Tag Archives: death

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Unexpected Shake Up

Yesterday was my son’s 5th birthday. Though we already celebrated last weekend, I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday. He said he wanted to eat cupcakes and after I provided him with ideas said he wanted to go to the “jump-o-line” place. So, that is what we did.

We had a great time but afterwards my children got hungry so we stopped to get some food. In the car my husband noticed my mom had left him a voicemail so he put it on speaker phone and played the message.

We thought it would be a “happy birthday” message. It wasn’t.

She told us that the husband of the couple who had purchased our old house had locked himself in the master bedroom closet and set himself on fire.

He had PTSD. My mom said he had “episodes” in the past, but I am not sure what the others entailed. His wife was a counselor so managed the best she could. Unfortunately, she could not handle him.

My daughter immediately burst into tears. She was inconsolable for about 15 minutes.

My heart sank. I could not believe what I heard.

The rest of the evening was colored by the news. My husband drove out to our place to take a look. The wife of the couple was in a hotel with their dogs. In shock. So, he was able to look at the damage. The entire upstairs (an add-on we completed in early 2011) that included the master bedroom, closet, master bath and a second bedroom, was destroyed. The roof above the closet where he had set himself on fire had a gaping hole in it. The severest damage was located there.

The downstairs was completely untouched.

I was at first upset about the house but that quickly shifted to being upset about the whole situation, especially the fact that he had felt so much pain that dousing himself with gasoline and setting himself on fire was preferable. I imagined the experience from his point of view and his wife’s.

His wife was present when he did it and likely had to listen to his screams until they stopped and then had to wait for the fire department listening to the silence, an ever-present reminder that her husband was dead, while watching her house burn in front of her.

I can’t even imagine the husband’s point of view. However, I contacted him in Spirit to check on him. His guides came forward first but then he did. He was beside himself with upset over what he had done. He is worried about his wife and the devastation he caused. He kept saying, “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

He is lingering at the house where he died. He will likely stay there a while, watching his wife and going through the healing he was never able to complete while in his body.

I don’t know whether she will rebuild. It she does I can’t imagine she will still live there, sleeping in the master bedroom next to the closet where her husband killed himself. Could you do that? I couldn’t.

If she decides to rebuild and sell she has to disclose that someone died there. I don’t know how successful she will be at selling the place.

It’s all very sad and I can’t shake the feeling that I knew it was going to happen because…I did, just not like it did.

When I use to live there I had visions of the house catching on fire, specifically the upstairs. I could never figure out why.

I had a dream last summer about a fire. I called my mom to check on her because in the dream it was her house on fire. I told her about my dream but then nothing happened so I let it go. I am thinking now it was a warning, just came out in the dream as my childhood home.

When the couple bought our house I told my husband, “They will only last about four years.” I thought they would divorce and sell the house. They almost did – last summer (around the time of my dream!) but then reconciled. Turns out the split happened anyway. 4.5 years after they bought our home.

It is almost like it was fated that they be apart one way or the other.

It is unsettling. I feel unsettled.

In the last month I have lost three people I knew in this life. None I was very close to but they were close enough to have an effect. The first was my coworker. Cancer. The second was someone I knew for many years. Cancer. And now this.

Three people in a month. WTF?

It took me a while to fall asleep last night as you can image. My guidance warned me, “Don’t over empathize.” I tried not to. At first I did and it was causing me to experience quite a bit of upset. So, I focused on the good parts of the day, my son and my family. It worked.

Dream: Six Month Stay

The dream begins in a house (Self). The coloring I recall the most is of gold, yellow and white (spiritual). Everything feels new and unfamiliar. I am a bit nervous because I have just moved in (could be indicating new chapter in life).

The members of the group I am living with vary in age. In the kitchen I recall a woman who reminds me of someone at work. There are others but she is the only one I recall specifically.

My best friend (aspect of self) from high school happens to live in the home, too. I remember discussing how I came to be there. Our benefactor/boss/father/teacher (not sure which for he felt like them all) was brought up frequently. It felt like he placed me and the others in the house. We had to sign a six month lease. I recall seeing my contract and signature and knowing the way it worked.

He (the benefactor) provided room and board, so food was rationed out. In the kitchen there were large bags of provisions that were to be split among the residents. I was told that I would get my share every month. I noticed one bag was full of rice but it shifted and looked more like hashbrowns (longing for Home). I told the lady I did not eat hashbrowns and would donate my portion. I told her I like potatoes whole (difficulties over short period of time) as well as lots of vegetables. I saw someone was preparing veggies and wondered if they had to buy their own. It felt like they did.

I was shown my room, which was located on the right after entering the hallway. My room was neat and nice but I remember sitting inside feeling homesick. I could not imagine living there for so long and began to get desperate to leave. I talked to my friend about it, saying I would prefer to go live at home. She reminded me of the six month lease I signed and I said, “I will pay the lease but live at home. I don’t want to stay here.” In my mind I was imagining the feel of home – safe, secure, warm and curled up in my bed.

Ultimately, I could not leave and had to go about my “work” which included going to class. Class consisted of sitting in a darkened room and staring up at screens. Questions would appear on the screen to be answered. There was another person in the room on my right, also in a chair. The other person was my friend. As the questions came up we had to answer almost like a quiz show, as if we were in competition, but we weren’t. Our answers would be scored and a score would show on the screen. One of my answers was incorrect and a voice from nowhere corrected me. Then the score showed and my grade was 76% while my friend’s was 90%.

My friend was stressing over being behind in her work. She had not been doing her assignments and I knew it was because she was dyslexic and had not told anymore. I asked if she wanted my help and she agreed.

Afterward we went back to our rooms but I could not remember where mine was. I went into a room I thought was mine but it was very different – messy, cramped and masculine. I left quickly trying not to be noticed and went to my friend’s room to help her with her assignment. I would read it aloud so she could get it done faster.

Then I went to another class with mostly male classmates. We sat in a circle in a library (wisdom, knowledge). I felt very out of place and my classmates were unfamiliar. I don’t recall a teacher. I listened as they spoke of spirits and I interrupted asking if they wanted to talk to them. Curious they listened and I told them of two who were there.

Considerations

When I woke the song that was on my mind yesterday was there again, only this time I heard, “Let’em say we’re crazy, what do they know?”

My guess is that part of the song is referring to the man who set himself on fire and how “crazy” it was. Or it could be something else…But the song is back.

My dream was very vivid, especially the longing for Home and the sense that I had to endure another six months in an unfamiliar place, learning lessons and doing my “work”. I don’t know if the time frame is significant or not yet. We’ll see I guess.

Overall, I can’t kick the feeling that something is “up”. The saying, “Change is in the air” feels applicable. I am still very bothered by what happened in my old house and can’t get it out of my mind. It is difficult not to think of this reality as harsh and unforgiving when things like that happen. But mostly I am sad because he could have been helped and now all that is left is the pain of his sudden passing and the devastation it is causing to his family and loved ones. His poor mother. His poor wife. 😦

 

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Lesson: Overcoming the Fear of Death

After the weird episode of sleep paralysis, my guide was close and instructing me. Unfortunately, I don’t recall everything we discussed as I was in and out of a state that is hard to describe.

I remember being told I would project. I then began to feel odd energy sensations indicative of the trance state except that there was the familiar Kundalini energy sensations as well. I had the energy helmet over my head and my chakras were lit up from my second all the way to my crown. Oddly, the root was not lit up at all. There was confirmation that it would be soon, though, just not at this point or this night.

I went into an in-between state several times after that.

Discussing Fear

I recall standing on the top of a vast mountain range looking out on a beautiful valley that spread for miles. The colors were vibrant and it looked like someone had taken a paintbrush full of every color imaginable and painted the scenery. Fantastically beautiful!

Next to me was my guide and we were discussing fear. It was explained to me that we were to practice confronting one of my last fears. This fear was interfering with my progress.

I said to him, “I am sorry”.

He replied, “It will be easy”.

I looked out on the scene in front of me and the reality took my breathe away. It felt like I was OOB yet there was a different element to it that I couldn’t put my finger on. I began to wonder, “Where are we?” Something in my questioning took me out of this beautiful, serene place and back to my physical awareness.

I was then told there was work to be done and to think of a place that made me happy. I began to think of the mountains and tried to recall the peace and serenity I had just had, but it was hard. The energy sensations then returned and I felt the horizontal and vertical vibrations that have been the norm for me lately.

Viewing and Experiencing Death

Then next thing I remember was both watching and experiencing the death of a man. The man was laying prone, arms and legs spread, as if he had been hit hard and knocked backward to the ground. I remember he was wearing a white shirt and that he was struggling to breathe. I assumed he was either gunshot or hit with something that damaged his chest area.

What is odd here is that I experienced the man’s death as if it were my own. The strange gasping for breath and the feeling of the life draining out of me. I was choking on my own blood. It felt similar to drowning. Not pleasant at all.

I had feelings during this time similar to the feelings I have been having the past several days in which I feel propelled from my body except here I was allowed to see the predecessor to it.

To not want to die; to leave the body by force because the body is dead creates all kinds of distress for the individual inhabiting the body.

Again I felt to be OOB but there was something different about it that was noticeable but indescribable.

I came back to my physical awareness from wherever I had been experiencing this and my guide said, “Death happens to everyone”.

I responded, “I know”.

A part of me worried I was being prepared for death.

He said, “Not that kind of death”.

My thoughts continued on in this direction, trying to put together all of the experiences I had had up to that point. Was I being possessed? Where would I go when I left my body? Would I come back?

I remember hearing responses amidst my questions.

“Death is only the beginning. You must be free of this fear. There can be no resistance”.

I understood what he was referring to. It was the energy swap. Any resistance would hinder the transfer. Fear results in resistance.

I didn’t even know I feared death.

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Be Aware

Last night was full of intense dreams.

Grandmother

In this dream I was with someone and we were walking through a parking lot looking at what appeared to be a water tower. I was being instructed on how to move the water in order to put our fires. I remember only that the water tower was one of those old metal ones that an individual might keep on a farm.

Then I saw my grandmother walk by and exclaimed, “Did you see that! It was Nanny!”. She appeared younger than when she passed, probably around my age instead of 89. Her hair was short and dark brown and she just walked by without looking at me.

Later, I was sorting through some things for my grandmother. I was in the “bunk house” and sitting on the floor. I was putting tiny bits of food into bags. Someone was saying to me, “Nanny is here”. I replied, “Nanny is dead, she can’t be here”. They continued to say it and I continued to sort the food until finally I took note and thought, “Nanny is here?”

The next thing I remember is sitting in my mother’s living room in her leather recliner. My grandmother was there with me and talking to me. She appeared different than normal, though. Her face was older but her body was that of a small child.

She came up and hugged me and I let her. But she smelled odd. Sweet and sickly. I didn’t like the smell. She smelled like the old people at a rest home. She smelled like death. I remember shying away from her bare skin but allowing her to hug me. I felt repulsed by her, but I loved her.

She curled up into a fetal position and I felt helpless and wanted to run away. She looked up at me and said, “Please don’t let me suffer. Please don’t let me suffer”. I jumped up with her in my arms and gave her to my mom who was sitting on the sofa next to me. I placed her curled up child body in my mother’s arms. My grandmother’s body began to look a lot like my middle son. He/she said, “Please don’t let me suffer”. I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt at the sight of seeing her/him and was overcome with grief.

I awoke in tears.

Reflection

I awoke and could not stop the tears. I understood what we had been discussing in the dream. I began to avoid my grandmother as she got older. I felt uncomfortable around her. I could sense death coming to her. I could smell it. The whole house smelled like it. Towards the end I forced myself to visit her so she could meet her latest great-grand son. He was already a month old when I finally went. I let her hold him and took a picture. I felt like running out of there as fast as I could. I always felt like that when I visited her toward the end.

When my grandmother was in hospice, I took my entire family to visit and we sat around and sang hymnals to her. She opened her eyes when I said hello to her and stared at me for some time. Her pupils were small and fixed. My mom said she likely couldn’t even see me.

I watched as my mom moistened my grandmother’s lips with glycerin. The hospice would not give my grandmother any water or food. My mom was torn up over this. She did not know this is what hospice did. She did not think she would have to sit by and watch her mother starve/dehydrate to death. I felt wretched inside. I was willing my grandmother to go, to be at peace.

I wasn’t there when my grandmother passed away a day later. I knew when it happened, though, and I felt such relief. My grandmother was finally out of her prison.

The next week my grandmother visited me often as I drove to work and throughout the day. She was around me for about a week straight. I told no one in my family. She was happy and full of energy, so unlike the woman I knew in life. I knew had I known her when she was younger that we would have had great fun together. She was adventurous and mischievous in youth. Oh how life had changed her!

Then I remembered the article I read about measles. There was a personal account by a woman in her 90’s who lost her 6 year old son to the illness. There was a picture. He looked just like my middle son. I broke down into tears at the thought of losing my son. I believe that is why the dream showed my son in the end. I so fear losing him.

I recognized my fear of what death does to the physical form. The smell. The decay. The void that follows a loved one’s departure from life. Illness and old age show no mercy. It is so difficult to confront that in life. I hate that I avoided my grandmother because of it. The guilt was present in my dream. I believe she was there helping me as part of her revitalization and as part of my healing. I mentally sent her a thank you and an I love you.

Message

I fell back to sleep and had dreams about work which I will not go into. When I finally awoke my husband would not let me return to sleep. I ended up dozing in the “in-between” state until I finally got up.

During this time I saw a very clear vision. In front of me was a simple, silver, metal lunch box. It had raised lettering that said, “Be Aware” on the top. Below those words it said, “Change Ahead”. At first I read ‘Beware” but I felt my attention drawn back to the top words and saw it was, “Be Aware”. I was corrected in order to see the correct message.

Be aware: Change ahead.

When I questioned what “change” this was, the answer I was given was a visual of my chakras from bottom to top.

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REemergence

I am here again unable to sleep. I have in fact already been to sleep but for only an hour.

I feel asleep after receiving instructions to focus on my heart. I was also instructed to let my thoughts go, to “get out of my mind”, specifically. I heard also this message, “We are one” but I did not think anything of it. It felt to me to be an intention, a message to me to remember that my higher self is me and I am him. I heard many other things prior to falling asleep, but the message was clear that we were moving forward, though what that meant I was unsure.

Reemergence

What I am about to try to do my best to describe is not something I am sure can be described. If in fact there were any time that one would feel ready to explode in insanity from a Kundalini experience, now would be the time. My heart is buzzing and I am feeling unsettled within myself as I type this. What happened to me?

It began as a dream. Within the dream I was speaking to a man. He was in fact me, but not me. His hair was long, blonde and straight and all one length. His features angular but not overly so. He appeared as a warrior and his movement I was following as I heard discussion going on around me, within me, everywhere. It was whispered to me but my mind could not interpret what was said. It still cannot. I am really not even sure why I was allowed to remember that even occurred, yet I do.

The man I watched/was but was not was tall and thin and lithe. He reminded me one of the character elves on the Lord of the Rings except that this was in fact just a man, a real man. He wore similarly strange clothing as such a character would. Like I said, he appeared to be a warrior but a spiritual warrior, maybe even a shaman.

I intently watched as this man, who was also me but not, came out of inside of himself/myself and launched upward into the air and up. He felt to be a bird that was rising. I am tempted to say he was a Phoenix but again, this is only a word and no words can describe what occurred.

This process continued in this “dream” state for some time. I followed the man and watched us shift together, apart, together, apart. I felt no fear at this, I was just there, participating yet an observer at the same time.

Finally, I was aware again of being me sleeping in my bed. The warrior, as I will call him, approached. When he did it was as if I “awakened” to his presence. I watched/felt as he and I merged, became one, and then he again rose out from within me. When this shift occurred I was hit with an overwhelming knowingness that a monumental step had just happened. I felt to be of two, three, maybe more individuals. There was no energy rising through my chakras, no OBE, no “Spirit” entering or leaving….it was as if I were being made keenly aware that this other me, this blonde warrior, was rising and would sleep no more. I distinctly recognized him as myself yet I did not know him, maybe could not know him with my human mind.

I still struggle to comprehend what happened. It felt distinctly similar to a OBE except that I do not recall any out of body sensations or anything that could constitute separateness from my physical form. The closest explanation my mind can find is that I experienced some kind of inter-dimensional reality but even that does not feel exactly right. How can I be this man and not be him at the same time. How could I have felt what I did and not be insane from it?

I, in fact, had a moment of intense panic after waking. The panic is gone, replaced with a knowingness that this experience was/is part of the process that I am currently going through. I am left feeling very much different than when I went to sleep. Now I feel very linked to something ancient, something that pre-dates Earth and is beyond my ability to conceptualize. I feel very shamanic, native and yet also distinctly bird-like. I cannot help but think of my previous message to myself, “let the Eagle fly”.

I did not hesitate to write this as soon as I awoke. I knew if I didn’t I would not again sleep. I was told, “You will be told more as the sun rises”. I now anticipate a message upon waking.

Reemergence is defined as: 1.  the act or process of emerging. 2. Evolution. Emerging is defined as 1. to come forth into view, as from concealment or obscurity. 2. to rise up or come forth from. 4. to come into existence. I include these definitions because reemergence was the only word that felt close to acceptable as a description of what I experienced.

I wish, I wish, I knew how to explain it. I cannot. Whatever happened, it was Divine. I feel that a part of me has returned to me.

Edit: After returning to bed, I fell asleep and was awakened to intense buzzing in my head and pressure at the back of my skull. It was not painful. I could keenly sense the vibrations, especially in my third eye. It felt as if a light were pouring out of my third eye and I could see a tunnel forming in my mind’s eye. I recognized what was happening and instantly remembered that I had had this same feeling during the above experience but had somehow forgotten it! The waves of vibrations intensified and I became immediately very conscious. I heard, “surrender” from my guide but I could not for the excitement I felt. I recalled that when I felt to be two of myself that this exact intense vibration was being felt and I suddenly recognized that I was receiving the gift of “sight”. I knew if I allowed the vibrations to continue that I would “see beyond the veil”. Unfortunately, I was too fixated on what was happening for the experience to proceed further.

I experienced more vibrations in my head throughout the night. With each one I was instructed to, “surrender” and with each one I was again not able to ignore the intense sensations and visual phenomenon to ignore it, which stopped it from going any further. After the third such experience I told my guide/higher self, “I’m sorry but I am tired”. I purposefully put a stop to the tunnel of vision that was forming in my mind’s eye and rolled over to fall blissfully asleep.

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The Timekeeper

This high energy cycle I’ve been going through all month continues along with the deep, hard sleep that seems limited to 7-8 hours max. I forgot to mention that I am ridiculously hungry right now, too. I often wake up in the morning so irritable from my hunger that I am starting to think of myself as the terrible morning monster. My whole family knows to avoid me, especially my husband who keeps accidentally initiating important conversations as soon as he sees me awake. I, of course, bark back at him a response or two, my mind focused only on one thing: food. Usually, within about 30 minutes of eating, I am back to my normal self, but thirty minutes is a long time and I often put my foot in my mouth more than once during that time.

These “symptoms” are, of course, all very much common to the “ascension” process. Yet, when one is going through them they wonder, “What the hell is wrong with me?” I can’t help but think I must have some undiagnosed illness waiting, like the monster in my closet, to jumped out at me when I least expect it.

Alaska

I had, again, a really vivid dream that came with me into sudden wakefulness at 6 a.m. Being this is my day off, I was very irritated that I was wide awake at such an early time. It only made me more frustrated when my rumbling stomach forced me out of bed and down to the kitchen.

I returned to bed after my snack and instantly felt I needed to take what little time I had to meditate. The instant I chose to do this, I began to receive messages. But I am getting ahead of myself. I need to recount the dream first so that you understand a bit about the messages I received.

In the dream I was at a home in the mountains of Alaska. I found myself suddenly just there and was a bit out of sorts and trying to get my bearings for some time. I seemed to be surrounded by “family”, though I have no idea who the people were. There was a couple who appeared to be in the mid to late 40s and were happily giving me and my group a tour of their home.

I don’t recall much about the tour but I do remember that we were talking about moving there. I did not like the idea and was relieved when I discovered it would be my sister, her husband and new son that would be moving there and not me. There was some interaction that reminded me of my past with my sister that I participated in, but it all seemed very out of place being we are so much older now than we were then.

At one point we were exploring a home for rent near a creek that flowed into the ocean. The house was an empty, very nice multistory home positioned right next to a rapidly flowing, crystal clear creek.  My companion and I explored the area, me commenting on how nice it was and how we should rent it. I stood next to the creek and saw a large, orange colored Koi fish feeding. Something was said about the fish, but I don’t recall it now.

We went down a trail that led into the woods. It appeared well kept and made of some kind of fabricated stone that was speckled gray and white. It led into a cavernous area that was really a man-made outdoor atrium of some type, with tall stone columns and passages. We went inside and I thought there would be bats and sure enough one flew out in front of my sister. It was large but I was not afraid of it, more in awe of it.

The dream gets hazy here for a bit but I do remember that there was a moment when I was holding back a large bear. I had my hands in its mouth (it was asleep) and was yelling at someone to get away, saying, “It’s a bear!” The person was actually sleeping with the bear and I was trying to get them to notice. Something here triggered my memory that there was a bear in another dream but I never could (nor can I now) recall the dream.

Then, we were back by the house with the couple. The place was beginning to depress me. I complained of it being cold more than once, remembering that 60 degrees was warm to them. I also remember a man flirting with me and I was a bit annoyed at him. Not only was he short and unattractive, but I knew connecting with him meant connecting with Alaska and there was no way I was staying there. He was nice enough, though, but I also knew he was part of this “family” living in Alaska. No way!

We went outside and in front of the house was this enormous lake. The water was dark and it was beautiful in its own way, but I commented to the others how it was “ugly”. We somehow ended up on the other side of it and then owner just walked across it, showing me that although it seemed deep it was really very shallow, the water only reaching his calves. I was surprised.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_Timekeeper

I awoke suddenly from the dream and later, after my snack, settled down to meditate. Like I said earlier, the messages came almost instantly. The first thing that I heard was, “You have a Timekeeper”. This peaked my curiosity. What is a Timekeeper? I wondered, and Why do I only have one?

I was instantly encouraged not to break the state of consciousness I was in. It is hard to explain how this was communicated, but I instantly calmed my mind and let go of my focus upon the many questions arising in my mind.

Without words I knew what was happening. The dreams I have been having are part of a process of purging myself of past issues; issues that hold me back in some way. Much of the purging has to do with old patterns and beliefs. Specifically, the Alaska theme is representative of a time in my life when I was very depressed and felt surrounded by darkness, both literally and figuratively. I felt as well as was told that I must, “pass through the darkness to get to the light”.

The Timekeeper, whoever “he” is, was there and accessible to me, though he seemed “above” me and almost unreachable. I asked his name and heard an “M” name that reminded me of Marion but I am not sure if that is correct. Like is usual, when I hear a name it becomes jumbled and distorted and I doubt the accuracy of the name I receive. Initially, though, before it became jumbled, it sounded a whole lot like Marion but I am positive I skewed the name so it sounded familiar to me.

When I asked what a Timekeeper was I was told, “I am here to help you see”. My guide has been telling me that I will “see” soon but I never quite understood what he meant. See what? Will I literally see something or does it mean I will increase my awareness and so then, “see” more?

I assume this Timekeeper is helping me return to times in which I struggled in order to help me gain awareness of the struggles and lessons I endured. What did I learn while I was in Alaska that is so important? In my memory of it, I realized that I had a shadow I defeated: death.

Shadow Man

I struggled to recall if I had ever meditated or had any recollection of intensely vivid dreams or experiences during that time. I could not, at first, remember anything of significance other than the sudden onset of creativity that resulted in playing the guitar and writing songs that contained strong messages to myself.

Then I recalled a time when I sought out the darkness that was haunting me and causing so much pain in my life. I don’t remember where I got the idea from – the internet? But I did take time to close my eyes and focus. When I did, I found a very surprising thing: a shadowy figure that was there for a brief moment and then vanished.

Intrigued, I tried to find him. I searched my mind for his hiding place and I found him, hiding in the corner of my mind. He had no definition and was very slippery. One moment I would see him clearly, the depth of his dark features endless. Other times he would vanish or appear to be see-through.

I remember him vividly and when I “caught” him, I was flooded with memories and despair. I immediately knew he represented the thoughts that had been tormenting me and willing me, endlessly it seemed, to die. He was death.

There were memories he was associated with, memories from my past and childhood. I don’t remember them now, but when I realized who Shadow Man was, I knew his trickery and I fought him in my mind, banishing him (or so it seemed). For some reason, at that time, the Shadow Man was very real to me. Yet, I did not learn of such creatures and such until many years later when I went through my spiritual awakening.

Shadow Man was in one of my OBEs not long ago. Is he back? Did I only think I got rid of him? I suspect so. The draw towards death never left me completely. It has been more controllable but it has shifted faces and form. It is deceptive and distracting. In fact, after that first encounter with him, I traveled to Alaska and went through some very dark days and more came after that.

I am certain that Shadow Man is merely an aspect of my Self. I suspect the Timekeeper who is helping me is working hard to help me see him and other aspects of my Self that might be booby trapping my awareness, steering me towards negativity and thoughts of death. But something tells me there is much more to a Timekeeper. What?

If you know, please feel free to fill me in.