On my drive to my cabin, as seems to be common lately, I had many epiphanies. First, earlier that morning, I realized some things about my relationship to my ex. I saw how we both entered into the relationship with good intentions and was able to see with clarity why I chose the paths I chose. I was able to look at both myself and my ex with great compassion and love. The feeling of it was relief and acceptance. Contemplating it further triggered some memories on my drive of my earlier life and the decisions I made. I saw myself doing the best I could with the limited memory and experience I had. I saw how my decisions and experiences created the person I am today – a tapestry of a life story nearly complete. I saw it – ME – as a beautiful masterpiece of compounded experience. I began to cry at the Knowing that I loved myself, even the past version who I have often been so critical of. When I had this thought, and while crying happy tears, my guidance asked, “Can you forgive yourself for what you didn’t know?” I knew I had. 

We come here into this physical experience without any memory of who we are. We do this purposefully. I could see how I, as the creator of this life, purposefully scripted the experiences to create the person I am today. One thing I saw especially was how, currently, I am counseling young people and learning how to be patient and loving as I guide them to make better decisions and navigate their problems. In doing this, I am also learning how to be patient and kind with myself, specifically the parts I feel “should’ve known better”. Should I have? Perhaps the lack of knowing in that past version of me was purposeful so that I would make decisions that would teach me and shape me into who I am today? I know it was! So, in seeing this, how can I blame myself for not-Knowing? I was – and still am – but a child of the Universe. In that moment I was able to see myself as my guides see me. You cannot force a person to listen, you cannot force them to accept something they are not ready to accept. My guidance offered their help, their support and their guidance. It was up to me to take it. I chose, more often than not, to “do it myself” (sound familiar?) and they let me. They were patient and loving with me, always there if I needed them, watching and nudging me along much like parents do with their small children or, even, as I have been doing with my own children and the children I counsel as part of my current job.

Visits from Old Friends

Last night while meditating a friend from the past visited me. She passed away a while ago from cancerI knew her only briefly. She was one of the first people I gave a mediumship reading to when I began exploring my abilities so many years ago. I almost missed her altogether, though. A fleeting image and memory of her floated almost indetectable through my mind. I saw it and recognized how out of place it was with the rest of the random thoughts and images floating across my mind. I knew it was more than a memory, it was my old friend stopping by for a visit. Of course, I could not remember her name and was a bit flustered by that. She didn’t mind. I asked her why she was there and she said to say hello. She told me she had been following my life, watching me and keeping tabs. I was surprised because we had known each other so briefly. I got a sense from her that in Spirit she and I know each other much more intimately than we ever did in life. She thanked me for helping her, saying I saw her illness and showing me how, during an aura scan, I noticed the blockage. I apologized because I didn’t remember (I don’t typically recall the specifics of readings I do). She told me she was returning the favor. I remembered her name and a flood of memory returned to me. I began to cry. In life she was beautiful, but in death she was glowing. I asked her about her son, her family, she said, “They are alright” seeming not to want to deter from the main reason for her visit. It was clear she was not there to pass a message on to them. She was there for me. 

As we talked, I told her, “I wish I was where you are.” She said, “Oh no! You stay. You’re amazing”. Telepathically she explain my Light is needed here. I also remember her saying, “You need a hug.” This made me cry and, as I felt the emotion rising, told her to stop. I immediately wished I hadn’t but she understood and I was reminded how I asked my father to do the same when he would visit me. It is because I feel so loved and don’t feel worthy of that love. As she left I heard very clearly, “Lilac”. I didn’t see one in my mind but I heard it. Then she said, “Look it up”. I knew she meant the symbolism of it. I thanked her.

A short while later, after looking up lilac symbolism, I felt a rush of warmth envelop me. It was the hug my friend had told me I needed. I sobbed. My friend was back but she was with others. Some familiar faces came to mind. I was overwhelmed with gratitude to them all. I knew they were there for support. They had said as much on another solo trip to my cabin. I didn’t fully comprehend what it meant then. I was too caught up in the chaos of my life to really put any attention on it. 

Recently an online friend of mine passed away. When I found out I was shocked and very suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and love I didn’t know was there. I began to cry and felt him close, a big smile on his face. I apologized for not reaching out to him more, specifically when he got married or when he sent me messages on IG. I was just too caught up in myself, in the chaos of my life. He immediately waved it off with a smile. I knew, somehow, similar to me and the friend I wrote about above, he and I were connected in Spirit in ways I never realized in this life. As he turned to leave, golden light surrounding him, he waved a white handkerchief, as if to say, “Surrender!” I believe now that it was a message to me. Surrender. Stop fighting what you know to be true and embrace your purpose.

And then, well, there is Steven. My Companion Traveler. My main guide. He is here. He is observing, watching, but when I called for him, after years of no contact (seemingly), he came. Of course, I cried a bit, but his Light immediately reassured me. We may not hear or see our guide/guardian angel, but they are ALWAYS there. Seeing him indicates a Shift for me. It is likely much more than that, but for now I am just happy to have had a visit from him again. It has been too long!

Something truly magical is happening now. I feel it and I am overcome with gratitude and love for my life, even the parts that hurt. Each day I make a point to choose joy and gratitude. I am observing my thoughts, actions and tendencies, without judgement. Lovingly acknowledging what no longer serves me and choosing what does. I’ve not perfected it but how I feel day-to-day has shifted. As a result I am sleeping better and my blood pressure is going down (yay!). 

Please check out this book if you want to change, I mean REALLY change: Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, by Dr. Joe Dispenza. It has been what has helped me take years of lessons and Knowing and put it to use. It really is as simple as changing your mind.

FYI – I have updated my About and Services pages on my Daynaspirit.com website. I have also updated this blog so that there will be no more pesky advertisements. 🙂 Slowly but surely I am stepping into the life I want. I hope you will join me! So many possibilities!