Tag Archives: dream interpretation

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Kundalini Dream: Have Dinner with Me

The vivid dreams continue……

Dream: Have Dinner with Me

The dream began outside in a stadium(firmness of purpose to finish what was started and achieve goals). I was walking along bleachers and saw this very small man. I went up to him and commented on his appearance, taking his hand into my own and saying, “You hands are proportional to your body.” He said, “I’m a dwarf (stunted growth, holding back emotion). I look young but I am 32.” I smiled and responded with, “Really? Wow. I’m 36.” My memory of the little man is vivid. He looked just like a miniature man. He had tanned skin, muscles and a few wrinkles. His face was etched with fine lines and he had fair hair. He was like a realistic doll, maybe about three feet tall.

There was a man with him who spoke to me at that time. Somehow he and I ended up in a different scene. The bleachers disappeared and we were walking into an event hall (likely indicative of “Kundalini events”, of which I’ve had many). The room was decorated in dark colors and we were dressed in formal attire. I remember saying to the man, “I come here all the time”. It felt like he and I met at this event hall, as if I had gone to these events many times but this was the first time he had attended.

The next thing I know I am in my mom’s bedroom (private self). The man is with me and we are laying on the bed together (my happy, relaxed place). Across from us is a walk-in closet (space to store or keep things hidden). Though I can’t recall what exactly was said, I remember talking to the man and him being very forward with me. What his energy said is more memorable to me than his words anyway. An amazingly erotic energy was coming from him and sparking in me a desire that was hard to ignore. I remember laughing quite a bit. I felt playful around him and began to try and get away from him. It felt like a game of tag almost with me moving away from him and him grabbing me and pulling me back to him. Each time his energy would envelope me and I would feel overcome with desire and longing.

Still laughing, I crawled into the walk-in closet (“closeting” myself or my emotions). The light was on and my face was at the level of the shoe rack. The man was behind me. I continued to laugh playfully as I inched my way into the closet, moving shoes (various approaches to life) out of my way. I grabbed a pair of dress boots (strength, victory) and put them on top of other shoes on the rack to my left (the feminine). I commented, “I have way too many shoes!” I could feel the man’s energy as he inched his way closer, still hovering over me. He grabbed onto my waistband and I laughed playfully as I stared at rows of shoes in the golden hued closet. The energy intensified and I began to lose my breath.

Suddenly the man stood up in the doorway of the closet. I turned around and looked at him. I don’t remember what he looked like, though, which is unfortunate. He said, “Have dinner with me.” I laughed and said, “Why don’t we just have sex and get it over with.” 

Dream: Hidden Apartment

I was in an apartment (emotional state) hallway (transition period). I was tending to the children who suddenly burst out a hallway exit and onto the streets. I went out to gather them up and complained to my husband for not keeping a better eye on them. 

When I came back inside I walked down the hallway. At the end was a door (barrier to growth, closed off). To the right was another door, a closet. An older man with a beer gut opened a door on the left and took me into the door at the end of the hallway. Inside was a very neglected space with an old sofa, a window and a dresser. I remember being surprised it was there and that it was only one very tiny room. I walked back out into the hall and turned back to look through the still open door. The man’s friends were inside the room and for a moment it reminded me of a scene from The Godfather. The air in the room was hazy with clouds of smoke.  I could see a group of men sitting on the yellow plaid sofa inside. They were smoking and drinking. One looked at me. It made me feel very uncomfortable. 

Still in the hallway, I looked where the closet on my right had been. Instead of a door I saw a shelf with various first aid supplies on it. 

The scene shifted and I was looking again at the room at the end of the hallway. I felt like a child and there were other children with me. Curious about the room, we went inside to explore. Again the room was in disarray but this time there was a door in the back. The old man who had previously shown me the room was there but he was grossly overweight. He was wearing white underwear with a white undershirt. The room was very dirty, like it hadn’t been cleaned in years. Items were strewn all over. The floors, furniture and walls had splatter marks all over them. 

One child with me needed to use the bathroom so I ventured through the door at the back of the room hoping to find a bathroom. There was a bathroom but it was nasty. Two toilets were on the back wall on either side of a sink. There was also a urinal. Everything with a drain was clogged, stuffed with toilet paper and filled to the rim with nasty water. I told the child, who looked like my youngest, to use the sink to pee because it was the least clogged and the toilets were unusable. When he peed in the sink it also overflowed and I had to pull my son away from the nasty water.  

The obese man then showed me another room even farther back. It was a bedroom that had been closed off for quite some time. It was not as nasty as the other parts of the apartment. I did not go in but could see a bed with white linens inside. 

Considerations

The first dream appears to be an invitation to continue with my clearing work via the Kundalini. As has been my tendency for the past year or so, I avoided the opportunity, choosing to instead “hide in a closet”. I knew immediately the closet was about closeting my emotion. I am trying to hide from something. What? I’m not sure but it likely involves high emotion. 

The shoes in the dream are all on the left side of the closet. The left represents the feminine. The shoes represent all the past roles I’ve played. The boots indicate success in regards to the feminine aspect.

The dwarf in the dream seems significant. I believe he is there to bring attention to my masculine aspect which is stunted and not able to grow into his full potential.

The second dream may be a sneak peak at what is holding me back. The hidden apartment indicates a part of myself that has been neglected. This wound is full of negative emotion that has become stuck and is clogging up my energy body. It may be a partial memory of aspects of a past life or lives, lives where the masculine is seen in a negative light. The connection to The Godfather could be indicative I view some part of my past as “bad” or “corrupt”. The morbidly obese man could represent the masculine energy; gluttony, over indulgence, lack of self-care. 

While the second dream may be pointing to my past lives, it could also just be there to remind me of the many negative beliefs I have about men from this lifetime. From this life experience I have become wary of men in general. I do not trust them. Their number one motivation is sex. They attend to their own needs first. They generally view females as a their servants. We are there to cook their meals, tend to their children, clean their house, wash their clothes, and provide them with sex on demand. So, to put it simply, men are scum.

Yeah, sad, but I can’t help how I feel. The older I get, the more convinced I am that my observations are accurate. Find me one man whose primary motivation is not sex. Just one. And I bet if I do find one he long ago lost the ability to get an erection.

So it’s no wonder that my response in my dream to the man’s invitation to dinner was what it was. Let’s just have sex and get it over with. In the end, isn’t that why he invited me to dinner in the first place? Why tiptoe around the obvious?

Featured image source – http://www.istockphoto.com

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Dream: Teaching Government – and a Message: The Light Will Prevail

I was in a car driving in Montana. I watched the beautiful scenery fly by through the car window. The trees had a vibrant orange foliage. The colors, blurred by the speed of the car, formed what appeared to be smear of orange on the window.

I knew I was going to report to my new job. I was unsure what I would find. As we rounded the bend I saw a large building and thought, “That must be the school.” 

When I walked up to the school building, teachers were rushing about and I could not find anyone to get directions from. I saw the front desk and went to inquire there. The counter was long and gray with a second counter below it for people on the other side to rest against. It reminded me of a teller’s station at a bank. The receptionists were on the phones talking or talking to people at the counter. I overheard their conversations. They were discussing a new policy to ensure no one came into the building infected. Everyone, even the teachers, had to wait in a long line to enter the building. They had their temperature taken and were given an amount of time to wait before interacting with others. 

When I got to the front of the line and spoke to the receptionist I told her I was the new teacher. She asked me what I was going to teach and I said, “Government”. She congratulated me and instructed me to check in, which meant I had to go through the line. 

I walked around to the side of the building and bypassed the line in order to observe everyone around me. It was all very odd to me the way they operated this school – the lines, the mini-quarantine, the metal detector-like boxes everyone had to walk through. They even had little gates that lifted only when a person was granted access. 

When I went through the line I somehow managed to avoid the same stringent inspection. They asked me where I had been and I said, “I was on a walk”. They told me, “Stand over there.” I think I was told I had to quarantine for a whole day but that isn’t what happened, so maybe it was 1 hour? 

A nice woman approached me and gave me keys to my classroom along with some other materials that I would need. I remember a rolling chair that had a compartment on the back where I could hide things. A bag of chips was in the compartment when she demonstrated how it worked. There was a cover that went over the back of the chair. The chair also had a way to position the chair to make it easier to get out of it. I thought it all a bit too much but it was cool regardless. 

Then the woman asked me about my plans. Did I tend to create lesson plans well in advance or as needed? I told her I liked to have an outline for the entire year and several weeks of plans written. She seemed to disapprove and explained that it was expected that I create lessons daily because government was a subject that required students to really master each topic before moving onto the next topic. I nodded my agreement and said that every lesson could be adjusted to the needs of the class. I remember thinking of how the subject itself could be very difficult for some students to master.

The woman also explained that I would be jumping right into teaching. The previous teacher would not be there to assist. I had assumed he would be so this made me a little apprehensive. 

I looked down at the keys to my classroom and decided I would go take a look at it. I had to get into yet another line. This time a student came up to me and smiled. She told me she would be in my class and was highly energetic. I greeted her warmly but I began to second guess my decision to teach there. I wondered if I was under contract. Could I leave whenever I wanted? 

The next thing I remember is being in a car with the woman who had given me my introduction. We were heading to the nearest town which was 30 minutes away. The town was where I would be staying while I was there. I remember asking about the distance and the woman said the school was at least 30 minutes from any town. I again thought about changing my mind. Did I really want to have that long of a commute? A commute that long in the winter could be brutal. 

As we drove I looked out the window and commented on the river. I think my daughter was there. I pointed out that the rivers in Montana were three times the size of the rivers in Texas. All I could see out both sides of the car was this massive river. It was very turbulent with rocks poking out in places. 

A man who happened to be in the car with us was asking me about Texas rivers. He said he owned land in New Braunsfels. I told him about tubing on the Comal River. In my mind I saw the crystal clear waters of the much smaller Comal River. In comparison to the river I was seeing out the window, the Comal was so much more beautiful with its emerald green, clear water and calmer, lazy current.

Considerations

It seemed like the dream was a warning of what lies ahead. When I woke I was thinking of the info I received in a dream in 2013 that told of the Corona Virus and a “change in government” that would happen around 2022.

For me, Montana is symbolic of my journey. As one travels through life, they encounter mountains and valleys. The mountains are the challenges, the valleys are the calmer, easier periods. In many of my recent dreams, I’ve recalled conversations with others about possibly relocating to Montana. I have declined those invitations, indicating that the harsh winters are just too much for me. Now, in this dream, I am moving to MT to teach government. I can’t say for sure if “government” is directly related to my own journey, a Collective lesson, or both. Based upon the virus precautions I observe in the dream, I can’t help but think I am being shown a glimpse of a possible future, one where the US is requiring everyone go through stringent protocols in order to just live their lives. This may mean long lines, temperatures taken, vaccines given, quarantines required, etc. 

The discussion I have about lesson plans seems to be a warning that it would be advisable that I not make any long-term plans at this time. Instead, it is suggested that I take it day-by-day, changing my plans as needed and adjusting to “student” needs. It could also indicate that there is no set path at this time; that the Collective is experiencing a type of “zero point” and so no one path is THE path, but instead all paths are available and open to us. 

When I write about this zero point I see a single point that then explodes into a starburst pattern in all directions. 

The massive river I see indicates a period of turbulence and challenge. I am contrasting this to a calmer river – perhaps a period in my life. In the dream I wonder if I can change my mind. I see the crystal clear, emerald green waters of the Comal River as preferable to the massive and turbulent water of the river I feel surrounded by in the car. 

It felt like I was being encouraged to enjoy this time in my life because major change would be coming. It feels like that change is not something I can control, like it will happen around me via the changing political climate in the US – and likely the world as a whole. I heard, as I awoke, that the Light will prevail in the end. It wasn’t just the Light in general, but my own, also. 

Pic of my personal journal with the prediction (#19)

I was reminded of a list of predictions I was given early into my spiritual journey. So, I opened up one of two, three-inch binders that hold a printout of my personal journal. 

I found the list of predictions for the next 50 years. It was written in August, 2003. One of those predictions did have to do with the political climate in the US.  

“[A] Political party shift will occur in the middle part of the fifty year period. Two new political parties will emerge and Democratic and Republican moderates will merge into a new party.” 

Considering I wrote down these predictions in 2003, the “middle part” would be around 2026. This is very soon! 

I find it difficult to imagine that the Democrats and Republicans would “merge” in any way, but it is possible. The political parties in the US have undergone numerous shifts throughout history. At one point the Republican party was more like today’s Democratic party. So, anything is possible. In fact, I was thinking just this morning how during the Civil War the term “radical” was used as much as the word “liberal” is used today to describe members of a political party with more extreme beliefs. 

I suppose this dream could be considered quite ominous but I prefer to focus on the message I received as I awoke: The Light will prevail.

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Snow Day and Dream: Flying!

We got snow in Central Texas a couple of days ago. There is still some on the ground. Usually snow, if it sticks, only lasts a few hours this far south but we got 4 inches of snow and the temperatures have stayed pretty low, especially over night.

While I like snow, I don’t like it enough that I want it to stick around for two days. Please, weather, warm up enough to melt it all! I prefer warmer weather to this frigid, bone-chilling, cold.

Still, though, snow can be quite lovely. The sound of it falling, the perfect blanket of white covering all imperfections on the ground, the way it illuminates everything…..

Here are some pictures I took. Enjoy!

Dream: Flying!

I couldn’t sleep last night for some reason. When I did finally sleep I had a dream that continued even after I woke several times.

The dream started out with me observing a military operation that was a coverup. The military would send children to “safe places”, but in reality they were taking them to a place where they would eventually be killed. I watched as several groups of siblings were taken away with permission from their parents. I protested quite loudly but no one would listen to me. So I watched this process unfold, unable to do anything to stop it. It was awful. It felt so real and was so upsetting that when I woke I believed I had relived a past life.

When I returned to sleep I was running and hiding. There was still this sense that the military was up to no good. There were dogs on my trail and I kept hiding under trees and in bushes hoping to avoid capture. I ran under some low hanging branches of a tree and tried to climb up off the ground. As I did this, a dog ran up under the tree with me. My last thoughts were, “Fine! I guess I will just get caught” as I looked down at this fluffy, golden colored dog who obviously was not there to do me any harm.

I woke again, this time asking to go OOB or at least to get a dream that was more positive and fun.

The military theme continued. This time, having been “caught”, I was ushered into a large classroom/gymnasium area. It was one of many and the one I was put in was across the hall from another one. Inside this classroom I was asked to wait and get settled. I remember seeing a whiteboard with writing on it and some drawings by previous students. I believe the students were in and out of the room while I was in it.

It was too cold in my classroom so I adjusted the thermostat. As I did so, a woman “teacher”, dressed in a brown military uniform, came over. I made an excuse but she said she was just tying to get to the eggs. She leaned over me and grabbed something, an egg. I remember thinking that what I was seeing as a classroom was not what she was seeing/experiencing. I briefly saw into her “world” and realized I was standing in a kitchen in front of the refrigerator.

My classroom then became a mixture of the two scenes. I saw a trash bag and people cleaning up after a meal right in front of the teacher’s desk. Inside the bag I could see a piece of paper with handwriting on it. I read a bit of it. It appeared to be an observation of me by someone I know in life. What they wrote was inaccurate. I remember thinking, “He can’t think that about me.” So I went and dug through the trash when the woman left the room. Turns out it the piece of paper was hand written notes by me describing arguments I’ve had with my husband. One of them was over something at work. I was embarrassed that this was out in the open for everyone to see because the arguments were very childish and a waste of time and energy.

Eventually I grew bored, grabbed the key to my room, unlocked it and so went across the hall with my dog (not sure where he came from). When I got to the other classroom I began to unlock it. A military woman came and stood next to me. I could see that inside the classroom a whole group of higher ranking military personnel were inside. The woman indicated I was turning the key the wrong way. I felt scrutinized, so went back to my classroom.

When I got inside the room had changed. It was a massive gymnasium-type space filled with students wearing PT clothing (gray sweat pants and shirts). The male PT officer came in and began directing the activities. He had in his hand a PVC pipe and selected students to demonstrate to the group how to do pullups. He pointed to me. I said, “Me?” He nodded “yes” so I went up to him. He asked me if I knew how to do a pullup. I said I did. He then instructed me to grasp the pipe with palms facing toward me. I said, “You mean chin-up then.” I showed him I knew how to do one but when I grabbed hold of the pipe I began to float. I became weightless. It took some practice but I did the chin-up easily, knocking out ten reps without issue. The officer congratulated me in front of the class for good form.

Once I was freed of being in the spotlight, I wanted to float more so I begged the PT officer to let me. He nodded that I could and I began to float and propel myself all over. I ended up flying everywhere, zigzagging across the room as if I was on a bungie cord. I invited other students to join me. Some looked at me like I was the “bad” student, standing below me with disapproving faces. Some joined in on the fun.

Eventually, I was flying with two men through a tunnel. The men were telling me it was time to settle and get back to work. I was flying over the tops of their heads messing with their hats. Both had plastic water bottle caps on their hats, which I picked up and inspected, thinking, “Why are these here?”

Interpretation

This dream seems to one of those where I am semi-aware of a conversation or situation that is not meant to consciously recalled. Therefore, I end up experiencing two settings overlapping. One is in a home, the other a classroom/gym.

There is definitely an emotional past life or current life situation being discussed. The military is symbolic of a serious situation or lesson/struggle I am involved in and discussing. Something is happening to individuals who I feel are innocent or unknowing and I am unable to bring attention to the situation. I feel powerless to help and this causes me great upset. Based upon my emotions and reaction to the dream, it feels like these “innocents” are humans who are not yet “awake” and so not unlike innocent children who I want to protect. These children are being lied to and manipulated and it ultimately leads to their demise. So, it is a Collective dream.

The seriousness of the dream and whatever is being discussed takes its toll so I ask for a reprieve and am given it. Though I don’t become lucid, it was very real, as if I were fully lucid. The flying was amazing! I wanted to go back to that part of the dream when I awoke.

Interesting enough, the symbolism in the end is the most revealing. Going through a tunnel while being told it is time to get back to work is symbolic of my return to the body and physical life here on Earth – I need to focus on doing what I came here to do. The bottlecaps symbolize my roots and connections to humanity.

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Dream Message: Invictus

Slept a little better last night. This morning after I woke early I was disappointed to once again have no memory of dreamtime. It is difficult enough to have nothing going on during the day that is spiritual or interesting but then to have dreamtime snuffed out, too? Frustrating! 

Dreams

A mixture of dreams came after my request. I recall being inside a home that had a very cluttered back yard (subconscious). I was attempting to clean it up. A large, odd looking fence (barrier) had partially fallen down. The fence reminded me upon waking of a yellow (solar plexus) snake (kundalini) because it curved and was rounded and fat. Anyway, I went to prop it back up and the entire fence collapsed. Some people came to help but I decided to just leave the fence down because of the hassle of it. The people brought up potted plants and set them on various tables. The yard was more presentable after that.

Then I got news that my MIL had sent hundreds of bags of salt (rubbing salt into a wound) to her son, my husband. They were trying to put them outside and I would not allow it. I took them inside and found a room that looked to be unfinished but there were metal shelves in it. I pointed and said, “Put them there.” When I looked around the area I saw it was a large room with smaller rooms around the perimeter, all of them under construction (something in-process, unfinished). 

Then I was in another house that was spiritually themed. There were tapestries, paintings, pictures, rugs, etc. Some of the picture frames (adjustments to a situation) had no pictures in them (situations unknown), though, which was odd. The home belonged to my friend, Angela. She was having a party or gathering of some kind. I recall seeing her husband there, too.

The dream specifics are blurry now, though. What I remember was that I was being encouraged to stay and Angela was helping me in some way to deal with some issues. I remember walking around half-aware of my surroundings while people milled about. The energy was high and positive and it felt like part of Angela’s work. 

Then I remember Angela informing me that her husband was not “part” of her work. She was focused on the feminine and all the people there were women. I realized that without the masculine my healing work would be more difficult and I suddenly was not interested in being there. 

This is when another woman entered and invited me to come receive healing. The woman had long, dark hair and her energy was very wise. At first she was telling me how Angela’s issues were in her heart and I knew this and said “heart” at the same time she did. However, then she was talking to me directly and it was as if Angela and I were the same person, or at least very similar. She again mentioned my heart and I can’t recall what she did after (healing maybe?), but I remember feeling emotional. It seemed like the woman was giving me a reading, explaining why I was struggling so much. After there is memory of a time frame being mentioned – thousands of years – as if the issues with my heart spanned many, many lifetimes.

At the end the woman handed me a piece of paper. I glanced at it and there were about a dozen men’s names all at the bottom of the sheet of paper. I think the names were of men who could help me. I thanked her and asked her who she was. I saw in my mind a word that started with an “I” and had an oversized “V” in the middle. Though I can’t recall the rest of the word when I woke I thought of “Invictus” which means “unconquered”. 

Odd Vision

When I woke again I tried to remember the details of the dream but fell into the in-between where I saw a peculiar visual. I was peeling off my own skin. It was in huge, thick, layers and felt really good. It felt like picking off a scab that was ready to fall off. The layer of “skin” was about two inches thick, though! The area I was peeling if off of was the front of my calf, just above the ankle. I started at the knee and peeled it all the way down to the ankle. Weird!!

I think the skin peeling may be representative of me relieving myself of something I have “worn” for a long time like pretense, or perhaps my past mistakes and how they molded me into who I am or appear to be to others. The peeling off of the skin is likely healing and the process of removing the old to reveal the new. 

Costa Rica – Clear It to Fill It?

Perhaps the dreams and vision are result of my considerations about staying in Costa Rica for a while? 

After my SIL invited me to live in a two bedroom house near the one she is renting I have been contemplating the idea of a retreat for a while. Though I am not thrilled about the idea of not having a particular goal in mind, the thought of leaving behind the burdens and responsibilities of my life for a short time is appealing. I would essentially unburden myself for a while and the time may give me the opportunity to decide what I want to fill the resulting “space” with. 

I can stay up to 3 months for $400/mo which would pay for a furnished home and all utilities. I would only have to pay transportation and food/supplies. My husband already told me I can work remotely while there, too, and my pay would be more than enough to cover any expenses I have. My SIL does equine therapy for kids in the area, following her soul purpose (following her heart). She is easy to get along with and I like her (more than any of my husband’s family members). If I don’t want to be around my SIL, the two houses are far enough apart that I could easily avoid any unwanted interaction. 

The cons to going are that neither of us speaks much Spanish and there are few English speakers in the area. The nearest town requires a cab ride to get there and they require masks be worn in any shops/stores. The country requires anyone coming in to get insurance while they stay there. I wouldn’t know anyone but my SIL. I have no idea what I would do in my free time, no plans, no drive to do anything specific. My usual workout regime would have to end, replaced with cardio and bodyweight exercises if I wanted to continue to stay in shape. I wouldn’t see my children and phone service is limited (have to Facetime mostly). 

I have considered perhaps doing an Ayahuasca ceremony while there, but am not sure it is needed or a good idea. My SIL says there are many spiritual seekers who frequent the area, so a ceremony would be easy to find. 

In considering what is holding me back my main concerns are what I would do with my time while there. It would definitely be an unburdening of myself – of the burdens I carry here at home – which would result in a space within that I would need to fill. So my main worry is that I would not know who I am when all the burdens – distractions – are removed.

I have been sitting on the idea, trying to let my heart give me a thumbs up or down, but have yet to get an answer or feeling in response. At the moment my husband is preparing to leave and will likely be gone a month, so I have some time to decide. 

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Dream: Escape the Bus!

For a while now I’ve been redecorating our house in order to make the inside (and out) match me a bit more. With my kids older now, I am able to put back some things I took out long ago when they were babies and toddlers – lamps, plants, breakable items, nice accents, etc. Just a couple of weeks ago I replaced the living room TV stand that we’ve had for almost 12 years with a new console table and end table. I also got two matching lamps, new pillows for the sofa and a matching throw. I cleared and decorated the fireplace mantel with candles and some nicer items. In the sitting room I bought a new rug and added a lamp, pictures and a plant.

In October we are having our kitchen cabinets resurfaced and extended. That same month we are putting in a large Arizona stone patio and hardscape in the back yard. In the summer we had our front yard landscaped, so when it is all done the outside of our home will be transformed.

Believe it or not, these changes are not that expensive if one takes into account how the change makes everyone in the house feel. I added yellows, golds and creams in the colors in the living room which brightened the space up quite a bit. The new cabinets will be in a light gray and also brighten things up. To me the cost is worth it and I also get to be creative, which helps my overall mood. Once the patio is in I may even buy a hot tub for the family as a Christmas gift. We’ll see…

I am really enjoying creating change in my home, decorating it creating an atmosphere of calm. Prior to having children I always had a nice home with nice things. Nothing extravagant, just comfortable. I didn’t realize how much I missed feeling at ease in my own home until now. Wow! What a difference and I’m not even finished yet.

Similarly, I continue to focus on what I want to manifest for myself in other areas. At night I am allowing myself to re-experience the connection feeling to the best of my ability. All-over energy hugs are a common side-effect and I am not complaining! I hope to recreate the feeling 100% eventually but for now, baby steps.

Dream: Escape the Bus!

My memory of the dream is fading quickly. I haven’t been sleeping as well or as long as I want because school is back in session and the boys need to be on the bus before 7am. Plus my nose is clogging at night again. 😦

I remember sitting on a school bus (following the crowd) that was completely full. The bus was white (doing what is good or right) and the people were all wearing light colored clothing, like robes. The bus wasn’t moving. It was like it was waiting in traffic, but I don’t remember seeing anything outside the bus to confirm. My feeling was of being stuck on the bus and “following the crowd” (this is what a school bus symbolizes, too!). 

Then I was talking to some others and the bus background faded. I am not sure where we were but we all had the idea to stop waiting around and exit the bus. In my mind I was thinking about leaving and returning home. I remember telling them my decision – “I’m just going to run.” I was ill prepared for this because I was wearing sandals with straps, shorts and a t-shirt, but I figured I could do it. The distance was about 15 miles but I had run nearly as far in the past so knew I could do it. A woman with dark hair wearing a tank top and shorts had the same idea and I watched her take off down the road. She got pretty far before I, too, began to run.

In this dream, like another I had recently, my stride was off. It felt like my legs wouldn’t do what I wanted them do. Despite this, I kept going, forcing myself to move even if it meant I crawled or moved without grace, which I did for a bit as the others watched. Eventually, I was able to get both legs to work and I made progress. The interesting thing is how I perceived my legs. They felt like jello, all wobbly and soft.

The entire time my group was with me. I recall seeing a man with dark hair who was familiar to me. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, trying to figure out how I knew him. He seemed not to notice me, though.

We got to a hub (preparation for travel or movement) that resembled a mix between the inside of a hotel lobby and an airport waiting area. There were clusters of chairs in circular areas here and there with people waiting to leave through a door. Large floor to ceiling windows separated the circular waiting areas and outside I could see water for miles. Some people were in lines awaiting departure, others were seated in chairs.

I remember looking for a map of our destination, finding one and looking at it. The young man was next to me, also looking. The map is hazy in my memory but there was water and marking on it resembling instructions for planes and/or boats. I mentioned the name of the place we were going and it sounded like a hotel or resort name. In fact, I remember now that the people waiting there were all going to various resorts that were located on islands. 

Someone asked if I needed help and I asked for directions to my “hotel” (transition). The man told me how to get there and I knew it was not via one of the hubs. I could get there on foot. I remember seeing in my mind the path. It was a dark (unknown or hidden) path along trails through trees and shrubs.

I sat for a while discussing the path ahead with the group. Interestingly, I sat next to the dark haired man and lay my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me and pulled me close. I looked up him and he looked down at me lovingly. I felt safe and loved. It was as if I had known him a long time but I couldn’t remember who he was. It was only the feeling that was familiar.

Sadly, before I could focus more on the feeling between us, I woke up. The last thing I recall is knowing I would not travel alone.

Memory

As I typed out this dream I recalled an OBE I had in March, 2015, where I visited a spiritual processing hub. In the OBE people were lined up waiting to get on planes to various locations. It felt as if they were traveling off planet. There was a sense that I had been there before and knew some of the people there but the Knowing was energetic. What I recall the most of this OBE is knowing I would get to go Home.

I also recalled a dream I had in 2014 where I was going to a reunion in Tennessee. Again, I was waiting in a lobby, this time an airport lobby. I recall being in the arms of a man who felt like family to me. He put his arms around me, hugged me and I felt safe. Again, I was excited about getting to go Home.

The previous OBE and dream were at different times in my life but both were prior to experiencing a heart connection in December, 2015. What I noticed about both dreams is I had a strong feeling of Home or going Home. In this morning’s dream I was leaving the bus to return home/Home.

Here is the dream from 2014:

I was with some friends, though I can’t remember them now. There was a distinct feeling that I was considering doing something “wrong”. The feeling hung around and seemed to grow throughout the dream. I felt horribly guilty.

As the dream progressed it became obvious what I was feeling guilty about. I had been ignoring the advances of a man for some time but felt a magnetic attraction for him and eventually I gave in. Then we were a “couple” though it was not sexual. I remember also that someone said “He pursued you” and that we were going on trip to Tennessee. However, I had lied to my husband and did not tell him that I planned to continue on from Tennessee to another, more northerly state after we got to Tennessee. Nor did I tell him about the man I would secretly go away with.

When we arrived at the airport, I sat and waited with this man. I felt at peace with him and I experienced such a strong love feeling in my heart that it extended down through to my root chakra. I did experience the sexual energy of the root chakra but it was different – it was elation mixed with a spiritual passion that is hard to describe. Had I been lucid in this dream it would have caused me to cry with joy. All I wanted to do was snuggle into this man’s arms. It was as if his energy calmed and soothed me and I felt like I was reunited with a piece of me that had been missing.

As we waited at the airport a large group of people came toward us – more people than I can count. I knew them all. They had come to welcome us. I was immediately aware that my husband was among them and I saw him come through the middle, smiling. I felt so much shame at what I had done that it was overwhelming but the man I was with soothed me and I felt the wonderful flood of peace/joy flood through me. He smiled and I asked him, “I get to go Home?” and he said, “Yes”.

That is when I woke up. The feelings lingered as I woke and I was horrified because I suspected that the dream was a premonition – that I would meet someone and leave my husband. And I knew, if the man I met made me feel like I felt in the dream that I would not be able to resist. The thought of that scared me and made me feel horribly unworthy and like a traitor without having done anything!

Considerations

I am now noticing something from the dream from 2014 that I didn’t before. In the dream my husband is smiling and happy that I am with the man who I have such a deep love for. I have recalled this particular dream many times because it did in fact foretell the future. For one, I met the man I had so much love for and the meeting happened because I drove to Tennessee. I did feel horribly guilty, as if I were doing something very wrong. Yet I never understood why my husband seemed to be giving me his blessing in the dream. In the past year, however, with the changes I see in my husband, it makes sense. He has now given me his blessing. Ha! And here I am having a dream with a similar dark haired man, at another “airport”, heading off to an unknown destination that feels like Home.

Rather than try and look too deeply into the meaning of this dream and the previous dream memories it evoked, I will just let it be. I will say that I have had a really good day today. I woke from the dream with feelings of hope and awe. Reviewing my past dreams was a good reminder that one can never really know what is in store for them in the future but you can bet it will be filled with some magnificent surprises, twists and turns! 🙂

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Dream: Wasted

Had some upsetting dreams this morning.

Dream: Wasted

I woke around 6am and went back to sleep asking to go OOB or to have a K dream or anything substantial because it has been so long since I’ve had any experiences that motivated or inspired me. I ended up having a teary dream instead.

The part of the dream I recall the most is being at this house I didn’t recognize. I was outside standing in the yard noticing my surroundings. There was a narrow sidewalk (step outside your comfort zone and accept change) with flowers and flowering shrubs on both sides. The flowers were growing very well, so much so that they would hit a person’s legs as they walked on the sidewalk. 

My husband was with our neighbor outside talking. It appeared they were adding a stone landing in front of the back porch. I called out to him to tell him about the overgrown sidewalk but he seemed to not hear me. I walked up and saw the stones placed equal distance apart. I stood on the porch (viewpoint from outside of some situation) looking down at them and said, “This looks good. Great job!” Again, he seemed not to hear but by this time it felt like he was just ignoring me because of his conversation with the neighbor.

I decided I would have to clear the path on my own and turned back toward it. When I looked, though, someone had already cleared it. I thought, “Of course.” I was irritated that someone had already done it. Not sure why. Perhaps I was feeling as if the purpose I thought I had – of clearing the pathway – was never my purpose to begin with? Or maybe it was from feeling I was wrong?

I walked down the sidewalk inspecting the work done. It was neat and well done. On one side, the right side, were chairs set up facing the sidewalk, as if an audience frequented the space. The seats reminded me of movie theater seats (viewing path from perspective of observer). One sole flower was still close to the sidewalk. I pushed it toward the chair and it easily slid in place, roots and all. The flower was white and reminded me of a lily (relief from worries of life).

I turned to the other side, the left side, where there had been a field of flowering plants, all white lilies, but they had vanished. Instead there was a room without a roof and I found myself at the front of a house looking at a ceiling height wardrobe. At first I opened the door and saw clothing but shut it. I recall thinking I wanted to see something else. Then I slid the same door open and the clothes were gone. In their place were CDs (change, transition, possibility), hundreds of them all in slots and organized. 

I recognized the CDs to be the music collection of my ex-husband. He loved country music. Something about seeing all the CDs upset me. I saw two large sections of CDs and recognized one to be his CDs and the other to be mine from when we were married. I recalled that I also had country music in my collection. All the songs and artists I had in my collection came to mind vividly to the point I had recollections of singing to them while driving along the country roads in Montana.

Upset and feeling very down and depressed about life, specifically thinking that my lifetime has been for nothing, I picked up the first collection of CDs, my ex’s. It was large and heavy, about a three by three feet cube filled with CDs. I placed them on top of me like a blanket (seeking security, protection) and pulled my own box of CDs on top of me as well. I curled up in the fetal position and lay there with the CDs on top of me. They did not feel heavy at all. I wept slow, sad tears and perceived myself both as the person crying and from the perspective of an observer above, watching myself crying while surrounded by lilies.

Some of what I was feeling was related to feeling ignored by my husband. He ignored me, preferring to talk to the neighbor. My husband loves to talk to others and is most happy when he is in conversations with others. He loves meeting new people and getting to know about them. He will talk to the neighbors and strangers and anyone when he is in the mood to talk. The dream brought up my consideration about this trait of his. His talking often feels hollow. It is as if he does it out of habit or maybe as a coping mechanism. Sometimes having to listen hurts me, like eats at my own energy in an almost painful way. I feel this with others who talk as if out of habit, too. Their words have no substance behind them. I sometimes feel like their talking is to fill up the space of the moment so that the speaker can pass the time without really feeling the moment. I think, “Do they ever shut up? Can they just be quiet and sit comfortably in the silence?” 

I recalled my heart connection was this way, too. He talked and talked as if trying to fill up the space between us in order to avoid something. The love? The connection? Who knows. I remember wishing he would just be quiet for a moment, to just stop and feel. 

Some of what I was feeling was related to the past, also, to all the things I did to try to connect to my ex. The music was just one example of how I changed myself to try to connect to him. I hated country music when I met him but since he liked it, I began to like it, too, to the point that I began to adopt it into my own music collection. When we parted ways, I brought my music with me but rarely listened to it after. Why? Because in reality that music was not my preference. It wasn’t truly me. 

The feeling here about that time was it was a “lifetime” wasted. The feeling about my current “lifetime” was the same: wasted. 

Considerations

My tears woke me up and I lay there feeling sad for a while. 

I remember a song was in my head as I woke. “Cause all of me, loves all of you…….You’re my end and my beginning….” I’m not sure why it was in my head but it continued to play despite my thoughts and discussion with my guidance, as if a reminder of something.

Memories of other dreams were present but in bits and pieces. I recall seeing visuals indicating delay and postponement. The feeling was/is that no movement is to be made for a while – it felt like years and years.

My first thought to my guide was, “We were discussing that weren’t we?” “That” here is referring to me considering exiting life and why. My guidance nodded confirmation and reminded me of how far I had come but the feeling that it has been for nothing was strong. In fact, the feeling dominated. I saw this life and all my lifetimes to be like those empty words that hurt to hear. That all my time has been to fill up the space of existence but has been without substance. Hollow. 

I remember thinking that if I had to do this life all over again I would omit ALL the spiritual experiences. My guidance was intrigued by this. Why? Because those experiences are why I feel so disconnected from the physical, from the world, from the sleeping populace. 

I began to begrudge our “creators”, that alien species who created humans and then abandoned us abruptly. They left us (humans) after centuries of playing our “Gods”. They taught us nothing of our true nature. They allowed us to worship them, to look to them for all the answers. Then, when they left, we didn’t know what to do. So in desperation we created our own Gods and those who saw the opportunity took power from the rest of the population who so desperately longed to be “guided” by their creators. But with those creators gone, the only guidance they had came from within but they did not know how to follow that guidance, choosing instead to follow other humans who claimed to have been chosen to lead them. But in reality, those “leaders” knew no more than anyone else. 

My disappointment in humanity was – IS – strong. It feels so hopeless. I remember talking to my guidance about how we humans are “children”. Our “parents” (creators) left us to fend for ourselves. The reality is that no matter how much they taught us, we would not truly know until we were on our own, left to fall and pick ourselves back up over and over again. They watch from afar, waiting to see if/when we will finally “grow up”. 

It seems the core of my sadness and desire to depart this reality is based upon how truly impossible the task of waking up humanity feels to be. I wish our creators would come back and give humans a good ass whooping.

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Kundalini Dreams, Symbols and Music Message: I Know I’d Go Back to You

Before I get into this post, I wanted to update on my sister. The last I heard she was signed out of the hospital to go home and wait for her upcoming surgery. She has to inject herself with antibiotics daily using a port they put in her arm. The last time I chatted with her online she told me she had been feeling ill again, with a fever and had called for an ambulance. She did not end up going to the hospital that day but she said she thinks it will happen. However, there has been no news that she is back in the hospital.

The insurance change was approved and surgery is set for August 7th.

Kundalini Dreams

I don’t get many of these lately.

Woke around 4am from a dream. In the dream I was going out my front door headed out on my daily walk. A man approached me, startling me. He had on a helmet and was sitting on a bike. He smiled and asked me if me and my kids wanted to join him and his kids on a bike ride. When I saw him I recognized him. I believe I had seen him in a previous dream. My first thought was that if I let myself I would be drawn into his energy and it could culminate in a K connection. I experienced brief panic. Why was he at my front door? Why was he at my house? I woke up concerned and a bit panicked.

I don’t recall what the man looked like now except that he was middle aged and seemed somewhat fit, though not muscular. He was most definitely not overweight. In the dream the fact that he was at my house bothered me. I suspect this is symbolic of my spiritual openness to this man, whoever he is – guide or otherwise. I am allowing him near my Home (Soul).

When I woke from the dream a male guide was close by asking me questions and encouraging a discussion. He was asking me about the male physique and my considerations that it is not beautiful like the female body. I replied that some men are attractive to me, specifically those who take care of their bodies and keep in shape. I think the male form looks best with some muscle, though not big and bulky. I do not like male bodies that have fat in the stomach and thighs like a woman. The “man bod” is very unattractive to me and the pot belly/beer belly body actually grosses me out. A thin male body with little muscle is acceptable but not a turn on. 

Similarly, women who let their bodies go are also not attractive to me, though women who gain fat in the right places (hourglass) can maintain their good looks even at 30% or more body fat at times.

I’m not sure why we were discussing the attractiveness of bodies to me except that my guide was trying to get me to look past physical appearance. I recall him pointing out how much I work on my body – weight training and cardio to achieve a certain look. He suggested I stop for a while and see what happens. I said I feel better when I am active. He suggested yoga. I said it is boring. lol I do know if I stop working out as often that I will maintain my appearance because I’ve done it before many times. If I had to stop for whatever reason it would not upset me and I could easily stay in shape with less time spent on such endeavors. I prefer, however, to continue to reach for my goal which is to sculpt my body so that I have more muscle and less fat. I’m looking to maintain a youthful, strong and healthy body. I want to feel proud of how I look and I do.

K Dream: Decorating Cupcakes

After this brief discussion with my guide (lasted maybe ten minutes), I fell back to sleep. 

Then I am standing in a kitchen next to a man. The man is decorating cupcakes (to satisfy simple desires, love) and I am watching, fascinated with how good he is at it. The frosting on some cupcakes looked like cascading water. I commented on his artwork, complimenting him. He turned and asked me about my own cupcakes. Why didn’t I add more differing types of ingredients like chocolate or peanut butter cups? I replied that I preferred simple decorations and ingredients. Then I watched as he added a newly finished cupcake to a tall tower of cupcakes that were balanced one on top of the other. I told him to be careful because it was so tall and could topple. He wasn’t concerned and I heard a chuckle escape his lips. Overall, I seemed to amuse him.

I recall feeling a connection to this man. It was as if he was inviting me in to share in his energy. Briefly I connected with his energy and could feel my chakras tingle with the K energy. It moved through me reminding me of previous encounters and I could not help but fall into the feeling.

I turned away, looking down at my hands. In each hand I held a cupcake only they were blueberry muffins (change or situation that is beneficial), not cupcakes. They had no frosting but I knew they were no different than cupcakes, just intended for breakfast. It seemed the man was encouraging me to decorate my cupcakes/muffins, to create a masterpiece like the ones he created. 

The K energy continued to circulate and it woke me. Thankfully it was mild in comparison with other incidences but there was a strong magnetic pull from within me. Being the energy was quite calm I was able to feel into what my core was telling me and recognized once again that my entire purpose for being in this body, in this life, in this time period on Earth, was that feeling – or the result of the movement of that energy, Divine Union. All of my Being desires nothing more than to achieve that Union with Self and even more to have that while in this physical body and experience. It is embodiment, it is ascension, it is power and that power is Me. 

Music Message

As the energy moved through me a song was going through my head. Specifically the lyrics – “I know I’d go back to you.” 

The song seemed to mirror my feeling of longing, as if to say, “You know you want to”. At first I denied this and grew resistant but that didn’t last long. How can I ignore that Knowing? How can I deny what I feel? Do I really want a plain old muffin? Or do I want a full blown cupcake with lots of decadent frosting? lol

Astral Sight

I fell into the in-between while enjoying the K-bliss. My body felt so relaxed. I floated there in bliss. 

The next thing I recall is a sense of remote viewing of the bedroom and spaces beyond. I saw my room and some of the things in it in great detail. It was as if I had on special binoculars that allowed me to see through my closed eyelids and zoom in on objects. 

One would think I would become more lucid with such an experience but I seemed to just want to float in it rather than take over the experience. I could have flown off to explore, but I didn’t. I just allowed and looked around. Sometimes I would come back to my body but it was easy to send my vision out and away, as if accessing a portal or some window into the astral. 

Signs and Symbols

I’ve been trying to take notice of what the Universe is showing me. Focusing on my feelings and intuition whenever possible. This can be difficult with all that is going on right now in the world and with my family, but I persevere.

Broken Eggshells

I’ve seen bird eggshells here and there. Most of them are dove eggs but the other day I saw a turquoise one with brown spots. I even picked it up and inspected it, finding it pretty. Overall, I noticed the eggshells but didn’t think much. It is that time of year. The birds in Texas have babies all summer long.

Then a few days ago, while on a walk, I heard a noise just behind me, so close to my head that it made a significant amount of noise. What was that? I turned and there, mid-fall, was – yep, an eggshell. lol Mama bird decided to discard it right over my head.

So what does an eggshell mean? Well, eggs represent new life, rebirth and transformation. Being the egg is broken and I am only seeing the shell, perhaps it is a message that something has been born – something that has yet to be recognized. Since once almost dropped right on my head, well, I can’t help but think I am being asked to “pay attention”. lol

Dead Blue Jay

On a walk this week I came across a beautiful male Blue Jay, only he was dead. It looked as if he had just lay down on the side of the road and died. I tried to look closer but I had my dog Monty with me so I couldn’t get as close as I wanted. Monty wanted to eat him.

Blue Jay’s symbolize faithfulness, longevity and strength. If one encounters a dead one it symbolizes coming problems. The problem(s) most likely will come through someone you know and love, perhaps even a partner or a family member you are close to. In general, though, dead birds can be good omens symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings. So perhaps the Blue Jay is saying, “Hey, there are some issues coming up, but don’t worry, they are helping to pave the way to something new”?

Feathers Everywhere

I am also seeing feathers pretty much every day, sometimes more than once a day. They are in perfect shape and usually something about them draws my eye and attention. I typically have the urge to pick them up, but I never do. Why? They are just songbird feathers, nothing unique for this time of year. None has hit me in the head yet, either. lol

Feathers symbolize a strong celestial connection to the Heavenly realms, as well as love, truth, protection, new beginnings and rebirth. 

1111

Yes, I am seeing this number again as well. Not much to be said about this except that I am use to seeing it and it’s counterpart 111.

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Dreams Indicate a Lesson Will Repeat Itself

Meant to post this over the weekend but was too busy. The following dreams were from Saturday morning, July 11th.

Dream: World History A

I was in a college setting. The color brown was prominent as if I was in an older building similar to very old universities. I was discussing my upcoming school schedule with a man. I remember being asked about returning after such a long break and reminded how I failed a class – World History A (first half of the full course). He indicated that in the end I had just failed to come to the class and did not even bother to withdraw. So he had to assign me a grade in the end.

I remember feeling a dislike for the course and not being excited to have to repeat it but I also had a hopeful, determined feeling about returning to school and finishing the last semester to obtain my second bachelors degree once and for all.

Looking at my schedule I had five classes but the only ones I recalled were World History B and Algebra. Algebra was the last class and World History B was the third one. The fourth class was an elective the school had assigned me because I had not selected one. I asked if I could retake World History A during 4th period and was told I needed to speak to the professor about it. I asked if he was “black” and described the professor I remembered. The man told me, “I don’t know.”

My memory of the World History A course indicated I did not like the professor’s teaching style. The class was asked to read The Hobbit  chapter-by-chapter together, analyzing the characters and then taking very long tests about the story. I recall my grades being poor and my final grade was 34%. There was anxiety about how my new grade would be determined. Would they average my first grade with my new grade? If so that would mean I would have to make a very good grade this time around.

The World History B class was with a new professor who had a teaching style much easier for me to adjust to. It focused on the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The World History A teacher had a style I struggled with. I could never figure it out which is why I did so poorly. I made a decision to study harder this time around and pass the course once and for all so I could graduate and move on.

I was taken to meet the World History A professor. He was in a room surrounded by many students and did not appear as I thought he would. Yes, he had darker toned skin but he was not “black”. He was also very laid back. He had many of students surrounding him and they were all very friendly, almost too much so, like they were intoxicated or high. Many of them touched me as they passed and looked at me like they were looking into my soul.

I asked if he would allow me to add his class. He reminded me the first day of school had just passed and I would miss out on that first day. I reassured him I could handle the missed work. He agreed to let me join the class.

My dream memory fades out here and I remember having a conversation with a guide. He shows me three uncooked hot dog wieners and points to the first one. I knew they represented men in my life (wiener = penis = masculine) and that he was saying the World History A class was representative of this first masculine energy somehow. I had failed the lesson pertaining to this masculine energy and so now was returning to give it another try.

Dream: Bosu Fruit

I left the school to meet up with my Mom and step-dad. I was walking outside near a large garden with my mom waiting for her husband. He pulled up in a van and asked if I could get him the hose. I walked to the garden and saw a large watering set-up with various size hoses. I selected one that was tossed to the side and offered it to him. He said it was too flimsy and pointed to a larger one. I recall looking closely at the system and marveling at how it worked. The garden was lush and tall flowers peaked over the fence nearby. I believe they were sunflowers.

Then we drove to a house and went inside. My mom and I went on the back patio. I noticed her hair was very curly and she commented that she over did it and had not intended it to be that way. I told it it looked nice and remembered how she use to get perms to make her hair that way in the 80’s.

Then I saw a short tree full of ripe fruits. There were some fruits on the ground, too. I began to select them, sorting through those that had imperfections from birds and small animals taking bites out of their ripe flesh. The fruits were small and fuzzy like peaches and quite red. I asked my Mom what they were called and she said, “Bosu fruit”. The name didn’t make sense to me and I kept asking her again and she would repeat “Bosu” but I would think Kumquat or peach.

Then we were eating a dish made from the fruit I had picked The dish had a red sauce that tasted like spaghetti sauce. I remember this confused me. It was a fruit, right? Why did it taste like tomatoes? When I looked in the sauce I could see the red fruit, some in whole pieces. I kept eating the dish. The taste is still very strong in my memory.

Bosu

When I woke I lingered in bed and songs and conversations floated through my mind as I drifted in and out of the in-between.

I remember wondering what “bosu” meant. I got a full sentence that I can’t remember now (of course) but it was something like, “It’s time to awaken and expand your consciousness, not contract into yourself.”

The name Bosu reminds me of the BOSU ball used in exercise. It is mostly used for increasing one’s proprioception – the body’s ability to sense location, movement and action without thinking about it. Proprioception is sometimes described as the “sixth sense”.

BOSU ball

It feels as if the fruit symbolism and name is meant to remind me to trust myself and use my intuition or sixth sense to guide me. 🙂

Considerations

I’m not sure what the history class dream signifies except that I am returning to a lesson I failed to learn. Being it is a history class that focuses on The Hobbit it could be about my journey to Self. The Hobbit is about a hermit who has to step outside of his comfort zone and venture into the unknown. So perhaps that is the lesson I need to learn still? The Lord of the Rings trilogy of the second class is also a symbol. Here it is indicative of the second half of this lesson. My guess is it is more about the world being disrupted by a great evil and the part I have to play in it alongside others who have similar missions. I am to learn both lessons in the same “semester”. The Algebra class is also part of this semester indicating that logic and reason are also a lesson somehow.

My take on the dream is that I am back-tracking. This makes me feel a bit disappointed. It seems I am always going back to lessons and it is tiring. No wonder I was so determined in the dream to “study hard” to pass the classes and graduate!

The bosu message is also interesting. It just felt that I was being asked to return to a more expanded consciousness; to expand rather than contract inward. The fruit itself initially looked like and felt like a Peach. Peaches symbolize love and relationships. The fruit itself was a deep shade of red, though, and ultimately tasted like a tomato, which is also a fruit. Tomatoes represent approaching good fortune, passionate and often concealed love, and fertility. Red in and of itself is the color of love and passion

Combined, the two dreams seem to indicate a return to a lesson involving the masculine energy (or a male individual). The fruit part indicates a concealed, passionate love connection as well. This lesson would be one that was not fully learned. As the teacher reminds me in the dream, I stopped attending class but never officially withdrew. Therefore, I avoided the lesson in the end, maybe because I felt I could not successfully complete it after failing so many tests. I may not have withdrawn completely because a part of me was still interested or believed I could pass the class. 

Much of the first dream involved my consideration about the teacher of World History A. I saw his skin as black and disliked his teaching style. The color black can symbolize the unknown but it can also represent a dark side or aspect of something. When I finally met him he was not black after all and his students were all intoxicated. To me this is symbolic of the Kundalini energy and points to my withdrawal from my previous lessons with the energy.

The Hobbit symbolism gives some insight into the lessons I was learning at least. Knowing me, the lesson asked me to expand beyond my comfort zone and I was not ready to. Instead I chose to stay in my “Hobbit hole”. lol This I can completely relate to. When given a choice to take a risk or stay safe, I tend to choose safety.

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Dream: You are Beautiful

I’ll start with the good news. Yesterday I got to see my brother for the first time in about two years. He flew in from Arizona, my Mom and step-dad picked him up and they had a late lunch with me and my husband. Then we ended up back at our house to catch up for a while. It was nice! My brother doesn’t fly back until this Friday. 🙂

Now the not-so-good news. Since my last post quite a bit has happened.

The heart hospital scheduled my sister’s surgery for this morning at 8am. We were all relieved that she would finally have the help she needed. My brother, who is in the Air Force, got a special leave granted to be here for her surgery.

Last night my Mom told me that my sister’s husband told her there might be an issue with their insurance, which is Medicaid. When I heard this I asked my Mom to clarify the date and time of surgery – Who told her? Had it been confirmed by the hospital? She asked me, Why so many questions? and I said it was not like a hospital to confirm surgery without first checking on a payment guarantee, especially a surgery that would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

This morning I found out via FB that the surgery was cancelled. My step-dad later texted and said the hospital is “working to get insurance issues resolved.”

I have no idea what will happen next. My guess, though, is if insurance issues are not resolved then her husband will take my sister to another hospital to see if he can get them to do the surgery. If he is smart he will check if they accept their insurance first. I doubt the heart hospital will keep her much longer now that they know there will be no payment. Maybe they will transfer her? Hopefully.

The other bad news…. When I first spoke to my Mom on the phone yesterday she was quite upset. My BIL asked her to drop my nephew with his mother. When my Mom did this she confided in my BIL’s mother that she was frustrated with the Meth use by both her son-in-law and my sister. Then she told them, “IF they continue to use Meth I will take them to court to get custody of him [her grandson].”

My Mom thought my BIL’s mom was trustworthy.

Within an hour or so my Mom received a phone call from my sister. She yelled at my Mom and threatened to take her son and “vanish”. I don’t know the specifics but whatever my sister said really upset my Mom to the point that she was stumbling over the words on the phone. The call got dropped and so I waited until I saw her to get the rest of the information.

Turns out my Mom got a text from my BIL attacking her and calling her a “demon” and also threatened to disappear with their son. He specifically told her he knew people that could give them fake IDs and help them disappear.

My guess is that my BILs Mom left out the “If” part and just told them my Mom was going to take their son. Sigh. People can be so stupid. Why tell a sick – dying – woman that her son may be taken away?? The only point of doing that is to create drama and upset people.

I reassured my Mom that the threats were hollow. They can’t afford to disappear. All their contacts are in this area and with my sister being sick and recovering it is too risky. I advised her to call my sister and sort it out. My Mom calmed down and apparently did call, thus discovering the cancelled surgery.

Sadly, they have kept their son from my Mom before as a means of getting revenge for one thing or another. They know how much my Mom loves her grandson and so use it to their advantage. It is very sad.

Dream: You are Beautiful

As a result of all this continued stress I am not sleeping well again. This morning I had a dream that brought me to tears.

I was with a group of kids. One of them reminded me of my best friend from high school. We went out at night. I don’t know what our purpose was but it felt like we were sneaking around. 9pm was a time that kept being repeated. People were telling my friend, “Good luck at 9!” She asked me what it meant. I didn’t know.

We ended up in a cemetery. We got to a fence and I began to climb it when I heard sirens. I said to my friend, “The police are coming. We need to leave.” She said, “There’s no one here.” My foot was caught and I struggled to get it out as a police car approached. We hid but were soon discovered.

I remember a little boy was with us and somehow he ended up being targeted by one of the officers. He was molested. 😦

The dream gets hazy but I remember standing up to the officer and calling him out. I spoke to him for a while telling him he needed to do something before he hurt another child. I went over ideas of how he could prevent future incidents. I also helped the boy, guarding him from further molestation.

Then the boy morphed into a young girl. She went into the arms of a woman who felt like a caretaker. I went up to the girl and told her that if anyone ever touched her that way again to immediately scream and tell someone. The girl hugged her caretaker and the caretaker opened her arms to me. I hugged them both and said, “Remember, no matter what, you are beautiful.”

When I said this I began to sob and the caretaker hugged me tight. I felt deeply all the atrocities the girl and boy had gone through. It felt like I was feeling the pain of all similar experiences on Earth. It was heart-breaking. But most of all it was unfair.

My tears woke me up.

Considerations

When I woke I couldn’t help but think of how my BIL had recently told my husband of his own sexual abuse as a child. The abuse was by a male cousin who had taken advantage of him.

My sister also was also molested as a child.

I knew that child sexual abuse often results in the victim having a difficult adult life. For example, my Mom’s cousin, who I remember meeting when I was around 10 years old, had been molested by a male cousin. He ended up liking men and eventually contracting HIV and getting full-blown AIDS. I recall seeing him toward the end of his life and noting how the once attractive and vibrant man was just a shell of his former self. His entire life had been altered from his childhood trauma.

It was obvious to me that my sister and BIL/cousin’s lives had been altered in a similar fashion. Neither has fully confronted their abuse. My sister chooses to blame my Mom and use her past as a crutch and excuse for her behavior. I don’t know much about my cousin but likely he is doing the same.

I also realized that whether my sister chooses to live or die is HER choice. If she chooses to live it will be tough and she will have to choose recovery – which is terrifying to her – or avoidance. Choosing recovery also means choosing her son. I hope she has the strength and courage to take the high road….that is if she gets the option.

I feel like my dream was also about my own past lives, those in which I had been both the victim and the perpetrator. In the dream not only did I advise the molesting man but also both victims – male and female. I have recalled several past lives full of sexual abuse and know there are many others I have yet to recall. My advice to my dream child self was to always remember that I am beautiful. It reveals to me just how devastating such trauma can be to a person’s self-esteem/self-love. The perpetrator also suffers from similar feelings. No one is spared.

It seems to me like I am recognizing my sister and BIL’s plight as part of my own. I am relating to them via my own past experiences but also via the Collective. When one can do this, judgement falls away and love and compassion takes over.

Now I just wait to see what path my sister will choose. I stand in observance with love and compassion in my heart, supporting my family as they need me.

by

Stressed Out

My sister is in the Heart Hospital in Austin now waiting to see if they will do the surgery she needs. Her husband checked her out of the other hospital because they were not helping her. He was going to drive her to Houston but she was feeling bad and so they cut their journey short. Her chest was hurting her and her fever was coming back.

When I last spoke to her she was feeling good and hopeful to finally get the care she needs. Her cardiologist took the time to hear her story and told her under no circumstances should she check herself out of the hospital again. She said he told her, “You need to get this fixed now.”

Too Much Stress

The stress of my life right now is beginning to manifest physically, emotionally and spiritually. The itchy eczema spots continue to drive me crazy and are not going away. I fear I may need to get a prescription to nip them in the bud.

Yesterday the stress of everything hit me hard. My energy was nearly gone. Regular daily tasks “hurt” to do and I began to lose my voice. It is rare that I lose my voice. It only happens when my stress levels reach a critical high. Not good!

Spiritually my dreams are getting really weird. Two nights about, about an hour or so after falling asleep, I had this odd OBE type experience where I perceived someone was trying to take over my body while I slept. This reminded me of another incident when a woman in spirit attempted to come into my body and take over while I was still in it. So I quickly rushed back into my sleeping body and woke suddenly, heart pounding with a pain in my stomach like IBS.

Earlier this week I had another incident where I woke up in a panic, too, heart pounding thinking I was going to die. I can’t recall the specifics of that incident anymore but I think it was similar to the above.

I had a dream last night where I saw a doe laying on the ground breathing and moving slightly. When I went to investigate the head was separated and being dragged away by someone/something. The head was also moving as if still alive. It was creepy. My feeling is that it represents how I have been feeling lately – disconnected from my feminine, nurturing side and from my family/domestic life.

In another dream I was unable to call my husband and spent most of the dream trying to contact him via other people’s phones. Phones are communication so I must be feeling out of communication with my husband, which does make sense.

My Nephew

As a favor to my Mom and sister, I took my nephew in over the weekend. The intent was for him to stay for a week or more to give my Mom a break, but that is not how it turned out.

The first day I had my nephew I realized there may be a glitch in my plan. As the day progressed, my nephew began to wear out my two boys with his constant movement. He rarely if ever stops moving. He reminds me of a ping pong ball with all the changes in direction he makes. His energy is erratic, like he has a near compulsion to move all the time. The feeling of it is hard to describe. I feel it in my core and it is not comfortable. I don’t think I have ever felt something like it except when very unbalanced and mentally pulled in many directions by life. My mind is chaotic so much so that I have to go for a long walk, take epsom salt baths and breathe deeply to get the feeling to settle but even that feeling doesn’t come close to what I feel from my nephew. 

My husband was working all day on engineering drawings for an addition to the office space at work so he didn’t really have time to notice the energy. However, when I told him my nephew had asked to go back my Mom’s because my sons were not playing with him non-stop he mentioned the energy in our house was feeling “off”. I nodded and said, “It’s him (my nephew). He just can’t stop moving and he is wearing us all out.” My husband confirmed he thought I was right and pulled my nephew in for a talk to him to see if he could get any info out of him. He asked him several times how he felt. His response was just, “Good.” The more questions my husband asked him, the more he began to twitch from standing still. His eyes would go to all different places, his hands would move, his mannerism was discomfort, his attention was elsewhere. 

My sense is that he is not fully in his body. 

I spoke to my Mom about my observations, told him my sister told me would would settle down after a while and asked, “Does he settle down?” My Mom said, “Not really.” We compared notes and when I said, “When he stops moving he either starts to fall asleep or he is eating.” My Mom laughed and said, “Yep!” I questioned how they handled him at school. She said they likely have him occupied with many things, using stations and scheduling all movements, directing him and focusing his hyperactivity. She told me her solution was to buy him the Minecraft game so that he would stop moving and give her a break. I relayed to her that computer games didn’t work when he was with me. He still jumped up and changed directions, moving from one play scenario to another, usually mid-play.

I have to admit I was relieved to drop off my nephew at my Mom’s house. When I got home I was finally able to rest. The strange energy was gone and my eldest son even mentioned how different it felt when we got home. This morning my voice has returned and I feel much more relaxed and calm.

I now know I cannot manage my sister’s child long-term. It would sap my energy and focus most if not all of my attention on him, placing my own children in second. He most definitely needs intensive counseling of some type and his school will likely recommend he see a child specialist to see if he has ADHD if he continues this behavior into first and second grade. My husband would not allow for a diagnosis of ADHD because he, like me, believes those labels are mostly meant to help those around the child more than the child. They don’t target the underlying cause. I tend to agree and though I want to help my nephew, I just don’t have the energy to help him and am not willing to sacrifice my relationship with my own children or my own health (mental, physical, etc). 

So hopefully I can just take him for a day or two here and there (weekends mainly) to give my Mom a break while my sister goes through her healing journey. Hopefully she does heal and things can move toward healing of everyone in her family. It not, and it ends up that someone has to take Landon long-term, I have to say no to being the one to do that. 

Right now my Mom is the one who will take my sister into her home while she recovers from her surgery (if she gets one) and it is likely Landon will be there, too. Maybe my Mom can somehow figure out how to help him. IDK. I just have to leave it to God I guess.