Tag Archives: mission

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Divine Mission-Possible Blog Challenge

This is my post contribution to Linda’s (Litebeing’s) Divine Mission-Possible Blog Challenge. The challenge is this:

Write about your spiritual mission here on Gaia. Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above? What have you incarnated to do or to be? Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it. Are you delighted to be here? There is no correct answer, by the way. Make it your own.

Mission

First off, I would like to say that from the beginning of this life I have always known my primary purpose was “to help.” Yeah, that’s it. Simple, really, but very open-ended. It has been extremely frustrating for me to embrace this mission because of its simplicity. It reminds me of school research paper assignments and that teacher who always had to give the students free reign over the topic. I hated those assignments! I wanted to be assigned something specific. Tell me what to research. Tell me the steps. Send me in the right direction. Nah, that would be too easy!

So my assignment this life is: Help. My response is, “Okay. I can do that…..OMG! (panic set in) HOW???” The answer I get is always, “However you want.” <—–That is just NOT fair!

Yeah, super frustrating. Just give me the specifics, tell me what to do. Nooooo.

Fast forward to this past Spring (February, 2018 specifically). I woke up one morning, after an especially amazing spiritual transformation, and just KNEW some of the specifics. Below is what I wrote:

My Mission is simple: I am a conduit for the Light. I hold and anchor the Light in order to assist in the elevation of planet Earth. I am of the second wave of Volunteers; a Wayshower. I am a Pleiadian Starseed of the Lyra star system. All other side missions are secondary to my primary one. The contracts I hold are for another version of me, the one who has since departed. I must uphold them but am not bound by them. I made a promise I intend to keep. With resolution of these contracts this other version will be completely shed as if like a skin, and all “holdings” to this planet eliminated. What will remain thereafter is a continued duty to the other inhabitants of Earth; an assistance to them so that they, too, may “shed” their previous selves/holdings and so be freed to rise to a new level. I am to live as a living example to those who follow me and others like me. I am not meant to be perfect. I am not a saint to be honored. I am simply making this “test run” so that others can learn from my process, my mistakes. Eventually they, too, will lead the way to those that follow, completing a process long overdue for this planet and her inhabitants.

Strangely, I was not relieved to know this about my mission here. It just seemed to be a fact, one that I had always known. And, honestly, it did not help with my primary concern of “how”. I mean, this holding of the Light just happens. It is at the soul-level, under the surface and multidimensional. At the human level I am still here to help in any way I see fit. As long as I “do no harm”, I am helping. It is really easy if you don’t over think it. Really!

So there’s that. My mission – to help. To describe all the in’s and out’s thus far would be far too long for one post. What I will focus on then is what I chose to do to help in this human form.

Mission Journey – The Very Short Version

The first career path I chose was teacher. I enjoyed it, until I didn’t. The education system sucked the life out of me after about 12 years. It’s all bureaucracy, red tape and paperwork. Generally, the kids are not #1, no matter what they tell you. Teachers are under paid and constantly threatened by not only the administrators but also the parents and kids (yeah the kids!). It’s so negative that anyone who survives 10 years in service is either super resilient and persistent, lucky enough to find a place where the students came first, or working for a pension/the money/because they have to. It’s very sad.

In an attempt to stay in education (because I wanted “to help!”) I shifted my career to school counselor but that quickly fizzled out as well. My heart was no longer in it. I wasn’t happy or satisfied. All the negatives from teacher were exacerbated only now I was an administrator and had to really believe in the “system”, which I didn’t. I was DONE with pretending. Still am.

So, I opted to stay home with my kids and focus on my family.

Spiritually speaking, my mission to help has come through offering spiritual services. I first begun giving readings in 2003 after my spiritual awakening. Back then, I left teaching for a time and focused on building a spiritual business from 2004-2007, but it never took off like I wanted. I just couldn’t make a living out of it. Ultimately, I just accepted that it would likely always be a side-job and fell back into teaching and counseling. But the spiritual was and has been always there, consistent and meaningful. My heart always feels full when I use my gifts.

Currently, I am working as an accounts payable assistant for sub-par pay and am satisfied with where I am. I continue to offer readings and other spiritual services on the side and I have this blog and several others that I write in to share my story and experiences with others. I have learned that I “help” the most when I am happy and not trying to force myself to be or do something that does not align with who I am. If I feel like shit, then I ain’t in the right place! If I feel good, then I am doing just fine.

Now onto the next question: Am I delighted to be here?

Yay or Nay to Physical Life?

This question just makes me just laugh, like a hysterical, insane kind of laugh. The kind you hear from a person who has been through the wringer so many times they don’t know which way is up anymore. Everything is funny in a twisted kind of way. So, yeah, I’m happy to be here and then not so much. I can’t wait to get off this freakin’ rollercoaster but then I also can’t wait to get back on.

It literally reminds me of standing in line at Six Flags for that hellish ride where you drop 8 stories (I think it’s more than that now), my knees shaking and my heart racing, terrified and thinking I will die. Yet I get on it over and over again because I can’t get enough.

Yeah, an insane kinda, wacky “delight” for experiencing life is what I have. Ultimately, no matter how much I say I want to die and exit this life I know that the minute I get Home I am gonna want to come right back. It’s addictive but there is also the purpose behind it that pushes me back. I have felt/experienced that purpose and drive. It feels like a mixture of duty and fidelity (“my word is my bond”) but really it is just a heck of a lotta Love for the others on this funky rollercoaster ride called life.

Join In

Part of this blogging challenge is to challenge someone else to join in. I want to urge all my readers who blog to join the challenge. Not only is it a great way to connect with others but it can also help clarify and solidify your mission by putting it out there, announcing to the world why you are here.

Something I want to point out to those who don’t feel like you know what your mission is or who have one like I do (OMG I feel for you!). Don’t turn it into something complicated when it isn’t. In other words, don’t follow in my footsteps! LOL What it all comes down to is that we come into these bodies to experience physical reality, to do our best and to do it with love in our hearts. We come here in complete amnesia and work our way back to Remembering. Our missions will vary and shift along the way. We only have purpose when we create purpose. As with all creations/works of art, we can edit and toss and start over as many times as needed until we get it right (our right not someone else’s!). No one is keeping tabs but you so stop tearing yourself up over the little mistakes and just have fun.

 

 

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We Are Not Meant to Do This Alone

There’s some pretty intense energy right now working to “flush out” the old. For me, it seems to be focusing on the middle chakras – sacral plexus, solar plexus and heart. I have a lot of stuck energy there, always have.

I’ve been mostly feeling unsettled and restless. When I stop moving/thinking/doing, which is my way of handling the feeling, I am left with the silence which tends to open me up to the stagnant emotion that needs to be felt and released. I struggle with just feeling through the emotion sometimes, though. It is hard not to become the effect of them.

As usual, last night I kept busy by watching a movie. This one was recommended to me by my husband. I never know what to expect of his recommendations. Sometimes they are duds, sometimes not. This one turned out to be a winner. It is called Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. I highly recommend it, and I don’t often recommend movies these days.

As is typical of my guidance, the movie brought to the surface some of that emotion for release. It had nothing to do with the movie, though there were plenty of moments to feel emotional during the movie. At first I could sense a guide in the distance to my left. He seemed a bit hidden, probably by my focus on the movie. The emotion was easily spotted and hit me in intervals – waves rather. By the end of the movie I had cried enough to be completely stopped up.

Most of what I felt has been with me all my life. It is a feeling of never-ending nothingness, pointlessness, and boredom with life. I see my life as an endless conglomeration of routine and safety. I crave change but then I also fear it. In the middle of the craving and fear is where I am stuck, immobile in indecision. Well, there is a decision, a decision to cling to the safe even though I want desperately to find an excuse to go on an adventure.

Then there is the unrequited love feeling that forever haunts me now. It is unending and torturous. I had never really understood what unrequited love was or felt like before but I do now.  The ache never ends. This feeling surfaced last night and was still with me when I awoke. It is something that I live with on a daily basis and apparently something I experienced in more than one previous life. In fact, I think when I entered this life it was with me, I just didn’t know its source. Knowing the source doesn’t help relieve it at.all. If anything, it makes it that much worse.

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This morning I was begging to be relieved of the pain once again. I see no point in trying to chase after love because I see it leading into an endless maze of which I have never reached the end in other lives. Without a known end (meaning I have only a dream of what it might be) there is hopelessness. The feeling that remains is similar to the first one I mentioned, the one of feeling stuck between craving and fear. In fact, it is the same feeling. The two are one in the same.

Add to all this the not knowing which is the right best choice for me (follow the craving or the safety?) and you get confusion and chaos, especially in my mind but also in my energy body. Up to this point, most often I follow the safest route. I hear my guidance asking me, “How’s that working for you?” Not good, I guess, though I do have more than enough in regards to security, money, material things. More than enough.

This morning the answer was provided but I don’t know how to go about what is being asked of me. It was, of course, “let go”, specifically of the past and the experiences that haunt me. If I could, I would erase all memory; wipe the slate clean. The obvious way to do that is to start a new life because, well, the memory is wiped clean to start anew. So, my immediate request is to be allowed to do that. Of course, that is not granted because I am suppose to be cleaning up this lifetime so that I can help humanity/man-kind with the ascension.

It was pointed out to me quite bluntly that I am clinging to the past and as such not moving forward, not allowing new opportunities to manifest and turning away from new paths because they don’t seem to lead me to where I want to go. This is screwing things up, taking me around and around in circles.

Yes, I have been here before, many times (circle).

This patterns is, of course, linked to my wanting to know where the path leads; to be in control, or at least feel in control. Ego wants what Ego wants. Period. This is what happens when one Forgets, which is, sadly, a human tendency. Not long ago I was Remembering and following my gut/heart/intuition while not resisting paths as they opened up to me. But I have fallen back into old patterns, forgotten all I have learned. So here I am learning it all over again.

Part of the reason for this regression is that I have unfinished business to attend to. Stuff I didn’t confront fully before because of inability to cope with the overwhelm of emotions that surfaced. My heart got so wide open that I was taking on humanities pain as my own and that was just too much. I actually fear that happening again, mostly because I feel an intense urge to do something about it but feel so insignificantly small and powerless. Somehow I have to be able to live with a wide-open heart, to take in all that comes with it and experience it completely without backing down, without fearing failure, and without any expectation. That is the only way to HOLD and ANCHOR the LIGHT.

OMG what did I sign up for? LOL

I realize now that for me to accomplish the above the masculine has to be synced up with me, supporting me and providing the strength needed to channel all that comes with a fully open heart. I see it in my mind as energy in the pattern of an infinity symbol. One side of the infinity loop goes through me, the other through him/the masculine. This could be the masculine with me, or an actual masculine counterpart I suppose. Or maybe both. But most definitely I have to have my own masculine side healed and be completely open and receptive to it. Yet I sense that it is both my own masculine and the collective masculine here. It feels like one cannot be truly complete/whole without the other.

I am reminded of something my guidance has told me time and time again, “You are not alone.” Also, “You are not meant to so this alone.” This I have said to others as well.

infinity

In writing this I am reminded of how I feel when I have synced up with the masculine, meaning come into Union, even if only for the very briefest of moments. The feeling of support is tangible. There is no fear. There is no past or future. There is only NOW and with it full acceptance/surrender to all possibility. I feel 100% capable of taking on anything and everything. Supported. Powerful. Able. Loved. My guidance says, “Imagine feeling that way all the time……It IS possible.”

I have been practicing breathing in the Bliss and Divine connection when I am stressed or feeling overtaxed in some way. It helps and sometimes I am even able to remove myself totally from the situation so that I can observe and not be the effect of it. It takes practice, but it works, and I am being urged to continue. So I will.

In between all this healing and transmuting and such there are the very real contracts I am still in the midst of working through. Life goes on. I still have obligations to others, lessons to complete that somehow tie into a bigger purpose, though I can’t quite see that whole picture yet. I feel it to be true, though.

From my viewpoint it all looks like a big, crappy mess of chaos. One that I will never untangle myself from. This is where Trust and Allowing come in. It probably means I will go down some paths that don’t look like they lead anywhere. And maybe they won’t. That isn’t the point, I’m told. The point is to practice Trust and Allowance to the point that I do so habitually. Eventually, the tangled mess around me will sort itself out.

My problem is always looking for the finish line. When we do that, we miss what is right in front of us for looking too far beyond it.

I’ll leave you with something I feel my guidance led me to this morning.