Tag Archives: lucid dreaming

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Lucid Dream: You’re Dreaming

Woke at 5:30am and was awake only a short while. I didn’t want to wake up yet so went back to sleep.

I entered the dream aware I was dreaming straight away. I was in a house I have been to in other dreams. It feels like my mom’s house but isn’t. It has the same long driveway and a similar layout but is darker overall. There was a group of people there, some I recognized, others I did not. They all felt like family. My mom and my sister were there and so was the salesman from the furniture store (huh?). 

Mostly I remember realizing it was a dream and saying aloud to my invisible companion traveler, “Wow! Everything feels so real! It looks so real!” Then I went to each person and told them, “You’re dreaming.” I told the whole group, also. They seemed to listen. I wasn’t excited, just matter-of-fact. 

Then I went outside and decided to fly to test it. It was very easy and I went up super fast. Worried I would go where I didn’t want to go, I decided to will myself back down. It worked and I came down easily, however, there was a counterthought that suggested I let go and see where it took me. So, I did and a forced pulled me backwards swiftly. I went with it but lost my vision and felt my body in bed. I shifted positions and shifted back into the scene.

I was inside and all the people were seated together around a long table. I wondered what to do next. I saw my sister and went to her. I told her, “You’re awake you know.” She acted like she heard me but kept staring ahead like she was in a trance. I then whispered to her, “You can make things better if you would just get a job.” She said, “I have a job. I make $13.25/hr.” Then she told me about the job. I only remember that it was in a suppressive environment. I remember telling her it was good she had a job and that she just needed to be responsible and use the money wisely. 

The salesman I remembered was seated a the head of the table and he stated aloud to me and the group, “I know I’m asleep.” lol I found him strangely out of place.

The last thing I recall is that I went to the back door which was glass. I decided to try something I use to do all the time when OOB. I walked through the door and it worked! I expected to feel like I became the glass for a moment as I went through but the glass actually bowed outward like it was made of plastic wrap. So the sensation was of a resistance and then a sudden freedom when the glass opened up and let me through. 

Woke up and checked the time. It was 6:33am.

The dream feels to be a message to myself to remember that I am dreaming and not to take life so seriously. It also appears to be a reminder of how unaware the people in my life are they are also dreaming. So many of us sleepwalk through life. I have been doing so lately and am finally waking up again. 🙂

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Message: Look at Yourself

Very vivid dream that felt to be a non-lucid OBE.

I was in what appeared to be another world. The colors were very vivid with lots of water and green. It kinda reminded me of Avatar but the land wasn’t floating Most of the storyline has faded now but I recall being very immersed in it.

What I vividly recall is that there was this tall man in the dream who I knew had been an animal or something in another lifetime. For some reason I thought, “dog”. Perhaps this is because he was a guide or protector? He had a name that I kept repeating in the dream but I couldn’t remember upon waking. I know it had an “I” in it or started with that letter. There were others there, also, all seeming to be young like in their mid-twenties or maybe even younger. This man was part of the group but stayed on the outskirts as if observing.

At some point in the dream I was taken on a journey OOB. I remember my dream body being pulled away from the main dream scene, up and into a new scene. 

I was floating above a deep, blue ocean that spread as far as I could see. In the distance I could see an island dotted with waterfalls and greenery but there was also an ethereal mist and what I can only describe as orbs or bubbles of light dotting the scene. Maybe they were distant planets? It is really hard to describe! Everything in the scene screamed “other world” and I was in awe of it all. 

I took in as much as I could but my focus was drawn to a being standing in the ocean just to my left. I could see his body from the waist up. He was a light, almost white blue in color and had on no clothing. What was really remarkable was his head and face. He reminded me of a short film I’ve seen, in fact the entire world reminded me of it somewhat. He had no hair and a very smooth, bluish-white skin (more white than blue). His face was almost human with regular eyes, small nose and small mouth. He had one arm in the air, pointing towards the island in the distance and had a smile on his face. The most distinct part of his facial features were the round, white disc-like things near his jawline. Overall his skin reminded me of a whale or maybe dolphin.

As I was staring at this being, our eyes met and I was pulled into a telepathic conversation with him. The visual of the scene shifted to what he wanted to tell/show me. In this vision, I was told that many people on Earth are very young, like pre-teens really, and are their students. I saw a visual of their young ones gathered in small groups with an older teacher at the center. The overall message seemed to be that we are all children, not near as old or ancient as we may often feel as we travel through Earth life. I distinctly recall comparing my “age” in this life as well as how I looked to what I was being shown.

With that, I felt myself leave the telepathic mind link (it was like another world itself). Then I was pulled up and, with great momentum, down beneath the dark waters. I allowed this with much anticipation and felt gleeful as I dove down into the depths, knowing I wouldn’t drown and was completely safe. 

Deep in the dark depths of the ocean, as my vision turned black, I seemed to awaken back into the dream scene where I excitedly told the group what I had experienced. Specifically, how we are all really very young in terms of “age” and experience level. I recounted as much as I could to the group, thus reinforcing the memory so I would recall it with detail when I awoke. 

This is when the mysterious man from before came up to me. Again I called him by his name, seeming to know exactly who he was. He held out a small key that was a brass colored rod of maybe two inches with only a couple of small dents along it. He handed it to me and something about the realization that I was receiving the key brought me to full awareness very quickly. As I awoke I heard a familiar message, “Look at yourself.” 

I lingered in bed a while, happy to have finally had an adventure but sad that I hadn’t gained lucidity until the very end. I heard in response to this thought that had I gained lucidity I would’ve altered the course of the experience. I said I wouldn’t have but then Knew he was correct. I most likely would have!

The message, “Look at yourself” has been a common one in the past. I am still not sure what the real meaning behind it is. My first thought is that I need to inspect myself, my actions, my intentions.

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Lucid Sphere

Just a short dream experience to share from last night.

Prior to bed I had a pretty bad headache which was brought on by a massive, emotional purge (I’ll spare you the details). I opted not to take anything for it, hoping sleep would make it better. When I focused on the energy that was the pain I could detect a small circle, about the size of a quarter, at the very top (crown) of my head where there was no pain, just a tingling. Unfortunately the pain was too distracting for me to tune in for long. In fact, it seemed only to get worse. It kept waking me up and, at one point, I thought I might need to go to the ER. Just as I had that thought, the pain subsided. Ha!

But anyway, on to the lucid sphere visit I had.

About an hour into sleep, during a period in which I thought I was awake because the dream I was having was in my bedroom, I had a lucid moment. I had been bringing some things into my space but I don’t remember what. I only remember hauling them one by one. At some point my vision came on very clearly and I could see the ceiling of my bedroom. In the darkness I saw a shape take form. It came out of the ceiling like a mist and formed into a solid sphere not much bigger than my fist. Surprised, I focused on it and thought for sure there was an entity in my bedroom (remember I think I’m awake). As soon as I had that thought the sphere zoomed straight towards me. Before it made contact I jolted awake, breathing heavy from the shock of it. 

Afterwards it took me a while to figure out what happened because I still thought it all happened when I was awake. I looked around my room for any sign of the sphere. This is when I realized I had been OOB because the memory of the sphere was so very different than the darkness in my room. The sphere and the space it was in was outlined in light and the blackness was more of a blue hue than it is in reality. 

Around this point is when I heard a voice say, “Lux”. There was another word with it but I forgot it because I knew immediately that lux = light. The voice was telling me about my Light.

Thoughts

I don’t have many lucid dreams or OBEs these days. In fact, my dream recall has been shit. When I do happen to remember or have a lucid-type experience, inevitably I am being hit! This is just the most recent in a long string of being attacked by an object! The most common attack is by a tree (lol) but this sphere, now that is interesting! I can still see it vividly – a grey, perfectly symmetrical sphere with a slight, glowing outline to it spinning like a planet. And I truly thought I was awake and being visited by Spirit or an E.T. LOL I am sure my guides are getting a good laugh.

So, if I keep getting beat up in my dreams/experiences, and it is continuing to happen, then I haven’t figured out the message or I haven’t done what I need to do yet. Hmmmm. And here I thought it was just a way to wake me up.

I would really like to have an OBE again and NOT be beat up. Sigh.

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Lucid Dream: Alternate Realities, Potential Timelines and Hopelessness

Woke super early, around 5am, once again disappointed that nothing interesting occured in dreamtime. The almost complete absence of spiritual experiences, dream adventures and other similar experiences is really taking a toll on me. It is causing a deep-seated depression and the longer it goes on, the more depressed I become. My guidance happened to be talkative at this time and asked what would make me have more interest in life. I told them to please bring back what I feel to have lost, otherwise I can’t think of anything in physical reality that would make me want to stay.

Somehow I returned to sleep and, not surprisingly considering what I had just requested, ended up in a semi-lucid dream experience.

My dream recall is hazy, unfortunately. The dream began with me waking up in an unfamiliar bed and bedroom, feeling very drowsy and wanting only to sleep. Yet I was being beckoned to explore the space and as soon I listened and opened my eyes, a brilliant light sparked flashed, lighting up the scene and a view of a bedroom came to life around me. As soon as I recognized the dream scene, the brilliance faded away into a more dull, gray scene, reflecting back to me my energy level/mood.

I lingered in bed and from here it is hard to remember the sequence of events. I either got up and explored the area, which turned out to be (not surprisingly) my Mom’s house where I spent my teenage years, or I was thrust into a dream within a dream which revealed to me an alternate timeline.

In the first case, I went into the main house where the energy was very uncomfortable, almost repellant. So, I went out into the front yard and felt immediate relief. I looked up into the sky and saw dark clouds but there was no threat of storm or rain. I heard a loud, rumbling noise that seemed very off, coming from the road, so I went to investigate. There was a massive machine seeming to be grating the road (the roads are paved). I vaguely recall launching myself up into the air and scanning the horizon for anything interesting. Finding nothing, I set my sights back to the house.

Then I was in the back yard. My younger sister was present as were my boys. When I saw my younger sister, I hugged her and was really pleased to see her. I haven’t seen or communicated with her in waking reality for over 16 years. She responded as if in a trance state, completely flat with wide open, unfocused eyes. I remember recognizing her to be me and not questioning it. I placed everyone into the shallow end of the pool (mentally, it was a dream decision) and jumped in with them. I went up to my sister and kissed her on the cheek. I believe I was attempting to cleanse/heal them all as well as myself, knowing that what one accomplished, so did the other. I also recognized that my sister was likely asleep both physically but also consciously, going through life sleep-walking like so many others in this reality.

In the other case, I found myself in an alternate reality, one that is likely just as real as my present life just in another timeline. I somehow knew this, yet found it very disorienting in the dream because I kept jumping from one to the other. In this alternate reality, I was in a psych hospital. Doctors were questioning me and I remember being unhappy because I was not being allowed to return to my “fantasized” reality in my mind, a place I went to escape the uncomfortable position I found myself in. So, I would shift back and forth between this psych ward questioning and the lucid dream of my present life reality. Most of my memory is of being shaken into awareness of this alternate reality, awaking to see the faces of worried doctors with lights flashing into my eyes, their voices sounding like distant echoes.

When these two experiences, seemingly happening simultaneously, ended, I “woke up” (genuinely thought I was awake) and began to write down what I had remembered. I wrote the message in the air with my mind. I heard a male voice as well as my own repeat it back to me. The message was (and there was Knowing with it): “We are all sharing (in) the same dream. We are America’s humanity.” The Knowing is hard to describe now but it was quite clear in the dream, one of those ah-ha moments where I Remembered something my human self forgot. Basically, what the dream experience was reminding me was that we are all connected. Each of our experiences has a ripple effect on the other (think the Matrix). What one heals, also heals another. What one learns, so does another. As one becomes more aware (like lucid in a dream), so then does another increase in awareness, though not necessarily on the same level, more in increments. There was also this Knowing of dimensions and timelines layered one on top the other, interconnected in such a way that confused my human mind.

I was shown scenes from my own life during this time as if to illustrate how this occurs. The memory that appeared to me was when I worked in the alternative school. I was pregnant with my second child. A student who had just had a baby was threatening to me so I asked the administration to put officers in my room. The student had said something (as I remembered anyway) about kicking me in the stomach. I got the officers and the student later told me she would never hurt a baby because she was a mother. She seemed sincere. When this memory came to me, I understood that this incident registered to the student subconsciously and changed her perspective which then changed her life trajectory.

Still thinking I am awake, I felt the familiar sensation of shifting OOB and so opted to go with it. The scene I found myself in was a court room. In front of me was a judge with a gavel. As I watch the court room and judge, my guidance was talking to me, their words blending with the dream scene and into the background. The judge was ruling in favor of a system that had a name I cannot recall now. The ruling was in favor of buying and selling data, personal data specifically. I then saw what looked like a barcode and heard the name of this system. I only recall it had a “J” name and I was told it was the name of the inventor, but the system was not called by that name. This barcode would be put on people.

Hopeless

When I woke recognized the messages and dream experience but was not very pleased with it all because it had not been the kind of lucid dream I preferred where the colors, events and sensations were ultra-real and vivid. It was, instead, more like a regular dream memory, fading quickly. My guidance was there and I remember feeling a question, “Do you understand?” I replied that I did. My actions directly impact others regardless of whether I choose to participate in life or not. All this stems from me wanting to hermit away from everyone, withdraw and wait until death removes me from this place. Thus, the “sleepy” feeling in my dreams. My lack of desire to participate in life has led to withdrawal far beyond the physical. I was asked to shift my focus from myself to others, i.e. “help”. But I’ve had so many losses in trying to help that I have given up trying. There is also this overwhelming sense that my help is like a raindrop falling into a vast ocean, a vast ocean of sewage. It all seems so pointless.

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Lucid Dream: City of Riza

It’s been a while since I posted and I apologize. Lots has been going on (I’ll write on that later) and my dry eyes are still making it difficult. I just can’t stay in front of a screen long enough to complete a post. I’ve also not had much to really write about; my inspiration has all but dried up.

This morning I did have an interesting lucid dream I will share. Enjoy!

Lucid Dream: City of Riza

I was in a gym preparing for my workout. I began to warmup with a light weight – one dumbbell. As I did so, I would occasionally look in a mirror. I noticed my thighs were quite big. I ignored it and continued to warm up. I believe I was talking to myself or maybe my guide throughout because I would become distracted and stop, zoning out, and then get back to my warmup. I believe we were discussing current life events, but I don’t really remember.

Eventually, I was doing some goblet squats with a tiny weight when I noticed a very obese woman on her phone sitting on a bench next to me. I stayed in the lowered position of the squat and looked over at her. She glanced my way. I lingered, sitting in this position for a while. Turning towards the mirror I noticed my butt and thighs were even bigger than the last time I looked. In fact, I was extremely obese, just like the woman sitting nearby. I stared at my thighs for a bit, noticing the pale skin and deep dimples of fat. Rather than be grossed out, I shrugged my shoulders, deciding I didn’t care. I turned to the woman and said, “I don’t think I feel like working out today.” I put down the weight and headed towards the exit, only I didn’t know where it was. I wandered toward a glass door that led outside. I walked through it into a parking area. I looked left. No car. I looked right. No car. Did I even drive here? Still confused, I turned and went back inside. 

Once inside and still talking to my guidance, I had the idea that I was dreaming. I decided to test my theory by taking something (stealing) and walking out the front door. So, I grabbed a box of cigarettes and casually walked out the door telling the attendants, “I forgot something” to explain why I had come in and was going right back out. The attendant nodded and didn’t notice I had the cigarettes. 

Again outside in the parking lot, I knew for certain I was dreaming. I thought about taking control of the dream. Maybe flying or changing the scene? I got a reply not to and accepted it. It seemed like I was meant to look around and take in my surroundings. So, that is what I did. The parking lot was small with few cars and the building I came out of seemed to be in a strip mall. The sky was gray and overcast. There were buildings in the distance. The minute I decided to investigate the buildings in the distance, I was there among them.

The city streets were narrow and tall, brick buildings were on all sides. I noticed vendors on the streets. It was no city I recognized. Where was I? I decided to ask a vendor and approached two young girls standing next to one of the stands. I said, “Hello.” One looked up and said, “Hi.” I asked, “Can you tell me where I am?” She gave me a quizzical look. So I asked, “What city am I in?” She said, “Oh. Riza.” Her friend came closer holding out a small object like a phone and her attention went to the object. I interrupted and said, “Thanks. What state…er province….um…is that in?” I didn’t know if where I was had states or provinces but wanted a better idea of the location. The girl thought a bit and said, “Well, Ga Ga Ga comes here sometimes.” I immediately thought of Lady Ga Ga but tossed the thought. The girls handed me the object to show me this Ga Ga Ga. It was a cell phone type object with a large screen. On it were images of a cartoon like character with blonde hair and large breasts. They swiped through several images, some cartoons, some not, completely immersed in this person. Not impressed, I clarified and they said, “Well sometimes it’s called Risha.” This didn’t help answer my question. Still not sure what they were communicating, I kept asking. They told me that also sometimes GM came. 

This is when I gave up. Their answers were total nonsense and probably the result of the nonsense in my mind! 

Briefly I “woke up” but I actually didn’t. It just seemed like I did. Instead, I remained in the dream but shifted to my bed where I tried to recall the entire lucid dream so that I wouldn’t forget it. Then I returned to “sleep” and entered a non-lucid dream in my old bedroom at my childhood home. 

Considerations

This lucid experience is similar to others I’ve had recently. I know I’m dreaming but I don’t take control of the dream when I would really prefer to go off flying or changing the scene. Instead, I let the dream continue while being lucid. When I asked my guidance about this, I was told that I need practice being where I am. 

The dream symbolism in the gym shows me some things about myself, things I am mostly already aware of. I am distracted, my mind not on the actual process of warming up. In life, I find my mind wanders frequently and I lose track of what I am doing in the moment or completely forget my intention. This also happens when I try to go to sleep. My mind is all over the place! My guidance suggested I count backwards from 100. I fail miserably at it! I end up forgetting what number I am on, usually before I get into the 80s, and have to start over again! 

Me looking at my large butt and thighs in the dream is highlighting how much I focus on my appearance. Thankfully, in the dream I recognize it isn’t important, indicating I might be making some progress here.

And finally, the zoning out and preferring to sleep (the second dream was a sleepy one). I prefer to not be fully present in life. I want to sleep through it, go into oblivion, etc. At least this is what I believe the sleepiness in my dreams symbolizes. I am avoiding.

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Dream Reality Awareness

Had a dream that indicated I was aware I created the dream reality I found myself in. 

In the dream I was returning to Montana to attend college. At first I was talking to a female friend about a new hair cut. She had dark brown hair in a nice bob with bangs and I wanted to try the cut. I tried it but didn’t like how it would look on me. Then she and I were attending class and there was a whole part of the dream inside the college. The actual path we took was like an obstacle course! It was around this time I remembered I wasn’t in college in waking reality. The thought I had was that me and my family went to college in a dream reality and this was our third trip together. The thought was dream reality was as real as any, which it is. 

The dream continued with a message from the woman with the bob that we needed to remove the a/c we installed for our family housing unit. The one we installed was too big and went against the rules. Again, I recognized that it didn’t fit waking reality because in Montana no one even has a/c’s! 

Next, I was inside the house alone sitting on the sofa reading a book. I kept hearing a baby crying. Looking up and out the large windows in front of me, I noticed that an entire family had set up camp outside the house on the porch! I saw the toddler laying on the ground having a full-blown tantrum and the mother wasn’t doing anything. At first I was annoyed but decided to ignore them and kept reading my book. Not long after, I realized two Mexican kids were watching TV in my living room! I yelled at them to leave and they claimed “No one lived here…” as if it was an excuse for them to take over my house. The kids left after I started throwing pillows at them. lol When the family on the porch left, I went out and cleaned up all the trash they left. It was really messy and I was grateful winter would arrive soon because then it would be too cold for them live on my porch. 

I woke briefly and returned to the dream. This time I saw an old man sitting on the back porch next to mine. Again, I recognized he was part of a dream reality. I knew he was grumpy and set in his ways. I had been making some noise as I was cleaning and saw him wincing. I laughed a bit at knowing he couldn’t tolerate any change to his quiet morning routine. I walked up and talked with him a bit and he was nice enough. He was a very pale, skinny old man with white hair. He actually seemed somewhat familiar but I’m not sure how. I respected him, though. I remember following him inside and saw he had a group of others he would meet up with for coffee. They all had on similar hats that covered their entire heads except their noses and eyes. The hats were crocheted and looked like mushrooms. I giggled. 

Not long after I returned to my house to find a work crew in my kitchen. Many had made themselves at home, sitting around the table chatting. They informed me that they had finished trimming the trees and asked me to approve their work. I glanced outside and saw tree clippings scattered about. I told them it looked good to me and they left.

Considerations

There were many instances when I could’ve awakened within the dream. Most obvious were the moments of recognition that I was in a dream reality, and also the annoying cries of the toddler (noises off). I wish I had taken advantage of these opportunities, but I seemed content to recognize the dream reality and participate fully in it without taking control and going off on adventures. 

I believe these realities are primarily created to help me sort through waking life issues. For example, returning to college is an on-going theme which represents the school of life. The obstacle course to get to class feels especially accurate. lol Another example are the Mexican kids and the family camped on my back porch. Illegal immigration has begun to impact the area where I live and is an ongoing annoyance.

I woke feeling well rested and calm making for a nice start to the day!

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Lucid Dream Message: Pay Your Dues

Wonderful lucid dream this morning.

Dream: Following Neil

The dream began as a non-lucid dream. I was at my house tending to my front garden which had become overgrown with tall weeds. I began pulling them one-by-one and tossing them to the side. Some were tangled up in lights and so I had to pause and pull the wires out. When I was finished, the pile was a pretty good size. 

A group arrived and I invited them all in for ice cream. I told them I had a ton of Blue Bell ice cream leftover after pulling the weeds. The group came inside and happily ate the ice cream. A woman I seemed to know thanked me and asked me about a certain person who was like a counselor to me. I remember recognizing what I was doing was way out of character. I wouldn’t invite a large group of people into my house like that, especially these kind of people. I identified them as members of a special church group who my husband associated with. 

Then my SIL arrived with her kids. One of them was climbing around in my freezer and I asked her to get out because it wasn’t safe. I noted the strangeness of the situation, which then got stranger. A large bus drove through the house and down the hallway and stopped. The woman from the church group got out and asked me about the place we were in. I realized it was an entire room I had forgotten existed. I told her something about how when we don’t go to a place frequently enough, we forget it exists. She asked me to clarify and I explained that I hadn’t been in that room for so long I forgot it was there. Then I turned and realized the room was an entire house of it’s own with a kitchen, master bedroom with ensuite and everything. I told the woman I had been advised to cut it off from the main house and rent it out as an apartment. I liked the idea.

We all went back outside and I watched the bus leave, noting the pile of weeds I’d pulled earlier was still there. That’s when Neil arrived. I knew him instantly and even called him by name. This was the man who was like my counselor that the woman had mentioned earlier. He was a plain looking, tall, slender man with graying hair and a nice smile. I felt a familial connection to him and tried to get close to him because it felt so nice to be around him.

He invited me to run with him and took off down the street. I followed but he ran straight into a busy intersection that was full of people (no cars). I stopped and ran perpendicular to him. I lost sight of him more than once and eventually saw him through the crowd. I ran towards him but again lost him. I felt my energy shift and my vision blacked out.

Lucid Dream: Pay Your Dues

I ended up inside a restaurant. Neil was gone but I felt him with me and could hear and talk with him inside my mind. This is when I realized I was dreaming. I was contemplating the dream up until that point and remembered the house from the dream was a creation from another reality. I remembered it in great detail and this brought me to almost full lucidity because it was a kind of ah-ha moment for me.

Sitting at a booth located under a large window, I noticed a woman sitting alone across from me. She was blonde and young but had a full go-tee of blonde stubble. She often stroked it with her hand. She was preparing to eat and had a full array of food and even a bottle of wine in front of her. I felt like she must be lonely and contemplated going over to befriend her. That’s when I noticed she wasn’t alone. She had a female companion with her. 

Then a large man with a tray full of food walked over near me but fell and some of his food slipped into his big belly, spilling all over him. He then sat down almost right next to me. His daughter followed and sat across from him. He got out a large bottle of tabasco and poured half of it on her food and then the other half on his. She took a bite. I couldn’t help but comment, saying if I ate that it would kill me. The man laughed and said it would kill most people.

My energy shifted again and my vision blacked out. I willed myself back to the dream.

I picked up a menu and began to read it. The words moved and formed messages that once read rearranged themselves into different words. I watched the words in amazement, taking note of the messages as best I could but forgetting the majority of them. I spent a while reading the menu. My face soon became wet with tears. I felt a sense of great love from the messages but there was also a hint of sadness and homesickness. I remember Knowing the message was that I have to stay in this physical reality. In fact, a very clear message appeared in writing on the menu at this time. It said, “Pay your dues”. 

Eventually, the menu letters stopped moving and I put it down. I got up and walked to the bathroom and stood in front of the bathroom mirror to put on makeup. In my hand I found a circular compact. When opened it contained some face powder and a small applicator. I looked up at the mirror and saw my reflection but didn’t focus on it too long because I noted my face was warping and shifting, making me seem much less like myself. I looked back down at the compact and spoke with Neil. I think I asked him where he was. He explained how he “borrowed” energy to look as he did but sometimes that energy isn’t available, which was the case in that moment. He also said he preferred to be “invisible” because he’s scared me in the past. I got the feeling he might look like an “alien” and so understood why I might get scared.

The mirror in the bathroom was one that opened up to reveal a cabinet inside but inside wasn’t a cabinet. Instead it contained more messages. Again, the words appeared, I read them and then they vanished. Whatever I read again made me cry. The tears were slow and steady and the feeling I had was strong disappointment like a sulky child. I decided to look at the compact in my hand and noted there were two sides. When I opened the other side the powder was cracked and crumbling and the applicator was dirty. 

Messages

I woke but remained in reverie for a while talking with Neil. He seemed to be leaving and said, “See you soon” and I asked, “What does that mean? Does it mean I will go Home soon?” He chuckled and said, “No”. He then asked me about something I was asked about 10 years ago now. At the time I was still living in my old home. My third child wasn’t yet born. I was sitting outside on the porch in the evening and was asked by a guide, “What if I told you you only had ten years left to live. What would you do differently?” I thought for a while and said, “Nothing.” 

Neil asked me to consider how much I did do differently since then. I thought first of what remained the same. I still feel the same. I still have many of the same habits and routines and am around many of the same people. My family is still struggling with the same challenges.

Then I thought of what I did change. We sold our house and moved. I quit my job and took a part-time job and eventually stopped working altogether. I then started back working the job I currently have which suits me quite well. I’ve traveled more and stepped outside my comfort zone on many occasions. I focused on myself quite a bit, working on my issues and learning to set healthy boundaries. 

So I did change some things. 

Some things haven’t changed, though. My family still has the drama that caused me to want to sell my old house and move in the first place. In fact, that same drama often causes me sleepless nights. I remember clearly that I did not want to live amidst the drama and thought our move would facilitate the end to my sleepless nights over that drama. It did, for a while, but recently I’ve allowed myself to be pulled back in to various degrees. However, recalling all of this has helped me remember that my initial decision to leave was correct and I still do not want anything to do with that place or the drama of it.

My best guess is that this is the karma I am working through. This is me “paying my dues” and this is why I am so sad about remaining. I have no specific memory of this karma, so I can only guess the debt I am repaying. It does feel that my role is to remain detached from it all, to step back and let whatever happens, happen. This can be very difficult!

Update

I can’t remember if I updated on the land and off-grid cabin idea from earlier this year. Basically, building a cabin on my family land is not going to happen. The way the land is situated, the county will not allow my mother to subdivide the land without adding a very expensive road ($150K at least). So, my mom couldn’t sell to me or leave each of her children acreage unless she subdivided the property. Her solution was to create an irrevocable trust. When she dies, we, her children, are required to sell the property and then the profits will be disbursed in monthly payments until gone. None of us will get any land. My sister won’t be able to get any money without doing two things every month: Prove she has a job and take a drug test.

I am okay with it since my feeling was that it is not the best place for me anyway. My older sister is hurt and angry, though, and she doesn’t know about the work/drug test requirement yet. She thinks I manipulated my mom into not giving her land. My mom was never going to give my sister land, though. She worried my sister wouldn’t pay the taxes and the family land would be taken by the county. My mom tried to get one of us siblings to agree to leasing my sister a couple of acres for the rest of her life, rent free. None of us would agree, so that idea was dropped. None of us wanted to be put in the same position my mom is now.

As is it, my sister and her husband are living in their RV next to my mom rent and utility-free. Every time I visit my mom she vents to me about how awful the situation is but she doesn’t do anything about it. I don’t visit often because I feel completely sucked of all my energy and it can take me two days or more to recover. 

Cracked Compact – This keeps coming to mind as symbolic of how I have been feeling lately. It is becoming harder and harder to keep up any kind of façade.

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Lucidity in Dream: Searching for Retreat

Prior to bed I’d asked to have a week’s worth of OBEs because I so miss my adventures in dreamtime. I remember wishing I could just sleep through the week and have a continuous OBE. Oh how wonderful that would be!

Dream: Searching for Retreat

The dream began with me searching “online” for a retreat to go to. I didn’t see a computer screen but a black/blank space upon which my thoughts were projected. The first place I searched was the southwest and, after not seeing any that interested me, changed it to southeast. A Massachusetts retreat showed up, I remember thinking, “That’s not south”. I did look at this one more closely but was discouraged by the way it was set up primarily to make money. So, I tried “North America”. The results were a retreat located on the piece of land connecting North and South America – Panama I suppose. This time I thought, “No, not in another country.” Finally, I entered/thought, “The United States”. 

I shifted to a new scene. I was with a man who was a representative of a retreat center located in Arizona. He asked me why I selected his retreat and I said I knew someone in that area. I didn’t remember selecting this particular retreat, however. The man wore a tropical themed shirt and had a big smile and twinkling eyes. He said the retreat name but all I remember now is that it had Bora Bora in it (definitely not AZ). He asked me a lot of questions and we discussed what I needed from my time in retreat. I remember getting a bit sad and told him, “I can’t do it alone”. My thoughts went to my other half and the feeling of completion I felt. It seemed impossible that I would ever heal if I had to do all the healing on my own.

I was taken to my room but I don’t remember much about this part of the dream. 

Then I was walking outside looking at the retreat grounds. I walked past a very nice swimming area. It was clear it was intended for people with lots of money and somehow I recognized that if I was willing to spend enough money I could enjoy this area. I entered the swimming pool thinking, “I wonder how much for an hour. I would be willing to pay whatever they asked for time alone here.” I looked around me at the various others lounging in and around the pool. I thought it would be perfect for me if all of them were just…gone. A couple of women on the end of the pool glanced at me and I felt a weird vibe from them that suggested they didn’t want me there. Sighing because it was a feeling I was very familiar with, I exited the pool. I told my guide, “I need a retreat just for Projectors.” My thoughts were that this, and all the retreats I looked at, were created with Generating types in mind. Generating types were the very reason I needed a retreat!

I got out of the pool and walked towards a walkway leading to a lookout area. I couldn’t see what was below but I could tell I was up high. There was a couple at the end of the pier at the observation point. I paused and put my hand on the wooden railing. It was very solid and I could feel the wood grain under my fingers. I slid my fingers up and down it and thought, “It feels so real. I wonder if I am really here?” Momentarily I could feel myself in two locations, one in the dream and the other in physical reality. It was an odd feeling and I knew immediately that I was in both places and both were equally real. This came as pure Knowing and my reaction was disinterest. It was clear I was focused on the dream reality which brought me relief. I thought, “If only I could stay here forever.” This was my agreement to continue in the dream.

I walked towards the couple noting that the wooden railings were not permanent structures. It was clear it was still under construction. As I approached the couple I could sense their annoyance at my entry into their auric fields. I continued, indifferent to their “pain” at my interruption and walked past them. I stood on the far end of the observation point, trying to give them plenty of space in hopes their reaction to me would improve. Next to me on the railing I saw a phone, probably theirs. I ignored it and peered out into the darkness in front of me. Without seeing them, I could feel the couple grab the phone and leave, taking their uncomfortable energy with them. Sighing in relief, I continued to stare in out into the darkness. Melancholy washed over me and I felt myself shift back into my physical body.

When I woke I felt sad. Disappointed that I was still here in this physical experience and sad that there was nowhere in physical reality that would provide me with what I wanted and needed. 

I lingered a while, thinking of the dream experience, contemplating how I was feeling. It is hard to describe and the words that I want to use just don’t feel correct. I tried to will myself back to the dream and when I did this I heard a strange sound emanate from my upper chest. It was so loud it startled me out of my reverie. It sounded very much like a bullfrog call. Weird! I didn’t physically feel it and it was not from my throat or even the central part of my chest. It seemed to come from that area around my collarbones and I heard it from within, so not with my physical ears.

Dream: Black Thread

I was sitting with three others. We were sewing. I have no idea what we were sewing but I ran out of black thread. I asked the man sitting across from me if I could get more. He seemed like he was in charge; like a teacher. He turned to the man next to him and requested some of his black thread. The man hesitated, looked at me and then handed him some thread. It was thick and not typical thread so more like yarn. The teacher then held the black thread out to me. When I reached for it he handed it to the man sitting to my left. I turned and saw the man to my left take it. He looked down at it for a moment and communicated that he did not want that color. His communication was without words and came to me as a Knowing. I asked if we could trade. Maybe he needed another color? I suggested yellow and he seemed hesitant. I saw the thread in his hand change to yellow as he considered it. He then asked me if I preferred blue. I was very happy with this because I didn’t really want or need black either. The thread in his hand instantly turned blue and he handed it to me. Thrilled, I immediately embraced him and he smiled and embraced me back. 

I woke up wondering about the significance of the dream. My conclusion was that we were all sewing our life tapestries and I had grown tired of using black (sadness, depression). I preferred to add some color into my life. To me, blue is the color of vibrancy and life. It is my favorite color, but it is also the color of the throat chakra.

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Lucid K Dream: Teach Me?

I’m still considering a return to Costa Rica. Yesterday, I spoke with my SIL about it and she is happy to host me for as long as I need. She also has more cabanas available to choose from. One is located right on the beach! When I imagined returning to Costa Rica, I saw myself in a cabana on the beach, so I must have manifested it. 🙂 Her horse ranch is just across the road from the cabana, so I would still be close to her and the horses.

I still haven’t bought a ticket and made my trip official. I have some things to sort out first. If I do go, it looks like it will be around the first week in June.

Last night I was blessed with lucidity again. 🙂

Lucid K Dream: Teach Me?

I was at a school inside a brightly lit classroom. I wasn’t a teacher but seemed to be observing what was going on. It was either between classes or before or after school because there weren’t many students present and there was no formal teaching happening. Instead, the few inside were cleaning up and chatting. 

Exiting the classroom, I stood outside looking at student artwork on the walls. A particular piece caught my eye. It was just stick people and lines; very rudimentary. Yet, as I looked at it, a dot began to travel on its own around the paper. Curious, I looked closer, not believing my eyes. I inspected the piece, checking for abnormalities, but couldn’t find any.

A teacher passing by saw my interest. I told him it moved. He showed me how groves had been made in the cardboard backing to make it seem like it was moving on its own. He also laughed and said it was a particular student who liked playing pranks on people. This was just one example of how the student fooled around.

Still, though, I was suspicious. I thought for sure the school was haunted. 

I went home and climbed into my bed, pulling my covers securely around me. This is where I began to gain lucidity in the dream. Secure in my comfy bed, my thoughts were on the artwork, the boy and what I had just encountered at the school. 

To my surprise, I felt an hand softly touch me on the back and then an entire arm tucked itself under me. Someone was attempting to spoon with me. In that moment I knew: 1. I was in my bedroom, in my bed and 2. no one was in the bed with me, and 3. I must be dreaming. 

Not afraid at all, I turned to see who it was that had climbed into bed with me, thinking, “I want to know who’s there”. I was aware that my usual response to such things it to just lay still and see what, if anything happens. I didn’t want to do the “same ol’ thing”. To my surprise, a very bright-faced, white-blonde haired, young man sat up as I turned to confront him. He had a big smile on his face and his eyes were twinkling. I didn’t recognize him but figured he must be the student whose artwork had caught my attention earlier.

He communicated with me but all I recall are pictures and understanding. A visual of three images, side-by-side, came to my mind. It was somewhat similar to a slot machine in the way it was presented. I can’t recall the pictures but one represented the connecting/communicating via the internet and another was physical connection/communication. I can’t remember the third at all. Maybe spiritual communication? I was to select one. I picked the one on the far right. 

It was also communicated that this young man wanted me to teach him the ropes of sexual communication. Since he appeared far too young, which felt inappropriate, I asked him, “Make yourself 18 or older.” lol I can’t remember if he did or not. He then prepared himself, leaning down, his face aimed at my crotch. I laughed and told him, “Not like that.” He asked, “No?” as if he thought sex was done via the mouth. I pointed to his crotch, still amused. 

I then showed him how it was done and climbed onto his lap. All I recall from that point on is my chakras lighting up one after the other. When my third chakra lit up I felt the familiar energy of returning to my physical body. The energy lingered in my third chakra for some time after. 

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Finally, A Lucid Dream!

Woke at 5am with thoughts of returning to Costa Rica, this time for three months. It would be nice to wake every morning by the ocean again, to the sounds of the rain forest lulling me to sleep and greeting me every morning. Even the lack of a/c doesn’t phase me. If it means I can be alone for a long stretch then it might be the best thing I could do right now.  

I was considering this as an option when I fell asleep.

Dream: Lonely

The dream began in a very small classroom. I was seated beside about four or five other students and the teacher was at the front near the door. The teacher was giving us instructions for exercises that were part of a workout. Four exercises, one after the other and then a break. I wasn’t interested because of the cramped space. There was nowhere to stand up so the exercises would have to be done while seated. 

A female student seated close to me was far more interesting to me than the class. I turned and began to chat with her. I can’t remember what I was talking about now but she listened attentively. At one point I stomped my foot to emphasize what I was saying but that is all I can remember. 

Suddenly, the class was finished and everyone was getting up to leave. The student I had been talking to told me the teacher was annoyed by my behavior. I mentioned that I had wondered if she even noticed I wasn’t participating. The other student confirmed, saying the teacher was especially bothered when I stomped my foot. I remember thinking my behavior rude but didn’t care. The teacher in me, however, understood the teacher’s perspective.

We left the classroom together and began walking down a wide sidewalk on campus. It was bright and sunny outside and there was a lot of space and greenery around. The other student walked to my left, a span of about eight feet between us. She was cordial but appeared to not want to be associated with me.  I didn’t blame her. 

We walked in silence for a bit, me thinking how nice it would be to have her as a friend. In my mind I knew a friendship was out of the question because, 1. she was much younger than me and so we would have little in common, and 2. I couldn’t trust her to listen to me without judgement. 

I realized then that when I had been talking to her in class, she only appeared to be listening in order to not draw attention to herself. Had I paid attention to her body language I would’ve known she had no interest whatsoever in what I was saying. I had inadvertently made her my accomplice.

With these thoughts I remember acknowledging my loneliness in this life. I began to cry as I realized there was really no one I could talk to, like really talk to. I can’t even blog or post in forums without someone judging me and writing critical comments. Even if their comments appear constructive, I can feel the irritation in their replies. How dare I feel what I feel and not see how blessed I am compared to them and others! Then I feel guilty, thinking they are right. I have no right to complain or be unhappy when so many people have it far worse. I figure, if I can’t vent my frustrations, petty or not, without feeling judged, then I should just hold it in. So, I hold it in where it festers and turns into bitterness. 

I have no safe space. Nowhere is safe to openly be myself. So, I suffer alone, in silence. How dare I feel what I feel!? Like my mom always told me, “Spoiled, ungrateful brat”.

I woke briefly from the tears and returned to dreamtime.

Lucid Dream: Doing My Mom’s Laundry

My mother must’ve been on my mind because I end up in her house. The purpose of my visit is to check on her because she is ill.  

I walk into the house. It is dark and quiet. I carefully make my way to my mother’s bedroom. I have with me a white, plastic bag. It contains items I think will make her feel better while she recuperates. 

I knock and announce my entry. When I enter she is fast asleep. I whisper to her that I brought her a care package. I set it on the nightstand and tiptoe out of the room. I shut the door behind me.

As I am leaving, I hear something behind me. I turn to see the bedroom door has opened. I return and close it. When I turn back towards the living room I see the TV is on. The volume is too high so I turn it off, thinking it will wake up my mom. When I look up I see her bedroom door is open yet again. I go and shut it. When I turn back towards the living room, again, the TV is on and the volume too high. This time I see my oldest son lying on the sofa covered in blankets. I tell him he needs to get up and get ready to leave. He protests, wanting to finish his TV show. I notice he is much younger than he is in waking reality. Looking closer, I suspect he is about 5 or 6 years old. 

I look towards my mom’s bedroom because I again worry she will be awakened by the TV. Once again, the door is open. Thinking I must not be closing it all the way, I return and specifically focus on closing it completely. I hear it click and am satisfied.

At this point I am becoming suspicious, thinking something is not quite right. So, I investigate. I look around, noting what is out of place. The TV is on the wrong side of the room and the sofa is where the front door should be. My son is too young. And what is he doing there in the first place? And the bedroom door keeps coming open. 

I head into the kitchen. It is a mess and I think of helping my mom out by tidying up. I decide that is what I will do but am distracted. The laundry room door is open and the light is on, I head in that direction instead. I am suspicious. My mom doesn’t have a laundry room!

When I walk into the laundry room it is very brightly lit. The first thing I notice is the washer is missing. I think it must be broken. Yet, the minute I have this thought, I am leaning down and pulling out wet close from the washer! When I look down, it isn’t there but I have some wet clothing in my hands. So, I decide to dry the clothes for my mom so they won’t be mildewy. Suddenly, the empty space below me has a very tiny dryer. It is so tiny I have to kneel down to open the lid. I turn it on and it works. I feel hot air blowing right in my face. I dump in a couple of items and close the lid (which is on top like a washing machine). 

I hear what sounds like my mom’s voice behind me. I think, “I must have awakened her.” I turn and the door to the laundry room is closed. I reach to open the door and as I do, I feel someone tap me on the right shoulder. It is a very real, very solid feeling and surprises me. No one is in the room with me! I finish opening the door and behind it is a solid wall. I remember thinking there is no way out but don’t care because….it is a dream.

I turn to see who tapped me on the back. Finding no one, I laugh to myself. Of course there isn’t. The tap was meant to get my attention. The tap was meant to help me recognize the dream!

My attention is drawn to a rack that is above the dryer. This rack physically exists in my house in waking reality. I see two white strings hanging from the rack. On the ends of them are little balls. At the back of my mind I am considering the lack of an exit but don’t care. I want to play. So, I decide I want to make one of the balls move. I “think” it into motion, because, well it’s MY dream. I am instantly successful. Next, I make both little balls swing towards one another. My intention works and they hit and explode in opposite directions. I feel successful and laugh. This wakes me up.

When I wake I can feel the return to my physical body, something I haven’t felt in ages! The transition is fairly smooth, which also surprises me. The energy settles, indicating I can move. I open my eyes and shift positions, knowing that doing this prevents me from immediately returning to the OOB state. I don’t care. I know I’m too excited for that.

Considerations

The first dream is a typical scenario in my life. When I am in a good mood, I often talk fast and excitedly to others and easily ignore signs that indicate the communication is unwanted or at an inappropriate time. In the dream it was a classmate and I definitely missed the obvious signs.

I get sad in the dream because I want a friend and am lonely. Yet, my experience of friendships has not been good. They tend to be one-sided. The friend wants me to be a friend to them but, when it is time for them to be a friend to me, they fall short. All I want is a safe place to be myself, to be heard and accepted. I can honestly say I’ve never found that in a friend. Not once. This dream came with tears, of course, and me recognizing I’ve given up on finding a friend, or even a lover, that provides me with that safe space. I’ve even withdrawn from public journals and forums because, well it hurts when I bare my soul and am rejected for it.

I can already hear the comments and questions in response to what I wrote above. Have you provided a safe place for others? I think I use to, back when I eagerly accepted friendships and wanted to be a “good friend”. As I’ve grown more cautious and cynical, I just outright reject offers of friendship if I sense even the slightest judgment or criticism from the other’s energy. So, yeah, I’m super stand-offish and, where I use to listen with compassion and sympathy to the other, now I don’t have the time for it. Why give the other all I have when it won’t be returned? I’m done being stepped on and used. 

And if you judge me for what I just said, well f**k off!

As for the lucid dream, it was pretty awesome, even if short-lived. There was a return of the symbolism of tidying up my mom’s house. I recently had a dream where I was doing just that and also making her bed. This time I was also doing her laundry. The symbolism is purification, acceptance and an attempt to clean things up in general. The door opening time and time again is an indicator that there is something I wish to put an end to but it just isn’t happening. There is still something left undone. Thankfully, I hear the door click, so maybe there is hope?  

I find it reassuring that I am still capable of having lucid dreams and going OOB. It has been sooooo long! It was nice to feel playful and curious again. That is my natural state. I miss feeling like that.