Monthly Archives: November 2018

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Play!

When I woke this morning I was a bit down about something that I got over rather quickly. I think I must have been mulling over the idea that the ascension process somehow turns us into “new” individuals; like in the end the person transforming isn’t themselves anymore but someone else. I thought to myself, “That was me and this is me. I am still me and always will be.”

It is understandable that I would think through this process that I would “magically transform” into someone new and unrecognizable from the person I once was. In many ways, I am very different, but the core of my personality, of who I AM, has not changed one bit. Yes, I’ve been through some intensely transformative experiences, ones where I shifted so much into my HS that I felt the old me literally shed and fall off like old clothing. I’ve shed many layers through similar experiences over the years, but every.single.time I come back to my core self and to a more balanced distribution of HS and lower self.

With this consideration that I will transform into someone new came the assumption that this “new” person will ultimately change everything else in their life to match. There is so much talk online about how we must drop anything that is of a “lower vibration” -all connections with people, places and things which no longer align with who we are – that is easy to assume that means, in the end, our lives look completely different than prior to the transformation. And maybe this is true for some people. It certainly seems so if you focus primarily on those writing about ascension, the Shift, etc. But what about all those others going through this process who have not dramatically changed everything about themselves and their lives as a result? Are they not transformed just as intensely?

Ultimately, I realized that I had this idea that I am not transformed unless I make drastic changes to my life so that I can live in tune with my new, higher vibration. It’s like I think one cannot come without the other which it total BS. I mean really, whose to say that I am not already in line? If I weren’t, I would be shifting away from where I am.  If something doesn’t feel right, I look at it, adjust it and continue on; therefore, I am always fine tuning my life to align with my vibration – my heart/soul/core. I don’t have to use my spiritual gifts full-time or sell everything, buy and RV and drive around the country helping those I happen across. I don’t have to go to ceremonies or gather in groups with others of the “Light” (which we all are BTW) or write a book, hold a class, give a lecture, make a video, etc. I don’t have to divorce my husband, leave my family and move across the country to Mt. Shasta (which I thought of doing!) or some other place (like TN) in order to somehow be this “new improved” version of myself.

I could do any of those things. I could. But honestly the only thing I should do is what feels right to me. If it doesn’t feel right in the end, then I am missing something and to act without full [self-] awareness would be unwise.

I was a bit down to discover my faulty thinking but then I forgave myself for it is only human to put conditions on everything. “If ________ happens, then _______ will happen” is conditional thinking. My guidance has brought this to my attention before! I remember, too, and I do try to stay aware of the conditions I place on myself, my life and others. Yet, it still happens. It is everywhere, unfortunately, and these conditions can really wreak havoc on our lives if we don’t seek them out. They can trap us, and do trap us.

If you are feeling unbalanced, unhappy, or dissatisfied in some way, there is likely some kind of conditional thinking underneath it all that is to blame.

Now that I think of it, maybe I was discussing this very topic in my dreams last night because one dream in particular comes up.

Dream

The dream began inside a house (own soul/self). The house was full of people I knew. There was a man who had two babies (innocence, new beginnings), twins (duality) I think. One was in distress, stuck inside a small box with wire over the front. I went up to the baby to console him and the baby pushed on the door and it opened. He was free. I said to the baby, “You freed yourself! Good job!” I snuggled with the baby. He was wearing only a diaper and looked to be around 12 months old.

The father was an older man with a gray beard. As I held both babies, talking baby talk to them both and just generally snuggling and loving them, I asked the father if he was going to have anymore babies. He said that he was not because he couldn’t. I saw an image of his lower regions and heard “fixed” but I do not think it was physical but something spiritual because I saw energy/nadis running through his penis and testicles.

There is a section of the dream where I am in a hallway. I am talking to my husband who is finishing up a very elaborate mural on the wall. I recognize the images. They are giant replications of my Oracle deck. There are at least six cards painted next to each other covering the wall from floor to ceiling. I comment on how beautiful they are and how I painted the originals. I remember thinking they looked better on the wall than on the tiny canvas’ I used.

Then I was fiddling with my purse (identity and sense of self) and pulled out a folded piece of paper. I opened it up and it was a letter (communication from subconscious) from someone I knew. I looked up and saw her across the room watching me. She was a young woman, approximately 25, with brown hair and eyes. The letter had two pages. The first was just a note and the second was an entire page of Light Language. I realized as I was looking it over that she had written me to share her revelation and seek counsel on how to develop her gifts.

For some reason I decided I didn’t need or want this girl’s letter anymore. Light Language seemed insignificant to me, as if it was just a silly hobby. I folded it back up and got up to throw it in the trash (release, let go). As I got to the can I saw the girl was sitting very close to it and watching me. Not wanting to hurt her feelings, I quickly changed my mind about tossing the letter. I pretended I had a runny nose, sniffled and used the folded note to wipe (let go of past) my nose.

The dream grows hazy here. Mostly I remember flashes of things I have done in the past. I saw my paintings and the Oracle deck they later became a part of. I saw the Light Language I had written and channeled. I saw the walk-in group I gathered with in TN and Shasta. These all flashed very quickly through my mind and then I heard someone speaking to me, listing off the answer selections to a multiple choice question. I can’t remember the selections now because I woke up.

Play!

The sadness hit me upon waking. It felt like all the things I had done in the past were in an attempt to fill in the blanks of that condition I placed upon myself. How much of it was true to me? And how much was me attempting to transform myself into something I thought I should be? In looking back on my feelings, I can’t help but think that much, if not all of it, was me attempting to find myself and, like the portion of the dream involving the letter, ultimately just a phase that has long since passed.

But then, isn’t life composed of passing phases of self-exploration? Isn’t that why we come into life? To experience ourselves? So, it is not that all of my experiences were some futile attempt to re-create myself. No. They were me learning who I am via exploration and experimentation. This is what we (spirit in human form) do. Children do it all the time (play!). Adults, not so much. We just let ourselves get stuck in the condition rather than moving through it when it has served it’s purpose. We keep playing trudging through a game long after we find it boring or pointless.

I guess the question now is: What games do I want to play presently? What brings about a longing in my heart to explore and experiment?

If I am honest with myself about this question then I guess I would like more experiences involving the bliss state. I want to see if I can remain neutral through intensely pleasurable experiences and intensely painful experiences alike. I want to test my own limits, physically and spiritually. Travel would be nice, especially locations where I can be out in nature, and ideally with someone who I enjoy being with.

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Dream Message: Profound Paul

Strange dreams last night. The hamburger theme continues!

Dream: Profound Paul

This dream was much longer but I only recall the last part.

I was in a high school (lesson being learned) that I did not recognize walking alongside a friend who I believe was male but I can’t recall ever seeing him. This friend told me that a certain guy was planning on asking me out after school. I wanted to avoid this (avoiding lesson) so decided to leave school early. I remember going through the band (sense of community) hall and interrupting several groups of students in small rooms viewing movies (passage of time). One said, “I guess they didn’t lock the door again.” In my mind I saw the lock (allowed access, acceptance/belonging) had been broken on the door. I apologized as I walked in front of the movie screen.

My step-father picked me up in his pickup truck (hard work). As we were leaving I remembered I had forgotten something back at the school and asked him to take me back to get it. I was hoping we would get there before school let out.

We drove along a four lane highway (life path) for a while and then topped the hill before the school. Traffic was backed up as parents waited on their kids. The highway was under construction (new surge of energy, growth) in front of the school so we had to slow down. There was piles of reddish brown dirt and construction vehicles all around. My step-father had to slow down and then move to the left. I remember noticing we could not see much in front of us for all the construction in the way. There were large drop-off’s that I could see out of the corner of my eye. I worried my step-father might accidentally fall into one, but he never did.

Then, we had to stop and wait. While waiting I saw two men come out of the construction zone. One was the guy who I was told was going to ask me out after school. He looked to be mulatto and wasn’t wearing a shirt. The other guy was one of his friends and looked similarly.  Both were very large and muscular, which was a bit intimidating.

I felt skittish and wanted to run but with both guys on either side of me and a construction zone full of obstacles, there was no escape. I remember the guy who wanted to ask me out coming closer. He was friendly and smiling, telling me that he knew how to make an awesome hamburger (need to be whole, dissatisfaction in relationship) and would like to show me. We talked for a while, me keeping a distance from him. I called him by name but can’t recall it now. I think it started with a “J” like Jason or Jacob.

At the end of the dream my step-father was encouraging me to run but I had decided not to. I sat down with a huge hamburger in my hand and said to him, “Sorry but I just can’t.” Then I took a big bite. I could taste the juices of the meat in my mouth as I woke.

I woke up feeling confused and disoriented. I wondered who the guy was and I heard a voice say, “Profound Paul.” I am certain the guy’s name was not Paul.

A song was going through my head, but no lyrics, just a repetitive melody. I knew it was a Pearl Jam song from my high school days, but I couldn’t recall the name. So, I looked it up and found it easily. The song is Black and the melody goes on and on at the end. In high school I use to always skip to the next song on the CD because I couldn’t handle listening to it go on and on for over a minute. It was not one of my favorite songs, so I did not know the lyrics. They are pretty interesting.

Dream: Semen Cure

This dream was just weird. lol

I was in bed in a room that reminded me of my old bedroom at my Mom’s house. It was morning and I had just woken up. My husband was getting ready for work and I called him to bed for morning sex. He said, “Really?” and joined me in bed. We made sure to cover ourselves with the blanket (protection) because people were walking in and out of the room so the only privacy we had was that blanket.

As we were doing our thing, a family consisting of a mother and some kids, walked through. My husband got distracted and struggled with this so I rushed him so we could be done quickly. Then my husband left.

The woman who had been walking through the room stopped and looked at me. She asked me, “Why did you do that (rush it)?” I said, “Sometimes you just have to (rush). It’s better than nothing.” I remember my consideration was that if I didn’t rush then everything would fizzle out and I would end up with nothing (no climax).

The woman’s children were gathered around me, inspecting my bare skin. I became aware of small sores on my legs and arms. One of the children told me I needed a certain cream to heal them. I saw the white cream in my mind. The name of the cream started with a “C”. It was not cortisone, but something else I can’t recall now.

I inquired about the cream and instantly knew that it came from ejaculate. One of the kids said, “If you use it they (my wounds) will heal.”

I woke up from this dream thinking how very odd it was. WTF, right? lol

Considerations

The hamburger dream theme is just odd. I suspect my eating the hamburger is a sign that progress is being made since up until now I have never eaten one. Perhaps I am finally confronting what the hamburger represents?

To see or eat a hamburger in your dream suggests that you are lacking some emotional, intellectual, or physical component in order to feel whole again. You may be feeling unsatisfied with some situation or relationship. It is also symbolic of your experiences and how you need to learn from them. Look at the big picture. Source: Dreammoods.com

The “Profound Mystery”

The message “profound Paul” doesn’t really make any sense to me. At first I thought it likely just some wise-crack from my guidance. Then, I thought that perhaps “Paul” was the Apostle Paul from the Bible. So, I Googled “Profound Paul” and sure enough, found this:

Ephesians 5:31-32 New International Version (NIV)

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[a] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

The book of Ephesians in the bible was written by the Apostle Paul around 60AD. So, “Profound Paul” was likely a message from my guidance about Union. There are many discussions online about what the “profound mystery” is, none of them rings true to me as part of the message my guidance was relaying. I think it could just be that they are reminding me that such “marriage” is happening to me; to Remember that it is my true state; we are all One.

The Semen Dream Symbolism

The dream about the cream is likely linked to all the damn itchy skin I am having lately. I have spots of eczema on my right hand, the tops of my shoulders and my neck. This morning I am much itchier than normal and it is driving me crazy. I have prescription Cortisone cream I use and it helps but it is really annoying, almost as bad as poison ivy! My dermatologist says it is the type of eczema related to stress and allergies.

I am also having itchy ears. The inside of my left ear was itching like crazy last night to the point that I couldn’t sleep. Not sure why but it happens, but it does every once in a while. If I itch it then it usually turns into an outer ear infection. So I left it alone but OMG it was hard. It is likely from allergies or stress, too. 😦

Then there are my eyes. My right eye especially is an issue. I can’t wear my contacts without my eyes feeling dry and irritated. Usually I get a headache within an hour of putting them in. So I have been wearing them for only a few hours at a time and only when I have to. People are starting to notice my glasses I wear them so much. I have heard, “I didn’t know you wore glasses!” quite a bit lately.

The cream dream could also be related to my sexual appetite lately as well. Prior to bed I was wondering if maybe I was in the midst of my sexual peak, which they say hits women in their late 30s and early 40s. I never believed in such a thing but am reconsidering that now. lol Never in my life have I had so many sexual dreams nor have I ever been one to fantasize or think about sex (like never!). Yet, for the last few years, all of the above have become so common-place that I can’t help but notice. The me in my 20s-30s would be aghast by the things going through my head these days. OMG! The horror. LMAO

Perhaps it is the Kundalini that has sparked this change in me? Or maybe it is a combination of many factors that led me here. Whatever the cause, it is real and happening to me. It has made me question myself, but I think mostly I am just opening up to and loving myself and my body.

I have also been watching a show on Netflix called Wonderlust. I totally relate to this show! If you haven’t seen it, check it out. Warning: It’s not for the prudish or anyone with lots of sexual programming that still needs clearing. But hey, if you are brave it may be a good way to bring that stuff up for clearing!

 

 

 

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Divine Mission-Possible Blog Challenge

This is my post contribution to Linda’s (Litebeing’s) Divine Mission-Possible Blog Challenge. The challenge is this:

Write about your spiritual mission here on Gaia. Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above? What have you incarnated to do or to be? Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it. Are you delighted to be here? There is no correct answer, by the way. Make it your own.

Mission

First off, I would like to say that from the beginning of this life I have always known my primary purpose was “to help.” Yeah, that’s it. Simple, really, but very open-ended. It has been extremely frustrating for me to embrace this mission because of its simplicity. It reminds me of school research paper assignments and that teacher who always had to give the students free reign over the topic. I hated those assignments! I wanted to be assigned something specific. Tell me what to research. Tell me the steps. Send me in the right direction. Nah, that would be too easy!

So my assignment this life is: Help. My response is, “Okay. I can do that…..OMG! (panic set in) HOW???” The answer I get is always, “However you want.” <—–That is just NOT fair!

Yeah, super frustrating. Just give me the specifics, tell me what to do. Nooooo.

Fast forward to this past Spring (February, 2018 specifically). I woke up one morning, after an especially amazing spiritual transformation, and just KNEW some of the specifics. Below is what I wrote:

My Mission is simple: I am a conduit for the Light. I hold and anchor the Light in order to assist in the elevation of planet Earth. I am of the second wave of Volunteers; a Wayshower. I am a Pleiadian Starseed of the Lyra star system. All other side missions are secondary to my primary one. The contracts I hold are for another version of me, the one who has since departed. I must uphold them but am not bound by them. I made a promise I intend to keep. With resolution of these contracts this other version will be completely shed as if like a skin, and all “holdings” to this planet eliminated. What will remain thereafter is a continued duty to the other inhabitants of Earth; an assistance to them so that they, too, may “shed” their previous selves/holdings and so be freed to rise to a new level. I am to live as a living example to those who follow me and others like me. I am not meant to be perfect. I am not a saint to be honored. I am simply making this “test run” so that others can learn from my process, my mistakes. Eventually they, too, will lead the way to those that follow, completing a process long overdue for this planet and her inhabitants.

Strangely, I was not relieved to know this about my mission here. It just seemed to be a fact, one that I had always known. And, honestly, it did not help with my primary concern of “how”. I mean, this holding of the Light just happens. It is at the soul-level, under the surface and multidimensional. At the human level I am still here to help in any way I see fit. As long as I “do no harm”, I am helping. It is really easy if you don’t over think it. Really!

So there’s that. My mission – to help. To describe all the in’s and out’s thus far would be far too long for one post. What I will focus on then is what I chose to do to help in this human form.

Mission Journey – The Very Short Version

The first career path I chose was teacher. I enjoyed it, until I didn’t. The education system sucked the life out of me after about 12 years. It’s all bureaucracy, red tape and paperwork. Generally, the kids are not #1, no matter what they tell you. Teachers are under paid and constantly threatened by not only the administrators but also the parents and kids (yeah the kids!). It’s so negative that anyone who survives 10 years in service is either super resilient and persistent, lucky enough to find a place where the students came first, or working for a pension/the money/because they have to. It’s very sad.

In an attempt to stay in education (because I wanted “to help!”) I shifted my career to school counselor but that quickly fizzled out as well. My heart was no longer in it. I wasn’t happy or satisfied. All the negatives from teacher were exacerbated only now I was an administrator and had to really believe in the “system”, which I didn’t. I was DONE with pretending. Still am.

So, I opted to stay home with my kids and focus on my family.

Spiritually speaking, my mission to help has come through offering spiritual services. I first begun giving readings in 2003 after my spiritual awakening. Back then, I left teaching for a time and focused on building a spiritual business from 2004-2007, but it never took off like I wanted. I just couldn’t make a living out of it. Ultimately, I just accepted that it would likely always be a side-job and fell back into teaching and counseling. But the spiritual was and has been always there, consistent and meaningful. My heart always feels full when I use my gifts.

Currently, I am working as an accounts payable assistant for sub-par pay and am satisfied with where I am. I continue to offer readings and other spiritual services on the side and I have this blog and several others that I write in to share my story and experiences with others. I have learned that I “help” the most when I am happy and not trying to force myself to be or do something that does not align with who I am. If I feel like shit, then I ain’t in the right place! If I feel good, then I am doing just fine.

Now onto the next question: Am I delighted to be here?

Yay or Nay to Physical Life?

This question just makes me just laugh, like a hysterical, insane kind of laugh. The kind you hear from a person who has been through the wringer so many times they don’t know which way is up anymore. Everything is funny in a twisted kind of way. So, yeah, I’m happy to be here and then not so much. I can’t wait to get off this freakin’ rollercoaster but then I also can’t wait to get back on.

It literally reminds me of standing in line at Six Flags for that hellish ride where you drop 8 stories (I think it’s more than that now), my knees shaking and my heart racing, terrified and thinking I will die. Yet I get on it over and over again because I can’t get enough.

Yeah, an insane kinda, wacky “delight” for experiencing life is what I have. Ultimately, no matter how much I say I want to die and exit this life I know that the minute I get Home I am gonna want to come right back. It’s addictive but there is also the purpose behind it that pushes me back. I have felt/experienced that purpose and drive. It feels like a mixture of duty and fidelity (“my word is my bond”) but really it is just a heck of a lotta Love for the others on this funky rollercoaster ride called life.

Join In

Part of this blogging challenge is to challenge someone else to join in. I want to urge all my readers who blog to join the challenge. Not only is it a great way to connect with others but it can also help clarify and solidify your mission by putting it out there, announcing to the world why you are here.

Something I want to point out to those who don’t feel like you know what your mission is or who have one like I do (OMG I feel for you!). Don’t turn it into something complicated when it isn’t. In other words, don’t follow in my footsteps! LOL What it all comes down to is that we come into these bodies to experience physical reality, to do our best and to do it with love in our hearts. We come here in complete amnesia and work our way back to Remembering. Our missions will vary and shift along the way. We only have purpose when we create purpose. As with all creations/works of art, we can edit and toss and start over as many times as needed until we get it right (our right not someone else’s!). No one is keeping tabs but you so stop tearing yourself up over the little mistakes and just have fun.

 

 

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Busy Night of Dreamwork

Really busy night of dreamwork last night. Not sure why or what shifted, but it was interesting.

Dream: Phone Stalker

This dream was early on in the night so it is fading now. In it I remember being at my work station. I put up a large, floor-to-ceiling curtain (secrecy, holding back or hiding) as part of my station, pinning it up by the corners. Then I sat at my computer (new opportunities being presented) to do my work alongside another, on my left, with a similar station set-up.

My computer began to act up, the screen freezing and not responding (delay). My focus shifted to my phone (receiving new info) as I waited. I was texting with someone from IT, or so I thought. The texts began to insinuate that I was slacking at work, playing on my phone and just generally not being productive. The guy would interrupt my surfing the web with these texts, making me feel guilty.

At the same time, the guy sending the texts had a familiar feel to him and flashes of an old highschool classmate came to mind. This particular classmate was known as being very sexual. He flirted with every girl, including me, from middle school until we graduated. He often openly discussed his sexual experiences with the group, even if we did not want to hear it (which I didn’t). Many times he propositioned me, not to go on a date but to “experiment”. Back then, being young and naive, I had no idea if he was serious or playing a joke, but the feeling from him was always very sexual – always. I turned him down time and again, acting disgusted but all the while being very curious and wishing I could “play” with him instead of being the “good girl.”

Eventually the texting became very familiar and friendly and he was back to his old tricks. In the dream I experienced an inner conflict much more heightened than it was in highschool. I believe this inner conflict was being presented to me for analysis.

When I woke I felt a bit concerned and surrounded myself in protection. The feeling was just too concerning not to. But now I suspect the “danger” feeling was my reaction to the inner conflict, like looking too close could be dangerous in some way.

Dream: Vibrating Machine

This dream is also a bit fuzzy now. In it I was paired with a woman who was to be my lover. She reminded me of a friend I once knew who is not of this sexual orientation. Her appearance was dark hair, dark eyes, big smile, large personality, and overweight. There was no attraction to her in the dream. Instead, it felt like I was assigned to her.

The part that is most vivid is the two of us being escorted into a very scientific setting. The room was white and mostly empty. I was placed on a machine, completely naked. The other woman was on a similar machine behind me.

The machine was composed of a tall, white pole that attached to the ceiling. At about waist height was a small, triangular platform about the size of the palm of a hand. The top of the triangle was pointing outward. I was facing the pole, positioned so that the platform fit snugly up against my private parts.

I don’t remember much here except that when they turned on the machine it vibrated and my entire body shook from the intensity of it. I remember turning around and seeing my friend and wondering what was going on.

This dream seems to have been a healing and adjustment memory. I have had many like this before – similar setting with odd machines and such.

hourglass

Dream: Hope

In this dream I was in a soap opera (drama, life) I use to watch growing up – Days of Our Lives. I was part of the cast and being briefed on the current story. Mostly I remember seeing people I recognized and saw how their roles had changed. In particular was one character – Hope – who I had watched transform from a young, beautiful girl to an older woman.

Then I was about to enact a scene when the producer, a very old, bearded man, approach me and advice me on how to act it out. As they began filming, my vision shifted and I became more lucid. I went to a table and poured myself some Scotch (trying to numb awareness) thinking it would not hurt to have a bit in my drink for breakfast. I remember seeing in my mind the view of the camera as it slowly focused on the shelf. There were stacked on the shelf books that had the faces of people from the past along with the dates they participated in the show. I saw dates all the way back to the 1700s.

When I saw the faces/dates I began to feel sad. The main source of sadness stemmed from the fact that Hope was no longer in her prime. The show had replaced her with someone else, someone young and vibrant who had the adventures of a young person – relationships, travel, sex, etc. I saw how Hope had a new role that was much less exciting. The biggest problems she faced were in protecting her children and family. She no longer had sexual appeal or vibrancy despite being generally good looking. Her time in the spotlight was gone.

Something about this realization made me sad enough to cry. It woke me up. A song was going through my head when I woke. The main part was, “Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough, just a second we’re not broken just bent and we can learn to love again”.

I was distracted from paying much attention to the song because my daughter was sleepwalking and slammed a door which startled me. It was raining hard and she tends to get scared so I had to usher her back into her room.

I now think this dream was pointing me to look at some considerations I have about aging and my grief at losing my youth. A message stayed with me: Aging is part of the cycle of life. 

Dream: Bus Ship

In this dream I was with a group of students sitting on a bus (going along with the crowd). I was holding a small device and trying to clock in but the screen kept freezing. A commotion from my left distracted me. I saw that a water treatment facility had a pipe burst and the busy road was being flooded with water (emotion). The traffic was forced to stop. I watch curiously as a person walked through the water and thought that I should take a video, but I didn’t. Instead, I focused on the device and was finally able to clock in. I was taken to a screen where I could order a pizza (choices, variety) for delivery. It had not been updated from the previous year, though, and I did not believe it would work.

Then the bus began to move and many student went to their windows to open them. My window (insight) opened suddenly, falling inward and surprising me. I opted to shut it.

Lucid Dream: Alternate Reality

The dream shifted here. It was as if the bus transported me. I was in outer space hovering there beside a guide, my attention drawn to the planet Earth. Only Earth looked to be eclipsed by a large shadow and my memory here is that a “split” was taking place.

I shifted, my vision going black. I was standing in a parking lot (need to slow down) with a group of people in the midst of a conversation about the relocation of a restaurant. It was dark outside and I looked up at the starry sky as if to orient myself. I recognized the place from a previous dream – Truck Horse Woman. I also knew the time frame was before this dream.

I was holding in my hand a black, metal object and said to someone, “This is part of the buffet (relationship is consuming my energy).” I looked down at it and then around at the people and the place. I knew I was dreaming and even thought to myself, “This is a dream.”

The discussion going on around me was about why they were relocating, the distance the new location was from the old (5 miles) and the reasons for having to move in the dark. The owner seemed to be very wise, like a guide to everyone there.

As I walked in and out of the restaurant, each time dropping something into the back of a black (unknown) pick-up (work), I became more and more curious about this dream I found myself in. I remember looking at the empty restaurant and not recognizing it, then realizing it was the old one and not one I had seen. I was trying to connect the other dream with this one and was able to pretty quickly. I saw what it would become, how it would flourish and even recognized one of the waitresses who was especially upset about the move.

At one point I turned to one of the waitresses and called her, “341” instead of a name. I stopped and laughed and told her, “Where I’m from you would have a name.” They were curious. I said, “Like Becky.” I suddenly knew everyone’s number. I turned and looked at #119 and noticed she was listening. I thought to myself, “I should take over this dream and go elsewhere….” Then I changed my mind thinking, “No…I should see where this dream takes me”, making a conscious decision to let the dream play out.

Then they were talking about how they could not do certain things openly because they were outlawed. I said to the group, “I would do #3 then.” They all laughed and I wondered what #3 might be knowing instantly it was sex and that #1 was God/Source. These things were against the rules in this world; many things were restricted.

As we were preparing to leave I gathered up some remaining things and went to the truck. Outside the they were all in the truck waiting for me and I climbed in. Inside were rows of seats. I saw in an open seat in the first row and knew it was mine. I crawled past two guys and wondered about them. I had an urge to explore the energy I felt coming off them but then changed my mind.

When I sat down I told them I had picked up some markers (creativity) that were left behind. Then one girl reminded me of the “staples” and how important it was not to waste them. I reassured her that I ironed my papers and connected them by folding over the edges. I saw the bluish staples (need to sort emotion) in my mind and knew they had been rationed. This place was very odd!

As we drove I saw signs and billboards lining the empty streets. Every sign was illuminated and flashing. An alarm went off as we got onto the main road. We were not suppose to be out after curfew.

Then the truck pulled into an ally and slowed. We entered a kind of underground/black market. People were gathered there to do illegal things. I saw a group smoking to my left, clouds of smoke (emotion clouding judgment) billowing off their lips. They stared at me strangely and I stared back. Then I saw an Asian guy talking to his caged pet chickens (cowardice). He was making a strange humming noise that sounded alien to me.

The truck stopped at a dead end. The driver got out and said, “This is it.” He went to a strange display that had large crawdads (tenacity) with beady eyes. The crawdads were alive, their antenna moving around and their eyes staring at us. Below them was a bowl of red (root chakra, sexuality) sauce (be more direct with feelings) that dripped from a fountain (sexual climax) located just above the crawdads. The driver said that to drink the sauce was illegal because it did something I can’t remember now. I took a spoon and dipped it in the sauce, feeding it to the crawdads. The driver went around the display and leaned in, drinking from the sauce directly. I heard people gasp. This woke me up.

by

Peaks and Valleys

The last few days I underwent a mini-transformation from sad and unmotivated to happy and content with life. Many lessons packed into a small period perhaps? Or maybe I am just learning? 🙂

I’ve been watching Westworld and the last few episodes of season 2 seemed to speak to me regarding my spiritual path and the ascension of mankind in general. The main message was that we have been programmed, running on a specific loop for lifetimes and that the only way to free ourselves from this program is to 1. be aware of it and 2. seek to alter the programming. We, of course, have the forgetfulness of being human to deal with causing us delays and throwing us back into the loop time and time again. However, ascension will eventually reverse the forgetfulness in a way as to allow us to have more memory and thus work toward changing our programming.

Anyway, having some odd dreams lately with a “hamburger” theme of all things!!!

11/01/2018 

Woke in a sour mood with a song in my head – never danced like this before, we don’t talk about it, do the boogie all night long, stoned in paradise, shouldn’t talk about it….

For the second night in a row I woke more times than I could count in the night. I knew the song was reminding me that I was avoiding something – not talking about something. I immediately softened and focused inward and was covered in warm energy that radiated outward from my core.

Dream: Hamburger Flower

I had several dreams that all blended together. I recall one where I was grocery shopping with a very rambunctious girl (retarded maybe?). I remember going to buy veggies, specifically Kohlrabi and then on to the meats section.

There was another dream in a restaurant where I met up with a woman friend but it is hazy now, too. I just remember joining her at a table and also sitting at another table with two black guys. I think I was black in this dream as well and likely reconnecting with someone I knew in the past since I was on the phone with a black woman friend. I remember seeing a whole history of a Dodge Caravan purchase and the trade-in and everything. The comments made were that it smelled so good in comparison to the old vehicle. lol Note: On the way to work I kept noticing minivans (burdens/responsibilities of taking care of a family).

Then I was traveling with my husband. There is a whole part of the dream that is foggy here. I think I was in an RV part of the way. We stopped to get food at a cafe. I ordered a special hamburger (lacking something to become whole) that had a “2” in it, like 2C or something. My husband got his order long before me and sat in the wrong place. I had chosen a seat on the other side of the room and taken my fries (do not overlook the minuscule things in life) there. Eventually I retrieved my fries from the table which now had a group of young people sitting at it. They handed me my fries in a green (healing, love) napkin (good news) and I took them and joined my husband.

When my burger arrived it looked odd. There were six patties, one in the center and five others fanned out around it like a flower’s petals (broken relationship, regret or guilt). In the center was a fried egg (something new is about to happen). All this was on one half of a bun.

MoonlightFox

Peaks and Valleys

When I woke I was unhappy and feeling like I had a lot of time to pass before anything substantial happened. I kept thinking of the dream I had (Akashic library) where I was shown how my spiritual progress was organized throughout this life. I saw the rolling waves across the years indicating times of spiritual intensity followed by nothing spiritual (seemingly) for a time. This pattern repeated over and over. I did not see the spiritual periods increasing or intensifying or showing higher levels than the previous. It was very consistent and predictable. I thought later about how it may indicate that right now I am in one of the valleys of boring, mundane life. I could see the pattern playing out and thought that maybe I should just accept it and not concern myself during these “low” times but rather just forget and move on with in it.

11/2/18 Dream – Reprogramming

The first dream I remember of the night is very fuzzy now. I mostly remember talking about programming with one of my guides. I also recall there being space in between activity, like a strobe light without the visuals. I also recall intense root chakra energy that snaked all the way up to my heart. It did not wake me but was memorable enough for me to pause and enjoy it.

The discussion with my guide is mostly what remains. In summary, we talked about how focus/fixation on pleasure and avoidance of pain was being worked through. The intermittent waves of spiritual intensity mixed with mundane periods was meant to help me see and correct a pattern. My reaction should be neutral regardless of where I am on the spectrum of emotion/sensation. The goal is to not impatiently wait for the desired, pleasurable,exciting phases while also not resisting the boring and mundane phases and learn to integrate the two so that the “waves” become less and less noticeable and I am flowing in a straight line with little variation. The key is to put my attention on this neutral state, which after all is “bliss” in and of itself. To remain in bliss throughout the up’s and down’s. To do this, I have to learn to be the observer in life, to listen to that inner voice at all times. A part of me dislikes this information because I really do love the intense bliss arousal state. The boring states are not as big of an issue for me, nor is the pain so much.

Dream: Disqualified

In the next dream I was in a kitchen preparing hamburgers (learn from experience, lack of fulfillment) for the group. I was part of a group similar to the Bachelor where women and men were interacting and eventually would pair up. It felt like, for me at least, I was choosing between 5 different men. The hamburgers were for them. As I cooked I looked at the patties browning, scooping them up one by one and placing them on buns. I specifically took two patties and placed them next to each other on a bun. The other three patties were then placed on their own buns. The buns were too big for the patties. There remained one bun with nothing on it.

All the men were grateful, I remember them saying so. We then lay down to watch a movie. I can’t remember it now but I remember seeing a man and knowing he was my partner, the one I was meant to be paired with. The Knowingness was strong. Seeing him sparked a memory. I went to him and we just stared into each other’s eyes. We spoke without words, connecting fully.

I lay in his arms as we watched the movie, aware of our connection and discussing telepathically with him how we would share our bond with the group. I remember saying that we would just let them know we had paired up. That was the purpose of this group after all? We were snuggled together very happy and comfortable for a while. I mostly remember the soft pillows (comfort, support) and his arms wrapped around me.

At some point after this I became aware of water (emotion) seeping into the space. It was coming through the walls, the cabinets, everything. There was concern here and I remember trying to get out of the room (aspect of Self) because that was the source of the water.

Outside the men were waiting and everyone was staring at me. I was told by those in charge that I had been disqualified and needed to pack my things and leave. As I was leaving, I looked up at a concrete (solid, unyielding) roof (barrier between states of consciousness) over the door. It was dripping water (emotion). I took it down with my mind revealing the clear sky above.

I turned and noticed the group standing and watching me. My partner was passed out (unaware, not wanting to know) in a heap on the ground. I went to retrieve him, holding him in my arms concerned for him because he was not waking up. What was odd is that he transformed so that I was holding a very large sloth (lack of ambition, passivity, laziness) with a neck that was very thin like that of a bird. His head had large eyes and his mouth often looked like a beak (interference, annoyance). I carried him with me, cradling his head to try and keep it from dangling on the long neck (indecision). I asked the other men where his spot/bed was. I walked along a line of men, their individual rooms were chairs (feelings or ideas being dismissed or cast aside) all along a long table that stretched against the wall. Each section was separated by a wall (separateness) and it was very prison-like and institutional (analytical). I felt very sad for the men knowing their areas were so stark in comparison to the women’s dorm room were all women slept together and had beds (connection with self and others).

I asked where my partner’s space was, saying a name I can’t recall. I was pointed to a space and I set him down in his chair (feelings/ideas cast aside) thinking it a bad place for him to sleep (unaware). His head (over-thinking weighing him down) hit the floor a few times and I thought he must be dead.

A woman was there and told me that my partner likely took some medication (avoidance) that caused him to sleep. She said he would be fine once it wore off. I watched as he began to wake up, turning once again into a man. He seemed unaffected and perfectly fine, smiling as if nothing had happened. I left feeling like he was too far gone to come with me. It felt as if he was unreachable and I wondered about the symbolism as I woke, becoming more lucid with each consideration.

Adele song lyrics were in my head – Nevermind I’ll find someone like you…..I wish nothing but the best for you. Don’t forget me, I begged. I remember you said, “Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”.

Considerations

I had a guide close when I woke. I asked to be allowed out of this life/path. He told me I could not, that I had gone past the point of no return and must finish what I started. We talked about my dreams. My words reflected the conversations of the night. He asked me what I thought of the sloth dream. I only remember feeling sad, like so much time was needed to get men into the right state to be in balance with the feminine. That is what the dream seemed to indicate to me, that men were still a long way away from resolution – being sloth-like, drugged and avoidant. And women were grieving heavily, aware but unable to get the men to wake, thus the water seeping through the walls and me carrying my sloth-partner around trying to protect him from harm.

I remember my guide telling me that I could not rush things else I would harm myself. The harm here is physical and emotional, not spiritual. There is great risk in being vulnerable with the wrong person. I was reassured that I would find what I seek but that I need to be patient. Time seemed so much like my enemy.

My realization was to once again seek what I am looking for inside myself. My focus had shifted prior to bed and remained so upon waking. I could feel the connection with my guide. It was like a warm all-over buzzing/vibrating. I mentioned it and he said, “You have always felt it. It is always there.” With this I knew that if I continued to look inward that connection would be there, connection to All, and with that the bliss.

Anxiety

On Friday I went to eat with a group of coworkers, all men, to a burger bar and grill place. I had a few incidences of feeling way too wide open which resulted in mild panic that I quickly reeled in. It was odd, though, since I haven’t felt anxiety/panic in a while. When the sensation hit I would want to run or get out of the space. Just odd. I kept trying to figure where or who the feeling was coming from but I couldn’t. Eventually it subsided but only right before leaving.

What is really strange about going to this burger place is that one guy, whose birthday we were celebrating, ordered a burger with a fried egg on it. It reminded me of both the hamburger dreams above, especially the one where I ordered one with a fried egg on top! So odd…..

Feeling Blessed

Despite the strange ascension symptoms I’ve been having, it seems that I am shifting once again and finding my center. I feel stable and strong, healthy and vibrant. Just today I felt like I could live forever I felt so good, but that was after a trail run. With all the energy craziness lately I have been outside quite a bit. It is the only thing that helps right now. If I am feeling off in any way I get outside as soon as I can and feel almost instantly better.

Some of my “symptoms”:

Pain in my right shoulder – radiates into my wrist sometimes, comes and goes.
Headaches – come on suddenly and then stop just as suddenly.
Eczema.
Tiredness, on and off.
Interrupted sleep.
Telepathy
Synchronicities
Mild anxiety/panic

The telepathy with my husband is the strangest by far. I don’t normally pick up on his thoughts as clear as I have been. For example, on Thursday I took the car to pick up the kids and he stayed at work. His plan was to catch a ride home with his brother. While I was going to grab a few things at the store I thought, “I need to go pick up ____”. I thought this cheerfully and then shut down the thought because I knew he was catching a ride. I actually had this same thought two more times after as well. Thirty minutes later he calls as I am leaving the store and says, “I forgot to tell my brother I needed a ride and he left already. Can you come pick me up?” LOL

There was another incident of a similar nature but I can’t remember it now. It had to do with getting something and I did it before he asked because I heard in my head that I needed to get it! WTF? It was actually very, very cool. 🙂

Today’s trail run was so uplifting and wonderful. My husband came along and I remember thinking how nice it was to have him in my life. I can call on him to hang out with me anytime I want and he will. I am never alone unless I want to be. I do enjoy his company most of the time and he is the first person I ask when I want to go do something. I can’t imagine not having anyone to call upon, to hang out with, etc. I should not take it for granted as there are so many who have no one. I am truly blessed. Truly.

Here are some shots from the run. The monarchs were out today again. It made the entire experience such a de-Light. 🙂

 

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