August 5, 2018 by Dayna

Family Drama, Dreams and Messages

I finally have time to share a bit about my week and all the ups and downs since my husband got a concussion last Saturday. I’ll start with the physical world crap and end with the spiritual.

Physical Crapola

The good news – Everything in my world is going good.

The house appraised for what it should ($100k over what we paid for it just 4 years ago!) and the refinance is going smoothly with no hiccups.

I got my first paycheck and put it directly into savings! My husband got a bonus as well, which is always a positive.

We have decided to “donate” our Mazda5 to my MIL because her car is always breaking down. It is costing the family because we have pay for the repairs. Her Subaru has over 250K miles and is just not worth the money going into it anymore. I am not 100% sure if I am going to ask my two BIL’s to help me pay off the Mazda or not yet. The deal is that if I/we pay if off then when it breaks down (which it will eventually) we don’t have to contribute to the repairs because we gave her a car with $4k still owed on it. So far she is resisting taking our car but we are working on getting her to let go of hers. She gets very attached to her stuff.

If/when the Mazda goes bye-bye then we may buy another, newer car, but I am sitting on that decision for now. We don’t need another car since I commute with my husband to work.

Work is still going good. I am now putting new hires into the system regularly, inputting invoices, reconciling credit cards, managing the petty cash and company credit card, typing up scopes for jobs (quite interesting I must say) and other things as needed. My husband said he wants to get my home office set up soon so that when school starts I can work from home. I was unsure about it and he said it was a go because my immediate boss (the lady with cancer I am learning from) has already agreed that I can work from home. We’ll see if that actually pans out when the time comes but if it does then I have officially landed THE PERFECT job. HA!

My birthday turned out good despite me being in a sour mood the whole first half. I spent time at my Mom’s swimming and catching up. We had a small family celebration and then I went home and received my presents. I got a fantastic new rug for my living room (please Monty don’t eat it!) and a Bissell Crosswave. My husband also got a used table we are going to refinish and put an epoxy top on. We want to emulate Joe’s Crab Shack’s tables and put family memories on the table top like a scrapbook. I’m not too happy about being a year older but I’ll get over it. At least I still look like I’m 30-something. 😉

Okay, so the bad news…..

Early this week my mom sent me images of what at first looked like a burned animal of some kind. Upon further inspection I realized it was my sister’s husband. I called my mom and she told me he had wrecked a Honda motorcycle. He shattered his eye socket, cracked his skull, broke some ribs, punctured a lung and got awful road rash.

I then learned that they had their car impounded a month prior and had been given the bike in a trade just two days earlier. The car was impounded because it had no front headlight, no bumper, no registration, no insurance and my BIL had no driver’s license. They had been struggling to make ends meet to the point of not having any money and bartering all their things to make ends meet.

On top of everything my sister has an infection in her jaw from a rotten tooth. She has to have surgery immediately but doesn’t have the money or any insurance. My mom took her to the dentist, paid for the visit and the antibiotics and painkillers but no surgery has been scheduled.

My mom refuses to step in and bail them out again. She informed me that prior to the car being impounded that my sister and BIL had been given a perfectly functional car as a second vehicle by their landlord. Just given it. They then opted to sell it for cash. Similarly, my mom had given them a truck and they sold it rather than use it. And prior to that my mom bought my sister two cars on different occasions with similar results. My mom said, “It seems to me like your sister is getting exactly what she deserves.”

I had been considering getting my MIL’s old car and giving it to my sister but my mom talked me out of it. It was/is obvious that my sister and BIL are incapable of making good, sound decisions. They don’t think ahead when they get money but spend it on the spot like it is a fire in their pockets. If I or someone else gives them a car the same situation will likely result.

I spent most of my birthday visit with my mom discussing what to do about my sister. We came up with all kinds of solutions. My husband said he would offer her a job and when he did she declined saying she had no transportation. She did not try and find a way around it or look to problem solve. She uses her criminal background as an excuse to not work, saying she can’t be hired anywhere. Yet she turns down a job paying $15/hr handed right to her that overlooks her criminal record!

It was finally decided that we will do “nothing”. It sucks, though. If I still recognized my sister as my sister then I would not hesitate to give her my Mazda instead of my MIL. But she is not that person anymore. I don’t know who she is.

Spiritual

All kinds of strange in terms of spiritual experiences from cryptic messages to crazy syncs and intense dreams.

For example, I got a message one morning: Fire. Two Weeks. I didn’t say anything to anyone about it all morning. When my daughter and I went shopping I felt I should tell her for some odd reason. She immediately responded with, “Mom! I had a dream that Nana’s house was on fire!” It was so odd and I don’t know what to make of it. The two weeks will be up next Sunday, so I guess we’ll find out then.

Then there are the weird “coincidences”. At work, I was discussing a problem with the lady I work under. We had decided to call the company in question. She reached for the phone and the intercom comes up telling her she has a call from the company we were about to call! This happened twice in one week, too.

And my Mom and I and my daughter and I have been in sync as well. It is as if we read each other’s minds at times!

I’ve also been visiting other timelines/dimension in my sleep, at least that is what I have concluded.

Dream: Fire Room – August 1st

There was a whole dream where my husband and I went to another dimension to visit the people we know now. None of them knew us and we saw them all living together in a community. The houses were all rectangular with no insulation. Many were unpainted particle board but very large.

Inside they were having a large meal and I looked around noticing none of them recognized me or my husband. The world was completely different than ours. The group was in hiding after a major world upheaval. They didn’t have things we did. For example, they didn’t have sharpie markers, only dry erase (lol). They also didn’t have electricity and used a fire to cook the meal.

Toward the end I was cold and went to a room where a huge fire (contentment) was burning. There was a man and girl inside and the man asked me why I was there. I told him to warm myself by the fire. He said it was the warmest room in the house. It was vast with high ceilings and a raging fire contained within the fireplace. I leaned on a counter near the fire and warmed myself. The whole room was orange tinged.

Then my husband came in with two broadswords (strength, decisiveness, masculine). He wanted to show us all something. He took both swords, swung them wide while chanting words. Glyphs appeared on the floor in neon blue. He said only certain people could see the glyphs. I could read them and said they were the recipe for making a certain special wine. The other glyphs from the other sword were not visible to us. He said only someone of the Dark could see them. He said a certain name but I can’t recall it now.

I’ve also had Spirit visiting me, as has my daughter. My daughter told me she keeps getting touched. One night she came to me freaked out and said, “Mom, I was in bed on my phone and I felt someone touch my shoulder like this (touched my shoulder). It freaked me out. I don’t want to sleep in my room tonight.”

The night before that I had this dream encounter:

Inside I lay down in bed and rested. A Spirit came to my right and began to talk to me. I recognized that he was influencing me and wanted me to listen to him. I wondered if he was trying to be sexual but didn’t do anything, so I just lay there pretending to sleep. When he thought I was asleep he leaned over me and I felt the stubble of his beard as if he was going to kiss me. Then my husband came in and leaned over me the same way and the Spirit backed off. I turned to the Spirit and said, “You need to leave.” I didn’t think I would see him but I did, clear as day. He looked like a young teenage boy with light hair and a thin frame.

The next night I had a very powerful dream that seemed to point at something coming.

Dream: Turned Upside Down – August 2nd

The dream began with me meeting up with a group. One man showed me his left ear (listen) was cancerous (something upsetting). It was red and scabby so he covered it with a hat that came down over his ears. I remember thinking it was good that it was cold outside so he could wear the hat.

At the airport I was informed that I had been given an airline ticket. I joined another woman and waited in line but the other woman was called away. I waited and she never returned. I remember thinking, “I guess I am going to travel alone.” I thought about it and was okay with it and felt I could do it alone even though I was going to Europe.

On the plane I sat in a seat facing the opposite direction of the others. They were all watching an in-flight movie. My chair (need for reflection) was wooden, like for a kitchen table, while theirs were regular plane seats.

The plane began its approach. I looked out the window and saw a wooden docking bay with a man standing on it with an orange thing waving it about. I thought it odd how we were landing because we seemed to be hovering and landing vertically, not like a plane at all.

Once we landed we stepped off the plane out onto a green field lined with tall pine trees. There was a group of people mulling about by the side of a plane. They all had fuzzy looking objects in their hands, like makers of some sort. I didn’t have one and knew I needed on to board. I went to the lady giving them out. She handed me one and said, “Do you eat a lot?” I said, “No, not really.” She handed me a large gallon bag full of graham crackers (tendency to care for others needs over my own). I took them and went to the plane.

I walked inside the plane and noticed the inside was two stories. There was a large, golden staircase (transformation) leading to the second level. I stayed on the bottom level and looked around at the spacious interior.

Suddenly the whole plane lurched and rolled over onto its side. I was standing and my entire view spun as I tumble upside down. In the dream it was very real and I got scared, grabbing for something to steady myself but not able to grab onto anything.

The plane stopped and I began to try and find a way out. Everything was upside down. The pilot said all would be fine and to not worry. Everyone else seemed oblivious to the situation but I saw out the window a hill heading through the forest. I knew if the plane moved again we would be rolling for quite a while.

I located the entry and began to head for it, intending to climb up and out. As I began to climb up, the plane lurched again and began to roll. I quickly pulled myself up and out of the door and jumped out. I grabbed onto a vine and watched as the plane rolled down hill.

A man was standing casually on the hill observing the scene. I said, “It’s going downhill!” He said, “Yes, it will land in the lake below.” He just stood there smiling casually as I hung onto the vine, swinging and feeling frantic. I said to him, “What is wrong with you! Why don’t you do something!?” He smiled, calmly as if there was nothing going on, no plane barreling down the hillside. Then he said, “There’s nothing I can do. The 4th (mankind) dynamic has been activated.” When he told me this I burst into tears. The emotion behind the tears reminded me of times when I have been given “bad” news, or news I did not want to hear. The feeling here, though, was that the news was not “bad” but that it was just something I was dreading in that I had a part to play in it and that part was going to “turn my world upside down”.

I woke up still crying and hearing a familiar song playing through my mind – “Destiny…..Lord you live in me as the unchanging.” I wasn’t crying anymore but the emotion that triggered it was still very much present.

I fell into the in-between. In front of me I saw a portal/window open up in vivid color. It looked like I was seeing a Shamanic ceremony taking place. A man was on his knees by a fire chanting. Another man, close to me, was standing with his back to me. He had his arms open and I could see he had a massive erection. I knew that the whole ceremony was to induce the sexual energy but that the man was being helped to channel the energy rather than give in to the sexual urges. I was fascinated but the scene disappeared as I woke.

Based upon all that has transpired physically and spiritually, it seems like the end of this year is going to be an interesting one full of family drama and other surprises. I will continue to focus on just living my life and staying busy for now. It is nice to be busy and productive again. It is especially nice to have extra money to spend. hehe Thus far the tarot reading I did for myself last week has been spot on about the spending. 🙂

August 4, 2018 by Dayna

Here’s to Better Days

Lots of crying in my dreams again. Happy birthday to me. Sigh.

SO much more to relay but I don’t have time to go in depth about all that is going on. I posted on FB yesterday:

Once again it feels like I am standing in the middle of the eye of the hurricane while everyone else around me is pummeled with life crap. Sometimes it is harder to be the one watching the shit hit the fan than it is to be the one receiving the shit storm.

Yet that same morning I woke in a good mood and a song I use to sing at weddings with my mom and grandmother came to mind. This is the song:

The entire first verse popped into my head and I sang it to my husband acting all sappy adding hand motions and all like I was on stage (very unusual for me in the early morning). Afterward the song stayed with me so I posted it on FB with the photo below asking my mom if she remembered singing it. She did and later we chatted about it some. She told me the Psalm it came from was the one she recited every morning when she set her yoga intention and that she felt I was reminded of the song in order to giver her a message. She said, “You’re post was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much!”

“This is the day that the Lord hath made and I will rejoice with you.”

Dream #1

This dream centered at first around fish and turtles. They were in two separate tanks, one large and one only about 5 gallons. I recall seeing baby turtles swimming around in one. I decided to feed them. When I did all these other fish came out. Most of them were small but there were some large ones. When I watched the tank seemed large but then I realized it was on a 5 gallon. I said, “It’s way too small for this many fish!”

Then I went to a school or hospital setting. Inside I was walking around going up and down hallways repeatedly. There was a cat/bunny (it morphed from one to the other) that was mine. I was told that my cat was male and not female and shown it’s strange penis. I only recall a diagram of it now. It looked like a triangle with a longer side that extended like an arm.

There was a lot in between but most is lost to me now.

Then I was going in and out of the small lab storage room. It had a wall of windows on one side and had lots of scientific materials and such inside. I was in and out of it and then finally sat down by one of the windows on a long couch. There were two men with me, one I was very close to. I thought of them as “teachers”. The one I felt close to came and sat next to me while talking. He snuggled up to me and I reached around and pulled him close. It felt wonderful. I knew we loved each other very much but I also remembered that we rarely felt able to express our love because I was married. He and I were coworkers, so both teachers. As I sat next to him I recognized how difficult it was to be in love with him but not be able to be with him. He got up casually and the other man sat down near me, taking his seat. I wanted to sit next to the man I felt connected to – in love with – but couldn’t because of the man who took his seat. My heart began to sink and I felt an intense heaviness within. My last thought was about how we couldn’t be together. I began to cry in heaving sobs.

The dream woke me up and I rubbed my eyes clear of the tears. The man in the dream was very handsome to me even though to others he would have appeared as a normal looking, dark haired man. I KNEW him in the dream and even when I woke I felt our connection. His smile and demeanor was so very familiar, like we were never apart a day yet the reality (which was difficult to bear) was that we were physically apart.

Dream #2

In this dream I was back with the dark haired man and another man was also with me. The other man was my husband in real life. We were traveling to a work site in a work truck. All three of us sat in the bucket seat, me in the middle. The road we were traveling was up in the Smokey mountains and became narrower as we drove. At one point my husband said he thought the directions must be wrong because the destination was not where it should have been. I looked out the window and saw the road was winding and on one side was a pile of red bricks (experience and/or heartbreak has hardened me) looked to have been dumped there.

As we drove the road kept narrowing and both men were discussing how it was really treacherous. I looked out the window and the trees were right there, so close I could touch them. I saw their white trunks in rows. They resembled bars as if I were in a jail cell.

We came to a sudden stop. There was a metal foot bridge so the truck could not pass over. My husband wanted to keep driving to see if the truck would make it. I screamed in fear and my husband snapped at me really loudly for being a “back seat driver” saying, “STOP DOING THAT!” I was embarrassed for having let a scream escape but I was scared he was going to attempt to drive over the bridge. He didn’t, though. He stopped.

After he yelled at me I jumped out of the truck, tears welling up in my eyes from hurt feelings and all kinds of other unrelated emotion. I ran down the road in the opposite direction, back up the mountain road. The dark haired man got out of the truck and ran after me. I was thinking as I ran about how he (the dark haired man) would never do that. I sent a mental thought to the dark haired man saying, “You would never treat me like that. You care about how I feel.” I could feel his concern for me as he ran behind me. All I wanted was to be with him and I was thinking, “I can’t do this! I can’t do this!”

I woke again in tears and rubbed them from my eyes but they kept seeping out despite my efforts. My heart was aching when I woke. I heard, “I am always with you.” It didn’t help the ache.

Dream #3

This was a short dream. I was with a group and we were all being lined up. It reminded me of PE class in middle school when we would like up for dodge ball. I was told to stand at the end of the line and face the opposite direction than the rest of the people in line. My husband was next to me. When I turned the coach (which sounded like my husband) told me to turn around and said something crude related to balls. I can’t remember what he said but when I followed instructions and turned around I became furious with him, so angry I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Red-hot anger. I turned back to face him, this time to my left where my husband was standing, and said, “I WILL NOT be treated like this!” I could feel his humor in the dream and the anger I felt melted into grief and I began to cry, again sobbing so hard it woke me up. The feeling I had upon waking was how unfair everything was, how unjust to be belittled because I am a woman.

Dream #4

In this dream I was inside a large bathroom. The toilet kept squirting water out of the top, soaking the walls behind it. My husband was inside repairing a section of the wall and I told him about the water squirting out of the toilet. He inspected the wall on the opposite side of the room, the tile and the patch in the wall he had just completed. I told him to look behind the toilet. Instead he kept focusing on the patch in the wall. When I saw it I could see between the wood and noticed it was not a good patch job and would need to be torn out. I suggested we put a huge window, a stained glass window (spiritual healing and enlightenment/guidance), in its place. I got on the phone to order one and someone began to ask me questions that made no sense. I realized I had blanked out in the middle of the conversation and had no memory of what was said. The man on the phone seemed to indicate that I was not suppose to know the information I was asking for. I apologized and hung up. My husband was staring at me after and questioned me. I swore I had no idea why I had been on the phone, saying I was trying to order a stained glass window.

Then there was a hole in the wall where the patch had been. I could see outside to a pool full of kids. It started raining so they all started coming in through the hole. The kids were little, one a toddler girl. They carried towels with them and I helped them dry off.

Eventually there were kids everywhere and I felt overwhelmed and wanted to get out of the now cramped space. It was frantic feeling. Since I could get out I turned on a computer to do something on it and the kids began to ask to get on it. I remember relaying to them how they always wanted what I had, asking them, “Can you let me have something for once without trying to take it from me!?” They didn’t listen, though, and kept demanding what I had. They were all around the computers playing games and I watched continuing to feel overwhelmed.

When I woke from this dream I wasn’t crying but I felt suffocated by the dream experience. I realized it was very much how I feel in my day-to-day life as a mom and wife. Always giving up things for others. Give, give, give. I have to sneak down to the kitchen to grab a snack and hope my kids don’t hear me. If they do, they want whatever I am eating, nothing else will do. If I want to go for a walk alone I have to sneak out, otherwise I will have company whether I like it or not. It is a constant struggle to find time alone, to have something just for myself. Even my husband takes his share of my time, my effort, my body. What is left for me? Not much.

Music

A song was and still is going through my head. The lyrics I hear are – “Here’s to better days”.

This song is also coming to mind, though it has no lyrics. It is just a nice one to meditate to. Enjoy!

July 30, 2018 by Dayna

Dream: Truck Horse Woman

The dream started with me driving a red truck (work) up a road (life path) over a mountain pass (important passage) that resembled the hill near my mom’s house. As I topped the hill another car was on the other side. Since it was a one-lane road I stopped because I couldn’t continue. I got scared when I saw how high up I was. I could see the edge of the cliff and the drop-off below. I freaked out and rather than back down to let the other car pass I abandoned the truck and ran down the road, abandoning my truck.

I sought the help of an old friend. In the dream he was an older man who I felt was wise and knowing. He walked with me as we talked, stopping by his restaurant. The front was all windows and the waitress was closing for the night. We then went to his house adjacent to the restaurant and went inside.

I was worried about my truck and talked to the man about it. In the dream, however, the truck morphed into a white (spirituality, purity) horse. I worried it would be hungry and thirsty and may die.

In the middle of the man’s house the horse appeared laying on it’s side on the floor. It was white and beautiful. It did not look to be in distress, just sleeping (unconscious). I woke it and offered it water in a bowl but it refused it. Then I encouraged it to stand and it did. I knew I needed to take it outside for food and movement so I asked for a bridle (manipulation of situation) and a lead. The man told me one was in the barn so I went to look for it. Outside near the barn I could not find a bridle but I found junk scattered about – boxes and such. In one was a $50 and then on the ground was a wad of money that was petrified it was so solid and hard. It had been cut in half and on top was a $50 bill cut down the middle.

I eventually let my horse out and it roamed about. There was a pond nearby that distracted me because it was so pretty and I wanted to go fishing (exploration of subconscious). So I forgot about finding the bridle and the horse got out of my sight. When we went to find him we ran into two ghostly figures – a man and a woman. There was discussion about the horse and how she had morphed into a ghost woman and was seeking someone to help guide her and show her the lay of the land. The sense was that she – the horse woman – was now free and we could not control her or keep her safe. She could easily be swayed by others. I watched as she met up with the ghostly figure of a man, tall, dark and handsome. To me he felt to be evil but there was no indication that this was true.

Notes and Interpretation

When I was dreaming this dream, I believe when I was talking with the old man, there was memory of a difficult period in my life – around October, 2016 through mid-2017 – that came back full-force. All the emotion of the time returned and I sobbed in the dream, my heart aching resulting in my feeling decimated all over again. When I woke from this dream I was sad but couldn’t contact the emotion. All that remained was a dullness inside, almost like I had administered a numbing agent to keep from feeling the pain.

I sense now that I have buried my pain (agony really) deep down so that it cannot hurt me anymore and that I am being asked to dig it up and heal it. I am not sure how, as I thought (foolishly I guess) that I had healed and resolved it. But perhaps my HS thought it better to bury the pain because had it continued at the rate it was I may not have lasted long in this life (at least that is how it felt). It was odd how I seemed to go to sleep one night feeling decimated and wake the next morning feeling completely renewed, content and optimistic about the future.

The dream itself has interesting symbolism. Trucks are work. This one is red symbolizing a zest for life and desire. I seemed to have abandoned mine, too afraid to continue. Then the truck morphs into a horse which symbolizes freedom and living life with a sense of wild abandoned, taking life by the horns, etc. The horse then morphs into a woman who is a ghost. I suspect this is symbolic of me, a me that I feel I have lost or that is no longer of this world; not solid or real to me anymore. This woman “haunts” me in a sense. She cannot be contained and goes off in search of someone who can show her the way, give her a map or a lay of the land. I believe this symbolizes an inner desire to find guidance and to see the bigger picture so that I can understand my path.

July 27, 2018 by Dayna

Humorous Dream

Interesting dreams to recount. Happy blood moon eclipse!

Dream: Withdrawal

This dream took place in a lecture hall at a university. I was discussing my class load with a professor. His looks reminded me of a young Anthony Hopkins.

It was close to the end of the semester. Finals were on the horizon and as such it was time for me to confront my grades. Some classes I attended daily while others I forgot to the point of missing exams and assignments. The particular classes I had missed were Geometry and History. I had attended History, even taken the mid-term, but gotten lax in my attendance toward the end and it was doubtful I would pass the final. I am not sure I ever attended Geometry.

I told the professor that I wanted to withdraw from those classes rather than risk failure. I also indicated that I was going to stop taking classes after finals because I already had my degree and the additional classes were not necessary. I was just taking them for the fun of it.

The professor indicated that my decision was a good one and headed out of the lecture hall. As I followed him I recalled the class he was teaching was one I was doing well in. The class was Screen Writing. I could see a large projected image up on the screen of the course content we were studying. The other class I was doing well in was English.

Interpretation – It felt like this dream was me indicating to one of my guides that I am done with karmic contracts (History) and certain life (Geometry = sacred geometry) lessons. My decision felt final where in other similar dreams I felt uncertain when I made similar decisions. I find it interesting that I was excelling at Screen Writing. 🙂

Dream: Heart and Soul

This dream began with me sorting through earrings (messages yet received). Many had no backs (incomplete message) and my daughter had stuck several into fabric. I worked to get two heart earrings (message about love/relationship) out and complained to her about how she had created a mess.

Then I was preparing to get ready to go to school. In the room two women were sitting on the bed. One seemed to not like me but I am not sure. They were observing me as I got ready. I was wearing blue jeans (feeling relaxed) and no shirt, just a bra (supported and protected). I think I was talking about make-up (projection of self) and how I no longer needed it.

At one point I said to them, “What kind of music do you want to listen to?.” One woman said, “Why don’t you sing? We want to hear you sing.” I said, “Nah. I have lots of music to choose from.” After thinking a bit I said, “How about ABBA?” They didn’t reply. I really didn’t want to sing because I was embarrassed to but eventually I opted to sing. The song I chose was Heart and Soul.

This part of the dream is hilarious. I started out singing fairly quietly but as I got to the “Give a little bit of heart and soul” I got really into it and sang louder and louder. In the dream I was pretty lucid and remember feeling the song/music pouring out of my center. It felt so good! I could also hear myself singing and I sounded awesome.

As I was singing I selected a navy blue polo shirt from a closet in another room. It was wrinkled (wisdom) and reminded me of a man’s shirt but I didn’t care. Instead I kept singing, moving with the music and completely oblivious to my audience who were smiling, still sitting on the bed.

This part of the song was really memorable as I was fully lucid by the time I sang it:

Somehow, I lost my way
Looking to see something in your eyes
But love will never compromise
Now this is the politics of life, yeah!

When I was done singing the song I walked out of the room and saw a little boy outside looking in. He said to me, “I’m not cleaning that up.” He was shaking his head and looked like he knew someone had done something very bad. I noticed the room to the right of him was an empty cafeteria (no issues eating me up).

I went inside the room on his left and saw a huge mess. It looked like talc had been knocked on the floor. Everything was layered in white dust. There was a little toddler in on a diaper near the edge of the mess. One of the women from the bedroom came in and said, “BOB! What did you do!?” LOL I laughed in the dream and kept walking, grabbed a tube of moisture cream and slathered some on my face (renewal, fresh start) and headed out of the room (I was still getting ready). I remember thinking my husband had to go to class to and wondering where he was and if he would be late.

Then something flew by me on the floor and disappeared under some furniture. I heard a woman say, “Crap!” I turned and the woman who had scolded Bob had a broom handle in her hand. The bottom of the broom (domesticity) had fallen off as she was sweeping and flown all the way across the room.

The whole thing was so funny I was laughing a belly laugh. It was funny because I could completely relate to the woman’s frustration at the baby, the mess and the broom malfunction. I have been there numerous times and eventually the ridiculous of such situations breaks through the frustration they cause.

I woke up with the tell-tale signs of being OOB – vibrations, difficulty opening my eyes, and a disconnected feeling. I was laughing and thinking, “Bob? Who names a baby Bob?” LOL

I realized that the Heart and Soul song was not by ABBA but T’Pau and that it might be a message. ABBA is a palindrome and so is Bob. However, the message from the song is likely applicable.

An entire memory came to me from high school. My best friend had an umbrella with a man’s head on the end of the handle. She named him Bob because it was a palindrome. We use to talk about Bob as if he were alive and make jokes. I thought that my dream must be trying to get me to lighten up and laugh at “serious” situations. It is all in the way we look at things, really – from the front or the back. 😉

July 26, 2018 by Dayna

Full Moon Emotion Hits

Well emotion in my dreams anyway….

Tomorrow there is a blood full moon and total lunar eclipse. Can you feel it?

Overall I feel pretty stable considering all the planets that are retrograde and this upcoming full moon eclipse. I believe I owe that to working full-time. It is amazing how working and focusing on numbers all day blocks out all the other “stuff”. 🙂

The irritation at hearing people talk is waning, at least, though I still need quiet and wish for it daily. My husband continues to chatter away on our commute (sigh) and my daughter seems to be in crisis all the time.

With less time at home to take care of routine things I find myself frequently rushing around playing catch-up. All the normal mommy duties need to be done. On top of all that, we are refinancing our home to take care of some of our debt and so there is paperwork and planning all the time. With Mercury retrograde I don’t know how this will work out. Closing date will be on or around August 15 which is still during retrograde. My feeling is all will be fine.

Dream: Meeting for Drinks

The dream began with me sitting alongside my sister. We were both small children and playing happily together.

Out of the blue I received a phone call from a woman who is a “friend” of mine. She told me that everyone decided to meet up for drinks. She explained that they were all concerned about me and wanted to check in. I was not happy about this and tried to get her to cancel but she said everyone was already on their way.

Then we were all inside a large, open restaurant located up on a mountainside. Below was a vast lake. I could see a paved, two lane road winding around and up the mountain to the restaurant out the window. There was a short discussion about cell phone reception being spotty but I can’t recall all of it.

Our group was sat at two circular tables. The woman who had called began talking to me about my “situation”. I only recall now that we spoke about my sister and her plight in life and how she was currently doing. We also spoke about my mom and the rest of the family.

One table left and another was preparing to leave. I noticed a $50 bill on the table. It was for the tip but no one had paid the bill. The woman who organized the group was suppose to do that. I can’t recall the solution.

Then it was just me and the woman standing alone as she was leaving. She said to me, “If you leave things will only get worse.” When she said this to me my heart sank and a sadness filled my entire being. I began to sob and the tears woke me up.

When I woke I was confused by the emotion as it did not seem to match the dream, at least not what I recall of it. My understanding was that I was asking to exit this life early and being told the repercussions of such a decision should I make it.

Dream: Frozen

In this dream I was inside a house with white walls and ceilings. There was knowing that some individuals had been “frozen” and that a certain person had intentionally frozen them. I could see and sense this man in the dream. He was tall and wore a trench coat but other than that I can’t remember his appearance. He would speak to me occasionally, usually to put doubt into my mind.

I was there when these individuals were thawed out. They needed help afterward because they had been frozen at a particular time and their development stunted. They would need help adjusting to their new awareness. One particular individual was a young boy with sandy blonde hair. It felt like it was my job to help him.

Toward the end of the dream I was standing next to this young boy. The dark man behind me seemed to be echoing my thoughts on the situation, my apprehension and concern about being of assistance to the young boy. The young boy came up to me, looked up at me with love, trust and innocence in his eyes. I knew he was in “4th grade” and looking at him caused my heart to break into a million pieces. He needed my help but I did not want to help him for some reason. The ache inside was too much for me and I began to cry. The tears once again woke me up.

When I woke I was once again confused at my displaced emotion. The emotion I felt was akin to seeing an abandoned animal on the side of the road or a newborn baby abandoned and starving. It was a gut wrenching feeling mixed with a sense of unfairness and outrage. Though I wanted to help the young boy in the dream I also did not because I knew it would do no good in the long-run. It was like I knew his future and in knowing it felt my part in it was inconsequential. What was the point of helping one to become aware if all they would experience was more pain? It was similar to when I have come across a wounded or dying baby animal. You have to decide if it is worth it to rehabilitate them or better to put them out of their misery. Ultimately, the answer is that the gift given is the gift of choice, a choice that would otherwise not be there without my assistance.

Considerations

It appears to me that both these dreams were asking me to look at the bigger picture of my being here in this life. The first involves my family and came as a direct result of me wondering about my OBE yesterday when I felt an ominous feeling near my mom’s house. The “issues” contained withing that “house” were discussed in my dream. Ultimately it was indicated to me that if I were to leave this life prematurely that certain issues would only get worse.

The second dream is about someone I am suppose to help, someone in the “4th grade” (9 years old) who is just now “awakening”. The sense from the dream was that my assistance would cause him suffering and/or pain of some sort and I did not want a part in that. This person would be completely open to me, trusting and naive in his new awareness. The shock of “reality” would be difficult for him and that reality would be gifted to him by me.

I can’t help but think back to the message I got recently about a repeat of lessons from 2010. My sister was in a crisis point in her life at that time which ultimately ended up with her doing time in prison in 2011. This came to mind after the first dream and discussion of her plight at length. The pressure put on the family back then was rough and I wonder if maybe similar pressures are in our future.

How it is that me being in this life assists in the upcoming situations, IDK and I don’t feel it is my place to know the details. I will know enough and already do know enough to do what I came here to do. I have often been told by my guidance that “helping” is not always what it appears to be. We help others in both “good” and “bad” ways. Sometimes we are here to deal a “blow” to someone. This may mean we are made out to be the “bad guy”, but that is how the other person/people learn. We, in turn, also learn a lesson, gaining perspective as the “bad guy”.

July 21, 2018 by Dayna

New Job, Dreams and Spreads

This week has been busy. I started working full-time as a payroll “assistant” at my husband’s place of employment on Monday. To go from two years as a stay-at-home-mom where my schedule was whatever I made it to waking early, working 8 hours, and returning home to mommy duties has been an adjustment. It wasn’t until Thursday that I started feeling somewhat “normal” in terms of mental clarity, alertness, focus, etc.

As I suspected, my job duties are very easy and mostly “mindless” in that I don’t have to think much to complete them. Lots of data entry of invoices, receipts and basic bookkeeping in Quickbooks. I catch on fast at any job and have already learned the basics to the point of needing little to no help when I encounter the varying hiccups that are an anticipated part of the job. In all my work experience one of the issues that plagues me is that I am very efficient to the point that I complete my work way ahead of schedule and end up with nothing to do. Therefore, I end up doing other people’s jobs to stay productive. Already I have done HR paperwork for a new hire because of this. lol

My husband is technically my boss (yeah) so he is enjoying having me as his trainee, making sure to teach me as much as he can about every aspect of the business above and beyond simple bookkeeping/payroll. We commute to and from work together and take lunch together. This is good in that I don’t have to drive and deal with Austin rush-hour traffic but not so good because my husband talks the entire commute (maybe 8 minutes total sometimes more). Already I have had to tell him that I might need to drive separate from him because I prefer listening to music to talking/chit-chat. I swear his continuous conversation was painful on Wednesday. Actually, all communication was painful Wed/Thurs. Perhaps an astrological event or something? Who knows.

The work environment is super laid back – I love it! I can wear shorts and t-shirts (which I do) and the pace is perfect – not to fast or slow. The women I work with are older (Boomers) and so very easy to get along with. So far no gossip or passive-aggressiveness from either of them. The receptionist is younger but I rarely interact with her. In fact, I rarely interact with anyone which is so awesome! I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderfully freeing it is to not have that kind of burden on my shoulders. No parents bitching or kids whining or administrators watching me all the time – just me and the “ladies” doing our jobs as “equals”.

There are no restrictions on overtime either nor is anyone going to question me if I don’t work a full eight hours as long as I get my work done. The lady training me said I can absolutely work from home once I am trained and feel confident about my work. I suspect I will be able to do this once school starts so that I can continue to watch my youngest during his last year at home. Again, another huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

The pay is ridiculously low compared to my potential. I am bringing home less than half of what I would if I were working as a school counselor. Plus, I don’t get the paid time off (no more summer breaks!) yet, though I do get two weeks at Christmas. To give you an idea of the difference, when I worked part-time as a school counselor I was paid more monthly than I will be at this full-time job.

Honestly, though, I would rather work a low-stress, lower paying, mostly mindless job full-time with good people and few public interactions than go back to a full-time, school counseling or teaching job. The stress and burden of responsibility is just not worth it.

Dreams

I mostly forget my dreams upon waking but there are always exceptions. One night this week I woke up crying from a dream in which I had been encouraging a specific young man to be his best self and he kept purposefully creating roadblocks and being an overall ass. In the end I was so upset by his intention to fail that I began to cry at the loss of his potential. That same night I had also had dreams of my older sister and I think the young man represented her.

Two nights ago I had a very long dream about taking the “TAKS” test (may mean “task”) with my husband. It had been “8 years” since the last test (which I passed). I recall taking the new test and getting to the third and last section of the test which was a map of Europe that had very little detail (still trying to find my path). The instructions were to fill in the Legend with appropriate symbols and their meanings. I was also asked to draw in red the routes between locations. I had trouble reading the map and distinguishing features (confused about what I want). My contacts were not clear (not seeing something) and I asked the proctor about it, telling him I needed to take them out. He gave me a blown up image of the map which didn’t help. I ended up taking out my contacts and setting them on the table. My vision was clearer then but the map still made no sense. The instructions spoke of Germany and France but the map looked like a big blob. I eventually gave up and just turned in the test. I picked up my contacts and put them back in my eyes. I felt exhausted. Then the proctor graded the test. I realized I had not filled in anything, saying, “Oh no! I forgot to write some answers.” He told me he could not give it back so I accepted my fate. At the end of the dream he showed me my results. I had a 100% on the first test. A 70% on the second and a 58% on the last. I remember seeing my last result in red ink and circled. Funny, the average is 76, so I didn’t fail overall yet in the dream I felt I had.

The entire dream my husband was happily walking around, confident that he had passed and finishing well ahead of me.

My first thought upon waking was that I was retaking a test I took 8 years ago – relearning lessons and all that “fun” stuff. Thinking back to 2010 I don’t remember much in the way of life tests. I wasn’t blogging back then so I really have no idea what was going on or how I was managing. Oh well.

Spiritual

When I am busy working a full-time job I don’t have time to think or even focus at all on much except what I have to get done here in this physical reality. I tend to overlook the spiritual, sweep things under the rug and just ignore things I normally wouldn’t (like dreams and syncs). Despite this, syncs and messages are still coming through.

For example, today I was shopping for groceries and a song was playing that I have only ever heard via a particular friend of mine. I added it to my ITunes and so hear it shuffle through randomly when/if I play music in the car. I have not heard it play in ages but when it came over the speakers in the store I stopped in my tracks, recognized it and thought about my friend. I walked to the end of the isle and there, staring me in the face was my friend’s name (er well pseudonym) written on a bottle. I laughed and went on my way but not without first pausing and getting a strange feeling I cannot describe.

I’ve also had moments at work when random words/thoughts pop into my head out of the blue. They are so out of place that I know they are not mine. I believe I am picking up the thoughts of others there or maybe it is Spirit, it is hard to know without tuning in, which I don’t do.

Similarly, I keep feeling like someone is standing at the door watching me and I will turn and see movement but no one is there. It has been so frequent that I am starting to get a tad bit annoyed. lol

Overall, though, I have not had the time or energy to put much attention on the spiritual. I am still doing yoga every day, though not without difficulty because it is so early in the morning (I am NOT a morning person), but I have not been meditating because when I go to bed I drift off to sleep within 5 minutes (unheard of for me).

Mostly I am noticing an inability to manage lengthy conversations without feeling physically uncomfortable and irritable. I literally want to run – RUN – away. At work I feel faint and sick to my stomach sometimes if I stay in a conversation too long. At home I am having to really work hard to avoid snapping and hurting someone’s feelings. This morning my daughter was talking so much I thought I might lose it. She was happy and giddy and obviously saying every single thing that popped into her mind. Her talking was painful to endure.

Lately, I have thoughts like this during conversations: “This is taking way too long. It shouldn’t take this long to share thoughts. I hate this….” LMAO

I mean really, why do we feel we have to use so many words anyway? And why do we talk about pointless things all the time? So.much.noise.

I just want everyone to shut up. Okay? LOL

Ya’ll get it…..anyway……

With some downtime today I have had moments of energy surges down my spine at various time (like in the grocery store). Probably because I have more time/energy to notice it. Ultimately I decided to draw some cards for myself asking my guides, “Show me what I need to know.” I drew one card and then after asked, “Elaborate” and got the rest.

Here they are:

Osho Zen Tarot – The Lovers, The Dream, Playfulness (reversed), Courage

The first card gave me a nice energy rush up the spine as did the rest. I have not really put much into reading them. I think the message pretty obvious. If you know me and my story then so will you. If not, then use your imagination I guess. lol

I did another spread asking my guidance, “Show me what is coming for me”. This is what I got:

Osho Zen Tarot – Diamond Spread. Participation, Turning In, The Miser (reversed), Morality, Exhaustion

This spread doesn’t look too good. Yay….ugh. The center card is the present. It is accurate in that it indicates that I am participating in life, in the “game” here in physicality. Finally (say my guidance). lol The card on the left is what is behind me – a period of contemplation and rest; a reprieve from the hassles of the workaday world and a much needed time to recuperate and contemplate life. The Miser card (reversed) is the future or can also be what is known. This card often relates to money. In reverse it means the opposite of miserly – so spending freely and perhaps too much. Considering recent events and financial decisions I can see spending freely as an outcome. The bottom card is the transition or what leads to the last card. Morality is often a card that comes up when a big decision is being made, a decision that has moral implications attached in some way, shape or form. It can also indicate a choice or path that tests one’s morals. The phrase, “Damn’d if I do, damn’d if I don’t” comes to mind. The final card is the outcome which is Exhaustion. The Exhaustion card means all reserves are used up and there is overwhelm.

So considering I asked “What’s coming for me” and got this, I can say, “OMG just shoot me now”or I can say, “Guess I need to make a different decision when that moral issue arises.” Hoping I can spot it and avoid exhaustion. I do like spending money, though….. 🙂

July 15, 2018 by Dayna

Rebirth and Inner Conflict

Rebirth. The messages continue to inundate my dreams. Last night I dreamed of a special plant that had giant seed pods on it. Each pod contained a beautiful cantaloupe orange fruit and a fully formed newborn baby. The plant itself completely dried up when the fruits were ripe. The whole dream centered around this fruit, it’s amazing taste (I ate some) and the babies that it birthed.

Babies everywhere: Rebirth. New opportunities.

In another dream I was dying my hair rainbow colors. It was twisted up tightly in a french braid.

Rainbow braid: I’m trying very hard to be optimistic, strong, confident and courageous right now.

Someone mentioned to me recently that there are currently 5 planets retrograde. I don’t know if this is true but I feel completely retrograded at the moment and it is only getting worse the closer I get to my solar return (Aug 4th). I would describe how I feel as exhausted – mentally, physically, emotionally. I sleep very deeply every night and my dreams dissipate upon waking except for a few strange images and symbols, left for my inspection I am sure. Like babies and fishing…and cryptic messages like, “This is it”. I often wake from these dreams with a decision. For example, after the cryptic message I felt I needed to take a break from everything internet related, be more real in my interactions and step away from all things spiritual. I nearly deleted all social media account apps from my phone after that, but didn’t. I figured it would just another fickle moment and I would change my mind again and again regardless, which I have more than once. I’m really messed up in that regard right now. I can’t seem to make up my mind about anything. I hate indecision.

Remember the dream I posted where there was a battle between Jupiter and Mars? I think it may have been a warning of an internal battle I was to fight in the future. This morning I read this post indicating that Mars is really close to Earth right now, a
“fifteen year approach”. The post also mentions we are going through a rebirth which I am certain is no coincidence considering all the baby symbolism and direct message of “you are being reborn” I’ve been getting.

The whole post seems to perfectly describe what I am going through right now, but specifically this:

The five-year Moira-Chaos Cycle is about how much Choice we put into Reaching for our Dreams, and on a deeper level, whether we even Give Ourselves Permission to Dream, or just let our Karmic Limitations control the Edges of our Life. Nothing we can do about it, it’s just The Way It Is. We can fantasize all we want, but on this Planet, those are just Immature Longings. Just think how much it would Disrupt our nicely organized Life if we followed those Longings. We’d probably be arrested, and certainly ostracized. Those Longings aren’t even Real, they’re too weird.

That’s the way we Justify our Limits to ourself so we don’t have to take a Risk and Break Out. That’s our Choice, isn’t it. To not rock the boat, to not be Crazy. To not Betray anyone. Except Ourself. It’s easier to leave those dead fronds on the Palm Tree, isn’t it. That ladder looks dangerous. God, they’ll Freak Out, won’t they.

♥ So, we’re Stuck, aren’t we. We can’t Betray our Commitments – what will that do to our Karma? And we can’t Betray Ourself – our Deepest Desires are too Deep to Let Go. What can we do?

All of the above describes my inner “fight” right now. My inner dialogue is something like: “Follow my heart/longing….no, wait, don’t. Stay where I am….. God. I’m stuck. I have to stay because…(blah, blah, blah).” All this is intermixed with a longing I cannot describe except to say that it is like a magnet at times but my response to it is always, “Not yet. I can’t yet.” It is so infuriating and…exhausting.

A sneak peak at my astrological year (2018) said that I would experience a “mid-life crisis” and supported all of the indecisiveness and inner conflict I’ve been experiencing this year. The horoscope suggests I not make any hasty decisions and ride out this year without making any drastic moves. It suggests I really think about career moves and any move I make before I make it. Thinking now, though, leads to indecision mostly. I am pulled in two directions always making a decision seem impossible. My interpretation of this feeling is to do nothing; make no change.

I have already recognized that I am struggling to reconcile the completion of “karmic” contracts with an intense longing that pulls me away. The two tugging me in opposite directions. Constantly. It is agonizing at times. It would be nice to be out on that boat on the bay again, lulled into serenity by the gentle waves. Sigh.

Ultimately we have to just let go and allow the process to unfold, and that is what I am doing. The job I mentioned previously which had seemed to be dematerializing has presented itself for my taking – which I already knew would happen so was not concerned really. I am not surprised that this path presents itself at this time in my life. I had asked for work that could help pave a path away from my previous career path – education – and that would open doors to me working from home. This job does everything I asked for. All I have to do is accept it and show up for work with my husband in the morning. I am not excited, though. I had hoped for work far away from home and family, something to give me an excuse to leave and relieve myself from my karmic responsibilities. This does none of those things. If anything it leads to resolution of some of that karma.

Similarly, I have chosen not to go to Atlanta in the Fall. I can go another year or to another seminar. There is one in Boulder next year if I want to go. I can’t go to Atlanta for various reasons. Mainly, I can’t go because the feelings that arise from just the idea of going are too chaotic and unstable. I would not be balanced if I went, that is obvious to me. The inner “fight” would be prolonged if I went.

The solution is given in the post I linked above. Ask for both karmic debts to be paid and inner longings to be met. Then trust that it will be. I have been asking this for some time and if I look into my core Self I know that it will be as I have asked. I just need to be patient, follow the path ahead using my heart as a compass, and keep the faith. But my human self views time as her enemy, as something she is working against. Evidence of it everywhere – my body aging by the day, skin sagging, more aches and less vibrancy; desire is diminished; apathy setting in with each mundane task that must be completed.

Life truly is a fight right now for me. Or a test. However you put it, it is difficult.

Mid-life crisis. LOL

July 3, 2018 by Dayna

Dreamwork and Tests

Lots of dreams to recount.

Dream: Gift House

This was the longest dream of the night. At the beginning I was in labor (hard work ahead) and women were tending to me. They were telling me it had to go a certain way, that everything would be okay and to let them handle everything. It hard to recall what the “certain way” was but there were specific rules. I felt forced by the rules and demanding to be left alone. There is mild discomfort felt in the dream but it is also hard to recall. There was also mention of absolutely no medical intervention being allowed.

After the labor scene I was recovering (no baby in sight) and handed a card (surprises ahead). The card was enormous, at least 8 feet high. It was also beautiful with colorful artwork from cover to cover. There were signatures from people I know in real life, people I have met in person and also on the internet. Most I have memories of helping or assisting in some way. I referred to them as my spiritual circle, my mind going to a specific circle I was part of early on in my awakening. I knew I had missed many meetings yet they still remembered me. I got emotional, shedding a few tears. I felt very loved.

There was a male presence assisting me to read the card. It was a reading provided by a very revered medicine man. He had drawn the card as part of my reading. I said, “Too bad it doesn’t say what it means.” The man seemed to indicate it did and I saw there was an explanation at the bottom with the symbols and their corresponding meanings. I only remember the symbols were unfamiliar, like mythical or made-up creatures. One was a water animal resembling a cross between a whale(intuition, emotion) and a manatee. The explanation had something to do with water, diving deep and coming to the surface and being of two worlds.

Then the letter was opened up into a partially constructed log cabin. I stepped inside it as if crossing through a portal. The cabin (success via ones own means) was very small and not yet complete. The walls were up but you could see through the boards. I remember walking through it in awe thinking how perfect it was and commenting about the walls needing to be “sealed”.

I went upstairs and noted two small bedrooms both with closets. Downstairs was a small living area and across from it an unfinished area that I assumed was the master bedroom (intimate self). There was a section for a garage but it was not yet built as if I could decided to add one if I wanted – or not. The master bedroom was the main focus and I was talking to the man about where to construct the walls to separate it from the living room. There was an ornate bronze metal post in one area that acted as a support beam that could not be moved. It was significant in the dream, special as if a statue of some sort.

There was discussion with the man for a while about this house. He told me it was my gift. The feeling was that my spiritual circle wanted me to have it. There are many flashes of piles of logs for the cabin waiting to be placed. There is also a flash of a large bear (independence, strength, death/renewal) standing on his hind legs. The statue maybe? Or something else?

Considerations

The dream felt significant so I couldn’t return to sleep. When I woke from the dream I heard, “We love you.” I remember various other messages. One was, “Strong woman”. Another was a song, If You Leave, specifically, “Heaven knows what happens now.” There was a sense that this “gift” was an opportunity. In fact the word, “opportunity”, kept repeating. I was also told, “Remember your heart.”

Houses are the Self in dreams. So was this gift a gift of Self? A new version waiting for the finishing touches? And why was the master bedroom not yet walled in? The bedroom is the private self but a master bedroom can be partnerships, like a marriage or relationship.

Dream: Alternate Realities

Upon returning to sleep I was shown various alternate realities to the life I am currently experiencing. I seemed to be selecting them and viewing them. One in particular depicted a very different outcome to the life I have now. In it I married my current husband and we had a daughter together. Then, for some reason or another, we divorced and our other two children were never conceived. I was able to inspect what caused the split. I viewed various scenes of arguments we had. What I concluded was that I was more outspoken, less cooperative in general and unwilling to “lose” a fight. My husband was similar to how he is now in his response to my stubbornness but because I never yielded and let him win, refusing to see his side of things, he often became enraged and ultimately put up a block to me emotionally. My selfish and stubborn choices ultimately resulted in the dissolution of our relationship.

There was no judgment here. I could see how I might respond in such a way. Stubborn and pig headed are good descriptors of me in my younger years. In fact, I am still very resistant but have soften substantially and learned many lessons over the years (in this life scenario anyway).

I also viewed a life trajectory where my husband and I split up and then reunited years later. And there was yet another life where we stayed married until we were very old and death was the cause of our separation.

I believe this dream was the result of a FB conversation I had yesterday about alternate realities. The sense was that what we choose to experience is only one out of many possible scenarios available to us.

Dream: Other Life

This dream seemed to be of another life altogether. In it I was with a man. We were actors playing the role of being in love. We often kissed and made love “on screen”. The man was extremely tall and broad shouldered with medium blonde hair. He had a deep voice that, to me, was very sexy (and somewhat familiar). During one of our kissing scenes I realized that I was attracted to my play partner and in love with him. This recognition caused me to look forward to every scene in which we kissed or had sexual relations. I shifted from being an actress into personifying my role.

I shifted into a scene where my partner took me to a gathering. It felt like an obligation and I was not looking forward to it. The place and people we visited had different rules and beliefs to our own. They were emotionally stiff and lived a simple life. They seemed similar to Puritans.

While sitting at a table my partner wandered off. Later, a man came up and told me that my partner had connected with his old friend again. Turns out it was a male friend and they were sexually involved. I didn’t care that he had done this and waited for his return.

There is a scene where I am looking through a refrigerator for food, specifically a burrito. I ended up putting two chicken (cowardice) strips in the oven and never finding the burrito (efficiency).

At the end of the dream I am laying in bed and my partner returns. I ask him how he enjoyed sex with a man, asking him specific questions. lol We laugh about the whole topic, him scooping me up in his arms and kissing me. I could feel our connection strongly in the dream, like a warm breeze that wrapped around me. I felt safe and secure in his arms and a beautiful friendship and deeply devoted love radiated from my heart. He threaded his fingers through my own and held my hand. The last thing I recall is a flash of the country scene through the window above the bed, feeling his hand in my own and the love in my heart.

Of course, the feeling woke me up. I could still feel him next to me. It was so very real!

Discussion

My partner in spirit spoke with me for some time after. I recall him mentioning June 20th as connected to what is currently happening now. He also reminded me that the love and connection I felt in the dream is always there. I remember being upset by the fact that this place (physical experience) makes it so very difficult to remember and feel that love and Divine connection. I remember us discussing my wanting to abort, to leave early, and him reassuring me and telling me, “We will help you.”

June 20th

Curious about the date I was given and what, if any, significance it has, I looked in my private blog for any posts on that date. Of course, I found one! Here is part of it:

This dream started out with my ex-husband visiting me. It felt like he was returning to see if he and I could resume a relationship. His interest was a curiosity to me and it seemed like I was encouraging him to explore the option more. The main topic of discussion was his old pick-up (hard work), well two of them. When we met he had a red Nissan pick-up and then acquired a black Nissan pick-up later. I was asking him questions about the red one and trying to retrieve it to get it in working order. There was mention of selling it, too. In and among all this I was looking over my mom’s checkbook, balancing it. She ended up with only $40 left in her account.

Then I recall being inside a public bathroom (cleansing and clarity). I was in one of the stalls and there were numerous other stalls. Some women were brought in and I recognized they were being escorted in. The feeling here was that I wanted privacy.

The scene shifted and I was being taken into a processing or in-take center along with hundreds of other people, all adults. It was inside a large church (seeking guidance) and sometimes it shifted to be a Wal-Mart. I think this came from the many posts on FB I have been reading about illegals and their families being separated.

The main feeling I had was confusion. One minute I was living life and the next I was transported to an unfamiliar place with tons of other people. I had no idea where I was or where I was going or what was going to happen to me. I felt disoriented because of it and worried/anxious.

Everyone was separated by gender. I was taken with the other women and told to sit. I had in my hands a blue folder that was full of some of my information (clinging to my identity), places I had worked, old resumes, and other odds and ends. I held onto it happy that I had it with me. The information I had was that we were going to be transplanted, given jobs and new lives. I panicked a bit thinking of the type of work I would be given – substitute teacher, cashier, etc. I told the man who gave me my info packet, “I don’t have to work. My husband makes enough for our family.” He responded as if I was crazy saying, “We understand. You will be given an appropriate job. Don’t worry.” I kept thinking I didn’t want to work and worried about how I could get out it.

An older woman sat down next to me and I watched as she seemed to take it all in alongside me. The announcer was telling us to wait our turns and explaining that all would be provided for and be safe.

We were then eating dinner but I don’t recall eating, just the end. A person came by the take up our used dishes and took my water. I objected and he gave me the water to my right. I told him it wasn’t mine and he said it didn’t matter. He then gave me a canned sweet tea (contentment). I wondered why anyone would put sweet tea in a can. It didn’t appeal to me.

The older woman was still next to me and we were discussing our families and how to reconnect. For some reason my sister’s ex-husband’s name came to mind and I began to call out to see if anyone from that family was there with us. I walked around a bit but got no answers. I complained saying, “How can we ever find family when we are separated like this?” The separation was that the cafeteria (issues eating me up inside) room we were in was separate from the other rooms.

Then we were sitting on pews and someone was talking again. He was asking us to fill out our packets and explaining that we were receive our placements soon. I looked up at the ceiling and saw a section that might fall. I mentally pulled it down but it changed nothing. No one noticed.

One woman received her placement. She was being sent to Canada. I thought, “Wow. That is far away.” There was talk that if our family came to get us then we were be entrusted to their care and not have to be placed. I wondered if my family knew where I was. I hoped they would come get me but couldn’t figure how they would find me. Another woman mentioned that she got her placement but that her bus didn’t come until 12:30. She asked when that was and was told, “Good luck. That’s a late one.”

The announcer gave further instructions about the paperwork. He sat on a pew and said that we would put our two packets in piles, one on either side of him. He didn’t ask us to line up and I knew it would take a while for everyone to get their packets to him. His last instruction was that, in order to get an appropriate placement, we needed to pick a movie character that we would want to be. There was mention of an old movie from 1976 (year of my birth) and I thought it disagreeable, wondering why he would use it as an example.

In a panic to figure out what character to choose I thought of all the movie characters that might suit me. For some reason I came up with The Sound of Music and struggled to remember the main character’s name. I remembered in the end writing down, “Maria: The Sound of Music.”

When I woke I was still in a panic as it all felt very real. Like I had just been picked up and dropped in an unfamiliar place awaiting my fate. I felt powerless because I could not find anything or anyone that was familiar to me. My family was gone, unreachable. I was about to be placed somewhere and given a job. In my life I didn’t have to work yet I was to be put to work somewhere, to be given a new identity and life. It scared me.

Mostly I wondered why I chose Maria from The Sound of Music as my character. Did I want to be a nun that fell in love and left the church to raise all those kids and commit to her love? Did that somehow mean I was to be placed in a family and have to learn to love the children and their father? Was it somehow representative of my current situation? It seemed so.

Other Considerations

I can’t help but wonder about the purpose of all this dreamwork. The word, “opportunity” continues to come up yet I have this dead-end feeling following me around. I am familiar with the feeling so it is barely noticeable, but I do sense it. I continue to feel like I need to be doing something but then I lose interest or things don’t turn out. I don’t care how they turn out, which is an odd feeling to get use to. Normally I would be upset if I worked toward something and it fell apart. Now I am not phased by such things.

Lately, I have noticed a trend. A door seems to open to me in life, I go through it and then find it closes on me (not the right door). This is specifically noticed in regards to career. For example, I felt drawn to apply for the job at Vitamin Shoppe so I did. I went through the entire process only to have a position 30 minutes away offered, which was not a good fit for me. Then I went through the entire Tinkergarten hiring process (took me over a month to complete) only to be told in the end that they were full and would consider me for future openings if I so desired. Then, just recently as mentioned in my last post, a door opened to working at my husband’s place of employment. I went in yesterday and filled out all the paperwork, assured of my position in pay. Then, when my husband informed his boss of my pay she objected. No agreement has been reached thus far so I don’t know what is going to happen. My husband says he is going to leave it to his boss and withdraw. He was very upset and wanting to quit over what she said to him, which, I must admit, was very unprofessional and rude.

Even with yesterday’s turn of events I am not upset. I don’t mind that I went through the entire hiring process to have a hiccup over pay stop everything. I think, “So what.” LOL It was the same with Tinkergarten. That was the longest ever hiring process! It included an actual demo class I had to organize from start to finish. In the end I didn’t care that all that hard work didn’t pay off. Instead, I saw it as a learning experience, something that focused my attention for a while.

And these experiences are not limited to career. I keep being confronted with relationship and life issues that push my buttons to the point that I think I need to take action. Yet my gut tells me, “No”. I follow it, the feeling fades and I shift back to total acceptance. It is a continual return to the lesson of surrender and acceptance.

It seems to me that I am being “tested” via these experiences. The questions being asked are, “Can Dayna follow through with her ‘instructions’ without expectation? Can she trust the process entirely without doubt or resistance?”

It makes me wonder what the next test will be? It will be what it will be. I trust that whatever the intent of the next door that it will be purposeful and that I may never know the actual purpose in the end.

June 30, 2018 by Dayna

Insight via a Dream

It has been a long time since I’ve had a dream where I relived part of my high school “traumatic” experiences but last night I did.

Dream: Betrayed

This dream began a bit hazily and then became more lucid as it progressed. In it I was in a school environment. My best friend from high school was the main focus. She had been avoiding me, hanging out with other people, and just dissing me in general.

There was a discussion going on throughout the dream but it was mostly in the background and I don’t recall specifics about it other than the dream itself. I believe I was participating in a life review of this specific event in my life. During life reviews we often return to the scene to re-experience it so that we are fully able to contact our thoughts and emotions. In turn we can view and analyze our lessons, look for life patterns, examine our growth and set goals for future life applications.

Through this life review I returned to my senior year in high school. I had been best friends with a girl for the entirety of high school. She was a Leo like me and we got along splendidly. We did everything together and she helped me to step outside my comfort zone. But during our last year in high school her parents got divorced and this upset her entire world. She began to seek out new friends, friends who experimented with drugs and alcohol. While at school she started to avoid hanging out with me and treated me very differently. She was stand-offish, quiet, and mostly practiced passive avoidance.

In the dream I was re-experiencing the time when I went to the cafeteria and she sat with a completely different group of people. She didn’t meet me at the normal time and I found her with a younger girl hanging out and laughing, etc. When I tried to converse with her she ignored me. It was obvious she wanted nothing to do with me so I sat at our usual table all alone wondering what was going on. I didn’t feel embarrassed just confused. I was completely happy to sit and eat alone.

In the dream I was in a cafeteria (issue eating me up inside) watching a similar scene play out. I noticed how differently she treated me compared to others. She was very out-going and pleasant with everyone but when it came to me her energy was closed off and a bit haughty. As I observed this play out in the dream much emotion was present. I believe I was crying through most of the dream. Yet the reality of my behavior from that time was quiet, composed and, though confused, not emotionally upset. I loved my friend to the point that I forgave her assuming there was a logical explanation for her behavior.

In the dream I remember crawling into bed (private self, security) in the middle of the cafeteria. There was a portion where a band was playing music and the oboe (deep emotion) section was focused upon. It was like I was seeing my life as a symphony and focusing in on one instrument (feeling “played”).

I saw my friend sleep-walking (unaware) through the cafeteria but she was only that way toward me. With others she seemed to be playing a part – friendly, accommodating, everyone’s friend and confidant.

Then she was lying in bed next to me. I shoved three (three areas/people) cigarettes (dependency) into her mouth and lit them one by one. Then I decided to removed two (handled two issues) of them, fearing a fire (intense emotional upheaval, transformation) would start. I snuffed them out on a window (insight) sill where much trash (negative issues) had accumulated. I remember seeing the trash slowly burning (purification). There were no flames just red-orange edges to the crumpled paper.

My friend was awake, putting out the lit cigarettes. She said, “I don’t know how that got there.” A party with a big, white cake (accomplishments, need to allow others in) was being held for her. There were many people surrounding her. I got back into bed next to her and said something casual and she responded with disdain. I told her I wouldn’t bother her anymore and rolled over, my back to her. I burst into tears to the point that I could not breathe. I woke up crying.

Insight

Prior to bed I had asked for help in making a decision. Recently I was offered a job at my husband’s work. Their one payroll person is going to be out sick long-term, maybe even permanently. I have no experience in payroll but since they all know me at his work the boss was agreeable to my taking over. My husband has the ability to set my pay at whatever I want within means. So pay will be acceptable – likely $15-$18/hr. I agreed because it did not feel wrong to accept but I wanted clarity on my decision.

My goal is to get out of education. I am burned out and would like work that involves interaction with as few people as possible. Pretense exhausts me. Since my husband has a vast social network I figured he could help me get into a different type of work. Turns out the timing was perfect.

My dream might seem to be about a time in my life when I was betrayed by my best friend – and it was – but the underlying issues are what remained with me when I woke. I recognized that I created the problem by alienating people in high school via my blunt, often rude, speak-my-mind communication. I was selfish and cold, pushing people away and not caring about their feelings. I convinced myself that I didn’t need people, that I was happy enough alone – better off alone. All in all I still have that consideration. If given the choice of going to a party or staying home and watching a movie, I would choose the movie 8 out of 10 times. There are times I prefer groups, but not often. The older I get, the more I prefer to be with myself over other people.

I also recognized that I loved my friend. I loved her so much I was blind to her treatment of me. I made excuses for her, unwilling to see that she didn’t want me as her friend anymore. She had told me that she just wanted to expand her friend network, to explore different types of friendships and stop limiting herself to just me as her sole friend. I accepted this and understood but refused to read between the lines. Ultimately, I followed my friend to college where it became painfully obvious that she wanted nothing to do with me.

In analyzing my decisions at that time in my life I realized that I latched onto our friendship because I had no idea what I wanted in life and had no idea who I was. My friend did and so I followed her lead in everything. I figured if I didn’t know what to do with my life I could just take on someone’s else’s life goals and find happiness that way. When my friend alienated me I latched onto my ex-husband and followed him around. Four years after I left my ex I latched onto my current husband.

When I looked deeper I realized that I am still that girl. I have no idea who I am or what I want for the most part. I may have a better idea than I did in high school but I still prefer to take on another’s goals and purposes because it is “safe” and preferable to the unknown (me, my life, my desires and aspirations).

At a deep, soul level – if I look into my “core” – I sense a dependence upon others written into my “code” (for lack of a better word). It is like I have been programmed to need/rely on others/another as part of my purpose here. Objectively this does not feel “bad” or “good” to me. It just IS.

I am reminded of the number 20 which I touched upon in my last post. In numerology, “the essence of 20 is so much a part of the team it rarely considers the idea of operating by itself. In fact, it shies away from situations that would result in it being alone for an extended period of time, even if it would benefit itself.”

It turns out that if I use my Spirit name of Dayna Stone, my heart’s desire number is 2 which is essentially the same as 20.

Interestingly, my Human Design chart indicates I am a Projector which supports the number 2 in numerology and the general insights I gathered above.

Decision

Based upon my dream and the insights it provided it seems that my initial feelings toward this job are solid. There was no feeling of dis-ease related to the job. There was also no feeling of excitement. Instead it was a neutral sense of possibility. I thought, “I can do that job” and “This might work”.

Further discussions with my husband indicate that after an initial training period it would be conceivable to do my job from home. HUGE plus on my part. Even if I can do it partially from home it is better than other options where I have to commute to an office environment every day.

Other pros:

Potential to earn overtime.
Potential for quick advancement into a “finance officer” position.
I can commute to work with my husband.
The office is only 6 miles from our home so I could potentially run or bike to work (unlikely but then who knows?).
The job does not require very much social interaction (big plus!).
The job is numbers-oriented (numbers are my friend) and requires a problem solver in regards to finance/numbers/bills (another thing I excel at).
My husband determines my pay (meaning I can get more than the average person).
My husband is my boss (could also be a con).
Potential to strengthen my relationship with my husband (or the opposite).
Gives me experience in a new field so that I can break away from the education field.

June 29, 2018 by Dayna

More Money Messages and Dreams

In a previous post I was given a date in January. I knew it meant that I needed to refer back to January this year for information regarding my current inner healing work. There wasn’t much I could conclude from a quick review of that month, though. However, yesterday, while on a walk, not 100 yards from my front door, I saw a crumpled up mass of trash in the middle of the road. As I got closer I realized it was money – $20. This is the second time this year I have found money in the middle of the road. The last time was in…..January!

Of course I picked up the money and took it inside, once again thrilled at my “luck”. However, as I began to consider the “why” of it, my intuition was saying, “Pay attention.”

The previous amount I found was two $100 bills on the road parallel to each other. The message seemed to me to be related to the number 11 and the significance the number carries. It also seemed to represent two aspects of a whole – masculine and feminine – whole in themselves yet still connected. At the time of that money discovery the money came along with certain thoughts which also pointed to the message.

Similarly, the $20 bill on the road came after much consideration about relationships and partnerships, what I want, my own tendencies, etc. I had not been thinking of these things at the exact moment of discovery of the money, though. When I saw the money it was so crumpled that it was unrecognizable as money. Only upon close inspection did the $20 markings show. Anyone walking past would have thought it trash.

The number 20 is all about partnerships and relationships, romantic and otherwise. It carries with it a tendency of the individual who has been given this number to function best when in a partnership. It isn’t dependency but more that the individual is more capable when working as part of a team (partner or group). In contrast to the two $100 bills, which were separated, the $20 is whole in itself. The only thing that bothers me is the crumpled state of the money.

Then yesterday, on a walk in the same neighborhood, there was a $1 bill on the sidewalk. It looked brand new, all straight and crisp. My daughter was with me but didn’t see it until I had it in my hands. I said, “This must be for me!” because, well, the universe keeps sending me money on my walks/runs. Three times this year, twice this week!

Upon inspection I realized some other things about the $1 bill:

The letter in the circle on the left is significant. I exclaimed to my kids, “Look! It even has my name on it!”. I handed it to my kids who all wanted to touch it as if it was some kind of special $1. When I got it back I noticed it has 11’s on all four corners. I’d never noticed that on money before so I checked the cash in my wallet. It seems to be a $1 bill thing only. The number coincides with the letter in the circle – the 11th letter is K.

Something felt right about this message. I’m not exactly sure what, but it seemed to indicate that all is well, I’m on the right path and to trust my inner Knowing. There was also a thought that it represented a countdown of sorts. Everything about it screams solid foundations. Here is the numerological meaning of 1.

Aside from money finds, I’ve been having lots of interesting dreams, some disturbing and others that seem to be hinting at the future.

Dream: Foreign Gate

I was a passenger on a very large airplane (higher awareness, new state of Being). It was so massive that there were three rows of seats and a divider with a door in the middle. As we entered I was asked to put my carry-on luggage (identity, security, responsibilities and burdens) away but could not find an overhead compartment for them. The one over my seat was full of some old lady’s stuff – boxes of make-up (self-image, self-confidence) she was selling (replace burdens with confidence). The flight attendant told me to find another place so I set my luggage aside. I remember telling the attendant that it was wrong for the lady to take up so much space with make-up and that something should be done about it. Nothing was done about it, though.

When we were departing the place I was told to retrieve my things. There was someone with me who told me I needed to go through the “foreign gate” (change into new phase of life) where they had been put. I hesitated and did not want to go through the gate but I wanted my luggage so I did.

On the other side there was luggage scattered everywhere. All of it was identical: black carry-on’s. Mine was a black carry-on. I checked through numerous bags but could not find any with my name tag on it. I began to panic, searching through them multiple times. I never found my carry-on. I did find my red and black backpack (knowledge gained) which was a relief.

The man with me advised me to just leave the luggage (message to “let it go”). Someone else had taken it. I was beside myself with upset to the point that I had this sick feeling in my stomach, a nausea that was abnormal. The man kept reminding me that I had my backpack, so I had what I needed. My thoughts mirrored his words. I said, “Yes, but I will have to go and buy new clothes, new contact solution….everything.” There was a feeling that I would okay despite the set-back but the worry surpassed it.

Still panicking, I woke up suddenly. The feeling was lingering in my stomach. It was an “oh shit” feeling. I hate that feeling, especially when I have no idea what to make of it.

Dream: Flooded Basement

I was in a house (soul/self) with my husband (soul connection to husband) and kept noticing standing water (emotion). He was focused on something upstairs, a washing machine (need to resolve issues of the past to move forward) that had been buried (suppressed) and he was digging up (coming to surface). I finally got him to notice the water and he said the whole basement (basic needs and desires, confusion, suppression in subconscious) was flooded (overwhelmed by emotions) about three feet high. He knew about it all along and was just ignoring it determined to dig up the washer. He kept saying the flooding in the basement was because the washer was installed improperly. I remember seeing him digging up a chunk of dirt covered in thick grass and brown leaves (disappointment, despair) and him saying he had been working on it for an hour. I also remember seeing water standing around the a/c in the corner of the house.

Inside my husband had done something with the washer and was draining it I think and water was pouring all over the carpets (protection from harsh reality). There was discussion about a new sofa (laziness, boredom or need to clear mind/thoughts) and it being 38in and only getting cleaned for free if it was 40in. I saw it and it was huge and the back of it arched over the dining room table.

I was upset about the flooded basement. I crawled on the railings of the stairs because they seemed to be upside down (no progress made), the risers above me and the railings below. I never got down to the basement and knew I would have to sleep in a house that was flooding. I was nervous and didn’t want to stay.

Note: The next day my husband actually dug up a part of the front yard to fix a busted water main. The scene was nearly identical to pieces of the above dream. There was water standing near the a/c units and large chunks of sod piled on the driveway from his excavation of the pipes.

Dream: Giant Ladybug

I was inside a large kitchen (life alteration, transformation) and commented on how clean it was. The kitchen had many parts and was larger than normal with several sinks, ovens and work stations on both ends. There were women preparing foods and I helped by making the carrots (clarity, abundance and fertility). I kept adding carrots because I felt it would not be enough. I put them on the stove and noticed a bottle of soda (rejuvenation) had gone missing. I went outside to find it and walked past a group of older women sitting at a table waiting for the meal. There were brown leaves (fallen hopes, despair, loss) blowing past and I commented that the last time we gathered the leaves hadn’t fallen yet. I kept looking for the soda and saw it near some tools. When I picked it up it was obvious soda was not what was inside. It was some kind of chemical. Then I saw a very large ladybug (beauty and good luck) whose shell was rusty orange with gemstones (riches, spiritual protection) where the spots should have been.

Considerations

June’s energy has grown in intensity since the first week and continues to grow. I suspect July is going to be a humdinger of a month. All the messages and syncs continue to escalate despite my asking my guidance to give me a break. My dreams seem to be preparing me for change and show how I am working on confronting certain fears and beliefs related to that change.

In addition to continuing to get messages about Atlanta on a daily basis (it’s ridiculous, really), there are other smaller messages here and there. For example, on one of my walks I kept finding discarded bird eggshells (rebirth) along the path, all in almost perfect condition.

At first I was struggling against the messages and intuition I am having. Of course, the struggle came from my Ego assuming the messages and accompanying feelings meant “NOW” and so, understandably, there was some freaking out. But now I recognize that these messages are memories ignited within by certain aspects of my life trajectory (timeline) coming into view (trigger events). It would be like driving along a highway and seeing that your destination is an hour drive away when previously the signs indicated days of travel.

So now I am hovering somewhere between anticipation of said future changes and complete acceptance/surrender. My focus is on keeping an open mind and heart, acknowledging any expectations and setting them aside so that I can freely accept into my life that which will be for the greatest good of all.

This excerpt from an astrological blog I follow jumped out at me:

Living through Expectation prevents you from ever leaving the Past, since our Expectations are based on our Past Experiences. If you Want to Experience Life As It Is, Moment to Moment, you have to “Cancel, Neutralize, Upgrade,” thank the mind for attempting to Contribute, chuckle at it, and Open to an [sic] Blank Slate.

	Return of 11:11 \| Li… on The Temple of Atlantis
	Return of 11:11 \| Li… on Velantium
	Return of 11:11 \| Li… on The Next Stage of “Conta…
	Taking Back My Power… on Follow Your Beingness
	Follow Your Beingnes… on I Finally Feel It

Living Life in Between

A Blog About Spiritual Transformation

Tag Archives: dreams

Family Drama, Dreams and Messages

Here’s to Better Days

Dream: Truck Horse Woman

Humorous Dream

Full Moon Emotion Hits

New Job, Dreams and Spreads

Rebirth and Inner Conflict

Dreamwork and Tests

Insight via a Dream

More Money Messages and Dreams