Tag Archives: Past Lives

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Dreams and the Lessons they Teach

Though I haven’t been trying to remember my dreams and have not been writing them down often, sometimes a dream or two will linger in my mind for days after having it. I take this as reason to review and write the dream down. So I will do that now.

Dream: Too Old

What I recall most about this dream is being with a group of others my age but they all appeared younger than I am in life. We were sitting together at a round table and across from us was a group of older people. I say older because their hair was graying and they appeared much older than we did. The place we were in reminded me of a bar except the lighting was brighter. There was quite a bit of background noise from people talking and catching up. Perhaps it was a class reunion or similar? Hard to say as I did not have that feeling while dreaming.

I remember an older man with almost white hair was looking at me from across the way. His face didn’t seem too old but I felt he was much older than me. A woman sitting near me commented that he was interested in me. I think he said something to me but I can’t recall what now.

My comments were what I remember the most. I remembered suddenly that I would turn 44 years old this year. To me this was too old – too old to anticipate anything exciting in life, too old to bother making new plans or exploring new relationships, just too old. I mentioned how all the men my age were starting to show their age and the neglect of their physical bodies. They were pudgy, gaining weight or overweight, they were balding, they were graying and they were just unattractive in general. I pointed out that the men my age were looking for women much younger than me and told the woman sitting with me that she was the age they were interested in and I was far too “old”. The men interested in me were the age of the graying man who was staring at me from afar. I found this extremely unfair. Why do men get to get old, gray, let their bodies go and get progressively unattractive and society allows this and even encourages it? Yet women are expected to maintain their youthful looks as long as possible and if they don’t then they are judged harshly? “Old women” are not considered useful, yet old men are. Add to that women are expected to accept unattractive, older men as their partners, which leaves them in the likely position to become their caregivers in the end as they inevitably grow old and develop age-related complications and illness.

In the dream I felt the impossibility of my situation and I began to cry. I woke up crying.

My thoughts about this dream are that it is the result of finding my ex-boyfriend’s profile on FB and seeing just how much he had neglected his physical body. He was fat and had really let himself go. I could see all the years of heavy drinking, drug use and partying on his face and body. Yet his wife still maintained her youthful looks and was still by his side, accepting the lackluster man he had become and looking unhappy and stressed out. I knew he had not changed much over the years and felt it unfair that he would be so successful and people would accept the lie he presented of himself so eagerly.

I know this dream reflects my struggle with growing old. I work overtime to keep my body in good physical shape, eating healthy, exercising, etc. Why? I want to continue to look “young” as long as possible. I’ve always said I will grow old gracefully yet I am fighting it. My main reason for working out is to keep my body looking better than a 20-something body and it is working but it won’t work forever. I look at other women and men and judge them harshly if they have let their bodies go – mainly if they are overweight which 65% of our population is. I want to show them how easy it is to maintain optimal weight, be healthy and feel good. What I end up getting is lots of jealousy by women and stares from “old”, gross men. lol

When I am OOB I almost always looks young and youthful – beautiful. Here, we get to watch ourselves deteriorate and we really can’t do anything about it in the end. All roses wither and die.

Dream: Betrayal

In this dream I was watching as my husband generously offered to pay for the meals of a large group of people – families mostly. This group was very large – like fifty or more. I stood watching him, fuming that he was doing something that would cost us so much. Mainly, though, I think my upset was that he would do it knowing I did not agree.

I confronted him in front of a “family” member, a young woman who I recognized as his cousin. When she heard our disagreement she said that she felt this was a warning sign to him and advised him to fix the situation. Her comments held meaning beyond her words, suggesting that he end our marriage. I called her on it, telling her that she knew nothing about the history of this long-standing upset I have with him explaining how he had done similar things in the past without first asking me if I was in agreement. It felt like a slap in my face that he would do it again, purposefully knowing how it would make me feel.

The cousin’s face softened and she offered to pay for the meals herself and I rejected this because the issue was not in the money. The issue was in his not advising with me beforehand and taking away my choice in the matter. I felt powerless to do anything. There was also a fear that I would have to make up for the lost money by working more and frantically try to make up for it in other ways. It left me feeling insecure and I do not like that.

I woke up upset and recognizing I was exploring my feelings and the source of my upset.

In considering my reaction in the dream (and in life in similar situations), I look at how I’ve paid for entire meals for others (groups even) in the past without a thought. Yet when my husband does it I get furious. Is it that he is somehow taking away my glory? Is it because I feel the people undeserving? Or is it really because I had no part in the decision? It is very obviously illogical.

My main feeling is that he has no right because part of our money is my money. MY money means I make the decision, not him. I seem intent on hoarding money, keeping as much as I can for “potential unexpected expenses”. But really, money makes me feel safe, or at least gives the illusion of safety. When he “throws money away” like that I feel he is a threat to my security, to our family’s security. This is the heart of my upset. I must have had a lifetime in which someone, maybe me or maybe a partner, spent money without consideration of the future and left me and our children destitute.

In this lifetime I watched my own mother stand by idly while her second husband spent money without a thought to the future. They got an in-ground pool installed, bought nice cars, and went on trips to exotic places. He spent and spent and she stood back and watched despite her gut feeling that spending frivolously and not saving money was a mistake. In the end, his income dwindled to little to nothing and he up and left her when money got tight and he couldn’t spend as he pleased. Then she found out he had not been paying his taxes over the years and so the government came after her because she had been his wife. They began to garnish her wages leaving her with no way to support her family. She had to file for bankruptcy and it devastated her.

What is even stranger is that my MIL demonstrates a similar money problem, she blew hundreds of thousands of dollars in a short time, never saving it or investing it in her retirement, wasting money without considerations for her future or the impact it would have on her children. Now, in her old age, she expects her children to care for her every need and continues to not take responsibility for the money she does earn, spending it frivolously and expecting her children to give her more whenever she asks.

So it is obvious to me this money issue is a big lesson for me. I wonder, though, what I am suppose to learn from it? I mainly get angry with the inconsideration people have shown me and my loved ones. How could anyone do that to another person on purpose? It feels like the ultimate betrayal to me, one with potentially devastating consequences.

Reflection

The sense I get from the dreams and the lessons they offer is that they are the result of my asking my guidance for help. What is left for me to overcome? What is holding me back?

I am consistently receiving the message to “open my heart”, to look at life through the lens of love. I know what love is. I have experienced love beyond human love (which is conditional and frivolous). Divine love does not judge. It isn’t critical of others or self. It holds no expectation. It is purely accepting. It sees beauty in everything.

My first response to the above dreams is to be critical of myself for these very obvious “flaws” in my human self. Yet this reaction will not help me. I have to love these aspects  of my present self and personality. How do I do this? I have to show myself compassion.

These considerations I have are the result of lifetimes of human conditioning. My considerations about growing old are not just mine. Every human has them as they grow older to some extent. And my concerns about frivolous spending of money come from experience, past and present lifetime. They are deeply embedded and their rising to the surface gives me the opportunity to consciously explore their roots in order to free myself from the suffering they cause.

 

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Full Moon Kundalini Healing

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been asking for help from my guidance with a blockage in my second chakra. Well, last night, the first night of the Pisces full moon, the source of the blockage revealed itself.

Kundalini Healing

Early on in the evening, around 1am, I was awakened from a dream in which I was communicating with my 10-year-old self. What I recall of the conversation has faded now, but I believe I was helping her feel comfortable with her feelings.

When I awoke a male presence was attending to me; assisting me with healing. His energy was huge and when I acknowledged him the energy felt to flood through my own, blending and braiding into it. The rising energy that resulted revealed the blockage in my second chakra and another at my third. The Kundalini energy swirled and moved around for over an hour, covering me in a blanket of bliss and love while also working to gently pry open blocks in my energy.

Dream: Haunted House

My husband and I were invited to his friend’s house. He spent a while trying to get me to remember who they were, where their house was and how we knew them. I couldn’t remember, though.

We traveled along the road at night toward their house. I wasn’t in a car, but hovering mid-air, looking down a massive hill (experiencing a regression). In my mind I thought it would be fun to ride on a skateboard (seeking to make light of a situation) down the hill but knew it would be too fast. Why this part is in the dream, I am unsure.

When we arrived at the house it was enormous and very dark, with dark wood paneling and furniture. I went to help some children prepare dinner, a pork loin (seeking normalcy), and as I did so noticed there were quite a few cats roaming around. I also noticed some strange movements from the cats. They seemed to see something I couldn’t. I realized the house was likely haunted.

As the night progressed I learned we were to spend the night. Everyone left me in the living area alone with the cats. I lay down on the sofa to try to get some sleep. When I did this the Kundalini energy enveloped my entire body in bliss. As the energy began to rise, I began to lose myself to it. Unfortunately, an orange cat jumped directly on my lap, stopping the rise of energy. It looked startled and I wondered if the Kundalini had anything to do with it. Right then, I heard a noise and got up, walking toward the back of the house to see if I could find anyone. The front door was wide open making banging noises as I walked past it.

orange cat

In the back of the house I located many bedrooms but could not find my husband’s room. Some of the family we were staying with were sitting around and asked me if I needed anything. I told them noises woke me, that I thought their house was haunted. They said they knew about the ghosts and not to worry. I mentioned that I could speak to Spirit and asked if they wanted my help. They agreed and I attempted to make contact. I told the woman I sensed that I could help her but if she didn’t cooperate we would force her to leave.

Whatever I did upset the cats and they began to act strange. I knew this was not a good sign and opted to try and get some sleep. I found a bedroom and lay down but was interrupted by my husband. I snapped at him, telling him I was tired (not wanting to confront something), and he left. When I attempted sleep the Kundalini energy came back in a rush up my spine, hitting my second chakra in waves like contractions. Each contraction hit my physical body solidly. There was some pain felt and by the last contraction I had a vision. A black woman appeared, standing with her hands on her hips and said, “I want him out!!!”

This vision shook me to my core because I recognized the woman.

I sat up, still dreaming, and slowly got out of bed. The scene shifted as I stood. At my feet were my clothes and I was completely naked. My lower body ached. I stiffly reached down for my shorts, which were white. My underwear was missing and a partially soaked tampon was on the floor next to my shorts. My memory here is of being mistreated and left humiliated, but I am not sure on the details.

When I left the room my husband was there complaining about my lateness. He had hired someone to replace me and was telling me how tired he was of my behavior. I turned to him, my voice cracking with emotion, “You don’t know what I’ve been through!!”

Wounds Revealed

I slowly woke from the dream a bit shocked at what it had revealed to me. My first thought was that the black woman was from a life I only partially recalled. I was not yet a woman, so about 11-12 years old. I was attacked and gang raped by a group of white boys. To keep me from screaming, one of the men put his foot on my throat. I ended up with a crushed windpipe but somehow survived, pretending to be dead until they left. I crawled home where my mother tended to my wounds. I am not sure if I ever regained my voice.

But then another life came to mind, a life in which I was also a black woman. In that life, which ended in 1963, I endured years of emotional and physical abuse by my husband. In fact, that past life memory came to me spontaneously after waking from meditation. I looked in the mirror and saw my old self – a petite, black woman with a very swollen black eye. Ultimately, in that life I shot my husband in the shoulder with a shotgun because I discovered he had been molesting our daughter. I told him to, “Get out!” after I shot him.

My best guess is that the issue in my second chakra stems from the life where I was gang raped but I am not 100% certain that the two lives mentioned above are not the same life.

The revealing of the source of the blockage is just the first step. I’m not sure how the rest will unfold but I may end up reliving that life, aspects as of yet unseen, in order to resolve and heal the wound. I suspect a decision was made, one that was strong enough that it prevents me from ever opening up to a man fully.

 

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Past Life: Lesson from the 1800’s

Not long ago I asked my guidance to help me remember the karma I have with my current husband. I have been shown past lives of other individuals throughout this life, usually quite spontaneously, but when it come to my husbands not one glimpse has been given. It is like it is “hands off” when it comes to marriage relationships. Why? That is no fair! lol

Even after I divorced my first husband I was not shown past lives or given any information as to why we had agreed to be together. All I knew was that I had agreed to help him and him me. Strangely, I was able to perceive his future quite clearly to the point that he had no doubt I knew what I was talking about. He use to call me and ask me, “What do you see for me…?” lol I told him. And it happened. All of it.

So tell me, how is it that I can see my ex’s future, but not our past? Again, not fair!

So back to my current husband. It is obvious to me that we have a “contract” and I want nothing more than to fulfill my end. I feel that I can do that better if I have more information. How do I resolve my end of the deal? Please help me. This is what I asked my guidance.

Revelations from the 1800’s

This morning, after an OBE involving my husband (not coincidence I’m sure), I woke up and was directed to “listen”. I fell into the in-between and found myself in a very different scene and very obviously from a past life.

I was standing under a veranda. Behind me were green, rolling hills and a bright, cloudless day. The scene was reminiscent of Europe. It felt beautiful but the feeling was anything but – tense is an understatement. I was dressed in a flowing, light pink, corseted gown with ruffles around the hip area. I had a parasol by my side. I don’t recall what I looked like but I do recall who I was with.

To my left was a thin, lanky man with light hair. He was dressed nicely in a blue suit with a tie and leaned against a cane. I don’t know if he needed the cane but the feeling was he did. He had been sickly his whole life and was not very physically strong.

To my right was another man. He was very boisterous and loud. He was much taller than the other man. Muscular and in peak physical condition for his age – probably 20’s. I don’t remember what he looked like, my focus was mostly on the other man.

The boisterous man was my fiance and he was angry. Angry at the other man and telling him to stay away from me and have no further contact or else. He was pretty scary and ruthless. Insulting the other man. I remember him saying, “You have nothing, can give her nothing. You are nothing.” He went as far as to laugh at the other man. Everything my fiance did and said made me think less of him and more of the other man. I had nothing but love for the sickly man. In my eyes he was perfect just the way he was, sickly or not.

Understanding what I was seeing, I came out of the in-between but went back in not long after. This time it was Knowing of the outcome. I had ended my engagement with the angry man because I did not love him. I made this choice knowing what I would leave behind me – wealth, security, status. I chose to be with the sickly man because I loved him and to me it was worth it to be with him. I chose him knowing he did not have long to live. It was far better in my mind to be with someone I loved, even if briefly, than to spend my entire life with the other man (I wanted to say “with a bogart” but didn’t know what that meant. Turns out it is a bully or someone who refuses to share. lol). I also knew I had very little time with the one I loved, perhaps only a year before he died.

Considerations

Whether this is a past life with my husband or my ex, I don’t know. I have my suspicions, though. If this is a karmic lesson regarding my current husband, what does it mean? Does it mean I made the wrong decision? Or was it how I handled the situation? Or, perhaps, it is his karma and not mine, that is being resolved. If he is the aggressive fiance then perhaps he is here to learn how to let go? Hahaha okay not really funny.

I know with many who I have recalled past life and karmic connections with that I came to help them more than myself. For example, one man I had a relationship with murdered me and our son in a past life because he found out I had been cheating on him. He couldn’t bear the humiliation. In this life he cheated WITH me (lol) and so, in a sense, he walked in my shoes and so was able to see my perspective. What he did with that lesson, I don’t know, but at the time I Knew my role and was able to learn my own lessons from it.

These “contracts” are rarely what we perceive them to be and often times have many layers of lessons contained within them, lessons for both parties.

Whatever this memory means, at least if the woman is me I knew what I wanted and had the courage to go for it despite being aware of the loss involved.

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My Asian Form

Interesting experience last night. I suspect it has to do with what my guides asked me a couple of nights ago, “Do you want to see yourself?”

Dream: Asian Woman

I don’t remember most of my dreams last night. However, at one point I became lucid in the midst of a dream. I did not take over control of the dream but instead continued to allow it to continue without interruption which is why I did not classify it as lucid.

I saw a woman. I can’t remember if it was in the mirror or if I was seeing her as myself from the point of the observer. Whatever it was, I recognized her as myself and said aloud, “Oh yeah! I keep forgetting that I look this way.” The woman I saw was in all ways different from how I look now. She was very obviously Asian, petite, and somewhat plain but pretty nonetheless. Her cheekbones were extremely flat and her eyes, though slanted, were wide enough to not seem squinty.

I inspected her face for a long time, especially her eyes. It is times like these I wish I could draw human faces because if I could I would draw hers. I spent a long time Googling images and could not find a face that was similar enough.

While looking at her, I remembered being her, that I was/am her. There was a feeling of memory loss when I looked at her, like the dream stopped and I would shift into her and her lifetime. The shift was very disorienting and felt similar to how I feel when I enter a portal while OOB. The energy would intensify and I would feel to dematerialize. Then I would recognize what was happening and shift back. The shifts resulted in amnesia of my current life and the dreamstate.

The memories of this woman, this version of me, came only as her personality. Meek, modest, subordinate, passive and permissive, she did not question male authority and focused on her function within the family unit. She didn’t resent this role nor question it. Her focus was very much inward and introspective but she was also very loyal and took her feminine role very seriously. She had much wisdom and humility. The feeling from her was that she had made peace with herself, life, and humanity, and had managed to achieve what I have not. I had nothing but respect for her.

There were flashes of memory amidst all of this but they make no sense to me now. It is like they were erased so that only the memory of the disassociation with my present lifetime and the visual of her face remain.

There is no doubt in my mind that this woman was/is me. In fact, the realization that hit me while in the dream was that my preferred appearance while in Spirit was this form. There is recognition now that I choose to appear as her because of what I achieved in that lifetime. I also knew she was of Mongolian heritage.

The most memorable part of her was her eyes. I was fixated upon them, staring deeply into them. I saw they were almost black, they were so dark, and the whites of the eyes had snowflake-like black shapes spreading outward from the iris toward the edge of the eye. Both sides had these snow-flake shapes. They sparkled like they were made of gemstones or crystals. I am not sure what they mean but they were distinct and fascinating to me. When I saw them I felt like this woman – I – was timeless.

Considerations

I find this experience very interesting, mostly because never would I have thought that while I am out and about in the astral or between lives that I would choose such a form. I assumed always that I would be similar to how I look now – blonde, blue eyes. Yet, when I saw this woman I recognized her as me and Remembered that is how I look when not in a body (most of the time anyway). My guidance was close when I woke up and I asked them, “Is that what I look like?” I heard back, “We take many forms.” But I also got confirmation.

I have read that when we are no longer in human form that we often choose to appear as we did in a favorite lifetime. It could be that we learned a great deal in that lifetime or that we were happiest or even that we failed miserably in it. Whatever it is, we all have our favorites and so tend to wear that form to remind ourselves of our accomplishments and how far we have come. I am certain that this woman is not the only form I take, but the memory of the lifetime I spent as her says enough in itself to inform me of why I choose to look like her. There are many of her traits that I wish I could transfer to this lifetime. Most of them, actually. lol

There is a lifetime I once recalled only the briefest moments of. I was an Asian female but I can’t recall the exact dates of that lifetime now. The memory is of practicing playing the cello for hours upon hours to the point that my fingers would bleed. My father would insist I practice and make me practice until it was perfect, even if my fingers were bleeding and swollen. The main memory was of being forced to play, blood pouring from my fingertips in excruciating pain. Though I had enjoyed playing the cello, all enjoyment of music was extinguished by the brutality imposed upon me by my own father. That lifetime is likely not the same lifetime, but I don’t honestly know.

Finally, there has been an Asian link throughout my spiritual journey in this lifetime. Steven, my spiritual counterpart (etheric twin), told me that his last lifetime on Earth was lived in Mongolia during the time of Genghis Khan. Whenever I see him in astral or dreams he is Asian. Sometimes he is the typical Mongolian Asian with a very flat face, and other times he takes other Asian forms such as Indian, Chinese and Japanese.

 

 

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Fly Away

There is a particular past life memory that is revisiting me this morning. Mainly it is because a song is on my mind – I’ll Fly Away.

Sometimes there are past life memories that come up and are so beautiful that the memory reaches across lifetimes and brings tears of joy. This is one of those memories. It also just happens to be a memory of my own death.

This was from my most recent full-life. I say full because the life previous to this one was cut short when I was still a very young boy. In this particular life, I died in 1963 from Hepatitis, which I inadvertently contracted from contact with a dirty needle. I was a nurse in that lifetime so dirty needles were an everyday occurrence. Unfortunately, accidents happen.

This particular memory was from my deathbed. I was in the hospital, hooked up to all kinds of tubes and wires. The memory is from outside of my body because I had been unconscious for some time. My liver had failed and so it was just a waiting game from that point on. My two children came to visit me that day because they had been told my death was imminent. They were both grown. A son and a daughter. I believe there were others with them, but in the memory they were who I focused on.

I was a black woman who grew up in the South (Mississippi) and relied heavily on my relationship with God to get me through. My church and my brothers and sisters in Christ were my salvation more times than I could count. Singing was also interwoven into every aspect of my life. So it is no surprise that music followed me out of that lifetime.

As I was leaving to go into the Light, my children along with the others who were gathered at my bedside, sang I’ll Fly Away and other songs to send me off to heaven. Though they were sad and grieving heavily there was also joy present. And love. So much love. The feeling with this memory and this song was jubilation. I was going Home.

The memory was devoid of pain. Though my body was falling apart, slowly dying from the inside out, I had no pain. I was in a perfect bubble of peace, completely unconcerned for my physical body and my approaching death. All my focus was on my beautiful children who I was so very proud of and the feeling was that I had done a good job and could leave them without worry. I don’t remember my guides or any angels being present. I don’t remember seeing a tunnel of light or having any of those profound experiences so many NDE accounts speak of. Yet I knew that when I turned around and left, that I would be embraced by my waiting family. I could feel them all around me. That was the bubble of peace. They were my peace.

So you can see why this memory is cherished by me even in this lifetime. Recalling it helped me understand that death is a celebration, an event of homecoming. A new beginning. If I could give one gift to those living on Earth, it would be a similar memory of their own death (homecoming). Then there would be no reason to grieve the passing of a loved one or to fear their own passing. Death, in my opinion, is probably the most beautiful part of living.

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Lucid Dream: Irish Blacksmith

This lucid dream occurred immediately after the OBE about the blizzard. I believe I was being shown a past life with my guide, Jeb.

Lucid to OBE: Irish Blacksmith

Not long after my OBE, I fell into the in-between and a lucid dream state.

My husband and I had just traveled a long distance by carriage to his new place of employment. We entered an establishment which was to be his new place of employment. When we entered I was immediately taken by the immaculate condition of the place. The dark wood floors were almost shiny they were so clean and the space was very open and neat. It was not what I had expected at all.

The owner, my husband’s new boss, greeted me first. We embraced, which I feel was a tradition and he kissed me on either side of the face very gently. I withdrew and stood back to allow my husband his proper space. There was a feeling that my place was always in the background and I would only speak when spoken to. I happily took on this role. There was absolutely no resentment.

I recall how very short the owner, an Irish blacksmith, was. He was about my height, which I suppose meant he was approximately 5’5″ or less in height. He was very brawny and muscular and clean shaven. His eyes sparkled. I was not attracted to him but watched him with respect. He was a great man and my husband was lucky to have been chosen to work with him.

I remember him asking me about our long journey. I responded that it had been well but I was tired. I remember speaking very softly. How different I was compared to this life!

I knew the year was in the early 1800’s, but I am not sure when exactly. I am also not sure if we were in the U.S. or Ireland.

I woke soon after quite amazed at how clear the life memory was.

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The Volunteers

I’ve been reading The Convoluted Universe Book 3 for a while now. I keep bookmarking pages of this book because it resonates with me so much.

Chapter 13: The Volunteers

In this chapter Dolores presents many examples of first timers to Earth and the waves of volunteers who came to Earth to help raise the vibration.

In one section of this chapter she works with a man named James who describes demolecularization as his means of travel.

Then the feeling of movement, and a shocking revelation. “Forward, forward – elsewhere, very, very fast. When it moved, when it …. jumped? It made me feel ….. split apart, like atoms….Like demolecularization, but not in a bad way; just necessary. It is necessary in order to travel. You cannot travel in the physical body. It’s too fast. The body would break. So they demolecularize me till they can put me back together later. It’s contained within the light, within the dome area. Maybe the light holds it or keeps it from going everywhere”.

When I read this I knew this is what had happened to me. I’ve had many incidences where I felt this way. The first time it happened I came back from wherever I had been completely freaked out, shaking and begging for help. I ended up going downstairs and just hugging my husband. It happened several times after that but with less intensity, almost like I started to get use to whatever it was that was happening to me.

When I would come back together from being split apart I would remember everything initially – like I had all the knowledge of the universe. Then, the more solid I became, the less I remembered. It felt like the knowledge was siphoned off. I think this is what terrified me the most.

I know that I, like James, had been traveling. Not only that, but I remember the domed area he talks about, too! I wonder what form I am changing into? I have no memory of what I look like when I go to this area. The next time I go I have to look at myself.

James then talks about what he is doing when he reaches this domed area. He is training. He is learning about Earth through simulations and “life games” which ultimately are the putting on of lives to help him better adapt to life on Earth.

This also feel accurate for me. Sometimes I think my dreams are conscious memories of these life scenarios.

 

Purpose: To Help

Over and over the people who Dolores talks to in her book explain that they are on Earth “to help”. They often describe an overwhelming desire to assist, a “pull” toward Earth or a “calling”, and a nervousness about descending into a body.

I remembered what I was doing prior to coming into this body. I remember preparing to descend into the body. I was nervous and spent quite a bit of time reviewing this life before descending. I felt an intense pull towards Earth as I “fell” down towards it. I was also afraid. The last thing I remember was hearing that my older sister had been born and it was time for me to go.

The 3 Waves of Volunteers

According to Dolores Cannon, there are three waves of volunteers:

First Wave– These people would be in their 40s and early 50s now, finally adjusting to life after going through turbulent early years of feeling they didn’t belong here. A number tried to commit suicide or were treated for depression.

2nd Wave– Presently in their 20s and 30s, these folk had an easier time, and have been called “channels, generators, and antennas,” and project positive energy. Many have chosen not to have children, as this creates karma, and they don’t want to have to return to Earth after this life.

3rd Wave– The New Children are coming into the world with altered DNA, so they can function in a different reality (vibrations are pushing Earth into a new dimension).

I know I am a volunteer, I just don’t know which wave I am. I seem to fit the description of the 1st wave completely but I am not that old. I also fit part of the description of the second wave some, too. Maybe I am a mix of both? I don’t guess it really matters, though.

When I question my Companion, I am reminded that this is not my first attempt to help. My last attempt ended prematurely. This was the life when I died in 1971, the same year my older sister was born. I would have been born in the 1960’s, 1964 I think because I was about 6-7 years old when I died in that life. I was told that my life was suppose to continue but someone I was meant to be with/work with, either opted out or something was changed last minute. In other words, my path and theirs were linked and so when their course changed, so did mine. Unfortunately for me, it was quite upsetting as I was murdered. Ouch!

Karma

I feel like I have karma I am working through, but since reading Dolores’ book, I keep feeling that I am missing something.

Last night when I went to bed I had entered into another mini-panic. What was funny is my mind was going a hundred miles an hour with panic-like thoughts but I didn’t actually feel panic. While in this weird state I felt often a sudden pull into my heart and all would go quiet. On a couple of other times I felt something move seemingly into me from the left. When this happened I would also calm down and the mind would shut off. This was the strangest feeling I have had since the demolecularization feeling. It was like a bubble of energy that had substance to it, almost like a pressure, moved into my head from the left. And with it came a complete disconnection with this life, but only momentarily. This disconnection is why my mind would shut off. It was like I was unplugged from this life, reset or maybe short circuited.

After the last “bubble” hit me, I was aware suddenly that I reflect karma for the people I meet. This means that whatever karma the person needs to work through they work through with me. It’s like I project to them what they need of me to work through whatever it is they need to work through.

In remembering this I knew it was true. My relationship with my ex is certainly one of these. I knew when I married him I was marrying him to help him. I knew it would be temporary. And when I wanted to leave I couldn’t. It was like I was stuck and only when he was ready was I allowed out.

I don’t know if there is a name for people like me, but I can tell you the job sucks. I won’t do it again. I think I got conned into it.

Now does this mean I carry no karma? I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I am still trying to figure it all out. Dolores discusses imprinting of lives quite a bit. She explains there is no way to differentiate between imprinted ones and real ones. Every time I read about imprinted lives I think I have these. But I can’t tell. I would really love to be one of those who is immune to karma but I know I’m not. I have two more lives after this one after all, to sort through what I have left.

 

 

by

Healing Work – Dream: My Painting

Behind-the-scenes work is being done and I am being allowed to remember it. This kind of work I am open to, but it has been a long time since I have done this kind of self-healing.

Dream: My Painting

My dreams last night were near lucid. In fact, in one particular part of a long dream sequence I recall being very aware very suddenly of walking down a crowded street. I remember wondering, “Where am I?” and seeing in my mind as I walked a map of the United States zoomed in on Louisiana.

The city I was in was large and there were people walking towards me. I looked at their faces as I walked. I remember thinking, “I am going to meet someone. I am going to meet someone”, but I had no clue who that person was, only that it was a man.

The street I was on seemed narrow and the buildings older than present time. I tried to wrap my mind around the situation but it was hard. I was dreaming and the dream kept overcoming me and my memories would seem to split into little mini-movie screens in my mind. I will recount what I remembered after I finish retelling this dream.

I made it to my destination which was a very tall, sand-colored building that stood much higher than the other very gray, concrete and mortar buildings of the city. It’s surface was smooth and it was shaped like a closed flower – a tulip or lotus – and the tip reached high into the sky.

I don’t know how I entered but the next thing I knew I was inside the building walking along the halls looking for the person in charge. I knew I was in a building of higher education, like an administration building but only in that the people inside monitored a large, intricate system of learning.

I met the man and we walked to hallways. He led me to an alcove where there was a curtain obscuring my view of something behind it. He said, “I still have your painting” and he opened up the curtains and revealed a large oil painting. I was relieved. They still had it. My painting. I looked at it but could only see small portions of it. It was as if it was divided into smaller paintings like a comic strip or story board. I remember seeing various scenes but none of them were familiar. All were in vivid color and depicted normal, daily life activities and important events.

The dream shifted dramatically then, as if I went into the painting but there was no experience of shifting. I was inside a small, barren, stone room with a man. He was older and kind of fat. I sat and knew I was a woman and dressed in clothing that is not of my current time period. It reminded me of the Civil War era.

He offered me a drink and I took the clear bottle in my hand and poured the amber colored liquid. I took a drink. I remember thinking I should not drink as I had a long trip ahead of me.

Then I was shifted again and I was the partner or perhaps mistress of this man. He abused me and I was complaining to someone about him. I remember that I was upset because he asked the servants to give me breakfast for dinner.

Then I was staring at him face to face. Both of us looked as if we had been beaten. Perhaps we had fought? I was allowed to leave, so I did.

The dream shifted again and I was walking in the woods somewhere higher in elevation than I had been. I was on the edge of a hill and slipped a bit which caused me to notice a man standing at the treeline. When I saw him, I went to him and the entire woodland area disappeared and a golden color replaced it.

I saw the man and embraced him and felt such desire overcome me that I could not breathe. I communicated without words to this man who agreed to be with me and I remember feeling his skin against mine as we embraced and kissed.

Afterward

I awoke with my root and second chakra blazing. I felt my guide close and heard, “Parallel life”.  Of course, I wanted to return to sleep, but it was too late. I asked when this life was and was told, “1868”. I knew it was in Louisiana so I thought, “Reconstruction?”

Confused for a moment, I thought back on my dream. I have re-experienced two lives that fit into this era. One in which I was a man in San Fransisco and another where I was a woman in the Midwest. I was confused because the time period of the dream fit with the life when I was a man, yet I clearly was not a man in the dream.

There were tidbits of something else intermixed with the experience. I remember discussing something prior to becoming lucid in the dream. I was in an office sitting at a desk and discussing things with a man both in person and via chat on a computer. I remember discussing a painting and him saying, “You were so into that painting that you worked on it for 10 years”. I remember seeing a painting in its entirety. It was a scene of some explorers looking down on a valley. There were five of them, only one was a woman. I remember the title had “America” in it, but that is all.

In remembering these things, I knew that I had been taken somewhere while I slept. It was like I went to a place of learning; a place where records were kept. I was shown my lives, like a review, and asked to consider the lessons I had learned and those that I had not let go of because of their connection with “human desire”.

The life where I was a man was a miserable one. I had been married and left her behind to go West. There I had very strong sexual urges and could not resist them. I continually “sinned” and then tried to drink away my guilt and shame. I ended up dying from my alcohol addiction a very sad man.

The life where I was a woman was after my life as a man. I had been molested by my father and ran away at a young age. I ended up prostituting myself. I experienced much inner conflict because I had not expected to enjoy my work – but I did. Every time I slept with a man I enjoyed it but I could not get the image of my father and his treatment of me out of my mind. My thoughts were that if I enjoyed sex then I must have enjoyed sex with my father, which I hadn’t and which had caused me much pain and suffering. So I rejected my enjoyment and desire because it was the only way I could deal with the conflict inside me.

Two lives with the same conflict under different circumstances. Why was I being shown this?

I know I have absolutely no desire for sexual connections at this time in my life. I feel a-sexual in a way. It just isn’t there yet in my dreams it is. When I saw the man in the woods (clearly my guide) the desire that I felt was intense, almost like a drug. When I awoke I thought of it and how such a feeling can really mess up a person’s life if they chose to give into it. Am I trying now, in my current life, to avoid making what I feel is a “mistake” by blocking all desire? Interesting.

I suppose it will be revealed in time. I do know that these two lives seem never to stop coming up. Sigh.

by

Aldyn: Old Friend

I finally got good sleep last night but still awoke at 5am, much earlier than I would like.

Dream: Meeting an Old Friend

The dream I awoke from was of me reuniting with an old friend. In the dream I had been in a game show that resembled the Price is Right. In it, I saw Alex Trebek as two people. The first was connected to a very long, fat, golden snake that appeared to be filled with air like one of those lawn displays that fills up giant Santa Claus’ to make them appear larger than life. I don’t recall much about this part of the dream except the snake and knowing that the person who at once appeared like Alex and then a woman was a twin of this snake.

I then moved into a dark room that felt to be inside a house. I know I was in the astral at this time but I did not awaken while there. A man came in who was very tall and had dark hair. I don’t remember his face or features but I knew him and we talked. He had just returned from a journey and we were discussing his taking of a wife. I said to him with surprise, “You were married again?” He said, “Yes” and there was an a communication that passed between us that this marriage had been short lasting only a year, like the many others he had. I also knew he had fallen in love quickly and deeply each time he was married but then when actually married each relationship fell apart. I knew that the reason for this was that his expectations of his spouse were too high and unyielding. She could not be what he wanted and so every time the relationship would break and end in a loss for him.

I hugged him, my head barely resting upon his broad chest. I said to him as I looked up at him, “I forgot how tall you were”. He appeared to be at least 7 feet tall and I felt dwarfed in his presence.

We sat down together on a sofa and I lay my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me. I noticed that I wanted to be close to him, a feeling I do not have in my current lifetime with my current husband. The difference was striking but I accepted it. I felt at ease with him and happy to just be in his arms.

Then I became nervous. My husband came into the room and I did not want him to see me there with my friend. I covered myself in blankets to hide. They were removed and I was laying there alone, my friend nowhere to be seen.

Aldyn

I awoke then, still feeling the confusion of waking without my friend there. I heard then, “What if I made you a man? What would you do?”

This question confused me and the dream came back to me.

Then I heard very distinctly, “Aldyn” and I knew he lived 400,000 years ago. I wondered if man even had civilizations that far back and if he did which ones were around? I then wondered if in fact this man, this Aldyn, was me and felt it may be and that it was him/me that lived so long ago.

Interestingly, the name Aldyn is Old English for “old friend”.

I then thought of the question I was asked. I responded, “I would play with it (meaning the penis)” and laughed. I communicated that it would be the first thing I did because I had always wondered what it would be like. But then I felt I needed to be serious got and said, “I would focus on how the body felt and note the differences”. Then I remembered what being a man was like and knew the thought processes were very different from that of a woman. It felt different and it is hard to describe the difference as it is subtle. It has to do with the connections made in the brain and how the thoughts are processed and what areas they originate from.

Then we had a discussion about why I chose to be female this life and the struggles that come with choosing to be female. I saw the challenge of the imbalance that existed between the masculine and feminine; how women had lost their power. I saw the lessons in motherhood and I cringed. The patience needed, the compassion and understanding, the need to tune into one’s emotions and intuition – all these things I need to enhance within my own whole Self because for far too long it has been the masculine which I doted upon.

This is what I awoke to this morning. So much of me resists the lessons I am here to learn. I see now why my guide calls me ambivalent.

by

Two Dreams and a Message

I awoke yet again at 5am not very pleased that I was waking so early. I awoke hearing my guide again. This time I remember more of our conversation.

His first words to me were in response to a dream I had just had. “You are purging”.

Dream: Civil War

The dream was about being in the South during the Civil War. I was a woman who had stayed behind with other women of the family as well as some close neighbors. We were huddled inside a large, plantation-type house that was very elaborately decorated with a grand staircase and ornate wood trim in all the rooms. The war had been raging for some time and we had begun to run out of food. I had discovered some hidden in the back and had brought it to the front but was confronted by two men who followed me into the house pretending to be friendly. I knew their intent was bad and did not have a good feeling about them.

The men were wearing ragged clothing and had hungry looks in their eyes – hungry for food as well as lust hunger. The other women heard them and came down at this time.

One man saw two children and said, “You have children here?” and I became instantly worried for their safety. I thought the men intended to hurt them, specifically that they wanted to eat them. There was a horror reaction from me along with an knowing that this was not unheard of at this time in the war.

I then was not inside the body of the woman I had been and was observing. The woman said to the man, “I am sure you are tired. Why don’t you stay and rest?” When she said this, she raised up her petticoat to reveal her “knickers“. The men instantly turned and were mesmerized, their attention now on her.

Once distracted the men did not notice another woman coming around the back of them. I missed the specifics because I was focused on the woman with her knickers showing, marveling at the detail of them. They looked like tiny shorts with ruffles on the bottom and seemed very familiar to me.

The next thing I knew, a woman had surprised one of the men and he was on the floor with her on top of him. She pulled a rifled out of his pants and had it pointed at him.

That is where the dream ended.

Message Continues

Hearing my guide say I was purging, I immediately began to go through past lives I had remembered, looking for the Civil War era. I had not recalled one during the war and wondered if perhaps the dream was a recollection of a life during that time. With this thought came a feeling that this was correct, though the dream was likely a mixture of reality and symbolism.

Distracted, my guide went on:

“You have not begun reading the book of Revelations”.

I thought to myself, “No. Not really interested”.

He continued. “It will help you understand”.

I am not really interested in reading about Armageddon but I wondered why he would suddenly bring this up after I had a dream of Civil War.

The thought/feeling that came to me then was that the purging was not just happening to me – others were also experiencing it and some would not handle it too well.

I began to think of the odd thoughts I’ve been having and the past times in which I had felt on the verge of insanity. I knew not everyone would be able to handle such thoughts/feelings/memories. As more and more people began to awaken, there would be more and more instances of instability – individual and group (countries, regions).

I shrugged off these feelings, believing they had come from a video I had viewed the day before about the “end days”. Surely I was just influenced by that?

I asked to return to sleep and to receive the answer to a question I had posed: Do I really have two more lives or do these “lives” refer to a new consciousness within this life?

The answer I received was, “You already know the answer”. And I understood that I did. Two more lives then.

Burundi Bear

I fell asleep (surprise!) and had a strangely vivid dream.

I was at a river with my middle son. We were on a fishing trip. The river reminded me of one I use to frequent as a child.

Once we found a spot from which to fish, I began baiting the hook. The rod was a plain one without a reel and I only had a single length of string. I vividly recall sticking the hook into a minnow’s head and out through its mouth and then casting it several times. One time I cast it, I saw the minnow swimming near a large bass, but the fish did not strike.

I threw out the line and it went out farther than expected. It instantly pulled and I knew I had something large on it. I pulled it in, wrapping line around my wrist. I saw something orange and suspected I had snagged a carp. I told my son this and felt somewhat afraid that it was too big for me to handle.

When I finally pulled it in, it landed on some rocks. I was surprised to find that I had snagged a small bear. I ran up to it, feeling sympathetic to it. I had to free it. The hook was in its chest and it let me pull it out. I saw very clearly its little face and tiny, pointed teeth. It looked like a teddy bear but was distinctly real with orange and brown markings and a masked face. I thought, “It’s just a baby”.

I gathered it in my arms and tried to find it’s mother but it had gotten too dark. I remember calling it a “Burundi”. This is when I woke up.

When I awoke I wondered about the bear and looked it up. Turns out, Burundi is a country and the “bear” is actually a Red Panda.

I am still unsure why the name Burundi was so vivid and why I saw the Red Panda. Burundi is in chaos currently and the Red Panda is near extinction. Was this a message regarding the state of the world? I have no clue.