Tag Archives: music messages

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Dream: It’s Time to Rebuild

Our trip to Costa Rica is only 11 days away. Unfortunately, I continue to go back and forth on the decision, at least in my mind. My mind wants to make it difficult – always. When I check in with my guidance I consistently get the answer, “I need to do this.” It isn’t about what my small self (human) wants, at least not primarily. Despite being the driver of this life, my HS is continually checking in with me – the passenger – to make sure I’m comfortable. Contrary to what I think (most of the time), my Higher Self does want my human self to be happy and does strive to give me what I want.

The indecision is typical for me and can be frustrating to say the least, especially if I voice my concerns to those around me and they don’t want to hear them. The other night I mentioned briefly how I was feeling to my husband and he went into attack mode, telling me that if I would just be “nice to him” then I wouldn’t feel what I was feeling. The pure spite spewing out of him was palpable. So, I just walked away and went outside where I tuned into my guidance and got the same answer I always do – “I need to go.”

My mind loves to go into panic mode and will go on and on if I allow it. I see so many potential booby traps awaiting me. Yet when I tune in, my HS will ask me questions to help settle my mind. I recall being asked, “What are you feeling? What are you afraid of?” Lately, it feels like I have a group of supportive Beings around me. This morning, in fact, I heard very distinctly, “We love all love you” and could sense a large group of family and friends in Spirit.

My dreams last night were vivid, especially one.

Dream: It’s Time to Rebuild

The dream began in a large space, like a meeting hall. It was hard to see, but when I interacted with someone the difficulty vanished and they became very clear. I recall talking to a man who I felt very friendly with. He was “parked” in a certain space and mentioned he chose it for “the view”. I didn’t see a man but a car, a yellow one. He felt like someone who I could joke around and flirt with.

Around me I could sense a large group but my attention was on one man among them. We talked for some time about his life and my life. I recall knowing he had two grown children, but they had just recently left the home. He was divorced or separated, also. There is memory of a golden glow, his energy I think, and I could see within this glow images as if a movie was playing.

The energy from this person was attractive to me and I was very, very interested in him. I remember feeling/thinking, “I want this”. Wherever he went in the room my attention went.

Then I was in a dark room preparing for sleep. I remember the space was full of rooms like this all located along a long corridor. Someone was walking down the corridor ringing a bell and announcing a gathering. I could also hear music when the bell was rung – a chiming sound, like windchimes. It was late and I was not in the mood to go anywhere. I remember thinking, “Oh no. Not now.” It felt like I could choose whether to go or not and I was not planning on attending. I wanted to sleep.

Then the man from before was standing in front of me. He asked me, “Are you coming or not?”

I recognized him. He was the same man I use to see in my dreams and OBE’s. He first visited me in 2014 and his visits preceded my encounter with my heart connection. After my heart connection, this was the man who came to guide me in my dreams. He always looked the same – dark hair, dark eyes, tall and slender and somewhat Hispanic looking.

For some reason I was speechless. He then said, “It’s time to rebuild.” I said back, “But shouldn’t we destroy everything first?” He said with both words and a vivid image, “It’s dominoes.” And in my mind I saw a line of dominoes. The first was knocked over and then the entire line followed in succession.

I experienced a kind of clarity with his answer. Then, he grabbed what looked like a scarf and another smaller item. The scarf was see through and blue. He waved it over my head as if to entice me to follow him. There was a sense that I need take only the necessities with me if I went.

I watched him walk out the door. The attraction I felt for him was magnetic and the pull irresistible. I remember feeling reticent but thinking, “Fine. If he’s going then I should go.” It felt like regardless of what this “meeting” was or meant, if he was going to be there then I would be okay. It was clear, though, that I did not really want to follow him, but I did.

The next thing I remember is being back in the hall. It was like I returned to the beginning of my dream. Across from me on the other side I could see the man. My attention was glued to him. Somehow we ended up talking again. He asked me a question, seeking advice. He felt upset about a decision he had made and was being very hard on himself. I could feel what he was feeling and sympathized. I can’t remember what he asked but I said, “You did it for family.” He nodded agreement and said, “Yes, yes I did.”

What I remember most distinctly is how drawn I was to him and how beautiful he was to me. The feeling woke me and my guide was close. I remember saying, “He is beautiful.” In that moment I wanted nothing more than to be with him, next to him, close to him.

Music Messages

When I woke I remember thinking it significant that I was seeing this man in my dreams again. Surely it didn’t mean my heart connection was about to reconnect? I remember briefly considering emailing him about my dream, warning him of the destruction coming because what happens to me also seems to happen to him. But then I didn’t want to resume communication. I know I can’t just be friends, it’s too painful. Besides, the info from the dream didn’t match what I know about him at all.

As I considered the dream, a song came to mind. Specifically this part: “I shot a hole through every single thing that I love”. The whole chorus soon followed:

I’m sorry for everything, no, everything I’ve done
From the second that I was born it seems I had a loaded gun
And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved
Oh I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved

I struggle to return to sleep, but when I did I heard message. One was, “You’re here to analyze the future.” I questioned that, thinking, “analyze” was the wrong word.

I entered a dream where I was outside laying on a towel sunbathing with others by a pool. I had with me a backpack and was going through the contents. I pulled out clothing and dishes while talking to the others with me about an upcoming “test”. Then I was standing in a doctor’s office discussion a pain in my lower leg. He said a leg vein was likely to return and asked me to take it easy. He showed me that a section of vein was missing and indicated the missing section was “growing back”. The two side of the vein wanted to be reconnected.

Then I was walking in a city at night. I encountered about five tiny kittens. They were following me. As I turned around toward them I heard music and saw into a house. The house was where a mother and small boy lived. Somehow I knew the music was their alarm clock. It kept getting louder and louder. While the music played the walls had images of sexual scenes and I thought it very inappropriate. I took video of it for proof. Then someone took charge of my video camera and zoomed in on another space. There was a wall with wooden, locked doors all over it. One door was opened and inside was an undecorated Christmas tree. The video pushed passed the tree to another door, opened it and behind a row of ties was another door. Behind that were more doors, each getting successively smaller.

I woke up from the odd dreams feeling kinda heavy from a night of information processing without really knowing what that information was. A song came to me as if in answer. I heard, “Cause I do it solo….” The sense was that I am meant to travel “solo” for this part of my journey.

Considerations

The first dream appears to be a preparation dream. Some event is going to (or has already) set off a chain of events leading to destruction of some kind and then a period of rebuilding. I am not eager for this and prefer to sleep it away – avoid it. So the dominoes are representing that chain of events.

The song message may or may not represent me. It could be that someone was communicating to me how they feel in their life – always messing things up. I feel this way, too, at times, though.

The other dreams feel to support the first. The unpacking symbolizes relieving myself of burdens and responsibilities I’m carrying around. The doctor is a guide indicating that the “vein” in my leg wants to reconnect and be whole. I vein could represent my “life force” or energy. There is mention of a test in the dream, also.

The last dream is Kundalini filled. Cats = feminine sexuality. The music, another “alarm” (mentioned in first dream also), is accompanied by sexual images. Then the Christmas tree is a repeating symbol from the dreams I had in the past with the dark haired man. It indicates “gifts” coming. Since this one isn’t decorated yet and is behind doors, it may be hidden.

That reminds me, I asked about the dominoes portion of the dream after I woke. I said, “The destruction hasn’t happened, has it?” They said, “It has, you just haven’t seen it yet.” My feeling was that something has been set in motion but the ripples are still too small to notice. It at least makes me feel a little better about how the destruction comes about. I had worried it would be an “all at once” thing.

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Dream: Hieros Gamos

All has been quiet here the past few days. Since the snow melted, the temps have soared into the 70’s, nearly hitting 80 yesterday! Most, if not all, have had their electric, water and other circumstances return to pre-Uri conditions. Yesterday, our boil water notice was rescinded as was the notices in the surrounding areas. Schools were shut down for repairs and today in-person instruction resumes. Most, if not all, grocery stores have everything in stock again but for a while shelves were bare.

May be an image of indoor
Target shelves on February 21st

It was just yesterday that the last remnants of snow melted in our yard. We had shoveled it into a huge pile and the shade protected it from the sun but couldn’t protect it was temps in the 70’s. Sadly, many shrubs and other plants suffered a kind of “freezer burn” effect to include the great Live Oaks in our neighborhood. The leaves are brown and crusty and some already falling a month before their usual molt. Thankfully, Live Oaks are hearty trees and have an unusual life cycle. They are ever-green and replace their leaves in early Spring, so it is likely all will live another year. So far it appears my Calamondin tree was devastated. Everything is dead and I had to prune more than half the tree away. We won’t know if the roots survived until green shoots prove there is still life in it.

Dreams, syncs and other messages from the Universe have been quiet the last few days. I’ve been extra tired and over the last two days more sensitive to the energies of others. For two days straight I had a dull headache that became worse as the day progressed. I had to go into work yesterday and it seemed the more people I was around, the worse I felt to the point that I began to worry I was getting sick. When I left work I asked for healing as I was driving and moments later a warm energy spread from my head down to my upper back where the worst discomfort was felt. I became extremely relaxed and calm and by the time I arrived home all pain was gone. I still felt very tired, though. I suspect removing myself from the company of coworkers was helpful as I was likely picking up on their exhaustion and anxiety from the previous week.

Sleep has been deep but last night I struggled to fall asleep and woke frequently throughout the night. One dream in particular was vivid enough to wake me and keep me from returning to sleep.

Dream: Hieros Gamos

Most of this dream I was confused and questioning the dream experience but it never brought on lucidity.

I was traveling with a group and we ended up staying in a flat in the UK. I didn’t recognize any of the people I was with but we seemed to know one another well enough. My memory is fuzzy but I recall being in a double bed with a man inside a closet. The longer we were there, the more cluttered the closet became until it was only me inside. The closet had shelves filled with items and only a very small area to walk. One man in particular kept storing his food inside and I asked him to put it on the shelf. It was Bulgarian food his mom kept making for him. She also sent him money. I remember commenting on how nice it must be for him to have a never-ending supply of food and money.

At one point, I broke my glasses and got very irritated at the Bulgarian man, blaming him for the cracked frame. What is interesting is that my glasses had only one, oblong lens rather than two. I was upset because with my glasses broken I would have to visit an eye doctor to get a new pair and that meant finding a doctor in the UK. That meant I had to go outside and find a doctor, meaning talk to and interact with someone new. I complained that it would likely cost more, too. $50 more in fact.

The crowded conditions were uncomfortable and so I ventured outside. I remember talking to someone, likely a guide, and getting “ideas” such as “why don’t you explore?,” and “why don’t you talk to them [people]”? I remember standing on the side of the street talking to a man and mentioning the currency. I asked, “Do they still use Euros here or pounds? When I was here before I think they used pounds.” Some stranger from the street explained they used pounds and was very friendly. I turned to the man I was with and whispered, “He must have overheard me.” I didn’t want to interact with the man. I felt uneasy in the strange place I found myself in.

I was nudged to look around and so did as was suggested. The area was quite busy with vendors and people. It reminded me a bit of Mardi Gras in Louisiana but without all the beads and streamers. I received a suggestion to go up to people and talk and almost did, but then convinced myself that no one wanted to hear what I had to say.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw man and a woman walking around with this tablet in their hands. The woman was giving people readings using this tablet. I watched, suspicious, as she spoke with a woman, telling her things about her life and her future. I observed for a while and when the pair went on their way I decided to approach the woman. I didn’t say much as she held her tablet close to my phone.

I looked at the tablet curiously. It was like no device I had ever seen. The screen had mathematical symbols on it and diagrams alongside astrological symbols and charts. The woman glanced at the screen and said, “I hear, ‘Montana’ and ‘Firefly’.” I recognized the two words but didn’t response to her. Instead, I turned away and sat on a bench hoping she would go away. The woman then went into detail about my mother, telling me things only I would know about her but that could easily be gotten from an astrological chart. Specifically, the woman mentioned my mother had Leo as her moon. I remember recognizing Leo as significant, not only in my chart but my mom’s and my husband’s (he’s also a Leo moon). I was not impressed.

Somehow I ended up with her tablet in my hands. She told me, “I’ll be right back,” and I sat looking at the device. I was suspicious of it and so went back to my group to ask for assistance in determining its legitimacy.

I entered a large room full of people laying against walls in sleeping bags, blankets and pillows. It reminded me of a homeless shelter but I knew it was just where we all were gathered. I announced to the group that I was looking for help determining the validity of the tablet I was holding and told them they only had 9.5 minutes to figure it out. Two men raised their hands and I agreed to let them look at it. My main concern was that the tablet somehow hacked my phone, stealing my personal info and giving it to the woman.

Both men agreed that the device was legitimate but cautioned me about letting my phone get near it just in case. They could find no evidence that it “hacked” my phone but I was still wary. I could see the woman talking with another customer and she glanced my way. I knew she was coming back.

Then I was back with the woman. She held the device up and let me look at its screen. I felt pulled into the screen and found myself in space surrounded by stars and planets. The device then showed me all the people the woman had helped before me but it was information, their charts, their astrological information, their choices and options – everything. The info was presented in charts, graphs and mathematical symbols.

I recognized I was being shown the blueprints for each of their lives on Earth and understood that though there was quite a bit of information contained within these blueprints, each person had free-will and so their future was never completely known/clear until they created it themselves via their decisions.

When my blueprint came up I recognized everything and told the woman, “I already know all of this and it is quite boring, really.” She said, “At least you never murder/kill anyone.” Still unimpressed I replied, “Yeah, I’ve never killed anyone.” Looking at my blueprint on the screen, I asked, “Can you tell me anything I don’t know?” She asked, “What do you want to know?”

With her question I felt a distinct shift take place. The woman was no longer with me and her voice morphed from feminine to masculine within the span of the time it took her to ask the question. I was back inside the tablet screen – or “space” – but this time I was hovering over planet Earth looking down at the United States. It looked like an aerial view so I was able to see the coastline, geographical features, clouds, the ocean and the entire continent from coast to coast from my vantage point – the east coast.

I was mentally answering her/his question in my mind. I saw letters typed up on a screen in my mind. I had asked to be shown something I had trouble describing. The word, “SEX” slowly appeared and I said, “No. Not quite that…” Then a sentence appeared below it, but I can’t recall what it said because I was watching the aerial view of the U.S. below me in awe. A tiny, blue dot was zig-zagging around above the map. It went out into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, into the UK and then back toward the US like it was on a plane traveling between the two continents. As the neon blue dot moved, it left a trail behind it. The trail eventually formed a neon blue path showing where it had been. The circles and loops were beautiful. It was fascinating!

When I found the words and feelings to describe what I wanted, the words, “Hieros Gamos” were printed out over the Atlantic Ocean in very large, white, bold letters. A line formed under each word as if to indicate importance. The tiny blue dot, now over the eastern United States, was traveling in a northerly direction. As it traveled it encountered other blue dots, each had its own trajectory that was faded compared to my dot’s trajectory. The dot paused at each dot it encountered and continued on its path. I knew the dot I was watching represented me. The dot traveled from off the map, near Texas (my home state), along what I think was the Blue Ridge Parkway, then north and then turned south. It encountered a few other dots and I saw about 20 more dots scattered across the region as far south as Florida. I remember thinking each dot was a person and that my dot was searching for something specific.

Around the middle part of the eastern coast my dot stopped at another dot and I watched as it began to circle it and then “dance” with it. It looked like a clock-wise swirl and the two blended together into one. Then the two dots, now merged, shot off like a shooting star to the left, over the Appalachian Mountains and finally disappeared over Canada. I heard in my mind (or maybe I sang it), a line from a song, “Then we’ll shoot across the sky….”

At this point I recognized I was dreaming and that a specific message was being given. My lucidity caused the end of the dream to fade out, leaving only the visual of that map of the US in my mind as I awoke.

Considerations

The location on the map of the U.S. was clear to me when I woke up. I must admit I wasn’t pleased with knowing where this other dot was located. It felt like the answer I received was limiting me to this one “dot” in that one location. Was there really only one? Do I not have any other options available to me? I wanted to ask the “tablet” or man/woman in my dream these questions, but it was too late.

The song that went through my head was this one:

There is a particular incident, a brief time period in my life, that this songs goes with. It reminds me of this time whenever I hear it.

Anyway, the symbolism of the dream is clear. My closet, or my safe place, is getting crowded and at some point I am going to have to venture out and be around people again. lol I can’t help but laugh because I can feel that sense of being crowded into a tight space in my waking life. It is subtle now but there. It is asking me to go back out into the world; nudging me. For example, this morning as I was putting in my contacts, I had a strange, near-compulsory urge to go online and start searching for elementary school counseling jobs. And with it was a whisper of a voice saying, “Once Covid conditions have passed they [the kids] will need someone like you….”. It felt as if an opening created just for me would be there when I wanted it. Whaaaat!? I pushed it out of my mind right away. Why would I go back to counseling when I have such a cushy, work-from-home job!? I’d be crazy to give that up for bureaucratic BS and long hours.

I have no doubt I was being shown how blueprints are created and how they are used in an Earth lifetime. I also think I was being reminded that I always have a choice. Always. If only it was as simple as watching a little blue dot zig-zag around.

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Message: Collision, and Night-Long Dream #2

I couldn’t sleep last night and I was real tired. Not sure what caused it. Maybe the ridiculously warm temps here in Texas? I was in the mid-80’s! It was around midnight when I finally did fall asleep but woke soon after startled from an upsetting dream.

Dream: Collision

I was driving a car along the country roads where I grew up. My daughter was in the passenger side sitting on the edge of the open window. I felt to be in a hurry as she chatted happily about random subjects. 

As we approached a familiar area of road I saw people standing along the side of the road. It appeared they were waiting for the bus. I told my daughter to get down. She asked why and, annoyed, I snapped back, “Because they will see you!” I was more concerned what people would think than of her safety. 

I slowed down as I got closer to the people. A little girl, scarcely a toddler, wandering out into the road in front of me. I slammed on my brakes to avoid her and her mother came out into the road to get her. The woman came to my window and apologized. That is when I saw the road was actually full of all sorts of people milling about. What were they doing wandering in the road so early in the morning? All of the them were wearing light colored clothes and it reminded me of a scene from the show, The 4400. 

Somehow my dog, Monty, got out of the car. I hadn’t even realized he was with us. I jumped out and called him. He was standing in the road, happy to be around all the people. He was so comfortable he lay down in the middle of the road. 

As I went to grab his leash, a vehicle drove through the crowd, ignoring people and….Monty. I watched in horror as the car ran over his head, crushing his snout. I heard him whelp in pain but what was the worst is I saw in detail how his little face was crushed. 

Lesson and Message

The shock and what was running through my mind woke me. I felt panic as I lay there and then knew I would not be falling back to sleep anytime soon because the dream brought of memories of all the pets I’ve lost in my life. I also worried the dream was a premonition. What would I do if something like that happened in real life? I knew I would prefer to avoid it at all costs, like I did when my poor Trooper was put to sleep. I couldn’t confront it so I stayed in the lobby and let the vet take my place by his side. I also refused to see the dead bodies of my other pets after they died. I wondered why I did that.

It was at this point a guide said, “Death isn’t pretty.” It was the same guide energy from the other night. 

As I attempted to return to sleep, I entered the in-between where a word came to mind, “Collision”. It was then I understood the reason for the dream.

On February 3rd, I experienced something unusual as I was driving to work. That morning I had awakened from a night-long dream and the entire day felt odd. For the first time in years I was in “La La Land” as I call it, which indicates my crown is more open than usual. 

A song came on the radio, one I hadn’t heard in years: Collide.

I was waiting at a red light as it played, still off in La La Land, when I noticed a large semi-truck was right on my bumper. I ignored it but then I swear I felt him tap my bumper. I thought, “Did he just hit me?” I wasn’t sure but waved my hand out my window to see what he would do. Not long after he honked his horn and got out of his truck. I thought this meant he did hit me so I got out of my car. I asked, “Did you hit me?” He said, “No.” I checked my bumper and it was fine. So, I got back in my car as the song played, “You and I collide.” I thought it very strange and felt I must have imagined the bumper tap because of the song. But I know I felt him tap my bumper because I felt the car lurch forward! Still in La La Land, I continued on to work, feeling somewhere in-between this world and another.

Later on that same day another song started playing while I was editing a spreadsheet for work. It shifted me into La La Land immediately. It was like someone whispering to me, “Pay attention….”.

The song? Crash Into Me. Yep. 

And now I am hearing, “Collision”. 

From that point on, this guide began to discuss the lesson being presented for inspection. I remembered how it took me 5 years to get a new dog after Trooper died. I didn’t think I would ever get another dog, but I did. This memory was linked to other memories, memories of my other dogs but also of times in my life where I experienced a “collision”. Usually, these collisions were not pleasant and involved death, but not always, at least not actual death. 

Collision = Unexpected change or a life “shake-up”.

My guide asked me to consider what would have happened had I never had my other dogs. What would happen if I didn’t agree to have those relationships that never panned out? 

The whole point was that to experience joy, pleasure, or any other positive emotion, one must open themselves up to the possibility. Take a risk. Open your heart. Be vulnerable. But doing that also opens one up to the potential for great pain and suffering. The pain of loss is difficult to bear and over time some completely close themselves off to things which bring them joy and pleasure in order to avoid the inevitable loss. 

I knew this was true for me.

But I did get another dog in the end, didn’t I? It took me five years but I did despite knowing, at some point, I will lose him, too. Ultimately, I decided that having a loyal companion who loved me unconditionally was worth the pain and loss. I did try to not attach, but I know I have because this dream really upset me.

With human relationships I tend to keep others at a distance. I never fully open up to anyone. I am so very cautious. The minute someone gives me an indication that they are untrustworthy, I shut down completely. I may appear open, but I’m not.

As it is, the only time I completely opened up in this lifetime, my heart got smashed, so why would I open up again and risk that kind of debilitating pain? That was one hell of a collision!

The last thing I remember thinking before falling asleep was considering that it had been five years since my heart connection. It took me five years to forget before I got another dog. Perhaps I have forgotten enough of my past pain that I might open up my heart again? 

As I type this I can’t help but think another “collision” is coming.

Night Long Dream #2

And so I entered into a dream that continued through the night even after waking several times.

The dream began in a restaurant. I was with someone I know from online. I recognized him immediately. As we sat waiting to order I saw a part of him I didn’t know. When the waitress took too long to take our order he was quite vocal about it to the point that others in the restaurant heard him. I just laughed it off, not really embarrassed and knowing it was just part of who he was. Eventually, his eggs came as ordered – sunny side up. They looked raw to me as I arranged his toast on the plate and handed it to him. He ate the food quickly seeming famished. 

I remember knowing an entire story had played out before this scene so I asked my guide, “I want to see what happened.” From this point, I began to recount how this man and I had gotten to the restaurant. 

First, there was memory of making plans to meet up at an airport somewhere. I would fly in from Texas and he would fly in from his state. When we met up, the man no longer looked like his does in this life. Instead, he looked like the man from my previous night-long dream, but younger.

From there, we went to a hotel where we had separate rooms across the hall from each other. The receptionist met us and showed up to our rooms. Again, the man was quite vocal and gruff. He was most definitely a “brute” who wanted things his way and was not afraid to make it known to others when things were not what he wanted.

Inside our rooms we planned our day. I remember he was talking very loudly and putting up a front as this very strong, masculine man who had no weaknesses. But I knew him better than that so every time he was loud to the point that it would put someone off and scare them away, I laughed it off and said something to soothe him. He would then smile. It was like we had own our little secret world.

Throughout the dream I kept waking up and returning to sleep. I was aware that I was still talking to my guide and that my considerations were directing the dream. 

In one part of the dream we were preparing to head back home. I remember waiting in a lobby, maybe at the airport, where I filled a water bottle. I also remember visiting a restaurant. It felt like the man was constantly talking loudly while I remained happily silent and calm. He had lots of complaints but I took none seriously. 

In the last part of the dream I remember the man looked like my heart connection. I remember taking an earlier flight home than was previously agreed upon but he didn’t know it. I arrived home and hours later received a text from him saying his plane had landed. I told him I was already there, waiting. He asked how and I said I caught an earlier flight, one at 11am while his left at 3pm.

Interpretation

The feeling from the dream is that I was being shown relationships I have had in this lifetime and how they are linked to other lifetimes. I recognized all the men. The first man in the restaurant was behaving like a previous version of himself. He was quite brazen, bold and outspoken. He did not care if he hurt other peoples’ feelings. He was use to getting what he wanted. 

An alternate version of the man appeared in most of the dream. He was a younger version of the man in my dream from Feb 3. Our connection revealed itself as special, at least in that we knew each other well enough that I did not take his demanding behavior personally. I easily calmed him and there was an unspoken understanding between us. 

It seems that the shifting of the appearance of the man was there to indicate that all masculines are One. They may take on different forms and personalities and live different lives, but in essence they are the same energy. This has been discussed with me in the past, it has just been many years now.

Like the last night-long dream, it seems this guide is attempting to get me to open up and reconsider a past decision. He denies this when I ask, though, saying instead, “I am here to help”.

The last thing I remember hearing is me saying to him, “I will live a normal life.” I’m not sure what kind of “normal”, maybe my kind of “normal”, because this life has been anything but normal! 

Image source – http://www.nasa.gov

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Dream Message: The Killer in Me is the Killer in You

Another good night’s sleep after many weeks of struggling to sleep. Funny how grateful you can be for something you once took for granted when you have been denied it so long.

Dream: The Killer in Me is the Killer in You

The dream began on a highway (life path). I was with someone, a friend, and we were navigating the path together, giving each other advice and direction.

What I mostly recall of this part of the dream is seeing two dead (suffering, loss) geese on the side of the road. One was white and black, the other brown and black. A motorcycle (forward movement and balance in life) without a driver had caused their deaths and I pointed it out as if to suggest the irresponsible driver caused the carnage.

I arrived at a small town and met up with my friend there. We went into a shopping area. A building stood in front of us which we both knew. It stood apart from the rest and was a line of a three or four shops that inside were all connected. The outside was brown and somewhat rustic or old looking, but modern at the same time. She asked me if I had been to visit the vendors there, I said I had. We agreed to go inside and take a look.

Inside we stopped at a healer where my friend had previously been. She motioned to the two men standing there. One was bald and robed like a monk, the other was taller and older with graying hair. They stood behind a small table that had a tapestry hung over it and a singing bowl and other healing tools sat on top. When I turned to look the men welcomed me, opening their arms and motioning me to come over. I turned and looked at the other vendors and said, “I don’t think I need healing right now….”

My friend accepted this but something changed my mind and I turned back and walked up to the men. The cost of the healing was discussed. As usual, a donation was the only price. I said, “I only have $4 (cautious advancement).” I reached into my purse and got out my wallet, pulling out my money. When I looked at it I was surprised to see more than I thought and upon inspection I had two $50 (personal freedom) bills. I said, “Wow! I didn’t know I had this much!” When I inspected the money it appeared to have nothing printed on it and was a bit transparent and iridescent. When the money changed position, however, the printed ink could be seen. I opted to keep the two $50 bills and donated the rest.

I was asked to stand on the table, left foot resting on something a bit higher than the right – a bowl maybe? Whatever I stood on rotated and was covered in fabric. The man instructed me to let myself spin with the rotation of the disc I stood on. I could feel myself off balance and was afraid I would fall so I stiffened up. He instructed me to relax but when I heard his voice it sounded like a woman’s. I suddenly felt to be lower, ground level, and hands were lightly touching both shoulders. The energy felt feminine and I relaxed into it, closing my eyes and spinning gently. I could hear a woman’s voice encouraging me and telling me, “That’s it…”

When it was over the two men were there again and the woman gone. The spinning sensation had balanced out and I received a vision of an old man with white hair and a beard. He was familiar. The taller of the two men asked me what I had seen and I told him. He was astonished and pulled out a picture of a man. I confirmed it was him and said, “He died here….he had trouble breathing…his chest hurt.” I somehow knew the man’s name was Yogananda.

At this point I asked to be excused to use the bathroom (release, healing). I went into a room from which several woman emerged. Inside I found many women in various positions and several tall clay pots for urinating in. I saw one woman on the floor as if seizing as she pushed a large, white ball around. There were other women on the floor as well all seeming to be convulsing as if overcome by something. They were not in danger, however, and I knew it. They were “possessed” by the Divine.

I entered yet another room, hoping to find a more private place to urinate and encountered more women. Along the side of the room were smaller rooms with doors – small saunas. Women were inside the saunas sweating, conversing and very relaxed.

The dream fades in and out here. I recall mostly trying to urinate and not being able to and seeing various strange toilets made of clay pots that were too high to sit on and so forced a woman to stand. In one I remember feeling I must be getting a UTI because my bladder hurt.

Lastly, I am standing again at the table with the two men and my friend. A song is playing in the background. It is familiar.

Messages

When I woke the words, “The killer in me is the killer in you….” are whispered to me by a voiceless voice as the music in my dream fades away. I know immediately the song, one I have not heard in years.

This is when the name of the man I saw in my vision repeated in my mind – Yogananda. I knew little to nothing about this guru so had to look him up. Turns out he died of heart failure. Source 

I am sure his teachings are relevant, also, but I will wait to be shown what, if any of his teachings, are relevant.

PARAMAHANSA YOGANANDA QUOTES image quotes at relatably.comAs I lingered in bed, still heavy with sleep, a calming energy swept up and down my spine – an energy hug as I call them. With this energy came a reminder that all lessons are cyclic and will repeat over time until learned and absorbed. If there is anything we can be sure of in physical experience it is that life repeats and so what we feel we have lost or been denied in one experience will be offered up to us again in another. My response was, “But what if it is not until another lifetime?” The reply to that was, “It will be so if you desire it.”

Yet a part of me feels afraid and resists the offering of certain lessons again. I can feel her clinging to her safety net; beliefs birthed out of fear and suppressed memories of when pain and destruction came from following the heart.

As I pondered this, it was revealed to me, as if a memory, that no specific path is the “right” one. It is just a path chosen to explore and many new paths can arise from it. The way of the heart is not linear, nor logical, nor can the destination always be seen/perceived for that is the Soul’s journey unto itself.

And with that I am brought back to the song and the words in it. It speaks to me of Oneness and how we are all aspects of one another. There is also the part about how the years “burn”. This is very real to me. Sometimes it feels as if time hurts….burns.

And I am reminded of a vision I had this morning that I nearly forgot. A plant grows, vines moving upward and then bursting into brilliant flames as if flowering Light. The image of it pleases me, I’m not sure why.

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Messages and Symbols: Request Granted

The Universe has been sending me some interesting signs lately. I’m not certain what they all mean, but I am sure it will be revealed at some point. My guess is they came as a response to a request I made recently after recognizing my dreams were telling me I did not want to “see” something. So I asked, “Show me what I need to see.”

Ouroboros

One day, while on one of my daily walks with my dog, Monty, I saw something on the road at a distance. When I went to inspect it I saw it was a dead snake, belly up. The snake was just a baby, only about four inches long. What was most interesting about it, though, was that it looked as if it were eating its own tail. This immediately reminded me of a SciFi series I watched just before the Coronavirus hit – 12 Monkeys.

In the series, the symbols if the snake eating it’s own tail, was brought up quite often. It is known as the Ouroboros. In the series it was a representation of time and the endless repetitive nature of it involving the cycles of life and rebirth. The symbolism was mentioned often and I recall it being said it meant that the ending equals the end equals the beginning; infinity.

As I was typing just now and searching for a picture that was similar to what I saw, I came across the above image and a memory flooded my mind. The memory was of a tiny ring my dad gave me when I was around 12 years old. The ring was of a snake eating its tail. It was silver and the eyes were red rubies. The ring was lost a long time ago and until now I had completely forgotten about it. How interesting!

Back to when I saw the snake…I knew immediately it was a message and my first thought was that it was reminding me of the cyclical nature of existence; I would be experiencing something again but in a new way. It was a head up from my guidance, but what specific experience would be returning?

Hawk Feather Under the Full Moon

Around this same time, on yet another of my walks, I saw two Red Tailed Hawks flying low overhead. One stopped on a pole where I was able to see it very close up. It flew away as several smaller birds dive bombed it but not before I took note.

A couple of days later I took a different route on my walk, back behind the church in a large field. The moon was full and low in the sky and I felt drawn to the field for some reason. Soon I realized why. Halfway through the walk I saw a large feather laying in the grass. It looked as if it had just been dropped. I picked it up and knew it was a hawk feather.

No photo description available.

Red-tailed hawk feathers were often rewarded to ancient warriors as a symbol of bravery. The red hawk is considered a messenger and symbolizes strength and guardianship. A common belief in many cultures is that when a single feather appears in an unusual place, it is a message from a spirit guide or angel. Reference.com

Later, I posted an image of the feather on my Instagram account and a friend asked me about the symbolism. When I wrote that it symbolized “vision” somehow I ended up posting “bison”. lol My friend wrote back, “Bison is freedom”. And so we add that to the message of the hawk feather. 🙂

Dead Swallow

On another one of my walks around this time, I witnessed swallows fighting in the air. They came very close to the ground, almost hitting my dog. I took note and continued on my walk.

The next day on my walk I came across a dead swallow on the side of the road. It was very fresh and I knew it was the result of the fight I saw on the previous day.

From my research it appears the swallow symbolizes communication, love and relationships as well as luck and happiness, fidelity and protection. If it is dead, it is a symbol of something going “bad” or becoming “rotten”.

Music Messages

Throughout this time I had messages coming at me in the form of songs. This is the order they appeared in:

With this song I kept hearing, “Run away, but we’re running in circles. Run away, run away.” A path is repeating. Notice it.

With this song I only heard this part – “We’re on each others team.” The message here is to remember that despite what it may seem, we are all on the same side; family.

A day passed and the next morning I woke hearing this song:

I heard the chorus of this one – “Don’t show up. Don’t come out. Don’t start caring ’bout me now. Walk away, you know how. Don’t start caring ’bout me now.” This was the result of my frustration with a situation.

Reading Revelation

The final message came via a tarot reading I gave just two days ago. Always, when I give a reading, the message I pass on applies also to myself in some way.

In this instance these statements came through as applicable also to me:

Card – The Forest Lovers

The symbolism here is all about karma and karmic or soul connections. The lovers are bound together throughout many lifetimes. They play out a very old lesson until it is learned. Elements of Earth and Air are present. May 1st is an important date here – Beltane, Spring, new beginnings. There is a 3rd energy created via the couple. This could be a child, a path or something material. The Tree of Life is also a strong symbol here, indicating the cycle of life, death and rebirth. The path forward lies in a karmic or soul connection and the fulfillment of a promise. Creation of life and creative potential are the keys to fulfillment of the promise and completing the cycle.

One becomes many become one.

The beginning = the end.

Forest lovers

From the Wildwood Tarot

As with every message I receive, I trust what I feel in regards to it. Overall, the messages when combined seem to indicate the path I am on is cyclic and the result of many lifetimes. A promise has been made and needs to be fulfilled. Until I fulfill my end of the deal, I am bound to this path and promise. It is purposeful that the promise is not revealed or consciously recalled. I am meant to not know. All I can do is trust my intuition/heart and follow where it leads. It may not always be where I want to go and may seem to contradict where I want to go, but it will lead to the ending/beginning eventually.

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Dream: Flat Eggshells

It has been an interesting week thus far. Working from home without my kids to distract me has been nice and quiet. Any down time I have has left me free to get chores done, which is nice. It has also allowed me to brainstorm a bit about possible changes I can make.

I researched QHHT, which I have done in the past, and played with the idea of booking a session. In the end, though, I realized that I have an expectation that would likely be unmet. I want to be told what to do, or at least remember some specifics about my life path to guide me toward making the right decision. This, I know intuitively will not be provided. QHHT is likely only to provide what I am capable doing on my own and have done previously. That which we most want answers for is usually something we have to figure out on our own because those things are the very lessons we came here to learn.

My struggle is, and always has been, figuring out what I want to do with the time I have left in this body. I end up filling my time with random things to keep me occupied and pass the time but it doesn’t fulfill me.

This morning I had a thought that next year, 2020, would mark the end of a phase for me. It feels like my quest for spiritual knowledge will be over, like all my spiritually profound experiences will stop. In considering this I thought about what that might look/feel like. My best guess is that things will return to how it was prior to my first spiritual awakening way back in 2002. To consider that makes me sad because I was completely lost, depressed and unfulfilled back then.

It could be that though a phase will end a new, better one will begin. It is hard to imagine, though, because I haven’t been there. It remains unknown. My tendency is pessimism. The worst possible outcome is easier to anticipate and less of a disappointment.

There continues to be a feeling that I am keeping a part of myself down. Suppressing it/her because she is destructive and harmful.

Dream: Flat Eggshells 

In the dream I remember searching for a woman (aspect of Self). I knew she would be in a special home, like a retirement home or a place for special needs people. The woman was not old nor did she have a disability. I am not sure exactly what her special need was but she could not care for herself, so maybe it was mental. I vaguely recall that she may have had issues with memory.

When I went to the retirement home I asked the residents if they had seen the woman. What was odd is that all the residents there were tucked into vertical pouches (protection, healing) that were hung from the ceiling in pairs. The pouches completely covered them to where only their head and shoulders were visible. They weren’t restrained but instead seemed to be comfortable all snug inside their pouches. I vaguely recall IV tubing (healing) leading from the people in the pouches to the ceiling.

I asked a resident if she had seen my friend. The woman, happy inside her pouch and swaying back and forth in it, said I should look elsewhere. She mentioned a woman who cared for people like my friend and told me where to look.

Somehow I ended up in the country visiting a quaint little house. I spoke with an older woman and she showed me around as she spoke to me about my friend. It seems my friend was there and being cared for but I never saw her. Instead, I remember a small cluster of brown chickens (cowardice) that were different from regular chickens. I want to say they were reject chickens and what I remember of them was that they stumbled around as if drunk (avoidance of something). One of the chickens, a rooster (complacency, need to face fears) I think, made a lot of noise and the woman showed me that he had produced some eggs (change, creativity) but the eggs were not eggs but a pile of flat, cream colored sheets of something. My thought was they were flat eggshells (comfort zone, fragility). The woman asked me to taste one. She handed it to me and it broke easily and had the feel and texture of chocolate. Even the taste was like white chocolate (not feeling valued). I spit it out, though, a bit grossed out that I was eating something that came out of a rooster’s butt.

Dream: Clearing My Throat

There was another short dream where I was in a school-like setting. My first memory is being in a bathroom. I kept coughing (something is keeping me from expressing myself), trying to dislodge something in my throat, but the cough never helped and the feeling persisted.

The bathroom (cleansing, renewal) counter was cluttered (lots to sort through). I recall looking for something but I can’t remember what. I think I was looking for a essential oil to help with my cough.

As I looked through the items, water (emotion) from the sink began to flood the counter. I grabbed a towel (attempting to wipe away feelings to make it like it never happened) and soaked it up but the sink kept spraying more water on it. I have a vivid memory of the water pooling in the corner and moving items around as I soaked it up with a white towel.

A woman came to help. The woman had in her hand a gun for giving shots (strength, protection). She was going to put the oil into the gun and shoot it into me but I don’t think she ever did. I mostly remember coughing and the sensation in my throat.

The last thing I remember is going into a large locker room (need time to recuperate). There were others with me. I think I became somewhat lucid here because the room was suddenly very vivid and I noticed how large and old the place was. I saw all the lockers (need for privacy, personal boundaries), the benches and the huge space and thought, “Why is it so big? It doesn’t need to be so big.” There were windows along the very top of the room and I remember thinking that a long time ago, like in the 1960s, the locker room was used by students and that many games were played, won and lost.

orangecat

Flashes/Visions

I had a couple of flashes or visions. In one, I was going into the bathroom but there was an issue with an orange, tabby cat, so I would go in. In another I saw a huge wave of grayish water with lots of froth. I do not feel they were positive issues. The first seems to indicate an issue with the feminine. The second is a symbol of messy emotions.

Music Message

This song was on my mind. Specifically, “’til you can breathe on your own…”

It feels like this part of me that is being suppressed is the small self or maybe a wounded part of me, like the inner child. She is constantly there, under the surface, screaming, crying, sad, depressed. She is the one who, if I listen to her, creates a kind of chaos in my mind that makes me feel like I am about to go crazy. I honestly don’t know how to manage her except to continue to do what I have been. My worry, though, is that she will eventually come out and I will be unable to stop her.

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OBE: Fly With Me

The last couple of nights I haven’t been sleeping as deeply as the previous weeks. Instead, I wake early, before the sun, and end up drifting in and out of sleep for a while before actually getting out of bed. My dreams have been numerous and memorable and mostly about water – boats, cruise ships, rain, oceans, and last night – flooding.

Dream: Evacuation

In the beginning of this dream I was thoroughly cleaning a toilet (clearing troubles and worries) as well as clearing out the inside of drawers. The drawers were full of old pencils (communication and creativity) mostly as well as stuff that had just been put in there over the past 5 years. The piles of pencils were incredible! Yet I still opted to keep some of them.

Then I was with my family at an apartment building (current well-being or finances). We had just moved in and were being told the building was to be evacuated because of heavy rain and flooding (lots of heavy emotion coming). Everyone was to be out by the weekend. I remember saying I had just been working for 2 days and asking if there was any exceptions, but there were none.

I went down to the lower levels (subconscious) and was talking to a black woman about the evacuation. We were going to relocate to Montana (spiritual journey) and I was concerned about how much we could take with us. I thought we could put it all into our Prius but the woman was asking if we could take another person with us. I didn’t want to relocate and was really uncomfortable with the situation.

There was a small room that was full of cats (feminine spirituality, sexuality).  A short woman who I recognized went to open the door and I told her that was the room where the cats were fed. They were fed cheese (change is coming) for some reason.

I also remember seeing the water coming in through a vent and saw that outside it was raining hard. The water was flooding the basement and the room with the cats in it. I was asking if it was too late to get renter’s insurance (looking for reassurance). The lady said no but it would cost as much as it would to replace all our things. I was most concerned about the computers (communication, connection) and decided we had room to take them with us.

I woke suddenly from this dream only to fall back to sleep briefly. I was with my two sons going through the lunch line at a school. My youngest was fooling around as I ordered their meals – enchiladas (security, seeking to wrap children in safety, protection from change). The man asked if I had a lunch card and I gave him my debit card and told him I was going to be enrolling my kids in the school. I knew it was up north (reference to one’s inner compass) and I was not happy about relocating there. When I got done I looked and the entire lunch line was gone, replaced with a huge mound of dirt (guilt).

OBE: Fly With Me

I became acutely aware of myself laying in my bed with my blanket (security, warmth) wrapped around me. Realizing I was OOB I began to try and get out of bed but my blanket was making that difficult. I remember thinking to myself warning thoughts about how I needed to not overly focus because it would pull me back into my body. Yet, even when I did worry I was not pulled back.

Eventually, I rolled out of bed and onto the floor, successfully exiting my bed. Then, I crawled toward the bedroom door, blanket still restricting me. I went through the door without touching it. I recognized it was my old bedroom at my Mom’s house.

Once outside the door, the blankets began to fall away and I felt more freedom of movement. When the blankets fell away completely, I floated into the kitchen (nourishment). It was brightly lit and messy. The kitchen table was the older version and covered with plates from a meal just eaten. In the far corner, blocking the double, back doors, was a fully decorated and lit Christmas tree (symbol of gifts).

I remember thinking, “It’s not Christmas!” Then I saw my two boys, grabbed their hands and led them out the front door.

Outside I encountered a snow (emotional distance, coldness) covered scene. There was a tall pine tree (wisdom, longevity) where there is not one in real life, its branches bare except for the tips which were full of needles and pine cones. It towered above the house casting a shadow over us. In the snow I could see impressions left by doves (peace). I spotted two different dove impressions and pointed them out to my kids excitedly.

Still holding my kids hands, I decided I wanted to fly and lifted up into the air. I stopped mid-way, cautious about going too high, and looked around at the scene below me. Everything that had been white and snow covered was now green and vibrant. The sky was blue with fluffy white clouds and I felt wonderful. I remember I was singing a song. The only words I remember now are, “Fly with me!”

I lowered down back to the ground and flew over by the chicken (fear) coup. Still singing, I saw a wooden box with a tiny door. I opened it and saw a brown chicken inside. It poked its head out but wouldn’t come out. I left the lid open and eventually it did and flew away.

Across the fence I saw more of the area around my Mom’s house. I decided to investigate so began to lift up to go over the fence but there was another huge pine tree in my way. I pushed aside its branches and flew through the opening. Hovering in the air I saw some animals running across the clearing in the distance. I think one was a bird, like a egret or heron (self-reliance), and it had two deer (grace) with it.

I turned and faced the other way, continuing to sing. I remember thinking that in OBEs like this I was meant to pay attention and be shown what I needed to know. So I was very observant of my surroundings. I decided I wanted to fly higher up and so lifted up only to feel myself grabbed as if by a powerful force and pulled toward the back of the house. The speed at which this happened surprised me but I wasn’t afraid. Instead I laughed and enjoyed the feeling, allowing myself to be pulled faster and faster toward the trees in the distance. Ultimately, the speed was so fast my vision became a blur. I closed my eyes and felt myself return to my body.

Considerations and Music Messages 

I was surprised to have gone OOB but then it made sense because I had awakened and could not return to sleep straight away. The overall message seemed to be not to focus on what is in front of me but to take a higher perspective. In doing this, much of my fears will be released and I will find a greener, more positive view.

I vaguely recall talking with someone while I was in-between states. The overall feeling from this conversation was that I might be avoiding or rejection certain emotions and situations that bring about those emotions. I definitely remember saying to myself, as if my own guides, “Sometimes we make poor decisions.” This caught my attention but then, of course, I couldn’t recall the context of my words.

Some songs were going through my head at this time. Pieces of different songs came as if to create a longer message.

The first song – “Now I know that I did something wrong, cause I miss you….Yeah I miss you.”

The second song – “Don’t hang on. Nothing last forever but the Earth and sky.”

The last song – “And way down we go…”

There was space in between the songs, though, and conversation that filled in the missing pieces. The first song seemed like it came from someone else to me. The one after that seemed to be a warning or advice about how to handle certain situations. It related to the evacuation dream. I remember thinking how we come into life with nothing and we leave with nothing. The last song message felt like a warning of things to come like a preparation to go “deeper”.

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Dream Message and OBE: I Need Somebody

Today I leave for Hawaii. It also happens to be my co-worker’s funeral. Unfortunately, our flight plans overlap the funeral so we won’t be able to attend.

My husband has been home since Wednesday. As a result I have experienced much relief of stress. It is wonderful!

There has been some odd happenings, though. For example, I heard “On the Road Again” five times in one evening. Three times on the way to visit my mom (a 40 minute drive) and two times on the drive home. What is even more odd is that when we arrived the song just began to play and when we turned on the car to leave – three hours later – the song was just ending! How crazy is that?

Two nights ago I had a dream in which a woman was showing me how to “see”. It was energetic mostly and I woke up wondering about it. The energy shifted up into my third-eye and then I experienced a force behind my eyes that I have felt before. It was as if my eyes were someone else’s.

Then last night I felt a female presence put her hand on my left shoulder. I felt others in Spirit with her and there was a message, “We will help you.”

Dream: Message About Panic

The beginning is fuzzy but I remember being in a kitchen, opening a fridge and pulling out a large melon. I asked my MIL,”Do you want some cantaloupe?” and she said, “What kind?” I told her it was a different kind and showed her. It looked more like a gourde than a cantaloupe and when I cut it open it was full of seeds. I placed it in front of a cat that was sitting at the table like a child. The cat was very sad and I wanted to help so I offered it some of the cut open fruit. I said to it, “Is it too hot? Here, have some of the meat.” I placed some of the meat on the plate. It looked like ground beef. The cat shifted into what looked like a little boy.

I was then heading to a household with the cat/boy. Inside I encountered a husband and wife. The husband was very angry and told me I was not wanted there. It felt like we had a history. There was a small boy on the floor playing with Legos. He looked sad and told me that things weren’t the same with his friend gone. He said he use to play all day with his friend. I remember explaining to his parents the situation and tried to describe the boy’s sadness. I said, “What if someone – what if you were to get a divorce after being married 20 years. How would it make you feel?” The man got very angry at me, saying, “How dare you….!” I then switched it and said, “Okay, what if I got a divorce. How do you think it would make me feel?” He was still very angry, face red and seemed like he might hurt me physically. Yet I still approached him and put my hand on his heart. I asked again, “How do you feel?”

He didn’t answer but I saw words in his heart. They were all kinds of emotion in statements – I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel loved… and on and on. He seemed not to know how to answer. I remember telling him, “Panic is how grace and love enter the body. Look there.”

After hearing myself say this, I turned to the wife who was standing behind me. I asked her, “How do you feel?” She opened her arms and I placed my head on her heart (she was very tall). She said to me, “My life is a mess.” By the time she said this I was already sobbing, tears pouring down my cheeks and my nose stopping up. The woman just stood there and let me cry.

The emotion and what had just transpired brought me to full lucidity and I woke up.

When I woke I could not forgot what I had told the man and knew it was me giving myself a message. “Panic is how grace and love enter the body. Look there.” Wow. I got up and wrote it down intent on not forgetting it.

OBE: I Need Somebody

It took me a while to go back to sleep and I had the thought that I might project, but did not set an intention to.

The last thing I remember thinking about was preparing for my trip to Hawaii today and charging my new wireless earbuds for the long flight.

The next thing I know I am aware of being in my room talking to someone but I can’t recall the conversation. The room was dark and there was music playing – a song I recognized. It was very loud, complete with all the music and vocals. The lyrics were, “All I need is a miracle. All I need is you…” When I heard it I said aloud, “All I need is me.” I felt proud of myself for saying/knowing this. I saw myself in my mind as being Whole in Self. It appeared as a shadow part of me merging with a more solid me.

I was then certain I could shift OOB. The energy didn’t feel quite right but I did not hesitate and with ease I found myself hovering beside my bed facing the large window beside it.

My energy was shifty and I knew I needed to move away from my body but I was so pleased with myself that I lingered a while and looked around. The room was dark but light was coming in through the window. The window was cracked open at the bottom and the top was covered in ivy and small flowers that looked to be woven into it. I remember thinking I should say, “Clarity now!” to improve my energy but I thought, “I don’t need that” and so never said it.

Then a very large dragonfly flew in front of me. It turned and looked directly at me. It’s eyes were glassy and reflective, its body metallic silver. It was HUGE, like the size of a small house cat! In awe I smiled in delight and thanked it for visiting me. It hovered in front of me for a while inviting me to follow it out the window. I remember staring at it a while, taking in my “gift” and then accepting its invitation. It flew out the tiny crack in the window and I followed, seeming to shrink in size as I flew through.

The first thing I noticed is that outside my window was a large blanket laying on top of the branches of a tree that was just below. In reality there is no tree. Then I saw another blanket further down. I remember saying, “Looks like my kids tried to escape by climbing out the window.” I paused and said with pride, “But I’m flying out!”

Then I encountered an ivy wall that seemed impenetrable. It had white flowers in it, just like the ivy in the bedroom. I remember thinking, “I could go through” but then deciding to go over it. I flew up and over and the wall vanished.

The street outside my house was lit up and the neighbor’s house had two helicopters hovering over the driveway and parked car. There were flashing red lights on the helicopters indicating police or emergency vehicles.

I hovered there a while thinking of what to do next. I had not planned on going OOB and really had no clue what I wanted to do. I figured I would explore and so headed toward the road. I flew down as if to land on my feet but stopped short and hovered there.

When I looked at my neighbor’s house again the helicopters resembled the dragonfly in size and I seemed to have shifted size as well, growing back to my full height. I realized I had shrunk to go through the window and so my perception shifted to that of my size and the helicopters looked large as life. Now, they seemed like mere toys!

Again I did not know what to do with myself and hesitated before lifting off to explore. Sadly, I shifted slowly back into my body.

I lingered for a while in the in-between and mulled over my experience. The song I heard originally shifted to, “I need somebody, somebody like you.” I remembered the previous song and so the lyrics kept going through my head in unison – “I need somebody…all I need is a miracle, all I need is you….”

Then I was standing next to my physical counterpart. The number 56 came to mind right before I saw him and I realized I was talking to his future self. We hugged and I asked him, “How are you doing?” He said, “Not good. I’m so lonely.” I told him, “You know I’m here. All you have to do is ask.” He nodded.

He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up. I took down the hood and said, “You don’t need to hide from me.” I fully recognized the sweatshirt as him feeling he needed to protect himself and shield his vulnerability.

After this I had a very life-like experience of opening my front door after hearing knocking. On the other side was a large, white cat purring and rubbing up against the house. This sight of this woke me up fully and I could not go back to sleep.

Considerations

The first dream seems to be about my masculine and feminine sides represented by the cat (feminine) and boy as well as the husband and wife. The message is still prominent in my memory and seems to be an answer to my questions about the panic episodes I’ve been having. My best guess to it’s meaning is that the panic is a result of not accepting God’s (Source) grace and love into my heart. The wife’s reply about her life being a mess seemed to be my own consideration about my life coming through.

The OBE was a nice gift, especially after the tears from the dream before it. The dragonfly symbol/message was especially memorable. The dragonfly seems to go along with the music message – It’s where the water flows. It’s where the wind blows.

The OBE also seems to bring a message about perspective. We tend to blow things out of proportion when in reality they are not very big at all.

All in all I feel positive about both experiences. Plus, it is nice to have these after such a long break. Right now I have a similar feeling as to when I went to Tennessee in 2016. Not sure why, but I feel a heart expansion is taking place and hopefully it will be less traumatic than last time!

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Kundalini Dream Visitor

Yesterday I had a nice little win in regards to my panic episodes. While driving to and from work I successfully staved off rising panic by firmly thinking to it, “NO!”. It worked!

Years ago after my first spiritual awakening my Companion, Steven, gave me advice on how to stop negative thoughts. He said, “Tell them to stop.” I didn’t believe him but sure enough, when I told them to stop they would. I only remembered his advice after I had successfully stopped the panic inducing thoughts, though.

With that I also recalled a meditation episode early on, before the “first” meditation (obvious not first but oh well) that opened me up to my gifts. I was living in Montana, it was around 1999 and I had been struggling with depression and negative thoughts. I meditated to find a suspected “gin” (negative entities that attach to us). To my surprise I saw him as a shadowy figure in the peripheral of my mental vision and I “fought” him off. This memory caused me to consider that maybe I still have some negative energies working to keep me down. I have no doubt that something is influencing me but I can’t say it is an “entity” for sure because I think everything has a purpose and often these “entities” are just our Egos and fractured aspects of self.

So, a successful commute yesterday means I may be on the way to conquering my panic/anxiety.

Kundalini Dream Visitor 

Prior to bed I caught myself thinking something that seemed to be a response to someone. I mentally said, “He wants to visit me.” Intercepting the thought brought on awareness of the meaning behind it. “He” was not clear but the “visit” would be in dreamtime. It felt like I was being asked if I would be okay with a visit. I said it was okay.

Still, though, I had not expected to actually have a dream visitor.

Most of the dream is hazy now. What I do recall is being in what felt to be my mom’s house. The entire dream scene is dark in my memory, like the lights were turned down. It was hard to make out furniture and the faces of the people I was interacting with. There was a man with me, though, who felt familiar. He and I seemed to be having a “date”. I can’t remember how he looked except that he had dark hair and was taller than me. He also felt quite a bit older than me but not old enough to be my father.

Our conversation is lost to me now as is most of the sequence of events in the dream. I remember handling food, like preparing our meal. I was focused on the salad (expression of feelings and acceptance of positive in life). I stood over a kitchen sink when the man gave me something, part of the meal I think, and I put it on a tray over one side of the sink.

The man’s energy is more memorable to me than anything. When he was near me it felt like he was seducing me, or better yet, as if we were dancing. I was extremely drawn to him and drunk on bliss. The memory of the energy is as if it was pulsating, like we would get close and then separate and the energy kept pulling us back together.

I recall seeing the man’s plate of greens, uneaten, and thinking that he forgot to eat them. Then my attention was drawn to a woman laying in the middle of the floor, blankets (protection) over her as if she was trying to sleep. I thought of her as my “mom” (aspect of self, mother aspect). She was not supportive of me having a relationship with this man and as a result there was some attempt on our part to sneak around.

At the end of the dream there was a part that is a bit confusing. It was as if I switched bodies and became my mom. I watched as me and the man embraced. I yelled out and fought off a person who was trying to hold me back from pushing a large button. I managed to hit the button, though.

Then the man was standing in front of me telling me that he felt we should slow down and take our time. We had planned to be intimate (or that is what it felt like) but he decided to end our “date” instead. He promised another date in the future and kept repeating that we should “take things slow”.

The energy of our connection was intense and obvious by this point. The bliss was intoxicating and I struggled to understand why the man would withdraw when it was so obvious that we were good together.

I woke up soon after and the energy had mostly subsided, only some residual energy remained in my second and third chakras. The memory of the bliss I had been feeling was enough, though, that I did not want to be awake.

A song was going through my head, one I heard yesterday on the way to work. The part that was going through my head, “Some things we can never choose, even if we try….”

Messages

I lingered in bed going in and out of the in-between after I woke and trying to remember as much of the dream encounter as I could. As a result I had some messages come through about taking things slow because of the work that still needed to be done on my energy body. I also both saw and heard the date – March 17th. It was written as 3/17 and flashed in my mind.

There was a message that came both audibly and written out on a black background in my mind. There were two lines that appeared simultaneously. The bottom line, written in blue, read, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The top line, written in red, was longer but I only remember the last line because the voice was saying it as I received the written message. It said, “I will wait.”

There was a sense along with the words/message that the man had not intended to upset me and was truly apologetic about it. It also felt as if he is waiting in the background, like lingering in my energy field just outside of my conscious awareness.

I have a sense of who this man is but since it was not obvious I will just wait and see what happens next. Dream encounters like this are common for me, so the true significance behind them is often not understood until much later and sometimes not at all.

The bliss is memorable, though, and I can’t help but miss it when it is gone.

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Dream: Halfway There

I’m sleeping really well right now, or at least for the last two nights anyway. 🙂 The average is 10 hours, all of which were much needed.

Prior to bed last night, as I was watching my current show of interest, I kept feeling a communication coming through from my right. At first I didn’t identify it as such, thinking I was just having random thoughts and feelings, but ultimately I stopped focusing on my show and shifted my attention to the source.

My heart was struck with a beautiful energy. It was so palpable that in my mind I saw it, like a etheric, golden light, twirling and spinning out from the darkness straight into my heart center. Along with the energy came visuals mixed with incomplete thoughts. I settled into my core and let the transfer take place, knowing that too much focus would interrupt it. Allow. Allow. 

The origin of this energetic connection was Earthly; it was someone on the Earth plane I know. Soul family of the Divine kind. I suspect the telepathic connection was unintentional on their part. But it doesn’t matter, I received it.

Unfortunately, my motherly duties interrupted the flow and when I tried to reconnect I was unable.

Dream: Halfway There

This dream was early in the morning hours, so I was partially lucid. I find that these days when my lucidity peaks I prefer to go with the dream rather than take control of it. Not sure why I am doing this except that maybe I have recognized doing so allows me to receive messages that otherwise I would not notice.

I found myself on the side of a road in Montana. It was really dark out and I could barely see my surroundings. I crawled up an embankment and up to the side of the road. My location had been beneath a bridge near a small stream I think. I could feel the tall grass as I crawl-walked and hear the crunching of leaves and twigs with each step I took.

As I crawled I encountered objects: trash. It was scattered here and there and familiar. I picked up a very large, empty container of oatmeal without a lid and took it with me to use as a bucket to pick up the litter. I picked up two empty apple juice boxes and tossed them inside and then stumbled upon the lid to the oatmeal container. I closed the boxes inside and tossed the container into the brush.

As I settled myself on the side of the road I encountered another empty oatmeal container and put more boxes inside. There was a conversation going on in my mind with someone about this but it is lost to me now. What is left is the consideration that this trash represented things I feel “done with”, and as such it is being “trashed”.

I remember thinking of the journey ahead. I told this person in my mind how I did not look forward to the long journey ahead in this darkness. The feeling I had was of despair and extreme exhaustion. My bones felt heavy and my prognosis not good.

Every once in a while a car or truck would pass by. All kept their headlights off. I found this very disturbing. I knew the traffic was so sparse that I would be lucky if I saw one vehicle an hour. But I walked on, being careful to hide in the shadows when a car passed me by. It felt dangerous to be out so late at night in the middle of nowhere all alone.

Every once in a while a car would approach with headlights on only to turn them off when close. One time, a truck passed me by, headlights off, and another car passed them going the other direction. The truck stopped and turned to pursue the other car but saw me because they had turned on a spotlight. Caught and unable to run, I stood there and four men got out of the vehicle and approached me. I was close enough to see a woman in the front seat, strapped in a seat belt. I sensed from her distress and used my medical intuition to scan her body. I said to the men, “She is not well. She needs to go to a hospital.” They laughed and said, “Yeah, she has a broken leg.”

The dream shifts and I am inside the truck with the men. We stop at a church and I open the door and escape, screaming at the people, “I’ve been kidnapped. Help!” only the words didn’t come out right at first. I scramble inside with help from the people there and run down a hallway to check the back door. I knew the men would find me and had hoped to escape out the back door. Unfortunately, I ran into one of the men, machine gun in hand, standing at the back door. I said to him, “You know you don’t want to do this. Give me your gun.” The man considered and his shoulders drooped as he handed over the gun. I asked, “Is there ammo?” He nodded and we both went inside.

The dream shifts forward in time and I am inside the church with a large group of people. My daughter is with me. They offer us new clothes. I am given a white, long-sleeved shirt with their logo on the front. It looks like three flowers connected in a triangle shape. I feel displaced as I put on the shirt, as if I am homeless.

I feel extremely tired at this time and seek out a bed to lay down on. There is no space where I am, so I go into the other room and check the bed there. I note that people have left their things on the nightstand indicating that the bed is taken. So, I turn to the computer, take a seat and begin to type my story – the dream as I recall it up to that point along with my feelings/emotions and secrets I would otherwise tell no one.

As I type, the screen goes blank and I am unable to get the computer to respond. I panic, worrying the people of the church will discover I am not who I say I am. I press the “Esc” key to try and regain control of the screen. It works and I cannot find what I typed anywhere. Instead a video screen pops up and the icon on the top indicates that the person who is logged in, some man, has liked one of my posts. I go into his profile and unlike my post to try and erase any proof that I had been there.

I return to the other room and search for earplugs but none of them fits. I want to sleep but cannot. There are so many people that the space feels crowded. I do not like the feeling. A man I know in real life begins to talk to me, to counsel me, and I find out he has divorced his wife. He makes it clear that he is interested in me but the thought of being with him that way is unappealing to me. His energy feels sick and weak, completely incompatible with my own.

Somehow I end up walking on the dark road again. I am on the other side this time, the left side rather than the right as before. There is a glimmer of light in the distance, as if the sun is about to rise. I feel so tired, my legs like dead weights as I walk. A familiar song comes into my mind as I walk, sung by a male voice. I sing along with him:

Woah, we’re half way there
Woah-oh, livin’ on a prayer,
Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear,
Woah-oh livin’ on a prayer….

The chorus repeats a second time and I sing it louder and with more purpose. When I hit the part, “Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear”, I burst into tears. The feeling I have is similar to how one feels when they have fallen but can’t find the strength to stand and keep going. It feels like death is the only option. Then someone offers them their hand.

Interpretation

I wasn’t crying when I woke up. Instead I felt somewhat awed by the whole dream experience. Maybe it was because it was partially lucid? Or maybe it was the message via song that was the final uplifting component, saying, “We can do this!”? I did indeed feel hopeful and I can’t help but think of the analogy of running a marathon as perfect for how life plays out.

I believe the dark road in Montana is symbolic of where I feel to be at currently in my life. The darkness is the unseen/unknown and also represents how I feel – dark, gloomy, hopeless. Montana is the journey toward spiritual freedom, enlightenment, purpose, whatever you want to call it. Montana = mountains. It is the “ascent”.

The trash I find are things I no longer want or that I feel have served their purpose. The oatmeal is a continuing symbol of mine, it symbolizes comfort and sameness. The juice boxes could be domesticity as they are reminders of my children and my motherly duties. The oatmeal container is huge in the dream and very empty; all used up. I have had my fill.

The vehicles without headlights indicate that I do not feel illuminated by those that I meet right now. If anything they perpetuate the dark, gloominess that I carry with me. The men in the truck who abduct me seem to be a perceived danger, the woman is likely an aspect of myself who is broken and unable to walk; stuck.

The church likely represents some kind of perceived haven of help, but looks are deceiving. The guns indicate potential aggression under the surface but I am able to suppress it. I feel homeless with the group and suffocated. This is representation of a real-life situation I won’t go into detail about. Let’s just say a similar group I am associated with gives me the feelings I encountered in the dream. I want to ignore it, block out the messages I received (earplugs) and avoid what I know the be true (sleep), but am unable to do either. The man represents the feelings I often get with people in the group.

This is further expounded upon by what I write on the computer. I want desperately to communicate – be – who I am, but know the group will not accept this. In the dream what I write is very personal and revealing. I hit “Esc” to try and escape the consequences of them knowing my true identity and am successful at erasing all traces of myself.

The last scene of walking the road on the left side could indicate change of perspective. The light in the distance = hope. The song, of course, is relaying the message that I am not alone.

Dream Snippet

There is a short dream memory that I have limited recall on now. What I do recall is being in a room with a man. We are sitting comfortably on cushioned lounges. All the colors in my memory are golden hues, as if we are in the 1960’s but I know we are in a place where time doesn’t exit. The scene feels like a bar or speak easy. Rather than tables and chairs there are sofas and side tables.

The man I am with is familiar and I am very comfortable with him. He is singing and I am amazed at how nicely he sings. I comment on how lovely his voice is. What I remember most is feeling pulled in by his voice. It is smooth, deep and quiet, sometimes only a whisper. His brown eyes become a focal point in the dream that also seem to pull me in. The depth of them is familiar. I see myself in his eyes. I am in love with his voice, with his eyes, with him.

There is conversation here but I only recall a summary of it now. The man is telling me about his life, how he use to sing with a band among other things. I feel mostly to be listening to him. It feels like he needs me to listen; like he has much to say but doesn’t say it. I am happy to listen.

I don’t know when this dream snippet occurred – before or after the above dream. In fact, most of the night’s experiences feel jumbled as if they all happened at the same time. Maybe they did? It is of no consequence anyway. What is most important is that I woke up feeling calm and accepting when normally I awaken in resistance.