Being this emotional is exhausting. I don’t know how emotionally defined people do it! I get that I am now an emotional projector because of my Chiron Return but this is for the birds. I can’t go one day without breaking into tears. Stupid stuff makes me cry but so does the other, deeper stuff. And the anger and other emotions that come up are not only surprising but scary at times. I want to act on how I feel and, though I know not to, have done a few things I later regretted.

For example, my ex put $8200 on one of my credit cards without my permission so I reported it as fraud. He retaliated by asking the other owners of the business to fire me, which they did but I was able to negotiate myself a couple more weeks of work plus cash out my 3 weeks pay in exchange for training my replacement. So, I was forced to quit because I opted to act during one of my emotional waves rather than wait it out. C’est la vie.

It is very real to me now how the emotional wave works. I’ve read about it and have seen it in others (my daughter and youngest son) but to actually experience it is a whole new ballgame. 

So, during this transit my normal bodygraph (left) is influenced by the bodygraph of the transit (right), which, in this case, is a 2/4 Emotional Projector. I am still a SPP but with the added bonus of having a defined root and solar plexus. The combined charts, however, give you a better idea of what is going on.

Talk about an entirely new person! Woah. It helps explain what I’ve been going through, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I really would like to go back to normal me, now, please. That me felt safer, more familiar and less overwhelmed. I like being able to turn my emotion on and off at will. 

There is a lot of info in these bodygraphs and I don’t have time or really any interest in diving deep into all of it. What stands out to me, though, is the Educational Channel – Recognition (30-41). This is the channel that I gain during the transit, it is the only channel of the 2/4 Projector. Thus, it is the likely source of all this emotion and all my imaginings of possible future paths. 

This channel represents the energy of setting intentions and feeling deeply about life. You’re designed to carry the potential for manifesting desires by identifying what truly matters and then channeling your passion toward making those experiences come to life.​

Gate 30 (The Clinging Fire): You bring the intensity of feelings and the fire of desire into all that you pursue. Your passion helps you commit to your intentions with devotion, giving you the drive to overcome challenges and pursue what you truly want. 

Gate 41 (The Fantasy): You have a natural ability to envision possibilities and dream about what could be. This gate represents the seed of new desires and the beginning of emotional cycles that help you initiate new experiences in your life. 

Together, these gates empower you to pursue dreams with focus and intensity, inspiring others to follow their own heartfelt desires. You’re here to recognize the desires that are truly aligned with your purpose and to follow your inner fire to make those dreams a reality. Source

The issue is that I am struggling to see any ideal future path for myself. None of the paths truly call to me. I understand that is because all the data is not there just yet but it is frustrating to not feel that familiar feeling in my G center that says the path is the correct one for me. Instead, all I feel is crazy emotion and that emotion makes it hard to see/sense/feel my internal compass.

For example, I see the path of retreating to my new country home and using that time to heal and sort out what I want. The issue with this path is I feel it would be unwise to spend too much time alone right now. I am struggling with the emotion that insists on overwhelming me. I know to let it pass, to ride the wave, but when done, I feel exhausted. There are moments of clarity and relief at the end of the wave but they are short lived. Then another wave starts and it happens all over again.

Then there is the path of finding work so that I have something to keep me occupied whilst going through this hellish, emotional ride. I run into the two me’s issue here: the me who is ready to experience anything and the me who is just wants to curl up in a ball and give up. I’ve been working-from-home for nearly 8 years. I’ve grown use to that schedule and I like it. The idea of going back to a 9-5 is not appealing and I push the thought away only to get a nudge from within reminding me that once, not too long ago, I enjoyed work, even looked forward to it. And yes, it was a 9-5.

The other day, on whim, while I was feeling hopeful and positive (rare these days), I decided I would fill out an application to be a substitute school counselor in the school district my children attend. There was a sense at the back of my mind that doing so would open a pandora’s box so to speak (this links to another experience I’ll share in a later post). Meaning, it was very, very likely this seemingly minor decision would result in a job opportunity.

Sure enough, two days later I received a phone call from a high school asking if I would consider interviewing for an open school counselor position. They wanted me to interview the next day. I reacted with “Oh, wow.” They said, “I know it’s short notice but we’re kinda desperate.” So, not sure what to do, I figured I would interview because, why not? Worse case scenario, nothing comes of it and I got to practice my interview skills which are very, very rusty.

The interview was yesterday. I did okay. I wasn’t prepared because I don’t really ever prepare, I just wing it. Usually that works for me if the job is meant for me. I did find the group who interviewed me to be friendly, their energies not unpleasant. The school itself is HUGE and that was a bit intimidating. I may have said too much in the interview and became emotional towards the end (grrrr!) so who knows what will come of it. Either I will get offered the job or I won’t. If I get offered the job I will go with what spontaneously arises from my mouth because, well I am a SPP. lol If it is a yes, then a new adventure awaits and the scared me will need a lot of consoling and hand holding.

Of course, I’ve already considered my options and if I go with yes it requires a lot of change on my part. I cannot confront the hour drive from my country home one-way every day. So, I’ll have to handle that. My ex says I can live at the family home (with him) which is a nice gesture but NOT a good idea. He is the source of most of my emotion right now and the last thing I need is to have that triggered on a daily basis. Counseling takes an emotional toil as well and I will need space alone to decompress. So, I might have to rent an apartment. It is doable but not ideal.

I had decided to not take the job if it is offered, crying over the idea of it but also crying over the idea of it not being an option. Eventually, some calm descended and I was reminded again of a time when I looked forward to going to work, felt successful and accomplished, and created meaningful, lasting relationships. That version of me is still in there somewhere. Wouldn’t it be nice to resurrect her?

Anyway, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. At this point I don’t care one way or the other.

Cycle Cross

One last thing…with my Chiron I get a new cycle cross: Right Angle Cross of Contagion. While this cross (purpose) initially sounds cringy (I thought virus when I heard it lol), it actually means that I inspire others to the point that it catches like fire.

Primary Energy Flow: Contribution → Possession in Great Measure – Power Skills → Desire → Perseverance

Beginning with the drive to contribute (Gate 8), this variation starts with practical impact and builds toward sustained passion.

Characteristic Traits:

• Leads with meaningful action
• Naturally practical approach
• Strong resource management
• Develops passionate commitment over time

Professional Expression:

• Excels in resource development roles
• Natural talent for business building
• Effective at creating sustainable systems
• Strong at implementing practical solutions

Relationship Dynamics:

• Forms connections through shared goals
• Builds relationships through practical support
• Develops deeper emotional bonds over time
• Maintains connections through consistent effort

Challenge Areas:

• May appear too practical initially
• Needs to develop emotional expression
• Can struggle with showing enthusiasm early on
• Must learn to balance practicality with passion

Life Purpose:

This variation is designed to create change through practical contribution first, building passionate commitment through proven success. They are the “foundation builders” who develop sustainable enthusiasm. Source