals across the world. I feel a deep respect for the creators of this message, this beacon or signal from beyond. I feel they are great teachers and that they have been waiting to ameliorate the human syndrome from me.
I am at this moment experiencing an odd energy from my left. It makes my stomach flip-flop and the side of my head, neck, shoulders and my entire left arm tingle. I am in awe.
There was another shift in energy yesterday, at least I sensed it. I awoke in another sour mood but was able to shift out of it without issue and the day went about as normal but with low energy. However, the night revealed the shift was an actuality.
I awoke in the middle of the night from a dream I do not, could not, completely remember. The only thing I remember was that I had been in a completely white room and there were images floating around me. I felt completely peaceful when I awoke. It was like a weight had been lifted. I smiled and thanked my guides and fell back into a blissful sleep.
Deforestation
I found myself within a dream but not lucid. The dream was very vivid but that was it. I was inside a home with other women who were all mothers. We were eating a meal I had made and discussing our children. I can still taste the meal! I remember telling them about my most recent pregnancy and how easy it was even though I had was of “advanced maternal age”.
There was a point where I was organizing a shelf and someone had broken a figurine. I went to repair it and the bottom of the shelf became sand and I had dug a hole. I then began to uproot grass that was invading the area.
The dream shifted and I was suddenly aboard what appeared to be an amusement park ride but the car I was in was floating in mid-air all by itself. It was a bench seat and I was on the end holding on for dear life. The other women were with me and I was holding onto one’s hand.
The car moved like a helicopter (if you have ever been in one they can make your stomach flip flop) over the top of craggy mountain peaks. I looked below me and saw that the mountains were very rocky and almost completely devoid of trees. They looked barren although still majestic.
Then we flew into another area and I noticed vast expanses of green begin to appear. We flew closer and I saw that it was millions of tiny saplings growing in different stages. I was in awe and somehow knew that I was being show the devastation caused by deforestation and the hope that it could be reversed.
As we continued to fly (I felt like I was in a Harry Potter movie!) the trees began to grow taller and taller and the scene began to get more and more beautiful. I began to cry happy tears. We approached an old school building that appeared to be from some other time. It had ornate decorations and when I saw it I got very excited, as if I knew where we were going.
I saw the trees turn ancient at this time as well, their gray and twisted bark and green foliage very distinct. The car slowed and we entered the building.
Suddenly I was walking along an amusement park sidewalk and to my right was a large, shallow pool with bumper cars in it. All was quiet and no one was around.
I moved closer and saw the mechanism to turn on the ride but did not touch it. Suddenly the pool was alive with small, doll-like children. They were all the same age and seemed like cartoon characters at first but the turned more realistic. They came and encouraged all to get on the ride. I did not.
I watched as the people I was with got into the ride and it swirled them about in the water. They were strapped in and looked to be having fun. The conductor looked over at me. He was a man I had not noticed before with dark hair and blue eyes. He stared at me and I knew he wanted me to get on. I felt uncomfortable, suddenly knowing I was wearing a swimsuit under my clothes.
I thought of the shoes I was wearing worried they would get wet and then, not caring, decided to get in. The scene again shifted.
Three Bathrooms
I was waiting with the women to use the bathroom. I suddenly had the urge to have a bowel movement. I went to the bathrooms and was told that all but one of the three was broken. I waited and got a call from my husband. I answered it and he told me to be home by 1pm. I said I had not yet started and was a bit shocked he wanted me home so soon. The bathroom opened up and I let another woman in.
The scene shifted again.
Three Boys
I was traveling along a road in a car and stopped as a large, semi truck was going through a small tunnel. I got in line behind it and watched it squeeze through. Then I followed behind at high speeds and had to slow for a little boy was running about. He was attached to a car by a long cord that came out of his center. I followed him to the car as he climbed in. He was not a very nice little boy but good enough that he listened to me as I climbed into the car to take the wheel. He had two brothers with him, one in the back and the other, the smallest, in the front. I told the older boy to turn off the music (it was playing Cold Play) and looked at his brother. He had the most gorgeous green eyes and I complimented him on them. He seemed wise beyond his years. I was in the back seat at this time.
Upon Waking
When I awoke I knew I had been OOB but just had not been lucid enough to notice. As soon as I thought this, a voice from my right said eagerly, “That was me. I was with you!” A little irritated to have my thoughts interrupted I ignored him. He said again, “That was me! That was me!” I acknowledged him this time saying, “But you are male. I was with a group of women”. He stayed silent after that as I thought of my dreams.
I realized the number three was significant here. The three represents the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of me. Currently I must be working on the physical.
I felt, still feel, so much lighter today and happier. I now know the individual who was talking to me when I awoke was Spirit, not a guide. I feel bad now for not acknowledging him better. I suspect he was one of the little boys from my last dream.
I had this song in my head when I woke up, too. Specifically this part:
If scars are for the living
Then I could be forgiven
And everything you need
I could give you
If scars are for the living
Then I could be forgiven
And everything you have
I take too
My recent communication with my Council about the state of the planet seems to be coming back to me day in and day out. I try not to think much on the changes coming but that seems not to matter. Every day there is something, some news or some current catastrophe, that brings it to the forefront.
Visions 2003
One of the most upsetting aspects of my initial spiritual awakening was the spontaneous visions and knowingness about what was to come. I don’t talk about them much because I don’t like putting that kind of negative information out there, just in case I may contribute its manifestation. Yet evidence is showing it is manifesting despite my holding back what I saw.
What did I see? I will tell you now as I feel it is relevant and believe what my Council said – there is not much that can be done about it. All we can do is prepare. That is why the information is given, so that we may prepare.
Changed Coastline
One of the first visions I had was similar to the featured image of this post. It was a detailed map of the United State. My attention went directly to the Mississippi River which was completely unrecognizable because it was flooded hundreds of miles beyond its banks. The next thing I noticed was the almost complete lack of Florida. It was just….gone. There was also a huge chunk of Texas’ coastline submerged and much of the southern United States was in the same boat.
I did not look much at the West but I knew that California was gone. I also knew a chunk of it was lost to an earthquake, sinking it further into the ocean.
You can imagine how I reacted to this. At the time I tried to stop the images, but to no avail. I then panicked and was reassured I would be okay. The time frame for this was beyond my lifetime but I would be witness to these changes as they gradually occurred.
Another upsetting vision I had was of standing amidst the rubble of a war zone. I happened to be standing on a familiar area – a school in a flourishing city near a military base. The devastation was beyond words. Nothing was left. It was all ash.
I knew it had been bombed and many had died. I again panicked, thinking it was the near future, but was reassured it would be during a time when I was far from the area. I still worry about when it will happen but feel there is not much I can do about it.
Great Migration
Another vision I had was of a great migration of people from areas of high population to areas of low population. This is in part due to the crazy climate changes, flooding, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, drought, and civil upset. You can image the kinds of upheaval this will cause.
What I saw for the U.S. was movement inland. First it would be toward the mid-west but as the changes increase more and more people will move into areas that are now less populated, specifically the mountain regions of Nevada, Utah, Montana, Wyoming, New Mexico and Idaho. Looking at the map, you can see why this would be.
The weather changes will be weird as well. This will be in part due to the tropic and subtropic zones shifting. With the change in the poles, this is a normal occurrence. For the U.S., the tropics will be shifted north into the southern part of Texas, extending the subtropics into the Midwestern regions. Right now the tropic of Cancer goes across central Mexico.
2050
The year I kept getting was 2050 as a tipping point. Before that, denial will be rampant. People don’t like to change their ways. They will stay despite knowing it is not in their best interest. Government changes will also cause much turmoil and I saw another period where civil war was a very real threat. As for actual war occurring, I never saw it, just the possibility of it. I mostly picked up on terrorism and similar activities along with upheavals in Asia and India.
I also knew there would be epidemics. I don’t believe it is biological warfare, but I did not get specifics causes of these occurrences, just that they would occur.
Not a Scare Tactic
Honestly, I am not trying to scare anyone anymore than my visions were meant to scare me. It is just a warning giving us time to prepare.
There is evidence of these things happening now if you look for them. I was told to stay put; not to change locations. I am safest where I am for the time being. I trust I will know if I need to move my family. I know I will be safe and often times see a vision of myself standing in the middle of a hurricane-like storm of change. I stand in the eye, untouched in the calm, while chaos erupts around me.
I have been medicating my sleep with Benadryl so that I feel rested in the morning. However, for the last couple of days I have felt I should not take it. In this time I have come to understand why. I was missing dream messages and it was time to take notice.
The change in my sleep patterns is obvious. It goes like this: I struggle to fall asleep and when I do, I wake immediately after a dream. I fall asleep and the cycle continues. I woke about five times last night and each time from a vivid dream.
Eyes
In the past two night I have had dreams where I am fiddling with my eyes. In the first dream, I was putting in my contact lenses. One of the lenses was a large, pink pill the size of my eye! I saw it, thought it odd, but went ahead and inserted it into my eye. I blink and it dissolved into my eye and I went about my dream without issue.
In last night’s dream I took out my contacts because my eyes were dry and placed them into large, square dishes the two hands in length. A woman questioned me and I told her, “My eyes are dry, so I am giving them a break”. I later put them back into my eyes as I was leaving the scene of the dream.
Eyes symbolize enlightenment, understanding, subconscious, and awareness. They also indicate there is something that is being seen clearer than it may have been in the past. I seem to be playing with my awareness in my dreams – noting how I can choose to “see” or not see. The pill is interesting and in itself indicates restoration and healing. It is pink in color, representing love. In the dream I am inserting it into my right eye which indicates that I am accepting of healing of my physical self.
Manifestation
Another dream theme I am seeing involves exploring possibilities and manifesting desires. In one dream I allowed my husband to buy us a new house. He bought a mansion and inside I explored the rooms. He spent $410,000 on the house, which was twice what I thought we could afford but I shrugged it off. Inside the house there was a room that was elaborate with gold embellishments and a huge drum set that took up half the room. I remember thinking, “This room is not necessary”. The kitchen had small, shallow, black filing cabinets lined up inside it. I remember talking to my husband about the files we could put inside them.
When I woke from this dream I immediately thought, “I need to manifest what I want”. There was a feeling that I am too self-limiting when it comes to material things in life. It is time for me to allow myself to have more. This was what I was exploring in the above dream. It exposed my belief that having too much is excessive as represented by the room with the drums. The filing cabinets represent things I store or file away for use in life such as beliefs I hold on to.
Celebration
There is also a theme that indicates I have much to celebrate. In last night’s dream I was waiting in a doctor’s office to get my papers to go home. I was with a group and we were transferred to a room where there were people gathered to remember a passed loved one. There were images of the person who passed and everyone was grieving but I felt no grief for him as I watched images on a screen of his life. In the images the man was gutting his house and there were tubes all over the place. He died as a result. I recall feeling connected to him and happy for his successful transformation. We were then were led to another room and all let out a cheer together for our accomplishment.
When I woke from this dream the leg I had surgery on was covered in healing energy and I had a feeling that all was well.
As this day draws to an end I am finding myself contemplating my recent change in mood. I have been angry most of the day at my husband. What I began to realize, though, is that the anger I have been feeling is not real. It is like I have been mocking it up and putting energy into it. When I take time to inspect the anger it seems fake and hollow. It has no depth to it. In recognizing this, it vanished.
Interestingly this came with the thought: I am not anger. I am joy.
When I look back at times when I am calm, happy, peaceful or joyful, these emotions are not hollow. They are real.
Anger just feels untrue. It feels self-created.
It is Ego.
I feel quite satisfied with myself right now in my ability to spot this lack of truth and end it. In doing this, though, I ran into that crazy, strange alien feeling that I had not long ago when I went OOB while wide awake. The disconnect returned and with it came the calm.
I am not completely settled. My mind is too engrossed in what just happened and I need to take some time to settle it and stop trying to force understanding.
It just goes to show that the Ego may seem “under control” but it can rise up at anytime and throw your life out of balance.
It is experiences such as these that better familiarizes me with the Ego I have in this life. It is strange how separate I feel from this part of myself now.
I wanted to share something else with you all that I somehow forgot.
The other day while waking up, I awoke in communication with who I thought was my Council. I don’t remember now what I was saying but I recognized instantly that I was talking to my Self.
And I also recognized my Higher Self as female.
Ultimately the shock of it is what pulled me completely out of my light reverie. I silently celebrated for I have never, and I mean never, identified with this part of me as female. My Higher Self has always been male to me and I seemed always to reject the female aspect completely. When I thought about this sudden change I smiled. I no longer reject the female aspect of my Self! How wonderful!
I began to notice an energy shift a couple of days ago. At first it was subtle but it was affecting me. I felt “off”, like something wasn’t quite right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Yesterday the energy was even more noticeable and dense. It hung over me like a cloud and I recognized that the shift was coming in hard and fast. This morning I didn’t want to get out of bed and I my mood was sour. I have adjusted now, but it has been so long since I awoke in a sour mood that it surprised me.
On Restriction
Last night I requested more information on the energy shift I am perceiving. I also asked if I could go OOB, lucid dream, or at least have some sort of wonderful energy-bliss experience. Finally I asked to see my Council, since I had never seen them before.
I was told that the perceived shift was indeed real and that it was to continue for the remainder of this week. As for my request for some kind of spiritual or OOB experience, I was told, “Not for two weeks”. When I asked why, I was told, “Your body is in peril”.
When I heard the word “peril” I wondered if it meant death but immediately knew the definition here was “risk”. In contemplating why this would be, I knew that it was because my body was recovering from my recent surgery still and that what was needed now was rest and recuperation.
How odd that a simple surgery to close one vein could result in such a long period of rest. Yet there also was the knowing here that it is much more than just the surgery that is the cause of this need. The energy shift and the resulting reorganization of the energy structure of my body is also at fault. Dense energies such as these hit the lower chakras that hardest. These are the chakras that are the most blocked by upsets in life. For me the result is a bone-deep tiredness and fatigue mixed with a high mental energy and restlessness.
Golden Lights
I fell into a restless sleep, still requesting to go OOB. I received confirmation from my Council – “Your request will be considered”. This was enough for me as I have faith that my Council will do what they can to fulfill it.
I found myself in a very odd dream. In hindsight, it appears that the dream was odd because I would drift in and out of the in-between state, coming very close to achieving lucidity.
In the dream I was laying in my bed and there was someone with me. This person was nudging me and talking to me about “waking up” and kept telling me someone wanted to talk to me. This person was pointing and nudging and shaking me and I was vaguely aware of being in a gray, shifty environment. I would shrug off the nudging and say, “I want to sleep”. I could feel myself trying hard to wake up but I felt overcome with exhaustion.
At one point I spoke to this person, who by now seemed to have a feminine feeling about them. She was asking me, “Wouldn’t you like to talk to them?” and I responded, “I would like to talk to my Grandaddy”. I was flooded with images of my grandparents during this time. My arm was being pulled and I remember wanting to get up but also not wanting to.
Something about the conversation and the pulling sensation woke me up. When I came to I was in the midst of intense hypnagogic imagery and subtle vibrations. My vision was flooded with a golden mandala-like image that moved and seemed to breathe with life. It was quite beautiful and I noted that it contrasted with the black and white images that have been commonplace of late when I wake in such a state.
Recognizing that I should not focus on the images, I began to try and relax and fall into the vibrations. When I did this, I began to notice my heart pounding in my chest and immediately knew that this would be too distracting to allow me to leave my body. I ignored the heart pounding and looked through the moving mandala image. There I could see a golden, winding staircase. I willed myself toward it but I must have been trying too hard because the minute I did this the imagery disappeared and I was wide awake.
Not too upset over the missed opportunity I fell back to sleep into odd dreams. When I awoke in the morning, I was overcome with the sour mood. I immediately was hit with intense, calming energy that radiated over my entire body. When it hit my leg it was uncomfortable and it was obvious that the trauma from my surgery was causing it. I thanked my guides and sighed. Two weeks seems like such a long time. At least I got the hypnagogic images.
Living Life in Between 