Tag Archives: dream analysis

by

Lucid Dream: You’re Dreaming

Woke at 5:30am and was awake only a short while. I didn’t want to wake up yet so went back to sleep.

I entered the dream aware I was dreaming straight away. I was in a house I have been to in other dreams. It feels like my mom’s house but isn’t. It has the same long driveway and a similar layout but is darker overall. There was a group of people there, some I recognized, others I did not. They all felt like family. My mom and my sister were there and so was the salesman from the furniture store (huh?). 

Mostly I remember realizing it was a dream and saying aloud to my invisible companion traveler, “Wow! Everything feels so real! It looks so real!” Then I went to each person and told them, “You’re dreaming.” I told the whole group, also. They seemed to listen. I wasn’t excited, just matter-of-fact. 

Then I went outside and decided to fly to test it. It was very easy and I went up super fast. Worried I would go where I didn’t want to go, I decided to will myself back down. It worked and I came down easily, however, there was a counterthought that suggested I let go and see where it took me. So, I did and a forced pulled me backwards swiftly. I went with it but lost my vision and felt my body in bed. I shifted positions and shifted back into the scene.

I was inside and all the people were seated together around a long table. I wondered what to do next. I saw my sister and went to her. I told her, “You’re awake you know.” She acted like she heard me but kept staring ahead like she was in a trance. I then whispered to her, “You can make things better if you would just get a job.” She said, “I have a job. I make $13.25/hr.” Then she told me about the job. I only remember that it was in a suppressive environment. I remember telling her it was good she had a job and that she just needed to be responsible and use the money wisely. 

The salesman I remembered was seated a the head of the table and he stated aloud to me and the group, “I know I’m asleep.” lol I found him strangely out of place.

The last thing I recall is that I went to the back door which was glass. I decided to try something I use to do all the time when OOB. I walked through the door and it worked! I expected to feel like I became the glass for a moment as I went through but the glass actually bowed outward like it was made of plastic wrap. So the sensation was of a resistance and then a sudden freedom when the glass opened up and let me through. 

Woke up and checked the time. It was 6:33am.

The dream feels to be a message to myself to remember that I am dreaming and not to take life so seriously. It also appears to be a reminder of how unaware the people in my life are they are also dreaming. So many of us sleepwalk through life. I have been doing so lately and am finally waking up again. 🙂

by

Lucid Dream: City of Riza

It’s been a while since I posted and I apologize. Lots has been going on (I’ll write on that later) and my dry eyes are still making it difficult. I just can’t stay in front of a screen long enough to complete a post. I’ve also not had much to really write about; my inspiration has all but dried up.

This morning I did have an interesting lucid dream I will share. Enjoy!

Lucid Dream: City of Riza

I was in a gym preparing for my workout. I began to warmup with a light weight – one dumbbell. As I did so, I would occasionally look in a mirror. I noticed my thighs were quite big. I ignored it and continued to warm up. I believe I was talking to myself or maybe my guide throughout because I would become distracted and stop, zoning out, and then get back to my warmup. I believe we were discussing current life events, but I don’t really remember.

Eventually, I was doing some goblet squats with a tiny weight when I noticed a very obese woman on her phone sitting on a bench next to me. I stayed in the lowered position of the squat and looked over at her. She glanced my way. I lingered, sitting in this position for a while. Turning towards the mirror I noticed my butt and thighs were even bigger than the last time I looked. In fact, I was extremely obese, just like the woman sitting nearby. I stared at my thighs for a bit, noticing the pale skin and deep dimples of fat. Rather than be grossed out, I shrugged my shoulders, deciding I didn’t care. I turned to the woman and said, “I don’t think I feel like working out today.” I put down the weight and headed towards the exit, only I didn’t know where it was. I wandered toward a glass door that led outside. I walked through it into a parking area. I looked left. No car. I looked right. No car. Did I even drive here? Still confused, I turned and went back inside. 

Once inside and still talking to my guidance, I had the idea that I was dreaming. I decided to test my theory by taking something (stealing) and walking out the front door. So, I grabbed a box of cigarettes and casually walked out the door telling the attendants, “I forgot something” to explain why I had come in and was going right back out. The attendant nodded and didn’t notice I had the cigarettes. 

Again outside in the parking lot, I knew for certain I was dreaming. I thought about taking control of the dream. Maybe flying or changing the scene? I got a reply not to and accepted it. It seemed like I was meant to look around and take in my surroundings. So, that is what I did. The parking lot was small with few cars and the building I came out of seemed to be in a strip mall. The sky was gray and overcast. There were buildings in the distance. The minute I decided to investigate the buildings in the distance, I was there among them.

The city streets were narrow and tall, brick buildings were on all sides. I noticed vendors on the streets. It was no city I recognized. Where was I? I decided to ask a vendor and approached two young girls standing next to one of the stands. I said, “Hello.” One looked up and said, “Hi.” I asked, “Can you tell me where I am?” She gave me a quizzical look. So I asked, “What city am I in?” She said, “Oh. Riza.” Her friend came closer holding out a small object like a phone and her attention went to the object. I interrupted and said, “Thanks. What state…er province….um…is that in?” I didn’t know if where I was had states or provinces but wanted a better idea of the location. The girl thought a bit and said, “Well, Ga Ga Ga comes here sometimes.” I immediately thought of Lady Ga Ga but tossed the thought. The girls handed me the object to show me this Ga Ga Ga. It was a cell phone type object with a large screen. On it were images of a cartoon like character with blonde hair and large breasts. They swiped through several images, some cartoons, some not, completely immersed in this person. Not impressed, I clarified and they said, “Well sometimes it’s called Risha.” This didn’t help answer my question. Still not sure what they were communicating, I kept asking. They told me that also sometimes GM came. 

This is when I gave up. Their answers were total nonsense and probably the result of the nonsense in my mind! 

Briefly I “woke up” but I actually didn’t. It just seemed like I did. Instead, I remained in the dream but shifted to my bed where I tried to recall the entire lucid dream so that I wouldn’t forget it. Then I returned to “sleep” and entered a non-lucid dream in my old bedroom at my childhood home. 

Considerations

This lucid experience is similar to others I’ve had recently. I know I’m dreaming but I don’t take control of the dream when I would really prefer to go off flying or changing the scene. Instead, I let the dream continue while being lucid. When I asked my guidance about this, I was told that I need practice being where I am. 

The dream symbolism in the gym shows me some things about myself, things I am mostly already aware of. I am distracted, my mind not on the actual process of warming up. In life, I find my mind wanders frequently and I lose track of what I am doing in the moment or completely forget my intention. This also happens when I try to go to sleep. My mind is all over the place! My guidance suggested I count backwards from 100. I fail miserably at it! I end up forgetting what number I am on, usually before I get into the 80s, and have to start over again! 

Me looking at my large butt and thighs in the dream is highlighting how much I focus on my appearance. Thankfully, in the dream I recognize it isn’t important, indicating I might be making some progress here.

And finally, the zoning out and preferring to sleep (the second dream was a sleepy one). I prefer to not be fully present in life. I want to sleep through it, go into oblivion, etc. At least this is what I believe the sleepiness in my dreams symbolizes. I am avoiding.

by

No Emotion to High Emotion

My emotions lately are either non-existent or full-on. Some days I feel so numb I wonder if something is wrong with me. Other days I break down in tears or wake up crying from emotional dreams. Numbness is more familiar to me and so easier to manage, except lately it has been really noticeable to the point that I’ve wondered what is going on.

My best guess is that I’m doing work at deeper levels, hidden from my waking awareness except in moments when it bubbles up. 

My dreams are giving me a glimpse of what’s going on but it is fleeting. 

Dream: Buried Puppy

For example, this morning I woke from a dream in tears with full knowledge of what I was being shown. In the dream I was talking to two very small puppies, no more than a few weeks old. One was upset because he hadn’t been able to make things right with his father. His father was my uncle. I promised the puppy that I would help him as best I could so I took the puppy to my uncle and asked him to listen and let bygones be bygones. My uncle took the puppy, turned around grumbling something, and walked away. I followed, worried by my uncle’s reaction. To my horror, my uncle quickly dug a hole in rocky soil, placed the puppy inside and covered it with rock and soil. I rushed to the aid of the puppy who was calling out from the hole apologetically. I frantically removed the soil trying to get to the puppy asking my uncle, “Why did you do that!?” I could feel both the emotion of the puppy and the emotion of my uncle. Both were equally upsetting.

When I woke I was sobbing, overcome with the emotion of the two individuals in my dream. It was clear to me that both my uncle and the puppy (my cousin) had similar emotions. They were hurt and angry. My uncle was so hurt by his son that he had blocked all emotion to the point that his heart had hardened. My cousin was so hurt by his father’s rejection of him that he had become similarly hardened. Underneath I could feel the source – mounds of grief at the loss of someone very loved. 

Feeling what they felt, I understood. It was so clear to me that had they just communicated honestly with one another, so much hurt could’ve been avoided. Instead, they both acted out, conditioned in life to reject certain emotion as a weakness (crying and being vulnerable, specifically).

I remembered how my mom reacted to her own emotion in similar ways. As did my grandfather. My mom would get horribly irritable, saying mean things and avoiding eye contact. One day I saw her hurt through her anger and hugged her. She cried as I hugged her, saying, “Why are you hugging me!? You’re making me cry!” She has often told me that she hates crying because of how it makes her feel, look and act (unable to talk, red nose and face, snot, etc). My grandfather would just pull away. Once he was closer to death he began to let the emotion through.

As my uncle gets older I see his emotional side, too. He still has not let go of the pain of his relationship with his son, though. He wears it like a badge and uses it as justification of his actions. In the dream he buries his son, which I think is symbolic of his beliefs that his son is a lost cause and dead to him. 

Dream: Communications Class 

After the above dream I returned to sleep and entered a dream where I was sitting in a classroom with my mom. It was a communications class and my mom had come to class with me out of curiosity. I remember telling her I skipped class often and had not been keeping up with my assignments. I showed her one that I had purposefully ignored because it felt pointless to me. The assignment was to copy letters in cursive, placing them perfectly on lined paper much like you do in elementary school. The letters were in a textbook and the teacher had told us to photocopy the lined paper for the assignment. When my mom asked about the assignment I told her I didn’t care if I failed it. I showed her what I had completed and planned to turn in. The letters were floating in the middle of the lined paper, unevenly spaced and of all different sizes despite being readable and formed correctly. I felt my work was good enough. 

When I woke I knew the dream was related to the previous dream. Communication is key to preventing negative karma. In the case of my uncle and cousin, their rejection of each other will continue into another lifetime if they don’t make amends before death. My uncle knows this. He spent a lot of time mending his relationship with both his parents before they died. So, why then, does he not try to do this with his son? It is hard to say. Maybe he expects his son to come to him? 

As related to me, my own communication is anything but perfect. It may “pass the class”, but barely. It is rare that I work to maintain good communication with people outside my inner circle. Typically, I will put forth effort when it comes to close family, but with friends and acquaintances I make little to no effort at all. This is by choice. It is a lot of work to stay on good terms with people and so I reserve what little energy I have for those closest to me. My husband can’t believe I’m this way because he will go out of his way to get on good terms with pretty much everyone. I would but it is exhausting to me. Really.

However, if I were in my uncle’s shoes, I would definitely make the effort. If one of my children disappointed me continuously, I wouldn’t disconnect from them completely. I may stop helping them to avoid enabling them, but I would still tell them I loved them, still talk to them, still want to spend time with them. 

Emotional Overload

My higher levels of emotion are likely the result of my own avoidance. I definitely dislike crying for similar reasons as my mom. My throat constricts and I can’t talk. If I do try to talk, my voice is high pitched and strained. My face gets red and I feel very uncomfortable. Being the effect of my emotions is a very vulnerable place to be! 

Just in the last two weeks I’ve broken down in tears during several conversations with my husband about how I feel unappreciated, taken for granted and undervalued. The tears come as a result of what I say, so I know there is truth in my words. Usually I get angry or walk away, but for some reason these last few conversation helped me to see just how exhausted I am and I succumbed. It is just too much work to pretend I am strong.

One day the emotion followed me to work and I nearly burst into tears in a meeting over something someone said. At first I found myself reacting the way I often do. It’s a “deer in headlights” reaction, like I freeze and don’t know how to react. I don’t feel anything initially and it takes me a while to respond to questions. This particular time I was told my input in the meeting was not needed and unwanted. It was an outright rejection of my contribution and a clear message that I was not there to contribute but to observe. The person who told me this recognized that it hurt my feelings before I did and said, “Don’t be upset”. I lied and said I wasn’t, still frozen, unsure as to what exactly I was feeling. It was only later that I understood. As I sat through the rest of the meeting, silent as instructed, the emotion threatened to break through, but I kept it in check. I recognized she had made me feel unappreciated and undervalued. I was so upset that I thought, “I don’t want to be here anymore.” “Here” as in work. I wanted to walk out and quit right then and there. If I’m not valued or appreciated or seen, then why stay?

I spoke to my husband about it a couple of days later and burst into tears again. Sigh. He promised me she meant nothing by it and that I was valued and appreciated. He even told me she did the same thing to him once upon a time. It didn’t help. I still feel what I feel.

Even today I feel the emotion from this morning’s dream still lingering under the surface. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, not knowing when/if the high emotion will raise its ugly head. It’s starting to give me a headache. 😦

by

Dream Message: Rebel, Rebel

Two nights in a row where I’ve been aware of Kundalini energy but not enough to make me lucid or wake me. The night before last I recalled it only after I awoke and then it was gone as soon as I remembered it. All I remember now is a flash of a man and a Knowing that he was working with me. 

Last night I recalled a bit more.

Dream: Rebel, Rebel 

There are flashes of memory to start. I am walking through a field when I’m stopped by someone. The minute he stops me the field turns into a large indoor space with other people inside. There are flashes of greenery around, like potted plants of the tropical kind. It feels warm and welcoming and there is a sense that the space is healing. I feel like I’m on vacation.

Then I recall seeing my friend. She has gifts, her arms filled with various crystals and spiritual items. Two of these items are presented to me separately, resting in the palm of one of her hands. They look like acorns; small, brown, round and wooden. On these wooden pieces I can see words. I read them aloud but only recall the latter word because the first is unfamiliar to me. I read, “Rebel”. 

The scene shifts and I am with an older woman. She is complaining that her right shoulder hurts. I move closer, apologizing if I make her uncomfortable. She says I do not and closes her eyes as I place my hands on her shoulder and provide healing. The man from earlier walks up to me and asks, “What are you doing?” I told him that I can see what is wrong with her shoulder, the tissues surrounding the shoulder joint have been torn. I tell him I am giving her healing. 

There is slight memory of the man asking me if he can help me. I stop healing the old woman and walk away with him. I understand that he wants to give me a massage. At first I hesitate because something about him feels “weird”, but he explains it won’t take long and there is a sense that I should listen and do what he asks.

The actual massage is lost to me now, I just know that it feels amazing! I think the man stops the massage but I’m not sure. He is then talking to me. I think he asks me about my experience. I told him, “I would like more. It feels wonderful!” There is slight memory of the feeling which is reminiscent of the Kundalini. 

We talk more. I think there are others with us but can’t remember. I only recall that I am being told about something important. I remember repeating what I am told. I say, “Rebel. Rebel.” When I say this, I recall the two wooden objects my friend gave me earlier in the dream. I say, “I saw this before but there was this other word, too.” Of course, I don’t remember the word now.

The word, “Rebel”, woke me up and I lay feeling that it was a warning of something to come. Was I going to be rebellious? 

Dream Interpretation

The field setting is symbolic of a healing location. The acorn is symbolic of the “seeds of change” and the word “rebel” is symbolic of that change. The old woman is likely a version of myself: The Crone. I am giving her healing, thus healing myself. The old woman’s shoulder could be symbolic of “shouldering too much”; carrying burdens that need to be laid down and relieved. The massage provided is healing on my energy body.

I do not know the significance of the the word “rebel” really, I can only speculate. Perhaps my rebellious nature is the seed for new growth and potential? When someone rebels, they are inciting change, usually for the better (depending on perspective). The change is a catalyst for growth.

I do have a tendency to try and ignore those things which bother or upset me. I do so for so long, though, that eventually the pressure within me builds and I explode. Sometimes I act spontaneously in ways that could be seen by others as rebellious and illogical. When the storm passes, I am left wondering, “WTF did I do?” But it is too late and I have to then manage the aftermath. Thankfully, in these instances in my life, these seemingly drastic moves lead to beneficial life change.

Dream: Chinese Movie Theater

The next dream is odd. The main memory I have of it is being led into a movie theater with others. It was in China and when we got inside the theater is crowded and most of the seats taken. The faces of the people in the theater are all Chinese. My group of seven chooses to sit on chairs in the isles for some reason. I remember it being explained that no matter where you sat in the theater you had 360° vision. 

The “movie” we were watching is lost to me. Instead, a story plays out in my mind as if I am being explained something. What I remember is being on an airplane with Donald Trump, who is president again. He has people gathered around him listening to him and asking questions. He is talking about China.

The last thing I recall before waking is looking at the face of a Chinese man who is sitting in a seat in front of me. His head is between the seats peaking out at me and he is smiling. He says something about being able to see the front like the back and the back like the front, confirming he can see whatever he chooses. This wakes me.

I lay in bed thinking of the Trump scenario. The first thing that comes to mind is the border wall and the continued illegal migration problem. My mind wanders to scenarios that could play out. The nation divided by political party. The border being extended in south Texas into the Atlantic ocean. Increased border security authorized to shoot sandbags and teargas at migrants trying to storm the border. The US passing a law that prohibits illegal migrants from suing the US or its legal residents. 

My mind shoots to the virus scare and its spread. I am reminded of an article I just read about 95% of Texas deaths from the virus being impacted by certain comorbidities with the top ones being: High blood pressure, Diabetes, and heart disease. I think of how 65% (maybe more) of the US population is overweight (BMI of 30+) and realize it is easy for a nation of unhealthy people to fear a virus and even easier for them to put the responsibility of their survival on the rest of the population rather than take responsibility themselves. Easier to take pills or vaccines. Easier to continue their unhealthy lifestyles and blame others when they get sick or unwell (or die). I become furious at how lazy people can be. Their lives depend on them changing their unhealthy habits yet they persist, preferring to take a pill or shot. All along, the pharmaceutical companies and those that support them are happy to provide their consumers with what they want – the “easy way out” – because it means more money in their deep pockets.

Is it a warning? Does it has anything to do with the previous dream message “rebel”? IDK. I have to put it out of my head to stay sane. 

by

Kundalini Dream: Come Worship With Us

Prior to bed last night I was feeling a familiar energy. It is as if I am surrounded by a massive group of people but I can’t see any of them. It comes with a subtle pressure, as if I am being “called”. It is hard to put into words but I’ve been feeling this feeling on and off for a couple of weeks now.

I remember thinking it is all in my head and I need to just ignore it. I think, “Maybe I am just a highly functioning Schizophrenic? Maybe all the voices in my head and crazy experiences are just me wishing for something else, something more exciting than this boring, physical existence?” I accept that this is likely true because no one else experiences these things, at least no one I am in physical proximity to. 

I think of something my older sister once said to me about my conversations with “invisible friends”. She said I needed to stop talking to them and live in the “real world” like everyone else. She was harsh and blunt and her words stung. I cried and felt even more crazy then I already did. And still, 20 years later, I hear her words in my head and think, “Maybe she is right?” But then, whenever I try to be part of the “real world”, I feel like I’m dying inside. Inevitably, the voice(s) return and usually in profound ways.

So I guess it isn’t unusual that last night I had a very vivid, semi-lucid dream sequence. This time it came with some very obvious Kundalini.

Dream: Infected

The setting was in a small, room. Two others were with me, a man and a woman. The man mentioned that we would soon experience a sudden transformation that was outside of our control and so we needed to go to a safe space to undergo the transformation. The space was dark and secluded. I recall being told it was another room connected to the main one. It would have no a/c, be similar to a basement, and very hot (intense). I saw what would happen and in my mind it felt like whatever “infection” we all had would turn us into night creatures, like vampires.

The man and woman left, yelling back to me to hurry. I knew I would need to take food so ran to the freezer (something kept frozen or unmoving) and grabbed various items of which I recall ice cream (indulgence) being one. I thought for sure the ice cream would melt as the room would be very hot and stuffy, like a sauna, but I took it anyway. 

Dream: Donkey Friend

When leave I find myself inside a house. There are children and a woman is telling me about a new method of teaching. She takes me with her and we go up stairs but when I walk up, the stairs undulate under my feet and I stumble in surprise. The woman turns and smiles, offering me her hand and we continue.

As we walk she is asking about a mobile home on the property, asking if it has two bedrooms. I say it only has one. The roof is discussed and I assure her it doesn’t leak. 

We go outside and see a bunch of cows (domestic life) milling about. I open a small gate and let them through to the other side of the fence. Then a small donkey (relief of a burden) comes up to me. The woman tells me that it wandered onto the property on its own, as if it knew it was home. The donkey was very friendly and came over to me asking for affection. I snuggle with it and it lays on its belly like a dog.

Kundalini Dream: Worship

Then I am taken to a much larger building, a school. The building is very open inside, like the inside of a cafeteria or gym. The woman tells me about the school and it sounds very nice to me. Curious about what it’s like, I look for an open classroom. I walk down a long hallway that is lined along the left side with doors. I find the last door is unlocked. I open it and a cleaning lady is inside. I ask if I can look around and she says yes. Inside, it reminds me of a music classroom – spacious with tall ceilings. A teacher is inside standing at her desk. She tells me that the students at the school are difficult. I understand and tell her I’ve worked at a school like that and know the kinds she speaks of. I tell her I am not interested in working at another school like that.

I end up back in the large, open room I started in, but this time it is full of people. The atmosphere is attractive to me. Something about it makes me feel very open and relaxed. A woman to my right looks over at me and tells me about the work there, inviting me to be a part of what they do. It feels not only like a school but also a church. The teachers are also students and everyone comes to worship. I think it must be one of those private schools hosted by a church, at least that is what it feels like. 

The invitation has me thinking of what it would mean to work/study/worship there. It is located north of where I currently live in a town I know well. The pay is almost nothing and I go over the amount of income my family will lose if I work there. The woman smiles at me and specifically asks me to teach an art class. I realize I must be talking to either a principal or assistant principal. I ponder her question and am taken away from the scene.

Somehow I find myself in Costa Rica. I am on a road I traveled on while I was there. Recognizing where I am and that I’m dreaming, I am filled with this amazingly free feeling. A voice asks me how I feel and I say, “Free!” I begin to move forward quickly, running towards the beach. I stop at the water’s edge and turn around. In front of me I see a white machine, like a printer, that is throwing out transparent film in long sheets. The sheets remind me of laminating sheets. The voice is telling me that I can put whatever I want to on the sheets. I imagine the sheets filled with moving images like a movie. One sheet separates from the others and ascends until it stands vertically in front me. It is the same height as I am. It shifts until it becomes a single beam of golden yellow light. The voice says to me, “Life is vertical.” 

I return to the previous scene. The group around me closes in to the point that our shoulders easily touch. The energy in the air is electric. The people are all swaying as if dancing and singing a familiar hymnal. I join them in dancing and singing. When I look around me they are smiling, their eyes inviting me to join them. I see the woman I just spoke with staring at me from across the room. I see another woman who appears to not have a shirt on, her back to me. 

The group’s attention shifts to a man who is apparently one of the leaders. The man is older, maybe mid-fifties, with gray hair and a thin build. He has in his hand a violin (peace and harmony) and begins to play it as he floats up into the air. He plays the instrument like a guitarist in a rock band. His performance is unreal and I stare at him. He stares back and I feel his interest and invitation. It pulls me towards him so I shift my gaze. I lock eyes with the woman I previously spoke with. She is giving me the same look as the man. 

My focus shifts to the people around me and the rhythmic flow of our bodies. The electric energy is amazing and I feel so free and alive. I remember thinking, “I want to stay here” as I am amazed to feel finally to have found others like myself and be part of a group that will accept me completely, as I am. 

I see the woman I saw earlier, the one without a shirt. She is to my left. Her bare breasts are visible. She has painted something over her nipples, something blue. We touch one another and my vision blacks out as I feel into the energy of our connection and the connection of everyone with us. We feel to all be one. With this oneness I hear the woman’s voice again. She is saying, “Come and worship with us.” 

When my vision returns I not only hear her invitation, but I feel it. I want nothing more than to continue feeling it. Forever. 

A random man who is completely naked, stands in front of the group. He points at his nether regions to a section that would be about where a woman’s ovaries would be. He says, “Help me create life”. I see two dark spots appear, like moles on his skin, where the ovaries would be. Visuals of pregnancy come to mind. Strangely, desire rises within me along with the feeling of wanting to “make babies”. I think, “I don’t want to have anymore babies!” The voice tells me that what I’m feeling is “potential”. 

Then the man who had been dancing and playing the violin is suddenly right in front of me. I see him close up. He is old, his pale face etched with deep lines and his eyes feel to pierce my soul. I find him irresistibly attractive and accept his invitation. I reach toward the man and passionately kiss him. I feel it all very acutely. We kiss for what seems like a very long time, our tongues merging, then our mouths merging, and finally our bodies merging. My root chakra lights up and swirls around, growing in intensity, the energy pushing upward into my second chakra. There it sits and swirls, intensifying until it wakes me up.

Pin on Ecclesiastes

The In-Between

Despite waking, I am still immersed in the energy from the dream. Again, I hear the voice, inviting me to join, but this time I hear, “We have been waiting for you.” 

I linger in the in-between for some time, the energy in my second chakra slowly moving upward into my third chakra. The energy is warm and lulls me back into the in-between every time I begin to come out of my reverie. It is a wonderful, warm, blissful feeling that eventually encompasses my entire body. 

While in the in-between I am given two Biblical references, both from the book of Ecclesiastes – 4:11 and 9:11. I can’t recall which was given to me first, but it likely doesn’t matter. 

4:11

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?

9:11

I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
    or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
    or wealth to the brilliant
    or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

Then I have a vision of an erupting volcano. A mass of people is gathered at it’s base, worshipping it, sacrificing to it. I recognize that religion stems from such worship but not of “God” as men have made him out to be, but of Life. I recognize the volcano as a symbol of the Kundalini. I see in the Kundalini, Life (Aliveness), and know I am imbued with that Life.

It is clear to me that the church/school in my dream is a place of worship and that the entire dream is asking me to worship – to partake in – Life. I am invited to teach art. I am invited to create. I am invited to embrace desire (potential); to be Free. 

Considerations

Initially I was surprised at how easily I embraced the invitation in the dream. Everything around me was super erotic and sexual – the energy, the people, the visuals, the dancing. An outsider would have assumed it was a giant orgy! But the sense of oneness, the rhythm of the group, felt comfortable and familiar. I have felt pieces of it in other dreams and experiences leading up to this one, but nothing like this. I especially enjoyed that feeling in the end – the desire/potential feeling. It felt like if I just surrendered to that feeling, a “Big Bang” would occur and a Universe would be formed. lol

I find it especially curious how I often get Biblical references from my Team of guides. The book of Ecclesiastes has never come up before. Though I use to study the bible as a child, it was merely in Sunday school and often forced upon me, so I recall very little. For example, I had to memorize the books of the old and new testaments, the psalms (ugh) and other scriptures like John 3:16. It seems, though, that this particular chapter is about learning to live “under the Sun” (embracing the Light/God) rather than in fear of the Light/God. I also saw the chapter 4 referred to as “lessons from the teacher”.

These two verses in particular talk about the power of togetherness and the fact that all humans experience “time and chance” regardless of their situation (we are all equal in the eyes of God). I just recently had a very humbling dream about how we are all equal, no one is better than another, so am not surprised to be receiving more on that topic. This dream is also reminding me that I need others and we are all One, another common theme.

Overall, the dream feels like a giant invitation. I accept! We’ll see what comes of it, if anything.

by

Days of Dreamwork

Since I’ve been back from Costa Rica, my dreams have been really vivid and somewhat odd! I often wake up with a realization or an understanding about some aspect of life. I have been warned now, several times, of upcoming changes. Some mornings I wake up in tears, other mornings I was up in ecstasy. lol I prefer the latter, of course, but, like you will see below, you can’t have the good without the bad. 😉

Below are some of those dreams.

July 25th – Dream: Embrace the Darkness

I was with a group and we were exploring an old resort that had been abandoned for a long time. It was still daylight when we went in. I saw a space that looked really new with large, leather sofa chairs and tables. I commented on how new they looked and wondered why they hadn’t sold them. I saw old phones and knew it had been a call center. Then we looked around and it started to get darker. We got separated and I was with this one guy. My flashlight on my phone wouldn’t work and settings kept coming up where I could select a weapon – knife, sword, etc. I began to get worried and at one point was all alone in a dark space. I worried it was haunted but nothing happened to confirm that. I remember seeing an old bathroom and walking down long halls. I knew to get out I had to go back the way I had come. I had to use the screen of my phone to light the way a few times but it was not near enough light. I remember thinking that the space was not unlike my dark bedroom and that all I had to do was close my eyes and go to sleep. There was nothing to be afraid of.

What is funny is that after I awoke and got out my phone, I accidentally turned on the flashlight! Hahaha!

I think the meaning of the last dream is that we need to get comfortable with the darkness. If we calmly walk through it we will find that the darkness is not scary at all and can be quite comforting. Eventually, if we are patient, we will find the Light. 

Ride the Wave, Enjoy the Ride

Recently, a FB ad kept coming up. After about the fifth time I paid attention and took a screenshot for proof. The reason it was so meaningful is because my sister’s name was in it. It is her name with the word “health” after it. Firstly, her name is rare. I’ve never met anyone with her name. Second, her name means “Goddess of truth”. Third, the word “health” does not describe her. If anything, her life has been the opposite. 

I sent the website to my mom and said, “Message or oxymoron?”

Later in the day, I spoke to my husband about my sister and her addictive tendencies. She works very hard to convince others she happy and without problems when on social media and even in person. I mentioned that she is afraid of her own darkness and so runs from it straight into anything which numbs her pain or hides the truth. I told him that we are not all that different from her, we just choose to distract ourselves in other, less harmful ways. 

Then last night I was finishing up watching a Netflix series called The Gift. The last episode reminded me of my dream. The show reminds us that life is a “gift”. The good and even the bad are to be relished. You cannot have one without the other. When I listened to the ending monologue I couldn’t help but think of the 8 Winds of Buddhism and how it applied. 

This morning, a dear friend of mine wrote about addiction and how so many of us are addicted, just not always to those things most stigmatized by society like drugs and alcohol. Addiction is our method of avoidance. Avoidance of pain, of uncomfortable truths, of life, etc. I realized what she wrote tied into everything above. This is part of what she wrote:

“What is your relationship to pain? Reflect on this….a lot. Learn to become aware of the pain, to stay present with it, to even be kind to it. Learn to breathe with it and give it space rather than allowing it to hold court. Stop believing that you shouldn’t have to feel it, or something is wrong with you or your life if it’s there. These are the fundamentals of self-compassion. If we don’t learn to consciously embrace our pain we will continue to self-medicate and dissociate from it, each other, and ourselves.”

So, it seems to me that my dream about the darkness was connected to the other incidents and realizations. I recognized this and understood that I need to confront some aspects of my own darkness. But what?

Dream: Just a Job

I remember being with a group of women. We were in a small space together getting ready – putting on makeup and making ourselves look beautiful. It didn’t take me long to recognize what we were preparing for. A knock came at the door and one woman was called forward and left with a man. I backed up, not really interested in working. I recognized that I was a call girl and knew I would be paid $65 for a half hour. 

I had all kinds of thoughts about my job. I remember knowing I enjoyed my work but then also that it was just “work”. I remember thinking it “fun” and being very interested in sexual acts of all kinds. I remember seeing two men together and being told to listen for a “pop” when they kissed (never heard it, not sure what it meant). I remember seeing a woman climb up on this inversion table-looking device where she laid out naked while another woman came from below. I saw all kinds of various sexual acts, some that would be considered taboo even, but I never once flinched. 

Then I was back in the room looking at a large palette of makeup. A woman was with me showing me some special lipsticks and bragging about selling them. It all reminded me of selling Mary Kay makeup and I was just not interested. In fact, I felt disinterested in pretty much everything in life. I just felt flat; neutral. I remember thinking that at least sex was fun. lol

When I woke I was a bit curious about the dream. It felt like it was an exploration of my past linked with some of my considerations in the present. It may explain why I don’t connect sex with love. Why I am so matter-of-fact when it comes to sex. I do recall past lives when I was a prostitute and it is likely I have been one in many more lives than I recall. The feeling of disinterest was strong and similar to how I feel presently. Perhaps this is part of my darkness? 

Regardless, the message seems to be that you can’t have the good without the bad. Ride the wave and enjoy the ride. 

July 26 – Night-Long Dream: Columbus Day

I was with a group in a forest. We were on a mission looking for someone(s). The most vivid part is when we went onto the lake (emotion). It was dark (unknown, hidden) and the water was solid but pliable. I was told that during the winter it would solidify only there was no ice, just darkness, almost like we were walking on the solar system in that it had a glittery appearance under the moonlight. At one point, though, a wave (unexpected event) came up and pushed me hard, throwing me a distance. Instead of landing on the surface, I fell down into the depths (forced into the unknown depths). Surprised that the water had opened up and swallowed me like that, I swam to the surface. As I swam, I saw a man’s foot and brushed his toes (togetherness). They were warm to the touch and I thought, “He’s still alive.” I told the people on top of the lake when I returned to them but we did not go get the man.

We then continued our search and came upon my mom’s house where somehow I ended up with some fajita meat and tortillas. I took them to a school to give them to a teacher there. When I gave them to her she laughed and asked if someone couldn’t wait and I noticed that several had been eaten. I confessed to eating one and seeing two others eat some also. She said she had hoped to feed 50 people but said it was not a problem because she had ordered a large turkey dinner. She place a huge turkey (fear) on a tray on the counter and showed me. Then, she gave me keys (access to something) and instructions on how to take the fajitas to her office. I went along a maze of hallways and came to a glass enclosed office with a counter out front. I saw the door and went around the side and was let into the office by a student. I didn’t even need to use the keys.

I realized the teacher was not a teacher anymore but some kind of supervisor to other teachers. She organized gatherings and didn’t actually teach classes. The two teachers under her both had PhD’s. I thought that I would never get a PhD in education because it made no sense to me. It felt like someone was asking me questions about my choices here, thus my thoughts.

The dream shifted to me sitting in some chairs in the school entrance. A small blonde girl had been with me and had been taken away. I sat down by a man and the girl was returned. Her hair had been dyed a dark brown. She hid under a large tray which I removed and put in a wagon I had with me. I then began to go over papers with lists of names as I sorted through clothing that was both mine and the man’s. I remember seeing names and explaining the names were of students in the alternative school where I use to teach. I mentioned how many had not made it to the next level and were repeats.

The man sitting next to me helped me sort the clothing as I read through the list. I was sorting out the clean from the dirty. I remember being a bit embarrassed at my underwear (private self) being there but he paid no attention to it. He was very quiet and accepting of me. I did see some of his clothing in the mix, but can’t recall what type. He was telling about himself, specifically that his birthday was in three days. I saw a calendar and Columbus Day. Yet for some reason I called him a Taurus so I was convinced the day was at the end of April. Someone asked, a guide I think, if this man was acceptable to me. I said, “Yes. He seems nice.” I liked how he was quiet and observant. His energy was very calm.

Then the dream shifted and I was standing near what resembled a crypt in an ancient temple. I looked below and saw two graves that were dug out and very deep. In adjacent rooms were more holes without bodies. I wanted to go down and looked toward a man who was sitting next to another man. I don’t know which man was the person I looked to but one said, “We want to be alone.” The feeling was they didn’t want me there. I took no offense and went exploring.

I walked around in what felt like a temple space that was very ornately painted with high ceilings. It felt like a place in Turkey maybe or it could’ve been Hindu. I came to a vendor who had tapestries and woven textiles. I looked through some of the smaller textiles, picked one up and noticed the patterns moved. I smiled as I realized I could control the movement and saw a bird taking flight. A man and woman approached, fascinated and the man asked me what I did for a living. I told him I used my imagination to make things better, that I do this in my dreams in order to make the world a better place. I showed him how and he was intrigued. He wanted to learn and grabbed a textile and I showed him. The image was of a person sitting in a garden. I made the bees buzz and move around the person. He tried and created moving images on his own textile.

Excited, the man took a tapestry and draped it around himself and walked away saying he was going to use his new ability to help him get the job he wanted. I watched him walk away, the tapestry forming to his body and hanging down like a white robe. I was pleased.

Considerations

When I woke I recalled two things specifically: the solid, dark water and Columbus Day. I knew the dark water was symbolic of the depths of my subconscious. I am thrown down into it (possibly the collision I’ve been warned about) and not afraid. I see a man’s foot and brush his toes (togetherness, the small details, more to be known). He is just floating there. I suspect this indicates a karmic relationship or maybe that I am aware of this man at some level. He is in my “depths”, below the surface, alive and waiting there.

The Columbus Day date was on my mind and I woke thinking, “Columbus Day is in October. It is not in April or May (Taurus).” I looked it up and sure enough it is in October. I was told a while ago now that I would meet someone in October. I wonder if this information is to indicate when? Is the man a Taurus? Or is his birthday really on Columbus Day? The laundry being sorted indicates that he and I share something intimate. The saying “airing my dirty laundry” comes to mind. This means “personal or private affairs that could cause distress or embarrassment if exposed.” Perhaps the man and I talk about personal things together? He felt like someone who does not judge, which may be why I am comfortable with him. He sat there calmly observing, which I liked.

The last dream also stayed with me, specifically my explanation about what I am here in this life to do. I create via my imagination and dreams, making things better here on Earth. I seek to make things more beautiful and images of nature appear in the fabric.

The empty graves in the crypt is interesting. They are far below me and very deep. I want to go explore but the man tells me to go away. An empty grave can mean resurrection or it can mean preparation for death. I remember thinking the empty graves odd and I was curious. Where were the bodies? So, it likely means resurrection.

July 31st – Dream: Free

The setting was reminiscent of a post-apocalyptic scene. I was a child in a large, nearly empty warehouse with other children. I recall being sent to bed and having to follow strict rules. I struggled to sleep and was sneaking around with other kids. I remember being strictly forbidden to have any relations with boys but I snuck around trying to do this without much success. There was fear but I’m not sure what of. I also recall being shown how I was born, which was not natural. Me and my siblings were born via a large, shallow pool with pods in it connected by a metal grid with tubes coming out. Natural birth no longer existed.

Then I was on a trip down a road being shown the state of the world. It was desolate and gray with lots of construction going on and large trains hauling materials and cleaning up debris. I saw statues of horses, hundreds of them, being piled into a train car by a crane which was pulling them out of a large, metal container. This visual was extremely oversized, as if it was meant to make an impact. On the other side of the road I saw a statue of a small deer and a man. I questioned what happened to all the animals. A man said they were all dead and all that was left was what I was seeing. I wondered if someone had turned all the animals into stone.

Then I was in an encampment. I overheard plans to bomb the neighbors who were called “The U.S.” The reason for the bombing was stated as a need to keep the country (or it’s influence) from getting bigger and becoming a threat. The thing is, the U.S. was not a threat. It was just a peaceful camp, not big enough to do any harm to anyone. I feared for them and wanted to warn them.

I snuck out and ran toward the U.S. side. I could see men sneaking around putting bombs in select places. Fearing the worst, I began to scream, “There are bombs! You need to get out!” There was this loud noise that drowned out my calls. It was coming from a large body of water where people were working. The workers were out in the water. I kept running toward them, screaming so much that my voice cracked and became hoarse. I ran until they could see me and finally they heard me and they began to run out of the water towards safety. I saw a horse startle and run away and also a rabbit. I thought, “They still have horses and rabbits here!” I was amazed. I swear I heard a voice answer, “Yes, they do.” The bombs began to go off all around, but the people escaped.

I was running to hide and found this bubbling stream or brook that went deep into the ground. I knew the path and jumped in, letting its waters take me down into darkness. I grabbed onto a root during part of the journey and then dropped into the abyss. It took me to the other side and I stepped out, hiding as I peeked out at the space. It was another workspace, like a warehouse with cranes and people wearing welding helmets. Someone saw me and I withdrew. Then a whole group of guys recognized me. They knew I had helped them.  

Then I was in my mom’s house. It was dark and I was with some others. I again felt to be sneaking around and doing what I should not. There was this large, black man who I recognized. I went up to him and he embraced me. I felt an amazing attraction to him. I also knew he was gay yet I didn’t care. It felt that life had restricted us so much that we wanted only to be free. The expression of this came as desire and when we embraced I felt as if I had been “released” and “set free” and I surrendered completely to the man. I wanted nothing more than to release all control to him and when I did this it was such a relief that all the pent up, suppressed life force within me was expressed as intended. It felt as if I was meant to be this way and I had no shame. And when I thought, “He is gay”, I didn’t care and knew it didn’t matter. I did not hold back. I was not afraid.

When I awoke my second chakra was aching and I realized that all I want is to be “free”. I feel that something deep within me wants only to fully surrender, to hand all control to another with full trust that he will protect and cherish me. A part of me is exhausted from life, from trying to control things, people and situations. All I want to do is flow with life, to feel fully and express what I feel without restrictions and rules. 

I was asked to look/feel into the feelings I was having and saw many occasions of men taking what was not theirs to take, misusing their power and creating fear where there should be none; times when I’ve surrendered fully only to have someone abuse the control I’ve handed them, taking with brute force what should be handled with care. I recognized that I purposefully withdraw and keep up my guard. I realized all I need to do to open up again is to trust and that is so very hard to do. Even the smallest sense of deceit from the other and I shut down, tight as a clamshell. I heard an encouraging voice say, “Trust……let it happen.” And there the message is again: Let it happen, let it happen. It’s gonna feel so good. 🙂

by

Dream Message: Let Her Think She’s in Control

As our trip to Costa Rica grows closer, I keep falling into worry mode and have to pull myself out of it time and time again. It is tiring. I don’t understand why I have to turn every new situation or adventure into a worry-fest. Just the thought of being out of my comfort zone and I fall right into the mind-muck. The source is expectation, of course. I want to know what is going to happen. I want my efforts to have a reward that is worthwhile. So often I take a “risk” and end up with little to no reward and many times a definitive, “I shouldn’t have done that.” 

What do I expect out of this trip? I have no idea. At the least I would like to feel rested, revived, and cleared of the mind muck. I suspect since I will be around my husband and kids that this will not be the end result. I will likely be more tired at the end of the 10 days. If I stay behind then maybe I will be able to recover and obtain some semblance of what I am seeking. Maybe I will get more than that? Maybe not. The thing is, I just won’t know until I do it. 

My biggest worry is I won’t get any sleep. When I travel, I tend to struggle to get good sleep. If I have to share a room or bed with someone then no sleep is guaranteed, at least for a few nights until I crash from exhaustion. Interestingly enough, when we went to Montana last December I slept wonderfully. Similarly, when my family visited Corpus Christi years ago and we all shared a room, I also slept well. So there are exceptions to the sleep issue. I have struggled with sleep so much that I’ve pretty much just resigned myself to the fact that I will have problems. My way of coping is to just wait it out, even if it means I don’t fall asleep until after 3am. It took years of insomnia to finally get to this point, though. YEARS. So, I just hope for the best and if the worst happens, I suck it up and deal.

My best hope for the trip is that it will make a positive, lasting impression on me and the people I meet. I would love to find that “spark” of belonging and acceptance that comes along so very rarely in my life. I would love to feel some purpose again, to be invited to share my gifts and connect with others at a deep, spiritual level. 

My SIL practices Gestalt Equine Therapy. If you are unaware of what Gestalt Therapy is, it is a type of psychotherapy that has no real defined process. The horse provides the person with a kind of acceptance and grace that allows the person to relax and reach deep within to uncover issues. Gestalt Therapy works from the present NOW moment, also. 

I am not particularly drawn to this therapy and am not a horse lover, really. I use to love horses when I was a child, though. I drew them all.the.time and was fascinated especially with mares and foals. I also loved My Little Pony, so there you go. lol So, who know, maybe some healing will happen while there? I am not too happy with my SIL being my therapist, though. I don’t want her sharing my stuff with my husband. Hopefully she practices client confidentiality! 

Messages

I did a tarot spread a few days ago asking about how this trip will turn out. In general, it was positive, but there was no definitive answer other than advice to be careful about what decision I make.

First card – the present, where I am now – Movement, Choices, Decisions. It indicates that I am in a period of decision and movement. I am contemplating changes and wanting to move forward.

Second card – what is behind me – Stand Your Ground. I have stood my ground, not wavering and keeping firm boundaries. I have not given up control or compromised myself or my convictions. 

Third card – what lies ahead – Material Harvest – That which I have worked hard for will be rewarded. This card is about physical harvest – money, finances, material things. The 9 is about endings and wrapping things up. Finality. 

Fourth card – Hope – This card is about looking to the future and having hope that things will work out. It mentions how my Light will guide others toward me and encourages me to share my truth and journey with others.

Final card/answer – Choose Wisely – Many options and opportunities are available. Do not choose hastily but make a wise decision. Take your time to select the best option. Seek advice from those you trust. 

The same day I got a message from the Bible.

From the NIV:  Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

Dream Message

Woke up from a dream that made me feel a bit nervous about what is to come. 

In the dream I was in a car (life path) driving (feeling in control) along a mountain road (difficult route). The radio (mental noise) was bothering me so I went to turn it off. The knobs I tried didn’t work, though, and a static sound with random words replaced the music that had previously been playing. The sounds bothered me. It made my mind feel strained and disrupted my focus on the road ahead. I frantically tried the last knob, clicking it off, but the sound remained.

Then, as I looked ahead, my vision was impaired (unable to see clearly, seeking clarity). It was like I was getting a migraine – tiny blurry blobs and random color spots appeared and made it hard to see the road and other cars. I do remember seeing a red car drive by and recognized I was in the left lane. There was a guardrail (safety) on my left and I could see rocky cliffs below and steep mountain all around. I could see parts of the road ahead but my view kept being interrupted by the blurry blobs of color. 

I gripped the steering wheel and kept telling myself to trust the process. I also told myself that I would be okay and other words of encouragement. I Knew that I would make it to my destination unharmed. I Knew that even if I fell asleep I would be okay and the car would continue on the path without running off the road or into another driver.

I think I saw storm clouds on the horizon and rain but I couldn’t be sure. Were the spots in my vision rain drops on the windshield or something else? I blinked but the spots remained.

As I woke up I heard a male voice say, “Let her think she’s in control.” 

Upon waking I was upset to hear the message and I began to think the worst of my immediate future. The message reminded me that no matter what I do, I won’t go anywhere unless my HS wants me to. I might feel like I am paving my own path, but I’m not. It is all a sham to make me feel I am in control. I’m never in control. So, of course, I began to feel like Costa Rica was one of those instances. It is just something to keep me occupied as I wait out the long road ahead. It is just another distraction, like giving the child in the back seat a video game because they are fidgety and asking, “Are we there yet?” over and over again. 

I thought of other trips and “distractions” in my life. Some were okay but mostly they just kept me occupied, focused on something else for a while, seeking something but not sure what. I thought of how my guides often advise me to, “Enjoy the ride”, meaning, do things I am interested in, curious about or enjoy while I wait for the next milestone. Problem is, I rarely enjoy the ride. I just cringe to think of how many more miles I have to endure it. 

My guidance interjected with, “Maybe you should try focusing on helping others for a while?” I understood the suggestion. I do feel much better when I focus on others. When I help others, I help myself. This has always been true. I give advice and I hear it as advice for myself, also. I pass on a message in a reading and also relate to it. I give Reiki and I, too, receive it. It is an amazing thing. Perhaps while in Costa Rica I will be invited to use my gifts to help others? That would be okay with me.

Eventually, I just got up and accepted my fate. I am going to Costa Rica. All the obstacles have been removed that can be for now. I may not be 100% interested in the trip, but it will keep me occupied, maybe for quite some time. And who knows, maybe I will experience some authentic healing along the way? I know that doing the same stuff all the time won’t get me any results.

I started my day thinking, “I need to ‘do the work'”.

My Destination

For those of you curious about where I am heading, here is a link to my SIL’s website – Horse Spirit Healing. The ranch is called Resonance Ranch and is located in Cabuya Costa Rica.

While I am away, my connection to the world will be limited. Internet is available but my US wireless phone service does not work there and I am not planning on getting a local wireless number and plan. I will likely use WhatsApp to communicate with people in the states as well as other forms of social media like Facebook and Instagram. I don’t know yet how reliable the internet is. Will I be able to work remotely if I decide to stay? I just won’t know until I get there. If I stay for any significant length of time (my visa will be for 90 days) then I may purchase a wireless phone plan for $8.95USD/month but it is not necessary as WhatsApp provides all that is needed phone-wise. I still have to download it, though. lol

I may or may not do updates via my blog. We will see what happens. 🙂

by

Dream: It’s Time to Rebuild

Our trip to Costa Rica is only 11 days away. Unfortunately, I continue to go back and forth on the decision, at least in my mind. My mind wants to make it difficult – always. When I check in with my guidance I consistently get the answer, “I need to do this.” It isn’t about what my small self (human) wants, at least not primarily. Despite being the driver of this life, my HS is continually checking in with me – the passenger – to make sure I’m comfortable. Contrary to what I think (most of the time), my Higher Self does want my human self to be happy and does strive to give me what I want.

The indecision is typical for me and can be frustrating to say the least, especially if I voice my concerns to those around me and they don’t want to hear them. The other night I mentioned briefly how I was feeling to my husband and he went into attack mode, telling me that if I would just be “nice to him” then I wouldn’t feel what I was feeling. The pure spite spewing out of him was palpable. So, I just walked away and went outside where I tuned into my guidance and got the same answer I always do – “I need to go.”

My mind loves to go into panic mode and will go on and on if I allow it. I see so many potential booby traps awaiting me. Yet when I tune in, my HS will ask me questions to help settle my mind. I recall being asked, “What are you feeling? What are you afraid of?” Lately, it feels like I have a group of supportive Beings around me. This morning, in fact, I heard very distinctly, “We love all love you” and could sense a large group of family and friends in Spirit.

My dreams last night were vivid, especially one.

Dream: It’s Time to Rebuild

The dream began in a large space, like a meeting hall. It was hard to see, but when I interacted with someone the difficulty vanished and they became very clear. I recall talking to a man who I felt very friendly with. He was “parked” in a certain space and mentioned he chose it for “the view”. I didn’t see a man but a car, a yellow one. He felt like someone who I could joke around and flirt with.

Around me I could sense a large group but my attention was on one man among them. We talked for some time about his life and my life. I recall knowing he had two grown children, but they had just recently left the home. He was divorced or separated, also. There is memory of a golden glow, his energy I think, and I could see within this glow images as if a movie was playing.

The energy from this person was attractive to me and I was very, very interested in him. I remember feeling/thinking, “I want this”. Wherever he went in the room my attention went.

Then I was in a dark room preparing for sleep. I remember the space was full of rooms like this all located along a long corridor. Someone was walking down the corridor ringing a bell and announcing a gathering. I could also hear music when the bell was rung – a chiming sound, like windchimes. It was late and I was not in the mood to go anywhere. I remember thinking, “Oh no. Not now.” It felt like I could choose whether to go or not and I was not planning on attending. I wanted to sleep.

Then the man from before was standing in front of me. He asked me, “Are you coming or not?”

I recognized him. He was the same man I use to see in my dreams and OBE’s. He first visited me in 2014 and his visits preceded my encounter with my heart connection. After my heart connection, this was the man who came to guide me in my dreams. He always looked the same – dark hair, dark eyes, tall and slender and somewhat Hispanic looking.

For some reason I was speechless. He then said, “It’s time to rebuild.” I said back, “But shouldn’t we destroy everything first?” He said with both words and a vivid image, “It’s dominoes.” And in my mind I saw a line of dominoes. The first was knocked over and then the entire line followed in succession.

I experienced a kind of clarity with his answer. Then, he grabbed what looked like a scarf and another smaller item. The scarf was see through and blue. He waved it over my head as if to entice me to follow him. There was a sense that I need take only the necessities with me if I went.

I watched him walk out the door. The attraction I felt for him was magnetic and the pull irresistible. I remember feeling reticent but thinking, “Fine. If he’s going then I should go.” It felt like regardless of what this “meeting” was or meant, if he was going to be there then I would be okay. It was clear, though, that I did not really want to follow him, but I did.

The next thing I remember is being back in the hall. It was like I returned to the beginning of my dream. Across from me on the other side I could see the man. My attention was glued to him. Somehow we ended up talking again. He asked me a question, seeking advice. He felt upset about a decision he had made and was being very hard on himself. I could feel what he was feeling and sympathized. I can’t remember what he asked but I said, “You did it for family.” He nodded agreement and said, “Yes, yes I did.”

What I remember most distinctly is how drawn I was to him and how beautiful he was to me. The feeling woke me and my guide was close. I remember saying, “He is beautiful.” In that moment I wanted nothing more than to be with him, next to him, close to him.

Music Messages

When I woke I remember thinking it significant that I was seeing this man in my dreams again. Surely it didn’t mean my heart connection was about to reconnect? I remember briefly considering emailing him about my dream, warning him of the destruction coming because what happens to me also seems to happen to him. But then I didn’t want to resume communication. I know I can’t just be friends, it’s too painful. Besides, the info from the dream didn’t match what I know about him at all.

As I considered the dream, a song came to mind. Specifically this part: “I shot a hole through every single thing that I love”. The whole chorus soon followed:

I’m sorry for everything, no, everything I’ve done
From the second that I was born it seems I had a loaded gun
And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved
Oh I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved

I struggle to return to sleep, but when I did I heard message. One was, “You’re here to analyze the future.” I questioned that, thinking, “analyze” was the wrong word.

I entered a dream where I was outside laying on a towel sunbathing with others by a pool. I had with me a backpack and was going through the contents. I pulled out clothing and dishes while talking to the others with me about an upcoming “test”. Then I was standing in a doctor’s office discussion a pain in my lower leg. He said a leg vein was likely to return and asked me to take it easy. He showed me that a section of vein was missing and indicated the missing section was “growing back”. The two side of the vein wanted to be reconnected.

Then I was walking in a city at night. I encountered about five tiny kittens. They were following me. As I turned around toward them I heard music and saw into a house. The house was where a mother and small boy lived. Somehow I knew the music was their alarm clock. It kept getting louder and louder. While the music played the walls had images of sexual scenes and I thought it very inappropriate. I took video of it for proof. Then someone took charge of my video camera and zoomed in on another space. There was a wall with wooden, locked doors all over it. One door was opened and inside was an undecorated Christmas tree. The video pushed passed the tree to another door, opened it and behind a row of ties was another door. Behind that were more doors, each getting successively smaller.

I woke up from the odd dreams feeling kinda heavy from a night of information processing without really knowing what that information was. A song came to me as if in answer. I heard, “Cause I do it solo….” The sense was that I am meant to travel “solo” for this part of my journey.

Considerations

The first dream appears to be a preparation dream. Some event is going to (or has already) set off a chain of events leading to destruction of some kind and then a period of rebuilding. I am not eager for this and prefer to sleep it away – avoid it. So the dominoes are representing that chain of events.

The song message may or may not represent me. It could be that someone was communicating to me how they feel in their life – always messing things up. I feel this way, too, at times, though.

The other dreams feel to support the first. The unpacking symbolizes relieving myself of burdens and responsibilities I’m carrying around. The doctor is a guide indicating that the “vein” in my leg wants to reconnect and be whole. I vein could represent my “life force” or energy. There is mention of a test in the dream, also.

The last dream is Kundalini filled. Cats = feminine sexuality. The music, another “alarm” (mentioned in first dream also), is accompanied by sexual images. Then the Christmas tree is a repeating symbol from the dreams I had in the past with the dark haired man. It indicates “gifts” coming. Since this one isn’t decorated yet and is behind doors, it may be hidden.

That reminds me, I asked about the dominoes portion of the dream after I woke. I said, “The destruction hasn’t happened, has it?” They said, “It has, you just haven’t seen it yet.” My feeling was that something has been set in motion but the ripples are still too small to notice. It at least makes me feel a little better about how the destruction comes about. I had worried it would be an “all at once” thing.

by

Lucid Dream and Message: Express Yourself

Woke up in tears this morning. It seems my request to Remember is being granted. Slowly but surely lucidity is returning to my dreams and I am being allowed to recall the work I’m doing in dreamtime.

Lucid Dream: Sexual Encounter

I became semi-lucid. Part of me thought I was actually awake but another was aware that it was a dream. I was laying in bed and felt to be both in my physical bed and my dream bed simultaneously. In the dream scene I was aware of an office-type environment and people from my work talking and moving about in an adjacent room. 

I lingered in bed, very relaxed and calm. Energetically, I was aware of my root and second chakras and the feeling was very seductive, almost like there was someone there with me. I do remember talking to someone, so it could be that I was not alone, but at the time it was just me in my bed. I can’t recall the discussion in detail but I believe I was telling him how the energy made me feel. The more I described the energy and sensations, the more they grew. It was as if my words magnified the energy. 

There is a brief moment when I requested a specific person be there with me. I requested this person by name more than once. It surprises me now that I did this but then it also makes perfect sense because I’ve often thought of this person as my teacher.

Eventually, I recall hearing a distinctive male voice say, “Relax and go with it.” When hearing his words there was recognition that I was focusing too much on the energy and effectively blocking its movement. Instantly I released my attention and the energy suddenly burst through all at once and then slowed until it flowed in a steady stream, circulating between the lower chakras. Interestingly, the sudden burst of sexual energy did not awaken me and I remained in a lucid state with the dream scene.

The next thing I remember is reaching toward “the voice” and encountering a body. Everything about what I felt was physically real. It was very obviously a male body. I felt along his arms and shoulders and then felt his hairy chest. I could also see him in my mind’s eye but my vision never turned on. What I saw was only what I touched, so I never saw a face. I’m not sure I wanted it to. It seems like I wanted the man to remain a mystery but in my mind I was thinking he was “husband” but not my actual husband in my waking life. So which husband? I have no idea! lol Honestly, it didn’t matter at the time because I was immersed in exploring through touch. The entire time this energy continued to swirl and, funny enough, I became very comfortable with it despite its highly erotic nature.

The very physical sensations eventually woke me up and the voice from the dream followed me into wakefulness. He was asking me questions about my experience. One in particular was about the sensation of touch. He asked if I could tell the age of a person by feel. I said, “No, not really.” The questioning seemed to be about the sense of touch versus vision. It became clear to me that using my physical eyes could be counter productive in certain situations. I was reminded of how I am meant to see the world with my inner eyes, not the physical ones, because the physical eyes support the illusion while the inner eyes see the truth. My mind was filled with past experiences where this was painfully obvious. I hadn’t realized how much my physical eyes contribute to the solidification of the illusion within the framework of this physical experience. So often I have tossed my inner Knowing about someone or something because my physical eyes see something else!

Dream: Express Yourself 

Although I woke up for a short time, when I fell back to sleep I returned to the dream scene. Still in bed, I saw my son come into the room and change his shirt. When he left, I followed him out and saw someone from work directing people about in a classroom. The feeling in the space was one of organized chaos. I Knew that in this space I could be myself and no one would judge me. 

Something caught my attention and I turned around to see that behind me was outdoors. A blonde, thin woman who was about my age, was receiving a yellow bikini to try on. I remember seeing her and thinking she was quite attractive for her age and had taken good care of her body. She looked a decade younger than she was.

When she put on the bikini bottoms they were like bloomers rather than normal bottoms. She disliked this and another bottom was provided. She went behind a screen to try it on but took her time. When she came out, everyone was applauding, expecting her to shine in her new bikini, but she was wearing a brown dress that looked like a potato sack. When I asked her why she wasn’t wearing the bikini, she said it showed her love handles. A flash of what she was talking about came to mind. Two very small bumps above her hips. I told her how beautiful she was and that she didn’t have any love handles. She didn’t believe me and walked away.

When I turned back toward the classroom, I was invited to come inside and observe. The room was dark but various colored lights were flashing, giving the appearance of stars. There were six rows of desks with students. Music was playing and the students were singing, one-by-one, when their turn came. I sat down in the front, left desk – the only open seat. To my left was a screen and music was playing from it. I turned and looked around at the students. They were all smiling and friendly. Again, I felt that I was in a safe space, one where everyone was accepted and loved.

The music was spectacular and the singing even more so. The entire room was lit up with a vibrant energy and I was immediately impressed. Each student was given a chance to express their own inner truth however it came to them and the music shifted based upon which student was singing. Their words are lost to me now but I was deeply moved by each student regardless of the tone of their songs. Some were sad, others joyous, and some a mixture of emotion. Every song expressed the individual’s unique Self and each song contributed to the energy of the space creating a chorus unlike any I’d heard before. 

As I watched the progression and listened to their individual voices, I began to have all sorts of emotions arise out of me. The more songs I heard, the more my own song began to emerge. It is hard to pinpoint just one emotion because there were so many. Part of me wanted very badly to participate. I wanted to stay there with them forever. I was impressed by the teacher who mainly just facilitated the group and gave her support. 

A familiar song came to mind. The words, “Where are you now?” repeated over and over.

And then I began to sob. The emotion came from deep within and just poured out of me. I began to feel very self-conscious and worried someone would see my ugly red eyes and nose. I attempted to hide my face but a student to my right locked eyes with me and smiled. The message was, “It’s okay”, and a rush of love and acceptance swirled around me, hitting my heart dead center. After that, there was nothing I could do but allow.  

I woke up in tears, the song’s words repeating in my head and the voice saying, “Express yourself.” I was invited to return to that very sexual, creative energy from the previous dream. When I did, I would feel a sudden calm, which was surprising to me, and a clarity would come over me. But then I would shift out of it again, and the emotion would pour out. I was concerned about my past, the mistakes I’ve made, the lack of progress I perceived, the decisions that I regretted – but mostly that my past felt hollow and without any purpose; pointless. The voice reminded me not to judge myself so harshly. I thought of a specific “mistake” and he said, “You were not ready.” 

Dream Considerations

The first dream reflects how I’ve been feeling lately. For some reason I’ve been feeling extremely sexual. I haven’t been focusing on it really, just noticing. It has been a very long time since I’ve had a dream like this one, one where I feel someone physically with me, hear them audibly, and do not awaken from it. My sense is that I was being taught how to handle the lower chakra energies. My tendency is to either avoid them altogether or to overly focus on them which makes the energy that much more intolerable. I was shown that just allowing the energy diminishes the intensity and makes it much easier to tolerate. In fact, it became almost like a background energy to the remainder of the dream. Surprise!

The questions I am asked are also interesting and revealing. Again, it appears my considerations about old age and appearance are coming up for inspection. When I was younger, I really had no issue dating men older than me. In fact, I tended to be attracted to men 7+ years older than myself and dated one that was 12 years older than me for a while. Ha! Back then, when I was in my late 20’s, a man in his mid-30’s and early 40’s didn’t seem old at all. Huh. Now that I’m in my 40’s, though, I am beginning to fear old age – the wrinkles, saggy skin, age spots, etc. So, anyone older than me just reminds me that I am getting old, too. Yet in this dream I am reminded that what the physical eyes see is limited and wrought with conditioning and expectation. I am asked to use my inner vision and feeling to guide me and disregard my physical vision. Feel into a person’s energy and use that to “see” them.

The second dream appears to be another healing dream. First, I am shown myself in the woman trying on the bikini. She is me and how she thinks of herself – how critical she is of her body – is so very like me. Then, I am taken to a space that is full of unconditional love and acceptance and given the opportunity to express myself. I am allowed to see how everyone’s unique song is part of a bigger “chorus”. All ranges of emotion are included. Nothing is seen as “bad” or “shameful”. No one laughs or mocks anyone else. Pure acceptance. The feeling is beyond amazing and I want so badly to participate. I want to stay there forever. The emotion that arises, though, indicates I do not feel worthy.

The message in the song is that I need to focus on the present. “Where are you now?” is asked so that I focus on the present. The past is in the past. There is nothing but Now.

by

Message: Collision, and Night-Long Dream #2

I couldn’t sleep last night and I was real tired. Not sure what caused it. Maybe the ridiculously warm temps here in Texas? I was in the mid-80’s! It was around midnight when I finally did fall asleep but woke soon after startled from an upsetting dream.

Dream: Collision

I was driving a car along the country roads where I grew up. My daughter was in the passenger side sitting on the edge of the open window. I felt to be in a hurry as she chatted happily about random subjects. 

As we approached a familiar area of road I saw people standing along the side of the road. It appeared they were waiting for the bus. I told my daughter to get down. She asked why and, annoyed, I snapped back, “Because they will see you!” I was more concerned what people would think than of her safety. 

I slowed down as I got closer to the people. A little girl, scarcely a toddler, wandering out into the road in front of me. I slammed on my brakes to avoid her and her mother came out into the road to get her. The woman came to my window and apologized. That is when I saw the road was actually full of all sorts of people milling about. What were they doing wandering in the road so early in the morning? All of the them were wearing light colored clothes and it reminded me of a scene from the show, The 4400. 

Somehow my dog, Monty, got out of the car. I hadn’t even realized he was with us. I jumped out and called him. He was standing in the road, happy to be around all the people. He was so comfortable he lay down in the middle of the road. 

As I went to grab his leash, a vehicle drove through the crowd, ignoring people and….Monty. I watched in horror as the car ran over his head, crushing his snout. I heard him whelp in pain but what was the worst is I saw in detail how his little face was crushed. 

Lesson and Message

The shock and what was running through my mind woke me. I felt panic as I lay there and then knew I would not be falling back to sleep anytime soon because the dream brought of memories of all the pets I’ve lost in my life. I also worried the dream was a premonition. What would I do if something like that happened in real life? I knew I would prefer to avoid it at all costs, like I did when my poor Trooper was put to sleep. I couldn’t confront it so I stayed in the lobby and let the vet take my place by his side. I also refused to see the dead bodies of my other pets after they died. I wondered why I did that.

It was at this point a guide said, “Death isn’t pretty.” It was the same guide energy from the other night. 

As I attempted to return to sleep, I entered the in-between where a word came to mind, “Collision”. It was then I understood the reason for the dream.

On February 3rd, I experienced something unusual as I was driving to work. That morning I had awakened from a night-long dream and the entire day felt odd. For the first time in years I was in “La La Land” as I call it, which indicates my crown is more open than usual. 

A song came on the radio, one I hadn’t heard in years: Collide.

I was waiting at a red light as it played, still off in La La Land, when I noticed a large semi-truck was right on my bumper. I ignored it but then I swear I felt him tap my bumper. I thought, “Did he just hit me?” I wasn’t sure but waved my hand out my window to see what he would do. Not long after he honked his horn and got out of his truck. I thought this meant he did hit me so I got out of my car. I asked, “Did you hit me?” He said, “No.” I checked my bumper and it was fine. So, I got back in my car as the song played, “You and I collide.” I thought it very strange and felt I must have imagined the bumper tap because of the song. But I know I felt him tap my bumper because I felt the car lurch forward! Still in La La Land, I continued on to work, feeling somewhere in-between this world and another.

Later on that same day another song started playing while I was editing a spreadsheet for work. It shifted me into La La Land immediately. It was like someone whispering to me, “Pay attention….”.

The song? Crash Into Me. Yep. 

And now I am hearing, “Collision”. 

From that point on, this guide began to discuss the lesson being presented for inspection. I remembered how it took me 5 years to get a new dog after Trooper died. I didn’t think I would ever get another dog, but I did. This memory was linked to other memories, memories of my other dogs but also of times in my life where I experienced a “collision”. Usually, these collisions were not pleasant and involved death, but not always, at least not actual death. 

Collision = Unexpected change or a life “shake-up”.

My guide asked me to consider what would have happened had I never had my other dogs. What would happen if I didn’t agree to have those relationships that never panned out? 

The whole point was that to experience joy, pleasure, or any other positive emotion, one must open themselves up to the possibility. Take a risk. Open your heart. Be vulnerable. But doing that also opens one up to the potential for great pain and suffering. The pain of loss is difficult to bear and over time some completely close themselves off to things which bring them joy and pleasure in order to avoid the inevitable loss. 

I knew this was true for me.

But I did get another dog in the end, didn’t I? It took me five years but I did despite knowing, at some point, I will lose him, too. Ultimately, I decided that having a loyal companion who loved me unconditionally was worth the pain and loss. I did try to not attach, but I know I have because this dream really upset me.

With human relationships I tend to keep others at a distance. I never fully open up to anyone. I am so very cautious. The minute someone gives me an indication that they are untrustworthy, I shut down completely. I may appear open, but I’m not.

As it is, the only time I completely opened up in this lifetime, my heart got smashed, so why would I open up again and risk that kind of debilitating pain? That was one hell of a collision!

The last thing I remember thinking before falling asleep was considering that it had been five years since my heart connection. It took me five years to forget before I got another dog. Perhaps I have forgotten enough of my past pain that I might open up my heart again? 

As I type this I can’t help but think another “collision” is coming.

Night Long Dream #2

And so I entered into a dream that continued through the night even after waking several times.

The dream began in a restaurant. I was with someone I know from online. I recognized him immediately. As we sat waiting to order I saw a part of him I didn’t know. When the waitress took too long to take our order he was quite vocal about it to the point that others in the restaurant heard him. I just laughed it off, not really embarrassed and knowing it was just part of who he was. Eventually, his eggs came as ordered – sunny side up. They looked raw to me as I arranged his toast on the plate and handed it to him. He ate the food quickly seeming famished. 

I remember knowing an entire story had played out before this scene so I asked my guide, “I want to see what happened.” From this point, I began to recount how this man and I had gotten to the restaurant. 

First, there was memory of making plans to meet up at an airport somewhere. I would fly in from Texas and he would fly in from his state. When we met up, the man no longer looked like his does in this life. Instead, he looked like the man from my previous night-long dream, but younger.

From there, we went to a hotel where we had separate rooms across the hall from each other. The receptionist met us and showed up to our rooms. Again, the man was quite vocal and gruff. He was most definitely a “brute” who wanted things his way and was not afraid to make it known to others when things were not what he wanted.

Inside our rooms we planned our day. I remember he was talking very loudly and putting up a front as this very strong, masculine man who had no weaknesses. But I knew him better than that so every time he was loud to the point that it would put someone off and scare them away, I laughed it off and said something to soothe him. He would then smile. It was like we had own our little secret world.

Throughout the dream I kept waking up and returning to sleep. I was aware that I was still talking to my guide and that my considerations were directing the dream. 

In one part of the dream we were preparing to head back home. I remember waiting in a lobby, maybe at the airport, where I filled a water bottle. I also remember visiting a restaurant. It felt like the man was constantly talking loudly while I remained happily silent and calm. He had lots of complaints but I took none seriously. 

In the last part of the dream I remember the man looked like my heart connection. I remember taking an earlier flight home than was previously agreed upon but he didn’t know it. I arrived home and hours later received a text from him saying his plane had landed. I told him I was already there, waiting. He asked how and I said I caught an earlier flight, one at 11am while his left at 3pm.

Interpretation

The feeling from the dream is that I was being shown relationships I have had in this lifetime and how they are linked to other lifetimes. I recognized all the men. The first man in the restaurant was behaving like a previous version of himself. He was quite brazen, bold and outspoken. He did not care if he hurt other peoples’ feelings. He was use to getting what he wanted. 

An alternate version of the man appeared in most of the dream. He was a younger version of the man in my dream from Feb 3. Our connection revealed itself as special, at least in that we knew each other well enough that I did not take his demanding behavior personally. I easily calmed him and there was an unspoken understanding between us. 

It seems that the shifting of the appearance of the man was there to indicate that all masculines are One. They may take on different forms and personalities and live different lives, but in essence they are the same energy. This has been discussed with me in the past, it has just been many years now.

Like the last night-long dream, it seems this guide is attempting to get me to open up and reconsider a past decision. He denies this when I ask, though, saying instead, “I am here to help”.

The last thing I remember hearing is me saying to him, “I will live a normal life.” I’m not sure what kind of “normal”, maybe my kind of “normal”, because this life has been anything but normal! 

Image source – http://www.nasa.gov