Tag Archives: love

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Lucid Dream within a Dream

I made sure not to ask for any clarification last night prior to sleep. lol Yet I still had an eventful night full of interesting conversations and symbolism.

Dream: New Shrink

Most of this dream was spent next to a shirtless, dark-haired and very handsome man. What more could a girl ask for? lol We were talking for most of the dream about a change that was needed with my “sessions”. Specifically, the word “shrink” was used which I find funny but I think it may have been meant to be funny because I was in a playful mood like I tend to be when I’m OOB. The best way to describe the way I am is mischievous and super loving and expressive. There is a kindness that pervades my personality as well, like I am unable to hurt anyone purposefully. I guess also “innocent” would be a good descriptor, too, as well as “wide open” and “happily vulnerable”. This personality is becoming more and more common in dreamtime and when I experience it I accept myself wholeheartedly without concern or worry that I may be taken advantage of.

Anyway, the conversation centered around me needing a new “shrink” (therapist = guide, counselor, adviser) and a replacement of the old one for reasons that now make no sense. All I recall of the reason now is that some level has been reached. I have brief flashes of a visual of the exchange but it is hard to recall. Ultimately, though, the new shrink was this man I was with who was explaining it all. Most of my memory here is of his bare chest which was quite muscular. I felt a magnetic attraction to him which was surprised me and I mentioned it to him the minute I felt it. I also embraced him and attempted to kiss him. He pulled away, reminding me he was “gay” lol and I was immediately apologetic saying, “I didn’t think a gay guy could be so attractive to me!” and then giggled. lol I don’t know if he was actually gay or if he was trying to remind me that his purpose was not to indulge me. Probably the latter.

I do recall that I asked if Chris would be leaving. I heard he would not and that this new shrink/guide served a different purpose. My guess is he is to help clear blockages. The bare chested man could have been Chris now that I think of it because when I saw him last he looked the similar, was bare chested (naked) and the magnetic attraction and friendship felt between us was the same.

Dream: Biting Fly

In this dream I was with my husband in a bedroom. I remember the room was unfamiliar, maybe a hotel room because the bed was white and the walls plain. There was also a large mirror (truth) over the bed (intimate/private area of life). It was dark in the room and I was preparing for bed. He left and returned and with him came this tiny fly (emotional or physical dirtiness, guilt, breakdown of plan)  that had a yellow and black pattern like a hornet. It kept buzzing around my face and interrupting me to the point that I can’t recall now what I was saying or planning to do. My husband told me to ignore it, that it wouldn’t bite me, but I was not so sure.

Eventually I left the room and went on an errand. I was driving through dark streets and came to an intersection (choices). There was a police officer directing traffic (must adhere to certain rules). I turned left and went onto a college (lessons) campus deciding to head back home because I was keenly aware that I had left my ID (personal identity) behind and was worried the officer knew.

Somehow I ended up with some college girls and then becoming the observer of an entire other dream. It is mostly lost to me now, jumbled up and hard to decipher. What I do recall is that I was observing something to do with me. The story line was that I had been sexually molested as a child but lost all memory of it because I was so young when it happened. There is briefly return to the discussion of “therapy” here.

The next thing I remember is talking to the dark-haired guide again and making a bowl of chicken noodle soup (cowardliness). Then I was looking for a pie (reward for my hard work) as I walked between a washer/dryer (need to resolve issues of past before new start) and being told I could not have any. lol

Lucid Dream within a Dream

Then I was laying down to go to sleep, got settled in and sat up and steped out of my sleeping body. I felt to be in the hotel-like bedroom and knew I was dreaming. I could not see so I turned on my astral vision by blinking and intending to see. My vision cleared immediately and appeared to be wiped clear by invisible windshield wipers.

It was dark in the room I was in but I could see a light in the distance. My first thought was to look for a message. I’m not sure why I thought I was going to receive a message but I went straight toward the bedroom where my husband was sleeping because it appeared white to me and in my mind I saw many white dry-erase boards. To me this meant a message would be there and I wanted to know what it said.

When I got inside the bedroom I saw the scene just as I had left it in the other dream. Full memory of the other dream came to me and I had no interest in pursuing the message. I received from my guidance a message of, “Go ahead already.” lol So I continued the dream. The biting fly was gone and I could see the sleeping body of a man, my husband, in the bed.

I went up to him and crawled under the covers with him putting my hands on him to try and arouse him. My intention was obviously sexual and he did not resist. What is odd here is that when I looked at his face it appeared to be covered in a bluish, see-through, gel mask and the face underneath shifted constantly making it hard to make out the features underneath. My recognition of him was as my ex-husband and also my current husband, like they were two people in one.

I’ll save you the details and just say that I had my way with him and then woke up from a shot of Kundalini energy. Surprised by the way I acted in my dreams I pushed it out of my mind and tried to return to sleep. In hindsight, I suspect my actions were the message. It reveals something about me; what I am seeking. Sex = power, fulfillment, need for love and passion in life.

Instead I entered the in-between where I continued to feel energy in various parts of my body. The sensation lulled me deeper and made it hard to stay conscious of what was going on. I believe this was intentional and that whatever work was being done needed to go unhindered.

What I recall of this time is discussion with my guide and knowing that a timeline had been shifted and there had been delays to the original plan.

Trooper

Considerations

When I woke up I was thinking of my past and how things have played out in this lifetime. There was with this a consideration of how the only thing that really matters in life is the people and relationships you hold dear.

Yesterday afternoon I had a moment of calm and clarity that came out of the blue. I felt very satisfied with my life and happy. So happy that I wanted to reach out to a friend via phone or email and just jabber away and play catch-up. The feeling I had was like I had an outstanding life win and needed to share it, but then I didn’t really have anything in particular to share. lol

Prior to this moment of clarity I had a thought and asked myself, “Looking back on your life, when were you most happy?” What came to mind was when I lived in the country and my dog Trooper was still alive. He was my running partner and I cherished our frequent runs together. He had so much energy and joy. He could run as far as I liked, often 4-6 miles at a time. If I was ever in a bad mood he would cheer me up. He could sense when I was sad and would come and snuggle. And whenever I came home he was always so overjoyed to see me.

With these memories came a question, “If you only had a little time left on Earth, what would you change about your life?” Of course, in thinking of my beloved friend/pet I knew that I would want another dog. Another friend to accompany me on runs and to bring joy to my life and my children’s lives. My daughter has been begging me for a dog almost daily and in that moment I knew I was ready to get another dog.

Afterward I decided I would look online for an Aussie puppy, maybe even the miniature version (they are up to 35lbs when normal Aussies are 55-60 lbs and sometimes more). If I don’t have much time left in this life I would like to experience the love of a pet again even if I have to watch them grow old and die. My children’s lives and my own will be fuller for it.

After this decision was when I realized all the things I withhold from myself. Times when I want to spontaneously pick up the phone and call someone who is special to me. I always stop myself and did so this time, too. Why? Because of fear. Fear they won’t want to talk to me, fear I will want too much to talk to them, fear the expectation will ruin it, fear that I will find out something I don’t want to know….just fear. Yet it is all the times I don’t call, that I don’t reach out, that in the end will be my biggest regrets. Even knowing this, I chose not to act. It didn’t feel right. I’m not sure it ever will feel right again but I was happy nonetheless because I knew I had the ability to choose at any moment to reach out and reconnect. And in knowing that I felt powerful because of my choice and the potential of it.

And I held onto that feeling, the calm and happiness it brought me, held it close to my heart.

 

 

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Extended Dreams

I have not yet shared the occurrences of what I will call “extended dreams” yet because it was not yet known to me. However, I am certain now of the existence of such a dream and the purpose of it.

Extended Dream

This is night two of a dream that goes on all night despite my waking and staying awake and even trying to not dream the same dream. The vividness and detail of the dream sequence cannot be ignored, nor can the very obvious messages and purpose. I am calling this phenomenon an extended dream. It may have another name but I don’t have time to research it. Please let me know if there is such a term so I can use it from now on. 🙂

This is night two of an extended dream sequence. I spent most of the day yesterday contemplating whether to write out another dream sequence since it followed me most of the day, always at the back of my mind. Last night’s is similar so I guess I need to inspect these phenomenon more closely.

Rather than write it all out in detail (which would take way too long), I will summarize it.

The dream sequence repeats on a theme which is that I am either being propositioned for sex or sexual advances are subtly being made toward me. In all instances I am not afraid but very cautious and avoidant. Sometimes the person is a stranger and other times someone I know. This is not the first time this theme has presented itself.

Almost Rape

I was asleep in a bed in an unfamiliar room. I was “at work” but resting.

A man climbed into bed with me. I was not asleep but pretended to be and became very cautious. Why was a man in my bed?

He moved in very close to me, spooning with me. I remained quiet and I heard him express to himself in a whisper, “I wish she would wake up”.

I finally moved and confronted him. He moved in to kiss me and I resisted, turning toward the bedside phone and grabbing it. I picked it up and it was already connected. I heard static and voices on the line. I told the man, “I am calling for help. They will come get you”. He got out of bed and began to leave and I heard voices in the hall. A man and a woman in camouflage approached and said they had heard my call. The promptly took the man away. I felt relieved.

I woke up at this point for a while, asking to astral and was denied.

The dream resumed when I fell asleep. I left the room to visit a friend. She was tall with short blonde hair. I felt uneasy for some reason as I sat and spoke with her and her husband. I suddenly had the idea that I should tell them about the rape. While telling them about it I recalled to myself, “It was a dream, though” but I kept talking as if it were real.

I got plenty of sympathy and the woman went into the other room. The husband, who had reddish orange hair and was familiar to me, came over to me and placed his hand on my left shoulder. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and knew he was coming onto me. I pretended like nothing was going on and he spoke to me about how sorry he was, that no one should be treated that way. He continued to move in close and I could feel his breath on my neck.

His wife came in and he withdrew. I thought to myself, “He is going to keep doing this and I won’t be able to resist”. Part of me wanted to embrace him.

I went outside to get into my car and climbed inside. The seat was in the middle and far up, as if elevated. I could see the control panel and it was like a space ship. The red-haired man was behind me. I got in and told him I had to adjust the seat. I sat in it and pushed a lever but noticed that we were already moving. I told him, “I haven’t even put the keys in!” He told me to steer the car, so I did as I put in the keys and it started up.

The man said he had the address of the attempted rapist. He showed me a paper with it written on it. All I remember now is that is was at the number 101. He gave me directions and I drove the car along a city street that quickly turned into a highway overpass. The speed limit dropped to 25mph and I was nervous as I drove high above the other roads.

I woke at this time and stayed awake again asking to astral. I again heard, “No”.

When I fell back to sleep the dream resumed. I was in front of what appeared to be a casino. I saw this stepped machine and tried to drive my car up it. I instead rammed into it and immediately apologized to the woman behind the counter. I saw I had damaged my car but not the machine. She asked an assistant to look at the machine which promptly fell apart. She told me i had to wait 40 minutes so I told the red-haired man and he went off to look for the rapist.

energyhealingAs I waited I spoke with the Asian lady asking her how she would prove I broke her machine and telling her it was not really broken. I recognized the cameras and gave up and she told me of her dream to become a car salesman. I thought it stupid as I listened to her. I resolved myself to have to pay for my crime.

It was then that I seemed to be both myself and a dark haired man. The Asian woman, who I can see clear as day, watched as I inspected the other casino machines. There was a large, fist sized gold coin and she said, “You found a quarter”. She then told me to do something, so I humored her and did it. She smiled and said, “You won!” and it was thousands of dollars. She took a portion to pay for the damage I had made and handed me a pile of odd looking over-sized green bills. I knew it was $70,000+ dollars and I heard the thoughts of the man (who was also me but not me) and said to him, “You are going to let her keep it, aren’t you?” when I recognized the intent to let her have what she wanted: her own car sales business. I felt happy for her and happy to help her have her dream but at the same time I was completely confused. Only a stupid person would give up that amount of money! Yet the man who was also me did it without reservation and with complete joy.

I awoke still feeling the conflict and wondering about the dream.

I again asked to astral and was told, “No”. I asked why and heard, “Your heart” and along with that came a message that I was healing past hurt, hurt that was done to me and that I had done to others. This healing trumped any OOB exploration. I immediately knew that I was still holding much pain from the many lives where I had been sexually abused or assaulted. I am thankful I do not feel the pain in the present. The pain I have inflicted upon others is also a burden I bear and it causes me to distrust myself. Every dream of sexual advancement is me trying to open up to myself and then rejecting myself. Sigh.