Tag Archives: dreams

by

Rejection of Mankind

I had a very healing sleep last night. It was full of dreams but I won’t go into detail on them. Instead I want to elaborate upon the realization I awoke with.

Rejection of Mankind

As usual, I did not want to get out of bed when I awoke and my Companion was close and prompting a “review” of the night’s events.

I recalled many dreams in which I was observing today’s youth and intercepting them when they did unacceptable things. This recollection rekindled the deep loss which I suffered during my long stent working with juvenile detention and alternative youth programs. The rejection of my attempts to help was a huge loss for me since that was my purpose for being there. To have your purpose thwarted day in and day out eventually tears you down to a point of apathy in regards to that purpose.

In recognizing this loss I also saw that I had come to many conclusions about mankind:

  • Mankind is hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • Mankind is more bad than good.
  • Mankind is lazy and selfish.
  • Mankind will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Ultimately, I decided I do not like human beings and rejected being one.

Upon analysis, I spotted it: In rejecting mankind, I rejected myself and limited my ability to take part in the wonderful aspects of being human. I slowly disconnected myself from all that it is to be human and in doing this closed myself off from the human aspect of myself.

Because ultimately all that I concluded about mankind, I also concluded about myself:

  • I am hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • I am more bad than good.
  • I am lazy and selfish.
  • I will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Such beliefs sabotage one’s ability to create because it is these beliefs that form one’s reality.

I also recognized that in rejecting mankind, I also rejected my children, my husband and my family; thus, isolating myself even more.

When I searched deeper I saw the pain I was attempting to hide from: If I cannot help the younger generation, how can I help my own children? How can I save them from the evils of being a part of the human race?

My failure and subsequent loss related to working with today’s youth transferred to my own children in my mind. Additionally, it transfers to my current counseling position in that I do not expect those I work with to get better and so I do not put forth the effort I once put forth in my earlier days.

In my earlier days I believed in each and every one of the kids I worked with. To me, they were all special and exceptional. In contrast, when I look at the children I work with now, all I see is their faults and not their potential.

Solution: Return of Purpose

The solution to this dilemma is simple: return to a point in time when I was having great wins and fulfilling my purpose. “Return” here means to go back to a moment where I felt accomplished and relive it in as much detail as I can. Do this over and over until there is a realization.

Since I have yet to do this, I am not sure how it works exactly but it makes sense. It does not undo all the loss I have experienced. This will have to be dealt with on its own. When this will occur, I don’t know, but it will at some point. I cannot continue to live without purpose; numb to experience and to others.

It is clear to me that this is where lies the disconnect between my upper and lower chakras.

by

Dream: Will You Be My Patient?

I struggled to fall asleep last night. I had more energy than usual and then I kept waking up. My head was buzzing with energy at the very top. I could sometimes feel it extend to my third eye but then it would withdraw.

Then, I was told suddenly by my guide,”We will talk”.

Dream: Will You Be My Patient?

I was walking inside a very large, mall-like building. The ceiling were vastly high with domed windows. There were office spaces enclosed completely in glass. Inside one of them I saw a desk and a man.

My “sister” came out and lovingly touched my arm. She said to me, “I’m so sorry to hear the news”. I looked at her questioningly. “I heard your bloodwork came back showing signs of cancer”. I didn’t know what she was talking about.

In my mind I had a memory of seeing the doctor in the glass office and him giving me an exam. I went to get the bloodwork after. He had not even talked to me about it yet. How could she then know the results if I didn’t? I thought that she must be confusing me for our mother, but then I couldn’t remember her ever having cancer either.

I continued toward the glass office and went inside. The doctor gave me a slip of paper. It was a hand written prescription containing five scripts. I read over them and recognized them as cancer-fighting medications. Could it be that my sister was right?

I confronted my doctor. “What did my bloodwork say?”

He told me that the bloodwork showed signs of cancer. He specified that I had two tumors that were still small and if treated aggressively the prognosis was good. In my mind I saw the tumors were in my head. I did not know what to think. Was he for real?

I looked down at the script and knew I had a decision to make. Take the medication or don’t take it. Take a chance at life or resign myself to my fate.

Then I saw a woman sitting where I should have been sitting across from the doctor. She had something in her hand. I became her, experiencing her thoughts. She recognized she needed to quit smoking. For a moment the thing in her hand looked like a pack of cigarettes. She reluctantly handed them over and I imagined them stomped upon by the doctor. However, what actually happened is the woman handed over a small USB flash drive. This confused me but I soon recognized it as one I had in waking life. It contained on it a recovery program to find viruses on infected computers.

Then the doctor came up to me, his white coat very obvious.

He asked me, “Will you be my patient?”

What is odd about this part of the dream is that when he asked me the question it echoed in my physical ears as if he were really standing right next to me. The sound resonated between states and then beyond. The me in the dream wanted to answer, “Yes”. The me waking up to the question wanted to answer, “No”.

Feeling I needed to answer, I chose the answer of the me in the dream. “Yes”, I said. But I wanted to answer “No”.

The split between my two aspects was quite obvious. One had hope and wanted help. The other had given up.

Awake now, I was confused and wanted to panic, but didn’t. It was only a dream. I don’t have cancer. I just had a physical and everything checked out fine. It was purely symbolic. Cancer symbolizes a sickness within, like an emotional sickness or an area of one’s life that is causing them emotional upset. The question about being a patient could mean two things. One, that I need to be patient. Two, that I am in an intense period of healing. It likely means both.

My guide said to me that one of these “cancers” is impeding my survival. He asked me to return to sleep and he would help me understand.

I did eventually return to sleep but the dream seems unrelated to the “cancer” dream. I do remember hearing a message that I had 10 more days to go. This would fall in line with the 30 day time period I was given at the beginning of the month.

.

by

Dream: Back to School (again)

I’ve been very tired lately. This is probably because of being sick with a cold (in July?) and then doing a pretty intense workout in hopes of clearing up the cold quicker. This morning a two-day headache is gone, I’m feeling better and have a slightly pleasant buzzing in my crown chakra.

Dream: Life Scenarios

My dreams were quite vivid last night for some reason. I recall two, the first of which is almost faded completely from my memory now.

In this particular dream I was observing how choices affect life outcomes. Since I don’t remember the specifics now, I will say that I was both an observer and a participant in the dream. At one point I was pulled out of the dream and asked to observe the multiple directions the life of the individual could take. I saw at least 12 or 13, all shooting off from a particular point like roads at an intersection. It resembled a wheel with spokes, the center being the defining moment when the choices were made.

I recognized within the dream the life scenarios I was viewing and the extent of the lesson was a bit overwhelming. To think that all these off-shoots were possible and likely occurring at the same time. If you have seen the show Sliders, then you will get an idea of what this might look like.

When I awoke from the dream my first thought was that I had been given a glimpse of multidimensional me. I was also reminded of my recent very lucid OBEs in which I was experiencing an alternate version of reality, one in which I had gone a completely different direction with my life.

Dream: Back to School (again)

This dream began with me entering a dorm room where I met up with several other people. It was furnished with two twin beds with white sheets and there was a small window that revealed we were on an upper level.

Discussion was about school and settling in. There was with me a very muscular black man who was the main focus of my attention, but there was also a woman. The black man laid down in the bed and I went up close to him and took a good look at him. He was not wearing a shirt and his muscles were very defined. I remember that he was very firm with me, though I don’t remember now what he said to me. It was not that he was unhappy with me but more that he wanted me to pay attention.

I noticed he had a large, reddish colored mole just under his right eye. I wondered about it briefly but was interrupted.

“What will you do now?” the woman asked. I could barely perceive her silhouette to my left.

At this time I found myself laying in the bed where the man had been and looking up at the ceiling. I said, “He will be my boyfriend”, jokingly, but I suddenly knew it was true.

The woman then began to talk to me about registration, telling me that I needed to be there at 6:30am. She spoke about receiving a message and I told her, “You get messages like once a week. No one ever calls or leaves me a message anymore”.

I realized it was nearly 6:30 and looked out the window to make sure. When I did, I saw the moon. It was extremely large! I remarked in surprise, pointing at it. When I looked closer it turned into an outline of Earth, each continent numbered, as if labeled.

I said, “Oh, I guess it is a hologram”. I looked and saw a balcony far below where a projector was set up. This was the source of the image.

The image then changed to that of an alien space craft lit up with all sorts of colors. It then morphed into another craft but I lost interest at that point.

It was then time for me to go and so I left, worrying briefly about where the Student Union was located.

When I arrived I had with me all three of my children. I browsed the books and knew which ones I needed. I also knew I had plenty of money to pay for them and that this part was “easy”.

Reflection

When I awoke I knew the dream represented another round of learning that was about to begin. I was/am not very pleased about it. The cycle never seems to end. My guide reminded me that learning is why I am here. He communicated that learning is Us.

I recognized the black man from my dream. I recall many encounters with him since 2003. I suspect that my guides have changed for the time being and he is back for whatever it is he does. Though I don’t remember much about him, I do recall there being a strong sexual component. This was in the past, though. I do not know if this is his main role or not. I doubt it.

There is also the 630 number. It appeared the night before as well, suggesting there is a message in it. It’s meaning can be found here. I have grown tired of these number messages as most of them mean the same thing: stay focused on your current path, trust you are on the right path, and your guides and angels are assisting you.

by

Fierce is the Warrior

I think my warrior side came out again. Something triggered it. I suspect it was something during dream time as I awoke with such resistance to my life and the conditions of it that it was hard to quiet myself. Sadly, I was not a nice person for a couple of days. Yesterday I woke to computer issues that plagued me all day and brought me near tears. Then today I woke up sick with the worst sore throat I have had in a long time.

My dreams have been strange. Last night I dreamed I was in prison with other convicts and I was yelling and fighting and clawing to get out. I had another dream in which my husband came home, ate the dinner I prepared and then fell asleep on the couch. I got so mad at him that I took all the dirty dishes and began to throw them at him. He slept through all of it.

It is obvious that these dreams are frustrations rising to the surface like little bubbles, popping with an explosion that is hard to avoid.

Today, though, with the sickness following me, I have mellowed some. So far there has been no computer malfunctions. In fact, everything computer-related has gone smoothly despite it being frustratingly slow.

I have been strangely detached from everything related to this existence and I don’t really know how to handle it. The feeling is not like anything I have felt before. It is like I was just plucked from somewhere comfortable and thrown down into this chaotic place and told, “Sink or swim”. The emptiness is all encompassing and I don’t know what to do about it either. I go to my heart center and it feels empty, too.

I have gone through a desperate need to be alone and isolate myself from everyone. This isn’t working, though. It can’t with three kids. Not going to happen. I was angry about this, thus the dream about being in prison. I feel I can’t escape the life I am in, the roles I promised to play and the contracts to complete.

I feel that currently my lower three chakras are the focus right now. I am not sure exactly how to describe what I am sensing, but it feels like I am moving down into them, taking them over and making them mine. Who’s where they before? I want to reject everything that has to do with them.

I think I am resisting being in the body, actually. Sigh.

My guide sent me a song last night. Not sure why this particular song, but the last line was the one that kept repeating.

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

by

Dream: Meteorites and Dissociation

It has been a strange day and still, as it is ending, my dreams haunt me.

Meteorites

In this dream I was in a mountainous area up north somewhere. I am not sure where exactly I was, but the mountains were gray and treeless with snow still showing near the peaks.

In the valley below I stood in shock as I watched meteorites rain down from the sky and hit the mountains. In the sky they trailed smoke and ash and when they hit the mountains the explosion caused fire to shoot out from the impact sites similar to how a volcano looks when it erupts. One after another they fell and caused fire and smoke to rise into the sky.

In the valley below the destruction I finally turned and ran, stopping only because I saw a small group of people. Something about them, perhaps the oddness of them being there, caused me to forget about the destruction and try to learn more about them.

They were speaking Japanese and the conversation was mainly between a young Japanese man and a very tiny, but adult, Japanese woman. The woman appeared to be mildly retarded and even though I could not understand their language I knew what they were talking about. The woman was to marry the man and he was rejecting her because she was neither male nor female but both.

Hearing this I laughed loudly and repeated what I had heard to them. They in turn began to whisper to each other in Japanese. Disinterested, I turned again and saw the destruction continued. I told them, “We need to move on” and we walked away from the scene.

Dissociation

In this dream my husband and I went to visit my mother only to find that her house was occupied by a bunch of people who were associated with my sister. They were having a party and not leaving. My mother told me she was sorry. I was upset because were had planned to stay the night and now had to try and sleep despite the noise.

I spent the majority of the beginning of this dream demanding the party-goers be quiet and leave us alone. I yelled several times, “I just want to sleep!”

Eventually, I decided I would join the party because I obviously wasn’t going to get any sleep. Besides, they were interesting.

I ended up drinking more than I should until the wee hours of the night and became very fond of the people I was with. They were different than those I normally associated with, yet I found myself drawn to them.

As we left for the evening, I had to leave behind my new friends and rejoin my family. I felt torn and there was agony in my decision. I walked toward my “old” family carrying a large trailer behind me. It was as if I were the car and it (a huge trailer) was hitched to me. As I walked along the road, I encountered masses of people walking toward me – the wrong way. They were drunk and dazed and I remember thinking, “They don’t see me”.

The entire walk home one of my new friends accompanied me. He and I had a strong connection, one that made me feel alive again. It was like he was my soul mate (if such a thing exists).

When I got home I remember I forgot my keys but decided to not go back. I had crossed through a “gate” of some sort and to go back through it would mean going through a “check-point” and I didn’t want to risk getting caught. What I was getting caught for, I don’t know.

When I woke up I was very sad and questioning why. I felt completely and utterly dissociated from my life, my family, and my everyone I know. The feeling was so intensely real that I figured it must mean I needed to disconnect from my life and everyone in it. I believed this to the point that I even looked online for an apartment and told my husband I wanted to move out.

As the day wore on I lost the feeling from the dream and calmed down to the point that I rejected the idea of leaving it all behind. I will not be moving out or leaving behind my family and life. It was just dream, even if it was a very real and intense one.

I do long to reconnect with whoever it was I was with in that dream. Sigh.

by

Musings and a Dream

An entire day has passed and now that the sun is setting I am feeling a familiar twinge from within; a whisper of things to come. It beckons me forward like the words from the Cold Play song that has been haunting me for several days now:

And they call as they beckon you on
They say start as you need to go on
Start as you need to go on

Slowly my attention is being drawn back to where it was a little over a month ago – back to the present moment and to the stillness that I seem to live in despite the chaos of the world around me. No, I am not always still but my mind is so much more than it ever has been in my life. Normal, daily mind chatter is still almost nonexistent and if I am chattering to myself I seem to be having conversations with an invisible person.

I am being asked to review what I have accomplished; to see the progress I have made and to give myself a pat on the back for a job well done. I am trying but I am always the most critical of myself.

I am told it is all very normal what I am going through as I am moving beyond 3D life and into 4D. The somberness, the empty feeling I have been having, the feeling of not belonging, the boredom – all very normal. I have to live here in this world, though. I have to keep up the facade of agreeing with it for the time being. It will not be forever and if I can find the stillness within and continue to focus on my heart, it will be a smooth ride.

The buzzing around my head is coming back with ever more intensity as well. I feel again the opening up to a “download” approaching. Whether it will be as intense as the last, I don’t know, but I welcome it. I feel whole when I am connected and want more than anything to remain that way always.

Dream: Shift in 4D or Be Lost

With all the OBEs I had this morning, I nearly forgot about the dreams that preceded them. There was one that came back to me suddenly just now. One in which I was discussing the shift to 4D and watching oh so many be left behind, unable to make the shift and suffering in all sorts of ways because of it. I hate to say it was a doom and gloom dream, but in a lot of ways it was. In it we (me and others) reached out to help others and they slipped right through our fingers. I can still feel the despair and ache for the loss.

There remains an urgency from the dream that remains with me even now.

I also recall meeting my guide and seeing him close up. I can’t believe I had forgotten it as it was while OOB somewhere between set 1 and 2 of my adventures this morning. When I saw him he was wearing one of those old west mustaches that curled just a little on the ends. As he is blonde, the mustache was quite in contrast to his complexion and he reminded me a little bit of Ewan McGregor. I remember saying to him, “You have a mustache now? Nice”. In my mind I can see him clearly as he winks at me, a twinkle in his eye and I think now how much fun he must have changing his appearance on me all the time. He is still himself, of course, just wearing a different costume like we all are. In reality you can never hide from those who truly know you.

I wasn’t going to write this post but I feel so peaceful and calm right now and wanted to write a bit about what I left out from this morning. It has been a spectacular day!

by

OBE: I Need You, You Need Me

I awoke at 6:30am disappointed because I had not gone OOB or had a lucid dream, which I had asked for prior to sleep. My guide was close and the memory of my dreams still vivid. I recalled a lesson I had been learning while sleeping, but only the gist of it: that all of us and every thing in the universe is composed of the same material. This knowledge and the memory of my dreams made me feel empty for some reason. In fact, I was succinctly aware of the emptiness I felt and upset that I was still feeling it even after all the spiritual “advancing” I’ve been doing.

My guide was close and I understood the message that we are the same but I wanted to know, why am I still here on Earth? Why do I feel like this? Will I ever feel fulfilled? I heard/felt that my Companion wanted me to be happy so I said back, “I am not happy here, so why don’t you just take me back?”

I rolled over on my side still overly aware of the empty feeling. In fact, I felt like just a shell with nothing inside – no urge, no passion, no nothing. It is not a fun feeling to have.

As I was laying there, my Companion communicated with me but most of it is lost to me now. What I do recall is that I heard music; a song being sung by a lovely voice and background music. It sounded familiar, like Enya, but nothing she ever sang. I tried to ignore the music but got a nudge to tune into it. Listen.

OBE: I Need You, You Need Me

As I listened to the music, I heard the message. I don’t remember it all word for word now, but it was a message of love, encouragement and optimism. The most poignant part of the song were the words, “I need you, you need me”.

I got caught up in the music, letting the violins and other instruments of the background music sway me into its rhythm. I recognized that the music made me feel lighter; calmer.

The next thing I remember is that my right eye seemed to open of its own accord (my left eye was covered by the pillow). I saw my bedroom wall, the green paint cast in a brilliant golden glow. The vividness of my normally blurry, uncorrected vision, was absent. This vividness clued me in to the fact that my physical eye was not open. I was looking at my bedroom with my astral eye!

Though the music was still playing and the woman still singing, I took advantage of the opportunity to exit and simply got up out of bed and my body. I felt no vibrations, no energetic shift – nothing. In fact, it was as if I had been transported instantly to a brighter, more colorful version of my own home.

Up and out of my body, I traveled out of my bedroom and down stairs. My vision stayed on, crisp and clear. The golden shimmering of the atmosphere which was my new house seemed to dance around me as I moved. The music and singing continued. By now I was singing along.

I went down the stairs and then found that I moved in circles, as if my stairs became a winding staircase that moved up instead of down. I stopped and looked across at the point from which I started the “descent”. I was directly across from it. There had been no descent or ascent! I had just gone in a circle!

Still singing, I again started down stairs. I could hear my husband talking to someone. I knew he was leaving early for a trip to San Antonio and I wanted to kiss him goodbye. The words of the song began to repeat now: I need you, you need me.

This time I did descend and stood watching my husband standing at the front door with another man. I assumed it was my brother-in-law but I am not now sure that was who it was. I focused on my husband more than him.

As I began to move toward them, one my boys, completely naked and golden in color, ran right past me. He moved so fast he was like a streak or a ball of energy more than the form of a person. I said hello and put my hand down to touch the top of his head (must have been my oldest son). I felt his hair brush my hand as he ran past.

Still focused on my husband I said to him, “Have a good trip”. He smiled and said, “Thank you”. I lifted up off the ground and began to fly over toward him, intending to hug him. He put his hand out and said, “Be careful” as if he thought I would knock him over in m exuberance.

I slowed down and came to a stop in front of him. I looked closely at him and reached out my hand to touch his eye. I said, “What’s that? You have something on your eye”. I touched his left eye and saw that what looked like a sty. I closed my eyes and kept my finger there, sending healing to him.

As I sent the healing I felt my energy destabilize. I did not attempt to stabilize it. Instead I allowed myself to be drawn back into my body. I settled back in without incident, still hearing the words of the song in my mind. “I need you, you need me”.

Clear Message

When I opened my eyes back in my body I immediately knew my Companion had given me what I asked for. Once again, my “tantrum” was successful, but I did not feel thrilled to have gotten my way. I still felt empty. The message was clear, though, I was needed and I need my Companion. Similarly, we all need one another. That is what’s missing and why I feel empty, or at least part of why. I lack meaningful connections in my life.

I suspect the OBE encounter with my husband was to show me that there is an obstacle in my path. The sty specifically symbolizes this obstacle and is likely representative of the avoidance of intimacy in my life. I attempt to heal it, so I recognize my own ability to heal this issue.

by

Dreams: Yearbooks and Graduation

Once again I am having dreams about graduation. It seems these kinds of dreams come in a sequence: looking for or going to school, going to class, and then graduation. It would be nice to know exactly what my degrees are. I would have a dozen at least by now!

Yearbooks

The first dream of the night was short. I was inside a home that reminded me of my mother’s house, but it wasn’t. My middle son was sitting on the floor next to an old, wooden chest. I asked him, “Have you seen my yearbooks?” He got this guilty look on his face and shrunk back from me. Knowing he had done something wrong, I investigated.

I found scattered across the floor at least five yearbooks. Sadly, my son had ripped the front covers of all of them except one. I gathered them up, asking him, “Why did you do that?” Irritated, I looked over them closely and put them in order. 2010, 2012, 2013…all the way to 2015. 2011 was in the wrong place, so I placed it after 2010 and looked at them stacked up in my arms.

They all had sky blue or medium blue and white covers. Some of the artwork on the cover was familiar and I saw my website name written across one of them. I placed the oldest, 2010, on the bottom of the pile and stacked them up in order with 2015 on the top. 2015 was not ripped and I seemed to cherish it the most.

I awoke a bit confused and my guide immediately said to me, “It’s alright”. I wondered why I would have such a dream and instantly fixated on the yearbooks and their dates. What was significant about 2010? I received a message via my heart center that I was struggling to let go of my past, still clinging to aspects of it that needed to be released in order for me to move forward. What those are, I did no know, but it appears I am working on clearing the last remnants while I sleep.

Graduation

The rest of my dreams were spent preparing for graduation and prom. There were many but I only remember one in detail.

I was inside a school. I was different from the other students, allowed to roam free of the rooms and go wherever I wanted while the other students could not. I remember leaving one classroom and heading for another where a lone student sat. He was young, kind of geeky, with long hair and seemed withdrawn and shy.

It appeared I was the only one graduating and so this was why I got so much freedom. It was the last day of school and everyone was preparing for prom. I was not interested in the classroom where all the students were preparing so kept visiting the young man in the other room.

After several visits with him he began to open up and become more friendly. On my last visit he pulled me close and put his hand on my rear. I remember thinking, “He likes me”. I was flattered but not interested. I said to him, “You are a Junior, right?” He said, “Yes”. I said back to him while I moved away from him, “Then you only have one more year to go” The message I sent with my words was that he was too young and inexperienced for me. Ha!

I went back into the other classroom where a group of immature girls were talking loudly and seemed like one instead of twenty. I told the teacher my observation and she told me to clear out my locker. So I went to it, opened it (somehow I knew the combination) and inside it was nearly empty except for some old cookies and snacks. I knew I had not been using it and had not been a “student” for a long time.

Then I was preparing for prom. I walked into a large space with the other students and we each went and picked up our dresses/tuxes. Mine was silky white with lace and a low-cut bodice. I went into a side room to try it on and a little boy assisted me. I remember looking in the mirror at my unfamiliar body wearing a bra and underwear.

The shy young man was spying on me during the dream and his nose was peculiar. He had this black, metal tube over it that was about four inches long. He took it off and then put it in his mouth like a cigar. His nose was very long and reminded me of Pinocchio.

Interpretation

When I awoke the dreams were still very vivid and my guide was close. I felt so comfortably drowsy and wanted to go back to sleep but couldn’t. My guide was communicating something but as it was via my heart I was too lazy to try and decipher it. The message got through regardless.

The upcoming prom in the dream symbolizes this change; an end and preparation for a new beginning. Pinocchio is representative of a lie being told, either by me to myself or from someone else to me. The cigar represents a relaxed state of mind and masculine energy. It could be that the masculine part of me can be deceptive if I let my guard down. The yearbooks in the previous post are representative of the old; the past. They are ripped and torn by my son, indicating a loss or destruction of the past. The present one is undamaged indicating focus upon the present. I show my interest in focusing on the present when I place it on top of the others.

It was made clear that I am coming to the end of yet another stage in this long progression of change. I am encouraged to not look back, only forward. Failures of the past are just that – in the past. The future is possibility and adventure. I can choose to play the game or not. Lessons are best learned in living life, not hiding from it. Focus on living is paramount now. Now is the future, not the past. Let go and move forward.

by

Lucid to OBE: Room of Sunflowers

Last night was another long night of dreams. I once again awoke to tears. The clearing continues and I am so weary of it.

I did ask prior to sleep: If I can’t astral travel, can I at least lucid dream?

Lucid to OBE: Room of Sunflowers

I awoke at 5am feeling down about life in general. I felt the all-over body energy hug from my Companion as I let the disappointment in myself come to the surface. Overall, I felt/feel like a failure in this life. I asked my Companion why he created the personality and tendencies I have in this life. To me, they are too hard to overcome.

Buzzing energy began to increase around the top of my head and around the base of my spine. The energy around my spine wrapped around the front of my body and felt comforting. I fell asleep.

I found myself inside an unfamiliar house. There was a party going on, a celebration of the release of a sequence of movies. I overheard talk about my younger sister and realized that she was a part of this movie project and attending the party. I went in search of her.

I walked up carpeted stairs to a large room where most of the people were mingling. There was a group dancing and that is where I saw my sister. They were dancing oddly, with strange motions of the hands. It was almost like they were casting spells. I remember that as I watched I hoped no one would ask me to dance.

I ended up downstairs looking around. I wanted to snoop around in my sister’s things. I hadn’t seen her in so long. What was she like as a person now?

Standing there, the thought came to me that I was dreaming. I said aloud, “This is a dream”. Instantly the golden hued, brightly lit room turned dark and I couldn’t see. I moved toward the stairs in the dark and began to ascend.

I jumped up, trying to fly but found it difficult. I said aloud, “I can fly” and was able to hover for a moment but there must have been something wrong with my motivation to fly because I felt pulled back down.

At the top of the stairs I saw a window and headed for it. It was the only source of light and I could see the window clearly. I flew at it full speed reminding myself I could go through objects. When I got the window I went through it without incident and ended up floating outside in a courtyard. All I could see were the branches of a large tree. Beyond that, though, was a bright, golden light. I peered through the leafless branches and saw row upon row of giant sunflowers in a room not far away. I flew toward it.

The sunflowers were inside a room on the first floor. I had to go through another window to get to them.

I attempted a fly-through but was stopped this time and had to manually open the window and pull off the screen. When I went through, my foot caught on the screen. I could see the sunflowers and the large room. I recognized the room. I had been there in a previous dream.

Pulling against the screen, I struggled to get inside with no success. The effort of it caused me to lose motivation. I felt like a failure and gave up. The once bright room dimmed and turned black and I felt the familiar energy as I settled back into my body. I opened my eyes immediately and this caused my heart to feel like it was going to jump out of my chest. I checked my heart rate and it was steady, nothing like how it felt in my chest. I rolled over, disappointed in the entire experience.

Sunflower symbolism – a source of spiritual guidance pointing you in the right direction. Times may be difficult but you will persevere. They also symbolize warmth, abundance and prosperity.

by

Confronting and Clearing

I had a very active dreams last night. I was so involved in them that it felt as if I had lived days in just one night.

Confronting and Clearing

I started with a dream in which I threatened to leave my husband and he called my bluff. I was so angry at him because I could not leave him. I would not leave my children or break up my family. I remember calling him my wife several times and feeling a familiarity with this notion but not understanding why.

I then found myself standing outside next to a young, black woman. I remember that she was very pretty, with curly, black hair pulled up in a pony tail. She was wearing high heels and a skirt and was nervous. She was on the phone at a phone booth in New York. I remember knowing her “story” as if it were my own. She left home for New York to live her dream and was calling her grandmother to ask her for money to help her pay the bills. She carried in her hand a pile of opened letters (bills) and I knew she had asked her grandmother for help in the past. If she didn’t get help this time, she would lose her home and be out on the streets. Her worry was my worry.

I heard her grandmother talking to her on the phone saying how much she missed her and how she wished she would come home. At the same time I felt the girl’s anxiety. Should she ask her for money? Should she disappoint her grandmother again? I wanted to help her.

Then I was her and staring at this man. He was tall with lots of hair on his face. He had so much fluff on his face that he looked like a cat! He was saying to me/her that he could help. I saw in my mind him helping a small mouse find its way out of a maze. I remember thinking about the symbolism of cats – their fierce independence. Maybe this fierce independence could sometimes be a flaw?

I returned to mulling over the first dream for some reason and my anger woke me up. I felt my guide and he said something and I immediately calmed down. I recognized the anger was misplaced. I also recognized the dreams were not about just me, but about others in this world. I knew I was not alone. My issues were also others’ issues. We were all the same.

Other Dreams

I returned to sleep and had a series of dreams involving my family. I was helping them by having them do the purification I did. There was a schedule issue and I ended up driving my brother very early in the morning – 5:30am. When we got there we had to turn around and I was driving and very disoriented and upset. I ended up crashing the car because I changed my mind about taking an exit.

I rushed to check on my brother and he was fine. The back end of my car had been crushed but then it fixed itself and I was back in the car. I went up another exit ramp and it was made up rocks and sand and there was a chair in the middle that had a message – “Road closed”. I stopped and backed up and then just parked. We saw a large semi-truck with its back opened. A man was telling everyone he needed to get rid of the stuff inside. It was all free, so I went to browse.

I had a blast picking out clothes and things and had such a huge pile that I could not carry it all. I remember picking out clothes and jewelry for me and also clothes for my mom and husband.

In the end, when the shop was empty, I began to leave and saw laying on the ground a miniature elephant figurine. Or so that is what I thought it was. When I looked closer, the elephant was being eaten by thousands of ants. It was real and had been alive! I stared in amazement at the tiny, perfect-looking elephant for some time, wondering why it was there.

There was then a scuffle behind me and I turned and saw someone pointing a gun at the guy who had been giving all the stuff away. I watched, wondering if I should be worried.

When I awoke I heard my guide say, “The bus route is changing”. I felt that this meant that a shift was in the works. It could be an individual shift, but likely a group one.