Tag Archives: manifestation

by

2022 Goals

Happy New Year!

This is my first post of 2022. I’ve spent some time thinking about what I want to create this year. Not new year’s resolutions but actual goals. This is unlike me because I tend to go-with-the-flow more than plan ahead with specifics. My husband is the goal setter in the family and I’m happy to let him be that.

Abundance

A big part of my process has been accepting my new state of abundance – “affluence” may be a better word. I don’t know why, but I’ve struggled with accepting this. It is likely part of my conditioning, specifically stemming from my mother and her parents. My mom even recently said something I’ve heard her say time and time again – “I know whenever I get extra money that something’s going to break.” This was in response to her water heater breaking but very typical of something she would say. My mom taught me to save and only buy necessities. She instilled in me a fear that the other shoe will drop at any moment and it has stuck with me despite a lifetime of trying to shake free of it.

A good example of my response to our affluence is that I keep taking screenshots of our bank account. I do this because I just can’t believe what I’m seeing. I think, “I better take a picture as proof” because I think for sure it will disappear and never happen again (the other shoe will drop). Then, only a short time later, I’m taking another screenshot in disbelief because the amount has risen even higher. I think, “This has to be a dream”, but it isn’t. It’s our new reality.

In December my husband and his brother began the process of purchasing a business they have both been employees of for almost two decades. This week they finalize this first phase, which makes them owners of 80% of the company. With this purchase comes new responsibilities but also newfound wealth (I accidentally typed “weather”, so that, too!).

To try and swallow the magnitude of change this is bringing and will bring into our lives is difficult for me. I’m still in disbelief. Screenshots don’t help. Nope. Somehow, though, I have to step into acceptance and gratitude, fully embracing this gift while remaining humble.

Part of my process has been to save, save, save. Mom taught me well! Ha! Thankfully, my husband, the spender that he is, has taught me over our 14 years of marriage that my hoarding tendencies can be extreme to the point of creating in me a control-freak, fear-driven, monster. I came into this life with these tendencies and my mother reinforced them. So, basically, the more I save, the more I feel I need to save, and so save more while restricting spending to the extreme. My husband, thankfully, has helped me to become more balanced in this regard. I still struggle with guilt when I spend too freely, but I am so much less worried and preoccupied with money in general now.

So, this year, if there is something I want to do or get, I can’t use money as a stop. But I still try!!! lol

Goals for 2022

In my consideration of what I want to create this year, I couldn’t help but think of how others would respond to the affluence we have found ourselves in – travel, new home, new cars, new “stuff”. I’m not really interested in acquiring new “stuff” and I’ve had enough travel for now. So, then what?

My focus went to how I want to feel and then directly to my need for more space.

My trip to Costa Rica last year was meant to help me get more space and I did, but I’m looking for something more convenient that requires less planning. I want to be able to just go when I feel like it.

The first thing that came to mind? An RV. So, one goal is to purchase an RV so that I can go whenever and wherever I want without notice or planning. I can get space, alone time and nature all in one.

There was also a sense that I need to invest in my spiritual side more. It is what inspires and motivates me more than anything else. Human Design popped into my mind straight away and I knew that was where I needed to focus my energy. So, my next goal is to take HD courses and decide along the way whether I want to continue on the path to HD Analyst.

The final goal is more mundane but still important. I have decided to accept the offer to be our new company’s CFO. It will require more time in the office but also give me more freedom in the long-run. It will allow me to hand over my current responsibilities to another and enter into a more supervisory role.

At first I thought I should quit my job and just focus 100% on HD study, but I don’t want to leave the company high and dry at this point in time. Plus, since I am technically an owner now, that would just be irresponsible and, well, stupid. In stepping up and accepting this new role, I step more into acceptance of our new reality.

Goals:

Train a new AP Manager (replacement) and then train/move into the position of CFO for our company.
Begin taking HD courses with the end goal of becoming an HD analyst.
Buy an RV to use to escape on solo trips as needed.

New Oracle Deck

My friend visited over the holidays and gave me a new oracle deck! It is called the Starseed Oracle. I broke it in by drawing a card for the new year. This is the card I drew:

The card description says this is an invitation to “jump in” with courage. Don’t ask for permission, don’t stall until you feel ready. It says to “take the leap” and figure out the rest as you go. The question asked: How can you be more adventurous? How are you being called to jump right in and take the leap?

Ideas and Opportunity Flowing In

The same day I pulled this card, my husband and I went to visit new property just purchased by our company. It is 10 acres in the country that will be used to store materials we have to purchase in advance because of escalation (steel prices are rising).

This is what the property looks like:

I wasn’t impressed initially but as we walked towards the back section I got more interested. There is a creek that runs through the middle of the property. When I walked around it I got a lovely feeling as did my husband. We both began to daydream about the potentials of the property, specifically that it would be a great spot to build a house. I, personally, have always wanted to have a private pond. The land in this area has more clay and is perfect for ponds. With a creek that flows year round, water won’t be an issue either.

The company will only be using the front half of the property for storage, so the rest is available for whatever we want. Potential is a wonderful feeling! If anything, I could park an RV there and get all the space I want/need, whenever I like. 🙂

Speaking of RV’s, my husband liked my idea and we are looking at one this week. I am open to whatever the Universe brings me, preferably something I can drive without feeling I might crush smaller cars, but I am also okay with just parking an RV somewhere and driving to it. We’ll see what comes of it. Regardless, it is fun to shop around.

Also, yesterday I registered for Rave ABC’s, the next foundation level course leading to HD Analyst if I want to go that route. I purchased the student book, which will be here by Friday. The class starts on Saturday. 🙂 I had options that would’ve started later, but the teachers’ profile types were not ideal. One was a 1/3 MG and the other a 5/1 Generator. I really didn’t want someone with a 1st line. They are too technical for me (info overload). I selected a 4/6 Generator as a teacher. I prefer a Projector, but I couldn’t find a teacher with that aura type.

The only thing left is to start training to become the CFO. This may take a while, though, since the current CFO is not really wanting to exit yet. I’m okay with waiting. I know it will happen when it is meant to.

by

2nd Lines, Projectors and the Holidays

How was your Thanksgiving? Hopefully, a pleasant one. 🙂 Mine was better than usual, but only because I set an intention that it would not be the dreaded, anxiety ridden, energy depleting day it normally is for me.

As a Projector with a 2nd line (6/2 Self-Projected), all holidays, even birthday celebrations, tend to invoke feelings of anxiety among other not so pleasant feelings. It’s not because I’ve had “traumatic” experiences around the holidays, either. It’s because the energy surrounding the holidays is just plain exhausting. The more people involved, the more exhausting. If all holidays just disappeared, it would be fine by me! Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I guess I would prefer it if the holidays were slower, involved only very small groups of people (like 6 or less) and focused on the true meaning rather than becoming a “keeping up with the Jones'” materialistic heyday.

Let’s face it. The holidays as we know them – well all large gatherings and celebrations – are Generator created. The Generator motto is “the more the merrier” or “come one, come all!”. Even the hermits (2nd lines) of the Generating type tend to feel this way, though they are more selective when it comes to who’s involved in the gathering. For those of us who are non-Generating types, this leaves us with only two options – choose not to participate at all or suck it up and “deal”. And who really, deep down wants to be left out? We humans need other humans. Even hermits have to go out and interact to stay sane.

In a 2nd line FB group I’m a part of, on Thanksgiving day, a fellow Projector and 2nd line was bragging about how he was happily spending Thanksgiving day alone. Lots of people in the group (all 2nd lines) chimed in about how they were doing the same. This is all and well – to each his own – but I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad for them, too, because, well, just because they are hermits doesn’t mean they aren’t wishing they had at least one other someone to share the day with.

2nd line Hermits do not always want to be alone. And to be clear, alone here means “not around other people” versus alone as in spending time with themselves to heal and get in tune with their own energy. If they say they do, they are lying or they are in temporary recluse mode and it WILL pass. Projectors don’t want to be alone either, and if we say we do, it is because we’ve been rejected so many times that we feel we aren’t wanted anyway. As a 2nd line Projector I can say for a fact that all I want – all I’ve ever wanted – is to be seen and heard and accepted. The ONLY way for this to happen is to be around others. So, if you hear a Projector or a 2nd line boasting about how wonderful their life is because they are alone all the time – be suspicious but don’t argue.

When you get into Human Design, it is easy to over emphasize certain qualities of your profile and type, especially if you recognize something you missed about yourself before. I see this all the time. Projectors thinking they need to sleep all the time. Hermits thinking they should be alone all the time or glorifying alone time. Generators thinking they should have lots of energy all the time. Eventually, as they progress through the deconditioning process, they come into communication with themselves, listening to their strategy and authority, and no longer need to prove anything.

Intention is Everything

This Thanksgiving my husband was out of town (still is) and that left me doing things I prefer not to, like driving and talking to family to coordinate among other things. Driving on the highway is nerve wracking for me these days, mostly because I can sense the other drivers on the road among other things. Talking to family (or anyone), well if it involves phones, is something I avoid, too. So, rather than focus on all the things I didn’t want, I decided to focus on what I did want. I wrote this in my journal Thanksgiving morning:

My plan today is to visualize how I want things to go, to stay in present time as much as I can, to remember to breathe, focus on enjoying family and listen to my authority when it says “enough is enough”. I will also practice active listening and speak only when invited to share my wisdom. So, I probably won’t be talking too much except for normal chit-chat (which I abhor and can’t tolerate for long). If I feel too much, I will find a place to retreat far from Generator auras (at least 12 feet). If someone approaches me while I am in retreat, I will not run but excuse myself graciously without insulting them.

I went on to write about how I’ve experienced the holidays in the past:

For many, the holidays are a time they look forward to. For me, even as a kid I didn’t look forward to the holidays. At least at Christmas there were the gifts, at Halloween, candy and dressing up and Easter, egg hunts and more candy. Now days I don’t look forward to any of them really. They exhaust me just thinking about them. Even birthdays incite a big sigh. I often wish all holidays would be banned or at least limited to immediate family only. The big “come one, come all” gatherings are kryptonite to me. 

The day turned out much, much better than I expected, though, all thanks to setting an intention and keeping my focus in the present moment.

The Day

The drive to my mom’s was stressful but the traffic was low and I kept focusing on my intention. Thankfully, my kids were in good spirits and so that made the drive go much faster.

When we arrived, my mom’s two friends were already there but they were the kind to keep to themselves. They had two small dogs, one a toy Aussie, that reminded me of Monty. The energy was calm and nice. Yay!

When everyone else arrived the energy changed very little and I felt relaxed to the point that my hands were warm and I kept yawning. This is unlike me and surprised me to the point that I mentioned it. My uncle seemed to notice, though, and smiled when he nudged me and told me, “don’t fall asleep”. 

My cousin asked me to come see her new car and then told me about her car accident. This cousin tends to be very talkative and exhausting, but I just listened and acknowledged her and didn’t feel any exhaustion from out interaction. She rolled her car one early morning earlier this year and came out unscathed. She told me she wondered why she was allowed to live, especially when a friend of hers with two children died around the time of her accident. I reminded her that she must be here for a reason.

She also mentioned how, when she looks back on her life, she doesn’t recognize herself anymore and it was at that time I thought to myself, “I bet she is a 6/2 MG”. She told me she had spent her entire savings ($3k) to buy her new car. An idea popped into my head to send her $1,000.00 as a Christmas gift with a note, “To help rebuild your savings”. I thought about telling her but then decided to keep it a surprise. I knew if I had asked her if she wanted money she would’ve told me no.

My cousin sat next to me at dinner and we talked for a bit about lots of various things. The more she told me, the more certain I was that she was a 6/2. Eventually, I brought up human design and asked her for her birth info. When I pulled up her chart I smiled and showed her the profile and type that came up: 6/2 MG! I was spot on!

Afterward, me and the kids went to my cousin’s to look at her new baby goats and chicks. The kids enjoyed it very much as they held goats and little chicks. My little 2/4 Generator boys really loved it! 

On the drive home I realized I still had enough energy to go to the second gathering, something I didn’t think would happen. So, we attended the second gathering, with all my husband’s family and friends. It wasn’t at all bad and I felt very at ease, my hands still warm and my body relaxed. I was even asked how things were going and I explained how relaxed I had been all day and still was. I told them I suspected that the absence of my husband helped with that because he is super energetic. They all agreed, saying, “He’s the most energetic of all of us.”

A coworker and family friend was sitting across from me at the table. I stayed at the table after everyone had left as did he and his new wife. Somehow we got into a conversation and he talked more than I had ever heard him talk before while I practiced active listening. He seemed genuinely pleased to be talking to me, too, not strained or self-conscious. The topic of friends came up and he told me, “I’m not looking for friends. Friend are too much work.” I laughed out loud and said, “You sound like me! I’ve said those exact words many times.” We talked more about it and everything he described sounded very much like me – his avoidance of groups, his preference to be alone, his perception of others. I remember thinking to myself, “He’s either a 2nd line or a Projector…or both.” 

My kids were begging me to leave so I had to literally pull myself away from the conversation because he wanted to keep talking. I did, too, but the kids weren’t having it, so I left. It was so nice to find someone within the group who was like me! In the past I had seen him and suspected he was “different” and now I know why. I was sensing he was like me, same as he was sensing I was like him. 

I’ve never met a male Projector (that I know of) but when I researched his birthday (he is an employee so I have access to it), it turned out he is probably a Projector. I entered various birth times and the morning time and evening times make him a Projector. He is either a 3/5 or 4/6 Splenic Projector. There was no 2nd line in any profile type that came up for him. Based upon my experiences with 3/5 and 4/6 profile types, I would think he fits the 3/5 more, but I can’t be certain since I have limited experience with 4/6. 

Interestingly, I also discovered my SIL (the hostess of the gathering) is also probably a Projector. I kept noticing her energy at the gathering and compared to the others’ energy there, hers is much more accepting and calm. So, I looked up her chart using the information I have (no birth time). She could be a 2/4 Emotional Manifestor, but that only came up once in the 6 birth times I entered. She is either a 3/5, 2/5 or 2/4 Emotional Projector. Since I haven’t asked her birth time, I can only guess which one she is but I know, based upon how calm I feel around her, that she is not a Generating type. My guess is she’s a 3/5 Projector because she doesn’t have hermit tendencies.

If I am right, that means that my husband and his brothers all ended up with non-Generating types! One married a Projector, the other a Manifestor, and then my husband married me, a Projector. My husband’s parents were a MG-Projector couple, his mom being the Projector. My guess is they subconsciously selected women with similar energy to their mom. 

When I take a look around me at the auras that surround me I am intrigued by all the Projectors and Manifestors that are there! 3 Projectors and 2 Manifestors out of ten family members total and now the one family friend, too. This isn’t including all the Hermits (2/4’s), of which there are just as many! It is clear to me that this is no coincidence. I am surrounded by people who I can relate to and who can relate to me and energies that complement my own. Pretty awesome!

Intention Setting

I’ve been having some amazing wins with intention setting lately. I already wrote about my dentist anxiety issues and my success with that. Well, it happened again when I went in to get my permanent crown. I was relaxed and falling asleep in the dentist chair! And my Thanksgiving intention was also a success, even beyond what I had imagined!

Last night I spoke to my SIL who lives in Costa Rica, the one I stayed with for a month. She pointed out how proud she was of me for setting intentions and manifesting what I wanted. She reminded me that, while I was in Costa Rica, she and I worked on exactly that – intention. Specifically I brought back with me the decision that I would focus on what I wanted to feel and experience rather than on what I did not. When I think back on how I transformed my dentist and Thanksgiving experiences, I realize that is all I did – focus on what I wanted to feel. I have a tendency to focus on what I don’t want, which only makes it seem bigger and then brings it into my present experience. But I’ve been shifting that more and more lately, setting intentions to be in the present and pulling myself out of the past and future when I find my mind wandering. It is working and it is wonderful!

On Thanksgiving, when I decided to listen more and talk less, wonderful things happened. I became receptive to receiving from others, which I don’t normally do. I typically retract and retreat, which is a very lonely (alone) place to be. Because I was open to receiving, I discovered two Projectors in my life and recognized aspects of myself in my cousin, someone I’ve always struggled to connect with. As a Projector, my gift to others is that I make them feel seen, even other Projectors. I can only do this, though, when I follow my strategy and authority. My Not-Self says, “retract and retreat” but my strategy and authority say, “Listen” and “Be open to receive”. Duh.

by

A String of Realizations

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment to get a crown and repair a filling. I wasn’t looking forward to it because my past experiences have not been the best. Mainly it is because no matter how much they numb me I somehow still feel pain. It isn’t horrible but enough that I tense up in anticipation of more. 

Rather than dwell on the upcoming appointment, I decided to put it out of my mind and focus on happy thoughts. The night before I remember thinking, “By this time tomorrow I will have a new crown” and the thought felt solid and reassuring. On the commute in that morning, I listened to calming music. What is cool is one song was about how this is all life is a dream. I took that message and reminded myself that I control my dreams and what happens is up to me. 

When I arrived the receptionist asked me if I wanted to get nitrous. I told her I thought it wasn’t a good idea because in the past it seemed only to make my anxiety worse. I’m not even sure where the idea came from the skip it this time, either, it just felt right.

As I sat waiting for the dentist to arrive and numb me, I thought about how I should be focusing on the fact that I would be getting a new tooth rather than on the pain that might accompany the procedure. I compared it to other times when I’ve considered a certain amount of pain “worth it”. I also kept thinking to myself, “It will be fine. There won’t be any issues.” 

When I got numbed I noticed something I had never noticed before. The tooth that was to be worked on was numb all the way up through the root. I could feel it distinctly. I commented to the dentist that I didn’t recall ever feeling it like that in the past. 

The moment the drill hit my tooth I tensed up and began to feel my heart pounding in my chest. I focused on breathing and relaxing. Moments later, when it was clear there would be no pain, I relaxed.

At one point I was acutely aware of the drill on my tooth and knew it was not a good idea to focus on it like I was. So I focused on my breath and wiggled my toes a bit. I didn’t focus on the drilling again after that.

In the two hours that I was there I didn’t feel even a niggle of pain. Nada. In fact, at the end I was so relaxed I was near sleep! That’s never happened to me at the dentist!

When I got home I marveled at how seamlessly the dentist visit had gone. I knew I had created the experience and it was a wonderful feeling. 

Dreams Match Reality

Recently I had a realization that I believe contributed to my dentist experience. I woke up a couple of days ago thinking about how I prefer my dreams to my waking reality. I thought, “It shouldn’t be that way. The two realities should support one another. My goal should be to merge my dream reality with physical reality, not on how to avoid the physical reality altogether.” It was clear that my two realities were out of sync. In general, I feel free and unencumbered during dreamtime while I feel trapped and stifled in my waking reality.  

With this in mind I wondered, “How do I make my waking reality experience match my dream experience?”

I didn’t dwell on the how for very long. Some memories came to me of certain dream experiences that I would like to have manifest in this reality, but ultimately it felt like the experiences themselves were not the answer. 

It’s All About Intention

After my dental experience, it became very clear to me that the way to bring the two realities into balance is to set an intention and keep focusing on that intention. With my dental experience, I intended to have a pain-free experience and kept focusing on what I wanted, not what I did not want. 

Knowing this is the route I need to take, I am now left wondering what intention to set each day. Most days I do not have much of anything going on. Should I just set the intention to have a “good day”? Or should it be more like setting the intention to go with the flow of life?

Ultimately, I think my intention should be about how I want to feel more than trying to visualize specific movements or moments.

What is a challenge for me at times is not getting caught up in thoughts that can take me down not-so-nice rabbit holes. For example, last night as I was settling down to sleep, thoughts about my sister came to mind. They were worries mostly and thoughts about my failure to help. I felt an inner tug to focus on sending love rather than to focus on my thoughts. When I did this, the thoughts vanished and I recognized how simple and effective a solution it was.

Still, later in the evening, bored and a bit restless, I began to feel my thoughts pulling me in directions I didn’t want to go. So, I got up out of bed and did some yoga, focusing on breathing and gratitude, feeling into my body and solidifying my connection to it. I remember thinking, “What do I want to create?” My answer was: Bliss.

Over the past few years I’ve grown very out of practice with intention setting both in my dreams and waking reality. I use to be very good at controlling my thoughts and emotions during dreamtime. Now I just find myself pulled along in my dreams, doing seemingly random things. If I do become lucid it isn’t for long and there remains a kind of dullness to my perceptions. Funny enough, my waking reality isn’t much different. Numbed perceptions for the most part and feeling pulled along by life.

Pay Attention to Your Dreams

Recently there has been a promising shift in my dreamtime experiences. For example, while OOB I said to myself, “I am awareness.” I then directed the experience a bit more while also listening to my guidance and following their suggestions. 

The key now is to make similar progress in my waking reality. 

What’s important to remember is that past experiences are not necessarily indicative of how present and future ones will unfold. I am learning new material now. It is about putting what I’ve learned to practice and I’ve not been doing a very good job. All my dreams of being in school, repeating classes, missing assignments and skipping school are pointing to that fact. I had one last night, in fact, where I had skipped too many classes (30 days) and was being reprimanded. lol

It is clear to me that my preference has been to wallow in past upsets or failures over pushing forward into new, uncharted territory. It can be difficult to let go of the past, especially those parts involving strong emotionally charged experiences. I have a tendency to pluck from that long dead “tree” the remaining remnants of its delicious fruit but it just doesn’t taste the same anymore. It is dying just like the tree did.

It is time to cultivate something new; thus the dreams of gardening and planting seeds in rich, black soil.

Right now I’m not really able to see anything ahead except blackness. Rather than despair over this fact as I have in the past, I prefer to think of the blackness as a clean slate ready for painting. All I know is how I wish to feel and how I want that feeling to grow and remain a constant in my life. So, that feeling will be my paint and I will prep the canvas with it. The picture will eventually emerge, just like my 52 Light Code Oracle paintings did. 

And while a part of me wants to linger on my failure to recognize all of the above while wandering about seemingly aimlessly in my waking life, another part recognizes that it was all purposeful and part of my own, individual process of healing and acceptance. Because, in the end, life really isn’t about the destination but the journey.

by

Manifestation: The Secret

I am beginning to think my daily walks put me into a space where I am able to manifest more quickly. The longer the walk, the more manifestation potential it has. This is based upon my experiences over time and all the items I “accidentally” find on my walks.

Yesterday it happened again. But first a backstory.

On Monday or Tuesday last week, my husband took the boys sledding in the newly fallen snow of Winter Storm Uri (previously known as Snowmaggedon). He took his brand new AirPod Pros that I bought him only a few weeks prior. He is a talker, always on the phone, so he takes them everywhere. While out enjoying the snow, he lost them. He didn’t tell me the full story, just that he had them one minute and the next they were gone. He looked for them, but the deep snow hid the white AirPods which blended in perfectly. 

I was angry at first. It seemed like he obviously didn’t care too much about the gift I got him if he could so easily lose them. But mostly I was upset because I hadn’t even paid for them yet. They were $250.00, so quite pricey. I charged them to a credit card and the bill comes next month (I pay off my cards monthly). Money has always been a trigger for me and I have to work hard to accept certain situations, especially those that involve “waste”. 

All week I would wake up with the lost AirPods on my mind and then work up to the point that I could accept the loss. Sunday morning I asked my husband if he had asked his brother to help look for the AirPods. He said he did but he hadn’t heard anything. I told him my upset (for the umpteenth time) and then let it go. What could I do about it anyway? Eventually, I reached full acceptance and moved on. I was even looking to buy him a refurbished pair since he still had the charging case.

Sunday afternoon, with temps near 70, I decided to go on one of my long walks. The same walks that have brought me tarot cards for three weeks in a row. I didn’t find anymore tarot cards, though. This time, my mind was on the AirPods. I was thinking, “Maybe I will find a pair on my walk”. None appeared but I was okay with that. As I said, I had reached acceptance level and was moving on, already thinking I would just buy another pair. Still, I had to try and manifest them on my walk after so many previous successes! 

Later, I asked my husband if he wanted me to buy him a pair. I had one selected and all he had to do was tell me “yes”. He said not to, and I let it be.

Later that afternoon, while we were washing the car, my husband got a text from a neighbor. She had a busted pipe and asked him to help. He always says yes and left immediately. When he returned he showed me a wad of money. He hadn’t counted it and so when he showed me and started to count it he was shocked. It was $250. He handed me the money and I took it. At the time I knew he was giving it to me in exchange for the lost AirPods. He felt really bad for losing them.

I instantly knew I had manifested the money. There was no doubt in my mind. The Universe gave me what I asked for, it just came about in a different way than expected.

One of the signs to me that this was a gift from the Universe were the two, $2 bills that came in the wad of cash. I hadn’t seen one since my early teens. Instantly, memories of my great aunt came to me. She use to mail me a card with a single $2 bill in it every single birthday. It felt as if this gift came from my family.

I posted on FB my win and then spoke the my daughter about it. She was shocked but not surprised. I tell her of all my “finds” on my walks and how I manifest them and she believes me. 

As I left to go on yet another walk (this time with my dog) I said to her, “Now we’re gonna find them [the AirPods]”. 

Five minutes into my walk my husband calls me. He had been picking up dinner and so I thought he was going to ask me what I wanted. Instead he said, “I am gonna drop off the food and then head over to my brother’s house. They found the AirPods.” 

Shocked and then elated I ended my walk. My husband said his brother sent out his two boys to look for them and they found them. He then told me the whole story behind the loss. His brother had tackled him in the snow that day and the force of the impact caused them AirPods to fly out into the snow. 

Neither of us knew if they would work but the light turned green on the case when they were inserted, meaning they were accepting charge. Later, my husband called me using them. They worked just fine.

All I can say is that I was amazed once again by the Universe. Wow. 

Not only did I get the money to replace the AirPods but I got the actual AirPods. Double what I requested. Double! 

The Secret

Long ago a friend of mine took me to see The Secret. As I have been typing this post I am reminded of that movie. Someone on FB asked me what technique I was using to manifest and I answered, “None”, but now that I think about it, I think I am using the technique from that movie.

All week I was unable to manifest the lost AirPods. Why? Because I was fixated on the loss, feeling the lack and accepting the lack. So, lack or loss is what I manifested. However, when I accepted the loss and move past it, recognizing and embracing the possibility that the loss was opening me up to receive, the Universe sent me double what I lost. 

So, like the movie teaches, manifestation occurs when we think and act as if we already have, not from a place of want, or lack. 

For so many years I didn’t get what this meant. You can’t force yourself to be in abundance. It is a state of Being and from that state one can manifest anything. 

On all my walks I never considered that I couldn’t have what was given to me. I was accepting of what was, in the present moment, and in doing so – Being that – I was filled with gratitude and abundance. 

Part of my ability to manifest has come from a shift in my reality in general. While 2020 hit many people hard, especially financially, my family prospered. At first I struggled with accepting my new reality but have since fallen into acceptance. 

Having more money hasn’t really changed my circumstances much. We haven’t gone on spending sprees or done anything drastic. Yeah, we took a family vacation and paid cash for it and I can buy ridiculously priced AirPods for my husband just because I feel like it, but other than that we have been living the same as before. Having more money has helped me to release my fear of lack to the point that I am no longer in fear of not having enough. I realize now that what my guides told me years (decades) ago has proven true my entire life – I will always have enough. 

You know what is funny? Since we’ve come into this period of abundance, I think more often about downsizing, getting rid of “stuff” and living a more simple life. Material things are of no interest to me, personally. I enjoy buying things for others I love, though, and do so when I feel the urge, but I do not care to have more things myself. I prefer to use the money to experience life. More family vacations will be planned. South Padre is already planned in May. Costa Rica is also on our radar. And maybe another ski trip to Montana this coming Christmas.

So why do my walks seem to increase my manifestation potential? My best guess is that they put me in “the zone”, meaning I am in the present moment, taking it all in – nature, life, my environment. When I exercise it is a moving meditation, the best kind of meditation IMO. And being I now set an intention when I walk, it speeds the process.

by

The Power of Thought

So yesterday I realized that I need to have better control over my thoughts. I had to run errands and drive to several place and was beginning to worry. That is when my guidance gave me a nudge, reminding me of what I have have long been aware of: My thoughts create my reality.

Yeah, yeah. You are thinking, “Duh! How could she forget?” I don’t think I have forgotten. I think I have been distracted and falling into old habits and patterns which is much easier to do than focus on controlling my thoughts.

Yesterday in the car I saw distinctly that I needed to just shut down my monkey mind. It isn’t that I have to constantly be observing my mind chatter, either. All I have to do is listen to my body. When I feel “off” – anxious, sick, uneasy, sweaty, uncomfortable, etc – I need to look to my thoughts. More than likely I will find that I am thinking something negative. If I turn off those thoughts and focus on something positive the discomfort or symptom(s) begins to fade.

I tried it in the car. My body was giving me the first signs of a panic attack – uneasiness, sweaty palms, irregular breathing, nervousness and various worry thoughts. I looked to my thoughts and shut down the negative ones and replaced them with how I wanted to feel and be in that moment. For example, rather than think, “Oh no, it is gonna happen again” I thought, “Everything is fine. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

All the symptoms vanished.

It was so obvious in that moment that I had been creating my reality. Why now, after over 4 decades of life, it is manifesting in physical body issues? Well, I have been warned for some time now that my manifestation abilities are heightened now so there is an acceleration in the results. So rather than the delay I am use to it is more immediate. This is good and bad. Good in that I can really get to work on shifting my life. Bad in that if I allow my monkey mind too much control I end up with very uncomfortable physical symptoms.

It goes back to the “other me” that I have been feeling and hearing in the background. She is fearful and has a kind of death wish thing going on. I have to help her and heal her but I also cannot give her so much power over my life. She is the wounded aspect of me. My inner child. The “walk-out” who just won’t let go. Maybe all three in one. She runs on auto-pilot, instinct and emotion.

And I wondered to myself how I could fall back into old patterns so easily? I saw instantly it was purposeful.

Gecko

On August 22 I had an encounter with the biggest gecko I have ever seen around my house. He was a good 6 inches long and I have only ever seen small, 1-2 inch ones.

This morning on my way into the house I turned and saw another massive gecko near the front door. When he saw me he ran and hid. I turned and saw three babies on the door all much bigger than what I normally see.

I could not get a photo of the geckos this morning but I did get some of the first big one back in August. Here they are:

It was immediately obvious to me to pay attention to the message of the gecko.

The Gecko teaches us to do what we must in struggles, there may be opposing energies at play in our lives and you are reminded not to be passive. While the Gecko is naturally harmless, it is not afraid to bite if provoked. If you prevent opposition from occurring now, you will prevent it in the future. You may experience greater dream activity at this time and Gecko advises you to pay attention to what is revealed. It is a time to do what you must to restore order and bring an end to any conflicts. Gecko teaches the importance of righteous anger and reminds you to use it.

Interestingly enough, when I saw this morning’s gecko I was thinking about my dreams, dreams that points to upcoming change and difficulty.

Dream: Audit

I was in a big library talking to a woman about a credit card I had just gotten. She was warning me of the fine print, saying I should have read it because there was a clause that stated that after a certain amount of time the card company would audit (period of examination) me. I was pleased that I had paid off the card and not used it and thought this would save me from the possibility of an audit. The lady told me that it would happen anyway and to have all documentation ready.

I don’t remember much of the location where this happened except large books on book shelves. They looked old and like encyclopedias (knowledge, wisdom). The woman seemed to be a friend but I can’t remember what she looked like.

The dream shifts and I am on this steep, rocky road (life path) with the woman and another woman. The card company is coming to do the audit. I am walking down to meet them. I recall large, white boulders (obstacles, problems) in the road. It was very, very steep to the point that I had to look down as I walked to avoid tripping and injuring myself.

At one point there was a large aircraft. Maybe a plane (journey, transcendence), hard to remember. It came sliding down the steep driveway and scooped us up. I remember being inside it and knowing it was going way too fast so I ran up the tail end and jumped out the back which was open. I stood watching the others fly to the bottom of the road in the plane and make it down safely.

There is memory of four viles of blood (vitality, energy) that needed to be tested. This felt to be part of the audit but I am not sure how. I just remember seeing the viles.

Dream: Relocating to Montana

I arrived at a house located in the mountains of Montana (spiritual achievement). It was way high up in the mountains and there were no other people or houses to be seen for miles. All I could see were fields of sage and massive purple mountains all around me. The view was fantastic!

There was a discussion about the weather for the week. I remember hearing snow (frozen emotion) for three days followed by rain (achievement, success). I asked how it would make for traveling. Wouldn’t it really mess up the roads? I saw in my mind snow being melted by the rain and worried a bit about black ice, but I never saw any ice.

I went outside to enjoy the view while the sun was still shining. It was summer and the sky seemed never-ending. My thoughts were on how I needed to enjoy it while it lasted because summers were short and winters were brutal. Memories of when I lived in Montana came to mind. Memories of walking to school in winter and seeing the majestic mountains covered in snow with the sun just peaking over the top. It always took my breath away! It was also brutally cold and miserable. But those brief moments of purple mountains on calm, clear mornings made it all worthwhile.

I saw two cars parked nearby and decided to take photos of their license plates. I don’t know why I did this except that maybe I needed proof that I was really in Montana. What is odd is that the back plates were missing on both cars. So I went to the front (movement forward) and saw the plates. One had the letter “Q” so I went to the other one that had a more normal plate number.

I knelt down in the partially snow covered grass to take a picture. That is when I heard a car coming up the drive. I looked up and saw a white delivery truck. A man got out and came toward me with papers.

The man looked like an Alaska native, short with black hair and a fat, flat nose. He asked for me and I stood up, explaining why I had been on the ground. He handed me the papers and said that I was being served. He showed me the papers and said, “We will need new contact information for you. Your number is out of service.” I said, “Oh yes. I got a new phone number when I moved here.” Saying this made me feel proud and a little excited. The move felt permanent.

Papers in my hand, I looked at them and saw some very huge numbers – like $200K in money owed. I spoke with the man for a while about the papers and money saying that it was weird that the company said they would handle the blood tests (viles from previous dream) for a certain amount but when I decided to go another, less expensive route, they claim I owe them more.

It felt like I was being sued (justice) in the dream but I didn’t seem to care.

Considerations

Overall the dream made me feel good, which is odd because I was being audited and then sued. The Montana dream felt to be the most important. The message I got from it was the enjoy the moment. It also hints of the calm before the storm, those moments when things are beautiful and calm and then the ones that are the opposite. I seem to understand that those small moments of clarity and beauty are to be cherished and I attempt to do just that in the dream. It was so beautiful and every time I return to Montana in my dreams I am blown away by the beauty and wish I could be there again. Then I remember the harsh winters and change my mind. It just doesn’t feel worth it.

Perhaps that is how I have been viewing life, too? There seem way more bad times than good. I struggle to enjoy the good times because I am always anticipating the bad ones.

by

5D: Follow the White Rabbit

Yesterday was a strange day in so many ways. In fact, it was fitting that it was the last day of September because it seemed almost like a farewell in some ways, tying up all the gifts of the month into one little package. I say, “gifts” but honestly this month felt like a huge mess of mess on top of mess, but it is well known to me that these messes are in actuality some of the best lessons (err gifts). This particular gift was given by me as a gift back to the Gods (hehe). I tied a note to it that said, “You can have it!” Think of the prank of putting a bag of fresh dog poop by someone’s front door and you get the idea!

My friend Linda posted that yesterday Pluto stationed direct. Here is a post of hers from 2013 discussing it in more detail. It was particularly fitting that I saw her post (as usual) because I was feeling a big overloaded that morning. Not by life necessarily, but by myself. In fact, a good nickname for me would have been “the woman with many faces” (think Game of Thrones and the faceless man). I say that because my experiences had me perceiving all these timelines and options within me. These potential possibilities seemed to sprout from within, expanding to reveal entirely new worlds and versions of me. I was left feeling a bit discombobulated unable to do anything with the experience except watch as these other worlds continued on without me participating in them, or at least this version of me, leaving me with a sort of lame grief at their departure and “what could have been”.

Yeah, sounds like something from a Sci-Fi show, I know. None of it was literal. I was stable in present time and space, but I could perceive so much around me as if viewing it from a screen within my mind. All the while I’m still participating in life, going about my day, etc.

I could perceive so completely what I will just call the “could have been’s” of this lifetime, from the vantage point of now. Just meaning, these timelines sprouted from the present, not from the past or future. All the while knowing the timeline I had to take. In fact, I felt anchored to it despite my desire to explore the other avenues of my soul. This sense of stuckedness was not fun for me and I resisted a bit. As a result of my resistance, I manifested around me experiences that reflected back to me what I needed to know. Only when I saw what that was did the resistance give way to surrender.

I feel a bit like the reprimanded child this morning, as you can imagine. I had to relearn a lesson: Let go. This lesson is on-going I guess, courtesy of the human tendency to Forget and attach.

stonepath

New Path

While all this is taking place, I am well aware of a new path opening up to me. I can only see the very beginning of it, like a path in the woods winding through trees. So, I don’t know where it is leading. Yet the feeling I get is, “Follow me….Follow me….” like the trees whispering to me. Makes me think of Alice in Wonderland, “Follow the white rabbit.”

I have already mentioned the path briefly. Thus far there is a social theme to it. I continue to have this draw to be more social. I am attending a running group on Mondays. Last Thursday, despite being horribly sleep deprived, I attended a breast cancer fundraising event for women only and had a great time. Saturday I invited my son’s friend’s mother to come with me on a run with the social group tonight. I’ll be picking her up tonight on the way.

Then, yesterday, my daughter’s friend’s mom and I hit it off and I now have a new workout buddy. We’re meeting at her gym on Tuesday. We chatted for almost an hour last night when she dropped my daughter off. She recently relocated here with her daughter after separating from her partner (she is a lesbian). She lives just across the street from me.

I don’t know if this is part of the new path or not, but I find it interesting that I have now met two lesbians within two months. The first was in August at work – our new receptionist who, by the way, I had a part in hiring (I selected the candidates). I see her every time I go to work and we have gotten to know each other fairly well over the last month. She is very open about her sexual orientation and her female partner and has even suggested to me that I might be bi-sexual (lol) during a conversation.

So now, after meeting my daughter’s friend’s mother who announced her sexual orientation within ten minutes of us meeting, I am wondering, “What gives?” because in my entire life I have only known a few lesbians. One is my best-friend’s mother and her partner, they have been together going on 25 years now. Another is my sister-in-law (bi-sexual actually).

Yeah, something’s up.

The feeling I get regarding this path is “go with it.” There is a sense that it leads somewhere purposeful. I feel very much like I did right before my current job came to me. It comes with an inner nudge that feels as if it is saying, “You have resisted so much in life. Why not just let go and see what life brings you?”

This is all part of learning how to operate in 5D, just in case you didn’t already know that. I have played a part in anchoring in 5D, am grounded and centered in it now, and the next step is learning to toss my old 3D ways and begin operating in 5D fully and functionally. That means no more seeking to control my path, the old 3D paradigm. It is exactly what I have been experiencing with these new paths opening up and me following them to see where they lead. It is all a very new feeling to me and I sense a very distant part of me panicking a bit, but she is not in control and is easily reassured. There is an instant shutting down of her, her thoughts, her tendencies, as if I have a remote control and just hit the mute button when she gets too loud. lol

For a while this new me seemed so foreign! I often send a mental inquiry inward asking, “How come I’m not freaking out? Aren’t I suppose to be freaking out??” lol The response is always this calm, centeredness, that responds with, “It’s okay.” I think I mentioned the beginnings of this earlier in my blog from 2016-2017. They manifested as literal panic attacks along with a feeling of some other energy/spirit seeming to “take over” or “come in”. All of this I now know were part of a transitional phase as I crossed the bridge over into 5D. These attacks have now been replaced with just a slight sense of a reaction that are barely noticeable.

It is all quite amazing to me as I look back on what was from the vantage point of what IS. To think of how far I’ve come in such a short time, I wonder what comes next? How much more will I change?

My guidance advises me to “follow the eight winds” (again). For me the most difficult areas are pleasure and suffering. To not attach to desire – or suffering – is a challenge for me. Yes, I attach to suffering which may seem odd, but I have this strange compulsion to wallow in my sorrow and poor-me myself to death. In hindsight it is funny and understandable, but my guides often have to nudge (or kick) me to recognize I am doing it. It is the same with desire except that they have to drag me kicking and screaming away. Sigh.

“Worthy persons deserve to be called so
because they are not carried away by the eight winds:
prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure.
They are neither elated by prosperity nor grieved by decline.
The heavenly gods will surely protect one who is unbending before the eight winds”.

                                                                                                                        Nichiren

Our path to enlightenment will be obstructed when we let the reactions of the surrounding get authority on our feelings and on our lives.

If there was ever a map to navigate through 5D, it is the Eight Winds. Study it. Follow it. Be steadfast.

by

Manifest Destiny

Ack! I’ve got a throat on fire this morning and so does my husband. Today we are driving to South Padre, too. The kids are super excited, their energy is so jagged feeling compared to my own. They tend toward more crying fits and arguing when it gets like this. My daughter has yet to go into anxiety/worry mode. She typically fixates on one certain future scene and if it changes even a little she has a melt down. Talk about “fixed” (Taurus). And I thought I was bad! Ha!

I am somewhat excited despite feeling crappy. This is a whole-family event (husband’s side anyway). One thing I can give my husband is that he has an awesome family. They don’t argue and know how to enjoy life and have a good time. My family, on the other hand, would be fighting or in tension mode most if not all of the trip. I would have to be in the ocean all day to avoid them (not a problem!). Also, with all the other family with us, my mommy duties will be lightened substantially. My BIL and SIL who just moved from CA are without children (though SIL is newly pregnant) and they LOVE our kids. I also know my SIL will watch my kids like a hawk. It is such a relief for me to know I have her as backup and don’t have to worry myself silly that one of my kids will drown when my husband is distracted. To know I can withdraw and have time alone on this trip, lay like a lump on the beach even, makes all the hassle and preparation worthwhile.

We rented a three bedroom condo on the beach, something I have only experienced once and that was when I was 13 on the beaches of North Carolina (pristine!). To be able to just walk out the back door and be on the beach is awesome! My kids will be in heaven, no doubt. My BIL and SIL rented an SUV for the drive, too. Another cool thing about my husband’s family – they like to travel in style and abundance tends to follow them.

Dream: Manifest Destiny

On to things of a more spiritual nature.

Despite my sickness I had vivid dreams. First there was one all about protection and circles. I don’t recall much of it now but protection was being emphasized again. Then I was a middle school aged girl in school. My focus was on my friends and socializing. I cared little for my grades. There was a boy I hung out with who I considered my best friend. I only recall now that he had dark hair, was somewhat aloof at times and more quiet than me. Honestly, I think my personality just overshadowed his but there was no irritation on his part. It was just the way we were.

I remember knowing that I was choosing socialization over academics and that this was not my norm. At one point we were sitting together at a table trying to focus on an assignment. We were paired up, working on it together, but neither of us was into doing it. There was a mother and her daughter sitting across from us quite focused on the assignment. I watched them getting the work done rapidly. I knew that if I didn’t do the work, it would not get done. It wasn’t that my partner was stupid, I just knew it wouldn’t get done if I left it up to him. School wasn’t his “thing”. lol

So I began to ask the mother about the assignment. “What are we suppose to do?” She said that we needed to review a book and then describe what was missing/lacking in the details and organization of it. What it came down to was the book had only an index. I said, “Well that’s easy. It needs a Table of Contents and a glossary.” The answer needed to be in essay format so I got to writing it straight away. I remember the mother asking me, “Don’t you want to read the book first?” I said, “No. I know what it says.” Then I began to tell them about it. It was a book about U.S. expansion West. Specifically, it was about Manifest Destiny. I even used that word and specifically tuned into the time when the “West” was not the West we know today but the mid-west U.S. around the Great Lakes. I told them the entire history. There was a particular feeling I had at this time. It was excitement similar to how one feels when they are passionate about a subject. I have always liked history but this was beyond that even. In the dream I knew that I would pass the assignment without issue. In fact, I wrote so much that I ran out of room before I even got to answering the question. lol

heart

Afterward, my friend and I went to his home and I met his parents. His father was suspicious of me but his mother liked me. I remember talking to his mom about a small object. I asked her if I could have one. The father disapproved of my asking but she smiled and said, “Sure.” She handed me a tiny, see-through heart. I was overjoyed to have received it.

As I was preparing to leave the father insinuated that I would steal one of their cars. lol I did end up driving out in my own car and the dream then meandered from there. I ended up getting assistance on a very steep, downhill path and was worried I would go too fast and lose control.

Messages

I woke with an uncomfortable soreness in my throat. My guidance was talking to me, asking me if I remembered our discussions. I only recalled that protection was needed and soon drifted into the in-between.

While in-between I saw myself inside a jet that at first resembled an airplane. It was sitting on something high up in the sky but not flying. I was told to look at it closely and when I did I realized it had no wings. I heard, “rocket” and then put two and two together. A “rocket” in the “sky” – skyrocket. Ha!

Then I was reminded of all the synchronicities lately. I have been noting them but at this time I was being shown all of them together. Some were songs, some were strange “coincidences” in meetings I’ve been having, some were gut feelings.

For example, you know the song, Hello, by Lionel Richie that I posted a while back? Well I keep hearing it. My kids are into the movie Trolls and that song is in it. The song, The Sound of Silence is also in it right before Hello. When I hear these songs I go into a kind of timeless state. Time stands still and I feel I need to listen. It is a strange kind of dejavu feeling every time and it’s happened twice now. I think I’m falling in love with the song Hello.

I’ve also been catching myself thinking, “I can’t do this” a lot. I stopped and considered what “this” is. What am I so nervous about? Perhaps it is not what I think?

There was also memory of a video I watched recently about knowing ones own future but losing faith along the way when it doesn’t manifest fast enough. I do this often. The video almost made me cry. It was like it was saying, “You KNOW. Stop doubting and just have faith.”

I was reminded how I recently came back into contact with a client from 2004. We’ve been chatting and it turns out the reconnect is not just for her benefit. She has something she can offer me. She even outright wrote, “I believe there’s a reason people CROSS PATHS!!” She then suggested we trade services. I give her mediumship (the group kind) and she refers me to her family business.

The service she can offer caught me off guard. The minute I read what it was, a path opened up to me that wasn’t there before. Just considering the path scares and exhausts me for all the “unknowns”. I am being asked to really be sure of what I want because if I choose this path there is no turning back. What is strange is that I know what to do. It was like instructions fell out of the sky and into my lap. There was a Knowing that sometimes we have to do things we don’t like to get what we want. And the feeling is that this is just the first part. I also know I can hold onto this option, like an ACE up my sleeve, as long as I want. To bide my time and make sure it is a path I wish to travel.

Manifest Destiny. Manifest your Destiny. Gives me goosebumps.

worthiness

Still in the in-between I saw and heard, “Worthiness.” Then I was reminded of something that happened many years ago. The first time I met my husband’s half-sister came to mind. She is a Sagittarius (ha! another sync) and we got along awesome. She heard that I could “see things” and that I was a medium so she sought my advice, asking me for a reading. I gave it to her freely. I had no issues because I hardly knew her. I was able to connect to her deceased father (my FIL) and able to give her answers about some of her questions. Her marriage was on the rocks. She wanted to leave her husband but was afraid of what it would mean for her daughter. So many unknowns and she just needed some guidance. I told her what I saw – her divorce, how the assets would be split, how her daughter would react, etc.

Skip to present day. She did get divorced. In fact everything I told her has come to pass. She had to leave her daughter behind, knowing her daughter would hate her. She remarried and is traveling and fulfilled. Her daughter is now coming around (which I assured her would happen).

All of this came to me because of the word “worthiness”. I knew I was seeing an example of how this can manifest in a person’s life. You have to feel worthy of having the things you want before you can have them. I was being asked if I felt worthy. Do I? Still working on that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

by

More Manifestations of the Shift

I figured it is time for a quick update on current manifestations of ascension. Below are what I have noticed:

  • Hot Flashes
  • Sweating
  • Mild Cold – sore throat, chest congestion
  • Third-eye activity – pretty much non-stop
  • Crown chakra activity – on and off, usually in conjunction with third-eye
  • Second chakra buzzing
  • Intense heavy feeling in legs/feet (stopped prior to onset of cold)
  • Visual anomalies – seeing shadows or silhouettes of people out of corner of my eye
  • Dry eyes (stopped after onset of cold)
  • Dizzy spells
  • Intense hunger (ongoing)
  • Intense thirst
  • Ear ringing
  • Pressure in ears
  • Ear ache that comes and goes (infrequent)
  • Heart chakra activity
  • Recognition of pieces/aspects of me returning to this body
  • Sudden surges of energy (usually in the in-between)
  • Time hiccups – lost time, time moving fast or very slow
  • Disconnect with this life; feeling alien to this world
  • Intense emotional outbursts and sadness as if losing someone dear to me
  • Periods of irritability and not wanting to be around or near others’ energy

I’ve been sick with a cold. It came on a couple of days ago along with some hot flash-type activity and an intense hunger. I am told this is because I am cleansing and re-balancing my energy. I was told the cold is a result of the imbalance of energy caused primarily from the ingestion of meat over a period of about a week. Part of me thinks this is “crazy” but I cannot ignore the fact that all the feelings of negativity and disconnect came during this period of time.

by

It’s Final

It’s official. My last day of work is October 19th.

While I am relieved to be leaving behind me the parts of my job that were less than ideal, I will miss the parts that I loved. Yet I know that my timing is perfect and I am avoiding more scrutiny, upsets and general angst by leaving now.

Yet my husband appears to be less than accepting of my decision now that I have made it. He announced to me this morning, “I will be leaving my job soon, so you will have to carry the weight until I can get my new business up and running”.

I looked at him like he was crazy and said, “Um, I just put in my resignation. Don’t you think you could have made this announcement when we were talking about me resigning?”

“You can just get another job”, he said.

Then he made a comment completely out of left field, “I don’t want a free-loader in my house. You’ve got to pull your weight”.

What? I was unsure if he was serious but then he came and hugged me warmly, suggesting he was joking, but the statement was enough to bother me just a little bit.

He did say later, “I’m sure you will be pulling your weight”.

Sigh. Men!

What Now?

My husband’s joking is likely concerning to me because I am not sure what is next for me. I made the decision knowing it was the right one, but I wonder, “What now?”

I can’t shake this feeling that there is nothing more to come. My future feels empty when I look into it; a void of nothingness. I don’t have a plan of what I will be doing other than getting my business off the ground. I know that this business will bring in income but other than that I am clueless about what comes next for me.

Interestingly enough, I am okay with this “not knowing” and the feelings that accompany it. Again, I’m not sure why.

Business Update

I am in the final stages of launching my business. The product is in the garage waiting to be sent to the warehouse. All that is left for me to do is get good product images taken and set up the site for selling.

Yes, I am doing online sales, which is way out of my comfort zone and something I would not normally even venture. Yet it was one of those opportunities that came out of the blue after I put out to the universe what I wanted for myself and my family. Though my motivation in this endeavor has waxed and waned frequently, there remains one constant: I know it will be successful.

I suspect the delay of my business launch was due in part to timing. I can only guess why the delay was needed. I suspect Mercury retrograde was part of it. Mercury goes direct today, allowing for movement forward when before movement was retarded or even regressed. It just so happens that the photography for my product is scheduled for tomorrow. Movement is already occurring.

by

Symptoms of Adjustment

I believe the “bone aches” or “body aches” have begun along with some other strange sensations and symptoms.

Throat Movement

Last night when meditating prior to sleep, I felt a new strange sensation. It felt like something was moving around underneath my skin. Like a ball of energy or a knot of something dense. It rolled around and I kept getting images in my mind of a tiny creature trapped under my skin trying to get out. It occurred at the site of my throat chakra and covered the entire area from my collarbone to my chin.

As soon as I noticed it, I got the heebie-jeebies (that’s what I call them). Basically I cringed. I wanted to move but I had a feeling I needed to focus on the feeling and allow it to run its course. I swallowed and felt no change. My body in that small area was literally moving!

Thankfully, it lasted no more than a few minutes. Had it lasted longer that I would have assumed I was dreaming an episode of Fringe. This is by far the most bizarre of all the manifestations yet!

Body Shaking

As the strange throat movement began to subside, I could feel my physical body literally shaking. It was subtle but enough for me to notice. I thought it strange but remembered I had felt it before, though not as intense. The sensation was similar to being in some kind of car that was idling really, really rough.

Ear Ringing

As I was becoming accustomed to the shaking (it really wasn’t scary, just weird), both of my ears began to ring. It was such a high pitch that I almost didn’t notice it except that it felt like there was pressure building in my ears similar to what one feels when going up in an airplane or deep under water. As soon as I noticed it, it diminished considerably. I believe it was because I sent out a thought saying, “Really? Can I go to sleep now?”

Strange Body Ache

As I tried to get comfortable and sleep, I found it near impossible to stay in one place. When I lay on my back, I had this itch to move along with a very uncomfortable feeling in the right side of my body. It was almost like I had restless leg syndrome just in my entire side.

When I lay on either side it was the same. The only time it seemed bearable was when I lay on my stomach.

Ache is not exactly the right word but it works in this instance. The feeling reminded me of trapped energy that made this area of my body feel achy if I didn’t move it. One time when I made myself stay still, the feeling intensified and then seemed to spread out and then diminish. I think this is why I was finally able to sleep.

Time Hiccup

At one point I “awoke” needing to use the restroom. I looked at the clock and it said 10:35pm. “That can’t be”, I thought. I swear it had been hours and hours. Yet I could not recall even falling asleep! In fact, I don’t know where the heck I had been in that hour since I fell asleep. Wait. Did I even fall asleep? I don’t think so. WTF?

There was a strange feeling accompanying this time hiccup. A feeling that I had been somewhere and done something. Amnesia? That is what it felt like. I knew something had happened but I had only blank space where it should have been in my mind.

The only other time this has happened to me was in 1989.

Interrupted Sleep

I awoke so many times last night, I have lost count. Every time I woke up it felt like I had not even slept. Yet the clock showed it had been a couple of hours since my last waking. I again could not remember what I had been doing in that span of time. I knew I had been asleep, though. At least it wasn’t total amnesia!

Memories

Throughout the day yesterday I had random memories surface from this life. Most of them were memories from this lifetimes. Memories associated with pain and upset, all of which I have inspected many, many times. This, I believe, is part of the purging.

  • Memory of when my best friend in high school began acting strangely and disassociating from me. Specifically when she refused to acknowledge me at lunch and sat with a group two levels below us. I sensed she was doing this purposefully and chose to sit alone. This happened for many weeks at the end of Senior year. At the time I was not “hurt” but went to a “safe place” in my mind, convincing myself that I was happy to be alone. Compartmentalization.
  • Memory of my first year in college during registration. My best friend and I had decided to go to the same college. When I saw her there she pretended she didn’t know me and brushed me off.
  • Memory of what it felt like to be married to my ex. It felt alien – like another person was in my body living that life. Yet I could feel what I felt like then. I felt lost and incomplete. So weird!
  • Recognition that I “removed” myself from emotionally intense situations. I did this by denying there was emotion or even a problem.

Little emotion accompanied these memories. Even when I tried to make the emotion come (such as with the first memory), I could not. I asked specifically to be allowed to view the first memory and what led up to it so I could view other viewpoints and see how others perceived me at that time. I have yet to be shown this (that I know of).

Messages

I asked this morning to project and knew that I couldn’t. The reason why was, “You are adjusting”. I asked how long this would take and was told, “One day”. I didn’t believe it.

I kept seeing notes written to me in my in-between states as I was dozing this morning. I also received messages about my progress: 2 of 5 (2/5), 3 of 5 (3/5) and 2 of 10 (2/10). Not sure what these signify.

I asked if the next activation was coming and was told yes. I asked if it would affect me and was told yes. It is to occur in October.