Tag Archives: Messages

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There is no Why, It Just IS

Good morning! Hope you are all feeling well and ready to start your day with a smile. 🙂

No, I didn’t have any amazing OBEs or spiritual experiences last night. I don’t recall having a “meeting” with my Council or traveling to other dimensions. In fact, I really don’t remember much of anything from dreamtime. It was a normal day and a normal night. Nothing spectacular, nothing horrendous.

This does not mean I didn’t notice the bombing in Manchester. My prayers go out to the families affected and the nation as a whole as they try and figure out “why” such horrible acts of terrorism continue to occur in their country and the world as a whole.

The reason I am in a good mood and feeling such relief has to do with a question posed to me as I awoke this morning. A simple question asking me to reflect on the similarities between dreams and waking reality. The questions my guidance asks of me are always simple yet the answers to them quite profound in their effect on me.

What Preceded the Question

When I awoke my thoughts went to a specific situation that continues to haunt me. It follows me throughout the day and often comes up in my dreams. I can’t rid myself of it and can’t figure out why – why certain events happened, why I can’t move past it, why, why, why. In other words, I am stuck in a “why?”.

I am a problem solver by nature. I thrive on solving problems and am good at it. My mind is analytical by nature. I can’t help it – Leo sun, Sag moon and Aquarius rising (I blame the air sign for it, though lol). Therefore, I am at my best when put into situations where there is a problem to resolve. I excel at figuring out the “why” in all situations, my own and others. My favorite is solving other people’s problems, though they don’t always want me to or like it when I do.

So, when I encounter a situation where I can’t answer why it happened I get frustrated. In my mind, there has to be a “why” and if there isn’t then it must be because I am doing something wrong. No answer = my fault or failing. Eventually, when no answer is found I fall into apathy and grief. I accept that I failed, that I must have missed something important and that my grade is a big fat “F”.

When I woke this morning there was a certain clarity that I have often awakened with concerning this particular issue. I felt acceptance and relief momentarily but not before I also recognized that this feeling did not match the unresolved situation. My mind went into overdrive thinking, “Wait. This is wrong. I have to know the “why” and haven’t found it.” Then the feelings of apathy and grief came in but not like usual. They were in the background as if to be noticed but not fully felt.

The Question

That’s when the teachable moment presented itself, though I didn’t realize it at the time. My guidance came through and said, “Think about your dreams.”

The last dream of the evening came to me suddenly and I went through it scene by scene. It was a dream about a party where my husband was suppose to mow (reevaluation is needed) the lawn but disappeared. I went looking for him, walking through very tall grass (reliability) flooded with water (emotion). I walked past a recently watered garden (spiritual/inner growth) that was wilting and mostly dead (neglect) and found him working on the mower (keep up appearances), fixing it. I continued past him.

I never saw the lawn mowed. Instead I jumped to another scene. I had gotten into a car and was driving down a four lane highway through a mountain overpass. I could see the cliffs on either side towering over me, rugged mountains in the distance and the blue sky high above. I remember thinking as I was driving, “Where am I going? Why am I doing this?” The answer I gave myself was, “I don’t know and I don’t care. I am just driving.” Thoughts entered wondering about my husband and family. “What will they think?” I was worried about their reaction. My response was, “It will be okay. I can turn around at any time. There are exits all along the road. There is one just over the hill and one after that.” Note: One of the first things my husband told me this morning was, “I need to mow the lawn this weekend. The grass is getting too tall.” HA!

This entire dream came to mind and I thought nothing of it because it seemed to have nothing to do with anything.

Then my guidance asked me, “Does it mean anything?” I said, “No.” But then I understood. It was like a flood of memory came to me. Perhaps we had been discussing this all night?

The word “meaning” seemed to echo in my mind. Then I had the ah-ha moment. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything? Maybe there is no “why”?

grounded-roller-coaster-at-abandoned-six-flags-please-exit

It Just IS

I didn’t linger in bed very long after that. It was clear to me. When we dream do we spend hours, days, months even, contemplating the dream, wondering about it’s meaning or the “why” of it? No. I might spend a couple of hours at most but then my attention goes elsewhere and I usually forget about it. Yet in this waking reality when we have an experience we can spend years trying to figure out the meaning of it. We get stuck in the “why” of it, assuming it must have a purpose or meaning to us. Sometimes we have an experience and even think it must be telling us that we need to follow a certain path or do something we may not normally do. It must be a “sign”. It must have a “purpose”.

Going back to dreams….say you have one of those dreams where you wake up and you think, “Wow! I need to write that down. That was an awesome dream!” Have you ever had one of those dreams? A dream where you lived an entire lifetime in one night? It is so real, so vivid, and so exhilarating that you might write it down or tell someone about it. But do you talk about it for days or weeks….years after? No. It’s unlikely that you do.

Why? <——hahaha yes I’m asking that.

How are your dreams any different from your waking reality?

They’re not. Your perspective is different. In dreamtime we experience only to experience. In waking life we experience only to experience but the big variable here is that we FORGET we are here to experience for the sake of experience alone. We assign value to everything. There are so many “reasons”, so many “fixations” and Time is created, slowing down the experience. Yet, the reality is that that 8 hour lifetime you dreamed the other day is no different than the 80 year lifetime you are currently experiencing. And when you “wake up” from this 80 year lifetime dream you will think exactly the same way you think when you wake up from the 8 hour dream. You will think, “Wow! That was some dream! I need to write that down!” Then you will move on to another experience with little thought of the previous one. You might have made a decision, though. Most likely it was, “I want to do that again but this time I will do this….” Or you might think, “I’ve had enough of that, let’s try this now.”

It’s like when you ride a roller coaster. Do you contemplate the ride when you get off, trying to figure out some deeper, hidden meaning to it? Not likely (if you do, then I can’t help you). You likely feel high, excited, thrilled from the experience. You might say, “That was awesome! Let’s do it again!” Or if it was a bit too much, you might take a break and avoid that ride. But then you move on and there is barely a thought about it later except to maybe relive the thrill in your memory at a later date.

In the part of my dream where I found myself on the highway in the mountains I went through a question answer session with myself. I wondered “Why?” and the answer was simple: “I don’t know and I don’t care. I am just driving.” This is acceptance of the experience in a nutshell. There was no need to contemplate the “why”. The only result in that would be delay and probably lots of emotional upset. Who needs that? Why not just enjoy the experience of the journey? When it’s all over, that will be all you take with you anyway. The other stuff is just baggage. A distraction. The only question that you should be asking yourself is this: Do I want to do that again? Your answer determines the next experience.

So that brings us to the current experience: What about your life experience do you wish to repeat? What do you wish to not repeat? The answers you get determine your next experience. You answer these questions all the time in your thoughts and actions, you just may not realize it. When you choose to remain in an experience you do not like you are choosing to repeat it whether you realize it consciously or not. There is something about the experience you still find enjoyable, some part of the current “ride” you want to experience again.

Sometimes we have an experience that shakes us to our core. We may not want to return to it just yet. We may need a “break”. I am reminded of an actual roller coaster I got on once. It was one of those wooden ones and my experience was anything but pleasant. It shook so much that it made my insides feel like they were shaken up. When I got off I knew I would never get on that ride again. However, another ride I got on took tons of courage on my part. I believe it was called the Cliffhanger. It was one of those rides that dropped you from 8 stories up. For some reason the thought of the ride freaked me out but I eventually tried it. Afterwards I was so exhilarated from it that I think I got on it four or five more times. I couldn’t get enough.

It just goes to show that what you think an experience is may not be what it turns out to be. You won’t know unless you try it. That wooden roller coaster I got on, the one that shook me up so much, I had been on before when I was younger and it didn’t do that. It was fun. Yet for some reason, 20 years later, it literally hurt to ride it.

We change. Circumstances change. Just because an experience was exhilarating and worthwhile before doesn’t mean it will always be. It just means we have learned the lesson and it’s time to try a new one. For me, I had to literally be in pain to not ride that ride again. Sometimes life is that way, too.

How much “pain” is needed to get you to try the next ride?

I think I am going to kick my guides butts the next time I see them. Did you catch that last part? But they are SO right to ask it. I know that for me the “ride” has to be painful or shake me up for me to decide I am done with it. Sigh. I’m such a glutton for punishment. It reminds me of something a friend told me not long ago. He said something like, “As long as you are comfortable, you won’t leave.” Yep. It has to be uncomfortable. Painful even. Or does it?

 

 

 

 

 

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Signs, Messages and Triggers

This is my life
I can choose to accept it
Or I can struggle against it
Whatever I choose is no mistake
But a choice that can be changed
At any time

I have options
though they are limited
by the contracts I’ve agreed to
Sometimes the option outcomes
differ little from one another
It matters not

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

Blessed if I do, blessed if I don’t.

It’s all about perspective.

Current Messages and Connections

Quote

Quote from Sense8, season 2: “I’m slowly dying of survival.” This quote resonated with me. It came from episode 6 when one of the sense8’s mentioned how he had been in hiding for 30 years and, though he was surviving, it was a life devoid of meaning or purpose.

Images of Sky

These pictures were taken yesterday on a short road trip to a small town East of where I live. On the way home the sky began to look like gray ocean waves. I was mesmerized by the beauty of it, though, and did not consider it a bad omen. However, I can see how it reflects the emotional state I’ve been in this year. It has often felt like I am drowning.

4/22-4/24 and 12/17

These dates were given to me in the in-between a couple of nights ago. I am not sure of the significance of them but so far 4/22 has me in a very contemplative state. It seems like the past is repeating itself and I am being asked to consider how I want to handle this repetition. I was informed that a meeting will take place on the 23rd, but I am not sure what kind or what for. The 24th has been showing up as significant and connected to the Mayan calendar. However, I was told this is the first day of the last of three sections of the Equinox Portal in the month of May.

As for the 12/17 date, it has been given to me twice now. A friend from Shasta who is an astrologer said this about the December date:

The night of the 17th we have a new Moon conjunct the galactic center setting the tone for a powerful expansive month ahead. This is on the cusp of Saturn entering his own sign Capricorn on the 19th beginning a profound power surge for the next 2 to 3 years. The 17th may be a “meeting” or counsel of the galactics upstairs in preparation for the huge shift that begins on the 19th.

Blinking Aura

Message received two nights ago about my aura was that it was blinking like a strobe light. It caused a reaction in me because I have seen this aura phenomena in people who are nearing and very close to death. My grandfather was one of them. I watched as he went OOB and then would return to the body over and over again. I believe the “blinking” or flashing of the aura that appears much like a strobe light is due to this in/out of body state. However, I have found that others believe it to mean that one’s angels are very close, which could also be true. I have let the message be for now as I am unconcerned one way or the other.

Let Thine Will Be Mine

Received last week and repeated this morning. The message is to allow whatever is to happen, to happen. To trust that I am where I need to be and not assign value or worth to any one experience over the other. They are all equally important and necessary for this journey. Each experience offers its own lesson, its own value, if only I look to find it.

My reaction is mixed. I understand but am furious at the same time. I’m being asked to Trust regardless of what is thrown my way, to accept the good and bad equally. Easy when it’s all “good”, not so much when it turns “bad”. Currently I feel like I have already lived the best part of my life. To live the rest of my life with this ache in my heart is the equivalent of hell to me. My burden to bear alone for the rest of this lifetime. How do I Trust and Allow that?

firefly

Signs from Nature

Firefly –  Landed on the door in front of me in broad day light. Message: Illumination.

Butterfly – Saw a purple Swallowtail butterfly. Thought, “I want him to come see me.” He flew directly toward me, flew around my head for a while, and then flew off. Message: Transformation.

Raccoon – Came to visit a few weeks ago. First time I’ve seen one since moving here in 2014. Last night I had a dream of a dead raccoon hanging up in a garage by a noose. Message: Let go.

Familiar Feeling

The way I am feeling currently takes me back to the year I entered into the darkest part of my Dark Night of the Soul. Back then I felt much as I do now – betrayed, misled and disillusioned. I realized at a later date that the reason for all the upheaval in my life during my Dark Night was because I was unwilling to accept the truth of the situation. I was full of resistance to the point of rebellion. At the time the message I could not accept was that the time was not right for what I wanted and I was to move in another direction while I waited until the time was right. It took me a while to fall into acceptance. Life actually forced me into various upsetting events but once I fell into acceptance things shifted and a path opened up to me. I ended up on a “detour” for 7 years before the timing was right and my spiritual path opened up again to me.

Apparently, “the time is not right” again. I can choose to rebel and resist or I can just allow the path ahead to open up. It seems obvious what I should do but I can’t help but feel outrage at the unfairness of it all. I seem always to be waiting in this life and then, when things finally get good, they last for only a moment and I am waiting again. The “good” times are so few and so fleeting in comparison. For example, after my first awakening I had maybe three good years (1 really exciting one) and then was back to waiting. The wait was 7 years! Three years have passed (2014-2017) with one very exciting and eventful year (2016) and now it looks like I am to wait again. How long? Most likely years. I can’t stand it. I am not patient. Never have been. Knowing a long wait is ahead is excruciating. I want to throw a really, really big tantrum, cross my arms across my chest, turn my back on my guidance and make them pay by following the destructive path (yeah insane right?).  But I know such tantrums only result in more pain on my part. I can go along peacefully or face the consequences.

I’ve been going in and out of insanity for a few weeks now. I will have moments of complete clarity followed by full-on resistance and emotional chaos. I’m super triggered by the events of my life, by people in my life, by memories that surface….everything triggers me. I’m like a bomb waiting to go off and when I explode it’s not pleasant.

Yesterday I woke in complete acceptance and balance. This morning I woke up cussing out my guidance and asking for an “opt out”. This has gotten their attention at least. We’ll see if some revisions can be made. Of course it’s likely when we have our “meeting” I will be the balanced, cooperative me and nothing will be altered at all. I’ll get a pat on the back, congratulations and a job well-done followed up with a “You can do this”.  I’ll be full of love, smiles, and agreement like I usually am when OOB. Big sigh.

 

 

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Message: Let Thine Will Be Mine

Yesterday I had anxiety most, if not all, of the day. It was so bad I felt physically ill from it – stomach upset, headache, light headed. I struggled especially in the morning and when I asked for help I spontaneously began speaking in Light Language. After that I felt strangely at ease despite continuing to feel the physical and mental side effects of severe anxiety.

When I was speaking in Light Language it felt like I was invoking protection from something. I am not sure what exactly but that is how it felt. I was moving my hands in such a way that it reminded me of weaving a web of protective energy. I also felt like I was blessing my body, communicating to it that this transition will not kill it but make it stronger.

Messages in Dreams

By bedtime I was feeling much more normal and occupied my mind with season 2 of Sense8 (love that show). When I fell asleep I was asking for help. I wanted the anxiety to stop. I recognized it was a symptom of not allowing my heart to guide me. Anxiety is a side-effect of avoidance. Avoiding pain. Avoiding truth. Avoiding feelings. What we avoid will come out whether we like it or not.

I had a vivid dream of being in a community located in the countryside. Rolling hills and dirt roads predominated the scene. There was a gate that lead into the small community and I walked through it. I saw a building being built near the entrance. I thought it was a church because it had a curved entrance but was informed that it was a brand new post office (important message from my subconscious). I thought it odd that a post office would be built inside our community.

Then I was inside a building with others. My role was a teacher and I walked up to two men who were also teachers. Teachers of history like me. One man was older and the other my age. I invited them to come socialize with me. They both indicated they preferred to be alone. I said, “You won’t be satisfied if you don’t communicate with others.”

Then I was standing beside the younger teacher. Both of us were painting. I recall that what he painted, so did I. Identical paintings. The part I was focusing on was the bottom of the painting. I was painting the word “Love” in red, glittery paint. Only the word was cut in half by the bottom of the canvas. I remember talking to him about why it was cut off like that. The top of the painting is hard to recall but I think it was of a white building similar to the White House of the U.S. It was literally sitting on top of the Love, crushing it. I want to also say the house was burning or in the process of being destroyed. The feeling from our conversation was that the love was the only focus, everything else didn’t matter.

I left for a moment, leaving my wet paint out because I was to return. When I did return a group of house maids had cleaned up all my paint and supplies. I was especially upset because they had washed all my red paint down the drain. It had been on top of a miniature white house like in the painting. My friend told me not to be concerned and I calmed and forgot about it.

Then we were all heading to the new post office to meet. I remember a short walk along a curving road. When I arrived I kept going saying I had a doctor’s appointment. I didn’t want to stop because when I got there I saw two large groups of people dressed completely in white heading toward me. One in front of me and one behind me. If I had stopped I would have been completely overrun by them and there seemed to be thousands on both sides. What is really odd is that one side had a giant diamond (wholeness) floating in the air above them and the other side had a giant square (limitation).

Thine Will be Mine

When I woke I saw the two symbols distinctly. The diamond was on the left and the square was on the right. In the middle was me. The message was that the square and the diamond needed to align and I was standing in the way of this.

Then I heard, “Let thine will be mine”. It was so Biblical in the way it sounded that it actually freaked me out for a second and then I relaxed. I understood that I was being asked to surrender to Divine will. I became angry at this time saying, “But you won’t let me have what I want.” I was told, “You will get what you need.” This made me mad. I understood though that fighting would get me nowhere. I was told, “When you go off track We kindly and lovingly put you back.” I sneered at this thinking, “Your idea of ‘kindly and lovingly’ is not the same as mine!”

Eventually I relented and fell into my heart space momentarily. I felt all it offered was false hope, though, and it made staying there very difficult. It became obvious to me that the reason I don’t want to follow my heart is because it meant giving up control and ultimately the possibility that it would destroy my life is too much for me to accept. I have heard, “You will get what you need” so many times in the past and it always leads to unwanted change. Ultimately, I sense what will happen and it scares me.

When you are drowning the best thing to do is relax and let your body float. Struggle only pushes you deeper. I get it but for some reason I just can’t stop struggling.

 

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It is Well

I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend celebrating their mothers in their own way. We ended up at my mom’s house for the afternoon and then at my mother-in-law’s in the evening. It was nice to hang out with family and be in nature. The sun was out, there was a nice breeze and the energy was calm and friendly.

Though it was a good day overall, I woke in tears Mother’s Day morning and by the evening the melancholy returned. This morning there was more upset. More purging. More whatever it is. Rather than focus on it by talking about it here I choose to focus on the message that came to me when I asked for help. Perhaps it will help those of you who are in this purging mode alongside me. Remember, it all has a purpose. It will pass. It is well.

 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

(Skipped in the version above)
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Song by Horatio Spafford.

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A Lesson on Choice

Lately I have come to receive guidance in the form of quick “downloads” unlike the downloads I have experienced in the past. They are super fast, seamlessly streaming information in the form of complete Knowingness that comes into my Being and then seems to have always been there. It is as if the download is not a download at all but more of an activation of cellular memory. The experience of it is hard to describe but one minute I am without memory and the next filled with it. Then I am left to process what I now Know, which is not always easy considering the information does not come in words.

What I am noticing with increasing frequency is that when these activations of memory occur they are received as instructions. Let me clarify – There is no one telling me I am to do anything. Quite the opposite. It is more of an urgency toward certain action that results. This is not a compulsion, either. I have felt compelled in the past, so I know that is not what the feeling is. It is more of a soul guidance, something that stems from the core of my very Being.

After yesterday’s messages I spent most of my day viewing a potential future path from the vantage point of the Observer. What is interesting to me is that although this future path has many unknowns, unknowns that would normally scare me, I felt no trepidation whatsoever. My viewpoint was and still is that I am willing to experience anything and so as such there is no fear, expectation, anticipation or otherwise connected to this potential future and all avenues it could take.

By the end of the day I was reminded that I am not without choice in the matter of my life and my future. Though I may have this soul guidance occurring, I can still choose. So, I announced that I preferred to keep things as they are, that I am happy with how they are and that I feel the choice outcomes would be more beneficial to all in the long-run. I fell asleep happy and quite content with my decision, too.

ginger

Dreams

My dreams last night indicate that I was mulling over my decision. I had a long dream where I was searching for my car (life path), the Prius (current life path), and could not find it. Someone stole it (feel like the path is being taken away) and another car was being presented to me as mine (new direction). A black sports type car (the unknown). I was rejecting it and upset that my Prius was gone.

In another dream I went on a date with a portly young man still in high school. I was aware that I was way older than him but that they all believed I was 18. Their house was interesting. They had two sets of fences (barriers) inside their living area (family). The fence was partial and in the way. I also recall a part of the dream where I was taking 2-liter bottles of soda that were attached at the middle and cutting them in half (disconnecting from a part of myself). I then put cellophane over the one on the left and stuck it into a deep freeze (suppression). I never drank the one on the right.

Then there was a dream where I was at this farm house. There were tall, chain link fences around it (feeling fenced in) but I could get in and out at certain openings (only certain exits). I watched as the owner and his family harvested their crop – ginger (security and comfort). It was in rows (feeling reserved). The plant itself looked like tall grass (reliance, security). Cows (dependence and family) came after and ate the ginger. I remember wondering why they would let cows eat their crop like that.

Still yet in another dream I had driven to the beach (transition between spiritual/physical) and parked. I ended up in the water (emotion) and a wave came and washed me out toward a small waterfall (letting go). I went under the water where I saw clearly hundreds of small, starfish (decisions) shaped sponges (over dependency on others). They were pink and sparkled (attractive to me). When I touched them though they shocked me horribly (sudden awareness) and so I tried to avoid them. Someone was talking to me while I swam showing me where to go to avoid being shocked. When I made it to the surface there was a man waiting. I found that he had taken my white convertible (power) for a joy ride. He left all my stuff, though, even a large amount of cash (quest for love/power). He had a convertible of his own only it was black (unknown path). I remember climbing into it (making a choice) and asking why he didn’t take my stuff and being very firm with him about his decision to steal my car.

Message

When I awoke I had an odd feeling that is hard to describe. I then saw a vision of a ticket, like to go to a show. The end tab was torn, so the ticket was “validated”. The ticket itself said, “Skyrocket” and had an image of a rocket taking off. When I saw it I knew the message was I was about to skyrocket. For some reason I did not see this as a positive message but as more of a fateful one. I knew that despite my deciding to stick with the life I have, to enjoy it and the security it offered, things were about to shift and the direction they would take me would propel me with great velocity.

It seems that the message is, “Yes you always have a choice but sometimes the choice is already made for you by your Self. In such cases the self has little or no say in the events that follow. The choice then is to resist or allow. So in this sense there is choice, though it may not seem so.”

The message continued with:

This life experience is a joint effort between Self and self. The Self is the path-paver. The self then walks the paved path, partaking in what the path has to offer along the way. The self perceives as it chooses. It creates the weather, chooses the pit stops and the company it keeps. The Self then adjusts the path it is paving to accommodate the self’s choices because sometimes the self wanders in circles or ends up going backward. In such cases a “dead end” will be constructed and other detours created to get the self back on the desired path. In a sense, the self can seem to be blindfolded in that it does not always see the path it is on as it was paved. This is where perception comes into play. If the Self has good working control of the self, as it should, there will be no blindfold but a good sense of where the path is and how to follow it.

You might think that I would wake in a bad mood because of a message like this. It seems to be saying, “Sorry, but you really have no say in this matter. The path has been chosen and now you get to walk it.” In the past I may have argued this with great gusto, saying, “You wanna bet? I will show you!” Ha!

Now I am more like, “Okay. I understand. I see my options clearly. I can choose to avoid, resist, and complicate the path ahead. Or I can choose to allow and follow it to where it leads me. I know that I may not like what lies ahead. I know that the path is likely to take me through desolate territory, through rugged terrain and into uncharted territory. I also know that it will take me through fields of green, snow topped mountains and beautiful beaches. The good thing is that the path has been paved and so I don’t have to worry about it being there. I can trust that it is. This is a huge relief. I don’t have to figure it all out by myself. All I have to do is follow what is already there.”

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Identity

I was hit hard with emotion last night. Woke up three times in tears. None of the dreams really make much sense but I remember every one of them.

Dream: Returning the Hostages

There is a whole backstory to this dream that I will shorten. I didn’t dream it. I knew it in the dream. A group of colonists had encountered a group of Natives. The Natives took a woman and her daughter and the colonists were up in arms over it. Where I recall the dream is when the exchange occurred. The colonists were handing over two wolves in exchange for the woman and child. I remember the wolves most vividly. They were snarling and nasty and seemed almost like trained attack dogs the way they acted. I don’t remember seeing the woman and child. My focus was on the Natives for the most part.

What is odd is that I was able to take on the perspectives of both groups. I could feel the colonist’s outrage and how they thought the Natives inhuman savages. Similarly, I could feel the Natives and their upset over the colonist’s insistence that they return the woman and child. They believed they were helping the woman and child, not abducting them.

I don’t remember what triggered the tears (the wolves?) but I woke up sobbing. It was a heart-wrenching grief that seemed to have no source.

Dream: Funeral

I was attending a funeral in Katy, Texas for a woman who had died. I remember following a road and hearing about her life and all the people who would miss her. There was an old man with me who was talking but I only recall him as a presence.

We arrived at the burial. It was under a huge tent and people crowded around. Part of the ceremony involved everyone sharing a memory of her. I heard them all and there were more than I could count. Hundreds maybe.

The lady who had died, I think her name was Geraldine, had asked that 100 balloons be released after she was buried. Everyone held a balloon and began to let them go one by one. I backed up and out from under the tent. I could feel a light rain on my shoulders but the sun was shining. I looked up in the sky watching as the balloons were released. They were all colors. Some in bunches and some singletons. It was the most spectacular site.

Then came the feeling. It is indescribable really but if I had to compare it to something it would be akin to the feeling one has after they have traveled a very a long, lonely and difficult journey and finally made it back home to the ones they love. It was pure jubilation mixed with an overwhelming sense of freedom and peace. And there was love coming from every single person there. The love from them all hit me full in the chest. It said, “Welcome home. You are loved.” I stood there, letting the love in, sobbing uncontrollably. I saw the balloons in the sky begin to morph into the forms of animals as I cried. They seemed to come to life and run across the sky. The last ones I saw looked to be from the ocean – sharks, fish, sting rays, etc.

When I woke I was crying uncontrollably. I couldn’t understand it. I asked my guidance, “What is happening to me?” It felt as if I was being called. It felt like I was holding on, not letting go. I was beside myself with upset. Why can’t I let go?

Dream: Beach

I was standing and facing the ocean. The beach and cloudless seemed to go forever in both directions. I wanted to run into the water but I didn’t. I just stared at it. I could feel people around me but I couldn’t see them. I asked to see them. An outline of a person appeared to my right. I could see right through him but I could also see him. When I saw him I hugged him. I heard, “You have to let go.” I began to feel emotional. It was like I was grieving but I don’t know what for. Then I felt the others around me. There were thousands all there on the beach with me. All of them completely see-through, as if they were one with the surroundings but I could also see the outline of each of their forms. It felt like they wanted me to go into the ocean. To let it take me. To drown. To surrender completely to it.

I began to cry again and it woke me up. The tears stopped and I was confused. I asked again, “What is going on?” I heard, “Identity.” Then I knew. I have to surrender it all. To let go of everything, even my own identity. How do I even do that?

Identity

After I awoke I lost a good portion of what I had dreamed. This is common-place for me now. I don’t know why but my dreams just don’t stick around like they use to. It’s okay, though. I am not needing to remember them really. Once I wake and shift back into this reality all that goes along with my dream experiences – the crying, grief, upset – disappears as if it was never there. What remains is a feeling that something profound is on the horizon for me and many others like me. This is intensely transformative stuff. The kind that leaves in its wake change and movement like never before.

I received the message, “Identity”, a few nights ago as well. I didn’t know what to think of it. At the time I thought it meant that I was taking on a new identity. Now I know it means I have to strip myself of my identity. But how do I do that? Without identity what is left? Nothingness?

I suppose it would be the same as when one dies. When we die we leave behind the person we were in life. We discard it completely. But then that is a normal part of the process right? But if we are not actually experiencing the loss of our physical body then would it even be possible to discard the identity connected to it? And then, say we were able to do that, what then?

As I write this I am reminded that a portion of a song came to mind this morning when I was wondering what was going on. It’s from the Ingrid Michaelson song Afterlife again but the only part I heard was, “To live a brand new start.” I suppose that we have to let go of the identity we created in order to start over, to live a new life. Why does that scare me so much? Ugh.

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Another Reset and June Graduation

Despite feeling better, I still have lingering cold symptoms that just will not go away. It would be nice to feel 100% again. This prolonged illness is taking its toll on me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Since I felt better yesterday I attempted a trip to the gym. It didn’t go well and I had to come home early. It wiped me out. However, on the way home a familiar song came on that made me smile. You may know it if you are a child of the 80’s like I am. 🙂

Instantly I was taken to a time and place I had long ago forgotten. At that time in my life, my parents were divorced and my dad would take us on the weekends. He often took us to a particular skating rink. I’m not sure but I think he may have been part owner of it which makes sense because he was dabbling in many business ventures at the time. Anyway, I literally felt transported to a moment in my life around 1985. I was on the skating rink, multicolored lights were flashing and I could hear the above song playing loudly. It was just a brief moment from my life back then but it was vividly clear. One of those brief childhood reprieves in a very tumultuous time in my life. I can still remember everything about that skating rink from the rink itself to the arcade and the skate rental. My dad would leave us there all day while he went off and did others things. And even though I was especially traumatized during that time in my life (emotionally disturbed even) that memory is a cherished one.

I don’t know about you, but for me, each phase of my life has music attached to it in some way. Like the song above, that particular time in my life – 7-9yrs old, parents divorcing, moving to a new home, etc – is accompanied by specific music. When I hear the music it takes me back almost instantly to that time in my life. It is like I organize and categorize my life based upon the music I listened to. lol As I get older it seems to be even more pronounced. I even adjust my Ipod music selection now intentionally to block or encourage certain memories/life phases. When I feel I am ready to let go of a certain time, I delete all songs connected to it. Then later, when I feel ready to reminisce or when it is time to deal with whatever is left of those times, I find myself drawn to play songs from that time period again. When the emotional reaction to the music is gone, meaning I can listen and just enjoy the music for what it is, then I know I have handled whatever lingering issues there are from those time periods. The fact that I smiled when I heard the above song is positive. That was a very, very rough time in my life. Horrible, actually.

Avoidance

As you may have figured from yesterday’s post, my guidance is pushing me to action again. Action meaning that I need to make some changes in my life. I am hearing specifically, “What do you want?”, “Think about your life”, “It is TIME” and my favorite (not), “Are you ready to work?”

All of these except the last were common messages from my guidance back in 2011-2013. Back then I was in an especially horrible work situation, family and marriage were in upheaval, and I was miserable. It was like a mini-mid-life crisis. Just thinking about this time period and I get a song in my mind (yep!). This particular song was, It’s Time by Imagine Dragons. There’s that message literally in my face – IT’S TIME.

A little about me. 🙂 When I get to where I feel unhappy, bored or just generally dissatisfied with my life I typically bring in more doingness as a distraction. At that time I opted to get my Master’s degree and start weight lifting and transforming my body. I was doing this all with two young children, working a full-time stressful job, and other issues I was unwilling to confront. I tend to get myself so busy that I have no time to think or contemplate. It’s a great avoidance technique.

So where did this avoidance get me? Nowhere really. Yeah, I got a master’s degree which got me out of my stressful job situation only to lead me smack dab into another one. lol I also got a great looking fit, healthy body only to end up unexpectedly pregnant. Big LOL. All my hard work only led me back to where I started.

Back to present day. Here I am receiving similar messages. Here I am feeling similarly about my life. Here. I. Am. WTF, right?

We repeat lessons until they are learned. In fact, just yesterday I was thinking, “I need to find something to fill my time. To keep me occupied.” This is my avoidance technique at its best. In fact yesterday I was thinking, “Maybe I should look for a full-time job.” But just the idea of it made me feel exhausted and deflated. In the past I would steamroll over such a feeling. Now I can’t do that. How do you steamroll over a huge wall?

Since my normal avoidance techniques don’t seem to be working I am left not really knowing what to do. Maybe that is the point.

Reset

So to the heading of this section: Reset. It just came to me out of the blue and I thought that maybe I should check and see how many times I have written about a reset in this blog. Turns out it’s 2. And guess what? They are all spaced about a year apart from each other. Take a look: January 2015 and March 2016. HA! And I’m pretty sure I wrote about a reset in my older blog, I just couldn’t find it under that keyword and I’m too lazy to look further.

Last year I had been sick and going through a reset. It was caused by the Kundalini. In fact, both reset periods were linked to the Kundalini. I suspect this one is, too. I don’t remember any significant Kundalini episodes but this is likely because I have been sleeping so deeply. All I can remember is my root expanding once and some hazy recollections of energy in my upper chakras.

When I go through these periods my spiritual experiences slow down and I usually end up feeling similar to how I feel right now. Message: This is just a phase and it will not last forever. Allow it and breathe.

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Dream: June Graduation

One more thing. I had a brief dream this morning. In it I was at my mom’s house but my sister and her husband had built a house close by. I was obviously confronting a potential outcome of the current situation, that my mom will give in and build my sister and her family a home next to theirs. She actually mentioned this to me the last time I visited. I was telling my mom in the dream that she was enabling them and I was feeling very disturbed by how things were unfolding.

Then I was with my brother up by the front gate of my grandparent’s property. We were looking at a green mailbox and talking. He held up in front of me a giant calendar. It was as tall as he was and very vivid. The calendar front had information about his upcoming graduation on it. The calendar itself was of the month of June and the majority of the month was blocked out except for the last four days. I could see those days distinctly and knew these were the days of the graduation preparations and commencement.

Green mailbox – An important message is about to be received. Green = positive change and hope.

When I woke up the first thing on my mind was knowing that my sister and her family would likely be living on my mother’s property permanently. I wanted to be pissed about it but immediately thought, “That is likely what my sisters thought about me when my mom gave me 2 acres next to her and I built a home and linked to her water well.” My upset dissolved and I was just left with a sadness for the situation that I knew was about to unfold. I saw how my mom needed to feel needed and my sister provided her with that. A lesson was unfolding for them and it was none of my business. In fact, at that moment I thought that I could completely disconnect from my family – mom, sisters, cousins, etc – and not have any issue with it. I wanted to move out of state and never come back and this was not to punish them but because I felt done. Weird.

Then I considered the part of the dream with my brother. I know without a doubt it was not my brother. No way. The person he represented and resembles is “family” and like my “brother”, though. And apparently he is going to “graduate” in June.

For some reason I got grumpy about this information. Maybe because it is two months away? I began to mull over disconnecting completely from this spiritual path again. Like I did in 2007. Just a total break; a hiatus. Feelings of disappointment were hard to push away. The Ego-child emerged and threw her tantrum. She is very impatient and when what she Knows and wants do not happen fast enough, she gets grumpy.

As I was feeling these feelings parts of songs came into my mind and I lightened up as I acknowledged them. The first was part of the above song – “Don’t you remember….” This repeated over and over. Okay. No, I don’t (curse word) remember! Then later I heard, “You and me, we got this. You and me we’re beautiful, beautiful….We’re gonna be alright.”

When I heard this I fell into my heart space and took a deep breath. It can be so hard to trust and so hard to navigate this life. Time is a curse to the impatient (like me).

So to my “brother” – the last four days in June are significant. You will “graduate”.

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Bird in a Cage

Yesterday I gave the cockatiel away to an older lady with two other birds, a female conure named “Red” and a female cockatiel named “Free-bird”. The decision was made when my daughter lost interest in him and I ended up being the full-time caregiver for a bird that needed as much attention and care as a toddler. I recognized pretty quickly that I did not have the time/energy/stamina for him and that my 3-yr-old was going to compete for my attention every time I tried to interact with the bird (yes, funny I know!). Plus, I was sick most of the time the bird was in my home making it that much more difficult to care for him. FYI – My stomach condition is gone today. Yay!

Part of me misses the bird but then I know it was the right decision. I do not like the idea of keeping a bird or any animal in a cage. He will be much happier with other birds around him and someone who can be with him full-time. The woman who now owns him is widowed, older (60’s probably), doesn’t work and dotes on her other two birds. They are like her children. When she took him I could tell she was already falling in love with him and he was quite happy to be with her, too.

Blanket of Disconnection

Prior to going to bed I had a strange feeling descend over me like a blanket. It was a familiar feeling, too. When fully encapsulated in this feeling it was as if my entire life was not real. Like I was in the movie that is my life but not a part of it. The disconnect was strong. My initial reaction was a brief panic but my Companion sent a calming energy and a reminder that all was okay and to allow the feeling and experience. Instantly I surrendered to the calm and the panic vanished but the disconnect remained.

With the feeling came a familiar R.E.M. song – “It’s the end of the world as we know it.” At the same time I began to think about death and what occurs after it. The show LOST came to mind, specifically the finale and how when each of them died they found someone from their life and reunited, but it was not all at once. Instead it was like they entered another lifetime altogether and slowly came to awareness of the life they just left behind. I began to over analyze for a moment, considering experience to be similar to that LOST finale but it began to overwhelm me. It all felt very surreal and with the song and thoughts coming together I briefly wondered, “Is the world  ending or is it just beginning?” I felt a bit like I was tripping right then and it was difficult to locate reality. You can imagine how I might have felt, why I panicked. But the calm relinquished the panic and it was as if it were all real and normal. All a part of the moment.

As the experienced faded and this reality dominated, a song came to mind. “In a west end town in a dead end world. The east end boys and west end girls…” I had no idea why this song was coming to mind, though.

My Companion came through and I Knew more was coming. I said to him, “But I’m still sick.” He said, “Not for long.” The feeling followed me to bed along with a Knowing that I was to experience a big Shift soon.

Dream and Message: Bird in a Cage

Early in the night I had a vivid dream of a bird that kept going back to its cage despite being free to fly away in the wide open skies. I don’t remember much detail now, but when I woke this morning that dream is the only one that remained despite the many vivid dreams I had after it. Specifically, the dream was about the cockatiel I just gave away and his personality. There was a discussion about him and the dream images were a result of that discussion.

When I woke the previous day’s happenings rushed into my mind as if to remind me of the dream discussion I had just had. In the early afternoon a woman came to see the cockatiel. She was hopeful that it was her lost cockatiel who had been missing since October 2016. Unfortunately he wasn’t. But I expected that.

While she was at my house we talked about the cockatiel’s personality (the cockatiel I had, not hers). I told her what I had observed. He was people friendly, but not overly so. When we got him his cage he flew to it making happy noises. Once we got him inside he was reluctant to come out. We had to coax him out with treats or a mirror (he was obsessed with the mirror). Once out, he would fly but only to a human shoulder. I would also leave the cage open, hoping he would come out. I always knew when he would get out because he would start frantically crying. When I would check on him he would immediately fly to my shoulder in a panic and would only calm down if he got a mirror or his cage. I told her I believed his previous owner kept him in a cage most of the time with another bird. I think he was set free and not lost because he did not seem to want to fly far when he was let out. Also, his wings had never been clipped. He could fly far if he wanted, but he didn’t want to. She agreed.

Later, when the new owner came to visit we also talked about his personality. She mentioned that cockatiels could fly really far when their wings were not clipped, sometimes traveling up to 50 miles from home. She also told me that her other two birds also preferred to stay inside their cages and she never had to clip their wings. She had their cages located in her kitchen with open windows on three sides. She did not try to make them get out of their cages, but let them stay inside. She said some birds are more comfortable in their cages. I commented that her birds were likely happy to be in their “safe” homes while also getting to view the big wide world.

These memories flooded my mind and synced with my dream memory. Right then the cockatiel’s message to me was very clear. I was like him. I was a bird in a cage. The door was open. My wings were not clipped. I was being coaxed out with “treats” and a “mirror” but continued to retreat back to my “safe” place. The big-wide world was just too scary and my cage was familiar and predictable.

My thoughts were, “OMG you’ve got to be kidding me!” followed by obscenities.

I began to feel hopeless. Suddenly the path I chose, my cage or “safe” place, seemed pointless and without meaning or purpose. I began to ask my guidance, “Is this it? Is this all there is to life?” I have asked that question before and it led to many spiritual experiences and insight, yet here I was again asking it seemingly back to point A, no progress made.

Then I heard the song again – “In a West end town in a dead end world….” This time, though, I understood the message because a memory of an OBE I had a while back came to mind instantly. In the OBE I was trying to exit my bedroom via the closet door but I knew it was a closet. Symbols appeared on the door saying, “No Exit” and I received a message that the path I was choosing would only result in a “dead end”.

At the time I did not know for sure which path was the dead end. The one I assumed it was referring to was the one it turned out to be – choosing the familiar, the safe, the same path.

More obscenities.

I got upset then because I knew the only way out of a dead end was to turn around and go the other way. To leave my cage. Of course, my immediate response was to ask to go Home because what I see in front of me are two options: stay put (in my cage) or go out on my own (fly free). I have been practicing doing what makes me happy. It is obvious that staying in my cage is not making me happy but the fear of flying free is just too scary. A tiny bird all alone in the big-wide world. Terrifying. I want a third option – the opt-out. Not happening (insert more obscenities).

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OBE: Goats

The last thing I remember saying to my guides was, “I want out!” Oddly enough I ended up drifting into the in-between. While there I had a lucid experience where I returned to another time in my life, way back in my early twenties. I was married to my ex and he was into country music and being a “good ol’ boy”. He and I use to get dressed up in country attire, cowboy boots and all, and go dancing. I remember I looked really good, specifically in the blue jeans. In this lucid experience I put on those jeans, went to my bathroom and looked at myself in them. The lights were low so I could not see well but I did see that my butt looked really good. lol I squinted to look at the shirt I was wearing. It had something written on it. It started with a “p”. Was it “peace” or “piece”? Or was it “property” as in “Property” of some jail?

I returned to my bed and tried to put another pair of jeans over the old pair. Then I realized that was stupid and stopped. Next, I decided to take off the ones I was wearing because they felt uncomfortable.

Then I was acutely aware of laying in my bed, I heard goats calling to each other. There was a distinct energetic shift and I knew I could exit my body. I sat up, thinking I was at my grandparents house, and tried to roll out of bed to my right. I couldn’t, so I attempted to roll to my left. I was able to but pillows were stuck to my face. I stood up and began to walk to the door pulling the pillow from my face. I don’t know where I was going, I just wanted out.

Then I heard my daughter calling. I recognized that she was up preparing for school and right outside my door. While OOB I saw the light under the door right as I heard her. Then I was back in my body. I knew instantly that my asking to get “out” had resulted in me going OOB. I said to my guides, “That’s not what I meant!” LOL

Not long after I realized the goats I heard were reminding me of a message I got a long, long time ago in an OBE. A message that keeps coming back to me time and time again. Meaning I probably haven’t really gotten it fully. The message back then was, “The goat will bite you.” So I’m thinking, “WTF! What does it mean then! What am I missing!!???”

So I looked it up. Again.

When the goat ambles onto your path, it might be a signal to contemplate your power as an individual. Is it time to separate from the herd? Launch into an independent direction? Often times, the solitary path leads us to great discovery. Goats respect distance and space. They also encourage independent adventures and explorations of high vistas for the sole purpose of personal/individual knowing. ~Source.

If the goat represents this, then what does it biting me mean? Does it mean that this urge to break free, this curiosity for what is waiting for me beyond the safety of my cage, is pestering me to the point of annoyance? Probably.

As I ponder this I am reminded of a part of the dream discussion. In the discussion I remembered the woman saying she was going to put the birds in separate cages but right next to each other. Each bird in their own safe cage but close enough to another bird to feel connected to it. I knew this represented me and many others on Earth right now. We exist in our own little worlds. I remember saying I wanted to invite another into my cage, but it doesn’t work that way. We have to come out of our cages to be truly together.

 

 

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Recent Symbols and Messages

For the first time in almost a week I am feeling better. This cold was a whammy but thankfully it is going away. Yesterday for most of the day I felt like I had taken a sleeping pill. So tired yet I couldn’t sleep even when I had the opportunity. Just a lethargy that wouldn’t let up. Emotionally I felt drained and depleted, too. It was difficult to stay centered but I managed it. Barely.

What is strange is that even though my guidance has been mostly quiet except for a few encouraging nudges, I received messages in the form of symbols that continued to show up. All messages pointing to the balancing of masculine and feminine and coming into Wholeness, indicating that despite the “rest” provided by my illness work was still being done.

The first symbol that has been recurring is the Yin-Yang symbol. First, I saw it quite unexpectedly in a piece of scrap paper I used to protect the counter from paint as I was painting my most recent painting. I just happened to glance down at one of the many structural drawings catching the fallen paint. There on the paper were several perfect Yin-Yang symbols. They are obviously used to represent something specific in the drawing but to me they said Yin-Yang. I stopped and time did that little pause it does when a message is being received. Here is the symbol amidst the drawing:

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This was earlier in the week. This morning I happened to noticed the symbol on a tile in my bathroom. I have seen the tile countless times but never saw the symbol. Here is the tile. See if you can locate the symbol:

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From where I was at, it popped out at me very obviously, but as you can see it is very difficult to see.

I outlined it in this pic so you can see it better:

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This in and of itself is one of those messages that I usually would shrug off. It’s easy to see anything you want to see in the patterns of a tile if you want, right? However, I had just had a dream earlier in the morning that led me to believe it was more than just me trying to make more of what was there. In fact, the Yin-Yang symbol was the farthest thing from my mind. My dream didn’t even lead me to look for it. Rather, my dream was of snakes. Two snakes coiled around one another similar to the caduceus. When I saw the Yin-Yang pop out at me, again time seemed to slow down and when it did my dream memory resurfaced and I knew it was a message. My first thought was the Kundalini and then I put it together with the Yin-Yang symbol and recognized the balancing of the masculine and feminine into Wholeness. Only then did I remember the message from the scrap paper earlier in the week. Duh.

Wholeness. Union. The message was clear.

Another interesting message, er well messenger, came later in the week. I was home resting and trying to recover from my illness. My husband took the kids to the park. They are in the process of erecting a new playground and it was nearly finished so my kids wanted to explore. To my surprise, my husband came back and told me, “There is a cockatiel in the garage. We found it in the park.” I didn’t believe him and went to the garage to investigate. I opened the door slowly not sure what prank he might be playing on me. I found my daughter in there with a small bird. He hadn’t been joking! Turns out, the little guy was on the ground near the new playground and had easily been captured by my husband but not before it pecked him hard enough to draw blood.

Seeing the little bird was a joy which surprised me. I am not into birds. I’m not scared of them but I never desired to have one as a pet. I prefer them to be in the wild where they belong. I was reminded of my trip to Australia in 2005. My sister and I got to feed all sorts of wild parrots. I did it, but I was uncomfortable because some of them were very big. Cockatoos were very common there. In fact, I remember them being all over the place and making a lot of noise.

The little bird was friendly but did not want you to pet it or hold it. It was happy to perch on my husband’s shoulder. He was also starving and very thirsty. It was obvious he had been out on his own long enough to seek out people to try and find food and shelter. We let him stay the night in our garage and the next day my daughter went around to try and find his owner without success. So we bought him a cage and he now lives in her room. His name is Dylan.

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My youngest has it out for Dylan, though. He throws things at him and harasses him while he’s in his cage. This has made him very wary of all of us now. Plus, he is very territorial of his cage. When we showed him his cage he flew across the room to it and made all kinds of happy noise. Now we struggle to get him out of it. I think he missed his home and is scared to leave it now. The poor little guy.

Regardless, it looks like he is here to stay. I will talk to him in Light Language here and there and find he responds to me, though he doesn’t want to come to me. That is fine with me. I would rather not be pecked. lol

It was only today that I decided to see if cockatiels carry any kind of specific message. Turns out they do. Though the link I found was for cockatoos, cockatiels carry the same message – communication, socialization, mating for life, the art of survival. Additionally, it represents:

Spirit. Rain Magic. Travel. Joy. Crying with Joy. Emotional Freedom. Spiritual Freedom. Finding Spiritual Truths. Your Inner Fire. Creativity. The Muse. Inner Beauty. Inner and Outer Wealth. Preserving What You Care For. Drumming.

~ Source

It was a good thing we rescued this little bird when we did. That night a cold front came through and it got really chilly and windy. The little guy would have had a difficult time staying warm in 40 degree weather.

Preparation

While I was sick I received Knowing that my illness was purposeful. It was a forced down time to prepare me for what is coming next. Sometimes, when you are like me, you have to be made to stop and rest. While I was sick I went from motivated, optimistic, and positive to lethargic, unmotivated and at times irritable. I spent more time laying down than normal to the point that my husband began to nag me about it (which didn’t result in good things lol).

I discovered old, stale emotions coming to the surface during this time. They were not intense but there nonetheless. I had to keep my eye on my thoughts because these old emotions brought about thought patterns that would cycle through and if I didn’t catch them in time I would end up in an old, familiar place. Thankfully I was able to keep myself from falling into the old cycles and patterns but several times I did have to ask myself, “Is this making me feel good or bad?” If it was not making me feel good, I stopped thinking it and moved on. And you know what? It worked even though I felt like crap. lol

All of this is in preparation for the next section of that Equinox portal I brought up earlier in April. This section is quite long, spanning through the end of this month, but I am told the next one is soon, early May. I don’t have the exact date yet but thinking May 4-5th or around there.

Interestingly, my entire family almost went on a trip to Seattle to visit his cousin. We would have left on the 4th and returned on the 9th. We opted out because of the cost of flying five people there (over $2000) plus I was wary of taking my youngest. I had hoped to go so I could visit a friend there but it was not meant to be. Additionally, a friend of mine is having a Galactic Shaman training on May 5th in Tennessee. Out of the blue I had the idea to go and almost got my husband to say yes but then later knew it was not a good idea. Just after realizing this my husband got nasty about me going, so my intuition was right. It’s okay. The message was likely not that I needed to go on either trip but about the timing of it.

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Selecting Timelines to Embody the Light

I’m going to try to put into words something that I was shown last night relating to timelines and embodying the Light. It may make absolutely no sense but then it was mostly images and impressions so translating those into words can be a challenge as you know.

I awoke at 11:11pm from a mass of dreams that seemed to pile one on top of the other. The last thing I recall of the dream sequence was of being inside a subway or train station of some sort. I saw a woman walking away from me. I said to her, “So you don’t want to?” She did not reply and kept walking. I shifted focus, moving on toward a point of light.

I woke up before I got to the light and there was a sudden Knowing of what I had been doing.  My guidance was also close and assisting. I heard, “Embodying the Light” and saw how this was done. It is related to what others are calling “jumping timelines” but that is not at all what is really happening. We are not “jumping” really, we are selecting timelines, organizing them according to vibration level/intention. This is done across all available timelines and is so vast it is beyond human comprehension.

What I am doing in dreamtime, what we are all doing right now, is rapidly analyzing all available timelines that we occupy. These are viewed, the lifetimes scanned for vibration and “level” reached. I say “level” but this is only because I cannot find any other word that fits what I saw/experienced. We as the surveyor of our own lifetimes/timelines are attempting to gather up and organize into groups all similar lifetimes/timelines. I saw millions of tiny lights slowly converge according to similar vibration/level. They seemed to move outward, like a tiny universe, growing larger until there only remained maybe a dozen large “suns” or balls of white light.

I remember how this analysis was done. I would “jump” to a timeline, converse with myself in it, and ask her/him if they were interested in living/experiencing life. This question was not meant to distinguish between whether the me in that timeline wanted to live or die. It was meant to test intention and vibration level. The answer would in turn always indicate their vibration or wavelength. The dream section I recalled was an answer I received from a particular me in a particular timeline. She said no, meaning her vibration and intention was not matching what I was looking for. It was like her purpose and mine were out of sync. That timeline was then automatically grouped with other similar timelines.

What does this have to do with embodying the Light? Honestly, it is hard to describe. It was a feeling that it was part of the preparation process. We have reached a point in our spiritual evolution where we can take the chaos and shape it into order. The timelines are scattered about haphazardly. We are “harvesting” them for a purpose. Harvesting those with similar vibrations and then aligning them all accordingly. From there it is an ordered line spiral from one extreme to the other. From this vantage point the “Light” can penetrate throughout all timelines. When complete we can occupy any of the final timeline groups and embody the Light in those experiences.

They key is the grouping according to vibration. Aligned vibrations or wavelengths create a uniform medium through which a single beam of Light can penetrate. Otherwise the Light would scatter, similar to light filtering through a drop of rain creating a rainbow. The Light has been scattered, this has been our experience up until now. A “rainbow” of experience. Not bad, just an experience. We are now focusing the Light, creating another kind of experience. What that will be like, I am unsure, but I see it as brilliant, white Light.

BTW, “Harvest” is the word I kept hearing. It kinda creeped me out but then it is what it is.

My dreams continued to be strange and confused through the night. I have some recollection of choosing “faces” like masks to wear. I also had impressions that didn’t make much sense to me at all. It was like I was moving so much that all was left were jumbled impressions of where I had been.

In all honestly, what we are doing, how it is stated – the wording, etc. – doesn’t matter. We are preparing to fully embody the Light, to streamline our own inner universe (because really all of this is taking place INSIDE us) so that we can focus the Light and put it to greater use. I see the rainbow of color that is the result of the chaos (3D experience or whatever you want to call it) as the chakras. The focusing of the Light into one color – White – is the alignment of those chakras (rainbow). When aligned the Light no longer scatters, the chakrs lose their color, and all that is left is the brilliant White Light of US – Source – God.

It’s really very beautiful if you don’t over analyze the words and focus on how it feels.