Tag Archives: dream interpretation

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Dream: Fire With Fire

I had an interesting evening yesterday. One of my husband’s old school buddies visited from California and all three of us had an enjoyable conversation on various subjects. He was very interested in my spiritual experiences and abilities, asking tons of questions. I had been struggling to talk early on in the conversation because of my throat and congestion. However, the frog in my throat cleared as the conversation progressed and eventually I felt completely well and clear. He put me on the spot, asking me to give him a reading right there in my kitchen. It completely threw me and I got super nervous. I swear the heater turned on in the house. lol

Eventually I agreed and did give him a short reading but it was an unusual one because both my husband and his friend would interject here and there with a story or experience of their own. I was only able to read his spiritual and physical aura and give him an impression I received from Spirit. Everything I told him he validated, though, and he seemed genuinely impressed with my ability.

What is really funny is that this friend called my husband out about our differing belief systems. He said, “I wonder how you two get along with her being so free-flowing.” He had difficulty believing that my husband would be affiliated with religion and dogma. I was silently laughing the whole time because my husband and I have had many conversations on the topic with little or no progress made. My husband always defends himself but to his friend he was silent and contemplative. Also to hear someone describe me as “free flowing” surprised me, not because I’m not but because I don’t think anyone has expressed this as their first impression of me. I was flattered. 🙂

His friend had many questions on why I stopped giving readings. He told me several times that I should start up again rather than suppress my abilities. Again, my husband was silent.

His background and appearance threw me. He works in international trade, speaks three languages, lived in Sweden most of his life, and had a very professional appearance. Yet it was obvious straight away there was much more to him than that. Interestingly, he is a Capricorn (had to throw that in). I’ve not met many other than my middle son and it was intriguing to feel out his energy – very forward speaking, intelligent and hard working while also giving and obviously heart-led. His divorce had just finalized and he was grieving still. He said he decided to avoid the dating scene because he found single women his age (my age, too) to be very cynical. He did ask me what I saw for him regarding a romantic partner. Before he completed his sentence I had his answer. I love how that works!

When he left I felt my energy shift. I definitely received the message to stop blocking my abilities loud and clear. He also offered to help me get my book published. He is writing his own and has tons of connections.

Dream: Fire With Fire

I struggled to fall asleep because as soon as I was in bed my congestion returned and I couldn’t breathe. Grrr! It was well after midnight before I managed to drift off.

I had a vivid dream that began with me talking with a man about WWII. Specifically, we were discussing a Japanese man and his family relations. I can’t recall the specifics now but I remember this man was very anti-American and his energy was resistant, almost angry. There was discussion about him “commanding a war” but it was with family not nations. The entire discussion had a deeply personal feel to it.

Strangely, I remember speaking another language during this discussion. I am not sure what language but it sounded Germanic.

The next thing I recall is being at a bus station on the platform with several groups of people. I was with one group who I considered my family but I did not recognize any of them as my physical family. There were three blue school buses (about to embark on important life journey) expected but my group was late to the platform and missed them (feeling left behind). Another group was waiting there and the bus just passed them by. A man from the other group told us not to worry, that the bus would pick us up on the way back.

I had forgotten to take a snack for my journey so went to the store. Inside the store I ran into a man who I recognized. I mentioned I didn’t have time and he told me he would buy my things for me. I picked up a bag of potato chips (over indulgence) and handed them to him. I tried to hand him my money and he wouldn’t take it saying he would pay. I remember he had $13.54.

At the platform the man handed me my potato chips and some other things. I divided everything up. He took a four pack of tomato soup (domestic harmony) and had bought me some antiperspirant (nervousness perhaps?) with the words “Wonder Woman” written on it (message to have courage). lol I thanked him and thought him quite the gentleman.

This is when the dream gets more lucid. There was a definite energy between myself and this “stranger”. We had a relationship unlike any I have ever had in this lifetime. It was a strong friendship but there was something else, too, something extraordinary in our bond. We seemed to like to argue in jest, pushing each other’s buttons playfully. I remember us discussing getting on the bus and knowing that doing so would lead us to challenges. He actually outright challenged me, asking me if I was “ready” and suggesting that I was a wuss. lol I challenged him in return. I believe he said, “I dare you.” I replied with, “I double dare you.” And he said, “I triple dare you.” LOL In the end he won, of course, but only because I let him. 🙂

This is when I really saw him clearly. Prior to this he was just a man with dark hair who knew how to treat a lady and make her feel special (which impressed me and won me over). I remember finding him quite handsome and beautiful. I focused in on his mouth for some reason and said something I can’t recall now, something playful. I noticed his lips (communication) were sealed with clear tape (limitation). I pulled it off. I remember hearing it as it came off and seeing his brilliant smile when his lips were freed. We were laughing really hard about something and I was filled with this amazing feeling. I have only felt it once before, in a dream earlier this year. It does not radiate from the heart center but the feeling is similar. This feeling is all-over from head to toe. I remember it as pure joy. It was like I was overflowing in joy and excitement. There was a deep, abiding love, too. Whoever he is, I loved him so much I was bursting. The word I would use to describe him is “fun” and he was inviting me to have fun with him, to “play” with him. It felt like we had tons of fun together often and that he was my partner in crime. Hahaha I suspect we get into lots of mischief together.

Then I was seeing him close up again and he was so familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. He was radiant and his smile blew me away. In fact, his lips and the feeling that came with seeing him smile was what woke me up. When I woke up I was tingling with an all-over energy and pure joy. I said to my guidance, “He’s HOT!” lol But the “hot” was not in reference to anything sexual. When our energies mingled like they were in this dream there was a raging fire ignited. And OMG what a feeling! It was like we energized one another; like he added to me and I added to him and what resulted was pure perfection. I remember thinking, “He’s Fire. I’m Fire. Fire with Fire.” Even now just the memory of the feeling makes me so perfectly happy and fills me with optimism and excitement.

I said to my guides, “I want to meet him.” Yet I was not sure who exactly he was. I had an idea but the feeling from our dream meeting was so unlike other times that I was not/am not certain. But then that seems to be how this works anyway – always a mystery. I will say that his energy when mixed with mine changes me. It pulls out of me my True Self, brings it to the forefront. I see life as exciting and full of possibility. I want to “play the game” and enjoy a good challenge.

I am still wondering about the taped lips. Is this a message that he has finally found his voice? Or is this a message that I have found mine? It seems significant nonetheless.

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Dream: It is Written

It took me a while to fall back to sleep. I was too energized from the dream. Once I did fall asleep I was discussing a book (knowledge) that contained within it a prophecy (guidance). I was telling a woman her future but at the same time it was my future. I would shift into this woman and then back to myself over and over. I read from the book what was to come for the woman. She would ask questions and I would answer them. The dream was somewhat confusing because I would shift into different scenes as I read from the book.

In one scene I went into a gym (apply knowledge) but all the gym equipment, weights and cardio machines, were gone. All that was there was a jump rope (coordinate, make plans) laying on the floor. I picked it up and began to use it and suddenly there were two people holding the ends and I was jumping in the middle. There was a discussion about how I didn’t need to do this anymore. What “this” was I am not sure but the jump rope disappeared and then I was standing in front of the woman and talking to her about her future.

A man appeared in front of her. I was telling her that she already knew the man and that they were meant to be together. The woman was dark haired and the man was fair haired. Then I was giving the man vitamins and supplements (need to strengthen one’s willpower; stand up for self) and he was asking questions about it. The woman was nervous, telling me she was unsure about the prophecy from the book. I was encouraging her, telling her that it would all work out.

The dream gets fuzzy here but I remember seeing the number 38 and also having a mirror put in front of my face more than once. The mirror is very prominent in my memory actually. I also saw what I knew were soul “pods” or families but they looked like blue spirals inside of circles or miniature galaxies. I also saw dolphins, but I think this was to remind me of what a “pod” is.

Considerations

Despite still being sick I am still energized and hopeful from the first dream. I wish I could have dreams like that every night. Upon waking there was a feeling of “fate” that was quite profound. The feeling of excitement at what is to come still lingers. I don’t know, though, if what is coming is something to anticipate or dread based upon the dream. If I am excited about a “challenge” then there is no telling what kind of challenge is ahead of me (us). It could be something the human me does not like.

The song, Afterlife, was also going through my mind upon waking – “You and me, we got this. You and me we’re beautiful, beautiful.”

 

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Kachina Dream and OBEs

I’m still sick. Yesterday I felt like I had taken a sleeping pill – sluggish and tired all day. This morning my eyes are watering and bloodshot on top of the wonderful congestion that never seems to end. Didn’t I just have this stupid cold? WTF?

On top of being sick all day yesterday, I couldn’t shake a feeling that something is about to happen. It was a “heads up” feeling but not one that makes my stomach sink or gets me nervous. My guidance has been mostly quiet, but then I’ve been shutting down their communication during the day because I am too sick to care what it is they have to say and I don’t trust my monkey mind right now. When I’m sick, the monkey mind (Ego) comes out to play more than ever and I really don’t want to chance it interfering with communication from my guidance.

Despite being sick still, my dreams were abundant and I got to go OOB this morning several times.

Dream: Kachina

I was with a group of people who were putting on a play (life roles) in an amphitheater (spreading of knowledge). I was standing in line with some others and felt distinctly like a student. In my hand I was holding a big, beautiful rose quartz crystal (wholeness). I was explaining to another student how I had drilled a hole through it and placed a candle wick in the center (unfulfilled). Yet it was most obviously a crystal, not a candle. The other student was sharing her creation with me as well but I can’t recall it now.

Outside everyone was preparing for the play. It was a beautiful day with a clear blue sky. I looked up at the bleachers (reflecting on goals), silver and shining in the sun, and saw several groups of people settling in their seats. There was no concession stand so the food and drinks were just sitting on the bleachers. People were taking stuff without paying so I stopped and handled the situation telling them everything was 50¢.

I never saw the play. Instead I went with a man in a truck (hard work) to another part of the island to search for something. I can’t recall what now but I remember seeing something blue. At some point in the dream I saw a woman dressed in a white (purity) gown in the cabin of the truck. The truck began to move on it’s own and she began to get concerned. Eventually the truck crashed (painful experience). I found the woman laying in a pile of thousands of smooth, white, shiny discs (wholeness). I went to her, cradling her in my arms, and told her she would be okay. I called her by name – Kachina. I told her I loved her and held her against me. She opened her eyes and looked at me. Relief rushed over me. She was alive! I began to cry.

In-Between

When I awoke I was crying and my nose was so clogged I couldn’t breathe. The image of the woman laying on the pile of white discs was vivid in my mind along with her name – Kachina. I had that feeling that something big was about to happen but wasn’t sure what. I figured it must have something to do with the Blue Kachina Hopi legend. I remembered I dreamed of it before, back in February of this year. Why was it coming up again?

I drifted into the in-between with questions in my mind and entered into a conversation with my guidance. I saw a white disc very vividly in my mind. It then fell from space into the atmosphere of earth. As it fell, it was burned by the atmosphere and glowed blue like a meteor. I wondered if the blue kachina was likely a capsule of some kind, perhaps a space ship landing on earth? I remember thinking the word “contact” and saying the name “Toba”, or at least I think it was a name.

I came out of the in-between with a start after I said the name Toba to my guide. I figured it must be his name but who knows and I was too sick and congested to care. Yet I knew it was significant so I repeated in my head in order to recall it later.

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OBEs

The next thing I recall is being in a dimly lit house talking to my BIL and SIL about something. I realized I was OOB in the midst of talking to them and shut myself into a bedroom by closing both of the doors leading into it. The room was dimly lit and had blue undertones. I could sense both my physical body and my astral body at the same time. My physical body was struggling to breathe so I often shifted focus to it to adjust my breathing and then would return my focus to my astral body without losing lucidity.

I was talking with someone the entire time I was OOB. I never saw him but his responses were audible, though not enough to trigger me into waking up. I also felt distinctly male throughout this OBE. I also knew I was dark skinned.

At one point in the conversation I lost lucidity and returned to my body briefly. I could feel the vibrations and shifted immediately right back OOB without incident. However, my body was struggling to breathe, both nostrils clogged and causing major discomfort. I had to tend to this issue or I could not remain OOB. So I returned several times and adjusted the position of the body to compensate. What is amazing to me is that I did this shifting seamlessly and without ever losing contact with my astral self. I thought nothing of it at the time but looking back it amazes me!

When back OOB and while still standing in the bedroom I heard that I needed to replace something. I can’t recall the name now but it was some kind of machine that helped me adjust frequencies. It materialized in front of me. It was black or dark in color and looked like a sea urchin except that its spikes were very long like tentacles. It moved about on its own, its tentacles moving fluidly as if in water. It had a cord coming out of the top center of it that extended vertically up into the air above. I did not look for its source and the alien looking machine (or creature?) did not concern me one bit. In fact, I was completely at ease with it and happy to have it help with “adjustments”.

Now that I had this adjusting machine I opted to leave the bedroom via the ceiling. I succeeded without incident, flying right through the roof and out into the sky. Outside it was still dark. I noted it was not dark where my physical body was and knew I was elsewhere. I seemed not to care where I was, though. Instead I began to sing and fly, looking down on the city below. The conversation I was having with my guidance was flowing through the song I sang. I also heard music in the background. It reminded me of techno music.

I saw a building below that had rows of flowers of all colors surrounding it. I flew down toward it, knowing it was a church. There were people gathered in front of the doors. I wondered if they would see me so flew down and hovered in front of them. They smiled at me. Again I had the distinct feeling I was male and that I knew all of the people standing at the church.

I shifted back into my body quite suddenly and lingered a while, adjusting position again because I could not breathe. My nose was completely clogged and my lungs were screaming for air. While making adjustments I was talking with my guidance. I remember him giving me options on what to do. One option I recall is reviewing a life decision, specifically a relationship.

While we were talking I shifted back OOB to the church scene. This is when I chose to review a life decision. It felt as if I could change things about my life, like I could rewrite it. I said, “I loved her the minute I saw her.” I flew down toward a dark skinned woman but her appearance shifted from a woman into a man. I think this was because I recalled being a woman in this lifetime. I stood in front of the man and put my hands on either side of his face and then kissed him. He kissed back. Then I flew back up and my guidance asked if I would change anything. I said, “No. I loved him from the moment I saw him.” When I said this an image of a lightening bolt appeared on my left forearm.

Once again I was pulled back into my physical body because of breathing issues. I ended up having to cough and this brought me fully back into my body. Then I heard my son pounding on the door and knew I had to get up.

 

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Three Dreams and Messages

I had some interesting dreams and messages that I want to document.

Dream: Family Reunion

I was with my “cousin” and there was some serious conversation going on. I remember being in my childhood bedroom and seeing him standing there. His face was shifty as was his overall appearance. Sometimes he looked fair haired and other times dark haired. I kept confusing him for my actual cousin, but in reality he was just “family” of the soul kind. There was some resistance on my part at being in the situation. It felt like I was being asked to “allow” and “reconnect” with him but him being “family” caused internal conflict. In the end I succumbed and we embraced and kissed. I felt huge relief once I allowed and accepted our connection. All in all, it seemed like the internal conflict stemmed from my human conditioning. I was resistant to close family relations of the romantic sort yet when I finally allowed it, the feeling was not romantic at all but more a deeply loving friendship.

Dream: Renovations

In this dream I was walking the hallway of a dorm-type (learning) housing until. The hallway was larger than any I have ever been in, though. My room number was 74 (adds up to 11) and I kept forgetting it and having to be reminded of it. I also lost track of my keys (fear of losing control) on the way to class and when I went back to retrieve them found my dorm/apartment was unlocked. When I went inside someone had completely remodeled (change) it. I felt an unfamiliar energy inside, one that felt dark to me. It was unseen but very present in the space. This energy had remodeled the apartment, installing a huge fish tank (keep feelings in check) with strange, black fish (subconscious insight) inside. Just looking at them made me shiver, though in reality they were just normal fish. I’m not sure why I felt they were “dark”.

The rest of the remodel (life changes) was nice, though, and me and a male friend discussed the changes that were made. I remember there was new trim around the window and I began to take it down only to change my mind and put it back. The more I discussed the changes, the less dark the energy felt and the more helpful it seemed. I remember people kept asking if I was selling the old stuff that had been removed during the remodel. I kept saying no and eventually told a woman she could have the old ceiling fan(change) for $30.

Back inside we were using the new clothes washer (need to resolve past issues). When a button was pushed the thing expanded and looked like a shallow swimming pool (need to deal with emotion). The energy there kept moving things around. I felt unable to stop it from making changes. Eventually I gave in and allowed the changes, even accepting them fully. I jumped into the “pool” that was the washing machine toward the end.

Dream: Familiar Man

This dream was partially lucid. I mainly recall talking to a female friend who had long, dark hair. She and I were discussing a friend of ours. She told me that he was relocating to Austin. The news made me very excited and I was jumping about saying, “He’s moving to Austin! That’s great news! I have lots of past lives with him. You do, too.”

I mainly recall the excitement I was feeling. The images are blurry but there is a distinct memory of what this man looks like. I remember seeing him briefly a few nights ago in dreamtime, too. We were talking but I can’t recall what was said. Seeing him in my near-lucid dream woke me up, though.

Messages and Memory

Before I woke fully, I lingered in the in-between. There were messages coming quickly. The first message was written on the underside of a white bowl in black handwriting. The minute I saw it I protested reading it, telling my guides I didn’t want to know. So I have no idea what it said. The second message was spoken to me. It said, “May through June….pay attention to the changes and your neighbors…..You know you don’t belong there.” Most of the information I did not want to hear and so pushed it out of my head before I could recognize the messages.

A memory came to me out of the blue, though. It was a memory from years ago, around 2012 maybe. I was going home from work but stopped by Walgreens to pick up something. I lingered in my car before leaving. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a car pull into a parking spot a few cars down from me. Something told me to look. It was an odd feeling that sorta pushed me to look actually. So I turned and looked and locked eyes with a man.

My heart fell into my stomach and I began to panic. All kinds of alarms were going off in my mind. The guy was staring at me. At first he looked surprised, startled almost. Then he started to smile. I couldn’t look away but I knew if I didn’t look away he would get out of his car and come talk to me. I did not want that so I looked down at my lap and waited for what seemed like a very long time. My heart pounded the whole time and I thought over and over to him, “Don’t come over here. Don’t come over here.”

When I finally felt it was safe to look up, he was gone. I drove out of that parking lot feeling like something had happened, but I didn’t know what. I just wanted to get home as fast as I could.

When I recalled this memory I remembered what the man looked like. Actually, I have never forgotten what he looked like so it was not difficult to recall. And what is weird is the man in my dream looked just like him.

For a while after that encounter in the parking lot I wondered about it. I knew if I had allowed it something major would have happened. It was just a feeling, one that scared me. My thoughts to my guidance was, “Not now. I can’t. I’m married.” Sound familiar? lol Now to have this dream and memory come one after the other, it seems to indicate that I may be meeting this man again. Ugh. Why?

 

 

 

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Manifest Destiny

Ack! I’ve got a throat on fire this morning and so does my husband. Today we are driving to South Padre, too. The kids are super excited, their energy is so jagged feeling compared to my own. They tend toward more crying fits and arguing when it gets like this. My daughter has yet to go into anxiety/worry mode. She typically fixates on one certain future scene and if it changes even a little she has a melt down. Talk about “fixed” (Taurus). And I thought I was bad! Ha!

I am somewhat excited despite feeling crappy. This is a whole-family event (husband’s side anyway). One thing I can give my husband is that he has an awesome family. They don’t argue and know how to enjoy life and have a good time. My family, on the other hand, would be fighting or in tension mode most if not all of the trip. I would have to be in the ocean all day to avoid them (not a problem!). Also, with all the other family with us, my mommy duties will be lightened substantially. My BIL and SIL who just moved from CA are without children (though SIL is newly pregnant) and they LOVE our kids. I also know my SIL will watch my kids like a hawk. It is such a relief for me to know I have her as backup and don’t have to worry myself silly that one of my kids will drown when my husband is distracted. To know I can withdraw and have time alone on this trip, lay like a lump on the beach even, makes all the hassle and preparation worthwhile.

We rented a three bedroom condo on the beach, something I have only experienced once and that was when I was 13 on the beaches of North Carolina (pristine!). To be able to just walk out the back door and be on the beach is awesome! My kids will be in heaven, no doubt. My BIL and SIL rented an SUV for the drive, too. Another cool thing about my husband’s family – they like to travel in style and abundance tends to follow them.

Dream: Manifest Destiny

On to things of a more spiritual nature.

Despite my sickness I had vivid dreams. First there was one all about protection and circles. I don’t recall much of it now but protection was being emphasized again. Then I was a middle school aged girl in school. My focus was on my friends and socializing. I cared little for my grades. There was a boy I hung out with who I considered my best friend. I only recall now that he had dark hair, was somewhat aloof at times and more quiet than me. Honestly, I think my personality just overshadowed his but there was no irritation on his part. It was just the way we were.

I remember knowing that I was choosing socialization over academics and that this was not my norm. At one point we were sitting together at a table trying to focus on an assignment. We were paired up, working on it together, but neither of us was into doing it. There was a mother and her daughter sitting across from us quite focused on the assignment. I watched them getting the work done rapidly. I knew that if I didn’t do the work, it would not get done. It wasn’t that my partner was stupid, I just knew it wouldn’t get done if I left it up to him. School wasn’t his “thing”. lol

So I began to ask the mother about the assignment. “What are we suppose to do?” She said that we needed to review a book and then describe what was missing/lacking in the details and organization of it. What it came down to was the book had only an index. I said, “Well that’s easy. It needs a Table of Contents and a glossary.” The answer needed to be in essay format so I got to writing it straight away. I remember the mother asking me, “Don’t you want to read the book first?” I said, “No. I know what it says.” Then I began to tell them about it. It was a book about U.S. expansion West. Specifically, it was about Manifest Destiny. I even used that word and specifically tuned into the time when the “West” was not the West we know today but the mid-west U.S. around the Great Lakes. I told them the entire history. There was a particular feeling I had at this time. It was excitement similar to how one feels when they are passionate about a subject. I have always liked history but this was beyond that even. In the dream I knew that I would pass the assignment without issue. In fact, I wrote so much that I ran out of room before I even got to answering the question. lol

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Afterward, my friend and I went to his home and I met his parents. His father was suspicious of me but his mother liked me. I remember talking to his mom about a small object. I asked her if I could have one. The father disapproved of my asking but she smiled and said, “Sure.” She handed me a tiny, see-through heart. I was overjoyed to have received it.

As I was preparing to leave the father insinuated that I would steal one of their cars. lol I did end up driving out in my own car and the dream then meandered from there. I ended up getting assistance on a very steep, downhill path and was worried I would go too fast and lose control.

Messages

I woke with an uncomfortable soreness in my throat. My guidance was talking to me, asking me if I remembered our discussions. I only recalled that protection was needed and soon drifted into the in-between.

While in-between I saw myself inside a jet that at first resembled an airplane. It was sitting on something high up in the sky but not flying. I was told to look at it closely and when I did I realized it had no wings. I heard, “rocket” and then put two and two together. A “rocket” in the “sky” – skyrocket. Ha!

Then I was reminded of all the synchronicities lately. I have been noting them but at this time I was being shown all of them together. Some were songs, some were strange “coincidences” in meetings I’ve been having, some were gut feelings.

For example, you know the song, Hello, by Lionel Richie that I posted a while back? Well I keep hearing it. My kids are into the movie Trolls and that song is in it. The song, The Sound of Silence is also in it right before Hello. When I hear these songs I go into a kind of timeless state. Time stands still and I feel I need to listen. It is a strange kind of dejavu feeling every time and it’s happened twice now. I think I’m falling in love with the song Hello.

I’ve also been catching myself thinking, “I can’t do this” a lot. I stopped and considered what “this” is. What am I so nervous about? Perhaps it is not what I think?

There was also memory of a video I watched recently about knowing ones own future but losing faith along the way when it doesn’t manifest fast enough. I do this often. The video almost made me cry. It was like it was saying, “You KNOW. Stop doubting and just have faith.”

I was reminded how I recently came back into contact with a client from 2004. We’ve been chatting and it turns out the reconnect is not just for her benefit. She has something she can offer me. She even outright wrote, “I believe there’s a reason people CROSS PATHS!!” She then suggested we trade services. I give her mediumship (the group kind) and she refers me to her family business.

The service she can offer caught me off guard. The minute I read what it was, a path opened up to me that wasn’t there before. Just considering the path scares and exhausts me for all the “unknowns”. I am being asked to really be sure of what I want because if I choose this path there is no turning back. What is strange is that I know what to do. It was like instructions fell out of the sky and into my lap. There was a Knowing that sometimes we have to do things we don’t like to get what we want. And the feeling is that this is just the first part. I also know I can hold onto this option, like an ACE up my sleeve, as long as I want. To bide my time and make sure it is a path I wish to travel.

Manifest Destiny. Manifest your Destiny. Gives me goosebumps.

worthiness

Still in the in-between I saw and heard, “Worthiness.” Then I was reminded of something that happened many years ago. The first time I met my husband’s half-sister came to mind. She is a Sagittarius (ha! another sync) and we got along awesome. She heard that I could “see things” and that I was a medium so she sought my advice, asking me for a reading. I gave it to her freely. I had no issues because I hardly knew her. I was able to connect to her deceased father (my FIL) and able to give her answers about some of her questions. Her marriage was on the rocks. She wanted to leave her husband but was afraid of what it would mean for her daughter. So many unknowns and she just needed some guidance. I told her what I saw – her divorce, how the assets would be split, how her daughter would react, etc.

Skip to present day. She did get divorced. In fact everything I told her has come to pass. She had to leave her daughter behind, knowing her daughter would hate her. She remarried and is traveling and fulfilled. Her daughter is now coming around (which I assured her would happen).

All of this came to me because of the word “worthiness”. I knew I was seeing an example of how this can manifest in a person’s life. You have to feel worthy of having the things you want before you can have them. I was being asked if I felt worthy. Do I? Still working on that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dreams for Reflection

Yesterday I was hit with a wave of exhaustion along with dry eyes, lack of motivation and an overall feeling of sluggishness. I had not thought anything of it until I went outside with my kids. When I came home all my energy had returned and I felt full of motivation. Within an hour, though, I was back to lounging on the sofa feeling lethargic. This is when I browsed my WP Reader and found a repost of Diane Canfield mentioning a huge wave had come in and was causing all the same symptoms in her. I remember reading this part – The best thing to do in these situations is to go outside and ground with bare feet – and thinking, “No wonder I felt so good after going to the park! 🙂

By evening the exhaustion was full-on but when I tried to sleep I couldn’t. I struggled to stay out of cyclic thoughts impinging on my happy place. It was not difficult and eventually I drifted off into sleep.

Dreams 

Mom’s New Car

I had dreams involving my family last night. The first was about my physical family. I dreamed I visited my mom and she was in an unfamiliar car (life path). I asked her where her old car was. She told me she and her husband had failed to pay the $400 payment and it was repossessed (unforeseen changes). When I asked how many payments she missed she told me just one and said they were demanding she pay $13k in a lump sum. The feeling was that they had come upon bad times. I remember that my mom was using a walker (persistence)  and struggling to get around and that my sister and her family were still living with them.

Traveling by Plane

Then I was traveling by airplane (in control of life) with a woman. We were on the plane and it kept being delayed (moments of feeling out of control) by 10 minutes at each of its numerous stops. It felt like I we were on our way to Montana (higher consciousness) but I don’t remember ever getting there. At one stop I recall they built a wall (obstacles) around me that shifted into an elevator (elevation of consciousness). I was in it and seemed transported elsewhere briefly but I can’t remember where. I recall a conversation with the woman (alternate version of myself). She had chosen to go on a trip alone. I asked her, “What about your children?” I was concerned that she had left them behind. She seemed unaffected and intent on her travel plans.

When I awoke I knew I had entered into another purging cycle and was reminded that I would be doing massive clearing that could become uncomfortable. The above dreams were still vivid, especially the last one. I somehow knew I had traveled to Atlanta, GA.

The song Landslide was going through my head when I awoke as well. Specifically, “I’ve been afraid of changin’ cause I built my life around you.”

The feeling from this song was that changes are coming. This particular message is almost continuous lately but so far I’m not noticing any significant changes to myself or my life. We’ll see what happens I guess.

Dream: Party

I fell back to sleep and found myself at my mom’s house at a big party. Inside were people that I seemed to know and I mingled with them all feeling quite happy and carefree. I went to the back and there was an enclosed room where the porch normally is. When I entered there were people lounging on white sofas and the room all turned in my direction and greeted me as if they all knew me. A tall man with dark hair and a beard approached me. He seemed familiar to me and we embraced. I remember him being quite large around the midsection.

The next thing I knew he was passionately kissing me and I did not resist. The people in the room were applauding and I heard someone comment that it was about time. They even took photographs of us.

The man then talked to me for a while but I only remember sections of our conversation. We stayed close while we talked, his hands on my waist. I remember feeling he was relieved to finally be so close to me. He wanted me to agree to be with him (as his partner) and I told him I couldn’t, that I was already promised to someone (my husband who was not there). He got exasperated with me but did not get angry. He asked me, “Why do you keep inviting me here, then?” I looked up at him and said, “I don’t. She does.” He turned around and walked away. I remember not caring one bit and thinking about how he was not my type at all, too large and hairy. lol

As I was leaving a woman who had taken a photo of us was commenting on how she wanted to share the photo. I told her she couldn’t and got upset with her, worried my partner would find out.

I continued to mingle with everyone, going from group to group and talking with them, asking them if they wanted a tour and being completely at ease as a social butterfly. I remember saying that we had sold the house and the buyers had renovated it, giving it impressive upgrades only to sell it back to us. The back had been transformed with a greenhouse and a large deck but someone had spray painted their initials on the deck in blue. I remember talking about how it was the perfect layout for a wedding, mentioning I was to be married soon.

Then a woman who reminded me of my best friend from high school arrived. She was intoxicated (acting recklessly) and said she had recently been to Tokyo. She took the trip on a whim and left her kids behind. I asked her about her kids and she was unconcerned about leaving them. Eventually she wandered off, too drunk to converse, and I went back into the house looking for the bearded man. I couldn’t find him and the people sitting on the white sofa were different. They asked me if I would add my name and contact info to a sheet they were passing around. They all knew my spiritual gifts and many were interested in booking a session with me. This made me a bit uneasy but I filled out the sheet anyway. I realized the bearded man had left and worried I had hurt his feelings.

infinity

Considerations

When I woke the above song was still on my mind but so was the dream, especially the bearded man. He was familiar and reminded me of a guide I have often seen. I somehow knew the man in this dream was an alternate version of that guide, as if the guide was the higher self and the man in this dream the human version. I also knew that my higher self was the one who invited him to the “party”. I wondered why she would do that when she knows I am promised to another. The feeling from the bearded man was that he has an interest in me as a partner. “Partner” here is in the sense of coming into Union – as in masculine and feminine; Hieros Gamos. I felt disinterest and knew I was “promised” to someone else who I considered my husband, but I also knew he was not my human husband. Yet I had this strange curiosity for this man. A part of me wants to partner with every male it seems even if no magnetic attraction is felt. Why am I so promiscuous when this version of myself!? lol

I also recognized that my mom’s house is representing “Home”. This is common in my dreams and OBEs and I know the actual scene is very different from the dream one. The people are my soul family, in this case extended family. The drunk friend is likely an aspect of me and again I have concern for her children while she is unconcerned about leaving them.

The part about the group wanting my services is likely a reflection of current life events. I have been getting request for mediumship. The most recent is a group Skype reading request from a past client of mine. She knew me years and years ago from 2003-2004. I am not 100% sure I am ready for such a huge undertaking. Not only have I not given a mediumship reading in quite some time but I’ve not done a group one since my trip to the UK in 2004. My small self is afraid by my Higher Self is encouraging and confident suggesting that no matter the outcome the experience is one I should have.

What my guidance has to say about some of my above questions is this:

They say  I am not spiritually promiscuous but rather openly expressive of the Divine Love that I am. This love is not limited to just one other but I am approaching it as the human version of myself does. This dream was to bring into my awareness the limitation I am placing on myself and others.

My Home is a feeling, not a location, and so the human aspect manifests their interpretation of Home in the dreamstate. Currently I identify my mom’s house as my home – my safe place and where I feel I most belong. This indicates there is still a desire to be accepted by my mother. So in actuality I identify my mom as Home here in the physical.

There are inner-conflicts being displayed in this dream. The dream brings them into my human conscious awareness so they can be handled more effectively. There are two problems surfacing for inspection: 1. My desire for Hieros Gamos is in direct conflict with my human role as mother and 2. My  spiritual work conflicts with the expectations I feel from my human family. The dream is showing me how my human self wishes to address these issues. The drunken friend is symbolic of the me that wants to rush into a decision, tossing her concerns for her children in order to have what she wants. I cannot communicate with her in the dream because she is too intoxicated indicating that I am not in control of this aspect. The other issue is shown as me being open to exploring the use of my gifts again but reluctantly. This area seems to be less conflicted than the former.

There is no right or wrong way to handle either. The dream is merely asking me to observe and reflect in order to make an informed decision. In the end, it is always my choice.

 

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Embracing the Goddess Within

This full moon energy is ridiculously intense. I have been feeling it for a week and I suspect I will continue to feel it all month. My heart is most affected by it, though. So much so that at times it feels almost painful. Just when I think my heart has opened as much as is possible it blasts open more. I am beginning to think there is no end to the depths of it.

Dream: Pregnant with Twins

I remember speaking to a dietitian about the past week and my diet, how I had been feeling and what I needed to do to resolve it. The talk was not something I wanted. It made me feel as if I were in trouble. The main thing I remember from it was that the dietitian said, “You’ve been really high on energy haven’t you? When you get like that you need to slow down and rest. Take a break. Your body needs you to.” There was also discussion about low blood sugar, my heart and how I have not been eating enough food for the activity I’m doing.

When I left I ended up in a restaurant (emotional nourishment/support) somewhere in Europe with people I did not recognize. I sat down and a woman came to my table and sat in a chair across from me. She was Asian and very pregnant (aspect of self that is maturing). In fact, her stomach was so huge that it looked unnatural. Another woman sitting nearby looked at me and said, “She’s pregnant with twins.” I turned to the Asian woman and smiled. The Asian woman motioned to her tummy and said, “Just another week or so now and it will all be over.” She was smiling and looking lovingly at her stomach. In my mind I saw a calendar and saw the remainder of this week, the entire next week and a few days of the following week. I realized this must be her due date. I was impressed that the woman had carried a set of twins to term. I said, “You’re doing a great job! Just remember to let yourself rest after they’re born. Let someone else care for them and sleep. You’ll need it.”

balance-heart-chakra

Heart Expansion

Something about the dream and the pregnant woman triggered me into full lucidity. I began to cry and woke up. My heart chakra was enormous, spreading the length of my torso and also up into my throat chakra. The pregnant woman in the dream was what was on my mind. It felt like she was me. Lately I’ve been having tons of dreams about pregnancy and/or twins but I have not been posting them. Usually the twins are still babies and one is male and the other is female.

My heart was overflowing. It reminded me of when I was in Tennessee at my friend Yvonne’s house. I had woken one morning and had so much love I didn’t know what to do with it. I had burst into tears and hugged my friend, something I rarely do when I cry. I said to her, “I feel so much love. I don’t know what to do with all of it.” I Knew then that there would be a meeting soon and this heart opening was preparing me for it.

The tears didn’t last long because I realized something else. My guidance was saying to me, “You are love.” It took a while for the message to get through and when it did I said it to myself – I am love.  I recognized the vastness of the love I was feeling was a reflection of me. I was both recognizing and experiencing myself. It felt that soon that love would engulf me completely and I would be devoured by it. I did not feel fear, though. I felt anticipation. The strongest feeling at that moment was the absolute longing. I have never wanted anything more in my entire life. Nothing.

I’ve felt it before. I thought at the time that I was missing someone but I had never missed anyone like this. It was almost painful, causing physical reactions I had never experienced before. And here it was again. So intense that I felt at a loss as to how to manage it. But in recognizing I was feeling myself, my Divine Self, whole and complete, there was relief. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could – would – have what it was I was longing for. And when it happened, my heart would be even larger, expanding to every single chakra of this physical body. I couldn’t be afraid of the feelings that came with it. I had to accept them, feel them, embrace them as me because to reject them was to reject myself.

Vision

The more I allowed this indescribable feeling of Divine love, the more relaxed and calm I became. Eventually I drifted into the in-between. Not long after I saw a scene reminiscent of a popular daytime soap opera. In fact, when I saw the scene I thought, “Days of Our Lives”. There was a man at the front of my vision who I recalled from the show. He had dark hair and was facing me and for some reason I thought of him as a doctor, though I don’t remember if he is one or not on the show since I stopped watching it sometime back in the 1990’s. Not long after I recognized all of this, I saw a message in the upper left-hand portion of my vision. Written in white were the words, “Three more days.”

Songs

I woke up as soon as I saw the message. It is always funny how fast they wake me up. As soon as I saw the message and read it the message seemed to echo in my mind and when I woke up I was saying to myself, “Three more days.” It is like I plan it this way so that I remember the messages. It never ceases to amaze me how this process works. I am always surprised. Every time.

Then as I was recovering from the shock of the message that seemed to infer that in three days my life would become a soap opera (ha! I can only guess to what degree) I began to hear the songs.

The first and most prominent song was this one. The part in bold was what was emphasized:

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent 
And we can learn to love again
It’s in the stars
It’s been written in the scars on our hearts
We’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

The second song was one that came along with other syncs yesterday. I won’t go into detail here but the part of the song that was going over and over in my mind both yesterday and today so far is, “Just call me, if you need a friend. Call me. Call me.”

Nurturing Self – Embracing the Goddess Within

At some point this morning I had a conversation with my guidance about becoming the Goddess. There was discussion about being a nurturer and embracing this aspect of myself. This means nurturing not only others but myself. I have not been nurturing myself, though. If anything, I have been neglecting myself.

Part of embracing the Goddess within is embracing and openly expressing emotion. The Goddess is the healer of the world because they are capable of awakening the greatest force within themselves: love. The Divine Goddess can awaken love in others and there is no greater force of healing energy than love. But, in order to heal and awaken others they must be completely awakened to love themselves. It appears that is what I am doing – awakening to my own love so that I can share it with others and fulfill my role as Goddess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Vulnerability

According to my guidance as posted on May 9th and other posts after that, yesterday marked the end of an intensely, brutal three week period.  May 30th marked my “graduation”. Now I (We) are embarking on a journey into the unknown.

I had several visions and messages upon waking that reminded me of all the messages warning me of this pivotal moment. I was reminded of dreams such as the one above and one where I had a feeling of trepidation reminiscent of how one feels after they’ve graduated from high school. There was memory of a post by a friend on FB who has been watching a nest of Wrens grow and mature in her garage. Yesterday the three surviving babies left the nest permanently (no coincidence I’m sure). Today is also the last day of school for my children. 🙂

The song Itsy Bitsy Spider came into my mind as well:

The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the waterspout.
Down came the rain
and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun
and dried up all the rain
and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again

With the song I heard from my guidance that I was entering a learning period that would last three months and asked if I was ready. The feeling about the song was that I had been washed out by the rain (despair/grief/purging) and now the sun was out (radiance, Divine Power), drying up all the rain so that I could resume my journey “up the water spout”.

Dreams

I was reminded of my dreams last night as well.

In the first one, I was inside a house and two pregnant (growth and development) women with young children came in. They were going to stay in my room. I was very disturbed by this and tried to find a place where I could sleep undisturbed. I remember saying, “It is likely the one or both of those women will go into labor in the middle of the night!” lol

Eventually I went outside to reconnect a plug (power, potential) that had become disconnect inside a helicopter (ambitions). I was warned that I needed to be very careful as it could electrocute me if I didn’t follow the proper sequence. When outside I saw that an entire section of wood fence (barriers) had been taken down revealing the neighbor’s yard. I asked if it would stay that way and was told it would. I heard the only issue was that the neighbor’s cats (feminine power, sexuality)  kept invading the yard.

I took the a black cord to the helicopter. On the way an orange (second chakra) tabby cat ran up to me. He lay down on the ground on his back purring. I was afraid he would bite me, though (afraid of my own power).

When I got inside the helicopter there was a dashboard with a telephone (communication) and other knobs. I was told where to connect it. The final step was to pick up the phone and check the connection. There was a dial tone. I was confused because nothing had happened but was told I had done it correctly.

I knew this dream was about the Kundalini. In fact, my first thought was, “Oh no! Not more cats!” lol The cat represents, for me at least, the sexual and feminine energies of the Kundalini. I usually run away from the cats in dreams. The message I got was to not be afraid. At least now I understand my fear. I tried not to think of how it would manifest this time. It will likely be in an unexpected way.

In another dream I was being treated for a rare illness (grief and self-pity). It manifested symptoms in the dream, but I have trouble remembering them now except that I felt strange. It was energetic, so likely Kundalini. I remember emotionally feeling down and different from the other people around me. I felt like a freak. As I sat waiting for someone to assist me I heard the elevator (rising to higher level) beep. I turned, expecting to see someone but the doors opened and no one was inside. I knew the doors were opening for me. I didn’t dare go inside. I felt defeated and exhausted when I thought of going inside. There was also a feeling of being alone and unique to the point that I felt it unlikely I would ever meet anyone like me. This made me feel that much more like a weirdo, out of place with no friends or hope of fitting in.

Considerations

Though the messages I received were positive, I did not respond positively. Instead I felt disinterest and resistance. All the emotional pummeling I went through recently has depleted me. I feel disillusioned mostly. This is my own fault for trying to force what I wanted on a situation rather than allow it to unfold naturally. Impatience has been my undoing. That is the realm of the Ego-Child. They want everything “now”. And then it doesn’t help that as a spiritual Being time is difficult to gauge. So, in hearing the next three months will be a time of learning and elevation I stopped myself from trying to figure out what this might mean. I will let myself be surprised, or at least try to anyway.

Vulnerability

There is something I want to share here that has been coming up for inspection quite a bit lately. It is related to this new openness that I have been struggling to get use to. The best word for it is vulnerability. Yes, that means being open to attack, but it also means being open to everything else. In the Divine sense it goes along with complete surrender and a willingness to expose ones self to the good and the bad alike. I am coming to terms with the fact that this vulnerability is my new normal.

This article sums up vulnerability quite well.

It starts to make sense that we dismiss vulnerability as weakness only when we realize that we’ve confused feeling with failing and emotions with liabilities. If we want to reclaim the essential emotional part of our lives and reignite our passion and purpose, we have to learn how to own and engage with our vulnerability and how to feel the emotions that come with it. For some of us, it’s new learning, and for others it’s relearning. Either way, the research taught me that the best place to start is with defining, recognizing, and understanding vulnerability.

I have been receiving nudges to let myself feel and allow others to see this side of me. I struggle a great deal with the latter. I look awful when I cry. My face gets red, my eyes are puffy and my nose is like Rudolph’s. I feel ill when I think of others seeing this side of me. I retract from it. I want to hide and often I do, usually retreating to any isolating space.

When I was a child my crying was criticized, my emotions rejected. There was very little to no sympathy from my mother. In fact, my tears seemed to make her angrier. Eventually, I developed this anger as well. I got angry with her and myself for crying. Even happy tears were hidden or repressed.

When I was pregnant the emotional side-effects were my nemesis. I could not control my tears and they often came on the minute the emotion was felt. And then they seemed to go on and on. I remember bursting into tears one time when I stopped by to talk to my boss about some issues. He was very nice and let me cry but I felt humiliated by the experience thinking to myself, “He must think I am such a sap.” He offered sympathy and I outright rejected it. Why? Because it caused more tears and emotion.

I reject sympathy from everyone when I am emotional, too. My mother taught me well. Her lesson was that a good woman is a strong women who doesn’t show others her weakness. To be a weak woman is to agree that men are the stronger gender.

Yeah, royally messed up but that is what I have to work with in the life.

What I am finding, though, is that I long to be emotional, to snuggle into the arms of a man and cry my eyes out without feeling he will reject or criticize me for being weak. Instead, he will see my emotion as strength. This is as it should be. I have very seldom exposed myself to anyone in this way. If I have, it is likely with a woman and not a man. The few times I have cried and hugged my husband there was no comfort to be found. I felt judged, weak and guilty. For some reason I feel judged by him, as if my pain is a burden on him.

The sad thing is that my own daughter already shows signs that she also believes emotion equals weakness. Her biggest fear is that she will start to cry at school and everyone will see her and judge her, ridicule her or think of her as the girl who cries all the time. I assume just her exposure to the woman in my family (me included) has led her down this path. Or maybe she brought it in with her from another lifetime. I try my best to comfort her when she cries. Sadly, I normally get pushed away and yelled at.

Will I be able to come to terms with this new, vulnerable state I find myself in all the time? I guess I’m going to have to.

 

 

 

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Messages: Protection and the Diamond Light Codes

Feeling less upset this morning and more calm. I had another emotional purging last night, though. It reminds me of last November and December and how at the end of the day or whenever I found myself alone I would encounter intense emotion and it would just pour out of me. The whole process of letting it out is deeply exhausting. It feels like my insides are weeping and my body cannot contain them so they pour out of me. My entire body lurches. It’s like I am vomiting the emotion and the after effects are no different.

My sleep was undisturbed and deep last night. When I awoke I was given messages and I had clarity once again. It is like a calmness descends over me and I understand everything so clearly. There is no upset at what I am going through and no desire to escape it either. It is so odd yet at this moment I see it as a completely normal and expected part of my transformation process.

Dream: Renovating a Mansion

I had bought a new house/mansion (my greatest potential) and my realtor (guide) was showing it to me. It was enormous, much bigger than anything I could afford or would even think suited me. As we walked inside I was blown away by the beauty and majesty of the place. What was most noticeable was the dark, mahogany wood trim and accents. My realtor was advising me on the renovations (new outlook/perspective). He suggested I replace the wood with a white stone tile. I’m not sure what kind it was but when I saw it in my mind it appeared silvery white, seamless and modern. The lighting was also to be changed to silvery chandeliers. I remember not liking the idea of replacing the stone accents and wood. I asked if it was necessary to even renovate. I recall him suggesting it but saying it was my choice.

Then we went outside to survey the property I now owned. A portion of the fence (barriers) had been torn down along with a foot bridge (connection or opportunity lost). The previous owners had done this. There was also a large dog (untrustworthy) watching us. It was huge, like wolf sized and pure grey. I thought I saw a mask over its eyes like a raccoon (deceit) and felt I needed to stay away. I hurried into the house and closed the door before it came in. It was obviously friendly but for some reason I was wary. The realtor said it belonged to the previous owners and was left behind. The last thing I recall of the dream is that my hair was super long (thinking long and carefully before making a decision), all the way past my knees.

Dream: Stuck in the Dark

Short dream of being beside a large body of water with a group of friends. The water (emotion) was being drained via a huge central drain, similar to a pool drain (need to remove obstacles) but larger. Somehow one of the group got sucked down and stuck in the drain. There was discussion on how to get him out. I mainly recall everything being black (unknown, death) because I became the one stuck in the drain. But I was also the one trying to help free the stuck person. From above I was sending down a light to illuminate the darkness. From within I was waiting in the darkness, unable to see and worried I would drown. Somehow I found an air bubble and survived, though. The light was sent down the drain and I saw it descending toward me. It looked like the flame of a candle. Then I was being released from the dark depths but I don’t remember making it to the surface. Instead I found myself on the surface watching a man as he loosened the dirt (attempt to hide something) around the edges of the water causing it to cave in. His intention was to trap the other me under the water. I was able to stop the man and ran across the land mass near the water. When I looked down I saw I was standing on a dirt colored map (life path) of the world, specifically the middle east – Israel (spiritual unrest). Half of the map had crumbled into the water, though (feeling lost, without direction).

Messages

I drifted in and out of the in-between. During this time I recall receiving a message in pieces. First I heard, “The four directions” and then “protection”. I also heard something about a “5th direction”. I was responding to my guidance as a different version of myself, one with great Knowing and understanding of what I have been going through. I can’t recall my specific remarks but the understanding remains even now.

The end of this section of the Equinox Portal is nearing. This section, like the others, has been working on rectifying the False Self. For me this has been experienced via the arising of my “inner demons”, those aspects of self that perpetuate confusion, self-destruction and self-loathing. They reveal themselves via mental circuitry, or repetitive/circular thought patterns, that are triggered via specific life experiences. Ultimately, when observed they reveal limiting and destructive beliefs from this and previous incarnations.

I was reminded not to allow myself to become defeated by this circuitry but to allow and observe it. When experienced it will feel as if it has overtaken me. I will be drawn into the emotion in a very real and tangible way and past memories and incidents will be revealed. The key is to pay attention to what is revealed through it.

Easier said than done.

These moments of emotion are so dark, so agonizing, that I feel they will kill me. They evoke a feeling of powerlessness that is terrifying. It is as if I am experiencing that moment just prior to death when one knows what is coming – death – but can do nothing to stop it. Is this the Ego struggling against its own death? Or is it something else? I am not exactly sure but I have faint memories, memories that seem to run away when I touch upon them, that cause me to question if any of the experience is even mine. It is like I am flushing out an old, useless version of myself. A self that is already dead but whose tendencies and memories remain. It’s such a weird, surreal feeling yet at the same time it feels completely natural.

The protection part of the message concerns me somewhat. I am left wondering if perhaps I am in danger of becoming totally overrun by the darkness. Is someone or something praying upon me? Do I have an entity attached to me? Or is it something else, some larger, dark force? But then I don’t believe the darkness can really hurt me, nor do I feel a need to avoid it as it is part of the experience of duality. I even recognize that I am fascinated by the darkness. Plus, I have never felt a need to protect myself via visualization or prayer. My guidance has always done it for me when needed, if it even is needed (I still doubt this need).

diamonDiamond Light Codes

There was a brief dream of a discussion with a woman who was showing me a diagram that resembled a baseball diamond. I recall it being drawn like a map and feeling it was for assistance and protection. As I woke from this dream I began mentally speaking in light language, drawing a diamond around me with my hands. It was so streamlined and automatic that it surprised me out of the in-between.

As I emerged from the in-between I heard myself saying, “Diamond Light Codes” and then “Sacred geometry”. I was discussing this with someone and saying things about sacred geometry that indicated a thorough knowledge of the subject. Of course, I forgot it all.

A quick search on Google indicates the Diamond Light Codes and Light Body exist, but I do not have the time or desire to read through it all. Sometimes I get tired of hearing these specialized ascension terms from my guidance. It would be nice for it to simple and straightforward. It would also be nice if all the information coming in and made available matched. Beside, in the end, will any of this information and terminology matter anyway? Not likely. It seems more likely that the information is provided because so many of us humans want to know “why” all the time. What if we stopped asking why and just let it Be? We already Know it all anyway. Feel it and allow it. Who cares what it is called or what the process and steps are. This whole journey and questioning all the time is getting old and tiresome. I got a smile from my guidance from that. 🙂

Edit: After I posted this I recalled that the reason for the protection is not that a particular dark entity is looming in the shadows ready to pounce. It is instead that I am extremely open and empathic right now. My heart space is not only open but expanding (solar plexus and sacral are being integrated) and will remain so as part of a new energetic system/Light Body.

I have received this message before but I guess it just didn’t click. I have to learn to live with being in an expansively open state. I can’t bury the emotion or I will get sick. I have to allow it and protect myself from becoming over burdened and worn out. It will effectively “kill” my body, exhausting my adrenal system and overloading my nervous system if I don’t protect myself, care for myself and listen to my body.

This is part of the “holding more Light” we have all been preparing for. We need to be in top shape physically, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Any of these that we are not meeting the minimum expectations in will be brought to our attention either via messages and dreams or through outright “assault” on that faculty. So, if you are not physically ready, your body will show you. If you are not emotionally ready, your emotions will show you. And so on and so forth. For me it appears my emotional and mental bodies are not quite there yet. Physically I’m doing much better (now anyway). Spiritually, well I guess I’m okay? lol

I remembered all of this information when I stumbled on this post this morning. She says:

Suppressing your emotions is probably one of the worst things you could do. Numbing them by resorting to substances, addictive behaviors or other forms of escapism will not help in the long run either.

It means also finding strength in our emotions. Allowing the flow of energy and information that moves through the emotional channels to act in your favour, rather than otherwise.

That is (at minimum) a 2-part process:

Detoxification – unburdening the body, mind and spirit of accumulated debris

Recalibration – discovering a new way to exist within a rapidly evolving physical and spiritual climate

Over a week ago I was asked to stop smoking and was told, “These destructive tendencies slow down the process. You must love yourself and your body”. I quit without issue (as is my usual). I was asked to never resume the habit. Strangely I have had absolutely no desire to resume it and the typical triggers have been in abundance! I also tossed out all wine on a whim. Down the drain it went. Yesterday I was asked to do a semi-fast/cleanse/detox. I started first thing this morning. So far I have not even been hungry today and all I’ve had is fresh juice from my juicer, mineral water and a bowl of oatmeal with honey.

 

 

 

 

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Anxiety Issues

Another reprieve this morning. No tears. However, yesterday I had a sudden, low blood sugar induced panic attack at the gym. I nearly passed out in the midst of exercising! It was super scary, more than the other times. After this incident I had a headache and felt off for a good three hours.

In considering these scary events I’ve concluded that it is the gym environment that is to blame. I exercise with the same or greater intensity at home and have not once – ever – experienced what happens to me at the gym. In fact, I have exercised with even less food in my system and not had any issue. Yet for some reason at the gym I suffer these “attacks”. What exactly it is about the gym is hard to say. Likely it is the energy of other people combined with the drive home that contributes. My mind goes into “what if” mode inducing the panic and from there it snowballs. Yesterday my thoughts preceding the incident were, “I haven’t eaten enough today. I should have stayed home.” Followed by memories of previous incidents and worries over passing out in a public place. Within a minute of these thoughts my heart rate skyrocketed and I began to lose my vision. So it wasn’t the low blood sugar in and of itself that was the cause.

Anxiety/panic is not a normal for me, but at one point in my spiritual journey I suffered from panic attacks quite frequently. In the early stages, right after I began meditating consistently, I sometimes had panic attacks while meditating and would often wake up with them. These were so bad I literally thought I was dying from a heart attack – chest pains, shortness of breath, pounding heart – the works. Later, from 2011-2013, when I was suffering from major insomnia, I would have panic attacks while driving home from work. Those are super scary! Yesterday, after making it home, the panic remained for a couple of hours and I experienced a similar anxiety to an episode in 2012 where it felt like I was leaving my body via my crown. It is not a typical fainting feeling but more like being sucked upward with such velocity that it terrifies me. I really, really hate it.

Yesterday left me feeling very shaky and concerned. So, I think I will be avoiding the gym for a while, maybe permanently. 😦

Dreams

You would think after such a busy afternoon that I would be exhausted come evening. Well, I was, but I slept super light and woke frequently. I have been awake since 5am. Throughout the night I had vivid dreams.

I spent most of the night traveling by airplane (rising to a new level). In one instance I was in line to buy a ticket (new start) to South America (resolution of conflict). I was with a group discussing my options. They wanted me to join them but I was hesitant. I didn’t want to leave my children, specifically my middle child and oldest son. What is funny is that I swear we were in India. This dream lasted the entire first part of the night and left me feeling split between my spiritual family and my Earth family.

In the next dream I was actually in an airplane traveling home. I decided mid-flight that I wanted to go to a Disney (seeking happiness) theme park and was looking up the locations across the world. I found one in Wisconsin of all places. On a whim I decided to visit. I arrived almost as soon as I made the decision. This “Disney” was not a theme park but more of an aquarium exhibiting sea life. I recall picking up a toy sea turtle (emotionally reserved) while there.

On my way home I realized I lost my debit card (careless, concerned about security) and went into a panic. I had to buy another ticket and recall calming down when I realized I had a credit card and cash. Yet the anxiety “woke” me up and I spent what seemed like hours in the in-between trying to figure out where my debit card was. lol

I entered yet another dream where I was a child (inner child) in a library (seeking knowledge). I recall seeing myself wearing a skirt hiked up enough to reveal my underwear (femininity). Then I was on the floor using a piece of chalk to write a message to myself. I can’t recall the whole message but it said something about a meeting on Thursday. I had thought it was Tuesday but changed it last minute. Later, I erased it to not get in trouble by the librarian but a little girl came by and said, “So you are meeting on Tuesday?” I said, “No, Thursday the 18th.”

Then I was in a bedroom sitting at a double desk. On the left I saw a dying beetle (end of destructive influences) on its back, legs still twitching. I told my sister that since it was on her side of the desk that she had to dispose of its body. I was told by a guide later that it was upsetting to her to have to kill it and I saw her flushing it down the toilet.

When I finally awoke the message about the meeting came to mind suddenly. I thought, “Today is Thursday the 18th.” Yet I recall that the dream was referring to next week because I remember seeing it on the calendar. I also know that Tuesday is accurate and in checking the date it coincides with the message about the 23rd I received recently. As I mulled this over I received a vivid vision that shocked me into full wakefulness. My Companion presented me with a brilliantly colored hot air balloon (elevation, rising above depression) whose basket was filled to the brim with brightly colored balls (wholeness).

I couldn’t go back to sleep after that.

It appears that next week will be an eventful one for me.

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OBE: Meeting the Marlboro Man

Feeling somewhat more myself today after two days of emotional purging. The feeling didn’t level out until yesterday afternoon. I’m sure there’s an astrological explanation but I’ve not searched for one. I’m just happy to feel more balanced.

Prior to bed, feeling a bit worse for wear, I requested a reprieve. I said, “A lucid dream or OBE would be nice, please.” Anything’s better than waking up crying IMO. I heard from my Companion, “I will come to you.” I told him, “That’s what you said last night and you were a no-show. I don’t believe you.” I don’t know if he showed up, actually, I forgot most of my dreams upon waking, but he can affect that and he knows it. He repeated that I would be seeing him. I said, “We’ll see.”

Dream: Christmas Wedding

This dream took up most of the night and even after I woke at 5am it continued once I fell asleep. I’m not going to go into too much detail but will share the important points.

I was in a church (seeking guidance) most of the dream alongside a group of family who I didn’t recognize but accepted. We were discussing my upcoming wedding (transitions) and the details of it. Thing is, I had not planned in advance and was down to three weeks before the date was set.  I had not picked out my dress, the bridesmaid’s dresses or even ordered the invitations. Yet I was meeting with everyone discussing and practicing the ceremony. I recall most vividly the woman who I was speaking with and the priest (guidance) who seemed to be the one in charge.

The part that most stands out to me is looking at a calendar and choosing the date of the ceremony. I said, “Why don’t we make it on Friday?” I pointed to it on the calendar and someone said, “The 17th? That sounds good.” Yet in 2017 the 17th falls on a Sunday. I became somewhat lucid, remembering I was already married and it confused me. There was discussion about eloping and avoiding all the planning and guests.

I woke up then and was upset mostly because the dream seemed to indicate to me that the Union of masculine and feminine that I had been told to expect this summer would be in December. This is in fact the second dream indicating December, 2017, is significant. It did not make me happy to know I had six more months to wait. I prefer the three weeks like in the dream!

The second half of the dream I took it over and so it was about my current marriage (entering new phase) and vow renewal became the topic and the date shifted to April 21st which is the day we met 10 years ago.

virus

OBE: Computer Virus

I woke briefly, still in a sour mood over the dreams, and requested to go OOB. The next thing I recall is sitting at a desk in a darkened room. In front of me was a computer screen. Around me were many other people, most in the shadows. I knew I was dreaming and took control almost immediately. My computer screen flickered and adware popped up, freezing the screen. It was some kind of virus (feeling out of control). I had to shut down the computer. I then turned to the man sitting next to me, warning him about the virus. I recognized him as an ex-classmate. He had a laptop and it also had the adware on it but the game was playing and locked his keyboard. I told him to shut it down (resolve the problem), which he did, and we talked a bit. The only thing I remember saying is that my desktop was 10 years old and was faster than his laptop. lol

I looked around and saw the room was full of people. I felt very cheerful and curious and went up to people, tapping them to get them to turn around so I could see them. Eventually I came to a woman who I thought I recognized. I asked her, “Are you related to the Skero family?” She thought on it and said she might be. I told her I had a classmate named Michelle. We talked a while and I was sure I knew her. Since the woman was at the computer I turned and saw the same adware on the screen. The image began to flicker and my last memories are of feeling sucked up into the screen. I must have stared at it too long.

OBE: Meeting Linda

I briefly felt a shift back to my body and within moments shifted back OOB. I was back in the darkened computer room next to the woman who I felt so familiar with. I ventured out of the room and found myself standing in my mother’s living/kitchen area. The lights were on and golden and the room was full of children (looking to satisfy hopes/desires) of all ages playing and seeming to be having a party. A group was gathered by the front door in front of a large T.V. and another group was to my right. It was noisy but the ambiance was golden and full of laughter. I could see some adults to my left observing the scene. I believe there were three and though they were older they appeared to be in their teens or twenties.

My friend was standing to my right and I turned to her. We both seemed very short for some reason. I could see her brown hair and her face. She was smiling and at ease. I turned to her and in fully recognizing her as one of my guides I hugged her and said, “I remember your name now. Melinda. It’s Melinda.” With a short laugh she said, “Yes. Me-Linda but I go by Linda.” I briefly remembered other encounters with her, other OBEs and experiences in this body where she had been present. It was a surreal feeling and it disoriented me to think of this body/life and I was pulled back into my body.

mm

OBE: Meeting the Marlboro Man

I felt firmly back in my body and was talking to someone. I don’t recall what was said but at some point I realized I had not fully returned to the physical. With this realization I simply stepped out of my body and into the brightly lit living room I had been in previously. There was barely a noticeable shift in doing this and I briefly thought I had been mistaken and was awake.

The room was once again very brightly lit. I don’t think I have ever seen so much light in my mom’s living/kitchen area. Children were everywhere and the colors they wore seemed to explode in my vision like fireworks – red, orange, white, yellow, purple, blue. Mostly there was red and yellow. In considering it now I am not sure the colors were from their clothing, either. I think I was seeing their Light.

They were all gathered to my right in front of a large screen. A young girl had made a video and everyone was watching it, proud of her accomplishment. I walked into the center of the room and looked at the screen. I could see images on it but heard/felt I should not focus on the screen. So, I continued to the door and put my hand on it. I asked, “Can I go outside?” I felt it was okay and with that the door vanished and I was standing outside.

It was bright outside but the sky was overcast. I felt elated to be standing there even though it was my mom’s front yard, a place I find myself frequently when OOB. I felt the sensation of snow hitting my arms and looked up. It was snowing! I was super excited about it, but then in Texas it rarely snows. lol I remember saying aloud, “It’s snowing!!” I let it hit my bare arms and looked around as it dusted the ground and then melted (releasing repressed emotions) just as quickly. In front of me, barring my path, were structures made of lumber (need for a fresh start). When I saw them I thought, “Christmas trees” (familial relationships) and felt my mom had put them there. In my memory I still see them but they looked like the frames of pyramids (change will occur over short time), each of them a few feet taller than me. They had no lights or ornaments so I’m not sure why I thought them Christmas trees.

I wandered to my left and saw the ground was flooded (emotional issues/tension), the standing water moving like a small river. It was clear (clear emotions) and I walked into it. I felt the cold on my bare feet (self-identity) and laughed, kicking and splashing water. It was no deeper than my ankles. I continued and found more standing water, each pool flowing into the next. The whole yard was flooded it seemed.

I looked up and asked if I could fly. I heard/felt it would be okay so I lifted myself up into the sky and took off. I stopped and soared over the swollen ground. I was high enough to see the entire landscape and it no longer resembled my mother’s place. I could see a vast, shallow lake formed by the flood surrounded by coniferous forest. The water was crystal clear. I noticed a small child (inner child perhaps?) curled up on a tiny piece of land in the center. I wanted to turn back but knew not to and so continued on.

While I was flying I could sense I was not alone but I could see no one. I had a thought that if I wanted they would show themselves. In my mind I was even conversing with them, but I can’t recall what I said now. I had turned back and was hovering in the sky feeling weightless and focusing on the energy with me. I don’t know why but I knew there was a rope (safety line?) being thrown to me. I reached into the empty sky and sure enough I felt a rope there. I grabbed hold of it. I was laughing and full of joy. I felt so free of all worry and the heaviness of life. I could have stayed there forever.

Within moments of grabbing onto the rope I felt I would soon meet whoever was with me. I dared him to grab/hug me. And with that I felt him embrace me from behind. He said, “Here I am” in a deep voice. I laughed out loud and fell into the embrace. No fear or concern. Pure trust.

My vision blacked for a brief moment, or maybe I closed my eyes while relishing the feeling of the embrace. When I opened my eyes I was standing face-to-face with my Companion. We were standing under and against a huge oak tree (wisdom and prosperity). His arms were wrapped around my waist and my hands were resting on his shoulders. We were very close, only inches separated us.

I said, “I knew you were there all along!” He laughed and I took a really good look at his face. I could see all the fine lines and details of it. He did not look like I had ever remembered seeing him, though, yet at the same time he was familiar. His hair was brown as were his eyes and he had a bushy, brown mustache. I reached up and touched his cheek and traced his lips with my finger. I gently parted his lips to see his teeth, though I’m not sure why. He opened his mouth a bit and I even saw his tongue which looked to be speckled with little black specks that reminded me of pepper.

I tried to memorize his features as best I could but was distracted by a distinct smell. It was the smell of alcohol. I looked at him and said, “Did you use to drink?” In considering this now, I think the alcohol smell is a message to me that I’m trying to escape certain issues rather than confront them.

I don’t remember his reply, but I know he replied because I remember the timbre of his voice. It was deep and familiar. Just hearing it brought a feeling of satisfaction. I wish, wish, wish I could have recorded it.

I came back to my body flooded with memories of the first time I saw Steven (my Companion) in my mind’s eye. He presented himself to me as a cowboy with a mustache riding a horse. I use to call him the Marlboro Man jokingly because that is what he looked like in my mind. In this OBE meeting he looked exactly like that! Ha!

I also heard a song and remember that it was in the background of the OBE while I was flying. Why I didn’t notice it at the time, I don’t know, but the melody followed me back to my body along with the words, “By the look in my eyes….” I asked my husband if he knew the song and it didn’t take him long to figure it out and play it for me.

You should’ve seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin missing
You should’ve known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn’t listen
You played dead
But you never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin
And though I know all about those men
Still I don’t remember
Cause it was us baby, way before then
And we’re still together
And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever

When I read the lyrics I laughed because the woman he’s talking about does sound like me – playing “dead”, not listening, “all coiled up and hissin'”. I’ve been dealing with lots of anger and when I’m angry I can get resentful/vengeful. Not pleasant but thankfully I have learned to control that reaction. The anger is the result of not confronting the real emotion underneath. Thus, all the grief I’ve been dealing with lately.

Funny how I always get these old songs from my Companion. This one was released in 1980-81. I was just four or five years old back then.