Tag Archives: dreams

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Dream, OBE and Realizations

As always, just when I think I’ve gone back to “normal”, something happens to shake things up.

It began with me feeling a strange energy shift yesterday which made me feel a bit melancholy. I requested help prior to sleep, asking my guidance what, if anything, I should do. I was told I would astral project but I responded that I was not really interested in projecting.

Dream: Scandal

I entered a semi-lucid dream in which I was a guest at a luncheon with many friends and acquaintances. The house was quaint and reminded me of a country cottage. There was a long table dressed with a white tablecloth in the center of a country-style kitchen. Sitting at the table was approximately five or six people, couples mostly.

The wooden floors creaked as I approached the table. I was introduced to a woman who was familiar from recent dream. She had dark, curly, shoulder-length hair and fair skin. When we were introduced I became dizzy, which was odd. My entire head began to spin and within the dream I recognized why. I knew this woman and her partner. There was a brief memory of Russia being involved in this exchange of information. A past life perhaps? IDK but it triggered a dizzy spell within the dream experience.

Then I was interacting with this woman’s partner. I never quite saw him clearly, which is weird. He was young, I know that, and I believe he also had fair skin but still I struggle to recall his exact appearance. He came up to me and there was a huge inrush of attraction and energy that hit me square in the heart and shot down through to my root chakra. He moved in very close to me and there was a knowingness that his intentions were to be with me despite having a partner. He hooked his arm around mine and led me to the opposite side of the room. He kept brushing my chest purposefully. I recall that I was wearing a corseted blue dress. My reaction to this was to pull away out of fear that someone would see us. I remember a man glancing in our direction and the word “scandal” came to mind.

Then we were outside of the cottage on the edge of a large, green meadow. There were very tall trees that towered over us and a cool breeze. I leaned up against one of the trees, its bark was white like an aspen. The man was with me and he was embracing me and there was such a glorious feeling in this. My heart was so full that I could not breathe. I recall him asking me if I would run off to Montana with him. I wanted to. Badly. Yet I kept having this awful feeling of dread and my emotions were conflicted to the point of torture. What about his partner? I couldn’t do that to her. I was ashamed that I wanted to.

I don’t recall making out or doing anything sexual with this man. At one point, though, my breasts were exposed and I was encouraging him by saying, “They are all outside”. Obviously, the dream had shifted back to inside the cottage. The man said, “No, they are just there” pointing to the doors. I became frozen with fear at this point and a bit paranoid. The energy was still pummeling me from my chest to my toes. I was overcome by it. I wanted to completely succumb to it yet at the same time I was paralyzed by it.

At this point the man and everyone else disappeared. I was alone in the cottage searching for a broom and dustpan. My entire focus was to sweep up some spilled cereal that had gotten underneath the cabinets. At the back of my mind the entire time was the man and what he represented. I wanted nothing to do with any of it.

Realizations

I woke up gradually and without much memory of the dream at first. However, someone was still speaking to me and encouraging me to remember. I was asked to focus on what I felt. When I did this I felt the surge of energy in my heart chakra and an inability to breathe through it. I shut it down as quickly as I could but at the same time I did not want the feeling to stop. It is the most spectacular feeling yet when I have it I feel so much dread, as if I will die or something horrible will happen if I allow it. I want desperately to get away from the feeling.

Within moments of all of this, I realized  my “running” was true. I was absolutely terrified and in that moment all I felt was a paralyzing terror. The heart sensation was muted and I wanted to feel it but I also wanted to run as far away from it as I could get. To want something so desperately but at the same time feel absolute terror and dread for that very thing is a VERY conflicting situation to be in. I HATE IT!

The dream began to hit me in full and the woman and the dizzy feeling was very pronounced. I literally began to lose consciousness in the dream and could almost contact the feeling right then and there while recalling it. I knew there was a past life connection there somewhere. It was linked to Russia and in recalling the dream I remember hearing someone speak with a Russian accent. In my mind a scenario began to play out. Couple immigrates from Russia. Man meets me and we are caught up in a scandalous romance. He begs me to run off with him to Montana.

I immediately tossed it from my mind, though. I couldn’t handle it. No more past lives! No more of any of this!

I felt so much dread and a pure panic. My mind was going a million miles an hour but the thoughts were muddled and nothing made sense. The main thoughts that I had were that that wonderful feeling = really horribly bad stuff. lol

As I calmed and listened to my guidance I understood that the Kundalini was in a sense forcing these issues to the surface. I have so much fear associated with this particular kind of love but I desperately want to experience it. I was reminded that this love is okay and I am not “bad” for feeling it. Despite this I could not help but feel “bad”. I felt awful. I felt like a whore. A slut. Completely degraded. WTF?

OBE

I fell back to sleep hearing my guide tell me, “You will project”. He was correct. But it was a brief projection. Almost immediately upon returning to sleep I woke up from within a dream and said, “I’m OUT! I’m OUT!” over and over. “Out” meaning OOB. I disconnected from my dream-self, turned around and forcefully said to her, “I’m OUT!!!” As I did, I literally pushed her away from me but the sensation was the opposite of what I expected. I felt myself pulled with intense force back into her. For what seemed like an eternity I pushed and pushed with all my might to get away from her. I was “out” but couldn’t detach completely. And in focusing so much on trying to get out I began to hold my breath. Imagine pushing on something, like a heavy dresser, and how you bear down, holding your breath as you push with all your might. This is what I did to the point that I felt my physical body screaming for air. The sensation of breathlessness was the last straw and my physical body sucked me back with such force that my energy was very strange and I felt somewhat disoriented. I yelled at my guides, “I want OUT and I don’t want to ever go back!” I heard in reply, “Foolish girl”. LOL Now that just made me angry and I said, “If it is possible I will figure out how to do it.”

Considerations

I drifted back to sleep briefly and when I awoke I felt much more settled. My heart was no longer blazing but my entire midsection was sore. I am sure I gave my solar plexus quite a workout. lol

The struggle I am going through is not fun. I honestly don’t know how to embrace the feeling that I obviously want to embrace despite the fear it triggers. I know I need to confront the fear head-on but I don’t know how. There is such an exhaustion related to this struggle now. I wish I had never contacted the feeling now, but then I can’t go back, can I? Obviously, in my past lives, I have felt the feeling and been overcome by it, making some really stupid decisions and then blaming myself, degrading myself, beating myself up for it. There is a sense that I would die for the feeling, and I guess I have several times. LOL I can laugh now, but then the energetic impact, the “soul damage” that has been done is painfully obvious. I relate the feelings with being “bad” or “bad” things. The judgement is severe. Sigh. Yet I know I will get past it. The only way out is through.

 

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OBE: Human DNA

I awoke at 5:30am wide awake and determined to fix my life. lol I got up and got a drink of water to try and calm down because even though I was prepared to do some drastic things at that very moment, I knew better than to do anything when in such a state.

I returned to bed at 5:55am and tried to meditate. It didn’t work too well at first but slowly the irritation melted away. The last thing I remember is hearing the tiny footsteps of one of my children as they went downstairs. I remember thinking, “That’s it. I’m going to have to get up soon.” Then I remembered it was Sunday and realized I didn’t have to get up. So I rolled over onto my left side to sleep.

Lucid to OBE: The Plan

I found myself in a dark room along with two others both of them men I think. I couldn’t see well but the energy was good and so I assumed the lights were just off. One man in particular was very close to me. I could feel his arm next to mine. This brought on full lucidty and I knew I was OOB. I looked at my hands and said, “Clarity now” and could feel and see everything stabilize. Still feeling the man so close to me I began to immediately want one thing: sex. LOL

I kept trying to get the man interested in me but he was talking strangely. Talking about a “plan” that needed to be worked on and asking the other guy if he had gotten the information. The whole conversation reminded me of a James Bond movie or “Black Ops” type stuff. I was not in the least interested in what they were saying, though.

The man I was interested in kept walking away from me as he was talking. I was aware of a door and heard someone enter and them whispering. Still not caring, I got the attention of the guy and tried to kiss him and he sent me a message telepathically that this was not what we were suppose to be doing. lolol Looking back on this now I am sure I was in my child personality – all bubbly and high energy and a bit sporadic. I definitely don’t listen well when I am “the child”.

At some point I lost connection and shifted into my body. I could feel the energy still prime to go back out, so I did.

OBE: Human DNA

Back in the scene again, I immediately went back to trying to get the guy interested in me. The conversation continued about this “plan” but I was oblivious. Instead, I wanted to play.

Looking up I noticed a staircase and grabbed onto the railing. I swung up and around it and then landed right on top of the man. I still can’t see him but this time he allows me to embrace him and kiss him, but something is weird about it. I did’t physically feel him but instead it felt like a blob of plastic. And it is like I am kissing air. Undeterred I hear him say something like, “There, I’m done.” I say back to him, “I want to see you.” I strain my eyes through the darkness to try and see him. I see an outline and move closer and then he ducks out of the way. He does this several times until I grab onto him and push him down onto the floor.

Finally thinking I will be able to see this mystery man, I look down at the person whose shoulders I have my hands on. My vision suddenly brightens up, like someone turned on the lights. In front of me is not a man at all but a small girl with long, blonde hair. When I see her I let her get up and she looks at me a bit stunned. I’m stunned briefly but then see a flash of color through the windows. “Fireworks!” I yell to the girl. She looks confused. I say to her, “Come on! Let’s go see!” I grab her hand and she resists, pulling back, but I am bigger and stronger and just drag her along behind me.

I go right through the door – no resistance. It is like it just disappears. The girl is right behind me but I don’t feel like I am dragging her anymore.

We fly out into the road and I can see the bright reds, blues and whites of what I assume is fireworks. At the same time, a small child comes running toward us. He is all alone and couldn’t be more than 3 or 4 years old. I say aloud, “There’s a kid coming.” I heard a boy’s voice respond but I never see who it comes from.

I turn to see who is speaking to me but my attention is drawn to my own house. It is bigger than life and so grand looking, the white bricks gleaming. It resembles a mansion. I also notice that we are standing lower than we should be. There is a small, stone stair that leads up to the house. Being this stair is not there in real life, I take note of it wondering briefly where I am.

I still see fireworks and hear booming but am confused because no fireworks I’ve ever seen looked this way. I say aloud, “I wonder what it is?” and send a mental thought wondering why the colors were not streaming down like fireworks do. And hear a male voice say, “It’s human DNA.” And I think, “Of course.”

I grab the little girl’s hand and we fly toward the noise and lights. We are stopped suddenly by a black military Hummer. Men in black and gray military garb wearing black hats and carrying radios hang out the windows and glare at us. This is when I begin to think the fireworks are not fireworks but flares and the booms are guns.

Curious and with absolutely no fear, I float down the street and see tall apartment buildings to my left. I hear yelling. I stop and look up and on a balcony above there are several men in black with guns. They are pointing their guns at civilians who are wearing their night clothes and very obviously afraid. I hear a gun go off and one of the men in black yells. I see a woman, obviously terrified, follow orders and stand where she is told. There is a line of scared civilians behind her. I know a man had just been killed and shudder a bit from the knowledge of this.

We continue down the street which has now morphed into some unfamiliar city. It reminds me of the UK but I have not been to many European cities so it could have been anywhere. The reason it reminded me of the UK is that there were shops on the lower levels of the buildings and above them were apartments where people lived. The buildings were very close together. Quite cramped for space. This is what I saw when I visited London.

I saw on the streets two men standing and watching the commotion on the balcony above. They look foreign but their skin tone is white and both look to be in their 50’s. One was smoking a cigarette. I asked them if they were going to do anything. The man with the cigarette said something like, “We don’t get involved” and they both shrugged their shoulders. Both were wearing a red cloth armband and their clothing reminded me of clothing a rebel or militia member would wear. The color was mostly green but it was not a uniform. It was familiar to me but now I cannot place it.

There was a realization at this time that pulled me back into my body. My last thought was, “Too many of us are bystanders.” And I felt so sad about how few of us were trying to help. It was like the entire OBE was a lesson on the state of the world and why it was the way it was. Too many bystanders.

Message

Back in my body I sensed my guides near and said, “I want to go back.” I knew my energy was not right but despite that I still tried to return. Instead I ended up in the in-between with several guides around me. It was like the first OBE – the scene was dark and I could not see anyone’s face.

I could sense the presence of both male and female energy. Still trying to will myself back into the scene, I kept trying to catch the right wave of vibrations to exit. When it became clear that I was not suppose to leave, I settled down.

Then I heard a male voice say, “You have six keys left.” In front of me I saw an illuminated golden key ring and six small, golden keys dangling from it. Before I had a chance to think about it I heard a woman’s voice say, “We’ve been trying to tell you. You can’t act prematurely. There’s still six left to go.”

There was more said without words. I knew these were the ones helping me, who have been helping me for a while now. There was a sense that I was not being very cooperative and this was their attempt to get me to listen. The message was clear, “Now was not the time to take action. These feelings will pass.”

Edit: I took 100mg B6 prior to bed. I’m starting to think B6 is my ticket to OBE. lol

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Determined to See This Through

The heart fire is coming and going and bringing with it all kinds of emotions. I am grateful for it’s return because I feel more alive when it is present despite the inner conflict that arises within me.

Yesterday, about mid-afternoon, I went into grief for no apparent reason. Thankfully, I am able to observe these releases and with this one it was easy to see that my grief stemmed from my inability to act on the divine love I have for my counterpart. I almost laughed out loud because it felt like what I would expect a horrible breakup would feel like. Since I have not experienced feelings of such magnitude I can only speculate that “breakup” grief is what it resembles.

In an attempt to understand my grief and this amazing connection I have been blessed with, I asked for help. I was led to read WP, checking Reader for new posts. I stumbled upon this post. The synchronicities blew me away and I began to wonder about one of my recent dreams. I reread that dream and connections were made.

My dreams have been pointing me in the direction of healing for as long as I can remember. How blind I have been! The emotional release accompanying this realization confirmed I was on the right track.

Then I was led to read another of my past posts. The synchronisities screamed at me. I had not noticed them when the post was written but now, now they are so obvious! This part especially hit home:

As we left for the evening, I had to leave behind my new friends and rejoin my family. I felt torn and there was agony in my decision. I walked toward my “old” family carrying a large trailer behind me. It was as if I were the car and it (a huge trailer) was hitched to me. As I walked along the road, I encountered masses of people walking toward me – the wrong way. They were drunk and dazed and I remember thinking, “They don’t see me”.

The entire walk home one of my new friends accompanied me. He and I had a strong connection, one that made me feel alive again. It was like he was my soul mate (if such a thing exists).

When I got home I remember I forgot my keys but decided to not go back. I had crossed through a “gate” of some sort and to go back through it would mean going through a “check-point” and I didn’t want to risk getting caught. What I was getting caught for, I don’t know.

When I woke up I was very sad and questioning why. I felt completely and utterly dissociated from my life, my family, and everyone I know. The feeling was so intensely real that I figured it must mean I needed to disconnect from my life and everyone in it. I believed this to the point that I even looked online for an apartment and told my husband I wanted to move out.

The realization of all of this, all of this I had not seen, blew me away. Of course, I can’t be so hard on myself. I was unable to see it at that time. So much had not yet been revealed to me. But now, now I know.

The first dream was warning me of what was to come. The destruction is my entire life, my foundations, falling down around me. Tear it all down and then build it back up. It is destruction of the old me to make way for the new. It is also representative of how my world was turned upside down in December 2015. The ReUnion threw me into chaos for a time and, like the second dream stated so clearly, “I had crossed through a ‘gate’ of some sort’ and there is was going back.

Everything in bold is how I felt the end of December through January. My whole life felt wrong and I so desperately wanted out of it and to join my new friend.

Putting it all together, my mind was made up. This last hurdle must be confronted and destroyed if I am to get to the other side. Going back is not an option.

waterfall

Dream: Waterfall

I went to bed asking to move forward. “Show me what I need to see,” I said. My Companion whispered to me, “Remember.” I knew this was a good sign.

In the dream I on a boat with a male friend. He resembled the man who I call my counterpart except this time he was much younger and his skin a bit lighter. I sensed he had more “life” in him than before.

We were on a fast flowing, massive river similar in size to the Amazon. It was forking in front of us. Both sides equal except for one thing. The path on the left had lines strung over it filled with live chickens hanging by their feet. They were flapping their wings and squawking loudly. On the right there was also a line but on it there were only two live chickens flapping about.

Together we chose the path to the right and navigated down the river. The rapids grew stronger and tossed us about. I knew not many took this path and that the reason was because it ended in a huge waterfall.

As we approached the waterfall, I saw a brilliant white mansion to the right. I knew no one lived in it. I had been there before.

In front of us the river narrowed substantially and its waters were channeled between pillars of concrete. It was a dam of some sort. My partner asked me if I was ready and I said, “Can’t we go around?” He said, “We shouldn’t.” Then we jumped into the river and swam to the left bank. We crawled out and sat upon the concrete together, both of us completely naked. To our right the sound of the waterfall was prominent. I felt exhausted and lay down to rest. My partner sat next to me and looked down at me. I could see him clearly and recognized him. He was nearly my age now and so beautiful. I wanted to put my fingers in his dark hair but I didn’t. I just stared up at him.

Then he was talking to me but I heard no words. Instead he was writing all over my bare skin. He was writing messages to me. His writing covered every inch of me. I saw I had written messages on his skin, too. I knew I had nothing to hide from him and he had nothing to hide from me. I wish I could remember what he wrote now but all I recall is how gentle and loving he was. My heart overflowed with love for him.

Heart Blast

I woke up in tears. Gentle tears. Tears not of sorrow but of the most profound love. My heart was blazing but part of it, the upper right section, was tender. Instead of feeling grief and agony for the seeming separation I woke up to, I felt determined; brave. I felt as if I could do anything as long as he was by my side and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was….is by my side.

I lay in my bed immersed in the love that overflowed from my heart center and heard my Companion say, “There are some things we cannot do alone.” I knew what he meant and he was not referring to himself as my partner in this instance. It was time to focus on my physical counterpart now. In that moment all I wanted to do was go; to leave everything behind and find him. Yet I knew this was impossible and not appropriate. I have contracts to complete, a mission to accomplish. I must become Whole. And instead of feeling sad about it, I felt determined and undeterred.

Whatever the waterfall is, and I have a good idea of what it is, I CAN confront it and move past it. I do it not only for me, but for him. The kind of love we have is the kind that makes me want to do anything for him. I would lose my life if I had to. I guess that is the motivation I need to move past this because to do it just for me is not enough. I don’t feel I am worth it, but he is.

I want to add that had I known a love like this existed, was even possible, I never would have wasted my time with all the others. That love was a pretend love, a projected love. I don’t mean to negate any of my past experiences or past loves, but that is how I feel. If I had known, I would not have accepted anything but the real deal.

 

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Lucid Dream, Energy Zaps and Flying Sphere

Can you feel the energy surge? There has been a geomagnetic storm  raging since yesterday.

I noticed it yesterday. My energy was much higher than normal and my third-eye began to buzz in the evening. Then throughout the night and into the morning I had some interesting energy sensations. The energy helmet greeted me upon waking along with a nice heart chakra and solar plexus warmth.

Energy Zaps

Throughout the night I kept waking to some strange energy sensations. I have felt them before, but they still surprised me. These particular ones were connected to my thoughts. As I would drift to sleep, my mind would wander. This is a normal part of falling asleep. Everyone does it. Yet this time if a thought focused on the future, such as worrying about something that should have been or needs to be done, I would get this strange energy zap that would come in via the back of my chest and scatter as if sending shockwaves through my entire nervous system. It was very uncomfortable and woke me up every time.

After a few wakings, my guidance came through and asked, “What were you thinking about?” and I realized that only those thoughts that were anxiety-ridden were resulting in this uncomfortable energy. The solution was to focus on my heart and do some pranayama breathing. Despite doing these two things, I would still be shocked into waking because my mind would end up doing what it habitually does. The thought that woke me up the last time was: Oh, I should have made Adrian (my daughter) do her homework before bed. LOL

Lucid Dream: Back at Work

I awoke at 4am because my son was screaming. Afterward it was hard to fall back to sleep. There was energy pouring into my third-eye and crown chakras at this time forming what I like to call an energy helmet. It had been so long since I felt any energy sensations that this made falling asleep that much harder.

The next thing I remember is being in my old office at my last job. I had just arrived to work and was getting ready for the day. As I looked over my schedule and prepared for my first appointment I began thinking, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t like this job” and other similar thoughts. There was a feeling of drudgery and exhaustion that came with it. It made me feel heavy and tired.

The whole time I was sure I was wide awake but the fact that I was in my old office and back at work really upset me. I looked around at everything, inspecting it to try and find out if it was real or a dream. The acute feeling of disappointment was overwhelming and I almost started to cry. I really didn’t want to be there. Yet it felt so real!

I began to say out loud, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t work here anymore. I left this job. This has to be a dream!”

The last statement resulted in a dissolution of the entire scene. It was like it melted away around me. Very strange to witness and even stranger to feel.

The strangeness brought me back into my body but the energy sensations were not the normal vibrations I feel upon re-entry. The only way to describe them is pulsing out from me and then back into me. It was like expansion followed by contraction.

I didn’t know how to respond to this new energy so I did not attempt to go OOB, which is what I normally would have done. Instead I woke up and memories of the night flooded my mind and the energy helmet covered my head and third-eye.

Busy Night

My memories were of being with a group of four others. I seem to be with this group often – two men and two women. I have only a vague recollection of what they look like. I know one man has very dark hair but when I try to focus on any of them I only see a blur. Last night we met like we have been for some time. We usually gather together in a circle, holding hands. I have memory of doing this but am not sure what we are doing exactly.

What I recall of last night is flying in some kind of hover craft. In the dream there was a superhero theme going on and the vehicle resembled the bat mobile except that it was much, much smaller and had no tires. I was invited to fly it and was reluctant at first but then accepted the invitation. I went from apprehensive to full out thrilled as I flew it faster and faster. It was quite fun!

Another memory I have is of interacting with this hovering sphere with two dark “eyes”. It resembled some kind of video surveillance drone. It was black and dark gray and zoomed around me about four feet above my head. It was about the size of a basketball. In the dream I had been told I won a prize and was given laser guns and played a game of trying to zap the drone with the lasers. lol

What is funny is that I recall that I woke from this dream to a feeling of being zapped by energy and hearing the electrified buzzing sound that I heard yesterday while in a lucid state. The sound was so very unsettling yet at the same time completely familiar. I had been too tired at the time to notice but when the memory returned so did the memory of the distinct sound. Crackling, electrified buzzing. Reminds me of the sound a lite saber makes. lol

Heart Chakra and Solar Plexus Warmth

I settled down to meditate because I knew sleep was unlikely. My thoughts drifted to the power of heart connections and mulling over how the world would be in the future. How would humans deal the intensity of heart connections? How are we suppose to handle them?

The answer eluded me, likely because I still have so many ingrained beliefs that need to be released. I thought about my own experience and how it has affected me. I cannot imagine a society where everyone feels such a connection. .

The entire time my thoughts were on this subject my heart chakra was lit up with a warm, inviting energy. My solar plexus soon joined the heart. All along my third-eye was blazing. Just feeling the wonderful heart warmth was a relief. I really thought I wouldn’t feel it again. I want it to stay forever.

 

 

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Message: Decide!

I’m still sleeping very, very deep. So deep, that when I wake I am so drowsy that I fall instantly back to sleep, which is uncommon for me. And I am still waking up at 5:00-5:30am. I really, really am hating it right now because I am soooo tired.

Decide! 

Despite being so tired and sleeping extremely deeply, I am having numerous, vivid dreams and also still waking up several times a night. In one instance, I awoke from being jolted by energy that literally made me jump. I don’t think it was my physical body that jumped, but that doesn’t matter – it all feels the same to me. With the jolt of energy came someone saying, “Decide!”

Being as tired as I was, I only briefly wondered what it was all about and then passed back out into dream land.

Dream: Teacher Workshop and Giving Readings

Then I was sitting in a large cafeteria with so many others I lost count. I quickly remembered I was at a workshop and that I was among teachers and staff. I was sitting next to a man with medium brown hair and the tables reminded me of those at an elementary school – much too small for adults.

I remember seeing the agenda. The workshop lasted all day! It became evident to me that it had gone over its allotted time. The suggested change in time was a three hour delay. For some reason I felt this was caused by me. I remember discussing the schedule change with the man sitting next to me and told him I planned to leave at 9am even though it would not be over. The agenda is very vivid in my mind even now.

Then I was speaking with a man who was at least a foot taller than me with medium brown hair and a light complexion. All I remember now is that he asked me, “So you aren’t working now?” I said to him, “No. I have lots of time on my hands.” There is memory of a discussion in which he asked me if I would stay in Dallas (this was where the workshop was) and I said I wished I could but I have a family, etc and needed to get back to them.

Instantly I shifted back to the cafeteria and was speaking to two young women. I gave them both readings and then found out they were not as old as I had thought – still teenagers. I remember feeling worried they would tell their parents and I would get into trouble because they were minors. I explained this to them and one wanted my business card. I gave it to her and felt better for some reason.

Discussion

I woke up and it was 5:30am. Instantly memory of the jolt of energy and the dream came to me. I asked what the “Decide!” demand was for. Decide what? Then I felt it was being asked of me to get me to figure out if I wanted to focus on living or dying. In hearing this I did not hesitate. I am not interested in staying in life, no matter how “exciting” my guides try to make it, it is just not as wonderful as the spiritual side and unless they can somehow merge the two, this physical existence is just not enough.

Dream: End of the Road

Somehow I fell back to sleep briefly, which is odd because I was wide awake. I entered instantly into a dream where I was discussing a destination. There were two, one in CA and the other in TX.

Then I was in a car and driving very, very fast on a four or five lane highway. I kept thinking I was in LA for some reason.

It was like a video game. The speed was so fast I clung to the steering wheel for dear life. I tried to stay in the far right lane where I would slow down to 60mph. But then I would end up jerked back to the fast lane every time. Once, in the fast lane, a car zoomed in front of me and side swiped the concrete barrier and kept going. I nearly did as well and felt as if I were somehow following this fast car. Strangely, there weren’t many cars on the highway, just mine, the reckless driver and a woman in a car that stayed in the slow lane.

I finally stayed in the slow lane and the woman remained behind me, adjusting her speed for me as needed. I watched as the road wound around unfamiliar terrain. I remember thinking, “I wish I knew this road.”

Then the road turned to the right and I saw it turned to gravel. I slowed way down and then stopped my car completely and got out. The woman followed me.

The road had large boulders and I carefully walked through them as it sloped upward. That is when I noticed the road dead ended at what appeared to be a semi truck. A large, silver ramp met the road. I stood upon it and looked inside the truck. It appeared to be completely furnished with mahogany shelves filled with books, side tables, lamps and several nice sofas. It was huge! It did not resemble any truck I had ever been inside of.

A woman was standing inside and taking tickets and money from other travelers who came in from behind me. I had never noticed them, but there were quite a few. In listening to their conversations, I learned that this truck took people to several destinations. The woman who had been following me stated hers and boarded the truck. I was asked what my destination was. I couldn’t remember but I saw in my mind an ocean port with beautiful, crystal blue waters and white sand beaches. I kept thinking my destination was in CA but then thought, no it was Jalisco. Confused, I thought for a moment Jalisco was in Texas but knew that was wrong.

Then I told the woman I had sent my children ahead of me but their truck did not look anything like this one. I had a vivid memory of doing so, too. I remember their truck was plain inside – like a real truck. I felt I was a very bad mother for sending my children away. The woman said, “I’m sure they got there safe and sound.”

Discussion

I awoke with this song in my head:

So much went through my mind this morning, that I can’t even share it all. I will say that I was asked to think of when I felt most alive in this life. There were two specifics times I recalled:

  1. My first experience teaching in a public school. I was so in love with my job and my students that I got to work every day more than an hour early. My favorite lessons were teaching my students how to meditate and how to go inward to learn about themselves (introspection).
  2. My first years giving readings – mediumship, psychic, medical intuition, spirit guide, etc. The feeling is indescribable. There is no feeling that has yet compared to how I feel during and after giving a reading in which I have connected with Spirit and given the sitter proof that their loved ones continue on and are always with them.

I have neither of these two things in my life now. I made it clear to my guides that as a mother I cannot – will not – put my own wants and needs above those of my children. That is the burden that comes with being a mother. Yet at the same time I feel utterly and completely without purpose.

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Lucid Dream to OBE: Take it Off

Up at 5am this morning because my two youngest decided it was time to get up. My husband was with them, awake and watching t.v. Furious, I yelled at them to be quiet and then fumed while laying in bed. I wasn’t really mad at them, though. I was mad because I woke up on my own, like clockwork, and could not go back to sleep. When I wake up that early I have absolutely nothing to do and all I want is to go back to sleep and astral project or just dream. Yet for some reason at 5-5:30am I am wide awake. I was fed up.

I attempted to meditate but made sure my guides knew just how upset I was at being kept out of astral for so long. I said,”If you are going to take everything (spiritual) away, then at least let me astral!!” I heard no response and continued to fume for a bit about other things like how my entire back felt stiff and it was really cold! lol

Lucid Dream: New House

The next thing I remember I am inside a house that has no furniture. There was a woman with me who was showing me around. Specifically, we were looking at the high ceilings. She said to me, “You have nice vaulted ceilings. At least the ceilings are higher in this one (house).” I said, “Well my last one had coffered ceilings. I remember looking up at the ceiling as it came to a point above my head.

She then took me into a closet and showed me a small cubby where I could store things. I remember telling her that I didn’t like the vaulted ceilings in the closet because it made the shelves too high. I inspected the small cubbyhole she was showing me. It resembled a box.

OBE: Take it Off

Throughout the above dream my lucidity would come and go, but toward the end, as I looked at the woman, I thought to myself, “I am out of body!” I felt the energy indicating this the minute I thought the thought. My vision and the image of the woman disappeared but I felt her presence still close by.

I was standing in an unfamiliar place. I could sense the space expand around me. Though my vision was not fully available to me, the first thing I thought was that I needed to look at my hands. When thought this, my vision turned on and I saw bright blue sky and a flash of the woman to my left. I remember she said to me, “Look.” Yet, despite trying hard to keep my vibration high, the scene continued to fade in and out. I believe, however, that I was standing on a beach near the ocean. The only vivid images I recall now are of the sky and the woman. There is also a sensation of being encouraged to expand. With this there is memory of the woman reaching over and taking off my outer shell. In this I recall seeing the duplicate of my physical body fall away like a suit of clothing. Underneath was a brilliant green energy body.

OBE: Honeymoon

I felt the familiar energy of settling back into my body. Surprised that I had been allowed to go OOB I immediately took advantage of my high energy state and exited.

I was standing beside the woman. I had absolutely no astral sight but instead was able to perceive in black and white. The woman and I were walking toward a destination and I knew we were standing outside of a building. I could sense the greenery around me and wished I could see it in all its brilliance.

The door opened and we stepped inside. My vision would sporadically turn on and off and so I was able to get a glimpse of where we were. It appeared to be a house like the previous lucid dream. The woman was my main focus, though. She was blonde and fair, her hair cut in layers that framed her face. She had a very youthful appearance and glow about her.

She led me toward the end of the house where I perceived huge ceiling-high windows. She lifted me up and set me on something. This surprised me because I could feel her grab hold of me and it seemed so effortless for her to lift me. I felt her close to me still and my vision turned on flooding me with an intense light and an image of her face. Her cherub-like face was so child-like! She couldn’t have been more than 10 years old! When I saw her I said, “Keira!” and pulled her close to me to hug and kiss her. I felt a great affinity for her and was overjoyed to see her. She hugged me but when I attempted to kiss her she said, “Not now. I’m not allowed.” So my kiss hit empty air. Somewhat disappointed I watched as her image literally vanished in front of my eyes but I could still feel her all around me.

She led me toward the huge windows and then we materialized on the other side. My vision turned on again and again an intense light flooded my eyes. We were standing on a large, golden-colored balcony. There were couples sitting together and relaxing. Somehow I knew they were all married couples and this was where they honeymooned. I recognized the place and I remember I said to her, “This overlooks the ocean!” I rushed to the edge of the balcony (it was solid) to look over it. When I did, I did not see a beach. Instead, I saw a clear creek with rushing water that was heading downhill over polished rocks to an unseen source. On either side of the creek was lush, green, tropical vegetation. It reminded me of a section of a rainforest that had been clear-cut. I looked up at the most vividly blue sky I had ever seen and just smiled. It was fantastic! Yet at the same time I wondered, “Where’s the ocean?” It was as if someone had drained it and left only a creek behind.

Then my energy shifted and I felt the familiar sensation of my physical body. I lingered in the in-between for some time after that.

Message: There’s a Tear in the Fabric of the Astral Realms

Of course, I wondered why I was allowed OOB when I had been told I could not. It was explained that there was a massive crack in the astral realms right now. This was shown to me like a rip in the fabric of energy that separated the various “levels”. The tear caused these levels to intermingle. It is like when there is a tear in a plastic swimming pool. The water rushes through the crack all at once. With these various planes or levels of astral, this causes a blending of the vibrations, making it difficult to traverse without guidance and even harder still to move up through the lower levels. The crack or tear makes it difficult for one to maintain the correct vibration. The tear acts to destabilize one’s energy and “sucks” it away into the whirlpool created by the crack. This is why it was so hard for me to control my energy. My guides were trying to show me how to fix this problem. I need to drop my astral body altogether (as in the first OBE). I was told that I was not following directions on how to do this. I was more interested in playing. LOL Too true! It had been so long since I had been aware of being OOB that I really just wanted to fly and explore. I was able to stay OOB without dropping my astral body only because my guide was helping me to stabilize my energy. Anything that would disrupt this (kissing, touching, etc) would have caused a spike in my vibration which would have instantly destabilized my astral body. The only way around this was to discard the astral body completely.

 

 

 

 

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A Dream and a Name

In this dream I was at a gym preparing for a group class. The instructor came in and had us all grab barbells. For some reason I grabbed two very small dumbbells to do push-ups and then realized we were going to do something else, so dropped them only to find all the barbells were taken. The instructor then had us line up very close, holding our barbells. Then we were attached to one another by clips. The result was that we appeared as a human grid.

Our assignment was to run a route in pairs. We would be carrying a barbell between us and our fuel was an assortment of tea.

As my partner and I ran together, we far outpaced the rest of the group. The route was a dirt path among rolling hills covered in tall, green grass. The view from the top of the hill was spectacular and my partner and I sprinted down the hill together at a high speed. I remember looking behind us and seeing our group shrink as the distance between us increased. I remember feeling intense joy and pride at our accomplishment.

Then we reached the bottom of the hill and our speed dramatically decreased. We slowly made our way to what appeared to a be a large temple or shrine made out of light gray stone. There were paved roads that meandered around green patches of grass dotted with flowers and surrounded by short hedges.

I noticed our ration of tea bags was almost gone and we were nearly out of water. How could we ever get to the finish line without our fuel? I decided to put several tea bags in our last remaining water. My partner said, “Wouldn’t that make the tea too strong?” I said yes and explained I liked it that way. There remained three gray tea bags of Oolong tea.

This is when the others in our group began to catch up to us. One pair passed us and I noticed they were on a tandem bicycle. That is when I realized my partner and I were on two separate bicycles.

As we made our way toward the main road, my partner wanted to take a different route. I hesitated but then followed him since both routes led to the same destination. As we pedaled down the path, I saw two police officers rounding up some children who did not follow the directions and were off track. I remember thinking I was glad I was not one of them.

path

Dream Interpretation

The dream is suggestive of not working with my counterpart toward our common goal. There is a separation that exists, symbolized by the separate bicycle when we should be on a tandem bike. Tea is symbolic of life satisfaction and taking one’s time in regards to a relationship. Not only is tea our “fuel” and we are running low but our speed slows down significantly.

In-Between Communication

Prior to waking from this dream, I found myself in a discussion with an online friend. We were talking about desire and her lack of it and my sudden increase of it. I pointed out my partner, who appeared much as he did in past lucid dreams though he was quite a distance away in this particular lucid moment. I remember telling her, “I don’t have any issue with it (desire) now.” She had said something like, “My partner and I do not have any interest in each other anymore.”

She then said to me, “If you want to be with him why don’t you initiate?” I said, “I don’t know. I just don’t want to.” I remember looking at my partner from a distance and thinking I would like him to come over where we were standing.

That is when I became lucid in the in-between and my Companion was close. I knew he wanted me to do what he normally did in our past encounters. He wanted me to initiate our connection. My first thought was, “How? I don’t know how.” Yet I could feel my heart chakra active. It felt like my entire chest was a mass of solid energy. My third eye was also active.

There was recognition then that I preferred to be the pursued, not the pursuer. In fact, all my life I have never once pursued anyone other than one boyfriend in high school who took my advances to mean I wanted to jump right in bed with him. This was not the case and I quickly withdrew. I discovered that if I showed any interest in a man (meaning just being nice to them or friendly) it was misconstrued to mean I wanted to have sex with them. So I quickly learned to remain distant and let them pursue me. If I was interested then I would accept. It I was not, I would ignore them or straight out tell them to back off. It really sucked for me to be this way because I prefer men to women as friends yet I could never have a male friend because they always wanted it to go beyond friendship. 😦

That is when I was straight out told that I needed to reverse this role. I needed to pursue what I wanted. If I wanted sex, then I need to initiate it. If I wanted the heart connection, then I needed to initiate it. There is nothing wrong with wanting either. It is my right, my decision.

But I fear the rejection that goes with it. I recognized this fear right away.

That is when I recall hearing myself ask my Companion, “What is your name?” I heard myself reply, “Allen”. This brought me to full wakefulness and I remember hearing an entire name, “Richard Allen” but I can’t remember the last name now. Then I could not remember my own name and it took me quite some time to remember it.

As I lingered in bed, trying to get a grip on reality, I had a vivid vision of an orange cat. It was very obviously dead.

 

orangecat

 

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Dream: Caging the Dogs

In this dream I was at my mom’s house. There were two dogs who I was scolding and putting in a large pen that resembled a chicken pen. They had escaped on more than one occasion and the screen door was damaged. I tied the door in place with bungee cords and then spotted a small hole that I knew one of the dogs would try and escape out of. So I went scrounging for a piece of wire to patch the hole. I found some on an old, rotten chicken coup and pulled it off along with the tiny wires that held the piece in place. Then I patched the hole. I was very meticulous about placing the patch and felt proud of myself when I completed it because I knew there was no way the dogs could escape.

Interpretation

I am afraid of something I know, something that I feel may escape if I do not pen it up properly. This “something” is connected to the symbol of the dog. Dogs can represent various things. In this particular dream they are playful and are escaping and causing damage to their pen. A pen is typically symbolic of communication and self-expression and since this one resembled a chicken pen then I am afraid of expressing a certain aspect of myself. Based upon these symbols, I can only guess that I am being encouraged to stop limiting my expression of my intuitive gifts. This does not feel totally correct, though, and I want to say that the dogs represent living life fully and being loyal to myself.

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Two Recurring Dream Symbols

My sleep has been very dream-filled and deep of late. There are some symbols that keep repeating that I think are worth mentioning.

Cats

Cats continue to appear. Usually they are in varying states of health. My most vivid memory is of a gray cat that was literally cut in half yet still alive. There was also a memory of a cat and a snake together. This cat was white and also ill. Still yet there was another dream in which the cat was lashing out at me with its claws and hissing. I was not afraid of it, though.

Cats are representative of feminine sexuality, independence, creativity and/or power. For me, they are usually indicative of my sexuality. The colors vary, but I suspect the gray cat that was cut in half represents my masculine and feminine sides not yet being united and whole. Aggression is symbolic of not accepting my feminine side/sexuality. The white cat with the snake could indicate fear of the feminine side of myself.

No Gas (Fuel)

Twice now I have had memories of looking at my cars fuel gauge and seeing it on empty.

In the first dream I was chasing a man who I had been dating but had disconnected from me. I never saw the man. Instead I was outside an apartment complex getting into my car. When I turned on my car it began to shake violently and the lights flashed. That is when I realized I had no gas and needed to get to a gas station. I found one nearby but it was foreign – the cost of the gas was in liters and it cost 50 cents a liter. The attendant approached me and he was Japanese and asked how he could assist me. I allowed him to fill up my gas tank and gave him my credit card which was in the shape of the state of Texas.

The second dream was just of me seeing my gas gauge was at empty and being concerned about it.

Apparently I need to rest and re-energize or feel the need to do so. It also indicates that I need to focus on my health, which I am doing. It just so happens that the number 50 has to do with healing and well-being.

 

 

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Message: Worship Life

If you stripped away all the roles and labels you identify with, what would be left?

This question was asked of me this morning along with these messages:

Worship life.

Think “some day” and you’ll spend the rest of your life waiting for “some day” to come.

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Dreams

My dreams were also intensely vivid and related to these messages.

In one dream I was standing by an area where bundles of tall sticks had been stored vertically. Amidst them were four babies that appeared to be dead but when inspected were very much alive. We revived them and they morphed into dogs and the rest of the dream involved discussion about the dogs.

In the other dream me and my family moved to Alaska where a sustainable community was being created. The place was all gray and dreary and I kept worrying about the long nights ahead and dreading the future. I had a feeling that I should be happy but I was not and I was bored.

Memories

When I awoke all kind of things were going through my head. The song, from my previous post  was the most noticeable but there was a distinct memory of the time prior to my move to Alaska:

My ex-husband moved to Alaska before me to attend a training academy and I waited in Texas, living with my Mom and preparing for our drive to Alaska. I didn’t want to go. I knew what was waiting for me. At one point I broke down in tears while taking a shower because I wanted badly to stay in Texas. This was after I had turned down a job offer for a teaching position at a nearby school. At the time, I was too afraid to go out on my own, even with all the signs pointing to this being the right thing to do. I believed my marriage was more important; that to choose my wants and needs over my marriage was selfish and wrong. My mother had seen me crying and spoke to me about it afterward. She encouraged me to stay and I remember such pain in my heart. Unbearable pain. Excruciating.

Lessons

After this memory hit me, I was asked, “Focus on that feeling. What did it tell you?”

My response: “The feeling was showing me what I am not.”

I recognized that the feeling was trying to show me that moving to Alaska did not align with my energy/vibration. It was out of sync with me. Yet I ignored it, choosing instead to follow my ex’s path, a path that was not mine and did not align with my authentic self. The result was near disastrous for me.

I feel the beginnings of this feeling in my current life. Honestly, I don’t even want to acknowledge the feeling is emerging. I hate knowing it is there. Yet things in my life are shifting in a direction I know I am not suppose to go. What do I do with that?

Preparation

As I drifted in and out of the in-between, scenes came into my mind. One specific scene pulled me out of my reverie it surprised me so much. In this scene, a friend of mine was talking to me about needing to find a roommate. I did not recognize this friend, though. Her search came at a time in which I needed to find a place to live on my own. As I pulled myself out of the scene there came with it a knowingness that if I follow my heart, then things will align perfectly to set me on the right path.

Of course, I panicked and had thoughts like, “What will I do for a living? Where will I go? I can’t live far away from my family! I will be so alone! What about my kids?” and on and on and on. Yet the feeling with these thoughts was calm – the panic was hollow; fabricated. So weird!

In response to these thoughts there was knowing that I would be OK. I have money saved. I have a retirement fund I can cash in at any time. I can travel. I can do anything I want. I thought of traveling to Egypt and to South America. Then worry would enter and say, “But what of after all of that? What do I do when all that money is gone?”

The winning answer is “Who the f**k cares!” LOL

I know all of this is preparation for something to come. There is nothing for me to do now except prepare. It could be a year from now, two years, ten years. I don’t know. But the feeling, the PUSH is coming and I need to acknowledge it for what it is so that when it happens, the resistance will not be there.

And those labels, for me they are (in order of importance): mother, wife, daughter, sister, counselor, teacher, lover, friend. Who am I when I toss all of those? What is left?

If you try this, you will know just how scary it is to let go of these labels but at the same time extremely freeing. We can imagine ourselves without these labels but in actually letting them go – releasing the identification with them – we will find who we truly are. I don’t know the answer to this for myself yet. I have to live it. Yet there is a feeling that I will be like I was in the beginning of this life – without boundaries, always in the present moment, and endlessly exploring and loving life. Imagine that.