Tag Archives: healing

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Dream: Haunted History

I’ve been continuing to have the energy sick feeling I wrote about previously. It comes in different forms but I recognize it as the same energy. Back in December and January it made me feel ill inside and out to the point of wanting to up and run out of work, my life, etc. The panic attacks increased after that and continue. Now the feeling is more like a discomfort from within where my life feels strange, like not my own. Yesterday this feeling crept up on me while working from home. I tried to ignore it but couldn’t. I just felt weird! Like I’m not in the right place. I didn’t want to run or leave right then and there but it did upset me. I can’t find a source of it, really, but it makes me want to step back and out, observe and evaluate and then put things right. Yet I don’t know what ‘right’ is!

What is even stranger is that lately when I have this feeling intensely like this, my husband will usually call me not long after. Yesterday that is exactly what happened! While in the midst of feeling the ick he called and told me he was feeling bad and wanted to come home. It makes me wonder if the energy is somehow linked to him but then in the past it seems not to have been specifically him but other around me who were either physically ill (like my coworker with cancer) or just had erratic or negative energy.

I am at a loss as to what the cause of this energy is as much as I am at a loss as to the cause of my anxiety. They are more than likely linked, though. Anxiety and fear stem primarily from the third chakra but also from the root chakra, especially when linked to feelings of insecurity or instability. Based upon recent energetic experiences and dreams I have no doubt that my lower three chakras are clearing. I specifically asked for help with the second and being all the chakras are linked, especially those located above and below a blocked one, I am not surprised by some of my symptoms.

Most recently my dreams suggest a return to past issues that need healing. Again. Sigh. The clearing/healing seems never to end! Last night I had yet another dream that left me a bit bothered upon waking. In fact, I struggled to return to sleep after.

Dream: Haunted History

Most of the dream took place in a large parking lot. I recall meeting up with my physical counterpart there as if on a “date”. The entire time I noticed he was acting strange, like distracted and unfocused. His energy was the most obvious. It was “off” and I could tell he was in a dark place emotionally and spiritually. I remember thinking more than once that I was glad we were not physically around each other because his energy was so unbalanced that it was almost repellent.

I remember walking with him around the parking lot as we talked. He didn’t say much but when he did the energy behind his words indicated that he was not really present, like he was putting up a front. I stopped by a parked car and told him about something that happened when I was a child. The story I told him was that my family went to the beach and my mom had me and my sister go to the car to wait. With keys in hand we went to the car but a man intercepted us and tried to take the keys. I mentioned that we often waited in the car. Since these incidences never happened in this life, I suspect the story was symbolic.

We walked some more and the parking lot filled with people sitting at tables talking and eating. I recall telling him my favorite candy was peanut butter cups. I asked, “Did you know that?” He said he did not. Then, someone called to him about his younger brother Michael needing him. He excused himself and said he had to go. He said, “I will call you. Or, you can call me. You have my number, right?” He flashed his phone screen to me and I saw a number with a 7 in it. I said, “Yeah, yeah I have it.” Then he rushed away.

Alone now, the parking lot seemed more like a restaurant and I felt like a waitress. Someone near me began to reminisce about the past and pointed out a large globe in the restaurant. There was suspicion that it was haunted and I investigated, only I ended up inside a restroom. The door would move on its own and I tested it and saw it move. On my way out of the restroom I saw the globe. It was spinning and had my writing on it indicating locations across the world.

Suddenly, I heard my name called and saw my physical counterpart in the distance waving his arms over his head. I went to him. He was standing next to a very large, red pick-up. It was massive and had an extended cab with the door open. Excited, he showed me three seats and how each had a luggage compartment behind them. He invited me to go with him and I declined. I remember thinking there was no way I was going with him in that thing when his energy felt the way it did.

Interpretation

I woke suddenly then concerned with the low vibration coming off my physical counterpart. I remember thinking, “Wow. He must really be in a dark place right now. How can he be in such denial?” The avoidance in his energy was really obvious and it was sad to me.

A parking lot is delay or waiting. When you park your car (life path) there is no progress or movement. In the dream it felt like a long waiting period, which makes sense. The story I told about waiting could be that I was recalling waiting for him at other times. A peanut butter cup likely indicates lack of understanding or difficulty communicating my thoughts/emotions, specifically love.

When he is called away it suggests the distractions he is having have to do with a “brother”, likely someone he is helping out. Him telling me to call him indicates he does not want to sever communication.

The globe being haunted feels to me like I am haunted by our history together. When my psychical counterpart comes back to show me his red truck and invites me along I decline. A truck is “work” and red is the root chakra, so security, survival, foundations. The seats had space for luggage, which is baggage one carries to include responsibilities and things they cannot let go of. The invitation was not appealing to me. It felt like he was inviting me into his mess. I wanted no part in it.

I don’t know as of yet if my declining indicates avoidance on my part or not.

I fell into the in-between as I attempted to go to sleep. I remember hearing myself talking to someone. The word “test” brought me out of my reverie.

Dream: Airport and Stolen Phone

I fell to sleep after that and found myself at an airport standing in line to board a plane. I was told the flight was continuous. In my mind I saw it flying in circles and never landing. Despite this knowledge, I still intended to board the plane.

Then I was running and met up with a near exhausted man wearing regular clothing and a heavy jacket. I asked, “Have you been running a long time?” Through heavy breathing he nodded yes and then asked, “Can I borrow your phone?” It felt like he wanted to know where he was but then he said, “I need to call my wife.” We are running side-by-side and I get out my phone and ask, “Sure. Who is your wife?” He said,”The Reverend Jessup.” I think the name odd and feel something is off about the man. He reaches toward me, indicating he wants my phone. I unlock my phone, hesitate and then hand it to him. He takes it and then sprints to the right across heavy traffic. I reach for his arm and end up taking off his jacket. Another man tries to retrieve my phone but there are too many cars. I think, “I should’ve known.”

My phone being stolen woke me up. For some reason I started thinking of something that happened a long time ago, when I was a teenager. My mom had just filed for bankruptcy  and was doing very poorly financially. We had many animals, cats and dogs, that needed veterinary care she could not afford. Our beloved cat had an abscess that was killing her. My mom asked my grandfather to shoot her. Similarly, we had two dogs that came to our house after being dumped by their owners. Both were big and liked to kill goats, costing my mom the money to replace the goats. My mom could not afford to take care of them and could not afford to pay the fees the pound would impose. She asked my grandfather to take care of them as well.

One day I came home from school and the dogs were gone as was our cat. I knew what happened and was very upset by it.

For some reason these lost pets were on my mind. Just thinking of them made my entire body tense up. I saw my white cat Whiskers and the black and white dogs also. It was horrible the amount of upset this caused me to think of them losing their lives that way. It also upset me to think of how it might have made my grandfather feel.

Eventually I wondered why this memory came up. My guidance asked me to feel through it. Dogs are protection. Since one was black and one was white then it may represent yin and yang. Cats are female sexuality. The feelings I was having was very similar to the decimated feeling I have been having related to my physical counterpart. There is also a sense of unfairness and outrage at mistreatment of innocent creatures, or the innocent in general. I have always struggled with the way the cycle of life works and how something must die for another thing to live.

Honestly, I don’t know why all this came up still. It just adds to all the weirdness I’ve been experiencing lately!

 

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Kundalini Dream: White Wedding

Unexpected but welcomed experiences last night.

Warning: May be TMI for some of you (or maybe not).

Kundalini Dream: White Wedding

The beginning of the dream is difficult to remember. There was discussion about wedding (becoming Whole, Union) preparations with my family. I recall the man who was to give me away looked like my ex-step-father, which is weird. The family was all staying in a hotel and I was being led around and given lots of instructions. I recall not really understanding fully what was going on. It was like I was in a dreamy haze, not sure if any of it was really going to happen.

I recall mentioning that I was already married and wondering how a marriage was going to work. I remember being told to think of it as a renewal of our vows but that didn’t match up in my mind. The man I was “renewing” my vows with was not the same man I was married to. Perhaps I was confusing the dream with reality at this point, which is quite common in dreams where I am just on the verge of becoming lucid.

At one point I was talking with a young, blonde man (aspect of self) who was approximately 20 years old. We were in his hotel room (getting away, relaxation) and he was frantic about what he had been told regarding it. He said that there was no ventilation in the room and that someone had cut off the air so that he would slowly suffocate (feeling trapped, anxious). The memory of this part of the dream is actually seeing the interaction between him and this awful, cruel person who seemed intent on scaring the poor boy.

I looked at the window (new perspective, insight) over the bed, pointing it out to him, and said, “But you have a window.” He said, “It won’t open. I am going to die in here.” I went over to the window and slid the entire front down and off of it. Cool air flowed in. I said, “See. It’s open now. You will be just fine.”

The young man was quite relieved. We both sat on the bed and talked about the upcoming wedding.

The dream got strange here. The lighting shifts in my memory and everything gets darker. A man is with me who I recognized as the man I will be marrying very soon – the next day. He has dark hair and feels older than me. Just being near him is intoxicating and I find myself pressing myself up against him and becoming very aroused. He is returning my affection and the energy just goes higher and higher to the point that I am completely blissed-out on the energy of us.

The whole time this energy is rising there is discussion about the upcoming marriage. There seems to be another man in the room talking to me. He is standing near the door and I cannot recall his face. His energy reminds me of a guide’s energy, very to the point and stoic.

It is hard to remember what this guide said, though, because I was thoroughly into the man I was with. I remember saying I could not wait to be married. It felt like we were having sex right there in front of the guide but I don’t think “sex” is the right word. Whatever it was, I was experiencing multiple orgasmic waves throughout my body. I haven’t experienced anything like it before and the more I interacted with the man, the more intense it became to the point that I was surprised I was able to stand it. It felt like the energy was cycling through me – root to crown and back again – and speeding up, building to the point of unheard of levels of ecstasy.

Despite the pleasure I was experiencing, there was a conversation on-going. I remember seeing my wedding gown and being told I needed to get ready. The man I was with (we were on the floor) suddenly sat up and said something about losing his gum (sticky situation or feeling vulnerable). He sounded a bit angry but it didn’t phase me. I looked, located a piece of yellow (solar plexus, control, fear) gum on the floor, pointed it out and said, “It’s okay. It’s right there.”

That is when the voice of the guide told me to get my shoes (new approach on life) on. I jumped up, energy still cycling through my body, and looked for my shoes. I recall seeing a flash of my own face. I had a large, crusty sore (holding in some negative emotion) on my face (self-identity). I grabbed one tennis shoe that looked like it fit a child (innocence, curiosity) and then found the other.

I woke up suddenly from the dream. The energy of my interactions with the man still flowing through me. It felt fantastic!

Two songs were going through my mind as I woke: White Wedding and You Oughta Know.

The lyrics going through my head were: “And I’m here to remind you, of the mess you made when you went away”.

The lyrics from this one were: “It’s a nice day to start again. It’s a nice day for a white wedding.”

Yeah, strange combination. It felt like a message that would be something like, “Sorry about the mess I made when I left. Can we start again? It’s a nice day for a white wedding.”

OBE: Two’s

Somehow I ended up asleep, or in the in-between, because the next thing I recall is being lucid standing outside next to a tall, wooden privacy fence (division within self). It was dark and I was very obviously OOB. It took me a bit to get my wits about me because I had not expected to go OOB, but once I did I enjoyed every moment of it.

I climbed up on the fence, somewhat floating but feeling pulled down toward the ground. I felt and then saw a dog (protection, fidelity) below and behind me. He was barking but I did not feel fear. He felt like my deceased dog, Trooper. My focus was on the clusters of white flowers that just appeared in the air near me. The first was a single, white daisy (love, sensuality). I plucked it from the air and then let it fall down toward the dog. He snatched it up in his mouth and I said, “Good boy!”

Then I spotted a cluster of white flowers floating above the fence. I floated up and inspected them for a bit. They were beautiful and delicate. I remember feeling joy at seeing them and knowing they were a message of good things to come.

I could see the entire back yard from the top of the fence. I saw a swimming pool (cleansing, renewal) to my right and other yards with fences. I tried to fly up but kept being pulled down. So I just let myself float down. I was saying something as I floated down. I think it was something like, “Take me where you will.”

As I floated I hovered close to the ground and then was pulled along for a while. I was completely at ease and happy. The scene shifted, I felt it shift, and then I was standing in my bedroom. The door was in the wrong place and open to a hallway that isn’t there in real life. I walked into the hallway and encountered my daughter. I could hear her and my son talking very loudly. My daughter walked past me followed by another version of herself. I realized there were two of her and they were from different time periods. I smiled and continued walking down the hallway thinking, “There is more than one of everyone here.”

In the kitchen I encountered my sons sitting at a table. They were saying, “We’re hungry.” I got out some thick, peanut butter stuff. My middle son rejected his and I encouraged him to try it because it was almond butter (peace). I recall there being two of both my sons.

Then I went into the living area. Laying on the sofa I found my ex-husband and two versions of me, both with short hair. One I recognized as me when I was quite young. The other as me about a decade ago. Both of these other versions of me were aware of me and talking to each other and my ex. My ex said something about how I was not me, it could not be me. I looked closely at the other two me’s, noting “when” these me’s existed and concluded aloud, “No. I’m better.” Then I smiled and said, “Look, my hair is much longer now.” I showed him my hair that was pulled back into a ponytail (girlhood, putting one’s hair up).

My ex accepted this and I remember asking permission to get closer to him. We kissed and the kiss was quite real. I kept kissing him, fully enjoying the sensation of it. I remember saying, “You always were a good kisser.” This made me curious about sex. Would it also be good? I asked him and he agreed that it was okay. So we had sex right there on the sofa. It was all very real feeling.

Once awake I was shocked at just how much sexual activity occurred in one night! First, the Kundalini full body orgasms that were beyond amazing and intoxicating – Divine. Then the very physical versions which far exceeded any orgasms I’ve had in this body in this lifetime (but then all dream orgasms are much better than awake ones IMO).

I have not had an OBE since January and before that had one in December. OBEs are few and far between these days and I have not had one quite like this in a long while. I feel absolutely wonderful this morning. Completely satisfied in more than one way. So grateful for these experiences. They came just when needed.

 

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Full Moon Blues

From physical imbalance and illness, to emotional upset and lethargy, this full moon is really putting me through the ringer! I hope you all are faring better than I am and experiencing bliss and high energy. If not, I am sorry. I’m right there with you.

Yesterday morning I was doing pretty okay considering. So good in fact that I completed an hour-long weight lifting routine. I lifted pretty heavy and pushed myself hard physically, which is my norm, but instead of feeling better for it, I felt “off”.

I began to feel light-headed toward the end of the workout, so, I took longer breaks and completed the entire sequence as planned. It got a bit scary, though, to the point of almost causing me panic because of how sleepy/zoned out I began to get. I did the normal stuff to replenish my body’s lost reserves – had a protein shake, hydrated and rested. When those things didn’t revive me, I decided to go with my body’s indicators that I needed more rest and took a hot bath to relax.

After my bath I felt even more tired and lethargic to the point that I just wanted to lay around. Ultimately, I ended up laying in bed crying on and off until I gathered up what remaining energy I could muster and made a nice dinner for the kids. I felt a bit better after eating and spent some time watching t.v. with my kids before heading to bed around 9pm.

Prior to sleep I had a glass of wine while watching more t.v. to distract and numb myself as best I could. It didn’t work. A particularly sympathetic feeling female guide began talking to me, asking me questions and sending loving energy hugs. That did it. I burst into tears. After several cycles of crying I was depleted once again and fell asleep.

Dream: Trip to the Mountains

The beginning of the dream is fuzzy. I recall talking with a man as we traveled toward the mountains. He and I made plans to stay at a cabin but I told him I needed to do something first and would meet him in the morning. I remember when I told him this he was disappointed but agreed.

I went to a hotel room where I met up with my daughter and her girlfriends. The sense here was that I had to finish up my trip with her before I could meet up with the man. I spent much of this part of the dream “cleaning up” the mess she and her friends made, repeatedly telling them to pick up their things and trying to gather all our stuff before checking out. There are flashes of memory of looking under furniture for things that might accidentally get left behind and finding a pair of my daughter’s sneakers. There was also this pedal with a wire connected to it that resembled the pedal to a sewing machine, only it was to a computer.

There is also memory of knowing I would be going on a hike with my daughter but I don’t know if I ever did. I just remember that I got so caught up in the things I needed to do that I forgot about my male friend and our plans. I no-showed and I’m not sure how many days/weeks it took for me to realize my forgetfulness.

When I woke form this dream part of a song was going through my head – “Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I’ll be…..” At the same time I was thinking of my marriage and how in 2015, after having a dream, I woke up with a decision to leave my husband – but I never did. I realized I had considered leaving him many times since but every time back pedaled for one reason or the other.

Depleted

I still feel completely depleted of all energy this morning. It is like the energy sickness only it has spread to my physical body. I feel ill but at a soul level. It is hard to describe but it feels like my tank is on empty and I am running on fumes.

The dream above is similar to another dream – OBE actually – I had a long time ago and was one of the last time my physical counterpart had visited me. My children were there and one was crying. My counterpart had been trying to get my attention but the need of my children for me was too much and I turned away from him. I chose them over him in the above dream as well.

I’m not sure if this dream is just showing me my focus or if it is meant to show me something else. All I know is that the feelings I am having are very difficult to deal with. It is such intense grief and loss that I don’t feel I have the strength in me to continue. I am re-experiencing some things that in the past were a struggle to get through. For example, I keep thinking, “This is going to kill me.” Then there are flashes of all these past lives where I have died from this exact kind of pain. In some I killed myself to escape it. In others I just lost the will to live and so died not long after.

All of these feelings are familiar. They haunted me most of 2017 but were especially difficult the last couple of months in 2016. It is the total decimation feeling all over again.

I asked – begged – my guidance to help me find resolution. Obviously death is not going to free me. If anything, death just perpetuates it. So then what? How do I reconcile it? Do I just continue living my life secretly carrying with me this kind of pain? Pretending I am okay when I’m not? To think of doing that is unbearable to me. I know I can’t manage it.

Somehow I fell into the in-between amidst the unbearable pain I was feeling. I was brought out of my reverie by a message I both heard and saw in my mind. The voice was familiar, the tone fitting. The male voice joked, “Now don’t be a [something, something] Jasper!” I saw it written out as if in an email as I heard it. Then I replied something like, “Who is Jasper?” but he seemed not to hear me. Instead, I saw and heard his reply followed by another message indicating I had not responded and him asking me why.

Now fully awake I was furious at him. He, of course, was making light of the situation, trying to make me laugh. I yelled silently in my mind that it was NOT a joking matter.

I figured the “Jasper” part was likely a message so I looked it up. Turns out it is fitting. See for yourself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Simulated Reality

This morning I am feeling a little bit better but my lower back and abdomen are still sore. Unfortunately, when I woke my eyes were glued together by eye boogers and now they are dry and bloodshot. I am hoping it is just allergies and not pink eye.

I have some odd memories from dreamtime. Most likely lots of healing work was being done and based upon how my lower body feels, most of the healing was to my first and second chakras.

Dream: Self-Stimulation

Not much of the dream specifics are available to me now but I remember enough to give you an idea of the experience. It involves a tool that looked kinda like this:

Mintcraft GT8801 Bulb Planter

The main difference is that the end of the tool I had came to several points, like sharp teeth. When you hear how it was being used you will cringe.

I recall taking this pointy tool and jabbing it into my vagina. Yeah, it was painful and thankfully the sensation was dulled enough in the dream to not wake me. I’m not sure why I was doing this but I was receiving instruction. Actually, I may not have been the one doing it but that doesn’t really matter.

What I recall next was an energy sensation rising from my root into my second chakra and spreading out. It was painful, too. It felt similar to really bad menstrual cramps. Yet at the same time the pain was pleasurable, which in itself is weird. In my memory I have a visual of a muddy red-brown color swirling throughout my energy body at the second chakra. As a medical intuitive this coloration is exactly what I would in a woman’s aura who was about to or was in the process of menstruating.

The dream woke me up. My midsection hurt and my lower back ached.

Dream: Moving to Montana

The start of this dream occurred inside a large mobile home. I was discussing the position of sliding glass doors with someone. The man told me how easy it was to just move them to replace other large windows. I shifted the doors to where the window in the kitchen was as if to test this out.

Then I was flying low over a highway with someone (a guide probably). On my right I saw a man on a red four-wheeler. He took a different route and my eyes followed him for a while until he disappeared under an overpass. I remember telling the person with me my feelings about this. I knew the man and disliked his decision to go it alone.

As we continued to fly the area of around the highway leveled out and I could see ahead for a great distance. To my right I again saw the man on the four-wheeler. He had sped up and was traveling fast for an ATV. I remember thinking he must be going 40mph. I knew he had opted to go into the mountains and saw him take a dirt road and disappear.

Again I disapproved. I said something to my guide similar to, “He likes to do things his own way.”

Still flying, the highway disappeared and I saw below me green grass. Then a section of road appeared behind which was a small community. I knew to stop flying and slow down. So I put on my “brakes” and stopped right where the grass met the road.

A group of people consisting of adults and children was waiting to welcome us. They knew we had been coming and showed me around their little community. I knew it was a military station of some sort and their job was to observe things. There is a memory of seeing a round telescope and rows of houses built for the residents.

The woman, a tall, slender blonde woman, was my tour guide. It seemed I was to stay there a while and it felt like my husband and I were “pilots” because she kept referring to my “flying in”. I think I confused this with my other life, when I was married to my ex, because I kept feeling like we were in Alaska.

The woman showed me an area that was overgrown with all sorts of flowers. Some of the flowering plants were as tall as trees with white blooms that resembled trumpets. I was in awe of how many there were and how gorgeous they all were. There was also a field of smaller flowers. It was very beautiful.

I recall asking her where she was from. She said, “Mantuk” or something that sounded like that. I said, “Ah, Canada. So you came south.” I seemed to think once again I was in Montana at that time in the dream

I then walked over to a section of windows and looked through. Below was a road heading to a building. The road was dirt and at one point it circled a small pond that had a bridge over it. It looked like a person could either drive over the bridge or around the pond. I thought it beautiful regardless, because it reminded me of a small farm in the country.

A man came in at that time. He was smoking a rolled joint and talking to me and the woman. He seemed to be the woman’s partner. He offered her the joint and she took a drag and gave it back. Eventually the joint was too small and the man ate it. I remember thinking it odd that they would be smoking weed considering it was a military town.

The man then showed me a control panel composed of blocks with letters on them. He pointed to the farm and indicated that he could change the scene simply by moving one of the blocks. He moved one and the entire scene changed into a break room inside a building. The farm was gone. I was fascinated by this and marveled at the technology.

The whole time it felt like I was waiting in this place for my husband to fly in and join me.

When I woke a song was in my head. Specifically, “So I’ll go, I’ll go, I will go, go, go.”

Considerations

When I woke I was not in a good mood. I’m not sure why, really. The last dream didn’t feel bad to me. I knew who the man was on the red four-wheeler, though, and that is likely why I was feeling so down. An ATV symbolizes going off the beaten path and seeking solitude which fits this person perfectly.

Montana symbolizes my spiritual journey. The fact that I am going there to stay seems like a good thing, but I can’t be certain. Flowers symbolize perfection and spirituality but white flowers, which these were, symbolize sadness. The feeling in the dream was indicative of Spring and newness, though, so it is hard to say what exactly the flowers symbolize.

My feeling about the telescope and military base is that it is a place where observation takes place, where one can see things clearer and are separated from the rest of the world in an attempt to gain perspective. The people there felt like a welcoming party, like they knew me and I definitely knew them, though not personally. It was more like I knew them as coworkers or acquaintances.

I don’t know if the man on the ATV was my partner or not. It did feel like his destination was the same as mine, though, so who knows.

This morning I had a consideration that this life and my experiences were like my own simulated reality and no one else here with me was experiencing what I was. It came with a strange feeling like I am inside a video game practicing to get something right. Suddenly it felt like the telescope was pointed directly at me!

One of the lessons I am learning seems to be that whenever I feel “special” it will be reflected back to me that I am not that. For example, I have an awakening and gain all these “special” gifts only to find a decade later that many have those same gifts and I am not special at all. It is the same with the Kundalini and twin flame type experience. Everywhere I turn there is another person claiming to have these same experiences.

This consideration of a simulated reality makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and odd. I know it is likely partly truth but that I have not quite made all the connections to understand what it really means. I had a flash of a vision (memory maybe?) of leaving my simulated reality and watching as humanity destroyed themselves and Earth. I watched Earth as if it were on a bubble-like screen in front of me. It was as if the man in the dream picked up a block and changed everything in a blink of an eye, just like he did in the dream.

The message from this image and my dream seems to be that Earth is a tool and nothing more. It is an agreed upon, co-created simulated reality where we can learn and see the results of our decisions and actions. The sense I had was that my simulated experience was preparing me for something, but I do not know what. Whatever I am being prepared for, it is not only for me and it is not finished in this lifetime (simulated or not).

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Dreams Suggest New Path

On what an emotional week! Thankfully, the emotion seems to be settling down a bit, specifically the grief and anguish. Yesterday, after writing a post in my other “secret” blog specifically about grief and depression I stumbled upon more than one post by an astrologer about Chiron at 29° Pisces. Turns out this specific degree is churning up Karma, patterns, beliefs and all kinds of junk for processing and release.

I have Chiron in Taurus and have often been given a heads up by my guidance about Chiron the “wounded healer”. I have come to dislike him greatly over the years. It seems like when Chiron is around I am in despair or anguish to the point of feeling as if I am being gutted. Thankfully, this time, the “gutted” feeling was less because most of the pain that came up for release had been processed in 2016-2017. So this time around I mainly needed to acknowledge the grief, that I was suppressing it and pretending to be okay when in fact I am not okay.

I’ve also been able to get a bit more sleep. Last night I took a full Benadryl prior to bed when I normally take only half or take a Melatonin. Since my problem is frequent waking I figured a little more Benadryl might keep me asleep. It worked like a charm! I only woke once and it was nearly 5am! Yay! As a result I feel so much better this morning. Rested and calm compared to how I’ve been waking over the past couple of weeks.

Surprisingly I also remembered my dreams in more detail than I have been. 🙂 Maybe they will provide a bit of insight with some interpretation? Let’s see…

Dream: White SUV

In this dream I recall being in a car lot or parking lot (pause on path, new direction) with some family members. I was showing them my new car. We walked along a row of parked cars and I pointed to it. It was a white (purity, spirituality, innocence), Toyota-Highlander-looking SUV (goals in life have changed) only it had a very obvious pop-up camper (desire for independence) type thingamajig where the back seats should be. When I looked inside I recall being very satisfied with it.

Afterward we left and then returned to the SUV to drive it home. There was another similar looking SUV parked about two cars down from mine. I accidentally went to it first and then realized it wasn’t mine (possible alternate path). The pop-up part was distinctly different, extending up higher. I then noticed my SUV’s interior lights were all on and every single door left open. I rushed up to it and said, “Who’s been in my car? Someone left all the doors open. The battery (loss of energy/motivation) is going to die! Why did the parking attendant let them do that?” The “them” in this case felt like children, like my children. I quickly shut all the doors and hoped that I wouldn’t have to replace the battery before I had even driven it home for the first time. I recall thinking poorly of the car lot at that time as well.

Dream: Limo Trip

The dream shifted and I was heading with a group out to a work and/or religious gathering. I recall being inside a large vehicle, like maybe inside a limo (wealth, prosperity). It was dark and the seats were facing each other. I remember being anxious and the drive seeming to last a long time. My SIL moved to sit close to me and began to run her fingers lightly up and down my spine (maybe Kundalini related). It felt wonderful and I relaxed into it and thanked her.

Not much later my SIL motioned to me to follow her. She headed toward a back seat that I had not seen. She crawled through a small opening and I followed. The space opened up and I found myself on a very long black, leather seat. My SIL was sitting and waiting for me and I said to her, “Wow! There’s really a lot of space in here!” The seat was so long that we could both lay down on it comfortably. I could see another seat behind us as well but no one else was in there with us.

I assumed my SIL wanted to continue the back rub but I sensed something was different. When I looked up she was not my SIL anymore but resembled my best friend from high school. For some reason I understood that this encounter was meant to help me and a recent dream experience I had repeated. Again I saw very clearly this woman’s vagina. Rather than feeling awkward, this time I knew exactly what to do and so did not hesitate. Whatever I did to her felt to be happening to me. It was very strange!

Then, back at the gathering, I recall seeing many circular tables (wholeness) in the room, all with white tablecloths. Awards (success) were being given out but I can’t recall what kind or to who.

Next, I was in the bar area/kitchen (spiritual nourishment and healing) and noticed quite a mess of dishes and other things that needed cleaning up (healing). Someone was there but not cleaning it up so I opted to clean it myself. This is odd because I knew it wasn’t my mess yet I immediately went to cleaning it. Also, the mess was not just dishes yet I cleaned them as if they were. I took the things (can’t remember them now), rinsed them with water (cleansing, emotion) and then placed them in the refrigerator. In my mind the refrigerator (accomplishment of what was sought or putting something on hold) was a dishwasher so when I finally realized it was a fridge I was surprised. I recall that the inside was clean, white, and nearly empty. When I placed things inside I arranged and organized them.

There was someone with me at the time that I was talking to but I can’t recall who.

Considerations

My overall feeling from these dreams is good. The SUV dreams seems to indicate that I am seeking independence on my path. Cars = one’s path in life. An SUV in particular has plenty of room for others, specifically family. So, my interpretation is that I want to keep my family in my life but also want my independence. The white color feels good to me – optimistic. The fact that this SUV is my “new car” and was just purchased (based upon it being in a car lot) suggests I am switching paths/direction in my life. However, I have some fears, specifically “battery life” in that I worry I will not have enough energy/resources because of my responsibilities to my children.

The next dream indicates healing of my feminine. It is interesting that it continues another dream experience that was much more lucid than this one and left me questioning the purpose of it. In this dream it completes and I seem to be accepting that this other woman is me. I seek to give her pleasure and as such receive pleasure myself. It feels now to have been about self-love and self-acceptance.

The end of the dream feels like continued healing and perhaps an inventory of what I have accomplished and what healing I still have left to do. Considering how empty the fridge is, it seems to indicate not much has been put on hold for later healing and resolution.

 

 

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Heal

Yesterday was a pretty good day overall. I think going into work (meaning to the office) boosts my morale a bit. It does help to be around people and switch up one’s routine. That is why I like my job schedule so much right now. I have a good balance between work and home, not 40 hours in the office plus commute time. My ideal is working part-time anyway, at least since my family responsibilities escalated after having children.

I continued watching “Heal” last night and enjoyed it quite a bit. It was a good reminder of how one’s thoughts influence their overall state of being. I was reminded to listen to my body, rest when I need to rest, eat when I need to eat, and spend more time relaxing my body and finding my center.

All in all, considering how depressed and overall pessimistic I have been all my life, I am surprised I do not have some kind of chronic condition or illness by now. Honestly, I have rarely, if ever, considered myself happy and have always found it difficult to relax and let go. If one can’t get to that healing state of relaxation then their chances of self-healing diminish quite a bit. Perhaps I am more relaxed than I think? Or maybe, for me at least, when the stress became too much, the Kundalini came in and forced me to listen? I did feel pressure to drop certain life habits in order to relieve the stress I was feeling.

There was this one section in “Heal” that really spoke to me. One of the healers mentioned that forgiveness was very important. Not forgiveness of others, but of self, because when we forgive ourselves then we let go of the negative emotions we hold against others. I was reminded to really look at what I was feeling, rather than ignore or suppress it. This is what my guide was trying to tell me the other morning – my emotions are the key; they communicates my wounds.

The problem with emotion is that most of us are not taught how to handle it by our parents. We use them as a living example of how to handle emotion. If they suppress it, so will we. It becomes habitual and part of the subconscious programming of the mind that runs on autopilot while we live our day. My mom suppressed her emotion, so did my dad. I learned that sadness, tears, vulnerability = weakness. Often times I did not know why I felt the way I felt, I only knew to shove it deep down.

So, for me at least, if can be difficult to interpret the emotion I am feeling at any given moment. If I feel sad or teary during my daily life, I often shove it down rather than stop what I am doing and really look at it. The key is take a time out and listen to the emotion and let it tell me why it is there.

After all this information, I went to sleep requesting healing and imagining a healthy, well-functioning body.

Dreams

I ended up with two in-depth dreams.

In the first, a boyfriend from long ago was invited to a family gathering. He was my first boyfriend after my divorce and the one who I was with during my spiritual awakening in 2003. I remember being surprised he was there and that he was married with a small daughter because the last time we communicated he made it clear that he judged people who married and had kids as stupid sheep.

The wife was very strong-willed, blunt and a bit controlling. She wasn’t mean, just very take charge. I recall that my ex-boyfriend allowed her to do this, which was also surprising to me. I remember asking him questions about her answering for him. They had moved to Kentucky from a more northern state (Illinois I think).

There were more details but most are lost to me now. I think there was something about hunting and fishing involved. I do recall mailing my ex a letter with a gift inside which was a ticket to run a race in Kentucky only there was something wrong with the registration.

The next dream was really odd. I was sitting at my computer talking to someone, a guide I think. Then I would put my finger on my third-eye and press. This would transport me into the computer screen and another world where humans were being transformed into these soft, gelatinous globs that were no longer hindered by emotion. It felt like everything that was human about them was dissolved.

There was a whole section where I felt like this other dimension was trying to steal my children and transform them into zombie-like blobs of gel. I shift in and out of this dimension to retrieve them, each time contacting a feeling of Divine bliss during the shift.

At times I walked the hallways of the space where they were holding the people ready to be converted. Most of the rooms I went into were empty but sometimes I would encounter the ones responsible for converting the people into globs of gel. They looked human and were very nice and inviting. The children and adults they had were willing to go through the transformation which involved dissolving their humanity. One minute they looked human, the next glob-like with eyes and mouths and hands and feet.

At the end of the dream I entered into the space and found people I knew all willingly there. It felt like my consideration that the transformation was bad had faded and been replaced with acceptance.

Interpretation

I highly doubt my ex in the first dream was my ex. It is likely I was talking to a guide that resembled him in some way or that we were discussing my past around the time I was dating him. I don’t remember enough now to interpret it’s meaning, though.

The last dream is the most vivid. I believe it centers around my own transformation and beliefs related to it. There is a resistance to letting go of my emotions and feelings and becoming a “blob” and losing my humanity. The computer is a communication with my guides and High Self. I am able to shift myself into another dimension to observe by touching my third-eye (insight, intuition). I do this frequently and recall briefly feeling bliss when shifting from one dimension into the other. The bliss then results in me seeing the blob people and I retract from the scene and pull my children to “safety”. In the end, I change my mind because my children are unharmed and the transformation appears to be positive.

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Once an Empath, Always an Empath

Odd clearing dreams the last three nights! Weird progressions mixed with strange mixes of symbolism and characters. Twice now I’ve awakened in tears, too. Seems a purging at a deep level is occurring and I suspect the majority of it is not my personal stuff.

Dreams from 1-08-19

The main one was about J (the lady with cancer who I came to help out at work), only I kept calling her “June”. I remember tending to her and visiting her over a course of time. Each time she seemed okay but was getting gradually worse. Toward the end it looked like she was dying but she would recover and hold on. This happened over and over again and it upset me. I kept crying in my dream and it woke me up in tears. I felt so sad and the sadness was from watching the deterioration of a human life. It also was odd to me that I kept calling her June. I think it may have to do with the time of her death. I wonder, will she hold on that long?

The next dream was about this illness that would cause people to go insane and kill others. I was running and hid in a bathroom where I suddenly needed to take a huge poop, which I did right in front of two other females. There was a child with me and another women. The woman seemed to have the illness and kept grabbing her face and looking off into the distance with terror in her eyes.

When I woke the Coldplay song Don’t Panic – “We live in a beautiful world” – was going through my head as was the song, “You’re amazing, just the way you are…..”

1-10-19

Strange dream about the car last night. I got into the Prius and noticed the gas was all gone. It was so empty that the car was dying and re-starting again and again. Thankfully I was at the gas station and pulled up to the pump. While I was searching for money I saw I had forgotten my billfold, checkbook and phone. My purse was practically empty. I opened the center compartment to see if my husband had left his wallet and it was there along with his phone. I remember thinking of my options after cussing silently to myself. I had no way to contact anyone. The only person’s number I had memorized was my husband’s and his phone was with me. I figured I would have to walk to get help and leave the car at the station.

Then I thought to check in his wallet and found wads of money – $100, $50 and tons of ones. Amazed that he had so much and relieved that I was not stuck there, I prepared to get out and pump some gas. As I opened the door and went to the pump someone was opening my trunk. I yelled at them to stop and just as I did I saw another person jump into the passenger side of the car, grab my coat and run away. I yelled at her as I closed my trunk. Then someone jumped into the driver’s side, locked the door and grabbed the wallet with money. They looked at me as I realized they had everything of mine and my husband’s along with the car key. I had been targeted and fallen for it.

I had a vision too that is mostly lost to me now. It was of what looked like chunks of beeswax filled with honey. It was in blocks and they were stacking one on top of the other. The message I felt it relayed was that this year will be emotional – but good emotion (sweet like honey). It felt like I would meet someone who could reciprocate my desires/needs.

Last Night

Dream 1

The first dream I recall is of being in a living room with a man and woman. They were nurses or healers tending to me. I was welcomed in and asked to take a seat. I sat in a large, plush chair. They were very kind to me as they asked me how I’d been and took an inventory of my symptoms. I don’t remember much here except feeling a strong desire to go poop. I remember telling the male nurse and him encouraging me to do so right there in the chair. So, I did, and in the dream it was very real-like and memorable. I remember feeling very odd being in front of them and in a nice, plush chair like that. The chair was brown I believe.

When finished I sat in my poop as we talked some more (ick!). When it was time to leave I remember mentioning the mess and both nurses told me not to worry. They helped me stand and I had absolutely nothing – no mess at all – on my yoga pants. There was one tiny wet spot that I wiped off but that was it. I thought it very strange that I had been sitting in my own shit (lol) for so long and did not have any on me! The two nurses took the chair over to a bathroom and set it down. I remember seeing the pile of crap in the chair and commenting, “At least it wasn’t diarrhea!” As I left the place I noted the chair sitting by the toilet, soiled but salvageable and thinking the whole situation very odd.

Dream 2

In the next dream I recall I walked into a hotel room where a man was standing and waiting. I was instructed to make him a drink. He wanted Vodka and OJ. I did not know where the Vodka was so he helped me search the bottles until we found it. Then I poured him a drink but when adding the OJ I grabbed some other liquor – Cognac or something – but caught myself before pouring it in. There was another man in the room who commented on my lack of experience. I told him I worked for the hotel but not usually in that capacity.

Then I was with several others who worked with me. We were all overworked and mistreated. It felt like we had no choice. There was a woman who controlled all of us. She was very selfish – evil even – and worked us until we either died or could not work anymore, in which case she would “get rid of us”.

I lay on the floor next to a young man who was very skinny and gawky. I knew him and snuggled up against him. We were both naked for some reason and he allowed me to snuggle but it got to much for him and he rolled over, back to me. I felt huge amounts of sympathy for him and apologized, saying, “I’m sorry. You’re probably not ready for that yet.” I sensed he had suffered much abuse and humiliation, just like the rest of us.

The scene shifted and I was with the evil woman. She was nicely dressed with dark hair wearing Victorian Era clothing that was a deep red velvet with black lace trim. I was dressed similarly and doing as she told me, which I think involved walking the streets and tending to men’s needs. I only remember being forced to walk around and serve others for hours without rest, food or drink. I watched from outside myself as I fell and got up again and again. My legs had bruises all over them and my back hurt really bad. Each time I fell I got up again because I knew if I didn’t she would have someone get rid of me. So I kept getting up even though I began to vomit all over myself.

Eventually, I stumbled and hit my head on a wall going in and out of consciousness. I fell, falling into a lunge position. I heaved but nothing came out. I heard the woman yelling at me to get up and sensed men nearby ready to take me away when I passed out. The woman began to leave, turning her back on me and saying something nasty indicating she was done with me.

In a final surge of energy fueled by my will to live and take back my power, I grabbed a pole with an ornamental tip made of mahogany. I lunged forward, aimed it at the woman and drove it through her solar plexus. I pushed until it stopped, embedded in a wall. The woman was skewered and died while looking at me with shock in her eyes.

The dream shifted and I was floating over a nice house on the edge of the water. I was being told it was the woman’s house and though it looked plain on the outside, inside it was grand like the inside of a mansion. The woman did this purposefully so that no one knew her true nature. There was a boat ramp that shone a brilliant white stretched out over the water. I landed on it as the man with me told me, “What is on the outside very seldom matches what is on the inside”.

The man (guide) with me seemed to be gone and in the same instance my friends from the hotel landed on the ramp in front of me. The gawky young man stood in front of me and a woman was to his right. They both congratulated me. I hugged the man, wrapping my arms around him. He said to me, “You did a good job!” When he said this, his words struck me deeply. I could feel him very physically and I began to tremble and then shake in his arms. My entire body shook so intensely that I clung to him so that I would not collapse at his feet. I began to sob uncontrollably as I clung to him. The feeling was a mixture of relief and reunion. I felt this man knew very intimately my deepest hurt because he had experienced it, too. He shared it with me. He KNEW and because of that I felt immense relief at not being alone. So I was able to release emotions long suppressed. Emotion that I hid from others because I knew they would not understand and would judge me.

When I woke I wished that I had someone in my life who understood me like the man in my dream did. I suddenly wanted to reach out to a person I knew understood. In my mind I began to write a letter sharing my experiences and many other things that I would not – could not – share with others. It felt good thinking about this. Real. What I shared in my mind was not my stuff but a sense of the other’s stuff – issues, feelings, fears, hurt….guilt and shame. I knew I had taken on these things in an attempt to help. My guidance pointed it out to me and I said, “I know.” In my heart I know I would take it all on if I had to.

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Contact and OBEs

Interesting night last night. It began when I awoke around midnight to thoughts that made no sense initially and seemed out of place. The first thought I had upon waking was something like, “Maybe we are being invaded?” In my mind specific knowledge points were connecting all at once. Imagine points lighting up and lightening connecting them in a pattern of awareness if you can. With each knowledge point came a memory – a kind of “ah-ha” moment that lasted milliseconds and was followed with another, and another and so on. It concluded with a feeling of concern that was quickly replaced with calm.

All of the thoughts settled eventually and I was able to come to a sort of understanding of the realization I was having. I am not new to E.T.-type contact and long ago managed my fear of E.T.s by rationalizing that they were no different than us, they just take a different form. Plus, their communication with me was exactly the same as my guides – it was virtually impossible to tell the difference. Ultimately, I lost all fear and communication with them seemed to taper off until it was non-existent. The typical OBEs where I felt to be on a table surrounded by Beings with a bright spotlight on me stopped. The visitations by strange looking preying mantis-like Beings stopped. The interactions with bald, near featureless, grey or pale-faced, large-headed Beings stopped.

Yet for some reason in the middle of the night last night I woke up thinking Earth was in the midst of an invasion and it was happening right under our noses. Suddenly, what has happened to me – IS happening to me – was recognized as the method of invasion. Of course, this cause a mild stress response that quickly passed because, well, whatever is happening to me seems to be helping me, not hurting me.

Memory of everything I have experienced hit me all at once. First of all, I couldn’t believe that I had “forgotten” it all. Actually, I hadn’t, I had just swept it under the rug because my life took front stage. Something in dreamtime must have triggered my memory but I have no idea what I was dreaming about before I woke up.

What I am left with this morning is calm and certainty. Yes, in a sense Earth is being “invaded” but that terms leads one to think it a negative thing when in actuality it is very positive. I was long ago told that I was a Contactee. At the time I thought it meant I would encounter a space craft or E.T. here on Earth. That was not exactly accurate. They (the E.T.’s) travel by thought/consciousness – outside of time and space. Therefore, it would make complete sense that they would make first contact telepathically. But humans are so limited in that capacity that in order for contact to be initiated the E.T.s would have to prepare the Contactees for contact.

Rather than go into a detailed account of what I Remembered, which I am sure you would all like to hear (or maybe not), I will just say that the walk-in phenomena is very intricately involved in the Contact scenario as is Kundalini, ascension, and the whole spiritual movement we are currently experiencing here on Earth. There are those of us who purposefully came here – as transplants – to initiate the ascension “wave”. I was told the number of “transplants” (Walk-in’s, Starseeds, whatever you want to call us) is about 1.5 million worldwide at this time. This is a small amount when you consider the total of the world population is around 8 Billion people right now.

The method of entry is being called “transplant” because that is very much how the process works except it is a consciousness that is being transplanted into a human host body rather than some organ or physical body part.

For me, this whole realization is taking some time to digest because up until now, I thought every human on this planet was like me. I was shown/Remembered years ago how I entered this body and communicated with it in order to be accepted into and merge with it. It is now beginning to hit home that perhaps this was MY transplant experience and not the typical human experience here on Earth. But then, I may be mistaken, which would not be the first time. It would be nice, however, to meet someone who remembers entering into the human body while it was still in the mother’s womb like I do. Thus far, I have not met anyone with memory of that, though.

Once I came into this body I was aware for a short time and then went to “sleep” for lack of a better word for almost two decades. When I awakened it was instant. There was no gradual stepping into. I seemed to acquire my abilities overnight. I meditated and it initiated awakening immediately. Snap! Is this how all “transplants” work? IDK. Likely there are different scenarios depending on their chosen path but ultimately the similarity would be a sudden awakening when previous to that there was “normalcy”. Some, I have heard, come into the body and never go to “sleep” like I did. I have only met one such person (online).

Anyway, I am still putting the pieces together but all-in-all I am feeling pretty fine and balanced despite the influx of memory. The end result for us transplants is that we come into our full “power” and then get to work helping to raise the consciousness of the planet so that Earth ascends to the point where human consciousness is elevated enough to communication with other worldly Beings without initiating panic and fear.

Now, for the OBEs……

Dream: Choice

I returned to sleep quite easily and drifted into a dream where I was with a group inside a nice house. I knew the members of this group and the owner of the house, though they looked different than I know them to look in physicality.

There was much interaction with the people in this place but most is lost to me now. I remember a tall man and a shorter, dark haired female. At one point the man, who I think was bald, was talking about his age and how old he was. I looked at him and said, “How old are you? You don’t look very old.” He sighed and said, “42.” I laughed and said, “I’m 42. Born in 76′, right?” Before he could answer I felt a shift in energy and knew time was not a factor in this place. It was as if I had broken a rule, but that is not the right term. It was more that I was not to mention specific timelines because it was likely that I was not on the same one as the others in the room. An analogy that comes to mind is the show Travelers where they had “protocols” and could not reveal their missions to other travelers.

There was a scene in the dream where we were making our own cereal. Parts of the cereal were laid out in sections and then put together to create the final product. There was corn in the cereal. I could see the kernels. I suggested we remove the corn because it would not taste good.

In another scene we were being told the house would be undergoing renovations.

Throughout the dream, I was hearing a female voice in my mind like a whisper as I interacted with the people in this group. She was asking me how I felt and if I would like to stay. At one point I felt her put her hand on my back right between my shoulder blades and a warmth spread across my back and into my chest. I fell into the feeling, opening to it and breathing a sigh of relief. I knew I wanted to stay. This place was safe. The people trustworthy. The space healing and revitalizing.

I saw options listed in my mind. The option to stay was checked and I was asked again if I wanted to stay. I did, truly, but a part of me rejected it because she did not believe it was possible that a place so wonderful, so loving and healing, could exist. If it did, I surely was not worthy of it. It felt that I was better suited to problems and conflict.

I woke up then, knowing I had rejected the space because I felt underserving of it. Additionally, I could not fathom such a reality existed. It felt unreal to me.

dragons

OBEs

I returned to sleep and to the house. I was sitting at the kitchen counter. A woman was talking about doing something deceptive, taking the insides of a toy dragon I think. I was then offered the toy dragon. I saw it was see-through and inside were tiny, colored objects. I told the woman, “You can have the tiny pieces since I know you just said you intended to take them anyway.”  The woman looked shocked.

Then I heard someone call my name. I turned toward the sound and the scene shifted. I gained lucidity all at once and had full perceptions.

Though I could not see the woman, I could hear her voice. I somehow knew she was there to help; to offer healing in a way only a woman could. My vision was limited to that of my mind at the time so I could not see her, only shadows of movement. She asked me if I wanted her to come to me. I replied that I did and lay down on a blanket on the floor face up. There I waited for her.

She then suggested we take a certain position. I think she said, “T”, but I don’t remember her exact words now. When she said this I could feel her approach me and my vision turned on suddenly. Her body felt heavy as she positioned herself over me. My vision turned on and off but I could feel everything very physically.

The next thing I remember is my vision turning on vividly. What I saw shocked me. In my face was this woman’s genital region and I could see every detail of it. Suddenly feeling very inexperienced and nervous, I asked her, “What am I suppose to do?” She said, “Pretend that I’m you.”

I took in the scene, allowing myself to feel all the feelings that came to me. I was not disgusted but I was not attracted to what I was seeing either despite the visuals being VERY detailed and perceptions at full capacity. I began to touch the woman’s leg and kiss her there but hesitated because I began to think it would likely smell. The idea of it held me back and then I pushed the thought away but not before I smelled a familiar smell. It was not a female smell but a musky masculine smell, one I had smelled before in this lifetime. It was not pleasant, as if the man had not cleaned himself well. It vanished quickly but caused me to shift out of the scene.

I felt myself return to my body laying in my bed. In the distance I saw the woman sitting at a computer, illuminated as if by spotlight. I could see her clearly. She had short cropped brown hair that was wavy and came to the nape of her neck – like a pixie cut. Curious and feeling an urge to go to her, I sat up and OOB without issue.

When I went up to her I said, “I didn’t know you worked for him.” I looked at the screen and then back at her. I could see her face in detail. She had a round face with a perfect nose, brown eyes and freckles lightly dusting her cheeks. Her brown hair was messy and hung perfectly around her face. I was fascinated by her.

I got very close to her and looked her in the eyes. She laughed as I grew closer and her entire face lit up. I remember seeing her mouth vividly as she laughed. I think I said, “You’re beautiful” but I’m not sure, I might have thought it. I touched her face lightly with my fingers and turned her toward me because she had looked away. I said to her, “I want to kiss you.”

Her reaction to this was to grab me and kiss me on the mouth. The momentum of her movement was enough to push me to the ground. She fell on top of me and kissed me deeply and passionately. I could feel every part of the kiss distinctly. It was so real! And surprisingly, I reacted as passionately to her kiss as I would to a man’s kiss, maybe more so! My response was to begin to take off her shirt. As it came over her head the intensity of the experience woke me.

When I woke I was laying on my right side, knees tucked close to my stomach. My root chakra was active and warm, expanding outward like a huge bubble. Disappointed to have awakened prematurely, I lingered for a while wondering about the experience. I recalled recently telling someone online that I needed a woman’s touch to heal the wounds causing the blockage in my second chakra. I have no doubt that this OBE was for healing. I was reminded of the feminine energy, how it is nurturing and gentle. In contrast, the masculine energy feels rigid and rough. The wounds I carry from lifetimes of abuse by the masculine require a gentle touch to open up to healing, otherwise they will remain closed to it.