Tag Archives: dreamwork

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Ser-Vive!

Another memorable dream.

Dream: Ser-Vive!

The beginning of the dream is hazy. I remember traveling in the mountains. There was lots of snow and many pauses along the way. My husband and children were with me but they were always in my peripheral. My husband was occasionally within view but blurry. What I do recall of his looks does not match my husband in this lifetime. Instead of fair hair and eyes, the man I saw had dark, almost black hair, pale skin and a sinewy build. 

As we traveled there was discussion that seemed to go on in the background. As I recall it now, it is clear that I was conversing with my guidance and the dream morphed from that conversation. Only bits and pieces of info remain along with the accompanying visuals. 

I remember recognizing the “four elements” and seeing them appear as colors in my visual field alongside the dream scenario that was playing out. For example, brown was Earth and red/orange was Fire. In my dream, I sat selecting colors to form a rainbow and was especially seeking the Air and Water elements. For some reason, I selected green because I noticed it was missing in the rainbow. I selected it to represent Water while blue represented Air and put a beautiful orange and yellow alongside the red recognizing their combination to create Fire.

At one point I was standing outside in the snow with a mother and her daughter. She was taking photographs but the image was not clear. It was so cold that the ice crystals were suspended in the air. At the time I was traveling with my husband to our destination, climbing into a large, black truck or SUV. I recall a voice whispering to me, our discussion in the background of the dream moving me along the path of my dream experience. The destination was stressed as important. It felt almost as if I were reading an epic fantasy novel where the protagonist was being ushered towards their purpose by supporting characters. 

The destination turned out to be a cave located somewhere in the mountains. When we entered the cave, a mystic was waiting for us. I don’t know the mystic’s gender as it shifted constantly as did his/her face. The mystic was hunched over, held a staff in hand and wore a brown cloak. The mystic said, “It’s about time.” 

On the floor in front of the mystic was a man laying face down and splayed out as if he had fallen from a great height. Was he dead? No. It was clear that he represented the future and I knew somehow that the man that was with me would become the man on the floor but not yet. We were in the place of no-time – somewhere between the past and the future but not in the present.

The mystic spoke to my “husband” asking him if he knew why he was there. I don’t remember the conversation but it was positive. My husband seemed to know exactly why he was there. He had a purpose to fulfill and a destination to reach. The mystic nodded, pleased at the response he received.

Then my husband shifted from beside me to the floor. I don’t recall seeing him after that.

Next, the mystic asked me the same questions. I don’t recall my answer, just that I felt undecided how to answer. What was the right answer? Would I say the wrong thing? Unlike my “husband” my purpose was not clear to me. I didn’t feel to have a destination at all, actually.

Sadly, much of what we said is lost to my memory now, which is likely how it is suppose to be. What I remember happening was that the Mystic told me my purpose was to “survive”. I didn’t like hearing this. What do you mean, survive? That seems so pointless. 

The mystic said to me, “I have a letter for you.” I could see the letter as the mystic pulled it out. I don’t know what words were said here but the letter felt to be one written between myself and my husband, though I don’t know if I wrote to him or him to me. It felt like I was being offered this letter. I wanted to read it but for some reason I didn’t take the letter. Instead, my mind drifted as I thought of how pointless my life felt. 

There was a long pause. I remember saying, “Why did I go back to him (my “husband” in the dream)?” I am thinking this man was my ex in this life, but he most obviously isn’t! Yet I Know I return to him over and over again, his destination becoming my own for a while. Why?

I soon realized I had shifted into my mind, caught up in the questions I had about my “husband”.

Eventually, it became clear that the mystic had turned away from me focusing elsewhere. I didn’t want that so I questioned the mystic. The mystic said, “You don’t want to stay”. At the time it felt like the mystic meant I didn’t want to stay there in that cave and wanted to leave. In hindsight I believe what the mystic meant was I did not want to stay in this life and fulfill my purpose so then there was no point in continuing our discussion.

Concerned, I told the mystic I did want to continue and so the mystic turned back toward me. 

What I recall next is a mixture of thoughts and visuals. I do not know what was said first, or last. The progression is lost and I believe this to be the result of being in the Now where all is experienced at the same time.

I recall being asked how I serve others. My answer was that I use my Voice – I tell them what they need to hear. There was a strong pulling sensation in my throat when I said this, like knowledge was moving into my throat and out of my mouth.

The word “survive” came up again but this time along with the word “service”. My mind went to certain ideas that have been coming to me recently, ideas about volunteering, helping others, and just generally being of service however I can. Yet, I have no idea how to go about this and so just push it out of my mind because no one is asking me for my help. I feel I must be invited, but invitations don’t come very often. This left me with a feeling of failure, even more so now that I was being reminded that service is why I am here. 

Then I recalled a vision I had long ago when my gifts first materialized. In it I was standing in a mist between heaven and earth (or at least two places), assisting those on one side to get to the other. I was also reminded of how I brought my “husband” to the cave where he continued on to his final destination. Thus, I saw myself as a kind of escort, taking people from one point to another. I took people to their destinations (purpose), but I had no “destination” of my own, not really. I just moved back and forth over and over again.

For some reason, learning this made me extremely sad. How awful to not have a destination except that of the person I am currently helping! What of my own destination!!?

The word service was repeated and the scene shifted.

I was now standing with my mother who was beside a bed with a pile of luggage. She was going on a trip and had all her belongings packed. She stood with a small bag in her hands. Inside were many cassette tapes. She was smiling as she looked down at them. She told me they were recorded songs given to her by her husband to keep her company on her long journey. I knew she was preparing to leave and said, “I have some great songs you could take with you. Would you like them?” She seemed undecided. I remember mentioning one song. If she could just take one, I think she would like it. My mom agreed but then I remembered and said, “Oh, I left it at home.” In my mind I saw a CD case full of CD’s stored under my bed. 

Then, I woke up.

Considerations

As I awoke I knew the scene with my mother was an example of my purpose. It confused me, though. The symbolism of my mom with her packed luggage seems to point to her exiting this life, her luggage full of memories. I knew in the dream that she was leaving soon and that everyone leaves this place eventually. Then, so must I, correct? We all eventually die, our destination being Home, correct?

Then my guidance reminded me that I volunteered to be here. I am a volunteer. Maybe my Home (destination) is different?

This is when the word “Wayshower” came to my mind. Is that what I am? Is that what the vision meant? I’m escorting people their destinations? I pause and think, “Not that again (Wayshower, volunteer, guide, etc).” lol

The Ferryman comes to mind but then that doesn’t fit exactly, just the going back and forth, over and over again. Sigh.
So, then, my Home is not the same Home my mom is returning to? Or is it?

I don’t understand. 

Not long after I wake the word “service” pops in my head again. I accept it. “Fine”, I think, what else can I do? And then I wonder about being told “survive” and I see the word survive another way – Ser-Vive. Vive is French for “Live!”. So I am being told my purpose is to, “Sur-Vive = Serve Life”. 

I’m so not feeling it. lol

by

Lucid Dream and Message: Express Yourself

Woke up in tears this morning. It seems my request to Remember is being granted. Slowly but surely lucidity is returning to my dreams and I am being allowed to recall the work I’m doing in dreamtime.

Lucid Dream: Sexual Encounter

I became semi-lucid. Part of me thought I was actually awake but another was aware that it was a dream. I was laying in bed and felt to be both in my physical bed and my dream bed simultaneously. In the dream scene I was aware of an office-type environment and people from my work talking and moving about in an adjacent room. 

I lingered in bed, very relaxed and calm. Energetically, I was aware of my root and second chakras and the feeling was very seductive, almost like there was someone there with me. I do remember talking to someone, so it could be that I was not alone, but at the time it was just me in my bed. I can’t recall the discussion in detail but I believe I was telling him how the energy made me feel. The more I described the energy and sensations, the more they grew. It was as if my words magnified the energy. 

There is a brief moment when I requested a specific person be there with me. I requested this person by name more than once. It surprises me now that I did this but then it also makes perfect sense because I’ve often thought of this person as my teacher.

Eventually, I recall hearing a distinctive male voice say, “Relax and go with it.” When hearing his words there was recognition that I was focusing too much on the energy and effectively blocking its movement. Instantly I released my attention and the energy suddenly burst through all at once and then slowed until it flowed in a steady stream, circulating between the lower chakras. Interestingly, the sudden burst of sexual energy did not awaken me and I remained in a lucid state with the dream scene.

The next thing I remember is reaching toward “the voice” and encountering a body. Everything about what I felt was physically real. It was very obviously a male body. I felt along his arms and shoulders and then felt his hairy chest. I could also see him in my mind’s eye but my vision never turned on. What I saw was only what I touched, so I never saw a face. I’m not sure I wanted it to. It seems like I wanted the man to remain a mystery but in my mind I was thinking he was “husband” but not my actual husband in my waking life. So which husband? I have no idea! lol Honestly, it didn’t matter at the time because I was immersed in exploring through touch. The entire time this energy continued to swirl and, funny enough, I became very comfortable with it despite its highly erotic nature.

The very physical sensations eventually woke me up and the voice from the dream followed me into wakefulness. He was asking me questions about my experience. One in particular was about the sensation of touch. He asked if I could tell the age of a person by feel. I said, “No, not really.” The questioning seemed to be about the sense of touch versus vision. It became clear to me that using my physical eyes could be counter productive in certain situations. I was reminded of how I am meant to see the world with my inner eyes, not the physical ones, because the physical eyes support the illusion while the inner eyes see the truth. My mind was filled with past experiences where this was painfully obvious. I hadn’t realized how much my physical eyes contribute to the solidification of the illusion within the framework of this physical experience. So often I have tossed my inner Knowing about someone or something because my physical eyes see something else!

Dream: Express Yourself 

Although I woke up for a short time, when I fell back to sleep I returned to the dream scene. Still in bed, I saw my son come into the room and change his shirt. When he left, I followed him out and saw someone from work directing people about in a classroom. The feeling in the space was one of organized chaos. I Knew that in this space I could be myself and no one would judge me. 

Something caught my attention and I turned around to see that behind me was outdoors. A blonde, thin woman who was about my age, was receiving a yellow bikini to try on. I remember seeing her and thinking she was quite attractive for her age and had taken good care of her body. She looked a decade younger than she was.

When she put on the bikini bottoms they were like bloomers rather than normal bottoms. She disliked this and another bottom was provided. She went behind a screen to try it on but took her time. When she came out, everyone was applauding, expecting her to shine in her new bikini, but she was wearing a brown dress that looked like a potato sack. When I asked her why she wasn’t wearing the bikini, she said it showed her love handles. A flash of what she was talking about came to mind. Two very small bumps above her hips. I told her how beautiful she was and that she didn’t have any love handles. She didn’t believe me and walked away.

When I turned back toward the classroom, I was invited to come inside and observe. The room was dark but various colored lights were flashing, giving the appearance of stars. There were six rows of desks with students. Music was playing and the students were singing, one-by-one, when their turn came. I sat down in the front, left desk – the only open seat. To my left was a screen and music was playing from it. I turned and looked around at the students. They were all smiling and friendly. Again, I felt that I was in a safe space, one where everyone was accepted and loved.

The music was spectacular and the singing even more so. The entire room was lit up with a vibrant energy and I was immediately impressed. Each student was given a chance to express their own inner truth however it came to them and the music shifted based upon which student was singing. Their words are lost to me now but I was deeply moved by each student regardless of the tone of their songs. Some were sad, others joyous, and some a mixture of emotion. Every song expressed the individual’s unique Self and each song contributed to the energy of the space creating a chorus unlike any I’d heard before. 

As I watched the progression and listened to their individual voices, I began to have all sorts of emotions arise out of me. The more songs I heard, the more my own song began to emerge. It is hard to pinpoint just one emotion because there were so many. Part of me wanted very badly to participate. I wanted to stay there with them forever. I was impressed by the teacher who mainly just facilitated the group and gave her support. 

A familiar song came to mind. The words, “Where are you now?” repeated over and over.

And then I began to sob. The emotion came from deep within and just poured out of me. I began to feel very self-conscious and worried someone would see my ugly red eyes and nose. I attempted to hide my face but a student to my right locked eyes with me and smiled. The message was, “It’s okay”, and a rush of love and acceptance swirled around me, hitting my heart dead center. After that, there was nothing I could do but allow.  

I woke up in tears, the song’s words repeating in my head and the voice saying, “Express yourself.” I was invited to return to that very sexual, creative energy from the previous dream. When I did, I would feel a sudden calm, which was surprising to me, and a clarity would come over me. But then I would shift out of it again, and the emotion would pour out. I was concerned about my past, the mistakes I’ve made, the lack of progress I perceived, the decisions that I regretted – but mostly that my past felt hollow and without any purpose; pointless. The voice reminded me not to judge myself so harshly. I thought of a specific “mistake” and he said, “You were not ready.” 

Dream Considerations

The first dream reflects how I’ve been feeling lately. For some reason I’ve been feeling extremely sexual. I haven’t been focusing on it really, just noticing. It has been a very long time since I’ve had a dream like this one, one where I feel someone physically with me, hear them audibly, and do not awaken from it. My sense is that I was being taught how to handle the lower chakra energies. My tendency is to either avoid them altogether or to overly focus on them which makes the energy that much more intolerable. I was shown that just allowing the energy diminishes the intensity and makes it much easier to tolerate. In fact, it became almost like a background energy to the remainder of the dream. Surprise!

The questions I am asked are also interesting and revealing. Again, it appears my considerations about old age and appearance are coming up for inspection. When I was younger, I really had no issue dating men older than me. In fact, I tended to be attracted to men 7+ years older than myself and dated one that was 12 years older than me for a while. Ha! Back then, when I was in my late 20’s, a man in his mid-30’s and early 40’s didn’t seem old at all. Huh. Now that I’m in my 40’s, though, I am beginning to fear old age – the wrinkles, saggy skin, age spots, etc. So, anyone older than me just reminds me that I am getting old, too. Yet in this dream I am reminded that what the physical eyes see is limited and wrought with conditioning and expectation. I am asked to use my inner vision and feeling to guide me and disregard my physical vision. Feel into a person’s energy and use that to “see” them.

The second dream appears to be another healing dream. First, I am shown myself in the woman trying on the bikini. She is me and how she thinks of herself – how critical she is of her body – is so very like me. Then, I am taken to a space that is full of unconditional love and acceptance and given the opportunity to express myself. I am allowed to see how everyone’s unique song is part of a bigger “chorus”. All ranges of emotion are included. Nothing is seen as “bad” or “shameful”. No one laughs or mocks anyone else. Pure acceptance. The feeling is beyond amazing and I want so badly to participate. I want to stay there forever. The emotion that arises, though, indicates I do not feel worthy.

The message in the song is that I need to focus on the present. “Where are you now?” is asked so that I focus on the present. The past is in the past. There is nothing but Now.

by

Dream: Losing My Heart

My dreams were upsetting last night. The same male guide was present but no more Kundalini. Instead, it appeared I was being counseled/assisted – more healing work.

Dream: Waiting My Turn

In this dream I was outside in a garden with others. I remember we were all gathered to receive the introduction and instructions. We were awaiting our turns to have readings. I don’t recall ever receiving mine, but I remember interacting with others in the group and the garden. The garden had concrete benches, fountains, birdbaths, and statues in it. It appeared to be in someone’s back yard because there was a boundary of hedges surrounding it. There were stone paths winding through it, also, and the feeling was peaceful but anticipatory. 

I remember meeting some people but the interactions are lost to me. Again, there was a man and a woman. One man in particular came up to me and told me, “I called you, you know.” I said, “You did? Oh. Well, I probably didn’t answer because I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t know. You should have told me you were calling so I would’ve answered.” I didn’t recognize the man. He was slender, tall, dark haired and wore glasses. Somehow we discussed our ages and I learned he was 39. I remember telling him how I enjoyed being 39, that it was a good year. I briefly became caught up in the memory of it, which was nice. I felt loved, excited about life and optimistic about the future possibilities.

I remember my turn for a reading was coming up next and seeing the entrance to the space through the garden. It was a small door surrounded by greenery. There is memory of feeling like the reading would discuss certain issues I’ve had in my life. I don’t remember feeling excited about it because I had this sense that I would be told my future was not a good one.

Dream: Losing my Heart 

Perhaps this was part of my reading? 

I saw myself running a race with a man who was familiar. I believe it was my heart connection but he was always in front of me and I was trying to catch up to him. The race consisted of short laps back and forth within a gym-sized space. I remember running very fast and suddenly feeling my heart rate was too high. There was not much of the race left to run, only 30 seconds more, but my heart couldn’t tolerate it. I decided to quit the race, telling someone nearby I needed to stop before I passed out. 

I remember discussing my decision with a man. He was asking me why I stopped when the finish line was only 30 seconds away. I told him I just couldn’t run any longer. Yet his questions left me wondering if perhaps I could have run that last 30 seconds. Maybe I overreacted? Maybe I gave up too soon? 

Then I saw myself sitting on a bus beside my heart connection. Oh the feeling! We were very much in love and I remember him laying his head on my shoulder and reaching out to me over all others when he needed something. It was clear to me that he “chose me” and I chose him in return. I don’t recall anyone else on the bus with us, just row upon row of seating beyond what the eye could see. It was like time stood still in this part of the dream and I lingered in the feeling of being with him. 

Something happened, though, and he suddenly left me sitting alone on the bus. It felt like he was distracted or pulled elsewhere; like he chose someone or something over me. I was left with this awful sinking feeling and horrible aching inside. No matter what I tried, the feeling persisted and I began to despair, sinking deeper into a dark abyss of heartache and loneliness. I have never felt so alone in my life! 

In the dream I began to sob mournful sobs that shook my entire body. A weakness spread from my chest into my legs until my entire body felt like it would shatter into a million pieces. The grief was intolerable but the loneliness, the empty nothingness, was the worst. I’ve never felt so alone in my life!

The last thing I remember is a flash of a high school letter jacket or something like it. I think it was all he left behind.

Thawing Out

When I woke I was talking to my guide, tears in my eyes. Thankfully, the feeling of loss was fading quickly. What I did still feel was the love. I’ve never loved anyone so much! I realized my love for him has never faded. It is infinite, beyond time and space. No amount of pushing it away, pretending it never existed or numbing myself will erase a love like that. 

There was full memory of the discussion behind the scenes of my dream. It was clear to me that the “memorial” from a previous dream was a memorial to my heart connection and our love. I knew in the dream I’d created it but I didn’t know who it was for. And I realized what the “freeze” was, the freeze that almost killed the bushes planted around the plaque. “The freeze” was a period where emotions and even life was “frozen”; put on hold. The fact that green shoots were coming out of the bushes is a positive sign. New life is emerging.

Recognizing all this was of no help. I could still feel that infinite love and the thought of continuing on in this life separated from that love, carrying an indescribable emptiness within, is unbearable. I begged again to be allowed to return Home because I know once I’m Home the burden I’m carrying will be lifted. I told my guidance, “I lost my heart when he left.” And it does feel that way, like there is a space in my chest where my heart use to be. 

My guidance indicates possibilities still exists. I am unable to conceive of any such future. It has been five years, though, and the message is I am “thawing out”. What this means, I can’t say, but I suspect that there will be an opportunity to try again, to do what I couldn’t bring myself to do in the past. What all that entails, I can only guess. The memory of that time is mostly confusion, filled with not-Knowing, indecision and doubt. There was too much pain and emotion swirling around and I lost my anchor. It felt like I was caught up in a whirlpool; directionless and unable to determine what was up and what was down. I cannot go through that again, not without a firm anchor in place. But what is that anchor? A person? A path? A purpose? All of the above? 

I feel depleted this morning so I know work was done in dreamtime. I have asked to remember more of what occurs behind-the-scenes. I was told it would be provided. I long to Remember again, even if it means I may have to confront things I would rather not. 

by

Dream: Conjunction of Moon and Sun

I continue to study Human Design. The more I learn, the more questions I have and the more I want to know. So, finally, I made an appointment for a Foundation Reading. It is on May 24th. I will share what I learn after my reading. Until then, I will continue my exploration and share what I find along the way. Currently, I am looking more deeply into attraction channels and what I have learned are known as the Kundalini channels. Pretty cool!

Sleep continues to be deep and dream-filled. Most of my dreams are odd and many mornings I wake up Knowing things that I didn’t know prior to bed. This Knowing is like a download of information that all points to one, single conclusion. These conclusions are related to my process and quite private, so I will leave them that way.

The below dream came this morning and I wanted to share it because a familiar symbol presented itself. I also felt very free and hopeful in this dream, something that doesn’t happen too often these days.

Dream: Conjunction of the Moon and Sun

The beginning of the dream I was in a large house with my husband and the kids. He was on the phone with a woman scheduling some activity for the kids. I got upset at him for this but he wouldn’t listen to me and kept making the appointment. I remember getting so upset that he wasn’t listening to me and I couldn’t stop him that I began to pinch his cheek really hard. Someone observing mentioned how it looked and I didn’t care. I was too upset. I realized in the dream that I was being shown a dynamic that needed to be seen. It wasn’t to shame me but to bring awareness. 

The scene shifts. I assume I left on a walk. I was outside and saw it had snowed. It was a heavy, wet snow and already melting. Seeing the snow brought me joy and I put on some skate skis and took Monty for a walk. I got out my phone and took video of myself as I did this, sharing that I woke up and there was snow and I was going to enjoy it before it melted. I remember looking around me in awe of the serene beauty I found myself in. There is something peaceful and calm about freshly fallen snow.

As I took the video, I captured an amazing sight. I saw this golden glow in the sky beyond the trees. When I noticed it, I thought it was the sun it was so bright, but then a glorious full moon shown through the trees and clouds parted to reveal it in all its majesty. It was gigantic, like unnaturally large, taking up the entirety of my visual field. The colors on the video were breathtaking – yellows, oranges and pinks. It was a sunrise or sunset of unprecedented beauty!

I came to a hill and my skis began to slip underneath me as I put away my phone. I looked up to find the moon and it was hidden behind the trees but I could still see the magnificent colors in the sky around it. I climbed up the hill, pulling myself up with great effort. When I reached the top, the moon had risen higher but the sky was still very bright. The moon looked more normal. A white sphere in the sky.

I walked toward the house. On the porch, which was covered in melting snow, I ran into my mom who was asking me why I hadn’t taken her bags to be recycled at Wal-Mart. I told her I went for a walk and pointed to the sky. This is when I noticed the moon and the sun were in the sky at the same time. The sun was on the left and the moon was on the right. They were not touching, but close enough that it was very obvious what was happening. Their combined light was breathtaking. It created this white brilliance. I remember saying, “Good things are coming.” I was filled with hope and awe for what I felt was coming, but the specifics of this future event was not present. I recognized the sign I was being shown as I had seen it in many dreams before. The moon and sun in the sky, together and very close, meant a conjunction was coming, one where masculine and feminine energies blend together in Union.

I decided to continue and ski before the snow melted. I left the porch, going past a bunch of elderly people sitting and taking in the view. This part of the dream is full of this fun feeling as I skied so fast that I am surprised I didn’t fall. Monty chased after me as I went through field after field of snow. There was this chaser being chased feeling, a feeling of being a child again; care-free.

Eventually we came to a snow-covered playground. Monty ran into it and I slowed. Two people were clearing the area and preparing it for people. I heard a male voice say to the woman in front, “We have to get this cleared.” 

I continued on but saw Monty did not come with me. I turned around and saw a man petting him. I went up to a wire gate and called Monty. The man looked up at me with a huge smile and commented on how friendly my dog was.

This is when the dream shifts and I am suddenly watching this blonde woman speaking to a group. She is saying thank you and telling them “I feel like I know you all!”. She is standing within a wired enclosure that resembles a giant cage.

Then the scene shifts again and I am laying in bed with my heart connection. I am laying on his left and on his right is another woman with dark hair. I am upset that he has this woman close to him. I want to be the only woman in his life. Yet he is holding us both equally as if he wants us to share him. My mind is reeling. I know that the connection he has with this other woman is older than the one he has with me. They have more history. Knowing this makes me feel uncertain and afraid of losing him to her. I don’t like the feeling. I think I will do anything to get her out of the picture, even kill this woman. This thought disturbs me.

As I begin to wake, a disturbing image comes to mind. It is a Golden Retriever chewing on the arm of a person who is still alive. I know she is being eaten alive and cringe. The woman does nothing. She just lays there and lets the dog eat her. I want to help her. I wake up.

When I wake up, a song is going through my mind:

Where are you now
Where are you now
Where are you now
Where are you now

Take me home, I feel homesick
I don’t know where I’m going
Too many faces, but none I know
And I’m alone on the subway home
On the subway home

Interpretation

The first part of the dream seems only to show me something about myself. What I took from it was that I play a part in the disagreements that exist between myself and my husband. My anger at my inability to incite any kind of change overwhelms me and I fall into a negative pattern. The trigger seems to be feeling unheard.

The second part of the dream feels like a message related to a previous message I received about “after the snow melts”. Snow is symbolic of something unchanged; frozen. It often represents feelings that have gone “cold” or a sense of being stuck and unchanging. That the snow is melting is positive. Movement and change is coming; freedom. I am able to see the beauty in the snow and rather than succumbing to the cold/frozen feeling, I embrace it and ski. Skiing represents breezing through a difficult situation; feeling accomplished for surviving a difficult time.

The moon represents the feminine. That it is rising up and appears so big and beautiful is likely a symbol of my own feminine nature. Perhaps I will feel free to finally fully embody my feminine nature? The steep hill indicates a struggle but not a big one, since I easily reach the top.

I don’t know what the encounter with my mom symbolizes. The best I can figure is that she represents the “wise” version of myself. The recycling she has is likely representative of a time of regeneration. I need to rest and regenerate. the sun and moon in the sky brings me hope and I seem to know what it means. With this I enjoy myself until the dream shifts and I see a woman in a cage. Perhaps she is me? But then she seemed so happy to be in that cage!

The shift to being with my heart connection was unexpected. I believe it may be a warning of some past life tendency toward jealousy. Hopefully, I am not going to have to confront karma related to killing someone!

Finally, the vision of the woman being eaten alive. My guess is that it represents my situation. I am allowing someone or something to eat me alive. Golden Retrievers represent family ideals. Perhaps I am being “eaten alive” because I am loyal to my family/the idea of family? Ouch!

Lots to digest and process from this dream, that’s for sure!

by

Dream: Driving a Bus and Music Messages

Busy night. I had a night-long dream. One of those the continues even after waking up and seems to have a story-like feel to it. It wasn’t too vivid, though, so pieces are missing from my memory now that I am fully awake and starting my day.

Dream: Driving a Bus

The beginning is hazy but I remember ending up driving a school bus despite not really wanting to. Someone or something created the need for this. The need resulted from my partner being taken in another bus. I was to follow behind in my bus. I remember driving on the highway and taking sharp turns to get to a location out in the country. The feeling along the way was that I was being pushed in this direction as if by a momentum or pressure from a group. I don’t remember anyone being on the bus with me, though, just that a guide or energy was next to me. 

There is a brief memory of seeing my partner at the location when I arrived but he was being kept separate from me and was always off in the distance. I could see him but I couldn’t get to him. 

At some point my group began to materialize. I remember seeing faces but can’t recall them now. I do feel my family in physical reality was part of this group, especially my children. 

We were taken to a location where a movie was being filmed. The location was chosen for the specific architecture. It reminded me of an archeological dig site in the middle east or fertile crescent area between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. There were partially uncovered walls from ancient buildings. These walls were uncovered enough that one could walk through the buildings. The walls were about knee to waist high. Below the old buildings and down some stairs was a busy highway. It was quite loud from all the passing cars and traffic. I remember thinking it an odd choice to shoot a movie scene.

I watched as everyone arrived on set. An older man stood out from the crowd. I knew he was the producer of the movie. He was short, had a protruding belly and gray hair. He was also quite hairy because I remember seeing hair poking through the collar of his shirt. His arms were also quite hairy. All the hair was graying. He felt to be of a different origin than myself. Grecian maybe? Like someone I would have seen on an ancient coin or old painting of someone from long ago.

There was a backstory going on at the same time but I don’t remember it enough to recount it here. While this story was being filmed I found myself inside a very large, king-sized bed next to the man and I felt others were in the bed also but never saw them. I remember talking to the man about the shoot location. How were they going to filter out all the noise from passing traffic? He said they would mute the sound and then fill it in later.

Towards the end of the dream I became very conscious of the man being close to me in this huge bed. He was pointing out a tree growing inside one of the houses on the hill where the filming was taking place. The tree was fairly short and squat, like something that would grow in an arid climate. It reminded me of an olive tree. Its branches were twisted and gnarled and it had tiny leaves growing on it. I could see all of this in my mind’s eye as if through a window.

The man wrapped his legs around me. I could feel his body hair up against my body and wondered if he was naked. Then I remember someone asking me, “Are you naked?” I didn’t know. I remember saying, “I just got a new sweater.” In my mind’s eye I saw a very comfortable, baby blue sweater. 

I began to gain lucidity at this time because I recognized that the sweater represented protection and to be naked represented trust and openness. For some reason I did not trust this man but I knew there was no reason not to.

The man brought my attention back to the tree. He said they selected the location for the film for a very specific reason. As I looked at the tree I noticed it was covered in faces, the faces of cats and kittens. I thought it very strange but answered the man with, “Oh! I see!” and said something about how rare such trees were. The faces on it began to move as if alive.

The last thing I remember was being in bed with this man. He was on my right facing away from me laying on his side. I felt his legs reach back and hook through my own, pulling me up close to him so that we were spooning. I remember him asking if I wanted to connect with him. I said it was okay. This is when I saw a visual of my sweater coming off as if being told that trust was needed.

This is when I woke up but entered into the in-between where the man and I continued to communicate.

Discussion

What was said was intermixed with various songs and visuals which makes it hard to relay the conversation word-for-word. What I remember most was being asked to reconsider a decision that was made. I was asked what I felt more than once and why I felt the way I did. I don’t recall really understanding some of the feelings I contacted nor the reasons I felt them. I do remember that part of the discussion was in my decision to limit Kundalini connections and interactions to dreamtime. It felt like I was being told that I had moved past that stage and now needed to take what I’d learned and apply it to physical reality. 

Whoever I was talking to was asking permission to contact me and as this was happening songs came into my mind. Just parts of them, though. 

The song first was Lovesong and “I will always love you” was repeated with the melody as messages were coming through. It was more telepathic, though, full of feeling. The only words I recall came from the song.

I kept trying to leave the conversation as I was mostly awake by this time, but a feeling kept saying, “Don’t go” and so I lingered in bed and continued to receive communication. Each time I wanted to end off, a song would come to mind. The lyrics I heard came from the song, More Than You Know – “I just need to get it off my chest, yeah more than you know, yeah more than you know….”.

Dream Interpretation

A school bus is indicative of a life lesson. The fact that I am driving the bus shows that I am in control and directing the lesson while others follow in my lead. The split from a partner in this case indicates a split from a decision, lesson or path that involved a partner. I feel pressured to return to this lesson by an unknown energy to my left and ultimately pursue the other bus and my partner. There isn’t really a resistance to the request but I feel pressure.

The setting of the movie feels like I am being shown something from my past. It would have been in a location from long ago, likely in the fertile crescent. The archeological dig indicates this past has been partially revealed but only the foundations remain. The man in the dream, or the producer, is unfamiliar to me and this part of the dream feels to be a communication from him to me. 

The king-sized bed could be an indicator that I am lucid. Beds, for me, are my safe place. They are comfortable and cozy. I go to my bed for privacy, peace and relaxation. Beds can indicate avoidance of something, also. The fact that this man is in bed with me indicates he is able to penetrate my defenses. He is with me in my safe place. The sweater I am wearing indicates I am not fully open to this, though, and he is since he is naked. He is facing away from me which I feel is him communicating to me that he is not a threat. The fact that I allow him to intertwine his legs with mine indicates I am partially open to him occupying my space.  The visual I see of my sweater taken off is a communication from him. I am being asked to trust. I don’t do this in the dream but I do remember being confused as to whether I am naked or not. I can’t tell.

The trees with cat faces is unusual. Trees are about the cycle of life, knowledge, and wisdom. This tree is short, gnarled and obviously very old. Cats in my dreams tend to symbolize the feminine, feminine sexuality and the Kundalini energy. Often in my dreams they are annoyances to me, rubbing up against my leg or showing up in strange places where I am unable to avoid them. I’ve had dreams where an entire hoard of cats was pursuing me on a mountain top and I was trying to get away but was overcome by them. I’ve also had dreams where a cat was dying or sick, but those a rare. I’ve never seen cat faces on a tree, though. My best guess is that the cat faced tree represents feminine wisdom and growth. The cat faces are like fruits on the tree, so perhaps a cycle of life or lifetimes has matured, produced fruit and is ripe for the picking? 

I do know that a part of me wanted to linger in the in-between this morning. I felt pulled toward the in-between, similar to how how I felt when I was made to drive the bus in my dream. 

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Dream Message: Stimulation to Awareness

Things are starting to get a little more interesting. I am guessing the upcoming partial eclipse on the 21st, the summer solstice and some astrological placements are part of this. Or it could just be that I am ready for a change since I’ve been asking for assistance. Whatever the reason, the energy is vamping up.

In a recent review of the last six months of journal entries and blog posts, I saw very clearly that I made a decision to take a break, not only from spiritual experiences but from the Kundalini and the awareness it brings (among other things). The reason for this decision was fear-based. I am a firm believer that we alone are the cause of what we experience in this physical reality – good or bad. So I went looking for the “why?” for my “suffering” knowing I alone was the cause, no one else. Sure enough I saw plain as day my retreat and subsequent shutdown which in turn left me with nothing more than physical reality as my teacher. And oh the lessons have been hard….and annoying. lol

As soon as I realized what I had done I attempted to undo it. I have been asking my guidance to help me return to the path I abandoned out of fear. I have been asking for the Kundalini to return as my teacher. I have been asking for my heart to open; for acceptance, forgiveness and surrender.

Slowly but surely my requests are being answered.

Dream: Stimulation to Awareness

The dream begins inside an old farmhouse. There is a knock at the door and I am rushing about to get a package for the person at my door. I open the door and hand them the package and they inquire about another item – a t-shirt (relax). I know where it is and retrieve it, handing a white t-shirt to the young girl it is meant for. She takes it and the scene shifts.

I am inside a classroom in the uppermost floor of the farmhouse with a group of people who feel like teachers. I see a white board and a man is standing by it pointing to what looks like a math problem but is a game that reminds me of hangman. The math part looks like long division but the answer is written in letters. The others there are guessing those letters. The first letter is an M. I knew immediately that the other letter was T and that they were trying to determine the “state” and that state was Montana (spiritual journey).

Someone asks me to ensure that people who are coming to the party can find us because we are all on the third floor. I see how many doors have to be opened and how many turns they will need to make. Without someone to guide them they will need signs. My job is to post the signs so I head down and begin to put up signs on the walls. I recall that one floor, the lowest floor, was very cluttered and there was a young girl’s bike stored there. It was my daughter’s old bike (solo journey) and I mentioned that. I was told it was being kept for another girl who very much wanted it.

I returned to the third floor. It is soon apparent to me that it is a retirement (end of something is approaching) party. An older man is talking about his wife’s retirement but it also feels like a birthday. She is turning 51. He asks me about my mom and I tell him she is 65, but in reality she is 71.

Then I overhear a group of women talking about moving to Montana. One lady is excited to go, talking about her three month stay there and how she longed to live there. I interrupted and told her the winters were extreme and didn’t she know how difficult they were? I told them how I lived there for 3 years and suffered through the winter. They replied but instead of hearing words I saw a visual of a woman standing next to a four wheel drive pick-up. There was snow everywhere and she was wearing winter attire – an all black, heavy coat, gloves, boots and hat. The message I received was, “Yes, the winters are harsh but if you are prepared they will be tolerable and even pleasant.”

I remember saying I would never live in Montana again and the dream becomes hazy.

The last thing I remember is writing something on the white board. As I wrote it I read it aloud to myself. I read it over and over until I became lucid enough to recognize what I was reading. I read, “Stimulation to Awareness”.

As I woke I took notes of what it was I was saying and writing knowing it was a message. But what did it mean? This question led me to a conversation with my guide that became more and more lucid until I finally awoke.

A song came to mind, part of a verse repeating – “This could be the end of everything, so why don’t we go, somewhere only we know….”

The discussion I was having was about continuing where I had left off. I was asking how to move forward. How do I surrender? How do I get past the fear? I told my guides I was ready to try again. They told me to be patient, take my time and I would be shown the way. All I can do is trust that.

Dream: Zane

I am at an outdoor venue. There is a large, open-topped bar in front of me. An older man with deeply etched smile lines and a very thin, wiry body is standing behind the bar. We begin to talk and I think I recognize him from high school. I ask him if he attended my school. He replies that he did. I ask him if he knew the Brezindines. He said he did.

Suddenly, I see an older woman wearing clothing that is much too young for her age. She has two parallel scars (wounds from the past) above her breasts (related to feminine) and just below her collarbone. She is wearing lots of jewelry and her face is tired looking with too much makeup. I remember thinking she must have had a very hard life.

The woman is purchasing a bunch of toddler shoes. I go up to her and ask her if she is one of the Brezindines. She replied that she was. Then I ask if she has many grandchildren and motion to the shoes. She says she does. Her tone is pleasant and friendly. I hope she doesn’t perceive my judgement of her but she seems not to notice.

I am back at the bar talking with the older man. Our conversation is lost to me but the images that pass between us are not. He shows me that he is part of a band. I see him singing but he is younger. It is like a time reel in my mind. I watch him age. I watch him fall in love, have a child, struggle through a failed relationships, etc. It feels like he is part of a heavy metal band like AC/DC. I see the name of the band. It starts with an S and is familiar.

The most memorable part of the dream is the man and how he looks. His face shifts as if the real him is shining through – as if I am seeing how he sees himself as well as how others see him.

What we say seems to be about how life can take you places you never intended but that it always takes you where you are meant to be.

I ask him about his son who is still quite young. Is he still married? He replies he is not.

For some reason my lucidity begins to peak very quickly and I am very acutely aware of the man, his energy, my energy, the setting and everything around me. There is a warm, pleasant energy building in my chakras starting with the root and moving slowly upward. It is very subtle but growing in intensity, swirling and building pressure especially around my solar plexus. The more aware I become, the more the energy intensifies.

For some reason I feel the man is creating this effect. I receive a message from him that suggests this but I can’t recall what it is. A part of me withdraws and I wake up. The energy persists, prominent in my head and mid-section.

I wonder who the man is. I hear back, “Zane.” He requests that I allow myself to return to the in-between. I do but shift in and out, unable to remain there for very long. A conversation with Zane is on-going but most of it is lost to me now.

Though our discussion is lost to memory I realize my reaction to Zane’s energy in the dream is a result of the fear that has pushed away similar experiences for the last six months or so. It is clear to me that I have work to do. I have to stop waking myself up the minute the K-energy arises.

The last thing I hear Zane say to me is, “I can’t do it for you. You have to do the work.”

Considerations

The phrase, “Stimulation to awareness” has stayed with me. It feels like it is referring to the Kundalini energy and how the stimulation of it leads to more awareness.

The reference to Montana is also not lost on me. I have dreams about Montana quite a bit. Montana is always about my spiritual journey. I say I will never return because of the harsh winters there but am shown I can prepare for such times. It feels like I am being advised to reconsider my decision.

The hangman type game being played feels like a message also. Perhaps it can be better understood by looking at the tarot card meaning of the Hanged Man? If so, then it suggests that I am indecisive and need to surrender.

The hanged man tarot card meaning

The second dream feels more like a guide encounter with Zane and a test to see how I will handle the Kundalini energy. My response to the energy is to wake myself up. The older woman represents some aspect of myself. I am critical of her.

The message that I have to do the work makes sense. Perhaps I am hoping someone will come in and save me? Or this could just be a reminder that I am avoiding something.

Source of Hanged Man image

 

 

 

 

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Dreams: Master, Graduate

Got tired at 9pm. Went to sleep. Slept until 7:30am. Happy. 🙂

Dream: Master

The first thing I recall is being in a kitchen that reminded me of my Mom’s kitchen at first. I was watching a woman via a video call who was showing me how to make a dish. I followed her instructions but then she asked me to use another pan and do several more steps that began to make the recipe quite complex. It was only suppose to use one pan but I went ahead and tried it. I was able to make a semblance of it but not without noticing how messy the kitchen was. Dishes piled high. The last step involved bread and turns out I was suppose to make tiny sandwiches. I just put them in with the rest of the dish which I didn’t recognize and told the woman I wasn’t going to bother making sandwiches.

Then I was in my old bedroom trying to get school clothing on Elek. I went into a walk-in closest that isn’t there in real life and it was full of my daughter’s old sweaters and clothing. I remember yelling at her to get out and being frustrated because I couldn’t find any of Elek’s clothes. Then someone came into the room and dumped a whole load of folded clothing on the floor. It looked like clothes from years ago – my old clothes and others from the house – but not Elek’s

I ended up back in the main living/kitchen area and had a vacuum. I began to vacuum the floor and the vacuum was very strong to the point I was worried it would pull the carpet into it but it never did.

As I vacuumed I went into my Mom’s master bedroom but when I went into the closet it opened up into a bedroom I had never seen before. The entry floor was paved in red brick and the rest was carpet. The bed seemed to be in the floor, carpet right up against it but some areas had ripped. I vacuumed and picked up all kinds of dirt and debris and soon realized there were sticks and twigs, leaves and other outdoor debris in the room. I saw the room was lined with tall trees that were colored in Fall foliage and losing leaves. I continued to vacuum up as much as I could but realized it was a losing battle.

My Mom was there and I suggested she let my sister live in the room. I remember asking her why she never used the room, why she never told us it was there, and how nice it could be to fix it up and use it again. There were a couple of doors leading out of the room so I went up to one and asked what was inside. My Mom said it was a bathroom and I was shocked and thrilled. She asked, “Haven’t you been here before?” I said, “No! I didn’t know this was here.” I opened the door and saw it led into a darkly lit corridor. I was thrilled and went in but the corridor went back to the room I was familiar with and the attached bathroom. The corridor had a mirror in it and some nice furnishings but it was quite dimly lit and hard to see. The whole room turned dim like that during this part of the dream.

I turned back and began to leave the bedroom. A man was there but I can’t recall his face or who he was, though I seemed to know him. I recall looking at the red bricks as I exited. The main thought with me as I left was, “Master Bedroom”, specifically, ” This is the Master”.

Dream: Graduate 

The next thing I recall is being inside a tiny car. It was not a normal car but more like a suit I wore around me that provided me with swift speed and was controlled with my mind. I remember it as a clear, see-through bubble with wheels that wrapped around me snugly and provided a soft protective cover that was also very strong like steel.

I was traveling very slowly with others along a path that paralleled a parking lot. As I looked at the parking lot I remembered being there before but the lot was covered in snow and the road was icy and difficult to traverse. The parking lot had painted X’s on it around the barricades. In my memory I had traveled the same path but the snow had obscured the lines on the lot.

I then came to a narrow opening with a flight of stairs that headed down a corridor. As I entered it was very tight inside as I floated down the corridor. I looked around at who was with me and they were strangers most of which were wearing bubbles around their faces like masks. They appeared nervous to be close and were in a hurry to get out of the corridor.

At the bottom the room opened up into a lobby type area and the people with me scooted off quickly. One woman had a proboscis type straw coming out of the mask she wore and pushed past me to get to the coffee provided to guests. The lobby was encased in glass or plastic as if a decontamination zone but people could come and go freely. I watched as the woman and her friend went to a table to select coffee and saw the various bags and types available. I didn’t want coffee, though, as I seemed to be headed (I somehow knew my destination) to a registration booth.

At the booth I saw a woman hand over a form she had just signed and the woman at the booth gave her instructions on the schedule. She congratulated her and then looked in my direction pushing the lined paper to me to sign my name. I paused for a bit, forgetting my name, and then wrote my last name and then first name. She read my name back to me, welcoming me, as I finished writing it and began to explain the schedule when we were interrupted by a couple of men. She turned and grabbed a very large object made of precious metals and gems and handed it to the man. She congratulated him for becoming a “Master”. I thought he must have graduated with a Master’s degree and she was giving him a ring but it looked more like a sheath for his entire left arm. She then handed one to another man who I spoke to briefly but I can’t remember what he told me. I think I was jealous of his accomplishment and he told me it was no big deal as he thanked me.

After the men left the registrar gave me the schedule, once again congratulating me but this time calling me a “graduate”. She then said, “Don’t be surprised if they imposed some fees” but for what I can’t recall. I remember knowing the fees would be minimal, like $8. I also knew the location of this dream was Montana.

Interpretation

When I woke up a song was on my mind – “Don’t stop me now…..200 degrees that’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit. I’m traveling at the speed of light.” At the same time the fact that “Master” was part of both dreams was not lost to me. I realize that the house I built on family land had almost the same layout as my Mom’s house which is likely not a coincidence. Thankfully my current house is nothing like either.

The first dreams seem to be a modge podge of subconscious reflection. The preparation of food has to do with sustenance or how I feed myself – Ego, Spirit, both? I follow the directions but find it tedious and much longer than I anticipated so in the end I opted to not make the sandwiches so I reject some stressful situation that “sandwiches” me or makes me feel stuck. The dirty dishes are the things that are bothering me – messes that need cleaning up.

The clothing dream is an anxiety type dream having to do with my children who are a part of me, an aspect, and how these aspects look to others. Clothing is one’s outward appearance. I can’t find clothes. The closet is full of my daughter’s old sweaters (protection) and I get angry at her for it and tell her to get out (aspect of self getting in the way?). I end up with a pile of old, folded clothing from years past on the floor of my bedroom (private self). The overall feeling here is frustration. All I wanted was pants and a shirt for my son (masculine aspect that is still growing up).

The vacuum dream is about finally deciding to deal with issues/problems. I end up in a Master bedroom I didn’t know existed – so probably a hidden aspect of self that has been hidden from me. The red brick floor has to do with passion, inner fire and romance. Since it is as the entrance it may be symbolic of having to go through such emotions to get deeper. The room itself has a bed sunk into the floor with torn carpet. Carpet is my rejection of those things that are unpleasant. Since it is around the bed it may indicate these emotions are very private, maybe forgotten. There is debris being sucked up so I am attempting to clean but it never gets clear. There are trees losing leaves. The Fall colors indicate something going dormant or could relate to a time of year. The leaves are disappointments, failures and sorrow.

Curious about the room I find doors that lead to known master bedroom and not a bathroom like I had hoped. So this indicates that cleansing and healing are connected to the room I am aware of but also to the one I am not. The lights dimming indicate a loss of conscious awareness but not completely. My suggesting my sister live in the room indicates that she, too, has a connection to this lost private aspect. So maybe something from my youth?

The graduate dream takes me back to a place I have been before in other dreams. In the past the road (path) and parking lot (delays) was covered in snow, so dormant and with little to no emotion and very slow movement. The bubble was protection and feeling safe on the route. The stairs and corridor are movement to another level. The coffee is awareness. The registration for graduation is my recognition of completing a level but not mastering something yet. The Master receives a ornate arm sleeve for the left arm so perhaps this is regarding the masculine and I have yet to master the masculine? Montana is spirituality or a spiritual journey. I want to be a Master and am told it is no big deal. The strange masks and such are likely to do with the Corona Virus. Maybe it was one test of many relating to this graduation? I have graduated many times in my dreams and tests and preparation are very much part of the process. The “fees” are that graduating comes at a cost, but not a big one.

I feel really good this morning and am so grateful for the much needed sleep which I haven’t had much of for weeks now. I will leave you with the song that was on my mind as I woke. Maybe it will make you smile like it did me.

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Dreams: 2FAST4M3 and Dead Swan

I’ve been having quite a bit of dream activity lately. Two nights in a row I’ve awakened with memories that seem to “stick”. Anytime a dream lingers like that, especially visuals like messages and such, I take time to interpret it and try and gain insight from the messages received.

Dream: 2FAST4M3

I was in a house that was quite cluttered and multi-storied (clutters aspects of self). At first I was watching others in the house walking about in the kitchen area. There were cameras (feeling ‘watched’) all over and the house was much larger and spacious. I remember thinking, “What if someone was walking around naked? The cameras would catch everything.” I knew had I been in the house I would have gotten caught naked and laughed quietly to myself. lol

I saw two teenage girls in the kitchen. One was talking about doing her homework. An old computer monitor, like from the 80s, was sitting on the counter. The screen had lines moving through it and there were words but I couldn’t read them. My thought was it was odd for them to have such an old computer.

Then I was in the smaller house with another woman, or girl. I remember going up the stairs with the girl and she accidentally knocked a light bulb off a string of lights that was wrapped around a chandelier. I put the light back. I remember seeing odds and ends on top of the shelf near it and saying it had become a place people just put all their odds and ends.

I also recall watching the house from the outside and having trouble finding it. When I got closer someone was replacing the threshold. A man slid a small piece of wood in and it clicked into place.

Later, after going up and down stairs, I was back on the main floor. There was a lit up license plate that I realized I could change the message on. So I began to type out, “2 FAST 4ME”. Someone corrected me and suggested, “2FAST4M3”. I remember saying, “Too fast for you” as if I was telling this to the person but I can’t recall the person I spoke to.

There was another section where I was attempting to work out with equipment that was not put together correctly. I gave up and decided not to workout and the equipment morphed into the pedals of a car. I ended up inside the car (life path) driving it. The brake and gas pedals were in the wrong position, the gas pedal was way too far up. I was told to push down on the gas until it clicked into the right position. I did this and was able to drive but I had a helmet on, like for a race car, and it kept shifting and making it hard to see. I accidentally drove into the wrong lane – a wide sidewalk actually – but then went back onto the main road. I moved the helmet but the side of the car was sometimes still in my line of sight. It appeared that I was sitting crooked in the driver’s seat somehow. Despite this I was able to drive the car without wrecking.

Messages and Symbolism

When I woke the message on the license plate remained in my mind. I knew it was to be noted so I did. Then I drifted back and forth in and out of a meditative state. While doing this I saw two words flash in my vision, printed very large and in all caps. The first was “FAST”. It woke me, I took note and drifted off again. Not long after I saw, “TWIN”. Again, it woke me and I stayed awake a bit longer.

Eventually I drifted again and this time I saw another written message. This time I read it backwards, not sure why. I read, “PRESSURE, STABLES”. I realized it was, “STABLE PRESSURE”.

I couldn’t return to sleep after that because I kept thinking it was a message about the future. Was I going to end up in a situation where I was progressing very fast? Or was it a reminder of my past experience, which was indeed everything the messages relayed?

What I have decided is that the message is about the past, not the future because what was relayed is in fact true. I was on a fast and furious ride with a “twin” connection that made it hard for me to see the road ahead. In the end, the whole experience turned out to be too fast for me.

Dream: Dead Swan

In the dream I was at my Mom’s house. I opened the back door to the pool area and let out a dog (protection) who then went after a very friendly black cat (intuition). The cat didn’t run and so the dog grabbed him violently and began to treat the cat like a toy, viciously tossing him left and right to try and wring his neck. I thought for sure the dog would kill the cat but the cat got away and climbed up to the roof of the house where he peered down at me.

That is when I saw a horrible sight. There was a beautiful swan (grace, beauty, partnership) laying on the ground. Both its wings were spread open and there was blood spots on them. I saw the swan’s head and neck and it was most obviously dead. I felt so sad for it and the loss of its beauty.

Someone was with me and I said, “It’s dead.” I felt horrible and felt for sure the swan was a bad omen.

The person with me (I couldn’t see them) motioned behind me and asked about a fruit to my left. When I looked there was a large vine (peace), like a tomato vine. It seemed to grow as I looked at it, like something out of a fairy tale, the leaves and flowers going through various stages of growth. Fruits appeared on it that were the size of large tomatoes but they were not tomatoes. They were a light pinkish color, maybe coral. I remember calling them Kumquats.

When I woke I felt concerned and couldn’t get the dream out of my mind. I did fall back to sleep but the next dream I had eludes me. I recall only that it had to do with school.

Symbolism

The symbolism was not lost upon me. The black cat could be a negative symbol but I was sympathetic to it, so I think the symbolism is fear of using my intuition and psychic abilities. The dog attacking the cat could be my belief that pushing away my abilities is somehow helpful and protecting me. Yet I also fear the loss of these abilities and so the cat is ultimately saved.

The dead swan is a sign of a separation which results in suffering. Yet the Kumquat is a sign of luck, wealth, prosperity and abundance. Vines symbolize peace and comfort. So it seems the dream is foretelling positive things arising from a separation situation.

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Dream: Saturn Meets Pluto

Interesting dreams lately, one in particular I think I should recount.

Dream: Saturn Meets [Conjunct] Pluto

The dream location was in space amidst the stars and planets. I was traveling with a companion feeling very interested in what we were doing, which was writing/creating a story based upon the stars. I could change location with a thought and did this every so often to explore the story line.

There are many details lost to me now but some are very prominent in my memory. I remember flying up to a planet and saying to my companion, “….when Saturn meets Pluto”. As I said this, I saw the planet Pluto moving toward me and watched as the entire solar system of planets was shifting around to where the planets closest to the sun were now farthest and the planets farthest were now closest.

Pluto was my focus most of the dream and I actually shifted my position and ended up on the surface of the planet for a time. While on the planet I was talking to many others as if we were children creating an interactive story. In the story, Pluto was a planet where people were sent for a time, like a prison, and the word “prison” was actually used here. The planet looked much like pictures I have seen – a barren, gray rock.

I watched as a person was given their ration of food. It was in a cup and they took a drink but what was inside wasn’t a liquid but instead looked like metal rods. The rods looked like tiny splinters – sharp and silver and most definitely not something a person should eat! The person did not drink the metal and as I watched I shifted positions and took the perspective of the person holding the cup and not drinking.

I vaguely remember discussing Jupiter conjunct Pluto, also, as well as other planets. It was like I was getting a lesson on astrology.

Dream Message and Symbolism

In that instant most of the dream fades from my memory and I struggle even as I type this to fill in the gaps. Parts will surface only to vanish when I try to contact the memory. My best guess is that I am not meant to remember the details and am suppose to focus on the feeling of the message the dream was meant to relay.

The feeling I had here was that I was being told of a circumstance or event where the entire solar system will be flipped or turned upside down. I don’t think this is literal but more an analogy of what is happening or will happen. The solar system is likely symbolic of the Collective and what is happening here on Earth.

The other part of the message is about the planets. There is most definitely an astrological message here, which I explored the minute I woke up. This message revolves around Saturn and Jupiter conjunct Pluto.

Being I am not an astrologer, I have to rely on the internet to decipher what these conjunctions even mean. What I read, though, makes a whole lot of sense and goes perfect with the dream content.

Saturn-Pluto relates to the established power structures and ruling elite versus the common people, nuclear events and restriction on many levels. Source

In 2020, Jupiter and Pluto will form conjunctions in Capricorn as follows:

  • April 5th: Jupiter 24 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 24 Capricorn
  • June 30th: Jupiter 24 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 24 Capricorn
  • November 12th Jupiter 22 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 22 Capricorn

These unusual patterns spell opportunity and change. They also spell the downfall, very specifically, of any person, group or organisation which had total control before, or was abusing power. Source

Unfortunately, I don’t have much time to really delve into the astrological significance of these conjunctions at this time. So I must rely on my feelings about my dream and the message it relays.

My gut feeling says that this year – 2020 – is a year of extreme changes that span multiple areas of life, both personal and collective. We have already seen this with the Corona Virus but the feeling is that the virus is just the tip of the ice burg. The changes going on under the surface are and will breed significant changes in the weeks and months to come, all of which you can bet will push us as individuals and as a world population to our limits, forcing us to rethink and alter the systems, beliefs and patterns that have ruled our lives up until this point.

The part of the dream where Pluto is the a prison planet and the person is about to drink razor blades feels significant to me, also.

Pluto is the great revealer, but often there’s a dark night before the rebirth. Pluto brings to mind purging, exorcising, and releasing buried power or core truths. It’s the planet of creative destruction, and transits can feel like extended ordeals. Source

To me, the fact that I become the person holding the destructive drink and do not drink relays the message that awareness is ultimately attained and destruction is avoided. This could be a personal message for just me, or more likely a message about the Collective.

The planet being a prison is evidence of Pluto’s significance here. We create our own prisons in life. Truthfully, everything we experience is of our creation, even the worst, most traumatic ordeals. So it seems that 2020 is acting as a Dark Night of the Soul for the entire world right now, especially those who have remained asleep (as in versus “awake”, “aware”).

Reflection 

What I find most interesting is that when I awoke this morning I had a realization about my sister.

She is currently in the hospital again after being sent home only to return a couple of days later with shortness of breath and high blood pressure. Turns out she had water around her heart. The doctors fixed his but the medications caused kidney dysfunction and so they have been holding her at the hospital until her kidney function improves. Once that happens they will release her to continue to take antibiotics because the infection on her heart valves still has not cleared.

My mom, who is 71 years old, had agreed to let my sister live with her while she recuperates under the condition that her husband doesn’t visit. This is not only to keep my sister from getting her hands on more meth, but also to avoid her husband exposing my mom and step-dad to the Corona virus. Until yesterday, this was plan, but sadly my sister’s husband came to the house and picked up their son. My mom told both of them that my nephew cannot come back to stay with her until the virus is not a threat. That same day my sister told my mom she wanted to go home and stay with her husband in their RV for a few days once she is released. My mom told her if she does that she will not be allowed to come stay with her and my step-dad.

The most likely scenario is that my sister will go home and then beg my mom to give her a second chance because conditions at her RV are deplorable. My mom is set against the idea and I don’t see her giving in. So, my sister will probably return to meth with the help of her husband and their son, well, God help him.

The realization I had this morning involved an understanding of the dynamics of my sister’s co-dependent relationship with her husband. What popped into my mind was this:

Munchausen syndrome by proxy: A parenting disorder in which the parent either fabricates an illness or induces an illness in their child.

From this I made a connection. My BIL, who has struggled his entire life with self-esteem issues, has been keeping my sister dependent upon him so that he can continue to remain in his caregiver role. This makes perfect sense because he has never been able to find purpose in his life and has long struggled with low self-esteem and self-destructive behavior. Then my sister comes along and he feels he finally has found his purpose – take care of her, be her knight in shining armor. The only problem is that when she is not dependent upon drugs she doesn’t need him and is very independent. So, he enables her to keep her dependent upon him. It is not technically Munchausen syndrome, but it is close.

I am not saying my sister is innocent, but she is like a child in this case. She wants to be taken care of and thrives off of the attention (and the drugs) she gets. She would likely shower her husband with love and affection when he provides her with her drugs and reinforce her need of him. My sister benefits by not having to work or take responsibility for her life. She is allowed to do what she pleases and her husband gets to feel needed.

Though the situation is sad, I was relieved to finally see it more clearly. Whether this has anything to do with my dream, IDK. Perhaps it is a part of it, one of the many stories the Collective is running through at this time. Whatever the case, I hope that the path they choose is the one that leads to healing, wholeness and recovery.

 

 

 

 

by

I Am Not Afraid

Hope all of you have been well despite the hoopla created by the Corona Virus around the world.

Me and my family are doing well. Not much has changed for us. My husband and I still go to work. I still work from home most days and go into the office 1-2x a week. My husband is there every day. We work in steel fabrication of public works so nothing has changed really except that our shop workers have been limited to 10 people per shift. So we opened another location so they could keep production levels up. Those who are considered most at-risk for getting the virus have been cleared to work from home or have been given extended leave (paid). Thankfully, we are a strong enough business that we can do this for as long as needed. Most want to continue working because – a productive person is a happy person.

The kids have been home since March 14th and started online learning last week. They, of course, want to start on their work first thing in the morning which can make it hard for me to juggle three kids and working, but I do it. My experience as a teacher and school counselor has definitely assisted me with this! The kids love school this way for the most part but my middle child wishes he could go back to school. Bless him.

My mom and step-dad are at their country home living life as normal and not afraid one bit about the virus despite both having underlying conditions. They are both bummed that their social outlets have been cancelled, though. They are avid church-goers and also participate in a choir. I do hope that this shelter in place ends soon so they can resume their activities. It is much worse for an older person to be isolated than a younger one. Thankfully they are able to watch my nephew during this time to keep busy and active.

My MIL is not concerned about the virus and still comes by to visit and goes about her daily activities. She likes to inform us how her siblings are freaking out about it, though.

I’ve noticed when I’m out and about lately (shopping for groceries or driving to work) that there seem to be more people on the roads than a week ago. There are also more patrol cars. When I am in stores the mood is less tense, which I welcome. I was avoiding the stores not because of possibly becoming infected but because people were so full of fear that it would make me anxious and/or ill. So I guess I was scared of getting infected –  infected by fear! It is nice to go out and not feel that. Perhaps all the fearful people are hunkered down at home, terrified to go outside?

My daughter informed me that her friends are referring to this virus as the “Boomer Remover”. I almost choked on my breakfast when she told me. I later told my “Boomer” MIL about the name and she burst out laughing. So refreshing to have laughter during such “serious” times. 🙂

Sleep and Dreams

Some other good news is that I have been sleeping really well since last Friday. Yay! No more difficulty going to sleep. No more frequent wakings. Just, deep, restful, dream-filled sleep.

With the increased sleep I have been feeling that “not alone” feeling in the night and during the evenings before sleep. Not knowing who or what the presence was, I say my prayer of protection and drift into dreamland. A couple of nights ago, though, I woke suddenly and saw my Himalayan salt lamp had turned on by itself. It freaked me out a bit but I got up and unplugged it and went back to sleep. Then last night I woke hearing someone say, “We have been watching you.” lol My response was, “That’s great………..” lol

I’ve had a few dreams of note.

In one dream I was at the doctor’s office getting a check-up. The doctor was Dr. Now from My 600lb Life, which was very strange! He was giving me a breast exam and talking to me about an upcoming surgery. He then got out this strange instrument and pressed it into the area just below my ribs, where the ribs meet. He told me he was trying to hook it into my esophagus. I told him it hurt and he suggested I take a small pill that would make me feel spacey and not feel pain. I asked, “Can’t you just do a chest x-ray?” He nodded and said he could. I told him, “I think I had one done in 2011. Maybe you could get my records?”

There was more to the dream but that was the part that stood out. My take on it is that I was getting spiritual work done on my solar plexus in the dreamstate.

In another dream I was back at school, at a college. I recall walking up to a dorm room and standing at the door, #224. I unlocked it and went inside. It was full of young women. Some were sleeping, others sitting together and talking. I sat on my bed and then tried to get some sleep but one of the women kept talking to me. She asked me when I wanted to schedule my internship in the advanced education field I had opted to study – another Master’s degree in teaching. I told her that I had changed my mind and really didn’t need to or want to do it anymore. For some reason I mentioned Montana and how I hated the cold, blustery winters but loved the beautiful mountains. When I spoke of Montana I got a very dreamy feeling and kept wanting to go back to sleep.

My feeling about this dream is that it was me considering yet another path or lesson in this life. I decided it was not what I wanted to do. The mountains and Montana represent a spiritual destination – could be Home or a feeling resembling Home. The sleepy feeling I was having indicates an avoidance and lack of awareness. It is a preference to remain unaware, comfortable or without the knowledge this new lesson could bring.

I’ve had many, many other dreams and dream encounters but most are lost to me now. Once I wake they fade quickly because I have so much to do during the days now – schooling my kids takes up most of my morning. So dreams and the spiritual have taken a back seat to life. I have brief memories of some Kundalini energy here and there, but it is hard to recover.

The Future

My gut feeling and intuition about the Corona Virus pandemic is that most of the fear mongering and Collective fear-based reactions will lessen once we get into the summer – June being the turning point. I don’t feel this means the virus will be “beaten” but that the fear will have abated for the most part and interest will be more on rebuilding and getting back to focusing on living rather than on death.

A quote has been coming to me whenever I think of the quarantine and shelter in place rulings being made all over the country. That quote is, “Every man dies. Not every man truly lives.” You may recognize it. It is from Braveheart.

Hunkering down, waiting out this virus for fear of death is no way to live. A person can only live in fear so long before it consumes them entirely leading to full-on apathy or full-on rage. These are the two directions the emotion will take most people. Prolonged fear and living in the fight-or-flight condition can and will lead to illness and death. Many people lived in complacency and/or apathy prior to this virus. It is likely they will return to that. Some will “wake up” from this experience, most will not.

My hope is that people will at least learn that living in fear is no way to live and recognize just how much fear has dictated and continues to dictate their life and decisions. Maybe for some this will be the “wake up call” they need to change?

We are eternal Beings. The body is just a vessel, something we use to experience the high’s and low’s of life. It is guaranteed that we will suffer while we are in the body. It is also guaranteed that the body will die.

I continue to be reminded by my guidance to “Follow the 8 Winds”:

The “eight winds” are eight influences that agitate and inflame the human heart and mind.* They consist of four favorable circumstances (prosperity, honor, praise, and pleasure) and four setbacks (decline, disgrace, censure, and suffering). Their contents are roughly as follows:

Prosperity: to obtain what one desires

Decline: to suffer loss

Honor: to be admired and praised in one’s absence

Disgrace: to be criticized and defamed in one’s absence (behind one’s back)

Praise: to be admired and praised directly

Censure: to be criticized and defamed directly

Pleasure: to be happy in body and mind

Suffering: to suffer in body and mind

Source

The key to overcoming these is to find balance through non-attachment. You can read more here.

Currently, with the fear of the virus being propagated everywhere, the main attachment people are having is to life via their body. Meaning, they don’t want to lose their body or suffer the pain that may or may not come with it. Others are fearing the loss of loved ones – so they are attached to others and what those others bring to their life.

I am not afraid of my own death or the death of anyone else in my life. I know if I lose a loved one that I will grieve but I also know they are not truly gone, just in another place, a place I am able to contact when I choose. Similarly, others in my family are not afraid because they know what I know. We know pain and loss are possible, but we don’t dwell on it. We choose to operate in the moment, day to day, without fear of “what if”.

The quote above still echos in my mind as I type this. What is it to truly live? I know, for me at least, it means to live from my heart, without fear, taking life by the horns and riding that bull until the very end.

One thing is for certain, though, “it [all things] will pass.”