Tag Archives: change

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Dream Message: Rebel, Rebel

Two nights in a row where I’ve been aware of Kundalini energy but not enough to make me lucid or wake me. The night before last I recalled it only after I awoke and then it was gone as soon as I remembered it. All I remember now is a flash of a man and a Knowing that he was working with me. 

Last night I recalled a bit more.

Dream: Rebel, Rebel 

There are flashes of memory to start. I am walking through a field when I’m stopped by someone. The minute he stops me the field turns into a large indoor space with other people inside. There are flashes of greenery around, like potted plants of the tropical kind. It feels warm and welcoming and there is a sense that the space is healing. I feel like I’m on vacation.

Then I recall seeing my friend. She has gifts, her arms filled with various crystals and spiritual items. Two of these items are presented to me separately, resting in the palm of one of her hands. They look like acorns; small, brown, round and wooden. On these wooden pieces I can see words. I read them aloud but only recall the latter word because the first is unfamiliar to me. I read, “Rebel”. 

The scene shifts and I am with an older woman. She is complaining that her right shoulder hurts. I move closer, apologizing if I make her uncomfortable. She says I do not and closes her eyes as I place my hands on her shoulder and provide healing. The man from earlier walks up to me and asks, “What are you doing?” I told him that I can see what is wrong with her shoulder, the tissues surrounding the shoulder joint have been torn. I tell him I am giving her healing. 

There is slight memory of the man asking me if he can help me. I stop healing the old woman and walk away with him. I understand that he wants to give me a massage. At first I hesitate because something about him feels “weird”, but he explains it won’t take long and there is a sense that I should listen and do what he asks.

The actual massage is lost to me now, I just know that it feels amazing! I think the man stops the massage but I’m not sure. He is then talking to me. I think he asks me about my experience. I told him, “I would like more. It feels wonderful!” There is slight memory of the feeling which is reminiscent of the Kundalini. 

We talk more. I think there are others with us but can’t remember. I only recall that I am being told about something important. I remember repeating what I am told. I say, “Rebel. Rebel.” When I say this, I recall the two wooden objects my friend gave me earlier in the dream. I say, “I saw this before but there was this other word, too.” Of course, I don’t remember the word now.

The word, “Rebel”, woke me up and I lay feeling that it was a warning of something to come. Was I going to be rebellious? 

Dream Interpretation

The field setting is symbolic of a healing location. The acorn is symbolic of the “seeds of change” and the word “rebel” is symbolic of that change. The old woman is likely a version of myself: The Crone. I am giving her healing, thus healing myself. The old woman’s shoulder could be symbolic of “shouldering too much”; carrying burdens that need to be laid down and relieved. The massage provided is healing on my energy body.

I do not know the significance of the the word “rebel” really, I can only speculate. Perhaps my rebellious nature is the seed for new growth and potential? When someone rebels, they are inciting change, usually for the better (depending on perspective). The change is a catalyst for growth.

I do have a tendency to try and ignore those things which bother or upset me. I do so for so long, though, that eventually the pressure within me builds and I explode. Sometimes I act spontaneously in ways that could be seen by others as rebellious and illogical. When the storm passes, I am left wondering, “WTF did I do?” But it is too late and I have to then manage the aftermath. Thankfully, in these instances in my life, these seemingly drastic moves lead to beneficial life change.

Dream: Chinese Movie Theater

The next dream is odd. The main memory I have of it is being led into a movie theater with others. It was in China and when we got inside the theater is crowded and most of the seats taken. The faces of the people in the theater are all Chinese. My group of seven chooses to sit on chairs in the isles for some reason. I remember it being explained that no matter where you sat in the theater you had 360° vision. 

The “movie” we were watching is lost to me. Instead, a story plays out in my mind as if I am being explained something. What I remember is being on an airplane with Donald Trump, who is president again. He has people gathered around him listening to him and asking questions. He is talking about China.

The last thing I recall before waking is looking at the face of a Chinese man who is sitting in a seat in front of me. His head is between the seats peaking out at me and he is smiling. He says something about being able to see the front like the back and the back like the front, confirming he can see whatever he chooses. This wakes me.

I lay in bed thinking of the Trump scenario. The first thing that comes to mind is the border wall and the continued illegal migration problem. My mind wanders to scenarios that could play out. The nation divided by political party. The border being extended in south Texas into the Atlantic ocean. Increased border security authorized to shoot sandbags and teargas at migrants trying to storm the border. The US passing a law that prohibits illegal migrants from suing the US or its legal residents. 

My mind shoots to the virus scare and its spread. I am reminded of an article I just read about 95% of Texas deaths from the virus being impacted by certain comorbidities with the top ones being: High blood pressure, Diabetes, and heart disease. I think of how 65% (maybe more) of the US population is overweight (BMI of 30+) and realize it is easy for a nation of unhealthy people to fear a virus and even easier for them to put the responsibility of their survival on the rest of the population rather than take responsibility themselves. Easier to take pills or vaccines. Easier to continue their unhealthy lifestyles and blame others when they get sick or unwell (or die). I become furious at how lazy people can be. Their lives depend on them changing their unhealthy habits yet they persist, preferring to take a pill or shot. All along, the pharmaceutical companies and those that support them are happy to provide their consumers with what they want – the “easy way out” – because it means more money in their deep pockets.

Is it a warning? Does it has anything to do with the previous dream message “rebel”? IDK. I have to put it out of my head to stay sane. 

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The World is Our Backyard

Yesterday I had an unexpected reaction to a video I was watching about the Ganges River in India. The video was about how a man quit his job to start an incense making business using flower waste from temples. 16% of the pollution in the Ganges comes from this flower waste. As the video came to an end, they showed an image of the river and gave stats on the progress of cleaning it up. 

I don’t remember my exact thought but it was something along the lines of: “Their backyard is my backyard. Our backyard is the world.” With this, I saw in my mind an image of the Ganges free of pollution, without cities crowding it’s banks, respected, honored and tended to by humans. I knew this was the future, though one beyond my lifetime, and I began to cry. I sobbed actually. It was a mixture of sadness and relief. Sadness at humanity’s indifference towards nature and relief that there is hope, that humans can and are changing, albeit slowly. 

I knew that the clean water and air of the future cannot be known to us in the present. We have grown so use to polluted that we would be shocked to smell truly clean, fresh air and clean water. We think we know, but we do not. Thankfully, my grandchildren will know. 

There was a guide close and I could hear her reaching out to me to calm me down and reassure me that all would be okay. I had a thought then about how in all this darkness, if we just keep in our minds a vision of what could be, we can and will create it. To be distracted by the present, by the darkness looming all around, is easy. It is harder to focus on what we want to create in the future and even harder to have faith in the potential of the human race for positive change. 

One of the hardest things for me to accept about this world is how humans treat it. Though I can easily pretend I don’t feel the grief at what I am witnessing and, sadly, am a part of, there are moments such as these where I become very aware of just how deeply I feel for this planet and its inhabitants. My heart aches but at the same time it rejoices. There are so, so many emotions swirling inside me that I struggle to not be overwhelmed, and oftentimes cannot help but be overtaken. I feel so small and insignificant in these moments, unable to exact the enormous change that is needed. I would, if I could, snap my fingers and wipe away all the damage that’s been done to this planet. To stand on the banks of that river and see it pure and magnificent again would bring me such joy, even though, for so long, I thought of places like India as “not my problem”. I see myself and humanity shifting slowly towards embracing every part o the planet as our “backyard”, accepting responsibility for all the neglect and abuse, and stepping up to create a better world.

It is clear to me that this moment in Earth’s history is monumental. It isn’t obvious just yet, but what humanity is going through and doing now is what will lead to a great healing and restoration of this planet and all its inhabitants. The hope and relief I felt at Knowing all is not lost was just what I needed. We are the change we need and we will succeed. 

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Irruption Imminent

Strange title for my post, but it will make sense soon enough. When I wrote the title I was thinking, “Eruption”, like a volcano, but an altogether different word resulted. A word I had to look up because I needed to know WHY I wrote it.

Definition – a breaking or bursting in; a violent incursion or invasion.

Well, isn’t that significant in and of itself? Think about it.

High Emotion

For me, personally, it is an emotionally intense time right now. I have been experiencing high emotion for a while (all of 2020 actually) but now the emotion appears to be pointing me toward taking action in my life. At first it was saying, “Here. Look at this.” It didn’t ask me to do anything. It just asked me to observe. Now it appears to be saying, “Now that you have observed, what are you going to do about it?”

I have already written a bit about the emotion I am experiencing. My family life has been the main source ALL YEAR. It is no joke now, though, as the issues are on my front door step and knocking. There is no ignoring that! It is one thing to have a sister near death because of a hidden Meth addiction and another to discover your own husband has revealed a secret just as destructive!

BTW my sister is healed and well except that there is evidence that she is using again. But we all kinda knew that would happen.

Then there is this damned election. I have my views and have shared some of my frustration. As a 6/2, Self-Projected Projector, I see and Know so much of the bigger picture, but if I don’t wait to be invited to share my wisdom then what I say either goes unheard or is met with much worse. I become an easy target when I share without being invited and after a lifetime of being shunned, attacked, and made invisible because I did not follow my authority and wait, I am not going to even attempt to say anymore about where this is all headed. I think the premonitions and insight I have already revealed tell the story well enough – well to those who wanted to hear anyway.

Then there are incidents like this:

Dream: Paralyzed Girl

I am in a house with two very strong-willed woman. There is a knock on the door. When the door is opened there is a small child laying on a cot at the door. She is tied to the cot and uses her tiny arms to wheel herself around. She has sores on her body and is very thin and malnourished. Her legs are shriveled and deformed. The girl asked the women if they would take a moment to talk with her about God. The women laugh hysterically at the girl, mock her and slam the door in her face. 

I feel for the girl and so open the door. I lean down and talk with her, asking her if she needs help getting home. The girl, who is struggling with her wheeled cot, is grateful and lets me assist her over some difficult terrain. 

When I get her over the rocky soil I see she has a much more difficult road ahead. The path goes through a canyon that is riddled with more jagged rocks, a stream and more treacherous terrain. I pick the girl and her cot up and carry her home.

When we get to the end of the canyon there is a large door. I know it is the place she calls home but that it is a convent full of nuns who do not treat her well. Yet it is the only place she knows to be home and it is her safe place. I trigger a latch that swings open a small gate to access the door. The girl then points back to the path and says, “My cot!” Realizing we dropped it along the way I go back to retrieve it but I walk along the ridge. Looking down I see the girl swimming through the stream like a fish. She finds her cot and then cannot move using the cot as the wheels catch on the rocks.

I go down to help and she is grateful. She seems to have more strength and is a bit older. Yet she is still pale and malnourished. When I see her I ask her, “Can I?….” My intent is to give her healing. Maybe if I give her some of my energy it will help her? When I hug her close to me, she is so tiny in my arms. I feel her energy and take it into my own, willing my energy to fill her with strength. When I do this I am overwhelmed with grief at the unfairness of it all. My heart aches. The energy of the girl feels to become the energy of all who have ever been in her shoes. It is too much for me to bear. I begin to sob and wake up. 

When I wake up the tears continue and my heart aches, literally. There is an energetic heat in my chest. It is familiar. I have felt to take on all of humanity’s past hurt before. I think it was the Fall of 2016 when I has incidences similar to this. One was with Native Americans and the other with Autistic children. This time it seemed to be unwanted, neglected children.

I had to sit up and walk around a bit because the grief was so intense. Thankfully, it subsided quickly. These incidents always leave me feeling so small and insignificant. I want to help but feel unable to. There is nothing worse than having a purpose “to help” but not being able to help in the capacity that is needed.

After a short while the emotion returned and I grieved some more. The grief felt to have no specific origin. It just poured out of me. I sat up in bed and allowed the purge to run its course. 

And then like this:

Dream: Lacing Sandals 

I somehow drifted back to sleep. I was in my mom’s garage. She was asking me to go to the store for her and pick up some groceries (spiritual nourishment). She handed me a list. As I got into her car a man was there. He was very tall. He got into the back seat, his legs taking up the entire space. I said, “Are you going?” He just looked at me. Taking this as a “yes”, I left. I said something about driving in the dark and how it would be okay.

When we arrived at the store I went about my shopping and the man went off on his own. I encountered some people while shopping. Most were men who would watch me and sometimes follow me and touch me. I remember one man grabbed my wrist suddenly as if to pull me toward him in a sexual way. I said something to him warning him to not touch me and he let go. It felt like all the men in the store were after me for sex and I began to feel uneasy.

Then I am with an older gentleman sitting in seats as if watching a show but there is no screen or TV. He is asking me questions and I am holding the soles of two sandals (my foundations). I pick up tubing and begin to lace the left sandal. I have extra tubing that I cut off and then tie a knot to finish the sandal. I hold it up and admire my work. Then I pick up the right shoe and begin to lace it as well.

The man is asking me what I think of a dating a man who plays football. I remember replying to him, “I don’t know. I have never dated a man who liked football. I guess it wouldn’t matter, though.” I notice that the tubing I am using to lace the left sandal is becoming very thin, almost to the point where it could break. I continue to lace it, though, and tie it in a knot like the other shoe. As I am lacing and talking an energy is moving through me and my second chakra becomes highly active. I remember thinking in the moment the energy began to rise that I wouldn’t mind a male partner to have sex with. lol 

The tubing of the right shoe I am holding begins to interest me as the energy circulates. I recognize that the dream is covering a deeper, subconscious interaction. I am receiving an energetic adjustment of some kind. The adjustment is to the right portion of the pranic flow (Pingala). 

Question: Should I Burn the Bridge?

And finally, there is the feeling of just being FED UP! I am in that space where everything that I have ever disagreed with or felt to be bullied into needs to GO! All the things my husband bullied me into, guilted me into, manipulated me into, etc., I am questioning now. I wake up with it on my mind. This morning I woke thinking about what I told myself in a dream the other night, “Start something meaningful and sustainable.” I keep thinking, “What does that look like for me? What is it?” I have no idea. 

I’m not angry. No. It is a different feeling. Shocked is a better word I think. I was shocked to learn my sister was a Meth addict, but this shock is at myself and something I have allowed into my life that is directly opposed to my core Being! WTF!? And now I am so enmeshed in it that to untangle myself could in itself be traumatic.

The feeling has me wanting to make decisions that could lead to the burning of one or more bridges. My main struggle is that making a decision to burn a bridge is so final. I need to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons. I need to make sure I understand the consequences.

My spontaneity might win out, though.

A good example of how I feel……

I have a pattern in my life I fought for a long while, until I stopped. I use to job hop. I would stay in a job until I got bored, usually 6 months to a year – and then quit. I would quit because I would get this feeling like an itch almost. It said, “Get out. Get out. Get out.” If I ignored it, I would end up feeling penned in, trapped, and resentful.

This pattern of job hopping was fine when I was single but when I got married and had children it became stressful because of all the responsibilities I had as a provider. So I decided to stick out a job that I wanted to leave. I did it for 10 years! I was elated that I could do it at first. But then it became very, very obvious why I felt the way I did. Slowly it revealed itself. The job was toxic. The people were toxic. I couldn’t sleep. I was depressed. Miserable. Every cell of my Being was screaming to get out.

So, I finally did, and then, lol, the next job I was at only 5 months and the next only 1 year. But guess what? Neither ever became toxic.

I know now that job-hopping was a result of following my authority. The only reason I stayed at that toxic place is because all the people I knew (Generators) were staying in jobs for years and years. Happy. Satisfied. My husband encouraged me to stay. So did my Mom (both Manifesting Generators). I thought, “Something must be wrong with me.”

No, nothing was or is wrong with me.

So that itch is back but it feels to be everywhere now. My job feels itchy. My marriage feels itchy. Some of my family feels itchy (not my children).

The show Stranger Things comes to mind and that big, black, monster – Mind Flayer/Shadow Monster – with tendrils likes snakes eating up the Light in its attempt to turn everything Upside Down.

Upside Down. That is what my life feels like. Question is, do I act on this itch or do I wait until I can act without creating a scene of mass destruction….or is mass destruction even avoidable?

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Broken Treadmill

I was awakened at 1am by two screaming children. My husband was sick with a cold and could not help. I ended up not being able to return to sleep for some time afterward. I am not sure when I fell asleep but I finally did.

Suicidal Student

I had a dream about a young, African American man. He was 21 but still in high school. He had a bad reputation and everyone, even the teachers, let him get away with pretty much everything because they were afraid of him. He did not do “bad” things really but did play jokes and act foolishly, often teasing others or pushing the limits to see what he could get away with. I was an administrator who witnessed him pushing the limits in a negative way. He was doing things that we very inappropriate for school and I called him on it and then sent him to the principal, which had never happened to him. He was sent back to class without any punishment but I made sure to continue to hold him accountable. The other students at first did not stand up to him, but eventually they did.

Eventually the classroom environment shifted to a parking lot and the student was in a black car. The scene was very dark and it was not easy to see. The student appeared out of character and I knew he needed help. I was searching for him and telling the other students to find him. I remember telling them, “You notice how wide eyed and frantic he was? He overdosed on some drug. He is spinning out of control and going to kill himself”. I recognized that me setting boundaries for him pushed him into a zone he could not handle and that he was trying to escape the confusion it caused him. He had never had boundaries, though he wanted them badly because they showed that others cared about him. I identified a part of myself in him.

I suddenly wanted to save him from himself and got the other student to help me. We cornered him, even though he attempted to drive through us, damaging several cars. In the end, though, I was able to stop him from destroying himself. I felt compassion for him rather than contempt. I wanted to help him move past his fear of himself.

Broken Treadmill

The scene remained dark but the story changed. The student was still involved but instead of being suicidal he was now fessing up to the bad things he had done. He had damaged my treadmill and I was attempting to fix it. My husband was there and tinkered with it, asking me to try it out. I raised the incline and turned it to speed 2. The treadmill lurched and the belt began to move at a very high speed, much faster than the 2mph it was set to. I stepped back and watched as the belt began to bunch up and then buckled. The treadmill made a loud noise and I quickly turned it off. It was broken.

I discussed my options with someone who I did not see in the dream. It was a female and I suspect she is one of my guides. I told her I could 1. Replace the treadmill with a new or used one, 2. Run outside and not buy a new treadmill (this one my husband would prefer) or 3. Attempt to fix my current treadmill. I seemed to like option #3 but I remember putting quite a bit of thought into what I could do.

I got onto the treadmill again hoping that it had miraculously fixed itself. At first it seemed to be working but it began to lurch and make odd noises again, so I got off very quickly and saw that the belt was beginning to move very fast and starting to buckle again. The treadmill was shot and there was nothing I could do. I had to make a decision. What would I do?

As I began to wake up, I heard a woman’s voice call me by my name but something was wrong about it. The last name was “Cook”. It perplexed me. Why was she giving me that last name? Did that indicate that I would one day have a new last name? The thought of that had me worried. Was I going to one day be married again?

Reflection

I awoke and thought about my dreams for some time. The first dream was uplifting even though the characters in it seemed dark and depressing. I believe the young man represented not only my past but also myself in many ways. I recognized myself in him during the dream and attempted to save him. I successfully “saved” him in the end, finding compassion for him (myself) which indicates I have come to a point in my own spiritual progress where I am beginning to be compassionate toward myself. This is HUGE for me because I am very self-critical.

The second dream was the most vivid and reminded me of a recent OBE I had where I was talking to one of my neighbors about her treadmill. She was selling it and I told her I didn’t need it but that mine was old. I looked up the symbolism of treadmill and found that it means one is “stuck in an old routine” and not making progress. It indicates change is needed for progress to be made. This symbolism seems applicable to my dream and the choices I was having to make about whether I would replace the treadmill or not. The fact that the treadmill was breaking/broken indicates I am recognizing the need for change.

I never made a decision in the dream but did seem interested in the option to buy a new one or fix it. I was not as interested in the option of not replacing it and just running outside. This suggests that there is something in my routine I desire to keep.