Tag Archives: door

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Opened Door

Last night I again had very vivid dreams, dreams that seem to be directing me and asking me to explore aspects of my Self which I have previously chosen to abandon.

Searching for Father

In the first very vivid dream I was with many orphaned young boys in a very large mansion that appeared to be a boarding school of some kind. Specifically, I was working with a boy whose father was Arnold Schwarzenegger. The boy was the bastard of Arnold and so had no real relationship with him. The other boys were in similar predicaments and I was helping them to meet their father’s for the first time.

The young Schwarzenegger stood in line very nervous. He went up some stairs and I followed with my consciousness (I do not recall having a body but seemed to follow the story and act as a guide to the child). When the child got to the door he was nervous and a loud voice boomed out to him from a speaker, asking him questions about himself. The voice was of his father and the child answered as he stood with the body guard not knowing if he would be let in.

The child was allowed in and found himself standing inside a chamber filled with odd items that I could not name. They looked like very large, blown up silver shrapnel and wires tossed about and every once in a while there appeared to be a yellow or red flash of light. I, at this time, felt to be one with the child and experienced this with him. I suddenly knew where we were: we were inside the brain of his father. I recognized instantly the items strewn about to be the neurons and pathways of the brain. The lights were the paths lightening up when a thought occurred. It was quite fascinating and all at once I realized that the brain and the body were like a robot controlled by the spirit who occupied it. I saw this first hand and knew this man in real life was allowing his body to control him more than he was controlling the body. He was the robot.

33Looking for 33

The dream changed at that point and I found myself with my great aunt (the sister of my grandmother who passed away last year). She was driving a truck and I was the passenger. She appeared happy and alert but I was distrustful of her because in real life she has dementia.

She drove along the road heading through a city. I saw road signs and heard her say the road name. I watched as we drove by it. The truck lurched and made awful noises and I swore it would fall apart. I held on for dear life.

We went past the city onto a dirt road that quickly turned rocky. Boulders stood in the way and my great aunt happily drove over them. Eventually we were forced to stop as the road dead ended in a pile of rocks and a mountain side. I explored it and saw a mirror perched on a bolder facing the mountain. I looked up and saw a handful of rugged men with wild eyes looking at us and knew this was not where we belonged. I took the mirror and flung it at them. It shattered at their feet. I turned and ran yelling behind me for a man who was with me to pick up my great aunt and bring her along.

We reentered the city and I heard the man (my guide?) say, “33 is this way. You will see it clearly”. I listened and went with him. Soon I saw a cafeteria and tables with numbers. I clearly saw table number 33 and went toward it. When we got there I saw two older black women sitting in the table. I let my middle son sit with them and opted to sit at another table next to them, table number 99. There was a nice black lady sitting at it, too.

Eventually I went over to table 33 with my son and spoke with the black ladies. They asked about my son and his growth. I said he had not gained much in weight or height. One woman said to me, “This is common of the middle and younger children in our family. They are often deformed”. I thought this odd and then asked, “I wonder, do you have abilities in your family, too? My grandmother is the only one that had them in my family”. The lady told me, “Yes, our mother had abilities. She would often confuse her other life with this one, talking about times long gone. She was thought to be crazy by some and eventually she stopped talking about it”. I knew the life her grandmother was caught up in was during the middle ages and understood. I told her, “I have control over mine”.

She then asked me, “Is there anything you are concerned about?” I thought about it and then said, “Not really, but my legs are bothering me. I have all these spider veins now”. I pointed them out to her. As I thought about what I was about to say next she said my thought back to me, “You wish you were black like me”. I answered, “Yes, especially now”. I remember wishing I were darker skin so no one would notice the spider veins and recalled my past life as a black woman.

Message: Spiritual Trauma

I awoke from the dreams instantly thinking of how I had been inside the brain of a man and then had been sitting at a table with the number 33. I wondered why I had chosen table 99 and then moved to 33. 99 means endings; that a part of my life is ending allowing for a new beginning. 33 symbolizes guidance and that all is possible at this time. I wondered briefly what it all meant.

Before I had time to think about it much further my guide began to speak to me.

“Spiritual trauma.”

All at once I was hit with knowingness. I wish I could adequately describe how this happens. It is so fast, so instantaneous, that all I can do to make sense of it is try to break it down. It is as if an entire dialogue occurs in an instant. One could say that it is “downloaded”, it happens so quickly.

I instantly knew these two little words were huge for me. My job is to help those experiencing spiritual trauma. I just knew it. I didn’t know how but the knowingness caused my heart and third chakras to activate and I lost my breath for a moment. To me, this is validation itself, big as day.

My mind went crazy with thoughts. What is spiritual trauma? What am I suppose to do? And then a realization, “So these are the instructions you told me were coming?”

My guide responded, “Yes. Just consider it” and I knew he meant I needed to listen with my heart. These were not instructions in the sense that I had to do what I was told. I could choose. I always have a choice.

I kept wondering about my dreams and the recent message, trying to make sense of it all. My guide interrupted and said, “Turn off your brain”. It stopped my thoughts and I realized what he meant. I needed to clear my thoughts and stop the whirlwind of questions. But I couldn’t. I was stuck on worrying about spiritual trauma. Was I in trauma? I did not think I was, but perhaps I had been.

My guide asked, “What are you afraid of?”

I replied, “My power”. Then I thought some more and I said, “My quick tongue. I need to think more before I speak. I often hurt others feelings when I blurt out things. I need to stop doing that”.

He replied, “The biggest challenge we face in life is fear of ourselves”.

86798832-open-door1Opened Door

I kept hearing over and over, “Turn off your brain”. So that is what I attempted to do. When I finally did, I found myself standing at a door. I was wearing a heavy winter coat and it was dark. The door began to open slowly, light pouring though. I walked through into a wintery scene but it was obvious the snow was melting. Spring was on the way. Warmth was spreading out and bringing new life to a desolate place. I saw I was standing on a sidewalk lined by large trees. Icicles were heavy on their branches and dripping with water

Recognizing what was happening I became too aware and the scene in front of me faded. I understood it to mean that something frozen in my life was thawing out. In dreams, something being frozen represents that which has been suppressed, rejected or denied. Could this vision indicate that my spiritual gifts are about to reemerge? I have for sure suppressed them for a very long time.

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Look for the Light

For the last two or three days I have been getting messages as I lay down to sleep. My thoughts have been pretty much nonexistent but I have been struggling to fall asleep for some reason. I finally asked two nights ago what was going on. I was told that I was “healing” and receiving “help”. Then, without asking, I was told to, “Look for the light”. Last night I was told this again and it worried me. Don’t people see “the light” when they die? So I asked some questions about what it meant. I was told I would be “conscious” when it happened and that I would be “okay”.

When I asked others what they thought it meant, I got various responses. Some said that it just means to look for the positive in life while others said it meant to stay in the Now. A good friend of mine said: “Looking for the light helps to transition our experience to that which feels good, expansive, reaching towards Spirit. You are light!!” I believe her answer was the most spot on. Why? Because my guide has been saying, “Remember who you are”. I am still not sure who that is.

Following the Light

I was awakened this morning to my bed shaking. It was not violent shaking, like in The Exorcist, but it was noticeable enough that it made me concerned and I held my entire body completely still. It passed quickly but I recalled the same thing had happened earlier in the week. I wondered if it meant I was about to go OOB? I do not recall experiencing shaking before projecting, at least not in my bed.

I tossed and turned as I tried to return to sleep. I had awakened early again and it irritated me because I really wanted to sleep in! I finally said to my guide, “I want to astral. Please!” I did not get a response but a feeling that it was possible, almost like he said, “If you really want to”.

I must have fallen asleep soon after because the next thing I remember was being in my bed in my mother’s house where I spent most of my childhood. I heard people talking and climbed out of bed sluggishly to see what was going on. I recall there was a tall woman with very dark brown, almost black, shoulder length hair, doing most of the talking. I was listening to her and trying to interact but I felt heavy and cumbersome, as if I were sleep walking. I went out into the hallway as the woman spoke to me and other people. The room was brightly lit and golden colored. It sounded like there were many people in the house but all I saw was the woman. She seemed very lively and alert, smiling and bright, almost like she was glowing. She was discussing gifts and I wondered if it was the holiday. I recall being seated on the floor with my baby son and looking through various toys and other objects. I heard that all of it was brought from “there” but I don’t know where “there” was. I was upset because it was cluttering the floor and got very irritated with everyone, though I could not see them. The irritated feeling is familiar to me in life and it seems it all came out of me true-to-life. I instantly wanted the mess gone! I snapped at the woman and told her I only wanted her to bring the one thing and pointed to this odd looking tall, yellow toy. I think it was a block sorting toy, you know the kind where the baby puts the shape into the correct hole? I grabbed the toy and went back towards my bed, leaving them there.

I got back into bed and kept thinking about how I wanted to leave my body. I was very aware of the bed and could feel that I was in my body. I started going through the different methods I use to try for conscious exit. I thought of rolling out of my body and rocking back and forth. Whenever I tried to rock back and forth I kept feeling different parts of my body like my hands and believed I had messed it up. Frustrated, I began to look for the hypnagogic images that I use to get, but I saw none.

I lingered in my body for some time, sensing the energy fluctuations and wondering if I would feel the vibrations. I even asked to feel them, but never did. During this time it felt like I was going in and out of my body very quickly, almost like my energy was shaking very rigorously. Perhaps this was the vibrations but without feeling?

Suddenly I was aware of a large, leafless tree in the corner of the room. It was dark in the room, but I could see the outline of the branches very clearly. It was a short, squat bush with branches that had very pointy ends. Recognizing that it was very obviously out of place, I went over to it. When I reached it, I knew I was OOB and became instantly disinterested in the tree. I went towards the window and through it, momentarily losing my vision as I did.

On the other side of the window it was dark but the large pool I knew would be there was lit up and glowing a vivid, crystal clear blue. I went directly into the water, fully expecting to feel myself become one with it. Instead, it felt as if I were in a bubble, surprisingly dense and not fluid at all. I also could not see under the water, which is not the norm. I felt myself instinctively hold my breath. I willed myself to continue breathing, dove down a bit and then resurfaced. When I did, I saw the edge of the water and noticed a glowing, red light switch was mounted on the side, just above the glowing, blue water line. I found it curious and went over and flipped the switch, fully expecting the entire pool to turn a glowing florescent red color. Instead, nothing happened. Disappointed, I exited the pool and flew up into the night sky.

Once I was flying, I looked out ahead of me. It was dark, but it didn’t bother me at all. I was at the level of the tree tops and looked down at their dark silhouettes as I flew. I did not want to be pulled up, so I purposefully stayed in the branches, even grabbing onto them. Then I noticed a light in the distance behind the trees. I went toward it, hoping to find out what it was. When I got to where I had seen the light, it was gone.

I turned around to head back towards the house. I could see my mother’s bedroom window. It was lit up and golden yellow, as if the lights were on inside. I went towards the window, intent on going inside. Knowing I would meet resistance, I prepared myself and lost my vision. At this time I also remember humming a tune without words. As I tried to enter the room, the volume of my voice humming the tune intensified. I lingered in the blackness for a little while, still humming and hoping I would emerge on the other side and in the light. Unfortunately, I went back into my body and woke up.

Surfacing Memory

I lay in bed a while and could hear my family still moving around the house. This told me I had only been asleep briefly. I rolled over and began to recount my OBE, hoping to pick up any tidbits of information I may have lost.

I recalled the OBE in its entirety and knew I had been in the lower astral realm. I also recognized that the dream prior to it was semi-lucid and likely also in the astral somewhere but the way my dream self felt, all heavy and cumbersome, did not seem to fit. Perhaps this was me trying to become more conscious and not succeeding?

I do not believe I ever woke up between experiences but instead used my going back to bed to help me achieve more awareness. I am not sure if this is what is called a “false awakening” but it seems to fit. It worked and I was able to fully take control of the experience.

Oddly, as I was sorting through the memories, one surfaced that I completely missed. When I was in my “bed”, trying various methods to exit my body, I found myself inside a small, golden room. It was small and box-like, almost like an empty closet. In front of me was a door and I was instructed to “open it”. I did. After I opened the door I was suddenly aware of the tree in the room.

Why So Much Darkness?

Although I got what I asked for, I was disappointed to once again have such a dark and dreary OBE. I immediately asked my guide why this was. He, of course, asked me, “Why do you think?” and I remembered how he keeps telling me, “I am you” and “This is you” in reference to my OBE. I realized that I am not seeing because I do not see any alternatives for the situation I find myself in in life. I feel trapped, as if any decision I make will have the same results. I do not feel I have much to look forward to except more of the same. These considerations result in darkness because I am not able to “see” beyond. This makes sense because my guide has also been telling me, “You will see”. Interesting.