I Am Not Afraid

Hope all of you have been well despite the hoopla created by the Corona Virus around the world.

Me and my family are doing well. Not much has changed for us. My husband and I still go to work. I still work from home most days and go into the office 1-2x a week. My husband is there every day. We work in steel fabrication of public works so nothing has changed really except that our shop workers have been limited to 10 people per shift. So we opened another location so they could keep production levels up. Those who are considered most at-risk for getting the virus have been cleared to work from home or have been given extended leave (paid). Thankfully, we are a strong enough business that we can do this for as long as needed. Most want to continue working because – a productive person is a happy person.

The kids have been home since March 14th and started online learning last week. They, of course, want to start on their work first thing in the morning which can make it hard for me to juggle three kids and working, but I do it. My experience as a teacher and school counselor has definitely assisted me with this! The kids love school this way for the most part but my middle child wishes he could go back to school. Bless him.

My mom and step-dad are at their country home living life as normal and not afraid one bit about the virus despite both having underlying conditions. They are both bummed that their social outlets have been cancelled, though. They are avid church-goers and also participate in a choir. I do hope that this shelter in place ends soon so they can resume their activities. It is much worse for an older person to be isolated than a younger one. Thankfully they are able to watch my nephew during this time to keep busy and active.

My MIL is not concerned about the virus and still comes by to visit and goes about her daily activities. She likes to inform us how her siblings are freaking out about it, though.

I’ve noticed when I’m out and about lately (shopping for groceries or driving to work) that there seem to be more people on the roads than a week ago. There are also more patrol cars. When I am in stores the mood is less tense, which I welcome. I was avoiding the stores not because of possibly becoming infected but because people were so full of fear that it would make me anxious and/or ill. So I guess I was scared of getting infected –  infected by fear! It is nice to go out and not feel that. Perhaps all the fearful people are hunkered down at home, terrified to go outside?

My daughter informed me that her friends are referring to this virus as the “Boomer Remover”. I almost choked on my breakfast when she told me. I later told my “Boomer” MIL about the name and she burst out laughing. So refreshing to have laughter during such “serious” times. 🙂

Sleep and Dreams

Some other good news is that I have been sleeping really well since last Friday. Yay! No more difficulty going to sleep. No more frequent wakings. Just, deep, restful, dream-filled sleep.

With the increased sleep I have been feeling that “not alone” feeling in the night and during the evenings before sleep. Not knowing who or what the presence was, I say my prayer of protection and drift into dreamland. A couple of nights ago, though, I woke suddenly and saw my Himalayan salt lamp had turned on by itself. It freaked me out a bit but I got up and unplugged it and went back to sleep. Then last night I woke hearing someone say, “We have been watching you.” lol My response was, “That’s great………..” lol

I’ve had a few dreams of note.

In one dream I was at the doctor’s office getting a check-up. The doctor was Dr. Now from My 600lb Life, which was very strange! He was giving me a breast exam and talking to me about an upcoming surgery. He then got out this strange instrument and pressed it into the area just below my ribs, where the ribs meet. He told me he was trying to hook it into my esophagus. I told him it hurt and he suggested I take a small pill that would make me feel spacey and not feel pain. I asked, “Can’t you just do a chest x-ray?” He nodded and said he could. I told him, “I think I had one done in 2011. Maybe you could get my records?”

There was more to the dream but that was the part that stood out. My take on it is that I was getting spiritual work done on my solar plexus in the dreamstate.

In another dream I was back at school, at a college. I recall walking up to a dorm room and standing at the door, #224. I unlocked it and went inside. It was full of young women. Some were sleeping, others sitting together and talking. I sat on my bed and then tried to get some sleep but one of the women kept talking to me. She asked me when I wanted to schedule my internship in the advanced education field I had opted to study – another Master’s degree in teaching. I told her that I had changed my mind and really didn’t need to or want to do it anymore. For some reason I mentioned Montana and how I hated the cold, blustery winters but loved the beautiful mountains. When I spoke of Montana I got a very dreamy feeling and kept wanting to go back to sleep.

My feeling about this dream is that it was me considering yet another path or lesson in this life. I decided it was not what I wanted to do. The mountains and Montana represent a spiritual destination – could be Home or a feeling resembling Home. The sleepy feeling I was having indicates an avoidance and lack of awareness. It is a preference to remain unaware, comfortable or without the knowledge this new lesson could bring.

I’ve had many, many other dreams and dream encounters but most are lost to me now. Once I wake they fade quickly because I have so much to do during the days now – schooling my kids takes up most of my morning. So dreams and the spiritual have taken a back seat to life. I have brief memories of some Kundalini energy here and there, but it is hard to recover.

The Future

My gut feeling and intuition about the Corona Virus pandemic is that most of the fear mongering and Collective fear-based reactions will lessen once we get into the summer – June being the turning point. I don’t feel this means the virus will be “beaten” but that the fear will have abated for the most part and interest will be more on rebuilding and getting back to focusing on living rather than on death.

A quote has been coming to me whenever I think of the quarantine and shelter in place rulings being made all over the country. That quote is, “Every man dies. Not every man truly lives.” You may recognize it. It is from Braveheart.

Hunkering down, waiting out this virus for fear of death is no way to live. A person can only live in fear so long before it consumes them entirely leading to full-on apathy or full-on rage. These are the two directions the emotion will take most people. Prolonged fear and living in the fight-or-flight condition can and will lead to illness and death. Many people lived in complacency and/or apathy prior to this virus. It is likely they will return to that. Some will “wake up” from this experience, most will not.

My hope is that people will at least learn that living in fear is no way to live and recognize just how much fear has dictated and continues to dictate their life and decisions. Maybe for some this will be the “wake up call” they need to change?

We are eternal Beings. The body is just a vessel, something we use to experience the high’s and low’s of life. It is guaranteed that we will suffer while we are in the body. It is also guaranteed that the body will die.

I continue to be reminded by my guidance to “Follow the 8 Winds”:

The “eight winds” are eight influences that agitate and inflame the human heart and mind.* They consist of four favorable circumstances (prosperity, honor, praise, and pleasure) and four setbacks (decline, disgrace, censure, and suffering). Their contents are roughly as follows:

Prosperity: to obtain what one desires

Decline: to suffer loss

Honor: to be admired and praised in one’s absence

Disgrace: to be criticized and defamed in one’s absence (behind one’s back)

Praise: to be admired and praised directly

Censure: to be criticized and defamed directly

Pleasure: to be happy in body and mind

Suffering: to suffer in body and mind

Source

The key to overcoming these is to find balance through non-attachment. You can read more here.

Currently, with the fear of the virus being propagated everywhere, the main attachment people are having is to life via their body. Meaning, they don’t want to lose their body or suffer the pain that may or may not come with it. Others are fearing the loss of loved ones – so they are attached to others and what those others bring to their life.

I am not afraid of my own death or the death of anyone else in my life. I know if I lose a loved one that I will grieve but I also know they are not truly gone, just in another place, a place I am able to contact when I choose. Similarly, others in my family are not afraid because they know what I know. We know pain and loss are possible, but we don’t dwell on it. We choose to operate in the moment, day to day, without fear of “what if”.

The quote above still echos in my mind as I type this. What is it to truly live? I know, for me at least, it means to live from my heart, without fear, taking life by the horns and riding that bull until the very end.

One thing is for certain, though, “it [all things] will pass.”

Dream: Struck by Lightning

Not a whole lot to report here. Lost of mundane things mostly. Today I had a well woman physical, which I haven’t had since 2014 (can you tell I hate them? lol). I told my doctor about my heart speed-up scare and she confirmed that it was likely low blood sugar. 🙂 I also had a full blood panel done because I haven’t had blood work since 2016. The results won’t come in until next week. Next, I have to schedule a mammogram because I am now “over 40” (in other words old).

Another interesting event was that I had my DNA analyzed through 23 and Me. The results came in this week. I am 64.2% British and Irish, 19.1% French and German, 2.4% Scandinavian and Broadly Northwestern European is the rest. I thought I had more German but it seems not. lol I also discovered someone I’ve known for around a decade is my 4th cousin! Sadly, all I discovered were many distant relatives. No close relatives from either side of the family show up. Health-wise I am not a carrier of any of the 44 genes for specific diseases and issues they tested for. The only thing of any significance that came up is that I have a slightly higher risk of having Celiac disease and age related macular degeneration. Weird!

I have completed 40 days+ of the Wahe Guru mantra meditation and have not noticed anything life changing. I do relax easier in the evenings but that is about it. I got the idea the other night to begin a visualization meditation at night instead of the mantra meditation I have been doing. So I have been trying to visualize what I want but it is hard because I seem not to be able to “see” physical things I want really well. That is probably because physical things are not very interesting to me. I mostly just want enough money to never have to worry about survival needs again. Mostly I just want to feel a certain way and I can visualize how I want to feel much better. So I have been trying to focus on the heart connected feeling or just a general openness in my heart. I also focus on feeling joy and fulfillment.

Visions of Note

In the past few weeks I have had some interesting visions and messages come through.

I had a vision that was very clear upon waking one morning, probably about two weeks ago now. In the vision I saw the painting in my room that is called “Integration”. I was going into the painting on a bicycle. It was so real that I thought I was actually sitting up in bed experiencing it but when I blinked I was in bed lying on my side. I was probably dreaming or in the in-between.

A message from myself that was interesting came around the same time. I caught myself talking to someone about someone who I recognized as me in another body. I said, “Oh that is my 6th body. I don’t control it”. All I remember after that is that the “body” of this other me was yellow.

Then in one day I had two syncs. The first came when I woke up with a song in my head. Minutes after waking I had to jump in the car to take my daughter to the bus stop because it was raining and the same song and line was playing! This was the song and the part that kept going over in my head was “She said I don’t look like me no more no more. I said I’m just tired, she said you’re just tired”:

Later that same day, I was reading a blog and the poster mentioned she got interrupted because her doorbell rang. The instant I read “doorbell” my own doorbell rang! LOL

Dream: Struck by Lightning 

I woke from a dream sometime around 3am. In the dream I was watching a small house via a screen. It almost looked like it was a piece of art, framed, but the picture was moving like a TV. The house had dark, nearly black smoke billowing out of the top. The billows were rounded and went high into the sky. I had a camera in my hand and began to take photos of it and as I did this I seemed to enter the picture with the house.

Then I was lying on the ground dressed in a white leotard, legs spread in a V shape. A bolt of lightning came down and hit me in my root chakra. I remember it did not hurt nor did it feel odd at all. I told someone who was with me, “I’m okay. I feel fine.”

This scene woke me up and I felt my entire body covered in a heaviness and subtle vibrations. I felt very drowsy but my mind was alert. A conversation had been on-going between myself and a guide who I could feel near me as if he were standing in front of me. This guide and I had been talking about what I wanted in life and I told him, “To be out of this body” and I was saying, “I don’t care how it happens – in a body bag, in OBEs, taken Home via spacecraft or whatever.” My guide was saying, “I don’t think that is what you really want. I think you want….connection.”

The more aware I became of the conversation the more it began to fade, our words disappearing, replaced only by the heaviness in my body and a feeling almost like passing out except I was already “out”.

When I regained control is when I heard the word “connection” and with hearing it I felt a pull within as if I were being called to embrace the familiar feeling of surrender followed by ecstasy that comes with the K. I resisted and told my guide, “It is not good for me. It upsets my life.”

I told my guidance that I prefer the security of my current relationship even if that means I have no deep connection(s) in my life. The idea of leaving behind my security to search for a connected relationship (whether with myself or another) does not appeal to me.

My mind wandered back to the idea that I may do better in a relationship with a woman and the more I thought about it, the more it appealed to me. My guidance seemed to indicate this would not happen. I wondered why not but did not ask because the answer seemed to be that it was not part of the plan.

I ended up in a dream where I was in school, purposefully breaking the rules by choosing to be with a woman. I found great joy in this and was giddy like a child as I danced up and down a line of students while watching the expression of a “teacher” as I kissed the woman. I remember my hair being pinned up and me taking it down as I danced. The other woman was also doing this.

There was a whole section of the dream where I was talking to others in my class about returning to my 30’s. One guy was holding a newborn in his hands and I said, “I had all my babies in my 30’s.” I remember saying, “If I could be any age again it would be in the decade of my 30’s.”

As the dream drew to an end, I remember hearing the song Unchained Melody and singing along – “Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me. I’ll be coming home, wait for me…”

When I woke I felt that the dream was about feeling free to be myself. I often feel confined in this world and unable to be who I really am because of all the rules and expectations placed upon me by society – Be nice to this person, don’t say anything they don’t want to hear, etc. I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders each time I have to interact with other people because of these rules. Sometimes that weight gets so heavy that I break down into tears from the exhaustion of it.

I began to think of what I said about being in my 30’s again. As I pondered it I realized I would go back to age 30 exactly and make different choices. I would not build my house on my Mom’s land. Instead I would have stayed at my job at the time. I would have opted out of a family entirely. This all came as a result of thinking how I trapped myself by falling for the idea that having a family would somehow fulfill me. In fact, I see this whole world and life in a human body as a trap. I remember thinking, “If I could go back, I would go back to the time before my birth and opt out then. My mom would have miscarried and I would have been saved from this existence.”

I sometimes feel guilty for bringing my children into this world. Now they, too, are trapped by it. 😦

Lightning Dream Symbol

I have had K dreams where I am hit by lightning before so I suspect this symbol indicates the K energy will be fired up by some kind of catalyst. I find it strange, though, that I feel nothing when it strikes. Instead I sit there and say, “I’m okay. I feel fine.” I think the truth is that I am not okay. And no, I don’t feel “fine”. Perhaps my guide is right and being out of this body is not my goal but rather finding Divine Connection while in this body.

The smoldering house is likely symbolic of my life and how the energy is still burning, but slowly, creating a black smoke out the top of the house (my life/body). Maybe the black smoke symbolizes a blackness within me – the empty pit of nothingness that resides there. Or maybe it is just what remains of what could be smothered out over and over again by my refusal to let the flames ignite again. Or maybe it is some kind of signal fire? I wonder if anyone can see it?

I recognize that the K causes me to feel a need to make changes because that is its purpose. But I do not want to change and feel the energy of the desire brought by the Kundalini is not something to be sought after. It doesn’t last but it makes one think it will. It is deceptive and intoxicating. To reach for it will only result in suffering – not only self-suffering but also the suffering of those I love. I may be unhappy now, mostly from boredom and disconnect, but at least I am not suffering. I am secure and have many blessings. That has to be worth something.

Kundalini Dream: Tempest

As the new year approaches the energy seems to be shifting. Yesterday the energy was especially strange. I felt a bit unsettled and family issues were at the forefront of my mind. Specifically, I wanted something unjust to be fixed. I kept feeling like I needed to take action but when I tried, things kept messing up – information I spent an hour typing wouldn’t save and other info vanished completely. It seemed as if the Universe was telling me, “Not yet”. So I found another way to channel the energy I was feeling – exercise. Once finished the feeling to take action was gone and replaced with a more balanced, calm energy.

I had lots of dreams last night, but a main one stands out.

Kundalini Dream: Tempest

The dream is hard to remember now but there are distinct elements of Kundalini energy present throughout.

In one scene I am standing on what appears to be a concrete dock sloping into the ocean. With me is a man and others but their appearances are hard to recall. The man walks into the ocean and I feel he is calling me to join him. He goes into the water up to his chest and I see he is okay so I follow. When I enter the water I notice there are dolphins swimming in it. I am overjoyed to see them and reach out and let my hand slide over the slick skin of one as it swims by. Many dolphins swim around and around me, playing and surfacing to smile at me. The dream scene fades out.

Then I am in a room with other women. I can’t recall what we are discussing now but I talk with one woman in particular who I have an affinity with. She is black and I find her very beautiful. Actually, all the women in the room are black and beautiful.

A group of people come into the room. They hold a large celebratory sign and have on masks. Many are children. They have with them presents in red bags with white paper covered in red and pink hearts. I say, “It’s like Valentine’s Day!” The children pass out the gifts to several women in the group I am with. The women are lounging and sitting together, relaxed and smiling. I feel that the gifts are coming from their men who are away. It feels like they are in the military or “fighting a war” but the war is not a typical war with guns and death. Instead the war feels internal though also for the whole of the world.

A gift is presented to me. I read the tag and the name says, “Dayana”. I say, “This isn’t isn’t my name. It’s not for me.” I read the rest of the information on the label to see if there is any information that is familiar. I see “Firefly” and tell the person holding the bag out to me, “It may be mine. ‘Firefly’ belongs to me.” The others in the room nod in agreement then one woman says, “Take it then. It is yours!”

Inside the bag underneath thick red paper is a tiny black box. I do not open it, though.

There is discussion about the men in our lives. I remember thinking of my ex-husband but this is probably because we are talking about the “war” our men are fighting.

Then I leave and go with my friend to her home. Inside are more women but one in particular is a well known author. She is sitting on the floor in front of a table, her legs off to her side. She smiles at me when I enter. There are others there with her. They invite me to sit down. Again, all the woman are black and very beautiful.

I recall talking to a man about his concerns about making enough money to support his family. I tell him a whole story about how much me and my husband have earned through the years. Specifically I tell him he can support a whole family on just $29K a year. He has misgivings about his ability as a provider but is reassured by my story. What is interesting is there is no man in the room with me and the woman and as I tell my story an entire scene of my story plays out as if a movie.

The women in the circle seem to be a kind of support group. They are discussing books. The woman author hands me a book and asks me if I have ever read it. I say that I have seen it but didn’t think it was right for me so never read it. I take the book and it has a title that is either, “Temptation” or “Tempest”.

Then I find myself looking at the pages of a book. I read a long sentence about how a man, a kind of doctor, helps a woman activate 22 meridians and chakras, starting in the root and moving up. I see him insert something into the root of an energy body and watch as the chakras activate. The energy is not intense but instead very flowing and smooth. I believe the aura I am observing is my own and the energy in the chakras mine also.

The woman author mentions to me that despite the “fat” of the physical body, the energy is able to move and progress upward. I see a visual of the insides of a physical body. Layers of yellow fatty tissue are visible. The energy moves through it and the fat seems to shrink, the yellow slowly dissolving away.

The women are discussing their unique experiences in life. I zone out, thinking of my own life when someone gives me a message related to time. I am told that I don’t need to do anything, that time will come to me – move through me. I am told to “wait” several times. I see a vision of a person standing still on a white platform that seems never to end. A time reel of pictures moves through the person. I understand that the idea that an individual moves through time is false – time moves through the individual.

I begin to think about my experiences with the Divine and how I felt to be One with everything. I hesitantly ask the group if any of them have ever experienced the Divine like I have. I describe my experiences as best as I can and they show interest and acceptance. My description causes me to relive some of the experiences I’ve had and I am near tears. I say to them, “It is so wonderful to be able to talk to you all about my experiences!” One woman asks me how I handle such profound experiences and I tell her, “I usually cry afterward.”

The other women nod as if they understand and can relate. My friend in particular seems to get it and comes closer to me. She hugs me and rests her head on my chest. I begin to slowly caress her black skin, finding her extremely beautiful. She moves closer and then positions her head in my lap. I gently touch her hair and marvel at how beautiful she is. There is a connection between us, one of great love and appreciation.

energy-aura-reiki-healing-light-body-crown-chakraKundalini

I slowly wake because I feel the K energy swirling through mostly my lower chakras. I linger, going in and out of the in-between. The song from Titanic goes through my head, “Once more, you open the door….” and “You’re here in my heart and my heart will go on and on”.

I fall into the in-between.

I remember being led into a tunnel or a path. In front of me is a white door with a golden door knob. I move toward it and it opens. Beyond it the path continues but is feathered in light. I can feel the K energy pushing upward and building at my solar plexus. It forms a line of golden energy just below my ribs. This energy increases my awareness and I see the door and know that going through it will move the energy upward. I try to shift back into the in-between but my awareness is too much. I am upset when I recognize this because I know I have interrupted a potentially beautiful experience, one where the energy moves into my heart space.

The song continues to play through my head as if to remind me that all is not lost – “My heart will go on and on….”

Considerations

The symbolism behind my dreams feels positive. Dolphins symbolize spiritual guidance, freedom, and happiness. I am in the water, which is emotion, invited in by the the masculine energy. This introduction feels to be an invitation where I am guided into the water (my emotions) and shown that it is safe and I am protected.

The symbolism of Valentine’s Day is love, connection and partnership. Though my name is wrong I notice the street name of my childhood home “firefly”. Fireflies symbolize illumination and hope but also one’s “homeland”. It is interesting that in my dream the street name was of my childhood home here. I am given a gift, one of love as represented by Valentine’s Day, but I do not open it.

The book title is curious. I am not certain of the title but it is either (or both) temptation or tempest. It causes me to think that the content, which I read and shows the rising of energy through 22 chakras and meridians, could be indicating that I will experience a rush of energy upward. Perhaps this energy will also represent a kind of temptation, which makes sense when one considers the energy of the Kundalini.

The women in the dream are all very dark skinned. I find them extremely beautiful, but this is also true in my waking life. I am very attracted to very dark skinned women of African descent. I had a very spiritual lifetime in the early 20th Century where I was an African-American woman and had very close ties to the women in my life. Perhaps I was creating the women in this dream to look this way because it gives me comfort and puts me at ease?

This dream continues a dream theme, one where I have women inviting me to experience the K energy. It feels like I need to further explore my feminine side to assist in the rising of the energy.

The vision of time received in this dream has left me considering how we as spiritual Beings enter the time stream of the physical. It appeared to me that we “descend” and then allow time to flow through us in order to experience it. I was then told I did not need to “do” anything but that time would come to me and through time I would experience. This message coincides with what I was shown yesterday when I tried so hard to take action but could not.

This dream and the other dreams and premonitions I have been given bring hope that 2020 will most definitely be a year of clarity.

Kundalini Dream: Plane Romance

The last two nights I have had trouble falling to sleep. Last night it was because of having to cough. When the weather turns cold like it did recently, dropping 25 degrees in a few hours, my allergies tend to flare up causing my eyes to water, my nose to run and my throat to tickle from all the post nasal drip. The general sense I get, though, is that my sleeplessness is also from the full moon energies right now which feel pretty intense.

I had an interesting dream that woke me this morning.

Dream: Plane Romance

I was on a very large airplane (goals materializing, advancement or rising about troubles/problems) with lots of other people. I sat in a row that had many more seats than I a normal plane would. There was someone walking up and down the isle calling names from a list. It felt like we all worked together and the names were being called for the person to report or maybe get a reward or both. I can’t remember.

I sat two seats from the isle where the man was walking. There was a man next to me who was attractive but I don’t remember much about what he looked like. He was clean cut, though, with short hair that was either blonde or light brown, and had a very ordinary face, almost boyish looking.

There was a sense that he and I knew each other well and it was not long before he hugged me and we began to kiss. I could feel my lower chakras explode in a pleasurable sensation and for some reason I felt fear or concern over this and pulled away. I then left him behind and went searching for my blanket (protection). I walked all over looking for it and began to ask people if they had seen it. One woman asked what it looked like and I could not remember what color it was, only that it was big. As I told her I thought it was blue I saw a bunch of blue blankets all around me but none of them was mine.

Eventually I returned back to my seat awaiting the calling of my name, which I never heard called in the dream. The man was still there and he turned to me and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist. I looked up at him, he was about a foot taller than me, and said, “I’m sorry I pulled away. The feeling you give me scares me.” He looked pensive for a moment and then said, “Oh, that’s interesting.” For a moment it seemed like he did not know what to make of what I had just told him. I got a sense that his experience wasn’t like mine.

We began to kiss again and the experience was very real, causing an increase in lucidity. I could feel him pressing himself into my hips and upper leg. My lower chakras began to erupt in a pleasurable way.

There was a loud sound, like a thump, and I jumped back for a moment. My thought at this time was that someone might see us and we would be found out. I was worried about this for some reason.

We continued to kiss passionately and my lower chakras expanded as an energy started traveling slowly upward. My second chakra seemed huge and I could feel energy entering my solar plexus.

The intensity of the energy woke me and I lingered in bed for some time feeling the strong energy in my first two chakras. I took a moment to imagine the energy rising up my spine to better distribute the energy. This helped and soon everything balanced out.

Considerations

It seems that I am resisting the K rising at this time. It is odd that my fear of being “found out” has returned. I thought I had resolved that. I use to feel very guilty about my dream “flings” and then shifted into a full acceptance of them. Once I fully accepted the experience the K was able to rise. I know I made a decision not long ago that I should stay away from the very intense, sexual K energy because it was not helpful and seemed to cause a kind of obsessiveness with it. But perhaps I need to undo that decision? Resistance is never helpful with the K. It only creates problems – physical and/or emotional – and leads to delays.

I was reminded of something I recently read in Bonnie Greenwell’s book, The Kundalini Guide. In it she mentions how the lower chakras can feel especially sexual and intense. She says some teachings suggest those who have intense energy in the second chakra tell students to go out and get it out of their system. She doesn’t really agree with this, instead she suggests using gentle practices to encourage the energy to move upward. It is clear, though, that avoidance will not help regardless.

The blanket part of the dream is interesting to me. I seem intent on finding mine. Lately I have had many dreams and OBEs with blankets in them. They seem to symbolize protection or something that provides security and comfort. When I woke and was thinking of this my guidance told me, “You don’t need that (the blanket). You are always protected.”

It is strange to me that I would think I need protection from the intensely sexual energy I was feeling. Why does it scare me? When I have felt the energy in the past I have had considerations that it is “bad” or “sinful” and that “nothing good comes from it.” My guess is that I have had past lives where this feeling/energy consumed me and caused me to respond to it in negative ways with poor life choices. I do know I have killed myself in at least two other lives because of feelings arising out of such intense sensations.

It reminds me of the early time prior to my first major rising of the K when I had many dreams and OBEs where I would be confronting this HUGE energy and avoiding it out of fear that it would “take over” or be the end of me. Over time this subsided and I shifted to embracing the energy, which did not kill me as I felt it would. So it is likely this fear is unfounded and won’t last long. Once I embrace the energy/feeling, it will transform as it is meant to.