Tag Archives: lucid dreams

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OBE: Black Humvee

I woke at 4am and couldn’t return to sleep. Thoughts were on a recent repetitive message – “2 years” – and a dream where I stated that the end of the world would come on Sept 28, 2025. I was feeling depressed about my life, the lack of meaningful forward movement and had a feeling that time is running out.

OBE: Black Humvee 

Somehow I entered into an OBE. I knew instantly I was OOB. I was inside my grandparent’s underground (subconscious) home in the kitchen (seeking spiritual nourishment), a place I often find myself when OOB. I was facing the front door and decided to go outside. There was interaction taking place with someone but I don’t know who. It was like I was two people – the dreamer and the conscious explorer. 

As I approached the door I thought about how to become more lucid and so I was. When I went outside I tested my dream legs to see if I could fly. There was a strong pull down like gravity and I accepted this as the rules for the experience. 

Just outside the fence was parked a large, black (unknown, hidden) Humvee (hard work). I climbed inside via the passenger side and crawled to the driver’s seat. I knew it was owned by a man who was very strong and intimidating. My intent was to drive it so that this man knew. I was feeling mischievous. I turned the key to the ignition and it roared to life. Looking through the front windshield I saw how high up I was. I thought about driving over everything in front of me but changed my mind. The truck was way to big and I didn’t want to wreck it. I climbed out and went to explore.

Looking to the right of the house everything looked as it did in my memory except there were many young people milling about. Some were hovering in the air. This is when I realized I, too, was hovering and flying about. 

I observed the people. Some were in larger groups and others in pairs – couples. 

I flew past the people toward where the barn should be but instead found a construction site (work in progress). The fences had been remade into wood and were taller. Where the barn was stood a large house. I remember thinking how it would be nice to live there and wondering if I could buy the acre and home from my mother. 

Then my mother was there and she took me into the home. She asked me how I liked the church (spiritual healing, connection) they were building. I was surprised it was a church and knew then I couldn’t buy it as it was meant for many people, not just me and my family. 

Inside the church was made completely of wood that shown that yellowish color of new pine. It also smelled of pine (longevity, recovery). There were stairs and ramps heading up to a platform and behind that another area that my mother told me was where people would be baptized. The ceiling was very tall and the space quite big. I recall feeling peaceful.

Lucid Dream: Erika and Darius 

I came back to my body briefly and then returned but not to the church. Instead I was inside a garage (something is “parked”, lack of movement). My husband and MIL were near and I found a fabric grocery bag full of things on a shelf. It had opened, stale potato chips (loss of health, neglect of physical state) inside and I knew it was my MIL’s. Rather than toss the contents I took it to my husband and told him it was his mother’s and that I didn’t want to throw anything away because of how upset it would make her. The bag smelled of rotting food (decline), though.

My husband was tending to his mom and she was acting frantic and worried, which is normal for her. He was asking me if I would go with them somewhere, me driving a truck and him driving a car. I told him I wouldn’t – couldn’t – and he knew it. He didn’t argue with me, instead saying he would take the Prius (MIL’s car – soul journey) because his mother always kept it full of gas. There was discussion about how the car was having lots of issues and they were becoming more and more severe. The car would not last much longer. I was glad the car would be gone soon as it had been a major headache for me.

My husband handed his mom the grocery bag and she sifted through the contents, pulling out baby food (new nourishment) and exclaiming as if she was opening a present. She was super happy to have the baby food, pulling each container out and showing it to her son. That is when I saw the baby girl and knew the baby food was for this baby. I called the baby “Erika” and I recognized her. I had many feelings at this time. Mostly I felt upset that this baby was coming into the world to be the daughter of my SIL and BIL. I felt a connection to the girl. I didn’t like that I had worked so hard to make her the person she was only to have her come into a new life and forget me and everything we had accomplished together. I also didn’t like that she wouldn’t know me and would instead cling to her new family. 

Similarly, I saw how my MIL was being helped by this baby. She would have renewed purpose, which her life has been lacking for some time. My husband, too, would have purpose but in helping his mother who would struggle more and more with old age (the Prius represents MIL). 

Something about the scene took me back to my grandparent’s land (ancestry) and the young people gathered in groups and pairs. I floated there and watched them and a name came to mind – Darius. I went directly to him, then, shifting immediately into a new scene where I hovered in front of a 10 month old baby. He was chubby, black and super cute. When I saw him I was sad again. I knew him. He was family. There was Knowing that many were incarnating now and it upset me to think of so many loved ones purposefully coming to Earth now, at a very difficult time. There was a part of me that understood and accepted this and my connection to these new Beings but at the same time I was outraged at the injustice of it. It wasn’t fair that they would go through so much pain and hardship. I remember thinking of what was to come and shuddered.

I began to cry and purposefully pulled myself out of the dream scene and back to my body. The transition was smooth and without the typical bumpiness. 

Considerations

It feels like this lucid/OBE experience was meant to show me some things about myself and why I am responding to life the way I am now. There was a strong sense of being two people – the dreamer, or unconscious, version and the conscious version. I was able to see that the memory and Knowing I have as the conscious version is being interpreted and processed by the less conscious version. Thus, my responses in the dream were a mixture of calm, acceptance and outrage.

The Humvee is an interesting dream symbol. Trucks = work, so a Humvee would have a similar meaning but more in terms of the Collective and “war” since Humvees are traditionally used by the military. Black indicates the hidden or unknown, the subconscious or unconscious. So something about this work is unknown and maybe even a bit scary to me. There is a masculine feel to the Humvee as well, which I see as symbolic of what drives this “war” – the masculine and all it represents.

This is the second time now that I have associated my mother with a church. Perhaps I am reminding myself that the feminine should be honored at this time. I retreat to the feeling that comes with being inside the church. It brings me peace. And even though the church is “under construction” it already serves a purpose, indicating that once complete it will have much more of an impact on everyone.

Other Thoughts

Lately my mind has been on the future quite a bit. I can’t seem to shake the premonitions I had so many years ago when I first awakened and was flooded with visions and Knowing. One such vivid vision was of the White House on fire – bombed. I still see it so vividly. Also very vivid in my mind is seeing Fort Hood, Texas as a rubble field, also bombed.

I know that the future is not set in stone and for a long while I pushed aside my early visions as just a “potential” future, denying they could ever happen in my lifetime. Now I am not so sure. I keep having flashes of “what if’s”, which are not necessarily premonitions, but instead a mixture of what could be and my own fears or dread of them happening.

For example, I feel (and fear) that no matter who becomes President, the US economy is headed for a complete collapse. If this happens so many possibilities exist. The divide between the haves and have not’s is already widening. If it continues Civil War could result. Yet I have had previous visions also of the US being attacked by an outside force. What that force is – another country, a terrorist group, or just forces of Darkness in general, is unknown.

Despite all these worries, at my core I am exceptionally calm about it all. I have always been told by my guidance that I will be safe and need not worry about myself and my family. There is also a deep understanding I cannot put words to that indicate every.single.thing that is and will happen has a higher purpose.

About a month ago I actually wrote a post that I never posted about how everyone on Earth right now is being polarized. I opted not to post it because I know that it likely won’t make a difference in how people are reacting to what is transpiring in this world right now. And that is OK. The only person I have any control over is myself and I choose to NOT react, but to observe.

How do you not react to everything? React doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings or thoughts. Let yourself feel. Let yourself have an opinion. It is OK. You are only human. I have an internal dialogue that I let play out when I get overwhelmed and upset over things. I just don’t verbalize it or share it with anyone because it won’t help matters. In fact, it will serve only to further polarize things. In the end, the dialogue always shifts away from the upset and back to my Knowing and acceptance of what is.

Hopefully, my honesty about my previous premonitions and fears doesn’t trigger anyone. If it does, I am sorry as that was/is not my intent. I hope my sharing assists in a better understanding of how I perceive this unique time in human history and that is all.

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Lucid to OBE: Return to Past Dream and Music Message: You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful

Last night marked the third night of listening to a 30 minute Delta State track, or binaural beats as some call it. The first time I listened I was startled awake by a familiar feeling. The feeling is hard to describe unless you’ve consciously gone OOB, meaning you were not using a method like the WBTB (wake back to bed) or going OOB via a lucid dream. When you leave your body consciously the sensations tend to be much stronger, which is why I prefer to exit via a lucid dream. So when I began to feel literally sucked out of my body via my heart center it startled me awake. Then I lay there, heart pounding for a while, as if I had just sprinted a short distance.

The second and third times I listened to the music I did not have this happen but did find myself drifting into the in-between for short periods. My mind has been super over-active lately so it takes me the full 30 minutes of my meditation time to shut it down. 

I’ve also been sleeping pretty deeply for a while now, which I am not complaining about since prior to this deep sleep period I was not sleeping very well. 

I woke at around 4:45am from an odd dream and then got back into bed but lay there wide awake for some time. 

Lucid Dream: Return to Past Dream

I traveled to a past dream I had some time ago. In fact, I don’t even recall when I had this dream or if I documented it. Yet when I returned to it, I recalled it vividly. I remember exploring the dream scene to the point of returning to it and then watching it fast forward and rewind based on what I was interested in. 

The dream itself involved a past coworker, a history teacher who had retired. He had taken me to his cabin in a vast, hilly grassland located below a mountain range that was reminiscent of Montana. We then traveled to where he taught college aged students history. The classroom was located under ground and we walked through a tunnel to get to it.

I recall sitting in a desk watching him teach. A feeling came over me and I began to miss teaching to the point of considering returning to work in that capacity.

In my return to this dream I sat back in that seat and re-experienced that feeling. I’m not sure why. I believe I was conversing with a guide about it. 

I also returned to the scene of the cabin nestled under the shadow of the mountains far from civilization and shrouded in moonlight. The starry sky overhead seemed so big. I felt safe despite the vulnerability the openness brought. It seemed as if I was being asked to focus on how I felt at this time. There was a sense of someone saying, “This is where you belong”.

Then I was inside a home looking at a shelf with toiletries hanging on the wall next to a doorway. My ex-coworker was there and I mentioned the shelf, saying I missed it. I distinctly recall staying at the house and using the shelf to hold my things and I knew the toiletries it contained were mine.

I focused on a small bar of soap feeling the desire to reclaim the shelf and its contents.

I began to take down the shelf using a screwdriver. When I got the shelf on the floor I began to disassemble it. My coworker stopped and asked me about it. “Oh, it’s the shelf. Are you taking it?” I felt a bit guilty for not asking but responded, “Yes”, and continued to take it apart. The tiny screws kept slipping through my fingers. There were four and I was counting them to make sure I had them all. 

There is a mixture of visuals here – faces from my past blurring into other faces and life scenes all at once. Most of what I recall are the faces of past coworkers, bosses and students. All memories of my time spent teaching. 

OBE 

The strange blast of memories led me to realize I was dreaming. There was the familiar feeling of being OOB – heavy yet mobile, as if something was weighing me down. Sleep maybe?

I immediately shifted away from the strange memory daze I was in. 

I found myself in a place that was not my bedroom, though somewhat like it. What was surprising here was how well I could see. Realizing I was OOB I moved quickly and with joy at the chance to play. I have not been OOB in some time and miss the freedom it offers.

Sadly I can’t recall what I did next only that I ended up back in my body. My heart was beating erratically but I ignored it and shifted back out. My vision was not clear at first and I closed my eyes tightly to check if I was really OOB. When I realized I was my vision returned and I could see through closed eyes.

Again my vision was full-on and I rushed out of the room and down the stairs. I attempted to fly or float down but could not lift myself up any higher than I would be able to in the physical.

At the bottom of the stairs I saw my dog, Monty. I took him with me toward the front door. My vision was fading in and out at this time and I kept reminding myself “I can see” to turn it back on.

Someone knocked on the front door and I opened it. 

Outside was an unfamiliar scene. The neighborhood street was there but it was crowded with people in cars. One car in particular had people driving it that were trying to get my attention. The car seemed incomplete, though, as if the back end was missing and it had no roof over the front. The man in the car was standing up out of the driver’s seat waving wildly at me. My dog was growling and barking. I opened the door widely to encourage Monty to go out, which he normally would do when the opportunity is offered. He didn’t budge though and backed up, hiding behind me.

I went outside, fearless, towards the car. The man inside was honking his horn and still waving. I recall turning back toward the house momentarily. I had the thought of, “What to do now?” With that thought I began to feel like a joyful and mischievous child. The clothes I was wearing suddenly felt heavy and cumbersome. I think I had on a coat. I thought, “I want to be naked” and began to happily tear my clothes off. The idea of being naked was exciting and I desperately wanted to be free of the burden of wearing all those clothes.

As I tore off the first layer my vision began to fade out and I knew I was moving back into my body. I tried to relax into it, allowing myself to return with the intent to instantly leave again. Sadly, when I returned my heart was doing odd things in my chest again and it felt very uncomfortable. There was a slight sense of breathlessness, too, which I think was the main reason I did not go OOB again.

My heart settled soon after I came firmly back into my body. I lay there a while. A song was going through my head. Specifically the lyrics, “You don’t know you’re beautiful….”

Considerations

Most of my OBEs lately seem to be odd like this one. So my best bet is to try and focus on the symbols within it.

The return to a previous dream seems to simply be a dream conversation with a guide. The feelings it provoked in me reminded me of that satisfied feeling I use to get when I was a teacher. There were times early on when my entire body would get covered in goosebumps during teaching. This always happened when my class was very engaged and interested in what I was saying. Whenever this happened I would think/feel, “This is why I’m here.”

The shelf and my focus upon it appears to symbolize something I “put on the shelf” and am now wanting to take back and focus on. Since the shelf had toiletries on it, specifically a bar of soap, perhaps I am seeking healing or cleansing?

The OBE itself seems to be mostly about me trying to remove the burdens that are weighing me down. I am easily able to manipulate my ability to see, which is a positive sign.

The car without a roof with the man in it is interesting to me. I don’t know who the man is but in a previous OBE I was warned I would meet a man who had a car that was incomplete – the rear end was missing and there was no speedometer. The warning was that he would go very fast. I believe the missing back end of the car was symbolic of “no going back” and the possibility of “high speeds”. In that past OBE I remember deciding I would stay clear of the man and in this current OBE I turned away from him despite him yelling and waving at me to come to him.

Could it be the same man? Not sure but interesting nonetheless.

Overall, I am curious about the return to the past dream and how it made me feel. Lately I have been contemplating those things in life which brought me that “covered in goosebumps” feeling. Not many things have. Teaching primarily has brought on that feeling. I only got the feeling when I was teaching certain subjects, though – spiritual and self-help topics. For example, I first felt these feeling when teaching Psychology in high school. It also occurred when speaking to groups about spiritual topics – spirit guides, meditation, mediumship, spiritual abilities – and when giving readings. Finally, it came when teaching very young children guidance lessons. Guidance lessons focus primarily on helping children learn social skills such as how not to bully, speak over others, tattle, etc. With the little ones I think the feeling came from mostly from their openness and complete joy at being with me; full acceptance and connection.

My current life and career is devoid of such feelings. Completely lacking.

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Dream: My Heaven – No Entry

Interesting night of dreams.

Lucid Dream: Chest on Fire

I suddenly became lucid. I was standing in a suburban neighborhood in a cul-de-sac. There was a car on my left as I approached some people standing on the side of the road outside a house. Everyone of the people in the group were African American and I recognized that I was different from them but didn’t care. My main focus was finding my “daughter”. I remember thinking, “Do I even remember what she looks like?”

Not long after that thought I saw her and rushed up to her, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly. I told her how much I loved her and called her my daughter. I asked her how she was doing as I pulled away and saw her looking to her left and behind her. I turned and saw another young woman, probably about 14 years old approaching. When I saw her I knew she was my daughter, too, and that she was very sad. I opened my arms to her, inviting her into a hug. She fell into my arms and I told her how much I loved her, how beautiful she was and not to be sad.

When I pulled away I looked at this young woman and marveled at her beauty. Her hair had been relaxed and straightened and was pulled up tight at the top of her head, cascading down around her in a neat little shoulder-length bob. Her skin was flawless and glowing but her eyes told another story.

I motioned to the woman sitting in the car to my left and told the young lady, “Never forget how much you are love. She loves you.” It felt like the woman in the car was the mother. I touched the mother figure and was surprised to find her very, very pregnant.

I hugged the young woman again and told her, “It won’t last forever. Just feel the love. Just feel it right here (putting my hand on her chest). You are always loved.” I believe she was crying but can’t remember seeing any tears. What I do recall is that I could feel all her sadness and pain. I took it on as my own and began to cry with her.

My hand was still on her chest but I could also feel the pressure of it on my own chest, right between my breasts. The pressure was focused and distinct to the point that it almost hurt. I began to physically feel an intense heat there. It got hotter and hotter to the point that I felt I would not be able to bear the heat much longer.

The heat and pressure spread over my entire body and eventually woke me up. I could still feel it lingering as I rubbed the tears from my eyes. I have never felt heat like that before. It was so real, so physically hot, that I was certain my bed had caught on fire.

Dream: Surgery

This dream was very long. It took place mostly in a hospital. I was to get cosmetic surgery on my stomach area and had checked in. I was awaiting surgery, first in my room, and then in an operating room.

There were several “interns” tending to my needs and talking to me about my up-coming procedure. One was familiar, a tall, blonde male of slender build. There was discussion about what to expect from my surgery. They gave the surgery a name but I don’t recall the name now. Instead I remember seeing in my mind what would happen. They would take a flap of skin from my abdomen, double it over on top of itself to make my entire mid-section more firm and tight.

While I was waiting, my sister stopped by. She was an intern at the hospital, too, and was surprised to see me there. She gave me more information on the surgery and then left, wishing me luck. I remember knowing my sister in this life was nowhere near being as smart as this sister and marveled at how different she was in the dream.

I ended up staying the night and being taken back to wait for surgery the next day. The same group surrounded me and I asked if I could make a change to my surgery and get breast implants. They said it shouldn’t be an issue but I still seemed to wait for a long time. I remember wandering to an area with a very old computer and rotary phone. I realized it had long been abandoned by the staff and looked through the files, curious at the time capsule I had found.

When the doctor arrived I was placed on the operating table and left awake as the surgery took place. It took no time at all and I remember being left naked on the table for a long while, my new body looking like Barbie it was so perfect.

Eventually the blonde male came and took me from the operating room. I knew he wasn’t meant to because he sneaked me out. He seemed romantically interested in me but I didn’t mind.

He took me to the cafeteria to get some food and ordered us cookies. We were each given two cookies and then there was a third cookie also. I remember asking him, “Two cookies?” He nodded “yes”. I took mine and began to eat them. So did he.

Then we were in the shower together, both of us naked. I recall seeing his nakedness and noticing his arousal but not caring because I felt safe with him and knew he was a gentleman. This is where the dream ended.

As I woke I was hearing someone (the man from the dream perhaps?) asking me, “Do you know how beautiful you are?” There was a conversation that followed but I was too tired to remember it. Mostly I remember that he was trying to tell me that no matter how old my physical body gets, I will always be beautiful. I also think he told me that he was there to help me.

Prior to falling asleep I had asked again to be shown my Heaven, or where I would go when I died. This time I think my question was answered.

Dream: My Heaven – No Entry

I found myself in a beautiful garden, beautiful beyond any place I have seen on Earth. There was a crystal blue, shimmering stream running down the center. It shined like it had diamonds or crystals in it. On either side of the stream was vivid green grass dotted with flowers of all kinds. People dressed in white and with glowing skin were walking about, mostly in pairs, some holding hands, others arm in arm. Groups of people were sitting among the flowers and others under the massive oak trees that had shimmering fruits hanging from their branches. Beyond the trees were rolling hills that went as far as the eye could see.

In the center, crossing over the crystal stream, was a golden bridge. In the middle of the bridge stood a man who, to me, felt like “God”, but I knew this concept is incorrect but the closest approximation my mind could come up with. I watched as he met those who had arrived into the garden in the middle of the bridge. He spoke with them, telling them what their path would be while they were there, and then granting them access.

I saw a young blonde woman dressed in white walk up to the man on the bridge. The gatekeeper, as I will call him, barred her way into the garden. In that moment I shifted perspectives and became that woman.

The tall, gorgeous blonde man was fantastic in appearance. His skin shimmered as if covered in diamonds. His eyes were a vivid blue and his hair, straight and blonde, flowed down to his mid-back. He wore all white and was a good two feet taller than me, making him at least 7 feet tall. When he spoke to me my inclination was not to question anything he said but accept it fully and comply.

I wish I could recall word-for-word what he said but I became extremely lucid at his words. They echoed in my mind as I tried to capture them and their meaning. I do remember he said that my purpose was back on Earth, assisting my “family”.

When I heard him tell me, “Your purpose is not here” (meaning I could not come into the garden), I initially accepted it without question and turned to leave. Then I began to wonder to myself, “What did he say?”  So I turned and with my mind asked him, “Say that again?” He repeated himself and his words were odd inside my mind, like musical but also booming and not of this Earth.

In this short period of time as I pondered what was happening the scene began to de-materialize and the garden slowly faded from view. The man, however, did not leave my mind/thoughts. Upset, I remember hearing that I was not meant to walk the path I once thought I was here to walk. Instead, my main purpose was to my family, which I interpreted to mean my husband, children, mother and siblings.

Interpretation

I believe the first dream was me visiting my daughters from another life or parallel lifetime. It felt like I crossed over, into this other dimension, with the purpose to check on them. The empathic connection I had was amazing as was the heat I felt in my chest that spread to my entire body. I’m not sure exactly what to make of the whole experience, though.

The second dream about a surgery is probably a result of my recent considerations about getting some cosmetic procedures done to correct some physical imperfections that are the result of growing older. Mostly these ideas are coming out of sheer boredom and wanting something interesting to do with my time but they also arise from a sense that my youth is slowly fading away. The message in the end was that I am beautiful no matter what. The dream could also be symbolic of healing, specifically to my mid-section where my second and third chakras are located.

The final dream seems to be a direct message to me that I am not yet meant to go to my Heaven. My firm belief is that Heaven is whatever we want it to be, so on some level I see Heaven as a magical garden. I must also think that there is someone acting as a kind of gatekeeper. This probably stems from my Christian background where people are said to stand at “the gates of Heaven” and from there are either granted entry or not based upon their good deeds on Earth. The appearance of the gatekeeper in my dream reminds me of my many dream encounters with Andromedans. They are usually very fair skinned and appear similarly to the gatekeeper man. It seems that my dream Heaven is not based upon “good deeds”, though. Instead, entry is granted when a person’s mission on Earth is complete. I am told in no uncertain terms that my mission is not yet complete.

As for my purpose being to assist my family, my guess is that it not just my biological family members I am assisting.

 

 

 

 

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Kundalini Dream: Plane Romance

The last two nights I have had trouble falling to sleep. Last night it was because of having to cough. When the weather turns cold like it did recently, dropping 25 degrees in a few hours, my allergies tend to flare up causing my eyes to water, my nose to run and my throat to tickle from all the post nasal drip. The general sense I get, though, is that my sleeplessness is also from the full moon energies right now which feel pretty intense.

I had an interesting dream that woke me this morning.

Dream: Plane Romance

I was on a very large airplane (goals materializing, advancement or rising about troubles/problems) with lots of other people. I sat in a row that had many more seats than I a normal plane would. There was someone walking up and down the isle calling names from a list. It felt like we all worked together and the names were being called for the person to report or maybe get a reward or both. I can’t remember.

I sat two seats from the isle where the man was walking. There was a man next to me who was attractive but I don’t remember much about what he looked like. He was clean cut, though, with short hair that was either blonde or light brown, and had a very ordinary face, almost boyish looking.

There was a sense that he and I knew each other well and it was not long before he hugged me and we began to kiss. I could feel my lower chakras explode in a pleasurable sensation and for some reason I felt fear or concern over this and pulled away. I then left him behind and went searching for my blanket (protection). I walked all over looking for it and began to ask people if they had seen it. One woman asked what it looked like and I could not remember what color it was, only that it was big. As I told her I thought it was blue I saw a bunch of blue blankets all around me but none of them was mine.

Eventually I returned back to my seat awaiting the calling of my name, which I never heard called in the dream. The man was still there and he turned to me and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist. I looked up at him, he was about a foot taller than me, and said, “I’m sorry I pulled away. The feeling you give me scares me.” He looked pensive for a moment and then said, “Oh, that’s interesting.” For a moment it seemed like he did not know what to make of what I had just told him. I got a sense that his experience wasn’t like mine.

We began to kiss again and the experience was very real, causing an increase in lucidity. I could feel him pressing himself into my hips and upper leg. My lower chakras began to erupt in a pleasurable way.

There was a loud sound, like a thump, and I jumped back for a moment. My thought at this time was that someone might see us and we would be found out. I was worried about this for some reason.

We continued to kiss passionately and my lower chakras expanded as an energy started traveling slowly upward. My second chakra seemed huge and I could feel energy entering my solar plexus.

The intensity of the energy woke me and I lingered in bed for some time feeling the strong energy in my first two chakras. I took a moment to imagine the energy rising up my spine to better distribute the energy. This helped and soon everything balanced out.

Considerations

It seems that I am resisting the K rising at this time. It is odd that my fear of being “found out” has returned. I thought I had resolved that. I use to feel very guilty about my dream “flings” and then shifted into a full acceptance of them. Once I fully accepted the experience the K was able to rise. I know I made a decision not long ago that I should stay away from the very intense, sexual K energy because it was not helpful and seemed to cause a kind of obsessiveness with it. But perhaps I need to undo that decision? Resistance is never helpful with the K. It only creates problems – physical and/or emotional – and leads to delays.

I was reminded of something I recently read in Bonnie Greenwell’s book, The Kundalini Guide. In it she mentions how the lower chakras can feel especially sexual and intense. She says some teachings suggest those who have intense energy in the second chakra tell students to go out and get it out of their system. She doesn’t really agree with this, instead she suggests using gentle practices to encourage the energy to move upward. It is clear, though, that avoidance will not help regardless.

The blanket part of the dream is interesting to me. I seem intent on finding mine. Lately I have had many dreams and OBEs with blankets in them. They seem to symbolize protection or something that provides security and comfort. When I woke and was thinking of this my guidance told me, “You don’t need that (the blanket). You are always protected.”

It is strange to me that I would think I need protection from the intensely sexual energy I was feeling. Why does it scare me? When I have felt the energy in the past I have had considerations that it is “bad” or “sinful” and that “nothing good comes from it.” My guess is that I have had past lives where this feeling/energy consumed me and caused me to respond to it in negative ways with poor life choices. I do know I have killed myself in at least two other lives because of feelings arising out of such intense sensations.

It reminds me of the early time prior to my first major rising of the K when I had many dreams and OBEs where I would be confronting this HUGE energy and avoiding it out of fear that it would “take over” or be the end of me. Over time this subsided and I shifted to embracing the energy, which did not kill me as I felt it would. So it is likely this fear is unfounded and won’t last long. Once I embrace the energy/feeling, it will transform as it is meant to.

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Message: Clearing Fear and Pain

What an amazing day it has been! Wow! I woke up feeling so amazing!

Dream: Caught in the Seat Belt

I was driving on a two lane highway when I spotted someone I knew parked on the side of the road. I pulled over to see if he needed help. I called him by name but don’t recall exactly who he was only that he was a father figure (masculine aspect) to me. He was older, maybe 60s, graying hair and thin. He seemed to be caught in his seat belt (security, safety).

I went over the help and he was embarrassed because the seat belt was across his groin and his privates were exposed. I went to try and untangle it and saw his privates but they looked odd, like intestines or something similar. His testicles were both caught and I spent a while pulling on them. They unrolled and dangled very long again looking like intestines more than testicles.

I said should I called 911 several times and eventually I just called. A man answered. He sounded very hill billy. There was sound in the background like a party or gathering going on. I told him where we were “Highway 51 on the way to Jarrell”. He asked for more information but then I saw my mom pull up in a car. She had a knife and immediately cut the old man loose. He was free and relieved. I asked the old man if he still wanted them to come check him out. After no response I told 911 not to come.

In-Between Meeting and Message

I ended up in a large auditorium classroom. A man was on the stage and I was the only other person there with him. I stood below him and looked up at him on the stage. I had come for advice and he felt like a teacher – perhaps a guide? He was explaining how the rest of the world had been working on the top portion of the energy field and gave me the rundown on how this was playing out. Basically he said work was being done to reestablish the connection to the spiritual/Universe/God by clearing those blockages that kept one from their intuition, guidance and higher self. Those who accomplished this might feel they are finished because they often get to experience that connection first hand and it is life changing. Some may feel stuck or seeming to make no progress while others will be just beginning this process, newly awakened and in “awe”.

However, the work is not done after the connection is reestablished. He told me I had moved on to the next part of the task which is clearing the lower portion of the field. I saw an energy field as two circles intersecting with a human figure in the middle – a vesica piscis. He explained that the bottom area where the circles intersected was the area to be cleared. He told me this area contained “fear and pain” and gave me the type of symptoms that would be experienced with this clearing. The examples I got were in visuals. For example, I saw thoughts exploding out from a person in the form of words and images and falling to the floor as the person desperately tried to scoop them up. I was shown how the darkness contained just as much beauty as the Light and this I understood as truth. My understanding was that the symptoms involved much confusion, panic, anxiety, fear, and an overall sense of impending doom or losing one’s mind. I told him I understood and with relief we discussed how I had gotten through the toughest part which took around six weeks (since mid-August). Relieved I asked him what was next. He told me something else was coming, like another opportunity or option. He said, “it is up to you what you decide”. It did not feel bad, just seemed like a heads up that I would get a choice soon and it didn’t matter what I decided really just that I could decide and had a choice. At the time I did not see it as a bad or good thing, just something I needed to be aware of.

I was shown how the human aura (still looking like a purple vesica piscis only in 3D) formed a tunnel that flowed in both directions – up and down simultaneously. The flow can’t just go up, it also has to go down, constantly cycling, Earth to Heaven, Heaven to Earth. The lower portion is undergoing a massive clearing. The advice was similar to other dreams where I was told “look forward” and put on “blinders”. Focusing ahead and not behind or to the side. The fear will breed more fear, pain more pain. I understand this advice as I relate it to being afraid of the dark. How when I was a child in the dark I would stare straight ahead, walking toward the light, doing my best to ignore the dark shadows that lurked to the side and behind me.

I recall shifting back into my body a couple of times during this visit. My body was vibrating very high to where it felt as if I were being shaken. I slipped easily back into the in-between each time.

When the visit was over, I entered a lucid dream where I was outside on a sidewalk. It was bright and sunny outside with greenery and the smell of Spring. I remember thinking of the crazy feeling and the paranoia I experienced not long ago and how I worried about so many things I should not, like what people think of me. I got down on the sidewalk and rested face down, arms and legs splayed, thinking, “I don’t care what people think.” Laying there on the warm concrete felt good. Grounding.

I sat up and felt relief. Looking around at the place, which appeared to be the outside a building with paved, dark asphalt roads, shrubbery, and parking lot, I saw someone I recognized in the distance. She was looking toward the parking lot as if talking to someone. I called out her name, “Angela!” She turned and looked at me. I said, “Hey! I’ve been thinking about you!” My old friend came over to me, still looking a bit dazed and deep in thought, and asked me how I’d been. I told her that I had just been through a real tough time but was finally on the other side of it. She nodded her understanding and seemed to relate, tears slowly coming out of her eyes. Then a woman appeared out of the blue and said to Angela, “See, I told you she didn’t forget you.” Angela began to cry in relief and I said, “Of course I didn’t forget about you!”

Message

I came back to my body and lingered in the in-between for a while, thinking about the discussion I had with the “professor” and the strange encounter with my old friend. I truly believe that I stumbled upon her while she was dreaming. Perhaps she called to me or maybe our energies just synced. Whatever the case, I emailed her and told her about the dream. I hope she is well.

While lingering in bed I heard, “Gila National Forest” and “healing”. I came out of my reverie suddenly and wondered about it. Where was it? Arizona? Oh yeah, New Mexico. My husband is from that area and I told him about it and the “healing” message. He and I will be planning a trip there in November. I want to go visit the cave dwellings among other things.

The entire day I have been feeling blessed, happy, and optimistic. The song, Stay was going through my mind most of the morning – “All you have to do is stay a minute, just take your time. The clock is ticking, so stay”.

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Lucid Dream – Exit Point

Thankful the hectic week is over! Kids are all in school now. My youngest started Kindergarten and loves it. My middle child got to finally be in the same class as one of his best friends and my oldest made it through her first day of middle school unscathed. Today I get to be home alone to recuperate. My husband took the kids to a water park about an hour away. They probably won’t be back until 9-10pm. 🙂

I plan to get some things done and take my time about it. My sleep was interrupted at around 4am by strange noises in the driveway. Sure something bad was happening, I got up to investigate and I saw my MIL and my husband transferring her bags into our minivan. I had forgotten my husband agreed to take her and his brother’s entire family to the airport. My MIL had been frantic to park her car at our house instead of my BIL’s because she didn’t want her car sitting in the sun all week. She is convinced the sun will “rot” it (eyeroll WTF?). I had asked her to find another option because I knew the 4am transfer would wake me up. Sure enough, it did, and as I expected it caused me to lose at least an hour of sleep. 😦

When I finally did return to sleep I got an unexpected “lesson”.

Lucid Dream – Exit Point

The dream began with me in my bed hearing something going on in the front driveway. I got up and saw my MIL’s car parked in the driveway. It was disgusting, covered with filth. Then my youngest came screaming out of the front door because he thought I was leaving and never coming back. When I went to soothe him and take him back inside I saw that we were not at our own house. I began to walk to our house and found a bundle of keys on the driveway, keys to a Nissan Xterra. I went back and found another family outside packing up their car. I asked if the keys were theirs and they said they weren’t. As I went to go search for the owner, a small, blonde, naked and armless (inability to take care of ones self) child was there. I hugged her and noticed all the other children with her were deformed or mentally retarded in some way. I felt sympathy for them.

As I crossed into our driveway and looked around at the unfamiliar scene, I thought to myself, “This is not right. I must be dreaming.”

To test this out I decided to see if I could float or fly. I relaxed and my body floated upward and then I knew I was dreaming.

I flew down the road and encountered a little girl with blonde hair. She was trying to put on a necklace (conflict between head and heart) made of green, elastic material. I said, “Can I help you with that?” She said, “Yes”. I began to move her hair out of the way and tried to tie the necklace but it was too short and little pieces of hair kept getting in the way. I told her I couldn’t tie the necklace and she started to cry. The girl’s sister suggested I tie the necklace first and then have the girl step into it and pull it up to her neck. The sister showed me how and I thought it was a great idea (rising of Kundalini maybe?).

There is a brief memory here of standing in front of a mirror. I looked at my face and saw myself as I am now but maybe a bit younger. I smiled and then focused more on my image expecting it to morph because that is what usually happens in my lucid experiences. Rather than the image morphing into something else, certain features changed. My mouth got very small, making my cheeks appear larger. I remember knowing the shrinking mouth represented my “shrinking voice”.

My attention went elsewhere after that. I was talking to a guide I could not see. I remember thinking/saying, “What do I do now?” I felt completely hopeless and directionless and began to cry. As I cried the scene in front of me began to slowly turn black. The blackness was impenetrable and desolate. I knew that my emotions were creating it but I had no idea how to free myself from it.

Knowing I was dreaming I began to worry my crying would send me back to my sleeping body and wake me up. But it didn’t. Instead, I was asked to look into the darkness. I believe the words were, “Look for light in the darkness.”

I began to focus on the darkness and noticed it shifted and moved as if alive. Then a sliver of white light began to take shape in front of me. The light extended to form a line almost like a lightening bolt straight ahead. The more I focused, the more the light chased away the darkness to reveal the path ahead. I followed it.

I could see the end of the path way up ahead. It was quite far and uphill. All I wanted was to get to the end. I didn’t care what I had to do to get there.

The first place the path took me was to a water park (playfulness, enjoying life). I saw children playing in the water as I walked through. There were small walls (obstacles) I had to climb over but they were only about knee height. I spoke to the children and tended to them if they asked for help. 

Throughout all this I recall talking with a guide. At one point the scene vanished and all that was in front of me was an open book. The pages were empty. I was told to read them. Sentences began to appear in cursive writing as I read. I read them aloud and was amazed at how clear the lettering was and that I was able to read it. I worried briefly that my focus on the words would wake me up, but it it never did. Instead, it made the words more clear. Fascinating!

Of course, now I don’t remember what I read word-for-word. All I remember now is what I heard my guide say to me. He said, “Find your joy and follow it”. He also said something like, “Help them.” All that is left in my memory is the message that if I look for the light, I will see it. The “light” being that which brings me joy. Then all I have to do if follow it.

Then I was back on the path looking ahead at the end. I saw two golden chalices (spiritual nourishment, immortality) or cups sitting on a pedestal, one on my left and one on my right. Above them was a great circle (continuity) colored red-orange. The light illuminated them. There was a plaque below each that was covered in red paint. I knew the sign had information so I began to scratch away the layer of paint on both plaques. To my surprise I saw white numbers on a golden background. I recognized the pattern to be that of a date – like month, day, year – but the more I focused on the dates to try and remember them, the more numbers there were until it no longer resembled a date. I think I saw 2023 and 2036 but I can’t remember now. The numbers are all jumbled together in my mind.

The voice of my guide said to me as I was trying to decipher the numbers, “You know we can’t reveal that to you.” Disappointed I gave up.

What I remember now of those two golden cups or chalices is that I had two choices of “exit” dates in this life. The one on the right was later than the one on the left. Other than that, I was unable to determine which path was “better”.

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Dream: Skiing in Montana

I woke briefly after that but was able to return to sleep.

I was in Montana and decided to go skiing (breezing through aftermath of challenging situation). Ahead of me was a dirt road (new path, path untraveled) barely wide enough for one car. The road was riddled with puddles of water (emotion) some of which were very deep. I traveled by car but also seemed to be on foot. I wore no shoes, just white socks (protection). A man was with me but was not my husband. He showed me the way and I put my foot/wheels wherever he did.

At one point, just past a small bridge, one of the holes was so deep the man jumped over. I quickly followed, barely missing the hole and knowing it was so deep that I would have gotten soaked.

Then I was heading back up the road, this time with my husband. He was talking on the phone with a friend. He was telling them that he would love to live free, without a car, without a house, without many of the things he and I had built together. He was talking as if I was a burden and I could tell by the conversation that he was planning on leaving me to live this new “simpler” life. I recall him mentioning that this friend, obviously a woman, was eating Moringa seeds, and that because of that he wanted to also. The name was familiar.

As I listened I began to panic about what I would do as a single parent. I was angry that my husband would just abandon us to relieve himself of the burden.

The car came to the same deep puddle and my husband decided to drive through it very fast. The car launched into the air after hitting the puddle. Mud flew everywhere and then we landed behind a bunch of people on bikes (independence). The car bumped one bike but did not hurt anyone.

Then we were driving through a lazy town in Montana. The day was beautiful and the temperature perfect. I said to my husband, “It’s a really nice, summer day.” I remembered how nice the summers could be in Montana. I told him that the cities were safer and it was a good place to raise a family. Then I remembered how harsh the winters were. I decided it wasn’t worth it to live there.

Considerations

I’m not sure what to think of the dream experiences. The first lucid one seems mostly to be a message that things will not always be so dark, to look for my “joy” and to follow it and it will lead me to where I want to go.

The second dream seems to be a warning along with advice. The Moringa seed part was very vivid and likely indicates I need to research the seeds. I believe we have a bag of them in the garage given to my husband by the former owner of our old house (the man who killed himself). Overall, Moringa seems to be a good supplement in seed form and goes well with Turmeric, which was also a supplement suggested in an OBE I had years ago.

My thoughts about finding my joy are not positive. Nothing really brings me joy these days. So I am sad to think that the answer to my problems is to find and follow my joy. Perhaps it has to do with children because that dream also included me reaching out to children? Maybe but that doesn’t feel exactly right. It could be my own children, I suppose. That is closer to right because they do bring me joy at times.

I guess I just have to wait and see.

 

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Lucid Dream: Present Time

Happy 4th of July! I hope you have a great one.

I had an unexpected lucid dream last night/this morning. 🙂

Lucid Dream: Present Time

The dream was not lucid to begin with. The beginning involved a gathering with children, specifically a tiny, black toddler. Mostly I remember sweeping the floor which was covered in sand and watching the baby girl play with a pile of toys.

Then I was talking with someone as I flew over a river that was moving very rapidly to the point of whitewater. I don’t remember what we were talking about but it seemed very serious. I watched as a large, dining table came down the river. The legs were in the air as it smashed up against the rocks and was swept around a bend. Then the same thing seemed to be happening to a black SUV. I watched it come down the river and head toward the same rocks. I flew over to try and stop it but it rolled up onto the rocky shore and then was propelled back into the water. I watched it seem to drive through the rough water, dents in the bumper, and head toward a cliff on the other side. As I focused on the cliff a massive set of double doors appeared and opened up. The SUV floated inside.

This is about the time I became lucid. I flew over to the doors and inside. What I encountered was unexpected. Inside was a vast structure of wooden landings at different levels held up by wooden beams. The doors took me into the very uppermost level. As I floated there I saw the beams and landing levels below me extending farther than the eye could see. Across from me a man sat at a table on one of the landings drinking a beer (or some kind of drink). I asked him, “What is this place?” He replied, “You’re in present time.” I asked again because I didn’t quite understand and he smiled and repeated, “You’re in present time.”

Something about his answer triggered in me a child-like joy and desire to explore. I dove straight down into the beams and levels below.

The next thing I recall is standing on the main floor amidst people going about their business. The space was mostly white and brightly lit. In my memory it feels like an indoor water park or bath house only there were no water slides.

The people walking around were dressed in bright colors and their skin was just as bright as the place. I recognized one lady who was standing along a wall. She had short, pixie cut blonde hair and was very petite. We said hello and as she turned to leave I put my hand on her shoulder and said, “Wait! I know you!” She turned toward me and smiled. I grabbed her hand and kissed her right on the lips. I could feel the kiss very distinctly. As I kissed her I slipped a ring off her finger and put it on my own. After the kiss we parted ways but she stopped me and said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?” She was looking at my hand. I looked down and saw a solitaire diamond ring on my ring finger. I laughed and said, “Oh, I forgot!,” Then slid it off and placed it back on her hand but not before recognizing it was my wedding ring from my current marriage.

I continued to explore the place after that. The whole time I was talking to someone but can’t recall the conversation. I headed toward some double glass doors that led outside. As I walked through them into the sunlight I was greeted by a light rain. There was also a very large swimming pool but I never visited it. Instead I stood in the rain, feeling the coolness of it as it hit my bare skin.

I believe I was asked about myself, or that I at least questioned who I was and my role in life. There was also a question about what I missed or enjoyed most. With that thought/question I felt my son in my arms. Looking down at him I saw him when he was a baby. He was as real as if he was a baby today. The familiar weight of him in my arms, the baby smell and him clinging to me was wonderful. I began to dance with him, holding him out from me and then pulling him close. As I danced I sang a song that in the dream felt like a song I had sung to him a million times, only I have never heard it or sang it to him my knowledge. The only part of it I remember now is this – “I’m gonna love, love, love ya to me….”

I danced with him for a while, singing the song and relishing the time I had with him. It was so very real, as if I had gone back in time and returned to a particular moment or memory.

At some point the memories brought tears. Tears of joy but also tears of sadness at the thought that I would never hold my babies in my arms like that again. They were all grown up. Recognizing how much I missed that caused me to shift back into my body briefly but I returned to the scene quickly.

I was back inside the brightly lit and clean room. Again I was considering the question, “Who am I?” I wandered the place for a while, caught up in my own thoughts and seeing members of my family around me. There is memory of having no clothing and also of heading back toward the pool area. As I went through the glass doors and this time there was no rain, only sunshine. As I stood there I felt as if I was being told, “No”. With this I came back into my body.

When I woke up my eyes were still wet from crying. A song from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood was going through my head:

The most vivid memory from the dream was that of my son. At first I thought it was my youngest but the face I recall was that of my middle child. This photo shows the age he appeared in my dream:

Orrenbaby

My son is 8 years old now and my youngest is 5 years old. So, it’s been a long time since I’ve held my babies in my arms like this. The dream reminded me of what it was like. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.

Interpretation

The river symbolizes uncertainty, upset and troubling times. The state of the water indicates turbulence. The table symbolizes family and togetherness. It is smashed up against the rocks indicating the turbulence and uncertainty has to do with my family. The SUV symbolizes movement and one’s life path as well as the ability to take action or control of a situation.

The lucid portion of the dream seems to be a self-created reality focused upon my questioning of self – specifically “who am I?” The levels are levels of awareness and I go deep, to the bottom, which would be areas that are in my subconscious or past. The pool or bath environment represents healing/cleansing. Then, I encounter a woman with whom I exchange a wedding ring with, a ring that looks identical to my wedding ring in life. I forget about the ring in the dream which could be me reminding myself of my marriage vows. The rain represents emotional purification and natural regeneration. This is followed by memories of holding my son and what it was like. I feel sadness and loss and a desire to go back and relive certain moments.

The song I woke up hearing seems to be sending me a positive message. The main part that repeated was, “I’ll be back, when the day is new, and I’ll have more ideas for you…” It felt like the message was that we are offered a new start with each new day. Change is as simple as that.

Overall, it feels like the dream was helping me to see that I feel a loss of purpose now that my children are older. In the past my time was mostly made up of tending to their needs. Now, not so much and it will only get less as time goes by. It has left a hole in my life that needs to be filled with something new. Yet I feel a loss of self with this transition. I don’t know who I am and don’t know what to do with the added free time. All I’ve known for the past 12 years has been the role of mother. There wasn’t room for much else. Though I am still a mother, always will be, it no longer requires as much of my time and effort. This is a blessing, a nudge to move forward and explore myself.

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Kundalini Dream: Zero Hour

Lots of strange dreams and surprise Kundalini activity to recount this morning.

Dream: Georgia Trail Run

I had a long dream where I traveled to Georgia to run a trail run with my husband. When we got there I recall standing on the trail and thinking of how close I was to someone I know. I had anxiety about running the race and as it grew darker I realized the start of the race happened whenever I decided to start. So, I decided to begin the race. Most of my memory of the race is of tall pines and a trail that was mostly dirt and rocks.

Then I was at the cabins – er trailers – where we were to stay. They were very narrow, just wide enough for a sleeping person. In between the trailers was a larger space with kitchen and wreck room. I stood inside talking with a man as we made noodle (longevity, desire for something in life) soup. I was very hungry after the race so ate quite a bit. He asked me about my friend who lived nearby and if I would contact him. I said, “No, probably not.” Inside I felt it a waste of my time, that he would likely not even respond if I did.

During the dream I remember seeing a highway in GA and talking to someone in more depth about my friend. Then I recall talking to my friend and him asking me not to give up. I saw his arms and hands in vivid detail and it woke me up.

Kundalini Dream: Zero Hour

In this dream I was in a classroom with a teacher and students. I was a “student teacher”. There is brief memory of not knowing if I was male or female, like a shifting from one into the other. This was a bit disorienting but also felt absolutely normal.

I was monitoring the students doing work and saw a girl motion to the corner. I turned and saw a boy motioning to the girl and knew they were cheating. I went over to the boy and asked him if he needed help. The corner he was in was very dark because the lights in the room were off. I noticed he was stuck on #4 and showed him he already answered it. Then asked if he needed light and he said yes. I asked the teacher, a brunette, to turn on the lights. She said she not to, that the light changed when the sun came out from behind the clouds. I saw this happen but still turned on the lights.

The students finished their work and then the teacher asked them to clean up. I felt I needed to assist and asked if I could clean up the Legos (ideas, creativity) scattered across the floor. She said I could but when I went to clean up the pile I had seen the room was spotless.

Then the teacher said to the class, “It’s zero hour (critical moment, moment of decision). You can leave.” The bell had not rung yet and I was surprised she let them go so early.

When the room was empty I lingered by a fireplace (could mean Kundalini) that suddenly appeared. I recall smoking a cigarette (surrender). The teacher had given me a box of tea (spiritual enlightenment) to examine. But “she” had shifted into a “he” and I felt a strange feeling, like I highly revered him. He asked me if I would like to try the tea. I took my cigarette and put it out on the edge of the fireplace. The tea box suggested the tea be taken with applesauce (growth, abundance) in it. I told him, “Yes, but I don’t think I want applesauce in my tea.” He agreed it was not palpable, saying, “That is okay”.

I then approached the teacher’s desk. He was hunched over paperwork he was grading, tests the kids had just taken. I kept my distance as I handed him the tea box. He looked at me and I saw he resembled someone I know only his nose was different. There was an intoxicating energy coming off him that made my chakras all light up in a blissful way. His effect on me was strange and I both resisted and desired it.

He said to me, “Have you found a boyfriend/partner yet?” I said, “No. I haven’t.” He nodded and said, “Good.” It felt like he wanted me to want to be with him and no one else. He then referred to my Light saying it was very obvious to those who could perceive it. I could feel my own energy/Light as he said this. It was like a fire, ebbing and flowing, exploding in bright, white light and then subsiding. At the same time I felt near my limit, as if I had been aroused but held back by a lover who was saying, “Not yet.” It was an impossible feeling. The teacher said to me with a smile, “You feel it, don’t you?” He also said multiple times, “You are ready.” Yet at the same time I felt there was timing involved that was very important.

The entire time it was very difficult to be in his presence. I felt humbled and small in his presence.  I had great reverence for him. His power was potent and attractive, so much so that I felt unable to control my attraction and was sure it would be the end of me if he were to let me in. He felt like royalty – like a King – and I felt very obviously to be his Queen. I have never felt so magnetically drawn to anyone as I did to him.

Continued Communication

As the energy enveloped me I woke up and felt it continue to rise. A wall of anxiety formed between my solar plexus and heart. It stuck there for a while and as I noticed it and allowed it, it broke through in a sudden rush and I went immediately into a trance state with full-on hypnagogia and vibrations.

I stayed in the in-between with this teacher for a while. He no longer resembled my friend but began to look more like a Tibetan monk except he wore regular clothing. His nose was very wide and sometimes he wore a headdress that reminded me of a God or a King. I asked him if he was my friend and he said, “Yes. I am many.” I recognized he meant he was the Masculine.

He asked me if I was ready to work and I said I was. He told me many things but now all I have in my memory is a summary. I had been told today as a date previous to this and so was not surprised at his visit. He mentioned December and then May 20th. There is also memory of a visual of my future where I would leave my body and then return “changed”. I saw my body as separate and like clothing to be worn. I remember asking how to handle such a change, that people would see my body and expect what they have always gotten but that would not be possible anymore.

I was reminded of the few times when I have experienced what seemed like someone else taking over my vision. The experience always left me questioning. He responded to my memory with, “I will show you” and I became a bit nervous about what he might show me. My life? My future? The world’s future? I do not want to take on the pain of others. It is too overwhelming. He didn’t respond to my concerns, only that I would be allowed to see through his eyes.

At one point I saw this teacher very clearly. He was sitting on the edge of a huge boulder and looking directly at me. He looked kind and familiar. I asked him if this was how he always looked and he said it was just one of his many forms.

There was also much discussion about letting the K teach me. He said that the discomfort and longing was how it communicated to me where change was needed. It was aligning me, correcting imbalance.

There was so much more but sadly much is lost to me now. Whatever is to come, I know it will be transformative.

 

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Stress, OBEs & an Intervention

Yesterday was my son’s 8th birthday. It always creeps up on us being so close to the Christmas holiday and, as usual, we didn’t prepare far enough in advance. I decided on Friday to invite his cousin for a sleepover and allow my son to choose to do whatever he liked on his big day. He was happy with the plan. He is always so laid back and accepting when it comes to his birthday, which I am grateful for. He could easily go all dramatic and pout like his sister, but he doesn’t.

Everything was fine until my husband decided to invite others without talking to me first. No big deal except it turned into two nights of sleepovers instead of one. Sleepovers can be a headache, especially if the child staying over is anxious about it, which this friend was. I was awakened at 2:30am by his wandering the house and watching TV in the middle of the night. 😦

On top of all the birthday chaos, my daughter somehow misplaced her phone. The entire evening last night was spent looking for her phone amidst her wails of despair. I had just installed Norton Family on her phone which allows me to see the phone’s location. The phone is in the house according to Norton, yet, suspiciously, we cannot find it anywhere. It has completely vanished!

In addition to all the phone craziness, I noticed our coat closet was very empty. Upon inspection, I noticed all but one of my coats was in there. One is a new coat I got for Christmas that I absolutely love. I’ve looked everywhere for it and cannot find it. Both my son’s coats are missing from the closet, too. So we have more mysteriously lost items.

Interesting tidbit of info, though – while looking for my daughter’s phone I was checking my husband’s coat pockets and found the remote to the Roku TV which has been missing for several weeks. So, one “mysterious” lost item recovered via all the searching, BUT it was never lost to begin with. My husband likes to hide remotes and other devices from my kids because he feels they spend to much time on them. Then he forgets where he hides them. This happened to my daughter’s last phone, which we found by accident a whole year after it was lost! Of course, it doesn’t work now, some battery malfunction. Currently hidden are my Kindle (grrr!) and (I believe) my daughter’s phone. In the past he has hidden keyboards, mouses, and even my laptop! It is infuriating to say the least.

Oh and have to add that, just last week my husband said to me about my daughter, “We should have never gotten her a phone.” Humph!

Put all of the above together and it makes for a difficult time falling asleep. 😦

OBEs

After being awakened by the child sleeping over, I struggled to fall asleep. Everything about the previous day was in my head swirling around. It made me feel rigid and uncomfortable. Plus, my nose was stopping up and bothering me. After over an hour (and some nasal spray), I managed to somehow drift off.

#1

I was in a dream I don’t recall now, but did upon waking (grr!). What I recall next is hearing what sounded like my boss’ voice talking about some man named, “Kamir”. While she was talking about him I saw images of him flash in my mind. He looked like a body builder, very muscular and tan. I can’t recall what she was talking about now but at the time I heard every word and was following along quite well. At the time my body was vibrating at such a high level that it felt numb with an energy that I can only describe as “cold”, though that is not accurate. I instinctively knew I could exit my body, so I did.

When I exited I found myself in my room but my vision was not “on”. I said several times, “Clarity now!” When I did this, my vision turned on and I was able to see clearly the darkened room. I floated down the stairs toward the front door, looking around at my house for things that were out of place. I noticed nothing unusual. I remember trying to stay calm because I wanted to make it out the front door. The last several OBEs I’ve had ended at the front door and I wanted badly to change that pattern. Sadly, as soon as I got up to the door I returned to my body.

#2

Back in my body I was aware again of the odd energy. My heart was beating fast but I ignored it. I had hynagogia for a bit. It looked like tiny cheerio bubbles in my vision. Not lingering, I exited my body and attempted to leave my house again. Sadly, once I got to the door I felt pulled back to my body.

The sensations were the same upon re-entry. So odd but not uncomfortable really. I knew to ignore them and again shifted OOB. This time, when I got to my bedroom door I saw another door perpendicular to it that is not there in real life. I opened it and the floor seemed to slant down a bit. In front of me I saw a white wall with a 3D maze on it. When I stepped through, I turned to my right and saw another white door. It opened and when I went through I was not in my house, but some other house.

Inside the other house I saw a living/dining area with older furnishings. There were afghans draped over the leather sofas and I could see a double glass sliding door leading outside. The sun was shining through them illuminating the space and making it feel very inviting. I remember thinking, “I know this place.” Yet I have no clue where I have seen it before! I turned and walked through an arch on my left into the living room where I saw more familiar furnishings, a large window and a door in the far right. In my mind I was thinking, “This is his house.” Yet I have no idea who I was referring to.

Before I could explore further and look for people (I kept expecting to see his mother walk in), I was again pulled back to my body. This time I was much more aware of my heart beating very rapidly in my chest and the odd, high vibrations were getting very uncomfortable.

#3

I shifted into the in-between I believe at this time, but it is hard to say for sure. I may have been OOB but I cannot recall any visuals or travel. What I do remember is having a conversation with a man. I recognized him and called him, “Will” and I knew his full name was William Buhlman. He asked me how I liked being part of the group and asked me for an update. I knew I was assigned to a group of three and that we were part of a larger OBE group/community that worked to gather information via out-of-body experiences. I don’t recall now what I reported because I was so shocked by the revelation that I went back to my body awareness.

#4

Aware again of my body I could tell I needed to calm myself a bit and ease into exiting rather than force it. I decided to think of swaying or rocking my astral body. When I did this I felt encouraged to shift from side to side to back and forth, as if on a swing. I went with it and felt to be pulled forward by invisible hands. They were very gentle and I was not afraid.

I could feel myself holding onto like a trapeze swing and sensed hands opening up to catch me as I jumped off. I let go and flew toward the invisible outstretched hands. As I did this my vision turned on 100% and I saw my bedroom wall getting closer and closer. I was flying head-first into my wall! No hands to be seen, I was caught off-guard and this woke me fully.

Heart beating rapidly I came back to body awareness quickly and lingered a while to see if I could exit again. I could tell I had lost my chance and so shifted positions in bed from laying on my right side to on my back. I settled and tried again to reach the vibrational state needed to exit.

test

Dream: Intervention

This time I shifted into a lucid dream rather than exiting. I was sitting propped up in my bed in my old bedroom back at my mom’s. In my lap was a test (life lessons). A female voice was reading the instructions but I was already filling in my answers. She advised me to take my time and pay attention. I looked at my answers and saw the numbers on the answer sheet did not go in order. I read, “5, 1, 3.” Catching my mistake, I went back and erased my answers and made corrections.

I lost interest in the test soon after. Then I heard a male voice to my left ask me, “What do you want to do?” I said to him, “I would really like some company.” I was craving a bit of Kundalini Union/bliss and bored of taking the test. Within seconds of my reply a familiar looking man entered my vision from the left and sat on top of me, facing me. He was chipper and talking about his life. I could see him and hear him so clearly! His hips were sitting directly over my own and he wrapped his arms around me as he talked to me. I could feel his fingers on my bare back as if I were awake. I relished the feeling of his touch as if I had not been touched in ages. I wish I could remember what he was saying to me because it was like we were continuing a previous conversation. At the time it all made complete sense.

As we embraced and I began to snuggle into him, someone burst through my bedroom door. I looked up and it was my mom and another woman. The woman had some people behind her and they were asking me questions. She rudely came up to the bed and dispersed the papers I had spread out in from of me. I stood up and protested, pushing them back through the door. I was wearing only a loose sweatshirt and underwear.

My mom was saying something like, “Let them in. They are trying to help you.” The woman had in her hand some paper and a pen and was asking me questions I can’t recall now but they were about my state of mind and future plans. I recognized they were from the church and was infuriated with my mom for asking them to come.

I kept pushing them out of my room and they kept pushing back. When I locked the door, they unlocked it with a key my mom had given them. My mom was telling them I needed help because I had said untrue things about her to a man. I pushed up against the door with all my weight and looked for things to put against the door to block their entry. Nothing was heavy enough, though, and eventually they overpowered me.

Standing face to face with my mom and the church woman I let them tell me why they were there. My mom said I had told her father untruths about her. I saw in my mind a man named John Bell and he was very old and wrinkled. He spoke to me, telling me I had told my mom things that were not true. I can’t recall now what that was but it had to do with another woman I believe, like him having an affair. I explained that I had not done what he claimed and the issue was all cleared up. The church people told me goodbye and the woman asked me why I was so upset. I told her, “Well, you burst in at a bad time. I was having a sexual dream.” lol Note: I have an ancestor name John Bell I believe but he would be my great-grandfather or something like that. I never met him in this life.

Then the scene shifted and I was outside standing in a cul-de-sac. There were small mobile homes all around me. One in particular got my attention. I flew around the cul-de-sac really fast once and then paused at the mobile home. It was painted in bright colors with images that reminded me of a circus or fair. I decided to go up to it and saw a small window near the entry. As I got closer a tiny but old dog began to bark at me. I went up to it and saw it was blind and had only two teeth. I let it sniff me and it seemed fine until I lost my balance and nearly fell. Then it began to lunge at me, barking and growling. It was kinda funny because it was so old and I did not have to move fast to avoid it.

The home had a ramp built up to a tiny porch. The railings were made of bent branches. I walked up the ramp and would jump up and out of reach of the blind dog. Eventually, though, it nipped me. It felt like a tiny pinch. Someone called off the dog and I looked and saw an elderly couple walking toward me. They had another dog with them that was friendly. They went inside the trailer after talking with me briefly. I remember feeling admiration for them.

As I walked back down the ramp I saw a man approaching only his back was to me. When I got to him he turned around and asked if I had avoided the dog. When I said it nipped me and turned to face me and went on his way after saying something about how it was normal.

I kept walking and saw a sign posted on a chalkboard. It said, “Fresh Brewed coffee served daily. $4.50/pot.” I thought it nice and liked the feel of the community.

My awareness peaked after that and I shifted to a bed inside the mobile home I had just left. I knew I had just died and left my body. I was a dark haired very attractive woman. I watched myself leave the body. I felt my awareness of my death and saw my naked body. Then my awareness was as the woman and I flew out of the mobile home feeling free and wanting to explore.

Messages

I felt myself return to my body. The same vibrations were evident. It is a cold sensation and kinda makes me feel numb. My heart was beating fast but not erratically and it settled quickly.

Laying in bed mulling over what happened I shifted back to the in-between. A male voice from my left began to speak to me, reminding me to be patient. Specifically he said, “Wait” in response to my thoughts about how I have been feeling about my life. He also asked me if I was ready for more OOB travels. This surprised me because I have not been OOB much in a while. I said I would be open to more.

After a brief pause where I began to drift to sleep having thoughts of someone, he said to me, “Don’t change what you cannot bear.”

This brought me out of my reverie and I thought it an odd thing to say. I kept rewording it, saying to myself, ‘He must mean, “Don’t try to change what you feel you cannot bear.'” I knew it meant that it was those things you feel that are unbearable that teach you the most.

A memory of when I found out I was pregnant with my youngest came to mind. I was furious and felt I would not be able to handle another pregnancy and child. It felt unfair and I mourned for the first six months of my pregnancy. Yet now, almost five years later, I have managed just fine. What I thought I couldn’t bear, I could. It all turned out just fine and my life is fuller and more colorful because my youngest is in it.

Then I thought of other instances where I thought I would not make it through a situation. With this memory came a vision from the male presence to my left. I saw two tennis shoes tied together. The shoe on the left was the right foot of a man I know. The shoe on the right was my left shoe. It seemed like I was being told that our paths are one and the same but it is hard to say. Either way, we are joined at least at the feet. lol

I recognized the male energy I sensed to my left as different from the one in my dream. He confirmed and said, “We are all here for you.” It felt like I had a group gathered nearby and the idea of the “intervention” came to me. We talked a bit longer and he reminded me that I need to be strong but also that I need to stop resisting. It felt as if little, irritating things like what happened yesterday are more likely right now and that I need to just ride them out.

The male energy kept sending me a message via song, “And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while, ’cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.”

by

Message: Awakening

Surprising night of dreams.

First, I woke around 4:30am and couldn’t go back to sleep because I heard this ticking in the walls. It sounded like a clock. I couldn’t find the source of it and had to turn on the fan to drown out the sound so I could sleep.

As I was trying to go to sleep, I felt a presence to my left. When acknowledged a surge of energy went through my body filling me with bliss. It started at my heart chakra and spread outward. I melted into it. He said to me something telepathically – it was more a feeling than words. It felt like I was being asked, “Are you ready?”

Lucid Dream: Zero

The dream began with me inside a high school classroom. I was looking at the lesson plan left by the teacher. It was a history class (review of past lessons) and the lesson was that the kids would read a chapter and then complete a worksheet. Only there was only one worksheet there. I told the class and they encouraged me to make copies of the worksheet telling me there were 20 of them. I left them despite knowing it was not good to leave a class unattended.

I found the copy machine in the lounge and a teacher was finishing up her copy (repeat lesson). She helped me with mine and I pressed in “20” and waited. The machine was glitchy and I recall having to check the copies and redo. The first time I got copies of hand written pages that I accidentally put through. The next time I had fewer copies than I needed and had to put in 5 more. The button would glow blue and I would have to press it again. I remember feeling nervous that it was taking so long and the kids were still in the room alone.

Eventually, an older Asian man came in and set some things down in the middle of the floor by the machine. He had with him many objects including a sheet cake with chocolate frosting that he set on the floor in front of me. I believe it was my birthday cake (new journey). He then lit the candle on the cake but they began to melt into the frosting and light the cake on fire (Kundalini or passion perhaps?). I leaned down and began to blow out the candles and the fire on the frosting. I remember saying the cake was fine after I blew out the fire.

Then I walked into a classroom filled with adult students. There were long tables in rows facing the font of the class. I took a seat at the front table but it was not the seat I originally wanted. Someone had taken my seat. I said aloud, “I guess I have to sit here since someone took my seat.” I saved a place to my right for someone but I do not know who.

The class was like an anatomy class and the teacher handed out stickers we were to place on our partners on the correct muscles.

Then I was entering the class (lesson) again and sat down at the second table. A man was seated in front of me and was not wearing a shirt. I could see his broad shoulders and muscular back. I had with me the stickers to place on my partner and said to him, “I prefer you as my partner. I can see your muscles very well. Everyone else (looking around the room) has at least 1 inch or more of fat covering their muscles.” I remember looking at the woman who had taken my seat and all the people at the front table as examples.

I began to place small, crescent shaped (moon, feminine) stickers on the man’s back. The sticker sheet resembled an image of the inside of the mouth with teeth (fulfilled wishes). My memory goes from the stickers to the man’s back, specifically his broad shoulders.

The man then invited me to come with him. I agreed. He took me through a door into what he called the “otter room”. I saw canals of water (emotion) that was flowing like a tube-shoot at a water park. In the water I saw several otters (playfulness, good fortune) swimming and a huge brown bear (independence, strength, death/renewal) chasing one. I said to the man, “There is a bear chasing the otter!” He responded as if it were normal but I was shocked.

At some point we joined with others and I realized we all seemed quite young – 20s maybe. The man I was with was suppose to be with another woman but she was not there. The dream is quite fuzzy here but I remember the man and I getting close, face to face, our bodies rubbing up against each another. His chest was still bare but he was wearing bluejeans. He was quite handsome and I enjoyed being close to him and feeling his bare chest pressed up against me. I felt him become aroused and knew he wanted to kiss me. I allowed him to and the kiss seemed to bring about lucidity all at once but I was able to stay stable in the moment and enjoy the kiss. The sensations of it all were very real.

He stopped, out of breath, and looked at me, pupils fully dilated from the passion he was feeling. All I remember of this part of the dream was the way he looked at me. It was fantastic. lol We stayed there facing each other and holding hands for a while. He called me by a nickname I can’t remember and I said, “What do you want to be called?” He smiled and said back to me, “Zero.” Only the word sounded more like, “Cero”, like he had a Spanish accent. I responded with, “Cero? I like that!”

Then we kissed some more. I remember the scene we were in to be swirling with a golden color. Always in motion as if we were creating the space with our energy. It felt neither to be inside or outside. The golden color is very prominent in my memory.

He stopped, out of breath, and said to me, “I want to fuck you.” lol I was fully agreeable and he took my hand and led me toward a door. Fully lucid at this point, I was thinking to myself that I needed to keep my emotions and feelings in check so as to not lose lucidity. I wanted to be able to go all the way in a lucid dream without waking up. Surprisingly, I was able to remain very stable in the scene and remember the man turning and looking at me expectantly as we walked toward the door. I could feel my hand in his and sense the anticipation building.

Sadly, as we walked through the door the scene dematerialized and went black. My awareness briefly returned to my physical body and then exited back to the golden dream scene only the man I had been with was gone. I was surrounded by a group of young men. The energy from them was intense and full of passion and arousal like the man I had been with before. Usually, this kind of energy would intimidate me but I was not at all bothered by it. It seemed normal and I trusted that they would all keep themselves under control, which they did.

I told one of the young men I wanted to find Cero. He said he would help but that he wanted to show me something first. He took my hand and led me to a large, white RV (feeling empowered, live life to the fullest), like a Winnebago. The group of young men followed. As I climbed the stairs into the RV one of the young men who was behind me seem to insert something into my anus, or at least it felt energetically like that. This is not unusual for me to feel in my root chakra as I have had many experiences of tubes or cylinders seeming to be inserted via my root and then go all the way up to my crown. I tried to keep going but the sensation stopped me and my root chakra began to activate to the point of pulling me out of the lucid dream.

Message: Awakening

The song by the Black Keys – Fever – was going through my mind when I woke up. I began to mull over my dreams. Images from my dreams kept flashing through my memory. The cake that was on fire was one of them. The RV another.

Then I couldn’t help but think of the ticking I heard in the walls. What was that? I was reminded of an Edgar Allen Poe story about a beating heart. I couldn’t remember the title and began to try to remember it. When I did I saw distinctly a poem written in front of me. The title was huge and written in beautiful calligraphy. It said, “Awakening.”

This woke me briefly and then I settled back into the in-between. Not long after a hand-written letter was presented to me. I saw my name and then began to read it. The message had to do with the process I am going through, but, of course, I can’t recall it now despite repeating it to myself mentally more than once. Whatever the message, it was not a bad one.