Tag Archives: Messages

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Be Aware

Last night was full of intense dreams.

Grandmother

In this dream I was with someone and we were walking through a parking lot looking at what appeared to be a water tower. I was being instructed on how to move the water in order to put our fires. I remember only that the water tower was one of those old metal ones that an individual might keep on a farm.

Then I saw my grandmother walk by and exclaimed, “Did you see that! It was Nanny!”. She appeared younger than when she passed, probably around my age instead of 89. Her hair was short and dark brown and she just walked by without looking at me.

Later, I was sorting through some things for my grandmother. I was in the “bunk house” and sitting on the floor. I was putting tiny bits of food into bags. Someone was saying to me, “Nanny is here”. I replied, “Nanny is dead, she can’t be here”. They continued to say it and I continued to sort the food until finally I took note and thought, “Nanny is here?”

The next thing I remember is sitting in my mother’s living room in her leather recliner. My grandmother was there with me and talking to me. She appeared different than normal, though. Her face was older but her body was that of a small child.

She came up and hugged me and I let her. But she smelled odd. Sweet and sickly. I didn’t like the smell. She smelled like the old people at a rest home. She smelled like death. I remember shying away from her bare skin but allowing her to hug me. I felt repulsed by her, but I loved her.

She curled up into a fetal position and I felt helpless and wanted to run away. She looked up at me and said, “Please don’t let me suffer. Please don’t let me suffer”. I jumped up with her in my arms and gave her to my mom who was sitting on the sofa next to me. I placed her curled up child body in my mother’s arms. My grandmother’s body began to look a lot like my middle son. He/she said, “Please don’t let me suffer”. I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt at the sight of seeing her/him and was overcome with grief.

I awoke in tears.

Reflection

I awoke and could not stop the tears. I understood what we had been discussing in the dream. I began to avoid my grandmother as she got older. I felt uncomfortable around her. I could sense death coming to her. I could smell it. The whole house smelled like it. Towards the end I forced myself to visit her so she could meet her latest great-grand son. He was already a month old when I finally went. I let her hold him and took a picture. I felt like running out of there as fast as I could. I always felt like that when I visited her toward the end.

When my grandmother was in hospice, I took my entire family to visit and we sat around and sang hymnals to her. She opened her eyes when I said hello to her and stared at me for some time. Her pupils were small and fixed. My mom said she likely couldn’t even see me.

I watched as my mom moistened my grandmother’s lips with glycerin. The hospice would not give my grandmother any water or food. My mom was torn up over this. She did not know this is what hospice did. She did not think she would have to sit by and watch her mother starve/dehydrate to death. I felt wretched inside. I was willing my grandmother to go, to be at peace.

I wasn’t there when my grandmother passed away a day later. I knew when it happened, though, and I felt such relief. My grandmother was finally out of her prison.

The next week my grandmother visited me often as I drove to work and throughout the day. She was around me for about a week straight. I told no one in my family. She was happy and full of energy, so unlike the woman I knew in life. I knew had I known her when she was younger that we would have had great fun together. She was adventurous and mischievous in youth. Oh how life had changed her!

Then I remembered the article I read about measles. There was a personal account by a woman in her 90’s who lost her 6 year old son to the illness. There was a picture. He looked just like my middle son. I broke down into tears at the thought of losing my son. I believe that is why the dream showed my son in the end. I so fear losing him.

I recognized my fear of what death does to the physical form. The smell. The decay. The void that follows a loved one’s departure from life. Illness and old age show no mercy. It is so difficult to confront that in life. I hate that I avoided my grandmother because of it. The guilt was present in my dream. I believe she was there helping me as part of her revitalization and as part of my healing. I mentally sent her a thank you and an I love you.

Message

I fell back to sleep and had dreams about work which I will not go into. When I finally awoke my husband would not let me return to sleep. I ended up dozing in the “in-between” state until I finally got up.

During this time I saw a very clear vision. In front of me was a simple, silver, metal lunch box. It had raised lettering that said, “Be Aware” on the top. Below those words it said, “Change Ahead”. At first I read ‘Beware” but I felt my attention drawn back to the top words and saw it was, “Be Aware”. I was corrected in order to see the correct message.

Be aware: Change ahead.

When I questioned what “change” this was, the answer I was given was a visual of my chakras from bottom to top.

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2005

I have been reading my journal and am currently in 2005. All I can say is WOW what a crazy, eventful year!

Below you will find my experiences in timeline fashion. The experiences are color coded. Blue is astral projection/OBE, green is a guide encounter experience, red is kundalini. Black is for either ideas/concepts or for experiences that I do not know how to categorize.

January, 2005

29th – While wide awake I heard a voice singing in a foreign language in my head. When I focused on it, I could understand the words. It said:

As the sun turns a deep blood red,

And rivers rise high and flood the land,

The Earth as we know it will begin to fall,

And tears of sorrow you’ll understand.

February, 2005

7th – Astral. Consciously just “walked” out of my body. Heard velcro sound upon exit. I had a teacher who was showing me how to exit when this happened. I asked him “Can I go through the door?” He said, “No”. So I reached out and it was solid so I had to open it. Then I wanted to go outside to my car. I began to think my way there and started spinning real fast. I heard, “No!” and got pulled down. I fell to the floor on my rear. I could feel the cold floor and then became aware of being in two places at once – my bed and on the floor. I could feel my heart pounding in my physical body like I went for a run but I was not in my body, I was sitting by the front door on the floor. I went back to my body and my heart was pounding.

Later discussion with my teacher revealed he was from the Pleiades, He had almost transparent skin and appeared to have webbing between his fingers. There was mention of “Aquatica” and him researching Earth and Earth consciousness. He also warned me about the stress astral projection puts on the physical body.

13th – I was told about the three levels of ascension: transformation of mind, transformation and completion of physical structure and transformation and attainment of spiritual truth (purpose).

March, 2005 – Only lucid dreams this month.

April, 2005

2nd – Guided out of my body by a male guide. Was told to “let go” and when I did I felt free of my body and heard a roaring noise in my ears. I was reminded to “stay focused” several times because I would get overly excited and almost pop back into my body. I couldn’t see but I felt my body moving very, very fast like on a roller coaster. When I did see all I saw was my alarm clock showing 8am and then the numbers started moving forward very fast. I threw open my arms and felt a hand and then grabbed on. I was thrown into a man. I heard a quiet, masculine voice say, “Quite a fine sense you have. The more and more (I finished his sentence) you see, the more and more you will believe. Trust them to know what they see”. He had a U.K. accent and I was about to ask his name but came back into my body.

16th – Spontaneous past life recollection. I relived an incident where I was a little girl of 12 years being gang raped by a bunch of white men (I was a black slave). They held a board over my throat so I couldn’t yell and beat me up pretty badly. I crawled home and was taken care of by my family.

May, 2005

16th – Couldn’t go to sleep after waking up. Heard my guide say, “Go back to sleep”. Closed my eyes and was hit with instant vibrations that were intense over the top of my head and eyes. A picture appears in front of me and I walked into it without even thinking. I came out into a night sky flying and singing. Flew over houses and went into mobile home. Interacted with Hispanic family and then left because it was heavy energy. I climbed into a bed and went to “sleep” and then felt a man. I looked at him and said, “Nick!” He told me, “We were brother and sister in one life – I am Nick you are Grace”. Then I went to a hospital helping sick by giving them energy. I worked with a mother, Barbara, who was having a baby and stayed with her until the baby was born. I then flew by some waterfalls and then saw Nick again and we hugged and talked. I woke up and then when I closed my eyes a screen appeared and I knew I could easily walk through it. I chose to stay. This astral was about 3 hours total length.

19th – Experience of being in two places as I was staring at a TV. screen but not really watching the movie. I felt sucked into the TV. and felt transported to another place. I came back suddenly and with some fear.

25th – Had another experience where I was driving home, feeling very down and wishing I could leave life. I had a very strong pull come from within me that steered the car towards the edge of a bridge I was driving over. I panicked, not sure where this sudden overtaking of my body was. I struggled but managed to keep the car on the road.

June, 2005

3rd – Reading the book Astral Dynamics by Robert Bruce. He talks about the trance state and I am convinced that I have been going into trance frequently and this may be the cause for the bridge episode.

5th – Astral experiences detailed here (not going to write them out). Noted that I am not in real-time but most often in astral.

7th – More astral experiences. Learning how to stay in astral and manipulate objects/speed/location.

energyhealingJuly, 2005

2nd – 1st astral: Entered trance state easily. Saw hypnagogic images, heard buzzing in my ears and a loud WHOOSH sound and I exited my body. Walked through objects easily and enjoyed feeling myself become the objects. I found myself watching a map of the universe and then focused in upon Earth. I saw military operations in the desert. I saw a train carrying a helicopter and war machinery and the terrain was very barren with rocks and boulders. I asked to not be shown these things and so focused upon my body, purposefully moving it to come out of astral.

2nd astral: This was my first conscious projection with one of the methods from Bruce’s book. I felt myself outside my body after trying a technique of rocking my body. I ended up head down staring at the floor and out of my body. I noted that I could not go through objects like last time. I played around, learning to materialize objects. Made money materialize and then my dog joined me and we romped around a while. Then I flew up into the sky and was pulled with such velocity upward that I ended up in space staring down at the Earth. The overwhelm of it brought me back to my body.

5th – Went into trance state while walking on my treadmill and listening to Aboriginal music. I closed my eyes and relaxed into the exercise. Then my eyes went into REM followed by a bright, white light that took over my entire vision. I felt the familiar vibration that signaled I could leave my body. I almost did except I worried what would happen to my body since I was on the treadmill. So I stayed in body and played with the trance state some.

6th – Recognizing the conflict created by Ego resistance and the results: chaotic thoughts, distress, destructive tendencies, “soul split” can occur, confusion, disorientation, paranoia, feelings of insanity. One must choose Ego or the Higher Self. Recognition that one creates their own reality is inherent in this process.

20-30th – Went to U.K. Had several hypnosis sessions. I recalled a life as a Native American. There was a ghost in the house I stayed at that I had to deal with. I had several astral adventures but do not go into all of them. In one I went to San Francisco and another to my old high school.

August, 2005 – Mostly lucid dreams this month, family illness, personal upheaval, sister divorced, decisions on what to do, past issues came up.

21st – Guide encounter. Astral meeting. All senses were present. He spoke to me with accent and said his name was Rostan.

29th – Went to psychiatrist who said my OBEs were “psychotic episodes”. She quickly diagnosed me as Bipolar 2 and kept trying to get me to admit I was drinking alcohol and traumatized (which I wasn’t). She gave me an antipsychotic and antidepressant to take.

30-31st – Medicine is making me feel really off and dizzy. It makes me sleep so deep I don’t dream and makes me feel shaky all the time. I stopped taking it two days later.

September, 2005 Most of this month is lucid dream after lucid dream.

4th – Astral experience where the bed felt to be moving and I was pulled into pictures. When I would come back to my body it would happen again and again. I was also hit with intense energy sensations all over my body but mostly around third eye and top of head. Friend later told me this was kundalini.

October, 2005

11th – I wrote that my dreams have all been very sexual for the past month or so. I had an experience where while I was OOB I was hit with a strong energy in my root chakra. It shot up as if in a wide cylinder and moved up my center through my chakras. It expanded as it moved and filled me with such ecstasy that it brought me back to my body. It continued and I began to cry from the experience of it. It was orgasmic but in a different way and hard to explain.

22nd – I’ve been very depressed since the ecstasy experience. I had a guide encounter in astral. I heard his voice audibly. He gave me instructions on how to return to the “in-between” space where I can talk to him without interference. He said it was “a place where past, present and future existed at the same time”. I did as he instructed and went into the lives of other people (some in great detail). I couldn’t tell what time they were from but was told I would be taught how.

25th – I mention that I have had many astral experiences but they were mostly just me alone doing my thing, so I didn’t write about them. I mention a projection where I was being taught how to control astral better and manipulate it. I was taught how to travel using thought and practiced it and met up with others in astral and spoke with about 5 different people. One was a police officer and one told me, “That’s not allowed here” when I asked her name. It appeared that I was meeting people from present time but I didn’t know why.

Your-Higher-SelfNovember, 2005

3rd – Guide encounter in astral. He appeared to me as moving, brilliant light energy with a bluish hue. I heard him and he had an Australian accent. I saw him mostly as blue light though I could make out features. He moved like water. He told me, “I was your first birthday present”. He said much more to tell me as well but I did not write it all down.
The rest of the month was mainly lucid dreams.

December, 2005

4th – Astral 2 times. I met up with people, ate food and thought, “Wow, things even taste better in astral”. My vision blacked out a lot and I realized it happened anytime I resisted doing what my Higher Self wanted. When I was in black out my guide would remind me to stay focused and then I would return to astral.

13th – Astral. I was recognizing the right energy to exit my body. Was told to create whatever I wanted and I ended up standing next to huge, crystal clear ocean on the beach. I saw a peacock and scared it by accident. It ran into the water, almost drowning. I tried to save it but it made it more afraid. I finally let it alone and it came out of the water.

16th – Astral. Walked into several pictures. Finally, I walked into a picture of a lake. I ended up at a lake that was surrounded by a glass house. I went into the dark, cool water and felt huge relief.

22nd – Massive amount of energy descended on me from above. I was not asleep or meditating – I was wide awake! It filled my entire body and felt like a swarm of bees buzzing inside of me. I felt electric or as if I had been magnetized. I relaxed into it. Then the energy seemed to reach a state of equilibrium and my astral body exited out the top of my head. Yet the buzzing energy stayed with me even OOB. My astral body moved so rapidly I felt like I was on a roller coaster and it scared me a little. When I opened my eyes I was traveling very fast. Neon blue lines and shapes zipped past me at dizzying speeds. So I closed my eyes and continued with the energy. I change direction a few times. When I opened my eyes I was underneath my bed! I then went around my house in astral for a while, exploring, flying, etc.

28th – Astral. I flew over an ocean and saw tropical trees and beaches. I knew I was in Australia. I skimmed the top of the water until I got to the island. There I explored a boardwalk lined with stores. It felt familiar and I was happy to be back. I went into a shop and there, sitting all alone at a table, was my Dad. I was overjoyed! I ran up to him and hugged him tightly. We spoke at length about my sister. He warned me of tough times ahead for her and I recall seeing visions of her sleeping on a sofa and being depressed and sad. He told me I needed to help her. I remember thinking it odd that he came to me to talk to me about my sister but I accepted his visit gratefully.

Note: My sister went through a period of difficult times after this OBE that continues to this day.

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Revelations from my Past

In the summer of 2003 I began writing a journal of my experiences. I did this at the urging of my guides in order to chronicle my spiritual awakening. The journal covers the time frame from 2003-2007. I printed it out and put it into two, three inch binders and have not thought of it much since then. Yet yesterday I thought I should get it out and read. So that is what I did.

I am currently in the Spring of 2004 and have already discovered that I forgot well more than I thought I had!

Kundalini

I have long suspected that what I experienced in from 2003-2007 was kundalini but I wasn’t completely sure of this. I didn’t remember enough of the energy sensations or other symptoms. I am now certain it was kundalini, kundalini that was triggered spontaneously through meditation.

My first experiences with kundalini were generally ignored or passed off as unknown physical issues, panic attacks, mental problems (depression) or something else. I often experienced intense surges of energy that would come into me all at once and then move out. I assumed this energy was that of my guide and thought no more of it. I had chakras turning on and off all the time. I thought it normal – just a part of a spiritual awakening. I oftentimes would become so full of odd energy that I would become thoroughly nervous and anxious and have to escape somewhere to get away. I listened to the people who I associated with, assuming I just needed to “ground and protect” because the energy was either Spirit energy or the sometimes negative and overwhelmingly intense emotions of the people who I came into contact with.

I found an entry I wrote of conversation I had in May 2003 where I was told, point blank, by a person I knew in a chat room, that I was “preparing to ascend”. That was not the first I heard of ascension, either, but for some reason I just didn’t consider it important I guess because I never focus upon it in my journal. So I answered my own question about whether ascension was even known about in 2003. It obviously was, except to me who was oblivious.

Finally, I talk quite a bit about having an overwhelming sexual energy that I cannot avoid that followed me through the rest of the 2003. Not only was I having spontaneous orgasms during sleep, meditation and OBEs but I was also in two very intense relationships, one of which was so difficult to disconnect from that I grieved it for many, many months afterward.

This is what I have found just so far. I suspect I will discover much more as I get further into my journals.

planetsExtraterrestrial Contact

This is where it gets really bizarre, especially for me who shies away from anything E.T.

On September 28, 2003, I wrote down a long conversation I had with my guide. Her name was Leslie and this conversation was prior to my meeting Steven:

When I first began speaking with Leslie, I had many questions about evolution. Who are we? Are we descendants of chimps and apes? Or are we transplanted extraterrestrials left to colonize Earth?……

First of all, we are genetically altered versions of Andromedans and Earth primates. The planet Earth was first used as a source of minerals and other natural resources, a mining planet used for its richness in many minerals and substances depleted on the planet of our origin…..The first people of Earth were not human. They were of an ancestry millions of years old and from many light years away. These beings were very spiritual, are very spiritual, and had an extremely advanced culture of their own on other planets…..When the population of Earth was created, Earth had been through the Jurassic and other evolutionary processes which resulted in the rise of mammals…..The Andromedans saw the potential for Earth as a new colony….Earth gave them the opportunity to refine the species more because the primate, the most sophisticated human-like animal, was a social and emotional creature. These social and emotional qualities were what Andromedans view as a special aspect, a part their own species that had been lost over thousands of years of evolution.

The entry takes two pages, single spaced, so I won’t type the whole thing here. It goes on to say that it took the Andromedans a long time to perfect their genetic modification – lots of trial and error. They ended up only manipulating a few genes and created Homosapien but he was lacking culture, social structure, and norms and values, which took generations of evolution without interference. So they deposited them in pockets around the Earth and left them to “evolve” without interference. The longer humans were left untouched, unguided, the harder it became to interfere in their evolutionary development.

I go on to say:

Now, we humans are in a state of change. Our biology is changing. Evolution is bringing us back to that spiritual center we once had. Our emotions are causing us to feel stagnant. Human biological needs are met through industrialize society. There is no longer the urge to survive as in the past. So, the time has come to awaken the spiritual side. The genes inserted by the Andromedans are now becoming activated. More and more people are experiencing psychic phenomenon. Soon, the Andromedans will visit Earth again to take note of our progression. When they do see we are approaching an age of spiritual enlightenment and telepathic communication, they will make themselves known to us once again. At first there will be more sightings of unusual aircraft and electromagnetic interference. Later, they will actually make contact and reestablish the ties we once had.

Their ultimate goal, and one we should not fear, is to rejoin the human population in order to add the component of emotion into their species. We are what they hope to become. Once we reach that period of spiritual enlightenment and telepathic thought, they will return to complete that goal.

Now, if you are like me, you are likely reading this with disbelief and then thinking, “This is complete B.S.”. Maybe so. I cannot prove any of it, but at the time this information flowed out of me with such ease and clarity that I had no doubt there was truth to it. This was also before I had ever heard of any of the E.T. information on the web. I actually still know very little because every time I try to research it I feel repelled by it. It is also interesting to me that Atlantis was a colony established by the Andromedans.

Pleiades

Fast forward to May, 2004. I have since met Steven and for a time another guide named Amoradon. He tells me he is from the Pleiades and provides me with quite a bit of information which I find fascinating.

Here are some of the things he tells me:

I was discussing spirit guides with Amoradon. He told me that the council is a group of spirit guides who assist Earth Travelers (Steven has always called me an Earth Traveler and his term for a guide is Companion Traveler – I now find this interesting as well).

Me: Does everyone who travels Earth have a council?

Amoradon: No. Only those specified in the Great Plan are allowed to counsel with the council.

Me: What is the Great Plan?

Amoradon: It’s God’s plan for humanity.

Me: Is there only one plan?

Amoradon: Yes.

Me: Are the members of the Council also Earth Travelers?

Amoradon: No. They are those to which we go to seek knowledge here at Home – Pleiadia. They have lived many lives and have had many life lessons learned. To pass on their knowledge is considered a great privilege.

The conversation goes on but doesn’t make much sense to me. He mentions the Council of Pleadia and the Elders and going “beyond God”. He defines “beyond God” as “the planes of existence which surround God. It ‘exists”‘ where God is NOT. We are God, ‘existence’ is the womb of God. God grows, expands, and gives birth to new Gods (us). We are of God and of all other Gods”.

Not long after this conversation, I am taken while OOB to a place that is beyond beautiful and am told it is the Pleiades. I have various visions of my guide wearing an interesting mesh outfit. I get such clarity in my visions that I even draw them in a notebook.

Eventually I become overwhelmed by all of this and ask to not be shown or told anymore about the Pleiades or Andromeda.

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Come a Little Closer

When I woke up this morning the above song was in my head. It is called Come a Little Closer by Cage the Elephant. The specific part of the song that i was singing was the chorus – Come a little closer, then you’ll see. But the rest of the chorus, which I did not know until I looked up the lyrics, makes quite a bit of sense to me.

Come a little closer, then you’ll see
Come on, come on, come on
Things aren’t always what they seem to be
Come on, come on, come on
Do you understand the things you been seein’
Come on, come on, come on
Do you understand the things that you’ve been dreaming
Come a little closer, then you’ll see

Cage The Elephant – Come A Little Closer Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Interestingly, I felt really good upon waking. My energy was high and I felt excited but I didn’t know why. My dreams had been very vivid and were still very much on my mind. As I thought of them, my guide surrounded me in energy. It wrapped around from behind and came around to the front, shooting from my midsection both up and down until it covered me entirely. The entire time, the song kept repeating in my head.

georgeMonkey on a Train

The first dream I had in a long line of dreams last night was an odd one. I was on a train with many others but we were “working”. I am not sure what our job was and I was only really aware of a couple of other people with me – one man and an older woman who was the supervisor.

As I did my rounds I went to the cargo area of the train. It was huge and piled with suitcases and other things. I remember seeing movement and saw a small monkey sitting on top of one of the suitcases looking at me. He looked like one of those circus monkeys or maybe even a little like a real-life Curious George. I wonder if this was purposeful since I was told the name “George” yesterday in my dream?

I sent someone after him but he ran and entered the train where all the people were.

Caustic Beach

The next thing I recall is being outside in a tropical area. I was talking to someone, a man, about leaving because someone in our group had done something wrong. I walked out toward the beach and saw that instead of sand, there were these strange, small green plants. They appeared to be succulents and were prickly and grew close to the ground. I tiptoed over them, being careful not to step on them. I accidentally did and my foot stung for a bit but I managed to make it to the water. I remember someone asking me why I went that way, knowing what the plants could do. I suddenly saw in my mind a memory of the man who we had been searching for. He ran across the beach barefooted and his feet became swollen and sore from the plants whose thorns and venom made them like raw, open blisters.

We went back to the apartment to “wait it out” before we made our next move. Again, I still felt like someone in our group was a fugitive and I was along for the ride.

While waiting, I began to write down some things on a piece of paper. When I did this, I was instantly transported into a large auditorium. I looked up and saw that I was not alone. I was sitting next to a man who was looking over at what I was writing down. He said, “How do you know the answers? I couldn’t find them anywhere.” I looked at him and said, “It is easy. They are right in front of you”. The man looked quizzical. I looked closer at him and his appearance. He had a mop of sandy blond hair on his head and his build reminded me somewhat of a football player.

Death Certificate

I was again transported to a new scene. I was walking through double glass doors into a building. I saw in front of me a group of school girls dressed in black or gray huddled together in a group. They were various ages but the oldest was no more than 10.

I was approached by a woman, their teacher. She welcomed me and showed me the class list, asking if my name was on it. I looked at the list and saw around five handwritten names in a column. All of them were just first names except one: Linda, J. For some reason I knew this was me and told the teacher. She ushered me to my seat.

The teacher went on to talk to use about class and what we would be doing. She approached me and showed me a sheet of paper. She then asked me to fill in the name of the person who would declare the cause of death. It was then I realized I was looking at my own death certificate. I showed her that it was already written. The word, “Psychica” was written there. The teacher said, “Are you sure you want just anyone’s name there?” I thought about it and began to wonder whose name I should put there. The coroner? The medical examiner? What was the person’s title that I should put there?

It was then I noticed another class next to ours. It was much larger and there was a lot of laughter coming from the class. I wished I could be in a fun class. I peeked around the corner and saw them playing a game. Behind them was the ocean.

I turned to my teacher and said, “I didn’t know we were near the ocean!” She nodded. I said, “I can’t even hear it. It is so quiet!”. Then it was as if clouds or fog lifted and the drab building we were in opened up to reveal a beach with all sorts of people on it. I saw we were on a peninsula, too. Water on both sides!

In front of me I saw a large ship with people on it. They were all having a grand time jumping and partying. Then another one went by. It was pure white and towered high in the sky. People were jumping down from the top and being caught in white capsules that enveloped them. I was in awe.

It was then that a boat came and parked in front of my class. I was told that a game was on going. I watched as people got into seats and began tossing things at me and my classmates. They were suppose to hit us. If they did, they scored a point.

A ball came toward me and hit between my legs. The guy who threw it cheered and I said, “No, you didn’t hit me”. Everyone got silent and then they agreed, he had not made the point. So he tried again and I blocked him with a black and white backpack.

It was then that I was moved to another class. I don’t know why exactly but it was obvious that I was moved. I immediately noticed they were all wearing pure red clothes. I saw familiar faces and felt at ease.We stood together, this small group of five or so (all women), looking ahead. A blonde woman turned and looked at me and said, “You have lots of engrams”. I was shocked. What did she just say to me? I turned to a classmate standing beside me and asked, “Did you hear what she said?” “Yes,” she said, “But I don’t know what an engram is”. I said, “I do. I wonder why she said that?”

When I sat down, the same girl who said the strange thing to me approached me. She had blonde hair cut in layers and appeared to be in her mid-twenties. She said something to me about teaching ELA (English Language Arts). I recognized that she was introducing herself so I told her, “I am a teacher, too, but I don’t teach ELA”.

I thought for a while as did she. Then we both began to talk at the same time. I said, “I forgot, I don’t teach, I’m a counselor”. She said to me, “Oh yeah, I am also a counselor”. I remember feeling that I had said something good. I was remembering something important.

stewardWe are Stewards

I began to feel very weird at this time in the dream. I knew I was dreaming and all the dreams I had been having were coming into my mind at once. The symbolism was not lost to me and I was trying to understand it all. I began wondering to myself, “Why did I have a backpack again? Why was it black and white? And why am I now wearing red? Why did that woman tell me I had lots of engrams? And what was that death certificate about?”

This is when I awoke hearing the song in my mind. I let the energy envelope me.

I continued to wonder about my dreams. The feeling I had was perplexing. Why was I so happy? The energy continued to move through me and it reminded me of the colors I saw in my dream. Black and white. What do those colors mean? Yin and yang? Male and female? And then why did I move to red?

I instantly thought of my root chakra and heard, “We are clearing it”. The energy began to intensify and I hoped it would move into one chakra but it didn’t. It just lingered and felt calming.

Then I heard him say,”We are stewards”. I questioned this saying, “Me? You and I?” He replied, “Yes”.

Then I began thinking about what the woman said to me about engrams. An engram is a term used in Scientology. It is “a mental image picture which is a recording of an experience containing pain, unconsciousness and a real or fancied threat to survival. It is a recording in the reactive mind of something which actually happened to an individual in the past and which contained pain and unconsciousness. It must, by definition, have impact or injury as part of its content. These engrams are a complete recording, down to the last accurate detail, of every perception present in a moment of partial or full unconsciousness.”

The fact that I was told I have a lot of engrams was not surprising to me. I am sure I do. I thought about some of the past lives I have remembered and got a bit nervous.

by

222

Initially upon waking this morning at 6am yet again, I was in a horrible mood. I felt a wall of impenetrable darkness descending upon me and I was caught up in it. I don’t know exactly what caused it because I do not recall my dreams now. This is likely because, whilst in the midst of the dark feelings, I swore to forget my dreams upon waking, to not write about them and ignore any messages they might bring. I recalled them at the time of this declaration. I do not remember a bit of them now.

I tossed and turned for some time, the feeling of gloom heavy upon me. I must have fallen back to sleep, though, because I soon became lucid while in a dream.

Service

I found myself in my car waiting in a long line at a gas pump. I was out of the car pacing about and talking to some of the people in front of me. I could see a building ahead of me. It appeared to be the service station but it looked more like the front porch of a country house. It had wood porch beams with red, cracked paint, and wood steps leading up to the porch. People were walking back and forth gathering donations while also taking payment for the gas.

I filled my car and heard a voice say, “I’m George. I will be helping you today. That will be $101.00”. In my mind I saw an image of the bill and the amount was odd. It said, “$.001.00”. I was shocked and said, “I didn’t even fill up my tank”. He said, “It is a service charge. Your car is due for service”. I said, “I don’t want service now”. He said, “Ok. I will adjust your bill”. Then in my mind I saw, “$15”. That was more like it!

Being I did not fill my car up completely, I filled it up again. This time I heard the voice of George again and he said, “That will be $100”. I was confused and then he said, “Oh, I will take the service off”.

I pulled up to the porch where the donations were being sorted and rolled down the window of my Prius. A woman asked me, “Who helped you”. I said, “George. I think”. She stopped a young man who was busy and he stopped. He had a piece of paper or something over one side of his face. I found this weird.

I got out of the car for some reason at this point. I saw a man standing near the edge of the porch. I studied his face. He looked to be caught up in his thoughts. He also seemed sad. I felt sorry for him and wanted to comfort him but since I did not know him, I decided not to. He looked like the Marlboro man and I believe he was even smoking a cigarette. Note: When I first met my guide Steven he appeared to look similar to the Marlboro man – hat and boots and all!

Somehow, the man and I began talking and I saw him as a guy I use to go to school with. I was suddenly aware that I was back in my hometown. He told me that there was some kind of celebration going on and invited me to stay. I thought against it and then heard my name called from across the parking lot. There were girls I had gone to school with. I had not seen them in ages!

They were in a pickup and drove by, asking me to come to the event. I decided to go. “Why not?” I said to the guy. And we walked down the street towards the celebrations. I recall asking what the event was and they said this young boy was going to demonstrate his amazing gift. I don’t know what the gift was but they made it sound supernatural.

Being lucid as I was in this dream, I was still somewhat foggy until this point. I took over the dream at this point and decided to go home to my house. I was instantly transported to a room. I left the room and walked into the master bedroom. My first thought was, “No one is going to be there”. And sure enough, no one was. The walls and ceilings of the room were gray and the room was dark. I saw the bed to my left and on the wall in front of me was a bulletin board. On the board was a large piece of white paper with bright red writing on it. I did not try to read it but the numbers 222 jumped out at me. The red ink had drip marks and almost seemed like blood.

I remember thinking, “None of this matters” and feeling very hopeless about the pointless experience I was having. With this thought I awoke.

222

This number indicates that I am being asked to have faith that everything is happening for a reason. I may not be able to see it now, but there is always a purpose behind everything in life. My guides are asking me to not lose faith and to try not to get caught up in negativity and hopelessness.

Easier said than done.

waitUnderstanding

I avoided writing anything upon waking this morning because I was so disillusioned by all that has (or hasn’t) been happening to me lately. I actually was ready to write a post that said I was no longer going to focus upon dreams and ascension-related issues or kundalini. I really felt done with it all when I woke up.

What I have since realized is that what I am feeling is very normal considering what I am being told. I am not a patient person, haven’t ever really been patient. I like to keep busy and I like to feel needed and challenged. Yet I am being told now that it is not time yet. I am being held back for a reason; a reason that I do not know or fully remember. I recognized also that my passion, my life’s work, is what is on hold. On hold for quite a while, too. How would you feel if you knew your purpose, or at least had an idea or a feeling of what it was, and was told, “Sorry. Not yet. You have to wait”. How patient would you be? Could you wait a year? 5? 10? 20?

These exact same conditions occurred for me after my first awakening in 2003. I did not listen to the warnings I got back then (so new and over zealous). I embarked on a journey that I was destined to fail because I was not ready yet. The timing was wrong. I was forewarned, told it would be four years. I didn’t want to wait. I remember my guide saying to me when I made the decision, “You will regret doing this”. He was right, too. But at the time I thought it was the right move.

Now it seems I am fulfilling other promises I made. I know who they are to. My husband. My children. Maybe to others as well.

The waiting is hard, but I have done it before. It is odd to me how I know when it is “time”. I get told. I hear a voice tell me when. Yep. Ha! Call me crazy but that is how it happens.

It has happened three times now. The first was when I left my ex. I heard, “Get out now!” (I will never forget that). The second was when I met my current husband. I heard, “This is it” when we first came face to face. I had been told the night before, “You will meet someone” but I shrugged it off. “Yeah. So I will meet someone. I will meet a lot of people”, I replied. Imagine my surprise to hear “This is it” as I am looking into my current husband’s eyes thinking, “He is my angel”. The final time was last year when I heard, “Leave” and knew it meant it was the right time to sell my house, a house I tried to sell two times before without success. Then there is a bidding war and we made $30k more than our asking price! This and other perfectly timed things happened.

After three times, I do not doubt there will be a fourth. And I do not doubt that timing is everything. I had to wait years for each of these moments. I struggled with the same feelings I have now. It is HARD knowing you are waiting for the next step and can’t take it until everything is just right. Its even harder when you know that if you try to move forward too soon that you will face much more misery than if you just waited. I only needed to learn that once. Not again.

So I will suck it up and wait. God help me. This will be hard. I know just under four years before the next step. My guide says, “That is not a long time”. Yeah, well, you come down here and live it. Then maybe you will think differently!

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Toy Store

I awoke in a very sour mood this morning. Not only did I wake up at 6am on my day off (again!) but I awoke with an answer to a question I asked my guides upon sleeping that did not make me happy.

Green Serum and Classroom

The dreams I had last night were part of why I woke up feeling so negative.

Green Serum

In one dream I was with small a group of people. Some I recognized. They were all people associated with my husband. Specifically, his boss, who died last November from double lung failure, was there. The whole dream centered mostly around his boss. He was receiving a treatment for after his death and was being taken to a special place to be rejuvenated. The treatment was in this large container that reminded me of those tubes you put your deposits in at the bank. Inside was this gelatinous florescent green liquid. I could see the large bubbles in it and my focus was on this tube most of the dream.

I went along with the group as my husband’s boss, we will call him Bob, was taken to a facility that specialized in rejuvenation. I watched as the group gathered around him in a circle. He was in the middle holding the cylinder. I remember that his arms was the primary focus at the time. The people appeared very knowledgeable in the process, as if this was their primary, or only, purpose.

After watching this, “Bob” came up to me holding the green cylinder. We spoke but I do not remember what about. The only thing I remember him saying is, “I’m sorry”. I accepted his apology and thought nothing of it. I had no issue with what he had said to me when he was alive (he had called my guide a “Demon”). Note: Later, after I woke and recalled the dream, I got angry at him for not writing a will before his death which caused major issues for my husband at work. Maybe he was also apologizing for this?

The others then approached me and were trying to get me to go to the facility to have the samegreen procedure done. I do not recall feeling resistant but instead they seemed to try to be selling me this opportunity; convincing me to do it. I remember saying, “I don’t care about the wedding”. This is the second dream in two nights where I resisted attending a wedding.

At this time I remember everyone separated into their own little spaces in the room and did their own thing. Bob went with his cylinder and took a shower. I stood watching and not knowing what to do, so I began to cook up a pot of meatball stew. I remember Bob came out and commented on the stew. He loved food when he was alive.

Classroom

The next dream I had was of being in a classroom of very young children. The desks were being rearranged and the teacher was a female who appeared to be in her 20s. I suggested a new position because the desks were too close together. It was then I realized I was fully grown like the teacher but was sitting at a desk with the students!

The teacher told us that while we waited she was going to give us an assignment in advance because we were farther ahead than she anticipated. She said, “You can get a head start”. The assignment was a puzzle and there were phrases we were suppose to match with current movies. There was no list of movies either. I immediately told her, “I don’t know of any movies. I have three kids and don’t get to see movies anymore”. All the while the other kids were easily matching movies with quotes.

I looked up and around the room. The teacher’s desk was not a desk. It was this large, golden colored podium-thing similar to what a council sits behind. I saw no council just this high-standing, ornately embellished golden piece of furniture. It seemed very out of place.

Not Now

Before bed I had asked when I could OBE again and when, if ever, I would have another energetic/Kundalini experience. I also asked what I was suppose to be doing now (again) as I do not feel anything is happening other than the same ol’ same ol’.

My dreams revealed to me that I was to stay in the same pattern I am in for a while longer. How long was not revealed but the feeling I awoke with was that it could be another long stretch. Really the message was clear: “Not now. You are trying to go too fast. You need healing”. Yeah. Okay. More healing. Great. Seems to be a never-ending process of “more healing”. What about more OOB exploring? What about the fun stuff?

I was shown a memory from just the day before. My daughter had wanted a specific toy that my son was playing with. She didn’t want it until he was playing with it. Prior to that she couldn’t care less about the toy. When I told her that she had to wait and suggested she find another toy, she went into one of her agonizing, painful screeching and moaning episodes. You would think she was in the midst of the worse agony ever! “But I want that toy! I don’t want to play with anything else. All the other toys are boring. I don’t like them. They’re no fun. I want that toy!”. No amount of pointing out all her other toys, toys she had previously enjoyed playing with, would change her mind. She went on to say that my son always got what he wanted and she never did. How it was not fair and I didn’t love her, etc. etc.

The memory hit me suddenly and the message was not one I could avoid, especially when my guide said, “Why don’t you look?” This was in reference to the physical. He was basically telling me that I was acting like my daughter. My focus was only on the toy (astral/spiritual) that I wanted to play with and all other toys (possible substitutions in the physical) were “boring”. Considering I had just been whining about how “boring” my life is, that there was nothing exciting about it, I felt very unhappy with my guide at that particular moment. How dare he!

I won’t go into the mental tantrum I put on for a while longer after that (eyeroll).

When I finally calmed down and gave up on trying to get some kind of reprieve from my apparent misery, I was covered in psychic chills. I initially resisted but heard, “Let me” and so relaxed and they intensified. It does instantly calm me down. But I was left with a sad, apathetic feeling. I don’t like that feeling at all. I honestly feel a lot like how I did as a kid when I would be told to go to my room for hours at a time or was grounded for a week and couldn’t go outside to play. What is it that I am suppose to do while I wait?

Toy Store

I must have dozed off after this conversation with my guide. During this time I had a lucid dream or vision, not sure really which it was.

I was in a room full of toys. It appeared to be a toy store actually. The shelves were piled high with toys, all the way to the ceiling, and even the isle behind me was full of toys of every shape and size. They all had a golden glow about them.

I was wandering around, looking at the toys but feeling disinterested in them. I felt someone was watching me and out of the corner of my vision noticed this man, as clear as day, crouched down in the corner of the room watching me. I felt nervous, as if I had been caught doing something I shouldn’t be doing. I decided to ignore him, but something in my mind “woke up” and I thought to myself, I know that man!”

I turned back around and looked at him. He stood up from his crouch and walked toward me. He was taller than I had anticipated and I had a very “Uh-oh I was caught not doing my job” feeling. I also felt like he was my supervisor. I was overcome with a familiar feeling. I have gotten it in life when my supervisor would come into my work area to observe me. I always feel on edge when this happens, like I need to do my best and look like I am doing what I am suppose to even though when my supervisor wasn’t around I would often slack off.

The image of this man was quite clear to me, which surprised me. I also recognized him, which threw me off and increased my awareness. He was tall and fair skinned with medium brown hair that was cut short. He was very ordinary looking but attractive at the same time.

After realizing he was my guide, I said to him, “You are watching me like a supervisor watches his employees”. He said, “Yes”. I came out of my reverie and digested the experience, thinking of all the toys that were around me. He said, “You have so much to choose from”. I felt very ashamed of my behavior then. He said, “What would be interesting to you?” He was asking me to think of what “toys” in the physical I would like to “play” with. I told him I wanted to feel intensity of emotion again. Other than that, I honestly don’t know.

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Attunement

Yesterday was quite an emotional roller coaster for me. After getting yet another allergic reaction (cause unknown) I took a Benadryl and the reaction went away. Unfortunately I was very drowsy the rest of the day and took an hour long nap because of it. Later, my husband wanted to go out to a movie by himself siting that he had watched the kids “all day” (which was untrue) and I was in no mood for his antics. We had a nice fight which then resulted in both of us feeling exhausted and disappointed. All the time we were arguing I felt an energy settle over my entire head. It felt like my head was a hot air balloon ready to fly away at any moment! This feeling was not ignored and I eventually knew to listen (this was after our fight was done) and saw my wrong in the situation. I decided that every day I would do something nice for my husband above and beyond what I already do. I then apologized to him and told him this, saying he should go to the movie. He, of course, jumped at the opportunity and left within fifteen minutes.

I was left alone with slumbering children but was not tired since I had taken a nap that afternoon. I decided to watch a movie – A Little Bit of Heaven. The movie is about a young woman who is diagnosed with colon cancer. She is told she is dying during a dream in which she meets God (who happens to be Whoopi Goldberg).

While watching the movie I was reminded of how I received my own message last July. I wondered about it for some time and by the time the movie was over I was feeling my guide close.

At bedtime I brought up the subject of death and I was told once again, “You will know when it is your time”. When I asked how, he said, “I will tell you”. I did not doubt it. I had a strange feeling settling over me and my crown and third eye chakras were pulling quite intensely. When I noticed I heard, “It is opening” and I immediately connected all the skin issues I have been having to this fact.

My guide then said a whole lot to me. I do not remember all of what he said, but I was surprised at how much he said. I am use to one sentence or one or two word phrases. This was a whole paragraph and it flowed together very well without interruption. This, of course, has everything to do with me and nothing to do with my guide. I am the one that interrupts the communication – thinking/focusing too much upon it and trying to anticipate what will be said next. I will add that I was fully conscious at this time – not on the verge of sleep or even relaxed. I was very alert and quite awake.

What he said to me basically was that this whole process is what I wanted. The knowing of things to come, the kundalini, the shifts in energy, the spiritual gifts – everything was purposeful. I could see this and he acknowledged that he knew I knew. He told me that the warning of the time I had left was purposeful so that I could “prepare” and I was reminded of the movie and how the girl had time to prepare for her passing. There is a grieving process involved, much like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD’s 5 Stages of Grief.

I recalled the conversation I had with my husband when his boss and his boss’ wife were dying. He asked why people choose to suffer. I told him it was because they wanted time to prepare themselves and their families for their passing. To suffer through a slow death is the most selfless way to die. I told him I would choose that path rather than a quick death, even if it meant I would suffer great pain.

These thoughts all came back to me and I felt I needed to choose. Life or death. As I lay there my guide asked me, “What do you want to do?” I said, “I don’t know”. He urged me to feel from my heart and so I did. I felt nothing for life but when I thought of death I felt great longing. I said, “I want to go”. He said, “Okay”.

I went to bed feeling calm and without upset at this decision.

Dreams and Messages

I had a dream-filled night. The dream I recall most vividly is the one I awoke to. In the dream I was visiting a school and quite happy and full of such energy as I flitted around from place to place. I recall going through an amphitheater where an orchestra was playing. My mom was conducting and as I went through she would stop the orchestra and say, “My daughter! Look!” They would all focus upon me and I tried to hide, not wanting all that attention.

When I left the theater, I met up with a classmate and we were catching up, laughing and discussing old times. She was tall with auburn hair that she tucked behind her ear. We were discussing going through a door, one that was off limits. We hid from a teacher but he caught her. I felt no fear at this because I was a teacher, too. I told her, “Don’t worry, I will handle this”. As I left her I gave her a hug and said, “You are getting taller” and she said, “No, you are”.

I awoke from this dream feeling very high energy and so positive that I was surprised by the amount of joy I felt.

My guide was instantly there and began to speak to me yet again. I cannot recall word-for-word everything he said, but he was again speaking to me about my decision. However, I quickly learned that the decision I made was not what it seemed.

Attunement

In my mind I saw a vision of a beautiful place. I instantly recognized it and heard the name. I am not sure if I have it right but I do know the last part of it contains “Laria”. It was as if I were standing on the top of a tall structure. It was made of a whitish material, some kind of stone. It glistened in the sunlight. I could see a clear blue sky above me and the orange sun was very clearly visible in front of me. At the level of the building were puffy white clouds in all directions. Upon seeing it I recalled the sensation of being there – the wind in my hair and a feeling of of total peace and serenity.

organI told my guide, “I know that place!” and he said, “Yes”. “I want to stay”, I said, as the vision began to fade.

I then saw another image and I knew it was located in beautiful place, Illaria. In front of me appeared a large open area and rising in columns one after the other were what seemed to be beams of colored, translucent light. These were large enough for a person to stand in and they went from the floor up higher than I could see. When I saw this, I thought “It’s an organ!”

I knew each of the beams of light to be associated with a tone or sound and all of them together played “music” except that this music was not like any on Earth. It resonated throughout one’s being, flooding them with not only a feeling but a sound beyond what ears can hear. I remembered the sound. Heaven sings all the time! It is filled with this music! The memory of it even now has me near tears. It is the most beautiful thing and no words can describe it.

My guide was speaking to me as I remembered this place and the feeling that went with it. When I saw the columns and wondered what they were for, he said, “Attunement”. And I knew what he meant. I knew that my own vibration would reach the same vibration as these columns of light. It was similar to tuning an instrument to that of the other instruments in a band. When one gets it just right, such a beautiful, pure, rich, and blended orchestra there will be! All the instruments play as if One. And what marvelous, heart moving music results!

As I was soaking up all of this my guide mentioned to me about how I was at this place and I remembered my dream. I recognized that I was not the only one at this place. I said to him, “There are thousands of others”. He nodded. I recalled how I greeted my friends, my colleagues, in the dream. There was a distinct feeling that I had moved on and they hadn’t. That I was “teacher” and they were still “student”. My thoughts drew a confirmation from my guide. I asked him, “Does that mean I am training to be a guide?” He asked, “Is that what you want?” I thought a bit. I remembered that when I first learned of guides that I often asked if I could be one. I remembered this and said to him, “Yes!”

We discussed the role of a guide for a while after this. I do not think I am a “guide” yet, as I do not feel ready and so I questioned him. “Am I learning to be a guide?” The word “apprentice” popped into my head. He nodded. I said, “But how can I do that? I am living a life!” He said, “I have two lives right now”. This puzzled me. Do guides live lives on Earth while simultaneously acting as guides to others who are on Earth? I suppose this could be. Why not?

I understood then that many were moving into new positions as guides or “teachers”. This was needed in order to help the many others who were struggling to adjust to the changes on Earth. That is when the conversation moved to the ascension, or what is happening on Earth now. I asked why it was happening now. Why now? Why me? And wasn’t it “cheating” to have all this help getting to a higher “level”? My guide, of course, said there is no “cheating”. “It is a group effort necessitated by group need. Transformation is a challenge and such challenge as this requires great collaborative effort”.

It was not until later, after this in-depth conversation, that I realized that my willingness to “die” was in fact a willingness to “live”, just in a different state. It had seemed to me so very real that I would actually die and leave this physical body. I was/am completely open to doing so without hesitation. Maybe that is what was suppose to happen?

Future

I must have dozed a bit after this as I recall a brief dream about dogs and seeing my Trooper romping with a German Shepard. I woke up from this dream still feeling extremely positive. However, I felt again that my guide wanted to talk and I knew instantly what the topic was.

I remembered the dream/OBE I had not long ago when I overheard a group discussing my life. I remember knowing that I was to meet a man, a married man, but I did not think much of this during the experience other than feeling pity for him. As I remembered this my heart and solar plexus chakras lit up with energy. It was a pleasant, warm, buzzing feeling. It was a feeling that made me want to shout out with glee. I understood what it meant immediately.

Rather than be resistant to it, I was open to it but a bit unsure that the idea was a good one. It was then that I remembered the timing had been changed because I was not yet ready. I still believe this to be so. I am not wanting to meet anyone and have that kind of connection. It would be disruptive to my life and would throw me into a tailspin. Yet I was now knowing, again, that it was to be. Why?

The answer I got was that it was necessary. The meeting would be mutually beneficial. For me, it was to help clear some blockages and facilitate much needed healing. Of course, I immediately wanted to know when. I heard “December” right away but then I knew this was not set in stone. Changes had already been made and might be needed again depending on my readiness.

A bit apprehensive still I began to get a bit worried. I told my guide, “I can’t handle that right now. I don’t think I can resist such a strong connection”. I was, of course, thinking it meant the kind of connection I have experienced in this life so far. My guide immediately corrected this idea. He said, “What does it feel like now?” He was referring to the amazing feeling I was having in my third and fourth chakras.

I focused upon the feeling for a while. I could make it come and go just by thinking about this “someone”. Weird. The more I focused upon it, the more I realized it was love. Pure and simple love. There was no sexual desire or misplaced emotion. No expectation. I did not tap into it totally but what I felt was enough to calm me down. This was no threat to my marriage.

But I knew instantly that he would not have the same experience. He would want more. No wonder I pitied him in my OBE.

All of this information is a lot to digest. I know I am missing some of what occurred this morning, but that is okay.

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The Next Level

Last night I had yet another intense dream. This one was very obviously a message about the next level my guides warned me about. Now that my chakras have been “reset”, the kundalini is rising again.

Graduation and Marriage

I found myself within a semi-lucid dream in the midst of preparing for my graduation ceremony. I was arriving along with my classmates who I recognized to be my classmates from my actual high school graduation class. I remember not quite feeling things were right and I suspect this is because I was nearing that moment when one becomes completely aware they are dreaming. Unfortunately, I never made it to that level and remained mostly unaware that I was dreaming throughout the dream.

I sat through the ceremony, watching a classmate I did not recognize brought up to the podium. She was much older than a high school student should be. In fact, she was very mature, likely in her 50s, with short, graying, brown hair. On a screen played moments from her life. She must have been a veterinarian, either that or an animal lover, because the screen showed moments in her life that mostly involved her taking care of animals of all kinds. She was quite beautiful when she was younger and I remember thinking she was a great actress.

When the video completed the ceremony continued but I do not recall most of it as I was distracted by a woman who came in wearing a dress that was white on top and black on the bottom. The other students were mostly wearing all black evening dresses but this woman was not. Her dress was quite elaborate with a huge, white bow taking up the entire bodice. I recall thinking she was quite brave to wear something so out of the ordinary. Amidst this I was considering my own attire but never saw what I myself was wearing.

Then dream then shifted to me fiddling with my cell phone amidst waiting to go home from the ceremony. I remember thinking about going to college and the city of Dallas was on my mind for some reason. I was looking through my phone for an old lover, trying to find text messages that we shared. I managed to find some old pictures taken with my camera as well as our text messages and considered the possibility of contacting this man to resume our affair. I was completely set on doing this despite being married and was trying to figure out how to keep the affair a secret. I recall worrying that my husband would find the messages on my phone and so I was also thinking of deleting them.

At some point, I lost interest in finding the old messages because they disappeared and I assumed them lost. I remember interacting with some old classmates and being presented with a hand-made quilt. After receiving the gift, my friend pulled a small box out of her pocket and told me to open it, that it was from my husband. I opened the tiny box and found a stunningly beautiful diamond and platinum wedding ring with the biggest marquis cut diamond I had ever seen. I recall feeling overwhelmed and astonished at the sight of it, believing my husband would never buy me something so expensive and at the same time completely enthused that he did. I looked up at the friend who gave it to me and she had changed to another woman, this one with long blonde hair and blue eyes who appeared to be in her 30s. She smiled and told me that we would be renewing our wedding vows at our upcoming wedding.

Upon receiving the ring and the message I felt a strong energy begin to build in my root chakra and expand outward. In the dream this was not yet recognizable on the physical level and so felt much like my dream body was expanding outward very rapidly. The energy pulsated and filled me with an intense sexual urge and I eagerly focused upon it, urging it to expand upward. As I did this I excitedly told the woman with me that I wanted this very badly to happen; that I needed it to happen. I began to focus on the feeling and this only fed the intense energy that was building within me. The energy began to move up and expand out so intensely that it woke me up.

ksiring2The Next Level: Kundalini Rising #2

As I woke, I was still conversing with the woman but soon recognized it was not a woman at all but the same guide who I have had with me throughout this life. The energy continued to expand in my root chakra and as it rose it intensified and all I could think was, “This is the sexual energy I have heard others describe when they talk about kundalini. It is happening to me!” I was thoroughly excited because I have had this kind of energy rise in me before and the result was a spiritual whole-body orgasmic experience that is indescribable.

With that thought I began to encourage the movement of the energy upward. When it hit my second chakra and began to move through it, I felt a twinge from deep within me and heard my guide say, “Slow down, it will be painful if you push it”. I stopped and listened. He said, “You carry much pain in this area. You have been sexually traumatized in many of your lives”. I vaguely saw play out in front of me a life of sexual abuse that I have yet to remember. It was distant as if not my own life, but I suspect it is one of many similar lives I have lived. I then heard again about the life where I spent 15 years struggling to survive and I suspect part of the survival included prostitution. I know that such lives exist because I have touched on them in my past life recollections. In one I gave myself an abortion and knew the pregnancy was the result of prostituting myself. I only recall the actual failed attempt, not the life.

I continued to try to move the energy up but whenever it came near to exiting the second chakra, I was filled with a very odd sensation and so stopped. My guide told me to take my time. I then saw in my mind a flash of my dream where I received the wedding ring and heard, “The merging continues”. I recognized then the symbolic meaning of my dream and its message to me that I had graduated and was now to “marry” myself.

The energy still lingered throughout my communication with my guide and I finally became exasperated. If you have ever had sexual energy build up but then never complete to climax then you will understand my frustration! I thought about waking my husband but then the idea of it actually stopped the energy completely. This confused me. I was told that the energy I was feeling, this kundalini, though very similar to sexual energy in the way the body interprets it, is not at all the same. “It is very important not to confuse the two”, he told me. Bummer! lol

He then said to me again, “Pay attention to your body”. I did not understand why I was getting this message again. “Why?”, I asked. “It will tell you how you are changing” and then he reminded me of my vision and how it had blurred suddenly in my left eye. Upon a visit to the eye doctor I was told my vision had improved. “So the changes will not be painful or bad?” and he said, “Not painful, but uncomfortable at times”. Then I imagined the sexual-like energy hitting me in the middle of the day and realized how very “uncomfortable” that would be! I can’t imagine that I would get anything done if distracted like that.

I could not return to sleep after all of this. Even now all I can think about is the energy I felt. I told my guide that I would not mind more of that! I look forward to it, actually.

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Reset

The energy was different last night. It felt like it was building up from the day before as I had been anxious most of the day for not reason. It did not feel as if I would have anything interesting occur in the night but when I thought about what it might mean I heard a song in my head: It is Well With My Soul. I began singing it aloud and started to cry because I was hit with such a feeling of love and support along with so many wonderful memories of growing up singing gospel songs with my family, especially memories of my grandparents.

I fell into such a deep sleep that when I was awakened sometime in the night I could not remember my dream, though I knew it had been an important one by the way I felt. I tried and tried to remember it, but it seemed I was too tired because the more I tried to remember, the more tired I became.

Virus

I soon found myself in a very intense dream. It was intense because I felt the energy in it moving me along. The energy was especially intense in my mid-section.

I entered a school in the dream and went into a classroom where I was met by a man who I did not recognized. He was tall and thin with a short cut beard and mustache and was wearing old fashioned clothing like from the 1800s. I don’t remember what we spoke about but I do recall he was trying to get me to kiss him. I was concerned someone would see us and pointed out the camera in the room. Eventually, though, I gave in and allowed him to kiss me. I felt nothing from the kiss and left the room soon after.

I realized not long afterwards that I was working at a school either as a teacher or a teacher of teachers (most likely the latter). I mingled with some of the teachers and then opened up my laptop to retrieve my presentation. When I logged in the computer seemed not to be mine and was filled with pornography video titles and films. I tried to get the computer to turn off but it wouldn’t and I finally had to unplug it. I was extremely embarrassed that my coworkers saw this and explained that the images were not mine.

I then opened up my phone to try and access the document I had not been able to access on my computer and found my phone had also been taken over. My list of contacts was gone and the screen was black except for a list of videos with sexual names that took the place of my contacts. I recall one video began to play and it had a name like Hot Penis’ and Juicy Cunts. I was horrified!

By this time the teachers had moved to the other side of the room and I began to calm down a bit. The images flashing on my phone would not stop and eventually I became curious about them. I watched an image of two men who were obviously about to get sexual and then shut my eyes. I then opened them from curiosity but willed myself to focus on trying to contact support.

I managed to contact someone via chat and he gave me a list of computer virus’. I knew I had the first virus on the list and asked him what I could do about it. He told me, “Nothing. It is a lost cause. All you can do is wipe the hard drive”. I was in denial so decided to try to reset my phone hoping it would at least give me access there.

merry-go-roundShort OBE

I was awakened suddenly by the screams of my baby. I got up and tended to him. It was 5:30am and he wanted solid food so I gave him some rice cereal. He began to doze off while eating so I put him back to bed but my husband yelled at me and it got me upset. It went back to bed but it took me a while to sleep because I was irritated.

I soon found myself in a house. My vision was shifty and mostly in black and white. I was waiting for my children to be dropped off by the bus but somehow knew the buses were all out of commission for a while and so the kids would be coming via carnival rides. I watched as a merry-go-round came by my house. It was on tracks and appeared to be in a line with other rides and set up like a train.

My two older children got off the train and a nice man came in with my baby boy in his arms. He was similar to the man I had just seen in my previous dream and was smiling and cheerful. He said something to me about it being cold and that he was sorry about the open air transportation my children had to use. With that, he bundled up my baby real tight. Then, when he saw how tired and depressed I was he told me, “You know registration is open for the early childhood school?” I hung my head and said, “Yes but we don’t qualify for that”. He nodded his understanding. I continued, “We make too much money”. I was filled with upset about how the only way I could get decently priced childcare in this country was to be miserably poor. The man’s face showed that he completely understood my predicament.

He left me with my children and I sat at a table all by myself moping and staring out into the darkness of the room in front of me. I looked at the table and began to organize it. As I did, I noted how vivid the objects were and I said to myself, “I am dreaming”. It was then that I began to see the room more clearly, but it was still in grays and browns and very dim.

I got up and wondered where the man had gone to. I also remembered my previous dream and felt I should see if I could initiate astral sex with the man since it seemed obvious to me that I needed to. Within moments I changed my mind about that since the man was nowhere and no one was materializing. I also knew I was in the etheric as my energy was low and I felt weighed down. It didn’t help that my mood was very low as well.

I went toward the door intent on getting outside the house. I remember thinking as I opened the door, “It will be light”. But when I opened the door it was dark and I could tell it was an unfamiliar neighborhood. It appeared to be a very hilly subdivision composed of high end houses with very large, paved driveways. I could see ten or so of them in front of me. I hesitated, thinking to myself that it was no use to try and astral as I felt so beaten down and tired. My mood was definitely difficult for me to overcome and I struggled to make a decision.

I finally decided I would go out, not knowing what I would do out there. When I tried to step through I felt something heavy against my lower leg and foot. It felt like a pillow and I kicked at it, but it would not move. This challenge caused me to fight against the pillow, now intent to get out. It was as if my increase in motivation was against me because I instantly went back to my body.

Hypnagogic Images and Messages

When I came back into my body I felt heavy with sleep, so tired I could barely move and didn’t want to anyway. I knew I had been OOB but did not care, my mood remained low as if I had been beaten down. I was on my back and stayed there but felt stiff so had to move to compensate. Within moments of laying still I began to see shapes forming in front of my eyes, geometric patterns in black and white – no color. At first I wanted to watch them but then thought better of it and ignored them. The images continued in the background of my vision for some time, expanding and contracting but never in vivid color.

I stayed in the in-between state for some time. Often I would find myself near exit and would change my mind. “What is the point? I’m not going to be allowed to go anywhere anyway”, I thought to myself. One time I found myself doing yoga and caught myself in the midst of going OOB and stopped it. Another time I was kicking as if trying to jump out of my body. It appeared I was intent on going OOB but then I would wake in the midst of it with negative thoughts and stop it.

At one point the exit opportunities stopped and I began to receive messages. This came from a guide who I am not familiar with. His voice was different than the main guide I speak with. He said to me, “Listen to your body”. I was caught off guard by this and immediately woke up and changed positions. I wondered what he meant briefly but then didn’t care.

Then I was again caught off guard by this guide who put in my head the most vivid picture of smiling teeth. There was a very ugly man behind the teeth but it was very obvious to me that I was meant to focus upon the teeth. I again heard, “Listen to your body”.

More awake, I began to wonder what he was going on about and why he was bothering me. I then got a visual of a body and the chakras were lit up all along the body. One by one each of the chakras lights began to go out and turn dark. Then I heard, “We are closing them”. I knew he meant my chakras. I then heard again, “Listen to your body”.

By this point I could not go back to sleep as I was a bit worried about what I had been shown and told. Was I going to have trouble with my teeth? Or was that just a sign of me being stubborn? And then why would they be closing all my chakras?

I heard a quick reply to my last thought, “To reset you”.

Of course, that makes no sense to me either but okay, whatever. I will pay attention to my body. So far I just feel very tired. I wonder, though, if I will be feeling physical symptoms of some illness or if it is related to something spiritual? As usual it is likely I will just have to play this by ear.

Dream Considerations

I can’t seem to get my dream out of my mind, especially after the message to listen to my body.

To get a computer virus in a dream suggests that something in one’s life has gotten very out of control. Pornography watching in a dream suggests one has issues with intimacy, power, control and effectiveness. I had forgotten up until now my conversation with my guide involving this dream. After he told me to listen to my body the first time I immediately thought of the dream and said, “My body wants me to have sex?” To which he replied, “Yes”. This is absurd to me. My body doesn’t want anything. It is a body! So I said back to him, “Too bad. I don’t want it”.

I am wondering if this is more symbolic, related to my transformation and energy. I can’t help but think about how my guide told me in the dream that there was nothing I could do besides wipe the hard drive on my computer or reset my phone. Then he told me my chakras were all being closed. Am I being “wiped”? Why?

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Opened Door

Last night I again had very vivid dreams, dreams that seem to be directing me and asking me to explore aspects of my Self which I have previously chosen to abandon.

Searching for Father

In the first very vivid dream I was with many orphaned young boys in a very large mansion that appeared to be a boarding school of some kind. Specifically, I was working with a boy whose father was Arnold Schwarzenegger. The boy was the bastard of Arnold and so had no real relationship with him. The other boys were in similar predicaments and I was helping them to meet their father’s for the first time.

The young Schwarzenegger stood in line very nervous. He went up some stairs and I followed with my consciousness (I do not recall having a body but seemed to follow the story and act as a guide to the child). When the child got to the door he was nervous and a loud voice boomed out to him from a speaker, asking him questions about himself. The voice was of his father and the child answered as he stood with the body guard not knowing if he would be let in.

The child was allowed in and found himself standing inside a chamber filled with odd items that I could not name. They looked like very large, blown up silver shrapnel and wires tossed about and every once in a while there appeared to be a yellow or red flash of light. I, at this time, felt to be one with the child and experienced this with him. I suddenly knew where we were: we were inside the brain of his father. I recognized instantly the items strewn about to be the neurons and pathways of the brain. The lights were the paths lightening up when a thought occurred. It was quite fascinating and all at once I realized that the brain and the body were like a robot controlled by the spirit who occupied it. I saw this first hand and knew this man in real life was allowing his body to control him more than he was controlling the body. He was the robot.

33Looking for 33

The dream changed at that point and I found myself with my great aunt (the sister of my grandmother who passed away last year). She was driving a truck and I was the passenger. She appeared happy and alert but I was distrustful of her because in real life she has dementia.

She drove along the road heading through a city. I saw road signs and heard her say the road name. I watched as we drove by it. The truck lurched and made awful noises and I swore it would fall apart. I held on for dear life.

We went past the city onto a dirt road that quickly turned rocky. Boulders stood in the way and my great aunt happily drove over them. Eventually we were forced to stop as the road dead ended in a pile of rocks and a mountain side. I explored it and saw a mirror perched on a bolder facing the mountain. I looked up and saw a handful of rugged men with wild eyes looking at us and knew this was not where we belonged. I took the mirror and flung it at them. It shattered at their feet. I turned and ran yelling behind me for a man who was with me to pick up my great aunt and bring her along.

We reentered the city and I heard the man (my guide?) say, “33 is this way. You will see it clearly”. I listened and went with him. Soon I saw a cafeteria and tables with numbers. I clearly saw table number 33 and went toward it. When we got there I saw two older black women sitting in the table. I let my middle son sit with them and opted to sit at another table next to them, table number 99. There was a nice black lady sitting at it, too.

Eventually I went over to table 33 with my son and spoke with the black ladies. They asked about my son and his growth. I said he had not gained much in weight or height. One woman said to me, “This is common of the middle and younger children in our family. They are often deformed”. I thought this odd and then asked, “I wonder, do you have abilities in your family, too? My grandmother is the only one that had them in my family”. The lady told me, “Yes, our mother had abilities. She would often confuse her other life with this one, talking about times long gone. She was thought to be crazy by some and eventually she stopped talking about it”. I knew the life her grandmother was caught up in was during the middle ages and understood. I told her, “I have control over mine”.

She then asked me, “Is there anything you are concerned about?” I thought about it and then said, “Not really, but my legs are bothering me. I have all these spider veins now”. I pointed them out to her. As I thought about what I was about to say next she said my thought back to me, “You wish you were black like me”. I answered, “Yes, especially now”. I remember wishing I were darker skin so no one would notice the spider veins and recalled my past life as a black woman.

Message: Spiritual Trauma

I awoke from the dreams instantly thinking of how I had been inside the brain of a man and then had been sitting at a table with the number 33. I wondered why I had chosen table 99 and then moved to 33. 99 means endings; that a part of my life is ending allowing for a new beginning. 33 symbolizes guidance and that all is possible at this time. I wondered briefly what it all meant.

Before I had time to think about it much further my guide began to speak to me.

“Spiritual trauma.”

All at once I was hit with knowingness. I wish I could adequately describe how this happens. It is so fast, so instantaneous, that all I can do to make sense of it is try to break it down. It is as if an entire dialogue occurs in an instant. One could say that it is “downloaded”, it happens so quickly.

I instantly knew these two little words were huge for me. My job is to help those experiencing spiritual trauma. I just knew it. I didn’t know how but the knowingness caused my heart and third chakras to activate and I lost my breath for a moment. To me, this is validation itself, big as day.

My mind went crazy with thoughts. What is spiritual trauma? What am I suppose to do? And then a realization, “So these are the instructions you told me were coming?”

My guide responded, “Yes. Just consider it” and I knew he meant I needed to listen with my heart. These were not instructions in the sense that I had to do what I was told. I could choose. I always have a choice.

I kept wondering about my dreams and the recent message, trying to make sense of it all. My guide interrupted and said, “Turn off your brain”. It stopped my thoughts and I realized what he meant. I needed to clear my thoughts and stop the whirlwind of questions. But I couldn’t. I was stuck on worrying about spiritual trauma. Was I in trauma? I did not think I was, but perhaps I had been.

My guide asked, “What are you afraid of?”

I replied, “My power”. Then I thought some more and I said, “My quick tongue. I need to think more before I speak. I often hurt others feelings when I blurt out things. I need to stop doing that”.

He replied, “The biggest challenge we face in life is fear of ourselves”.

86798832-open-door1Opened Door

I kept hearing over and over, “Turn off your brain”. So that is what I attempted to do. When I finally did, I found myself standing at a door. I was wearing a heavy winter coat and it was dark. The door began to open slowly, light pouring though. I walked through into a wintery scene but it was obvious the snow was melting. Spring was on the way. Warmth was spreading out and bringing new life to a desolate place. I saw I was standing on a sidewalk lined by large trees. Icicles were heavy on their branches and dripping with water

Recognizing what was happening I became too aware and the scene in front of me faded. I understood it to mean that something frozen in my life was thawing out. In dreams, something being frozen represents that which has been suppressed, rejected or denied. Could this vision indicate that my spiritual gifts are about to reemerge? I have for sure suppressed them for a very long time.