Tag Archives: shift

by

Spiritual Hibernation

Despite being told a while back to expect contact from the Council around the time of a great meteor shower, I have still not gotten any communication. The current meteor shower (Perseid) has been on-going since last week but is most visible in mid-August. Therefore, if communication is going to come it is likely not coming for a couple of weeks.

When I awoke this morning I again felt very groggy. I fall deeply to sleep every night and wake with nothing much but a few fleeting dreams which I take little interest in and promptly forget. I feel completely vacant inside, as if all the revelations I had previously are nothing but a dream. I can’t help but think that it was all nonsense. Perhaps I made it all up in a desperate attempt to create some kind of excitement in my life?

Perhaps I am thinking these thoughts because the consistent message I have been receiving lately is, “Live your life”. Of course, compared to the amazing insights and experiences I had the end of May/beginning of June, my life is boring and dull. I just can’t get excited about it. At all.

Spiritual Hibernation

The intense drowsiness I have been experiencing, the lack of motivation, the illness (I have another cold!), the sluggish way I move about my day – all of these remind me again of the message I got from a dream – Bear, John.

Bear’s hibernate and that is exactly what I have been doing. And according to that post, I can expect 30 days of it. If it is 30 days from that post, I am 22 days in. But if I have 8 more days they feel like an eternity. I really wish I could sleep through it all. I mean really sleep.

Hibernation is, like you all know, a time of rest. The body shuts down almost completely. Every process slows down to the minimal amount needed to keep the body functional.

Spiritually it is the same. Everything slows down to the point of seeming to stop completely.  The part that was awake is now again asleep.

I have heard that when one spiritually hibernates they have entered a time in their life when the experience of living life itself offers them spiritual acceleration beyond what internal experiences and introspection can offer. If this is true, then so be it, but I do not see that happening currently. But then again, perhaps all this hibernation is doing is helping me learn acceptance and patience. These two things are very difficult indeed at this point.

by

Preparations

I feel that I am being prepared. For what, I am not sure. Maybe the next “step”, whatever it may be.

The preparations I am to make were requested of me today. I, of course, can choose. It was made clear that if I choose to ignore these requests that it will only slow progress but not stop it.

I am to immediately cut out all meat from my diet. I can eat dairy and eggs (thank you!) but nothing that was butchered for its meat.

No more alcohol. I think I got that message loud and clear a couple of nights ago. I tried a margarita last night and again had trouble sleeping. Its seems alcohol has a reverse effect on me now. Instead of acting as a depressant it acts like a stimulant.

No smoking. I don’t smoke much, just one at night before bed, but I guess it’s too much.

Meditate more.

Rest and drink plenty of water.

These requests came while I was driving today. The energy entered via my crown where an intense buzzing could be felt. It was not the profound opening up that has happened in the past but was a less intense version of it.

Why my guides choose to communicate with me while I am driving I don’t know. My vision is affected and everything I am experiencing immediately takes on a very dream-like appearance. The lines on the highway and the chinking of the pavement seem to glow and I feel as if I am flying rather than driving. Today it felt like everything around me curved-like and dancing and shifting, as if I were looking through binoculars.

Regardless, I always feel completely safe.

I suspect this preparation is for Friday. A recent dream revealed this day. Whether it is this Friday or another one I am not sure but I think this one since there is full moon that night. We’ll see I guess.

by

Walk-In Considerations

In my research of walk-in’s I have discovered much about the different kinds and what they entail. There is not much information out there on the subject, however, which can make it quite difficult to really understand the process. There are a variety of terms used and a variety of combinations of such types of walk-in’s that even one well versed in the process has difficulty determining the specifics of their case.

For me, the process has been gradual with a large span of time in which it was “paused” and the original continued primary control of the life and body. The process then resumed after the original completed what she intended.

I want to briefly explain what I mean by “original” so that there is no confusion. She is me, just without enhancement or upgrade. She is the 3D version; the one without memory; blind and without “sight”.

She is a projection of a me that has been in stasis. The autopilot. The one in control while I focus on other “projects”.

The Returning

I am now in the process of returning. This is the best explanation I can come up with for what is occurring.

This process takes time. Time to integrate. Time to Remember. Time to merge.

Some primary components of returning are resuming control of the body and mind. These components are many but a few are causing complications.

There is a distinct dislike for the physical mechanism yet there also remains a distinct love and attachment to it. The old me is comfortable with her routine and her care and maintenance of the body consumes much of her time. I am still unsure how much of this care is necessity and how much is vanity.

The mental fixation on physical beauty is illogical and acts to fixate one on the illusion. I struggle to get the old to let go of her habits and routines in relation to the body. This will take time.

There are many habits like this that need to be broken. Many mind circuits that need cutting. These circuits repeat and clutter the mind. At the moment it is very difficult to repair these circuits while also preparing the body and subduing the old personality. It is a juggling act.

To push the old personality too hard is to intensify the circuitous mechanisms of the mind.

Fear also stands in the way. There is no greater obstacle to overcome than fear. But it can be done.

by

Sleeplessness and Dreams

The quiet voice returned yesterday. Not that it ever really went away. I did that. I went away. Or should I say the “other” me came back with a vengeance.

I was in the midst of living my day when it returned. What is interesting here is that it was so barely noticeable but at the same time it was all encompassing and impossible to ignore.

I don’t remember now what exactly was said but it was simple statements that I heard, statements that reflected the moment I was in. Sometimes they were requests asking me to take notice. Other times they were explanations; lessons. I do remember that I was reminded that I choose how I feel and react. I was also reminded to accept that which I can no longer control. If it is done, it’s done.

Listening and acknowledging the truth of these insights, I began once again to let go of arguments and resistance. This helped but it was difficult. The other me was/is very strong.

It became suddenly very apparent that maintaining control of the host body is a process that never ends. I must persist or lose control. I must remain always in touch with the body; the mind; the heart. If I relax and assume I have it “all under control” then the other me returns. I honestly wish she would go away and get over herself.

It is so much work. Why is it so hard?

And my guide said, “It will be easy”. Which part? Ha!

Sleeplessness

Falling asleep was difficult last night. I had a flashback of those years in which I suffered greatly from insomnia. I do not want to return to that! Yet there it was, heavy and having over me and causing great mental strain and confusion.

I appealed to my guides. “I want to sleep!”, I said. “What is going on?”

It was than that a phrase entered my mind, “Inside it is chaos. We will fix it”. I recalled hearing a similar statement recently. So this is the chaos?

I withdrew into my heart space and from there I was able to observe some of what was going on. The other me was quite upset about the current changes and the ones yet to come. The mind felt overwhelmed and the thoughts were haphazard and did not make sense. There would be one thought and another, disconnected one would pop up.

At some point, exhaustion overcame me and I fell asleep.

Dreams

The night was a busy one. I wish I recalled in detail everything but unfortunately my exhaustion must have eliminated the memory upon reentry.

I do recall waking at one point from a dream in which I was hunting down an entity. In the dream this entity had attached itself to me and was the cause of the chaotic thoughts and resistance. I had located it and was capturing it when I awoke. I immediately surrounded myself with light and returned to sleep. All I recall of this entity was that it was very small and resembled a little blob with a face.

The next dream I recall was returning to Alaska and reuniting with my ex-husband. For some reason I was very happy and felt safe, as if he could erase all my problems. I remember being at his work and there was a man who masturbated and got semen all over a glass table. Undisturbed, I cleaned it off with a wet rag. I remember looking closely at the glass as I cleaned it.

There was discussion about a trip. A woman who was there was about to have a baby and was going to go on a spiritual purification-type journey. I wanted to go with her but the timing was in question. She wanted to leave now and I told her I wanted to finish my visit and to wait. I remember seeing a calendar in my mind and deciding to leave on a Friday. The destination was one I knew and I told her, “That is where I go to school”.

by

Breaking Free and OBE

I spent much of the day yesterday going through my old journals and blog posts in order to identify how many lucid dreams and OBEs I’ve had over the years. I entered it into an OpenOffice spreadsheet while also reading through various entries.

Later that evening I went out with my husband and had a couple of glasses of wine. I regretted it almost instantly and even more so later in the night because I was unable to fall asleep.

I tossed and turned most of the night, my thoughts upon my journal entries and a strange, nagging feeling I could not decipher. Around 2am the source of the feeling revealed itself.

Cocoon

Firstly, I noticed how disconnected I was from what I had written over the years. All feeling was absent as was the memory of most of the experiences I described. It was as if someone else lived my life. Next, I was quite disturbed by just how little progress and change I have made since 2003. The cyclic patterns of my life just keep on going. Over and over and over. I seem never to learn and I forget so easily the lessons I do learn and then end up re-learning them later as if my mind was wiped clean of the lesson. I have the same complaints, the same high’s and low’s, the same fixations. Finally, there was a feeling that something about these patterns directly relate to my level of conscious awareness.

Somehow, for some reason, I have never really been connected to this life or this body. It has been a dream all along and so much resembles a dream upon analysis that I cannot avoid the reality of such a conclusion.

I wondered to myself, “Where have I been?”

I then recognized what the odd feeling was. I felt to be trapped inside a very small, confined space. I desperately wanted out. I needed to get out. It felt as if I could move somewhat; push out an arm here, a leg there. Yet no matter how hard I struggled there was something constraining me.

butterflyIt was then that I saw it: the cocoon. And a new feeling along with knowingness came over me suddenly. I was about to break free of it and what would emerge would be so very different from what went in.

For a moment I was worried. What will emerge? Will it be me? Or, like the butterfly, will I be totally different?

There was a mixture of both nervousness and elation at the thought. I felt my guide close and I knew he was reveling in what was transpiring. I sent forth a mental query and he responded with, “What do you feel?”

It’s All a Construct

That is when I knew. It is all a construct. All of it. Me. The Earth. The Universe.

But what does that mean? Why is it that I am only now recognizing this?

I have been asleep this whole time! I thought I was aware but my awareness is nothing compared to the awareness that I am, that is available and can be tapped into. What I have here, in this lifetime, is like a tiny pinprick of light in a universe of darkness.

I became temporarily overwhelmed. “It has all been a ruse”, I thought. “This life that I have been living, blindly wandering through, is a trap. Who created it? I don’t know, but I am not at all interested in continuing on this way”.

I knew to escape this trap I needed to break free of the mind. I knew I had been lost in it, consumed with it and its pictures and emotions. I focused on my heart the best I could. I had to live from the heart in order to break free of this cycle. It was the only way.

I also had to be in the body. I have not been in it. I have been away from it often. In and out. In and out. Like when we dream, the specifics are lost and only symbols remain; left to be decoded and interpreted.

I should be able to remember every minute, every second, of my life. It should be distinctly real. But what is real?

Lucid to OBE: Visiting Multidimensional Me’s

I fell into an odd slumber, though I am not even sure “slumber” is the right word. I was completely aware of what was going on and felt more to be in the in-between than anything. However, it was obvious that a “dream” was occurring and I was in the midst of it while also being outside of it.

I traveled to many places, places I had been before while OOB and in dreams. I recognized these places and identified them to my guide along the way. Upon recognizing the places, I also recognized myself in these places. A different Self in a different life. I saw several lives like this and saw similarities and differences. It was like I was seeing the hundred faces of Me.

In between visits I had conversations with my guide. The scenes would be there but I would be removed from them in a separate space with my guide. I said to myself and to him, “It’s like a carnival mirror” and in my mind an image was clear as day. There I was, standing and facing a mirror and looking at the reflections of hundreds of Me’s looking back at me.

The spokes of the turning wheel were all me, branching out in different directions. This was multidimensionality, all of it was Me.

Confused, I pulled out of the scene and instantly found myself OOB. I knew I was OOB but my vision was suddenly completely gone and, though I could sense my surroundings, I was fumbling around blindly, feeling very distraught about what had been revealed to me.

Who am I, then? What will happen next?

I called out to my guide while OOB. What does it mean? Where are you?

It was not long after that I willed myself back to my body. When I came back into it the energy was jagged, almost painful. My body felt alien and rigid. I wondered briefly if it was about to die. Was my rejection of the repetitions of life, of the trap of the body, causing the body to reject me?

My heart was doing odd flip-flops and I felt I might be sick. I rolled over and the energy settled and I felt better. I fell into a fitful sleep after, waking at 5:30am and not getting more than a few hours of rest. I knew, though, that I didn’t need it.

by

Explanation of Current Processes

Though I was tired last night when my guide communicated with me, I found myself automatically tuning into my heart space for a time. When I do this, the information flows so fluidly and there are no words to it, just knowing.

I perceived that in the near future there will be an inflow of energy from my root chakra up to my solar plexus. This energy is of another, higher aspect of me and serves to connect the higher and lower chakras. From my understanding, there is a distinct break between the two right now with the heart in the center of it all.

The separation between my lower and upper chakras is a separation that cannot continue. This inflow of energy will resolve the issue, joining the upper and lower and creating a complete circuit. Apparently this disconnect is a normal part of the “process” and easily resolved.

The particular process I am going through is what my guide previously termed “energy swap” and what others sometimes call a “walk-in”. From what I understand, the energy swap is not occurring all at once but in small steps. The first step was on July 2 as written in my post Remember. This particular step was very strange and almost scary, so I wonder what this next one will be like.

There was also a feeling that this other aspect, a higher aspect, will resume primary control once the circuit is complete. “Resume” being used here because this occurred previously and without incident. When I recognized this I confirmed with my guide that this would only occur if I wanted it to. I, of course, am eager for it to happen.

Finally, I was told and also felt that there was a complication in a specific part of my brain – the amygdala. Upon researching this part of the brain, I can see why it would be where complications would exist. Below is a short video on the amygdala and its function.

http://bigthink.com/videos/the-amygdala-in-5-minutes

by

Withdrawal

I have the home to myself – finally. Usually I would use this time to meditate or tune in, but I just don’t feel the connection. It is like it vanished. I feel completely and utterly alone and abandoned compared to how I felt just a little over a month ago.

If this is what ascension is all about then I don’t like it one bit. I can’t imagine it is meant to be this way. To have everything build up and explode with wonderful, beautiful, amazing wholeness and connectedness to Source and then suddenly disappear.

Snap and it’s gone.

I feel like the little kid who got one of those humungous lolly pops – you know the kind that are all rainbow colored and bigger than any person could ever eat – and then mommy said, “Sorry hunny, it’s too much for you”, and snatches it away before I can get another taste of it.

Or even worse – “Share with your sister”. Argghhh!

Symptoms?

I think I am in withdrawal. I grieve for what I feel I have lost every day. It makes me mad and then sad and then hopeless. I pray for it to come back every night before bed. All I get in return is more odd dreams and a strange, heavy exhaustion as if I took sleep meds before bed.

And headaches and joint aches and just overall heartache.

This is what I am experiencing now:

  • Sadness
  • Empty feeling
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Headache
  • Joint aches
  • Body aches
  • Disinterest in humanity in general
  • Wanting OUT
  • Isolating myself
  • Exhaustion
  • Deep, dream-filled sleep
  • Buzzing energy around crown/head
  • Tingling sensations on arms (feels like Spirit touching me)
  • Dry eyes
  • Stiff neck/shoulders/upper back

When I feel like this, when I feel I am being denied what is rightfully mine, I get angry and wish it had never happened in the first place. If I had never known I could feel so completely amazing I would not miss it so much when it is gone.

I think this is why we Forget when we come to this place. It is too painful to Remember.

by

Fierce is the Warrior

I think my warrior side came out again. Something triggered it. I suspect it was something during dream time as I awoke with such resistance to my life and the conditions of it that it was hard to quiet myself. Sadly, I was not a nice person for a couple of days. Yesterday I woke to computer issues that plagued me all day and brought me near tears. Then today I woke up sick with the worst sore throat I have had in a long time.

My dreams have been strange. Last night I dreamed I was in prison with other convicts and I was yelling and fighting and clawing to get out. I had another dream in which my husband came home, ate the dinner I prepared and then fell asleep on the couch. I got so mad at him that I took all the dirty dishes and began to throw them at him. He slept through all of it.

It is obvious that these dreams are frustrations rising to the surface like little bubbles, popping with an explosion that is hard to avoid.

Today, though, with the sickness following me, I have mellowed some. So far there has been no computer malfunctions. In fact, everything computer-related has gone smoothly despite it being frustratingly slow.

I have been strangely detached from everything related to this existence and I don’t really know how to handle it. The feeling is not like anything I have felt before. It is like I was just plucked from somewhere comfortable and thrown down into this chaotic place and told, “Sink or swim”. The emptiness is all encompassing and I don’t know what to do about it either. I go to my heart center and it feels empty, too.

I have gone through a desperate need to be alone and isolate myself from everyone. This isn’t working, though. It can’t with three kids. Not going to happen. I was angry about this, thus the dream about being in prison. I feel I can’t escape the life I am in, the roles I promised to play and the contracts to complete.

I feel that currently my lower three chakras are the focus right now. I am not sure exactly how to describe what I am sensing, but it feels like I am moving down into them, taking them over and making them mine. Who’s where they before? I want to reject everything that has to do with them.

I think I am resisting being in the body, actually. Sigh.

My guide sent me a song last night. Not sure why this particular song, but the last line was the one that kept repeating.

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

by

Musings and a Dream

An entire day has passed and now that the sun is setting I am feeling a familiar twinge from within; a whisper of things to come. It beckons me forward like the words from the Cold Play song that has been haunting me for several days now:

And they call as they beckon you on
They say start as you need to go on
Start as you need to go on

Slowly my attention is being drawn back to where it was a little over a month ago – back to the present moment and to the stillness that I seem to live in despite the chaos of the world around me. No, I am not always still but my mind is so much more than it ever has been in my life. Normal, daily mind chatter is still almost nonexistent and if I am chattering to myself I seem to be having conversations with an invisible person.

I am being asked to review what I have accomplished; to see the progress I have made and to give myself a pat on the back for a job well done. I am trying but I am always the most critical of myself.

I am told it is all very normal what I am going through as I am moving beyond 3D life and into 4D. The somberness, the empty feeling I have been having, the feeling of not belonging, the boredom – all very normal. I have to live here in this world, though. I have to keep up the facade of agreeing with it for the time being. It will not be forever and if I can find the stillness within and continue to focus on my heart, it will be a smooth ride.

The buzzing around my head is coming back with ever more intensity as well. I feel again the opening up to a “download” approaching. Whether it will be as intense as the last, I don’t know, but I welcome it. I feel whole when I am connected and want more than anything to remain that way always.

Dream: Shift in 4D or Be Lost

With all the OBEs I had this morning, I nearly forgot about the dreams that preceded them. There was one that came back to me suddenly just now. One in which I was discussing the shift to 4D and watching oh so many be left behind, unable to make the shift and suffering in all sorts of ways because of it. I hate to say it was a doom and gloom dream, but in a lot of ways it was. In it we (me and others) reached out to help others and they slipped right through our fingers. I can still feel the despair and ache for the loss.

There remains an urgency from the dream that remains with me even now.

I also recall meeting my guide and seeing him close up. I can’t believe I had forgotten it as it was while OOB somewhere between set 1 and 2 of my adventures this morning. When I saw him he was wearing one of those old west mustaches that curled just a little on the ends. As he is blonde, the mustache was quite in contrast to his complexion and he reminded me a little bit of Ewan McGregor. I remember saying to him, “You have a mustache now? Nice”. In my mind I can see him clearly as he winks at me, a twinkle in his eye and I think now how much fun he must have changing his appearance on me all the time. He is still himself, of course, just wearing a different costume like we all are. In reality you can never hide from those who truly know you.

I wasn’t going to write this post but I feel so peaceful and calm right now and wanted to write a bit about what I left out from this morning. It has been a spectacular day!

by

I Created You

Something my Companion said a while ago is beginning to make sense to me.

He told me once, “I created you”. I didn’t understand.

There was a moment, though, when there was a glimmer or understanding. I will explain it now the best I can.

I saw this persona that has been me in this life for the majority of this life. I saw her as a creation of Self in the body. One possibility among countless possible combinations. Her purpose was to live in the body, become part of the body, and experience life in the body. In this she was limited, but this was purposeful.

Everything about this persona was created to prepare her to experience life from a certain viewpoint. In this, there came also an understanding of something else my Companion said, “I see through your eyes what I cannot see through my own”.

The creation of this persona served a purpose. This and other personas like her have all served a purpose.

Each persona returned to its creator upon death. Integration into the whole from which it was born. In some cases, the persona was able to glimpse their connection to the others but always only slightly.

For some reason, in this life, this persona, is breaking the mold. The purpose for which she and the others was created has been served. It’s time to expand past previous limitations.

Thus integration is occurring prior to death when in the past it occurred after.