Tag Archives: healing

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Developing Clairvoyance

Clairvoyance is the ability to sense the realm outside our five human senses or extras sensory perception (ESP). The term, Clairvoyance, comes from French “clear vision” and is sometimes known as the “sixth sense”. The Clairvoyant will be able to perceive objects, persons, thoughts and events, past and present, to gain information into those instances.

In developing your clairvoyant ability, it is important to stay away from negative emotion and thoughts. It will be very difficult to continue any emotional and spiritual growth if there is no true emotional belief about the possibilities ahead. It is sometimes a good idea to keep spirituality and beliefs about developing clairvoyance to yourself unless other people are receptive to these ideas, as many people still disregard developing clairvoyance as a waste of time.

It is essential to develop self-trust. There are some guidelines to follow when first beginning to trust you new clairvoyant abilities. The first guideline is to heal your emotional issues. As you work through your emotional issues you will develop a desire to help others. You must also become emotionally and spiritually balanced so that the messages you receive are clear and not distorted by your own thoughts . Know that once images and messages are received they will increase as your adeptness improves in using the techniques. You must make the effort to explore each message that is given. As they are proven accurate, your trust in your clairvoyant abilities increase proportionately.

Meditation and yoga can help your developing clairvoyance. Yoga teaches the body to relax and stretch beyond what it is normally capable of. Meditation teaches us to quiet our very noisy mind and stretch beyond what we are normally capable of. It is as important to relax the body as it is to quiet the mind. Try to still your mind through meditation so that you are able to receive the messages that you are being given. Our innate clairvoyant abilities are always delivering messages to us, but they usually become lost in the chaos of our own minds.

If you are interested in developing clairvoyance then you should begin learning how to relax your body and quiet your mind. Developing clairvoyance can take many years to master, while for others, developing clairvoyance is a quick and easy process. Practice yoga to physically relax and learn good breathing techniques. Practice meditation to eliminate stress and quiet your mind. You will begin to see the messages that have always been there much more clearly once you have developed an ability to meditate.

In the beginning you will want to start easy so that you will be able to feel the energy and focus that is necessary to tap into your ability. Start simple by practicing by yourself or with a friend and as you power grows you can start interfacing with the more complex scenarios. Before beginning any exercise you will need to clear you mind of all negativity and daily clutter. Remove the stresses and thoughts that my cloud your mind; when you are relaxed and clear headed you can try the psychic test listed below.

1. Try to predict the outcome of a football, baseball or basketball game (any sport will do). First, begin by just trying to focus and predict the winner of the game and later on you can try to see the final scores.

2. Work with a friend and a standard deck of cards, trying to guess the color, number or suite. You will be able to work your way up into predicting 2 of the two choices or even 3!

3. When you are driving in traffic, try to visualize the artist of the next song or even commercial on the radio. Once you’ve grown adept at determining the artist you can add the artist and song an so on.

4. Another place I found that makes for good practice is when going to a meeting try to pick the color of the shirt of a person that will be there. After a few successful predictions, start adding multiple people or the actual outfit they may be wearing.

5. Grab a friend with some a few dice and try to predict the number on one and working your way up to deriving the total. For an even harder task, try to determine the number rolled for each dice.

Above all else, remember that you can’t force the situation, it comes naturally to everyone and you just need to be patient. After a few trial runs you will begin to feel the energy, the focus and be able to understand what you need to do to tap into your “sixth sense”.

References:

http://psychictestonline.com/psychicabilities/techniques-for-developing-your-clairvoyance/

http://ezinearticles.com/?Developing-Clairvoynace—Some-Tips-For-Developing-Clairvoyance&id=1203079

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Meditations

I recently perused some of my old channelings and found some meditations I thought I would share with you all. Enjoy!

For those of you who are working on increasing your psychic awareness, I have an exercise that may be of use to you. I have been given an urge to write about this exercise at the suggestion of my guide, Steven. Even if you feel secure in your psychic abilities, this exercise can help with healing and strengthening of your soul energy so that you can better utilize your energy in whatever work you do.

Psychic Growth and Perception Exercise

This is a meditation that will help you to better understand and utilize your psychic abilities. The point of this exercise is to 1. Get you in touch with your spiritual assistants. 2. Help you to differentiate between your conscious and subconscious mind. 3. Help you to differentiate between different sensations that run through the physical body during contact with your spiritual assistants. 4. Open your third eye and make use of it through practice and patience.

Sit up straight with your legs firmly planted on the floor and uncrossed (this time you need to sit up). Ask out loud for your spirit guides to assist you in this exercise for they are important assistants in this exercise. Close your eyes and breathe in and out very slow and deeply as you relax your body. With each breath out you will feel your body become more and more relaxed.

 When you feel relaxed and you feel less resistance in the muscles in your body, ask your guides, again out loud, to help you to clear your conscious mind of all thoughts. Say: “I ask all the assistants who are gathered around me in spirit to help me to clear my conscious mind of all thoughts.” After you say this, take a deep breathe in and consciously give your guides access to your thoughts. You can do this simply by stating in your mind “I grant my guides and assistants access to all my conscious thoughts”. In saying this simple statement, your conscious mind will be more willing to release some control to your guides.

Tell yourself over and over again, “I release myself from the control of my conscious mind and give my assistants in spirit access and control of my conscious mind.” In saying this, you subtly train your mind to accept messages from your guides and assistants with less and less interference, in other words, you give up some of your control.

Repeat the phrase as many times as you need to. The more you say it, the more confident you will be in the fact that the messages you receive from spirit are not influenced by your conscious mind. I recommend saying this phrase at least five to ten times in this session and five times a day throughout your regular day.

Continue to sit quietly after you have said the phrase. Have faith in the assistance you are being given and work with your guides to quiet your mind.

Now for the fun part – I want you to keep your eyes closed and look straight ahead, as if you are looking through your eyelids. Continue to keep your mind silent as you do this.

Keep looking straight through your eyelids and try to keep your eyes steady. Look to a point in the center of your line of sight. Focus on the point. You will see a vague form taking shape in the distance. This is the point of your focus.

Again, ask your guides to assist you in your belief of what you are seeing and ask them to help you to understand the images you see.

Continue to focus on the point. As you do this, listen and stay calm. Messages will begin to come into your conscious mind. You may see them, hear them, feel them, or sense them in some other way. If you feel that you are controlling these messages, again repeat, “I release myself from the control of my conscious mind and give my assistants in spirit access and control of my conscious mind.”

You may find yourself going into a type of “dream” state. This is exactly what you are looking for. If you become conscious of this state, you will come out of it and have to begin again to try and get back to this “dream” state. Don’t be discouraged. You will become more and more adept at this exercise until you will be able to stay in this state for extended amounts of time. This is what most psychics call a “semi trance state”. No matter what you call it, this state is one in which you will be most receptive to messages from your assistants.

 Remain in this “dream” state for as long as you can bear. Do not place a time limit on this exercise for it will be different for different people. This exercise will be very difficult for a group of people to do together. It is best to do this alone, in a comfortable and safe place.

Meditation and Healing

Expectation

Our perception of reality directly affects how we experience our life.  Our values, beliefs, and expectations along with every experience we have in this life, creates our perception of reality. When a person is unhappy, they often look around them and blame their unhappiness on events or situations that they believe created their unhappiness. Very rarely will a person look inside for the source of discontent.

The following meditation will help you to look within in order to discover the expectations, value, and beliefs that are impacting your perception of life in negative ways.  For those of you who are struggling to find happiness or contentment in life, this exercise will be very beneficial.

Recognizing Core Values and Beliefs

 Prior to this meditation, you will need to make a list of what you believe your core values and beliefs are in this life.  This may not be easy for some, so here are some questions you may want to ask yourself that will reveal your core values and beliefs:

  1. What are the characteristics are of an “ideal” family?
  2. What are the characteristics of an “ideal” mate?
  3. How do I expect my friends to treat me?  How do I treat my friends?
  4. What are my expectations of myself in every area of my life – family, relationships, career?
  5. What issues make me the angriest? Why?

Once you feel you have a list of your values and beliefs, ask yourself this question for every value and belief you have listed: Is this value/belief helping or hindering my state of happiness?

For those values and beliefs you have written a “yes” next to, you will need to meditate on how to change or alter it so that you can improve your life.  Take each value/belief you wish to alter and meditate on them separately until you have covered them all.

The following meditation will help you work on each value/belief which is having a negative impact on your perception of reality.  This meditation will not result in instant change because personal values/beliefs are created over many years.  Thus, the following meditation serves to focus on the subconscious core of our values/beliefs. With continued meditation and patience, everyone can significantly alter their perception of reality.

Meditation – Altering Your Expectations

 Sit upright with your feet planted firmly on the floor.  Lay your hands, palms facing up, in your lap. 

 Close your eyes. Take a few slow, deep breaths, counting to four as you breathe in and out.  Take approximately ten deep breaths, or however many you need in order to feel relaxed.

 Focus on one of the values/beliefs you wish to alter.  Don’t think about how you will do this, just focus on the value/belief.  Say the following mantra in your head (you may alter it if it does not feel right to you):  “I will not longer allow value/belief to affect me negatively. I ask for insight on how to change it.”

 Repeat the mantra as many times as you feel you need to.  Typically a mantra is repeated ten or more times.

 Spend the rest of your meditation time quieting your mind and visualizing the core value/belief you wish to rid yourself of leaving your body through your feet. 

 End the meditation when you feel ready.

Meditation and Healing

Cleansing Your Physical Aura

What is physical aura?  Most books do not differentiate between the spiritual and physical aura, but we all do indeed have an aura associated with our physical bodies.  I call this aura the “physical aura” because when I see and sense it, it is located very close to the physical body and runs through each of our major organs and body systems.

The physical aura is the vehicle in which our body rests.  It is the energy that keeps our bodies functioning at their optimum level with or without us being aware.  All the systems of our body are interconnected and so is the energy of those systems.  In turn, the spiritual aura’s energy weaves in and out of the physical aura, affecting it in subtle ways.

Most of the emphasis in spiritual healing focuses on the spiritual aura and rarely is the energy of the physical aura purposefully manipulated.  This is because most healers recognize the interconnectivity of energy between the spiritual and physical auras.  Also, most healers are acting as channels of energy that comes from the Divine, from the Source.  This energy is directed by the Source and the healer acts only as a channel, moving their hands to appropriate areas of the body as directed by the Source.

This does not mean that the physical aura is totally ignored – the Source often directs energy to the physical aura to address specific problems – only that the spiritual aura is where the problems begin.

In order to keep our physical aura functioning at an optimum level, it is important to eat right, exercise, and listen to your body.  We can also manipulate the energy of our physical bodies.

The following meditation technique can help you learn to listen to your physical body and manipulate your physical aura.

Energy Recognition and Manipulation of the Physical Aura

Relax your body and mind to a point where your breathing rate has slowed to that of entering a peaceful sleep (approximately 5-10 minutes of meditation). 

Focus on how your body feels in this relaxed state. Take the energy that is surrounding your head and mentally push it down into your chest area.  Continue to push it down until you reach your hips and legs.  When you reach your feet, allow the energy to exit through your feet.  See the energy moving from your feet, out and around your physical body and back to your head.  Pull the energy in through the top of your head and again push the energy back to your feet.

Repeat this process until you feel so relaxed that you no longer feel your arms, legs, torso, etc.  Your body instead feels like a conduit of energy.  Focus on the energy and how it resonates.  It pulses with your heart, it moves with your blood, it blends with your body in such a way that you can almost hear it speaking to you.

This is the time when you can focus on areas of your body which have been giving you trouble.  “Talk” to each of the areas of your body that have been giving you trouble.

For example, if you have a sore back, “talk” to your back. Mentally telling the area affected to “heal” will help speed the process. Tell the energy of your body to move to the area and heal the physical symptoms causing you pain. The more you focus on the area, the more energy will pool there, helping to heal and relieve discomfort. 

 

Centeredness

There is a feeling that many spiritually minded people, psychics and mediums, tend to use that can be confusing to those who are new to understanding their spirituality.  The term is “centered” or “centeredness”.

It is hard to explain to those new to spirituality how “centered” feels but I will try and explain it the best I can.

To be centered means to have your mind clear of all worry and anxiety.  It means to have your energy centers aligned so that there is balance in your energy. These two things by themselves do not mean one is centered, though.  To be centered means to have a complete body, mind, and spirit balance.  To be centered means that your thoughts and your body and your spirit are in tune, allowing you to feel confident about decisions you make and things you feel.

If you are feeling anxious or have any pain in your body that is distracting you, you are NOT centered.  If you find that you have difficulty breathing around a room of people and your thoughts are full of worry then you are NOT centered.

You are centered when you find your mind is rested, relaxed, and not focused on any one thing.  The environment in your mind would be one of contentment for no specific reason other than being alive.  You are centered when your body is at rest, relaxed.  You are centered when your soul is speaking through you in sensations and images that speak not only to your mind but to your body.

It is my experience that many who say they are “centered” are many times not. They do not bring into balance the natural rhythm of their mind, body, and spirit.  It is the intention of this next meditation to help you to find your true centeredness.

Finding Your Center

It is important that you isolate yourself from all distraction for this meditation.  If you don’t feel comfortable for any reason or your thoughts are too out of control, immediately drop this meditation and wait until a later time and date to try again.

Sit in a comfortable chair with your feet planted firmly on the floor.  Keep your head and neck supported so that there is no strain on either.  Rest your hands in your lap and close your eyes.

Focus on your breathing and take big breaths in and out.  Feel the rise and fall of your chest and let your body fully relax with each breath out.  Become aware of the energy of your body as you breathe.  Let yourself relax further and further as you breathe in and out.

Focus on the center of your body, near your stomach.  Keep taking full, deep breaths.  As you breathe in, imagine each breath depositing a bright light in the center of your body.  With every breath that energy grows and expands outward.  You feel heavy with the energy that fills you.  Keep breathing and filling your body with the light until you feel your body full of light from your feet to the top of your head.  Breathe in and out and fill your body with light.

Feel your feet and imagine them growing heavier and heavier as the light and energy continues to flow into you.  Feel the bottoms of your feet extend into the ground beneath them.  Let the light fill the earth beneath your feet.

Allow the light to extend past the top of your head upward toward the sky.  Feel the connection between your feet and your head.  Let the energy flow evenly between the two.  Continue breathing deeply, letting the light flow into your body. 

Now mentally ask your guides and angels to assist you in finding your centeredness.  Say to them “I ask my guides and angels to help me connect to my soul.  I ask that they help me to keep my thoughts clear so that I may receive messages from them”. 

Continue breathing.  Let your eyes roll back as if you were falling asleep.  Keep your focus on your breathing, on your body, and allow the quiet of your body’s natural rhythm to help you contain your thoughts.  (allow yourself about five minutes to be quiet within)

Now ask your guides to help you with a problem you are having.  You may ask anything you want.  Do not mentally look for an answer.  Put your question out to them and then fall back into the rhythm of your body.

Open your eyes when you feel ready.  Take all the time you need to find your “center” and let it help you open your mind to possibilities that you may otherwise have ignored.

Continue until you have addressed all of the areas of concern.  Request that your guides help you to see physical problems before they become too serious. Ask that you become more aware of your body.

Conclude the meditation as you wish.  Some may continue to cleanse their spiritual aura, others may just fall asleep (which is perfectly okay).

Chakra Preparation

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the chakras, or energy centers, of the human body, you should do some research on chakras.

In this exercise it is best that you lay down in a comfortable position either on the floor with a pillow propping your head up or on a comfortable surface such as a sofa or bed.

Relax your body starting with your feet and moving slowly up through the legs and hips.  Relax your abdomen, your lower and upper back, your shoulders and neck, and finally your head and face. 

When you are fully relaxed, allow yourself to flow with the energy in your body.  This typically results in a feeling of floating.  It feels to me many times like I am falling, though to some it feels like floating on a cloud.  Work with your body’s energy to achieve this feeling of floating or falling.  Do not resist the feeling, but instead go with it and let yourself continue to float or fall until you reach a level of equilibrium.  This equilibrium will feel different to each person who experiences it, but essentially it is a feeling of being at your final destination – a point where you no longer float higher or fall lower but instead your body’s energy remains balanced between the sensation of the physical and the spiritual.  When you have reached this point of equilibrium (it will take approximately 15 to 30 minutes depending on the individual), your body’s energy is stabilized and you may proceed to the chakra preparation.

At this point you will be manipulating the energy of your body.  Begin at the root chakra (located just below the pelvis region of the body, between the legs).  Imagine a circle of red light that pulsates and rotates clockwise.  If you get resistance, work at the rotation until you “feel” it rotating in the right direction.  Some people will feel a tugging sensation or a sick feeling with a chakra that is rotating in the wrong direction.  Resist the urge to force the chakra to move in the right direction, but instead will the energy of your body into the charka until it is cleared.  It will take about five minutes for a typical blocked chakra to clear.  Most will feel a tingling in the area when it clears or when the chakra is already rotating clockwise.

Continue up to the next chakra, using the color of orange (sacral, located at the belly button) this time, and repeat the process.  Then move to each subsequent chakra, using the colors yellow (solar plexus), green (heart), blue (throat), indigo (third eye), and violet (crown). 

When you have reached the crown chakra, or the top of the head, and have all chakras rotating clockwise, imagine a bright white string connecting each chakra starting with the root chakra all the way up to the crown.  When you have them all connected, see the string grow brighter and thicker until all you see is a bright white rod extending the length of your body.

 

Cleansing and Protection Exercise Using the Auric Field

First let’s cleanse the physical aura.

Focus on the bright white rod of light.  Slowly expand the white light from the center of the physical body to the edges of the physical body and vertically to the top of the head and the feet.  When you feel the white light covering all of your physical body, imagine the light pulsating from white, to pink, to green, to indigo, to white.  See the colors pulsating vertically from the crown to your feet in waves.  Slowly increase the speed of the color change until you no longer can distinguish the different colors from one another.  It will resemble a strobe light.

The cleansing of the physical aura is complete when the flashing of the light becomes so fast that it no longer looks as if it is flashing. 

To cleanse the spiritual aura, take the white light that is your physical aura and expand it outward about six feet in all directions. Expand the light as slowly or quickly as you feel is necessary.  Those of you who feel you carry a lot of excess negative energy in your aura, use this time to push the “gray” blobs of color (negative vibrations) outward as you expand the white sphere around you.  Your spiritual aura is considered cleansed when the white sphere is complete and the color white is vibrant and almost a pearled color (has a sheen on it that is almost iridescent) 

For protection from negative vibrations and negative spiritual energy, continue to imagine yourself enclosed in a white sphere that extends six feet in all directions. You can see outside of the sphere but you feel extremely safe and content inside of it, your equilibrium maintained.  If one were to look at you from a distance, you would look as if you were enclosed in a shiny, white bubble. 

Now say in your mind:  “Only my guides and angels are allowed inside this sphere of protection”.  Repeat the phrase as many times as you feel necessary.  Some of you may actually see or feel spirit in the vicinity of your sphere leaving to stand outside of it. 

This sphere of protection will stay up as long as you need it.  If you feel negative energy or vibrations affecting you, then reinforce the sphere by imagining it around you and repeating the phrase “Only my guides and angels are allowed inside this sphere of protections”.   

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Acheiving Balance

In addition to the focus of letting-go that is occurring right now, there is another particular theme that has been on-going since the end of August: Balance.

Mulch-faceted

The balance I am writing about is not simply just balance between spiritual and physical, though that is definitely one dimension to consider. There are also multiple facets within each the spiritual and the physical.

On the physical level, the level in which humans are most comfortable, there is balance to be achieved between body and mind; mental and physical and within each accordingly. For example, physically an individual must have a balanced diet, rich in whole grains with minimally processed foods. At the mental level, an individual needs to not be thinking too much about the future but also not too much about the past. A balanced mental state is best described as being fully present in the Now with little to no mental energy devoted to the past or present, but fully immersed in the present moment.

At the spiritual level there is balance to be achieved between each of the major and minor chakras, the different subtle bodies, the karmic blueprint of each individual and the universal whole, and more. This balance is described to me using the analogy of the university. The major we are seeking would be most similar to that of a liberal arts degree and the minor would the areas in which we feel we need the most work or have the most interest in spiritually. As we set about our spiritual journey within the physical realm, we learn lessons based upon our individual determination. In other words, our degree is most similar to a doctorate degree in which we determine and set our course with the help of a mentor who has already achieved a similar advanced degree. As we complete our “assignments”, we reevaluate our path, making minor and major adjustments as needed in order to fulfill our degree objectives. The balance here is very individual and can fluctuate with even the slightest deviation from our set course. Thus, the nightly visits with our guides and continuous manipulation of the subtle energy bodies by our guides and Higher Selves helps to maintain the delicate balance required for us to complete our physical body incarnation. The good news here is that that part of our consciousness within the body and without memory of our spiritual past and history does not need be conscious of the complex and intricate workings behind the scenes. Very rarely is balance not maintained here. I am told it is not important to discuss what occurs when the balance is not maintained – that is for another time.

doTERRA-Roman-Chamomile-Essential-OilConscious Maintenance of Balance

At the conscious level the maintenance of balance should not be difficult. Unfortunately, the world in which we live has made this usually simple task that much more difficult. Physically, we are no longer putting whole, nutrient-rich foods into our bodies. We are running ourselves ragged in professions that give us little physical activity and focus more on mental tasks. Our physical bodies are depleted of nutrients and unable to repair damaged tissue at an adequate rate. Mentally, our minds have become narrowed into a very physically, gratification-oriented world. This is where imbalance takes its toll and we often overcompensate unconsciously for those areas we have neglected. The fact that this is unconscious only exacerbates the imbalance and we find ourselves spiraling out of control and wondering why we feel so exhausted and numb.

When we are young, the obvious physical and mental imbalance is not easily noticed and since we are young and our bodies still new, it seems we are not in need of conscious maintenance of balance. Yet, there comes a point in our lives when time and continued mistreatment of our physical and mental selves begins to take its toll. The effects of this can come in the form of a mental breakdown, physical ailments that have long-term effects and so much more.

How can one avoid this unfortunate fate? There are many methods, but simply put, the individual must change their diet, reconnect with their body in order to better listen to it, and live a more stress-free and enjoyable life. This process is not easy when we have been indoctrinated into believing material wealth and possessions are what makes a person happy. This lie propagates the imbalance yet each of us struggles to free ourselves of it. It is like a poisonously addictive drug we cannot seem to quit.

cassiaSimple Solutions

For me, the solutions have been simple and yet difficult as implementing them means I must change my patterns, habits and beliefs. Yoga was the first step, followed by meditation and finally the use of essential oils to encourage physical healing. With the practice of yoga five or more times a week, I have found a deeper connection with my body, one that I did not even know I was without. With this physical body connection, I recognized that I was holding stress in different areas of my body and that my moods were influenced by my diet and frequency of eating. I can actually feel where my body is out of balance! This recognition has caused me to take a closer look at my diet. I reduced sugar and increased whole, natural foods into my diet and make sure to eat frequent, small meals. I have also stopped abusing my body with overly intense exercise, allowing myself to take breaks when my body signals a need for rest. Additionally, I have been working on extracting myself from stressful situations, focusing more on making my life what I want it instead of trying to live some other life based upon the lie fed to me by society.

Interestingly enough, with becoming more in-tune with my body, I have become more in-tune with my mind. Yoga, meditation, essential oils and change in diet and routine have influenced my mental state as well. I am more aware of those thoughts which sabotage my mood and have learned to stop them and regulate them, even learning to reword them into a more positive light. This is not easy for me since I have been thinking a certain way my entire life. It takes patience and perseverance and in the past I have been very unsuccessful. Yet I am finding that yoga and mediation have been essential to increasing my mental state. I am so very grateful to my team of spiritual assistants for helping me hear their message (finally).

Ultimately, what has helped me the most is allowing myself to have more time with myself. I have beentaking long baths when I have a list of things to do, stopping to fit in 20 minutes of yoga when I normally would continue at a break-neck pace; letting the house stay a mess and learning to be comfortable no matter how chaotic my environment seems, and not thinking ahead about things I have no control over and just accepting where I am and what I have in that moment.

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October: The Month of Letting Go

This week has been beautiful. There was the blood moon, the eclipse, and Mercury went retrograde. For some reason, the energy has been wonderfully uplifting for me and, as a result, I have been happier, more calm and at peace. However, I know my experience this week has not been the norm. From what I hear from others – adults and children alike – the energy has not settled well with all. Some are completely shocked by it and I mean that literally. I have seen many adults in zombie mode and not in very good moods. The children seem to be very aware and highly sensitive. So if their parents happen to be one of those not handling the energy very well, their poor children are the ones suffering.

For me, the calm, peaceful feeling could not have come at a better time. At work I have been barraged by upset children trying to deal with their parents’ battles and feeling completely overwhelmed and out of control. Thankfully, I was able to remain calm, listen and help them. The adults, on the other hand, are taking most of the upset in stride, but this could be their professional demeanor coming through as when I spoke with one on a more personal level she fought back tears more than once.

What You Resist, Persists

This morning, out of the blue, I heard clearly in my mind, “That which you resist, persists” and I knew this was the theme of October. For those who have been struggling to let go of their past mistakes, regrets, emotional baggage or whatever haunts them, this is the ideal time to stop resisting and open up to healing. Only through acceptance and healing can you truly let go.

Some of us will not be burdened with this process as much as others. We have been letting go for a while now, listening and opening our hearts with compassion for ourselves and allowing the hurt to flow out, accepting and taking responsibility for our part even when we didn’t want to. Some of us were forced through various means. Some may have had upsetting, recurrent dreams with odd characters or people from their past. Others may have run into problems at work, at home or both and ended up in yet another precarious situation in which required them to make yet another impossible decision. Yet this time they may have chosen different; decided they were done and fed up and not going to allow themselves to be unhappy anymore. Still others have been on a bumpy ride for sometime, some of them for years, and this month will seem impossibly difficult as this cycle comes to an end. They may have been struggling with a bitter divorce, illness, family loss or a combination of similar stressful life events. For those individuals who long for peace and just a smidgen of sunshine, be patient it is not far away.

Why I have been particularly spared and allowed to enjoy a bubble of peace and calm in my life, I have my theories spurred by my intuition, but really all that matters is that I am enjoying a nice plateau. Work has really been uplifting for me. My purpose as a helper has been validated time and time again. I feel a part of a beautiful, loving group of people who share similar goals to my own and overall it gives me such great satisfaction to be there. My home life has also been more stable. I have been less anxious and stressed which has given me more time to enjoy my children. I have also had more patience, though at times it was tested. Physically I have been full of energy, so much so that I don’t feel tired even at bedtime. Yet when I try to sleep I instantly drift off to sleep. Finally, spiritually I have been more connected to my spiritual core.

Healingmoon

A huge part of letting go is healing. For me, that is what this month has been so far. I have been feeling the urge to meditate more and it has been wonderful! One night I took a bath and meditated in the bath for a while. It was so easy which is surprising to me since it has not been easy these past 7 years. I have also been meditating at night prior to sleep. One night I fell asleep as I was meditating and awoke still in my meditative position (head propped up with pillows with body horizontal). That night I dreamed I was meditating, even hearing that I needed to have patience and eventually I would be able to hit a higher level.

Of course we are not even halfway through the month, so there is much more healing to go. Some will find it more difficult as the month progresses. This will occur for those who do not wish to “dig up the past” and feel doing so is futile. The more they resist, the more intense the backlash will be.

You may wonder, “What is it that I am suppose to do?” Some of you may not have to consciously do anything. Most of it will happen in your daily life and in your dreams. You may be like me and have synchronicity all around you and then find yourself meditating in your dreams or experiencing healing dreams or, not remembering your dreams at all. Then there are those who may be required to actively participate. This takes some introspection and focus. When a memory of a past issue comes into your mind, inspect it. Ask yourself, “What have I not seen? What have I not noticed?” First you may have to wade through a muck of emotions, but once you have braved the feelings you have so solidly resisted, you will find revelations on the other side. Sometimes it may be as simple as letting yourself off the hook for someone other person’s mistake. Other times it will be you who will be humbled.

You Are Not Alone

Through all of this, so many of you will go through moments of such intense aloneness that you will cry out to God for a reprieve. Try to remember, through all of this, that you are not alone. Never are you alone. In fact, you likely have a squadron of guides around you, assisting you however they can. I am told that this period of feeling utterly alone will also pass. Some will feel it more intensely than others, but as your past losses and issues are addressed and let you, you will feel less and less alone and more and more deeply connected to your inner being and God. It is a slow, nearly imperceptible process that will reveal itself suddenly and with such overflow of love that you will cry happy tears. And through it all, you will never be alone.

You may wonder how to know you are not alone. Faith is one way. I actually got a tarot reading in my dream last night and the reader’s name was Faith. Sometimes you just have to trust that things are working out the way they are meant to. Another way is to look for signs that you have loved ones in Spirit around you. A memory out of the blue, goosebumps when you are not cold, a call from someone you have not spoken to in a long time. And of course, synchronicity.

I will end this post with an experience I had this week that is the perfect example of recognizing we are not alone. My children had lost the remote right when I was going to settle down for some “me” time. I was tired and irritated that I was being denied my “me” time. The remote could not be found and I was growing ever more irritated. Yet as I searched the entire house, I felt a tingle on my left shoulder more than once accompanied by a brief pause in my thoughts and a feeling of, “It’s alright. It will be found”. In my upset I pushed the thoughts away, although I recognized Spirit was following me and trying to help, determined to find it and blaming my middle son. I put my children to bed and resigned myself to just accepting that it would not be found and that life would be fine without it. I felt the tingles again and said to myself as I also heard the thought, “It will be found”. Within moments it was found and I laughed. I told my mother-in-law (she found it) about the tingles and what they meant and she was impressed and grateful as it proved to her as well that we are not alone.

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Patterns

Yesterday I woke up in a sour mood. I hate it when that happens. Thankfully, the day morphed into a great day and, looking back, I think there is much to learn from what occurred.

Patterns

Perhaps it is the yoga I have now been doing for over two weeks. Or maybe it is my new job and the new people and challenges I encounter there. Or maybe it is the essential oils I have been using to help with my emotions. Finally, maybe it is the energetic changes that are wide spread right now, mine being particularly grueling. Whatever it is, I am beginning to see the patterns in my life. They are emerging along with huge shifts in mood and motivation.

1. I am not a morning person. I hate waking up and having to go right into life and the countless, repetitive tasks I must go through day in and day out. This has been a pattern in my life for as long as I can remember. I am not even sure when it started but I know for certain I was this way in my teens.

2. I am a mess of stress. Stressful thoughts follow me everywhere. My mind is worry machine. My body screams at me with tension every morning when I wake up and throughout the day. My back is especially hard hit.

3. I am also a perfectionist. This goes along with my constant worrying and stress. You can’t be a perfectionist without worry and stress. If things don’t go the way I planned I get irritated and frantic. I am not as bad as I once was, but I am still pretty darn bad.

4. I am a creature of habit. Although I swear I hate the repetitive routines of my life, I take comfort in them and look forward to the reassurance they offer me. I often don’t do new things because they are not part of my routine, though every once in a while I will take the plunge and do something new and unexpected.

5. My life mirrors me. What I mean in that is that I attract that which I send out. For example, in the past, when I gave readings (mediumship or other) there was always a message in the reading that not only helped the sitter but also helped me. Even now, when I meet with someone to help them their issues are always eerily similar to my own. And I am definitely not blind to it. So I take each encounter as a learning experience.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_Synchronicity

I am also seeing the messages popping up everywhere and they point at wide scale change within me.The messages mostly come in the form of synchronicity. Yoga was the first big message that came to me that way, but I was especially dense when it came to hearing it. Once I realized that messages were coming in this way, though, I began to take notice of them.

Currently, the message I am getting is that I need to work on my circular thinking patterns. Mainly, my worry brain. The message first came through at work and continues to reappear there. First it came with just being told that anxiety was a major concern. Then it began to appear weekly and then daily. I was encouraged to look into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) as I began to problem solve situations that continued to arise. This message was reinforced when I got a private message from a friend of mine mentioning the exact therapy!

If you don’t know much about CBT, this is what Wikipedia says about it:

A psychotherapeutic approach that addresses dysfunctional emotions, maladaptive behaviors and cognitive processes and contents through a number of goal-oriented, explicit systematic procedures. The name refers to behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, and to therapy based upon a combination of basic behavioral and cognitive principles and research. Most therapists working with patients dealing with anxiety and depression use a blend of cognitive and behavioral therapy. This technique acknowledges that there may be behaviors that cannot be controlled through rational thought. CBT is “problem focused” (undertaken for specific problems) and “action oriented” (therapist tries to assist the client in selecting specific strategies to help address those problems).

There is also the message that I need to work on my past issues from school. Not only do I get this message almost daily from my work encounters but I was basically told that by a superior of mine. He said that we are drawn to work with the age-groups we do because we have not resolved issues from that time in our lives. Bulls-eye! He could not have said it better. And what has been happening since then? I have been having dreams involving issues from my school years, specifically group situations in which I struggled. At the same time I am encountering similar situations in the clients I work with. And these are long-standing issues because I am devoted over 10 years of my life to resolving issues from my school years. Ouch. I sure hope that I can propel healing in these areas and free myself of this cycle.

Healing

Finally, there is the healing that has hit me twice as hard since my move. The up’s and down’s of my emotions have made it the most difficult healing I have ever experienced except maybe the time when I went through my dark-night-of-the-soul. This is very, very similar, though.

Yoga, I think, is helping, though right now it seems to be accelerating the uncomfortable parts of the process. I am much more aware of my body and so I am more aware of how much stress I carry in my body. I am listening, though, and taking time to relax when my body signals me to. I recently got a book from a friend about healing emotions with essential oils and have been adding oils into my daily regime. So far I have not noticed much but I need to give it time. I have this intense urge to accelerate my already accelerated healing. I am not even sure this is a good thing but I have to trust my intuition on this.

The kundalini energy I was experiencing has stopped, for now. I did wake up the other night feeling it starting to rise, but it kept waking me up and it seems that me being conscious immediately stopped it. It never got past my second chakra. This is a disappointment for me. So I have been meditating more. Meditation not only helps with my stress but also encourages healing.

I did have a breakthrough yesterday with stopping my circular thinking. I spent 6 hours painting three bedrooms. It was a family effort actually and my kids ended up covered in paint (all but the baby). I went to bed exhausted and happy. I also realized that not once while I was painting did I think about anything except the moment I was in. What bliss! It was wonderful to not be burdened with excessive worry for 6 hours. I think I can use my experience to help me experience longer and longer periods of being in the moment. My husband said it right – the more purpose we have, the happier we are. I guess it works even if our purpose is to paint three bedrooms!

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Red Canary – May, 2014

Red Canary

I was not expecting to astral this morning when I awoke yet again at 5a.m. As usual, I was not able to sleep because of all my considerations about everything that is going on in my life. At one point, though, I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t care”.

The next thing I remember, I was having a conversation with myself while laying in my familiar childhood bedroom. Basically, I was still mulling over the things going on in my life – selling and buying a house, going back to work, my family, etc. I recall having a conversation with someone about everything but cannot remember the specifics of it. I do recall hearing numbers. First it was 24 then it was 5 and 12. In the background I could hear the sounds of a television playing in the living room. I even could make out what was being said and knew the name of the show playing though I can’t remember it now.

At one point I opened my eyes for a moment but they felt heavy from sleep. When I began looking around I saw this tiny, red bird right in front of me, probably about two feet away. From his looks, he appeared to be a canary. He was sitting in the branches of a bush or tree and didn’t see me. I turned to take a closer look, knowing that when I turned it could startle him. He did in fact startle and flew right into my face. I closed my eyes and could feel the touch of his feathers and body up against my face. I was in awe of the tiny bird – he was so vivid and beautiful – yet I was a bit confused. Why was there a bird in my room? And why was he sitting in a bush or tree in my room? Confused, I wondered whether I was asleep or awake and finally thought to myself, “I’m awake”.

Still not completely convinced that I was awake and my experience was not an OBE, I got up out of bed and headed toward my bedroom window. My eyes were not open but heavy with sleep and still closed. As I made my way to the window I noticed how solid I felt which convinced me even more that this experience must be real, I must be awake. At that point I was able to open my eyes and again there was this tiny, red bird right in front of me. It flew towards me and I ducked to avoid it. Again I was amazed at its beauty and how tiny, perfect and vivid it was.

Still convinced this was a waking experience, I headed toward the window and opened it. Then I pushed out the screen and attempted to go out of it. This is one of my favorite things to do when I exit my old bedroom while in astral. Outside the window is a pool and I love to jump in and swim underwater. I think I must have been on auto-pilot or something considering that is the first thing I wanted to do. But I was still unsure if I was asleep or awake. When I jumped out of the window I got scared because I knew I would fly out and into the pool and I worried I would drown. To my relief, I felt my feet solidly hit the ground but I changed my mind because of my fear of drowning and went back into the room.

Inside the room I must have crawled back into bed and fallen asleep for a little bit. Then I was awakened by voices. My Mom was telling me that the kids to include my brother would be leaving soon on a trip and that they would leave in the morning and return in the evening and do this for 10 days. She was explaining the details of it to me and called my husband by the wrong name – she used my ex’s name. This confused me and I remember thinking something was not right. When she said my ex’s name, a picture flashed in my head of people in sexual positions (no genitals showing or anything, just naked). I remembered how my ex liked to watch porn sometimes and I got the thought in my head that I need to watch some (really not like me as I don’t do that sort of thing!).

Not long after that I again began to question whether I was awake or asleep. Not convinced anymore that I was awake, though I kept saying to myself, “This is too real, I must be awake”, I headed out of the room. I could feel my feet hit the floor. Solid. I opened the door to the room and could feel the knob in my hand as it turned and the force of the door as I pushed it open. Solid. Yet I must have known it was not true because I decided to try to fly once I left the room. The doubt was there but I pushed past it and up I went without any effort. I was in fact asleep.

Recognizing finally that I was asleep and out of body, I flew towards the front door. Suddenly bright light flooded my vision. I had thought my eyes were closed! As I was able to see I could see the front door of my Mom’s house and saw that it was a beautiful day outside. I grabbed the door handle which I noted was exactly as it is in real life, and went outside.

The outside opened up with such clarity and brightness that had I been in a body I would have had to shield my eyes. I scanned the outside from left to right noting the abundance of trees and the lack of a road or side buildings. The trees, I noticed, had no leaves; completely barren. They were also very scrawny and of a specific type, what we call “post oaks”. They have small trunks and have whitish-gray bark that flakes off. The visual the scene gave was that of a ghost town of trees. Very desolate.

Though I noted the desolation of the scene I did not consciously concern myself with it. Instead I was searching for something. I wanted to find others. I wanted to experience astral sex (really this is not like me either!). I floated upward thinking of how I could find a partner. Since my vision was so clear I decided to look down at my hands. I could see them clearly but they had no familiar glow. They just looked normal. I knew I would not find anyone where I was so I decided to find or make a portal. Not knowing where to find one I figured I would manifest one, so I yelled out, “Portal”, hoping one would manifest in front of me. When none did, I felt an urge to go upward into space. Knowing that in the past moving up towards space has result in me shifting into another scene, I allowed myself to go up. Unfortunately, when I blacked out I did not open my eyes in a new astral scene. Instead I awoke in my bed.

Happiness and Harmony

According to dreammoods.com, a canary symbolizes “happiness and harmony” . It can also mean that there exists a desire for a relationship or that “a new relationship is blossoming”. I have never seen a canary in a dream or OBE, so this is interesting to me. The fact that the canary is red seems linked specifically to the root chakra and the energy it represents. In this specific instance I began to seek out astral sex after seeing the red canary, indicating that his red color is likely an indicator that I need to work on opening my root chakra.

In my case, I believe the canary symbolism is promising. Perhaps I am getting a message that happiness and harmony are in the making? Or perhaps the canary represents for me a longing to recreate or newly create upon my relationship with my husband. I think it might be both as they both ring true to me.

The Root Chakra

This morning’s experience awakened an interest in me about the root chakra. How much do I really know about this chakra? How often do I really work on it? Not often. In fact, I have been drawn to meditation and the ones that have been resonating with me are about opening the root chakra. Not a coincidence I’m sure.

I found a great explanation about the root chakra here. In reading through the site’s description of the root chakra I found this section interesting, especially when considering my own life and the emotions I have been feeling lately:

The root chakra is about you and life. It is not about mommy, honey, the tribe, identification, the tsunami victims, starving-people-in-third-world-countries – none of that.  It is only you and survival.  People who have open root chakras love their lives – love their physical incarnation in their present bodies.  People who pine away for heaven, future happiness, moksha; people who wish they were somewhere else (be it physically or in some allegorical way) define themselves as root chakra impaired.  So do people who are angry, fearful, cynical, distrustful, frustrated, envious, jealous, stingy – the list goes on.

The root chakra is all about food, air, water, shelter, power and physical health.  The ultimate root chakra failure is suicide – the ultimate root chakra success is empowerment and love of life.

And, of course, one of the specific body systems the root chakra is associated with are the reproductive organs. Considering I just had a baby and a major surgery that cut into my uterus, I am not surprised that I am dreaming of things which would help to open my root chaka. It is my experience that while in astral, those who are seeking out or having astral sex are working to unblock this very important chakra.

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The Serpent is Rising

The following is a lucid dream I had this morning.

As I rode in a car along a road I did not recognized, we stopped alongside a cluster of mailboxes. I leaned out my window to open the mailbox and suddenly found myself standing alongside it outside of the car. I reached inside the mailbox and pulled out a golden necklace. Surprised, I peered inside and discovered a mass of jewelry. Excited, I pulled each piece out and inspected it. There were three necklaces, all very yellow gold with different pendants attached. I then saw a small bracelet made of silver links of chain. Attached was a small ballet slipper of blue that sparkled. There was another small slipper not attached and I made sure not to drop it.

After inspecting the jewelry I looked around, suddenly worried I would be caught with the jewelry. I worried about this only because 1. I was not sure whose mailbox this was and 2. the jewelry was not in a package but had been left inside in a cluster as if deposited in a hurry. I pocketed the jewelry and noticed a woman pull up in her car to retrieve her mail. I moved aside and let her.

Then I was laying in my bed seemingly wide awake. It was dark and I recognized that it was likely the very early hours of the morning. I decided I wanted to find my husband and cuddle and perhaps do more than that. The thought made me smile.

I went towards the bedroom and when I entered the living room the lights were on and my son was laying on the sofa watching T.V. There were also all kinds of objects that weren’t suppose to be there. The room appeared more like a mall or shopping area than my living room. The color of the scene was golden and shimmering.

I saw my son was eating candy out of a container shaped like an elephant. I asked him where he got it and he pointed to the kiosk nearby. It was closed but the candy shelves were exposed making the candy easy to take. I became full of anger towards my husband for allowing our son to be up so early, watch T.V. and eat candy. I changed my mind then and there about going to him. I was too angry. Yet I had this strong urge to move the energy of my root chakra which was suddenly feeling very alive and tingling. How would I do that now?

Then I saw a booth. A golden color shimmered around it. I went over to it. Inside there was a woman with long, blond hair. She sat behind a counter and smiled at me and told me, “I can help you”. I sat in front of her in a chair and we talked. She talked more than me, telling me about her job in the male-dominated steel industry. I commented that it must be nice and she nodded agreement. Then she touched my groin area with her foot and a spike of energy hit me all at once. It expanded and moved outward, engulfing my entire lower body with a warm energy. Then I felt it move upward. When it hit my second chakra I could feel it condense and ball up like a knot. It twisted and pain radiated into my lower spine.

The Serpent is Rising

The pain woke me up and I lay in a mixture of pleasure and pain as the energy continued to radiate outward around my lower body. I knew instantly what was happening. This was Kundalini energy. The serpent was rising. Unfortunately, my second chakra was too blocked to let the serpent through. I tried to will it to open and allow the energy to move up to my heart chakra. I knew when the energy hit my heart chakra I would be overcome with bliss and the thought of this excited me. But when I tried to open my second chakra the pain intensified. It felt as if something were squeezing my insides.

My guide intervened. “Not yet”, he whispered. I stopped and listened, remembering the last time I had experienced Kundalini. I wanted to feel it again. “It took 2 years last time” my guide stated matter-of-factually. “Oh,” I thought back to him. “How long will it take this time?”, I asked. But I had begun to drift back to sleep and my guide’s reply was lost. I only knew I needed not to force it; to let it take its time. Forcing it was not good. I somehow knew that it would not take as long this time. How long? I am not sure.

risingKundalini

Kundalini is described as a “sleeping, dormant potential force in the human organism”. The energy, also known as “the serpent”, is thought of as coiled up at the based of the spine. When the serpent awakens, it uncoils and the energy of it rises upward along the spine to the top of the head. It rises through each of the chakras, and as it reaches each chakra it is said to awaken different energies creating different awakenings, or spiritual experiences. When the serpent reaches the top of the head, or the crown chakra, it is said to create an extremely profound mystical experience described by some as infinite bliss.

The practices of yoga and meditation are said to awaken kundalini, but it can also be awakened by a guru. Sometimes kundalini is awakened by physical or psychological trauma and other times for no reason at all. Sometimes the individual is prepared for the kundalini and other times they are not. Those who are prepared, approach kundalini with pure surrender, which means no ego interference. Those who are unprepared may end up in a kundalini crisis.

Common symptoms of kundalini are:

  • Involuntary jerks, tremors, shaking, itching, tingling, and crawling sensations, especially in the arms and legs
  • Energy rushes or feelings of electricity circulating the body
  • Intense heat (sweating) or cold, especially as energy is experienced passing through the chakras
  • Visions or sounds at times associated with a particular chakra
  • Diminished or conversely extreme sexual desire sometimes leading to a state of constant or whole-body orgasm
  • Emotional upheavals or surfacing of unwanted and repressed feelings or thoughts with certain repressed emotions becoming dominant in the conscious mind for short or long periods of time.
  • Headache, migraine, or pressure inside the skull
  • Increased blood pressure and irregular heartbeat
  • Emotional numbness
  • Antisocial tendencies
  • Mood swings with periods of depression or mania
  • Pains in different areas of the body, especially back and neck
  • Sensitivity to light, sound, and touch
  • Trance-like and altered states of consciousness
  • Disrupted sleep pattern (periods of insomnia or oversleeping)
  • Loss of appetite or overeating
  • Bliss, feelings of infinite love and universal connectivity, transcendent awareness *reference

Round Two

I have experienced almost all of the above symptoms before, years ago, and it resulted in a “dark night of the soul” and some very intensely negative times for me. I emerged without incident, a more balanced person, just in time to meet my husband and start my family. In that time, the serpent retreated and went dormant. I knew this would happen, I just didn’t think of it in terms of kundalini. I just knew that for a while I would focus upon family. You see, I just now realize that spiritual awakening and kundalini are one in the same. At least they were for me.

And now it is happening again. The serpent is no longer dormant. There is lots of work to be done. Healing. Purging. A second awakening. I have experienced almost all of the above symptoms; still am. It started some time ago, though it was not as intense as it is now. I am now mentally kicking myself for not taking better care of myself spiritually over the last seven years. So much of what I am going through now could have been avoided. But, I cannot dwell on should have’s. What is done is done. At least this time I know what to expect and understand more as to why it is happening.

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Yoga – My First Week

Since I have been receiving messages to integrate yoga into my exercise routine, I decided I would try to do some yoga every day this week and see if I feel a difference. Additionally, I dropped my normal cardio and weight routine that I do on my days off and replaced it with walks outside with my son and baby. With the cooler Fall weather, these walks have been very enjoyable and also gave me bonding time with my 3 year old.

I use videos from DoYogaWithMe.com, a website that offers all kinds of yoga videos of varying lengths and ability levels. I have found the videos to be of good quality and content.

Day 1

I did 15 minutes of beginner yoga in my office during my lunch break. I found it on YouTube here. It was very easy, simple and doable. I had not done yoga in years but I still remembered some of the basic poses. I had no spiritual experiences, no energy changes and nothing out of the ordinary. However, I did feel less tense afterward.

Day 2

After a leisurely walk with my son and baby, I did a 30 minute post-natal yoga video at home while my baby was sleeping and my toddler was playing in his room. Surprisingly, I went undisturbed until the last 5 minutes when my toddler came in and began asking me questions about what I was doing.

Observations:

1. I could not sit comfortably on my knees which was how the video began. My knees were screaming at me the whole time so I finally gave up and sat criss-cross (Indian Style).

2. Yoga is harder than I remember! I was sweating by the middle but doing well.

3. I definitely became more aware of my body and certain parts that need attention like my shoulders and hips.

4. Towards the end and after laying on my back for some time just being the video took me into child’s pose and then into rabbit’s pose (forgive me if I have the names wrong, I am still learning). When in rabbit’s pose I felt a surge of emotion hit my heart and I had to gasp. It left pretty quickly but I recognized this was a much needed release.

5. I felt like I had a decent workout when I finished which surprised me.

Day 3

I found time at work again to do yoga. This time I moved up to intermediate and a routine designed specifically for after work. It was only 15 minutes but it successfully stretched my shoulders, back and legs while giving me a chance to breathe and relax, which I was able to do though not as much as I would like.

I find that doing yoga at work is not ideal but considering my life is non-stop once I get home in the evening and I would likely have my children either climbing on me or talking non-stop to me as I tried to “relax”, work wins out. Unfortunately, I am not able to fully let go of my anxiety because I continuously worry that someone will knock on my office door with some emergency. I wonder if I will ever get to really experience yoga as it is meant to be experienced.

Day 4

I went for a walk with my son and baby and then did 35 minutes of intermediate yoga. Despite pausing three times to tend to my baby, I broke a sweat again. And again I found it difficult to twist my body into some of the poses. I noticed that I was holding my breath quite a bit and wonder if I will ever be able to breathe consistently throughout. I set the intention to receive healing, but I did not feel any healing occur – but that doesn’t mean it didn’t. My body and the energy level felt pretty much the same as it does when I do my normal routine.

I wear a Garmin Forerunner watch to keep track of my heart rate and time my workouts. It is interesting to me that although I feel like I am working out at the same level as when I run or life weights, my average heart rate during yoga is significantly lower. My average heart rate during yoga today was 92 and with my normal routine it is typically about 131.

Restorative Yoga

In the evening, I was feeling quite tense and stressed, so I found a restorative yoga video to see if it could help me clear my mind and relax. I used my Kindle and hid away in my daughter’s room so as to not be disturbed. I was able to to it for about 12 minutes before being interrupted by my son. It actually was quite relaxing and I want to try it again soon.

I noticed one thing the restorative yoga allowed me to do that I have not been able to do with other yoga: quiet my mind. I actually did not think of anything while laying in the restorative positions. It was wonderful! I can see why it is recommended for those who struggle with insomnia. Thankfully, insomnia has not been one of my issues for some time now (knock on wood).

Day 5

I awoke to all-over body aches. I was surprised to find that muscles I didn’t know I had were hurting. Specifically, the muscles around the hip bone area. Usually my aches of the morning go away quite quickly once I get up and move around, but these were very obviously not going to do that. So I started my morning with a short yoga video specifically focused on stretching the shoulders and upper back. After doing it I felt much less stiffness in my shoulders and neck area, which was a relief.

When I got home from work I decided to try Kundalini Yoga. I did over an hour of it and learned how to chant and move energy up and down my spine. Initially, my upper back felt intensely hot. Not hot like heat from working out but hot like full of trapped energy. It was similar to how it feels when I receive Reiki but the energy was very out of place and haphazard. I adjusted my position using a pillow and that helped so I am thinking that I may have not been sitting correctly and thus disrupting the energy flow. Considering the main focus was on the spine, I am glad I was able to correct the problem. Overall, I will likely only do Kundalini Yoga on days when I want a slow, more meditative practice.

After Kundalini Yoga I decided to do more traditional yoga. My daughter joined me, mesmerized by it. She ended up doing a  few somersaults during the quiet, breathing but overall she was eager and curious. She was very upset with me when I ended early. She was not overly disruptive, which was nice, I was just tired from my previous hour of Kundalini Yoga. Despite that, I did about 20 minutes with my daughter.

Today’s total yoga time amounted to 95 minutes, 60 of that was Kundalini Yoga, though, which is mostly meditation.

womanReflection

As I reflect back on this week, I notice some subtle changes and some no so subtle ones. The subtle ones are mostly spiritual and emotional. The more obvious ones have been physical.

Spiritually, my dreams have been focused on past issues, specifically times when I have either purposefully or accidentally hurt someone. One dream on the fourth night of yoga was intense. I woke up confused from it and was certain I had cheated on my husband numerous times. I have had similar dreams in the past. I told my husband about it and he said he has had the same dream except that he is the one certain he has cheated on me! This revelation from him had me considering that perhaps we have been working on similar issues together without knowing it. Another dream was obviously a guide message where I was shown the pages of a book and a finger pointed to a name: Pete. Then later the name changed to Petra. It was very vivid and I recalled meeting a guide whose name was Peter in a past OBE. But who was Petra? My research showed Petra to be simply the feminine of Peter. In the end, I concluded that the message was that “Peter” could come in both male and female form. This made perfect sense to me because we are neither male or female. It is our bodies that have this distinction, not us.

Emotionally I have noticed significant gains since starting yoga. The most notable being yesterday. I felt completely at ease all day yesterday. I also was allowing myself to enjoy the obvious wins I have had in life up to this point. In other words, my thoughts had shifted to thinking of the many blessing of my life. I spent much of the day reacting to things in a completely opposite way than is my norm. I started the day forgetting my lunch and snack at home. Instead of beating myself up for it, I decided to make the most of it and called my husband to come have lunch with me. He was surprised and pleased and we had a nice lunch together. I even ended up going over my normal lunch time. But rather than worry over it, I just stayed at work later than normal. I also had prepared poorly for a group I was conducting, had to deal with an unexpected situation at the last minute so could not properly prepare with the little time I thought I had, and then the printer would not print! I went ahead to the group, unprepared and completely okay with it. All went smoothly. Even the evening went smoothly and without incident.

Physically I have not been so great. My body has been aching more than normal. These are both the aches from using muscles that are not normally used and the aches that weight lifting had eliminated. Since I did no weights all week, my entire back is again stiff in the mornings and I feel like I am much older than I am. I also had a cold most of the week, though now I am much better. So overall, my main complaint is the aching.

What I will likely do next week is return to my normal routine but incorporate yoga into it. Hopefully that will help with the muscle stiffness that has returned while helping me continue to improve my spiritual and emotional health.

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Out of Sorts

I don’t normally post twice in one day but I have way too much going on to not.

I posted about my multiple OBEs first because I was afraid I would lose too much of what happened. As it was, after I initially posted I had a memory about a shadow man that I had to add and even now memories are coming back to me. I recall seeing and discussing crystals with a man (one of my guides) while OOB. The memory is fuzzy so not sure if I will add it or not. However, it has convinced me that healing is on the agenda for me and that no matter if I refuse, it will continue.

Jet Blue

No doubt you all have heard by now about the Jet Blue scare that happened on Thursday. It has been all over the media and social media has popped up with selfies, photos, videos and personal accounts of the near-miss. Well, what you don’t know is that this specific event hit very close to home for me. My husband was on that flight.

My husband was doing some work in California and had scheduled his flight home from Long Beach that day. The entire morning, my middle son was talking about Daddy coming home. In fact, he was so excited to see his Daddy again that he was refusing to eat saying, “I’m gonna wait for Daddy”. He kept asking, “When is Daddy coming home?” And I kept telling him, “Not until after lunch”. He also kept asking, “What time is it?” but this is a normal question for him right now.

The last time my son asked about his Daddy I was about to jump into the shower. It was about 11:30am. When I came downstairs after my shower I saw I had missed a call and had a voice mail. I saw the call was from my husband and tried to call him back but it went directly to voice mail. So I listened to my voice mail and heard the unexpected.

My husband’s voice was calm when he said, “Our plane had to turn back because one of the engines went out. We landed and had to slide down the emergency slide. I am fine.” Minutes later, he called me back and told me more. He still sounded calm. My first thought was, “Wow!” My second was, “I never suspected any of it”.

When my husband arrived home at 8:30pm that night he was still pretty calm. He finally did confess to me, however, that when the engine blew, there was a loud bang followed by immense amounts of smoke. He said when this happened, his first thought was, “I am going to die”. Then he immediately reached out and took the hands of the two men sitting to either side of him. He told me, “There is nothing like thinking you are going to die to get you to really appreciate life”.

Emotionless

I am actually still waiting for the impact of my husband’s near-death experience to hit me. But it hasn’t. I am happy he is okay, but I never felt he was not okay. I never even suspected anything was amiss. My son must have because he was so tuned into seeing his Daddy all morning. Why didn’t I?

My husband spoke to me about his experience more yesterday and then mentioned it yet again today. It is obvious that it really affected him – for the better, too. I feel guilty for not feeling anything. I don’t even feel relief. What is wrong with me?

All I can say is that there must be something very wrong with me.

Healing

Last night I sensed again that something is very “off” with me, especially my energy. But I also think that there is something going on with the Earth’s energy and that, maybe, I am susceptible to it. Or perhaps I am just mixing up all the energy I am being bombarded with and as such it is making me feel very out of sorts.

As I prepared for bed last night, I knew I was in dire need of healing. I knew I needed to pick apart some of the things I have yet to confront in life. There are some things I am avoiding looking at. Why? Because I worry I will have to make changes. And change isn’t comfortable.

As I settled down to sleep, though, I did ask for help healing some of my internal aches and pains. So it is no wonder that I had dreams and OBEs that were along those lines. Yet, when I woke up, I was in a very sour mood. It has passed now, but it feels like I use to feel when I was a child I was told I needed to do something and I do not want to do it. What do I have to do?

Finally, one thing I did not mention in my other post, is that this healing I am getting is preparation for something. I remember as I came to full awareness after my last OBE, that I was speaking with my guide. I remember saying to him, “Is this what happens before…?” and he said, “Yes”. And now I am wondering, “Before what?”

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I Wanna See Sunshine

I know I wrote recently that I was told while, also simultaneously knowing, that I need to stop going OOB for a while. Yet this morning I experienced more OBEs than I can count. I lost track after about my fourth exit from my body. In fact, I had so many that I hardly remember the first few, which is unfortunate.

Dream

Before my OBEs I awoke from a disturbing dream. In the dream, I was in a parking lot with a man who was stealing a woman’s dog. It was a brown and white Sheltie. The man had it wrapped up in a white blanket and was trying to drive off in his pickup truck. I climbed in holding a 22 caliber pistol strait at him and warned him that I would shoot if he continued trying to drive away. I stopped for a moment looking at the gun I was holding and thinking, “I don’t want to kill this man”. As I did, the gun shrank and appeared to be a BB gun. The man did not listen to me and began to shift the truck into reverse, so I shot him multiple times with the BB gun.

I grabbed the small dog and remember thinking how awful that anyone would want to hurt a defenseless animal. I felt so much sympathy for the little dog. At that moment I remembered my own dog, Trooper, and was filled with huge amounts of guilt and shame for how I allowed him to suffer before finally putting him out of his misery. The shame finally woke me up and I laid in bed near tears for a while, telling my guide I wanted the feeling to stop. I just wanted it to stop.

OBEs

I got up and used the restroom and tried to go back to sleep but I could not stop swallowing from a sudden onset of nasty postnasal drip. My body also felt very stiff and achy and the only position that was comfortable was laying on my back. Ugh! I am getting sick, I thought. The last thing I remember was thinking about my dog and how I was warned a year prior of his upcoming death. I was being hard on myself, telling myself I was “stupid” and “avoiding the inevitable” resulting in my dog, and me, suffering more than necessary. I remember telling my guide, “You told me, yet when the time came you were silent.” And I recognized this theme repeating in my life – being told of future things and then getting no information near the time the event occurs.

Cleaning Floors

The very next memory I had was being out of my body. I was in my Mom’s house standing in her kitchen watching the floor being cleaned by my middle son. It was an odd sight and I remember thinking, “Why is he cleaning the floor?” He was naked and had a white cleaning cloth in his hands he was using to scrub the floor. The kitchen furniture had been removed so all I could see was the brown tile floor and my 3 year old son cleaning.

I instantly knew I was OOB and so began to move away from the weird scene and towards the door. I wanted outside. Plus, it was dark and I wanted to see better.

When I opened the door it was still dark outside. I don’t remember much after this except feeling the familiar pull of my body. I also remember hovering right near my body for some time and having a conversation with someone.

Shadow Man

The next thing I remember, I was with several young people. I was laying in my bed and they were around me. I remember knowing I was OOB but I was too mesmerized by the people to really think about it. Everything felt so real and I was surprised by how solid I felt. It was so surreal! I kept looking at them and one took my hand and led towards a car. The other two people got in and I followed. The car was a small, red car but I am not sure what type, maybe a Honda Fit?

I don’t know where we went but I do remember moving in the car for a bit. The movement felt like we were floating rather than driving on a road. The trip is hazy, though, like I lost lucidity for some time. What I next recall is somewhat odd and scary, though. This time I remember seeing the back of a person I did not recognize. He was dark and I could not see anything except the lack of color. I was sitting very close to him when he turned around and grabbed me. I saw his face, but it was changing and shifting and I knew I should confront him because he was not real, he was me; my fears. But before I could do anything the fear caught hold of me and overwhelmed me. I instantly went back to my body. I did not awaken, though. Instead I opened my astral eyes and saw this blue veil, like a window curtain with light behind it. The light got brighter as I watched. Instead of following, I withdrew and allowed myself to settled into my body.

zebraZebra

There were several other exits from my body but they are all a blur now. I would leave, find myself in my Mom’s house, go outside and then be pulled back to my body. This happened about four more times before I realized I needed more energy and focus to make my experiences more worthwhile.

The next time I left my body, I opened my eyes to find myself in my Mom’s kitchen once again. It was dark but not so dark I couldn’t see and there were more people in the kitchen this time. All of them were cleaning the kitchen floor! I don’t know who the people were, but this time I spoke with them. I don’t remember what was said word-for-word, but it was about the floors and why they were being cleaned. The gist of our conversation was that the floors being cleaned were representative of me.

At some point in the conversation I wanted to go outside. But this time I wanted it to be light outside. I needed to see. I knew I needed energy for that to happen so I rubbed the palms of my hands together vigorously and said, “More energy please”. Then, I got the idea to ask for something else. I wanted to see what would happen if I asked to see my Higher Self. So, as I went through the door I stated, “I want to see my Higher Self” and then repeated it. When I opened the door it was still twilight but instead of seeing the front yard I saw a small, brown horse standing in front of me. When I saw him I was delighted and yelled out, “Hi!” and his name, but I cannot remember his name now except that it started with an “A” and was three syllables. Then I looked to my left and there was this enormous Zebra walking towards me. He was at least ten feet tall and very vivid. When I saw him I was delighted and said, “Hi Steven!” I noticed there were others with him, probably about three or four that I could count right off, but they were not as big and I don’t know if they were zebras or horses, just that they were all animals.  I insteantly knew I was seeing my guides and knew also they were coming to me in the form of animals for a reason, though the reason was a mystery to me.

As Steven the zebra approached me I got worried and backed up. The feeling was, “I don’t want this” as if letting him come closer meant something scary would happen. What? I don’t know. The minute I backed away I lost hold and fell back into my body with quite a bit of force. I immediately felt my pillow over my eyes and kept them closed as I recognized I was in my bed and there was no zebra coming toward me.

I Wanna See Sunshine

I knew I was still in-between states and could return whenever I wanted. So I made a plan. This time I would go back and I would make it light outside so I could see. I also kept the intention to meet up with my Higher Self.

I opened my astral eyes and found myself inside the house again but this time I was standing at the front door. I immediately went outside.

When I walked outside the door I was thinking about how I wanted to see light outside. With that thought I began singing a song at the top of my lungs – “I wanna see sunshine on my way”. As I sang, I noticed the outside was still dark but that there were sparks of light popping up and moving about me as if they were alive. It was like I was surrounded with stars or huge fireflies. The light moved around me and sparkled in the darkness.

At this point I saw that I was holding hands with my daughter. I was delighted! She did not speak to me but I could feel her little hand and see her very clearly. I wanted to show her how to fly, so I took her hand and pulled her up with me as I launched up into the sky. I was still singing at the top of my lungs – “I wanna see sunshine on my way”.

As we topped the trees, I looked down and saw construction machinery, bulldozers and backhoes. Each of them was sitting digger-1198220-min an illuminated bubbled of white light and surrounded by black. It was like someone wanted me to see each of the machines rather than the trees and land around them. The visual of the construction equipment is still the most vivid memory I have of this experience. They were very out of place.

Once I saw the machinery I noticed I was still singing at the top of my lungs, my hand still holding my daughter’s hand. We continued to face the machines as a force began to pull up backward and upward. I continued to sing as I noticed buildings and lights flash by us as we increased in speed. I felt like I was flying backward at hundreds of miles per hour.

I remember thinking we just passed San Fransisco and were heading toward the Pacific Ocean. I remember seeing a flash of the San Francisco bridge and the lights of the city sparkling in the dark of early morning. I then wondered how far we were going to go. Where were we going?

With my concern growing the scene blacked out all at once and I immediately woke up in my body. I felt my hands resting on my stomach and began to move them. When I did, I noticed they were tingling and numb. I also heard my daughter scream something and knew it was morning and my children were already up.

Hot Tub

Despite moving and noting that it was morning, I managed to find my way back out of my body. This time I was standing next to a hot tub. Inside it were two women and one man. They were lounging in it and I was looking at them and talking to them about why I was not able to stay OOB for as long as I wanted to. I could hear the bubbles of the water as it circulated around the hot tub and see the steam from the heat dancing in front of the faces of the occupants. I remember saying, “I am having trouble with having enough energy” and “I wish I could stay out longer”. The whole time I felt happy and at ease; almost bubbling over with joy and excitement. The people in the hot tub felt like family. In fact, I remember feeling a bit confused because I kept thinking of them as my siblings but they did not look like my brother and sisters. The man was very feminine looking, almost asexual, with dark hair. The women had light brown hair but I do not remember much except their eyes and how they looked at me lovingly. All three of them appeared to be quite young, probably around 20 at the most.

At some point I decided I wanted to get into the hot tub. I put my arm in the water and felt that it was very warm. I commented on its warmth as I allowed myself to be surrounded by the water. I then looked at the guy who was straight in front of me and he said, “What?” I said back to him, “You know what”, and went straight toward him, convinced that my energy problem stemmed directly from a blockage in my root chakra.

I woke up soon after this feeling a buzzing in my root chakra along with some mild cramping and aching in my abdominal area. I knew instantly that I was OOB specifically to help clear my energy blockages. I still felt sluggish from sleep and tried to go back OOB but my daughter came in with my husband telling me they wanted me to go out to eat breakfast with them. I still had the song I was singing in my head as I got out of bed.