Tag Archives: dreams

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Dream: Soiled Wedding Gown

I again had a night full of vivid dreams. This time there was a theme. In several of my dreams I was either looking into a toilet or sitting on one and each time there was feces in it that was not mine. Yuck! Both times the feces would not flush even though the water would drain and new water would fill up the toilet.

Soiled Wedding Gown

In this particular dream I was hiding inside a bathroom stall. I say hiding but I am not sure I was doing that, but it felt like I was trying to stay unnoticed. I was sitting on the toilet, preparing to use it, when my dress got into the toilet water. I pulled up on the dress and saw that the white lace had been splattered with tan colored feces.

Grossed out, I attempted to clean it off by using the toilet water but saw that it was full of a very large turd. It was not mine and I did not want it there so I flushed the toilet. The poop remained as if stuck to the bottom of the toilet and I flushed it again. With the second flush, it went down the drain and clean water remained. I used it to clean up the dress but the spots would not completely wash out. I remember thinking, “Oh well, no one will notice”.

I then noticed my baby had found me and this caused me some upset as I wanted to be alone and there he was in my private space!. So, I got up to leave but saw that the entire silk underskirt of the dress had gotten into the water. Thankfully it was the clean water so I just squeezed out the water and went on my way. I remember thinking my dress was ruined but then reconsidering as everything that had been soiled on the dress was from either underneath or at the end of the train.

Interpretation

I awoke from this dream in the midst of an argument between my Ego self and my guide. This part of me was adamantly against the instructions we had recently received. My guide was asking me to listen to my heart and I fell into this space with ease and was immediately calm and knowing. The Ego self got quiet all at once and I understood the dream and the reason for her upset.

The wedding dress was an assessment of a personal relationship, in this case most likely my relationship with my family. The feces indicates areas of my life which I find repulsive and reject. I understand now that I was being shown these areas are still “soiled” and my reaction is that they are not a big deal in comparison to other issues I have had in the past.

The upset in this case was that my instructions are to remain where I am in life and continue to focus on my family while expanding myself spiritually. There was no other work to be done, no specific or exciting projects forthcoming and no relief from the daily grind of life that my Ego self was hoping to have.

It was then that I was taken to a place quite unexpectedly. Standing next to my guide I saw a lush green valley spread out in front and below me.  A river was winding toward the horizon where the sun was low in the sky and there was such magnificent colors that I thought it must be a painting I was in.

My guide said, “Do you see that river?”

I nodded, “Yes”.

He said, “That is your life, your path”.

I looked closer at the river. It was shallow with various higher areas of green grass in between dozens of channels. It appeared almost like a path with various roads which would diverge only to meet up again and then diverge again. There were many, many paths and I knew they were all possible routes I could take.alaska

So many options.

I understood then what he was showing me.

“It is easy”, I said to him. “The river is shallow enough to wade through”.

“Yes”, he confirmed.

“And I can choose to go any route I choose”, I said as I pointed to the paths the river took.

I remembered then my plan prior to this life which was to assist with the ascension. My job is to help others find their way. I do this through my writing and the relationships I have in my day-to-day life. My counseling came into my mind as did my relationship with my children.

I saw then that the other paths were mine to choose. They were not pre-planned. I could do whatever I wanted with the rest of my life. I could fill that time however I chose.

So much possibility but I did not know what I wanted to do. I wish I had planned these paths before coming.

“Whatever path you choose will be the right one. They are all part of your path”, my guide reminded me.

The Ego self wanted more, though. She wanted something grander. She wanted to scream to the world of her gifts, of her “specialness”. To set herself apart from the crowd. But to do that would destroy my purpose completely.

I then understood that I had to blend in; to do my work without being noticed or praised for it. To walk in my human shoes as a human does but with a knowingness of my origins and my purpose tucked inside my pockets.

It is probably the hardest life one could choose to live. It is the ultimate in humility and servitude.

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OBEs: Body Troubles

After a night of intense dreams and the typical wake-up for my briefing this morning at 5am, I fell into the in-between where my guide and I conversed for some time. I heard my guide say to me, “You can go anywhere you want, whenever you want”. In hearing that, I attempted to launch myself out of my body in one giant leap only to find my exit was blocked by the body. It was like a tall, impenetrable, invisible wall. I wanted out!

Observing Another Me

I then found myself watching a scene play out in front of me. I was the main character but I was not in the body experiencing myself as the character but rather above and to the side as an observer. The man who was me was in the midst of a lucid dream in which he had just recently awakened. He was standing next to a woman who was his wife I think and she was the typical dream dummy – blank face, zombie-like expression and slow-motion, puppet-like actions. There was a child as well, but the focus here was on the woman. He was trying to get her attention but she did not respond to him.

Then, suddenly, she had in her hand a pistol. It was a pretend pistol, though, and looked like one of the child’s toys. She took it and shot herself in the left hand, right in the center of the palm. She then took her hand and held it up high. Blood was pouring out of the wound. She took her hand and put it in the face of the man.

The man was confused. Why did she do this?

As if his question were being answered, the woman suddenly had in her other hand a folded up note. She began to hand it to the man.

As the observer, I suddenly was very interested in this note. I wanted to know what it said!

I pulled my energy in towards me, like summoning it from beyond myself into my center. I then rolled to my right and off the bed.

I had instant, clear vision. The colors were golden and the room and its contents seemed to spin around me. Or was that me spinning? I could feel people there with me, but could not look at them because of it.

There was a feeling that I was not OOB. “This is real”, I thought. I then bumped into the corner of a table. It felt solid and the impact on my hip caused me to pull back from the sting of it. Still spinning with the bright light flooding my eyes, I felt a bit disoriented.

“No, I am OOB”, I thought, “but this sure does feel real!”

I immediately headed out of the room as fast as I could. I felt rushed, as if I had something important to do.

I then became aware of a strange sensation. I felt a part of myself trying to break off. I wanted free of it but it would not budge. Instead, I felt wracked by intense, sporadic vibrations that threw me into more of a tailspin and made my vision begin to fade out. Then, I could not breathe and began to gasp for air. I felt my physical body very acutely at this time but was also very much aware of my being out of it. I was literally split and there was a distinct dislike for my physical body and a resistance to it.

Body Troubles

I came back into my body and took a deep breath, still feeling a constriction in my throat area. I noticed my throat hurt but I didn’t care. I also felt odd sensations in the lower three chakras, like they were breaking apart. There was a deep aching in my second and solar plexus.

I wanted to go out again.

With the thought, I waited for a bit and then, as if knowing the right time, I rolled backward again, right out of my bed and my body.

This time I had no vision and I felt something wrapped around my neck. It felt to be my blanket and it coiled up tightly around my throat. Since I only had mental vision, I pulled myself hard against the blanket in an attempt to free myself from it. I requested clarity to try and gain some stability (should have asked for stability), but nothing happened. I had to free myself from this blanket!

I walked around the front of the bed and pulled the blanket over my head. It released and I tossed the blanket on the bed and headed toward the door. Again I asked for clarity, but something didn’t feel right. The vibrations were again wracking my body and I felt to be spinning and standing still at the same time.

With that I began to again feel desperate for air. I knew it was my physical body doing this to me and so I tried to get away from it so its hold on me would be less. Unfortunately, the body took a huge gasp for breath and this pulled me back into it.

Realization

Back in my body, I wanted to make another attempt but felt there was something I needed to know. So, I changed positions and swallowed hard, noting my dry and sore throat.

I thought back on the experiences and wondered why I felt such strange spinning and shaking.

Then it hit me: It was my etheric body that was causing the crazy shaking. I was attempting to drop it, to throw it off and be free of it. The sensations fit. I felt like a snake shedding its skin and finding it won’t come all the way off. So it stuck to me and pulled on me, shaking me and disrupting my progression.

In my past OBEs I have never had such a feeling. I would just move into the next level, the astral, without issue. However, this was more of me throwing off this lower body rather than moving into the next. It felt like I was trying to dissolve it altogether. Is that even possible?

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Dream: Flooded Car

For the first time in a while I remembered a full night of dreams. I will focus only on one since it was an answer to a question.

Flooded Car

In this dream I first remember being told about a huge flood that was stopping traffic at certain intersections. I then saw in front of me a road and without knowing why, I began to drive at high speeds toward a part of the road that was partially submerged. What is interesting here is that I was flying, not driving at this time. I never actually saw my car but knew it to be my silver Prius.

When I hit the part of the road that was flooded, I was stopped by the water. I don’t remember being in the river of water, just that I was now without my car. I saw other cars that had been caught, lined up along the side, but did not see mine.

I then spent a while trying to find out where my car went. I ended up inside a stark warehouse asking different people what happened to my car. I saw in front of me a list of different car types and their corresponding storage areas where they were placed to dry out. I could not find my car as it was by license plate and I did not know mine.

I began to wander through the building and into rooms. In some rooms there were household items and furniture piled up with tags on them. I passed through this room without much interest.

I went through various levels, sometimes up and down, without finding my car. Finally, I was outside the warehouse being shown where my car was. But when I located it, it was my SUV, not my Prius. The Prius had been totalled, its electrical systems destroyed by the water.

Conversation with Guide

I awoke in the midst of conversing with my guide about the above dream. I recognized the dream was in response to a question and request I had made. My request was that I go quicker through whatever transition it is that I am going through. The question was, “Why is it going so slow?”

It is obvious to me that the Prius represents my individual path and the SUV is that of my path with my family. The flooded roads indicate areas of high emotional charge that have yet to be released and perhaps even the Ego’s hold over these areas of my life. The road was not completely submerged, only halfway.

I threw myself down the partially submerged road and got stuck, my car ultimately was totalled. This symbolizes what would happen if I were allowed to go quicker through this transformation. I would stall out, overwhelmed by emotions, literally drowned in them. I won’t say it means I would “die” but it definitely indicates an overwhelm so big that I would be unable to cope with it.

Then I was shown the SUV as an answer to what I need to be doing now – focusing on this path I am currently on with my family. The rooms in which I walked where furniture and household items were stored symbolize areas of my current life that are emotional triggers for me (there was another dream that explored my connection to my children after this one).

I was not very happy with the answer I received because when I am not experiencing changes related to my transformation, I feel bored and restless. I was reminded to focus on my heart and it helped and now I feel fine, but upon waking I was very upset. Slow and steady wins the race I guess. Sigh.

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Dream: 40-Year-Old Virgin

I again experienced the strange separation from my body as the night before, but this time it was only once and I resisted very little. I did resist, though, as the feeling is somewhat disturbing.

Interestingly, I remembered several dreams upon waking. I have determined that the dreams I am remembering are meant to help me with this transition by allowing me, this Earth Self, to play out scenarios and sort through beliefs and worry. Technically, these dreams are doing what psychologists say dreams are meant to do.

40-Year-Old Virgin

One particularly vivid dream I remember occurred this morning and was the last dream I recall having. In this dream, I was inside a small, yellow-lit house, in the kitchen with a man. He was older than me, about 40, and confided in me that he was still a virgin. I remember that at this point in the dream he began to resemble Steve Carell and the movie, “41-Year-Old Virgin” was prominent in my mind. I am not attracted to Steven Carell in the least but in this dream there was an attraction I could feel in my root and second chakras. I recall feeling very alive and vibrant but not being overcome by desire or anything like it. I felt compassion and sympathy toward this man and also felt a very strong connection with him.

The dream seemed at first to be moving toward the sexual. We kissed and touched one another, but it was all very gentle and exploratory – there was no hot and heavy passion or flames of desire. It was like we were getting to know one another and exploring the familiarity that existed between us. It was very much like we were two teenage virgins connecting with the opposite sex for the first time.

I remember deciding that we should stop exploring one another. I was also aware of my middle son being nearby and something about his presence caused me to think of my husband. My relationship with my husband was what caused me to pull back and I remember thinking and saying, “I have to end it with him”. There was such finality in what I said/thought. I also felt to be doing the right thing because I did not want to hurt him or cause him to feel betrayed by me going ahead with another relationship while still in one with him.

At this point there was a knock on the door. It was a friend. I began to busily clean up the living area, sweeping up debris and cleaning off the furniture. I moved upstairs and I overheard the Steven Carell look-alike complaining and reprimanding my son. My stomach flip flopped and I thought to myself, “There is no point in starting a new relationship. They [men] are all the same”. Yet there was recognition that the words being said, the harsh criticism coming out of his mouth, were in fact my own words.

When I went back downstairs I was questioned by my friend, “Where were you? We have been trying to find you since last night”. I realized it was already mid-morning and so I told her, “We fell asleep”. I had a worry that someone would think we had been doing something wrong but then I knew we had not.

Interpretation

When I woke from this dream I thought, “I have to leave him” but it did not scare me and now, as I think about it, I don’t think that is necessarily what the dream means. To dream that someone is a virgin denotes integrity and honesty with one’s self. It suggests that there is an “ideal” that is being sought out in a situation. In this case, within a relationship. So I am looking at what I would like to have versus what is reality. The reality being that I am not innocent in how my relationships turn out. The statement, “I have to leave him” is representative of the Old me, not my actual husband. I have to leave behind the old me, the old habits, beliefs and criticisms, in order to achieve my ideal.

The Steven Carell look-a-like was most likely a version of myself, the me I connected with in order to explore this area of my life.

When I got online to peruse the news I found this article – Heartache for Japan’s Real-Life 40-Year-Old -Virgins. It was the first article I saw and I actually laughed when I saw it.

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The Process Continues

From the perspective of the Old.

I awoke at 5a.m. The other me, the New me, said upon waking, “The process continues”. As it appeared to be me saying this, I quickly gained full awareness.

I did not feel like myself. In fact, I felt strangely disconnected from my body and this life. I scrambled to remember the dream I had just been having, or rather observing, as I vaguely recall observing the New me receiving instruction on how to transfer into this body. I also recall receiving instructions on how to leave the body and know I had been practicing this before waking.

Try as I might, I couldn’t find the specifics of my dream in my memory. It seemed to be retreating quickly into my subconscious. I felt like it was being purposefully hidden from me and objected to this.

I wanted to panic but there was a descending calm that came over me and a knowing that what I had heard was truth – the energy swap process was continuing. I was instructed to focus on my heart center and when I did the feeling of calm expanded and I felt oddly connected to the other me. I say “oddly” because this time I struggled to differentiate between the old and the new. The old me felt lost and the new me felt incomplete. What an odd feeling!

I was encouraged to return to sleep and soon found myself in the in-between but very groggy and unable to focus for long. During this time I recall hearing that the 10th was an important date and that there was a total of 6 weeks remaining. There was information about my body rejecting the transfer and the possibility that this would cause discomfort, even illness. There was no concern felt over this information, just a relief that the process was nearing completion.

Considerations

I cannot help but be reminded of the strange OBE that I had on Easter. This is the exact feeling I awoke with and there came with that feeling an understanding that something similar to that would occur again. Oddly, there was great relief with the thought of it happening again.

I firmly believe that when I exit the body, the New me will come into it. I wonder, will I still be me or will I truly move on to the spiritual, leaving my body and life in the hands of the New me? When I ask myself how I feel about the prospect of the latter, I am not bothered by it and actually am curious and oddly excited for it to happen. It seems wrong at some level, though, like a part of me is rejecting the idea. There is also a desire still to remain in the physical just to “see what happens” but this desire is very child-like, similar to a personality I often take on while OOB. Ultimately, I hope to experience more of what I experienced from the 21st to the 28th of May.

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Dream: Activation of Purpose

I had this dream the same night as the dream memory of the Great Galactic War. The date was May 21st.

Activation of Purpose

The scene in front of me appeared to be of a disaster area. Spread in front of me was a roadway which had been lifted up and tossed over in all directions. Chunks of road could be seen that were as big as a car. People were standing stranded on the roadside, crowded up against the side of a mountain or cliff of some sort. The other side of the road was a steep drop-off. Peculiarly, there were no cars.

It was obvious the people had been there a long time. The part of the road that went over a ravine was destroyed and there appeared to be no way in or out of the area. Some people were in apathy, lingering together in huddled groups. Others still had hope and were trying to figure a way out. Still others had decided they were going to make the best of it and they began to pick on the weaker individuals, stealing from them and roughing them up.

I see the chaos and the lack of organization, of unity, and I begin to speak to everyone about how important it is not to give up and to work together. I become very passionate about what I am saying.

I awaken in the midst of speaking to the group. I am saying, “We must unite. We have to unite. Without us, mankind will perish”.

It is then that I realize who I really am. I am distinctly aware of this new me, this other me, and the contrast between the old me and the new. The New me has arrived.

Processing It All

The amount of awareness is indescribable. There is really no way to impart to you the evolution that appeared to take place at that point. I knew instantly, without doubt, that I was, am, a Starseed. The importance of my mission was so strong in me that it was like a light went off in my world.

This, I am told, is part of the activation process but there is so much more going on that is still yet to be completely revealed. There is a delicate balance that exists within me at this point between the old and the new. The old is not yet ready to be assimilated. The Ego is strong as is the mind. It is imperative that each step is taken slowly in order to procure acceptance.

Ultimately, there will be a swap in energies, a complete transfer from the old to the new.

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Dream: The Great Galactic War

I had this dream over a week ago and am just now feeling okay about posting it. I believe it was a memory mixed with a message and so took it as such. This dream was unlike any other I have had and I am still not sure how to categorize my experience, so I am calling it semi-lucid.

The Great Galactic War

My vision blacked out and I felt transported somewhere else. When I opened my eyes, I was standing inside an immense canyon, the walls of which towered hundreds of feet, maybe even a mile, above my head on either side of me. I was immediately reminded of the Grand Canyon here on Earth, but since I have never been at the bottom of it, I thought to myself, “This must be what it would be like”.

It was then that I realized I was standing with someone and we were in the midst of an important conversation. I spoke to this person as if I were reciting the lines from some long ago play. We spoke about something similar to a vaccine, though I don’t believe that is the word we used. It was a genetic vaccine, not a vaccine against a virus, and it had been tested on a certain individual to see if they were susceptible to its effects.

Slowly, I got out small vials filled with different colored, clear liquid. The first was a yellowish color. I said, “No effect”, and then put it in a nap sack I was wearing over my right shoulder. I then took out another one, this one a vivid blue. “No effect”, and put it in the nap sack. I did this six more times, each time saying, “No effect”.

I don’t recall now what the person I was talking to looked like, only that I knew them. In my recollection of this event they are not there at all, as if I am talking to thin air.

The individual I am talking to makes a comment to me about how odd it is that the individual we tested was not susceptible to any of these vaccines. In my mind I am reminded of the human race and think that it must be the human genome we are talking about. I was fascinated.

Then my attention is drawn to a tall, gangly looking individual who stood a good seven or eight feet tall. He was most definitely not human, his green mottled skin very obvious as were his strange facial features. His head was elongated and sloped backward and his eyes were dark and hooded. I could see no nose and only a thin outline for a mouth.

I knew this creature, this reptilian humanoid, was our prisoner. Had we tested the vaccines on him? I didn’t think so. He had something contained within his head, though, something vile and dangerous. My immediate thought was that it was a bomb and my companion began to tug at the reptile’s head to try and lift off the outer portion of it. I was a bit horrified as I could see inside the reptile’s skull and see the pinkish tissue of his brain.

Two sections came off before the reptile insisted he continue and do it himself. He pulled apart the hemispheres of his brain, parting them like water, and pulled out a small, circular device.

I woke suddenly upon seeing it, thinking it was a bomb and he was about to destroy all of us. In my mind’s eye I saw his eye, looking at me.

Once I awoke, I knew my dream was a memory of the Great Galactic War and that I had seen a reptilian E.T. I decided to paint the eye I saw because I could not get it out of my head. It was so peculiar and I had no fear when I saw it.

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MOAB

For the past two nights I have slept super hard, so hard that it is difficult to recall my dreams. I wake knowing I have had in-depth conversations, lessons and interactions with my HS and guides, but specifics are lost very quickly. I feel as if it is erased purposefully, only remnants allowed to remain.

One of those remnants, or pieces of clarity, remained this morning. In this dream communication I was discussing my blog with someone and read aloud a comment I had received.

The comment was: “It looks like she’s of MOAB”.

I spent the remainder of the dream trying to decipher MOAB. I was certain it was spiritual in nature. I probably repeated the acronym ten times in the dream, usually letter by letter.

It may not be significant but my husband and I were discussing the LDS religion when I remembered the dream.

MOAB

I did not recall this portion of the dream until almost an hour after waking. My first thought upon waking was, “Isn’t that a city in Utah?” But I immediately threw that out because in the dream it was in all caps.

So I looked it up. This is what I discovered. I may not have found all significance:

1. Mother of all bombs or Massive Ordinance Air Blast

2. Explicit sexual term (I won’t write it out) meant as an insult

3. The seed of the father, the eldest son of Lot (Genesis 19:37)

4. A plain opposite of Jericho mentioned in the old testament;  the desirable land. Source

5. Represents the Protestant religion and referred to in a prophecy about the “End Days”. Source

6. City in Utah.

Biblical References

I would not call myself a religious person. In fact, I avoid organized religion in general. However,  I keep running into biblical names and references in my dreams and spiritual encounters. I cannot avoid coming to the conclusion that there is some significance in this. But what?

The feeling from my dream was this term, MOAB, was important. So important in fact that I repeated it to myself over and over again in order to remember it. I also attributed it to something spiritually significant. Other than that, I am at a loss. I guess the term will join the other names I have received along the way until their significance is revealed.

If anyone has any idea what this term could signify, please let me know.

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Dreams: Reorganization and Premature Baby

Last night was again a night of frequent vivid dreams.

Reorganization

I was in a school and left my room. When I returned an older lady was inside and had completely reorganized it, turning it into a classroom. There was a group of elementary students sitting in desks. I was alarmed.

The woman smiled, very proud of herself and said, “We decided to set up the room so that it was more conducive to teaching. I needed to work with these students and this works better for me”. She pointed to a table and then at the twelve or more individual student desks crammed up near the front of the room.

I looked at her like she was crazy and told her, “But this doesn’t work for me and this is my room. Please put it back to the way it was. I don’t work with more than six to eight students at the most, so I don’t need all these desks”. I pointed to cubbys that had been set up on one side and said, “And I don’t need these”.

I walked to a closet where I had stored some things and found that it had been cleared out and made into a small classroom with a large central desk with chairs set around it. Feeling I should at least try to compromise, I concluded that it would be okay to leave this space as it was and told her, “But you can leave the closet like you have it. I am okay…”

She interrupted me, obviously very upset and disappointed and said, “That’s fine. I will put it all back like it was”. She walked  around the class and began to get the students to help her put it back the way it was. I remember feeling at odds with myself somewhat. I wanted to make her happy but at the same time I did not want my space cluttered and taken over by this woman.

Premature Baby

At this time, a black woman entered the room looking for me. She told me that she had some important news for me. She introduced herself as the representative of a family, the name is lost to me now.

“You have been listed as the new guardian for a baby girl. Her parents were both killed, as was her twin and other sibling”.

She escorted me out of the room as she told me their story. I was, of course, shocked as this was unexpected and I was not prepared to once again care for a newborn.

The woman explained that the family knew me from a while ago. The grandmother, still living but ill, was one of my previous coworkers. She had chosen me as the new guardian. She told me I had a choice and did not have to accept. I told her, “Of course I will take her”. In my mind I could not refuse and leave the little girl in the system. I quickly disregarded all my concerns about being ready and the burden it would cause my family. I wanted to meet the child.

We entered the house of the family. The grandmother was sleeping in a chair. I looked closely at her, trying to remember her. She was very old, with white hair and dark skin. I immediately went to her and another family member said to her, “Mother, she is here”. The old woman opened her eyes and smiled at me. She conveyed to me that she knew the child would have a better life with me.

I was then shown the baby and it was explained to me that she was born premature but was currently just 4 weeks old. I looked at her, expecting to see dark skin, but her skin was pale and her eyes light. She was very, very tiny and so precious. I did not dare pick her up as she was sleeping. In my mind I saw an image of what she would look like as she grew up. Beautiful. She had that beautiful creamy mix-race skin and curly, soft blondish-brown hair. I was completely accepting of my new role as her mother.

It was then explained to me that I would have to take a class in order to be her new guardian and then adopt her.

The word “adopt” kept echoing in my mind and ultimately woke me up. I was in a panic over it, literally thinking such an event might happen. But now I think it was more symbolic of a new beginning coming into my life which involves acceptance of parts of myself I have previously rejected. Then the previous dream flooded my memory and I realized I was in the midst of a reorganization of Self.

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Giving Up the Reins

I had a profound dream last night. It was one of many dreams. I feel I was on the brink of lucidity most of the evening.

Giving Up the Reins

I was at a gathering that was similar to a stock yard show or rodeo in its look and feel. I was standing near an arena that had a high, metal fence, watching people get onto their horses only to either be thrown off or successfully “tame” them. It appeared that the rider would cause their horse to go out of control purposefully. The goal was to regain control with both horse and rider safe, sound, calm and controlled.

I was aware that I was to be in this competition, too. I was standing next to this bay mare. She was spectacular and stood taller than me. She would nuzzle me occasionally and I would reach up and pet her, stroking her dark mane. I was very comfortable with her, which is unlike me both in reality and in most of my dreams. I am typically nervous around large horses.

I felt ill prepared for this competition and was discussing it with someone who I did not see but who seemed to change from male to female and then back again. We were discussing how I felt about going into the ring. I remember saying, “This is my first time. I don’t know if I can do it”. We discussed my options, one of which was to let someone else take my place.

At one point the decision became heart wrenching for some reason. I was particularly fond of my horse and did not want someone else handling her, much less taking her into the ring where she, too, had never been. It was at this point that I saw who would be taking over. She was a champion and had already successfully won several competitions. She was set to win this one, too, and had just completed her turn with top scores. She was tall, slender, and had long, flowing blonde hair. Her blue eyes sparkled and she appeared to know me and sympathize with my situation.

Emotion welled up from deep within me as I made my decision. I handed her the reins and said, “Ok. You can take over”. My whole body shook with grief at this decision as the blonde gracefully accepted the reins and prepared to mount my horse. There was a dark haired, shorter woman, standing beside the blonde who seemed disappointed. She said, “I guess I won’t be placing today”. I realized she had been set to win second place but now that the blonde was going to compete in my place, this other woman would be third.

Reflection

I awoke from this dream crying and knowing a decision had been made. I immediately recognized the horse to be me, my body and Ego, in this physical incarnation. I saw myself in this dream as the me I have always been in this life – a mixture of nature versus nurture to put it simply. It appeared to me that the goal here was to get “horse”- my Ego and body – under control in a way that I had not yet done. I was nervous, which is to be expected, and did not feel I could do it being it would be my first time. I was consulting with my guides and my Higher Self. I recognized, upon waking, that I had agreed to let my Higher Self take over. I am not sure why this was such a difficult decision. Perhaps I feel like a failure not being able to do this on my own? Or perhaps it is my affinity to my human form?

This could be my Ego reacting to this decision, but this decision feels very final. I was asked upon waking, “Are you okay with this decision?” and I immediately answered, “Yes”. The images and thoughts in my mind at this time were of me leaving behind this life and all its connections and experiences to return to the peace and rejuvenation of the Other Side. I was completely, 100%, ready to do so. I heard in response, “We will help you. It will be easy”.

I am completely calm this morning. Though I have not yet completely computed the experience in my mind, my heart knows this was a turning point.