Follow Your Beingness

The following is an excerpt from my personal journal from November 8th. It is what preceded the post called “I Finally Feel it”.

Couldn’t return to sleep for thoughts of “what if” but, seeing it as an opportunity, decided to work on mindfulness while I waited for the sun to rise.

I found it helpful and my heartrate stayed lower. If I began thinking of negative things I would redirect myself either purposefully thinking of positive things to better manifest what I wanted or focusing on my breathing and body. Once settled, my mind was pulled to the previous day.

It occurred to me yesterday (Nov. 7) after watching an NDE account that it would serve me best to focus on doing things based upon a heart centered approach. When I considered what that meant, I had to confront the conditioning related to this idea. Heart centered has been conveyed as all Love and Light, which is, honestly, BS. This is dualism at its best. Love and Light is wonderful but who defines what that is? If I know anything after some 49 years of life so far, I have learned “right” and “wrong” is not clear cut. What one believes is right another may not. Rightness is a decision made by the individual. This decision is based upon conditioning. This conditioning runs deep. 

So when someone says to “listen to your heart” what does that even mean? I think most people believe it means “listen to your feelings”, but that is a trap. Feelings are subject to change and prone to reactivity. So what about making decisions based upon love? Well, what is love, really? The definition itself is so vague that some people spend their wholes lives trying to figure it out. Is it a feeling? Is it an urge? Is it lust? Is it belonging? What I have learned via my STE’s is that love is not at all what humans believe it to be. Humans decide what love is to them – usually that which makes them feel good. Good being, typically, a dopamine rush to the brain. Dopamine rushes are based upon conditioning, also. So one person may feel a rush when they hug another person while another might feel it when they go on a hunt and shoot and kill an animal. Would you define the former as love? The latter? 

The reality is BOTH are love. ALL of this experience, all of who we are is love. Love isn’t an emotion it is a Beingness. It is us in all our glory, “the good, the bad and the ugly” as the saying goes.

So, to advise someone to follow their heart in reality means “follow your Beingness”. 

When we follow our Beingness it may contradict another’s Beingness, or seem to anyway. Then we beat ourselves up, feel guilt, feel upset, feel – well we feel. All of these feelings are part of our conditioning. They were put there purposefully by us via our life experiences to help us learn. When we cross over, all this conditioning vanishes, and all we are is love (Beingness). All the feelings we had as humans vanish because they are part of the human condition. In Spirit those feelings are there as memories and are not individuated. In fact, those in Spirit who I have communicated with appear to me to be devoid of feeling. It can make a human witness to this very uncomfortable and did when I first began communicating with Spirit guides. Why didn’t they care!? Were they robots? No. They’re not human

All of the above came to me when considering my issues with my ex and the things that kept me anchored to him (cords as some call them) in this lifetime. I am choosing to stay anchored to him and it is my choice to detach. Upon inspection I found that mostly I am making this choice unconsciously – out of habit and also out of resistance to change. Habit is pretty easy to fix. Resistance is more difficult. My resistance arises from not looking for the alternatives out of fear mostly, fear of not being in control. This is part of my conditioning. Many of us humans have it. We believe we have control as part of this illusion, but we do not. For me this has been one of my most challenging lessons in life. I have to be very aware of my thoughts to notice just how fearful I am. The only solution is mindfulness and making effort to stay present in the moment. Fear is the direct result of being human and having to survive in order to remain alive (in a body). It is instinctual and a biological impulse. 

So when my guides advise me to “Look” (common advice from them) they are asking me to look for the possibilities that exist outside my fearful mindset because when you drop the fear, suddenly you can see a path that wasn’t there before. “Allow” is also common advice from my guidance and allowing comes with remaining in the present and moving with instead of against the flow of ones Beingness. 

This morning when my mind wandered to things that were not helpful I was reminded of the above. Keeping my mind clear allowed me to connect to myself, my Beingness, and the more I can do this, the more I will continue upon the correct path for myself. “Correct” being what I planned prior to this life. And yes it might involve me doing things that others might view as “bad” or “nonoptimal” or “selfish” or whatever judgment you want to apply. As long as it holds true to my Beingness, then it is correct for me and correct for those I agreed to help in this lifetime via previous agreements (contracts) with them.

Honestly, it is simple. Stop worrying, stop over thinking, quiet your mind, and follow your Beingness. 

Lucid Sphere

Just a short dream experience to share from last night.

Prior to bed I had a pretty bad headache which was brought on by a massive, emotional purge (I’ll spare you the details). I opted not to take anything for it, hoping sleep would make it better. When I focused on the energy that was the pain I could detect a small circle, about the size of a quarter, at the very top (crown) of my head where there was no pain, just a tingling. Unfortunately the pain was too distracting for me to tune in for long. In fact, it seemed only to get worse. It kept waking me up and, at one point, I thought I might need to go to the ER. Just as I had that thought, the pain subsided. Ha!

But anyway, on to the lucid sphere visit I had.

About an hour into sleep, during a period in which I thought I was awake because the dream I was having was in my bedroom, I had a lucid moment. I had been bringing some things into my space but I don’t remember what. I only remember hauling them one by one. At some point my vision came on very clearly and I could see the ceiling of my bedroom. In the darkness I saw a shape take form. It came out of the ceiling like a mist and formed into a solid sphere not much bigger than my fist. Surprised, I focused on it and thought for sure there was an entity in my bedroom (remember I think I’m awake). As soon as I had that thought the sphere zoomed straight towards me. Before it made contact I jolted awake, breathing heavy from the shock of it. 

Afterwards it took me a while to figure out what happened because I still thought it all happened when I was awake. I looked around my room for any sign of the sphere. This is when I realized I had been OOB because the memory of the sphere was so very different than the darkness in my room. The sphere and the space it was in was outlined in light and the blackness was more of a blue hue than it is in reality. 

Around this point is when I heard a voice say, “Lux”. There was another word with it but I forgot it because I knew immediately that lux = light. The voice was telling me about my Light.

Thoughts

I don’t have many lucid dreams or OBEs these days. In fact, my dream recall has been shit. When I do happen to remember or have a lucid-type experience, inevitably I am being hit! This is just the most recent in a long string of being attacked by an object! The most common attack is by a tree (lol) but this sphere, now that is interesting! I can still see it vividly – a grey, perfectly symmetrical sphere with a slight, glowing outline to it spinning like a planet. And I truly thought I was awake and being visited by Spirit or an E.T. LOL I am sure my guides are getting a good laugh.

So, if I keep getting beat up in my dreams/experiences, and it is continuing to happen, then I haven’t figured out the message or I haven’t done what I need to do yet. Hmmmm. And here I thought it was just a way to wake me up.

I would really like to have an OBE again and NOT be beat up. Sigh.

Lucid Dreaming Course Notes

Last week I started a lucid dreaming course. Normally I wouldn’t bother but the course kept coming up and I figured, “Why not? Maybe I will learn something new? If anything it will be a good reminder.”

The following are points that apply to me. There is much more content, of course, but these are the most applicable to my current situation.

1. It is not recommended to attempt lucid dreaming if you are depressed or frequently experience moments in waking reality that seem dream-like. 

2. Older people tend to have less emotional energy and therefore have to work harder to lucid dream. He gave an example of how senior citizens don’t see the point and struggle to find motivation to even try while young people are excited to try. He suggested that older people try to get more positive and focus on maintaining positive, higher energy to take with them into dreamtime.

3. You need a goal when you dream. Going into a lucid dream without a goal is not enough to sustain it.

With number 1, I am definitely depressed, and this fits into my realization that the reason I’m not having experiences (OBEs, lucid dreams, Kundalini, anything at all) is because I am so disinterested in life and pretty much everything. Lack of interest in the waking world has seeped into all other areas. Long ago I decided I didn’t care about dreams anymore and no longer paid attention to them. My husband also told me that “no one cares about my dreams” and he doesn’t understand why I spend so much time writing about them in my blog (ugh).

I got into the habit of waking, recalling the dream and thinking, “It doesn’t matter” and going back to sleep. Of course I then forget the dream. Sometimes I will still remember, but not usually. And it is frequent that I look around me and think of waking reality as unreal and dreamlike. I don’t hallucinate or have any confusing experiences but the dreamlike quality of life is real to me. However, I’ve always been this way and it did not pose a problem in the past except maybe at one point I had to deliberately stop going OOB because I was having confusing waking experiences.

With number 2, now that I am in my 40s I have noticed that my sleep cycle has changed. I sleep much more deeply and when I wake up in the night the heavy feeling and grogginess pulls me quickly back into sleep. Even when I do have slight awareness in dreams I end up feeling so very heavy that I actually choose to return to that oblivion rather than take advantage of the awareness and lucid dream. So, if this translates to emotional energy level, then I can relate. 

For number 3, I frequently run into the issue of having no goal or direction. I enter a lucid dream or OBE and have no idea of what to do. I feel like I’ve done it all and when I ask to be shown things, I get nowhere. So, I go explore and end up finding restrictions such as windows I can’t go through, solid walls and objects, and find places/environments that really don’t interest me. It feels like physical waking reality and since I’m not interested in that then it translates to no interest in astral or lucid states.

Creating a Dreamsign

In the course, one assignment was to find a dreamsign to use to help bring lucidity in a dream. The sign should make you pause and think in a dream, thus bringing on lucidity. It took me no time to figure out what mine was – a cat. Not only do I not like them but when I see them I am immediately curious as to why they are there. Sometimes there is a group of them chasing me or at other times they are bedraggled and sickly. No matter what I always wake up with memory of them.

I didn’t think much when I set the intention before bed. I said that I would see an orange cat and wake up in the dream (I used the wrong words and this is important). Well, the first dream I had there was an orange cat. I remember thinking, “A cat!” and then I woke up immediately and with a start. lol

So, the wording is important and in this case it caused me to wake up. I should’ve said, “When I see a cat it will bring increased awareness” or “When I see a cat I will know I’m dreaming”. Sigh.

I’m pretty sure another one of my dreamsigns is that I receive a message, either written or spoken, in a dream. I have worked hard to remain in the dream to receive the full message. In the past it would wake me immediately.

It is frustrating to me that I either wake up too fast or choose to sink deeper into unconsciousness. This is a clue to what is happening in my waking reality. When I’ve looked more closely at why this is, I realize that it all started around 2018 as the result of two unpleasant experiences related to the Kundalini. Both I’ve written about in this blog. One is the heart connection and the other is a subsequent connection that involved the lower four chakras and had no heart chakra involvement. The second experience was similarly upsetting and disappointing but did not devastate me like the first.

If I look even closer I realize that these experiences caused me to feel betrayed by my HS, the Universe, All That Is. It made me feel like a pawn. I was played. I don’t like feeling like a fool, and that is exactly how I felt after these experiences. And to my betrayed mind, because both were preceded by dream encounters, I opted to dull that part of myself so as to not get fooled again. I also consciously asked for my heart to close where it had once been open. I figured if my heart isn’t open then it can’t be decimated.

My early spiritual experiences came easily because I had no biases, beliefs or previous experiences. I was a blank canvas, naïve and open to anything new and exciting. Often my guidance would show me this in OBEs. For example, one time I ran naked towards a familiar guide and he took a white, circular table cloth and covered my nakedness. This came with a warning that it wasn’t wise to be so open. Nakedness = vulnerability. He was, of course, correct, and I got burned.  

So far the course has been helpful in that it has shown me why I am having an extended dry spell. Still, I don’t have high hopes that much will change. I am keeping a written dream journal by my bed and forcing myself to write notes so that I recall more. I am setting intentions and following the suggestions in the course. If anything, it is a good reminder and gives me something to do. 

Here is a link to the course I am taking if you are interested.

Stepping Up…for Real This Time

These requests come from within only every once in a while. I’ve felt them a few times but I can’t say I have answered the Call the way I should. I feel that I have fallen short each time, never quite fully devoted to what I signed up for.

My dreams are indicating it is time to shift from healing self to healing humanity; from individualized healing to universal/collective healing. Messages and syncs line up with this message as well. Time to grow. Time to expand.

Of course, healing self is healing humanity, but this is at the micro level really. We can only spend so much time on the self. Eventually we have to step beyond the ME to the US.

The messages come through in my dreams as me being encouraged to renovate another house, one that is not mine (as in my own self/path) but one that is shared – a communal  living situation (Earth/Humanity/the Collective). I am resistant, however, citing all sorts of reasons, primarily my children, for why I have been absent from the community for so long. It is my Home after all, but I stay away, clinging to my lingering attachments and responsibilities. The message that assisting the collective is also assisting my family seems to go completely over my head. I am hesitant and overly concerned about losing that which I have created in this lifetime.

But mostly there is a sense of the unknown and the typical fear that goes with it. The growth ahead is magnificent beyond compare. There is freedom written all over it. But do I really want that kind of freedom? At what cost?

The word “maturity” has been an almost constant for me as well. Anytime I seek to explain the transformation I recently went through – my own personal “event” –  the word “mature” comes to mind as a descriptor. My guidance doesn’t tell me this….I KNOW it. Yet what does it even mean? That I was a baby and now I’m “all grown up?”

The symbolism was present prior to the “event” – a bird being kicked out of the nest, forced to use it’s wings to fly; the butterfly emerging from the cocoon, wings still wet and unable yet to fly, patiently waiting for the right moment to take flight. These symbols stating unequivocally that at some point I would have to fly and no one was going to help me – no one could.  I have within me the means, the instinct (intuition) to fly, I just need to Remember it.

For days now I have awakened to a song. Only recently did I take the time to really inspect the lyrics to find out what it was telling me.

At first I thought the song was describing a relationship dilemma. Then, I thought perhaps it was about my Higher Self asking me to not ignore my relationship with mySelf. But now, I realize the message is much more than that. It goes beyond me, myself and I. It asks me to embrace the greater connection, the connection with ALL that IS; thus embracing my connection as being One with humanity, with the collective, with everyone and everything.

Only this morning did I contact the fear that is linked to my resistance. The fear is that I will be devoured by the connection to Source, to cease to exist as Me somehow. Ego is still there, clinging to the last remnants of what makes me, me. Separation, individuality, is familiar and comfortable. Safe.

There is also the fear of what it means to embrace the feeling. It is ginormous. It is compelling in its magnitude. To accept it means I no longer live in a bubble, inside my little me world, ignoring the We world.

My dreams also indicate that I am listening. The hesitation will not be long-lasting. I know what awaits me. I’ve been there. Jumped in head first. I only hesitate because I am aware of my very human tendencies that seek pleasure over pain. My fear stems from worry that I will fall prey to those tendencies again and be unable to control myself. My past experiences say, “Don’t go there. Remember what happened?”

My heart says this will be different. How? I’m unsure but I touched on the difference for only a moment this morning before my human alarms went off, pulling me out of the dreamstate in a panicked frenzy of, “Oh no you don’t!” lol The Kundalini stirring in ways unfamiliar yet familiar at the same time. But the peace, the utter bliss of connection very obvious. The message clear, “Trust. Love. Acceptance. Warmth” and most of all “Peace.”

How I can go from full acceptance to resistance almost over night is beyond me but I know it is purposeful. I need to observe this part of myself right now. I need to see the remaining resistance so that I can Love and accept it, pull it close and hug it away. But most of all, I need to accept that this Universal Love is real and goes beyond just one connection or two. It is ALL connection and we don’t just reserve it for a special few. Until I can embrace this reality, I cannot fulfill my mission. Humanity is shifting and I must shift with it. One day we will all feel connected to each other like I am now feeling connected to a mere few.

To give you an idea of what I mean, I will share a vision I received a couple of weeks ago. I was considering my past “addiction” to cigarettes and realized it was not the nicotine that kept me smoking but the consideration that in some messed up way smoking equated to feeling a connection to others; a belonging that I didn’t feel otherwise. Because when I smoked it was in social situations, when I felt accepted and part of a group even if only for a moment.

I was able to see also how all those who smoked with me felt like me. Separate. Alone. Seeking but unable to find. How similar we all are, I thought.

Then I was shown how this looked from a Higher perspective. I saw millions of pupa-looking cocoons each representing humans. Each pupa was surrounded in a shell separating them from the others. They were right next to each other but never could sense the other because their protective shells kept them apart.

Then a “wave” came over them and their shells burst open at the tops. Suddenly, everyone of them could sense the other. Their separation ended. Each could feel and sense the other as if they were them. They became as One but also separate. This, I was told, is what is happening to humanity. It is beyond telepathy. It is Oneness.

It’s the start of us, waking up, come on
Are you ready? I’ll be ready
I don’t want control, I want to let go
Are you ready? I’ll be ready
Cause now it’s time to let them know
We are ready

 

 

2 OBE’s and Informative Links

Two OBEs to share and some considerations, also.

OBE: Crocodiles in the Water

Woke at 5:30am and rolled back over feeling a bit sad that I had not had any lucid dreams or OBEs in quite some time. I even requested it two nights in a row with no success which is unusual. I have been very tired lately and sleeping for 9-11 hours a night. So, I figured I must just be too tired.

Within seconds (or so it seemed) of rolling over to return to sleep something alerted me to a shift in vibration, though I do not recall feeling any vibrations. I rolled out of my sleeping body and stood up. My vision was full-on, vivid and sharp and I was not in my bedroom. I was in the living room of what appeared to be a small house with white, lace curtains. I could see the front door and the adjacent window. Sunlight was streaming through the lace hitting a potted ivy plant sitting on a table.

I believe I had been laying on a sofa in the room but didn’t turn to look. My intent was to go out the door and get away from my sleeping body. I felt a bit unsteady in my astral form as if I would lose the OBE if I lingered or stopped to survey the scene. I talked to myself to get more stability but I can’t remember what I said now.

When I reached the front door I went to grab the door knob and thought to try and move through it instead. I met a solid surface so opened the door as normal and floated/walked through. Outside was beautiful and resembled a city park. There was a long walkway through green, manicured lawns with shrubbery out in front of me. To my left was a large, slow-flowing creek or small river. The waters were muddy and sluggish as if there had recently been a storm. Beyond the river to my far left were tall trees through which I could not see beyond for the thick undergrowth.

I went down the few steps from the stoop and did not hesitate to head toward the river/creek. For some reason I wanted to go straight into the muddy water. I jumped in right away and felt the cold water surround me. I never went all the way under, though. The water was only waist deep.

Once in the water I felt a strong current that from the surface was not noticeable. I looked to my right and thought, “There are crocodiles in this water. I better get out fast.” There was no fear with this thought only intent to exit the water. I never saw a crocodile. Note: Crocodiles symbolize some aspect of self I am avoiding. Muddy water is muddied emotion.

As I crawled up the side of the embankment onto the leaves and underbrush of the forest beyond I swear someone reached down to give me their hand and help me up. Yet I can’t recall seeing anyone just feeling support being offered by a male presence. Out of the water I stood and looked into the forest. My thoughts then were, “I don’t know what to do next.” I felt apathy hit me and became heavy, losing my astral sight and settling immediately into my sleeping body. Note: My apathy and not knowing what to do mirrors my physical life.

OBE: Friends

Once in my body I exited again but with less lucidity than the exit before. I could not see and once again felt someone was with me. I spoke to myself to get more stability and recall saying, “I can’t see. I need to see.” As I said those words my vision came on slowly and I could see my own eyelids slowly fade as my vision turned on. It was a really cool experience and I remember saying, “Oh yeah, I see through closed eyes here. Vision isn’t the same.” It was as if I had to remind myself of how things worked.

This time I was inside a house with several others who I seemed to know. We interacted for the entire OBE but I have since forgotten pretty much everything. I do know there was a very tall woman who was the focus of my attention. She towered above me and the others by at least a foot. I was aware of my “other” life while with these people but again can’t remember it.

The reason I can’t recall it clearly is because I entered into several lucid dreams after this last OBE, one right after the other and each with less and less lucidity. I woke briefly at one point but was too groggy to bother trying to remember the OBEs and dreams. I was also disappointed at how uneventful the two OBEs were. They seemed so boring and pointless so why try to remember them?

Difference Between OBE and Lucid Dream

Only recently have I been more intent on having more OBEs and lucid dreams. This is in part due to seeing so many of my online friends posting about their experiences. Some of them have OBEs almost daily! I use to have frequent OBEs but this year my stats have dropped significantly.

A few days ago someone shared a link that caught my attention. It was to an article about the difference between OBEs and lucid dreams. After reading it my feelings were mixed because for me the differences are not so cut and dry.

If I use the list at the end of the article to define the above experiences then I believe they qualify as OBEs:

Stable environment
Environment not under my control
Expectations did not affect the environment
Eyesight was vivid, vibrant; I could feel with my mind (this is always the case with me, though).
Body image – unknown, I did not care if I had a body or not
I was bored (seems to be big indicator of OBE)
Didn’t see my body but again, didn’t care
No sexual encounter

Most of my OBEs are transitions from lucid dreams, which is also mentioned as a possibility by the author (the fourth state).

I think that the list should include that the experiencer is aware of shifting out of their physical body with or without the presence of vibrations. For me, this is the #1 indicator that I was OOB because I am conscious of leaving or re-entering my physical body. In the case of it beginning as a lucid dream and shifting to an OBE I may not be aware of leaving my physical body in the beginning but but in the end I am conscious of re-entry. I also believe one can begin an experience as an OBE and then lose awareness and shift into a lucid dream.

Anyway, back to my renewed interest in OBEs…..

A friend posted a link to this website and I spent some time reviewing some of the articles. It occurred to me that if I could go OOB more that I could observe some of the same things the author of this site has observed. In fact, I already have. I know, though, that I need more uninterrupted time and more sleep to be able to go OOB as frequently as I would need to. I just don’t have that right now and it will likely be many years before I do.

I recommend you visit the above site as it has many useful article about consciousness, OBEs, lucid dreams and multidimensional states.

 

 

 

 

 

The Ever-Evolving Tapestry of Experience

I should probably post this in my other blog but I didn’t want to neglect everyone who follows this one. I encourage you to follow my other blog if you have not already because my focus is being pulled toward the new one completely. As those of you know who have reached this same point in your journey, resistance is futile. lol

I wanted to share with you a bit of the knowledge that I received in the night.

I was awakened at 9:30pm. I could not remember any of my dreams and I felt I had slept all of the night but it had only been about an hour, maybe less. How strange to feel so much time had passed!

Slightly disoriented, one of my guides seemed almost to “push” upon my energy. It was a nudge of sorts and focused on my third-eye and crown. When he did this I had instant recollection of something quite awe inspiring.

I saw very clearly what I knew to be the Tapestry of Experience. Yet, it looked nothing like any tapestry I have ever seen! It was made of energy. The energy wove together and moved, ever-changing. It was alive and pulsating and strands of it dangled here and there. These “dangling” threads were quickly “sewn” in with the rest and I knew this was a job not taken lightly. I also knew this had once been my job. I “tied up” those loose ends and reintegrated them into this energy fabric.

These loose ends, pieces that dangled haphazardly from the Tapestry were reintegrated by being reborn. Each thread, each piece of living energy/light was a lifetime of experience.

The Tapestry was magnificently long. It stretched beyond my line of sight and it constantly moved, swaying as if it were blowing in the cosmic wind.

As I absorbed this memory, I recalled moving farther away from this Tapestry and viewing it from a distance. I saw then that it was not a tapestry at all. It was the very building blocks of life! I saw strands of DNA. A double helix, twisting and turning, the rungs of its ladders shimmering and sparkling as if covered with diamonds.

In awe, I did not know why I was being shown this glorious memory of something far greater than I; something that is beyond my ability to comprehend. Yet, at a deeper level, I understood it completely. It made total sense to me.

Every decision we make, every lifetime we live, every connection we make – it is all recorded in this Tapestry and it is all US. As we Experience, we Evolve. Interconnected in the very fabric of the universe.

Chapter 12

As you know, I’ve been reading Dolores Cannons’ Convoluted Universe. I am on book 2 now and just finished Chapter 12.

Chapter 12 brought about some validation for some of my own life experiences. A woman’s account of work while here on Earth resonated very deeply with me. I recognized so much of myself in her.

She described herself as a “Helper” who came to Earth to assist others with the shift. Her primary job was to help those transitioning after death. She did this both in the physical and in the in-between. She did soul retrieval, but she didn’t call it that. She described it as preparing those who were about to die so they could have an easy transition and then helping those after they died to go to those waiting to help them transition.

I do not think I do this type of soul retrieval, but it is fascinating nonetheless. However, the woman said some things that I believe are true for me as well.

  1. Her “Home” is of the “golden light”. I see and experience this golden light often in my OOB travels. I wonder if this, too, is my Home?
  2. She describes the ascended masters as having a different energy that is of all colors. She mentioned silver and I remembered when Eron described himself as “Silver” to me. They assist the “helpers” with the energy they are working with.
  3. When asked her purpose she said “to help”. Since my early years I have remembered my purpose to be only “to help”. It has long frustrated me because it seems to simple and not specific enough.
  4. She speaks of a transition coming for everyone on Earth. Those like her, who came to help, will go Home after this transition while others will go to places that align with their energy. “Home” is this beautiful garden full of light beings. I have seen this garden and many times when I see my guides they show themselves as made of Light.
  5. Her past lives, which her physical self remembers, are not specifically hers but all “pieces” of her whole Self which reunited to assist her in this life; giving her what she needed to do her work. This felt familiar to me.
  6. The beginning stages of her life were to prepare her for her work. She had made agreements to help certain people, some of these agreements felt to her to be “bad things” she did but it was these “bad things” that she had agreed to do. I have been told this about my own life.
  7. She described those who were Helpers who worked with the in denser, darker energy. She said she did not like this and preferred to work with those of lighter energy. I, however, can relate to those who work with the denser energy because she said they “can see the light” in those surrounded in darkness. This explains my attraction for the kids in the juvenile system and others like them.

There is another individual doing similar work whose Higher Self describes how he leaves his body at night to go Home and learn lessons (go to school). What I related most to was that the HS said that one way this man could identify when he had been OOB was that when he was IN his body he would feel Hot and when he was OOB he would feel cold. Lately, when I awake in the mornings I am very hot, hot to the point that I am sweaty and cannot cool down. There are also times I wake in the night freezing only to fall to sleep and then wake up burning hot. This has not always been the case with me. In fact, I spent most of my 20s and 30s very, very cold at night, especially my feet and hands. I wonder now if this was because I was not completely IN my body?

What was most profound for me in reading this chapter was that my knowingness about my purpose was validated. I repeated to myself, “I am here to help” and was covered in warm energy that made me want to cry. There was also mention of how there is not much time left. This has been something I have heard since June 2014. I need to hurry up and get to work! Yet I have no idea what that is. I asked last night to be told. I told my Team I was ready. But I got a feeling I was not. Fear rose up inside me, fear that I would have to leave my family. So much fear that I cried. I was told I did not have to leave them, but apparently this is holding me back at the moment. I don’t understand but I know it will be figured out.

Message from Robert: Data Transfer and Current Task

Again I awoke at 5:30am to a message from my guide. This time it was not E’Fonin but Robert.

Data Transfer

I received yet again data in the form of very fast moving symbols. This time, they did not come from above but rather from the left and moved across very quickly to the right. It was like they were being streamed to me and they came in lines, not dissimilar to stanzas of music except that there were four lines instead of five. The stanzas were golden and shimmered. The symbols I could not isolate or differentiate but occasionally a word or two would appear above the lines of code as if to communicate the main topic being relayed.

As I received the information I understood what it was that I was being asked to do. The words I saw triggered this knowingness. I don’t remember them now, though. All I recall is that the task at hand had to do with detaching from anchor points that I had established in this life. These “anchor points” are what connects me to certain energies in this world. These energies can be people, places and things, but usually they are much more diverse than just a single space or person in a lifetime.

It was explained to me that the particular anchor points I need to detach from are connected to my mother and the home I lived in from 1986 to 1996. The home is not the original anchor point, my mother is, but since she resides there even now, the home has also been associated. This is why many of my OBEs originate in this location.

So I have work to do and this was acknowledged without hesitation. I do not consciously know of any specific issues I need to resolve with my mother and so questioned Robert on this. His response was to show me.

I saw in front of me a fabric satchel, brown in color. I picked it up and it was so heavy it pulled me down. I said, “It’s heavy!” and Robert said, “Yes”. I then understood that this satchel represented all the weight that was carried by me pertaining to my mother and the location where she currently lives.

It was explained that this weight “holds me down” energetically. It was understood that this weight is the weight of karma needing to be released. It was also understood that it was primarily her karma that needed releasing, not mine. Yet, I also had some to release but it was shown to me that it had to do with my deep connection to my mother, an empathic connection which caused me to shoulder my mother’s karmic debt. It is not easy to relate what I was told but in essence it means that I took on responsibility for her karma – to help her.

It was relayed to me that it is very important that I handle this soon, while she is still alive. I asked how, but was not told how. Instead I was told that it would be made known when the time was right. There was an understanding that some of it would be done in another dimension and/or during dream time.

Roles of the Various Guides/Assistants

I asked where E’Fonin was and I was told, “It is time to work in the physical now”. I had been told this before but this time its meaning clicked.

Robert and other guides/assistants like him come to work with Earth travelers like myself to help them with karmic debt and physical incarnation lessons/goals/purpose. Energetically, they are more suited to work with denser energies of this realm. When Robert told me, “It is time to work in the physical” he meant that it is time to resolve physical realm lessons and meet goals previously set to be accomplished via physical form.

E’Fonin and others like him are tasked with our spiritual evolution. They are primarily concerned with raising our vibration so that we can move on from our current, lower energetic state. It is like they are giving us an evolutionary nudge, or in this case “jump”. Therefore, E’Fonin and others like him come only when a spiritual adjustment is being made (chakras, energy attunement and balancing, multidimensional work, Higher Self infusion, etc).

My Current Physical World Task

I am told, “It is time to tie up loose ends so that you can move forward”. In this message I see an unburdening of the Self, kind of like throwing off of heavy clothing except that it it is the actual dissolution of denser energy patterns which we all carry with us. These energy patterns are intricately linked to various other energy patterns of those who we develop strong emotional bonds with over many lifetimes. Sometimes these bonds get so knotted together that we lose sight of our own energy patterns (lessons/karma) and get caught up in those of others. This results in us working to untangle our energy from theirs.

To most, this will seem to dissolve emotional bonds we have with those we love the most. Yet it is not a complete dissolution but rather a cleansing or freeing up of energy so that we can better assist them and ourselves. How can one move freely in life toward their set intentions if they are dragging along the energy of others?

If you can imagine having a large weight chained to your ankle and then multiple that by ten or twenty you would come close to the amount of dense energy we are caught up in. And what’s worse is that we desperately hold onto this “weight”, willing to drag it along with us, because we believe it IS us.

earthValidation

I am currently reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 2. As I read it, I am getting validation of visions and information I previously was given.

In Chapter 9, which I read last night, Ms. Cannon takes an individual to a past life in which they and their group were rescued from an Earth cataclysm by Beings from space. The individual relates how once on board the ship they could see what was happening to Earth. What she described was what I saw in a recent vision – a vision of Earth as a ball of fire and smoke, churning much like the surface of the sun.

When I read this I held my breath and started to cry. I knew that had I read this book last year that I would not have believed it. I would have thought it all fanciful ideas that had no relevancy to me or my life. Yet now, I read it and I understand. It is happening again and I am here to assist with the preparation.

I cried because I knew it was true but also because I know it will be much more than just Earth changes. There will be war and devastation. I cried because I love Earth and humanity and I do not want to lose hope that they can be saved. But I know this is to be. It is part of the Divine Plan.

As I have been reading more of the book, I am becoming more and more accepting of what I have been told. I was doubting it, but that doubt is erasing. There is something huge coming, something unlike anything humanity has ever experienced (this line of humanity anyway). My entire Being contracts in thinking about it. There is a deep, inner pain that comes with it and I do not like it nor do I want to acknowledge it. But the more I acknowledge it, the more I am freed from it and can get to work.

Self-Created Experience?

The earth-shattering experience I had on October 7th continues to shake me to the core. I am still processing it, trying hard to fill in the huge gaps in my memory and seeking answers from my Team of assistants.

Self-Created Experience

There came a moment yesterday when it occurred to me that perhaps what I experienced was self-created; influenced by my current reading material – The Convoluted Universe by Dolores Cannon.

This conclusion is a normal one in my specific circumstances. What I experienced on the 7th was so unreal to me, so beyond bizarre and so out of my perception’s reach that it is no surprise that it has now receded into the depths of my subconscious to the point that it appears nothing more than a very wildly vivid dream. It is so easy now to just shrug my shoulders and say, “It was just a dream. It was not real”, and move on.

And yet there is a part of me that says, “Well all experience is ‘self-created'”.

On the One Hand…

There is a part of me that believes this is what is happening to me:

The group of Beings who surrounded me the night of the 7th, whom I recall very vividly but only as silhouettes in the dark, is a group of E.T.s (for lack of a better word) who have come to “get me” and move me into whatever my next level is. This is a heightening of consciousness, a Remembering, an “Unfolding” as my Companion calls it.

I am emerging from the chrysalis.

When questioning this group, who appeared to me as 12 and whom I acknowledge as being my Council, I asked where they came from. The response I received was, “Sirius”. When I asked how far away they were, I heard 10 au’s (light years).

These beings appear to me in human form when I see them. They are not “alien” in appearance, at least not so alien that I notice. They often appear very bright and so it is difficult to discern what they look like in detail. If I am allowed to see them close up, they often show me their eyes or just aspects of their face. Usually their eyes are very bright blue.

Prior to the consideration that my Council were in fact Beings from another planet, I just thought of them as “guides” or “Spirit”. Really, even with this new E.T. consideration, it has not changed the way they appear to me or how I react to them when I see/sense them. If anything, I am calmer upon their contact with me than I have ever been.

In considering all the information that has come to me in recent weeks, I have partially come to the conclusion that the human race is heading toward the “End of Days” where a great cataclysm will rocket Earth into a New Age, one in which humanity lives in harmony with her. During the time of the great changes there will some kind of E.T. contact experienced. I do not know if this will be wide-spread, meaning that I don’t know if all will be aware of the “contact” being made. I have personally received many messages now that I will be “called”, that I will see “signs” and that I will be taken Home. The signs have been shown to me ever since my awakening in 2003. They are consistent and the warnings, visions, I receive are increasing in frequency.

How I and others like me will be taken Home is unclear at this time. I recently had a dream in which individual pods were lined up and humans walked into them. From inside these pods a great golden light emerged and the body was broken up into millions upon millions of tiny particles of light which ultimately dispersed. To me, this represents a dissolution of the physical form or perhaps a raising of vibration. It may also be some kind of transport system.

On the Other Hand….

And then I think how preposterous all of this sounds. Aliens and the “End of Days” – all of it sounds like something a crazy person would say. I think of the bearded man walking around holding a sign that says, “The end is near”.

I think of how my whole life I have rejected being here and thus rejected fully immersing myself in this life. I want to escape. I would rather be in my own fantasy world which is much more exciting. There I get to go OOB, I get to talk to “other worldly beings”, I get to see into the future, I get to talk to the deceased, I get to see people’s auras, I get to “know” things other people don’t, I get to have Kundalini experiences… The list goes on.

And I think maybe all of this is happening to me because of this desire to escape. I am creating all of it. Making it up so that I can avoid “reality”.

I just really need to suck it up and deal with life.

Which is it?

Right now I am in the stage of thinking that I need to “suck it up” and stop hiding in my fantasy world. Life is passing me by and I need to live it.

Yet there is and always has been a part of me totally and utterly bored with life, with reality. And I have been down this path before. I have rejected my “fantasy” world and gone back to “the real world” to live life like I was suppose to. I was miserable despite trying very hard to be “normal”. Yes, I had some great experiences and great times, but there was always something missing. I always felt lacking.

Maybe that is just the way it is meant to be for me in the life.

Keeper of the Violet Flame

I had many visions this morning and also experienced a lucid transmission of healing and expansion. The memory of it is failing me at the moment for it seems that I am to forget most of it until it is appropriate to share it fully.

Keeper of the Violet Flame

I was awakened from a deep slumber at 12:30am. A bit disoriented, I had to tend to my youngest and then I was wide awake and full of thoughts about my work situation, one which I have covered in a previous post.

As I attempted to return to sleep, my attention was drawn toward a man in the left of my visual field. He was sitting on a bench as if waiting for me. I went to sit down next to him, and gave him a hug. I noticed I could see him quite clearly. He was wearing a long robe and held a wooden staff in his right hand. He also had a very long, gray beard that reached his waist. However, he did not appear to have any hair on the top of his head.

I looked at him and asked, “Who are you? Do I know you?” In response a memory came back to me from years ago. “Amoradon?” I asked. I felt confirmation. He said to me, “I go by many names”.

Then he said, “I am the Keeper of the Violet Flame“. I did not question him on this, but wondered why he would say it. I got no response.

He told me, “We will be working together”.

The conversation seemed to pause a while and my thoughts wandered. I was concerned about my work situation and I appealed to him for help in calming my thoughts. It was immediately that I felt to focus on my heart center and I was drawn to recall my dreams.

As I focused upon my dream, I realized I had been somewhere foreign – another planet in fact. I saw in front of me a vast, golden plain that spread so far that one could see the circular shape of the planet it occupied. In the center of this plain was a large, cream colored or gold building that resembled a flatter version of the Mayan pyramids.

I could not remember what was going on with me, but I knew that we had been discussing a great war and I was shown a map of this planet. An entire section was highlighted in red and it felt as if the people in this section had been infected with something, but it was not a disease. It was something that was akin to anger or aggression.

I recall laying down in a healing tank of some sort. Inside of it was water and it covered me completely except for my face. I recall there being lights but I don’t remember now what color they were.

In remembering this, my thoughts were interrupted by Amoradon. He said to me, “You will not have to leave them [my family] behind”. I was relieved to hear this.

He continued.

“We will Call you. You will go Home”.

And I asked, “And my family will come, too?”

He answered: “Yes”.

“How?” I asked.

“Mass consciousness [upload]”. The word “upload” was not the right word but there seemed not to be an appropriate substitution in our language. I saw in my mind a visual of consciousness rising upward, as if shifting into a higher vibration.

“Will everyone experience this?” I asked.

“No”, was his response.

As I thought about what had just been told to me, he interrupted my thoughts, “It is not what you think”.

I had been wondering if it meant I would leave my physical body and it would die. I felt this was not the case.

“You will always have access”, was his response to my thoughts. I knew this meant that whatever this mass consciousness “upload” was, it would allow me and others permanent access.

I felt I should relax and return to sleep. I asked to lucid dream since i knew astral projection was out of the question.