Tag Archives: human design

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Dreams: Lice and Cats

Another dream-filled night! 

Dream: Lice 

I was at work. One of my coworkers was talking to me about a new vendor. This part if very general and hard to recall, though.

Then I was following him home. He had a roommate but they were “just friends”. Inside his home I remember sitting with someone discussing a remedy for head lice (feeling dirty, stress, guilt). Some people were infested while others weren’t. Those who weren’t needed to protect themselves. I saw someone wearing a plastic cap but knew it was risky because they all lived in close proximity.

The woman handed me a tincture. It was a small cup, about 1 tablespoon. It was filled with a pale yellow powdery substance. She dumped it into a teacup full of hot water and asked me to keep an eye out for any lice. I stirred the substance into the water and saw tiny, winged created float to the top. I scooped one out and showed it to her, “Is this one?” She said, “No. It’s much too small. Lice are larger.” I scooped out another and was told the same thing. The fly looked like a tiny gnat (minor annoyances) and I remember trying to remember what lice looked like. They were indeed bigger. 

I recall watching my coworker from a distance. He was sitting outside talking to his roommate and a friend. There was a fire and they were laughing and having a good time. I remember doing the same years ago, when I was in my twenties. I longed to return to those times and wished I could join them, but knew I couldn’t. I recognized that when I was young and socializing, the main reason I did it was to attract a partner. The attention and attraction was what I was after. Nothing else. 

Dream: Feed the Cats

I was at my mom’s house attending a birthday party. I think it was for my daughter but my memory is not clear on that. I remember being outside watching children, all little girls, playing and laughing. Someone pointed out a little girl and asked about her age. I told them she just turned 9yrs old and then corrected myself and said, “No, that’s not right. I’m being silly. She just turned 7.” I remember watching the little girl for a bit, happy to see her happy. She was blonde, like my daughter. 

It was a beautiful, sunny, cloudless day and the air was the perfect temperature. I felt good – no worries and very light as if I had no past and no future, just the present moment. As I walked around I noticed an abundance of cats (the Feminine). There were dozens of them of all colors. In noticing the sheer number of cats, I thought it strange but then not strange because when I was young we did end up with lots of  cats at one point. The cats were following me, meowing and looking up at me. I remember saying to them, “Are you hungry? Do you want me to feed you?” 

When I spoke to the cats they responded and began to gather at my feet in anticipation of being fed. I wondered if anyone had fed them recently as it sure looked like they were starving. 

I looked around for the food container. My mom often kept one outside on the front porch but when I looked for it, it wasn’t there. Then I spotted a container out in the yard and went to check if any food was inside. When I got to the container it resembled one of those red tool boxes with metal latches made of steel. I unlatched it and looked inside. Sure enough, there was food in it, but it was dog food. 

The cats were still around me, gathered around my feet to the point that when I walked I had to be careful not to step on them. I said to them, “Sorry, no food in here.” I walked back towards the house, looking down to avoid cats and noticing the patterns on their fur. Many were tiger striped and one in particular was very distinctive. It’s fur seemed to glow with an orange light and when I looked closer so did its eyes. I thought it very beautiful but at the same time I was cautious because I knew how unpredictable cats can be. 

I climbed up onto the roof (symbolic of me being an HD 6/2 – “on the roof”). The edges came down just above the ground so I just had to step up to get on it. The roof was very steep, an A-frame. I climbed to the top and sat down. It gave me a very good vantage point. I could see all around. As I sat there I think I was singing but I don’t recall this specifically. It is like I was in two places at once – on the roof and watching myself from afar. 

One of the cats who followed me up onto the roof crawled into my lap and sat there. I petted it, still feeling very care-free and happy, looking far off into the distance. I began to scoot down the other side of the roof, careful not to scare the cat whose paws were on my lap. I felt him tense up but he did not grip me with his claws. 

When I got to the ground I somehow ended up inside my mom’s bedroom looking out her window. Outside I could see that a woman had arrived. She had with her some equipment. A man met up with her, greeting her and helping her bring in her things. He was wearing black, leather pants with loops and chains heavy with tools. I remember saying to someone who was with me, “Oh, I see! She’s here because it is getting darker. That’s when she does her work.” 

Somehow I knew this “work” involved communicating with Them, with the stars. This was confirmed when I saw the object the man was carrying. It was made of some kind of light colored metal and was long and tubular like a telescope, only it was much too big to be a telescope. it was about six feet long and two feet in diameter. It had appendages on it and I didn’t see a lens. 

I noticed I could not see the man from the waist up. I didn’t see the woman at all, but I sensed she was there.

I mentioned to my companion this woman’s work but it somehow became my work. I think I asked, “How long does she/I work?” The answer I heard was, “Only part-time.” 

As the dream ended I remember knowing they were headed to the side of the house to “Set up” and work through the night, talking to “the stars”. 

Music Message and Discussion

As I woke, a song was going through my head, “Oh my God, Oh my God, this feeling’s just begun…But I’m frozen in motion and my head tells me to stop.” 

I recognized the dream symbolism was positive and only briefly considered it. Then I said to my guidance, “I realize I do have fear. I am afraid. I am both fascinated and drawn to follow the Call, but I am afraid.” I knew the song represented my struggle – head and heart. My heart says go, my head says no. So I end up “frozen in motion”. 

My reasons for not following the Call are all very reasonable, which makes it that much harder to ignore. I also know that to surrender to it will lead to change, and I am happy where I am. Change isn’t appealing and when the Kundalini is involved there is typically destruction involved. Tear down the old to make way for the New.

Interpretation

The first dream appears to be about my own considerations about life and people. I am confronted with those things that annoy me, things that could easily influence me if I am not careful. The lice represent these things and the tea is symbolic of protection. I am asked to continue to inspect my considerations and keep any eye out for those things which could “infect” me.

The second dream is refreshing, especially in my general mood and acceptance of the cats, which symbolize the Feminine and feminine sexuality. I am not frightened of the cats but I recognize their tendency to be unpredictable so I am cautious. I attempt to feed the cats, which is me recognizing I need to nourish and acknowledge the Feminine. The tool box and later the tools on the man’s pants are symbolic of tools I have at my disposal. Dog food is likely representative of me focusing on protection and fidelity in my life. I nourish that over the Feminine.

The roof is symbolic of my HD profile. I am a 6/2 and as a 6 line specifically, I am currently in the stage where I am an observer. I sit “on the roof” and watch others, learning from my observations in preparation of coming down from the roof.

The last portion of the dream also reminds me of my HD profile, but the 2nd line. As a 2nd line I am happy to be in my own little world but there are windows in the room I occupy. I can see out and others can see in. So in the dream it seems to me I am looking outside my comfortable space, curious about what is going on “out there”.

I observe an aspect of myself in her “work”. She comes in the evenings, while I am sleeping, and communications with Them.

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Dream: E.T. Message “The Alarm Will Go Off.”

So much has been going on since I last posted. The motivated and free-flowing feeling I had in my last post continues and seems to be growing. Yet there still remains with it a feeling that I need to go with the flow and not take action unless appropriate in the moment.

During my days I have been smiling frequently and listening to music I normally would not listen to. The music is upbeat, mostly dance and pop music by more recent artists. I find myself dancing to the music as I work at my computer. My body seems to want to move on its own and I can’t help but burst into a huge grin and go with it. I find myself listening to music more often, too. I like to take long walks and listen to the same music, singing along while I walk. No telling who has heard me and thought me odd but I don’t care!

In the evenings I feel to be not alone so much so that I can’t help but wonder what is going on. Often I feel this unreal sorta feeling, like I am between time, not here nor there. When I get like this it feels like a part of me is communicating with someone, but I can’t quite catch what is being said.

Last night, before bed I got this feeling that someone (Spirit?) was close by. There was a presence directly in front of me that felt to be asking for my attention. I acknowledged it and continued to watch my show, which just happened to be about NDEs. As I watched the show I was filled with K energy that originated from around my lower back and spread throughout my body. It was a warm, comforting energy that wrapped around me, filled me and then just stayed with me while I watched my show. It felt like I was being asked to pay attention as if a message was forthcoming. My dreams appear to support this.

Dream: Two Doors 

I was at work. It was not the building where I normally work (symbolic of my life path) but reminded me of an old, downtown building with multiple floors. I sat at a long, rectangular table with coworkers I didn’t recognize. I was bored and feeling somewhat out of place. I can’t recall what everyone was discussing but it was something to do with preparations and updates to the business. 

At one point I remember holding in my hand a large, balloon type object. For some reason, in my boredom, I began to press myself against it and felt my root chakra activate. It seemed like I was just trying to keep myself occupied during my boredom because the feeling I had the whole time is that I didn’t want to be there and didn’t belong there. 

Eventually I opted to leave. As I walked toward the door I looked at people who walked past me. I realized there was nothing I could do to help them. They didn’t even see me. They were asleep. The expressions on their faces told me they were focused. They were all “workers” (HD Generating types). I remember thinking, “I’m not like them. I’m not a worker.” 

A woman who reminded me of someone I know, was playing with her baby and son. She had rolled her baby to one end of a space and was going to retrieve her son. It was some kind of game where she took them back and forth between spots along a designated path. Back and forth, over and over, repetitively (symbolic of cycles repeating). 

I saw the exit (option to change path) ahead and walked toward it. I went through the door that led to the building’s main entrance/exit. When I reached the area where the door to the outside should’ve been, there were two older people standing there, confused. Someone had renovated the space so that the door was moved. Now there were two doors instead of one. One was up a short set of stairs to the right and another was to the left on the ground floor. I somehow knew the door up the stairs was to another place and time. It felt like a dimensional portal. The other door went to city streets similar to somewhere in New York City and to the present time and world. 

I opted to take the door up the stairs. When I opened the door I was suddenly floating in the air up high above a vast landscape. The land below was riddled with brilliant white crystal shards. They glowed and it reminded me of the movie The Dark Crystal. The land itself was almost barren. It looked like an explosion had occurred there. I immediately knew the crystal shards needed to be reunited and felt that a part of myself went to work doing this. I watched a man float about and take pieces of the crystal and heal the land by touching the pieces to various parts. In one such instance I watched him touch a piece of crystal to the ground and a white, glowing liquid flowed out of it into the land. Eventually the man shoved the largest piece of the crystal into the heart of the land which was some distance away at the lowest point. When he did this, the landscape transformed immediately into a beautiful paradise with lush, rolling green plains, tall, snow capped mountains and vast river systems. There was color everywhere and it was fantastically beautiful. I had a feeling of awe and knew that I had chosen the correct door. 

Dream: E.T. Message

I can’t recall the parts leading up to the end of this dream, which is disappointing, but the part I do recall is likely the most important anyway. 

I was standing with a group of people and my attention went to this small, floating, silver disc. The people with me didn’t see it, though. I recognized it was a E.T. craft and so spoke to it. I asked it, “Who are you? Why are you here?” 

The craft seemed to be able to communicate with me via telepathy. There was a visual as I received a message of an up and coming “test”. I saw test materials – a pencil and paper among other things. My attention turned to a timer sitting next to the paper and pencil. It looked like one of those kitchen timers – round, red, with a white clock face. I remember hearing “the timer will go off” or “the alarm will go off” and then something would happen, something like an explosion or event of some kind. I replied that I wasn’t worried about the test and knew I would pass it because I had passed it many times before.

By this time, the silver disc was no longer part of my dream experience. I had entered into the in-between.

As I lingered in the in-between I remember catching myself talking to someone as if I was trying to summarize something I had been told. I said, “So, I will be split into two”. This brought me to full awareness and out of my reverie. 

Afterward, I wondered about the E.T. portion of the dream. It has been so long since I had any E.T. contact. But was it E.T. contact? And what did the messages mean? What would this “alarm” be? So odd!

Other Considerations

I can’t help but notice that in the first dream I was thinking of those around me as “workers” and thought of Human Design and the Generating types of the world, which compose more than 70% of the population. They are “the workers”, they are here to “respond”. Lately in my daily life, I have been recognizing that I cannot help them if they don’t want my help, if they don’t ask for my help. If I try, they won’t hear me and will likely be irritated by anything and everything I say to try and help. So in the dream, as in my life, I just want to get out of the space they occupy. Why would I want to be where I’m not wanted or acknowledged for what I have to offer?

The dream itself seems to be a reflection of how I have been feeling in general lately. Bored. Unseen. Unacknowledged. Of course, I am also feeling joyful and carefree, but behind that I still have this restless energy that wants to do something, to be of assistance to others. Yet, I observe all around me people doing what that woman was doing in the dream. They are going back and forth, repeating patterns, unaware and happy to remain so. I realize there is nothing I can do to help them. I would love to find an exit to another world like I did in the dream, a world where I can make a difference, where I am seen. And I think, in a way, that is exactly what I am doing when I turn on my music and dance. I am going to another world, my own world, one where I can make a difference even if no one else notices.

That is the beauty in being a 2nd line (HD). We dance to the beat of our own drum. The creator of HD says 2nd line Hermits are there on the first floor of the house (1st lines are in the basement), dancing to the beat of their own drum. They are happy to remain alone in their little worlds. In fact, their motto is “Leave me alone!” lol The windows are open, however, and others can see inside. They are curious, drawn to the 2nd line/Hermit because they see in them something they desire. They know the 2nd line knows something they do not. Others come knocking, asking the 2nd line to let them in but we often ignore their knocks because, mostly, we just don’t want to be bothered. lol It takes someone very special to draw us out of our “caves”. Someone or something, VERY special.

Maybe the “alarm” from the message in my second dream is what it will take to get my attention? Who knows, but for now I am happy to be dancing in my own little world for a while. I am happy there being left alone. It would take quite a bit of ruckus for me to stop my dancing and answer the call, that is for sure!

Featured Image from The Definitive Book of Human Design, the house analogy of the lines of the hexagram (HD personality profiles).

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Happy Rave New Year!

SOLAR TRANSIT Gate 41 – Gate of Contraction, Decrease Jan 21 thru 26

AND SUDDENLY YOU JUST KNOW … IT’S TIME TO START SOMETHING NEW AND TRUST IN THE MAGIC OF NEW BEGINNINGS. ~ Tolle

The cosmic energy now brings us to the beginning of the Human Experiential way with fuel and a pressure to satisfy your desires and fulfill your destiny.

Imagine if your wildest fantasies and daydreams were running through your mind at the same time. It would be difficult to focus and take them all on. However, if you focus your energy on just one … the possibility of initiating that experience becomes viable. Contraction holds the potential for all human experiences, but releases or initiates only one at a time.

So, consider taking one step and then the next.

In your DNA this gate represents the genetic initiating codon, the capital letter at the beginning of any genetic sentence … the start of a new cycle of human experience.

This frequency could be compared to how life looks as it disappears in the observable world during winter and yet new life is gestating in the unseen world below.

If you’re feeling restless, you may find balance by writing or daydreaming about what it might be like to fulfill your wildest desires, or by vicariously experiencing them through literature and movies. Could it be a time to let go of something to discover what is truly yours? When you understand cycles, you know that Increase automatically follows Decrease. So, while this energy is prominent you can fortify your foundation or examine what’s working for you and what is not. Whatever you release during this period of Decrease will pave the way for something else. Nature shows us that Decrease isn’t a negative event. It’s simply how life continues its forward movement even while appearing to move backward.

The Earth’s grounding force is the voice of influence – for good or for bad. Benevolence may allow you to let go and discover what is rightfully yours. You may need to give up something you feel is important as a commitment to conscientious growth with another. Is it time to remove the superfluous to make room for something new?

Happy Rave New Year!

Love Yourself,

Ruth Brennan

I’m beginning this post with a quote because it contains within it so much of what I’ve been experiencing.

The Rave New Year (Human Design) started on January 20th. I began to feel something….new….a few days before. It started as a feeling I can’t quite describe. Like an energy hovering around me, putting pressure on me from without but also…within? Then, on the 20th, I awoke with such certainty and what is even more surprising, motivation! OMG I haven’t felt motivated in so long.

Oh, and no, it is in no way connected to the inauguration. Which, BTW, I didn’t watch. But now, days later, I wish I had, if only to see Bernie wearing that coat and mittens. LOL

Ever since the 20th I’ve continued to feel motivated. It is such a welcomed feeling, too! So refreshing after so long – a year? more? Suddenly, I have so much opportunity, so much I can do and seemingly little time.

It is also not lost on me that we are entering (in?) the sign of Aquarius. My rising sign and a time when I typically have some significant spiritual experiences, though not always. I never know what will happen but I have been forewarned. My guides have given me the month of March several times now as an end-period, a time of conclusions and so also beginnings. February on into March is to be looked forward to, if only to release me from the nasty grip of my Uranus Opposition (or as they call it, mid-life crisis).

Some things that hit me with the energy shift on the 20th (ideas, thoughts, excitements):

Quit my job. Ha! I know, crazy! Why? Because….IDK really, but mainly I don’t need it anymore and want to put my attention on something else. Free up time to do things just for me. My job is boring. Easy, yes. Boring and monotonous mostly. I have saved half my earnings from last year and if I stay I will save all of them.

For most of my life, when people asked me what I wanted to do in life (career, goals), I responded with: “I don’t want to have to work”. Spoken like a true Projector! lol And here I am. I don’t have to work. Success! But….the extra money is nice to have, the work-from-home is nice, the working for my husband is nice, the simplicity of it is nice… and so and so forth. So, I have not resigned yet. I am mulling over my options.

I really think I want to focus on bodybuilding full-time for a while. I know, weird, but if you know me, it really isn’t. I have made huge strides in the last 14 weeks and finally have my metabolism back where it was in 2014 when I stopped lifting because I had a newborn. I am really proud of myself – Inches lost, energy levels up, generally feeling healthier and happier. So, I am thinking I may compete, do a show, just to say I did.

Another idea – Go on a Walkabout. Yep. This is one of those things I want to do just for me. It came to me after asking the Universe to help me figure out what I needed to do. I knew I needed to do something for me, but what? Costa Rica still feels wrong. So what? Then I saw it and had one of those “time stands still” moments as I was watching my TV show. The main character was urged to go on a Walkabout because he was confused and uncertain about things. That was it.

At first I thought, “Six months!” lol Now I am thinking, “however long it takes” and am letting the Universe show me the route. Thus far, I have felt pulled West. I have a friend who lives in Sedona and a brother in Tucson. So, my final destination will be Arizona but I want to see as many ancient sites along the way as I can. Choco Canyon has always been one of those places, but there are plenty of others. The cave dwellings and White Sands are two others. When I will go is yet unknown but I’m sure it will come to me soon enough. Oh, and I don’t have to quit my job to do it. I can take a leave of absence if I want. Another employee goes on a yearly “walkabout” for several months, so why can’t I?

Smaller things are coming to me all the time, so much that I keep losing track and when I finally sit down to write about them I go completely blank. I recognize that this is because I am not necessarily meant to take action now but when I get the go-ahead from the Universe. I will be shown the way. Most likely, I will be invited to take certain paths.

With all the energy and increase in motivation, my sleep has been suffering. I’m just not tired and when I do fall asleep I wake up about an hour or two later wide awake again. This goes on all night. Oh well, sleep was nice when I had it but at least now I have motivation. Did I say how wonderful it is to feel motivated again? 😉

Ladybug and Hawk Magic

Twice this week I’ve had encounters with a ladybug. It seems to be inhabiting our bathroom. The first time I saw it, I thought it was dying and worried about it. Three days later I found it again but this time it was quite lively. I think it is living off my little, potted bamboo plant, hiding out in our house to avoid the winter chill. I took several videos and close-up shots of him/her. So beautiful!

“Ladybugs appearing in your life precede a time when your goals begin manifesting in remarkable ways. Bits of good fortune trickle around like petals on warm winds. Stop and enjoy this moment. Don’t rush too quickly into anything, but instead let nature unfold like Ladybugs wings.

There is no need to worry or fret – live and honor your sacred truths.

A Ladybug Spirit animal may also arrive at the advent of a new relationship, or the renewal of one that had grown a tad stale. Ladybug whispers words of love in your partner’s ears. Remember that sweet voice and translate it into pillow talk as the relationship sparks.

Alternatively, Ladybug may be telling you that love is just around the corner. If you see Her, count her spots to know the days, weeks or months before it arrives. Keep an open mind!” Source

On the 20th I saw a hawk flying with a branch in its mouth. It landed on top of a nearby tree where a large nest was taking form. I watched from below the tree as the hawk flew away and its mate landed on the nest and placed another twig.

I have never seen a pair of hawks like this. What a wonder! I tried to get a photo but it seemed like they were both a bit shy.

Hawks are about possibilities and seeing things from a new perspective. They remind us to be aware of the “bigger picture”. They are messengers to trust that everything is unfolding exactly as it should be. A pair of them could indicate that this message is about two people, likely partners. Or it could just be a double reminder. Whatever the message, it added a sense of wonder to my day.

One More Quote

This one is about Self-Projected Projectors (me!). I am especially proud of my Self-Projectedness:

At the very Top of Hierarchy sits the Self-Projected Projector. Pulling Others up, the Hummingbird catches the Fractal and holds Everything together. Just like a Black Hole in the Center of a Galaxy, that intense Pull towards the Middle is what makes the Self-Projected Projector so strong. The strongest Magnet lies within the Self Projected Projector Who operates from the Chest, the Magnetic Monopole, the Place of Self. “The Future is about Self-Projectedness”.

The Future is not about the Tribe. SPP’s don’t have Tribal Definition.

The most conditioned and compromised by the Environment, the Self-Projected Projectors when operating correctly have the most luminous Power of All. This means Aloneness First. Middle.

The Amplification of the SPP’s Aura in the Right Environment, this is what brings great Influence to the Entire Fractal Included. It is able to unlock many places at the same time, have impact that does not require Repetition. It Triggers deep. Imagine the Quasar with the Black Hole in the Middle. This is how it can be visualized. The Aura of a Self Projected Projector differs when making the Amplification of Energies. Yet it stabs directly in the G of the Other when invited, just as by any Other Projector.

The One that comes the Last, the Alpha of the Fractal, most likely will be a SPP.

“At the Beginning there was a Word. The Word was of God. The Word was God”. Self Projected Projectors Create incredible things from the Place of Self-Expression, the Voice and Self-Love. This Kind of Leader magnetizes everything towards the Self, insisting on the Karmic Entanglement and Resolution of all that stands in the way of it. ~ Theos Doros

Happy Rave New Year!

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Let Them Eat Cake

Strange dreams lately and they go all night long. Yet none of them seem significant really. It is more like I am doing “work” of some kind that I am not suppose to consciously know about. Or maybe I am visiting other lives in other dimensions parallel to this one?

Some examples:

Dream of washed out bridge and high flood waters. I only recall bits and pieces. I was with a group and we were to travel across this bridge and along this particular road. Where we are going is unknown. Information is presented to the group that a huge flood has wiped out the bridge and the flood waters are still high and turbulent. When we get to the bridge it is very dangerous to try to cross. There are no paths around and going through or over is particularly high risk. What I recall most vividly is seeing a large, concrete bridge poking out of flood waters that are a yucky, puke brown color. The water is swirling and frothing and very turbulent as it forms eddies and whirlpools around the bridge. 

Interpretation – bridges symbolize change, connecting points to make progress towards something. This bridge collapses under the pressure of flood waters which symbolizes high emotion to the point of becoming destructive. Since the bridge collapses an opportunity to progress is missed or broken.

Dream of old couple’s house. I visited a couple living in a quaint house somewhere in the country. The location reminded me of North Dakota or somewhere with vast plains and farmlands. I recall that work was being done on the home inside and out. The inside was dirty with dishes in the sink and dust. Items needed to be moved and rearranged but otherwise all was in working order. Outside I remember being told to move a very large fence beam off to the side. I placed it alongside a road. The beam was almost the length of a football field yet I was easily able to move it. I remember walking along the side of the road and seeing various pillows tossed about. I asked the old man if he wanted them and he did so I told another man to go pick them up. The other man felt like an ex-convict yet he was helping so I didn’t judge him for his past. The old woman was also there but mainly to nod her approval of the process. The last thing I recall is talking to the woman about someone I know in this life. She told me he was in a relationship with a woman who was very negative and controlling and made sure no one visited without her prior knowledge. When I asked why he was with her, I was told that this woman tended to his needs. I saw a mental picture of her rubbing his back and soothing him, much like a mother would a son. I remember telling the old lady, “He wouldn’t even let me touch him.”

Interpretation – It seems that I am exploring a part of my past from another lifetime or perhaps a potential that never materialized. The house, or lifetime, is dirty and dusty which means neglected or forgotten. The fence, which symbolizes a barrier of some kind, is taken down, allowing me access. Pillows are comfort and being they are scattered about it likely means the comfort once felt has been scattered about, too. The discussion at the end is the summary of what the house scene represents. 

Dream of being in jail and pregnant. I remember that I was sentenced to time in prison. The prison was not like normal ones with bars and such. Instead it was quite low security with rooms more like a rehabilitation center. I remember going into a room with a group of other girls/women. The room had showers and seemed to be a place I visited often. I was given a number and went to a locker that was made of metal wire and see-through. Inside were people and I seemed to shrink down and become small to go into the locker to be with them. The next thing I recall is being told I was in labor. I don’t recall feeling pregnant really or feeling any labor pains but I was upset because I wanted my mother to be there during the process. I was told she couldn’t be and I would have to do it alone. This upset me very much and I began to cry and wail in protest. 

Interpretation – Jail symbolizes feeling stuck or trapped. Showers are healing. Lockers indicate I am seeking something lost or hidden. I shrink down which means I focus in on what is inside this hidden aspect. I find others, so likely my soul family who I travel with in this lifetime. I am pregnant, which symbolizes potential rebirth. News about my mother is upsetting which likely indicates that I feel I need guidance from my HS but it is not forthcoming. I am told I must do it alone (they won’t tell me what to do) which is always hard to hear but I hear it often. 

Dream of turbulent sea. This dream seemed to also take place in jail-type environment. I was young and with a group of others my age. We were in school learning and somehow ended up inside a book we were reading. I remember watching as well as being in the scenes. There was a vast, pitch black, turbulent sea. The waves were high and tossing us about. In the water there was this large, grid-like, black structure that moved through the water like it had stealth technology. It seemed like something was being explained to me but I only recall that the end result was positive. 

Interpretation – the sea usually symbolizes calmness and inner strength but since it is black (the unknown) and turbulent (high emotion) then it indicates upheaval. The grid-like structure reminds me of the grid-like, black liquid that I felt poured upon my energy body a couple of times now. It is always over my mid-section near my sacral. My guess is this dream represents a conversation about this healing work.

HD

Upon waking this morning I was once again thinking of HD. Rather than be critical of myself for what might be weaknesses or drawbacks of my particular design, I embraced it. One thing I am usually really critical about is how much I dislike people in general and don’t want to be around them. I recognized that I do like to be around people but prefer the contact be distant such as when I go shopping or on walks. It is more personal, one-on-one interactions that I avoid. 

What is interesting is that when I woke up my friend had reacted to a comment I made in a FB message  yesterday. She waited until later to react which I find synchronistic. My friend is also a Projector like me so understands and can relate to much of my emotional response to life. This was my comment:

“I think the part that pisses me off the most about being a Projector is that we are completely Other-oriented and I really dislike other people in general and want them to all leave me alone (Generators at least). But I am a 2nd line and that goes with the territory.”

Her reaction was to laugh, which I can understand. I have even laughed about it! Yet the comment relays very accurately how I feel and have felt my entire life. 

When considering the comment and my feelings I understand that it is through my experiences as a Projector that I developed this emotional response to life and the general Generator majority. All the way through until my mid-thirties I felt a genuine desire to help whoever I could but now that desire has waned and grown almost completely non-existent. It is because of my failure to help that this occurred, or at least my consideration that I failed to help. My guides tell me otherwise. 

As early as my teens I wanted to get away from people and places with lots of people. High school was one such place and my entire high school only had about 100 students! But to me, that was way too many people because I sensed from the majority of my classmates a lack of genuineness. But the part that was really difficult to accept is that few were interested in changing that. I was lucky to have found a single friend who was open to what I had to offer but our senior year she drifted away leaving me alone. I was okay with that because I knew my friend well enough to know it was a phase and by that time I saw freedom ahead, freedom from the close-minded, sleepwalking majority (or so I thought).

When I ended up in Montana I soon realized that less populated places didn’t ease my misery. It wasn’t the number of people that was the problem, it was the quality of people. My move to Alaska proved that and then some and I hightailed it back to Texas.

Embracing the fact that people were not the issue, I tried to use my gifts to help with mixed success. I still found myself both alone and not alone at the same time. Part of me loved the alone time while another part craved a significant partner and small group of like-minded friends. It was a miserable place to be and I still experience this internal split to this day. 

And no matter how hard I tried, it seemed my “help” was not wanted. I went unheard, ignored or ostracized. The only time someone wanted to hear me was when they were getting predictions of their future. People would flock to me in that regard. “Tell me what will happen”, “Tell me what to do”, “Tell me….” to the point that their words repeated with such regularity that I began to despair. The answers I gave were always the same – “Your future is what you make it. You have free-will. You already Know, just Look.” No one wanted to hear that, though, did they? They still don’t. Sigh. 

As a 6/2, Self-Projected Projector, I can feel when my messages are accepted and when they are not. The minute, no the second, the other hears something they don’t want to hear, I might as well be on mute. My words do not hit home. They are lost in the wind. 

Most of the time, the Other wants to babble on about things that really don’t matter, things they have been conditioned to talk about, things they feel have been done to them (victim mentality), plans they have, material things they want, or complaints and excuses. This list goes on. They don’t realize I can see into them, to their core, and I know when they are using words/communication to fill that uncomfortable space. I know the truth behind the words. I sense the insecurity underneath. The desire to be accepted. Their hesitancy to speak their truth and the reasons behind it. And the more I sit and listen to this babbling, the more uncomfortable I get. Their energy is actually painful after a while. I feel sucked dry of my energy to the point that if I don’t get away I might pass out right then and there.

When I am around people who are talking via their Not-Self (most people) I literally can’t physically stand it for long. When I was younger I felt this, too, but I thought something was wrong with me so I made myself follow the “rules” and pleasantries only to later feel resentment (bitter). Why? They just don’t want to hear me, I mean really HEAR me, because to do that means they have to hear themselves. 

So now, nearing my mid-forties, I honestly do not like nor want to be around other people. I am certain now, though, that “most” people are the Generators of the world. I understand that the reason I am not driven to use my gifts “to help” is the result of so many failures to really get through to others. Sure, I help by telling them what I see for their future, but that is so superficial, so pointless really. If no real perception shift was created by my time with them, then, to me, I failed.

So I say, “What’s the point? Let them eat cake.” 

I only use that quote because it is what popped into my head. Yet at the same time I realize it is true, but not because I feel that I am better somehow than everyone else. No. Because “cake” symbolizes extravagance, indulgence…..everything that is materialism. Others are so distracted by the material and it is the reason they refuse to hear, to Know, to See, to confront the illusion. 

From what I’ve read about Projectors like me (6/2 Self-Projected), we are meant to be optimists, to see humanity’s possibilities despite the great many negatives inundating the world today. I don’t think that will ever be me. I try to be a realist but tend mostly towards pessimism. The difference is realists look for creative solutions while pessimists have just given up. Perhaps something will change before I die but I will not hold my breathe. Humanity as it is, in my opinion, is doomed to self-destruct. The most I can hope for is that I find at least one other like me who I can hold onto, confide in, be my true Self with, to live out the rest of my years with. 

Image source

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HD: More on the Centers

Woke up this morning thinking about all my undefined and completely open centers. Honestly, it is very disheartening and making me a little depressed. lol I understand there is a reason for this and so I just suck it up and try not to think about it too much, but life has a way of pointing me back to this situation I have put myself in this lifetime. WTF Higher Self? It’s hard enough to live on this dang messed up Earth as a human but then to put me in a position where my aura is open to pretty much every kind of conditioning from other messed up humans, well it just isn’t fair!

Let’s look at my BodyGraph again and then I’ll go through each center – defined, undefined and open – so you can see what I mean.

Starting from the top:

Head Center – Mental pressure and inspiration; questions, doubts and confusion.

Defined – consistent mental pressure to ask and answer questions, grasp and understand things to include consciousness, fixed way of thinking, easy to inspire others and be inspired but not always able to act on it.
Undefined – inconsistent patterns of thinking, thinks of things that don’t matter, gets lost in self-talk/negative self-talk of the Not-Self.
Open – same as undefined plus unable to recognize when something is inspiring or interesting, they don’t know what to think about or what matters and doesn’t or why.

My Head Center is completely OPEN. I have never been truly inspired and never will be. Everything and everyone feels the same to me. I might find interest temporarily in something but it is usually borrowed from someone near me. I am a jack of all trades type person. All subjects in school were equal to me. I had no real favorite. If someone asked me, “What is your favorite subject?” I wouldn’t know how to answer. I have always been aware of my inability to find things interesting or inspiring and saw/see it as a defect. Why can’t I find inspiration in something? I am easily bored as a result. I don’t consistently stay with hobbies or interests. If I do, it is because the hobby or interest is agreed upon or needed by another; meaning it HELPS others. Or I do things to stay busy and keep my mind quiet. Exercise does this very well.

So sad and depressing to be the person who is boring and bored. Sigh. Yet I can pretend to have interest very well. I have learned over time how to do this. If I say I am inspired/interested it is actually because you are.

Anja Center – Mental consciousness; conceptualizing, interpreting answers or opinions, concepts and theories.

Defined – consistent conceptualization; they can conceptualize, inspire and pressure others to think; they are not easily influenced by others; they condition the mental field and the people in their aura; their minds are always ‘on’ and they find meditation difficult because they can’t stop or control their mental activity but at the same time they enjoy it.
Undefined – have an open and flexible mind, can deeply contemplate and discover the world through their intellectual gifts, ideas seem to come from “nowhere”; they pretend to be certain when they are not; they tend to pick up thoughts of others; their mind is a playground.
Open – don’t know what to think or how to interpret things; tend to feel hopeless and anxious; can find pleasure in contemplation without becoming attached to anything.

My Anja center is undefined. When the Anja is undefined so will the Head be undefined. My experiences are consistent with the description above. I can get lost in my contemplation of things. This is my never-ending thought-stream experience. I am great at being certain even though I am not. lol I get lost in my mind, my imagination and dreams. “Playground” is a great description of my mind. So far, my open Anja is a blessing.

Throat Center – Communication and manifestation; metamorphosis and transformation through interaction with the world.

Defined – if this center is connected to a motor then one can always manifest and tend to be impulsive or talk too much/not enough; if not connected to a motor then the throat speaks from the center it is connected to; overall it transmutes and directs information based upon the centers it is connected to.
Undefined – tries to attract attention; afraid of not being noticed; can become fearful of opening their mouths from years of saying the wrong things; spend lots of energy trying to figure out what to say but they cannot plan what they say with any consistency.
Open – this is rare but when it happens the person has no idea what to say or when to say it/act; tends to have delayed speech as a child, interrupts others and is easily ignored.

My Throat is defined and connected to my G-center. For me, this means I tend to speak my truth and the truth of others. I am naturally a channel. Speaking truth comes naturally and I really shine when invited by others to share my truth. I experience fulfillment through my voice but only when the other is open to receiving.

G Center – Love, identity and direction; seat of the Magnetic Monopole or Higher Self.

Defined – have a fixed and reliable self-identity, sense of being loved and loveable; they can love without becoming dependent; sense of direction and mission.
Undefined – they don’t know who they are; can fit in anywhere and be anyone; adaptable; need stable relationships to form concept of Self; tends to attract others who are complete opposite to them; they sample life paths, taking on the path of others until they find the right one.
Open – no clear personality parameters; uncertain and need others to affirm they are loveable; tend to run to others for direction.

My G-Center is defined. The most true part of the description above for me is that I do not become dependent in relationships. SO true! I can take them or leave them. I am fine to stand on my own two feet while it is often those I am in relationships with become dependent upon me. I have not always felt loveable but the key word is “consistent” here, so yes, I have always had a consistent sense of what love is and what it is to be loved.

Sacral Center – Power of fertility; vital energy, responsibility, availability, sexuality.

Defined – an enormous source of power; of most importance is finding their personal expression and satisfaction through work; the source of a Generator’s power; need to learn to trust the response of the Sacral, when it says “yes”, do it, when it says “no”, don’t do it.
Undefined – subject to elevated energy levels but are not equipped to handle it; tend to feel like slaves to others; need to rest when they feel tired but often do not; no consistent boundaries; can become obsessed with sex or just mildly curious.
Open – energy feels scattered; drawn to one thing then another and another; waits for exhaustion to overwhelm them before they rest.

As a Projector, I have an undefined Sacral. I have not had too much issue with taking in more energy than I can handle, at least not until I had 3 children. When I had child #3 I started to have to drop things from my life one-by-one in order to “free” myself (full-time work was first to go!). What I later learned is that I was not allowing myself to rest enough and so holding onto all the excess energy became too much. I got irritable mostly. I laugh about the “slave” part of the description. I haven’t used that word but I do still often say to my husband and family, “I am NOT your maid!” lol I often feel like everyone wants something from me. I give, give, give but eventually have nothing left to give. Yet my family still wants more! So I have learned to stop when I have nothing left, retreat and rest, communicate my needs and set boundaries.

Root Center – Physical adrenalized pressure; to sustain momentum for living, stress.

Defined – has a fixed and reliable method of dealing with stress; the root is defined to three centers – Sacral, Spleen and Solar Plexus – and the energy if formatted via one of these centers.
Undefined – absorbs stress from the environment; always trying to rid themselves of the pressure but more pressure come in to take its place; always in a hurry to get things done; can become hyper or restless from taking on pressure from those around them with defined Roots.
Open – operate unconsciously and hurriedly through life; are on auto-pilot; tend to get into accidents or have panic attacks. At the worse they lose their joy of being alive.

My Root is undefined. I am very familiar with the “pressure” feeling. It is hard to describe but it is like a “push” from within that says, “You need to do this now.” If I follow it I do end up very busy all day because once one thing is done, another needs to be done. Now I just tell myself, “There is no rush” and the pressure abates. I have learned to “leave it alone”. I let the house stay dirty. I ignore the dishes in the sink. I do things when I feel like doing them; when I am rested and able. Pro – I am rarely late and don’t procrastinate. 😉

The theme song for the undefined Root Center LOL:

Splenic Center – Body consciousness; full existential living, spontaneity, heath and well-being, value, immune system.

Defined – follow their instinct/intuition; alert and protected with a strong immune system; can project a sense of well-being to others; have a strong sense of existential awareness (listen to their body).
Undefined – fears are easily magnified; feel ill-equipped to survive in this world; need defined Spleenics around them to feel safe and secure; they hold onto or stay in relationships far too long, even when no longer good for them; they often feel rejected or struggle with abandonment issues; can become dependent in unhealthy ways; need to not be spontaneous but they are attracted to spontaneity.
Open – they do not know what to be afraid of and become insecure and fearful of everything; can become fearless to the point of doing risky things.

My Spleen is undefined. I do struggle with feeling safe. I think the “big, bad world” will get me all the time. lol I have had anxiety attacks because of feeling this way. I tend to stay in relationships and jobs even when they are detrimental to me. I do this out of fear of losing the security these things give me. I do often want to be spontaneous and am attracted to others who are this way but have learned to wait when it comes to the bigger spontaneous choices I may want to make. No more last-minute road trips or leaving a job before thinking it through!

Solar Plexus Center – Spirit consciousness; emotional and social awareness, passion and desire, abundance of spirit, feelings, moods, sensitivity.

Defined – know to wait through the ups and downs before making decisions but it is not easy to be patient; feelings are indicators of what to do and they are aware of the emotional cycles they go through; depth of emotion can be cultivated on any topic.
Undefined – absorbs and amplifies the emotion present in their environment (empath); can easily end up identifying with emotions that are not their own; feel emotionally out of control; tend to tip-toe around others so as to not upset them.
Open – cannot filter or connect to incoming emotional energy; tend to be confused by what they feel and don’t know how to interpret it; they don’t know what to desire, when to be sensitive or passionate or how to deal with the moods of others; often feel something is wrong with them emotionally.

I have a completely OPEN Solar Plexus. When I was young I thought something was emotionally “off” with me. I didn’t know how to process all the emotion I was feeling. I struggled to define the emotions or cope. I often felt and still feel very emotionally flat, disconnected and unsympathetic to others’ needs. In the past I have thought this meant I was a sociopath or maybe a narcissist. I know now this is not true. The emotion was just overwhelming and I shut down and compartmentalized it all to protect myself. I do not typically tip-toe around others, though, especially if I know them well and feel comfortable around them.

Heart Center – Willpower; ego and the material world.

Defined – like to be in control of their life and resources; can recognize one’s own value and tend to inflate it; make and keep promises; like to be their own boss; naturally competitive; know their own strength.
Undefined – not designed to be willful or competitive but often feel driven to find the courage to be this way; do not have the consistent energy to keep promises or persevere (willpower); tend to be over-acheivers as they try to prove themselves and try to be worthy; their lack of worth often leads to acceptance of much less than they deserve.
Open – do not know what worthiness is or feels like; waver between exaggerate self-worth and complete worthlessness; can be easily manipulated (naive) and controlled by others who promise them worthines.

My Heart Center is completely OPEN. I have had all of the experiences related to undefined and open listed above. However, when I make a promise, I tend to keep it BUT when I don’t keep a promise I am very hard on myself and/or make excuses. I have also come to make promises using specific wording so that I give myself room to fail. lol The “proving myself” theme is never-ending. Is is exhausting and I have to work hard on my self-talk in this regard. I am not there yet. I struggle with feeling good enough – pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough, etc. I have always been self-conscious of my body, my looks, my face (skin specifically), hair, height, body type, etc. If it has to do with appearance I struggle with it. Somewhere along the way I was conditioned into thinking those who look good, who are pretty enough, will be accepted and loved while those who aren’t will be rejected. So messed up, right?

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Human Design – Right Angle, Left Angle and Juxtaposition Geometry

Geometry in Human Design (HD) refers to the potentials and limitations that frame the ways we interact with others to fulfill our life purpose. There are three geometries: Right Angle, Left Angle and Juxtaposition (p. 261, The Definitive Book of Human Design). 

Right Angle Geometry refers to those with a self-absorbed personal destiny and comprise 64% of the population on Earth. They are here to create karma, to work out their own life without becoming absorbed into other peoples’ life processes. When someone with a Right Angle meets and interacts with another, the other may give them a new experience but will not change their life direction/path. Right Angles enter their life completely unaware of their past lives and their past connections. They are here to re-experience, explore, research and gain a new perspective. 

Juxtaposition Geometry refers to those who are here to act as a bridge between Right and Left Angle individuals. They make up less than 3% of the population on Earth. Only the 4/1 Profile in HD is Juxtaposition Geometry. These individuals have a fixed path. Others who come into contact with these individuals for a long enough time will end up on their path with them, pulled into that fate.

Left Angle Geometry refers to those who need others to fulfill their purpose – transpersonal. They make up about 33% of the population on Earth. Encounters with others can easily change their direction or life path, or the other’s path/life direction. Left Angle’s are more conscious of the world and others, maintain a connection with their past lifetimes and often feel a deep familiarity with people they encounter or experiences they have. Left Angles are here to resolve karma that has been created. 

Our Incarnation Cross will take over our life naturally when we function as our differentiated self. “We don’t awaken to our cross, we awaken in it. Our cross embodies the full expression of our awareness potential and our process of living awake” (p. 288). 

“There are 192 basic Incarnation Crosses and 768 specific Incarnation Crosses used in [HD] analysis” (p.288). These are summarized in section 8 of The Definitive Book of Human Design. A full Incarnation Cross reading is needed for complete understanding. 

My Thoughts

I am Left Angle Cross of Refinement. The first half – Left Angle – means I am here to resolve karma and I do this by easily being pulled into another’s path/life direction. These others are people who either need my help resolving karma and/or are helping me resolve my own karma. My understanding of this is that I don’t have a particular set path of my own, though I do have a destination (my life purpose). 

The second half – Cross of Refinement – does not have much of an explanation in the book. In summary, I am are here to ensure the right to one’s own private and inspiring space. Part of my drive is about privacy in this space, not just for me but for the belief that it is everyone’s right to have such a thing.

The Cross of Refinement is linked to Gates 19 and 33 which further explain the specifics of it. The short version is that Gate 19 means I am extremely sensitive to people, places and situations. I can read the energy of the space and people, understand it and then decide how or if I want to participate in it. If I don’t like the energy I struggle to maintain a “poker face” for very long. <—– I laugh about that because it is so true! My emotion is written ALL OVER my face. I can’t fake how I feel. lol

Gate 33 means that I have a creative reservoir that runs very deep and the ability to bring a space or situation back into alignment via creative means. However, I am easily overwhelmed by the gravity and/or time-intensive nature of what it takes to bring situations back into alignment. This part is true for me – I do find great satisfaction in organizing people, places and things.

The Left Angle explanation makes total sense for me because I live it and have been living it my whole life. People come into my life and take me in a totally new direction and it has happened over and over again. The examples are numerous but the main ones that stand out to me are: my ex-husband, a boyfriend and my current husband. 

I am and have always been acutely aware that this life is one of many. Even in my early years I knew somehow that what I was being told about “one life” in church was complete BS. I knew Heaven was not what they described and I knew the rules I was told to obey to avoid Hell were based upon fear. Past life memories came on spontaneously in my twenties and continue to be revealed even today. 

I have been in communication with my guides since a very early age. My mother told me I talked to an “imaginary friend” when I was a toddler and I have memories of hearing someone in my head (a voice) telling me things as young as 4-5 years old. 

As for soul connections, I can’t count the number of people I’ve met in this lifetime who I have felt a deep, soul connection to. Some so much so that there was instant love and recognition.

As for the direction of my life, it has never been a straight line. I feel like a feather in the wind. I float about, someone catches me, holds on a while, and then lets me go. I then float around a little longer until the process repeats. My path, if the feather analogy is used, is simply to go from point A (the sky) to point B (the ground). Yet that path is intercepted frequently to the point that I end up seemingly going in circles, sometimes to the point that I don’t know up from down. In fact, I was just writing in my personal journal this exact observation. It has been frustrating over time because my own path seems to get lost along the way as I end up traveling another’s path time and time again. But I realize now, of course, that my path is meant to be this way.

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Defined, Undefined and Open

More and more fascinating information to share with you all from the book The Definite Book of Human Design: The Science of Differentiation.

First, some definitions:

Section 2: The Nine Centers, The Flow of Energy p. 51

Defined Center -That which is colored in the BodyGraph; what is consistently and reliably you. A defined center is formed when two gates at both ends of a channel come together to form a definition. 

Undefined Center – White areas on a chart, inconsistent, and flexible places; sources of both conditioning and wisdom; where we go to school to learn about life. The Undefined Center has dormant gates connected to it that wait to be connected or “sparked” by the gate at the other end of the channel. These “sparks” come from Others who have these gates and channels available.

Completely Open Center – That which is white or undefined in a BodyGraph; the source of conditioning, education, nurturing, and potential wisdom in a life. A center that has no dormant gates connected to it. “With no dormant gates in place to filter or prejudice incoming energy, we are open to the center’s full potential for experiential learning which becomes a source of wisdom as we mature” (p. 51). 

When I learned that there were completely open centers I immediately searched for them because I knew I had them. Sure enough, I found three.

Can you find the open centers? Hint: Centers with no color, no colored lines (channels), no colored circles (gates). Refer to the first pic (above) to compare if you are confused.

Completely open centers on my BodyGraph:

Head
Heart
Solar Plexus

Completely open Head Center – These individuals have no way of knowing or recognizing when something is more or less inspiring or interesting than another. They may give away their Authority to others by relying on them to tell them what is interesting, inspiring or important. They just don’t know what to think about, what matters or doesn’t, or why and may end up fearing thinking about things or engaging in intellectual conversations. They key is to let the mental pressure pass through without identifying with it. Their wisdom comes when they become comfortable with letting the mental pressure pass on by. They can then learn to gauge who uses their mind effectively and who doesn’t. They can also become sensitive enough to pick up on the thoughts of others (telepathy). 

My thoughts – I laugh because I do struggle to find inspiration and interest in any “one” thing. I cannot understand how people obsess about celebrities or icons. I don’t get it! I have NEVER idolized anyone, not even my own mother. The question, “Who do you most want to be like? Who is your role model?” always stumped me. I want to say, “No one. Me?” lol Similarly, I liked many topics and found interest in many things but never found any one more interesting or inspiring than another. This lack of “passion” use to aggravate me to no end but I have out grown that. Now I just accept that I am ever flowing and fluid when it comes to things I like or take interest in. I also recognize that most of those things were not my interests anyway, but others’ and I “borrowed” them for a time to blend in and find connection. 

There is quite a bit of noise in my head – all the time. Like a constant thought-stream. I am not joking! I don’t think I feel overwhelmed by all the noise in my head, at least not since my twenties anyway. I’ve learned to ignore most of the noise and not take those thoughts seriously. I have also learned that some of those thoughts are NOT MINE, actually most aren’t! Learning to decipher my thoughts from Others was a lesson I learned early on. 

Telepathy is very real to me. Just yesterday while in Target shopping there was an older man who I sensed was “awake” like me. He walked by, we both looked at each other and acknowledge each other with a head nod. Then later I walked by him again. This time I saw his hands were over flowing with items and thought to him (I did not speak), “You should have gotten a cart.” Immediately the man said to me, “What?” lol I said, “I didn’t say anything.” I should have said what I was thinking, though. 

Completely Open Heart Center – Results in an individual never having a solid grasp of what it is to feel worthy, how to measure it or how to achieve it. These people can easily waver between feeling an exaggerated sense of importance to feeling completely worthless. They are easily manipulated and controlled because of their inconsistent self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. Wisdom comes to those with a completely open Heart Center when they accept that they have nothing to prove. Look to them for wisdom about the trustworthiness of one’s word and/or the use of money and personal power on the physical plane. 

My thoughts – I most definitely relate to the part about exaggerated sense of importance to suddenly feeling like nothing/worthless! Mostly I feel this part of me draws to me relationship where the Other has a solid sense of self and self-worth. I do not gravitate toward those who don’t, not generally. My friends and partners all have been strong in self-worth, at least as best as I can identify. I do not feel my completely open Heart Center is a bad thing at all. I do indeed know how to use money and power and can pick out a trustworthy person over a deceitful one any day. For me, this openness was probably the worst to handle when I was growing up and in high school. 

Completely Open Solar Plexus – Like the undefined Solar Plexus, the Open Solar Plexus absorbs and amplifies emotion present in the environment. It is important to learn to decipher when the emotion is the individual’s emotion or the Other’s (Ask, “Whose emotion is this?”). Emotional decisions made by those with an open solar plexus often leave them regretful. These individuals do not like confrontation and tend to avoid it. These individuals have no “way of filtering or connecting to incoming potent, emotional energy.” They can be confused by what they feel because they don’t know how to interpret it. “They don’t know what to desire, when to be sensitive or passionate, or how to recognize and deal with people’s needs or moods.” They can feel like something is emotionally wrong with them. Their wisdom comes from learning how to understand emotion in it’s purest state. For emotion to be beautiful to those with an open solar plexus they must learn to not attach to the emotion. (p. 85)

My thoughts – This one feels like it goes with the open Head Center really well. Confused about emotion? Yep, that’s me! Overwhelmed by emotion? Yep! Empathic? Hell yeah! I have learned over time to never make decisions based upon my emotion. I wait and see if when the emotion has passed to see if I still want to do it. I have always felt something was wrong with me emotionally. I never seem to “get” what others get in terms of emotion. It is like I feel something else altogether and maybe I do? Maybe I feel the “pure” version? I know that is the case with love anyway. 

You may ask how does someone NOT know how to filter and interpret emotional energy? Honestly, I can’t say what is normal for others, just what is normal for me. I have learned to read energy, not emotion, because emotion is inconsistent. One person’s “happy” reads as “complacent” while another’s reads as “high” or “focused” or “intense”. So the energy is the true filter, not the emotion. With my open Head Center and the constant influx of thought alongside the influx of emotion of my open Solar Plexus, I am surprised I have not ended up in a psychiatric institution! 

If you are curious to know more and like to do this kind of research yourself, I recommend buying the book. It doesn’t have all the answers but it is most definitely worth it IMO.

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More on my Human Design Research

I continue to read the book, The Definitive Book of Human Design, as well as do online research into HD. The following are some of the thoughts I’ve jotted down over the last week.

Uranus Opposition

I have been thinking of how I am currently experiencing my Uranus Opposition and what I read in HD about what that meant. It is a turning point taking a person from a focus on their South Node to a focus to their North Node. The North node is my purpose and focus for this lifetime. It is where I “shine”. The North Node is challenging but fulfilling. I believe mine is in the 9th House and in Scorpio. The South Node is about the past and what is comfortable and secure. I think mine is in my 3rd House in Taurus. 

In thinking of my North Node and what I was told in a recent astrological reading, I recalled my North Node indicated I would be most fulfilled working in the spiritual, traveling and/or meeting new people, transcending the material, diving deep and the transpersonal. It is clear to me that my South Node has been my focus for a while – my family, my safe place, karmic contracts, retreat. I was reminded of spiritual experiences I have documented in my blog, experiences that helped me Remember my purpose/mission here. I acknowledged that I did indeed Know my path.

I have also noticed that those things related to my South Node seem to be fading from my focus more and more. I have always been drawn back to my family land and my mother – my “safe space”. Lately, however, I am not feeling a draw to that at all. Instead I feel like walking away from it forever. Leaving it in the past where it belongs. It isn’t that I don’t love my mother or my family roots/land but that I no longer feel the weight of it, or its pull, upon me. I feel freed from obligation and responsibility, like I am finally letting go of my past and everything that had been weighing me down. 

I have never been one to hang onto material possessions. My past homes, land, and possessions were easily let go of as I moved on. Usually I sell most everything when I move. My thought is, “I can always buy another.” I am definitely not sentimental! I don’t attach to the things I buy. Cars are just cars. Homes are just homes. The memories are always with me. I don’t need things in order to Remember. Yet I obviously was holding onto what my family land and home represented – safety/security. My Mom represents that as well. She kept me safe as a child, so why wouldn’t I feel safe with her near? But with my recognition of this and now letting go of it, I can see the glue that held it all together. I am now recognizing that I am safe/secure no matter what. I don’t need a place or a person to feel that way. 

There was an analogy in the HD book I am reading about the Not-Self. The Not-Self is suppose to be the passenger in the car while the HS is the driver. The Not-Self is linked to the mind and the mental. In the 7-centered Being the Not-Self was the driver but now that we are 9-centered it has not realized that it cannot drive this vehicle; it isn’t capable. It must surrender to the HS and sit in the back seat and just enjoy the ride. 

I thought about how I have surrendered many times but it seems that every time I end up trying to drive the car. In thinking of this I laughed because I am reminded of being a child going on a family road trip sitting in the back seat asking, “Are we there yet?” Children are content to sit in the back enjoying to ride for a while, but the boredom sets in when the drive just goes and goes with the same scenery passing by. I can relate to this boredom. It is how I feel right now. I keep asking, “Are we there yet?” in hopes that I will get to go Home soon. My HS answers, giving me a time period for when the next interesting thing will come along, but it seems like “forever” to me. 

Projectors Need Support

Recently, in the in-between, I heard, “Time to be supported.” 

This reminded me of something I heard on a FB video post by a HD analyst. He said that Projectors need lots of support because they do not create their own energy and so often lack the motivation to continue on a path. Many find themselves struggling to finish college and stay financially stable unless they can find a benefactor, usually a Generator, to support them either financially or otherwise. I find this benefactor idea applicable to my situation. I had Generators all around me, pushing me to finish college when I no wasn’t motivated to do so. I had Generators pushing me to stick it out at work, too. I have also sought out support when I wanted to do something. If I couldn’t find that support I usually didn’t persevere. I find it very difficult to succeed in business-type ventures without a partner. I am aware that I need support. I have always been aware of this. 

My Family and HD

HD feels to explain so much. It fills in the gaps and allows me to better understand all of the information my guidance has provided throughout my lifetime.

I have been researching the charts of family members who have had the most influence over me. All are Generators or Manifesting Generators. Four so far are 2/4’s! My Mom, brother and both of my sons are 2/4’s. Since I am a 6/2, we share the 2 line (Hermit). 2 lines are fiercely honest. We call people out who are inauthentic. We have a strong inner Knowing. Trust is very important to us. Break our trust and it is very difficult to regain it. We are here to be blunt and need lots of alone time. The wisdom of a 2nd line is to recognize that letting someone else in makes life more beautiful and fulfilling. We need to let others in to see outside our little bubbles. We tend to carry with us memory of our origins so have a deep sense of Homesickness. 

My Mom, who has been the most influential in my life, has a chart that really compliments my own. It explains why we get along so well and are so connected. Not only does she have the same variable as me (mentioned in another blog post), but her undefined centers and defined centers compliment mine. I am almost all undefined or open. She is almost all defined. 

My definition is the same as both my sons. I am single-definition. 40-45% of the population is single-definition. This means I do not go around feeling like I need someone else to “complete” me. I am independent and okay being on my own. Energy flows naturally through us. We don’t need relationships and are just fine on our own. In romantic relationships I seek out only the very best partners (super picky). Just anyone wouldn’t do because why would I be with someone who isn’t the best when I am just fine on my own? And in relationships if the other restricts my freedom in any way I am happy to say “Bye!” and won’t look back. I choose to be with who I am with. The lesson of a single-definition is to accept that we do actually need others. 

My Mom and younger sister are triple-definition. I haven’t researched this yet but I have researched split-definition. My older sister is split-definition. The split-definition person feels they are missing their other half and is always seeking out someone to complete them. They can become highly co-dependent. When alone with their thoughts they are often “split” inside. One half says one thing, the other half questions it or says another thing. They never have a true sense of clarity because of this. My daughter is split-definition and I asked her if this describes her. She agreed that it did. 

The most revealing part of HD so far to me is how the undefined centers of our aura seek out others who have those centers defined. When we find them and they “click” perfectly in place like a puzzle piece, then we feel it. The more “clicks” the more they may impact us. This can explain soul connections and other similar connections. It can also explain why some people repel us.

My Defined Centers

I only have two defined centers – Throat and G-Center. I am grateful for this because of all the defined centers to have, the one that really counts (IMO) is the G Center.

G Center – Love, Identity and Direction. The Seat of the Higher Self (Magnetic Monopole). 57% of the population has a defined G Center. Note: The G Center is located in the center of the chest where we traditionally think the heart chakra is located. The Heart Center in HD is not in the center of the chest, but is associated with willpower (self-esteem), Ego and the material world.

Those with a defined G-Center have a consistent experience of Love and a fixed and reliable self-identity. They Know who they are! They are secure in their love for themselves and can love others without becoming dependent on them (yes!!!). They have a sense of their own correct mission and direction in life and naturally can point out new direction and love for others.

The downside – “Although their G Center is defined, succumbing to expectations imposed on them or conditioned by others, while rejecting their own direction and thereby denying themselves love, can lead them to experience such a sense of loss in their life that they give up on themselves altogether” (The Definitive Book of Human Design, p. 101). I, personally, can relate to this as I feel this IS and has happened to me. 😦

Throat Center – Communication and Manifestation, Metamorphosis and Transformation through interaction with the world. 72% of the population has a defined Throat Center.

The Throat Center transmutes and directs how information from all parts of the BodyGraph manifests in the world. “If the Throat is connected to the G Center, one speaks from personal identity and direction, from the higher self” (p. 55). If someone has a defined Throat connected to a defined motor (root, sacral, heart, solar plexus) they can always manifest but it doesn’t mean they always should. A Throat connected to a motor can create impulsiveness, talking too much or not enough, and the giving away of energy to every impulse. I, by the way, do not have this issue (I have no defined motor) but I still tend to talk too much at times. This is likely borrowed/conditioned from one of my many Generator family members who do this. lol

Driver/Passenger

Shifting Gears……the below dream supports the driver/passenger analogy as written in the book I am reading.

From page 21:

“In a human being, the Personality Crystal of Consciousness…..sits above your head…in the Head Center at the top of the BodyGraph. This Personality Crystal manifests what you identify with as your Self, of who you think you are, and is called the passenger or passenger consciousness. The Design Crystal of Consciousness…..is seated in the Anja Center….and manifests the biogenetics of your body, or the physicality of the form. It is referred to as the vehicle or form consciousness. The relationship between these two crystals is likened to a backseat passenger (Personality) who rides in a vehicle (Design) operated by a third party – the driver.”

As mentioned already, the driver is located in the G Center. It has two functions – 1. It holds everything together (the Personality Crystal and Design Crystal) in the illusion of separateness and 2. It connects us to our movement in time through space and guides us along our path (destiny) in life.

What I find fascinating is that from the beginning of my spiritual awakening the analogy of the car, driver and passenger has been numerous. I can’t count how many dreams and OBEs I’ve had using this analogy!

Dream: I Do It All

In this dream I was with a girlfriend. We went to the entrance of a large theater-like place. There was a line out one side and a booth with a man selling tickets. My friend turned around and went up to the booth, cutting in line but since the line was so far from the booth the ticket master didn’t notice. He gave her a ticket. I asked my friend what she was doing and she said, “Voting”, so I figured everyone was in line to vote. The place did not feel like a place to vote, though. 

I walked in front of the ticket booth also cutting in line. I looked at the person in line apologetically as the ticket master walked up to me. He was a very odd guy, though. He didn’t look like he belonged there. He was telling me how he did all sorts of things besides giving out tickets. I saw mental projections in a screen in my mind as he told me. I saw an image of him with drugs and my reaction was surprise. Then, out of the blue, he hugged me close to him. When he did this he said, “Don’t you know? I do it all.” With his words and hug came a swirl of images and memories. I knew all the memories and people in them and in that instant an energy came into and filled up the area at my solar plexus. It was like the ticket master and I became one. His energy swirled within me, expanding outward until it went past my body. The energy brought with it Knowing. I Remembered and responded to the man but I can’t recall my specific words. The Knowing was that all men, all experience, were One and I was One with them. We are all One.

Planning

As I woke the energy continued to swirl. It was a pleasant feeling, though not blissful, just pleasant, like I was feeling a part of myself long forgotten, a part connected and Knowing and without expectation. 

The man in the dream continued to speak to me for a while after. I shifted in and out of the in-between so some of what was said is lost now. It remains mostly as a Knowing. I do remember that he reminded me, “You are here to experience what you are Not.” With this came an understanding that my life at present is part of that experience of who I am Not. I Remembered Knowing this. How could I forget it? I remember asking if my entire life was going to be like this? It felt that once I had experienced enough of who I am Not, then I can settle into being who I AM. 

There was comfort in knowing my life at present is part of this “experiment” and not something “wrong”. I didn’t go off course. There is no reason to resist it or fight it. With this understanding I asked the man, “Please help me surrender. I am tired.” The exchange here was pure telepathy. Words can’t describe it but the summary of it, if I had to give it words, is that he is the Driver and I am the Passenger but We are a Team. As the Driver he would always take me to places I desired to go but he alone decides the route because only he has access to the map. 

There is memory of discussing where we are headed. I remember seeing a tiny, black box. In it was being stuffed something much bigger than the box, yet it still fit perfectly. There were other black boxes of various sizes all around, but the smaller one was the focus. The discussion during this visual was hidden behind it but I remember part of it was me describing what I would like to do next. I think I said the word, “Witch” but it was mixed with other words, all describing a spiritual path. The man asked me if I was certain as he stuffed the black box. This is when I became aware of the the discussion and knew he and I were planning together how I/We would make the transition away from experimentation/observation. 

In another vision from the in-between there is vivid memory of opening up a refrigerator door. It was a tiny fridge sitting on the floor. Inside it was empty but I could see clearly the icy interior. The man asked me, “What are you looking for in there?” This brought me out of my reverie and as the visual faded I wondered about what I thought I had put inside it. The only answer I received was that somehow the fridge represented a feeling. Security. Safety. Seeing the fridge was empty reminded me that there was no need to use it to preserve these things. They were already and always would be, mine, and no one could take them from me.

by

I KNOW NOTHING

It has been a strange couple of weeks. Unusual. Challenging. Emotional.

First off, I got some upsetting news from my husband (private – sorry). Then a friend I hadn’t heard from in over a year contacted me. Surprise! Not long after (like literally days!) another friend from the past contacted me. This one was from years and years ago. WTF?

Was there something in my chart that indicated “the past will come for a visit” and “someone close to you will betray you?” Hmmmm.

Mercury retrograde perhaps? lol

A week passes, and the emotions hit, as if to say, “Okay, now PROCESS THIS SHIT”. I am sick, BTW, the whole time. No, not Corona, allergies or a maybe a cold, hard to tell which. The emotions are weird. They come up when I speak of a past incident. Suddenly the past feels to be suffocating me. The emotions get stuck in my throat. I feel unable to breathe or speak. I get super hot and uncomfortable. The tears erupt and I feel stiff, as if I will explode from the pressure building up. Then it is goes almost as soon as it comes. Huh?

The message I got was, “Hey, guess what? That pain you thought you resolved? Not resolved.”

Then, as soon as the sickness ends the emails return when I had thought no further communication would be coming. Prior to one message came energy. It came from my left, wrapped its “arms” around me and I melted into my chair. When it left I knew a message was coming. It came that night.

Again, huh?

And now, nothing. No communication but it doesn’t feel like there needs to be any. No emotion either.

I Know NOTHING

The other day, I was having some high emotion over certain life events. I had just finished a good workout and opted to take a bath in the middle of the day because I knew the workout would result in sore muscles the next day. As I prepared my bath I began to have high emotions regarding life and my design this lifetime. I questioned something I had read online about my Human Design (HD) profile – my variable. I only read about it briefly but it stuck with me.

My variable is PRR DRL. This is the description of a video I later purchased that explains my variable in more detail:

You are part of an evolutionary movement, the bridge to what is coming. You are carrying one part old Left and three parts new variation of Right. What does this mean for your life’s story?

Ra explains how you are designed to have a new receptive brain system, perspective and mind in an active body from the past. Learn how you can understand and deal with the dilemmas of living in a Left world through your correct dietary regimen and Design Nodal environment. In this lecture, you will see how important your relationships are, because they are ultimately going to define your process. Source

What is interesting to me about the description, and why I ultimately purchased the video, is the word “bridge”. It feels correct to me, like it is my purpose to be this bridge. Yet while I was thinking about it later I was angry at the word “bridge”. I thought, “Great. I’m a bridge, so people just walk all over me.” I remember thinking how the only control I have over this is to make myself unstable so that the people walking all over me fall off.

During this time I was speaking with a guide out loud. No one was home but me and I’m not sure when I started or when I realized what I was doing, but I did. The guide was so real to me, so audible in my mind, that it was just natural for me to speak to him. Then I was just laughing because I had gotten to that frustrated, insane sorta emotional tipping point when life is just making you feel batshit crazy. And then a realization hit me. I said aloud to my guide, “I know NOTHING! NOTHING!” And that was the funniest thing ever. Oh the paradox of it! To feel at once that you Know so much but also that you Know nothing at all.

When I was done laughing I no longer felt the need to be upset. There was only calm and my guide said, “Do you feel better now?” And I said, “Yes.” I knew then that all I needed to do was surrender. To be calm and go with the flow. I remember being that way in the past and I know I can be that way again. I have to get out of my monkey mind, or as HD calls it, the Not-Self. I must listen to my inner voice, which for me is my ultimate guide because I am self-projected. I need to listen to what I say when I speak because through my words my path is revealed. This has always been true for me, too, and so the whole idea of it resonates fully with me. I need to recognize and accept that right now my job is to witness, to observe what is happening around me. Action is not necessary. What I observe and witness will help me understand better my life and purpose so that when I am ready I can step into that last stage in my life, when I become the role model I am here to be (I’m a 6/2 Self-Projected Projector). BUT that last stage usually doesn’t start until around the age of 50. That is 6 more years and feels like an eternity away and I think, “What can I possibly get done at such an age?”

Drink from my Well

So, this morning I went back to the video I had reviewed the day before but never purchased. Turns out it was on sale, half-off. Wow. So I bought it.

After listening to the video on my variable type I now understand what “bridge” means. In the video, Ra Uru Hu explained that I am a bridge to the new nine centered Being which is arriving in 2027. I am 3 Right to 1 Left. Left is the past, Right is the future. Left is strategic/active. Right is receptive/passive. The new nine centered human will be all Right. I am almost there but not quite. Therefore, I act as a bridge between the old Left and the new Right. 

I have a Right brain and Right mind. Because of this I am a “well of awareness” from which others come to drink. My job is to just BE awareness. I am to be active in things that I enjoy. Through this action others will be drawn to me to drink from my well. When they come to me, I give them what they need. If I do the correct activity, or that which feels good to me, then the correct people will come to me. I need to be selective when it comes to who I allow to drink from my well. Those who drink from my well may want to possess me. If I surrender to this, meaning I am not aware of it and seek to please them, I can end up forced to be strategic (Left) because I have to figure out how to get rid of them (lol I SO resonate with this!).

I see things in a very, very deep way. The video repeats over and over how I am a WELL of awareness that others drink from. That is my only purpose. I take in, take it all in, and then wait for someone to drink from my well. Those who drink from my well IS what I am aware of. If they drink murky, stagnant water, so do I. People come to me as a resource. What kind of resource will I be? I need to be selective. If I share openly what I am aware of, what I perceive, then I can easily be perceived as “crazy”. I SEE others. Others have to come to me to also see and only then should I share, not before.

In school I shouldn’t study. I wouldn’t have to. I just show up and pay attention and then when that info is needed I will have it. This is very true for me. In school I didn’t need to study. It all came naturally. Answers I didn’t know would come to me if I allowed them. I could pass tests just by using my intuition! If you asked me later why I answered a question the way I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you except to say, “it felt right”. 
Because I am 1 Left it is easy for me to convince others that I am like them but I am NOT. I should not change for others. I need to be ME.

The video says, “Don’t get stuck. You are here for the ride.” It says, “Your partner needs to bring out of you that which feels good.” The Left will be drawn to me. The Left socializes through sexuality. The Right socializes through awareness. I am NOT like the Left (this is repeated, too).

Something interesting that was said: If someone comes into my environment and I want to yawn, I need to get rid of them. I find this fascinating because that is most everyone in my environment now (except my kids).

The advice is to stay busy, busy doing things I choose and enjoy. It can be ANYTHING – gardening, reading, blogging, exercising, etc. If I remain busy doing things I enjoy, that I am drawn to, then I am PROTECTED.  

I will feel the best when others drink from my well. This is why when I gave readings I felt so good. This is why when I was a teacher it felt good. Anytime another drinks from my well I will feel this way. When another comes to me, I will always give them something sweet to drink. I will often not know why I say what I say. It will just come to me and I will say it. Then later I won’t remember I said it and I won’t care because I gave them what they needed and that is why I am here. Period. 

I am here to make awareness available to others. 

The video left me with questions. He (Ra Uru Hu) said that the environment I live in is important. It needs to be nourishing. The wrong environment will not nourish but make me sick. He also said I need to nourish my brain the right way. If I just eat and eat without discretion then I will feed everything, even that which is not good for me. So now I want to get a HD reading for this purpose, to find out what environment is best for me and what diet I should follow. 

If I think of places where I felt the most supported when I lived there, they have been inland, in the plains area or in places with lots of space. My guess is this would be my best environment, the one that nourishes me. I love the mountains and the coasts but when I lived in the mountains I did not flourish. When I visit the coasts I feel okay but I do not feel like staying. Being in the trees and forests often causes me to feel penned in. I seek open spaces. 

Diet makes me curious. Should I be eating much less? Should I be eating like I am? 

The good news is that if I am following my strategy and authority then I will already be in the environment that nourishes me.

Finally, I really liked Ra Uru Hu. What an amazing energy! He is a Manifestor. I wonder if I have ever met a Manifestor? I wonder what it would be like to be around someone who didn’t end up exhausting me? Instead, I have surrounded myself with Generators (my two sons) and Manifesting Generators (my daughter and husband).

Today I received a copy of the book, Human Design: The Science of Differentiation. I can’t wait to read it!

by

OBE: You Are Fire of the Sun

I’ve been having some trouble getting a solid night’s sleep lately, waking frequently throughout the night and then way too early in the morning. Thankfully, I got a solid night’s sleep last night, but I woke at 5:30am.

I had awakened sobbing from a dream. All I recall now of the dream was warning two people, one was my cousin, not to go walking in a certain place. It was flooded and there were snakes. Their response was to get angry and yell, “We told you to stop telling us that!”. Hurt by their anger, I said, “I was just trying to help.” My heart hurt as I burst into tears.

I tried to clear my thoughts and meditate because my guidance recently told me to take advantage of Dusk and Dawn to set an intention for the day. Unfortunately, my mind was very awake, so it took some time to clear them.

Dream: Asleep on the Job

I was at a gathering at work. We were outside but it looked like inside, so my guess is it was at one of the shops. I was extremely tired. All I wanted to do was sleep. So I found my husband to see if we could go home. He was super talkative and extroverted (like normal) and eventually left me and went off to do something. He left a wad of money in his seat. I grabbed it to keep it safe. I only recall the $100 bill but there was more.

The dream continues with me finding places to sleep, drifting off and then waking myself up with thoughts of things I needed to do. I would even prepare chairs with blankets and pillows to get comfy. lol

In one instance I was “sleeping” and thinking of my “other” job where I worked at a school either as a teacher or counselor or both. I kept thinking I needed to go check-in or I would lose my job. There were memories of the building, the parking lot, even the inside. That time, I woke up and hurried back to the main building to prepare to go to my other job before it got too late.

Inside I passed a line of employees. My husband was there and offered me a plastic square with various pills attached. He said, “Take it.” I said, “I already took my vitamins this morning.” Each employee took their pills and went into a room. I asked what they were doing. He said, “Playing a new game.” In my mind I saw a video game reminiscent of Space Armada.

I bypassed the line and went upstairs, passed an “exit” that also felt like a bathroom and entered the only room there – a bedroom. There was a large bed under a window. I climbed in, happy to get some sleep. I remember thinking, “I feel safe here.” When I looked around the room I saw a bedroom but knew it was also my “office”.

Again, I drifted in and out of sleep. Again I was thinking of my other job. I kept thinking to myself, “Just a little longer. I’m sooooo tired.” My thoughts would be answered with a visual of a clock showing it was nearly 3pm.

OBE: You Are Fire of the Sun

At some point I recognized my intense tiredness was a clue as was my “other” job. I thought, “I don’t have another job. I must be dreaming.” In that instance I felt the bed I was in was in many places at the same time – in my house in my current reality and also in other places and times. It was also as if the bed, with me in it, spun around as my perspective shifted.

Fully lucid now, I decided to try and get up and out of the bed but was uncertain because it all felt so real. Ultimately, I opted to rock back and forth for a bit in hopes of rolling out of my body. I did this a while and then shifted to a back and forth motion. The entire time I was mentally communicating with someone and I vaguely recall them advising me.

When I left my body it was quick and seamless. I stood there for a moment and then rushed out of the room and down the stairs. Trying to fly wasn’t working so I walked.

At the bottom of the stairs I saw my MIL and another woman sitting with paper in hand. They were focused on some task. Behind them were rows upon rows of bicycles. Hundreds! I remember being disinterested in running into the same things I always did when OOB, so I jumped up, floating over the tops of the bikes intent on exiting the scene.

As I flew the sense of freedom was wonderful. I began to rise higher and higher into the sky. Faster and faster. What is interesting is that I held onto one of the bicycles (to journey alone, independently) as I flew. Below me I could see the city lights and above me the stars.

Eventually the speed at which I was rising was phenomenal and I closed my eyes saying to my guide, “Slower. Slower please.” I did slow down but kept moving up into space. I remember not knowing what I wanted to do with this OBE. So I said to my guide, “Show me what I need to know.” I paused reconsidering, and said, “Take me into space. Take me to another planet.”

For a moment I felt to be nowhere. All movement ceased and I experienced the typical shift that takes me to a new place. My vision came on clearly and I was floating through outer space towards a light.

The next thing I remember is falling very far and dropping into water. I did not go under the water but bobbed to the top. It was all dark up until that point when suddenly the lights turned on. I was in the most blue water I’ve ever seen. It was crystal clear. Ahead of me was a beach and above me a brilliant blue, cloudless sky.

Someone told me to put my feet down because it was shallow. Sure enough I could stand and walked up toward the beach.

The sand was pure white and all along the beach were parked oversized construction vehicles of all sorts. They looked to be abandoned, though. I went to investigate, flying up and around them. Wherever I am must be home to giants, I thought.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement so flew toward it. Just beyond the beach was a small town. The dwellings were all brown and reminded me of a cardboard material. People were walking through the narrow streets. They looked human.

Someone saw me and I flew up as I said, “Hello.” Many stopped and gasped, mouths open, frozen where they stood. I heard someone say, “What is she wearing?” I have no idea if I was wearing anything, nor did I care.

I flew around for a bit, explaining to them I was not from their planet. I began to tell them about the things I ate. One man was holding large, green leaves that curled around the edges. I pointed at them and said, “I could eat that.” But then the man looked as if he were counting them. I said, “Oh. It looks like you use them for money here.”

There was a commotion behind me and I knew they were intent on catching me to study me. I was flying, though, and knew they wouldn’t not be able to.

Then I shifted suddenly back to where my physical body was. My vision went black and then turned back on. I was aware of being very tired and once again laying in the bed. I wanted to go back to the planet and was talking to someone. This time I heard the voice of this other person. It was a male voice and appeared to be coming from a large, blue floating capsule of some sort. In my memory it reminds me a blue pill (could mean blissful ignorance). It even had two white stripes on each end.

I can’t recall what the voice said but it was a distinct voice, very gruff. I realized that I could go back to the planet just by willing it, so I did despite the voice reminding me that the people there wanted to capture me.

Then I was floating over the sandy beach area. The blue of the sky was so vibrant! Below was what looked like woven, straw baskets. A man was standing on top of one of the basket lids. Again it was as if giants made the baskets. They were enormous!

I flew down and landed on the lid near the man. I found it was bouncy and began to jump on it like a trampoline. It was super fun! The man was asking me to stop jumping. I knew his intention was to capture me so I made it a game, getting close to him and then jumping out of his reach.

He pleaded with me to stop so I did and landed next to him. We sat down and I looked at him curious about this human-looking alien. I said to him, “You look like me.” He nodded. Looking at him I noted the differences. For one, his head was oversized, as were his ears and eyes. In my memory he is almost like a caricature drawing and the Mad Libs kid comes to mind, too.

I said, “You have five fingers like me but three toes.” I touched his large toe and noted how the other two toes bent toward the big one. The small toes seemed to have no function at all.

The man reached over and touched my toes. He paused as he touched one of my smaller ones. He said, “You have the mark like me.” I said, “Do I?” He pointed at a tiny white streak across my toenail. He said, “See that? You are fire of the sun. No one can look directly at you.” In my mind I saw a streak of a blue flame. I confirmed, “Sounds like me.” Then he said, “You are a beacon.”

I got the feeling from his words and the images in my mind that I am never truly seen by others.

Without warning I was pulled back to my physical body. The sensation of it was fluid and smooth.

Considerations – Human Design

It has been a while since I’ve had an OBE. I’m glad I asked to be shown what I needed to see. I find that those OBEs where I direct what happens tend to do very little for me these days.

This one appears to be a reminder. In the past I was shown/told that I am a beacon, as are others like me. I thought of a lighthouse back then. Now, though, it seems the message is that, as a beacon, I will never truly be seen. This feels accurate to me. I don’t feel seen in this body. I feel invisible to most others. How odd that my “fire” goes unseen? If I am so bright, if I am indeed a “beacon”, one would think others couldn’t help but see me? But the message was clear, they are drawn to me but never really see me, for to look directly at me would “blind” them, much like when one looks directly at the sun.

A while ago now, a friend of mine introduced me to Human Design. When I think of the message in this OBE and the other messages I’ve been receiving, my Human Design result came to mind. I am a Projector.

Not only are Projectors gifted with the ability to recognize, we are given attributes that are designed to be recognized. We are magnetic beings, designed to attract attention. It is the frequency of our Aura that draws someone who sees and recognizes us for the particular qualities we carry and thereby invite our guidance into their lives. In fulfilling that recognition, we find our signature of success.

The Art of Being a Projector

I believe the dream I had prior to my OBE was a reminder that I am not doing my true work but instead choosing to “sleep” on the job. My true work is as a teacher/counselor (even Projector says this). Yet at this time in my life I do not feel drawn to teach or counsel. The motivation is gone.

I also recently had an astrological chart done. For some reason the nodes come to mind. My South Node is in Taurus and the 3rd House. When I look up what I was told about it, I see that it involves feeling safe and being in my “safe place”. You can see that in my dream. My safe place is my bed. If you were to ask me my favorite place to be, it would be in bed, surrounded by fluffy pillows, sleeping. When I am asleep I feel closest to Home. I feel safe.

My North Node is where I shine – my astrological destiny. I believe (if my notes are correct) it is Scorpio and the 9th House – spirituality, foreign travel/people, transcending the material, diving deep and the transpersonal. And I do feel most alive when these things are a part of my life. Right now they most definitely are NOT.

I stopped writing here because I suddenly felt no reason to continue. So I went on my morning walk. For some reason writing this post left me unsettled and depressed. To never be seen is an awful fate. How lonely.

A song came to my mind and I kept singing it as I walked.

When I returned home I was reminded of a message I received not long ago – You will be seen. So perhaps I can be seen, but it is rare. This gives me some hope I guess.