Tag Archives: Messages

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De-Compartmentalize

It all started a few days ago. The clouds here in Texas were extraordinary, making the sky seem so vast and beautiful. I kept finding myself gazing up into as I was driving, willing myself to be in it instead of here on the ground. It was like this for four days straight and each time I could not take my eyes off the sky.

Then there came another phenomena along with this fixation of mine on the sky. I began to get ideas of being above the Earth and then placing a miniature version of myself into the globe. It was like I was a giant and shrunk a part of myself down and placed her in this environment. With this idea came the thought, “I put myself here to experience this” and I felt so tiny yet so big all at the same time.

That evening, I awoke knowing I had been working through the night. With this knowing came odd little tidbits of information that disappeared as soon as I tried to focus upon them. Later that day, I suddenly recalled with great knowingness what had been discussed. I knew without doubt that I had separated from myself, disconnecting from all memory of Who I Am, to be placed on Earth and have this experience. This was more than just a normal knowing, it was a sensation of Being. I recalled the feeling of the moment of this disconnect and had the knowing that I could undo it anytime I chose.

Yet again, yesterday, I found myself fixated on the clouds and recalled the idea of being shrunken and placed into Earth. As I rounded the corner and prepared to enter the highway to head home, I began suddenly aware of my thoughts, thoughts that had been going on without much notice by me. I had been thinking of my night’s work and discussions and knew that I was entering into a new phase as I merged onto the highway.

Almost as soon as I was on the highway I felt my right arm tingle as if a hand were placed upon it. Then, looking up at the clouds, I began to notice a dream-like quality to my experience and my vision shifted. I was unconcerned as I drove, though, having full faith in my Team of guides.

It was then that an energy began to form on the left side of my head. It expanded and remained as I drove. Then my heart center began to buzz with energy. This is when the song, “Come Home” was playing and I began to get tears in my eyes. I felt suddenly very sad as if my time here was drawing to an end.

When I got into the garage I lingered in my car in the dark as the song played. I took off my sunglasses but kept reaching to remove them time and time again because my vision was dark and tunnel-like and I swear I felt the pressure of the glasses over my ears and against my temples. Things seemed very dream-like and I kept thinking of the visual I had of seeing myself put down into a tiny Earth. How surreal!

Compartmentalize and De-compartmentalize

Last night was yet another night of restless sleep. I awoke often and then struggled to return to sleep.

One of my early wakings was accompanied by one word in my mind: Compartmentalize. I wondered about it and knew it was related to the rewiring that was currently underway. I acknowledged it and then went back to sleep.

At one point when I awoke, my Companion was close and said, “We are in this together”. Imagine waking, not remembering your dreams and suddenly hearing this. What would you think? I got a bit concerned. Why would he say that to me unless things were about to get difficult?

I then thought of the word compartmentalize again and knew without knowing how that my Companion was referring to this process, but why? He said to me, “You are different. Do you feel it?”

I answered, “Yes, I do, but I am not sure how”.

Then he said to me, “We are in this together. Remember that. This is why we are here.”

I wondered what he meant and he replied, “Your thoughts will change. Your focus will shift. This process will be different”.

There came with these words a memory of the random thoughts that had been entering my mind lately. They come and I struggle to shut them down, when in that past it was easy. I knew this was an example of what he meant by this new “process”. I wondered if I would go crazy, but felt this was extreme and unlikely.

Considering all of it, I asked if it was like what occurred in May and he said, “No. We are integrating”.

I finally got out of bed after tossing and turning for another hour. As I woke up, I thought again of the word compartmentalize but knew I had it wrong. It was the opposite. I was de-compartmentalizing. We were taking down walls.

Here is more information on what compartmentalization is if you are interested.

What This Means

Honestly, I am unsure what exactly all this means but I feel I was being prepared for it over the last few nights. The energy has been intense and shifty – one minute calm and the next minute very turbulent. Thankfully my reactions have been bearable thus far. The panic that comes from the sudden onset of dizziness is controllable and does not last long. I have a fear of leaving my body at inopportune times and the dizzy spells trigger this fear. It really does feel like I am shifting OOB when I have these sudden shifts in perspective and am overwhelmed with dizziness. My vision threatens to blackout and I can feel myself leaving my body. Not fun when you are driving!! Who wouldn’t have a panic attack?

I suspect this is why my Companion told me, “We are in this together”. He wants me to remember this is the plan and to trust in the process. As I type this, though, I feel my heart rate increasing and my heart center is buzzing. I do not like the idea of not being in control of when I leave my body!

I am likely freaking out a bit and overreacting. Honestly, it is likely just simply that my thought processes will slowly be altered from their norm. This is much more acceptable. However, one must conclude that any change in brain activity has a direct effect on consciousness.

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Spiritual Training

As this day unfolds more and more of the conversation I had with my Companion last night comes back to me.

Spiritual Training

I am currently in a period of spiritual training, one in which I am re-developing spiritual abilities long lost or gone very rusty. The analogy was presented to me of that of weight training, probably because that is what I am doing for my physical body at this time. It was asked for me to consider how weight training works. I responded that you increase the weight for different muscle groups in order to strengthen the muscle. It takes months of repetitive motion, of lifting increasingly more and more weight, for the muscle to respond and grow in size. One also has to eat more and supplement with protein to make sure the muscle has the right nutrients needed to respond to training.

Similarly, we must train spiritual abilities that have long gone dormant for lack of use. We must be routine in this training and not slack off for to slack off and grow lazy in such training will quickly lead to the deterioration of ability. Like muscle, our ability must be strengthened over time and nourished from within.

Empathy: Friend or Foe?

I had a dream last night that related to this analogy.

I entered a room that I vaguely recognized. Laying on a table were two bugs of marijuana, as if to remind me of drug use and its effect on one’s spiritual ability.

Then a young girl dressed in orange and bound in handcuffs came out a side door. She was frazzled and nearly ran into me. I was carrying my littlest in my arms, but he was much younger, perhaps 4 months old. Her face touched him and she smiled. I instantly felt sympathy for her and began talking calmly with her.

“You like babies, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she replied.

I let her touch his chubby arm and briefly she seemed happy.

She began to look nervous and was looking around as if to find a way to escape. I looked at her closely. She had freckles and long, thin dark blonde hair. She was about 4 inches shorter than me.

She looked me in the face and said, “You know me, don’t you? Why don’t you give readings anymore?”

Not surprised, I answered, “I can still, but I don’t. You don’t need a reading. You already know”.

She didn’t seem convinced.

Then two men came out and began to transport her away. She resisted, trying to stay with me. I leaned forward and told her, “You’re an empath. You can tell what I am thinking, feeling. You feel the answers”.

They began to take her away and I called out to her, “Being an empath can help you! But be careful, it can also hurt you”.

Considerations

Only just now did I put the dream and the analogy together. They seem important, as if the spiritual training is needed in this area or else there will be consequences.

Empathy is telepathy here in the physical. Honestly, I think as we develop the gift further we will be fully telepathic. Unfortunately, at this time the gift is untrained and poorly utilized. The Ego misinterprets the signals and disbelief is rampant.

I was born empathic and I suffered greatly from it in my youth. I did not know my feelings from the feelings of my parents and during their divorce my life became a living hell. That was when I first started wanting to go Home. I use to say over and over, “I wish I was dead”.

I continued to feel others thoughts throughout school. I isolated myself to protect myself. This technique worked but I became bitter and angry. People’s words did not match the feelings they sent out. Everyone was lying!

As an adult I have grown use to this hypocrisy. I have learned, by chance, how to differentiate my feelings and thoughts from those around me. I am not perfect at it and there is much to be learned. Apparently I am being reminded that this spiritual “muscle” needs building.

The intense energy of the Shift is wreaking havoc all around. I had thought I was impervious to it, but I am thinking now that I am not. Not at all. The negative energy, the thoughts and emotions, they are bombarding me more than ever. A closed heart does nothing to stop the bombardment. It infiltrates even the most impenetrable defenses.

I believe this message was given to me so I would not be so hard on myself. There is a reason, an explanation, for all the crazy changes lately.

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Lucid Dream: My House

After a rollercoaster of a day caused my blood sugar fluctuations, I went to bed on a low asking for assistance from my Team.

Lucid Dream: My House

I began to gain lucidity while walking into a room in a house that I knew was mine. The room was mostly empty except for some bags on the floor near a closet that were partially unpacked. I saw some clothing on the floor and walked past it toward a dark haired man who was sitting on the floor in the closet.

I knew this man but was not 100% familiar with who he was. I sat down next to him, cross-legged, about two feet away. He was also sitting cross-legged as if meditating. Perhaps that is what we were doing?

During this time I had thoughts and knowingness about this man. I knew we didn’t talk much; our conversations were without words through a deep connection. Yet I felt distant from him and hesitant to interact with him, even without words. There was a memory of us being separated and using our deep connection to stay in touch.

I remember looking upon him fondly with recognition. My conscious mind tried to match his face to my memories. He appeared similar to an ex-boyfriend of mine and the feeling that came off of him was calm and reassuring, similar to how that ex use to make me feel when he hugged me.

Then I was watching this dark haired man from a distance as he interacted with a friend. I was at first jealous and suspected him of cheating on me, but then I saw that the woman he was interacting happily with was quite pregnant. She seemed near the end of her pregnancy, her huge stomach draped in a vibrant, dark blue maternity blouse.

Relieved, I continued to watch from a distance, gliding through empty rooms and cream-colored walls. There was a feeling that I had been away for a long time. The feeling was similar to when a loved one moves overseas to a distant land and has been gone for twenty or more years.

I entered a room, finally exposing myself, and stopped a woman and said, “Why are you in my house?” I don’t think it was the same pregnant woman but am not sure because as soon as I spoke to her she vanished.

Then I spotted the man in the closet, this time standing. When I saw him I immediately went to him and he outstretched his arms. I saw his face shift at this time, the jawline becoming more square and prominent. Did he look like Robin Williams?

He said to me very audibly, “You have’t been yourself lately”.

In that instant I felt ashamed. I said, “I know. I’m sorry”.

A flood of images came into my mind but most are lost to me now. All I can recall now is that I remember being hermit-like, shunning social situations with others and rejecting the emotional connection with family.

I fell into his arms and felt an amazing relief rush over me. The feeling was that I finally came Home and could relax because now I was safe and would always be cared for. I wanted to stay in his arms forever.

Conversation

The hug caused me to fully awaken and I immediately grieved for the loss of the feeling I had just had.

“I want to go back”, I told him.

I knew that the man was me, my Higher Self. I also knew the other characters were me as well, even the pregnant woman.

The image of Robin Williams came on strongly this time. It was his face I saw in the dream. Does this represent my current state? I thought again about the message I received the night before: Rewire-Retrial.

It was obvious that I had entered once again a state of emergency and so my Companion had initiated contact. This time I was resistant and angry, all the feelings rising to the surface.

We talked for about an hour as my Companion reassured me that this was not a real emergency, just a downward spiral that needed correcting, which was easily done. I did not feel this way, of course. I explained that I was tired of failing to stay centered; the rollercoaster was getting tiresome and every contact with him caused the homesickness to worsen and abandonment issues to arise. I didn’t understand why I would torture myself like this.

He repeated over and over that he had never left and asked if he could help me. I rejected his offer initially but toward the end of our discussion I finally gave in and accepted it.

He told me that I needed to let him take the reigns once again. I felt like a failure for ever taking them back. He reminded me of advice I had given to a student just the day before: “If at first your don’t succeed, try, try again”.

I asked him if the process would be like it was in May and he said, “Not this time”. I understood this to mean it would be more work on my part; it would not just be something that happened as easily as it did before.

When I awoke in the morning I felt him near and he asked me if I was ready and I responded that I was not sure. I am still not sure I can do it. It seems like too much work.

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Supermoon Energy: Dreams and a Familiar

My sleep last night was fitful and less than restful. It could be the result of an intense 1.25 hour workout with a physical trainer yesterday afternoon or it could be that the energies of last night’s supermoon were to blame. Regardless, I was waking frequently and feeling wide awake despite my physical body’s extreme fatigue.

Dreams

I don’t recall my dreams in much detail and the one I do are strange and make little sense. In one my family bought a new house for $375,000. It was tall, wooden and built on stilts. Below it was a pond that stretched from one side to the other. The pond was probably the most vivid part of the dream. There were reeds along its banks and the water was dark as if it held many mysteries. I felt quite happy to see it and remember thinking, “I always wanted a house with a pond”.

There was another dream in which I was inside a place feeling as if I had just materialized there out of thin air. I felt disoriented at first as I took in my surroundings. There was a feeling of being at a gym, but it did not seem like one at all but more like a waiting area. I was introduced to a couple of women but one seemed like a man and I stared at her for a while trying to figure out if she was a man or a woman. I finally decided she was a man-woman.

Finally, I had another dream of water. In this one, it was raining quite hard and I was in a very nice house with tall glass windows that looked out upon a white patio that stretched for quite a distance. Three neighborhood boys knocked on the door asking to swim. They were holding books in their hands and I asked them if they had permission. They said yes, so I told them they could swim in the Jacuzzi. They went out in the rain to swim and later came back but had left their books. I went to retrieve them complaining of how they ruined them.

When I awoke I felt very disconcerted. It seemed something was very wrong and I felt the coyote I had seen the previous day was proof that I was being tricked. I thought the strange feeling that an energy shift was coming must have been a lie and coyote was there to laugh at me for believing it. I felt duped.

Visions and Messages

I managed to fall back into the in-between. While there, I often slipped into the dream state and then would come back to the in-between. I did this one and off for some time, the dreams often lost as soon as I became lucid.

In one of the in-between lucid moments I was shown a bedroom. It was very obviously a child’s bedroom; a little boy’s. When I saw it, I recognized it as mine and looked at how neat and tidy it was. I also noted that the items and furniture were very expensive and there was way more than any little boy could ever hope to have.

I remember as I recognized it as mine that I said, “That was 1966”. This brought me to full awareness as I tried to rationalize the year. When I awoke I did the math. The life-before-last I died in 1963. The life after that I was a boy and recalled dying in 1972 at around the age of 6 or 7. That would mean that if the room I saw from 1966 was mine, that it would have been mine when I was very, very young. I wondered briefly why I was being shown my old bedroom. Perhaps I was very rich in that life? I don’t remember.

I fell back into the in-between and was talking with someone during this time. I don’t now recall all of the conversation but as I began to awaken fully I heard someone tell me, “…..you have an honored familiar”. I instantly recognized the word familiar and wondered what it was was.

You Have a Familiar

Though I don’t remember everything that occurred during the in-between, I do remember that the conversation that started all the above came out of me telling my Higher Self that I did not want to stay in life and asking him why he insisted that I/we stay. He, of course, answered, “You have a lot of work to do”. I was/am tired of hearing this and asked, “Why does it matter what work I do? Is the human race so important? What difference does it make what I do while I am here?”

It is perhaps from this conversation that the messages came. Maybe I was given the message that I had a familiar so that I would know help is on its way. For what exactly, I am unsure. Whether I will meet this helper, I don’t know. I don’t even know if I believe in familiars.

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Something’s Up

Perhaps it is the solar flare activity again or maybe there is another influx of ascension energy (or maybe the two are one in the same?), but I can sense a shift about to take place.

It is hard to put my finger on the exact feeling, so it is hard to describe how it feels. What I will say about the feeling is that it is similar to being put on alert when there is an approaching storm; like a tornado warning. It is not all doom and gloom but more like there is a possibility that something will affect me and my immediate surroundings.

I am, of course, taking it all in stride. There is no immediate threat to me, if threat is even the right word. Like in a tornado warning, I am not concerned. We get them (tornado warnings) all the time in Texas and very rarely does it result in anything other than a thunderstorm. Similarly, I have been through many, many energetic shifts on this path of ascension and so I am use to nothing much happening.

Last night was when the shift in energy became most noticeable. I was watching T.V. and my attention was drawn away from the screen to my Higher Self and that was when the alert feeling occurred. Later, I did 55 minutes of Hatha Yoga and felt my head begin to buzz with energy. This was soon followed by my third eye. The energy then snaked down to my throat area and settled about where my thyroid is located. I became so relaxed during this meditation break that when the woman’s voice returned my entire body twitched because I had forgotten I was doing a video.

When I settled down to sleep I again felt the alert feeling and thought perhaps I would have one of my interesting and somewhat intense nightly excursions OOB. But nothing of the sort happened. Instead, I slept very deeply and had many dreams, one in which I met up with my ex-husband and then watched as streamers of light shot off into the starry sky over an ocean of blue dotted with tropical islands.

When I awoke the song A Rush of Blood to the Head was going through my head as was the song, Come Home. The latter was just the part of the song that says, “So, come home” and the former the part, “And they call as they beckon you on, They said, Start as you mean to go on”.

The feeling is still here today. It is something I just can’t quite put my finger on. So I stay on alert to whatever is coming.

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Vibrations and a Message

My days have been quite busy because I have decided (based upon a strong nudging) to focus on counseling while at work and to focus on family and my side-business when not at my job. I also felt inclined to visit my local Gold’s Gym and resume my strength training regime which I have slacked on since I became pregnant with my third child. Starting up the 4-day-a-week training schedule will take up much of my free time but allows me time to myself, away from the demands of my stay-at-home routine.

Despite this total submersion into physical reality, there has been a switch flipped it seems and my Companion is much closer and communicative. I barely notice the messages when I am busy but when I have down time the feelings, urges, and messages seem to burst through all at once as if they have been held back by a dam.

Last night the floodgates opened when I was watching T.V. We have Netflix and I, like many others, have found it very convenient to watch episode after episode without much break. Currently the show of choice is Hell On Wheels. I typically go into that wonderful T.V. amnesia period where the show takes me away from my present life and submerges me in a make-believe one. You all know what I am talking about. 🙂

So while in the midst of watching season 2, episode 4, I felt the distinct inner nudge that indicates my Companion wants my attention. When I focused upon it I instantly had a vision of doing yoga. Recognizing this, I sent back the thought, “Okay, after this episode”. Yet when the episode ended I started the next one. Funny enough, the episode wouldn’t play and so I gave up and went to my yoga site.

Vibrations and a Message

After doing a short Shakti yoga routine (intense!) I did some Hatha yoga to wind down. Then I went to bed.

I slept hard and had strange dreams of returning to a place I had not been to in a long time and watching a graduation ceremony of some sort where I congratulated on old friend on her accomplishment. I briefly recall it being Montana but then it did not resemble Montana much.

When I awoke it was suddenly to my body vibrating very intensely. These vibrations were not like those that I get upon exiting my body for an OBE. They were more like my entire physical body was shifting very rapidly and subtly. I have felt these kinds of all-over-body vibrations before, but it had been some time. I wanted to roll over and resume sleep but felt I should not. So I lingered on my back and let the vibrations continue, reviewing my dream messages because I felt I should know what had been discussed.

The vibrations slowed and then stopped and a message came through seeming to come from more than one source. The message was concerning me smoking my one cigarette at night before bed. They said, “You have to stop”. I asked why and was told, “It is interfering with the process” and I saw that the energy was being blocked. At this time my heart chakra began to light up with energy, as if to push the point home.

I asked if the process would continue if I didn’t heed the message and the answer I got was that it would continue but much more slowly. There was a sense of urgency with this response, as if the process needed to move faster, not slower.

I was then told, “You will be called”. I had heard this before and so shrugged it off thinking it just another cryptic message that made no sense to me. There was with it the strange feeling that comes with the other worldly communications I have gotten in the past, so perhaps this is why I shrugged it off – it is quite unreal to me. Yet the message was repeated as if it were very important. I still do not understand what is meant by it since “being called” can mean so many things.

I asked for help in stopping my one cigarette a day habit and then got out of bed. It’s my daughter’s first day of second grade so I could not linger and talk anymore.

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Symbol: Starbust Within a Circle

This morning as I awoke I received a vivid image of an air plane in mid-flight. It was perfectly white and flawless. Toward the front end of the plane was a symbol – a starburst etched in black surrounded by a red circle.

The image stayed for a while, until I saw the symbol, then it vanished.

Strangely, I thought of Japan and recalled briefly a dream of talk of traveling to Japan. I am not sure how Japan has anything to do with this, but I wanted to add the information just in case it meant something.

I researched the Japanese flag because in my study of history I vaguely recalled there was something similar to the symbol I saw on the flag. This is what I found. What I saw isn’t on this page but it is interesting to me that the imperial standard of the emperor of Japan is very similar.

However, when I saw the plane I felt the presence of a woman, the same woman who had been talking to me in my dreams last night. I believe she is the same one who spoke to me when I boarded the ship in the OBE I had the night before last. Her message to me when I saw the plane was, “We’re waiting for you”.

All I know for sure is the way the vision made me feel. I felt hopeful and a bit excited. This feeling has followed me through most of my day as has the impression of the starburst within a circle.

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Dichotomy

Lots of change happening. First off, on the first day school resumed after summer break my morning started off with news that my sister-in-law had gone into labor five weeks early. I knew that meant I would likely have to leave work early and I did. Then I had to change my schedule because they kept mom and baby in the hospital for observation. I guess they do that when baby is really early. So today was my first full day back at work. Thank goodness I can change my schedule!

The day was busy, but not hectic. I had sent out a form in Google Docs, the first ever and I really like it! Anyway, I had four referrals and so had to follow up on each of them. In addition I had some other things to do and so the day filled up fast.

What is memorable about this day, though, is the last minute referral of a student who had been crying nonstop since Monday. When I went to see him I knew he was struggling and when he saw me his eyes immediately filled with tears. We went for a walk and chatted and I listened and felt such overwhelming love for him and his predicament. I understood him and I wanted to make him better yet at the same time I was somewhat detached and calm. In a way, I think this detachment helped me help him better because by the end of my time with him he was calm and I could tell a heavy burden had been lifted from him. I gave him hope and in that I think was the biggest gift I could have given him.

I didn’t realize this, of course, until I was on my way home over an hour later. It suddenly hit me then all at once and my heart overflowed for him. His mother had written me and told me thank you – that he was so much better for talking to me – but that wasn’t it. I understood him because I had been him so many, many years ago in my youth when I was nearly his same age. How horrible to have all that one believes to be solid and true in their life snatched away and smashed to bits. That is what his world is now and what mine had been so many years before. I had no one and was not nearly as receptive as he.

And I know he will be alright and I think that is the best feeling ever.

78

All this happened before I thought about the significance of a number I received in my dreams last night. I was discussing the years 1978-1979 for some reason. I remember recognizing that I had already been born and speaking the year 1978 as if I were trying to figure out what was going on. The number returned after today’s events and so I looked it up.

The number says that one has reached a balance between the spiritual and the mundane and with this comes an inner peace and joy as well as material abundance.

When I read the meaning of this number I knew that my experiences today were significant. For the first time in a very long time I felt true heart emotional connection to my work. The overflow I felt has not been felt by me since around the time of my daughter’s birth. I have been blocked to my work and my connection with those I worked with since then. Yet today I felt it again. It spilled out of me and was not sorrow but a mixture of emotions that are indescribable and beautiful. I felt a true connection and purpose that I had all but given up on.

All I can say is that sometimes I feel that a part of me never gives up on me yet at the same time another part of me wishes only to destroy my only chance at happiness. How strange to be so dichotomous. I wonder how I have made it this far at all.

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Dream: Crumbling Church

For the third time in a week I woke up crying.

Dream: Crumbling Church

Most of the dream occurred in a huge church with ceilings that towered high overhead. I was with my family at some kind of reunion but it was not the normal reunion. I was with family that spanned generations and I don’t know if we were related by blood, though I knew many of them as my family members from this lifetime.

Everyone was gathering in the center and preparing for a show. Different groups were singing together and my mom was directing. I was eager to perform with my family but as our group stepped forward she told me and my older sister we could not be in the group because our hair wasn’t blonde anymore. This hurt my feelings substantially. I heard someone say to me, “I wish she would look at me like she does you”. I thought this odd since she was denying me my part, yet I somehow understood that many looked up to her as I looked up to her. All I wanted was for her to acknowledge me.

I watched my family perform one after the other, mostly singing hymnals. I saw members of the church we use to attend when I was a child along with members of my family who had long been dead. I listened as they sang and felt sad that I was not a part of it.

Finally, my immediate family group went up and I somehow got to go. I kept quiet, though, because my mom was irritated at me. My sister was suppose to sing but forgot the words. I remembered them and sometimes sang them to remind her. What is odd is that the songs were no hymnals but songs from the present day radio. I was proud that I remembered the words.

When we finished I helped a little girl who was lost and crying in the church. I contacted her mom and then saw another girl who was lost and helped her. Someone, a man, asked me why I was doing it and I remember saying, “She needed my help”. I felt very proud to have helped her.

I then looked up and saw that the a/c vents high up in the church were falling apart. They had large pieces of wood nailed to them and looked in need of repair. I somehow new a new church was being built because the current one had been neglected to the point that it made no sense to repair it. I thought of it crumbled down to dust and it made me sad. I was still standing beside the little girl I helped when the tears came.

Interpretation and Message

I awoke in tears with the song Pompeii by Bastille was going through my head but only the words, “And the walls kept tumbling down”. I could feel my third chakra pulling and my heart buzzing slightly. I knew there was a message and was able to perceive my guide’s message which was not much more than a whisper.

“Your are restructuring. You will be okay”. With that another song popped into my head, one that I awoke with yesterday morning, Safe and Sound.

With two songs and the message from my guide, I understood. The world as I have always known it is crumbling down all around me as the illusions are burned away. I am fearful of what, if anything, will remain, yet I am unable to stop the process. Bit by bit pieces of who I thought I was are disintegrating.

In this particular dream I saw firsthand just how much I looked to my mother for her approval. I recognized this to be true for all children as they grew up and that the process I am going through now is similar to the process of a child growing up. When they leave home and go out on their own they have to start making their own decisions. Their world often crumbles down around them as they try and figure out what parts of them are real and what parts of them are their parents’. Slowly they begin to take off the parts that are not true to them. Like clothing it is stripped away.

As more and more of this illusion is stripped away the more naked I will become. The walls will crumble down and leave only the real me. I wonder what she will be like?

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Life is Too Short to be Serious

When I was little one of my fondest memories was of suppertime. Why? My dad would often come home late, right in the middle of us eating. When he walked in the door he typically let out a huge belch and/or a fart and would laugh heartily when my mother scowled at him and all three of us, his daughters, would burst into giggles.

Now not every suppertime was like this, but it is one of my most cherished memories of him. He could belch out a belch better than anyone I know and me and my little sister would, of course, try to emulate him. We got really good, too. lol We had belching contests and farting was, of course, something that brought loads of laughter.

Why this somewhat gross walk down memory lane? Well, you’ll see.

Visits in the Night

I once again awoke crying this morning. This time it was from a dream in which I had been discussing all the visits from deceased loved ones and acquaintances I have been having recently. In the dream I was talking to someone about my husband’s boss who died back in 2013. I remember saying, “People visit my dreams all the time. In fact, he did just recently. I think he died at the age of 54“. The age was wrong, though, and I knew it, but I didn’t know what was wrong about it.

For some reason I began to get very emotional at this time. I do not remember the voice of the person I was having the discussion with, but it was as if they were telling me something or asking me something. The last thing I remember is crying and saying, “They (as in the deceased) are lucky”. I was/am jealous of them for being able to leave this place and go Home.

I ended up in the in-between for some time talking/dreaming. I was brought out of my reverie at least five times hearing this sound.

The first time I heard it I just ignored it even though it caused me to jump. The second time it annoyed me and I ignored it still. The third time I finally recognized it as a fart and thought, “Was that a fart?” Yet I was still perturbed about it. The fourth time I heard it I knew it was a fart and someone was playing a prank on me. “Not funny”, I thought. The fifth time I heard it I said, “Okay, enough. I get it. Ha Ha. Now stop!” But in my mind came the memory of the fun times and laughs I have had throughout life from such a sound. The fun times I still have on occasion at the expense of my husband who thinks it is “rude”.

Life is Too Short to be Serious

Finally, I asked who it was that was trying to get my attention. I did not receive an answer and thought it must be my dad. But that didn’t feel right. I hadn’t heard from him in about a decade. The last dream I had was about my husband’s boss. This felt right. The message was from him.

I sent out a mental query, “What do you want?” But got no response. It felt like there was a mental block preventing communication. I asked my guide, “Why can’t I hear him?” He said, “Because you aren’t listening”.

Then my guide said, “Why not have fun, enjoy life. Life is too short to be serious.”

I understood and said, “I want to but can’t. It just isn’t there anymore.” I felt the emptiness and it made me sad.

The last time I was enjoying life was when I had that bliss experience, the one that started in May and went through the first week of June. Then it just went away. I told my guide, “I had it and then you took it away”. The response was a feeling – I still had it. I disagreed.

I tossed and turned trying to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to wake up. During this time I felt a communication from my guide/Companion. I asked to have back that bliss experience. The response was more a feeling than words but the words were there: You will not expect it. Or more simply – “Expect the unexpected. You are preparing”.

My response, “I am always preparing. 8 months. I don’t think I can last that long”.

Then specifically I heard, “You will not expect it”.

Cryptic messages such as these are more than norm than not and I have no patience for them. I just sighed and rolled over. My husband then came in and told me, “I bought you a Starbuck’s coffee and some breakfast tacos. Come down and get ’em before they get cold”. That got me out of bed. 🙂