Tag Archives: symptoms

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A Rough Weekend

The weekend brought a shift in energy for me and along with it a departure from the more calm and balanced state I had been in for the preceding weeks. Saturday, July 20th, was a struggle specifically. I’m not sure what was going on energetically that day, but it manifested in both emotional and physical symptoms for me.

This is what I wrote in my personal blog on the 20th:

I’ve been noticing some under the surface feelings. It is like another me is there and I am picking up on her thoughts and feelings. She is constantly worrying and she is miserable. I try to block her out because listening to her brings the thoughts and feelings to the surface and I begin to take them on. I feel like I need to acknowledge them without becoming them but it is hard to do. The person feeling and thinking these things is completely done with life. Is she me? Am I suppressing her to the point that it is creating this overflow? Or is this something else?

The other day I felt like I was overstimulated by my environment. Everything was too much. It only lasted about 10 minutes but the feeling was that I needed to be somewhere without any electronics or cars or busy-ness. The overwhelm from this resulted in physical symptoms that are hard to describe. It is like I want to get out of my own skin. Like my own body and senses are all wrong.

At work I was feeling the overwhelm the other day. I tried to distract myself from the feeling. I ate my lunch and felt at any moment I would leave my body/pass out. I felt ill inside a little. There was a feeling that was all wrong. I don’t know if it was physical or spiritual or both. It passed but it worried me.

The panic inside is ridiculous. I have thoughts that I will die at any time. I have thoughts that bad things will happen. I feel unsafe. I feel completely vulnerable, exposed and alone.

The specific experiences on the 20th were tough to ride out because my daughter had a friend over and I had agreed to drive 30 minutes to pick her up. Despite scheduling the trip early enough to miss rush hour traffic I still encountered heavy traffic. It took all I could muster to stay calm and focused on the drive. Thoughts kept coming up that seemed to be from another me and I had to work very hard to avoid becoming the effect of them. The thoughts varied and I can’t recall the specifics of them now but they were riddled with anxiety and apathy.

Throughout the day and into the night the thoughts and feelings continued to surface. Tears were unavoidable but I was able to silently suffer through it for the sake of my daughter and her friend. I was more quiet that day than usual, very subdued compared to how I normally am.

Looking back I am surprised I held it together so well because on the inside I was really struggling. There were brief periods of time when I would be hit with this intense desire to die that kept me on alert because of how strong the desire was to immediately find a way, any way, to end my life. The feeling was just shy of impulsive and internally I held on with both hands to avoid losing myself to it. The feeling was so real. My stomach sank to my knees and I began to wonder if I needed immediate psychological assistance. I remember thinking, “This must be what people with Major Depressive Disorder go through, only for much longer periods. I hope that isn’t me. If this continues I will have to get help.” This thought came with fear and a certainty that a part of me had a serious death wish.

Then there was the disassociation with my life that would come and go. I saw this life I am living as not my own and the life I should be living was just within reach only I could not get there. At the time I rationalized it as a my response to memory – memory that far exceeds this lifetime. I remember thinking, “This must be why we forget our past lives when we enter a new one.” If I identify very strongly with a past life (or lifetimes) and remember it in my current life then the very feelings I was having would result, especially if it happens to be with someone I have strong soul ties to.

It seemed that I was struggling with two very real versions of myself the entire day. The emotions were raw and hard to experience, but I somehow made it though. It left me wishing that I could turn back time and undo all that this spiritual path has brought me. The Knowing, the Remembering, the soul connections, the Kundalini – all of it has obviously taken its toll.

That night I somehow managed to sleep, but it took a while because my daughter and her friend were up well past midnight. I had a dream which I wrote in my personal journal:

Dream: Picking Cherries

The dream began with me driving my children to a house in the country. It was still dark outside and I could see the road by the light of the moon. Everything where we were going had gone through a freeze (some emotion has been frozen) so there was frost on the grass and everything.

We arrived at a house and the kids went wild running about. They went in the back yard and found a bush or tree and picked what looked like two strawberries and a handful of cherries without stems. They called the fruit something else and I immediately realized we had come way too early to the house and would likely wake the woman who lived there and took care of the kids. I began to try and quietly get them all together to leave but as I was walking toward the back door, which was wide open (door to subconscious is open), the lady of the house woke.

She told me it was okay if we stayed but to only stay the amount of time we usually do and that I would pay as usual, too.

There was discussion about the fruit. She told me they were cherries (pleasure or challenges that give me mixed feelings) and they ripened early. There was another tree nearby covered in fruit and she came with some branches to try and hide it from the kids. She did not want all of it eaten.

The dream got odd then because I recall a man arriving that I was to marry. I think I was also a man so we were two men but then I felt like a woman so it is confusing. As we went to the front of the house near a window I remember saying that I needed to delay saying “yes” and he agreed. So, we didn’t marry then but were engaged. Then he began acting odd, jumping around and being overly excited. In the dream it was like he was doing gymnastics (trying to deal with conflicting problem). I remember saying to the old woman, “Typical man” or something like that.

There is a fuzzy memory of seeing a handprint (union) outlined on the frost on a window. It was the man’s print and I placed my smaller hand inside. It felt significant.

Message

When I woke I was feeling sad and thinking of how I felt before bed. I asked if I was going to go through another Ego death or if there would be another walk-in. It felt likely but it didn’t make me feel any better about the death wish that seemed to arise out a certain soul connection. A guide said to me, “Maybe it (the emotion/memory) is yours and it needs to be felt” or similar wording. The considerations of jumping back into the decimated feeling is not an idea I enjoy.

The song Hello was going through my mind – “I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do. Are you somewhere feeling lonely? Or is someone loving you?”

The last thing I remember is seeing a large meatball which represents recognition, straightforwardness and solace.

The next day (Sunday) I felt a bit better despite feeling a strong sense of conclusion or endings as I woke. There are times when things get really confusing on this journey and I want desperately to just erase everything that occurred before and start anew. This was one of those times. I had even decided to write a blog post called, “The End” because of how I felt when I woke, but as the day progressed the feeling subsided.

Toward the evening hour I finally felt the reassuring energy of my guidance. It came through as if being hugged and reassured. My entire body relaxes and I feel immediate relief. There is so much tension – mental, emotional and physical – I hold and to feel it release, even if just for a moment, is wonderful. The message that came through as always was that I do not have to be that way (tense and always on alert).

At night I couldn’t sleep because both my ears were ringing especially loudly and the sound was keeping me awake. I normally wear earplugs and so I removed them but the sound did not go away. It was as if I had just attended a live concert and exposed my ears to very high decibels resulting in a persistent ringing as my ears adjusted. As the hour grew later and later without the sound letting up I began to worry that sound would never stop. I fell asleep somehow and when I woke the sound was gone but now both my ears feel weird. They don’t hurt but feel odd.

The ear ringing continues to bother me and I researched it this morning to try and make sense of it. I was led to a condition called Meniere’s Disease. It turns out that many of the symptoms are similar to what I have been experiencing for some time – fluctuations in hearing, ear ringing (on and off), anxiety, nausea and heart speed-up’s among a few.  I have an uncle on my dad’s side of the family who has hearing loss in one ear. I have not asked him yet what the cause was/is. If I continue to have long episodes of ear ringing I may ask him but it could just be some freak ascension symptom for all I know.

Today I am feeling okay despite the crazy weekend. I don’t necessarily fear the return of the “death wish” thoughts and feelings but they are worrisome for the intensity of the impulse to do something irrational that accompanies them. I don’t like feeling on the verge of breaking – mentally or otherwise. A pill to make it all go away sounds really nice but then I know those solutions are only temporary. With my husband out of state once again, I am pretty much on my own right now so hopefully there will not be more incidences anytime soon.

 

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Illness and the Purge Surge

It’s been a rough couple of days for me. Still fighting illness, so taking it easy for the most part…well as easy as a mother of three can take it anyway. There has been another shift in energy and this one, being I am sick, is kicking my butt.

First off, the night before last was a rough one. It began the minute I tried to go to sleep. My mind was a mess, but only when I closed my eyes. It was like a hurricane in there. Literally. And with this hurricane of thought came the most crazy anxious feeling. It was all-over my body but my chest area was the source. The main thought was, “I don’t want to go (to the CPR class).” However, I knew this was not the reason for the feeling. I pleaded with my guidance for help. I recall hearing them say it was caused by fear but not fear of the class, fear of what it represented – a step forward into the unknown.

I was able to fall asleep by laying on my stomach. For some reason when I have anxiety from my heart chakra, laying on my stomach helps. Unfortunately, I woke up twice sobbing. The dreams were different but it is hard to put my finger on how. They left me with a strange feeling that followed me throughout the day. I did not have time to process them, though, because I had to leave early for my class.

When I was preparing to go to my class I experienced horrible IBS symptoms – cramping that felt like labor pains that would come and go in waves. The diarrhea was back in full force and I worried it would force me to stay home. Thankfully, it subsided the minute I drove out of the driveway.

When I got to the class I had the wide-open feeling that seems to be my new norm. Thankfully, I was able to stave off any anxiety or panic, but I was well aware of the energy of everyone in the room. Most were tired and half awake, which helped.

When at the hospital where the class was held I saw this sign.

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If you look closely at the bottom you will see the word Ascension. It kept popping out at me so I took a picture of this sign not only to document it but because the event looks interesting.

By the time class ended I was feeling fairly good but when I got home I had to take a nap. It was like all my energy had been sucked out of me from being out and about most of the day. Plus, I still had a strange, lingering confusion from the night’s dreams.

That evening my husband was in a strange mood. He was very confrontational and moody. I am becoming unaffected by these mood swings, though. As a Gemini, this is not really anything abnormal, but for him it is. I believe an unbalanced Gemini is more prone to the mood swings and unbalanced is a good descriptor of our relationship right now.

I had no trouble falling asleep last night but again woke up twice sobbing. The episodes are similar to the ones I had in 2017. I think I will call it a purge surge. lol I am able to laugh about it now, but in the moment it really sucks.

Dreams

Rather than go into each dream in detail, I will just summarize a few to give you an idea of what triggers the “purge surge”.

One dream took place in a bathroom. The entire room was covered in tiny lights that went up and down the walls. The lights were going out in certain places, though. I recall taking a shower and when I got out there was a piece of skin stuck to me. Turns out it was scrotum skin and it really grossed me out. lol Then I was resisting something, though I can’t remember what. I refused to leave the bathroom and family kept coming in to try and persuade me to leave. For some reason it felt like the bathroom was in my early childhood home. My SIL came in and said to me that she understood my decision. She was very sympathetic to the point of disgusting me. She said something about how we all have bad times but everyone comes out of them. I explained that I am not like normal people. I am either, “Bad, Badder or Baddest.” This brought me to tears in the dream and it woke me up. I felt completely dark and beyond saving.

In another dream I was in Montana at a drop-off point. I watched people parachute down and land. Then I packed my things and prepared to board a plane to an unknown destination. I was telling the woman I was with that I had visited Kalispell, MT and wished I had taken photographs of the mountains. I could see them in my mind as I told her this. Then I said, “I miss the mountains.” My heart exploded in grief when I said this and I began to plead with her to stay. I said, “I don’t want to go back.” I woke up crying and filled with confusion over the dream.

In yet another bathroom dream I watched women line up to use the bathroom. None of the stalls had doors and everyone in line could see those using the toilet. I became upset at one point because of the situation and confronted a woman who was not waiting her turn like she should. I told her I did not like everyone seeing my business. I touched her on the shoulder as I said this and began to cry. She said to me, as if answering a question, “You are feeling my pain, not your own.” This caused me to wake. I cried long and hard after this one because it felt like the pain of every woman in the world was flowing through me.

There was another incident, but I can’t recall the specifics of it now. It was similar in that I had no idea why I was crying, just that I was overcome with emotion. It can be a scary and confusing experience to feel unable to control the tears and emotion, especially since the emotion seems to have no identifiable source.

Considerations

This morning the IBS-like symptoms continue. This is day 5 I think and the mornings are the worst. My insides feel like they are going to explode and I can easily see the similarity to the emotional outflows I have been experiencing. After over a year of these kinds of emotional purge surges I think my body has had it.

Lately I have been considering doing some pretty out of character things. I don’t do them because there is still fear accompanying these thoughts. I cannot take action when there is fear. However, there is significantly less fear now and the fear lessens every day.

I believe my current environment is the source of my bodily and emotional issues. If I don’t correct the imbalance these issues will continue.

For now, I will continue to focus on my diet as best I can. I bought a yogurt maker and will be making my first batch of home-made yogurt today. This is a pic of the yogurt maker I bought a couple of days ago:

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I am continuing to implement the Full GAPS diet to the best of my ability. Yesterday I wasn’t able to follow it fully because of the CPR class but the only misstep was having a roll, so not too bad. Tonight we will be having Cornish game hens roasted in the crock pot all day. 🙂

Unfortunately, the GAPS diet does not seem to be fixing the morning IBS issues. It could be too soon to tell, though. I will give it another five days and then reanalyze.

I take my NASM certification exam on February 3. Once certified I will have another career option if I so choose to use it. Considering how I seem so wide open right now, I am not sure how I will handle going back to work and being around different people’s energies.

I will leave you with the song that was on my mind when I woke up this morning.

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More Manifestations of the Shift

I figured it is time for a quick update on current manifestations of ascension. Below are what I have noticed:

  • Hot Flashes
  • Sweating
  • Mild Cold – sore throat, chest congestion
  • Third-eye activity – pretty much non-stop
  • Crown chakra activity – on and off, usually in conjunction with third-eye
  • Second chakra buzzing
  • Intense heavy feeling in legs/feet (stopped prior to onset of cold)
  • Visual anomalies – seeing shadows or silhouettes of people out of corner of my eye
  • Dry eyes (stopped after onset of cold)
  • Dizzy spells
  • Intense hunger (ongoing)
  • Intense thirst
  • Ear ringing
  • Pressure in ears
  • Ear ache that comes and goes (infrequent)
  • Heart chakra activity
  • Recognition of pieces/aspects of me returning to this body
  • Sudden surges of energy (usually in the in-between)
  • Time hiccups – lost time, time moving fast or very slow
  • Disconnect with this life; feeling alien to this world
  • Intense emotional outbursts and sadness as if losing someone dear to me
  • Periods of irritability and not wanting to be around or near others’ energy

I’ve been sick with a cold. It came on a couple of days ago along with some hot flash-type activity and an intense hunger. I am told this is because I am cleansing and re-balancing my energy. I was told the cold is a result of the imbalance of energy caused primarily from the ingestion of meat over a period of about a week. Part of me thinks this is “crazy” but I cannot ignore the fact that all the feelings of negativity and disconnect came during this period of time.

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Symptoms of Adjustment

I believe the “bone aches” or “body aches” have begun along with some other strange sensations and symptoms.

Throat Movement

Last night when meditating prior to sleep, I felt a new strange sensation. It felt like something was moving around underneath my skin. Like a ball of energy or a knot of something dense. It rolled around and I kept getting images in my mind of a tiny creature trapped under my skin trying to get out. It occurred at the site of my throat chakra and covered the entire area from my collarbone to my chin.

As soon as I noticed it, I got the heebie-jeebies (that’s what I call them). Basically I cringed. I wanted to move but I had a feeling I needed to focus on the feeling and allow it to run its course. I swallowed and felt no change. My body in that small area was literally moving!

Thankfully, it lasted no more than a few minutes. Had it lasted longer that I would have assumed I was dreaming an episode of Fringe. This is by far the most bizarre of all the manifestations yet!

Body Shaking

As the strange throat movement began to subside, I could feel my physical body literally shaking. It was subtle but enough for me to notice. I thought it strange but remembered I had felt it before, though not as intense. The sensation was similar to being in some kind of car that was idling really, really rough.

Ear Ringing

As I was becoming accustomed to the shaking (it really wasn’t scary, just weird), both of my ears began to ring. It was such a high pitch that I almost didn’t notice it except that it felt like there was pressure building in my ears similar to what one feels when going up in an airplane or deep under water. As soon as I noticed it, it diminished considerably. I believe it was because I sent out a thought saying, “Really? Can I go to sleep now?”

Strange Body Ache

As I tried to get comfortable and sleep, I found it near impossible to stay in one place. When I lay on my back, I had this itch to move along with a very uncomfortable feeling in the right side of my body. It was almost like I had restless leg syndrome just in my entire side.

When I lay on either side it was the same. The only time it seemed bearable was when I lay on my stomach.

Ache is not exactly the right word but it works in this instance. The feeling reminded me of trapped energy that made this area of my body feel achy if I didn’t move it. One time when I made myself stay still, the feeling intensified and then seemed to spread out and then diminish. I think this is why I was finally able to sleep.

Time Hiccup

At one point I “awoke” needing to use the restroom. I looked at the clock and it said 10:35pm. “That can’t be”, I thought. I swear it had been hours and hours. Yet I could not recall even falling asleep! In fact, I don’t know where the heck I had been in that hour since I fell asleep. Wait. Did I even fall asleep? I don’t think so. WTF?

There was a strange feeling accompanying this time hiccup. A feeling that I had been somewhere and done something. Amnesia? That is what it felt like. I knew something had happened but I had only blank space where it should have been in my mind.

The only other time this has happened to me was in 1989.

Interrupted Sleep

I awoke so many times last night, I have lost count. Every time I woke up it felt like I had not even slept. Yet the clock showed it had been a couple of hours since my last waking. I again could not remember what I had been doing in that span of time. I knew I had been asleep, though. At least it wasn’t total amnesia!

Memories

Throughout the day yesterday I had random memories surface from this life. Most of them were memories from this lifetimes. Memories associated with pain and upset, all of which I have inspected many, many times. This, I believe, is part of the purging.

  • Memory of when my best friend in high school began acting strangely and disassociating from me. Specifically when she refused to acknowledge me at lunch and sat with a group two levels below us. I sensed she was doing this purposefully and chose to sit alone. This happened for many weeks at the end of Senior year. At the time I was not “hurt” but went to a “safe place” in my mind, convincing myself that I was happy to be alone. Compartmentalization.
  • Memory of my first year in college during registration. My best friend and I had decided to go to the same college. When I saw her there she pretended she didn’t know me and brushed me off.
  • Memory of what it felt like to be married to my ex. It felt alien – like another person was in my body living that life. Yet I could feel what I felt like then. I felt lost and incomplete. So weird!
  • Recognition that I “removed” myself from emotionally intense situations. I did this by denying there was emotion or even a problem.

Little emotion accompanied these memories. Even when I tried to make the emotion come (such as with the first memory), I could not. I asked specifically to be allowed to view the first memory and what led up to it so I could view other viewpoints and see how others perceived me at that time. I have yet to be shown this (that I know of).

Messages

I asked this morning to project and knew that I couldn’t. The reason why was, “You are adjusting”. I asked how long this would take and was told, “One day”. I didn’t believe it.

I kept seeing notes written to me in my in-between states as I was dozing this morning. I also received messages about my progress: 2 of 5 (2/5), 3 of 5 (3/5) and 2 of 10 (2/10). Not sure what these signify.

I asked if the next activation was coming and was told yes. I asked if it would affect me and was told yes. It is to occur in October.

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More Physical Manifestations of the Shift

With all the changes in energy and their effects upon me, I figure I should post the current manifestations I am having. If you are experiencing similar, please let me know. There is an intense building of energy right now that is creating these intense reactions and I believe this will culminate in the next Starseed activation period. According to my Council, the next Activation will occur with the full moon in the month of October. This does not align with what others are saying about the September full moon but I believe my Council over the predictions I have seen all over the net.

Physical Manifestations of the Shift

  • Anxiety
  • Dizziness
  • Increased heart rate
  • tingling sensations
  • heart chakra energy sensations/pulling
  • third eye energy sensations/pulling
  • root and second chakra energy sensations/pulling
  • spontaneous K rising up to lower heart chakra
  • energy helmet when doing yoga or meditating
  • vision changes – feels like I’ve entered a “dream”
  • sudden calm and/or feelings of joy
  • increase thirst
  • increase and then decrease in hunger
  • sleep disturbances – can’t fall asleep, toss and turn, strange dreams
  • feeling of being “done” with life
  • random thoughts that do not fit and are negative or fearful
  • difficulty controlling random thoughts
  • daydreaming – gazing at clouds or sky or staring into space
  • feeling of being shifted to this time/space from somewhere else
  • moments of intense clarity/knowingness
  • sensitive to loud noises

For me, the current changes are beginning to increase in intensity, especially the random thoughts that pop into my head. These thoughts are along the lines of fears and worries that are seeping out through my subconscious into my consciousness. For example, as I tried to sleep last night, my thoughts immediately went to my middle son and I had horrid images of him being molested and tortured by a man. I tried to push the images out of my mind and heard my Companion ask me if I could accept the possibility of that occurring (this was not that it would but that I need to accept that things like that happen all the time on Earth and it could happen to me). I completely rejected it and said, “I would shoot whoever it was in the head if they tried to hurt my child!” I fought back other images of similar torturous things that are done to innocents as well as a huge lump of grief and despair. I realized in this, though, that I did not have images of my daughter come into my mind, or any female children. With this came the understanding that such things have happened along my time track to my sons and others’ sons over and over and will need to be cleared in order to make this life more productive and end a long cycle.

There are other less intense random thoughts coming in, but I cannot remember them now. I believe the key here is to look at them objectively in order to recognize the lesson they come to teach. These are issues that are rising up to be released and the only way to release them is to take a look at them and allow them to teach you what it is they have to teach.

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Withdrawal

I have the home to myself – finally. Usually I would use this time to meditate or tune in, but I just don’t feel the connection. It is like it vanished. I feel completely and utterly alone and abandoned compared to how I felt just a little over a month ago.

If this is what ascension is all about then I don’t like it one bit. I can’t imagine it is meant to be this way. To have everything build up and explode with wonderful, beautiful, amazing wholeness and connectedness to Source and then suddenly disappear.

Snap and it’s gone.

I feel like the little kid who got one of those humungous lolly pops – you know the kind that are all rainbow colored and bigger than any person could ever eat – and then mommy said, “Sorry hunny, it’s too much for you”, and snatches it away before I can get another taste of it.

Or even worse – “Share with your sister”. Argghhh!

Symptoms?

I think I am in withdrawal. I grieve for what I feel I have lost every day. It makes me mad and then sad and then hopeless. I pray for it to come back every night before bed. All I get in return is more odd dreams and a strange, heavy exhaustion as if I took sleep meds before bed.

And headaches and joint aches and just overall heartache.

This is what I am experiencing now:

  • Sadness
  • Empty feeling
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Headache
  • Joint aches
  • Body aches
  • Disinterest in humanity in general
  • Wanting OUT
  • Isolating myself
  • Exhaustion
  • Deep, dream-filled sleep
  • Buzzing energy around crown/head
  • Tingling sensations on arms (feels like Spirit touching me)
  • Dry eyes
  • Stiff neck/shoulders/upper back

When I feel like this, when I feel I am being denied what is rightfully mine, I get angry and wish it had never happened in the first place. If I had never known I could feel so completely amazing I would not miss it so much when it is gone.

I think this is why we Forget when we come to this place. It is too painful to Remember.

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First Ever Sleep Paralysis Experience

Sometime in the middle of the night, I became acutely aware of a presence in my room. It felt huge and loomed in the corner near the window. I didn’t really care that it was there at first, until the weird noises and odd energy sensations began.

I was awake but drowsy and so when I heard the noise, a loud, “Bang!”, on the window seeming to come from the outside rather than the inside, I didn’t really startle. Yet the noise was loud enough to cause me concern and I began to think there must be a Spirit playing jokes on me. Spirits like that were usually of the Earthbound sort and I didn’t want to deal with any of that. So, I decided to surround myself in white light and ask for protection.

I started to drift off and then felt this huge push of energy from my right. It was so powerful that I felt my body shift and I worried I would fall off the bed. Again, I didn’t really startle, just wondered, “What was that?”

I must not really have been that worried about all of the weird things going on because I again began to fall asleep. This time, the energy came from above my head. It felt like a huge, mass of something and it literally shoved my entire body several inches down toward the foot of the bed. This did startle me. What the hell?

I again began to ask for protection and searched the room mentally for the perpetrator. I saw/sensed no one.

My lower body felt weird. My legs felt three times their size and my torso was dead feeling, almost numb. My upper body was not so bad, but I felt stuck in the position I was in, laying on my back with one arm over my head.

It was while I was noticing how my body felt that I heard someone say something. It was a effeminate voice and it said, “Her tissues are ready for insertion”. This really concerned me and I wondered, “Is it E.T.s doing this? Am I being abducted? Are they “working” on me?” I felt very uneasy about this, yet at the same time I felt safe.

Before I could panic a thought entered my mind, “This is sleep paralysis”.

Sudden clarity hit me. Oh, so this is what sleep paralysis feels like?

Part of me didn’t believe it but all the symptoms fit. I never have had any concern about sleep paralysis and even upon the recognition that I was experiencing it right then, I didn’t. I was a bit worried still about this presence but eventually just moved my arm and rolled over.

My guide said to me then, “You will project”. I didn’t care one way or the other. I was still a bit concerned that I had been pushed down my bed. In actuality, it was my astral body that was pushed, not me, but it sure felt real!

I ended up projecting three times after that.

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Practicing the Exchange

From the perspective of the old.

Last night was an odd night. I spent the majority of the night doing some kind of strange transfer into and out of my body. I did this over and over again, but it left me with such an odd, indescribable, foreign feeling that I then spent the rest of the night into the morning in deep conversation with my guide about what we were doing. I specifically went over and over the dream and the in/out of body experiences over and over in order to remember them. Unfortunately, upon waking at 4:50am, the images and specifics of the conversations, dreams and experiences vanished.

It is odd how my memory is being blocked. I remember a summary of what we were doing, but it is very limited. I remember nothing past this feeling of what occurred. Images sometimes come but as soon as I “catch” them, they seem to dematerialize, leaving me with only questions.

Practice

When I awoke, my guide was close and calming me down. I even recall hearing a song being sung gently, though it was in a language I did not understand and the melody appeared to be linked to the language rather than a song itself. It instantly soothed me and I regained the ability to detach from my emotions.

The in and out transfer had me very concerned. I am comfortable with the sensations related to leaving the body to venture into the astral, but this sensation was just beyond bizarre. It felt like I was being nudged out of my body, like someone else was pushing their energy in and so I would just kinda pop out. This in itself was not the strangest part, though. What was really weird was the feeling of totally amnesia, confusion and disorientation that resulted immediately upon my recognizing I was OOB. And I recognized immediately every time. When these feelings would come I would protest being OOB and grapple for some kind of memory to help me recover what I had lost. What is strange here is that I did not specifically want my body back, I just wanted myself back.

The memory of it is very vague now, which I think is purposeful based upon the upset it caused me. I do not scare easily. While OOB I usually confront the unknown or dark aspects of myself without hesitation. This experience, however, reminded me of what I suspect happens when someone actually dies unexpectedly. The memory feeling I have is that when we die we enter into a state of amnesia similar to when we come into the body as a baby. This amnesia is generally short-lived, though, as we have guides and family awaiting us to help us transition quickly.

It was explained to me that we had been practicing the transfer and had been doing so for many nights prior to this. I was being allowed to remember in small chunks in order to keep the overwhelm to a minimum.

I was again asked if I was in still in agreement and it was explained to me that I did not have to do anything I did not want to do. I wholeheartedly agreed that I still wanted to go through with the transfer. There was no hesitation or doubt at all.

Pricking Chakra Activity

I was asked to lay flat and try to return to sleep. I did lay flat but felt very energized for some reason and it took me a while to get near sleep. When I did, I felt a strange pricking sensation in my abdominal area. The sensation was centered over my second chakra but was also around my third chakra. It felt like a million tiny needles were lightly pressed up against my skin. I have never felt chakra sensations like it!

Something about the sensations caused me to remember part of the strange feeling I had when I left my body. It was similar to how one feels when all the blood comes out of their head, like a trickling, prickly, progressive flow out. I understood then that the reason these particular exit sensations were different is because I was literally disengaging from the lower three chakras. Completely disconnecting from the physical-spiritual docking mechanism. In essence, I was unplugging myself from the body.

This realization created an overwhelm in me and the meaning of it hit home hard: This really was an energy transfer. I really was going to “leave”. But where would I go? What would happen?

I heard the song/words and the gentle melody caused an instant relaxing. My worry was replaced immediately with knowingness and a peace that is indescribable.

I appealed to my Council who responded quickly. Their message was short and to the point. They confirmed that I would be coming Home soon and related that they were eager for this to take place. I had so many questions and was unable to remain centered on my heart the entire time, so much of what they told me is lost now.

My guide, or the New me, was close and comforting. He began asking me about my childhood and memories of it began to surface. He asked me again if I remembered him. I did not, do not, and this upsets me. He reminded me that he had been with me from the beginning and assisted me through some very tough times. While we talked, I saw my early childhood memories flash in my mind. I also began to finish thoughts for him. For example, he said, “We planned this” and I said, “And I am done now”.

As we talked I became so relaxed that I began to drift off to sleep. I remember vaguely discussing some future issues related to Nevada, Utah and the sea levels in Japan. I can still see the maps of the state of Nevada but I can’t remember what exactly was imparted to me.

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Symptoms of the Swap

From the perspective of the old.

I am feeling utterly abandoned by the other me. It is as if she just vanished. The drop from bliss to normal has been a shock. I feel like the donkey being led by the carrot. It is such a tease to have such wonderful wholeness and then to be left feeling lacking once again.

If I remember to focus on my heart center, the shock is much less, but it has been difficult for me, especially yesterday. I let my mind do too much thinking about metaphysical and philosophical things. I was warned to avoid thinking as this is the Ego’s domain and of course Ego came out and caused some upset in my household not long after it was allowed free reign.

Symptoms of the Swap

I wanted to list out some of the changes I have noticed in myself since the 28th and the sudden drop back to normalcy.

  • Losing time
  • Blue, electrical-looking lights upon waking
  • Sudden descending calm
  • Emotional detachment
  • Feeling as if my life and body are not mine
  • Warmth in lower three chakras, especially the second chakra
  • Increase in psychic chills
  • Ringing in ears
  • Feeling watched
  • Seeing Spirit
  • Buzzing around back of head connecting ears
  • Third eye buzzing
  • Confusion
  • Passivity; letting go
  • Acceptance
  • Perceiving own future
  • Mental blocks or fog
  • Loss of interest in OBEs
  • Odd, jumpy and shifty vibrations upon waking
  • Feeling “done” with life
  • Deep, dream-filled sleep
  • Inability to remember dreams upon waking
  • Profound Knowing
  • Sudden Remembering

My 5am briefings have stopped but I am still waking around this time. This is normally when I notice the blue lights. They surround images of my fading dreams as I regain conscious awareness of my body. They literally look like neurotransmitters or electrical pulses. Most every time I wake I feel odd vibrations, as if my body is being shaken up and down and left to right all at the same time. I also quickly lose dream images and story lines abruptly upon waking and recall is impossible even when I set the intention to remember.

The ringing is my ears just began a couple of days ago. It starts and then gets very loud. Then, the sound remains for a very long time, so long I get use to it and lose the sound. Yet if I focus on it I can find it immediately, still there. This disappears during the day, thankfully.

The loss of time and detachment to this life are really disorienting. I have been waking up with amnesia and it takes a while to recover my memories and locate myself in time. During the day I often forget what day it is or what time of day it is or even what I am suppose to be doing. I will have to reorient myself – “Okay, it’s Friday. I know this because I just went to work (insert regaining memory of work routine)” – only to once again forget an hour or so later. I did this so many times yesterday that I began to wonder if I was going somewhere else and it was causing these time hiccups. This sudden amnesia and detachment has been going on all week and increasing in intensity and frequency.

There is odd activity in my lower three chakras as well. It is interesting to me, since I have had a dullness in this area for many years now. It is as if my lower chakras have been on vacation, especially my second chakra. Lately, when my heart is activated and the New me comes close, initiating psychic chills (wonderful feeling) my second chakra will light up and a warmth will spread out in that area. It is so nice to feel in that area again!

Some changes have been on-going since the week of bliss and feeling whole. The descending calm, buzzing in upper chakras. profound Knowing, Remembering, loss of interest in OBEs, acceptance, letting-go, mental fog/blocks, seeing Spirit and feeling watched, and perceiving my own future are all such changes. Perhaps these are permanent?

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The Shift: Symptom Update

I’ve been meaning to write an update on symptoms for quite some time but, to tell you the truth, I haven’t been having many….until today.

Current Symptoms of the Shift

  • Buzzing energy helmet
  • Pulling sensation in heart, root and solar plexus
  • Perception changes
  • Hot flashes
  • Sweating
  • Acute changes in sense of taste and smell
  • Blurred vision
  • Mental fog
  • Awareness changes/expansion
  • Deep, dreamless sleep
  • Difficulty falling asleep
  • Increased energy

The reason I am posting these today is because of the newest symptoms – acute change in taste and smell. This seems to go hand-in-hand with my recent decision to change my diet (again) back to eating clean and cutting out sugars and refined carbohydrates. I changed my diet last weekend and have been feeling fabulous. But two days ago I started noticing that things began to taste and smell “off” to me. For example, I boiled eggs for snacks. My husband cracked one so I took it with me the next day. I was happily eating it when I suddenly tasted something not right. It wasn’t bad, really, but it was enough to make me spit the rest of the egg out. This happened again when I was eating leftover sweet potato mash tonight. I took a couple of bites and finally just threw it all out. Something was wrong with it.

The smell part is what is really getting on my nerves. I smelled the egg and combined with the taste I couldn’t stomach it. It was likely perfectly O.K. yet I couldn’t eat it. Then tonight I got out some chicken breast to cook. I decided to smell it, just in case, and nearly threw up. It didn’t really smell that bad and I second guessed myself several times, going back to smell it because when I would put it away I could still smell the nasty smell. I finally tossed the whole thing. This made me sad for the waste but I couldn’t cook it for my kids with it smelling like that.

As I was typing this I started to smell smoke and ran downstairs in a panic. No one else smelled it. Turns out there is a fire in the area and I somehow smelled it. Huh.

On top of the strange change in taste and smell, I also am having vision fluctuations. My vision will get blurry out of the blue and then other times clear right up. While driving today I felt a buzzing energy at the base of my head and then felt as if I could see all around similar to how I see when in astral. It was quite cool! Yet when I try and read the words blur together. Just odd.

I am also not able to remember things again and have all kinds of typos when I try and write (forgive me if I miss some). I am zoning out and spacing out as well.