Tag Archives: kundalini

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Dream: Struck by Lightning

Not a whole lot to report here. Lost of mundane things mostly. Today I had a well woman physical, which I haven’t had since 2014 (can you tell I hate them? lol). I told my doctor about my heart speed-up scare and she confirmed that it was likely low blood sugar. 🙂 I also had a full blood panel done because I haven’t had blood work since 2016. The results won’t come in until next week. Next, I have to schedule a mammogram because I am now “over 40” (in other words old).

Another interesting event was that I had my DNA analyzed through 23 and Me. The results came in this week. I am 64.2% British and Irish, 19.1% French and German, 2.4% Scandinavian and Broadly Northwestern European is the rest. I thought I had more German but it seems not. lol I also discovered someone I’ve known for around a decade is my 4th cousin! Sadly, all I discovered were many distant relatives. No close relatives from either side of the family show up. Health-wise I am not a carrier of any of the 44 genes for specific diseases and issues they tested for. The only thing of any significance that came up is that I have a slightly higher risk of having Celiac disease and age related macular degeneration. Weird!

I have completed 40 days+ of the Wahe Guru mantra meditation and have not noticed anything life changing. I do relax easier in the evenings but that is about it. I got the idea the other night to begin a visualization meditation at night instead of the mantra meditation I have been doing. So I have been trying to visualize what I want but it is hard because I seem not to be able to “see” physical things I want really well. That is probably because physical things are not very interesting to me. I mostly just want enough money to never have to worry about survival needs again. Mostly I just want to feel a certain way and I can visualize how I want to feel much better. So I have been trying to focus on the heart connected feeling or just a general openness in my heart. I also focus on feeling joy and fulfillment.

Visions of Note

In the past few weeks I have had some interesting visions and messages come through.

I had a vision that was very clear upon waking one morning, probably about two weeks ago now. In the vision I saw the painting in my room that is called “Integration”. I was going into the painting on a bicycle. It was so real that I thought I was actually sitting up in bed experiencing it but when I blinked I was in bed lying on my side. I was probably dreaming or in the in-between.

A message from myself that was interesting came around the same time. I caught myself talking to someone about someone who I recognized as me in another body. I said, “Oh that is my 6th body. I don’t control it”. All I remember after that is that the “body” of this other me was yellow.

Then in one day I had two syncs. The first came when I woke up with a song in my head. Minutes after waking I had to jump in the car to take my daughter to the bus stop because it was raining and the same song and line was playing! This was the song and the part that kept going over in my head was “She said I don’t look like me no more no more. I said I’m just tired, she said you’re just tired”:

Later that same day, I was reading a blog and the poster mentioned she got interrupted because her doorbell rang. The instant I read “doorbell” my own doorbell rang! LOL

Dream: Struck by Lightning 

I woke from a dream sometime around 3am. In the dream I was watching a small house via a screen. It almost looked like it was a piece of art, framed, but the picture was moving like a TV. The house had dark, nearly black smoke billowing out of the top. The billows were rounded and went high into the sky. I had a camera in my hand and began to take photos of it and as I did this I seemed to enter the picture with the house.

Then I was lying on the ground dressed in a white leotard, legs spread in a V shape. A bolt of lightning came down and hit me in my root chakra. I remember it did not hurt nor did it feel odd at all. I told someone who was with me, “I’m okay. I feel fine.”

This scene woke me up and I felt my entire body covered in a heaviness and subtle vibrations. I felt very drowsy but my mind was alert. A conversation had been on-going between myself and a guide who I could feel near me as if he were standing in front of me. This guide and I had been talking about what I wanted in life and I told him, “To be out of this body” and I was saying, “I don’t care how it happens – in a body bag, in OBEs, taken Home via spacecraft or whatever.” My guide was saying, “I don’t think that is what you really want. I think you want….connection.”

The more aware I became of the conversation the more it began to fade, our words disappearing, replaced only by the heaviness in my body and a feeling almost like passing out except I was already “out”.

When I regained control is when I heard the word “connection” and with hearing it I felt a pull within as if I were being called to embrace the familiar feeling of surrender followed by ecstasy that comes with the K. I resisted and told my guide, “It is not good for me. It upsets my life.”

I told my guidance that I prefer the security of my current relationship even if that means I have no deep connection(s) in my life. The idea of leaving behind my security to search for a connected relationship (whether with myself or another) does not appeal to me.

My mind wandered back to the idea that I may do better in a relationship with a woman and the more I thought about it, the more it appealed to me. My guidance seemed to indicate this would not happen. I wondered why not but did not ask because the answer seemed to be that it was not part of the plan.

I ended up in a dream where I was in school, purposefully breaking the rules by choosing to be with a woman. I found great joy in this and was giddy like a child as I danced up and down a line of students while watching the expression of a “teacher” as I kissed the woman. I remember my hair being pinned up and me taking it down as I danced. The other woman was also doing this.

There was a whole section of the dream where I was talking to others in my class about returning to my 30’s. One guy was holding a newborn in his hands and I said, “I had all my babies in my 30’s.” I remember saying, “If I could be any age again it would be in the decade of my 30’s.”

As the dream drew to an end, I remember hearing the song Unchained Melody and singing along – “Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me. I’ll be coming home, wait for me…”

When I woke I felt that the dream was about feeling free to be myself. I often feel confined in this world and unable to be who I really am because of all the rules and expectations placed upon me by society – Be nice to this person, don’t say anything they don’t want to hear, etc. I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders each time I have to interact with other people because of these rules. Sometimes that weight gets so heavy that I break down into tears from the exhaustion of it.

I began to think of what I said about being in my 30’s again. As I pondered it I realized I would go back to age 30 exactly and make different choices. I would not build my house on my Mom’s land. Instead I would have stayed at my job at the time. I would have opted out of a family entirely. This all came as a result of thinking how I trapped myself by falling for the idea that having a family would somehow fulfill me. In fact, I see this whole world and life in a human body as a trap. I remember thinking, “If I could go back, I would go back to the time before my birth and opt out then. My mom would have miscarried and I would have been saved from this existence.”

I sometimes feel guilty for bringing my children into this world. Now they, too, are trapped by it. 😦

Lightning Dream Symbol

I have had K dreams where I am hit by lightning before so I suspect this symbol indicates the K energy will be fired up by some kind of catalyst. I find it strange, though, that I feel nothing when it strikes. Instead I sit there and say, “I’m okay. I feel fine.” I think the truth is that I am not okay. And no, I don’t feel “fine”. Perhaps my guide is right and being out of this body is not my goal but rather finding Divine Connection while in this body.

The smoldering house is likely symbolic of my life and how the energy is still burning, but slowly, creating a black smoke out the top of the house (my life/body). Maybe the black smoke symbolizes a blackness within me – the empty pit of nothingness that resides there. Or maybe it is just what remains of what could be smothered out over and over again by my refusal to let the flames ignite again. Or maybe it is some kind of signal fire? I wonder if anyone can see it?

I recognize that the K causes me to feel a need to make changes because that is its purpose. But I do not want to change and feel the energy of the desire brought by the Kundalini is not something to be sought after. It doesn’t last but it makes one think it will. It is deceptive and intoxicating. To reach for it will only result in suffering – not only self-suffering but also the suffering of those I love. I may be unhappy now, mostly from boredom and disconnect, but at least I am not suffering. I am secure and have many blessings. That has to be worth something.

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Kundalini Dream: Tempest

As the new year approaches the energy seems to be shifting. Yesterday the energy was especially strange. I felt a bit unsettled and family issues were at the forefront of my mind. Specifically, I wanted something unjust to be fixed. I kept feeling like I needed to take action but when I tried, things kept messing up – information I spent an hour typing wouldn’t save and other info vanished completely. It seemed as if the Universe was telling me, “Not yet”. So I found another way to channel the energy I was feeling – exercise. Once finished the feeling to take action was gone and replaced with a more balanced, calm energy.

I had lots of dreams last night, but a main one stands out.

Kundalini Dream: Tempest

The dream is hard to remember now but there are distinct elements of Kundalini energy present throughout.

In one scene I am standing on what appears to be a concrete dock sloping into the ocean. With me is a man and others but their appearances are hard to recall. The man walks into the ocean and I feel he is calling me to join him. He goes into the water up to his chest and I see he is okay so I follow. When I enter the water I notice there are dolphins swimming in it. I am overjoyed to see them and reach out and let my hand slide over the slick skin of one as it swims by. Many dolphins swim around and around me, playing and surfacing to smile at me. The dream scene fades out.

Then I am in a room with other women. I can’t recall what we are discussing now but I talk with one woman in particular who I have an affinity with. She is black and I find her very beautiful. Actually, all the women in the room are black and beautiful.

A group of people come into the room. They hold a large celebratory sign and have on masks. Many are children. They have with them presents in red bags with white paper covered in red and pink hearts. I say, “It’s like Valentine’s Day!” The children pass out the gifts to several women in the group I am with. The women are lounging and sitting together, relaxed and smiling. I feel that the gifts are coming from their men who are away. It feels like they are in the military or “fighting a war” but the war is not a typical war with guns and death. Instead the war feels internal though also for the whole of the world.

A gift is presented to me. I read the tag and the name says, “Dayana”. I say, “This isn’t isn’t my name. It’s not for me.” I read the rest of the information on the label to see if there is any information that is familiar. I see “Firefly” and tell the person holding the bag out to me, “It may be mine. ‘Firefly’ belongs to me.” The others in the room nod in agreement then one woman says, “Take it then. It is yours!”

Inside the bag underneath thick red paper is a tiny black box. I do not open it, though.

There is discussion about the men in our lives. I remember thinking of my ex-husband but this is probably because we are talking about the “war” our men are fighting.

Then I leave and go with my friend to her home. Inside are more women but one in particular is a well known author. She is sitting on the floor in front of a table, her legs off to her side. She smiles at me when I enter. There are others there with her. They invite me to sit down. Again, all the woman are black and very beautiful.

I recall talking to a man about his concerns about making enough money to support his family. I tell him a whole story about how much me and my husband have earned through the years. Specifically I tell him he can support a whole family on just $29K a year. He has misgivings about his ability as a provider but is reassured by my story. What is interesting is there is no man in the room with me and the woman and as I tell my story an entire scene of my story plays out as if a movie.

The women in the circle seem to be a kind of support group. They are discussing books. The woman author hands me a book and asks me if I have ever read it. I say that I have seen it but didn’t think it was right for me so never read it. I take the book and it has a title that is either, “Temptation” or “Tempest”.

Then I find myself looking at the pages of a book. I read a long sentence about how a man, a kind of doctor, helps a woman activate 22 meridians and chakras, starting in the root and moving up. I see him insert something into the root of an energy body and watch as the chakras activate. The energy is not intense but instead very flowing and smooth. I believe the aura I am observing is my own and the energy in the chakras mine also.

The woman author mentions to me that despite the “fat” of the physical body, the energy is able to move and progress upward. I see a visual of the insides of a physical body. Layers of yellow fatty tissue are visible. The energy moves through it and the fat seems to shrink, the yellow slowly dissolving away.

The women are discussing their unique experiences in life. I zone out, thinking of my own life when someone gives me a message related to time. I am told that I don’t need to do anything, that time will come to me – move through me. I am told to “wait” several times. I see a vision of a person standing still on a white platform that seems never to end. A time reel of pictures moves through the person. I understand that the idea that an individual moves through time is false – time moves through the individual.

I begin to think about my experiences with the Divine and how I felt to be One with everything. I hesitantly ask the group if any of them have ever experienced the Divine like I have. I describe my experiences as best as I can and they show interest and acceptance. My description causes me to relive some of the experiences I’ve had and I am near tears. I say to them, “It is so wonderful to be able to talk to you all about my experiences!” One woman asks me how I handle such profound experiences and I tell her, “I usually cry afterward.”

The other women nod as if they understand and can relate. My friend in particular seems to get it and comes closer to me. She hugs me and rests her head on my chest. I begin to slowly caress her black skin, finding her extremely beautiful. She moves closer and then positions her head in my lap. I gently touch her hair and marvel at how beautiful she is. There is a connection between us, one of great love and appreciation.

energy-aura-reiki-healing-light-body-crown-chakraKundalini

I slowly wake because I feel the K energy swirling through mostly my lower chakras. I linger, going in and out of the in-between. The song from Titanic goes through my head, “Once more, you open the door….” and “You’re here in my heart and my heart will go on and on”.

I fall into the in-between.

I remember being led into a tunnel or a path. In front of me is a white door with a golden door knob. I move toward it and it opens. Beyond it the path continues but is feathered in light. I can feel the K energy pushing upward and building at my solar plexus. It forms a line of golden energy just below my ribs. This energy increases my awareness and I see the door and know that going through it will move the energy upward. I try to shift back into the in-between but my awareness is too much. I am upset when I recognize this because I know I have interrupted a potentially beautiful experience, one where the energy moves into my heart space.

The song continues to play through my head as if to remind me that all is not lost – “My heart will go on and on….”

Considerations

The symbolism behind my dreams feels positive. Dolphins symbolize spiritual guidance, freedom, and happiness. I am in the water, which is emotion, invited in by the the masculine energy. This introduction feels to be an invitation where I am guided into the water (my emotions) and shown that it is safe and I am protected.

The symbolism of Valentine’s Day is love, connection and partnership. Though my name is wrong I notice the street name of my childhood home “firefly”. Fireflies symbolize illumination and hope but also one’s “homeland”. It is interesting that in my dream the street name was of my childhood home here. I am given a gift, one of love as represented by Valentine’s Day, but I do not open it.

The book title is curious. I am not certain of the title but it is either (or both) temptation or tempest. It causes me to think that the content, which I read and shows the rising of energy through 22 chakras and meridians, could be indicating that I will experience a rush of energy upward. Perhaps this energy will also represent a kind of temptation, which makes sense when one considers the energy of the Kundalini.

The women in the dream are all very dark skinned. I find them extremely beautiful, but this is also true in my waking life. I am very attracted to very dark skinned women of African descent. I had a very spiritual lifetime in the early 20th Century where I was an African-American woman and had very close ties to the women in my life. Perhaps I was creating the women in this dream to look this way because it gives me comfort and puts me at ease?

This dream continues a dream theme, one where I have women inviting me to experience the K energy. It feels like I need to further explore my feminine side to assist in the rising of the energy.

The vision of time received in this dream has left me considering how we as spiritual Beings enter the time stream of the physical. It appeared to me that we “descend” and then allow time to flow through us in order to experience it. I was then told I did not need to “do” anything but that time would come to me and through time I would experience. This message coincides with what I was shown yesterday when I tried so hard to take action but could not.

This dream and the other dreams and premonitions I have been given bring hope that 2020 will most definitely be a year of clarity.

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Premonitions and OBE

After a day of furniture shopping for our sons’ new bunk bed in which we ended up buying much more (lol), I fell asleep quite quickly. Unfortunately, I woke around 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I was regretting a certain piece of furniture and worrying over some others. Typical buyer’s regret. lol

I was also annoyed by a completely clogged nose, well only one side. There is nothing more annoying IMO!

By around 5am, still unable to sleep, I gave up and opted to meditate while sitting in bed. As I meditated, though, I became more and more sleepy until eventually I turned off the light and fell asleep.

The last thing I remember is a song going through my head:

“Don’t worry, ’bout a thing. Every little thing’s gonna be alright.:

Visions of 2020

I didn’t fall straight to sleep. Instead I lingered in the in-between where I was talking to a man about things to come. I don’t remember asking to know this but, funny enough I remember wondering about what 2020 will bring a couple of days ago.

It all began as a vision. It was so clear that it pulled me out of my reverie. In the vision, I saw my step-father in a hospital bed with oxygen and other cords attached. He looked okay – not at death’s door or anything – but he was most definitely wearing a hospital gown and in a hospital bed. I knew immediately that this was a premonition. I also knew it didn’t necessarily mean he would die.

I remember discussing a scenario where my family moved in with my mom. I suspect I was looking farther ahead to when she would be a widow, living alone in her big house. I came out of this min-dream or vision thinking, “She would never agree to move.”

Then I recall a vision of a black man who was a tad gray and unfamiliar. My cousin, who recently split with her long-term and much younger boyfriend, was dating this older man and moving back to L.A. I remember being surprised because she has always talked about living in the country in her little home until the day she died. Perhaps love changes her mind? She currently lives in a double wide mobile home on family land. The home is in horrible disrepair from years of her letting pets and animals live inside with her and also not being very cleanly.

There was a scenario where my husband was asked to renovate the home and I remember tying it into the idea of moving in with my mom. I thought of our family living in the mobile home while we renovated it. It is literally a walk away from my Mom’s house.

Suddenly, I shifted into what was very obviously a lucid dream. I walked to my cousin’s house, which had been abandoned by her. Inside everything was as she left it. The first thing I saw was a fish aquarium with tons of tiny fish that looked like cats. The fish were hungry and gathering at the front. I got out some food and fed them while talking to someone about how odd it was for my cousin to just leave them and her other animals behind.

In the corner of the room was a bed. Tired, I lay down on it to sleep. When I looked up at the ceiling, though, I saw two visuals of the wall/ceiling. One was the dream scene, another was my own bedroom. I knew instinctively that this was an invitation to go OOB. I think, though, that whoever I was talking to indicated this telepathically, also.

OBE

Without hesitation, I decided to leave my body, though sleep tempted me to fall into oblivion.

OOB now, I was still talking to a man who seemed to be with me. For some reason I see him as a young black man and assume he is my cousin’s ex-boyfriend.

I fly out of the house and outside. The sensation of flying is wonderful and I hover near the barn intent on investigating my grandparent’s property while OOB which I do not recall doing often, if ever. My vision is full-on but everything is blurry and shifty.

Suddenly I am pulled upward toward the sky. I remember telling someone, “I don’t want to go up” while at the same time surrendering to the pull because I know that to fight it will likely pull me back into my body. I end up pausing over the tops of the trees.

Someone is with me and we go into a space full of people. It appears to be a party. There are people crowded in brightly lit, golden hued room but I  hear no music and they are not dancing or moving about like people in a party do. They do seem to be conversing with one another, though. I try to focus in on their faces to see if I know any of them but their faces blur the minute I try to focus. I speak to a few but get no responses. It is like they are asleep or not really there. Despite all this, I am very excited and feel like a child, curious and wide-eyed.

There is a distinct shift and I know I return to my body but I do not wake up or shift back OOB. I assume I fall victim to my exhaustion so some lucidity is lost.

Lucid Dream: Ship of Darkness and Giant Turtle Guide

The next thing I remember is being high up in the trees with others watching a scene below that is hard to recall now. I believe there are people below me swimming in clear water. The people are children and a child is with me, to my left. The entire scene is reminiscent of a fantasy book illustration. It has a very dreamy quality, brilliant colors and sparkly air that is alive with lights.

A woman to my right is instructing me to do something but I don’t remember what she tells me to do now. What I recall next is that the woman has a serpent-like, white body that moves toward me. I am drawn to her and feel that she is inviting me to join or merge with her. The energy is intoxicating and I remember hearing a female voice inviting me to come to her, telling me not to resist. I have a consideration that I am being tempted to do something “bad” but I don’t care and immediately toss the idea knowing it is not bad and fear is clouding my judgment.

I surrender to her and she wraps her tail around me, igniting my lower chakras in pleasure. I remember feeling drawn to stay with her forever but say, “I don’t want this. I want….”. What I want is a feeling that cannot be described in words.

Then I am standing with the woman at what appears to be the entry into another world. We are on the deck of a huge, black ship. The ship surges into a dark space with dark water. Inside, the ship doesn’t go far because it encounters a wall of round, black rocks. It turns back and then enters the blackness again and again, each time stopped by rocks.

I say to the woman, “There are only rocks here.” I am looking for an opening and there is a feeling that just beyond the rocks lies what I am seeking. I believe I am seeking a reunion with Self, or that is what it feel like anyway.

On the third trip into the dark waters I turn to the boat toward the rocks and get off. There is a small child with me who walks ahead of me. I only see the child’t feet, though, and at times the feet of the child shift to my own feet wearing black boots. We/I walk across volcanic-like rocks in the water. The child’s foot touches the water and a snapping turtle head pops up. Then I am watching a turtles attempt to bite my booted foot. Thrilled, I yell, “Look! A turtle! He is trying to bite my foot!”

On the other side of the rocks and water I turn back and see the turtle has grown so large that it fills up the water and towers above me. I grab onto his shell, fascinated and overjoyed to be holding onto him. I can see and feel the shell. It is very real!

The turtle disappears and someone (the turtle maybe?) hands me a penny that is the size of a basketball. I am told to kiss the penny eight times, breathing in with one kiss and out with the other. I do this, knowing that I am setting an intention for all things to work in my favor. It is my “lucky penny”. I remember breathing in deeply and kissing the penny, flipping it over, breathing out and kissing it again. The penny looks very dark like the rest of the place, as if it has been sitting at the bottom of the dark water for ages.

Interpretation 

When I wake up I know that my dream is showing me my future and giving me advice on how to handle what is to come. The darkness is the unknown. The black ship is the unknown, subconscious and perhaps unpleasant emotion. I enter it three times, each time encountering a dead-end filled with black boulders which are obstacles to progress. I do not give up and on the third try stop the boat and climb over the rocks across dark, deep water where I encounter a turtle. Turtles are wisdom and patience and this turtle feels like a guide. I am given an over-sized penny and told to kiss it eight times a certain way. Pennies are good luck and it feels that if I handle it correctly luck will be mine.

What is it I am looking for in this dark place? Well, prior to going there I am pulled into the snake woman where the Kundalini temps me. I do not resist but when asked to remain in the bliss I resist, recognizing it is not what I want. Specifically what I don’t want is the very sexually intense experience that tends to trap individuals in the lower chakras. I am shown that to find what I seek I must delve into “dark waters”. The ship keeps me afloat, though, which indicates I will not drown in the unknown but sail above it. Ultimately, I find a path through the darkness and a guide in the turtle. The penny can be luck as well as new beginnings.

 

 

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Kundalini Yoga Meditation Practice and Short OBE

It’s been a busy week and with Christmas just around the corner I expect it to just get busier. My husband is back home at least, which helps. 🙂

I’ve started a new Kundalini Yoga meditation routine and plan to continue it for the recommended 40 days. The meditations are one of many from the book I recently purchased called The Art of Making Sex Sacred. I specifically selected two meditation to help me with specific issues. The first is a meditation to work on trust, trust of others, of life and of self. The second is to assist with stress and anxiety. It is composed of breathwork, or pranayama. You take 8 deep, quick breaths in through your nose, filling your lungs completely, and then let out a long breath through your nose for 8 counts that empties your lungs completely.

Here is an example of the first meditation. You only have to do 1.5 minutes, then you can build up to the full 11 minutes:

Here is an example of the second meditation. Again, you build up to the full length.

I have completed about five days of my 40 so far and for two days now have noticed some subtle energy in my third-eye and crown when meditating. Last night the second meditation was very, very relaxing to me. I could have done if much longer than I did. Breathwork seems always to be the most relaxing to me anyway (except Breath of Fire), so I am not surprised.

The videos are an excellent way to begin practicing these meditations. This particular woman has several on her YouTube channel you can check out. I do not use the videos myself because 1. I can’t do the mediation as long as she does and 2. I find the computer prevents me from relaxing fully.

Short OBE

I’ve not been sleeping very well for about a week beginning around the recent full moon. Thankfully, last night I slept really well and this morning was gifted with a lovely OBE.

My youngest woke up crying because his leg was asleep and so I got up briefly to help him manage it. When I attempted to return to sleep I just sort of meditated and drifted into the in-between.

Somehow I found myself conversing with someone I did not see but I could hear his voice quite clearly. The last thing I remember him saying is, “Go to [look through] the blinds.”

I became aware of being able to leave my body and so I did, floating up above it and letting myself be drawn as if by an unseen force into the space next to my bed. As I floated I kept my eyes closed and just relaxed. I began to sing a song about love but I can’t recall the words now even though I remembered them for some time after coming back into my body.

I floated on my back, facing the ceiling, and finally opened my eyes just slightly to see where I was. There was a sense that if I opened my eyes I would see the bedroom and it would pull me back into my body but I still peaked out. Above me the ceiling was much higher, a dome that extended at least a hundred feet above me. The dome was filled with glass – windows I think – that sparkled with light like crystals. What is interesting is that at my level the bedroom looked like it normally does. Knowing I was very close to my sleeping body, I closed my eyes to avoid the possibility of losing such a pleasant experience.

Eventually I shifted to a more vertical position. Eyes still closed, I continued to sing and noted the quality of my voice was much more feminine and smooth than it is in the physical. It was almost angelic and there was a sweetness to it that pleased me. The words I sang were about love, a deep, connected love; Divine love.

I remembered (or maybe was reminded) of what I was told prior to exiting my body – “Go to the blinds.” I floated over to where the window was, took one finger to the blinds and opened them, intending to look through the window. Before I could look out my intent shifted as if pulled away by my Higher Self and my focus shifted within. My lower chakras began to fill with a pleasant energy that morphed into the Kundalini bliss of which I am so familiar. The energy pulled me into the physical. I lingered in my bed, eyes closed, for a while, enjoying the energy and not wanting it to end.

Song

Intent on remembering the song I was singing, I went over it and over it for as long as I could but must have been pulled into the in-between because there is a space in my memory that is lost. Then I heard something downstairs and got up quickly. When I returned to bed I had forgotten my song. Another song was on my mind, though, one that I have been hearing upon waking for a couple of days now:

The lyrics that tend to repeat in my head are: “I believe that the heart does go on”. Yet this morning the part that was repeating was, “Once more you open the door.”

It seems to me that my guide was asking me to go to the blinds, to look through them, in an attempt to show me something within myself that is always there: Love/Divine Connection/Bliss. In my OBE when I went to the blinds and attempted to look out the window I was pulled within and into the Kundalini bliss.

I also feel as if the lyrics I heard this morning are a message that my heart will be “opened” again.

 

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Recovery

I’m nearly recovered from the flu now. Unfortunately, now my oldest son has it and is home from school today with a 102° temperature. The upside to this is he is the last one to get it so when he recovers we should be done dealing with flu-symptoms.

We’ve never had the flu in our family. Honest. We don’t vaccinate against the flu, either. The last time I had the flu was my freshman year in college. Yeah, that long ago. I have to say, I prefer the flu to the stomach bug any day. Yet I’ve had the stomach bug more times than I can count in the last ten years. lol

I’ve been taking it easy as I recover. This flu lingers and the congestion and tiredness are the last to go. Yesterday was the first day that I felt recovered enough to do a little exercise. So I went for a run-walk with Monty (our mini-Aussie) and did a body weight leg workout when I got home. I didn’t feel the typical after-high of exercise, though. Instead, all I wanted to do was take a nap afterward. lol  Thankfully it didn’t last and my afternoon was very productive. I made five jars of Calamondin marmalade from the Calamondins (tiny citrus fruit) I picked off our tree. 🙂

More Healing Kundalini

Though I am sleeping well I have not been having much dream recall. My guess is that I am just too busy and stressed now with my own illness and each of my children getting the flu one by one. Have you ever tried having the flu full-on while your children also have it? Not fun!

This morning my youngest woke me at 5am. As I attempted to return to sleep I began to feel energy pooling in different chakras and various spots all over my body. The main chakra I felt it in was my solar plexus. I could feel the vortex of energy through the front and back of that area as energy felt to explode out of both sides. I could also feel energy in my neck around my throat.

Eventually the energy began to move and I could feel tendrils of it move up the right side of my body from my solar plexus to my neck and then up to my crown. It felt like hands cupping my head gently in warmth. Then I could feel it moving up my left side as well. It was much subtler and flickered in and out.

I enjoyed feeling this healing energy for a good hour.

Some information came to me as the Kundalini did its work. It seems my illness somehow assisted in clearing some blockages, specifically in my solar plexus and throat.

The healing comes at the perfect time. Tomorrow I have a consult with Bonnie Greenwell, author of The Kundalini Guide. I am looking forward to it.

 

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Kundalini Healing

I’ve been sick for a few days now with what I think is the flu. 😦 It has been bearable with a low grade fever, slight body aches, headache and tiny bit of congestion. Last night, though, it seemed to get worse and I went to bed with a fever and a horrible headache that Ibuprofen did not alleviate.

As I shifted into sleep, my headache kept waking me up and I felt really cold and uncomfortable. I requested healing, not expecting much of anything to happen. To my surprise, as soon as I asked, an energy spread quickly over my entire body. The energy was similar to what I have always called energy “hugs” but much more pronounced. The energy originated in my spine, in the center of my body just below my rib cage, and spread in waves up and down my body. When the energy got to my head and feet respectively it would shoot back toward the center of my body only to return back to my head and feet. The waves were so relaxing – but that was not the best part. The energy erased all pain from my body COMPLETELY. It was such a relief! No headache. No body aches. No chills.

The energy remained for a while and then slowly subsided. My headache and other aches and pains stayed away and I fell asleep.

I woke at least five more times throughout the night for various reasons. Usually the headache was back or I would feel uncomfortable or just generally unwell. Each time I requested healing and each time the energy waves would come, erase all pain, and I would fall back to sleep.

Fascinated, I recall considering what was happening and ended up dreaming about the answer.

Dream: Healing Trinity

I remember being shown three healing lines. They came together to form an arched inverted triangle. The triangle was gold and brilliant. When I saw it I knew that it’s purpose was healing. For some reason I attributed each of the lines to the trinity, pointing to each line and naming them – Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Then I was at my Mom’s house explaining to her what I had learned. I was relieved and happy. My Mom then mentioned a man who kept coming to the house. He had been told to stop coming so he would send others in his place to tend to a pet he kept there, which was his excuse to keep coming. My mom told me to be careful of him because he was acting like a “stalker”.

Eventually I met the man. He had recently left the Army and was struggling to make ends meet. He was young, with dark hair and somewhat familiar. He had with him a book he was creating full of illustrations. He opened one page to show me that he had included my information on the healing trinity in it. I was shocked that he had included it without first asking me. When I looked at it, though, he had changed the drawing so that the trinity was filled with stones and resembled a stone wall.

The man spent much of the dream staring into space, What was odd is I could hear his thoughts. He was stressing over things in his life and not paying much attention to anything else. I psychically began to pick up on stuff for him and asked him, “Do you have a balloon mortgage?” He said, “Yeah, I do.” I told him, “You need to be careful with that.” He said, “Yeah, I know,” and acted a bit defensive. He made excuses, specifically that he could not find appropriate work. I suggested he work with his hands and we discussed him mowing lawns and providing handyman services. I remember feeling sad for him as the dream ended.

The last thing I said to him was, “Focus on your heart when you meditate.” He looked at me strangely.

As I woke I was thinking or hearing (not sure which), “Don’t be surprised if you have a huge heart opening.”

Considerations

When I woke I still had a headache but it was slight. The minute I began to think about how uncomfortable it was, the energy manifested, spreading up and down my spine and wrapping me in bliss. The pain vanished and I lay there thinking how amazing it was. It felt just like I had been given a strong pain reliever only it was energetic. I didn’t think such a thing was possible! But then, why not?

The dream I had seems to indicate the energy has to do with the trinity somehow. I have received similar messages in the past but never quite fully understood why.

An occult description of the Caduceus of Hermes (Mercury) is that the serpents represent positive and negative charges of kundalini as it moves through the chakras and around the spine (the staff) to the head where conscious perception occurs, the domain of Mercury the messenger. The wings of Hermes represent consciousness or Spirit. The “flow” signifies consciousness and perception–for no flow, means no lifeforce. Spiritual evolution is an ever increasing relationship with the neutral ground between the play of opposites. The Trinity is also observable in the caduceus: the helix is the Son (matter), the staff is the Father (zero-point ground) and the wings are the Holy Ghost (tangible perception of spirit). From Biology of Kundalini 

My guidance was using the trinity to explain the healing I was receiving. Did they mean that I was able to experience this instant reduction in pain because the three components – matter, zero-point ground and tangible perception of spirit – were present? Maybe?

I did not quite understand what was meant by zero-point ground. This was the explanation:

At the ground of matter there is the Quantum Field, or Void, Vacuum, Zero-point Energy. At the ground of mind and thought there is Sunyata, Emptiness, Void, Absolute Unity Being.

Whatever the meaning, I am happy to know that the trinity was present within me enough to give me relief from the pain of illness. And although I still have lingering symptoms today, I feel like I am recovering little by little.

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Kundalini Dream: Plane Romance

The last two nights I have had trouble falling to sleep. Last night it was because of having to cough. When the weather turns cold like it did recently, dropping 25 degrees in a few hours, my allergies tend to flare up causing my eyes to water, my nose to run and my throat to tickle from all the post nasal drip. The general sense I get, though, is that my sleeplessness is also from the full moon energies right now which feel pretty intense.

I had an interesting dream that woke me this morning.

Dream: Plane Romance

I was on a very large airplane (goals materializing, advancement or rising about troubles/problems) with lots of other people. I sat in a row that had many more seats than I a normal plane would. There was someone walking up and down the isle calling names from a list. It felt like we all worked together and the names were being called for the person to report or maybe get a reward or both. I can’t remember.

I sat two seats from the isle where the man was walking. There was a man next to me who was attractive but I don’t remember much about what he looked like. He was clean cut, though, with short hair that was either blonde or light brown, and had a very ordinary face, almost boyish looking.

There was a sense that he and I knew each other well and it was not long before he hugged me and we began to kiss. I could feel my lower chakras explode in a pleasurable sensation and for some reason I felt fear or concern over this and pulled away. I then left him behind and went searching for my blanket (protection). I walked all over looking for it and began to ask people if they had seen it. One woman asked what it looked like and I could not remember what color it was, only that it was big. As I told her I thought it was blue I saw a bunch of blue blankets all around me but none of them was mine.

Eventually I returned back to my seat awaiting the calling of my name, which I never heard called in the dream. The man was still there and he turned to me and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist. I looked up at him, he was about a foot taller than me, and said, “I’m sorry I pulled away. The feeling you give me scares me.” He looked pensive for a moment and then said, “Oh, that’s interesting.” For a moment it seemed like he did not know what to make of what I had just told him. I got a sense that his experience wasn’t like mine.

We began to kiss again and the experience was very real, causing an increase in lucidity. I could feel him pressing himself into my hips and upper leg. My lower chakras began to erupt in a pleasurable way.

There was a loud sound, like a thump, and I jumped back for a moment. My thought at this time was that someone might see us and we would be found out. I was worried about this for some reason.

We continued to kiss passionately and my lower chakras expanded as an energy started traveling slowly upward. My second chakra seemed huge and I could feel energy entering my solar plexus.

The intensity of the energy woke me and I lingered in bed for some time feeling the strong energy in my first two chakras. I took a moment to imagine the energy rising up my spine to better distribute the energy. This helped and soon everything balanced out.

Considerations

It seems that I am resisting the K rising at this time. It is odd that my fear of being “found out” has returned. I thought I had resolved that. I use to feel very guilty about my dream “flings” and then shifted into a full acceptance of them. Once I fully accepted the experience the K was able to rise. I know I made a decision not long ago that I should stay away from the very intense, sexual K energy because it was not helpful and seemed to cause a kind of obsessiveness with it. But perhaps I need to undo that decision? Resistance is never helpful with the K. It only creates problems – physical and/or emotional – and leads to delays.

I was reminded of something I recently read in Bonnie Greenwell’s book, The Kundalini Guide. In it she mentions how the lower chakras can feel especially sexual and intense. She says some teachings suggest those who have intense energy in the second chakra tell students to go out and get it out of their system. She doesn’t really agree with this, instead she suggests using gentle practices to encourage the energy to move upward. It is clear, though, that avoidance will not help regardless.

The blanket part of the dream is interesting to me. I seem intent on finding mine. Lately I have had many dreams and OBEs with blankets in them. They seem to symbolize protection or something that provides security and comfort. When I woke and was thinking of this my guidance told me, “You don’t need that (the blanket). You are always protected.”

It is strange to me that I would think I need protection from the intensely sexual energy I was feeling. Why does it scare me? When I have felt the energy in the past I have had considerations that it is “bad” or “sinful” and that “nothing good comes from it.” My guess is that I have had past lives where this feeling/energy consumed me and caused me to respond to it in negative ways with poor life choices. I do know I have killed myself in at least two other lives because of feelings arising out of such intense sensations.

It reminds me of the early time prior to my first major rising of the K when I had many dreams and OBEs where I would be confronting this HUGE energy and avoiding it out of fear that it would “take over” or be the end of me. Over time this subsided and I shifted to embracing the energy, which did not kill me as I felt it would. So it is likely this fear is unfounded and won’t last long. Once I embrace the energy/feeling, it will transform as it is meant to.

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Immersion

I’ve been taking it easy and giving myself time to recover, heal and relax. While the week started out high-anxiety, I am finishing it feeling much more like my old self – well actually better because my anxiety level is lower than prior to the major panic attack in August.

I stopped drinking my half-caffeine cup of coffee in the morning four days ago. I suffered a bad headache that was not relieve by Ibuprofin the first day (caffeine withdrawal). By the second day my headache was pretty much gone and yesterday it was non-existent. This morning I am happily drinking a cup of decaf.

I’ve also added yoga again to my nightly routine. I stopped temporarily and never got back into it because of everything that was going on. This time I am doing Clubbell Yoga again, without the clubbell for now. I also continued my walks with Monty and upped the pace yesterday with some short periods of jogging here and there without incident. All the while I am tracking my heart rate to make sure it is recovering properly. At first my heart rate was spiking and then taking much too long to recover but it has been improving. I’m not where I was previously just yet but I think as I get a handle on my anxiety that it will get back to normal.

Yesterday I took some time to treat myself to a haircut and another visit to the nail salon. Getting out the door of my house was a bit nerve wrecking because I had thoughts of being hit with panic while driving and being away from home. The farther I drove from home the higher my anxiety went but I got a grip on it and by the time I walked into the hair salon all anxiety had vanished. My main thoughts were, “If I don’t drive, I never will. If I don’t go out on my own, I never will. If I give into the anxiety, it wins.” For me, the worst possible outcome of this anxiety lesson is the potential for me to withdraw further and further into myself and become completely disable by it.

With my background in counseling and personal experiences with anxiety, I am definitely a proponent of immersion therapy – confront it (fear, anxiety, panic) and it will lessen and eventually go away or become manageable. It works every time. If I know the anxiety is triggered by exercise then I keep exercising. If it is triggered by driving, then I keep driving. Yeah, that’s why I keep running and lifting weights, in case you were saying to yourself, “What the hell is she thinking!?” lol

Sometimes the only way I can confront the fear and panic is to get to the point where I can accept the worst case scenario. My inner dialogue is something like this, “If I have a panic attack in the store and end up collapsing, so be it. If I am driving and it happens and it feels like I am going to pass out, I will just pull over. If I end up in hysterics around random strangers, so what?” For me, the fear of being vulnerable and weak and out of control are the worst. I have to accept that asking for help is OK and there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable and/or weak.

The more conscious I am of my anxiety, the more I aware I am becoming of just how tense I am. My anxiety level is almost always at a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. The only time it is lower is if I am at home (or in a “safe” place) doing relaxing things like taking a bath, watching TV, mediating or….sleeping. lol Recently, I recognized that I tend to relax at the hair and nail salon, thus the frequent trip to get manicures (not my thing usually). When I get my nails done I get so relaxed that I start to get sleepy or I get this release response where I just want to cry in relief. Weird because the nail salon is usually very busy but they play calming music and there is something very calming about Asian women I think, too.

Overall, it feels like this sudden spurt of anxiety is a blessing in disguise. It is teaching me to pay attention to my body and to take care of my emotional and spiritual health by doing things that are relaxing and soothing. It is showing me my irrational side, the fearful inner child aspect, and just how important it is to her/me to feel safe and loved. I have become more cognizant of my thoughts and self-dialogue, especially those that can act to trigger panic. Instead of shutting the thoughts down I respond to them with love and acceptance, reminding myself that life is unpredictable and bad things will happen, but so will good things, and if I/we worry all the time about the bad things then we will miss the good ones. And I find myself living more in the present, which I think is the biggest help of all.

The more clear I get on this whole panic/anxiety crap, the more obvious it is to me that this is a MAJOR clearing, initiated by the Kundalini. She can be so brutal!! Resolution will only come with surrender and acceptance. I have to allow it to happen, even if it feels like it is going to kill me (which it literally does!).

Dream: Matchmaker

Shifting to another topic now. 🙂 I have to include this odd dream.

The dream began at a gathering. My husband was with me. There was a lady leading a group of people and assigning each person to another. It was soon obvious that it was a kind of matchmaking (choice to be made) group.

I was matched with this foreign (new, unfamiliar situation) man with dark hair and an accent. There I was standing with my husband looking at this man I was assigned to and thinking how weird it was. I balked, of course, and my husband began to nag me about it, insisting that I go along with the process.

The man and I spoke for a while. For some odd reason I presented him with a present. A small orange tree (good news). I asked him if it would do well in the area he lived. In my mind I saw Italy (romance, enjoyment of life). He assured me that it would do well, even thrive, and took my gift without hesitation. We talked a bit about the climate and I recall seeing a scene in my mind of where he was from. Then it was time to go and he left. I was given a slip of paper with instructions. The lady facilitator told me, “If you like him then you log into this forum at 11pm and continue to get to know each other. If not, then don’t.”

I put away the slip of paper. I did not intend to log in.

Then I was inside a Wal-Mart (a bargain) but sitting at a table as if in a restaurant. Three people came to join me. A couple and the man who I had just been assigned to previously. I felt very uncomfortable through the whole encounter. I remember being asked if I had to choose between two men, who would I choose. I told them the darker haired man would be my choice. There was a strange feeling present that is barely memorable now and hard to describe. It is kinda like a nervous apprehension.

We all left together and I lagged behind the group until I could no longer see them ahead of me. I walked and walked and ended up in an unfamiliar place. I realized I had kept walking when my car was parked right outside the Wal-Mart. I decided to look up the address on my phone, found the location and then started walking back. I knew to walk toward a large cathedral (spirituality), so I did.

As I walked I realized I had left my backpack (decisions and responsibilities that hinder me)behind. I worried at first but then realized I had everything I needed with me. Then I saw that I was only wearing my underwear (private self). I looked around and no one seemed to notice and I thought, “It must look like I am wearing a bathing suit (confronting uncertainty).”

 

 

 

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Kundalini Dream – Mystery Man

For over a week now I’ve gotten into a nightly routine that starts around 8:30pm and goes until bedtime. It begins with a yoga routine I created to open my hips. The yoga lasts anywhere from 15-20+ minutes usually, depending on how tight my hips are. After that, I settled down between pillows in my bed and tune into a nightly bedtime meditation or two. Usually I spend about 20-30 minutes meditating. I have been trying out different types and have found the one that works best for me is the deep breathing meditation. When I do that meditation I often end up going pretty deep and struggle to stay with the guidance of the mediation because I get caught up in dream imagery and conversations.

Last night I did a Yoga Nidra mediation. Honestly, I didn’t like focusing on body parts so much and skipped through to the part about setting intention. The meditation asked that I just feel what my intention was and the first thing that came to mind was being free from the body, but I made sure my intention was that I wanted this to be permanent. Based upon that intention one would expect I would end up OOB but that is not at all what happened.

Dream Conversation

I remember having a conversation with someone in a dream but I can’t recall who it was with or too many of the specifics now. I do remember many different songs were going through my head, which of course I can’t remember now either. It was like the back and forth between us was in songs.

The main topic of conversation was that he (a guide I guess) was trying to convince me to not give up. He told me to leave the past in the past and look forward. My response was very depressed and pessimistic. I remember the songs I chose to respond with were about giving up. The songs he chose were about possibility and change. I wish I could remember the songs now!

Kundalini Dream – Mystery Man

The next thing I remember is being in an office-type setting in a church (spiritual connection). A woman was talking to me about the amount of time it would take for various types of communication to make it from Austin to Dallas – letters, emails, faxes and wires. I remember thinking it would take one to two days depending on the type of communication sent. I consulted with another lady in the office and she said, “Everything will get there instantly except for letters, those will take two days.”

I remember that the woman who initially asked the question had moved to Dallas recently because her husband had just died. This woman was pretty with blonde hair and a slim frame. She and her husband had been in an argument and he accidentally died. When I received this information I thought, “How convenient. She probably isn’t very upset.”

Then I was inside a dark office (too much on my mind) waiting – for what I don’t know. There was a huge computer monitor on the wall. While waiting I was still thinking of the question about communication time as I looked around at the desk and messed with the computer. I knocked over a cup full of highlighters (something being highlighted). There were more than I could count and many of them were cut in half revealing hollow, yellow tubes. There were also crayons mixed in. I grabbed handfuls and tried to put them back into the cup but the cup was cut in half (there is more work to do) as well. So I piled them all together at the back of the desk.

I accidentally clicked the mouse and a movie began to play. The sound was really loud and I could not figure out how to turn it down. When I tried to close the computer window a question came up on a blue screen with a large back arrow. I clicked it, thinking it would get me off the screen but it just played another movie really loudly. In an attempt to shut the noise off I disconnected the speaker. The sound stopped and I was relieved. Then I went to close the screen and another movie started playing and I could hear it. This surprised me and I went looking for the plug to the entire system.

That is when a man entered the room. He was hard to see but appeared to be wearing a very large coat (protection) or blankets (comfort). His head was either covered or he was very hairy. When he entered I knew to go with him.

Jeep Wagoneer

The man took me to an SUV that looked like an old Jeep Wagoneer. He communicated to me through his energy. I knew to get inside. I didn’t question it and got into the passenger seat. He climbed in and began to drive. I remember saying I had left something behind and needed to get it. When he heard this he put the car into reverse and began to drive in reverse very fast toward what looked like a gas (rest, refuel) station. He stopped suddenly as if in hurry. I readied myself to get out of the car and get what I left and he sent a telepathic message for me to stay and he would get it. I said, “You don’t have to…” and motioned to him to stay. He responded by sending an intense energy that hit me full force in the chest. The energy communicated something to me but it is hard to describe. I sat down and let him go.

There is a hazy memory of again having a discussion but it was as if I was in a trance or something. The next thing I remember is thinking, “He’s been in there a long time. I should see what’s going on.”

I got out of the car and went into the house (or gas station but it looked like a house). It was dark inside. I recall seeing a ceiling fan (indicates I feel safe/secure) in the center of the ceiling slowly rotating. A black dog (protection) was curled up by the entrance. He just looked up at me and went back to sleeping. I walked into the dark living room to the sofa. I could see someone there and knew it was the man. I went up and found him covered in a pile of blankets (protection, comfort). I leaned down to inquire what was going on and I saw his face was also covered either in blankets or a thick beard, I don’t know which. The man sent another blast of energy to my heart and I leaned closer. He said, “I love you” and then kissed me passionately on the lips. I could feel every detail of the kiss and I fell into it as my heart exploded in bliss and energy shot down into my root and moved upward, lighting my body on fire with bliss. The energy communicated so much to me. It was like I knew everything about him and his intentions within a millisecond. I remember responding by mentally saying, “Make love to me.” The images and thoughts in my mind were that I wanted to make as many babies as I could with him. lol

The intensity of the energy and my emotional response to it woke me up. The energy lingered for a while and I sat stunned by what had just happened. A song was going through my head. It was one of the songs I had used to communicate how I was feeling to the man. The part that was repeating was, “It’s too cold outside for angels to fly.” Maybe that is why there were so many blankets in my dream…..

Question

Of course, I couldn’t go back to sleep once I awoke. 🙂 The energy was swirling around for quite a while after. Sometimes it would shoot up one side and then the other side of my body, covering me in amazing, tingly energy as if I was being touched or hugged by it.

As the energy faded in and out I wondered about the man’s energy in the dream. It’s quality was unlike any I have encountered before. That’s when my guidance asked me, “How did it [his energy] make you feel?” But I struggled to answer the question. I couldn’t put it into words except to say, “I don’t know.” I was totally speechless and blown away at the time.

Now, hours later, all I can say is that when I felt his energy my immediate response was to completely surrendered to it to the point that all considerations that were my own melted away. All that was left was pure devotion and love. Yes, there was a magnetic quality there but it was not sexual. His energy was powerful – commanding even – but at the same time protective and gentle. And when he told me he loved me and a powerful shot of bliss hit my heart, my response was very out of  character. I wanted to make love – make babies. lolol The experience of this was without question the oddest part of the entire dream encounter. All I can figure is that making babies = creation.

I wanted to create with him.

And just his mere presence in the dream caused me to follow him. There was no questioning, no resistance. He came, I followed. I could feel his energy as if it was speaking – no beckoning – to me. There is no denying what it said, though words don’t do it justice. It was like his energy triggered something in me – recognition maybe.

Who was the man? I have no clue. Most likely just a guide. He was hidden from me the whole time. He looked huge to me, though. His size was impressive as was his energy. It seemed like he had a beard but I don’t know. He was always covered in shadow and blankets. My best guess is he wanted me to know I was safe and protected, which is why I saw him this way.

Oddly, I woke to my monthly flow five days early. Yay. 😦 I guess it is not really that unusual. The K seems to “flow” with my monthly cycle. I am not feeling very well, though, so am taking it easy today.

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Progressing on a Gradient

I’ve been tired the last few days. My sleep has not been very restful because of frequent wakings. It seems to coincide with a tremendous geomagnetic storm that was hitting the Earth around the 5th of August. Thankfully, last night I slept so well that I barely have any memories of dreamtime and woke feeling much more rested.

My birthday was on the 4th. As usual I was not very celebratory. For almost a decade now, when my birthday comes around I try and just let it be a normal day. The last thing I want to do it focus on getting another year older especially now that it feels like each year passes so quickly without much being accomplished. This year was no different and brought quite a bit of sluggish apathy as I recognized that once again I had let another year pass without doing much of significance.

Since then I decided that I would try and do more with my life this year. My husband gifted me a boudoir session toward the end of the month. I ask for it for my birthday because I want to document how I look before the last remnants of my youth and vitality fade away. I’ve been working very hard on my physical body for the last year to improve muscle imbalance and “sculpt” it back into shape. My work is paying off and I am very proud of what I have accomplished. To me, my success demonstrates that the aging process can be slowed and even reversed if the person has the right mindset and isn’t afraid of a little hard work. I find it interesting how frequently people go into apathy over their physical body – appearance and function – allowing it to fall into disrepair. I do not intend to be like everyone else.

Another idea that came to me was that I wanted to start doing things that I have put aside for one reason or the other. One of those things is to visit Greece. I have long been drawn to that part of the world and when asked where I would travel if I could, Greece has always been my answer. So I started looking into taking the whole family there. We will see what comes of it.

Spiritual Movement

Earlier in the week, during one of my many wakings in the night, I recalled with great clarity being told, “I will come for you.” The memory was completely audible. I could hear the masculine voice as if I was experiencing hearing it in the present moment only I knew it was a memory. Yet I have no clue when the memory was made. With the memory came this odd feeling as if I was being triggered or awakened to some part of myself that lay dormant until this message was passed on. The whole experience left me feeling a tad freaked out because of how real it was. It was as if I had somehow removed myself from Time but since my physical body exists within Time the only way to process it was as a “memory” of some previous event.

My way of handling it was to forget about it and write it off as yet another weird experience in the life of Dayna.

Then, couple of nights ago my guidance began to make themselves known. Through dreams, messages and conversations in the in-between, they have been discussing with me my current spiritual dilemma and how to move through it. The final decision has been that I prefer to take the next step on a gradient so that the intense fear that arises from certain emotions can be confronted and handled.

The same night I agreed to continue at a slower pace, the Kundalini visited.

I woke up in K-bliss that seemed to happen on its own. It was uncontrollable and without warning, rising quickly and intensely. Then, afterwards, the energy in my lower chakras swirled and churned for a while after. The solar plexus was strongest but I could feel the distinct ache I often feel in my 2nd chakra as well. I lay there enjoying the feeling as it was not super intense as it has been in the past. The energy moved all the way up to my crown more than once, but slowly, like a trickle, and felt cool and liquid like water.

As I lingered in the energy, I shifted in and out of the in-between. Out of the blue I began to audibly hear a voice to my left whispering to me. It was a man’s voice and though I cannot remember the first sentence he said, I do remember the last two.

He said, “You need to educate yourself.” Long pause.

Then he said, “My name is Chris [by the way].” The brackets are for the part I heard as I recognized I was being spoken to.

This brought me out of reverie somewhat and I asked him, “Why are you whispering?” A thought came to me from him that said, “You heard me didn’t you?” I knew he whispered because a whisper causes one to focus more on listening.

I asked, “What do I need to educate myself about??” When I didn’t hear an answer I said, “Show me, then.”

Dream – Bone Cancer

It took me a while to sleep afterwards, which is not unusual considering what just occurred. I recall meeting up with two women – a mother and daughter (aspects of Self). We were in a hospital (healing) but the room seemed like a conference room (meeting to discuss current state). The mother and daughter felt like good friends as well as relatives. There was a very strong bond and dedication between them.

The younger of the two took care of the older even though she was also ill. Turns out their illness was bone cancer (doubts and negativity delaying spiritual progress). The mother was losing use of her arm, the bones cracking (major doubt/delay) on their own and causing her awful pain. The daughter was not in pain yet but had the same future of pain ahead of her. There was no cure.

I recall talking to them about exercise helping to cure. I said something about 30 minutes a day curing a young man I knew. They did not believe it would help them, though they listened as if they were considering the option for themselves.

I watched the younger of the two come up to the older one with a sling (providing support). The older one went to the wall and held her broken arm up against it, wincing in pain. The younger one was to put the sling over both arms to hold them steady. I remember trying to help but the younger lady wanted to do it.

There was an overflow of emotion coming from me at this point. The situation was very sad and I was crying for them both.

There was an energetic shift in the dream and it was as if time had passed, enough that the mother had died and the daughter, much older and resembling the mother, was still alive. I went to talk to the daughter and she filled me in on what had happened. As she told me about her mother’s death I broke down sobbing.

The crying woke me up and I was left wondering what the dream meant. Was this what my guide was showing me about his message?

When I shifted into the in-between I saw a scenario playing out between myself and a man who seemed familiar to me. We were together and had successfully come into Union, practicing tantra and teaching others about it as well. This flash of a vision woke me fully and I thought to my guidance, “Do you mean I need to educate myself on the Kundalini and Tantra?” It felt right but then I felt instantly pessimistic about it because or how ridiculously “out there” the whole idea was.

I was reminded of a message I saw on FB about the stages of sexual awakening written by a Tantrica:

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Part of the vision I saw seemed to feel like it was showing me that I could be a teacher to others. I wondered about that but I know that often I am just shown potential futures and even more often I am just dreaming.

Not long after this I recall being told by my guidance, “You don’t have much time.”

As far as what these messages relate to, I can’t be certain. It could just be that I came here to learn – educate myself – and that I am not taking the best advantage of it as I could be.

Bone cancer suggest that some negatives ideas are brewing in my spiritual setting, I have trouble getting rid of doubt and negative thoughts. A broken bone symbolizes serious doubts about my path.

This morning, though I don’t remember my dreams, I remember the Kundalini rose while I was sleeping. All that is left is an echo of what was but it is still there, like I can taste it, if that makes any sense. Whatever happened it was a major event but surprisingly I do not regret the memory being faint. It feels like it needs to be right now.

Considerations

Rather than jump to conclusions about what the above could mean, I have just been allowing and continuing to live my life. There is no point in trying to analyze what it all means because I have been having doubts about my path and feeling quite negative about my future and what it holds. I simply do not have any desire to live life as I have been but I do not know how else to live it. The thought of continuing to do what I was taught I should do – have a family, work a job to pay bills to acquire more “stuff”, etc. – feels so empty to me. I’ve done all that and it has not brought me fulfillment or happiness. If anything I feel trapped. Since I don’t know how to move beyond this the only option I feel that is left is to continue as is until I am allowed an exit point.