Tag Archives: dream interpretation

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Kundalini Dream: White Wedding

Unexpected but welcomed experiences last night.

Warning: May be TMI for some of you (or maybe not).

Kundalini Dream: White Wedding

The beginning of the dream is difficult to remember. There was discussion about wedding (becoming Whole, Union) preparations with my family. I recall the man who was to give me away looked like my ex-step-father, which is weird. The family was all staying in a hotel and I was being led around and given lots of instructions. I recall not really understanding fully what was going on. It was like I was in a dreamy haze, not sure if any of it was really going to happen.

I recall mentioning that I was already married and wondering how a marriage was going to work. I remember being told to think of it as a renewal of our vows but that didn’t match up in my mind. The man I was “renewing” my vows with was not the same man I was married to. Perhaps I was confusing the dream with reality at this point, which is quite common in dreams where I am just on the verge of becoming lucid.

At one point I was talking with a young, blonde man (aspect of self) who was approximately 20 years old. We were in his hotel room (getting away, relaxation) and he was frantic about what he had been told regarding it. He said that there was no ventilation in the room and that someone had cut off the air so that he would slowly suffocate (feeling trapped, anxious). The memory of this part of the dream is actually seeing the interaction between him and this awful, cruel person who seemed intent on scaring the poor boy.

I looked at the window (new perspective, insight) over the bed, pointing it out to him, and said, “But you have a window.” He said, “It won’t open. I am going to die in here.” I went over to the window and slid the entire front down and off of it. Cool air flowed in. I said, “See. It’s open now. You will be just fine.”

The young man was quite relieved. We both sat on the bed and talked about the upcoming wedding.

The dream got strange here. The lighting shifts in my memory and everything gets darker. A man is with me who I recognized as the man I will be marrying very soon – the next day. He has dark hair and feels older than me. Just being near him is intoxicating and I find myself pressing myself up against him and becoming very aroused. He is returning my affection and the energy just goes higher and higher to the point that I am completely blissed-out on the energy of us.

The whole time this energy is rising there is discussion about the upcoming marriage. There seems to be another man in the room talking to me. He is standing near the door and I cannot recall his face. His energy reminds me of a guide’s energy, very to the point and stoic.

It is hard to remember what this guide said, though, because I was thoroughly into the man I was with. I remember saying I could not wait to be married. It felt like we were having sex right there in front of the guide but I don’t think “sex” is the right word. Whatever it was, I was experiencing multiple orgasmic waves throughout my body. I haven’t experienced anything like it before and the more I interacted with the man, the more intense it became to the point that I was surprised I was able to stand it. It felt like the energy was cycling through me – root to crown and back again – and speeding up, building to the point of unheard of levels of ecstasy.

Despite the pleasure I was experiencing, there was a conversation on-going. I remember seeing my wedding gown and being told I needed to get ready. The man I was with (we were on the floor) suddenly sat up and said something about losing his gum (sticky situation or feeling vulnerable). He sounded a bit angry but it didn’t phase me. I looked, located a piece of yellow (solar plexus, control, fear) gum on the floor, pointed it out and said, “It’s okay. It’s right there.”

That is when the voice of the guide told me to get my shoes (new approach on life) on. I jumped up, energy still cycling through my body, and looked for my shoes. I recall seeing a flash of my own face. I had a large, crusty sore (holding in some negative emotion) on my face (self-identity). I grabbed one tennis shoe that looked like it fit a child (innocence, curiosity) and then found the other.

I woke up suddenly from the dream. The energy of my interactions with the man still flowing through me. It felt fantastic!

Two songs were going through my mind as I woke: White Wedding and You Oughta Know.

The lyrics going through my head were: “And I’m here to remind you, of the mess you made when you went away”.

The lyrics from this one were: “It’s a nice day to start again. It’s a nice day for a white wedding.”

Yeah, strange combination. It felt like a message that would be something like, “Sorry about the mess I made when I left. Can we start again? It’s a nice day for a white wedding.”

OBE: Two’s

Somehow I ended up asleep, or in the in-between, because the next thing I recall is being lucid standing outside next to a tall, wooden privacy fence (division within self). It was dark and I was very obviously OOB. It took me a bit to get my wits about me because I had not expected to go OOB, but once I did I enjoyed every moment of it.

I climbed up on the fence, somewhat floating but feeling pulled down toward the ground. I felt and then saw a dog (protection, fidelity) below and behind me. He was barking but I did not feel fear. He felt like my deceased dog, Trooper. My focus was on the clusters of white flowers that just appeared in the air near me. The first was a single, white daisy (love, sensuality). I plucked it from the air and then let it fall down toward the dog. He snatched it up in his mouth and I said, “Good boy!”

Then I spotted a cluster of white flowers floating above the fence. I floated up and inspected them for a bit. They were beautiful and delicate. I remember feeling joy at seeing them and knowing they were a message of good things to come.

I could see the entire back yard from the top of the fence. I saw a swimming pool (cleansing, renewal) to my right and other yards with fences. I tried to fly up but kept being pulled down. So I just let myself float down. I was saying something as I floated down. I think it was something like, “Take me where you will.”

As I floated I hovered close to the ground and then was pulled along for a while. I was completely at ease and happy. The scene shifted, I felt it shift, and then I was standing in my bedroom. The door was in the wrong place and open to a hallway that isn’t there in real life. I walked into the hallway and encountered my daughter. I could hear her and my son talking very loudly. My daughter walked past me followed by another version of herself. I realized there were two of her and they were from different time periods. I smiled and continued walking down the hallway thinking, “There is more than one of everyone here.”

In the kitchen I encountered my sons sitting at a table. They were saying, “We’re hungry.” I got out some thick, peanut butter stuff. My middle son rejected his and I encouraged him to try it because it was almond butter (peace). I recall there being two of both my sons.

Then I went into the living area. Laying on the sofa I found my ex-husband and two versions of me, both with short hair. One I recognized as me when I was quite young. The other as me about a decade ago. Both of these other versions of me were aware of me and talking to each other and my ex. My ex said something about how I was not me, it could not be me. I looked closely at the other two me’s, noting “when” these me’s existed and concluded aloud, “No. I’m better.” Then I smiled and said, “Look, my hair is much longer now.” I showed him my hair that was pulled back into a ponytail (girlhood, putting one’s hair up).

My ex accepted this and I remember asking permission to get closer to him. We kissed and the kiss was quite real. I kept kissing him, fully enjoying the sensation of it. I remember saying, “You always were a good kisser.” This made me curious about sex. Would it also be good? I asked him and he agreed that it was okay. So we had sex right there on the sofa. It was all very real feeling.

Once awake I was shocked at just how much sexual activity occurred in one night! First, the Kundalini full body orgasms that were beyond amazing and intoxicating – Divine. Then the very physical versions which far exceeded any orgasms I’ve had in this body in this lifetime (but then all dream orgasms are much better than awake ones IMO).

I have not had an OBE since January and before that had one in December. OBEs are few and far between these days and I have not had one quite like this in a long while. I feel absolutely wonderful this morning. Completely satisfied in more than one way. So grateful for these experiences. They came just when needed.

 

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Dream: Shifting Poles

Woke up again this morning not knowing what day of the week it was and struggling to figure it out. lol This has been happening since my husband left the end of January. I don’t panic when it happens but it is odd!

At work yesterday I signed the checks I cut to pay invoices. I am officially a co-signer on the business bank account. I made sure not to look at the check amounts because some were over $50K and I am a little freaked that I am signing checks for that amount! There will be many more checks in the future, some topping $100K so I have to get use to it I guess.

I realized last night that this change in my job duties indicates a longer term position than I originally considered when I took the job. In fact, the next step (months away I hope) is to replace my supervisor/coworker, the one who is now under hospice care at home waiting to die from cancer in her brain. 😦 I will likely be put on salary soon and my pay will increase steadily as I prove myself more and more competent.

I honestly don’t know what to think of all this. I am neutral, really. Ten years ago, if anyone had asked me where I would be at this time in my life I would not have seen this type of career path, that is for sure! I always saw myself as a teacher and counselor. It just goes to show how life can take us in unexpected directions, directions we choose via our thoughts and intentions. My decision to stop working in the educational system and find a new path resulted in this path but only because I did not resist it. Otherwise, I might still be a stay-at-home mom struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with myself once my youngest started school.

I went to visit my friend/coworker with cancer at her home last week. She was in good spirits but has lost the ability to use her legs. So she is bed bound and spends much of her time sleeping. Her cognitive ability seems unchanged, though, and she was her usual self. Sadly, she looked to have aged 10+ years overnight. Her weight is only 85lbs now and she should weigh 130lbs. The good news is she is not in any pain and appears very peaceful for the most part. She continues to talk as if she is going to fully recover and return to work anytime. Denial perhaps? Or maybe just her personality as she tends to be very optimistic. Right now she is holding on to see her only child and son. He just got released from prison and she has not seen him in over 20 years. He is expected to visit in a few months (he’s on probation now). Thus, it looks like my dream prediction of June might come to pass as my friend’s death month.

Yesterday my husband once again triggered me into thinking all hope is lost for our marriage. I just can’t get him to see things my way when it comes to money/finance and if I can’t then he will continue to be untrustworthy in that department. I can’t see where we are going as a couple and, like my job, I feel a bit neutral about all of it right now. It seems like I am in the midst of a lesson on surrender and Trust. Maybe I am doing well considering I am not reacting like I would normally. There are so many things the me from a decade ago would be doing now that I am not – like talking to my mom and inviting her into my problems, doing things to “punish” my husband so he knows he is “wrong”, and just letting my Ego-child throw her tantrums. I have instead been allowing myself to feel the uncomfortable emotions rather than getting angry and vengeful for the hurt I am feeling.

I am also trying really hard not to look into my future to try and predict what will happen next. It is easy to think of all the scenarios but it does me no good if I can’t decide what I want to happen. There are continual internal reminders to focus on what I want and not on what I don’t want. Since thinking of what I want often leads to the don’t wants I have just been trying to keep my mind blank. If I am thinking of something it is usually the Kundalini bliss and wanting that to be a permanent part of my life experience. Even then I think, “But……” because my current reality doesn’t seem to lead to the possibility of what I want. With that I have to remind myself that what I can see presently is limited. So much is unknown and that is okay.

Most recently I have asked my guidance to help me clear the blockages in my energy field. I want to be a clear conduit for the Kundalini and I am not that at present. There are many layers of blockages and, though I have cleared many already, there are more.

sunset

Dream: Shifting Poles

Strange yet very vivid dream last night about the shifting of the magnetic poles.

I was on a trip with my youngest. We were walking along an overgrown path, heading north. It felt like Alaska but it didn’t look like Alaska. My son was in front of me, much smaller than he is now. I stayed behind him to keep him in my sight. The scene was absolutely beautiful. There were fields of sunflowers (spiritual guidance, perserverence) to our right. Hills covered in giant sunflowers and rolling hills in the distance that took my breath away. To our left were massive clusters of white flowers, like Begonias. I said to my son, “Look out for butterflies.” As I said this, a massive Monarch butterfly (transformation) flew past me, brushing up against my cheek. I thought the white flowers must be milkweed (hope and happiness).

The path kept narrowing and eventually we could not proceed because it turned into a cliff edge (hard times ahead). I told my son to turn around as I looked over the edge and could not see the bottom.

As we made our way back I saw a man standing in the middle of the path behind us. He looked at me strangely and I felt a bit weirded out. His hair was shoulder length, he had very pale skin and he just stared at me. He asked me something and I paused. He reached out and touched the ends of my hair asking me if I normally kept my hair so long. I remember answering him and him placing both his palms on my upper back as if he wanted something from me. I lingered a bit and then told him I had to catch up to my son. I almost became lucid from the man’s touch.

When I turned around, my son was on some train tracks that extended out over some water and just ended mid-air. I warned him to be careful and he slipped over the edge onto a bunch of jagged rocks. He was completely fearless. I looked below and saw canoes and all kinds of boats (journey, exploration). I remember thinking it had not been there before and being a bit confused about direction.

My son then ran over the bridge and I followed. We ended up on a moving ship (emotional journey). One minute the bridge ended over open water and the next we were on a boat!

Once on board I saw a completely naked man walk past. I said to the captain, “Was that a naked man?” He said, “Some people are.” Then I went to look for my daughter who I saw go out on the deck.

The next thing I recall is sitting inside a bus (following the crowd) or train traveling with a group. We were in Alaska (it seemed). I realized the road I had been on previously with my son was not the road we were now on. I had been lost. I exclaimed to the group, “Now I know where we are! The shifting poles must have led me in the wrong direction! North is no longer the north it use to be.”

The bus came to a stop and everyone got out. I stopped and stared at the gold and orange foliage of the trees and the rays of sunlight pouring through. The sunset (endings) was spectacular and I got out my camera to take a photo only it wouldn’t work. When I looked through the camera the colors were gone and it was turning dark.

Eventually I realized I must be out of pictures and opened up my camera to pull out 35mm film that indicated there were only 15 photos on it. I was upset because I had no more film. A man offered me a new roll. The sense from the man was he was different and I did not know what to think of his energy. I can’t remember what he looks like now but somehow we were connected. He called and ordered food over the phone and I asked him where he was staying. He kept saying to me that he was stuck there because his partner was so slow. It seemed his partner was a male and wanted to sight see and the man did want to linger.

Considerations

When I woke I didn’t know what to think of the dream. Overall, the feeling I had upon waking was good. I felt rested and calm. The dream itself seemed to be hopeful. The visuals of the sunflowers, butterfly and milkweed was very vivid, still is. The man who touched my upper back is also vivid but I can’t see his face. I can’t quite place the odd feeling I got from the man. Was I afraid of him? Was he giving me a warning? I can’t say. Perhaps his hands were meant as healing or maybe he was pushing me, trying to get me on the right path?

Ships are a common dream symbol for me. They indicate emotion and healing, delving under the surface into the subconscious. Yay. Not.

The message about the poles shifting is interesting as well. In the dream I realized I had been going the wrong way. The road was still in the same place but magnetic north moved. Since I was using a compass to go north I went that way and the road was now more to the west. Perhaps this is a message that I need to stick to the road. IDK. So weird!

 

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Kundalini Dream Visitor

Yesterday I had a nice little win in regards to my panic episodes. While driving to and from work I successfully staved off rising panic by firmly thinking to it, “NO!”. It worked!

Years ago after my first spiritual awakening my Companion, Steven, gave me advice on how to stop negative thoughts. He said, “Tell them to stop.” I didn’t believe him but sure enough, when I told them to stop they would. I only remembered his advice after I had successfully stopped the panic inducing thoughts, though.

With that I also recalled a meditation episode early on, before the “first” meditation (obvious not first but oh well) that opened me up to my gifts. I was living in Montana, it was around 1999 and I had been struggling with depression and negative thoughts. I meditated to find a suspected “gin” (negative entities that attach to us). To my surprise I saw him as a shadowy figure in the peripheral of my mental vision and I “fought” him off. This memory caused me to consider that maybe I still have some negative energies working to keep me down. I have no doubt that something is influencing me but I can’t say it is an “entity” for sure because I think everything has a purpose and often these “entities” are just our Egos and fractured aspects of self.

So, a successful commute yesterday means I may be on the way to conquering my panic/anxiety.

Kundalini Dream Visitor 

Prior to bed I caught myself thinking something that seemed to be a response to someone. I mentally said, “He wants to visit me.” Intercepting the thought brought on awareness of the meaning behind it. “He” was not clear but the “visit” would be in dreamtime. It felt like I was being asked if I would be okay with a visit. I said it was okay.

Still, though, I had not expected to actually have a dream visitor.

Most of the dream is hazy now. What I do recall is being in what felt to be my mom’s house. The entire dream scene is dark in my memory, like the lights were turned down. It was hard to make out furniture and the faces of the people I was interacting with. There was a man with me, though, who felt familiar. He and I seemed to be having a “date”. I can’t remember how he looked except that he had dark hair and was taller than me. He also felt quite a bit older than me but not old enough to be my father.

Our conversation is lost to me now as is most of the sequence of events in the dream. I remember handling food, like preparing our meal. I was focused on the salad (expression of feelings and acceptance of positive in life). I stood over a kitchen sink when the man gave me something, part of the meal I think, and I put it on a tray over one side of the sink.

The man’s energy is more memorable to me than anything. When he was near me it felt like he was seducing me, or better yet, as if we were dancing. I was extremely drawn to him and drunk on bliss. The memory of the energy is as if it was pulsating, like we would get close and then separate and the energy kept pulling us back together.

I recall seeing the man’s plate of greens, uneaten, and thinking that he forgot to eat them. Then my attention was drawn to a woman laying in the middle of the floor, blankets (protection) over her as if she was trying to sleep. I thought of her as my “mom” (aspect of self, mother aspect). She was not supportive of me having a relationship with this man and as a result there was some attempt on our part to sneak around.

At the end of the dream there was a part that is a bit confusing. It was as if I switched bodies and became my mom. I watched as me and the man embraced. I yelled out and fought off a person who was trying to hold me back from pushing a large button. I managed to hit the button, though.

Then the man was standing in front of me telling me that he felt we should slow down and take our time. We had planned to be intimate (or that is what it felt like) but he decided to end our “date” instead. He promised another date in the future and kept repeating that we should “take things slow”.

The energy of our connection was intense and obvious by this point. The bliss was intoxicating and I struggled to understand why the man would withdraw when it was so obvious that we were good together.

I woke up soon after and the energy had mostly subsided, only some residual energy remained in my second and third chakras. The memory of the bliss I had been feeling was enough, though, that I did not want to be awake.

A song was going through my head, one I heard yesterday on the way to work. The part that was going through my head, “Some things we can never choose, even if we try….”

Messages

I lingered in bed going in and out of the in-between after I woke and trying to remember as much of the dream encounter as I could. As a result I had some messages come through about taking things slow because of the work that still needed to be done on my energy body. I also both saw and heard the date – March 17th. It was written as 3/17 and flashed in my mind.

There was a message that came both audibly and written out on a black background in my mind. There were two lines that appeared simultaneously. The bottom line, written in blue, read, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The top line, written in red, was longer but I only remember the last line because the voice was saying it as I received the written message. It said, “I will wait.”

There was a sense along with the words/message that the man had not intended to upset me and was truly apologetic about it. It also felt as if he is waiting in the background, like lingering in my energy field just outside of my conscious awareness.

I have a sense of who this man is but since it was not obvious I will just wait and see what happens next. Dream encounters like this are common for me, so the true significance behind them is often not understood until much later and sometimes not at all.

The bliss is memorable, though, and I can’t help but miss it when it is gone.

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Full Moon Blues

From physical imbalance and illness, to emotional upset and lethargy, this full moon is really putting me through the ringer! I hope you all are faring better than I am and experiencing bliss and high energy. If not, I am sorry. I’m right there with you.

Yesterday morning I was doing pretty okay considering. So good in fact that I completed an hour-long weight lifting routine. I lifted pretty heavy and pushed myself hard physically, which is my norm, but instead of feeling better for it, I felt “off”.

I began to feel light-headed toward the end of the workout, so, I took longer breaks and completed the entire sequence as planned. It got a bit scary, though, to the point of almost causing me panic because of how sleepy/zoned out I began to get. I did the normal stuff to replenish my body’s lost reserves – had a protein shake, hydrated and rested. When those things didn’t revive me, I decided to go with my body’s indicators that I needed more rest and took a hot bath to relax.

After my bath I felt even more tired and lethargic to the point that I just wanted to lay around. Ultimately, I ended up laying in bed crying on and off until I gathered up what remaining energy I could muster and made a nice dinner for the kids. I felt a bit better after eating and spent some time watching t.v. with my kids before heading to bed around 9pm.

Prior to sleep I had a glass of wine while watching more t.v. to distract and numb myself as best I could. It didn’t work. A particularly sympathetic feeling female guide began talking to me, asking me questions and sending loving energy hugs. That did it. I burst into tears. After several cycles of crying I was depleted once again and fell asleep.

Dream: Trip to the Mountains

The beginning of the dream is fuzzy. I recall talking with a man as we traveled toward the mountains. He and I made plans to stay at a cabin but I told him I needed to do something first and would meet him in the morning. I remember when I told him this he was disappointed but agreed.

I went to a hotel room where I met up with my daughter and her girlfriends. The sense here was that I had to finish up my trip with her before I could meet up with the man. I spent much of this part of the dream “cleaning up” the mess she and her friends made, repeatedly telling them to pick up their things and trying to gather all our stuff before checking out. There are flashes of memory of looking under furniture for things that might accidentally get left behind and finding a pair of my daughter’s sneakers. There was also this pedal with a wire connected to it that resembled the pedal to a sewing machine, only it was to a computer.

There is also memory of knowing I would be going on a hike with my daughter but I don’t know if I ever did. I just remember that I got so caught up in the things I needed to do that I forgot about my male friend and our plans. I no-showed and I’m not sure how many days/weeks it took for me to realize my forgetfulness.

When I woke form this dream part of a song was going through my head – “Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I’ll be…..” At the same time I was thinking of my marriage and how in 2015, after having a dream, I woke up with a decision to leave my husband – but I never did. I realized I had considered leaving him many times since but every time back pedaled for one reason or the other.

Depleted

I still feel completely depleted of all energy this morning. It is like the energy sickness only it has spread to my physical body. I feel ill but at a soul level. It is hard to describe but it feels like my tank is on empty and I am running on fumes.

The dream above is similar to another dream – OBE actually – I had a long time ago and was one of the last time my physical counterpart had visited me. My children were there and one was crying. My counterpart had been trying to get my attention but the need of my children for me was too much and I turned away from him. I chose them over him in the above dream as well.

I’m not sure if this dream is just showing me my focus or if it is meant to show me something else. All I know is that the feelings I am having are very difficult to deal with. It is such intense grief and loss that I don’t feel I have the strength in me to continue. I am re-experiencing some things that in the past were a struggle to get through. For example, I keep thinking, “This is going to kill me.” Then there are flashes of all these past lives where I have died from this exact kind of pain. In some I killed myself to escape it. In others I just lost the will to live and so died not long after.

All of these feelings are familiar. They haunted me most of 2017 but were especially difficult the last couple of months in 2016. It is the total decimation feeling all over again.

I asked – begged – my guidance to help me find resolution. Obviously death is not going to free me. If anything, death just perpetuates it. So then what? How do I reconcile it? Do I just continue living my life secretly carrying with me this kind of pain? Pretending I am okay when I’m not? To think of doing that is unbearable to me. I know I can’t manage it.

Somehow I fell into the in-between amidst the unbearable pain I was feeling. I was brought out of my reverie by a message I both heard and saw in my mind. The voice was familiar, the tone fitting. The male voice joked, “Now don’t be a [something, something] Jasper!” I saw it written out as if in an email as I heard it. Then I replied something like, “Who is Jasper?” but he seemed not to hear me. Instead, I saw and heard his reply followed by another message indicating I had not responded and him asking me why.

Now fully awake I was furious at him. He, of course, was making light of the situation, trying to make me laugh. I yelled silently in my mind that it was NOT a joking matter.

I figured the “Jasper” part was likely a message so I looked it up. Turns out it is fitting. See for yourself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Simulated Reality

This morning I am feeling a little bit better but my lower back and abdomen are still sore. Unfortunately, when I woke my eyes were glued together by eye boogers and now they are dry and bloodshot. I am hoping it is just allergies and not pink eye.

I have some odd memories from dreamtime. Most likely lots of healing work was being done and based upon how my lower body feels, most of the healing was to my first and second chakras.

Dream: Self-Stimulation

Not much of the dream specifics are available to me now but I remember enough to give you an idea of the experience. It involves a tool that looked kinda like this:

Mintcraft GT8801 Bulb Planter

The main difference is that the end of the tool I had came to several points, like sharp teeth. When you hear how it was being used you will cringe.

I recall taking this pointy tool and jabbing it into my vagina. Yeah, it was painful and thankfully the sensation was dulled enough in the dream to not wake me. I’m not sure why I was doing this but I was receiving instruction. Actually, I may not have been the one doing it but that doesn’t really matter.

What I recall next was an energy sensation rising from my root into my second chakra and spreading out. It was painful, too. It felt similar to really bad menstrual cramps. Yet at the same time the pain was pleasurable, which in itself is weird. In my memory I have a visual of a muddy red-brown color swirling throughout my energy body at the second chakra. As a medical intuitive this coloration is exactly what I would in a woman’s aura who was about to or was in the process of menstruating.

The dream woke me up. My midsection hurt and my lower back ached.

Dream: Moving to Montana

The start of this dream occurred inside a large mobile home. I was discussing the position of sliding glass doors with someone. The man told me how easy it was to just move them to replace other large windows. I shifted the doors to where the window in the kitchen was as if to test this out.

Then I was flying low over a highway with someone (a guide probably). On my right I saw a man on a red four-wheeler. He took a different route and my eyes followed him for a while until he disappeared under an overpass. I remember telling the person with me my feelings about this. I knew the man and disliked his decision to go it alone.

As we continued to fly the area of around the highway leveled out and I could see ahead for a great distance. To my right I again saw the man on the four-wheeler. He had sped up and was traveling fast for an ATV. I remember thinking he must be going 40mph. I knew he had opted to go into the mountains and saw him take a dirt road and disappear.

Again I disapproved. I said something to my guide similar to, “He likes to do things his own way.”

Still flying, the highway disappeared and I saw below me green grass. Then a section of road appeared behind which was a small community. I knew to stop flying and slow down. So I put on my “brakes” and stopped right where the grass met the road.

A group of people consisting of adults and children was waiting to welcome us. They knew we had been coming and showed me around their little community. I knew it was a military station of some sort and their job was to observe things. There is a memory of seeing a round telescope and rows of houses built for the residents.

The woman, a tall, slender blonde woman, was my tour guide. It seemed I was to stay there a while and it felt like my husband and I were “pilots” because she kept referring to my “flying in”. I think I confused this with my other life, when I was married to my ex, because I kept feeling like we were in Alaska.

The woman showed me an area that was overgrown with all sorts of flowers. Some of the flowering plants were as tall as trees with white blooms that resembled trumpets. I was in awe of how many there were and how gorgeous they all were. There was also a field of smaller flowers. It was very beautiful.

I recall asking her where she was from. She said, “Mantuk” or something that sounded like that. I said, “Ah, Canada. So you came south.” I seemed to think once again I was in Montana at that time in the dream

I then walked over to a section of windows and looked through. Below was a road heading to a building. The road was dirt and at one point it circled a small pond that had a bridge over it. It looked like a person could either drive over the bridge or around the pond. I thought it beautiful regardless, because it reminded me of a small farm in the country.

A man came in at that time. He was smoking a rolled joint and talking to me and the woman. He seemed to be the woman’s partner. He offered her the joint and she took a drag and gave it back. Eventually the joint was too small and the man ate it. I remember thinking it odd that they would be smoking weed considering it was a military town.

The man then showed me a control panel composed of blocks with letters on them. He pointed to the farm and indicated that he could change the scene simply by moving one of the blocks. He moved one and the entire scene changed into a break room inside a building. The farm was gone. I was fascinated by this and marveled at the technology.

The whole time it felt like I was waiting in this place for my husband to fly in and join me.

When I woke a song was in my head. Specifically, “So I’ll go, I’ll go, I will go, go, go.”

Considerations

When I woke I was not in a good mood. I’m not sure why, really. The last dream didn’t feel bad to me. I knew who the man was on the red four-wheeler, though, and that is likely why I was feeling so down. An ATV symbolizes going off the beaten path and seeking solitude which fits this person perfectly.

Montana symbolizes my spiritual journey. The fact that I am going there to stay seems like a good thing, but I can’t be certain. Flowers symbolize perfection and spirituality but white flowers, which these were, symbolize sadness. The feeling in the dream was indicative of Spring and newness, though, so it is hard to say what exactly the flowers symbolize.

My feeling about the telescope and military base is that it is a place where observation takes place, where one can see things clearer and are separated from the rest of the world in an attempt to gain perspective. The people there felt like a welcoming party, like they knew me and I definitely knew them, though not personally. It was more like I knew them as coworkers or acquaintances.

I don’t know if the man on the ATV was my partner or not. It did feel like his destination was the same as mine, though, so who knows.

This morning I had a consideration that this life and my experiences were like my own simulated reality and no one else here with me was experiencing what I was. It came with a strange feeling like I am inside a video game practicing to get something right. Suddenly it felt like the telescope was pointed directly at me!

One of the lessons I am learning seems to be that whenever I feel “special” it will be reflected back to me that I am not that. For example, I have an awakening and gain all these “special” gifts only to find a decade later that many have those same gifts and I am not special at all. It is the same with the Kundalini and twin flame type experience. Everywhere I turn there is another person claiming to have these same experiences.

This consideration of a simulated reality makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and odd. I know it is likely partly truth but that I have not quite made all the connections to understand what it really means. I had a flash of a vision (memory maybe?) of leaving my simulated reality and watching as humanity destroyed themselves and Earth. I watched Earth as if it were on a bubble-like screen in front of me. It was as if the man in the dream picked up a block and changed everything in a blink of an eye, just like he did in the dream.

The message from this image and my dream seems to be that Earth is a tool and nothing more. It is an agreed upon, co-created simulated reality where we can learn and see the results of our decisions and actions. The sense I had was that my simulated experience was preparing me for something, but I do not know what. Whatever I am being prepared for, it is not only for me and it is not finished in this lifetime (simulated or not).

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Dreams Suggest New Path

On what an emotional week! Thankfully, the emotion seems to be settling down a bit, specifically the grief and anguish. Yesterday, after writing a post in my other “secret” blog specifically about grief and depression I stumbled upon more than one post by an astrologer about Chiron at 29° Pisces. Turns out this specific degree is churning up Karma, patterns, beliefs and all kinds of junk for processing and release.

I have Chiron in Taurus and have often been given a heads up by my guidance about Chiron the “wounded healer”. I have come to dislike him greatly over the years. It seems like when Chiron is around I am in despair or anguish to the point of feeling as if I am being gutted. Thankfully, this time, the “gutted” feeling was less because most of the pain that came up for release had been processed in 2016-2017. So this time around I mainly needed to acknowledge the grief, that I was suppressing it and pretending to be okay when in fact I am not okay.

I’ve also been able to get a bit more sleep. Last night I took a full Benadryl prior to bed when I normally take only half or take a Melatonin. Since my problem is frequent waking I figured a little more Benadryl might keep me asleep. It worked like a charm! I only woke once and it was nearly 5am! Yay! As a result I feel so much better this morning. Rested and calm compared to how I’ve been waking over the past couple of weeks.

Surprisingly I also remembered my dreams in more detail than I have been. 🙂 Maybe they will provide a bit of insight with some interpretation? Let’s see…

Dream: White SUV

In this dream I recall being in a car lot or parking lot (pause on path, new direction) with some family members. I was showing them my new car. We walked along a row of parked cars and I pointed to it. It was a white (purity, spirituality, innocence), Toyota-Highlander-looking SUV (goals in life have changed) only it had a very obvious pop-up camper (desire for independence) type thingamajig where the back seats should be. When I looked inside I recall being very satisfied with it.

Afterward we left and then returned to the SUV to drive it home. There was another similar looking SUV parked about two cars down from mine. I accidentally went to it first and then realized it wasn’t mine (possible alternate path). The pop-up part was distinctly different, extending up higher. I then noticed my SUV’s interior lights were all on and every single door left open. I rushed up to it and said, “Who’s been in my car? Someone left all the doors open. The battery (loss of energy/motivation) is going to die! Why did the parking attendant let them do that?” The “them” in this case felt like children, like my children. I quickly shut all the doors and hoped that I wouldn’t have to replace the battery before I had even driven it home for the first time. I recall thinking poorly of the car lot at that time as well.

Dream: Limo Trip

The dream shifted and I was heading with a group out to a work and/or religious gathering. I recall being inside a large vehicle, like maybe inside a limo (wealth, prosperity). It was dark and the seats were facing each other. I remember being anxious and the drive seeming to last a long time. My SIL moved to sit close to me and began to run her fingers lightly up and down my spine (maybe Kundalini related). It felt wonderful and I relaxed into it and thanked her.

Not much later my SIL motioned to me to follow her. She headed toward a back seat that I had not seen. She crawled through a small opening and I followed. The space opened up and I found myself on a very long black, leather seat. My SIL was sitting and waiting for me and I said to her, “Wow! There’s really a lot of space in here!” The seat was so long that we could both lay down on it comfortably. I could see another seat behind us as well but no one else was in there with us.

I assumed my SIL wanted to continue the back rub but I sensed something was different. When I looked up she was not my SIL anymore but resembled my best friend from high school. For some reason I understood that this encounter was meant to help me and a recent dream experience I had repeated. Again I saw very clearly this woman’s vagina. Rather than feeling awkward, this time I knew exactly what to do and so did not hesitate. Whatever I did to her felt to be happening to me. It was very strange!

Then, back at the gathering, I recall seeing many circular tables (wholeness) in the room, all with white tablecloths. Awards (success) were being given out but I can’t recall what kind or to who.

Next, I was in the bar area/kitchen (spiritual nourishment and healing) and noticed quite a mess of dishes and other things that needed cleaning up (healing). Someone was there but not cleaning it up so I opted to clean it myself. This is odd because I knew it wasn’t my mess yet I immediately went to cleaning it. Also, the mess was not just dishes yet I cleaned them as if they were. I took the things (can’t remember them now), rinsed them with water (cleansing, emotion) and then placed them in the refrigerator. In my mind the refrigerator (accomplishment of what was sought or putting something on hold) was a dishwasher so when I finally realized it was a fridge I was surprised. I recall that the inside was clean, white, and nearly empty. When I placed things inside I arranged and organized them.

There was someone with me at the time that I was talking to but I can’t recall who.

Considerations

My overall feeling from these dreams is good. The SUV dreams seems to indicate that I am seeking independence on my path. Cars = one’s path in life. An SUV in particular has plenty of room for others, specifically family. So, my interpretation is that I want to keep my family in my life but also want my independence. The white color feels good to me – optimistic. The fact that this SUV is my “new car” and was just purchased (based upon it being in a car lot) suggests I am switching paths/direction in my life. However, I have some fears, specifically “battery life” in that I worry I will not have enough energy/resources because of my responsibilities to my children.

The next dream indicates healing of my feminine. It is interesting that it continues another dream experience that was much more lucid than this one and left me questioning the purpose of it. In this dream it completes and I seem to be accepting that this other woman is me. I seek to give her pleasure and as such receive pleasure myself. It feels now to have been about self-love and self-acceptance.

The end of the dream feels like continued healing and perhaps an inventory of what I have accomplished and what healing I still have left to do. Considering how empty the fridge is, it seems to indicate not much has been put on hold for later healing and resolution.

 

 

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Heal

Yesterday was a pretty good day overall. I think going into work (meaning to the office) boosts my morale a bit. It does help to be around people and switch up one’s routine. That is why I like my job schedule so much right now. I have a good balance between work and home, not 40 hours in the office plus commute time. My ideal is working part-time anyway, at least since my family responsibilities escalated after having children.

I continued watching “Heal” last night and enjoyed it quite a bit. It was a good reminder of how one’s thoughts influence their overall state of being. I was reminded to listen to my body, rest when I need to rest, eat when I need to eat, and spend more time relaxing my body and finding my center.

All in all, considering how depressed and overall pessimistic I have been all my life, I am surprised I do not have some kind of chronic condition or illness by now. Honestly, I have rarely, if ever, considered myself happy and have always found it difficult to relax and let go. If one can’t get to that healing state of relaxation then their chances of self-healing diminish quite a bit. Perhaps I am more relaxed than I think? Or maybe, for me at least, when the stress became too much, the Kundalini came in and forced me to listen? I did feel pressure to drop certain life habits in order to relieve the stress I was feeling.

There was this one section in “Heal” that really spoke to me. One of the healers mentioned that forgiveness was very important. Not forgiveness of others, but of self, because when we forgive ourselves then we let go of the negative emotions we hold against others. I was reminded to really look at what I was feeling, rather than ignore or suppress it. This is what my guide was trying to tell me the other morning – my emotions are the key; they communicates my wounds.

The problem with emotion is that most of us are not taught how to handle it by our parents. We use them as a living example of how to handle emotion. If they suppress it, so will we. It becomes habitual and part of the subconscious programming of the mind that runs on autopilot while we live our day. My mom suppressed her emotion, so did my dad. I learned that sadness, tears, vulnerability = weakness. Often times I did not know why I felt the way I felt, I only knew to shove it deep down.

So, for me at least, if can be difficult to interpret the emotion I am feeling at any given moment. If I feel sad or teary during my daily life, I often shove it down rather than stop what I am doing and really look at it. The key is take a time out and listen to the emotion and let it tell me why it is there.

After all this information, I went to sleep requesting healing and imagining a healthy, well-functioning body.

Dreams

I ended up with two in-depth dreams.

In the first, a boyfriend from long ago was invited to a family gathering. He was my first boyfriend after my divorce and the one who I was with during my spiritual awakening in 2003. I remember being surprised he was there and that he was married with a small daughter because the last time we communicated he made it clear that he judged people who married and had kids as stupid sheep.

The wife was very strong-willed, blunt and a bit controlling. She wasn’t mean, just very take charge. I recall that my ex-boyfriend allowed her to do this, which was also surprising to me. I remember asking him questions about her answering for him. They had moved to Kentucky from a more northern state (Illinois I think).

There were more details but most are lost to me now. I think there was something about hunting and fishing involved. I do recall mailing my ex a letter with a gift inside which was a ticket to run a race in Kentucky only there was something wrong with the registration.

The next dream was really odd. I was sitting at my computer talking to someone, a guide I think. Then I would put my finger on my third-eye and press. This would transport me into the computer screen and another world where humans were being transformed into these soft, gelatinous globs that were no longer hindered by emotion. It felt like everything that was human about them was dissolved.

There was a whole section where I felt like this other dimension was trying to steal my children and transform them into zombie-like blobs of gel. I shift in and out of this dimension to retrieve them, each time contacting a feeling of Divine bliss during the shift.

At times I walked the hallways of the space where they were holding the people ready to be converted. Most of the rooms I went into were empty but sometimes I would encounter the ones responsible for converting the people into globs of gel. They looked human and were very nice and inviting. The children and adults they had were willing to go through the transformation which involved dissolving their humanity. One minute they looked human, the next glob-like with eyes and mouths and hands and feet.

At the end of the dream I entered into the space and found people I knew all willingly there. It felt like my consideration that the transformation was bad had faded and been replaced with acceptance.

Interpretation

I highly doubt my ex in the first dream was my ex. It is likely I was talking to a guide that resembled him in some way or that we were discussing my past around the time I was dating him. I don’t remember enough now to interpret it’s meaning, though.

The last dream is the most vivid. I believe it centers around my own transformation and beliefs related to it. There is a resistance to letting go of my emotions and feelings and becoming a “blob” and losing my humanity. The computer is a communication with my guides and High Self. I am able to shift myself into another dimension to observe by touching my third-eye (insight, intuition). I do this frequently and recall briefly feeling bliss when shifting from one dimension into the other. The bliss then results in me seeing the blob people and I retract from the scene and pull my children to “safety”. In the end, I change my mind because my children are unharmed and the transformation appears to be positive.