Tag Archives: spirit guides

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Lucid to OBE: Sometimes You Want Cereal

After noting a friend’s success at using B-Complex to induce a lucid dream, I decided to try taking it right before bed.

I use to take B-Complex every night before bed but it began to interrupt my sleep, so I stopped. No surprise, it interrupted my sleep! I woke every 2 hours, each time looking at the clock and swearing I had slept an entire night. Upon my last waking at 4am I pleaded with my guides. “Please let me at least get something out of this. At least a lucid dream?”

Wish granted.

Becoming Lucid: Old Flame in my Bed!

I became aware of a man in my bed. I turned and saw it was an ex-boyfriend!

Brief Explanation – This relationship had been like no other. There was an awesome chemistry – a chemistry that turned me into some kind of sex-crazed idiot (not joking!). in 2003 I had asked my guide to send him. I wanted to experience such a chemistry. Did I ever get it! I also experienced for the first and only time in my life the worse jealousy ever! I wish it on no one!

Dream

Noting who was in my bed, I slid out and looked at him. He looked as I remembered and I remembered A LOT! I did not touch him. Instead I was conversing with my guide. I knew a part of me was observing and that this was a rendering of my subconscious. I remember saying, “I wish I felt like that again!”

A woman I did not know came into the room and began to play with his male part. I got furious and yelled at her saying, “This is the only time I get to see him! You get him all the time! Get out!”. She left.

I then conversed some more with my guide who I didn’t see but knew was there. I remember wearing a belt and taking it and all my clothes off. I talked as I went outside the bedroom, which was my old room at my Mom’s house. There was a staircase going up. I walked up it but it suddenly collapsed upon itself and I slid down to the bottom. There was another staircase coming down and it was chained off – unsafe. I remember hearing from my guide that I could not go up until it was repaired. Looking back on it, I understand. It would have led me to higher levels and I was not yet ready to go there.

I went into my Mom’s bathroom and noted it was misshapen. The room stretched and moved with me in it. I felt like I was tripping! The golden color of the bathroom and the misplacement of the furniture began to bring on lucidity. I began looking for a ponytail holder and the drawers were too clean and organized. Then I knew: I was dreaming!

OBE: Can’t Breathe!

Feeling my body, I exited quickly and found myself in a dark, enclosed space. I suddenly felt I could not breathe and noticed that I was enclosed inside a fabric bag of some sort. I could see a tiny, pinprick of white light through a corner of it – a buttonhole! The claustrophobia was so real! I squelched the panic and told myself it was my fear doing this. I did not want this experience!

OBE: Sometimes You Want Cereal

Immediately the room disappeared and I was in my body feeling vibrations. I exited in one fluid motion and found myself in a dark room full of shadows. To my left there was a golden light and as I looked I saw it was coming from an entire wall of windows. They were shuttered but still the light shown through. I knew I needed to go out there!

I pushed through one of the shuttered windows and went outside. I found myself in my mother’s front yard looking out on many cars parked along the road. I remember thinking, “It’s not bright enough out here!” It was twilight, so there was light but it was muted.

As if to continue the lucid dream, I thought, “There’s a party. That makes sense. He liked parties”. I began to search for his vehicle. I saw an old, white 1970 Ford pickup. Inside was sitting a middle-aged man with a salt-and-pepper beard. I knew him!

I went up to the pickup and felt my middle son lagging behind me. When I saw the man he got out of the truck. He was beautiful despite being “older”. He reminded me of someone but I could not place him.

I asked him and my son, “Do you want to fly?” I reached out and grabbed both their hand’s. As we lifted up, I turned to the man and hugged him tightly. Then I thought, “What’s his name?” I heard an answer in my mind, “Robert”. I had asked my question aloud – “What’s your name?” – when I thought it and the man responded, “Robert” right after I heard it in my mind.

Happy that I had met Robert (my guide), we soared up into the sky. As I felt us rise, my vision blacked out but I was talking to Robert. I wondered, “Why was I dreaming about my ex? Why don’t I want to be with my husband?”

I then saw in my mind an image of a bowl of oatmeal. I stirred it with a spoon but did not want to eat it. Robert said to me, “Sometimes, when all you’ve had is oatmeal, you want cereal”. LOL (Still laughing about this comment).

OBE: It’s Your Birthday!

I felt the subtle vibrations of my body and willed myself back. This time I found myself standing in front of the hallway bathroom looking at my ex. The door was open and he didn’t have a shirt on. I walked up to him and realized I was holding a bowl of cereal (ha!). He turned and his face was covered in white powder. I handed him the bowl of cereal and he took it.

Then we went into the kitchen. There was a Simpson’s toy contraption on the table and I found out he had gotten it for me. I kept watching him and thinking that he had come to see me after all these years. I wished he would stay but felt nothing for him – no love, no desire, nothing. It is foggy now but I recall recognizing his selfishness and that I didn’t like that about him.

Then my Mom presented me with a sequined, silver and black, sleeveless jacket. I oo’d and aw’ed when I saw it and I heard my ex say, “Isn’t that kind of cheap?” I remember then that he would never allow me to appear “slutty”. He was very worried about appearances yet he wanted a slut as his girlfriend. I was not like that and never would have been happy with him. He would have sought to control me in every way.

My Mom mentioned it was my birthday and this confused me. “It’s not my birthday”, I said. She said, “Isn’t it?” I recall being a bit confused here and trying to decide which birthday was my birthday. She asked me, “When is your birthday? I forgot”. I said, “July 3rd” but I knew in “reality” my birthday was a whole month later.

It was then suggested that we go fishing. Me, my ex, and my two oldest children flew out the back window to a large lake. We landed on its banks and I saw the white bones of some kind of animal. It had died there. I saw also that I could see right to the bottom of the dark waters. I cautioned all of them, “Be still, the fish will see you!”

As my ex fished, my children began to ride their bikes over the water. I thought, “He’s never going to catch anything if the lake is that shallow”.

Considerations

This experience was interesting. It was like I was watching my dream as the observer. The lucid dream was interesting. The bathroom warping like that was the coolest! I felt like I was looking into one of those carnival mirrors but actually IN it!

The realizations I had were included in the account. I was contemplating an issue I have been having – feeling more like my husband’s friend than his lover. I actually am happy the way it is – it is comfortable. Yet in the dream I am exploring another part of me, one that wants more and wants to create that in my life. I looked back on an old relationship and recognized it was not what I wanted – how it could have been. I even think that I returned to an alternate life, one in which I made different choices.

The last part about the lake is the perfect description of my relationship with my ex. It is dead. He was too shallow for me.

I also can’t stop laughing about Robert’s comment! I also won’t forget his face. So handsome and familiar.

I want to add that meeting up with him allowed me to compare how Robert feels to how E’Fonin feels. They are VERY different. Robert communicates to me from the right. His communication is subtle and comfortable. E’Fonin communicates from all around – it is as if he surrounds me completely. And he feels HUGE and magnificent, like I am being visited by God or an Angel. His presence seems announced in such a way that I am instantly attentive. He cannot be ignored as easily as Robert. And the energy that comes with E’Fonin is beautiful. I want to melt into my bed. They are SO different!

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A Voice and a Lesson

This has been an interesting day. It has really been pretty boring and mundane all in all…….except that I have had communication from my Team or someone from my Team most of the day. Along with this communication has come learning and information that was unexpected.

Lesson: Management of Thought

The day seems to have been an entire lesson on the workings of the human mind, or at least my human mind anyway.

It all began when a little voice interrupted my doubtful or negative thoughts. I recall the exact moment when I first recognized I was being spoken to. I had considered just selling all of my sewing kits and then throwing in the towel. “It’s too much work” was the last thing I thought.

The voice said, “Follow it through. Remember your intention (memory triggered) and go there. Persistence. Be the moment”.

Silence followed as I absorbed what I was told and recalled the image in my mind from the exact moment when I had the idea to start my business. This “image” was important. I needed to continually refer to that memory and then let it be the last thing I think about, tossing out all doubts and disappointments.

There was more. I was told to push past the pitfalls. Nothing is accomplished without a little elbow grease. Greatness is achieved not by those who know all but by those who seek to know what they do not.

I was reminded of Abraham Lincoln specifically. Try, try, try again. Build upon the knowledge you gain. Push past the failures. Ride over the bumps.

Throughout the day, I kept wanting to go back to the dismal thinking, the “woe-is-me” attitude. I honestly don’t know why I kept doing this. I was told it was because I thought it was what I was suppose to do. Interesting.

This continued on and off all day. The more it happened, the less I fell into the depressing, defeatist views and the more I focused on the moment.

When I noticed my mind was clearing, I heard the voice again. “Imagine complete clarity”. He let it settle in. It was hard to imagine but I think I got the gist of it. He continued saying, “That is how you will be”.

Now that I have time to reflect on today, I recognize that I was being taught about how my mind works and how to control it. I was being shown how to manifest by focusing back on my original intent rather than allowing myself to go off the path into doubt and fear. In the moments when I was being spoken to, I felt as both the experiencer and the observer at the same time. Very similar to some of my OBEs.

The Voice

There was always a feeling that accompanied this voice. The feeling was similar to how a student feels when their teacher is asking them questions in front of the class or teaching them something one-on-one. But it was not a feeling of subservience or of being any less than the teacher. It was more of a reverence; an understanding that I was hearing wisdom and needed to absorb as much of it as I could.

When I asked who the voice was, I got a very complicated name that I have lost now. It was definitely not a name I have ever heard in this life. What is funny is that as soon as I heard it I said, “Oh yeah. I’ll never get that one”. I knew it was pointless to even try to remember it. So I didn’t.

Regardless of who this voice belongs to, I know he is male and I know that he is one of my mentors. The sense I got was that he has come ahead of something else – as if he is preparing me for something that is to come. The closest thing to the feeling I got with him around me was from this past May. I have been asking for that to return. Perhaps something like it is coming?

And he is still here, though currently much more silent. His arrival was preceded by strong crown chakra this morning. This is also similar to how things began in May.

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A Conversation with Robert

Yesterday, I kept thinking all day that I need to sit down and open up communication with my guide, but I couldn’t. My kids interrupt too much and I could not get my mind to settle. I’m thinking non-stop about my business and what I need to do. And when I’m not thinking about that, I am tending to my children’s needs and what I need to do for them.

Yet I knew that there needed to be a still time; a quiet time to Receive. I tried. Honestly I did, but when I did there was always an interruption. 😦

I knew that the information I was to receive was about the New human form. The human of the future. My curiosity was peaked.

When I read The Convoluted Universe Book 1 last night, it just so happened that the chapter I was reading was about this New human. It said the New human would not be physical like we are now, but we would have form and shape and be somewhat solid. Interesting.

A Conversation with Robert

Last night and this morning I was closely tended to by a guide I am not familiar with, at least not consciously. When I felt him last night, there came with him wave upon wave of loving energy. It came up from the base of my spine and then spread out with such a loving warmth that I could not ignore him or it.

When I awoke, he was there and very close. I could see him fairly clearly, especially his smile. And he radiated a feeling that made me smile. I cannot help but smile and almost giggle from his energy. It’s my favorite part about him.

He gave me a name – Robert – and I could not, still cannot, remember him no matter how hard I try. We talked for quite a while about the things that have been going on. He reminded me that everything I had been reading in the Convoluted Universe had already been given to me. I recognized this as true. This includes but is not limited to the information I have been given about “the end of times”, DNA alterations, merging with the Higher Self, ascension, the Shift, and even the ETs.

All of these things were written in the book but came after I had already received information. It is as if the book was meant to be confirmation of what I had received.

Yet it is still hard to believe and so I asked many questions of Robert. Who is he? Are the ETs real? Will there really be a New human, a New Earth, and a “rapture”?

His explanation of who he is makes sense. He said he is a part of me sent to assist me. He is me yet he is not. My Higher Self sent him to assist. He is my Remembering so to speak.

When I asked if the ETs are real, I hear they are but they aren’t. The not-realness has to do with them not being a part of this physical universe. Their realness is consciousness. Their involvement is via consciousness, via the part of us that is not physical. This is the best I can describe what I was given. I was asked in return, “Does it really matter who they are?”

And I replied, “No, it doesn’t”. And the subject was dropped.

When I asked about the New humans, I was told this is an evolutionary process. The information in the book I am reading is where we are headed, but it will take time and the process is much slower than the book relates. All matter of the physical universe is changing, evolving. This is the way it was meant to be. It was created to evolve.

The “rapture” is not as it is written in the Bible. It is not to occur at the physical level. It is a purely spiritual process, one that is individual.

The experiences I have brought back with me from my time OOB and in-between are symbolic representations of what has actually occurred. To see what truly occurred would be incomprehensible to the human mind. It must be surpassed to truly Know. Because of this, it is best to focus on the feeling of the experience rather than the symbolism.

We discussed at length my struggles in this life, specifically that it seems time goes by so slowly and it takes so long to get what I want. I wondered why it took me so long to get to this level of awareness, why did it take so many lives?

And with that last question I quickly reviewed my last three lives and saw very clearly that I was incorrect in thinking that I just now became aware. I have had the awareness, this connection with my Higher Self, much longer than just this life. It has always been there. And I saw it. I remembered it. I remember feeling the homesickness in my life in Mississippi as a black woman. I remember this awareness in my life in the Midwest when I was molested and emotionally abused by my father.

I remember this awareness in the very beginning of this life and I saw just how very different from my family I am. I was born into a family that is not mine in Spirit. I was born with awareness, with a deep connection to my Higher Self, to the All. They were not. No wonder I felt so different from them.

It made me sad but at the same time it humbled me. There is so much I do not know consciously, yet I can feel so much of what I know if I just tune in.

Robert continued to remind me of my progress. His smile and the feeling of joy that he brings is so lovely. I am grateful to have been given his assistance.

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Lucid to OBE: Holding My Hand

As I meditated last night, I asked to either astral project or lucid dream. I knew instantly it would happen and was pleased. It has been a long time since I have done either.

Lucid to OBE: Holding My Hand

I woke in the early morning hours. It was still dark outside so rather than get up I rolled over on my left side and focused on my third-eye which was buzzing with energy. I had many thoughts in my mind making it difficult to relax. I remember hearing that I needed to relax and clear my mind.

The next thing I knew I was very aware of laying in my bed spooning with another person. I could feel their body snug up against mine and it was comforting.

I knew instantly I was OOB because this person I was with was not my husband (he was already awake). There was an electrical energy that was present which also alerted me to this fact.

My mind was a swirl of thoughts – communication between myself and another which I cannot remember now but I know was occurring. I felt a large, masculine hand reach out and gently take my hand. I felt my fingers interlace between his and squeeze. I was not alone.

The act of holding hands caused my awareness to peak and I began to look around and try to gather information about where I was. Unfortunately, all I saw was a gray, shifty haze that seemed to jump if I focused upon it. I was able to recognize I was not in my own bedroom. Where was I?

I felt the familiar pull back to my body and the energy seemed to hit me with more force than usual. I felt my body and knew I could return, so I withdrew from the front of my mind and fell back into thoughtlessness.

colors dropplet ripples waterReturn

Again, I could feel myself spooning with this man but I was also aware that there was another person in bed with me, a female. I did not spoon with her but kept thinking that the man and the woman were people who I converse with online. I called them by name and talk to them as if they were there but I did not see either of them. Why I did this, I am not sure but I remember thinking that I needed to tell them I had been with them while OOB.

These thoughts occurred simultaneously with other thoughts, thoughts that were conversations with someone else. I was being reminded to observe and to allow the experience to show me what I needed to see.

I could feel my awareness increasing and decreasing. It ebbed and flowed as I tried to maintain a balance, one that would allow me to remain the observer and not take too much control of the experience. I recall in one heightened moment of lucidity that I could feel the body spooning with me with such intensity that I momentarily forgot I was OOB and thought it was real. This made me too lucid and I had to fight to gain control of myself to remain OOB.

Eventually, I got up out of the bed and began to explore my environment. My vision was still shifty and all gray so I knew I needed to raise my vibration. I began to sing as I flew toward the front of a familiar house. I believe I was in a house I use to share with my ex-husband when we lived in college housing in Montana! I could see the door ahead of me and there was light shining through the windows. I knew if I could get there that I could free myself of this heavy environment.

There was then a recognition that I had done something wrong. I had taken control of the the experience when it was made clear that my only job was to observe it, to allow it to show me something. I was not reprimanded or anything. It’s not like that. I was more of a, “Oh shoot. I forgot!” feeling as I got the message.

Time to Rest

I was pulled very quickly back to my body. As this occurred I received information about the veil between the Earth and the other dimensions or layers surrounding it. The veil was thinner than normal. It was not a good idea at this time for me to explore these areas. It was my time to “rest”.

I was able to gain information about why it was not a good idea for me to travel outside my body right now while many others are able to. It has something to do with my vibration level and the vibration of my physical body as well as the vibration level of the surrounding dimensions or layers. I was told that my physical body is being attuned, its vibration raised in order to incorporate a higher vibration. Leaving my body to explore the astral realms could interrupt the process.

I am shown in my mind a tuning fork and the ripples the sound makes as it travels away from the fork. Then I am shown a disturbance in the ripple. This disturbance is what would happen if I were to astral right now.

I’m not sure what would happen if such a disturbance occurred but I trust my guides in this. There is always a good reason even if I do not understand it.

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Growing Pains Ahead

When I awoke this morning at 5:15am, one of my guides was close by. He very obviously was there to give me a message. I felt very alert to this, almost like I had been forewarned, though I have no memory of such a warning.

What is interesting is that he was not close but some distance away from me. In my mind I perceived him to be about the distance from my bed to the door, which would be about 8 feet away. I could not see him clearly and my first thought to him was a question, “Are you one of my Council?” The response back had a slightly amused quality to it, “No. You know who I am”.

I acknowledged he was part of my Team, but nothing more than that. I could not specifically place him, but then I usually do not try to as I get so many assistants coming through that I lose track of who is who.

With this acknowledgment came the familiar rush of energy that grows until my entire body is covered in calming chills. I just want to melt into the bed when it happens.

“What do you want?” I asked when the chills subsided.

“Your bones will hurt”, was his reply.

My initial thought was, “What?” but then I had a memory in my mind of when I was a small child and my legs would hurt so badly that my mom or grandmother would have to rub them to get them to stop hurting. They called the pain, “growing pains”.

When I had the memory and recognized it, I felt this was accurate.

The message continued. I wish I could remember it word-for-word, but as with most of the early morning messages I receive, I lose most of the specifics upon leaving bed.

In summary, though, the message was this:

My (our) DNA is altering, has been altering, with each wave of the energy that has been pouring in. The result will be changes which I have already experienced but this particular message was to warn me of new changes, changes similar to the growing pains of childhood. I am still not sure if this is literal or not, so we shall see, I guess.

I specifically heard that I need to refer to the book of Revelations and to view it with “different eyes” than when I read it in the past. I was instructed to pay attention to the symbolism and to remain unbiased as I read.

I was also told that the Earth will be completely changed in four generations time. Two of which I will be a part of (not counting this one). I know I have two more lives but hearing this in such a way at an early hour when I really didn’t want to be having a conversation about such things was not exactly welcomed. I really don’t want to focus on the fact that I am coming back to do this again two more times after this one. Sigh.

I was told I would enter my next life “aware”. I am not sure if this is a good thing or not, but okay.

In addition to this information I was left feeling an expectation of more to come. It is a very strong feeling; an intense alertness. I have had it all day, almost like I am waiting for something to fall out of the sky or a lightening bolt to hit me.

Oh and I was told, “You will remember”. Again. Yeah. I got that.

My main concern is about the “growing pains” or “bone aches”. It doesn’t sound fun. Yuck. When I had them my legs ached in the bone, literally like the bones were hurting. I suppose that at the least I can expect that my bones will literally ache.

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Life is Too Short to be Serious

When I was little one of my fondest memories was of suppertime. Why? My dad would often come home late, right in the middle of us eating. When he walked in the door he typically let out a huge belch and/or a fart and would laugh heartily when my mother scowled at him and all three of us, his daughters, would burst into giggles.

Now not every suppertime was like this, but it is one of my most cherished memories of him. He could belch out a belch better than anyone I know and me and my little sister would, of course, try to emulate him. We got really good, too. lol We had belching contests and farting was, of course, something that brought loads of laughter.

Why this somewhat gross walk down memory lane? Well, you’ll see.

Visits in the Night

I once again awoke crying this morning. This time it was from a dream in which I had been discussing all the visits from deceased loved ones and acquaintances I have been having recently. In the dream I was talking to someone about my husband’s boss who died back in 2013. I remember saying, “People visit my dreams all the time. In fact, he did just recently. I think he died at the age of 54“. The age was wrong, though, and I knew it, but I didn’t know what was wrong about it.

For some reason I began to get very emotional at this time. I do not remember the voice of the person I was having the discussion with, but it was as if they were telling me something or asking me something. The last thing I remember is crying and saying, “They (as in the deceased) are lucky”. I was/am jealous of them for being able to leave this place and go Home.

I ended up in the in-between for some time talking/dreaming. I was brought out of my reverie at least five times hearing this sound.

The first time I heard it I just ignored it even though it caused me to jump. The second time it annoyed me and I ignored it still. The third time I finally recognized it as a fart and thought, “Was that a fart?” Yet I was still perturbed about it. The fourth time I heard it I knew it was a fart and someone was playing a prank on me. “Not funny”, I thought. The fifth time I heard it I said, “Okay, enough. I get it. Ha Ha. Now stop!” But in my mind came the memory of the fun times and laughs I have had throughout life from such a sound. The fun times I still have on occasion at the expense of my husband who thinks it is “rude”.

Life is Too Short to be Serious

Finally, I asked who it was that was trying to get my attention. I did not receive an answer and thought it must be my dad. But that didn’t feel right. I hadn’t heard from him in about a decade. The last dream I had was about my husband’s boss. This felt right. The message was from him.

I sent out a mental query, “What do you want?” But got no response. It felt like there was a mental block preventing communication. I asked my guide, “Why can’t I hear him?” He said, “Because you aren’t listening”.

Then my guide said, “Why not have fun, enjoy life. Life is too short to be serious.”

I understood and said, “I want to but can’t. It just isn’t there anymore.” I felt the emptiness and it made me sad.

The last time I was enjoying life was when I had that bliss experience, the one that started in May and went through the first week of June. Then it just went away. I told my guide, “I had it and then you took it away”. The response was a feeling – I still had it. I disagreed.

I tossed and turned trying to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to wake up. During this time I felt a communication from my guide/Companion. I asked to have back that bliss experience. The response was more a feeling than words but the words were there: You will not expect it. Or more simply – “Expect the unexpected. You are preparing”.

My response, “I am always preparing. 8 months. I don’t think I can last that long”.

Then specifically I heard, “You will not expect it”.

Cryptic messages such as these are more than norm than not and I have no patience for them. I just sighed and rolled over. My husband then came in and told me, “I bought you a Starbuck’s coffee and some breakfast tacos. Come down and get ’em before they get cold”. That got me out of bed. 🙂

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Separation

I had many vivid dreams last night, the last of which was emotional. I awoke feeling an unexplained loss. Crying softly in my pillow I wondered, “Why am I crying? Why do I feel like this?”

From this point commenced a short conversation between me and my Higher Self/Companion/Guide.

He asked me, “How are you suppose to feel?”

I thought on this a while and the answer came through a series of pictures and words. They flooded my mind and brought understanding and solemnity.

First came the pictures. They are vague now and all I recall are vivid images of a vast darkness speckled with white dots that appeared to be stars, easily assumed to be the universe. From there came a sensation of being cut off from this suddenly and abruptly. As if a wall came down and wiped out all connection, all memory, all understanding. The vastness that I was part of, that was me, was suddenly nothing; empty and alone.

With these pictures came a thought question, “Imagine how you would feel to suddenly lose yourself. How would you feel if you were taken from everything you knew and left alone without the connection to Source that you once had?”

And in that moment I understood why I was crying, why I felt like this.

He then said to me, “You are suppose to feel this way. This is intentional, for how could you ever know what you have lost if you never lost it?”

And I thought to myself and to him, “I am suppose to feel this way”.

And I understood. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way I feel. The experience causes it to be so for it allows me to view things from a different vantage point, one in which I am separate.

He asked me, “What does the separateness create?

And I replied, “Me”.

It was for me like the feeling one gets as a small child when they suddenly find themselves separated from their parent in the grocery store. There is a sudden recognition, “I am alone” along with an intense nervousness and panic. Instantly, the child seeks out their parent except that this time I never find my parent because the instant I lose sight of him/her I forget he/she exists. Instead, I wander around the store aimlessly looking for something I cannot describe, inundated by a feeling of utterly impenetrable aloneness.

I saw the Ego was the creation of this separateness. For some reason I began to think of competition. I thought of how the Ego wants recognition, attention – to be special. I thought about how we have competitions on the Other Side (somehow I knew this) and I asked my guide, “Do we just let each other win?” and with his answer I also answered, “No. We do our best and do not always win”. Yet I knew that on the Other Side the connectivity we have with one another made the sport fun no matter whether you were the “winner” or the “loser”.  Without that connection here on earth the result is jealousy, anger, hatred, resentment and a myriad of other emotions followed sometimes by actions of revenge but always with a sense of loss and misunderstanding at our very core.

This is how it is suppose to be.

I feel very solemn still as I write this. How can I be okay with being separate? How can I just be what I am when I am and trust the spark that remains in my heart, the one remnant of who I am that remains intact?

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NASA Has Been Reached

I was planning to take Benadryl last night to help me feel rested but instead felt I should not take my normal B-Complex prior to bed. It worked like a charm! I feel rested and pleasant this morning and I only woke up twice in the night. I am guessing the B-Complex was making my brain too active.

Dream: Whirlpools

I discovered my husband had begun dating a friend of ours after we had a fight. I protested and told him that I had not meant that we should quit our marriage. He decided to return to keep working on fixing our marriage and I was happy with this.

We ended up at a gathering of our church friends. They were all standing in line for some reason and I had a talk with a coworker there who was leaving her job to go to Bigfoot (city name). I told her to take a long vacation and she said she couldn’t because she had a child with special needs. I wondered where Bigfoot was. I’d never heard of such a city. I was pulled South in my mind but doubted it. Turns out it is in Texas!

I wandered into another area where there was a large pool. A friend was in the water with her newborn baby (she is currently pregnant and due in September). She saw me and handed the baby to me, “Here, hold him”, she said. I didn’t want to, though.

I ended up in the pool and the dream shifted dramatically. The pool was very shallow and the bottom was a 3D version of the earth. It covered the entire pool and the vivid greens of the continents moved as the earth rotated. I saw small whirlpools all over the place and happily played in them, the water coming up only to my hips. The whirlpools were all very small and would form and then disappear only to form somewhere else.

I then got pulled toward a very large whirlpool. I heard someone informing me of such occurrences when this happened. I was pulled down quickly. I briefly thought I would go completely under but never did. Instead, I was propelled across the world to another large whirlpool which then flung me again to another and then another. It went so fast I could not see and felt disoriented.

I was then given a survey of what I had experienced. I was not alone, my husband was with me and our responses were being compared. His experiences sometimes matched mine and other times did not.

Whoever was instructing me stopped the process and all was still. I again saw the realistic earth and the swirling whirlpools that covered its surface. It no longer appeared to be water but more like a fluid substance resembling water in which energy currents flowed. I understood the whirlpools to be vortexes. I was reminded of the grid system of energy that covers the earth and knew it had been disrupted. These vortexes were the result of the shift. I was also reminded of the sun and her solar flares. The two were related.

NASA Has Been Reached

I awoke from this realization hearing, “NASA has been reached”. My crown was buzzing and I felt strangely peaceful. There were messages coming in quite quickly but I only remember some of it. I was told my emotional up’s and down’s were a direct result of the vortexes of energy I had just learned about. I was also told, “Your mind is restructuring”.

I wanted to know more about the vortexes. What were they? What caused them? Why were they affecting me when in the past they seemed not to?

The only answer I am now able to remember is that the recent solar flare/sunspot activity has something to do with the amount and intensity of the vortexes, as does the shifting of the poles. The reason I had not been so affected by them in the past was because I was not undergoing the total restructuring process that I am now. The combination of the two creates breaks in the circuitry of the brain at higher rates than would normally occur.

I wondered about the message, “NASA has been reached”. I briefly wondered if I misunderstood. Maybe it was, “NASA has been breached?” I felt it was not correct, though. It makes no sense to me why I received this message. What does NASA have to do with the energy vortexes I saw? Did the solar flares reach the space station? I could not find any evidence of it except an article about the space station losing power on Tuesday.

I was also told, “You are not alone” and understood this to mean in my experiences of late. These same circumstances are also wreaking havoc on others going through the restructuring process.

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Feel I’ve Been Duped

I feel I’ve been duped. Either that or I completely misunderstood the spiritual changes I was going through.

It is probably the latter. I tend to be quite dense overall with this transformation stuff.

Dreams and Interrupted Sleep

I awoke feeling this way. That is how I’ve been feeling upon waking for some time now. This morning at 4:30am I was wide awake to the point that I didn’t think I would return to sleep. My mind was unsettled and I had a feeling of resistance that was quite strong.

My dreams were many and now I only have tidbits left of them. In one I was buying a very large cantaloupe and stated, “It’s for my husband. I hate cantaloupes” (I do hate them). In another I was being left at the beach by my ex-husband who decided he was going to go jet skiing. I remember hating him and feeling abandoned. Finally, in another I was being forced to take a mentally unstable and retarded teenager to the mental hospital. Then the man stole my car despite my trying to disable it.

I also recall a conversation about me being 26 years old. I almost became lucid in that dream because I remember thinking, “I’m not that young” and thinking about different ages to see if they felt right. This particular dream woke me up. I immediately remembered the age of 26 was when I had my first spiritual awakening. I did the math and sighed. It had been a very long time since then and I seem to not have made much progress.

Surrender

I somehow fell back to sleep and woke a couple of hours later. During that time I had more calming dreams. In one memorable one I was in the mountains and kept trying to take pictures of them. I ran into a group of mountain bikers and their air pump had gotten stolen. Then I was in a cabin on the mountainside. It had large windows to take in the view and a woman, a professor, was showing me invitations she had hand-made herself. She was about to leave her position for one higher up and I congratulated her. I remember thinking I had already graduated and was not her student anymore. Then I stared out the windows at the mountains and told her, “I’m not staying very long”.

Then I was reading a hand written list aloud to someone. As I went down the list, the words began to echo in my mind and I stopped because I recognized one: walk-in. I wondered, “Why was that word on there?” and then I wanted to remember the other ones and couldn’t. This woke me up.

I awoke to the Proclaimer’s 500 Miles song chorus in my head. I was not amused and did not want to hear what my Companion had to say. When I searched for the lyrics this morning, I stumbled upon an alternate version first and in the midst of the lyrics were the words “Surrender. Surrender”.

Probably a message but I’m not finding it helpful.

Gut Feeling

My connection to my Companion and Team is almost imperceptible right now. I feel abandoned by them again and angry to be left alone in a world I have no interest in. My gut feeling is that this is how it is going to be for a while. I feel stranded in a foreign country. I don’t know the language or the customs and have no interest in adapting to fit in.

Ever since I was a child I have felt this way. I don’t belong here. This isn’t my Home. Something is wrong with everyone else. Or maybe something is wrong with me? I thought I had finally found my family when I met my Companion. You can imagine the relief I felt. “Finally! Finally I am not alone! Finally I have an answer to why I am like I am!”.

But when I can’t find him, when it feels like he has abandoned me, all the feelings I have felt since childhood resurface. I begin to flounder. Life is so empty and lacking without the connection.

I am told it is always there, but I can’t find it. Even sleep doesn’t bring it. I was disconnected for the entire time I was starting my family. I don’t know how I managed to not die inside during that time – or maybe I did, little by little. If I have to do that again I think it will destroy me.

Please, please don’t do that to me again.

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8 Months and I Give Up

My sleep has been interrupted by strange dreams and odd messages. I have been in my stubborn I-don’t-wanna-hear-it stage, so I try and push the dreams out of my mind as soon as I wake. And I wake up a lot!

Lung Dissection

The night before last I awoke from a real vivid dream where I watched myself on the operating table. My chest was opened up to reveal my lungs. Then my lungs were sliced in half and neatly laid side by side to reveal the insides.

What is the most vivid about this dream is the inspection of the inside. I was being shown these tiny, sparkling green orbs. They were all over the inside of my lungs. They looked like little circular emeralds and were no bigger than the tip of my pinky finger in size.

I woke up immediately from the dream thinking something was horribly wrong. I was immediately calmed and then fell back to sleep.

Signing the Bill

Last night I had a string of dreams that all woke me up. I tried to forget them but they are still lingering, especially this one.

I was purchasing something and asked to sign the credit card bill. The was one of the old type – you know the kind from a manual credit card processing machine that imprinted the card numbers on paper (makes me look very old).

I went to sign my name and it barely showed up. I remember squinting at the nearly invisible signature and then rewriting my name carefully over the top so that it could be seen.

I woke up immediately after thinking I had just signed a contract or finalized one.

8 Months!?

I don’t recall the dream now (trying to forget my dreams is working I guess) but I do recall what woke me up. In the dream I was talking to someone who was discussing how long it would take to do something. I remember hearing, “8 months”.

I awoke angry and protesting, yelling at my Companion asking why it was taking so long and to get it over with already. He explained that the process could not be rushed.

I Give Up

At work today I watched some webinars and got some CEUs (continuing education) in order to keep my counseling certificate. This was voluntary because my boss seems to have forgotten I exist and so I was not on the schedule to attend any of the day’s (and week’s) professional development. I wanted to focus on spiritual matters but kept feeling not to. So I didn’t.

As the day progressed I found a webinar I really liked and began to get ideas for the upcoming counseling groups I will be conducting. It was at this time I heard a very quiet question, “Why not?” This came with a memory of long ago when I first began teaching. Back then, I fell into my work with more gusto and passion than I ever have since. I enjoyed my job so much, in fact, that I got to work early every day and loved every moment of my day.

I realized what was happening. I was being prompted to “live life” and I understood that I have been resisting life for a very long time. There is a part of me that is angry at the “system” and also angry at myself for letting it get the better of me. Every time I think of something I should do I feel that anger and a little voice says, “Why bother?”

Honestly, though, I would rather try and do something about it than nothing at all.

So I decided I would do this group. I would plan it like I use to plan lessons as a teacher. I would have fun with it. I would create it and make it my own.

I came home and bought children’s books for each topic. I look forward to reading them to the students and making the silly voices for the characters. I look forward to making posters and drawing with them while we brainstorm ideas.

The reason I loved my first year of teaching is because my working theme was, “Explore yourself”. That is what I tried to get my students to do. To discover themselves, learn about themselves and grow in themselves. I can do that with the kids I work with now. If I want to.

Maybe “living life” won’t be as much of a drag after all.