Tag Archives: dreams

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Nausea, Dreams and Music Message

For the past couple of mornings I have had some slight nausea. It isn’t the kind of nausea that one gets when they are sick. It is distinctly different in that it stems from my reaction to a shift in energy I think. It is like my core is reacting, withdrawing. Sadly it coincides with my husband’s return from a business trip, just like last time. 😦

Similarly, I had a sick stomach feeling when I was grocery shopping on Sunday. It happened when I looked down an isle full of food – the soup isle I think. Something about the isle and the packaged food bothered me and I reacted with disgust, my stomach twisting. I know my reaction was caused by my seeing packaged foods and feeling it was unnatural for food to be in packages. In my mind I saw an outdoor market full of fresh foods without packaging and knew that was how it should be, not on shelves in a store.

I have also been having a gag response to my whey protein shake supplement. I almost couldn’t manage to swallow it yesterday.

The food reaction feels to be a message from my HS to shift my diet to more plant based, natural foods. The gag response to energy seems to indicate a shift in vibration within my home.

Dream: Shopping

My sleep continues to be interrupted but now my dream recall is low. I often forget my dreams quickly upon waking or only remember snippets of images and feelings. There was only one dream from last night I remembered in full.

In this dream I arrived at a Wal-mart-type store at around 5:30am. Inside I was shopping for clothing but the lights were still off. A salesperson was walking through turning them on and apologized to me, saying she was just opening up. I was inspecting clothing on a rack that was mostly in the dark. The clothes on the rack were all black and of varying styles. The entire left side of the rack had dresses, some with lace, others more formal. I remember thinking the dresses were ideal for a recital or concert, neither of which I would be attending. There is a feeling here of mourning or grief related to the black clothing.

I opted to leave the store without purchasing anything. Out in the nearly empty parking lot I walked to my car and got in. I drove around for a bit trying to decide what I would do. I felt sleepy, apathetic and indecisive. My options were: go shopping or go back home to my family. Neither was appealing to me.

I parked my car (period of inactivity) and sat in it a while considering what I would do. I thought it would be nice to buy some breakfast pastries from the bakery. My children would be especially happy to have something sweet for breakfast. I noted the time – it was nearly 10am! I had no idea where all the time went.

Some more time passed with me feeling sleepy (avoidance, lack of awareness) and bored. I waited in the car in the passenger seat parked right in front of the store watching people walking in and out. For some odd reason my root chakra became noticeable. It felt like there was a ledge on the end of the car seat pressing into it and stimulating it. Energy rose and fell in my root a few times, shaking off my sleepiness.

Very aware now, I decided I should just go into the store and buy the pastry. When I attempted to open the door I almost hit another car that had just pulled in. I saw that it had no back end (incomplete or broken path). It was like the car had been cut in half allowing only for the driver/passenger seats and the engine. It had no back tires or anything!

I got out and looked at the white half-car and squeezed around to the other side of my car. I locked the car to leave but remembered I left my purse (self-identity) inside. I retrieved it and then locked it again only to remember I left something else inside. I unlocked it, retrieved it and then locked it again. It frustrated me that I kept forgetting things.

People were going into the electronics department door, which I thought was odd. I went to enter through the front only to find the entire front entrance boarded up with signs that said, “No entry. Use other door.” A crowd of people were there, all confused. There was talk of some kind of emergency situation. I got caught behind a family discussing the crisis and moved past and went into the other door.

Inside the store was not set up in a way that made sense. It seemed like all the isles were around the perimeter and there was no way into the center. I was trying to find the bakery and couldn’t. There were doors but no one was allowed to pass through them. I saw some baked bread on shelving and thought I had found the bakery but I was wrong. I finally gave up and left.

The next thing I remember is waking up inside a moving vehicle. Two young guys were inside playing around. The younger of the two, and passenger, was play-punching his brother who was driving. I asked them to please stop playing around because it was dangerous. I suggested I drive and they continue their rough housing in the back seat. The driver agreed to let me drive but kept driving for a while despite this.

He drove the vehicle, which felt like an old Jeep Wrangler or Ford Bronco, off road. I saw a field open up and saw the road on our right. The boy pointed out the road and said he often drove off road (alternate path, pave your own path) but could get back on the road. He was driving very fast over hills and rocks and came close to driving right into a gully full of mud and water. I suggested we stay off road. Soon after I saw a dirt road materialize in front of us where there had been no road. It took us into a small town.

We entered the town and he stopped the car. We all got out and he pointed to where he lived. I saw an old horse (freedom, free spirit) corral (restraint) and knew it well. It was on the way to my house. I asked if it was okay if we went to my house first and he said it would be.

As the two boys went ahead exploring on foot I felt something grab onto my fingers. It was sharp and then there was a pinch and I yelled, “Ow!” I looked down and saw a tiny white kitten (feminine energy) jumping about and being frisky. I said something to the younger brother about the kitten being very playful. He said back, “Yeah. We call her Zippy.” I watched the kitten run ahead of me, her white fur pointing straight up off her back.

The last thing I remember is the boy’s both having very thick, southern accents.

Visions and Discussion

When I woke it was still very early and I was upset to not be able to return to sleep. My guidance was near and we talked about how I was feeling. The dream seemed to indicate a lack of awareness on my part and some indecision. I found myself saying to myself something I use to say to myself a very long time ago when I was newly divorced and living on my own. I use to say, “Some day….” in attempt to give myself hope that better days were on the way. To have this memory was unexpected. It signaled to me a message asking me to consider why I would return to this self-reassurance.

At that time in my life my guidance had told me that I would meet “the one” in four years. It was the longest four years of my life! LOL I was so impatient. Every relationship I had left me wondering, “Is this it?” Of course, it never was.  When I asked my guidance, “Is he the one?”, I would always hear back, “You will Know.” It was infuriating!!!

Eventually, I completely forgot that I was told it would be four years before we met. I gave up hope but kept saying to myself, “Some day….” as if to remind myself that I just needed to wait a bit longer. By the time I had completely given up, I met my current husband and instantly Knew we would be married, have a family, etc. I did in fact Know, just as my guidance told me I would.

So, why am I finding myself saying, “Some day….” to myself again? What am I waiting for this time? It doesn’t feel the same as before, at least not in the I am waiting for “the one”. I know now there is no “one”.

A discussion commence thereafter about how humans struggle to allow things to unfold, trusting all will play out as intended and ultimately all troubles/conflicts will resolve naturally. A person can play through all possible scenarios and never see all of them. There is no way to predict how things will turn out, yet we fool ourselves into thinking if we look logically at a situation and go through all the possible scenarios we can prepare ourselves for what is to come, we can keep from hurting others….keep from making a mistake. This is conditional thinking…..a major trap we get stuck in for all our trying to be “good”, to avoid hurting others and ourselves. Ultimately, in the end, we will likely be surprised by the way it all unfolds. Either we will forget or give up (like I did in the past) or we will allow and surrender to whatever will be, trusting in the Universe to give us exactly what we want and need.

For me, I think I have learned a great deal of this lesson already. Am I perfect at it? Obviously not! I am still saying, “Some day….” to myself. LOL But in a way saying this to myself is reminding myself to not give up hope that what I want will be, to be patient and compassionate to myself along the way. The most important thing is to be clear about what I want and then allow it to be given without getting in the way of it (doubt, over-thinking, fear).

As I lingered in the in-between I felt a message coming through. It seemed to be coming from far away because it was faint, but I know these communications are not affected by physical distance. As I allowed it a familiar chorus from a song came through:

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

In finding the above video on YouTube I learned what “Rickroll” means. Never heard of it before today. Ha! Probably some message for me in that, too.

For a moment before waking I fell into the in-between. I had a vision of a man sitting in front of me wearing only a metal helmet that covered his head and throat. His eyes were not covered and he looked back at me. It seemed wrong and I worried his throat would be constricted so I took the helmet off, peeling off the top and then the part around his neck. Then I lay next to him, up against his bare chest, and used a tiny, metal pick to trace over the length of his torso. It was like I was combing his body. It felt like a type of energy work, but I’m not sure. The strangeness of it woke me up.

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Healing the Wounded Masculine

There has been a message coming in consistently from my guidance lately. It is about the masculine specifically. As I come more fully into my own power, I feel more and more focused on helping to heal the masculine. As such, it seems I am being counseled in depth on what is happening with the masculine at this time and what, if anything, the feminine can do to help.

Dream: Community 

This dream started inside a bathroom (cleansing and renewal). I was standing over the sink, a bowl on my left, cracking open an egg (something new is about to happen, creative potential) into the bowl. I added another ingredient that was yellow (happiness) and mixed it in with the egg. I was having a conversation with someone the whole time, talking about what I was doing and why. The mixture was a hair mask that you shampooed into the hair to make it stronger. I remember thinking I had just washed my hair and not wanting to wash it again but still opted to lean over the side of the tub and pour the egg mixture on. I lathered my hair with the egg (clear out the old, take new approach) as I filled the tub with water (emotion). When I was done I dipped my hair into the water to rinse. I asked a woman a question about the water in the tub and saw it was my ex-MIL.

Afterward, I got out and towel dried my hair and began to braid (courage) it in a reverse  French braid. A young girl (other aspect of self) with very nappy hair was there with me. I asked her if she wanted me to braid her hair, somehow knowing she had never put it in a braid before. Instead, she spent hours curling it and trying to make it lay flat. The girl’s mom (also my ex-MIL) said her daughter had never been to the salon to have it done properly but would be going soon. I distinctly remember braiding my own hair as we talked.

Then we were going to have breakfast with the rest of the community in a large, common dining hall. I remember selecting foods for breakfast that were not breakfast foods – a leafy green salad (need to express feelings) with avocado (reward for hard work) and a chicken (cowardice) patty that had to be warmed in the toaster.

As I picked at my salad I was telling my ex-MIL that I was purposefully choosing non-breakfast foods. I also told her how much I enjoyed having meals with everyone from the community in the same place. I watched as members of the community took on different roles during breakfast. One woman specifically worked with the kids turning breakfast into a mini-school lesson. Another was organizing the next day’s meal with a small group. And yet another was doing the accounting for the community kitchen. It felt really good to see everyone involved and doing their part and to be a part of a community that accepted and appreciated me. I knew everyone would go back to their individual homes after and then meet again at the end of the day for dinner together.

My “husband” was also there, though I do not know which husband (ex or current). He took my plate from me to eat what I hadn’t, picking through my salad. I told him to look for the avocado and showed him a piece that was hidden under some spinach. I fiddled with the chicken patty, not wanting to eat it (rejecting a return to acting in fear). Reheated toaster chicken patty was not appetizing to me.

As my husband rushed to leave I watched the kids learning while they ate and thought it an excellent idea for schooling of children. Every moment a learning opportunity! Then I saw my husband messing with his motorcycle (desire for freedom, raw sexuality). He asked me to move the tires of the minivan because they were blocking his tire. I did as he asked and watched as he rolled it out as he talked to a man. I knew he was in the process of selling it.

When I turned back to the community dining area the lights were off and everyone had gone. It bothered me and I walked around looking for the door. I ended up inside a room standing in a doorway. A very, very tall man (as tall as the doorway!) was on my left and a shorter woman was on my right. They were asking me questions about my relationship with my husband and my family. I don’t recall much about the conversation now except that I was trying to get away from them. Their focus on me and my situation made me feel targeted. From what remains of the feeling behind the conversation, they were asking me about my plans. It felt like my husband had gone – permanently – like we split up. I do remember the tall man asking if I was going to get married (again or to a certain someone I’m not sure). I answered with, “I don’t plan to ever marry again.” The tall man was concerned. The feeling from him was that he disapproved. I said, “We can live together. It will be just fine. Besides, this is a community state, meaning we will be considered married anyway.” The tall man accepted this, smiling and nodding, as did the woman with him.

Vision

After I woke I entered into the in-between. I was standing facing a male friend of mine. The sense was that we were to perform a ritual together. He looked down at himself and noticed he was wearing a long, flowing, brown robe. Shocked, he looked at me and I acknowledged him without words. It felt right that he would be dressed that way.

We then walked through tall trees toward a clearing. I walked ahead of him and could see myself from outside myself. As I walked my entire body burst into flames (Kundalini perhaps?). I was like a torch, the flames rising several feet above my head. My friend walked about ten feet behind me.

As I entered the clearing, I walked toward a small circular spot marked inside of the larger circle. Somehow I knew this was my spot. There were four other smaller circles near my own but they were not occupied. I stood in my spot, engulfed in flames but not being consumed by them.

My friend walked past and to the front. I knew he would position himself in his place but I never saw where that was. Instead it was as if time shifted forward. I stood in front of my friend. He pulled a black sarong up my legs to my belly and then laced it up so that it fit snugly over my midsection. Looking down at the laces, they wove back and forth as if to protect me.

The Wounded Masculine

When I came out of my reverie it felt like a message about the masculine energy in the world right now. There is still so much healing needed! I could feel that some men were afraid of their own power. This fear is from lifetimes of abusing that power. I felt their guilt for this abuse and their resolution to suppress it by denying it. For those men who are in the midst of awakening/ascending this struggle is very real. My heart hurt for them and I wanted to help, to show them their power was beautiful, not destructive, not something to be ashamed of. I pleaded with my guidance to show me how to help them. It felt like the answer was that they needed time and a “safe” place to open up to their power so they could heal through it and become whole again.

Of course, I wondered how I, specifically, could provide this. I did not receive an answer other than to allow the masculine time to build up the courage to take the next step. The saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” comes to mind.

Another vision came to me then. I saw my husband walking past me towing a large, black cauldron full of boiling (emotional turmoil) water. It was so heavy that his back was bent forward with the effort of dragging it for so long. The message was not lost to me. I knew instantly that he carries with him emotion that is threatening to boil over. This emotion, if not resolved properly, has the ability to scald and burn. Not pleasant for whoever is in its path!

Then I was standing in front of a man who is familiar to me. He was walking around me in a circle as if checking me out. It felt like he was surveying the scene to determine if I was “ready” yet. I could feel the masculine power he wielded so adeptly. Here was an example of a man fully in his own power! So amazing and beautiful! I wondered where were all the other men who were like him? Why so few? My feminine power wants to fully submit to his masculine power, but not in a propitiatory way. Quite the opposite. And as such his masculine power honors and reveres my feminine power.

I knew as he circled me that what he offered I want – no need – to fulfill my purpose here. I was reminded of something I was told in an astrological reading by my friend Eric Starwalker. He told me that I have been searching many lifetimes for a strong masculine who is fully aware of and adeptly wielding his power. He told me that up until this life I have been unsuccessful and so have learned to rely on myself, but that I long for that connection.

 

 

 

 

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Converging Timelines

So the long anticipated 11-11-11 is today. How do you feel? I feel normal. Yesterday I was high on life. Today a little less high but not low either. Neutral. It feels once again like a transition period, a flowing from one condition or state to another. Perhaps this is the very definition of “portal”? It seems fitting to me anyway.

I was told not along ago in a dream that 11-11-11 was the date of a “convergence”. At the time I had no idea what it meant and even speculated that perhaps it was for 2019 because in the dream the calendar I saw seemed to be a year in the future. Today, though, I’ve concluded that this convergence is the converging of timelines; a reconstitution of what was with what IS. For me, personally, this has been experienced by taking what was good and real/true from the past and pulling it forward to merge with this present timeline. All those things from the past that I’ve held onto or that have been destructive, have been laid to rest. I choose what I keep and discard, of course. We all do.

The method of deciding what to keep and discard came from looking at things that were painful to me and finding the source/truth behind that pain. Why am I still hurting? Is it based upon a lie? When I inspect it using my heart as my microscope, what do I see?

Surprisingly I discovered the basis of it all was the same as it had always been. It remained unchanged and solid despite my wanting to disassemble it with doubt. I could close off my heart and pretend it was all a dream but that didn’t make it so. It just meant it was hidden, faked out until my heart protested so loud I could not ignore it any longer.

The True Self always shines through no matter how much it is buried. The heart cannot be killed, only injured. Wounds can be healed. And the song on my mind this morning echos this message: “We’re not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again”.

The Nature Remedy

Yesterday was a really good day for me. As I have mentioned recently, this crazy all-over-the-place energy seems only to respond to one treatment – nature. I have been feeling called outside since the end of October and yesterday was no different. So I went for a trail run and spent about two hours immersed in nature. I encountered few other humans (four hikers and a mountain biker) and at least a dozen deer.

It was eerily silent on the trail. So much so that when I stopped and just listened it would trigger a tiny panic inside that was fueled by imaginings of getting lost, hurt or worse and not able to get help. When I looked at the panic I realized it came from my past trips into the Rockies in Montana. The sounds on the trail in the present mimicked those past experiences so much that it transported me to the past. Of course, the hill country of Texas is nothing like Montana and it was easy to laugh off. Instead I relished the familiarity of being surrounded by nature and feeling small and powerless to the elements/wildlife rather than in control of them. It is humbling but beautiful because with acceptance you feel One with it all, which is how it is suppose to be.

It was so enjoyable that I daydreamed about spending the entire day on the trail. It felt so much more aligned with who I am than getting back in my car and driving to suburbia!

Here are some pictures from the trail. It was overcast and cold (49°). When I got to the car I looked like I had been in a fight with a tree and lost. Hair a mess and filled with tiny needles from cedar trees (junipers). LOL

 

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I spent the remainder of the day after this trail run laying around and recuperating. 8 miles of running will do that. 🙂 The tiredness sent me to bed early and led to a dreamless sleep. However, I did have some conversations with my partner/guide upon waking. I need to share a previous dream for them to make sense, though.

Dream: Garage Room (11/09/18)

This dream is fuzzy now. In the beginning I saw a row of corn (domestic bliss and harmony) that stood as tall as a person. It lined the edge of a garden. I remember noticing a large mustard plant (success and wealth) growing where a corn plant should be. I mentioned to someone that it looked like a weed but rather than pull it, I looked closely at it, noting how it was flourishing. I didn’t want to pull a plant that was doing well unless it was hindering the growth of the corn, which it wasn’t.

Near the garden I saw a downed fence (barriers/obstacles) and heard a dog barking (grumpiness, disgruntled companion) persistently on the other side of it. I went to investigate and saw a standard poodle (upper class attitude) chained (feeling retrained) to a post. It was barking so ferociously that it broke the chain (released) and came running at me. I wasn’t afraid, though, and let it yip at my feet. The owner of the dog had come out and was watching from the stoop of her house. I thought it odd that she would just let the fence lay there on the ground and not do something to fix it so that her dog could be contained.

The dog quieted and licked my hand (protection, fidelity) as I walked toward the woman. She took me inside the house (self) and I saw that it was very small, like one bedroom. I could see all the rooms from the center of the house. Through the window I could see that the house had a very small yard and was positioned in such a way that it was at the end of a dead-end street. The woman said that the yard was maintained by the subdivision and that her husband only had to tend to the small patch of grass where the dog had been.

I noticed a den (work, efficiency) along the side of the living room (boundary between public and private self). It had closet (keeping something hidden) doors on it and on the other side was the laundry room inside the bathroom (cleansing). I remember thinking it big enough to be considered a second bedroom (private self, sexual nature). Inside the den there was a strange ledge. I was told it was to allow for the parked car in the garage. I realized the room was actually part garage (inactivity, idleness, feeling lack of direction) and not big enough to be a bedroom after all.

Vision and Message

When I woke this morning and had no dream memories I lingered in bed for a while. My partner in Spirit was close and reassuring me that what I want will manifest. As we talked I fell into the in-between. I was running along a dirt trail when I came upon a field of mustard in bloom. Underneath the tall mustard grass I could see old, gray tombstones – a cemetery. Seeing this brought me out of my reverie quickly. My guide told me that he was there to help; that he wanted me to have what I want in life and was there to help it manifest. It was reassuring to me to have him so close, to know I am not alone.

To dream of being in a cemetery symbolizes the end to a habit or behavior; the experience of a rebirth. It can be sadness, unresolved grief and/or fear of death, too. The feeling of this particular cemetery was that something is being “put to rest”.

Mustard symbolizes success and wealth. This is in contrast to the dream (above) where there was just one mustard plant blooming alongside rows of corn. It seems the success part is growing exponentially.

Alongside the cemetery symbolism, the message seems to be that when something is put to rest – dies – something new can be born. This something new, symbolized by the mustard plants, bring success. That is a message I am glad to receive! I am not sure what is “dying” here, though, but most certainly it is related to the past.

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Extreme Energy

The energy lately has been all over the place. I wish it would just make up it’s mind already! My sleep patterns are most impacted. I wake often throughout the night and then wake up at 4:30-5am and can’t go back to sleep. My emotions seem to go with energy – high, low, neutral, zoned out/bored. The last few days I’ve been all over the place with fluctuations so frequent that I wonder about my sanity! Getting outside has helped, but only temporarily. I often find myself daydreaming about going camping for a few days by myself just to ground out this energy and feel somewhat sane. Sadly, I can’t do that with my husband in N.Y. leaving me once again with all the responsibility on my shoulders.

To give you a taste of how the energy is impacting me, the other morning I woke inundated with memories from the past and feeling urged to dig up things that I had been avoiding. I had a few indications from the Universe that I needed to stop avoiding, but did I listen? Nah. I avoided all I could until the messages started coming through.

The first message was this:

doubleyolkedegg

While making breakfast I cracked open a double yolked egg. I hadn’t seen one in ages and knew right away it was a message, so I snapped a pic and looked up the meaning. Seems it can mean several things – fertility, good luck, pregnancy. The last doesn’t apply to me, of course, but it can mean someone close to you is pregnant, which is true (SIL). I saw it as a sign related to what I was being urged to do, something related to soul family connections and Oneness (2 are 1 type symbology). Of course, it could be good luck I suppose. That would be welcomed, too.

Right around that same time I saw 20-20 somewhere but I can’t recall where. I don’t see that number combination often either so I took note. 20-20 means clarity of some kind is present. This sign finally got me to listen and do what I was being urged to do.

So I got to digging deep and allowing thoughts, considerations, and emotions to surface as best I could. It was difficult because my daughter had the stomach flu and was home from school for two days, thus distracting me quite a bit as you can imagine. It took me two days to sift through past crap!

Then, yesterday, after all was said and done, I was feeling a bit neutral, as if in a void or transition period, when the electricity suddenly went out for no reason. I happened to look at the time and it was 11:11am. My first thought was it was not a good sign. In fact, I still believe so. In my mind electricity = Kundalini = Divine Connection. So the message I felt was that the “power has been cut” and the connection is “dead”. Yeah, not so good.

Later last night the weather shifted, the temperature dropped drastically, it got windy and began to rain. Then the power went out yet again for no apparent reason. So like the energy lately, weather here in Texas is bipolar! Earlier this week it was warm and humid with highs the 70’s and low 80s and now it is in the low 50s, rainy and windy.

The next morning I felt very pessimistic. That void of nothingness was visiting me again. I hate the void. It’s a vast empty feeling and it exacerbates my tendency to feel sorry for myself and want to opt out of life. I know it is just a phase, one I go through often, but still it is hard not to fall into “poor me” thinking.

Yesterday at work I felt odd. There were moments where I thought for sure I would collapse in a heap on the floor from a sense of internal imbalance. This happened only a few times. There was also this odd throat chakra energy that spanned from my high heart all the way into my mouth making it feel as if I was choking. Both sensations seemed not to be mine, but another’s. It was as if I was tuned into someone else and thus taking on what they were feeling.

Then, in the middle of the day and quite unexpectedly, I received a blast of love straight to my heart. I felt a communication coming through just prior to it. It was as if someone was checking in, saying “Hey, how are you doing? Just wanted to say I love you and am thinking of you.” How I even heard it, I don’t know because I was completely immersed in my work. The love was so beautiful that I immediately became physically hot and tears streamed down my cheeks. They were happy tears, though. I was overjoyed. Yet, the tears were also fearful, fearful of losing that love and connection. And then there was this underlying hurt like an open wound. All I wanted to do was make it better.

So as you can see I’ve been all over the place. This energy is like no other. It seems to be pushing me through a veil of my own making.

Thankfully, I am not physically ill or experiencing any major symptoms. In fact, I was just thinking how healthy I have been this year compared to previous years. No stomach flu, no major colds or sinus infections. It has been really nice!

Now onto last night’s dreams….

Dream: Flying Lessons

I was on the beach (meeting of two states of mind) with a group of people, all young and hopeful. I remember seeing the ocean to my left and feeling carefree and happy to be there on the beach. I was jumping (need to take a risk; go for it) up really high into the air and the group was astonished at how high I could jump. They were all jumping, too, but not nearly as high. I slowed and showed them how I was doing it, evening lingering in the air for a bit. The sensation of flying was very memorable and joyful. I don’t know how I didn’t become lucid from all the flying.

Mini-Dream 

Dreamed of going into the bathroom (cleansing) to get the laundry for washing. When I went to pick up the clothes baby roaches (need to evaluate something, uncleanliness) came out. I noticed that some of the clothes were very wet (emotion), all of them were my husband’s. I was upset with him for tossing wet clothes in the hamper (avoiding emotion and cleansing) and allowing it to sit so long that roaches were making a nest.

love

Dream: Loving Myself

This dream began in a convertible (feeling powerful) driving up a mountain road. We stopped and I climbed out. With me was a dark haired man and woman, a couple I seemed to know and be related to. There was a gift bag (receiving a gift) in the passenger seat containing new clothing for a woman, tags still on. Underneath the clothing (outward appearance) was a ton of money (success) – $100 bills in $1000 bunches. I asked where it came from and the man said his dad must have put it there. It felt like the man’s father was a mob boss or in crime (inner conflict) and the son was inadvertently doing work for him. I suggested we leave the money in another car and only take one bunch of $100 bills just to be safe. I kept picturing the couple getting in trouble for something they didn’t know they were doing. I placed the money under the driver’s seat in another car.

I noticed some abandoned trailers (burdens) nearby and grew curious suggesting we explore them. Without hesitating I went inside one noticing it had been gutted. The floor moved (instability) whenever the wind blew outside and so I was very cautious as I walked through the trailer, telling the couple to be careful. It looked like the trailer was breathing. There was a white table with chairs in the center of the trailer. Along the right wall was a door. When I opened it there was a bathtub (cleansing) inside and nothing else. A tiny window allowed viewing of whoever was inside the tub. Next to this was an open room with a viewing glass spanning the length of the room. Inside the room was lined with plush, velvet pillows piled along daybeds lining the perimeter. I could see sex toys specifically for men in the room. Several were clear latex vagina-looking sex toys. I remember commenting that it must an orgy room. I remember thinking that it was a sex ring and feeling I should leave.

As I began to leave I heard noise indicating people were arriving. I tried to leave without being seen, not wanting to be associated with such a place, but as I went through the door I bumped into a man. I remember seeing his face as I paused to move out of his way. He had this expectant, excited look. Confused I sought what was making him look so excited and realized both of my breasts (feminine sexuality) were exposed. They were way bigger then in normal life, so big they covered my belly button. I moved past him and outside, looking for a place to hide. I could hear more people entering the establishment and so hid alongside the outside of the trailer hoping no one would see me.

As I sat in the cool grass (ease, healing), pushed up against the side of the trailer, a small girl approached me. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. She began to talk to me asking me why I was hiding. She was small, maybe 10 years old, and very innocent and curious. She came up and said, “Hi! Why are you over here all alone? Are you a teacher? All the teachers are in this section, not that in that one.” She pointed to the one I just left. The other section, was reserved for others, I can’t remember what she called them now. Students maybe. I told her I didn’t think I was a teacher.

She asked me, “Will you be my teacher?” I didn’t know quite what she meant and hesitated to answer. The girl snuggled close to me and began to touch me gently, tracing her fingers along the bare skin of my arm. I could feel what she was feeling and she was appreciating me, thinking me beautiful. I also sensed that she felt she was suppose to act a certain way, a very adult way. It made me feel sorry for her. I thought she must have grown up around the sex ring, seeing much more than a child her age should see. I was upset at her father for bringing her to such a place. How could he do that to his daughter?

Then I remember her climbing on top of me and kissing me on the lips. It was a closed mouth kiss and the feeling was that she was playing, practicing what she had seen others do. I played along but was a bit in shock, still feeling sorry for her but not judging her or rejecting her. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

After a few more similar kisses she grabbed my hand and put it on her crotch. She asked me to touch her there. When she did this I froze. I was overcome with such sadness realizing she had likely been molested to even know of such things. Yet the girl was still so innocent and trusting of me, she had no shame and I could tell she felt it was the right thing to do. She was literally trying to please me.

At this point she was laying on top of me. I could see her bare back in such detail – the tiny hairs, the tanned skin, the way her back curved up to her shoulders. I thought her very beautiful, amazingly so. It reminded me of my own body when I was her age. I think at this point in the dream I identified with this little girl, it felt like she was a part of me.

I slowly pulled my hand away from her genital region, telling her very gently, “No”. I could feel her in detail, as if I had touched her there a million times. Again, she felt like me and the sense of this was strange, as if I stopped time and merged the past and present. I felt only love and compassion. My intention was to nurture, love and protect her.

Then I did something unexpected. I took her hand and put it in my crotch like she had done to me. I said, “Here. Like this.” She seemed to immediately know what I was asking and she inserted her finger into my vagina. When she did this my root chakra began to activate and my lucidity peaked. I didn’t wake up right away, though. Instead, I remember feeling a bit confused as to what I was experiencing but not protesting it or pushing it away, though I wanted to because to be with a child like that is wrong. Yet I sensed whatever was occurring was healing and so I didn’t interfere.

When I woke my root chakra was intensifying, the energy just beginning to move up into my second chakra. I knew that the dream girl was me, maybe my inner child, the innocent version of me who only knew love and wanted to be loved. There were no feelings of shame or guilt, just pure expression and exploration. There was no way I could criticize her but I did feel a sadness for her. I was sad that she knew so much at such a young age. She only wanted to please but had been taught that sex was the primary way to please another.

Considerations

The discussion upon waking was centered around self-love. I was instructed to focus inward to find what I was seeking and not focus on the surging energy in my root chakra. I shifted positions and the energy in my root gradually dissipated. I could feel energy in other areas – my head and heart specifically. The conversation was mostly telepathic; a Knowing replaced words. What I was told was that I still had some healing to do, but that I was very close.

Yesterday I was wondering about something that may have come up in this dream for inspection. I wondered what others would answer to this question: Which would you pick – a relationship and true partnership with another built upon a foundation of love and support, or a life filled with material security, never wanting for anything, but devoid of deep connection and love?

I remember thinking that I have always chosen the latter, so I have no memory of the former manifesting. It seems that survival trumps love, that I have opted time and time again to forgo love for security. Yesterday I was thinking my choices have been denying me exactly what I need/want/deserve in life. Perhaps the dream with the little girl was showing me a piece of myself that has been covered up and denied for too long? Showing me that she misunderstood love and needed to be taught what love really is?

When I first experienced a heart-connection the end of 2015, a vision (or memory?) came to me that seemed impossible until that time. The feeling with this vision/memory was the most memorable. In the vision I saw myself upset, standing in front of the stove trying to cook dinner. I was frustrated, feeling all kinds of emotion and becoming angry for the inability to cope. My partner came up from behind and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel from him this overwhelming love, understanding and support as he held me. All my upset and resistance melted away and a deep calm enveloped me. I stood there letting the food overcook, falling into his energy knowing everything would be okay. It felt more like a memory than a vision of what was to come, though it may have been both. I knew in that instant that love like that was possible and available to me. Before that I had no concept of love like that. Up to that point, love had always been an exchange built upon mutual dependence/need.

The more I learn what real love is, the more my choice to the above question changes. I am getting close to being able to completely change my answer because it feels like choosing the first option – love – brings just as much, if not more, security than the second.

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Message: Houston, We Have a Problem

I’ve been getting urged to focus on healing a specific issue, to open up again to something I’ve shut myself off to. I agreed because it felt like the only answer to how I’ve been feeling lately.

I’ve been experiencing a kind of odd detachment. It manifests only when I slow down and stop distracting myself with other things. Some nights, as I lay down to sleep, I notice another aspect of myself getting up and leaving the room very quickly, as if she is running away. I actually see and sense her. She’s like an apparition. And when I try to focus on her I get sleepy and feel a vast emptiness inside. In the midst of feeling this emptiness I was encouraged to “open up”, so that is what I am trying to do but it is proving very difficult.

Dream: Lost Car

The dream began with me navigating my car (life path) through an unfamiliar city. It felt to be up north somewhere with large, white skyscrapers and one-way city streets. I parked my car and walked through several buildings heading toward an unknown destination. I seemed to wind through the streets and through buildings looking for something.

I came to a large community center with tall glass windows. I walked inside, through rooms and hallways that led into a small room in the back. The room was a golden brown color and filled with a handful of people listening to a man at the front of the room.

I joined the group as if I had been planning to attending the gathering all along. Everyone was sharing stories of specific spiritual experiences. I couldn’t wait to share mine but as time passed and it became later and later, I realized I was last and likely would not get a turn. The man facilitating the group seemed only to be listening but I think he was also taking these experiences and sorting them for the individual, like a kind of healing.

As it approached closing time (9pm) I began to feel restless and paced back and forth. In my mind I was going over the story I was going to share. I saw the roots (root of an issue, deep into subconscious, history) of a tree, black (unknown, buried) and spreading like a disease through the ground. I knew these roots communicated (need to address issue).

I told the group I had to leave and they accepted my departure without issue. As I left the lights were being shut off and the clock was at 9pm (9 = completion, rebirth).

As I attempted to make my way out of the building I ended up on stairs with many others heading down to the entrance (delving into subconscious). Confused because I had not come in that way, I got more disoriented when I walked outside. I wandered around a while looking for my car and specifically focused on my water bottle (keep hopes up, rejuvenation). After a long time I began to get frantic and stopped a woman who worked in one of the nearby lots asking her to help me. She walked with me for a while calling other lot attendance and staying close to me. I told her my car was a silver Prius but in my mind I saw a water bottle.

Eventually, after hours more of wandering without locating my car, I gave up. It felt like complete surrender in the dream; like I was okay with never finding my car. I went inside another building and sat down, accepting my fate. Then, I heard my husband say my name and turned as he walked up to me. He had in his hand my water bottle and said something about being contacted by a lot attendant about a lost car. He told me the car was found 7 (alignment, enlightenment) miles away. He couldn’t understand why I would park so far away. I took my water bottle from him but didn’t recognize it at first. I could feel my thirst (unmet need, void in life) in the dream, but I didn’t drink. I thanked the lady who helped me as she was still with me.

AUTOSEAL® Cortland | BPA-Free Reusable Water Bottle | 24oz ...The dream shifted a bit here and I found myself inside a clinic (healing) of some sort. I entered a waiting room with a woman and saw a young, dark haired boy/man sitting there. In an adjacent room I could see a nurse tending to a baby (new beginnings). It was completely naked and female, its genital area exposed. The strange thing is that it had long, silver fingernails (on the defensive) and I knew it had been experimented on genetically, everyone in the clinic had been.

Outside in the waiting room I saw that everyone (all naked) had strange, metallic blue objects attached to their genital area. The objects were triangular (body, mind, spirit; truth) in shape, two triangles inside the other. It seemed to clip on making the person look androgynous.

The young man was familiar to me and seemed to be the object of my focus. What I recall most here is wanting to get us both out of there. I think I also had on one of the triangular devices.

There was another shift in the dream and I was at my Mom’s house with the young man. He felt like family and though I did not realize it in the dream, he was the same dark haired boy/man I have seen in countless other dreams. He was completely naked standing next to me and inviting me to go into the bedroom (intimacy, vulnerability) with him. I began to follow him but then stopped off in the bathroom (cleanse and renew). He followed me inside as I lingered.

When I left the bathroom I was distracted by my Mom who had a large box of cookies (temptations, sweets of life) at the kitchen table. I went to investigate. The cookies were frosted sugar cookies with all sorts of images on them. Some were the size of my hand and a few others were smaller. When I was offered a large, bowl-shaped cookie I said, “Oh that’s too big for me. I prefer something like….that one.” I selected a small cookie decorated as a red schoolhouse (lessons).

My attention went back to the dark haired boy/man who was waiting patiently for me. I could feel that he wanted privacy and his invitation to the bedroom would likely lead to more. I don’t know if I was afraid but I resisted going with him. At this point I remember noticing he had on blue boxer shorts and and I also had on something to cover my nether regions (ashamed of something, hidden aspects). We were both naked from the waist up, though.

Messages

When I woke a song was going through my head:

Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart
Anymore

As I heard the song going through my mind I realized I had been hearing it in the dream when I encountered the dark haired boy/man. I recognized him, then, and wondered about his sudden appearance after such a long time. The main dream I remember him from was a Kundalini dream. In it he was setting fire to the treetops and laughing as I tried to drown out the fires with water from a hose. It was a panicky dream. Subsequent dreams were just as intense.

I also wondered why he appeared as a young adolescent man (mid-teens). Was this representative of some stage of development? And then the song, was it a message from him to me? Or a message from me to him? It seemed like a message nonetheless.

My guidance was close but not really saying much. In the midst of my confusion from the dream I heard a message, though: “Houston, we have a problem.”

I was encouraged again to “open up” and as hard as I tried, I could not contact the feeling of openness in my heart that I knew should be there.

I had a flash of a vision of my guide standing alongside more dogs than I could count. It felt like a huge line of protection was being provided. But from what?

The dream seems to point to an issue with my lower chakras. Not only does the triangle symbolize this but also the silver fingernails on the baby as well as the boxer shorts and covering of the genital region at the end of the dream. So, I seem to be trying to protect myself from something.

I finally contacted some emotion, albeit briefly, right as I was getting out of bed to get my kids ready for school. The emotion is connected to the unrequited love feeling. It seems always to linger under the surface. I have grown adept at pushing it down, swallowing the tears and heartsickness. I understood, then, what “open up” meant – I need to allow these feelings. But when I have allowed them they only seem to intensify to the point that I feel they will ultimately be the death of me.

 

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Play!

When I woke this morning I was a bit down about something that I got over rather quickly. I think I must have been mulling over the idea that the ascension process somehow turns us into “new” individuals; like in the end the person transforming isn’t themselves anymore but someone else. I thought to myself, “That was me and this is me. I am still me and always will be.”

It is understandable that I would think through this process that I would “magically transform” into someone new and unrecognizable from the person I once was. In many ways, I am very different, but the core of my personality, of who I AM, has not changed one bit. Yes, I’ve been through some intensely transformative experiences, ones where I shifted so much into my HS that I felt the old me literally shed and fall off like old clothing. I’ve shed many layers through similar experiences over the years, but every.single.time I come back to my core self and to a more balanced distribution of HS and lower self.

With this consideration that I will transform into someone new came the assumption that this “new” person will ultimately change everything else in their life to match. There is so much talk online about how we must drop anything that is of a “lower vibration” -all connections with people, places and things which no longer align with who we are – that is easy to assume that means, in the end, our lives look completely different than prior to the transformation. And maybe this is true for some people. It certainly seems so if you focus primarily on those writing about ascension, the Shift, etc. But what about all those others going through this process who have not dramatically changed everything about themselves and their lives as a result? Are they not transformed just as intensely?

Ultimately, I realized that I had this idea that I am not transformed unless I make drastic changes to my life so that I can live in tune with my new, higher vibration. It’s like I think one cannot come without the other which it total BS. I mean really, whose to say that I am not already in line? If I weren’t, I would be shifting away from where I am.  If something doesn’t feel right, I look at it, adjust it and continue on; therefore, I am always fine tuning my life to align with my vibration – my heart/soul/core. I don’t have to use my spiritual gifts full-time or sell everything, buy and RV and drive around the country helping those I happen across. I don’t have to go to ceremonies or gather in groups with others of the “Light” (which we all are BTW) or write a book, hold a class, give a lecture, make a video, etc. I don’t have to divorce my husband, leave my family and move across the country to Mt. Shasta (which I thought of doing!) or some other place (like TN) in order to somehow be this “new improved” version of myself.

I could do any of those things. I could. But honestly the only thing I should do is what feels right to me. If it doesn’t feel right in the end, then I am missing something and to act without full [self-] awareness would be unwise.

I was a bit down to discover my faulty thinking but then I forgave myself for it is only human to put conditions on everything. “If ________ happens, then _______ will happen” is conditional thinking. My guidance has brought this to my attention before! I remember, too, and I do try to stay aware of the conditions I place on myself, my life and others. Yet, it still happens. It is everywhere, unfortunately, and these conditions can really wreak havoc on our lives if we don’t seek them out. They can trap us, and do trap us.

If you are feeling unbalanced, unhappy, or dissatisfied in some way, there is likely some kind of conditional thinking underneath it all that is to blame.

Now that I think of it, maybe I was discussing this very topic in my dreams last night because one dream in particular comes up.

Dream

The dream began inside a house (own soul/self). The house was full of people I knew. There was a man who had two babies (innocence, new beginnings), twins (duality) I think. One was in distress, stuck inside a small box with wire over the front. I went up to the baby to console him and the baby pushed on the door and it opened. He was free. I said to the baby, “You freed yourself! Good job!” I snuggled with the baby. He was wearing only a diaper and looked to be around 12 months old.

The father was an older man with a gray beard. As I held both babies, talking baby talk to them both and just generally snuggling and loving them, I asked the father if he was going to have anymore babies. He said that he was not because he couldn’t. I saw an image of his lower regions and heard “fixed” but I do not think it was physical but something spiritual because I saw energy/nadis running through his penis and testicles.

There is a section of the dream where I am in a hallway. I am talking to my husband who is finishing up a very elaborate mural on the wall. I recognize the images. They are giant replications of my Oracle deck. There are at least six cards painted next to each other covering the wall from floor to ceiling. I comment on how beautiful they are and how I painted the originals. I remember thinking they looked better on the wall than on the tiny canvas’ I used.

Then I was fiddling with my purse (identity and sense of self) and pulled out a folded piece of paper. I opened it up and it was a letter (communication from subconscious) from someone I knew. I looked up and saw her across the room watching me. She was a young woman, approximately 25, with brown hair and eyes. The letter had two pages. The first was just a note and the second was an entire page of Light Language. I realized as I was looking it over that she had written me to share her revelation and seek counsel on how to develop her gifts.

For some reason I decided I didn’t need or want this girl’s letter anymore. Light Language seemed insignificant to me, as if it was just a silly hobby. I folded it back up and got up to throw it in the trash (release, let go). As I got to the can I saw the girl was sitting very close to it and watching me. Not wanting to hurt her feelings, I quickly changed my mind about tossing the letter. I pretended I had a runny nose, sniffled and used the folded note to wipe (let go of past) my nose.

The dream grows hazy here. Mostly I remember flashes of things I have done in the past. I saw my paintings and the Oracle deck they later became a part of. I saw the Light Language I had written and channeled. I saw the walk-in group I gathered with in TN and Shasta. These all flashed very quickly through my mind and then I heard someone speaking to me, listing off the answer selections to a multiple choice question. I can’t remember the selections now because I woke up.

Play!

The sadness hit me upon waking. It felt like all the things I had done in the past were in an attempt to fill in the blanks of that condition I placed upon myself. How much of it was true to me? And how much was me attempting to transform myself into something I thought I should be? In looking back on my feelings, I can’t help but think that much, if not all of it, was me attempting to find myself and, like the portion of the dream involving the letter, ultimately just a phase that has long since passed.

But then, isn’t life composed of passing phases of self-exploration? Isn’t that why we come into life? To experience ourselves? So, it is not that all of my experiences were some futile attempt to re-create myself. No. They were me learning who I am via exploration and experimentation. This is what we (spirit in human form) do. Children do it all the time (play!). Adults, not so much. We just let ourselves get stuck in the condition rather than moving through it when it has served it’s purpose. We keep playing trudging through a game long after we find it boring or pointless.

I guess the question now is: What games do I want to play presently? What brings about a longing in my heart to explore and experiment?

If I am honest with myself about this question then I guess I would like more experiences involving the bliss state. I want to see if I can remain neutral through intensely pleasurable experiences and intensely painful experiences alike. I want to test my own limits, physically and spiritually. Travel would be nice, especially locations where I can be out in nature, and ideally with someone who I enjoy being with.

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Dream Message: Profound Paul

Strange dreams last night. The hamburger theme continues!

Dream: Profound Paul

This dream was much longer but I only recall the last part.

I was in a high school (lesson being learned) that I did not recognize walking alongside a friend who I believe was male but I can’t recall ever seeing him. This friend told me that a certain guy was planning on asking me out after school. I wanted to avoid this (avoiding lesson) so decided to leave school early. I remember going through the band (sense of community) hall and interrupting several groups of students in small rooms viewing movies (passage of time). One said, “I guess they didn’t lock the door again.” In my mind I saw the lock (allowed access, acceptance/belonging) had been broken on the door. I apologized as I walked in front of the movie screen.

My step-father picked me up in his pickup truck (hard work). As we were leaving I remembered I had forgotten something back at the school and asked him to take me back to get it. I was hoping we would get there before school let out.

We drove along a four lane highway (life path) for a while and then topped the hill before the school. Traffic was backed up as parents waited on their kids. The highway was under construction (new surge of energy, growth) in front of the school so we had to slow down. There was piles of reddish brown dirt and construction vehicles all around. My step-father had to slow down and then move to the left. I remember noticing we could not see much in front of us for all the construction in the way. There were large drop-off’s that I could see out of the corner of my eye. I worried my step-father might accidentally fall into one, but he never did.

Then, we had to stop and wait. While waiting I saw two men come out of the construction zone. One was the guy who I was told was going to ask me out after school. He looked to be mulatto and wasn’t wearing a shirt. The other guy was one of his friends and looked similarly.  Both were very large and muscular, which was a bit intimidating.

I felt skittish and wanted to run but with both guys on either side of me and a construction zone full of obstacles, there was no escape. I remember the guy who wanted to ask me out coming closer. He was friendly and smiling, telling me that he knew how to make an awesome hamburger (need to be whole, dissatisfaction in relationship) and would like to show me. We talked for a while, me keeping a distance from him. I called him by name but can’t recall it now. I think it started with a “J” like Jason or Jacob.

At the end of the dream my step-father was encouraging me to run but I had decided not to. I sat down with a huge hamburger in my hand and said to him, “Sorry but I just can’t.” Then I took a big bite. I could taste the juices of the meat in my mouth as I woke.

I woke up feeling confused and disoriented. I wondered who the guy was and I heard a voice say, “Profound Paul.” I am certain the guy’s name was not Paul.

A song was going through my head, but no lyrics, just a repetitive melody. I knew it was a Pearl Jam song from my high school days, but I couldn’t recall the name. So, I looked it up and found it easily. The song is Black and the melody goes on and on at the end. In high school I use to always skip to the next song on the CD because I couldn’t handle listening to it go on and on for over a minute. It was not one of my favorite songs, so I did not know the lyrics. They are pretty interesting.

Dream: Semen Cure

This dream was just weird. lol

I was in bed in a room that reminded me of my old bedroom at my Mom’s house. It was morning and I had just woken up. My husband was getting ready for work and I called him to bed for morning sex. He said, “Really?” and joined me in bed. We made sure to cover ourselves with the blanket (protection) because people were walking in and out of the room so the only privacy we had was that blanket.

As we were doing our thing, a family consisting of a mother and some kids, walked through. My husband got distracted and struggled with this so I rushed him so we could be done quickly. Then my husband left.

The woman who had been walking through the room stopped and looked at me. She asked me, “Why did you do that (rush it)?” I said, “Sometimes you just have to (rush). It’s better than nothing.” I remember my consideration was that if I didn’t rush then everything would fizzle out and I would end up with nothing (no climax).

The woman’s children were gathered around me, inspecting my bare skin. I became aware of small sores on my legs and arms. One of the children told me I needed a certain cream to heal them. I saw the white cream in my mind. The name of the cream started with a “C”. It was not cortisone, but something else I can’t recall now.

I inquired about the cream and instantly knew that it came from ejaculate. One of the kids said, “If you use it they (my wounds) will heal.”

I woke up from this dream thinking how very odd it was. WTF, right? lol

Considerations

The hamburger dream theme is just odd. I suspect my eating the hamburger is a sign that progress is being made since up until now I have never eaten one. Perhaps I am finally confronting what the hamburger represents?

To see or eat a hamburger in your dream suggests that you are lacking some emotional, intellectual, or physical component in order to feel whole again. You may be feeling unsatisfied with some situation or relationship. It is also symbolic of your experiences and how you need to learn from them. Look at the big picture. Source: Dreammoods.com

The “Profound Mystery”

The message “profound Paul” doesn’t really make any sense to me. At first I thought it likely just some wise-crack from my guidance. Then, I thought that perhaps “Paul” was the Apostle Paul from the Bible. So, I Googled “Profound Paul” and sure enough, found this:

Ephesians 5:31-32 New International Version (NIV)

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[a] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

The book of Ephesians in the bible was written by the Apostle Paul around 60AD. So, “Profound Paul” was likely a message from my guidance about Union. There are many discussions online about what the “profound mystery” is, none of them rings true to me as part of the message my guidance was relaying. I think it could just be that they are reminding me that such “marriage” is happening to me; to Remember that it is my true state; we are all One.

The Semen Dream Symbolism

The dream about the cream is likely linked to all the damn itchy skin I am having lately. I have spots of eczema on my right hand, the tops of my shoulders and my neck. This morning I am much itchier than normal and it is driving me crazy. I have prescription Cortisone cream I use and it helps but it is really annoying, almost as bad as poison ivy! My dermatologist says it is the type of eczema related to stress and allergies.

I am also having itchy ears. The inside of my left ear was itching like crazy last night to the point that I couldn’t sleep. Not sure why but it happens, but it does every once in a while. If I itch it then it usually turns into an outer ear infection. So I left it alone but OMG it was hard. It is likely from allergies or stress, too. 😦

Then there are my eyes. My right eye especially is an issue. I can’t wear my contacts without my eyes feeling dry and irritated. Usually I get a headache within an hour of putting them in. So I have been wearing them for only a few hours at a time and only when I have to. People are starting to notice my glasses I wear them so much. I have heard, “I didn’t know you wore glasses!” quite a bit lately.

The cream dream could also be related to my sexual appetite lately as well. Prior to bed I was wondering if maybe I was in the midst of my sexual peak, which they say hits women in their late 30s and early 40s. I never believed in such a thing but am reconsidering that now. lol Never in my life have I had so many sexual dreams nor have I ever been one to fantasize or think about sex (like never!). Yet, for the last few years, all of the above have become so common-place that I can’t help but notice. The me in my 20s-30s would be aghast by the things going through my head these days. OMG! The horror. LMAO

Perhaps it is the Kundalini that has sparked this change in me? Or maybe it is a combination of many factors that led me here. Whatever the cause, it is real and happening to me. It has made me question myself, but I think mostly I am just opening up to and loving myself and my body.

I have also been watching a show on Netflix called Wonderlust. I totally relate to this show! If you haven’t seen it, check it out. Warning: It’s not for the prudish or anyone with lots of sexual programming that still needs clearing. But hey, if you are brave it may be a good way to bring that stuff up for clearing!

 

 

 

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Busy Night of Dreamwork

Really busy night of dreamwork last night. Not sure why or what shifted, but it was interesting.

Dream: Phone Stalker

This dream was early on in the night so it is fading now. In it I remember being at my work station. I put up a large, floor-to-ceiling curtain (secrecy, holding back or hiding) as part of my station, pinning it up by the corners. Then I sat at my computer (new opportunities being presented) to do my work alongside another, on my left, with a similar station set-up.

My computer began to act up, the screen freezing and not responding (delay). My focus shifted to my phone (receiving new info) as I waited. I was texting with someone from IT, or so I thought. The texts began to insinuate that I was slacking at work, playing on my phone and just generally not being productive. The guy would interrupt my surfing the web with these texts, making me feel guilty.

At the same time, the guy sending the texts had a familiar feel to him and flashes of an old highschool classmate came to mind. This particular classmate was known as being very sexual. He flirted with every girl, including me, from middle school until we graduated. He often openly discussed his sexual experiences with the group, even if we did not want to hear it (which I didn’t). Many times he propositioned me, not to go on a date but to “experiment”. Back then, being young and naive, I had no idea if he was serious or playing a joke, but the feeling from him was always very sexual – always. I turned him down time and again, acting disgusted but all the while being very curious and wishing I could “play” with him instead of being the “good girl.”

Eventually the texting became very familiar and friendly and he was back to his old tricks. In the dream I experienced an inner conflict much more heightened than it was in highschool. I believe this inner conflict was being presented to me for analysis.

When I woke I felt a bit concerned and surrounded myself in protection. The feeling was just too concerning not to. But now I suspect the “danger” feeling was my reaction to the inner conflict, like looking too close could be dangerous in some way.

Dream: Vibrating Machine

This dream is also a bit fuzzy now. In it I was paired with a woman who was to be my lover. She reminded me of a friend I once knew who is not of this sexual orientation. Her appearance was dark hair, dark eyes, big smile, large personality, and overweight. There was no attraction to her in the dream. Instead, it felt like I was assigned to her.

The part that is most vivid is the two of us being escorted into a very scientific setting. The room was white and mostly empty. I was placed on a machine, completely naked. The other woman was on a similar machine behind me.

The machine was composed of a tall, white pole that attached to the ceiling. At about waist height was a small, triangular platform about the size of the palm of a hand. The top of the triangle was pointing outward. I was facing the pole, positioned so that the platform fit snugly up against my private parts.

I don’t remember much here except that when they turned on the machine it vibrated and my entire body shook from the intensity of it. I remember turning around and seeing my friend and wondering what was going on.

This dream seems to have been a healing and adjustment memory. I have had many like this before – similar setting with odd machines and such.

hourglass

Dream: Hope

In this dream I was in a soap opera (drama, life) I use to watch growing up – Days of Our Lives. I was part of the cast and being briefed on the current story. Mostly I remember seeing people I recognized and saw how their roles had changed. In particular was one character – Hope – who I had watched transform from a young, beautiful girl to an older woman.

Then I was about to enact a scene when the producer, a very old, bearded man, approach me and advice me on how to act it out. As they began filming, my vision shifted and I became more lucid. I went to a table and poured myself some Scotch (trying to numb awareness) thinking it would not hurt to have a bit in my drink for breakfast. I remember seeing in my mind the view of the camera as it slowly focused on the shelf. There were stacked on the shelf books that had the faces of people from the past along with the dates they participated in the show. I saw dates all the way back to the 1700s.

When I saw the faces/dates I began to feel sad. The main source of sadness stemmed from the fact that Hope was no longer in her prime. The show had replaced her with someone else, someone young and vibrant who had the adventures of a young person – relationships, travel, sex, etc. I saw how Hope had a new role that was much less exciting. The biggest problems she faced were in protecting her children and family. She no longer had sexual appeal or vibrancy despite being generally good looking. Her time in the spotlight was gone.

Something about this realization made me sad enough to cry. It woke me up. A song was going through my head when I woke. The main part was, “Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough, just a second we’re not broken just bent and we can learn to love again”.

I was distracted from paying much attention to the song because my daughter was sleepwalking and slammed a door which startled me. It was raining hard and she tends to get scared so I had to usher her back into her room.

I now think this dream was pointing me to look at some considerations I have about aging and my grief at losing my youth. A message stayed with me: Aging is part of the cycle of life. 

Dream: Bus Ship

In this dream I was with a group of students sitting on a bus (going along with the crowd). I was holding a small device and trying to clock in but the screen kept freezing. A commotion from my left distracted me. I saw that a water treatment facility had a pipe burst and the busy road was being flooded with water (emotion). The traffic was forced to stop. I watch curiously as a person walked through the water and thought that I should take a video, but I didn’t. Instead, I focused on the device and was finally able to clock in. I was taken to a screen where I could order a pizza (choices, variety) for delivery. It had not been updated from the previous year, though, and I did not believe it would work.

Then the bus began to move and many student went to their windows to open them. My window (insight) opened suddenly, falling inward and surprising me. I opted to shut it.

Lucid Dream: Alternate Reality

The dream shifted here. It was as if the bus transported me. I was in outer space hovering there beside a guide, my attention drawn to the planet Earth. Only Earth looked to be eclipsed by a large shadow and my memory here is that a “split” was taking place.

I shifted, my vision going black. I was standing in a parking lot (need to slow down) with a group of people in the midst of a conversation about the relocation of a restaurant. It was dark outside and I looked up at the starry sky as if to orient myself. I recognized the place from a previous dream – Truck Horse Woman. I also knew the time frame was before this dream.

I was holding in my hand a black, metal object and said to someone, “This is part of the buffet (relationship is consuming my energy).” I looked down at it and then around at the people and the place. I knew I was dreaming and even thought to myself, “This is a dream.”

The discussion going on around me was about why they were relocating, the distance the new location was from the old (5 miles) and the reasons for having to move in the dark. The owner seemed to be very wise, like a guide to everyone there.

As I walked in and out of the restaurant, each time dropping something into the back of a black (unknown) pick-up (work), I became more and more curious about this dream I found myself in. I remember looking at the empty restaurant and not recognizing it, then realizing it was the old one and not one I had seen. I was trying to connect the other dream with this one and was able to pretty quickly. I saw what it would become, how it would flourish and even recognized one of the waitresses who was especially upset about the move.

At one point I turned to one of the waitresses and called her, “341” instead of a name. I stopped and laughed and told her, “Where I’m from you would have a name.” They were curious. I said, “Like Becky.” I suddenly knew everyone’s number. I turned and looked at #119 and noticed she was listening. I thought to myself, “I should take over this dream and go elsewhere….” Then I changed my mind thinking, “No…I should see where this dream takes me”, making a conscious decision to let the dream play out.

Then they were talking about how they could not do certain things openly because they were outlawed. I said to the group, “I would do #3 then.” They all laughed and I wondered what #3 might be knowing instantly it was sex and that #1 was God/Source. These things were against the rules in this world; many things were restricted.

As we were preparing to leave I gathered up some remaining things and went to the truck. Outside the they were all in the truck waiting for me and I climbed in. Inside were rows of seats. I saw in an open seat in the first row and knew it was mine. I crawled past two guys and wondered about them. I had an urge to explore the energy I felt coming off them but then changed my mind.

When I sat down I told them I had picked up some markers (creativity) that were left behind. Then one girl reminded me of the “staples” and how important it was not to waste them. I reassured her that I ironed my papers and connected them by folding over the edges. I saw the bluish staples (need to sort emotion) in my mind and knew they had been rationed. This place was very odd!

As we drove I saw signs and billboards lining the empty streets. Every sign was illuminated and flashing. An alarm went off as we got onto the main road. We were not suppose to be out after curfew.

Then the truck pulled into an ally and slowed. We entered a kind of underground/black market. People were gathered there to do illegal things. I saw a group smoking to my left, clouds of smoke (emotion clouding judgment) billowing off their lips. They stared at me strangely and I stared back. Then I saw an Asian guy talking to his caged pet chickens (cowardice). He was making a strange humming noise that sounded alien to me.

The truck stopped at a dead end. The driver got out and said, “This is it.” He went to a strange display that had large crawdads (tenacity) with beady eyes. The crawdads were alive, their antenna moving around and their eyes staring at us. Below them was a bowl of red (root chakra, sexuality) sauce (be more direct with feelings) that dripped from a fountain (sexual climax) located just above the crawdads. The driver said that to drink the sauce was illegal because it did something I can’t remember now. I took a spoon and dipped it in the sauce, feeding it to the crawdads. The driver went around the display and leaned in, drinking from the sauce directly. I heard people gasp. This woke me up.

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Peaks and Valleys

The last few days I underwent a mini-transformation from sad and unmotivated to happy and content with life. Many lessons packed into a small period perhaps? Or maybe I am just learning? 🙂

I’ve been watching Westworld and the last few episodes of season 2 seemed to speak to me regarding my spiritual path and the ascension of mankind in general. The main message was that we have been programmed, running on a specific loop for lifetimes and that the only way to free ourselves from this program is to 1. be aware of it and 2. seek to alter the programming. We, of course, have the forgetfulness of being human to deal with causing us delays and throwing us back into the loop time and time again. However, ascension will eventually reverse the forgetfulness in a way as to allow us to have more memory and thus work toward changing our programming.

Anyway, having some odd dreams lately with a “hamburger” theme of all things!!!

11/01/2018 

Woke in a sour mood with a song in my head – never danced like this before, we don’t talk about it, do the boogie all night long, stoned in paradise, shouldn’t talk about it….

For the second night in a row I woke more times than I could count in the night. I knew the song was reminding me that I was avoiding something – not talking about something. I immediately softened and focused inward and was covered in warm energy that radiated outward from my core.

Dream: Hamburger Flower

I had several dreams that all blended together. I recall one where I was grocery shopping with a very rambunctious girl (retarded maybe?). I remember going to buy veggies, specifically Kohlrabi and then on to the meats section.

There was another dream in a restaurant where I met up with a woman friend but it is hazy now, too. I just remember joining her at a table and also sitting at another table with two black guys. I think I was black in this dream as well and likely reconnecting with someone I knew in the past since I was on the phone with a black woman friend. I remember seeing a whole history of a Dodge Caravan purchase and the trade-in and everything. The comments made were that it smelled so good in comparison to the old vehicle. lol Note: On the way to work I kept noticing minivans (burdens/responsibilities of taking care of a family).

Then I was traveling with my husband. There is a whole part of the dream that is foggy here. I think I was in an RV part of the way. We stopped to get food at a cafe. I ordered a special hamburger (lacking something to become whole) that had a “2” in it, like 2C or something. My husband got his order long before me and sat in the wrong place. I had chosen a seat on the other side of the room and taken my fries (do not overlook the minuscule things in life) there. Eventually I retrieved my fries from the table which now had a group of young people sitting at it. They handed me my fries in a green (healing, love) napkin (good news) and I took them and joined my husband.

When my burger arrived it looked odd. There were six patties, one in the center and five others fanned out around it like a flower’s petals (broken relationship, regret or guilt). In the center was a fried egg (something new is about to happen). All this was on one half of a bun.

MoonlightFox

Peaks and Valleys

When I woke I was unhappy and feeling like I had a lot of time to pass before anything substantial happened. I kept thinking of the dream I had (Akashic library) where I was shown how my spiritual progress was organized throughout this life. I saw the rolling waves across the years indicating times of spiritual intensity followed by nothing spiritual (seemingly) for a time. This pattern repeated over and over. I did not see the spiritual periods increasing or intensifying or showing higher levels than the previous. It was very consistent and predictable. I thought later about how it may indicate that right now I am in one of the valleys of boring, mundane life. I could see the pattern playing out and thought that maybe I should just accept it and not concern myself during these “low” times but rather just forget and move on with in it.

11/2/18 Dream – Reprogramming

The first dream I remember of the night is very fuzzy now. I mostly remember talking about programming with one of my guides. I also recall there being space in between activity, like a strobe light without the visuals. I also recall intense root chakra energy that snaked all the way up to my heart. It did not wake me but was memorable enough for me to pause and enjoy it.

The discussion with my guide is mostly what remains. In summary, we talked about how focus/fixation on pleasure and avoidance of pain was being worked through. The intermittent waves of spiritual intensity mixed with mundane periods was meant to help me see and correct a pattern. My reaction should be neutral regardless of where I am on the spectrum of emotion/sensation. The goal is to not impatiently wait for the desired, pleasurable,exciting phases while also not resisting the boring and mundane phases and learn to integrate the two so that the “waves” become less and less noticeable and I am flowing in a straight line with little variation. The key is to put my attention on this neutral state, which after all is “bliss” in and of itself. To remain in bliss throughout the up’s and down’s. To do this, I have to learn to be the observer in life, to listen to that inner voice at all times. A part of me dislikes this information because I really do love the intense bliss arousal state. The boring states are not as big of an issue for me, nor is the pain so much.

Dream: Disqualified

In the next dream I was in a kitchen preparing hamburgers (learn from experience, lack of fulfillment) for the group. I was part of a group similar to the Bachelor where women and men were interacting and eventually would pair up. It felt like, for me at least, I was choosing between 5 different men. The hamburgers were for them. As I cooked I looked at the patties browning, scooping them up one by one and placing them on buns. I specifically took two patties and placed them next to each other on a bun. The other three patties were then placed on their own buns. The buns were too big for the patties. There remained one bun with nothing on it.

All the men were grateful, I remember them saying so. We then lay down to watch a movie. I can’t remember it now but I remember seeing a man and knowing he was my partner, the one I was meant to be paired with. The Knowingness was strong. Seeing him sparked a memory. I went to him and we just stared into each other’s eyes. We spoke without words, connecting fully.

I lay in his arms as we watched the movie, aware of our connection and discussing telepathically with him how we would share our bond with the group. I remember saying that we would just let them know we had paired up. That was the purpose of this group after all? We were snuggled together very happy and comfortable for a while. I mostly remember the soft pillows (comfort, support) and his arms wrapped around me.

At some point after this I became aware of water (emotion) seeping into the space. It was coming through the walls, the cabinets, everything. There was concern here and I remember trying to get out of the room (aspect of Self) because that was the source of the water.

Outside the men were waiting and everyone was staring at me. I was told by those in charge that I had been disqualified and needed to pack my things and leave. As I was leaving, I looked up at a concrete (solid, unyielding) roof (barrier between states of consciousness) over the door. It was dripping water (emotion). I took it down with my mind revealing the clear sky above.

I turned and noticed the group standing and watching me. My partner was passed out (unaware, not wanting to know) in a heap on the ground. I went to retrieve him, holding him in my arms concerned for him because he was not waking up. What was odd is that he transformed so that I was holding a very large sloth (lack of ambition, passivity, laziness) with a neck that was very thin like that of a bird. His head had large eyes and his mouth often looked like a beak (interference, annoyance). I carried him with me, cradling his head to try and keep it from dangling on the long neck (indecision). I asked the other men where his spot/bed was. I walked along a line of men, their individual rooms were chairs (feelings or ideas being dismissed or cast aside) all along a long table that stretched against the wall. Each section was separated by a wall (separateness) and it was very prison-like and institutional (analytical). I felt very sad for the men knowing their areas were so stark in comparison to the women’s dorm room were all women slept together and had beds (connection with self and others).

I asked where my partner’s space was, saying a name I can’t recall. I was pointed to a space and I set him down in his chair (feelings/ideas cast aside) thinking it a bad place for him to sleep (unaware). His head (over-thinking weighing him down) hit the floor a few times and I thought he must be dead.

A woman was there and told me that my partner likely took some medication (avoidance) that caused him to sleep. She said he would be fine once it wore off. I watched as he began to wake up, turning once again into a man. He seemed unaffected and perfectly fine, smiling as if nothing had happened. I left feeling like he was too far gone to come with me. It felt as if he was unreachable and I wondered about the symbolism as I woke, becoming more lucid with each consideration.

Adele song lyrics were in my head – Nevermind I’ll find someone like you…..I wish nothing but the best for you. Don’t forget me, I begged. I remember you said, “Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”.

Considerations

I had a guide close when I woke. I asked to be allowed out of this life/path. He told me I could not, that I had gone past the point of no return and must finish what I started. We talked about my dreams. My words reflected the conversations of the night. He asked me what I thought of the sloth dream. I only remember feeling sad, like so much time was needed to get men into the right state to be in balance with the feminine. That is what the dream seemed to indicate to me, that men were still a long way away from resolution – being sloth-like, drugged and avoidant. And women were grieving heavily, aware but unable to get the men to wake, thus the water seeping through the walls and me carrying my sloth-partner around trying to protect him from harm.

I remember my guide telling me that I could not rush things else I would harm myself. The harm here is physical and emotional, not spiritual. There is great risk in being vulnerable with the wrong person. I was reassured that I would find what I seek but that I need to be patient. Time seemed so much like my enemy.

My realization was to once again seek what I am looking for inside myself. My focus had shifted prior to bed and remained so upon waking. I could feel the connection with my guide. It was like a warm all-over buzzing/vibrating. I mentioned it and he said, “You have always felt it. It is always there.” With this I knew that if I continued to look inward that connection would be there, connection to All, and with that the bliss.

Anxiety

On Friday I went to eat with a group of coworkers, all men, to a burger bar and grill place. I had a few incidences of feeling way too wide open which resulted in mild panic that I quickly reeled in. It was odd, though, since I haven’t felt anxiety/panic in a while. When the sensation hit I would want to run or get out of the space. Just odd. I kept trying to figure where or who the feeling was coming from but I couldn’t. Eventually it subsided but only right before leaving.

What is really strange about going to this burger place is that one guy, whose birthday we were celebrating, ordered a burger with a fried egg on it. It reminded me of both the hamburger dreams above, especially the one where I ordered one with a fried egg on top! So odd…..

Feeling Blessed

Despite the strange ascension symptoms I’ve been having, it seems that I am shifting once again and finding my center. I feel stable and strong, healthy and vibrant. Just today I felt like I could live forever I felt so good, but that was after a trail run. With all the energy craziness lately I have been outside quite a bit. It is the only thing that helps right now. If I am feeling off in any way I get outside as soon as I can and feel almost instantly better.

Some of my “symptoms”:

Pain in my right shoulder – radiates into my wrist sometimes, comes and goes.
Headaches – come on suddenly and then stop just as suddenly.
Eczema.
Tiredness, on and off.
Interrupted sleep.
Telepathy
Synchronicities
Mild anxiety/panic

The telepathy with my husband is the strangest by far. I don’t normally pick up on his thoughts as clear as I have been. For example, on Thursday I took the car to pick up the kids and he stayed at work. His plan was to catch a ride home with his brother. While I was going to grab a few things at the store I thought, “I need to go pick up ____”. I thought this cheerfully and then shut down the thought because I knew he was catching a ride. I actually had this same thought two more times after as well. Thirty minutes later he calls as I am leaving the store and says, “I forgot to tell my brother I needed a ride and he left already. Can you come pick me up?” LOL

There was another incident of a similar nature but I can’t remember it now. It had to do with getting something and I did it before he asked because I heard in my head that I needed to get it! WTF? It was actually very, very cool. 🙂

Today’s trail run was so uplifting and wonderful. My husband came along and I remember thinking how nice it was to have him in my life. I can call on him to hang out with me anytime I want and he will. I am never alone unless I want to be. I do enjoy his company most of the time and he is the first person I ask when I want to go do something. I can’t imagine not having anyone to call upon, to hang out with, etc. I should not take it for granted as there are so many who have no one. I am truly blessed. Truly.

Here are some shots from the run. The monarchs were out today again. It made the entire experience such a de-Light. 🙂

 

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Major Ascension Flu or Something Else?

Yesterday was an odd ascension flu day for me, at least that is what I think was going on. My entire body felt….weird. The closest I can come to it was an experience I had during my first pregnancy, way back in 2008.

At the time, it felt like every nerve ending in my body was super sensitive and uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and no position would allow a reprieve. The only way it would go away was for my husband to do a kind of “nerve assist” where he lightly brushed up and down my back, arms and legs with his hands. After a little while of this kind of body work I would settle and finally get to sleep.

Yesterday, it wasn’t as bad as 2008 but it had me a bit concerned because it was like the nerve sensitivity extended to my mind. When I tried to focus on my work it….hurt. It wasn’t horribly painful or anything, just a discomfort. This would be broken by my fixing my focus elsewhere only to reoccur after a minute or so of new focus. Then there was the all-over body aches, especially in my abdomen, neck, right arm and lower back. I also had a strange taste in my mouth.

The feeling in my body and mind made me think that at any moment I would lose control of some body part, like my hands or legs. That never happened, but it felt like it could. My take on this was that if such a thing happened and I was bed ridden then at least others people would have to tend to me for a change. lol

Ultimately, the only thing that “cured” the weird discomfort was being active outside. Morning yoga really did little to help it. I took my dog on a quick run early on and it helped, albeit temporarily. Around 4pm I gardened for about an hour, digging and planting and getting dirty. I felt completely revived and better after. Then, around 6pm I went for a group run. By bedtime all the weirdness had vanished and I felt really good.

Honestly, the strange feeling has been with me since the weekend but intensified daily until yesterday it finally had me wondering, “Am I sick?”

This morning there is little discomfort except in the right side of my neck.

Yesterday, I was urged to lay down and focus on my body and energy so that I could observe what was going on. I used my medical intuition on myself and noticed some definite issues in my abdomen and bloodstream. Not panicking, though, because there was nothing serious that I could see, just blockages that were in the very areas that were the most sensitive.

My guidance is again encouraging me to “slow down” and “rest”. I saw myself doing yoga instead of running and weight training. This puts a kink in my plans because I have been slowly building up my home gym. I just added a barbell stand and bench so I can lift heavier and a plate holder for my barbell plates. I have plans to paint and add a large rubber floor mat and mirror. I have not gotten to try out my barbell stand yet because of all these body issues, which irks me!

Update

In other news, the financial issues I have been working to fix are slowly dissolving one by one. If you don’t know what I am talking about, basically my husband has racked up quite a credit card debt. For a while I was taking a step back and not assisting with resolving it (out of anger and stubbornness), but it bothered me so much to be in debt that I finally took responsibility and stepped up to help. So, I started working full-time in July and have since saved every.single.paycheck. 🙂 That is me, though, a saver, not a spender (usually). I also gave in and applied for two 0% interest cards in my name since my husband could not get any with any substantial credit limits. Me, though, I had only one card in my name, so I was easily able to get great offers.

In the meanwhile, my husband got a nice bonus paycheck which, along with the refinancing cash-out we did, will pay off almost all of the debt. The remaining debt is now being channeled over to my new promotional card. This means we have only one small payment versus three medium-sized payments, freeing up cash-flow to a nice, comfortable spend-whatever-we-want place. Of course, that means my husband will spend, which he excels at. Me, I will continue to save for “a rainy day”. In the end, I will likely bail his ass out again as is our usual pattern. C’est la vie.

Dream: Love Doesn’t Discriminate

My dreams continue to point to me working on expanding and opening my heart. This time I dreamed of close family members who I have very little affinity or liking to right now: my sister and brother-in-low/cousin. <—–the “low” instead of “law” just kind happened but I’m leaving it because it’s kinda true.

In the dream my cousin/BIL was sitting next to me and giving me a feeling of interest beyond just friendliness. It really creeped me out and I was inching away from him the whole time thinking, “Ewww!” lol He was doing this with my sister (his wife) right there with us, which is typical of him and also grossed me out.

My sister, on the other hand, was reminding me of an old high school classmate. In the dream they would swap out as if they were the same person.

This ex classmate was and still is of the typical white trash type. The last I heard she was having her umpteenth child, working as a waitress at a bar, living in a trailer park, and marrying for the fourth or fifth time. Pictures on FB showed her posing by a Harley scantily clothed and bragging about her breast implants while appearing a decade older than she is. Rough life.

So, apparently I was/am seeing my sister like this classmate, which, sadly, is very true.

I woke from the dream knowing I was being asked to inspect my judgments. The message clearly was that an open heart loved all equally regardless of their “faults”. If I cannot love my sister and cousin/BIL fully and without judgment/expectation, then how can I expect to love all of humanity?

Greyhound_bus_on_the_way_to_Washington-2

Dream: Catching the Bus/Train

In another dream I was hiking up a very steep mountainside (determination) that had recently experienced heavy rainfall (emotion). Water was cascading down the side of the trail leaving only a small area to hike up.

To the left was a fenced piece of land (boundaries or obstacles) that extended for over 500 acres. Some areas were fortified with steel posts and signs that said, “No Trespassing”.

As I hiked up with my companion we avoided the cascading water while discussing the property. The owner had donated an acre or two at the top of the mountain to help establish a town.

At the top was the town with few people. I sat down on raised wooden bleachers (reflection on progress) waiting for my bus (temporary setbacks) to arrive. There were others with me, some I knew, some I didn’t. I was concerned for my husband who was suppose to take the bus with me. He and his companion were late. I think I was traveling to Montana, but am not sure.

I got onto the bus and sat at the back in a seat that resembled a hammock (need to rest). I rested there, still concerned for my husband. The bus was filling up as I remembered my car (life path) and rushed out to park it in a designated space, worried it would be towed or worse. My car was a red sports car. When I parked it I made sure to engage the emergency brake (need to slow down).

As I ran toward the bus, I screamed at the driver to wait for my husband and asked someone about parking. I was reassured that my car could park there for 5 days.

As I climbed into the bus, the driver spoke over the intercom that the bus was about to leave, except it felt like a train (life’s journey is on track) now. He began to count down except I heard the numbers counting up. Passengers were rushing onto the bus as we got ready to depart. Two men entered but I couldn’t see their faces. I assumed they must be my husband and his friend, but I couldn’t tell for sure. I relaxed into my hammock seat as the bus/train departed.

When I woke a song was going through my head:

The part repeating in my head was this part:

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes

I was thinking about a message I had gotten a while back about October. I remember hearing, “You will have a heart attack.” I thought to my guidance, “Guess that isn’t gonna happen?” It kinda made me sad but I don’t know why.

There has been this weird void feeling for a few days now that is reminiscent of other times in my life. These times preceded major spiritual events. It is like I get “wiped” or go through some kind of “reboot”. I often describe feeling like I am about to die. It feels like that now without the typical concern it often brings.