Tag Archives: dream symbolism

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Dream: I Quit!

Slept amazingly well but woke in a depressed mood. My life felt suddenly very heavy and burdensome. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and sleep all day.

I tried to return to sleep but couldn’t. Instead, I fell into the in-between where I entered into a conversation with a male guide. He said to me, “Sometimes judgement is unavoidable. Who have you judged recently?” This prompted me to begin thinking about some things I said about someone. As is my style, I was very honest to the point of mean. This was my response to being disappointed and hurt. I recognized how I often lash out at the person who hurts me, focusing on all the negatives I can find to justify my decision to hurt them in return and disconnect. This I do to protect myself from future hurt but at the same time it often alienates me from people, especially people who are sensitives.

The dreams of the night came were memorable and likely the cause of my waking up in a depressed mood.

Dream: I Quit

This dream began with me cutting a long cord that spread across many desks or the tops of beds (can’t recall well enough which it was). The cord was actually made of several cords of different colors wound around each other and the entire thing was tied to several posts (desks, beds, who knows). I cut the ties and then began working on the main cord. There was worry the things the cord connected would all come crashing down, but they didn’t. Instead the cord went lax and fell limply to the ground. I remember the main colors of cord and ties to be red.

A woman approached and the scene transformed into a classroom (life lessons). I was standing at the back as she propped up what had fallen down – again it appeared to be desks (learning) but also headboards from beds (private/personal side).

The next thing I recall is entering a small room lined with desks and computers. People were coming in and sitting down and chatting. I began chatting with a few who I knew. They were teachers and so was I. The teachers were all returning from summer break and attending a meeting which is the norm each year for returning teachers.

I was especially cheerful because I knew I did not have to return to work. The feeling was as if I had unloaded a ton of bricks from my shoulders. The other teachers were asking me if I was coming back and I said cheerfully, “No. I quit!” There was discussion about my previous part-time job. Someone said, “You got paid more working part-time didn’t you?” I said, “Yes. Isn’t that awesome?”

As the room began to fill up I noticed a couple of teachers sitting toward the back. Someone I was talking to pointed them out, saying, “They always do that – sit in the back and avoid everyone. They always seem grumpy, too.” I said, “I use to be like that. I never liked coming back from summer break. It felt like I was losing my freedom and all the stresses of the year ahead would be on my mind. The last thing I wanted to do was socialize with everyone.” I could completely relate to the two antisocial teachers and did not judge them for how they were acting, but I was happy to not be in their shoes.

The scene shifted and I was traveling down a road really fast. I believe I was flying but it seemed like someone was driving a vehicle we were on, though I never saw one. The person driving suddenly turned left into mounds of dirt and shrub. The road was especially bumpy (bumpy life path) and we were knocked around. I was protesting, asking him why he was going off-road, when suddenly a perfectly paved road appeared out of nowhere (less complicated path). Things smoothed out and ahead I could see a tall mountain (spirituality) destination.

When we got to the mountain I knew that on top was entrance to a deep pool (healing and regeneration) that was inside the mountain. People would come swim there. We went to the top and sure enough people were in the pool. It was crystal clear and sparkled blue.

I don’t recall much here. There was conversation with others and then I remember seeing what I thought was a black turkey (fear, cowardice) in the distance. I went closer to take a photo and the turkey morphed into some kind of goose (joy, contentment) or water fowl. I then noticed the area was absolutely gorgeous with flowering trees and deep crystal clear pools of water. There was a glass divider between the garden and pools that was difficult to see and paths that wound through the gardens. More birds like the goose were walking along the paths alongside people.

There was a shift here and discussion about teaching resumed. I recall meeting a male teacher who propositioned me. He told me he was selling his house (aspect of self) located up in the hills. What I mostly recall here is that I was not interested in his proposition but could feel an intoxicating energy coming off of him so I let him show me his house on the hill.

Inside the house was very beautiful but extremely dark (shadow self, unknown). His family was there to include a young child and his mom. I commented on how dark it was inside. What I recall most is that when I was walking from the living area to the kitchen (spiritual nourishment) the floor fell down at an angle several feet. I almost fell and mentioned that it was a hazard.

When I went back to the man he had morphed into a very obese (overindulgence, laziness) woman with rolls of fat. I suddenly felt to be male and I professed my love and dedication to the fat woman. I went over, hugged her and stroked her clothed fat rolls and large breasts, kissing her. I recall feeling an immense love for her and being so dedicated that I would assist her in anything even when she did things that were not good for her. It felt very unhealthy.

Interpretation 

The dream seems to begin with me literally cutting cords to certain things in my life. To me it feels like I am expressing my dissatisfaction with the path of learning (desks) and my private life/self (bed). Since the desks and beds seem to be one in the same, then the learning path IS my private life/self.

The classroom portion of the dream where I proclaim “I quit!” feels like a further proclamation that I no longer want to be on a specific learning path. I recognize myself in some of the other teachers – how I avoid others and sit at the back of the room. The proclamation feels amazing, like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. It felt similar to how I have felt every time I quit a job I hated.

The going off-road portion of the dream likely symbolizes a time when I literally go off path and this leads to a “bumpy” time but then smooths out as a paved road appears. The mountain pool indicates that once this bumpy period smooths out there will be a period of regeneration and healing.

The last portion of the dream is strange to me. I sometimes have dreams where I shift gender and I am never quite sure what this means. I do know that the obese woman indicates someone who is lazy and tending toward gluttony (overindulgence) in life. Perhaps she is me and I am agreeing to let her be this way.

Considerations

All in all it seems like I am needing a break because I am overwhelmed by the losses I have encountered on my spiritual path. When I feel overwhelmed by loss and disappointment I tend to shut down or, even worse, rebel. My rebellion often comes in purposefully doing the opposite of what I know I should do. So I would not be surprised if my path got a little bumpy. It doesn’t usually last long, though, because I tend to lose interest in being angry and resentful. It takes too much energy.

The “I quit” part of the dream could also be in reference to current considerations I am having about my job. I was asked to take on even more responsibilities last week. It was explained to me that there would be no “helper” positions anymore. The position I originally took on was to help but now that is being eliminated. I am being asked to shift out of that mindset. It will be a gradual process but the idea of adding more to my already high workload is not appealing to me. With added responsibilities I will have to go into the office more frequently and this may end up completely ending my work from home arrangement.

The new parts I am being asked to add include payroll, taxes and assets. Payroll is the biggest. It happens every two weeks and I have been watching my coworker struggle with it to the point of it causing her undue stress. I have no desire to have that stress added to my life. Not at all.

So I am stuck trying to decide what to do. I could negotiate for more pay and to continue to work from home. I could probably get both but even then the idea of all the extra work doesn’t sit well with me. Why can’t I just work part-time from home?

It seems always to be my pattern that after about 1 year of working somewhere I want to leave the job. I get bored. Things and people at work start to irritate me. I become less and less accommodating. The money is no longer enough to quiet my discontent. I get this restless feeling inside that when not listened to often erupts either at work or at home or both. Usually I stay as long as I can in order to keep the money coming in. Money is the only reason I work. The only reason I am at this job is because we needed money. We still do but I have saved quite a bit now and it is tempting to just go back to not working. Really tempting.

Interestingly, I woke this morning to a song in my head – “I just wanna run….” lol

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Progressing on a Gradient

I’ve been tired the last few days. My sleep has not been very restful because of frequent wakings. It seems to coincide with a tremendous geomagnetic storm that was hitting the Earth around the 5th of August. Thankfully, last night I slept so well that I barely have any memories of dreamtime and woke feeling much more rested.

My birthday was on the 4th. As usual I was not very celebratory. For almost a decade now, when my birthday comes around I try and just let it be a normal day. The last thing I want to do it focus on getting another year older especially now that it feels like each year passes so quickly without much being accomplished. This year was no different and brought quite a bit of sluggish apathy as I recognized that once again I had let another year pass without doing much of significance.

Since then I decided that I would try and do more with my life this year. My husband gifted me a boudoir session toward the end of the month. I ask for it for my birthday because I want to document how I look before the last remnants of my youth and vitality fade away. I’ve been working very hard on my physical body for the last year to improve muscle imbalance and “sculpt” it back into shape. My work is paying off and I am very proud of what I have accomplished. To me, my success demonstrates that the aging process can be slowed and even reversed if the person has the right mindset and isn’t afraid of a little hard work. I find it interesting how frequently people go into apathy over their physical body – appearance and function – allowing it to fall into disrepair. I do not intend to be like everyone else.

Another idea that came to me was that I wanted to start doing things that I have put aside for one reason or the other. One of those things is to visit Greece. I have long been drawn to that part of the world and when asked where I would travel if I could, Greece has always been my answer. So I started looking into taking the whole family there. We will see what comes of it.

Spiritual Movement

Earlier in the week, during one of my many wakings in the night, I recalled with great clarity being told, “I will come for you.” The memory was completely audible. I could hear the masculine voice as if I was experiencing hearing it in the present moment only I knew it was a memory. Yet I have no clue when the memory was made. With the memory came this odd feeling as if I was being triggered or awakened to some part of myself that lay dormant until this message was passed on. The whole experience left me feeling a tad freaked out because of how real it was. It was as if I had somehow removed myself from Time but since my physical body exists within Time the only way to process it was as a “memory” of some previous event.

My way of handling it was to forget about it and write it off as yet another weird experience in the life of Dayna.

Then, couple of nights ago my guidance began to make themselves known. Through dreams, messages and conversations in the in-between, they have been discussing with me my current spiritual dilemma and how to move through it. The final decision has been that I prefer to take the next step on a gradient so that the intense fear that arises from certain emotions can be confronted and handled.

The same night I agreed to continue at a slower pace, the Kundalini visited.

I woke up in K-bliss that seemed to happen on its own. It was uncontrollable and without warning, rising quickly and intensely. Then, afterwards, the energy in my lower chakras swirled and churned for a while after. The solar plexus was strongest but I could feel the distinct ache I often feel in my 2nd chakra as well. I lay there enjoying the feeling as it was not super intense as it has been in the past. The energy moved all the way up to my crown more than once, but slowly, like a trickle, and felt cool and liquid like water.

As I lingered in the energy, I shifted in and out of the in-between. Out of the blue I began to audibly hear a voice to my left whispering to me. It was a man’s voice and though I cannot remember the first sentence he said, I do remember the last two.

He said, “You need to educate yourself.” Long pause.

Then he said, “My name is Chris [by the way].” The brackets are for the part I heard as I recognized I was being spoken to.

This brought me out of reverie somewhat and I asked him, “Why are you whispering?” A thought came to me from him that said, “You heard me didn’t you?” I knew he whispered because a whisper causes one to focus more on listening.

I asked, “What do I need to educate myself about??” When I didn’t hear an answer I said, “Show me, then.”

Dream – Bone Cancer

It took me a while to sleep afterwards, which is not unusual considering what just occurred. I recall meeting up with two women – a mother and daughter (aspects of Self). We were in a hospital (healing) but the room seemed like a conference room (meeting to discuss current state). The mother and daughter felt like good friends as well as relatives. There was a very strong bond and dedication between them.

The younger of the two took care of the older even though she was also ill. Turns out their illness was bone cancer (doubts and negativity delaying spiritual progress). The mother was losing use of her arm, the bones cracking (major doubt/delay) on their own and causing her awful pain. The daughter was not in pain yet but had the same future of pain ahead of her. There was no cure.

I recall talking to them about exercise helping to cure. I said something about 30 minutes a day curing a young man I knew. They did not believe it would help them, though they listened as if they were considering the option for themselves.

I watched the younger of the two come up to the older one with a sling (providing support). The older one went to the wall and held her broken arm up against it, wincing in pain. The younger one was to put the sling over both arms to hold them steady. I remember trying to help but the younger lady wanted to do it.

There was an overflow of emotion coming from me at this point. The situation was very sad and I was crying for them both.

There was an energetic shift in the dream and it was as if time had passed, enough that the mother had died and the daughter, much older and resembling the mother, was still alive. I went to talk to the daughter and she filled me in on what had happened. As she told me about her mother’s death I broke down sobbing.

The crying woke me up and I was left wondering what the dream meant. Was this what my guide was showing me about his message?

When I shifted into the in-between I saw a scenario playing out between myself and a man who seemed familiar to me. We were together and had successfully come into Union, practicing tantra and teaching others about it as well. This flash of a vision woke me fully and I thought to my guidance, “Do you mean I need to educate myself on the Kundalini and Tantra?” It felt right but then I felt instantly pessimistic about it because or how ridiculously “out there” the whole idea was.

I was reminded of a message I saw on FB about the stages of sexual awakening written by a Tantrica:

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Part of the vision I saw seemed to feel like it was showing me that I could be a teacher to others. I wondered about that but I know that often I am just shown potential futures and even more often I am just dreaming.

Not long after this I recall being told by my guidance, “You don’t have much time.”

As far as what these messages relate to, I can’t be certain. It could just be that I came here to learn – educate myself – and that I am not taking the best advantage of it as I could be.

Bone cancer suggest that some negatives ideas are brewing in my spiritual setting, I have trouble getting rid of doubt and negative thoughts. A broken bone symbolizes serious doubts about my path.

This morning, though I don’t remember my dreams, I remember the Kundalini rose while I was sleeping. All that is left is an echo of what was but it is still there, like I can taste it, if that makes any sense. Whatever happened it was a major event but surprisingly I do not regret the memory being faint. It feels like it needs to be right now.

Considerations

Rather than jump to conclusions about what the above could mean, I have just been allowing and continuing to live my life. There is no point in trying to analyze what it all means because I have been having doubts about my path and feeling quite negative about my future and what it holds. I simply do not have any desire to live life as I have been but I do not know how else to live it. The thought of continuing to do what I was taught I should do – have a family, work a job to pay bills to acquire more “stuff”, etc. – feels so empty to me. I’ve done all that and it has not brought me fulfillment or happiness. If anything I feel trapped. Since I don’t know how to move beyond this the only option I feel that is left is to continue as is until I am allowed an exit point.

 

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Dream Theme: Cleaning House

My sleep cycle has shifted back to me needing more sleep but dream recall remains good. My dreams are odd, however, with strange visuals and symbolism present. This morning I woke with a sense that I should document what I could of my dreams.

Dream: Cleaning House and Spirit Encounter

In this dream I was surveying my house which looked to be a single story house in the suburbs. It felt like I had suddenly become aware of its poor condition, as if I had been away on a trip but in reality had just not noticed. I remember going through each room picking up clutter and rearranging things so that it looked more organized and less chaotic. The things I picked up were the normal things you would find in a house with children, nothing out of the ordinary like heaps of trash or dirt.

I remember going into the back yard and seeing part of the fence had a hole in it. I went around and picked up a piece of fence laying against the house and filled in the hole with it. My children were with me, helping, but I can’t remember much except telling them what to do. I heard noise in the front yard and saw a man with a mower and weed killer walking around. I remember thinking he was in the wrong yard and before I could say anything another man approached him, spoke to him and they both left. I looked at the condition of the front yard. It was full of weeds and overgrown but it didn’t bother me too much.

Then I was standing in the driveway. The road was caved in toward the center and the edges were crumbling. I remember thinking that the house must have been misrepresented to me when I purchased it and knew the driveway needed to be fixed immediately. I thought, “Looks like the house was built on a fault line.” I could see a crack extended into the garage.

Inside the garage I noticed tons of dried leaves littering the floor. I remember telling the kids that the leaves needed to be cleaned up. I said the season for leaves was over and they needed to be removed.

I walked into a patio area and was organizing some things when I noticed a single cell phone sitting on the chair. I thought that my MIL must have left it and went back to cleaning.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement.  I turned and saw a ghostly apparition floating into the front drive. She was tall with dark hair and wearing a blue-gray gown. I called out to her, “Hey! Who are you? Come back!” The ghost seemed to hear me and floated back toward me but then past me. I continued to yell at her to get her attention. When she didn’t seem to hear me, I picked up the cell phone and threw it at her. It went through her but she turned and came back toward me. I said, “What’s your name? My name’s Dayna.”

The ghost finally stopped and came toward me. She told me her name but I can’t remember it now. Then she began to talk to me about my children, muttering about their safety and obviously not in present time. I somehow knew she had been an alcoholic in her past life and had been drunk all the time, neglecting her children. The ghost was trapped, unable to continue on her journey to the Other Side. In an attempt to help her I said, “Maybe if you weren’t drunk all the time you could free yourself.” She looked me straight in the eyes then, as if she had heard me, and seemed apologetic. I reached toward her and grabbed onto her arm. When I felt it was solid I said, “Wow! It’s solid. I can feel you!” At the same time I could feel her emotions as if they were my own – sadness and regret.

Dream: Spider-Man

In this dream I was also cleaning but this time it was the living room. There was a sofa and behind it a washer and dryer. I remember talking to someone, saying it needed to be cleaned. I took a broom and began to sweep it back and forth behind the sofa. It captured cobwebs and spiderwebs full of dead bugs and very large spiders. It was large amounts as if there was an infestation. So I got out some bug spray and began to spray behind the sofa and in all the nooks and crannies around the washer and dryer. I remember saying, “Be careful. I stirred them up so there might be spiders around.”

As I sat on the sofa I saw a huge spider on the edge of a chair. I pointed it out and went to grab the bug spray. I sprayed it generously but it didn’t die right away. Instead if ran across to the sofa and then slowed and stopped just below the sofa. It was the largest spider I had ever seen! It also was quite grotesque looking. It resembled an ant but also a spider. It was reddish colored and the sections of its body made it look like a tiny man. It curled up as the poison took affect and died.

Across the room I spotted another similar spider and began to spray it. It also slowed, stopped and curled up in a ball to die.

After that I was a bit paranoid about there being more spiders. The spiders really creeped me out because of how they looked. I did not want one to crawl on me or bite me. I remember thinking they must be venomous to the point of deadly.

Curiosity took over eventually and I went to inspect one of the spiders. I decided I wanted to take a photo so got down real close to take a picture. That is when I saw it was not yet dead. The closer I got to it, the more it looked like a man until eventually I realized it was a man! The man had dark hair and was wearing a suit, like a space suit. I asked him, “Are you okay?” He looked up at me, his face burned in sections by the poison I had sprayed on him. He said, “I would be better if you stopped spraying that stuff on me!” I felt awful knowing I had tried to kill him and looked across at the other spider-man who was very obviously dead on the other side of the room.

The spider-man I was talking to slowly began to grow larger and larger until he was man-sized. He said he had to go and a circular craft of some sort surrounded him. He selected a spot in the room and began to drill down into the ground and disappeared. All he left behind was a gaping hole.

Interpretations

Both dreams involved me cleaning. The first was an entire house which is symbolic of current life personality and aspects of the self. The second is just about the living room which symbolizes the aspect of the self involving family connections. These dreams are just a small portion of the cleaning dreams I’ve been having lately indicating I’m in a healing phase.

The fence repair in the first dream indicates a break in boundaries that I am working to repair. It also represents the feeling of safety. I want to keep something out and keep my family safe inside. The garage represents a period of boredom, the leaves littering the inside symbolize depressed feelings and loss.

The driveway represents my access point to self or “home”. Its condition indicates I feel access is being interrupted and challenged. The fault line represents catastrophic change and a threat to my stability. The front yard being left with weeds shows that I am not concerned about what me and my situation looks like to others. I let it be “weeds and all”.

The ghost is likely a representation of me. The phone is communication. The situation the ghost is in indicates avoidance of the issue. Being drunk is that avoidance. The ghost is stuck because she is avoiding something.

The second dream feels very much like I am being reminded of my spiritual path. Spiders are symbolic of creativity as well. The fact that the spider looks like a man could be that I am associating my creativity and spiritual path with a man/masculine or that one of my guides took the opportunity to reveal himself and pass on a message via my inspection of the spider in the dream. He asks me to please stop poisoning him, which in itself indicates that I am trying to kill off something about myself to include my spiritual path, my creative side and all things spiders represent – growth, manifestation, choice. The fact that he then transforms to full height, gets into a circular craft and drills into the ground symbolizes that this part of myself is from my deep subconscious or past.

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OBE: Fly With Me

The last couple of nights I haven’t been sleeping as deeply as the previous weeks. Instead, I wake early, before the sun, and end up drifting in and out of sleep for a while before actually getting out of bed. My dreams have been numerous and memorable and mostly about water – boats, cruise ships, rain, oceans, and last night – flooding.

Dream: Evacuation

In the beginning of this dream I was thoroughly cleaning a toilet (clearing troubles and worries) as well as clearing out the inside of drawers. The drawers were full of old pencils (communication and creativity) mostly as well as stuff that had just been put in there over the past 5 years. The piles of pencils were incredible! Yet I still opted to keep some of them.

Then I was with my family at an apartment building (current well-being or finances). We had just moved in and were being told the building was to be evacuated because of heavy rain and flooding (lots of heavy emotion coming). Everyone was to be out by the weekend. I remember saying I had just been working for 2 days and asking if there was any exceptions, but there were none.

I went down to the lower levels (subconscious) and was talking to a black woman about the evacuation. We were going to relocate to Montana (spiritual journey) and I was concerned about how much we could take with us. I thought we could put it all into our Prius but the woman was asking if we could take another person with us. I didn’t want to relocate and was really uncomfortable with the situation.

There was a small room that was full of cats (feminine spirituality, sexuality).  A short woman who I recognized went to open the door and I told her that was the room where the cats were fed. They were fed cheese (change is coming) for some reason.

I also remember seeing the water coming in through a vent and saw that outside it was raining hard. The water was flooding the basement and the room with the cats in it. I was asking if it was too late to get renter’s insurance (looking for reassurance). The lady said no but it would cost as much as it would to replace all our things. I was most concerned about the computers (communication, connection) and decided we had room to take them with us.

I woke suddenly from this dream only to fall back to sleep briefly. I was with my two sons going through the lunch line at a school. My youngest was fooling around as I ordered their meals – enchiladas (security, seeking to wrap children in safety, protection from change). The man asked if I had a lunch card and I gave him my debit card and told him I was going to be enrolling my kids in the school. I knew it was up north (reference to one’s inner compass) and I was not happy about relocating there. When I got done I looked and the entire lunch line was gone, replaced with a huge mound of dirt (guilt).

OBE: Fly With Me

I became acutely aware of myself laying in my bed with my blanket (security, warmth) wrapped around me. Realizing I was OOB I began to try and get out of bed but my blanket was making that difficult. I remember thinking to myself warning thoughts about how I needed to not overly focus because it would pull me back into my body. Yet, even when I did worry I was not pulled back.

Eventually, I rolled out of bed and onto the floor, successfully exiting my bed. Then, I crawled toward the bedroom door, blanket still restricting me. I went through the door without touching it. I recognized it was my old bedroom at my Mom’s house.

Once outside the door, the blankets began to fall away and I felt more freedom of movement. When the blankets fell away completely, I floated into the kitchen (nourishment). It was brightly lit and messy. The kitchen table was the older version and covered with plates from a meal just eaten. In the far corner, blocking the double, back doors, was a fully decorated and lit Christmas tree (symbol of gifts).

I remember thinking, “It’s not Christmas!” Then I saw my two boys, grabbed their hands and led them out the front door.

Outside I encountered a snow (emotional distance, coldness) covered scene. There was a tall pine tree (wisdom, longevity) where there is not one in real life, its branches bare except for the tips which were full of needles and pine cones. It towered above the house casting a shadow over us. In the snow I could see impressions left by doves (peace). I spotted two different dove impressions and pointed them out to my kids excitedly.

Still holding my kids hands, I decided I wanted to fly and lifted up into the air. I stopped mid-way, cautious about going too high, and looked around at the scene below me. Everything that had been white and snow covered was now green and vibrant. The sky was blue with fluffy white clouds and I felt wonderful. I remember I was singing a song. The only words I remember now are, “Fly with me!”

I lowered down back to the ground and flew over by the chicken (fear) coup. Still singing, I saw a wooden box with a tiny door. I opened it and saw a brown chicken inside. It poked its head out but wouldn’t come out. I left the lid open and eventually it did and flew away.

Across the fence I saw more of the area around my Mom’s house. I decided to investigate so began to lift up to go over the fence but there was another huge pine tree in my way. I pushed aside its branches and flew through the opening. Hovering in the air I saw some animals running across the clearing in the distance. I think one was a bird, like a egret or heron (self-reliance), and it had two deer (grace) with it.

I turned and faced the other way, continuing to sing. I remember thinking that in OBEs like this I was meant to pay attention and be shown what I needed to know. So I was very observant of my surroundings. I decided I wanted to fly higher up and so lifted up only to feel myself grabbed as if by a powerful force and pulled toward the back of the house. The speed at which this happened surprised me but I wasn’t afraid. Instead I laughed and enjoyed the feeling, allowing myself to be pulled faster and faster toward the trees in the distance. Ultimately, the speed was so fast my vision became a blur. I closed my eyes and felt myself return to my body.

Considerations and Music Messages 

I was surprised to have gone OOB but then it made sense because I had awakened and could not return to sleep straight away. The overall message seemed to be not to focus on what is in front of me but to take a higher perspective. In doing this, much of my fears will be released and I will find a greener, more positive view.

I vaguely recall talking with someone while I was in-between states. The overall feeling from this conversation was that I might be avoiding or rejection certain emotions and situations that bring about those emotions. I definitely remember saying to myself, as if my own guides, “Sometimes we make poor decisions.” This caught my attention but then, of course, I couldn’t recall the context of my words.

Some songs were going through my head at this time. Pieces of different songs came as if to create a longer message.

The first song – “Now I know that I did something wrong, cause I miss you….Yeah I miss you.”

The second song – “Don’t hang on. Nothing last forever but the Earth and sky.”

The last song – “And way down we go…”

There was space in between the songs, though, and conversation that filled in the missing pieces. The first song seemed like it came from someone else to me. The one after that seemed to be a warning or advice about how to handle certain situations. It related to the evacuation dream. I remember thinking how we come into life with nothing and we leave with nothing. The last song message felt like a warning of things to come like a preparation to go “deeper”.

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Dream: Watch

Feeling more like myself now. Whatever shift in energy was occurring seems to be abating. This is wonderful considering how upsetting last weekend was. I do not wish for a repeat of that!

Today has me somewhat reflective. Specifically, on my relationship with those of the water element astrologically. I want to ask a question of those of you whose astrological charts are primarily water – If you tend to take your time to communicate, either by going silent or just disappearing for a while – what is it you are going through during those times? What is going internally? What are you thinking and feeling?

The reason I ask this question is because when this has happened to me, meaning a water sign just disappeared or stopped communicating without any explanation or warning, it has seemed as if they are quite unemotional and distant. I wonder if they have any emotion at all. In fact, I’ve had thoughts that they must be especially cruel and mean to behave in such a way, especially if prior to this they were expressing how much they loved and cared about me. I often (usually) conclude that they are liars, and must have never cared about me to begin with. Thus, my relationships with water signs (male usually but sometimes female) have not lasted long. My father was a double Scorpio (sun/moon) and I have to say that was the longest relationship I’ve ever had with a water sign and it was only because I had to since he was my father. lol

My guess is that I am all wrong and that the water signs who have done this are retreating into a safe space, avoiding communication in order to avoid conflict and further upset. I understand that my tendency to be overly blunt and insensitive causes this response to me. I get it. But the lack of communication – the silent treatment – that is nearly unbearable! It’s not like I need an in-depth explanation of the inner workings of your soul. I just need some closure or something that tells me what I did. And I especially would like an opening to apologize. And I would like to think of you (water signs) as a someone who has feelings like me, rather than wooden and uncaring.

With all of that said, I am realizing that there is nothing at all wrong with me being like I am. I do not apologize for being intense and conflicted at times. I am proud that I can express my feelings, though I admit I can be rather blunt and overbearing. I am working on expressing myself in ways that do not intimidate or hurt the sensitive. Most times it is not intentional but when it is, I feel completely awful afterward.

Dream: Watch

I had an interesting dream this morning that, sadly, was interrupted by my son. I would have liked it to continue!

The dream began with me standing with two others and our boss. Me and a female coworker were being told the company was having to lay off the male who was standing behind us in the background. I protested saying, “Oh don’t do that! Can’t he take on some of my work? I would be happy to share hours with him. He is smart enough to do what I do, right?” My boss nodded her head and said, “You started at $10/hour, right?” and inferred that he would take a pay cut but she would allow him to take some of my duties. She got out some sticky notes and placed quite a few on paper. They were all blank and represented duties that were to be passed to this man.

Then I was guided into a crowded cave like structure. It could have been a basement or underground structure like a shelter of some sort. There were tons of people squished inside and all huddled up against the back. I remember walking in to join them and knowing they were all teachers like me. Everyone was in good spirits, discussing classes and regular school activities. It felt like we were going somewhere together, like on a trip. I recall talking to a few fellow teachers about items brought in. A watch was discussed and I saw a wrist watch floating mid-air in front of the person asking me about whether I remembered to bring it.

Around that same time the end of the cave-like structure lit up and a image was visible. It was as if I was flying over the image. A field came into view as did a road that was encircling it. The road moved from the middle to the edge of the field. There was another road on the right that led to a double fenced entrance with a small building at the entry point. I remember seeing the scene moving and exclaiming, “I know this place!” I then thought to myself, “It’s Montana and that road leads to Butte.”

I continued to fly but realized soon that I was not alone. The entire room was with me! I turned and saw that we were all gazing up at the screen, eyes fixed on the image. I saw a metal railing in front of me and grabbed on tight. As the screen moved I ducked under the railing and looked up at it. It pulled me in and I felt my entire body moving as if on a roller coaster.

Then I went with the group into a vehicle. It was as if we were being loaded onto a massive cargo plane or something but the scene showed a regular car. We were facing backwards, looking at the road behind us as we traveled forward into the unknown. The sensations continued as if on a roller coaster and I remember the anticipation as the speed increased and we seemed to angle upward.

The movement backward (or forward) increased and I recall seeing the road to “Butte” again and knowing where we were going. The shifting sensation intensified and then the car broke through soil and I was floating in front of it viewing the headlights as they poked through the dirt. The front of the car was beaten and battered as if it had been wrecked.

I noticed movement to my left and saw a bedraggled raccoon scurrying away. His hair was matted and stringy as if he had been through a flood and gotten soaked. I pointed at it and said, “There he is again!”

My son came in yelling, “Mommy!” and I woke with a start.

When I woke the song, “Afterlife” was going through my head.

Interpretation

It seems to me this dream represents a shift in consciousness and how it will relate to those of us who came here to help raise the vibration of Earth (starseeds). The beginning of the dream indicates that I am sharing a portion of my work with another. The job duties have yet to be assigned.

The entrance into the cave indicates a dark period. It could be that we have all been delving into some very deep, dark spaces. It is hard to say but the feeling was positive, as if we were all gathering to embark on a journey.

The “watch” portion seems to me to mean not only that I need to pay attention and watch the screen, but also Time as in a wrist watch. Upon recounting the dream it felt like we may be on a “watch”, as in waiting for something to happen.

Montana is symbolic for a spiritual destination or path. The fact that I saw fields rather than mountains is good and Butte is in the part of Montana that is not very mountainous (though there are some in the distance). It is also close to the Great Divide.

I find the most significant part of the dream being how we get on a truck (work) and seem to go backwards because we are looking behind us. Perhaps we have been doing a lot of that lately? Or maybe it is working on the past? In the end I see the headlights of a beaten up car breaking through the soil. This seems to me to be that we are about to break the surface. Into what exactly? It is hard to say but whatever work we have been doing is about to be behind us. The raccoon symbolizes a warning of treachery and deception. In the dream he is bedraggled and running away. My best guess is that we are about to view things as they are, taking off our masks and being truthful when in the past we may have been lying to ourselves (or been misled).

I say “our” because the dream seemed to be about a group more than me. It could have just been about me, though.

Other Things of Note

Two evenings ago after I had just settled into sleep and was dreaming happily, I had two odd incidences. Both times a young, thin, black man would “pop” into the dream as if trying to startled me. His face was always in a huge grin and he would have both arms and legs spread like a frog jumping across my line of sight. Both times I woke startled. The last time I mentally said, “That’s enough.” lol It stopped after that but not before I wondered WTF?

The other morning I woke up and saw the word, “Starseed” in big letters in my vision. It came with the message, “Don’t forget.”

I’ve been seeing 1111 and 111 quite a bit lately as well both in dreams and waking reality.

 

 

 

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Dream: You Have to Stoke Your Fire

Though I feel a bit better after the weekend’s concerning emotional stir-up and I’ve settled some, the residuals of what happened are still there and coming occasionally to mind as I go through my day. The distraction of it has been interfering with my work. Yesterday I almost wired $45K by accident because I didn’t recognized a fraudulent email address. Thankfully, I caught it but not after a nice stomach drop of dread. Scattered does not go well with my job and I quickly got myself in line after that.

For the most part I find myself in a sort of split state again. There are two distinct versions of myself and both have different feelings, ideas, and thoughts. I am not sure if this is just me working through a past version of myself or what. Maybe this is a fractured aspect that needs to be integrated? The problem is that identifying that aspect can be difficult and I often get confused as to which desires are mine or hers….or maybe they are both of ours?

My guidance is not much help these days so I often rely on my dreams to bring insight (I wanted to write “incite” for some reason). Last night’s dreams are interesting.

Dream: Flooded Back Yard

In this dream the back of our house was filling with water. It started as a stream flowing off to the left that I was trying to divert because I knew a flood was coming. I had a shovel and was taking dirt and moving it to help the stream shift direction. I piled a bunch of dirt into a section to slow the flow.

When I turned to my right the water was rising quickly and my husband had thrown a net across a large pond that had formed. I could see various objects floating in the water – boxes, furniture and random things that should have been inside a house. He and my children were happily riding on top of the objects as if at a swimming pool but the water was swirling and moving, little eddies and whirlpools forming. It was also dark, almost black.

I remember feeling unable to do anything to stop the rising water. My family ignored my pleas for help and seemed to think it was all fun and games.

Dream: You Have to Stoke Your Fire

This dream began inside a Chinese restaurant. My mom was with me and I was ordering food for her. I could not decide what to get her because she was not cooperating and telling me what she wanted. So I opted to get her a chicken dish. When I turned to the table where she was sitting I saw she wasn’t eating it. I asked her why and she said, “I am never eating this again.” There was discussion about her getting a job as well. She was suppose to work at the restaurant but refusing, saying she would not be coming back.

Then I was inside a house that was abandoned. I knew it had been my sister and husband’s house. I stood inside a dimly lit room. It had white walls and no furnishings. The shadows made it look pretty eerie. In the corner I saw a 20 gallon fish aquarium sitting in front of a large window. It was completely empty. For some reason I decided to add water to it. When I did, the pump turned on suddenly and I thought, “They left the pump on all this time, even without water?”

I looked down at my feet and saw a small bowl full of water swimming with all kinds of fish. I thought it weird that my sister would just leave them there with no oxygen or food. I took the bowl and dumped it into the 20 gallon aquarium. The fish began to swim about happily. There were all colors and shapes.

Suddenly a large creature flew in through the window, landed in the tank and began devouring all the fish. It was as large as the opening of the tank! I realized it was a massive house fly and frantically tried to find a way to get it out of there. I picked up a container of some kind of spray and began to spray it. I could see its back and wings – iridescent green. The spray annoyed it and it flew away. I remember freaking out a bit because of how massive it was and relieved that it did not fly toward me.

There was a mini-dream inserted here where all the fish transformed into poultry that had escaped from a pen. I gathered up three small, feathered chicks and moved them to safety.

Back in the house I began to walk the perimeter of the house and lock all the doors. I knew I would be staying the night and felt uneasy there. The house was large with a screened in porch around the entire perimeter. So I had to lock the doors on the porch and the house.

I remember coming to a set of double doors leading to the porch. I shut them and flipped the lock but the doors would not stay closed and flew open. Out of nowhere a man approached and said, “Let me help you with that.” He had me close the doors and inserted a finger in between the doors and latched them from the inside. They stayed closed and locked and I was grateful.

I continued walking and checking all the doors. The entire time I was thinking of how I was going to spend the night there all alone. The feeling was similar to how I use to feel when left home alone during the evening hours – unsafe.

I happened to look up and saw a woman standing beside a large, black kiln (for lack of a better description). She looked at me very seriously and said, “You have to stoke your fire or it is going to go out.” She was taking a long stick or pole and pushing it through the coals as the flames burst up, orange and yellow, making her face appear ashen and a bit evil. I did not recognize the woman and my dream memory is obscured. Her hair was long and black and she was wearing a dress that appeared gray and from another time. She resembled a witch standing over her cauldron only she was standing over a large fire. She was on a second level in the house, like an attic only it had no stairs, no walls, just a floor higher than the main level.

Messages

I woke suddenly from my dream and kept shifting in and out of the in-between. I kept catching myself talking to someone. Odd thoughts kept surfacing that made no sense. There was a warmth in my chest that eventually kept me awake. It was comforting but my reaction was conflicted – yes, fall into it or no, resist it. All the conflict within seemed present in my chest. I remember hearing, “All you have to do is follow your heart.” But I panicked because my heart was telling me to follow the feeling. It said, “Stoke your fire” which brought about fear of a return of the decimated feeling, a fear of everything that I am being destroyed. So I would retract and then be pulled back toward the feeling over and over, my heart very obviously saying one thing and my mind another.

A verse from a song was going through my mind, “Wait, if I’m on fire, how am I so deep in love? When I dream of dying, I never feel so loved.”

Interpretation

The first dream about the flood is most likely a fear dream. Water is emotion. Floods are overwhelm of emotion – emotional turmoil. I try to stop it but am unsuccessful. My family seems oblivious and the objects floating in the water are from the house indicating a disruption there which could be family or at the soul level.

The second dream is odd. My mom – aspect of me – is not being cooperative. She refuses to eat her chicken, which symbolizes fear. She also refuses to go to work.

The abandoned house is symbolic of a soul aspect that has been abandoned or ignored for too long. Fish aquariums represents desire of emotional freedom or for a spontaneous, unplanned and natural way of life. I add water and it comes to life meaning I allow myself to feel this feeling and recognize what it means. The fish are ideas, hopes, dreams – all very positive. The giant fly represents a threat or danger that is present. So something is threatening my hopes and dreams.

The chicks appear here. They can represent good things coming or could be a spin again on fear and cowardice.

The locking doors is my attempt to feel safe. The door that doesn’t lock indicates a difficult lesson. I received help from a man so assistance is provided.

The final part of the dream is what stood out the most. The woman stoking a fire and the message she gives indicate that I need to tend to my inner fire. This could be Kundalini or desire – probably both. The witch woman is probably an aspect of me, one I feel is “bad” in some way. The song that came when I awoke also speaks of fire and of death. The feeling I get from the song is that death is not a bad thing, especially if its death by love. 🙂

 

 

 

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A Rough Weekend

The weekend brought a shift in energy for me and along with it a departure from the more calm and balanced state I had been in for the preceding weeks. Saturday, July 20th, was a struggle specifically. I’m not sure what was going on energetically that day, but it manifested in both emotional and physical symptoms for me.

This is what I wrote in my personal blog on the 20th:

I’ve been noticing some under the surface feelings. It is like another me is there and I am picking up on her thoughts and feelings. She is constantly worrying and she is miserable. I try to block her out because listening to her brings the thoughts and feelings to the surface and I begin to take them on. I feel like I need to acknowledge them without becoming them but it is hard to do. The person feeling and thinking these things is completely done with life. Is she me? Am I suppressing her to the point that it is creating this overflow? Or is this something else?

The other day I felt like I was overstimulated by my environment. Everything was too much. It only lasted about 10 minutes but the feeling was that I needed to be somewhere without any electronics or cars or busy-ness. The overwhelm from this resulted in physical symptoms that are hard to describe. It is like I want to get out of my own skin. Like my own body and senses are all wrong.

At work I was feeling the overwhelm the other day. I tried to distract myself from the feeling. I ate my lunch and felt at any moment I would leave my body/pass out. I felt ill inside a little. There was a feeling that was all wrong. I don’t know if it was physical or spiritual or both. It passed but it worried me.

The panic inside is ridiculous. I have thoughts that I will die at any time. I have thoughts that bad things will happen. I feel unsafe. I feel completely vulnerable, exposed and alone.

The specific experiences on the 20th were tough to ride out because my daughter had a friend over and I had agreed to drive 30 minutes to pick her up. Despite scheduling the trip early enough to miss rush hour traffic I still encountered heavy traffic. It took all I could muster to stay calm and focused on the drive. Thoughts kept coming up that seemed to be from another me and I had to work very hard to avoid becoming the effect of them. The thoughts varied and I can’t recall the specifics of them now but they were riddled with anxiety and apathy.

Throughout the day and into the night the thoughts and feelings continued to surface. Tears were unavoidable but I was able to silently suffer through it for the sake of my daughter and her friend. I was more quiet that day than usual, very subdued compared to how I normally am.

Looking back I am surprised I held it together so well because on the inside I was really struggling. There were brief periods of time when I would be hit with this intense desire to die that kept me on alert because of how strong the desire was to immediately find a way, any way, to end my life. The feeling was just shy of impulsive and internally I held on with both hands to avoid losing myself to it. The feeling was so real. My stomach sank to my knees and I began to wonder if I needed immediate psychological assistance. I remember thinking, “This must be what people with Major Depressive Disorder go through, only for much longer periods. I hope that isn’t me. If this continues I will have to get help.” This thought came with fear and a certainty that a part of me had a serious death wish.

Then there was the disassociation with my life that would come and go. I saw this life I am living as not my own and the life I should be living was just within reach only I could not get there. At the time I rationalized it as a my response to memory – memory that far exceeds this lifetime. I remember thinking, “This must be why we forget our past lives when we enter a new one.” If I identify very strongly with a past life (or lifetimes) and remember it in my current life then the very feelings I was having would result, especially if it happens to be with someone I have strong soul ties to.

It seemed that I was struggling with two very real versions of myself the entire day. The emotions were raw and hard to experience, but I somehow made it though. It left me wishing that I could turn back time and undo all that this spiritual path has brought me. The Knowing, the Remembering, the soul connections, the Kundalini – all of it has obviously taken its toll.

That night I somehow managed to sleep, but it took a while because my daughter and her friend were up well past midnight. I had a dream which I wrote in my personal journal:

Dream: Picking Cherries

The dream began with me driving my children to a house in the country. It was still dark outside and I could see the road by the light of the moon. Everything where we were going had gone through a freeze (some emotion has been frozen) so there was frost on the grass and everything.

We arrived at a house and the kids went wild running about. They went in the back yard and found a bush or tree and picked what looked like two strawberries and a handful of cherries without stems. They called the fruit something else and I immediately realized we had come way too early to the house and would likely wake the woman who lived there and took care of the kids. I began to try and quietly get them all together to leave but as I was walking toward the back door, which was wide open (door to subconscious is open), the lady of the house woke.

She told me it was okay if we stayed but to only stay the amount of time we usually do and that I would pay as usual, too.

There was discussion about the fruit. She told me they were cherries (pleasure or challenges that give me mixed feelings) and they ripened early. There was another tree nearby covered in fruit and she came with some branches to try and hide it from the kids. She did not want all of it eaten.

The dream got odd then because I recall a man arriving that I was to marry. I think I was also a man so we were two men but then I felt like a woman so it is confusing. As we went to the front of the house near a window I remember saying that I needed to delay saying “yes” and he agreed. So, we didn’t marry then but were engaged. Then he began acting odd, jumping around and being overly excited. In the dream it was like he was doing gymnastics (trying to deal with conflicting problem). I remember saying to the old woman, “Typical man” or something like that.

There is a fuzzy memory of seeing a handprint (union) outlined on the frost on a window. It was the man’s print and I placed my smaller hand inside. It felt significant.

Message

When I woke I was feeling sad and thinking of how I felt before bed. I asked if I was going to go through another Ego death or if there would be another walk-in. It felt likely but it didn’t make me feel any better about the death wish that seemed to arise out a certain soul connection. A guide said to me, “Maybe it (the emotion/memory) is yours and it needs to be felt” or similar wording. The considerations of jumping back into the decimated feeling is not an idea I enjoy.

The song Hello was going through my mind – “I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do. Are you somewhere feeling lonely? Or is someone loving you?”

The last thing I remember is seeing a large meatball which represents recognition, straightforwardness and solace.

The next day (Sunday) I felt a bit better despite feeling a strong sense of conclusion or endings as I woke. There are times when things get really confusing on this journey and I want desperately to just erase everything that occurred before and start anew. This was one of those times. I had even decided to write a blog post called, “The End” because of how I felt when I woke, but as the day progressed the feeling subsided.

Toward the evening hour I finally felt the reassuring energy of my guidance. It came through as if being hugged and reassured. My entire body relaxes and I feel immediate relief. There is so much tension – mental, emotional and physical – I hold and to feel it release, even if just for a moment, is wonderful. The message that came through as always was that I do not have to be that way (tense and always on alert).

At night I couldn’t sleep because both my ears were ringing especially loudly and the sound was keeping me awake. I normally wear earplugs and so I removed them but the sound did not go away. It was as if I had just attended a live concert and exposed my ears to very high decibels resulting in a persistent ringing as my ears adjusted. As the hour grew later and later without the sound letting up I began to worry that sound would never stop. I fell asleep somehow and when I woke the sound was gone but now both my ears feel weird. They don’t hurt but feel odd.

The ear ringing continues to bother me and I researched it this morning to try and make sense of it. I was led to a condition called Meniere’s Disease. It turns out that many of the symptoms are similar to what I have been experiencing for some time – fluctuations in hearing, ear ringing (on and off), anxiety, nausea and heart speed-up’s among a few.  I have an uncle on my dad’s side of the family who has hearing loss in one ear. I have not asked him yet what the cause was/is. If I continue to have long episodes of ear ringing I may ask him but it could just be some freak ascension symptom for all I know.

Today I am feeling okay despite the crazy weekend. I don’t necessarily fear the return of the “death wish” thoughts and feelings but they are worrisome for the intensity of the impulse to do something irrational that accompanies them. I don’t like feeling on the verge of breaking – mentally or otherwise. A pill to make it all go away sounds really nice but then I know those solutions are only temporary. With my husband out of state once again, I am pretty much on my own right now so hopefully there will not be more incidences anytime soon.

 

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Update and Dream: Hippies

It’s been a while since I’ve written so I thought I would post a quick update and recent dream.

For over over 2 weeks I’ve been experiencing mild insomnia in the form of not being able to fall asleep until well after midnight. Some nights I sleep okay, others not well at all and then there are times I sleep very deeply. Thankfully I am able to sleep past 8am most mornings thanks to it being summer and my work schedule, which helps. The insomnia is not upsetting, really. I suspect my body is just not tired and the energy this month is a likely contributor as well.

Along with my sleep issues I’ve shifted back into a very balanced and calm state where my mind is more quiet and my mood is stable. I still have upsets here and there, of course, but I don’t tend to dwell on the negative. All in all, I seem to have slipped into a state of acceptance and appreciation for what I have. This I did without really putting forth any effort other than making the decision to stop resisting and surrender.

Work is going well. I am still able to work from home half the week, which is the best part of it by far, and tomorrow is my 1 year work anniversary. Can you believe it? Back in 2016 with all the ascension shifts I was experiencing I purposefully left work and stayed home because of the overwhelm of being around people. It was what was best for me at the time but it felt like I would never be able to confront going back to work. It was just too overwhelming with my sensitivities to energy being as they were. Yet here I am, 1 whole year of working full-time, and handling the transition back into society (lol) like a champ.

It wasn’t/isn’t without struggle, though. I occasionally experience physical pain and ick/sick from others’ energy. I call it “energy sick” for lack of a better description. Normally it happens when someone is talking to me. The only way to describe it is painful, like an energetic dissonance felt within my energy body that can make me feel faint and sick to my stomach. I also have anxiety/panic attacks, though those have decreased tremendously. I have limited my caffeine intake to one cup of half-caffeine coffee a day and cut out alcohol and other crutches that seemed to increase my sensitivity. I have added a more consistent yoga practice, to include Kundalini yoga (when needed), and have been setting personal fitness goals and sticking to them.

Dreams

My dreams lately are pointing at some inner healing work being done. I’ve been seeing a guide that resembles a guide I met a long time ago in an OBE who I believe I called “Chris”. He has dark hair that is around shoulder length, a very prominent nose, and muscular build. His purpose seems to be to counsel me on my avoidance of the Kundalini energy, specifically the intense sexual desire and arousal that can sometimes accompany it. Last night I spoke with him quite a bit in dreamtime about just this topic.

Dream: Hippies

The dream began at a very large estate. I was inside a mansion with my mother who asked me to mow the yard, specifically saying, “It’s time you helped out around here.” I went outside and noticed construction of various pools and concrete paths. I saw how extensive the grounds were and how much mowing it would mean and thought, “How am I suppose to mow all this?” So rather than mowing I followed the pathways as if on an ATV only I was flying close to the ground.

The flying felt amazing and I was yelling in delight as if on a roller coaster. I was also talking to someone as I traveled, commenting on what I was seeing as we approached a sidewalk intersection (lol) that resembled a miniature highway intersection. I slowed as I got to a section where water was flowing across the sidewalk and construction crew in hard hats was busy putting in more sidewalk. I remember asking my friend, “Which way now?” I saw the water flowing under an overpass to my right as I asked, “Straight or right?” At the time I was splashing in the water a bit and wanted to follow the stream as if on a water ride.

We ended up going straight but I do not recall the traveling. Instead I was taken by my friend to an RV. Inside was a group of people who reminded me of hippies from the 60’s a little. My friend was visible – the guide I mentioned above – and he introduced me to the group and asked me if I wanted to stay and smoke a drug of some sort with them. I was hesitant and said, “Oh no. Anything that is smoked in a pipe is going to be too much.” He asked me, “What do you mean?” I replied that the drug would likely bring out parts of me that were not very nice, specifically giving the example of someone who took pleasure in hurting others and causing harm/pain. I gave an example of hurting animals and said, “I don’t like that part of me.” In the dream there was memory of hurting an animal but I cannot recall the specifics of it now, only that it felt good to this part of me and that sickened me.

The drug was brought out and I was participating. I was persuaded to give it a try but I was hesitant. I don’t remember actually smoking the drug. Instead I recall being closer with the group and playing a game of some kind. The game felt conflicted – like good and bad at the same time. What I recall most vividly was that I was being touched as if by many hands. I remember saying to someone, “Don’t do that.” The sense was that if I participated in this “game” that I was being “bad”.

I woke before the feelings manifested completely and my guide was close asking me questions to get me to think about why I reacted the way I did. There was a residual sense of feeling a very strong magnetic attraction but it was faint.

Mini-Dream

The conversation with my guide this morning was short-lived because I was so tired that I shifted into the in-between and lost memory of what was said. I recall having a mini-dream of being in my bed, just waking and groggy, and attempting to put on my contacts while still in bed. There was little light and I dropped the lens. I attempted to find it but couldn’t see well and remember not caring and thinking, “I can just get another one.”

Interpretation

My interpretation of the dream with the gypsies is that I am being asked to participate and do my part. This could be part of my greater mission or just my own path in this lifetime, or both. The sidewalk I travel has to do with my life path but it is a “safe” path, one where I am more confident and sure of my own success. The construction zones are areas where work is being done. The fact that the construction is at an intersection of other paths could indicate a decision is coming where I can go right or straight. My guess is that going right has to do with enjoyment, emotion and intuition since it is related to the flowing water. Straight is continuing on the path I am already on.

The group of hippies in the dream is about a path I would be taking if there were no self-imposed restraints of limitations. It can represent that path I want or desire to take but am not taking for various reasons (fear, uncertainty). The RV has to do with self-confidence and ability to adapt to change. The drug is likely something I see as temptation. Similar to a drug it has consequences, the tendency to bring up in me things I do not wish to confront, specifically dark aspects that I am aware of and do not like. I link this darker side to the positive feelings from the drug.

The mini-dream indicates I recognize that I am choosing not to see. I attempt to see but do not mind when I lose the ability since I can get it back whenever I choose. The groggy feeling indicates unconsciousness or unawareness.

The result of the dreams and conversation with my guide this morning was that I prefer to continue to do this work in my dreams for the time being. However, based upon his insistence I suspect he will not give up anytime soon. It feels like he wants me to face this head on.

 

 

 

 

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Message: The Gambler

I slept long and deep last night. The celebrations and time with family over the holiday have left me tired I guess.

Dream: Tequila and Choice

In this dream I couldn’t sleep and was still awake around 3am or later in the morning. I decided to walk down to a bar and get some tequila. My husband was with me, bought the tequila shot and sat with me as I drank it. I was surprised the place sold me the alcohol. I recall having with me a bottle of tequila, too, and taking liberal swigs of it.

I went home, quite drunk and stumbling. The feeling was very real.

After a while I met up with a young, blonde man and a couple. We drove to a convenience store because it was morning and I wanted to go home with some sweet rolls for the kids. We ended up in the back of the store and the blonde man attempted to put his hands down my pants. I saw the video cameras and told him no even when the other couple destroyed the cameras. The man sulked and so I hugged him and was overcome with desire that I quickly shut off and suppressed. As we left I picked up some sweet rolls and a cup of coffee to take home.

Then I was with my husband, only he looked like my ex, and his brother and SIL. The plan was to go out to bars, mingle and find sexual partners – like swinging. We ended up in this large restaurant-bar that had rows and rows of tables full of people drinking and eating. I remember talking with them about the plan and how it would play out. I was uncomfortable with it because what I was told was that my husband (who still looked like my ex) would find a woman to have on the side but he would stay with me. I told him I wanted no part in it because I saw how he would keep me for the convenience of having sex when he was not with the other woman.

So I walked around the place and watched the other people. I saw a group celebrating. A woman sat next to her son and ordered him something off the menu he didn’t like despite knowing what he did want. He threw a meatball and pouted. I laughed. Next to me sat Jerry Seinfeld. I talked to him, thinking, “Wow!” and even asked if that was his name and he nodded.

As the dream continued I kept watching people as they got more intoxicated. I sat down next to a guy with dark hair who was familiar, a famous actor. I remembered his name and laughed and said, “I’m sitting next to Ray.”

Dream: Circle

In this dream I was at a spiritual circle made up of women, all of them much older than me. The circle was built upon the experiences and channelings of one main woman who then wrote books about each of the ceremonies she conducted to connect with the spirits or aliens who gave her the information. I watched as she explained how there had to be at least three women who acted as moderators for when someone asked a question. These women wore strange, domed hats made out of aluminum that was gold on the top and silver on the bottom. The dome had a small point right over the center of the wearers head.

I watched as the leader began the ceremony. She had in her hand a book that was the 13th in a series of books she had written. I can’t recall the name now but the book was blue and the number very noticeable.

A black woman who had a question waited for the moderators to approve or disapprove it. They said it was approved and she was relieved. She held in her hand a large, flat, black rock and said, “I wanted to know why it has water on it?” I could see that the rock held a small pool of water in its center.

Then I was holding a round object, like a basket only it was domed without an opening. It was made of wool and fibers. The leader lady said it was part of the ceremony. At the center was something important, like a capsule or something. I began to peel away the layers carefully. Some were beaded, some thick like wool. It was as if I was peeling a large, exotic fruit. When I got to the center another scene opened up in the dream and I shifted into it (dream within a dream).

I don’t remember much of this dream now but it was set on my mom’s back porch. It looked brand new, the wood all yellowish and smelling of pine. A man I know was there, much younger than he is today. He was smiling and full of excitement about life. I could feel from him his love of adventure and he was getting ready to set off on a trip. The main memory is of his face and how it glowed. I also remember that he departed on his adventure and left me behind holding two, ten pound dumbbells, one in each hand.

I came back to the scene with the basket/capsule. From the center appeared a small, white lamb, perfect and pure.

Then I was watching the circle again only it was online in a forum. It allowed people to join and ask questions. I asked my question. The answer was provided in images so it is hard to interpret. In the dream it felt like I was told I would be waiting a long time – years. I despaired in the dream because the thought of the wait was like torture to me. I remember choosing to be in a relationship with someone so as to not be alone and to have a companion throughout it. Part of this vision and message reminds me of how I married my ex so that I would not have to wait for “the one” alone (my current husband).

I was back looking at the women in the circle. It was set outside, green fields and tall oaks trees in the background. It made me feel good to be there and I thought that I could pass the time by joining them. But then I noticed how old all the women were – all over 60 at least. I remember thinking, “I’m too young.”

Back looking at the forum I went to my question, clicked on it and deleted it. I remember not liking my answer and feeling hopeless as I left.

Music Message: The Gambler

When I woke the song – The Gambler – was going through my head. Specifically – “You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run.”

Considerations

The sense upon waking was that reunion in this lifetime was unlikely and I told myself to move on and accept it. It is something I have concluded many times before. The song seems to indicate that my choice is similar to gambling. I have to choose wisely after weighing all the facts I have before me. But the song doesn’t tell me what to do really.

The first dream sequence seems to indicate I am looking for respite and I do it through drinking. I want to relieve myself of my current life’s problems. A solution is presented and rejected by me. I find humor in the situation via Seinfeld and a joke I make in the dream about sitting next to a famous person.

The circle seems to be me asking for guidance. I did ask for help before bed. Specifically I asked to get a glimpse of my future. It seems like the dream is warning of lots of waiting and passing time. The number 13 could be bad news, overcoming obstacles, or bad luck.  The lamb could be me wishing to return to the beginning, to innocence and purity. The weights I carry are the burdens of my life. I am left behind because of the path I’ve chosen and ultimately that path is the reason for the wait and delay.

The message I received from the circle seems to be that I will find a way to pass the time. This is likely my current husband, though I did not see who the person was. The age of the women in the circle could be symbolic of how much time will pass. Maybe I will be about 60 before anything shifts. If so, that is a long wait plus I never imagine myself living past 65.

by

Lucid Dream: Present Time

Happy 4th of July! I hope you have a great one.

I had an unexpected lucid dream last night/this morning. 🙂

Lucid Dream: Present Time

The dream was not lucid to begin with. The beginning involved a gathering with children, specifically a tiny, black toddler. Mostly I remember sweeping the floor which was covered in sand and watching the baby girl play with a pile of toys.

Then I was talking with someone as I flew over a river that was moving very rapidly to the point of whitewater. I don’t remember what we were talking about but it seemed very serious. I watched as a large, dining table came down the river. The legs were in the air as it smashed up against the rocks and was swept around a bend. Then the same thing seemed to be happening to a black SUV. I watched it come down the river and head toward the same rocks. I flew over to try and stop it but it rolled up onto the rocky shore and then was propelled back into the water. I watched it seem to drive through the rough water, dents in the bumper, and head toward a cliff on the other side. As I focused on the cliff a massive set of double doors appeared and opened up. The SUV floated inside.

This is about the time I became lucid. I flew over to the doors and inside. What I encountered was unexpected. Inside was a vast structure of wooden landings at different levels held up by wooden beams. The doors took me into the very uppermost level. As I floated there I saw the beams and landing levels below me extending farther than the eye could see. Across from me a man sat at a table on one of the landings drinking a beer (or some kind of drink). I asked him, “What is this place?” He replied, “You’re in present time.” I asked again because I didn’t quite understand and he smiled and repeated, “You’re in present time.”

Something about his answer triggered in me a child-like joy and desire to explore. I dove straight down into the beams and levels below.

The next thing I recall is standing on the main floor amidst people going about their business. The space was mostly white and brightly lit. In my memory it feels like an indoor water park or bath house only there were no water slides.

The people walking around were dressed in bright colors and their skin was just as bright as the place. I recognized one lady who was standing along a wall. She had short, pixie cut blonde hair and was very petite. We said hello and as she turned to leave I put my hand on her shoulder and said, “Wait! I know you!” She turned toward me and smiled. I grabbed her hand and kissed her right on the lips. I could feel the kiss very distinctly. As I kissed her I slipped a ring off her finger and put it on my own. After the kiss we parted ways but she stopped me and said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?” She was looking at my hand. I looked down and saw a solitaire diamond ring on my ring finger. I laughed and said, “Oh, I forgot!,” Then slid it off and placed it back on her hand but not before recognizing it was my wedding ring from my current marriage.

I continued to explore the place after that. The whole time I was talking to someone but can’t recall the conversation. I headed toward some double glass doors that led outside. As I walked through them into the sunlight I was greeted by a light rain. There was also a very large swimming pool but I never visited it. Instead I stood in the rain, feeling the coolness of it as it hit my bare skin.

I believe I was asked about myself, or that I at least questioned who I was and my role in life. There was also a question about what I missed or enjoyed most. With that thought/question I felt my son in my arms. Looking down at him I saw him when he was a baby. He was as real as if he was a baby today. The familiar weight of him in my arms, the baby smell and him clinging to me was wonderful. I began to dance with him, holding him out from me and then pulling him close. As I danced I sang a song that in the dream felt like a song I had sung to him a million times, only I have never heard it or sang it to him my knowledge. The only part of it I remember now is this – “I’m gonna love, love, love ya to me….”

I danced with him for a while, singing the song and relishing the time I had with him. It was so very real, as if I had gone back in time and returned to a particular moment or memory.

At some point the memories brought tears. Tears of joy but also tears of sadness at the thought that I would never hold my babies in my arms like that again. They were all grown up. Recognizing how much I missed that caused me to shift back into my body briefly but I returned to the scene quickly.

I was back inside the brightly lit and clean room. Again I was considering the question, “Who am I?” I wandered the place for a while, caught up in my own thoughts and seeing members of my family around me. There is memory of having no clothing and also of heading back toward the pool area. As I went through the glass doors and this time there was no rain, only sunshine. As I stood there I felt as if I was being told, “No”. With this I came back into my body.

When I woke up my eyes were still wet from crying. A song from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood was going through my head:

The most vivid memory from the dream was that of my son. At first I thought it was my youngest but the face I recall was that of my middle child. This photo shows the age he appeared in my dream:

Orrenbaby

My son is 8 years old now and my youngest is 5 years old. So, it’s been a long time since I’ve held my babies in my arms like this. The dream reminded me of what it was like. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.

Interpretation

The river symbolizes uncertainty, upset and troubling times. The state of the water indicates turbulence. The table symbolizes family and togetherness. It is smashed up against the rocks indicating the turbulence and uncertainty has to do with my family. The SUV symbolizes movement and one’s life path as well as the ability to take action or control of a situation.

The lucid portion of the dream seems to be a self-created reality focused upon my questioning of self – specifically “who am I?” The levels are levels of awareness and I go deep, to the bottom, which would be areas that are in my subconscious or past. The pool or bath environment represents healing/cleansing. Then, I encounter a woman with whom I exchange a wedding ring with, a ring that looks identical to my wedding ring in life. I forget about the ring in the dream which could be me reminding myself of my marriage vows. The rain represents emotional purification and natural regeneration. This is followed by memories of holding my son and what it was like. I feel sadness and loss and a desire to go back and relive certain moments.

The song I woke up hearing seems to be sending me a positive message. The main part that repeated was, “I’ll be back, when the day is new, and I’ll have more ideas for you…” It felt like the message was that we are offered a new start with each new day. Change is as simple as that.

Overall, it feels like the dream was helping me to see that I feel a loss of purpose now that my children are older. In the past my time was mostly made up of tending to their needs. Now, not so much and it will only get less as time goes by. It has left a hole in my life that needs to be filled with something new. Yet I feel a loss of self with this transition. I don’t know who I am and don’t know what to do with the added free time. All I’ve known for the past 12 years has been the role of mother. There wasn’t room for much else. Though I am still a mother, always will be, it no longer requires as much of my time and effort. This is a blessing, a nudge to move forward and explore myself.