Daily Archives: November 4, 2018

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Divine Mission-Possible Blog Challenge

This is my post contribution to Linda’s (Litebeing’s) Divine Mission-Possible Blog Challenge. The challenge is this:

Write about your spiritual mission here on Gaia. Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above? What have you incarnated to do or to be? Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it. Are you delighted to be here? There is no correct answer, by the way. Make it your own.

Mission

First off, I would like to say that from the beginning of this life I have always known my primary purpose was “to help.” Yeah, that’s it. Simple, really, but very open-ended. It has been extremely frustrating for me to embrace this mission because of its simplicity. It reminds me of school research paper assignments and that teacher who always had to give the students free reign over the topic. I hated those assignments! I wanted to be assigned something specific. Tell me what to research. Tell me the steps. Send me in the right direction. Nah, that would be too easy!

So my assignment this life is: Help. My response is, “Okay. I can do that…..OMG! (panic set in) HOW???” The answer I get is always, “However you want.” <—–That is just NOT fair!

Yeah, super frustrating. Just give me the specifics, tell me what to do. Nooooo.

Fast forward to this past Spring (February, 2018 specifically). I woke up one morning, after an especially amazing spiritual transformation, and just KNEW some of the specifics. Below is what I wrote:

My Mission is simple: I am a conduit for the Light. I hold and anchor the Light in order to assist in the elevation of planet Earth. I am of the second wave of Volunteers; a Wayshower. I am a Pleiadian Starseed of the Lyra star system. All other side missions are secondary to my primary one. The contracts I hold are for another version of me, the one who has since departed. I must uphold them but am not bound by them. I made a promise I intend to keep. With resolution of these contracts this other version will be completely shed as if like a skin, and all “holdings” to this planet eliminated. What will remain thereafter is a continued duty to the other inhabitants of Earth; an assistance to them so that they, too, may “shed” their previous selves/holdings and so be freed to rise to a new level. I am to live as a living example to those who follow me and others like me. I am not meant to be perfect. I am not a saint to be honored. I am simply making this “test run” so that others can learn from my process, my mistakes. Eventually they, too, will lead the way to those that follow, completing a process long overdue for this planet and her inhabitants.

Strangely, I was not relieved to know this about my mission here. It just seemed to be a fact, one that I had always known. And, honestly, it did not help with my primary concern of “how”. I mean, this holding of the Light just happens. It is at the soul-level, under the surface and multidimensional. At the human level I am still here to help in any way I see fit. As long as I “do no harm”, I am helping. It is really easy if you don’t over think it. Really!

So there’s that. My mission – to help. To describe all the in’s and out’s thus far would be far too long for one post. What I will focus on then is what I chose to do to help in this human form.

Mission Journey – The Very Short Version

The first career path I chose was teacher. I enjoyed it, until I didn’t. The education system sucked the life out of me after about 12 years. It’s all bureaucracy, red tape and paperwork. Generally, the kids are not #1, no matter what they tell you. Teachers are under paid and constantly threatened by not only the administrators but also the parents and kids (yeah the kids!). It’s so negative that anyone who survives 10 years in service is either super resilient and persistent, lucky enough to find a place where the students came first, or working for a pension/the money/because they have to. It’s very sad.

In an attempt to stay in education (because I wanted “to help!”) I shifted my career to school counselor but that quickly fizzled out as well. My heart was no longer in it. I wasn’t happy or satisfied. All the negatives from teacher were exacerbated only now I was an administrator and had to really believe in the “system”, which I didn’t. I was DONE with pretending. Still am.

So, I opted to stay home with my kids and focus on my family.

Spiritually speaking, my mission to help has come through offering spiritual services. I first begun giving readings in 2003 after my spiritual awakening. Back then, I left teaching for a time and focused on building a spiritual business from 2004-2007, but it never took off like I wanted. I just couldn’t make a living out of it. Ultimately, I just accepted that it would likely always be a side-job and fell back into teaching and counseling. But the spiritual was and has been always there, consistent and meaningful. My heart always feels full when I use my gifts.

Currently, I am working as an accounts payable assistant for sub-par pay and am satisfied with where I am. I continue to offer readings and other spiritual services on the side and I have this blog and several others that I write in to share my story and experiences with others. I have learned that I “help” the most when I am happy and not trying to force myself to be or do something that does not align with who I am. If I feel like shit, then I ain’t in the right place! If I feel good, then I am doing just fine.

Now onto the next question: Am I delighted to be here?

Yay or Nay to Physical Life?

This question just makes me just laugh, like a hysterical, insane kind of laugh. The kind you hear from a person who has been through the wringer so many times they don’t know which way is up anymore. Everything is funny in a twisted kind of way. So, yeah, I’m happy to be here and then not so much. I can’t wait to get off this freakin’ rollercoaster but then I also can’t wait to get back on.

It literally reminds me of standing in line at Six Flags for that hellish ride where you drop 8 stories (I think it’s more than that now), my knees shaking and my heart racing, terrified and thinking I will die. Yet I get on it over and over again because I can’t get enough.

Yeah, an insane kinda, wacky “delight” for experiencing life is what I have. Ultimately, no matter how much I say I want to die and exit this life I know that the minute I get Home I am gonna want to come right back. It’s addictive but there is also the purpose behind it that pushes me back. I have felt/experienced that purpose and drive. It feels like a mixture of duty and fidelity (“my word is my bond”) but really it is just a heck of a lotta Love for the others on this funky rollercoaster ride called life.

Join In

Part of this blogging challenge is to challenge someone else to join in. I want to urge all my readers who blog to join the challenge. Not only is it a great way to connect with others but it can also help clarify and solidify your mission by putting it out there, announcing to the world why you are here.

Something I want to point out to those who don’t feel like you know what your mission is or who have one like I do (OMG I feel for you!). Don’t turn it into something complicated when it isn’t. In other words, don’t follow in my footsteps! LOL What it all comes down to is that we come into these bodies to experience physical reality, to do our best and to do it with love in our hearts. We come here in complete amnesia and work our way back to Remembering. Our missions will vary and shift along the way. We only have purpose when we create purpose. As with all creations/works of art, we can edit and toss and start over as many times as needed until we get it right (our right not someone else’s!). No one is keeping tabs but you so stop tearing yourself up over the little mistakes and just have fun.

 

 

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Busy Night of Dreamwork

Really busy night of dreamwork last night. Not sure why or what shifted, but it was interesting.

Dream: Phone Stalker

This dream was early on in the night so it is fading now. In it I remember being at my work station. I put up a large, floor-to-ceiling curtain (secrecy, holding back or hiding) as part of my station, pinning it up by the corners. Then I sat at my computer (new opportunities being presented) to do my work alongside another, on my left, with a similar station set-up.

My computer began to act up, the screen freezing and not responding (delay). My focus shifted to my phone (receiving new info) as I waited. I was texting with someone from IT, or so I thought. The texts began to insinuate that I was slacking at work, playing on my phone and just generally not being productive. The guy would interrupt my surfing the web with these texts, making me feel guilty.

At the same time, the guy sending the texts had a familiar feel to him and flashes of an old highschool classmate came to mind. This particular classmate was known as being very sexual. He flirted with every girl, including me, from middle school until we graduated. He often openly discussed his sexual experiences with the group, even if we did not want to hear it (which I didn’t). Many times he propositioned me, not to go on a date but to “experiment”. Back then, being young and naive, I had no idea if he was serious or playing a joke, but the feeling from him was always very sexual – always. I turned him down time and again, acting disgusted but all the while being very curious and wishing I could “play” with him instead of being the “good girl.”

Eventually the texting became very familiar and friendly and he was back to his old tricks. In the dream I experienced an inner conflict much more heightened than it was in highschool. I believe this inner conflict was being presented to me for analysis.

When I woke I felt a bit concerned and surrounded myself in protection. The feeling was just too concerning not to. But now I suspect the “danger” feeling was my reaction to the inner conflict, like looking too close could be dangerous in some way.

Dream: Vibrating Machine

This dream is also a bit fuzzy now. In it I was paired with a woman who was to be my lover. She reminded me of a friend I once knew who is not of this sexual orientation. Her appearance was dark hair, dark eyes, big smile, large personality, and overweight. There was no attraction to her in the dream. Instead, it felt like I was assigned to her.

The part that is most vivid is the two of us being escorted into a very scientific setting. The room was white and mostly empty. I was placed on a machine, completely naked. The other woman was on a similar machine behind me.

The machine was composed of a tall, white pole that attached to the ceiling. At about waist height was a small, triangular platform about the size of the palm of a hand. The top of the triangle was pointing outward. I was facing the pole, positioned so that the platform fit snugly up against my private parts.

I don’t remember much here except that when they turned on the machine it vibrated and my entire body shook from the intensity of it. I remember turning around and seeing my friend and wondering what was going on.

This dream seems to have been a healing and adjustment memory. I have had many like this before – similar setting with odd machines and such.

hourglass

Dream: Hope

In this dream I was in a soap opera (drama, life) I use to watch growing up – Days of Our Lives. I was part of the cast and being briefed on the current story. Mostly I remember seeing people I recognized and saw how their roles had changed. In particular was one character – Hope – who I had watched transform from a young, beautiful girl to an older woman.

Then I was about to enact a scene when the producer, a very old, bearded man, approach me and advice me on how to act it out. As they began filming, my vision shifted and I became more lucid. I went to a table and poured myself some Scotch (trying to numb awareness) thinking it would not hurt to have a bit in my drink for breakfast. I remember seeing in my mind the view of the camera as it slowly focused on the shelf. There were stacked on the shelf books that had the faces of people from the past along with the dates they participated in the show. I saw dates all the way back to the 1700s.

When I saw the faces/dates I began to feel sad. The main source of sadness stemmed from the fact that Hope was no longer in her prime. The show had replaced her with someone else, someone young and vibrant who had the adventures of a young person – relationships, travel, sex, etc. I saw how Hope had a new role that was much less exciting. The biggest problems she faced were in protecting her children and family. She no longer had sexual appeal or vibrancy despite being generally good looking. Her time in the spotlight was gone.

Something about this realization made me sad enough to cry. It woke me up. A song was going through my head when I woke. The main part was, “Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough, just a second we’re not broken just bent and we can learn to love again”.

I was distracted from paying much attention to the song because my daughter was sleepwalking and slammed a door which startled me. It was raining hard and she tends to get scared so I had to usher her back into her room.

I now think this dream was pointing me to look at some considerations I have about aging and my grief at losing my youth. A message stayed with me: Aging is part of the cycle of life. 

Dream: Bus Ship

In this dream I was with a group of students sitting on a bus (going along with the crowd). I was holding a small device and trying to clock in but the screen kept freezing. A commotion from my left distracted me. I saw that a water treatment facility had a pipe burst and the busy road was being flooded with water (emotion). The traffic was forced to stop. I watch curiously as a person walked through the water and thought that I should take a video, but I didn’t. Instead, I focused on the device and was finally able to clock in. I was taken to a screen where I could order a pizza (choices, variety) for delivery. It had not been updated from the previous year, though, and I did not believe it would work.

Then the bus began to move and many student went to their windows to open them. My window (insight) opened suddenly, falling inward and surprising me. I opted to shut it.

Lucid Dream: Alternate Reality

The dream shifted here. It was as if the bus transported me. I was in outer space hovering there beside a guide, my attention drawn to the planet Earth. Only Earth looked to be eclipsed by a large shadow and my memory here is that a “split” was taking place.

I shifted, my vision going black. I was standing in a parking lot (need to slow down) with a group of people in the midst of a conversation about the relocation of a restaurant. It was dark outside and I looked up at the starry sky as if to orient myself. I recognized the place from a previous dream – Truck Horse Woman. I also knew the time frame was before this dream.

I was holding in my hand a black, metal object and said to someone, “This is part of the buffet (relationship is consuming my energy).” I looked down at it and then around at the people and the place. I knew I was dreaming and even thought to myself, “This is a dream.”

The discussion going on around me was about why they were relocating, the distance the new location was from the old (5 miles) and the reasons for having to move in the dark. The owner seemed to be very wise, like a guide to everyone there.

As I walked in and out of the restaurant, each time dropping something into the back of a black (unknown) pick-up (work), I became more and more curious about this dream I found myself in. I remember looking at the empty restaurant and not recognizing it, then realizing it was the old one and not one I had seen. I was trying to connect the other dream with this one and was able to pretty quickly. I saw what it would become, how it would flourish and even recognized one of the waitresses who was especially upset about the move.

At one point I turned to one of the waitresses and called her, “341” instead of a name. I stopped and laughed and told her, “Where I’m from you would have a name.” They were curious. I said, “Like Becky.” I suddenly knew everyone’s number. I turned and looked at #119 and noticed she was listening. I thought to myself, “I should take over this dream and go elsewhere….” Then I changed my mind thinking, “No…I should see where this dream takes me”, making a conscious decision to let the dream play out.

Then they were talking about how they could not do certain things openly because they were outlawed. I said to the group, “I would do #3 then.” They all laughed and I wondered what #3 might be knowing instantly it was sex and that #1 was God/Source. These things were against the rules in this world; many things were restricted.

As we were preparing to leave I gathered up some remaining things and went to the truck. Outside the they were all in the truck waiting for me and I climbed in. Inside were rows of seats. I saw in an open seat in the first row and knew it was mine. I crawled past two guys and wondered about them. I had an urge to explore the energy I felt coming off them but then changed my mind.

When I sat down I told them I had picked up some markers (creativity) that were left behind. Then one girl reminded me of the “staples” and how important it was not to waste them. I reassured her that I ironed my papers and connected them by folding over the edges. I saw the bluish staples (need to sort emotion) in my mind and knew they had been rationed. This place was very odd!

As we drove I saw signs and billboards lining the empty streets. Every sign was illuminated and flashing. An alarm went off as we got onto the main road. We were not suppose to be out after curfew.

Then the truck pulled into an ally and slowed. We entered a kind of underground/black market. People were gathered there to do illegal things. I saw a group smoking to my left, clouds of smoke (emotion clouding judgment) billowing off their lips. They stared at me strangely and I stared back. Then I saw an Asian guy talking to his caged pet chickens (cowardice). He was making a strange humming noise that sounded alien to me.

The truck stopped at a dead end. The driver got out and said, “This is it.” He went to a strange display that had large crawdads (tenacity) with beady eyes. The crawdads were alive, their antenna moving around and their eyes staring at us. Below them was a bowl of red (root chakra, sexuality) sauce (be more direct with feelings) that dripped from a fountain (sexual climax) located just above the crawdads. The driver said that to drink the sauce was illegal because it did something I can’t remember now. I took a spoon and dipped it in the sauce, feeding it to the crawdads. The driver went around the display and leaned in, drinking from the sauce directly. I heard people gasp. This woke me up.