I woke at 5am to a noise. I went to explore what it was and saw my husband up working on our downstairs bathroom remodel which we started over the weekend. Relieved, I returned to bed.
The next thing I remember is hearing the show Good Morning America playing loudly. It was the start of the show where they were giving the date and time. All I can recall was that they said it was close to 9am. My thoughts were on the time it had been when I got back into bed. Surely it was not already 9!
I got out of bed feeling very drowsy, stood near the end of the bed and looked back at the clock on the nightstand. It did not say 9am. It was closer to 5:30.
Now unconcerned about the time, I went over to the window to look outside. To my surprise, the window was covered in black worms with rounded heads that resembled those of a beetle. Fascinated, I watched them crawling around on the glass. They appeared to be mating but rather than connect via the abdomen they were connecting at the head. I spoke to the worm things and then to myself. I remember asking my physical body why it was not working properly and requesting that it feel.
With this request energy began rising very physically through my body. All the while I am focusing on these black worm things that were rapidly squirming about mating with each other’s heads. lol
I woke suddenly, a bit disoriented because I didn’t realize I had been asleep. I must have been OOB but not lucid enough to catch on. I mentally kicked myself for not taking advantage of it.
Dream: Snow in the Summer
I was with my family in a house. We were getting ready to go to a gathering in town. I knew we had moved to Montana. It was summer.
When we went outside we were surprised to find it had snowed. About two feet of pure, white snow covered everything. It was unusual because it was still summer.
We got into our minivan and drove on roads covered in the snow. I was a bit worried because the car swerved a bit, but all was fine.
When we got to our destination it was full of people who were part of a church. They greeted us and talked to us about our move and how we were liking things.
As we mingled the weather shifted and a light rain began to fall over the top of the snow. I remember thinking it was good because it would help clear the snow off the roads.
Interpretation
The false awakening seems to have been about me trying to get a handle on my body. The radio playing was the first clue that I was OOB because it is typical of “noises off” one hears as they are primed for exiting the body. I also find it interesting that it was saying “good morning”. 🙂 The worms could represent the Kundalini. Their strange mating behaviors could be symbolic of a shift in perspective. The window they were are in a “window” to that perspective. The energy then rises and wakes me and only then did I realize I had been dreaming and OOB. This is very unusual for me because I am pretty sensitive to shifts during dream time, especially those indicating I am OOB. My best guess is I was just too tired. My body needed the rest.
The second dream about moving to Montana is the second of its kind in a month (maybe less). Montana means “Mountains” and mountains are representative of the journey. I always see it as a spiritual journey but it can be any journey, really.
Snow in summer is a bit harder to interpret. Snow in the condition this snow was – white, fluffy, new – is about healing, finding deep, emotional peace and psychological clearing. So good sign! Summer is the season of rest, relaxation and enjoyment. It can also represent mid-life. The light rain likely symbolizes clearing as it was gentle and non-disruptive. In the dream I remember thinking it would help clear the roads, which I think perfectly describes the symbolism.
So yesterday I realized that I need to have better control over my thoughts. I had to run errands and drive to several place and was beginning to worry. That is when my guidance gave me a nudge, reminding me of what I have have long been aware of: My thoughts create my reality.
Yeah, yeah. You are thinking, “Duh! How could she forget?” I don’t think I have forgotten. I think I have been distracted and falling into old habits and patterns which is much easier to do than focus on controlling my thoughts.
Yesterday in the car I saw distinctly that I needed to just shut down my monkey mind. It isn’t that I have to constantly be observing my mind chatter, either. All I have to do is listen to my body. When I feel “off” – anxious, sick, uneasy, sweaty, uncomfortable, etc – I need to look to my thoughts. More than likely I will find that I am thinking something negative. If I turn off those thoughts and focus on something positive the discomfort or symptom(s) begins to fade.
I tried it in the car. My body was giving me the first signs of a panic attack – uneasiness, sweaty palms, irregular breathing, nervousness and various worry thoughts. I looked to my thoughts and shut down the negative ones and replaced them with how I wanted to feel and be in that moment. For example, rather than think, “Oh no, it is gonna happen again” I thought, “Everything is fine. Nothing bad is going to happen.”
All the symptoms vanished.
It was so obvious in that moment that I had been creating my reality. Why now, after over 4 decades of life, it is manifesting in physical body issues? Well, I have been warned for some time now that my manifestation abilities are heightened now so there is an acceleration in the results. So rather than the delay I am use to it is more immediate. This is good and bad. Good in that I can really get to work on shifting my life. Bad in that if I allow my monkey mind too much control I end up with very uncomfortable physical symptoms.
It goes back to the “other me” that I have been feeling and hearing in the background. She is fearful and has a kind of death wish thing going on. I have to help her and heal her but I also cannot give her so much power over my life. She is the wounded aspect of me. My inner child. The “walk-out” who just won’t let go. Maybe all three in one. She runs on auto-pilot, instinct and emotion.
And I wondered to myself how I could fall back into old patterns so easily? I saw instantly it was purposeful.
Gecko
On August 22 I had an encounter with the biggest gecko I have ever seen around my house. He was a good 6 inches long and I have only ever seen small, 1-2 inch ones.
This morning on my way into the house I turned and saw another massive gecko near the front door. When he saw me he ran and hid. I turned and saw three babies on the door all much bigger than what I normally see.
I could not get a photo of the geckos this morning but I did get some of the first big one back in August. Here they are:
It was immediately obvious to me to pay attention to the message of the gecko.
The Gecko teaches us to do what we must in struggles, there may be opposing energies at play in our lives and you are reminded not to be passive. While the Gecko is naturally harmless, it is not afraid to bite if provoked. If you prevent opposition from occurring now, you will prevent it in the future. You may experience greater dream activity at this time and Gecko advises you to pay attention to what is revealed. It is a time to do what you must to restore order and bring an end to any conflicts. Gecko teaches the importance of righteous anger and reminds you to use it.
Interestingly enough, when I saw this morning’s gecko I was thinking about my dreams, dreams that points to upcoming change and difficulty.
Dream: Audit
I was in a big library talking to a woman about a credit card I had just gotten. She was warning me of the fine print, saying I should have read it because there was a clause that stated that after a certain amount of time the card company would audit (period of examination) me. I was pleased that I had paid off the card and not used it and thought this would save me from the possibility of an audit. The lady told me that it would happen anyway and to have all documentation ready.
I don’t remember much of the location where this happened except large books on book shelves. They looked old and like encyclopedias (knowledge, wisdom). The woman seemed to be a friend but I can’t remember what she looked like.
The dream shifts and I am on this steep, rocky road (life path) with the woman and another woman. The card company is coming to do the audit. I am walking down to meet them. I recall large, white boulders (obstacles, problems) in the road. It was very, very steep to the point that I had to look down as I walked to avoid tripping and injuring myself.
At one point there was a large aircraft. Maybe a plane (journey, transcendence), hard to remember. It came sliding down the steep driveway and scooped us up. I remember being inside it and knowing it was going way too fast so I ran up the tail end and jumped out the back which was open. I stood watching the others fly to the bottom of the road in the plane and make it down safely.
There is memory of four viles of blood (vitality, energy) that needed to be tested. This felt to be part of the audit but I am not sure how. I just remember seeing the viles.
Dream: Relocating to Montana
I arrived at a house located in the mountains of Montana (spiritual achievement). It was way high up in the mountains and there were no other people or houses to be seen for miles. All I could see were fields of sage and massive purple mountains all around me. The view was fantastic!
There was a discussion about the weather for the week. I remember hearing snow (frozen emotion) for three days followed by rain (achievement, success). I asked how it would make for traveling. Wouldn’t it really mess up the roads? I saw in my mind snow being melted by the rain and worried a bit about black ice, but I never saw any ice.
I went outside to enjoy the view while the sun was still shining. It was summer and the sky seemed never-ending. My thoughts were on how I needed to enjoy it while it lasted because summers were short and winters were brutal. Memories of when I lived in Montana came to mind. Memories of walking to school in winter and seeing the majestic mountains covered in snow with the sun just peaking over the top. It always took my breath away! It was also brutally cold and miserable. But those brief moments of purple mountains on calm, clear mornings made it all worthwhile.
I saw two cars parked nearby and decided to take photos of their license plates. I don’t know why I did this except that maybe I needed proof that I was really in Montana. What is odd is that the back plates were missing on both cars. So I went to the front (movement forward) and saw the plates. One had the letter “Q” so I went to the other one that had a more normal plate number.
I knelt down in the partially snow covered grass to take a picture. That is when I heard a car coming up the drive. I looked up and saw a white delivery truck. A man got out and came toward me with papers.
The man looked like an Alaska native, short with black hair and a fat, flat nose. He asked for me and I stood up, explaining why I had been on the ground. He handed me the papers and said that I was being served. He showed me the papers and said, “We will need new contact information for you. Your number is out of service.” I said, “Oh yes. I got a new phone number when I moved here.” Saying this made me feel proud and a little excited. The move felt permanent.
Papers in my hand, I looked at them and saw some very huge numbers – like $200K in money owed. I spoke with the man for a while about the papers and money saying that it was weird that the company said they would handle the blood tests (viles from previous dream) for a certain amount but when I decided to go another, less expensive route, they claim I owe them more.
It felt like I was being sued (justice) in the dream but I didn’t seem to care.
Considerations
Overall the dream made me feel good, which is odd because I was being audited and then sued. The Montana dream felt to be the most important. The message I got from it was the enjoy the moment. It also hints of the calm before the storm, those moments when things are beautiful and calm and then the ones that are the opposite. I seem to understand that those small moments of clarity and beauty are to be cherished and I attempt to do just that in the dream. It was so beautiful and every time I return to Montana in my dreams I am blown away by the beauty and wish I could be there again. Then I remember the harsh winters and change my mind. It just doesn’t feel worth it.
Perhaps that is how I have been viewing life, too? There seem way more bad times than good. I struggle to enjoy the good times because I am always anticipating the bad ones.
I had a nice, calm, low stress day yesterday working from home. No kids, no noise, no upsets and plenty of time to rest and recover from last weekend’s stress. This morning I awoke at 6am wide awake. No dopey, drugged feeling at all. 🙂
Monty is doing so much better, which is a huge relief! He is acting like his old self and we went for a short walk last night, away from houses and potential loose dog threats, without any issues. I think he would have run had I let him but the vet said to keep him calm while he recovers. Though he has pain meds I am not giving them to him today. He doesn’t need them so why give unnecessary medication? The only pain he seems to have is bruising around the puncture wounds. If they get bumped he will whine and flinch in pain. I can only imagine how sensitive the area is. I got one small wound between my fingers when the attack occurred and it is really sore so if it is like that then it must really hurt when touched.
Dream: Another Contract?
The dream began inside a room. It was like a bedroom but way larger. I was watching over this pregnant woman (potential for growth) who was laying in bed. She was in early labor. All I recall of her is her large belly covered in a baby blue night gown.
I recall attempting to sit at a desk (work decisions) and the middle falling out. My thoughts were that my husband was suppose to fix it. I was somewhat annoyed but accepting at the same time. It was not unlike him to leave things incomplete.
I decided to tidy up and picked up some sleeping bags (have to leave my comfort zone) from off the floor, folded them and placed them under the bed the broken desk was up against. I recall the sleeping bags were brightly colored. One was bright pink.
The next thing I recall is hearing lots of commotion. I said something to someone about it and went to investigate. I ended up inside a large temple (place of contemplation and peace) with vaulted ceilings. A crowd of people were standing around the pulpit. Their hands were in the air and they moved as one. It reminded me of Tai Chi except they were breathing loudly and making loud noises. When I think of it now I am reminded of the OA and their movements and noises.
I said something like, “Why not?” and joined in, moving my body like they were, but I didn’t do this for long. Most of the crowd departed through double doors on the right. A few lingered and so did I. I remember talking to someone about the religion, which felt quite Muslim-like, saying, “This isn’t too bad.”
I turned around and see a very large lake (emotion, subconscious) where the floor of the temple once was. It was huge, rectangular shaped and very obviously man-made. Strangely, there was this mannequin-like man (blocked in life, unable to move) who was walking (moving through a blockage in life) around in a daze. I say mannequin-like because he was naked but had no sexual organs or body hair and his skin shimmered as if made of plastic. He moved stiffly as someone told him to jump into the lake. When I looked at the lake it was bone dry with thick, insulated wires stretching across it. When the mannequin jumped in the water returned and he was fished out with some of the wires.
What was curious about the lake was that it was only about two feet deep. I knew it filled up and emptied frequently based upon what the people in the temple were doing.
I sat seeming to wait for something and watching people mull about. The energy of the room was busy but I don’t remember seeing very many people.
Then some mail (message being received) was thrown in my lap and heard, “These are for you”. One piece was a small package. The others were regular white envelopes. Receiving the mail surprised me and I turned to see who was delivering them. I saw a man with dark brown hair and a full beard. He was familiar.
The man stayed with me and helped me fill out a form. I don’t remember what the form was all about but I recall that I had to initial many lines in a row. He was instructing me on how to do this, saying that two particular areas had to be done different. He picked up some scraps of paper and told me I had to cut and paste my initials. I thought this was odd and asked, “Where do I get glue?” Turns out the paper was sticky (something will “stick”) notes. I had to peel several layers off though and worried briefly it would not work, but it did.
I signed my initials onto the sticky paper and then stuck it to the large paper. I then saw many rows of blanks that I initialed. When I looked closer my initials shifted to the word “YES”. I saw at least six yes’s for six columns.
The whole time I was initialing I was looking at this man who was helping me. He had strange, gray scabs all up and down the right side of his body. I could see them peaking through his hair and beard. I wondered if he was okay. Did he have psoriasis? Eczema? Yet at the same time I felt attracted to this man and was curious about him. He seemed very kind and thoughtful. I knew he was a good man.
Then a small boy, a toddler, walked up to the man. I knew the toddler was the man’s child but wondered how he had a child at his age (he seemed to be 50+ years old at least). Somehow I knew he had an ex and the child was the result of their short-lived relationship. Part of me was disappointed when I saw the child but that didn’t last because the man made it very clear he was not in a relationship with the child’s mother.
I saw the man had a reddish rash on his leg around this time and I knew he had wounds. For some reason this translated in my dream mind as spiritual wounds and I had great interest in helping him.
Considerations
When I woke I recalled having a dream with this man in it not long ago. Was this the same man? Was I signing a contract with him? It sure seemed like it in the dream. My first thought was, “Uh oh.” It’s not the first time I’ve signed a contract in my dreams.
I meet so many people in my dreams and have all kinds of experiences so I can’t say that this dream is special or significant. My theory is that dreams are a reflection of our lives and other lives/bodies/experiences. We can get glimpses of what is going on behind-the-scenes if we know what to look for. I don’t believe in fate or destiny. I think we create our lives as we live them. Therefore, our dreams can show us the plans we are making for this life – and other lives we are living simultaneously.
So it is possible that someone is attempting to help me and that I am agreeing to that help. It could be assistance on a purely spiritual level or it could involve the physical as well. It is hard to say until it actually manifests. I will say I felt more optimistic when I awoke. I will take whatever help I can get.
It has been a rough week or so for me. One of those weeks when everything seems to snowball. Maybe the energy was primed for such a week. Who knows. All I know is that I am glad for it to be (seemingly) over.
First off, I’ve been extremely fatigued. I am still not sure if it is a lingering mystery illness, stress, hormones, or some vitamin deficiency. The heart racing episode I had over a week ago seems to have been the starting point (you can read about it here). Mornings tend to be the worst but are gradually getting better. The drugged feeling was similar to how I felt after my c-section surgery in 2014. Back then it was anemia that was the culprit. The tiredness got so severe that I felt like I did when I went to Hawaii earlier this year – like really bad jet lag.
My response to the fatigue has been to take a week off from working out and just listen to my body. I also started taking B vitamins and iron supplements just in case I am slightly anemic.
I’ve also been extremely depressed, emotional, and full of anxiety and worry. When I tune into the anxiety I usually end up crying. There is pit of emotion that seems to be the source of the anxiety along with that empty feeling I’ve had all my life. The emptiness seems to have no end. I think I have been descending into it slowly for a while now.
With all my own personal stuff, there has been chaos in the physical. First, my youngest had a mysterious illness that lasted almost a week. He got a bad headache and fever as well as fatigue to the point that he would sleep most of the day. He would cry about the headache, I would give him medicine, he would sleep and then the cycle would repeat. It scared me that it lasted so long and I was a bundle of worry the whole time. Eventually, his fever broke and then he had diarrhea for a little while.
Of course, my husband was out of town the entire time my son was sick. 😦
To top it all off, Saturday my dog Monty was brutally attacked by a Boxer mix on our morning walk. The dog got out of the house by mistake, saw Monty, and went immediately into kill mode. He latched onto the top of Monty’s neck and would not let go. The owners were there but could not get their dog to release Monty. They were yelling and screaming, hands on their dog’s head and in his mouth as I watched helpless and Monty yelped and tried unsuccessfully to get to his attacker. Eventually, about 3 minutes later and after the owner asked an onlooker to get a garden hose, the dog released Monty.
One of the owners asked me to take her name and number. I happened to have my phone with me. I never bring it but did that morning. She typed in her info, hands shaking and covered in blood. I walked Monty home and then called my husband for help. He was working and could not come help me and I began to cry from the overwhelm. He called the owner and got her to come over and drive me and Monty to an emergency vet. She stayed with me for three hours and paid the bill when we left.
Monty had several puncture wounds in his neck but was otherwise okay. He came home with pain meds and antibiotics. Today. two days later, he is doing much better, but the day after he barely moved and had me quite worried.
Monty at the vet after they shaved him and treated his wounds.
Yesterday, hit with morning fatigue and feeling weak, I ended up in panic mode having to talk myself through a sense of impending doom. Thankfully it worked and by late afternoon, after a trip for a manicure-pedicure and some me-time, I felt much better.
On the drive home, after seeing an unexpected rainbow on a sunny day, the memory of the heart bliss came to me. As I began to accept the amazing feeling, it felt to be a message of hope. The feeling and memory returned later that evening. Rather than the feeling coming from just one guide it felt to be coming from many. Once acknowledged the feeling faded but it helped and that is what matters most.
Dream – Plane Tickets
Sleep came easily and my dreams were memorable.
In this dream, I was told that my youngest was selected for an all-expenses paid trip to what looked in my mind like Africa (going home or to your “roots”) but it was an island. This was the location of First Contact and the entire nation was focused on the event. My son could be accompanied by two adults and for some odd reason I gave the tickets to my BIL and SIL. It was only later that I discovered the trip would last two months and I regretted giving away my ticket then. I remember saying, “No one told me he would be gone that long!”
At one point I was able to convince the government to give me and my husband tickets as well. There was an entire portion of the dream where I received an email with passport number and clearance. Then, I recall getting to the plane (moving into different state of being) right as it was about to take off. The plane was one of those huge ones with a big door on the back. The door was closed and they were not going to let us on but at the last minute they did. Inside were many more people than just my family.
When we arrived I was sent to a house with some of my family. I don’t recall too much here except that they had been there a while and not taken out the trash. I bundled up the trash bags (something needs to be taken care of, removed) and moved them into a corner below a broken shelf.
We got into a government vehicle and went to another house where my husband was staying. I recall driving by a very nice house that a family acquaintance was put in. I remember wondering why it was he got to live alone.
When we got to the other house it was in a cul-de-sac (resistance to change) and an armed guard was standing near the entrance. The last thing I recall is driving out and thinking it odd a guard was there. Then there was shift into the next dream.
Dream – Island of Healing
The cul-de-sac disappeared and I found myself alone standing on a road on an island (solitude, self-reliance). Tall, green grass (healing) was on either side of me and I could see the water in the far distance. The road was two lane and smooth. I walked with my dog, Monty, along the road for some time, up and down rolling hills, taking in the spectacular views. I remember feeling relieved of all worry and concern. It was a wonderful feeling!
It felt like I was alone on the island but it didn’t bother me one bit. I was just taking a casual stroll on a remote island somewhere. Monty was running ahead of me. I could see the wounds from the dog attack vividly but he did not act wounded.
Monty saw something and began barking and running toward it. As I focused in on it I realized it was a horse (freedom) or pony. I ran after him, concerned, but the horse ignored him and continued to walk wherever it was going.
When I got to Monty he was sniffing the horse’s hoof and growling suspiciously at it. I saw someone approaching and apologized saying he was just being protective and was likely a bit scared after the dog attack he endured recently. The man came closer and smiled. He was very black and tall and I got the sense got from him was that he was part of an island tribe. It felt like Australia to me for some reason but again it looked a lot like Africa. I am not sure where I was.
The man asked me what I thought of the place. That is when I noticed a huge bookcase (knowledge/understanding) in front of me. It was very out of place considering we were outside in the middle of nowhere on an island. Yet there it was. A bookcase full of books and other odds and ends. I recall seeing three rows of encyclopedias on the top shelves and other items in the center shelves. I remember touching one of the items. It was a figurine made of a smooth, black substance like coral. I responded that I hoped he didn’t mind me being there looking through his things. He told me I was welcome and motioned to someone standing on the other side of me. I turned to my left and a tall, very dark black woman was standing there. She also appeared tribal to me. She asked me, “What do you think?” I remember telling her, “I want to stay here forever.”
The two tribes people took me to another individual who resembled the character, William, on the show This is Us that I have been watching lately. He was seated and being asked questions. The first question he was asked was, “Are you prepared?” He answered, “Yes.” Then he was asked, “Who prepared you?” He replied after a brief pause, “God.”
Suddenly, I became quite lucid. I recognized the man from the show, knew I was dreaming and that the questions being asked of him were also being asked of me. I remember being asked, “Are you prepared?” I answered, “Yes”. Then I was asked, “Who prepared you?” I answered, “I did.” Then a third question was asked, “What did you prepare for?” I answered, “Life and death.”
As I answered these questions I felt/saw/sensed my heart chakra. What is odd here is that the chakra was being held by many hands. The hands were pulling the heart open. There were so many hands. They were touching one another, each with a firm grip on the edges of my heart. The hands and the edges were golden in color and light was in the center. The light expanded as the hands pulled on the heart, opening it wider and wider.
Living from the Heart
I woke up feeling loved and cared for. I did not want to leave that place.
A voice, one of the Many surrounding me, spoke with me for a while. I was asked, “What do you want?” I asked to go Home. I was asked why and I explained and felt understood. I recognized the dream message. I knew I was prepared but I still did not wish to continue. I feel tired and worn out.
A discussion about expectation ensued after that. I realized that the reason I felt so at peace in that island place was because everyone there accepted me just as I am. There was no expectation imposed upon me. I was perfect and accepted. But here, in this harsh world, I feel everyone’s expectations of me all the time. No one accepts me as I am. They want something from me and if I can’t give it they try to force it and/or they reject me. I know I do the same and we discussed how I can change that. It has to do with living from the heart but I could not see how it was possible. I remember hearing, “We will show you.”
I saw how the first dream reflected how I put what others wants before my own. Rather than go with my son on the trip I sent his aunt and uncle because I knew they would want it. I tend to try and be what others want of me and feel loss if I fail to accomplish this.
Dream and Message
I fell back to sleep and into a semi-lucid dream. I was with a group inside a place of learning. We were in the corner of a large gymnasium-type room. Books and backpacks were nearby. I recall seeing people I have known in this life. One woman recently met and fell in love and I saw her walk away with her partner, smiling. I remember judging her, though, because of her obesity and thinking it “gross” for her to be sexual. I was immediately ashamed for thinking that and quickly replaced the judgement with acceptance.
Class was let out and I left along with many others. A cheer leading (encouragement, motivation) class was coming in and I watched as they practiced. I then realized I had left my shoes (life direction) and went back inside to look for them. I walked back to the corner and saw several different pairs of shoes. Some were small, like children’s shoes, others looked to be from other cultures with curled up toes and made of leather. I found my shoes on a stool. They were brown leather slip-on shoes similar to penny loafers (comfort in work). I picked them and up and as I was leaving a group began to talk to me about music.
I sat with them, joking around a while about different songs from long ago. I remember telling them how I never could keep up with my friends and their ability to remember artist, song, and album names. I said, “I was lucky if I could recall any of that!” A guy there laughed and I remember feeling a connection to him and thinking, “We are the same.” He mentioned a song and I remember saying, “Isn’t that by Mike and the Mechanics?” Then everyone laughed meaning I was probably very wrong (lol). Note: I had to look up that band when I woke because I had no idea what songs they are famous for.
I ended up hanging out with the group but we made so much noise that the cheer leading class was getting annoyed with us.
The last thing I recall is sitting very closely behind the guy who I had been laughing with. He turned over his right shoulder and kissed me. I returned the kiss and could feel it very physically. It was nice but before I allowed myself to really enjoy it I pulled away and said to him, “I can’t.” He said to me, “But you want to.” And I replied, “Yes, I do.”
My lucidity caused me to wake up but not before the man gave me a name and a message. He said, “Patrick Flowers” and sent a song message. The words were, “You will love again” but the melody was to Michael Jackson’s song, You Are Not Alone. I also remember writing down his name and what I think was a date of 8-31. The information woke me completely, though, and I lost the date information, but not the name.
Considerations
The dreams from last night do not surprise me. Prior to bed I had been thinking of the heart bliss and wishing I could feel it all the time. I miss it! My guidance told me that I could and I felt it was impossible. They said, “We will show you how.” I didn’t really expect to have such vivid dreams, especially the part where I saw my heart being opened by so many hands! Sadly, my heart doesn’t feel any more open today than yesterday. 😦
I’m definitely going through a rough period in my life. Too many losses and I am not doing anything really right now that I enjoy. With the weird tiredness, heart speed-ups and panic attacks I have even stopped exercising, which was one of the only things that made me feel good (but not joyful). I recognize that it may mean that I need to slow way down and do some inner work and healing. I can’t say I am very good at listening. Probably why my body is starting to make me listen. Nothing like scary heart speed-ups and panic attacks to scare a person into listening.
If I had to put how I feel in one word I will have to steal from an episode of This is Us that I watched last night. Mandy Moore’s character was telling her husband that she had no life and described herself as a “Ghost”. That is how I feel and I completely relate.
To end, the results of my search of Mike + the Mechanics.
It has been an interesting week thus far. Working from home without my kids to distract me has been nice and quiet. Any down time I have has left me free to get chores done, which is nice. It has also allowed me to brainstorm a bit about possible changes I can make.
I researched QHHT, which I have done in the past, and played with the idea of booking a session. In the end, though, I realized that I have an expectation that would likely be unmet. I want to be told what to do, or at least remember some specifics about my life path to guide me toward making the right decision. This, I know intuitively will not be provided. QHHT is likely only to provide what I am capable doing on my own and have done previously. That which we most want answers for is usually something we have to figure out on our own because those things are the very lessons we came here to learn.
My struggle is, and always has been, figuring out what I want to do with the time I have left in this body. I end up filling my time with random things to keep me occupied and pass the time but it doesn’t fulfill me.
This morning I had a thought that next year, 2020, would mark the end of a phase for me. It feels like my quest for spiritual knowledge will be over, like all my spiritually profound experiences will stop. In considering this I thought about what that might look/feel like. My best guess is that things will return to how it was prior to my first spiritual awakening way back in 2002. To consider that makes me sad because I was completely lost, depressed and unfulfilled back then.
It could be that though a phase will end a new, better one will begin. It is hard to imagine, though, because I haven’t been there. It remains unknown. My tendency is pessimism. The worst possible outcome is easier to anticipate and less of a disappointment.
There continues to be a feeling that I am keeping a part of myself down. Suppressing it/her because she is destructive and harmful.
Dream: Flat Eggshells
In the dream I remember searching for a woman (aspect of Self). I knew she would be in a special home, like a retirement home or a place for special needs people. The woman was not old nor did she have a disability. I am not sure exactly what her special need was but she could not care for herself, so maybe it was mental. I vaguely recall that she may have had issues with memory.
When I went to the retirement home I asked the residents if they had seen the woman. What was odd is that all the residents there were tucked into vertical pouches (protection, healing) that were hung from the ceiling in pairs. The pouches completely covered them to where only their head and shoulders were visible. They weren’t restrained but instead seemed to be comfortable all snug inside their pouches. I vaguely recall IV tubing (healing) leading from the people in the pouches to the ceiling.
I asked a resident if she had seen my friend. The woman, happy inside her pouch and swaying back and forth in it, said I should look elsewhere. She mentioned a woman who cared for people like my friend and told me where to look.
Somehow I ended up in the country visiting a quaint little house. I spoke with an older woman and she showed me around as she spoke to me about my friend. It seems my friend was there and being cared for but I never saw her. Instead, I remember a small cluster of brown chickens (cowardice) that were different from regular chickens. I want to say they were reject chickens and what I remember of them was that they stumbled around as if drunk (avoidance of something). One of the chickens, a rooster (complacency, need to face fears) I think, made a lot of noise and the woman showed me that he had produced some eggs (change, creativity) but the eggs were not eggs but a pile of flat, cream colored sheets of something. My thought was they were flat eggshells (comfort zone, fragility). The woman asked me to taste one. She handed it to me and it broke easily and had the feel and texture of chocolate. Even the taste was like white chocolate (not feeling valued). I spit it out, though, a bit grossed out that I was eating something that came out of a rooster’s butt.
Dream: Clearing My Throat
There was another short dream where I was in a school-like setting. My first memory is being in a bathroom. I kept coughing (something is keeping me from expressing myself), trying to dislodge something in my throat, but the cough never helped and the feeling persisted.
The bathroom (cleansing, renewal) counter was cluttered (lots to sort through). I recall looking for something but I can’t remember what. I think I was looking for a essential oil to help with my cough.
As I looked through the items, water (emotion) from the sink began to flood the counter. I grabbed a towel (attempting to wipe away feelings to make it like it never happened) and soaked it up but the sink kept spraying more water on it. I have a vivid memory of the water pooling in the corner and moving items around as I soaked it up with a white towel.
A woman came to help. The woman had in her hand a gun for giving shots (strength, protection). She was going to put the oil into the gun and shoot it into me but I don’t think she ever did. I mostly remember coughing and the sensation in my throat.
The last thing I remember is going into a large locker room (need time to recuperate). There were others with me. I think I became somewhat lucid here because the room was suddenly very vivid and I noticed how large and old the place was. I saw all the lockers (need for privacy, personal boundaries), the benches and the huge space and thought, “Why is it so big? It doesn’t need to be so big.” There were windows along the very top of the room and I remember thinking that a long time ago, like in the 1960s, the locker room was used by students and that many games were played, won and lost.
Flashes/Visions
I had a couple of flashes or visions. In one, I was going into the bathroom but there was an issue with an orange, tabby cat, so I would go in. In another I saw a huge wave of grayish water with lots of froth. I do not feel they were positive issues. The first seems to indicate an issue with the feminine. The second is a symbol of messy emotions.
Music Message
This song was on my mind. Specifically, “’til you can breathe on your own…”
It feels like this part of me that is being suppressed is the small self or maybe a wounded part of me, like the inner child. She is constantly there, under the surface, screaming, crying, sad, depressed. She is the one who, if I listen to her, creates a kind of chaos in my mind that makes me feel like I am about to go crazy. I honestly don’t know how to manage her except to continue to do what I have been. My worry, though, is that she will eventually come out and I will be unable to stop her.
I had a nice, quiet, lazy day alone yesterday followed by 10+ hours of sleep last night which was greatly needed. It’s not often I get a full day and night to recuperate and I took full advantage.
The previous night’s lucid dream message returned to my thoughts around bedtime. So I asked my guidance to help me pinpoint my “joy”. The dream was obvious in indicating there was a well lit path via my joy and I don’t want to waste anymore time getting on it. The answer was provided before I shut my eyes but I was in a bit of denial. This morning, not so much, but I understand why I have been delayed as there is a lot of change involved….and courage.
Very few things have brought me consistent joy in this life. The first that always comes to mind is singing. I love to sing! Yet I have not done much of it since getting married and having children. When I was younger I wanted to become a professional singer. That way I could make money doing what I loved. That path didn’t pan out, though. It was made clear time and time again that I wasn’t good enough to earn the kind of living I wanted. So I decided to keep my singing to myself and follow the path suggested by everyone close to me: teaching.
I did find teaching enjoyable and fulfilling at times, but not consistently.
Then I had my spiritual awakening and everything changed. Never had I felt so passionate about something, not even singing! But the timing was off. The world hadn’t awakened yet and once again I didn’t have what it took to earn the kind of living I wanted. So I gave up and once again took the logical, easier route – teaching.
And then teaching became a drudgery. It nearly destroyed me. So I quit and went another logical route – counseling. I made good money and had the stability and safety of a good job. But then that, too, did not fulfill me.
In the midst of a safe, stable counseling job I met the Kundalini and had yet another spiritual awakening. This one was – is – much more transformative than the first. And, like before, never have I experienced such joy…or passion.
So, prior to bed I recognized that of all the things I have done in this life, the only thing that consistently brings me joy is the spiritual and spiritual transformation via the Kundalini. Therefore, to follow my joy I need to explore the Kundalini more – go down that rabbit hole. I am not sure of the “how” yet, but I am working on precisely wording what it is I want the Universe to give me. When I have that perfected I will set the intention and see what it brings me.
Courage to change is not one of my strong points. I usually have to be forced to make difficult changes. I can’t say that won’t be the way it goes this time but hopefully I can avoid traumatic change and go the more gradual route.
Dream – Sleeping Bag
I was traveling down a country road with two girlfriends. We were searching for a new home. There was discussion along the way about how to go about maintaining the romantic three-way connection we had (refers to me and two others). I remember saying I felt uncomfortable with the idea and did not see it working out. At the time I had with me a sleeping bag (have to leave my comfort zone) that somehow ended up in a ditch (obstacle, feeling pressured, needing to get out of a bad situation) and was swept away by flood waters (high emotion).
We ended up camping (facing stress and pressure in life) in a nice spot. It was very green and had everything we needed (security, safety). I wanted to keep going because the spot was not what I had imagined our home to be like. I wanted mountains (spiritual journey) and there was none. The other two women were set, though, so we stayed.
Then we noticed a community of people already occupied the spot. It was a strange group which reminded me of the Amish. We encountered a group of the men trying to pull of a huge gourd vine full of mature gourds (abundance, prosperity). We watched them for a while and eventually revealed ourselves to them.
We were invited inside and I was shown a large green cloth. I realized straight away that it was my sleeping bag (have to leave my comfort zone). Inside the cloth was my folded up bag, completely dry!
For a while we all lived together and planted an impressive garden made of plants I have no name for. Everything flourished (personal and financial growth) but I was still searching for my ideal home. I told my girlfriends I was leaving.
I ended up outside a hotel (paradigm shift) in Georgia with a man who I knew to be my husband. I was thirsty so went to buy some soda. Two men came out of the hotel. One told me the machine was broken but offered to buy me two sodas (options). The other man stood to my left and just behind me. I got a creepy feeling from him, like he wanted to have sex with me, but he kept his distance.
I was given the sodas and asked for money to pay for them. I handed the man a $20 bill. He gave me back $10 and told me I could get the rest if I opened a checking account (investment needed) with them. I remember thinking I had just been scammed and considered just taking the loss.
I began to talk to the other guy about Virginia and Georgia. I told him I use to dream of meeting the man of my dreams who I called – my Virginia man. lol I also told him the same about a man in Georgia. I mentioned the man in Virginia was like Nicolas Cage but now that he was older he was like an old Nicolas Cage and not very attractive. I couldn’t recall who the man in Georgia looked like.
The last thing I remember is looking over and seeing the man who I knew to be my husband sitting on a black mat with several dumbbells (feelings of guilt or burden) around him. He looked to be counting them.
Dream – Showing Myself
This dream was almost lucid but I was so tired I never fully recognized I was dreaming.
It began outside my mom’s house. I was with some others – family I guess – and had a box in my hand. Somehow I realized I could float around on the box. The first time I went up quite high and told someone (probably my guide) to keep me closer to the ground. I then showed the others what I could do.
There was this small jet plane (feeling threatened), about six feet wide, that was coming in to attack my family. I remember it was blue and white and looked like something from the US military. I got on my box (it resembled a yoga block) and flew around hiding behind trees.
From up high I noticed someone up by the fence and flew up to him. He was dressed in military camo. I saw a group of cows (docile, need to belong) milling about in the road. I said, “Looks like someone’s cows got out.” The man nodded, not even noticing I was floating.
As I turned to leave I was once again on the ground. I tried to lift off and fell on my face. I walked with my mom and began to hop until I was once again able to fly. Suddenly fearless, I decided I wasn’t going to hide from the military and turned back toward the road which was now full of infantry men and women trying to round up the cows. I flew over them and they looked up. I felt triumphant.
Considerations
The first dream seems to be a typical dream where I am sorting through thoughts and feelings. The second dream is a usual lucid/OBE type dream where I am practicing doing something that in real life I struggle with. In this case it is confronting my fears despite repeatedly “falling down” (failure). There is fear of being seen coming up in the dream and a fear of being “caged” per the cows getting out.
It seems like fear in general is something I am working through. I’ve had a blockage in my solar plexus for quite some time and this is exactly where fear resides. The Kundalini has been forcing this fear to the surface. The worry and anxiety attacks are just a portion of how it manifests. Avoidance is another.
This week is hectic. The kids go back to school tomorrow. My youngest starts Kindergarten and my oldest goes into 6th grade. So, of course, I am worrying about my youngest. Will he do okay? Will he behave? Will he get along with the other kids? How will he manage an all-day school schedule?
My oldest is worrying on her own. I took her to a 6th grade camp to get oriented to her new school and classmates and she cried on the way from all her anxiety. I suspect the first day of school will be similar.
On top of all the back to school activity, my husband returned from almost a month away on business. It is always an adjustment when he returns. My youngest became the worse version of himself as a result. He is my little fiery double Aries and boy can he ever throw a tantrum! Then he can keep it up for an hour straight. Ugh! He is better today, thankfully!
My personal schedule is busy as well. I have three appointments this week. Don’t worry, nothing is wrong, The main thing I am addressing is maintaining my leg vein health. After removing a vein in my right leg in 2015 because it was not functioning properly, I try to do yearly maintenance on my legs because my body continues to make extra ugly veins to make up for the lost one. Overall I have great genetics except for the vein part. Sigh.
Dream: Back to School Message
I recall going into a large, church-type building with rows of desks filled with students in uniform. I selected a seat on the right side of the room up against the wall and sat down. A young handicapped boy with light hair rolled in. When our eyes met we both lit up. I remember feeling extremely happy to see him.When he saw me he rose up out of his chair and limped over to me as if floating. Knowing he could not walk yet was doing so for me was impressive. I knew it was his gift to me. We embraced and he sat down in a seat in front of me. I snuggled up into his embrace and just sat there with him. The feeling he gave me was wonderful, like waves of calm and peace. Safe. There was no other place I would rather be than in his arms. All interest in other things vanished – school included – and my whole focus shifted to being with him.
That is when we noticed something unusual. On the other side of the church I could see a peacock (love, immortality, soul, peace). The young man with me pointed him out and said how he loved them. The peacock was running, its beautiful tail very obvious and impressive. The young man said, “I love the double ones” and I imagined a peacock with a double tail thinking that it must be rare.
I remember either telling him about or having memories of when I was younger and raised peacocks.
Then there was a commotion to the left and I saw a line of baby peafowl with their mother. They were all drab brown walking in a line. Some were fighting over a scrap of food. Then it was as if they were being hunted by dogs and I was worried for them. The last thing I saw was what looked like a pack of wild dogs devouring a carcass but the carcass looked like it was a dog, too!
The next thing I know I am returning to class but I forgot my backpack. I am late and have to sit in a different location. I can see my young male friend in his normal place. I wave at him and feel sad because we can’t be together. I am sitting next to girls I do not know and feel uncomfortable.
The teacher gives us our assignment only I haven’t been listening. I go back into the story we just read to find the answer. I recall the answer included compare and contrast of two children. The first came from a family who always paid their bills way in advance and had insurance for their five kids. Yet they were very poor. The other family was the opposite and always in debt. I knew my young male friend was from the former family type as was I.
As I was finishing up my assignment the teacher came around and took my pen before I could put my name on it.
Then I was watching myself from a distance. I saw myself as a young girl, maybe 10 years old. I would stare off into space often and the feelings I had were of worry and anxiety over what might happen. I was always on edge. I didn’t feel like the other kids and had few if any friends. The me observing this scene felt sad. It was strange to watch myself from outside myself. Did I really look like that? Was I the daydreaming kid, always staring out the window, always the outsider? Yep.
Message
As the dream came to an end I was left with what I was being shown. I knew it was a message. I recognized the feeling I had with my young partner – Home. When he was with me I was Whole and needed nothing. All interest in learning ceased. When he was gone I felt incomplete, scared and anxious. My rock and foundation was gone and I was forced to learn to stand on my own.
When I woke the same song was going through my head as the other day:
The parts of the song repeating were:
“I’ll say I told you so but you just gonna cry. You just wanna know those peanut butter vibes.”
“I can’t take this place, no I can’t take this place. I just wanna go where I can get some space.”
And with all this I heard from my guidance, “Remember.” I knew this meant I needed to remember what I was shown the last time I merged with my Higher Self. What did I remember? That I am exactly where I am suppose to be. This life is just a journey, one that is over in a blink of an eye despite it feeling much, much, much longer than that. When the journey is over I will return Home to my family, hopefully lessons learned.
The dream and lesson itself is quite humbling. The feeling the young man gave me is familiar. When I have felt it in this life I recognized that all I wanted to do was stay in it. At the same time I felt that if I did stay in/with it, that my life would be over because I would cease to learn the lessons I came here to learn. The point is that I have to stand on my own two feet, learn to be Whole on my own.
Strange morning. Prior to sleep, during my meditation, I asked to merge with my Higher Self. This came out of the blue and was not my original intention but I stuck with it. It felt right. I figured my HS might be able to give me some answers.
Dream: Becoming Lucid
I was in a small room in bed (wanting to make a change but feeling something is stopping me). A young woman and her friend were getting ready to go workout at the gym. I recall telling them about the new gym (message to take care of myself) arrangement and a visual of a small gym space, like a home gym, came to mind. The floors were black rubber and all the equipment was moved to one end leaving a large open space. I remember saying the arrangement was better. I told them I would join them soon but I was going to go for a 10 minute run first. But I didn’t get out of bed. I felt drowsy and sluggish.
Then it seemed like the room was a bathroom (healing, release). My friends were outside the door calling for me. I told them I was using the bathroom but then looked at the toilet and the top of it was flush with the floor. It looked like someone had pushed it down to create a squat toilet. I mentioned it and a woman popped her head in the door and laughed saying I would have to squat. I said, “I guess I will have to squat then”. Then a man also peeked in and I knew the two were coworkers – both doctors in training. A flash of a previous dream where I was an intern with them came to mind and I recognized how I knew them.
The scene shifted and I was watching a man walking up spiral stairs carrying a load of tree branches (period of dormancy). A woman was telling him to be careful. The scene around was a busy city street and the man seemed to be coming from underground up through a circular hole similar to a well.
Then I saw a man walking around without a top on and wearing a long, flowing skirt. At the same time it felt like me. Then I was in the body. I saw myself as female. The cars driving past were honking and I was trying to cover myself with a white, button up shirt as fast as I could. Then I looked down at my lower half and thought, “A man wearing a skirt. Hmmmm.”
The wrongness brought about some lucidity and I became aware that I was having a conversation in the background of the dream. I recall the details of the conversation but won’t share it at this time as it is private. The memory I have of where I was during this conversation is of total darkness. There were also visuals that went along with the conversation, like I was watching a movie.
The topic brought on full lucidity and I began to ask aloud where someone was. I began to search. I entered a place that looked to be from a cartoon. Everything was drawn and in vivid color. There was a white van (heavy workload, progress in life) and I flew around it investigating while still looking for someone.
Then I was flying down a path with trees on either side. Ahead it looked like a tunnel and the colors faded into black the farther I traveled. I was still looking for someone but at this point realized I could sense my sleeping body.
OBE: Select
I temporarily shifted to my body as soon I made the decision to go OOB. Then I was in total darkness. I could sense my bedroom and bed. The transition OOB was flawless and I began to move down stairs. There was absolutely no strange, heavy energy and I struggled to believe I was in an OBE. I couldn’t see and was saying aloud, “My kids can’t see me” because I was worried they would interfere. My old dog, Trooper, was running beside me whining excitedly.
When I got downstairs, Trooper ran to the door and I began to see with clarity but only with my left eye (feminine side). I saw him waiting at the door. I opened it and found another, larger, white door (portal) behind it. The door opened, Trooper ran out happily, and I followed.
Outside it was not my front yard. Instead it was an entire town with rows of buildings and a long city street. I could see Trooper in the distance and I flew to catch up but encountered many bare tree branches (period of dormancy). I flew through and above them, grabbing onto the tops of the trees to keep from going up too far. As I flew, I looked at the city streets below me. I could see many people walking along the streets. Some looked up at me, but they looked strange. The ones I remember were bald, wearing black suits and had pale white skin. I also think they had on black sunglasses but it was overcast.
My intention was to follow Trooper but I remembered too much, it felt too real, and my awareness was increasing quickly. Before I knew it was I was sucked back toward my sleeping body but the experience did not end. Instead the scene shifted and I was looking inside an open refrigerator (cold, no change). The conversation from before resumed and I saw a hand reach into the fridge and pull out a bottle of Ranch dressing (improvement upon something). I tried to read the label and heard a man say, “Select.”
I came back to my body slowly after that. It felt like I floated in and out of my body for a time. There was a nice, heavy, comforting feeling about it so I lingered in that feeling for a while.
When I woke a song was going through my head. These lyrics specifically: “I’d say I told you so but you just wanna cry. You just wanna know those peanut butter vibes.”
Considerations
The overall feeling of the dream and OBE is that I am in a period of dormancy and renewal. As a season, I would be in Winter, so no new growth is going on. Instead I am resting or hibernating. The message at the end seems to indicate a decision needs to be made in order to improve my life conditions.
As far as merging with my Higher Self, I don’t feel like that happened, at least not in the way I wanted it to.
For over a week now I’ve gotten into a nightly routine that starts around 8:30pm and goes until bedtime. It begins with a yoga routine I created to open my hips. The yoga lasts anywhere from 15-20+ minutes usually, depending on how tight my hips are. After that, I settled down between pillows in my bed and tune into a nightly bedtime meditation or two. Usually I spend about 20-30 minutes meditating. I have been trying out different types and have found the one that works best for me is the deep breathing meditation. When I do that meditation I often end up going pretty deep and struggle to stay with the guidance of the mediation because I get caught up in dream imagery and conversations.
Last night I did a Yoga Nidra mediation. Honestly, I didn’t like focusing on body parts so much and skipped through to the part about setting intention. The meditation asked that I just feel what my intention was and the first thing that came to mind was being free from the body, but I made sure my intention was that I wanted this to be permanent. Based upon that intention one would expect I would end up OOB but that is not at all what happened.
Dream Conversation
I remember having a conversation with someone in a dream but I can’t recall who it was with or too many of the specifics now. I do remember many different songs were going through my head, which of course I can’t remember now either. It was like the back and forth between us was in songs.
The main topic of conversation was that he (a guide I guess) was trying to convince me to not give up. He told me to leave the past in the past and look forward. My response was very depressed and pessimistic. I remember the songs I chose to respond with were about giving up. The songs he chose were about possibility and change. I wish I could remember the songs now!
Kundalini Dream – Mystery Man
The next thing I remember is being in an office-type setting in a church (spiritual connection). A woman was talking to me about the amount of time it would take for various types of communication to make it from Austin to Dallas – letters, emails, faxes and wires. I remember thinking it would take one to two days depending on the type of communication sent. I consulted with another lady in the office and she said, “Everything will get there instantly except for letters, those will take two days.”
I remember that the woman who initially asked the question had moved to Dallas recently because her husband had just died. This woman was pretty with blonde hair and a slim frame. She and her husband had been in an argument and he accidentally died. When I received this information I thought, “How convenient. She probably isn’t very upset.”
Then I was inside a dark office (too much on my mind) waiting – for what I don’t know. There was a huge computer monitor on the wall. While waiting I was still thinking of the question about communication time as I looked around at the desk and messed with the computer. I knocked over a cup full of highlighters (something being highlighted). There were more than I could count and many of them were cut in half revealing hollow, yellow tubes. There were also crayons mixed in. I grabbed handfuls and tried to put them back into the cup but the cup was cut in half (there is more work to do) as well. So I piled them all together at the back of the desk.
I accidentally clicked the mouse and a movie began to play. The sound was really loud and I could not figure out how to turn it down. When I tried to close the computer window a question came up on a blue screen with a large back arrow. I clicked it, thinking it would get me off the screen but it just played another movie really loudly. In an attempt to shut the noise off I disconnected the speaker. The sound stopped and I was relieved. Then I went to close the screen and another movie started playing and I could hear it. This surprised me and I went looking for the plug to the entire system.
That is when a man entered the room. He was hard to see but appeared to be wearing a very large coat (protection) or blankets (comfort). His head was either covered or he was very hairy. When he entered I knew to go with him.
Jeep Wagoneer
The man took me to an SUV that looked like an old Jeep Wagoneer. He communicated to me through his energy. I knew to get inside. I didn’t question it and got into the passenger seat. He climbed in and began to drive. I remember saying I had left something behind and needed to get it. When he heard this he put the car into reverse and began to drive in reverse very fast toward what looked like a gas (rest, refuel) station. He stopped suddenly as if in hurry. I readied myself to get out of the car and get what I left and he sent a telepathic message for me to stay and he would get it. I said, “You don’t have to…” and motioned to him to stay. He responded by sending an intense energy that hit me full force in the chest. The energy communicated something to me but it is hard to describe. I sat down and let him go.
There is a hazy memory of again having a discussion but it was as if I was in a trance or something. The next thing I remember is thinking, “He’s been in there a long time. I should see what’s going on.”
I got out of the car and went into the house (or gas station but it looked like a house). It was dark inside. I recall seeing a ceiling fan (indicates I feel safe/secure) in the center of the ceiling slowly rotating. A black dog (protection) was curled up by the entrance. He just looked up at me and went back to sleeping. I walked into the dark living room to the sofa. I could see someone there and knew it was the man. I went up and found him covered in a pile of blankets (protection, comfort). I leaned down to inquire what was going on and I saw his face was also covered either in blankets or a thick beard, I don’t know which. The man sent another blast of energy to my heart and I leaned closer. He said, “I love you” and then kissed me passionately on the lips. I could feel every detail of the kiss and I fell into it as my heart exploded in bliss and energy shot down into my root and moved upward, lighting my body on fire with bliss. The energy communicated so much to me. It was like I knew everything about him and his intentions within a millisecond. I remember responding by mentally saying, “Make love to me.” The images and thoughts in my mind were that I wanted to make as many babies as I could with him. lol
The intensity of the energy and my emotional response to it woke me up. The energy lingered for a while and I sat stunned by what had just happened. A song was going through my head. It was one of the songs I had used to communicate how I was feeling to the man. The part that was repeating was, “It’s too cold outside for angels to fly.” Maybe that is why there were so many blankets in my dream…..
Question
Of course, I couldn’t go back to sleep once I awoke. 🙂 The energy was swirling around for quite a while after. Sometimes it would shoot up one side and then the other side of my body, covering me in amazing, tingly energy as if I was being touched or hugged by it.
As the energy faded in and out I wondered about the man’s energy in the dream. It’s quality was unlike any I have encountered before. That’s when my guidance asked me, “How did it [his energy] make you feel?” But I struggled to answer the question. I couldn’t put it into words except to say, “I don’t know.” I was totally speechless and blown away at the time.
Now, hours later, all I can say is that when I felt his energy my immediate response was to completely surrendered to it to the point that all considerations that were my own melted away. All that was left was pure devotion and love. Yes, there was a magnetic quality there but it was not sexual. His energy was powerful – commanding even – but at the same time protective and gentle. And when he told me he loved me and a powerful shot of bliss hit my heart, my response was very out of character. I wanted to make love – make babies. lolol The experience of this was without question the oddest part of the entire dream encounter. All I can figure is that making babies = creation.
I wanted to create with him.
And just his mere presence in the dream caused me to follow him. There was no questioning, no resistance. He came, I followed. I could feel his energy as if it was speaking – no beckoning – to me. There is no denying what it said, though words don’t do it justice. It was like his energy triggered something in me – recognition maybe.
Who was the man? I have no clue. Most likely just a guide. He was hidden from me the whole time. He looked huge to me, though. His size was impressive as was his energy. It seemed like he had a beard but I don’t know. He was always covered in shadow and blankets. My best guess is he wanted me to know I was safe and protected, which is why I saw him this way.
Oddly, I woke to my monthly flow five days early. Yay. 😦 I guess it is not really that unusual. The K seems to “flow” with my monthly cycle. I am not feeling very well, though, so am taking it easy today.
Very dream-filled night. Not sure what is with the sudden increase in dream recall but at least I feel better today than yesterday.
Dream
I found myself inside a single-wide mobile home (unstable path). It was very obviously the home of a bachelor – sparse furniture, simple, and a bit messy. A thin, wiry guy with blonde, messy hair was with me. He looked in his 20’s and was a bit dirty; his clothes needed a good washing. I could see a small, 80’s style television (some past communication) in the background in the background that was on and some television show was playing.
The guy was very aloof and didn’t pay me much attention until he wanted something from me. The feeling from him was that he kept me around only for what I could do for him. My interest in him went beyond that, though. I did not feel love for him but I was seeking his attention, which he, of course, was not giving.
At one point I thought the guy wanted to get sexual because he sat on the floor, butt naked, legs spread and arms open as if inviting me into his embrace. As I moved forward he did something unexpected. He grabbed a bottle of lotion (success in difficult situations) and began to squirt huge amounts into his hands. He put the lotion all over himself, effectively covering his nakedness. Then he asked me to help him. He said, “Can you pop this for me?” He showed me a small pimple (worry over the trivial) on the inside of his thigh. It was gross and I said, “Eww.” Before I could answer he began to push on the thing and huge amounts of puss came out. I said, “Looks like you did it yourself.”
The next thing I remember is the man walking about the place and my attention going to the television where I saw The Beatles and another guy, some poet or philosopher, being interviewed by a TV host. The poet guy said something about the future that was very profound. Whoever he was, I recognized him and knew he would die and that was the last time he would be seen on TV.
Then another guest appeared on the show and I noticed that she was way older than I remembered her to be. She had red hair and her face had aged to the point that her nose was larger than usual and she had bags under her eyes. The song, “It Must Have Been Love” was being performed by her and I kept trying to figure out her name. I kept hearing/thinking, “Heart” but I don’t think that was meant as a name of a person but more of a message being passed on.
As I watched the woman on the TV I noticed one of her breasts was very large and misshapen. It looked like a huge tumor (repressed emotion emerging).
Then an intercom came on which could be heard inside the house. I said to the guy, “Can’t you disconnect that?” He said, “Why?” The intercom seemed to be coming from a mechanic shop across the way and had been installed by the guy’s father. I remember knowing the father had worked a Sears for $15/hr back when that pay was considered really good. I mentioned how sad it was that people couldn’t live off that kind of pay anymore. The guy grunted his agreement, half listening.
Then I was saying goodbye to the guy. We were standing real close. I was pressed up against him, head close to his chest. I remember kissing him and feeling a flush of energy as he returned my affection. Then I felt panic and thought, “I’m married! What am I doing?” And just as quickly I let that consideration go, deciding I didn’t care. An entire memory of how I got there came to me. It seems I told my mom I was going somewhere else and then went to be with this guy. There was no memory at all of a husband.
Then I left to go find my mom’s car (life path). Outside the trailer I stood on a dirt road. I began to walk toward where I believed the car was and watched the guy I had been with take a road on the right. I knew the roads met up in the same place.
Along the way I encountered a guy pushing a white pick-up truck (hard work) backwards down the road. He pushed it through a mound of dirt and it pushed the dirt as if it was a bulldozer. I said to the man, “Why don’t you just get in and drive?” The man did and drove the truck away.
As I approached parked cars I began to search for my mom’s red car. I pushed the key fob and heard a beeping. I followed the sound to the road that met up with the road the guy took. Hearing the sound I saw a red colored car and went toward it but it was not my mom’s. I turned toward a building and saw a pair of someone’s glasses (clarity needed) on the dirt road. I picked them up and said, “Did someone lose their glasses?” I saw men sitting in a waiting area but none were the owner.
Message
I woke briefly and then fell into the in-between where a mini-dream played out. I recall being taken to an old folk’s home – a rest home – to live out my last days. I was much younger than all the other residents but I didn’t care. I felt ready to be there. A man was with me and helped get me settled in. He said to me, “You’ll be leaving in 8 days but only if you’re strong enough.” It felt like I would be picked up and transported somewhere.
The message was audible enough that I became more lucid and questioned what the man meant by “strong enough”. I was shown an emoji. It was the puking emoji. The sight of it was funny and I thought, “I guess if I’m not sick I can go….”
Considerations
The dream and message seems to indicate that I am in a period of healing. The rest home is likely meant to indicate that I am needing rest.
My best guess about the dream with the blonde man is that I was looking at something from my past, an alternate reality, or being shown something about my character. The unusual part of it was that I was seeking the attention of this man and he was ignoring me, using me even, and I continued to have this feeling of needing his attention and approval. This is very unlike me. My first thought when considering my behavior is that I was seeking to know how it might feel to be treated that way; looking to gain understanding of another’s perspective.
I keep dreaming of my mom which I find interesting. It seems that I am looking to a more mature or wise version of myself for answers. Maybe my HS? In this dream I am looking for my mom’s car – life path/soul purpose – but I can’t find it. So maybe I feel out of touch with my true path and purpose. The lost glasses is likely me recognizing my inability to see or find clarity.
Living Life in Between 