Monthly Archives: May 2020

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Dreams: Master, Graduate

Got tired at 9pm. Went to sleep. Slept until 7:30am. Happy. 🙂

Dream: Master

The first thing I recall is being in a kitchen that reminded me of my Mom’s kitchen at first. I was watching a woman via a video call who was showing me how to make a dish. I followed her instructions but then she asked me to use another pan and do several more steps that began to make the recipe quite complex. It was only suppose to use one pan but I went ahead and tried it. I was able to make a semblance of it but not without noticing how messy the kitchen was. Dishes piled high. The last step involved bread and turns out I was suppose to make tiny sandwiches. I just put them in with the rest of the dish which I didn’t recognize and told the woman I wasn’t going to bother making sandwiches.

Then I was in my old bedroom trying to get school clothing on Elek. I went into a walk-in closest that isn’t there in real life and it was full of my daughter’s old sweaters and clothing. I remember yelling at her to get out and being frustrated because I couldn’t find any of Elek’s clothes. Then someone came into the room and dumped a whole load of folded clothing on the floor. It looked like clothes from years ago – my old clothes and others from the house – but not Elek’s

I ended up back in the main living/kitchen area and had a vacuum. I began to vacuum the floor and the vacuum was very strong to the point I was worried it would pull the carpet into it but it never did.

As I vacuumed I went into my Mom’s master bedroom but when I went into the closet it opened up into a bedroom I had never seen before. The entry floor was paved in red brick and the rest was carpet. The bed seemed to be in the floor, carpet right up against it but some areas had ripped. I vacuumed and picked up all kinds of dirt and debris and soon realized there were sticks and twigs, leaves and other outdoor debris in the room. I saw the room was lined with tall trees that were colored in Fall foliage and losing leaves. I continued to vacuum up as much as I could but realized it was a losing battle.

My Mom was there and I suggested she let my sister live in the room. I remember asking her why she never used the room, why she never told us it was there, and how nice it could be to fix it up and use it again. There were a couple of doors leading out of the room so I went up to one and asked what was inside. My Mom said it was a bathroom and I was shocked and thrilled. She asked, “Haven’t you been here before?” I said, “No! I didn’t know this was here.” I opened the door and saw it led into a darkly lit corridor. I was thrilled and went in but the corridor went back to the room I was familiar with and the attached bathroom. The corridor had a mirror in it and some nice furnishings but it was quite dimly lit and hard to see. The whole room turned dim like that during this part of the dream.

I turned back and began to leave the bedroom. A man was there but I can’t recall his face or who he was, though I seemed to know him. I recall looking at the red bricks as I exited. The main thought with me as I left was, “Master Bedroom”, specifically, ” This is the Master”.

Dream: Graduate 

The next thing I recall is being inside a tiny car. It was not a normal car but more like a suit I wore around me that provided me with swift speed and was controlled with my mind. I remember it as a clear, see-through bubble with wheels that wrapped around me snugly and provided a soft protective cover that was also very strong like steel.

I was traveling very slowly with others along a path that paralleled a parking lot. As I looked at the parking lot I remembered being there before but the lot was covered in snow and the road was icy and difficult to traverse. The parking lot had painted X’s on it around the barricades. In my memory I had traveled the same path but the snow had obscured the lines on the lot.

I then came to a narrow opening with a flight of stairs that headed down a corridor. As I entered it was very tight inside as I floated down the corridor. I looked around at who was with me and they were strangers most of which were wearing bubbles around their faces like masks. They appeared nervous to be close and were in a hurry to get out of the corridor.

At the bottom the room opened up into a lobby type area and the people with me scooted off quickly. One woman had a proboscis type straw coming out of the mask she wore and pushed past me to get to the coffee provided to guests. The lobby was encased in glass or plastic as if a decontamination zone but people could come and go freely. I watched as the woman and her friend went to a table to select coffee and saw the various bags and types available. I didn’t want coffee, though, as I seemed to be headed (I somehow knew my destination) to a registration booth.

At the booth I saw a woman hand over a form she had just signed and the woman at the booth gave her instructions on the schedule. She congratulated her and then looked in my direction pushing the lined paper to me to sign my name. I paused for a bit, forgetting my name, and then wrote my last name and then first name. She read my name back to me, welcoming me, as I finished writing it and began to explain the schedule when we were interrupted by a couple of men. She turned and grabbed a very large object made of precious metals and gems and handed it to the man. She congratulated him for becoming a “Master”. I thought he must have graduated with a Master’s degree and she was giving him a ring but it looked more like a sheath for his entire left arm. She then handed one to another man who I spoke to briefly but I can’t remember what he told me. I think I was jealous of his accomplishment and he told me it was no big deal as he thanked me.

After the men left the registrar gave me the schedule, once again congratulating me but this time calling me a “graduate”. She then said, “Don’t be surprised if they imposed some fees” but for what I can’t recall. I remember knowing the fees would be minimal, like $8. I also knew the location of this dream was Montana.

Interpretation

When I woke up a song was on my mind – “Don’t stop me now…..200 degrees that’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit. I’m traveling at the speed of light.” At the same time the fact that “Master” was part of both dreams was not lost to me. I realize that the house I built on family land had almost the same layout as my Mom’s house which is likely not a coincidence. Thankfully my current house is nothing like either.

The first dreams seem to be a modge podge of subconscious reflection. The preparation of food has to do with sustenance or how I feed myself – Ego, Spirit, both? I follow the directions but find it tedious and much longer than I anticipated so in the end I opted to not make the sandwiches so I reject some stressful situation that “sandwiches” me or makes me feel stuck. The dirty dishes are the things that are bothering me – messes that need cleaning up.

The clothing dream is an anxiety type dream having to do with my children who are a part of me, an aspect, and how these aspects look to others. Clothing is one’s outward appearance. I can’t find clothes. The closet is full of my daughter’s old sweaters (protection) and I get angry at her for it and tell her to get out (aspect of self getting in the way?). I end up with a pile of old, folded clothing from years past on the floor of my bedroom (private self). The overall feeling here is frustration. All I wanted was pants and a shirt for my son (masculine aspect that is still growing up).

The vacuum dream is about finally deciding to deal with issues/problems. I end up in a Master bedroom I didn’t know existed – so probably a hidden aspect of self that has been hidden from me. The red brick floor has to do with passion, inner fire and romance. Since it is as the entrance it may be symbolic of having to go through such emotions to get deeper. The room itself has a bed sunk into the floor with torn carpet. Carpet is my rejection of those things that are unpleasant. Since it is around the bed it may indicate these emotions are very private, maybe forgotten. There is debris being sucked up so I am attempting to clean but it never gets clear. There are trees losing leaves. The Fall colors indicate something going dormant or could relate to a time of year. The leaves are disappointments, failures and sorrow.

Curious about the room I find doors that lead to known master bedroom and not a bathroom like I had hoped. So this indicates that cleansing and healing are connected to the room I am aware of but also to the one I am not. The lights dimming indicate a loss of conscious awareness but not completely. My suggesting my sister live in the room indicates that she, too, has a connection to this lost private aspect. So maybe something from my youth?

The graduate dream takes me back to a place I have been before in other dreams. In the past the road (path) and parking lot (delays) was covered in snow, so dormant and with little to no emotion and very slow movement. The bubble was protection and feeling safe on the route. The stairs and corridor are movement to another level. The coffee is awareness. The registration for graduation is my recognition of completing a level but not mastering something yet. The Master receives a ornate arm sleeve for the left arm so perhaps this is regarding the masculine and I have yet to master the masculine? Montana is spirituality or a spiritual journey. I want to be a Master and am told it is no big deal. The strange masks and such are likely to do with the Corona Virus. Maybe it was one test of many relating to this graduation? I have graduated many times in my dreams and tests and preparation are very much part of the process. The “fees” are that graduating comes at a cost, but not a big one.

I feel really good this morning and am so grateful for the much needed sleep which I haven’t had much of for weeks now. I will leave you with the song that was on my mind as I woke. Maybe it will make you smile like it did me.

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Some Things to Remember

It is easy to Forget who we Are in times like these. So much distraction. So much conflict, fear, upset, and worry to put our overactive minds into overdrive if we so allow it. Below are some simple reminders to help pull you out of your mind and back into your heart and Self.

Life is but a game and we are all actors playing our roles in it. The role you play is one you agreed to play but this lifetime’s personality is but a drop in the ocean of what comprises You.

Every person you meet is a reflection of You (meaning that You that is much bigger than the tiny portion that is your personality and character in this lifetime).

Belief is key. What you believe becomes your reality. Or to put it another way – your beliefs limit and shape your reality and experiences. Shared beliefs create shared realities. We gravitate towards those who share our beliefs and thus have similar realities to our own.

Doubt destroys conviction, limits ones power and reinforces Forgetfulness. Doubt is a byproduct of fear.

Fear is not native to Spirit (US). Fear exists in the finite and is a byproduct of duality (good/bad, life/death).

What you resist, persists.

You are not alone.

You are Love(d).

This, too, shall pass.

The only constant is change.

To err is human. Be kind to yourself. Forgiveness is key.

Experience is a teacher. Learn from it.

There are no mistakes, only choices.

Follow the 8 Winds.  “Worthy persons deserve to be called so because they are not carried away by the eight winds: prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure. They are neither elated by prosperity nor grieved by decline.”

That which we most fear is our greatest lesson.

There are so many more but these are the ones that comes to me now. Please feel free to add any you can think of in the comments. Namaste.

 

 

 

 

 

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Message: Quality Over Quantity

For over a week I have had trouble sleeping. Mostly I struggle to fall asleep but I also tend to wake frequently which decreases the quality of sleep by quite a bit. As a result, I am not recalling my dreams and those dreams I do recall are odd and don’t make much sense. There are a few, however, that seem to be indicators of what is going on under the surface, deep in my subconscious.

Dream – May 16th

I was sitting inside a truck (hard work) as if waiting to leave when a guy showed up and stood by the truck. He insisted that I get into a car instead. I felt irritated by the man’s pushy behavior but did what he asked. Before I could get into the car (life path) it began to drive on its own (feeling not in control of life). It sped up and crushed the man underneath, ripping his skin off in places. The man was yelling in pain as the car rolled forward and backward over top of him. When the car stopped, the man was pinned underneath yelling in pain. Suddenly, a random dog (protection, fidelity) came around and began to pull aggressively on his toes, ripping into his flesh. I yelled at the dog to stop but it wouldn’t. The sight of the whole thing was gruesome – the car sitting on top of the man, ripped flesh with blood oozing out and a dog trying to eat the man’s foot all while he was still alive and suffering.

The dream was very short and horrific enough to wake me up. I suspect it symbolically represents my feelings and fears in regards to how I react to being pressured to do things. It also seems to refer to the masculine as something I resent and want to destroy.

Dream: May 20th

I had odd dreams and some I recall. In one I was visiting a house in Montana that looked like where my ex in-laws use to live. I remember mostly asking a man if he would consider splitting the cost of the house with me so I could live there in the summers.

There was a longer dream I remember. I was in my Mom’s kitchen talking with someone. A short, blonde man was visiting and he asked whether I had ever been a runner and if I would consider going on a run with him. I told him that I once ran a half marathon, so yes I could run with him, but the run would have to be short. I also told him I ran slow. I

Then I was inside another house with many other people. When I arrived the place felt foreign and I knew no one there. My bed was the top bunk of a bunk bed and I had to climb some flimsy netting stuff to get to it, eventually using the side of the bunk that was against the wall to climb into the top because the sides were too narrow to crawl through. When I climbed into the bed the navy blanket had large spiky burrs on it that had spines like prickly pears do. I began to try and pull them out but there were so many that I mentioned it to the people below. Even the pillows had burrs on them. So I tossed the pillows to the foot of the bed and moved the blanket so that I would not be stuck by the burrs. Then a black cat came up onto the bed and began to try and rub up against me. It, too, had the burrs on it so I shooed it away.

The last thing I remember about the dream is looking at the wall as I lay there feeling very alone and missing my husband. I was thinking how nice it would be to have him around to help me feel more at ease and at home where I was. This is when I heard someone say to me the words “quality” and “quantity”. I remember it as “Quantity over Quality” but it could have been the opposite, not sure.

When I woke the song, “Send me an angel….right now” was going through my head along with the concept of choosing quantity over quality.

I understand the message to be about my choices in this life. I recall that after my divorce I missed the security marriage provided and I missed the companionship and friendship of my ex. I didn’t want to be married to him again nor did I miss him as a lover or have heartache over the loss of him, I just missed the convenience of it – having plenty of money, being able to relax and not have to work or feel that dread of working and working just to survive, and the convenience of having someone to do things with and with whom I could be myself.

I don’t know what to think of the dream really. Symbolically the bunk bed means I have trouble expressing my needs and desires within a romantic relationship. The burrs represent minor annoyances and irritations that I choose to overlook. Because they are on the bed spread they indicate annoyances that I am trying to hide or cover up. I forgot to mention that the entire bunk bed scene was very dark and it was hard to see which means I am not able to see or recognize something in waking life. It could also be I am trying not to see and avoiding something. The black cat is my intuition. It also has burrs which indicate something annoying or uncomfortable about my intuition. I push it away meaning I am not wanting to listen to my intuition.

Quality over Quantity

The message about choosing quality over quantity stuck with me and I pondered it for a while. I analyzed my choices in life. When did I choose quality and when did I choose quantity? What does “quality” mean to me?

Immediately I knew that in regards to career I had chosen quality over quantity. I left teaching and counseling which provided security in the form of a good paycheck in favor of a job that paid much less but was low stress and gave me the ability to work from home.

Also, with my previous marriage, I had held on for a long while because of the “quantity” of things if offered me (convenience, security, money)  but the “quality” of my existence began to suffer so much that I ultimately chose to – had to – leave for my own sanity.

In another memory I went back to middle school when the desire to fit in often led me to difficult lessons. I had won the friendship of the most popular girl, which was a big win for me. However, the girl desired me only because she thought my family “rich” (lol we weren’t) and was constantly trying to get me to buy things for her, which I did. She also used me for my “brains” and often asked me for the answers to questions on assignments and tests. At some point I recognized that the cost of being her friend was my own self-respect and that, in the end, the quality of her friendship was very poor and not worth the sacrifice. Sure I gained her friendship and the following of all her “minions” (quantity) but it was not worth it. So, one day when she was asking me to provide her with answers to a test, I loudly called her out in front of the whole class, effectively severing my friendship with her and creating a long-term enemy in the process. I do not regret the decision, however, and would do it again in a heartbeat.

Ultimately, “quality” to me tends to win out even though I often take a long while to make the choice.

Not long after this dream there was a post on FB that caught my attention:

“Why has it become so important to us to prolong life, over HOW we are living, and to postpone death rather than ask how we are dying.”

—Charles Eisenstein

There was an entire discussion below the quote and in one comment someone mentioned “Quality over quantity” and I thought, “Ah – there is it again!” In this instance the message was about quality of life over quantity (in years) of life and how so many people cling to life, fearing death, but do not live a quality life because fear stops them in their tracks. This specific post was about Covid-19, but my take on it was that I was being asked by my guidance to consider the quality of the life I now live.

Headless Bird

An interesting symbol presented itself early in the week. I found an adolescent bird – a dove – dead in my front yard. When I went to inspect it I saw that it had no head but was otherwise in perfect shape. It stood out to me as a symbol but of what I wasn’t sure.

Then this morning a friend posted on FB that she found two headless birds in her yard. I remembered my own experience and again thought, “There it is”, but what does it even mean?

Birds in general equal freedom, possibility and transition. In this case, the bird was a dove. Doves are typical symbols of love, peace and partnership while also acting as messengers. To find the dove dead and headless seems to indicate that I am effectively chopping the head off of the messenger, a messenger who brings peace, love and possibility.

In the Dark

Despite all the above messages, when I look inward all is quiet and the answers are not forthcoming. I feel cut off from my guidance and without significant dream activity I am left wondering if the answers will be forthcoming. All is pointing to me not wanting to “see”, but when I attempt to see I find myself “blind” and cut off from mySelf.

The past continues to return to me, asking me to look back on where I’ve been. When I visit this past it feels not to be me, but some other version who is no more. For example, I watched a video taken after the birth of my first child. In seeing myself I thought, “Who is that?” I remembered those days but the connection to who I once was, was gone.

In some instances I feel on the verge of another transition and stage in my life. I wonder, will I look back on this other me ten years from now and have that same feeling? Will I see that me as a complete stranger?

Ultimately, I think these experiences of not knowing or connecting with my past self are a common one, even among those who are still “asleep”. My mother speaks of having this experience, also, and how as she grows older she steps out of one version of herself into a new, better – wiser – one.

Honestly, I don’t feel ready to transition. Maybe that is why my dreams are “dark” and the symbolism indicates I wish not to “see” and am ignoring my intuition? Currently, rather than kick myself for not being able to force myself to “see” what I am avoiding, I am just going to go with it and allow it to be. Knowing now my Self (Higher) and self (lower) and how different (and at odds) they can be, I also know that my Self usually has to wait for my self before change can happen.

 

 

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Mother’s Day Musings

It’s Mother’s Day and I am feeling affected but not sure exactly how. I am in a somber mood but also a pensive one. I’m not sad but I’m not happy. I’m contemplative but zoned out.

This morning I recalled how the other day, when not in present time, my mind wandering to other things – most of which were me feeling angry about the unfairness of certain things in the world, things I cannot change or effect directly – I spilled scalding hot water all over my hand. Brought immediately to present time by the event, I made sure to hold the cup until I could place it on a solid surface despite the automatic impulse to drop it and tend to the horrific burning sensation that was quickly spreading across my arm. Putting the cup down, I did not immediately tend to my burns but instead continued making my cup of tea. Once I completed the task at hand I put my hand under cool water and surveyed the damage. While my hand and arm seemed okay, the burning sensation had not abated despite the cold water.

After many minutes of feeling the burning sensation come and go in waves I recognized the pain was something I needed not avoid. In fact, the avoidance of the pain extended and even intensified it. So I sat motionless and focused on the pain, allowing it to exist and knowing it would pass and had something to teach me. Yes it was uncomfortable but in focusing on the pain I noticed it was not as bad as it seemed. I became curious about it even, noting the unique way my body registered the pain – the prickling hot sensation, the spreading and then abating as if my nerves were trying to decide whether a threat existed.

As expected the pain eventually subsided and I was left only with a sensitive area on my hand that felt similar to a sunburn. I rubbed some aloe on it and was able to fall asleep but not before recalling how my mom once told me of her own boiling hot water incident when she was pregnant. She had been making spaghetti and somehow tipped the entire pot of boiling water all over herself. In her case, she had not just burned her hand like me but a very large portion of her body. She had to lay in a tub of cold water just to bear the pain of it.

I wonder now if I had been the child inside her tummy at that time? Why did the memory of my mother’s story come to me so vividly when I had heard the story so very long ago, when I myself was still a child? Could this be a reminder that we are all connected? That one person’s experience can be recalled by another – re-experienced even – and sympathized with?

But this morning as I recall my own experience and tie it into my own’s mother’s, I am grateful for what it taught me. Pain is not something to avoid. Pain teaches. In fact, it is our greatest teacher if only we would stop and listen to it rather than pushing it away, denying and avoiding it.

Similarly, the pain of the world is also our teacher. When our hearts ache in response to the atrocities that exist in this world we should embrace the ache, hug it close to use even, as it is a reminder of our humanity as well as our deep connection to one another. It is not our purpose in these bodies to eliminate pain. On the contrary, it is to embrace it and let it teach us what we otherwise would not know. We come here, hearts completely open, knowing the pain we will encounter, willing to experience it so it can transform us. We do not come here to vanquish pain or those who appear to be the source of it. No. Our job is to transmute the pain into the Love that we are. For Love knows not the difference between “bad” and “good”, it is acceptance regardless of intent.

I am reminded of how how my own heart, open so wide as to let in the entirety of human existence in a moment, was so overpowering that I fell to my knees and pleaded for God to take it all away. Tears spontaneously poured from my eyes from the beauty and my heart ached from the simultaneous pain. How could I be both happy and grieving at the same time? How could so many contradictory emotions exist altogether as if one and the same?

And a silent voice inside me answers – Because they are One.

Happy Mother’s Day. May you embrace the Love that you are.

 

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Messages and Symbols: Request Granted

The Universe has been sending me some interesting signs lately. I’m not certain what they all mean, but I am sure it will be revealed at some point. My guess is they came as a response to a request I made recently after recognizing my dreams were telling me I did not want to “see” something. So I asked, “Show me what I need to see.”

Ouroboros

One day, while on one of my daily walks with my dog, Monty, I saw something on the road at a distance. When I went to inspect it I saw it was a dead snake, belly up. The snake was just a baby, only about four inches long. What was most interesting about it, though, was that it looked as if it were eating its own tail. This immediately reminded me of a SciFi series I watched just before the Coronavirus hit – 12 Monkeys.

In the series, the symbols if the snake eating it’s own tail, was brought up quite often. It is known as the Ouroboros. In the series it was a representation of time and the endless repetitive nature of it involving the cycles of life and rebirth. The symbolism was mentioned often and I recall it being said it meant that the ending equals the end equals the beginning; infinity.

As I was typing just now and searching for a picture that was similar to what I saw, I came across the above image and a memory flooded my mind. The memory was of a tiny ring my dad gave me when I was around 12 years old. The ring was of a snake eating its tail. It was silver and the eyes were red rubies. The ring was lost a long time ago and until now I had completely forgotten about it. How interesting!

Back to when I saw the snake…I knew immediately it was a message and my first thought was that it was reminding me of the cyclical nature of existence; I would be experiencing something again but in a new way. It was a head up from my guidance, but what specific experience would be returning?

Hawk Feather Under the Full Moon

Around this same time, on yet another of my walks, I saw two Red Tailed Hawks flying low overhead. One stopped on a pole where I was able to see it very close up. It flew away as several smaller birds dive bombed it but not before I took note.

A couple of days later I took a different route on my walk, back behind the church in a large field. The moon was full and low in the sky and I felt drawn to the field for some reason. Soon I realized why. Halfway through the walk I saw a large feather laying in the grass. It looked as if it had just been dropped. I picked it up and knew it was a hawk feather.

No photo description available.

Red-tailed hawk feathers were often rewarded to ancient warriors as a symbol of bravery. The red hawk is considered a messenger and symbolizes strength and guardianship. A common belief in many cultures is that when a single feather appears in an unusual place, it is a message from a spirit guide or angel. Reference.com

Later, I posted an image of the feather on my Instagram account and a friend asked me about the symbolism. When I wrote that it symbolized “vision” somehow I ended up posting “bison”. lol My friend wrote back, “Bison is freedom”. And so we add that to the message of the hawk feather. 🙂

Dead Swallow

On another one of my walks around this time, I witnessed swallows fighting in the air. They came very close to the ground, almost hitting my dog. I took note and continued on my walk.

The next day on my walk I came across a dead swallow on the side of the road. It was very fresh and I knew it was the result of the fight I saw on the previous day.

From my research it appears the swallow symbolizes communication, love and relationships as well as luck and happiness, fidelity and protection. If it is dead, it is a symbol of something going “bad” or becoming “rotten”.

Music Messages

Throughout this time I had messages coming at me in the form of songs. This is the order they appeared in:

With this song I kept hearing, “Run away, but we’re running in circles. Run away, run away.” A path is repeating. Notice it.

With this song I only heard this part – “We’re on each others team.” The message here is to remember that despite what it may seem, we are all on the same side; family.

A day passed and the next morning I woke hearing this song:

I heard the chorus of this one – “Don’t show up. Don’t come out. Don’t start caring ’bout me now. Walk away, you know how. Don’t start caring ’bout me now.” This was the result of my frustration with a situation.

Reading Revelation

The final message came via a tarot reading I gave just two days ago. Always, when I give a reading, the message I pass on applies also to myself in some way.

In this instance these statements came through as applicable also to me:

Card – The Forest Lovers

The symbolism here is all about karma and karmic or soul connections. The lovers are bound together throughout many lifetimes. They play out a very old lesson until it is learned. Elements of Earth and Air are present. May 1st is an important date here – Beltane, Spring, new beginnings. There is a 3rd energy created via the couple. This could be a child, a path or something material. The Tree of Life is also a strong symbol here, indicating the cycle of life, death and rebirth. The path forward lies in a karmic or soul connection and the fulfillment of a promise. Creation of life and creative potential are the keys to fulfillment of the promise and completing the cycle.

One becomes many become one.

The beginning = the end.

Forest lovers

From the Wildwood Tarot

As with every message I receive, I trust what I feel in regards to it. Overall, the messages when combined seem to indicate the path I am on is cyclic and the result of many lifetimes. A promise has been made and needs to be fulfilled. Until I fulfill my end of the deal, I am bound to this path and promise. It is purposeful that the promise is not revealed or consciously recalled. I am meant to not know. All I can do is trust my intuition/heart and follow where it leads. It may not always be where I want to go and may seem to contradict where I want to go, but it will lead to the ending/beginning eventually.

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Dream and Violent Kundalini Vibrations

I woke early around 5am feeling very pessimistic. My thoughts were on how my life was not going to change for some time. The feelings I had were numerous – boredom, overwhelm, depression, hopelessness, futility.  I knew the messages from previous dreams indicate that I will be financially very well off and comfortable, wanting for nothing. Yet I also knew the money could not – would not – provide happiness. All the money in the world cannot fill the void I feel inside me.

Dream Letter from a Friend

I returned to sleep. My friend approached me in my dream. Rather than talk she handed me a hand written letter. The entire first page was blank – on purpose. It felt like what she was saying was very private. As I read it I felt her emotion and cried along with her. I tried to hug her but she pushed me away. I knew it was because she was feeling overwhelmed and could not handle feeling my emotion on top of her own.

I remember sitting by her at a kitchen table as I read. She described feeling like all her energy was being sucked away and was asking why others didn’t just leave her alone and give you space. She also mentioned moving to a town with only 10 residents called Oak Grove or Oak Knoll or something similar. What I remember here is how it was written – 0-10. This made her feel better as it involved returning to school to take an additional 30 credits and living in this small town while she went to school and “It wouldn’t be for very long.” The town felt Native and ancient and part of her excitement was in bringing others to move there, too. I remember thinking that it was an odd idea to try and repopulate a town. Why do that?

Afterward I prepared her some pancakes and gave her an option of syrup. She selected the type of syrup I would usually have. I then made myself something out of Crispix cereal – rectangular prisms but ultimately I crushed them, put them in a bowl with milk and gave them to my daughter because I did not want to eat it. I apologized to my friend for not giving her the cereal.

Then we were walking in a neighborhood. I had my dog and we began to head in a certain direction but an angry, black dog was up ahead and not on a leash. I turned around to protect my dog but the angry dog came in our direction so I picked up my dog to protect him.

The dog morphed into a crazy woman with black hair who was raving mad. Others in the neighborhood came to assist to try and get her to a nearby school to be picked up by the authorities. As we walked toward the school the woman was trying to eat the head off a small dog. A woman I once worked with who I will call “Nix” (probably symbolic) came and ushered the woman to the school. I remember saying to her and the crazy woman, “Us Leos….” but can’t recall what I said. Ahead I saw the school doors and the children playing and knew all would be okay.

Kundalini Vibrations

I came out of the dream but did not awaken. Instead my head was vibrating so intensely that I was in a bit of shock. Not only did it vibrate but it made a loud, “Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh” sound as if my heart was beating inside my head but it was not my heart at all. The sound was internal and all around me at the same time. The sound was thunderously loud and not at all like what I have experienced when exiting my body to explore the astral realms.

I could feel a distinct channel of energy in the center of my head, like a cylinder of it. It felt as if the cylinder of energy was inserted via my crown and was headed down toward my throat. The sensation of it continued to grow for a period of time. So long that I thought for sure my mind’s eye was about to be filled with inner vision, an experience I am not unfamiliar with.

My head felt as if it was being pounded but without pain. The vibrations no longer felt normal but were so violent that my astral head felt to be shifting left and right and up and down, shaken like one would shake a mixed drink. I knew that soon I would be filled with clear vision and my astral eyes would be forced open. This I have experienced before but for some reason in this particular moment I had a fleeting thought – “What will I see?” With this thought came anxiety. I was afraid of what I would be shown.

The fearful thought forced an instant stop to it all. It was as if it never happened. When I opened my eyes, tears were streaming out, but I was not crying.

Reflection 

It seems that I am afraid of “seeing”. Others have often called me a “seer” and though I agree that I can and often do see things others do not, I often curse this ability because I feel powerless to do anything to change the future revealed to me.

I am able to see my own future, which I am told is a rarity also. Many times what I see about my own life path brings about intense emotion – a sense of “here it comes” and “be ready”. I know it is meant as a heads up, to warn me and prepare me, but there is often little I  can do to prepare because the specifics of what will be are caught up in symbolism and often difficult to interpret. Sometimes I am shown and/or told specifics. It has happened enough now that I dread receiving these messages because they pretty much always lead to difficult times.

Despite asking to not be shown things about my own future, it still happens. I get messages upon waking, in dreams and sometimes even during the day. The more I ignore and try to block them, the more loud and in my face they become.

The Kundalini experience this morning is one of those obvious messages. The dream message I received yesterday was not fully acknowledged so my guidance found another method to get the message across. One that was more forceful.

I am refusing to see. Blocking my intuition and inner vision.

The dream I had this morning indicates that I am also refusing to “eat cereal”. Cereal has often come through as a message of change, going in a new direction or on an adventure. In one OBE a while ago now, I chose cereal over oatmeal (sameness, comfort). I asked a guide who was present in that OBE what it meant. He said, “Sometimes you want cereal.” So for me to reject the cereal in my dream indicates I am afraid of taking the risks that come with such change.

The Kundalini activity in my head is typical of a clearing of a blockage. In my experience with such openings more are likely to follow. If I am resistant, the opening will be more difficult, painful even to the point of potentially creating physical issues.

Note: I find it interesting that I recently had a dream about doing time in a sleep chamber, approximately one month. Now I am having crown chakra activity and the crown chakra is about being AWAKE and AWARE, the opposite of being ASLEEP. It seems I am progressing toward waking up from a period of slumber.

 

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Dreams: 2FAST4M3 and Dead Swan

I’ve been having quite a bit of dream activity lately. Two nights in a row I’ve awakened with memories that seem to “stick”. Anytime a dream lingers like that, especially visuals like messages and such, I take time to interpret it and try and gain insight from the messages received.

Dream: 2FAST4M3

I was in a house that was quite cluttered and multi-storied (clutters aspects of self). At first I was watching others in the house walking about in the kitchen area. There were cameras (feeling ‘watched’) all over and the house was much larger and spacious. I remember thinking, “What if someone was walking around naked? The cameras would catch everything.” I knew had I been in the house I would have gotten caught naked and laughed quietly to myself. lol

I saw two teenage girls in the kitchen. One was talking about doing her homework. An old computer monitor, like from the 80s, was sitting on the counter. The screen had lines moving through it and there were words but I couldn’t read them. My thought was it was odd for them to have such an old computer.

Then I was in the smaller house with another woman, or girl. I remember going up the stairs with the girl and she accidentally knocked a light bulb off a string of lights that was wrapped around a chandelier. I put the light back. I remember seeing odds and ends on top of the shelf near it and saying it had become a place people just put all their odds and ends.

I also recall watching the house from the outside and having trouble finding it. When I got closer someone was replacing the threshold. A man slid a small piece of wood in and it clicked into place.

Later, after going up and down stairs, I was back on the main floor. There was a lit up license plate that I realized I could change the message on. So I began to type out, “2 FAST 4ME”. Someone corrected me and suggested, “2FAST4M3”. I remember saying, “Too fast for you” as if I was telling this to the person but I can’t recall the person I spoke to.

There was another section where I was attempting to work out with equipment that was not put together correctly. I gave up and decided not to workout and the equipment morphed into the pedals of a car. I ended up inside the car (life path) driving it. The brake and gas pedals were in the wrong position, the gas pedal was way too far up. I was told to push down on the gas until it clicked into the right position. I did this and was able to drive but I had a helmet on, like for a race car, and it kept shifting and making it hard to see. I accidentally drove into the wrong lane – a wide sidewalk actually – but then went back onto the main road. I moved the helmet but the side of the car was sometimes still in my line of sight. It appeared that I was sitting crooked in the driver’s seat somehow. Despite this I was able to drive the car without wrecking.

Messages and Symbolism

When I woke the message on the license plate remained in my mind. I knew it was to be noted so I did. Then I drifted back and forth in and out of a meditative state. While doing this I saw two words flash in my vision, printed very large and in all caps. The first was “FAST”. It woke me, I took note and drifted off again. Not long after I saw, “TWIN”. Again, it woke me and I stayed awake a bit longer.

Eventually I drifted again and this time I saw another written message. This time I read it backwards, not sure why. I read, “PRESSURE, STABLES”. I realized it was, “STABLE PRESSURE”.

I couldn’t return to sleep after that because I kept thinking it was a message about the future. Was I going to end up in a situation where I was progressing very fast? Or was it a reminder of my past experience, which was indeed everything the messages relayed?

What I have decided is that the message is about the past, not the future because what was relayed is in fact true. I was on a fast and furious ride with a “twin” connection that made it hard for me to see the road ahead. In the end, the whole experience turned out to be too fast for me.

Dream: Dead Swan

In the dream I was at my Mom’s house. I opened the back door to the pool area and let out a dog (protection) who then went after a very friendly black cat (intuition). The cat didn’t run and so the dog grabbed him violently and began to treat the cat like a toy, viciously tossing him left and right to try and wring his neck. I thought for sure the dog would kill the cat but the cat got away and climbed up to the roof of the house where he peered down at me.

That is when I saw a horrible sight. There was a beautiful swan (grace, beauty, partnership) laying on the ground. Both its wings were spread open and there was blood spots on them. I saw the swan’s head and neck and it was most obviously dead. I felt so sad for it and the loss of its beauty.

Someone was with me and I said, “It’s dead.” I felt horrible and felt for sure the swan was a bad omen.

The person with me (I couldn’t see them) motioned behind me and asked about a fruit to my left. When I looked there was a large vine (peace), like a tomato vine. It seemed to grow as I looked at it, like something out of a fairy tale, the leaves and flowers going through various stages of growth. Fruits appeared on it that were the size of large tomatoes but they were not tomatoes. They were a light pinkish color, maybe coral. I remember calling them Kumquats.

When I woke I felt concerned and couldn’t get the dream out of my mind. I did fall back to sleep but the next dream I had eludes me. I recall only that it had to do with school.

Symbolism

The symbolism was not lost upon me. The black cat could be a negative symbol but I was sympathetic to it, so I think the symbolism is fear of using my intuition and psychic abilities. The dog attacking the cat could be my belief that pushing away my abilities is somehow helpful and protecting me. Yet I also fear the loss of these abilities and so the cat is ultimately saved.

The dead swan is a sign of a separation which results in suffering. Yet the Kumquat is a sign of luck, wealth, prosperity and abundance. Vines symbolize peace and comfort. So it seems the dream is foretelling positive things arising from a separation situation.