Tag Archives: visions

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Keeper of the Violet Flame

I had many visions this morning and also experienced a lucid transmission of healing and expansion. The memory of it is failing me at the moment for it seems that I am to forget most of it until it is appropriate to share it fully.

Keeper of the Violet Flame

I was awakened from a deep slumber at 12:30am. A bit disoriented, I had to tend to my youngest and then I was wide awake and full of thoughts about my work situation, one which I have covered in a previous post.

As I attempted to return to sleep, my attention was drawn toward a man in the left of my visual field. He was sitting on a bench as if waiting for me. I went to sit down next to him, and gave him a hug. I noticed I could see him quite clearly. He was wearing a long robe and held a wooden staff in his right hand. He also had a very long, gray beard that reached his waist. However, he did not appear to have any hair on the top of his head.

I looked at him and asked, “Who are you? Do I know you?” In response a memory came back to me from years ago. “Amoradon?” I asked. I felt confirmation. He said to me, “I go by many names”.

Then he said, “I am the Keeper of the Violet Flame“. I did not question him on this, but wondered why he would say it. I got no response.

He told me, “We will be working together”.

The conversation seemed to pause a while and my thoughts wandered. I was concerned about my work situation and I appealed to him for help in calming my thoughts. It was immediately that I felt to focus on my heart center and I was drawn to recall my dreams.

As I focused upon my dream, I realized I had been somewhere foreign – another planet in fact. I saw in front of me a vast, golden plain that spread so far that one could see the circular shape of the planet it occupied. In the center of this plain was a large, cream colored or gold building that resembled a flatter version of the Mayan pyramids.

I could not remember what was going on with me, but I knew that we had been discussing a great war and I was shown a map of this planet. An entire section was highlighted in red and it felt as if the people in this section had been infected with something, but it was not a disease. It was something that was akin to anger or aggression.

I recall laying down in a healing tank of some sort. Inside of it was water and it covered me completely except for my face. I recall there being lights but I don’t remember now what color they were.

In remembering this, my thoughts were interrupted by Amoradon. He said to me, “You will not have to leave them [my family] behind”. I was relieved to hear this.

He continued.

“We will Call you. You will go Home”.

And I asked, “And my family will come, too?”

He answered: “Yes”.

“How?” I asked.

“Mass consciousness [upload]”. The word “upload” was not the right word but there seemed not to be an appropriate substitution in our language. I saw in my mind a visual of consciousness rising upward, as if shifting into a higher vibration.

“Will everyone experience this?” I asked.

“No”, was his response.

As I thought about what had just been told to me, he interrupted my thoughts, “It is not what you think”.

I had been wondering if it meant I would leave my physical body and it would die. I felt this was not the case.

“You will always have access”, was his response to my thoughts. I knew this meant that whatever this mass consciousness “upload” was, it would allow me and others permanent access.

I felt I should relax and return to sleep. I asked to lucid dream since i knew astral projection was out of the question.

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Thoughts on Revelation

I read the book of Revelation a few days ago. This is what came to me while I was reading it.

Numbers Everywhere!

There are significant amounts of numbers presented in the book. Specifically the numbers 7, 12 (3), and 4.

Seven

There are not only 7 churches in the book, but also seven Spirits, seven golden candlesticks, seven stars, 7 horns, 7 eyes, 7 seals, 7 trumpets, etc (there is a lot of this number!). This stood out to me right away. Why the number 7? What is it’s significance? And most importantly, why did I just have a dream in which I was to take 7 tests, the first of which I was in the process?

My first thought it to find out what Numerology says about 7. My next thought was to look up in my blog how often this number appeared – it is a lot! I even wrote an entire post devoted to the number. What is even stranger is that the number appeared to me in the leaves of a tree once, perfectly outlined and obvious. Finally, though, the number corresponds to the number of chakras of the human body.

The number 7 is about seeking Truth and spiritual completion. I think it no coincidence that this number also corresponds to the number of chakras in the human body. The Kundalini energy that many are experiencing right now is specifically the “waking up” and alignment of these energy centers. The ultimate goal of which is ascension or the recognition of one’s Truth (wholeness and re-unification with the Higher Self).

Twelve or Three (1+2=3)

I noticed this number second the the number 7. It did not stand out to me or cause a spiritual pause like the 7 did. However, I did recognize it to correspond to my experiences with my Council. My Council has 12 members typically.

Twelve can also be simplified into 3 by adding together its individual digits. Three is more significant to me than 12 because it has also frequented my spiritual experiences (dreams, messages, etc). This is just one example of the number 3 as a message to me.

Twelve is a number of completion, of shedding the old skin and taking on the new. Three represents the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an individual. It is also known as the number representing the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Four

The number 4 stood out to me also, but I was especially interested int he four living creature mentions in chapter 4:

….and in the midst of the throne, and round about the throne, four living creatures full of eyes before and behind. 4:7And the first creature was like a lion, and the second creature like a calf, and the third creature had a face as of a man, and the fourth creature was like a flying eagle. 4:8and the four living creatures, having each one of them six wings, are full of eyes round about and within: and they have no rest day and night…..

I am unsure why this specific section stood out to me so much. I was/am still very interested in these four creatures for some reason. Any suggestions on why this is are welcomed.

For me, personally, the number 4 has been a pattern in my life. 4 years has been specifically the time it seems to take me to reach certain milestones in my life. Often, when I have asked my guides to tell when to expect something in my life, I am told 4 years.

Four represents stability, practicality, patience, trust, and faith. It represents Home. It is Heaven and Earth respectively.

The Seven Seals

There came to me an idea about these seals. The idea was that they correspond to the individual in that each person will unlock or open each of their own seven “seals” which in turn unlocks a corresponding aspect to be overcome. This, in itself, is the ascension process in its entirety.

I do not have this all figured out by any means, but when this idea came to me it came with such an “ah-ha” that I felt satisfied in its accuracy. Since I have yet to open all of my own “seals”, it is hard for me to identify with all seven of them. However, I can see how they align with my own experience thus far.

The first seal is merely the questioning of the old. This is the conqueror within us awakening to that which is false in the world. It is the catalyst for transformation and an essential part of the awakening process. One cannot awaken from sleep without first questioning reality. Once the question has been asked, there is no going back.

The second seal is the war within that results from the questioning. It is the dark night of the soul, it is the utter chaos that often results when one begins to take down the walls of belief they had around themselves. Questioning leads to uncomfortable truths and recognition of the reality one has been sleep walking through.

The third seal is finding balance. It is a long search and often painful one. It is a constant struggle and takes persistence and courage. We are our own judge and jury and ultimately we must recognize and take responsibility for both the good and the bad within ourselves. There is so much more to this part of the transformation, more than I have yet learned for myself.

The fourth seal is Death. It is death of the old. The killing off of the Ego. I find it significant that Revelations says 1/4 of world dies. When I have asked my Team about this first wave of ascension I have heard 1/4 of the world is a part of it. Coincidence? I doubt it.

The fifth seal speaks of rest for the faithful, or those who have already died. They must wait as they watch others go through what they did. I do not feel this has been a part of my journey yet, but it is something I am being taught to do as the Observer.

The sixth speaks of natural disaster, specifically a great earthquake, a blood moon, solar eclipse and meteors hitting the Earth (strangely all of these have recently happened). While these things may indeed occur physically, I recognized how these might correspond to physical body changes. I have felt what I can only describe as a physical body earthquake as my entire body shook, lightening-type bolts of energy, colors behind my eyes and periods of spiritual darkness. I am led to connect each of these events to my own physical manifestations of the Shift. It is interesting to me that when each of these (earthquakes, blood moons, eclipses, meteor showers) occurs, there is a huge wave of energy felt that seems to kick-start more manifestations and increase vibration.

The seventh seal speaks of even more natural disasters and more death. I am at a loss as to how this directly relates to my own transformation. However, a part of me thinks that the last two seals are for those who do not move into 4 and 5D (those left behind).

Visions and Knowingness Received

I had some strange information via knowingness and a vision while reading the Book of Revelations which I will mention briefly here.

  • I had knowing that someone of importance in the UK would be assassinated and that it would be a tipping point similar to the assassination of Franz Ferdinand was to the beginning of World War I. I at first thought it would be after Queen Elizabeth dies and that it would be whomever takes her place but then the thought of the Prime Minister popped into my head. So I don’t know which it will be as this was not clear.
  • I had a memory of an old vision of mine from 2003. I saw an area near Fort Hood in Texas completely demolished – flattened. The entire military base and surrounding cities were obliterated. The vision was so real, I was knocked to my knees and started crying. No one can forget that. This vision resurfaced in my memory as I was reading Revelations.
  • I had a sudden vision of the west coast of the US. As it unfolded, it zoomed into the state of Washington and then the word, “Vancouver” popped into my head. With that came the idea that if my family decides to move (which we have been discussing) we should move to Vancouver. There came a sudden intrigue with the idea and a total acceptance followed. I suddenly wanted very badly to visit the mountains there and I wanted my children to grow up surrounded in that beauty. There was also a feeling that it would be “safe” there because it was not in the U.S. Eeek!
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Symbol: Starbust Within a Circle

This morning as I awoke I received a vivid image of an air plane in mid-flight. It was perfectly white and flawless. Toward the front end of the plane was a symbol – a starburst etched in black surrounded by a red circle.

The image stayed for a while, until I saw the symbol, then it vanished.

Strangely, I thought of Japan and recalled briefly a dream of talk of traveling to Japan. I am not sure how Japan has anything to do with this, but I wanted to add the information just in case it meant something.

I researched the Japanese flag because in my study of history I vaguely recalled there was something similar to the symbol I saw on the flag. This is what I found. What I saw isn’t on this page but it is interesting to me that the imperial standard of the emperor of Japan is very similar.

However, when I saw the plane I felt the presence of a woman, the same woman who had been talking to me in my dreams last night. I believe she is the same one who spoke to me when I boarded the ship in the OBE I had the night before last. Her message to me when I saw the plane was, “We’re waiting for you”.

All I know for sure is the way the vision made me feel. I felt hopeful and a bit excited. This feeling has followed me through most of my day as has the impression of the starburst within a circle.

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Dream: Soiled Wedding Gown

I again had a night full of vivid dreams. This time there was a theme. In several of my dreams I was either looking into a toilet or sitting on one and each time there was feces in it that was not mine. Yuck! Both times the feces would not flush even though the water would drain and new water would fill up the toilet.

Soiled Wedding Gown

In this particular dream I was hiding inside a bathroom stall. I say hiding but I am not sure I was doing that, but it felt like I was trying to stay unnoticed. I was sitting on the toilet, preparing to use it, when my dress got into the toilet water. I pulled up on the dress and saw that the white lace had been splattered with tan colored feces.

Grossed out, I attempted to clean it off by using the toilet water but saw that it was full of a very large turd. It was not mine and I did not want it there so I flushed the toilet. The poop remained as if stuck to the bottom of the toilet and I flushed it again. With the second flush, it went down the drain and clean water remained. I used it to clean up the dress but the spots would not completely wash out. I remember thinking, “Oh well, no one will notice”.

I then noticed my baby had found me and this caused me some upset as I wanted to be alone and there he was in my private space!. So, I got up to leave but saw that the entire silk underskirt of the dress had gotten into the water. Thankfully it was the clean water so I just squeezed out the water and went on my way. I remember thinking my dress was ruined but then reconsidering as everything that had been soiled on the dress was from either underneath or at the end of the train.

Interpretation

I awoke from this dream in the midst of an argument between my Ego self and my guide. This part of me was adamantly against the instructions we had recently received. My guide was asking me to listen to my heart and I fell into this space with ease and was immediately calm and knowing. The Ego self got quiet all at once and I understood the dream and the reason for her upset.

The wedding dress was an assessment of a personal relationship, in this case most likely my relationship with my family. The feces indicates areas of my life which I find repulsive and reject. I understand now that I was being shown these areas are still “soiled” and my reaction is that they are not a big deal in comparison to other issues I have had in the past.

The upset in this case was that my instructions are to remain where I am in life and continue to focus on my family while expanding myself spiritually. There was no other work to be done, no specific or exciting projects forthcoming and no relief from the daily grind of life that my Ego self was hoping to have.

It was then that I was taken to a place quite unexpectedly. Standing next to my guide I saw a lush green valley spread out in front and below me.  A river was winding toward the horizon where the sun was low in the sky and there was such magnificent colors that I thought it must be a painting I was in.

My guide said, “Do you see that river?”

I nodded, “Yes”.

He said, “That is your life, your path”.

I looked closer at the river. It was shallow with various higher areas of green grass in between dozens of channels. It appeared almost like a path with various roads which would diverge only to meet up again and then diverge again. There were many, many paths and I knew they were all possible routes I could take.alaska

So many options.

I understood then what he was showing me.

“It is easy”, I said to him. “The river is shallow enough to wade through”.

“Yes”, he confirmed.

“And I can choose to go any route I choose”, I said as I pointed to the paths the river took.

I remembered then my plan prior to this life which was to assist with the ascension. My job is to help others find their way. I do this through my writing and the relationships I have in my day-to-day life. My counseling came into my mind as did my relationship with my children.

I saw then that the other paths were mine to choose. They were not pre-planned. I could do whatever I wanted with the rest of my life. I could fill that time however I chose.

So much possibility but I did not know what I wanted to do. I wish I had planned these paths before coming.

“Whatever path you choose will be the right one. They are all part of your path”, my guide reminded me.

The Ego self wanted more, though. She wanted something grander. She wanted to scream to the world of her gifts, of her “specialness”. To set herself apart from the crowd. But to do that would destroy my purpose completely.

I then understood that I had to blend in; to do my work without being noticed or praised for it. To walk in my human shoes as a human does but with a knowingness of my origins and my purpose tucked inside my pockets.

It is probably the hardest life one could choose to live. It is the ultimate in humility and servitude.

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Visions

My recent communication with my Council about the state of the planet seems to be coming back to me day in and day out. I try not to think much on the changes coming but that seems not to matter. Every day there is something, some news or some current catastrophe, that brings it to the forefront.

Visions 2003

One of the most upsetting aspects of my initial spiritual awakening was the spontaneous visions and knowingness about what was to come. I don’t talk about them much because I don’t like putting that kind of negative information out there, just in case I may contribute its manifestation. Yet evidence is showing it is manifesting despite my holding back what I saw.

What did I see? I will tell you now as I feel it is relevant and believe what my Council said – there is not much that can be done about it. All we can do is prepare. That is why the information is given, so that we may prepare.

Changed Coastline

One of the first visions I had was similar to the featured image of this post. It was a detailed map of the United State. My attention went directly to the Mississippi River which was completely unrecognizable because it was flooded hundreds of miles beyond its banks. The next thing I noticed was the almost complete lack of Florida. It was just….gone. There was also a huge chunk of Texas’ coastline submerged and much of the southern United States was in the same boat.

I did not look much at the West but I knew that California was gone. I also knew a chunk of it was lost to an earthquake, sinking it further into the ocean.

You can imagine how I reacted to this. At the time I tried to stop the images, but to no avail. I then panicked and was reassured I would be okay. The time frame for this was beyond my lifetime but I would be witness to these changes as they gradually occurred.

Articles such as this one – Sea Rise Threatens Florida Coast – do not surprise me. They only confirm the inevitable is on its way.

War Zone

Another upsetting vision I had was of standing amidst the rubble of a war zone. I happened to be standing on a familiar area – a school in a flourishing city near a military base. The devastation was beyond words. Nothing was left. It was all ash.

I knew it had been bombed and many had died. I again panicked, thinking it was the near future, but was reassured it would be during a time when I was far from the area. I still worry about when it will happen but feel there is not much I can do about it.

Great Migration

Another vision I had was of a great migration of people from areas of high population to areas of low population. This is in part due to the crazy climate changes, flooding, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, drought, and civil upset. You can image the kinds of upheaval this will cause.

What I saw for the U.S. was movement inland. First it would be toward the mid-west but as the changes increase more and more people will move into areas that are now less populated, specifically the mountain regions of Nevada, Utah, Montana, Wyoming, New Mexico and Idaho. Looking at the map, you can see why this would be.

The weather changes will be weird as well. This will be in part due to the tropic and subtropic zones shifting. With the change in the poles, this is a normal occurrence. For the U.S., the tropics will be shifted north into the southern part of Texas, extending the subtropics into the Midwestern regions. Right now the tropic of Cancer goes across central Mexico.

2050

The year I kept getting was 2050 as a tipping point. Before that, denial will be rampant. People don’t like to change their ways. They will stay despite knowing it is not in their best interest. Government changes will also cause much turmoil and I saw another period where civil war was a very real threat. As for actual war occurring, I never saw it, just the possibility of it. I mostly picked up on terrorism and similar activities along with upheavals in Asia and India.

I also knew there would be epidemics. I don’t believe it is biological warfare, but I did not get specifics causes of these occurrences, just that they would occur.

Not a Scare Tactic

Honestly, I am not trying to scare anyone anymore than my visions were meant to scare me. It is just a warning giving us time to prepare.

There is evidence of these things happening now if you look for them. I was told to stay put; not to change locations. I am safest where I am for the time being. I trust I will know if I need to move my family. I know I will be safe and often times see a vision of myself standing in the middle of a hurricane-like storm of change. I stand in the eye, untouched in the calm, while chaos erupts around me.

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Ominous Vision

Last night, as I lay in bed and just moments after mediating and hearing a ringing in my left ear, I saw a very vivid vision that came with a message.

The vision was of a city street. The silhouette of a man was in the front, left of the scene. Behind him it was dark and there rose up a figure with large, dark wings. I could not see the features of this figure, very obviously an angel, but his wings were immense and took up the entire background. Suddenly the wings burst into flame and the dark angelic being rushed up behind the man and moved him forward. He said, “Get away from Huntington, Alabama”.

This, of course, brought me out of my reverie immediately. I got out of a bed repeating the city name so as not to forget it and did a search on Google. I could not find Huntington in Alabama but I was able to find Huntingdon College in Montgomery, AL.

What is odd about this experience is that prior to meditating I had been feeling “off” and noticed I had 12 guides/assistants around me. I was instructed to focus on my body, which I did, and felt a strong pull in my second and third chakras. I spent some time focusing on what the feeling meant and pushing Ego out of the picture so as to get the truth. Then I heard the distinct, high pitched ringing in my left ear. I wondered about it and when it went away my thoughts were clear and I was in a light meditation. Within seconds I had this vision.

When I returned to bed to try and sleep I only had 10 guides/assistants and was able to easily fall asleep.

I do not recall ever having a vision like this before. I have had dreams with messages about other people/events (Katrina for example), but not visions. I feel I need to post this vision in case it is precognitive. If you know anyone who lives near Huntingdon College or uses the Huntington Airport to fly to Alabama keep this vision in the back of your mind.

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Attunement

Yesterday was quite an emotional roller coaster for me. After getting yet another allergic reaction (cause unknown) I took a Benadryl and the reaction went away. Unfortunately I was very drowsy the rest of the day and took an hour long nap because of it. Later, my husband wanted to go out to a movie by himself siting that he had watched the kids “all day” (which was untrue) and I was in no mood for his antics. We had a nice fight which then resulted in both of us feeling exhausted and disappointed. All the time we were arguing I felt an energy settle over my entire head. It felt like my head was a hot air balloon ready to fly away at any moment! This feeling was not ignored and I eventually knew to listen (this was after our fight was done) and saw my wrong in the situation. I decided that every day I would do something nice for my husband above and beyond what I already do. I then apologized to him and told him this, saying he should go to the movie. He, of course, jumped at the opportunity and left within fifteen minutes.

I was left alone with slumbering children but was not tired since I had taken a nap that afternoon. I decided to watch a movie – A Little Bit of Heaven. The movie is about a young woman who is diagnosed with colon cancer. She is told she is dying during a dream in which she meets God (who happens to be Whoopi Goldberg).

While watching the movie I was reminded of how I received my own message last July. I wondered about it for some time and by the time the movie was over I was feeling my guide close.

At bedtime I brought up the subject of death and I was told once again, “You will know when it is your time”. When I asked how, he said, “I will tell you”. I did not doubt it. I had a strange feeling settling over me and my crown and third eye chakras were pulling quite intensely. When I noticed I heard, “It is opening” and I immediately connected all the skin issues I have been having to this fact.

My guide then said a whole lot to me. I do not remember all of what he said, but I was surprised at how much he said. I am use to one sentence or one or two word phrases. This was a whole paragraph and it flowed together very well without interruption. This, of course, has everything to do with me and nothing to do with my guide. I am the one that interrupts the communication – thinking/focusing too much upon it and trying to anticipate what will be said next. I will add that I was fully conscious at this time – not on the verge of sleep or even relaxed. I was very alert and quite awake.

What he said to me basically was that this whole process is what I wanted. The knowing of things to come, the kundalini, the shifts in energy, the spiritual gifts – everything was purposeful. I could see this and he acknowledged that he knew I knew. He told me that the warning of the time I had left was purposeful so that I could “prepare” and I was reminded of the movie and how the girl had time to prepare for her passing. There is a grieving process involved, much like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD’s 5 Stages of Grief.

I recalled the conversation I had with my husband when his boss and his boss’ wife were dying. He asked why people choose to suffer. I told him it was because they wanted time to prepare themselves and their families for their passing. To suffer through a slow death is the most selfless way to die. I told him I would choose that path rather than a quick death, even if it meant I would suffer great pain.

These thoughts all came back to me and I felt I needed to choose. Life or death. As I lay there my guide asked me, “What do you want to do?” I said, “I don’t know”. He urged me to feel from my heart and so I did. I felt nothing for life but when I thought of death I felt great longing. I said, “I want to go”. He said, “Okay”.

I went to bed feeling calm and without upset at this decision.

Dreams and Messages

I had a dream-filled night. The dream I recall most vividly is the one I awoke to. In the dream I was visiting a school and quite happy and full of such energy as I flitted around from place to place. I recall going through an amphitheater where an orchestra was playing. My mom was conducting and as I went through she would stop the orchestra and say, “My daughter! Look!” They would all focus upon me and I tried to hide, not wanting all that attention.

When I left the theater, I met up with a classmate and we were catching up, laughing and discussing old times. She was tall with auburn hair that she tucked behind her ear. We were discussing going through a door, one that was off limits. We hid from a teacher but he caught her. I felt no fear at this because I was a teacher, too. I told her, “Don’t worry, I will handle this”. As I left her I gave her a hug and said, “You are getting taller” and she said, “No, you are”.

I awoke from this dream feeling very high energy and so positive that I was surprised by the amount of joy I felt.

My guide was instantly there and began to speak to me yet again. I cannot recall word-for-word everything he said, but he was again speaking to me about my decision. However, I quickly learned that the decision I made was not what it seemed.

Attunement

In my mind I saw a vision of a beautiful place. I instantly recognized it and heard the name. I am not sure if I have it right but I do know the last part of it contains “Laria”. It was as if I were standing on the top of a tall structure. It was made of a whitish material, some kind of stone. It glistened in the sunlight. I could see a clear blue sky above me and the orange sun was very clearly visible in front of me. At the level of the building were puffy white clouds in all directions. Upon seeing it I recalled the sensation of being there – the wind in my hair and a feeling of of total peace and serenity.

organI told my guide, “I know that place!” and he said, “Yes”. “I want to stay”, I said, as the vision began to fade.

I then saw another image and I knew it was located in beautiful place, Illaria. In front of me appeared a large open area and rising in columns one after the other were what seemed to be beams of colored, translucent light. These were large enough for a person to stand in and they went from the floor up higher than I could see. When I saw this, I thought “It’s an organ!”

I knew each of the beams of light to be associated with a tone or sound and all of them together played “music” except that this music was not like any on Earth. It resonated throughout one’s being, flooding them with not only a feeling but a sound beyond what ears can hear. I remembered the sound. Heaven sings all the time! It is filled with this music! The memory of it even now has me near tears. It is the most beautiful thing and no words can describe it.

My guide was speaking to me as I remembered this place and the feeling that went with it. When I saw the columns and wondered what they were for, he said, “Attunement”. And I knew what he meant. I knew that my own vibration would reach the same vibration as these columns of light. It was similar to tuning an instrument to that of the other instruments in a band. When one gets it just right, such a beautiful, pure, rich, and blended orchestra there will be! All the instruments play as if One. And what marvelous, heart moving music results!

As I was soaking up all of this my guide mentioned to me about how I was at this place and I remembered my dream. I recognized that I was not the only one at this place. I said to him, “There are thousands of others”. He nodded. I recalled how I greeted my friends, my colleagues, in the dream. There was a distinct feeling that I had moved on and they hadn’t. That I was “teacher” and they were still “student”. My thoughts drew a confirmation from my guide. I asked him, “Does that mean I am training to be a guide?” He asked, “Is that what you want?” I thought a bit. I remembered that when I first learned of guides that I often asked if I could be one. I remembered this and said to him, “Yes!”

We discussed the role of a guide for a while after this. I do not think I am a “guide” yet, as I do not feel ready and so I questioned him. “Am I learning to be a guide?” The word “apprentice” popped into my head. He nodded. I said, “But how can I do that? I am living a life!” He said, “I have two lives right now”. This puzzled me. Do guides live lives on Earth while simultaneously acting as guides to others who are on Earth? I suppose this could be. Why not?

I understood then that many were moving into new positions as guides or “teachers”. This was needed in order to help the many others who were struggling to adjust to the changes on Earth. That is when the conversation moved to the ascension, or what is happening on Earth now. I asked why it was happening now. Why now? Why me? And wasn’t it “cheating” to have all this help getting to a higher “level”? My guide, of course, said there is no “cheating”. “It is a group effort necessitated by group need. Transformation is a challenge and such challenge as this requires great collaborative effort”.

It was not until later, after this in-depth conversation, that I realized that my willingness to “die” was in fact a willingness to “live”, just in a different state. It had seemed to me so very real that I would actually die and leave this physical body. I was/am completely open to doing so without hesitation. Maybe that is what was suppose to happen?

Future

I must have dozed a bit after this as I recall a brief dream about dogs and seeing my Trooper romping with a German Shepard. I woke up from this dream still feeling extremely positive. However, I felt again that my guide wanted to talk and I knew instantly what the topic was.

I remembered the dream/OBE I had not long ago when I overheard a group discussing my life. I remember knowing that I was to meet a man, a married man, but I did not think much of this during the experience other than feeling pity for him. As I remembered this my heart and solar plexus chakras lit up with energy. It was a pleasant, warm, buzzing feeling. It was a feeling that made me want to shout out with glee. I understood what it meant immediately.

Rather than be resistant to it, I was open to it but a bit unsure that the idea was a good one. It was then that I remembered the timing had been changed because I was not yet ready. I still believe this to be so. I am not wanting to meet anyone and have that kind of connection. It would be disruptive to my life and would throw me into a tailspin. Yet I was now knowing, again, that it was to be. Why?

The answer I got was that it was necessary. The meeting would be mutually beneficial. For me, it was to help clear some blockages and facilitate much needed healing. Of course, I immediately wanted to know when. I heard “December” right away but then I knew this was not set in stone. Changes had already been made and might be needed again depending on my readiness.

A bit apprehensive still I began to get a bit worried. I told my guide, “I can’t handle that right now. I don’t think I can resist such a strong connection”. I was, of course, thinking it meant the kind of connection I have experienced in this life so far. My guide immediately corrected this idea. He said, “What does it feel like now?” He was referring to the amazing feeling I was having in my third and fourth chakras.

I focused upon the feeling for a while. I could make it come and go just by thinking about this “someone”. Weird. The more I focused upon it, the more I realized it was love. Pure and simple love. There was no sexual desire or misplaced emotion. No expectation. I did not tap into it totally but what I felt was enough to calm me down. This was no threat to my marriage.

But I knew instantly that he would not have the same experience. He would want more. No wonder I pitied him in my OBE.

All of this information is a lot to digest. I know I am missing some of what occurred this morning, but that is okay.

by

Inner Sight

I did not sleep much last night and as I type this my eyes are heavy and my head is slightly aching in the right frontal cortex. Even though last night’s vibrations were exciting, I kind of wish they would have not continued so far into the night so I could have gotten more sleep. I have to work today so there is not much I can do except to continue through my day.

Symptom Update

A quick symptom update before I proceed:

  • Headache
  • Twitching in my left side and back (last night only)
  • Neck ache
  • Vision fluctuations
  • Interrupted sleep
  • Visual phenomenon
  • Buzzing sensations in head and third eye
  • Disorientation
  • Buzzing behind eyes and on either side of nose (forms a mask of energy)
  • Dry eyes (this could be from sleep deprivation)
  • Profuse sweating (in the morning)
  • Ear ringing (left ear only last night)

Inner Sight

I was told I would be given more information this morning about what occurred last night. I received some information in my sleep and between sleep during the night. There were intense energy spikes in my head area all night long, some of which caused my lower body to jerk, but this was infrequent. As I mentioned in my last post, I awakened to a familiar state three times after my initial strange experience. The familiar state is the deep trance state I covered in another post. Basically, my head felt expansive and surrounded by a soft energy that felt dense. The energy came in through the base of my neck and shot out through my third eye in what I can only describe as an intense, white light. I did not “see” a light but I sensed a tunnel forming in front of my eyes which heightened my interest. It is this tunnel that leads to conscious exit of the physical body. I have witnessed it before years ago when I spent over a month attempting nightly to consciously exit my body. I finally accomplished conscious exit but found I struggled to remain OOB. If I were to have surrendered like I was instructed I would have gone into the tunnel, passed through the “void” and into likely unfamiliar territory, though it is possible that I may have just gone OOB and gotten to explore as is my usual.

The odd experience I was unable to put into words remains that way. I honestly do not think there are words accurate enough to describe what happened. I do feel I tapped into a very ancient part of myself and that some kind of outward projection was achieved. I was witness to this projection but also the projection itself. This “splitting of consciousness” had a very confusing effect on my physical self. I was/am unable to comprehend it completely. I fell back into my body at the end of this experience feeling disoriented and alarmed, though this was only in my mind. My body was relaxed and completely oblivious to what happened. There were not even any vibrations which is the norm upon reentry.

I will say that my memory of the experience came back more fully as I returned to sleep and experienced continual vibrations in my head. The actual moment I felt part of my consciousness rise up and out of me there was an intensity of energy in my crown and third eye. It felt as if the top of my head exploded outward. At the same time, I saw this other me from behind, his long, blonde hair flowing behind him as he went away from me. I felt myself following him and being pulled upward as well. This movement upward is what wakened me. It felt very much like a conscious exit from my body and I sadly feel it ended prematurely because of my heightened awareness and my inability to shut off my mind as I had been instructed to do.

In my early years of OBEs I had mastered the ability to control my emotions and my mind so that I could remain out of body for many hours at a time. I spent many OBEs prior to this in sessions learning to master my emotions and my mind as these two things were quite a hindrance to my development. I recall the moment I achieved this ability. I was able to distance myself from the heightened emotions that so often overwhelmed me when I left my body. I became a quiet observer rather than a participant and as long as I remained the observer I was able to stay OOB.

Message

As I type this I realize that the message I was told I would get in fact was received but only now am I recalling it. During the buzzing in my head and intensity of energy in my third eyes, I knew suddenly with much clarity that I would eventually have similar experiences while awake – that it would be something I could “turn on” if I wanted. It is not necessarily the vibrations that I would turn on but the “sight”. The vibrations, I am told, will eventually barely be noticeable as I will adjust to the strange sensations that come with them.

I did not spend much time considering it at the time I received this message/knowingness yet now I am wondering how something like that will work. I am curious now. I am also thinking this is all just too weird to be real.

by

Recognizing Myself

I slept very deeply last night but had several very vivid dreams.

Pregnant White Kitty

I entered an apartment. It was very obviously the apartment of a bachelor. I knew the man who lived there and was visiting him in secret. He had dark hair and was very laid back. He reminded me of a young Johnny Depp, so very good looking with a sexual draw about him. I do not remember all that we talked about but I recall being very concerned about the time and day and my children. I kept thinking about when I had to get them from the sitter and school and about an overnight trip I had to take on Thursday.

I left the apartment for a moment and retrieved my children. Rather than go all the way home and get them, I seemed to just go outside and there they were and then they came inside with me. When we got inside the man was gone and the apartment was quiet. I was not sure where he was and I did not know how my daughter got inside. I asked her and she said she crawled through a window. I scolded her for this, saying it was not good to break into a place, when she pointed to a wallet sitting on the counter. That immediately told me he was still present. I heard water running and saw his bedroom door was closed. He came out, dressed and clean, and smiled at us all. He seemed a bit preoccupied, though. I felt uncomfortable and knew that once I left we would not see each other again. He was sitting on the sofa and I went up to him and hugged him tightly, knowing I had had an affair with this man and was unfaithful to my husband. My stomach sunk with the realization.

My mom then came into the apartment with luggage and rolled it to a stop at my feet. She said I was all packed and ready for my trip. I looked at the tan, over sized bag on roller and then up at her. I have no memory of her face just that she was “mom”. I also knew she knew I had been cheating on my husband. She did not talk about it and seemed to accept it and was helping me go on this trip despite knowing what she knew. I took the bag and she said I needed to get ready for the trip the next day. I thought about it and knew I was going to “school” and there was a feeling with it that it was necessary.

As I prepared to leave, a woman came running into the apartment yelling my name. She told me to come outside. I went outside and stood on the top of the stairs looking down at the bushes and a bunch of people gathering. She said, “You need to help”. When I hesitated she said, “You are a midwife, aren’t you!? This is what you do!”

I looked in the bushes and saw a scared, white cat looking out at me with beady, yellowish eyes. She was being attacked by other cats and there was a lot of screeching and noise. I went down to where the cat was and a woman pushed all the other cats away and covered the white cat with a small, white box. She put a sheet of cloth over the top and peeked inside. She asked me to look and all I saw was a gaping, open wound about five inches long and full of dirt and debris. The cat hissed and growled and I pulled back. The woman said that the other cats attacked her while she was giving birth and took her first kitten. It had been born dead – its brain and heart not working. I imagined the cats fighting over and tearing apart the tiny kitten and shuddered.

At that time the cat had a contraction and I watched as her whole body clenched and blood began to ooze out of the gaping wound. It was very graphic and quite disturbing. Then the cat suddenly jumped out and escaped the security of our company and ran away. I watched the tiny cat and said, “She is so tiny! There is no way she can have kittens being that small!” The woman asked if there was anything that could be done to save the cat and kittens. I determined that it would be better to put the cat down and end her misery. The kittens were likely dead already and the cat was already near death. I remember saying, “You might as well put her down. There is nothing that can be done”.

Class in the Dark

I awoke after the dream. It was 6a.m. and it was my first waking, which is odd for me. I snuggled back into bed, thinking about my dream and thinking, “I am dying inside”. I felt alarm at the thought but pushed it aside, wanting to return to sleep quickly.

I found myself sitting at a table with a bunch of young people. They appeared to be teenagers but it was hard to tell as the lights were dimmed. I sensed I was in an auditorium or similar. A teacher was asking us to introduce ourselves to everyone by telling our purpose/main interest in life. She explained that we must use something from our mouths and I saw her pull something out of her mouth, but I do not know what it was. I was confused, thinking that I had nothing from my mouth that I could use to describe myself and my purpose to the group. I panicked as everyone began sharing. Person after person shared and as they did it got closer to my turn. All I could do was think about my recent dream and the white cat, but it didn’t come from my mouth! I thought to myself about what I would say, preparing for my turn. I would tell them about my dream and explain that dreams like this were common for me and often prepared me for my future. It did not make sense to me that sharing this would describe my purpose but I decided it would have to do. At this time I recognized that others were not sharing things via their mouths (I had thought that it meant an object from mouth). I felt some relief at this but knew what I said would be unique to the group.

As I waited my turn I looked at the table across from me. It was dark and I could barely make out the people sitting there. But something odd was in the air above their heads. Perched on seemingly invisible lines were two, perfectly tiny hummingbirds.

Birds-of-BC-No-32-Two-Rufous-Hummingbirds-Selasphorus-rufusRecognizing Myself

The dream stopped for a while and I do not recall what occurred during this time, but suddenly I was very aware of being within the scene I had just been a part of. My awareness was hovering midair and looking at auditorium seating. There were faces upon faces of people but all of the faces were dark and blurred, as if I was looking at them from some distance. In the middle of the sea of faces I saw a very handsome young man. His face was illuminated and he was seated next to a woman. I could not see her face but his light did illuminate her enough for me to know it was a woman. I took in a deep breath as I realized who this young man was. This dark haired, beautiful man with perfect features and skin, was me! I exclaimed, “That is me! I look so young! I couldn’t be more than 17!” I was with someone who was hovering next to me but I could not see him. I knew, however, that it was my guide and we were visiting a past me or perhaps a me from another existence parallel to my own current one. I felt huge accomplishment at seeing this version of me, as if I was very proud to have been this young man. He was extremely attractive, but most of all, he appeared so innocent and pure.

Considerations

When I finally awoke from all this dram activity, I felt better than I thought I would feel. All these dreams were quite upsetting, yet the feeling I had was hopeful, as if something had been resolved. Perhaps the last vivid scene did that?

The cat dream was the most concerning. First of all, it continued a theme of dreams I have been having for some time where I am cheating or have cheated on my husband. The sinking feeling in my stomach was felt in my physical body and almost woke me. The continued concern about my children and their schedule seemed to be my conscious self breaking through into the dream. The symbolism of going on a trip is that new aspects of one’s self are being explored. The fact that this trip is to a school suggests that the trip will be full of lessons.

The white cat symbolizes difficulties in life. Since it is dying, it could be that I am about to surpass these difficulties. The fact that I determined its fate suggests that I made a decision of some sort about these difficulties. The kittens could be representative of multiple difficulties stemming from the main one, the mother. The fact that they are dead or are assumed already dead suggests that these potential difficulties are being avoided by my actions. So, even though the entire scene was horrifying, the symbolism behind it suggest progress is being made.

The dream of being in class was perhaps the most profound of the dreams because I was so caught up in trying to determine my purpose and worried that others would reject it because it was so different from the norm. All I could think about was the dream of the white cat. I was also consumed with trying to figure out how to pull something solid from my mouth. I believe this was actually me trying to integrate the idea that words have strong manifestation power. When I finally accepted that I would use the story and explain it, I saw two hummingbirds perched in the dark and out of place. Hummingbirds symbolize the huge potential and power of seemingly small ideas and concepts.

The last dream seemed more like a vision than a dream. It was so different than the other dreams and had such a powerful impact upon me. I was certain that the young man was me and happy about it as well. Was this a past, present or future me? I do not know. I wish that I knew the story behind it. I recall feeling as if this me was connected to a life where infidelity was a huge problem.

by

Horse

This morning, after waking from a dreamless sleep, I wanted desperately to go back to sleep. I tossed and turned for a while, telling my guides that I wanted to sleep more and really would like to go OOB. I got the feeling that going OOB would not happen, though, and it irritated me. I tried to reason with them, explaining that I needed a break from the everyday struggles and responsibilities of life. Ultimately, though, I knew that my requests were unlikely to be granted.

Horse

As I lay in between states, there suddenly appeared in front of my eyes a vivid image of my front yard. Standing in the driveway was a very large, brown horse. He was plain brown without any other colors or marks on him. He was beautiful standing there and very majestic. When I saw him I startled awake but the image stayed with me like a beloved photo.

I knew instantly that this was a message from my guide. I had seen a similar horse alongside a zebra in one of my recent OBEs. The horse in that experience was much smaller, though. The horse standing in my front yard was very majestic, standing proudly with a look in his eyes that said, “Come with me”.

When I was a small girl I loved horses. I use to draw them alongside their human companions. Usually I had mother horses with baby horses or mustangs running wild in the desert. I was also in love with My Little Pony and would play ponies with my older sister, imagining different scenarios or dressing them up in their pony attire. Just last weekend, in fact, my sister and I reminisced about our My Little Pony days as we sorted through boxes of the 50 or so ponies we had collected and then saved from childhood.

Now that I think of it, it is very likely that the horse is one of my animal totems. I long ago lost my love for horses and so have not really considered the horse as one of my totems but it could be that he was not needed during these times in my life. But now that he has returned I suspect he wants me to listen. The look in his eyes suggest that he is waiting for me to jump on his back and let him take me away and show me something, something new, alive and full of energy.

Life Energy

If you observe the horse, you will find that he has a wild and free energy all his own. In fact, as a totem, the horse represents life energy, physical strength, vitality, and one’s psychological or emotional ability to persevere in life. The horse represents one’s energy or drive to express and succeed through the authentic self. He can also be a reflection of how well one deals with primitive desires and urges. The horse also represents ones sexual drive and sexuality and how they view this in their life. If one dreams they are riding a horse this can symbolizes one’s drive towards sexuality. Finally, the horse represents freedom of expression; it relates to your ability to express yourself freely and assertively in inner and outer social environments and circles.

Horse’s Message to Me

After seeing the vivid image of horse standing and waiting for me in my front yard, I fell back to sleep. When I awoke I was very reluctant to get out of bed and sluggish from sleep. I felt as if I could sleep forever! Yet, I knew I had to get up and return to life as usual and this, overall, did not appeal to me.

Yet my mind continues to return to that image of horse. His eyes said so much in their stare. “Come with me” and “What are you waiting for” and even, “I dare you!” There was something in his gaze that made me hesitate; something that made me nervous. Was he dangerous? Was he friendly? Would he kick or bite me? I know that if I had been there in front of him physically that I would back off because of his large size and intimidating stance. And that makes me wonder, What is it about life that scares me? What is it that I am afraid of?

Perhaps he is symbolic of a desire to return to the way I felt about life when I was a child? I truly enjoyed life back then. I had a spirit of adventure and rarely spent time inside if I could help it. I had a vivid imagination and a strong connection to nature.

Or perhaps horse is trying to just get me to participate in life again. I admit, I have been struggling to accept and enjoy the way my life has turned out. There seems nothing of interest left; no adventure. I have done it all before a thousand times it seems and have nothing left but more of the same to look forward to. At least that is how it appears to me on most days. I just push the thoughts aside and continue on with life, but the empty feeling doesn’t ever go away. I cannot help but be overwhelmed with the things I have to do every day and it seems there is no room left for fun anymore.

I do want to accept horse’s invitation, but I don’t know how.