Tag Archives: totem

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Snapping Turtle Message

I had a weird experience last night. Not sure what to call it but it left me feeling unsettled.

What I recall now of the experience is quite muted because it happened early on in the night. There is mainly a feeling of dis-ease that goes with it. I recall feeling transplanted from one body to the other; as if this was a “normal” thing to experience. The energetics of it were unsettling and induced a low grade alarm reaction in me, but not enough to cause me to react or resist. There was a sense of shifting from one time to another. It was like I was jumping around taking a look at all the possible timelines. Along with all this was memory of all these other timelines as well as this current one. It was very difficult to process and thus left me feeling very disoriented, confused and alarmed.

When I woke up I was stunned and still trying to process what I had just experienced. Honestly, I felt completely insane and it was hard not to imagine myself having a psychotic break from it all. I thought for sure I would go into a disassociative state or that I may already in the midst of one which was why I was so confused.

Somehow, despite feeling crazy, I fell back to sleep. I recall being reminded to “surrender” and being I had just re-blogged one of my own posts on that exact topic, it made sense and I didn’t question it.

However, moments before falling asleep, I remembered all these other similar incidents that I had somehow forgotten! It was bizarre and a bit concerning that I had forgotten them, yet I knew I had chosen to do so probably in order to avoid the exact feelings I was having this time around. The previous experiences were very energetic as well, as if someone came and plucked me out of my body, put me in another body or something energetically altering, and then put me back. All the while I was conscious of the exchange but not resisting. Actually, I am not sure my resistance would do any good. It was more a sense of being frozen and unable to do anything except allow the experience. Yet all the experiences left me on high alert upon returning to this reality and thinking that I must be losing my mind.

It is not a fun feeling yet at the same time I am also not alarmed at all, as if it is all completely normal! I think perhaps I experienced it from two perspectives – the Ego (small self) and the Higher Self. Of course, the Higher Self wins out and is why the ultimate feeling that wins out is the “this happens all the time” consideration. It is such a calm, “I got this” kinda of feeling, too, and there is complete Trust and Knowing.

I know. Bizarre. What can I say? This is my life. lol

Any psychologist/psychiatrist would likely diagnose me with some kind of mental illness. Every time I have these experiences, especially the ones where I am most obviously experiencing as two aspects of one, the thought crosses my mind that I must be schizophrenic or at the least emotionally disturbed to the point of disassociation. I’ve been down that road before and found it a dead-end.

Prior to bed I had been feeling like my entire life was “wrong” again. I had a very strange feeling I cannot describe and was thinking, “I can’t go on like this for much longer.” Perhaps I was being recalibrated in my sleep to address this feeling?

Snapping Turtle

This morning I had a very unexpected in-depth discussion with my husband that ended rather abruptly. As with most of our discussions, tempers flared and voices were raised periodically.

After he left for work I went down to make breakfast for myself and my youngest son. When I went outside to toss some leftovers I noticed something in our creek.

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I called my son outside to see the turtle and we watched him for a while. In the above picture he is eating a yellow pear that had fallen into the water. We have pear trees that still have fruit falling from them, so it was likely quite fresh and perfect eating.

Eventually, the turtle sensed us and swam away. The whole while we were both fascinated. We’ve lived here over 4 years and never seen a turtle, much less a snapping turtle!

Snapping Turtle symbolism and meaning:

Some journey has come to its final end.

Speak up for yourself, take a stand but be fair about it.

Communicate honestly; do not withhold anything.

Take your time and think before making decisions that cannot be undone.

It’s time to go your own way.

Source

It is amazing to me how the Universe works, how it sends a messenger to answer the questions I had going through my mind just prior.

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As I was editing this post a song came to mind – Fleetwood Mac’s (who is playing here in Austin in February) – Go Your Own Way.

Hahaha and if you click on the link above “Austin in February” you will see that this message repeats:

Going Their Own Way in 2018!

LOL

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Two Opossums

I feel nearly 100% this morning. When I woke up I could breathe, I wasn’t coughing, my head wasn’t hurting, my body wasn’t hurting, and I was starving. lol The antibiotics I have been taking for 2 days have done miracles for me. Unfortunately, I was awakened at 5am by my two youngest and have been up ever since. My husband usually lets me sleep in on the weekends but he is in Georgia visiting his rich aunt and uncle in the mountains. Bad timing really but then at least I am on the mend now and so don’t feel so overwhelmed by his absence. Unfortunately, it has been raining pretty much non-stop since Monday so the kids are going stir crazy stuck inside all day. My daughter is so desperate that she wants to ride her bike in the rain and play in the swollen creek. lol

Oh and the a/c just needed a new part and so we didn’t have to pay out for a whole new one. It is a 20-year-old unit, though, so eventually we will have to replace it.

Two Opossums

This morning opossum visited me again, well he visited all of us while we were eating breakfast. This time he was out in broad daylight and he was in a hurry. I saw him through the french doors as he ran right across our back patio. He was literally 10 feet from us. I jumped up and told the kids to look and we were all up and out the doors after him. lol Usually opossums will stop in their tracks and play dead, but this one had other ideas. He was fast! It was the same huge opossum that I saw earlier and wrote about, bigger than a house cat and really ugly. lol

I followed him with my phone trying to take a picture but he was too fast and my phone has a two second delay when it takes pictures so I just got pictures of his backside. He eventually climbed into his burrow which was located just on the other side of the hill that leads down to the overflow creek that borders our property. The kids wanted to see him so I crawled down to look, but he was dug in deep and I know better than to mess with a opossum. Those things have sharp teeth and aren’t afraid to use them. Plus, if he was out in daylight he could be rabid, but doubtful.

As I was climbing back up the hill my kids were running after me. They had gone inside to get their shoes. I always wear shoes to protect my feet since having kids. Legos and other toys really hurt! Anyway, I told them to go back to the house and as they turned around there was another opossum running for dear life across our patio! My son started chasing him and then my youngest, wearing a shirt and diapers only began yelling and running after him, too. They were all so excited and the opossum wasn’t having any of it. lol It was really quite funny and I wish I had thought to turn on my phone’s video camera.

This opossum was not as brave as the other one and tried to hide behind the neighbor’s fence in between a pile of old bricks and other junk. I was able to get two pictures of him but he high tailed it out of there, too. My kids tried to follow him and I stopped them. This one was smaller and slower and I did not want them to accidentally catch up to it.

We all went back inside and not five minutes later my daughter was yelling about seeing the opossum again. Sure enough he was across the creek running. I suspect it must be mating season and the two were trying to get it on in my back yard this morning. LOL Either that or the flooding creek has displaced them. Both were totally drenched.

Message

I have already previewed my other post since I figured my guidance was trying to remind me of the message opossum brings. However, this time the opossum was not alone and out in the day. As a nocturnal animal, this is out of character.

The past message was the wait and take no action, but now I feel the situation may have shifted. What do two, completely drenched, running opossums mean? I looked but could not find anything on that particular scenario. lol Maybe too much hiding out got them drenched in emotion and they finally had enough and freaked out? LOL These two definitely fit that description. I wonder if they found each other? One hid out in a hole and the other went looking for him/her.

I found this particular meaning applicable, especially the last line:

Opossum could also be a warning against getting caught up in a situation that is full of drama. Stop making excuses and embrace the problem head on. Remember: you do not owe anyone a reason or excuse for how you feel or what you choose to experience. Source.

What happens when you hide from yourself? You end up drenched and frantic, just like the two opossums were. What is even more synchronistic here is that this morning I woke up thinking that I should stop judging myself for how I feel and what I wish to experience. 🙂

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Recognizing Myself

I slept very deeply last night but had several very vivid dreams.

Pregnant White Kitty

I entered an apartment. It was very obviously the apartment of a bachelor. I knew the man who lived there and was visiting him in secret. He had dark hair and was very laid back. He reminded me of a young Johnny Depp, so very good looking with a sexual draw about him. I do not remember all that we talked about but I recall being very concerned about the time and day and my children. I kept thinking about when I had to get them from the sitter and school and about an overnight trip I had to take on Thursday.

I left the apartment for a moment and retrieved my children. Rather than go all the way home and get them, I seemed to just go outside and there they were and then they came inside with me. When we got inside the man was gone and the apartment was quiet. I was not sure where he was and I did not know how my daughter got inside. I asked her and she said she crawled through a window. I scolded her for this, saying it was not good to break into a place, when she pointed to a wallet sitting on the counter. That immediately told me he was still present. I heard water running and saw his bedroom door was closed. He came out, dressed and clean, and smiled at us all. He seemed a bit preoccupied, though. I felt uncomfortable and knew that once I left we would not see each other again. He was sitting on the sofa and I went up to him and hugged him tightly, knowing I had had an affair with this man and was unfaithful to my husband. My stomach sunk with the realization.

My mom then came into the apartment with luggage and rolled it to a stop at my feet. She said I was all packed and ready for my trip. I looked at the tan, over sized bag on roller and then up at her. I have no memory of her face just that she was “mom”. I also knew she knew I had been cheating on my husband. She did not talk about it and seemed to accept it and was helping me go on this trip despite knowing what she knew. I took the bag and she said I needed to get ready for the trip the next day. I thought about it and knew I was going to “school” and there was a feeling with it that it was necessary.

As I prepared to leave, a woman came running into the apartment yelling my name. She told me to come outside. I went outside and stood on the top of the stairs looking down at the bushes and a bunch of people gathering. She said, “You need to help”. When I hesitated she said, “You are a midwife, aren’t you!? This is what you do!”

I looked in the bushes and saw a scared, white cat looking out at me with beady, yellowish eyes. She was being attacked by other cats and there was a lot of screeching and noise. I went down to where the cat was and a woman pushed all the other cats away and covered the white cat with a small, white box. She put a sheet of cloth over the top and peeked inside. She asked me to look and all I saw was a gaping, open wound about five inches long and full of dirt and debris. The cat hissed and growled and I pulled back. The woman said that the other cats attacked her while she was giving birth and took her first kitten. It had been born dead – its brain and heart not working. I imagined the cats fighting over and tearing apart the tiny kitten and shuddered.

At that time the cat had a contraction and I watched as her whole body clenched and blood began to ooze out of the gaping wound. It was very graphic and quite disturbing. Then the cat suddenly jumped out and escaped the security of our company and ran away. I watched the tiny cat and said, “She is so tiny! There is no way she can have kittens being that small!” The woman asked if there was anything that could be done to save the cat and kittens. I determined that it would be better to put the cat down and end her misery. The kittens were likely dead already and the cat was already near death. I remember saying, “You might as well put her down. There is nothing that can be done”.

Class in the Dark

I awoke after the dream. It was 6a.m. and it was my first waking, which is odd for me. I snuggled back into bed, thinking about my dream and thinking, “I am dying inside”. I felt alarm at the thought but pushed it aside, wanting to return to sleep quickly.

I found myself sitting at a table with a bunch of young people. They appeared to be teenagers but it was hard to tell as the lights were dimmed. I sensed I was in an auditorium or similar. A teacher was asking us to introduce ourselves to everyone by telling our purpose/main interest in life. She explained that we must use something from our mouths and I saw her pull something out of her mouth, but I do not know what it was. I was confused, thinking that I had nothing from my mouth that I could use to describe myself and my purpose to the group. I panicked as everyone began sharing. Person after person shared and as they did it got closer to my turn. All I could do was think about my recent dream and the white cat, but it didn’t come from my mouth! I thought to myself about what I would say, preparing for my turn. I would tell them about my dream and explain that dreams like this were common for me and often prepared me for my future. It did not make sense to me that sharing this would describe my purpose but I decided it would have to do. At this time I recognized that others were not sharing things via their mouths (I had thought that it meant an object from mouth). I felt some relief at this but knew what I said would be unique to the group.

As I waited my turn I looked at the table across from me. It was dark and I could barely make out the people sitting there. But something odd was in the air above their heads. Perched on seemingly invisible lines were two, perfectly tiny hummingbirds.

Birds-of-BC-No-32-Two-Rufous-Hummingbirds-Selasphorus-rufusRecognizing Myself

The dream stopped for a while and I do not recall what occurred during this time, but suddenly I was very aware of being within the scene I had just been a part of. My awareness was hovering midair and looking at auditorium seating. There were faces upon faces of people but all of the faces were dark and blurred, as if I was looking at them from some distance. In the middle of the sea of faces I saw a very handsome young man. His face was illuminated and he was seated next to a woman. I could not see her face but his light did illuminate her enough for me to know it was a woman. I took in a deep breath as I realized who this young man was. This dark haired, beautiful man with perfect features and skin, was me! I exclaimed, “That is me! I look so young! I couldn’t be more than 17!” I was with someone who was hovering next to me but I could not see him. I knew, however, that it was my guide and we were visiting a past me or perhaps a me from another existence parallel to my own current one. I felt huge accomplishment at seeing this version of me, as if I was very proud to have been this young man. He was extremely attractive, but most of all, he appeared so innocent and pure.

Considerations

When I finally awoke from all this dram activity, I felt better than I thought I would feel. All these dreams were quite upsetting, yet the feeling I had was hopeful, as if something had been resolved. Perhaps the last vivid scene did that?

The cat dream was the most concerning. First of all, it continued a theme of dreams I have been having for some time where I am cheating or have cheated on my husband. The sinking feeling in my stomach was felt in my physical body and almost woke me. The continued concern about my children and their schedule seemed to be my conscious self breaking through into the dream. The symbolism of going on a trip is that new aspects of one’s self are being explored. The fact that this trip is to a school suggests that the trip will be full of lessons.

The white cat symbolizes difficulties in life. Since it is dying, it could be that I am about to surpass these difficulties. The fact that I determined its fate suggests that I made a decision of some sort about these difficulties. The kittens could be representative of multiple difficulties stemming from the main one, the mother. The fact that they are dead or are assumed already dead suggests that these potential difficulties are being avoided by my actions. So, even though the entire scene was horrifying, the symbolism behind it suggest progress is being made.

The dream of being in class was perhaps the most profound of the dreams because I was so caught up in trying to determine my purpose and worried that others would reject it because it was so different from the norm. All I could think about was the dream of the white cat. I was also consumed with trying to figure out how to pull something solid from my mouth. I believe this was actually me trying to integrate the idea that words have strong manifestation power. When I finally accepted that I would use the story and explain it, I saw two hummingbirds perched in the dark and out of place. Hummingbirds symbolize the huge potential and power of seemingly small ideas and concepts.

The last dream seemed more like a vision than a dream. It was so different than the other dreams and had such a powerful impact upon me. I was certain that the young man was me and happy about it as well. Was this a past, present or future me? I do not know. I wish that I knew the story behind it. I recall feeling as if this me was connected to a life where infidelity was a huge problem.

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Dragonfly – May, 2014

My daughter brought home a present for me yesterday. It was a beautiful necklace with a large, silver and black dragonfly. I didn’t know it was for me. I saw it laying on the table and, being drawn to it, ooed and awed over it and put it on. She, of course, was pleased to see me so drawn to a present she brought home for me.

Dragonfly

As a totem or Spirit animal/insect, the dragonfly has many messages. Specifically the dragonfly symbolizes the following: maturity and depth of character, power and poise, defeat of illusions that are self-created, living in present time and focus upon the moment, and the ability to see beyond this mundane existence into the possibilities of the universe and our own power as spiritual beings.

When a dragonfly comes into your life he often brings with him change in one form or the other. This change often develops from the inside when the individual recognizes the untruths about their life and decides to make changes that align with his or her own inner truth. The individual rejects the illusions they carry about life, sometimes one by one but most often all at once, in a whirlwind of determined ferocity. Because of the dragonfly’s connection to water (water is his source of food and life), there is a strong emotional component to the transformation he inspires. Often the individual has moments of intense emotional realizations followed by calm when they recognize that the change they are experiencing is natural and will lead to a more balanced and peaceful life for them. All in all, the dragonfly is a magnificent totem of transformation and change. He is not one to be afraid of but rather to be embraced.

Realizations

The dragonfly totem is very appropriate for me at this time in my life. My life is undergoing so many drastic changes right now and they will all soon be complete.

I have been struggling to keep up with my life this past week. I cannot seem to find time in my busy day! Being responsible for three children has been one of the biggest changes in my life, but there is also my hectic job and the process of house buying/selling. These along with every day minor inconveniences leaves me exhausted at the end of my day.

One of the biggest realizations that I have had recently is that I don’t like my job. It is not what I thought it would be. When I returned to work I found a pile of paperwork waiting for me and more was added every day. My time at work was and still is spent trying to get to the bottom of that pile only to find that when I do make progress, more is added.

I am not a paper pusher. I like to be up and about, to interact with others in a positive way and, most of all, help others. Yes, processing paperwork helps people, but it is not fulfilling to me. I sit at the computer so long that I feel molded to the chair. What is even more frustrating is that I do not know how to do most of what I am expected to do and the woman who hired me, who was suppose to help me through it, is gone.

Ultimately, my realization is that I do not want to be part of this bureaucratic mess and best of all, I don’t have to be.I thought I would be working one-on-one with people, listening to them, helping them sort through their life and problems. I am not doing that and it is taking its toll. Emotionally I am a mess. I have broken down in tears twice now from the strain of it. I have wanted to just walk out every day. If I stay in this state for too long it will soon affect my health. Thankfully I plan to leave as soon as our loan is finalized.

Fed Up!

I must admit, having another baby has changed me. It is change that strikes at the very core of my being. Mid-life crisis? Maybe, but not in a bad way. Mid-life renewal more like it. I am FED UP. Fed up with doing things that I am “suppose” to do per society and family upbringing. Be good. Work a stable job. Pay your bills. Never take risks. Don’t show emotion. Oh and there are tons more I am not even listing.

Eventually a person cracks under the weight of it all. I have been taking on responsibilities I didn’t want to take on. One by one they strangled the life out of me. I didn’t want them but I kept them. Why? I thought I had to because that is what I was taught.

Funny enough I am listening to the song Let it Go from the Disney movie Frozen right now. My daughter is a Frozen addict. lol But, if you have seen the movie the lesson is a very good one. The main character Elsa is told to hide her amazing gifts because they are “dangerous”. She hides them and herself, denying who she really is. Eventually she explodes. Who wouldn’t? That is how I feel, like I have suppressed my true self for so long and am finally exploding. I am lucky that I have the support of my family to help me channel the fear and anxiety that often comes with change.

dragonflyPriorities

The internal changes that are transforming me involve quite a bit of introspection, but then again, I have always been one to take apart my life and my thoughts as I try to understand this life and myself better. In times like these it is important to recognize your priorities. For me, it is my family that takes priority. My children, their happiness and health and my relationship with them is above all else the most important thing to me. I have justified working long hours at jobs I hate because it provided me with money, and thus the security of my family. But security is not money. My children will not remember how many toys and things they had as children. They will remember the love they received and the fun times they spent with their parents. Their security stems from knowing that they are loved and that they have a mother and father who will be there for them when they are needed. That is what I remember from my childhood. So working a negative job that makes me miserable just to make “good money” so my kids can have lots of “stuff” doesn’t make sense at all.

Second on my list is my health but this is no simple priority. One’s health is more than just physical, it is emotional, spiritual and mental as well. And to maintain health on all those levels cannot be done by popping a pill or jumping on the treadmill. You have to work at it, daily. For me, physical health is the easy part. When my body is in good shape it is easier for my mind to be in good shape. The hard part for me is keeping my emotions in balance and that, of course, is linked directly to my mental and spiritual well-being. Lately my emotions have been more difficult to suppress and always this upheaval directly affects my spiritual well-being. I believe that if I rid myself of those things in my life which do not support my truth that my spiritual and emotional well-being will heighten.

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Horse

This morning, after waking from a dreamless sleep, I wanted desperately to go back to sleep. I tossed and turned for a while, telling my guides that I wanted to sleep more and really would like to go OOB. I got the feeling that going OOB would not happen, though, and it irritated me. I tried to reason with them, explaining that I needed a break from the everyday struggles and responsibilities of life. Ultimately, though, I knew that my requests were unlikely to be granted.

Horse

As I lay in between states, there suddenly appeared in front of my eyes a vivid image of my front yard. Standing in the driveway was a very large, brown horse. He was plain brown without any other colors or marks on him. He was beautiful standing there and very majestic. When I saw him I startled awake but the image stayed with me like a beloved photo.

I knew instantly that this was a message from my guide. I had seen a similar horse alongside a zebra in one of my recent OBEs. The horse in that experience was much smaller, though. The horse standing in my front yard was very majestic, standing proudly with a look in his eyes that said, “Come with me”.

When I was a small girl I loved horses. I use to draw them alongside their human companions. Usually I had mother horses with baby horses or mustangs running wild in the desert. I was also in love with My Little Pony and would play ponies with my older sister, imagining different scenarios or dressing them up in their pony attire. Just last weekend, in fact, my sister and I reminisced about our My Little Pony days as we sorted through boxes of the 50 or so ponies we had collected and then saved from childhood.

Now that I think of it, it is very likely that the horse is one of my animal totems. I long ago lost my love for horses and so have not really considered the horse as one of my totems but it could be that he was not needed during these times in my life. But now that he has returned I suspect he wants me to listen. The look in his eyes suggest that he is waiting for me to jump on his back and let him take me away and show me something, something new, alive and full of energy.

Life Energy

If you observe the horse, you will find that he has a wild and free energy all his own. In fact, as a totem, the horse represents life energy, physical strength, vitality, and one’s psychological or emotional ability to persevere in life. The horse represents one’s energy or drive to express and succeed through the authentic self. He can also be a reflection of how well one deals with primitive desires and urges. The horse also represents ones sexual drive and sexuality and how they view this in their life. If one dreams they are riding a horse this can symbolizes one’s drive towards sexuality. Finally, the horse represents freedom of expression; it relates to your ability to express yourself freely and assertively in inner and outer social environments and circles.

Horse’s Message to Me

After seeing the vivid image of horse standing and waiting for me in my front yard, I fell back to sleep. When I awoke I was very reluctant to get out of bed and sluggish from sleep. I felt as if I could sleep forever! Yet, I knew I had to get up and return to life as usual and this, overall, did not appeal to me.

Yet my mind continues to return to that image of horse. His eyes said so much in their stare. “Come with me” and “What are you waiting for” and even, “I dare you!” There was something in his gaze that made me hesitate; something that made me nervous. Was he dangerous? Was he friendly? Would he kick or bite me? I know that if I had been there in front of him physically that I would back off because of his large size and intimidating stance. And that makes me wonder, What is it about life that scares me? What is it that I am afraid of?

Perhaps he is symbolic of a desire to return to the way I felt about life when I was a child? I truly enjoyed life back then. I had a spirit of adventure and rarely spent time inside if I could help it. I had a vivid imagination and a strong connection to nature.

Or perhaps horse is trying to just get me to participate in life again. I admit, I have been struggling to accept and enjoy the way my life has turned out. There seems nothing of interest left; no adventure. I have done it all before a thousand times it seems and have nothing left but more of the same to look forward to. At least that is how it appears to me on most days. I just push the thoughts aside and continue on with life, but the empty feeling doesn’t ever go away. I cannot help but be overwhelmed with the things I have to do every day and it seems there is no room left for fun anymore.

I do want to accept horse’s invitation, but I don’t know how.

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Cats and Kittens

I am not a cat lover. In fact, cats really irritate me. I use to like cats when I was a child but we had a number of our cats die in very bad ways and I think that put me off completely on the idea of ever having a cat as a pet again. I am fine that other people like cats and I am not mean to them if they are around me, I just don’t want one as my own pet.

Yet night after night, dream after dream, I keep seeing cats and kittens. In one recent dream I was playing with a kitten that was hot pink and I decided to keep it. In one of my recent OBEs I was presented with a white kitten and I cuddled with it. In my most recent dream, I went to check the mail and when I looked down at my feet there was a mother tabby cat with her four, identical tabby kittens. Then when I looked away towards the house I just came from, I saw another kitten but this one was shiny, jet black.

Considering cats and kittens are not my favorite, I am just a tiny bit annoyed.

Cats and Kittens

In dreams, cats are symbolic of many things. In general, they symbolize independence, creativity, femininity, and power. However, cats can also represent misfortune and bad luck if associated with fear and/or negative circumstances. Finally, cat carries with it a strong link to the feminine, so when one appears in the dreams of a woman, it can symbolize protection.

In my dreams, the cats I have been seeing are fine. They are not injured or hurt. In one OBE I was even feeding a cat. They tend to be tabby cats, either orange of gray, and about normal size. Sometimes they lash out at me, but I am never afraid of them. I just see them and take note of them and I always remember them when I wake up.

white kittenUnlike cats, kittens represent a transitional phase in life. They are the path to independence and life exploration. Kittens are playful and energetic, thus, they often are a message to bring more of these qualities into one’s life. Like all baby mammals, they practice the skills they will one day use as adults. When a white kitten presents itself in a dream it represents peace, purity and openness to new things. When a black kitten presents itself in a dream it represents fear in using psychic abilities and believing and trusting one’s own intuition.

I have seen both black and white kittens in my dreams/OBEs. In fact, recently it is kittens more than cats that I see most frequently. Every time I see them, I am curious but not overly excited to see them. They are just another part of the dream. Yet, when I wake up, the image of the kitten(s) is still vivid in my mind. I can’t help but think that this is because they come with a message, one that is obviously not getting through to me.

Cat Totem

After writing this post and sharing it, a friend of mine suggested that perhaps the cat was one of my totems. When I read her comment I knew instantly she was right. As I child I loved cats and collected cat statues. I then tossed the statues and my love of cats, but apparently the cat did not abandon me.

In researching the cat totem, I found many explanations but one in particular caught my eye. This website used Ted Andrews book, Animal Speak as its main source of information. You can find the website here.

“If cat appears in your life the blending of magic and mystery is at hand. A trustworthy teacher, the cat will guide you into the world of self discovery and transformation”.

“In Egypt cats were always given special privileges and were treated like royalty. In Scandinavia the cat stood for fertility, and in India it is a symbol of childbirth. In ancient times it was believed that witches took the form of their cats at night. Cats are fiercely independent. You can never own one: it allows you to take care of it and love it, but only on its terms. They come and go as they please, when they please. Cat’s medicine is independence, curiosity, many lives, cleverness, unpredictability, healing, the ability to fight when cornered, seeing the unseen, and protection. He also represents love and can assist us in meditation. If Cat is your Power Animal, then you have magic and mystery in your life. You are independent and a free thinker. You probably feel energized at night. You will stay with a person or situation until it bores you, and then you’re gone. You have a great talent for organizing things.”

The part in bold describes me so well!

Turtles

Strangely, amidst all of these cat and kitten dreams, I recall a dream very vividly in which I was handling baby turtles. In this particular dream I was taken to South Dakota to see the home of a very rich woman. I was carrying with me some baby turtles but did not notice them until I reached the mansion which was tucked behind some rolling hills. As I topped the hills I saw the mansion spread out before me with well manicured lawns and grand balconies. Between me and the mansion was a large, man-made pond. I walked down to the edge of the pond and deposited the turtles into it and then went up into the mansion.

I do not remember much about the mansion except the story behind it. The woman who built it wanted a home deep in the country surrounded by the rolling plains and far from other people. So this was her masterpiece, tucked away in the hills of South Dakota. I walked through the mansion and got the message that this was all she had and she was very alone, surrounded by her material possessions and very, very unhappy. When I realized the message is when I went to feed the baby turtles. I reached toward the water and one of the babies came out but he was much bigger then when I put him in. I fed him and noted his size. That is where the dream ended.

Turtles represent wisdom, faithfulness, longevity, loyalty and patience and perseverance. Turtles bring the message of turtle-636-640x360taking one’s time, being patient and persisting despite life’s obstacles. If one does this, they will make progress. Turtles can also bring the message that one may be “hiding in their shell” and avoiding life and the issues of life. When a threat approaches, the turtle withdraws into its shell and does not move. This could be analogous to an individual in life – withdrawing every time a threat approaches. No progress is made when one does this. Instead, they stay hidden, afraid and unable to move.

Considering the dream I had with the baby turtles and the message about the woman alone in her mansion, I see how the turtle symbol goes hand in hand with the woman and the prison she created for herself. She had withdrawn from humanity, surrounded herself with material possessions, and was alone. She had grand things and did not need to worry about not having enough, yet she was unhappy and devoid of life. Perhaps me feeding the baby turtles was to show me that I was feeding such characteristics within myself? Yet, when I recall the dream, the feeling of it was of peace and sanctuary. The pond where I deposited the turtles was large, dark and calm. To look at it made me very calm. I can only guess then what it all meant and the feeling of it still haunts me.

Sam

Finally, I am haunted by a particular dream that I had the night before last. The dream was very vivid, like most of my dreams have been since I stopped astral projecting. In it, I went to visit and old friend and I called him by name. I saw him and he reminded me Rob Morrow (the main character in the T.V. show, Northern Exposure). I was very happy to see him and we hugged. I asked him how he was and where he was now. He told me, “Georgetown” and I assumed he meant a city near where I live. We spent some time talking, though I do not remember what about now. All I recall is the image of him and feeling that I had met up with a long-time friend. I was so fascinated by the meeting that I woke up repeating his name to myself – Sam Sheldon.

I do not know who this Sam is. I wish I could remember his face more, but I cannot except that he was similar in looks to Rob Morrow but he was better looking. I tried a search on the internet and could not find anyone that matched the information I brought back with me from my dream. Perhaps the man from my dreams is not someone who is currently residing on Earth. Perhaps he is just a fictitious character created by me. Or maybe he is just one of my guides. I doubt I will ever know but it sure felt like a reunion with someone who is currently living a life on Earth. I wish I knew.