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Come Back to the Sea

The solar flares have subsided and so I slept much better last night. Sadly, there were three earthquakes in and around New Zealand yesterday and a volcano in Sicily has been erupting for some time. It is not unusual for geomagnetic activity to spur such events. If solar flares can effect Earth changes in such a way, think what it can do to the human body and energy system.

I am told/Know that these changes are “effectual”. It is all part of the Plan.

Though I had no exciting experiences during dreamtime, I did awake with my guidance very close. At first I was in a dream conversation with a woman who was fascinated by my Kundalini experiences. She was asking me to describe my experiences. How did you feel? What was it like? How did it change you? I remember answering her with as much detail as I could but finding it difficult to describe with words. With each of my answers, lucidity increased, until I awakened to find a guide very close. 

Recognizing this guide’s energy, I knew he had been the woman in my dream and wanted to continue our conversation outside of the dreamstate. With him prompting me, I continued to review my past experiences. It took no time at all to Return to them all and when I was done I was left wanting them to repeat and for the experience to never end. I remember asking, “I don’t want to go back to normal afterward.” It felt like I had failed when I said this. Why would I go through so much, experience Oneness and Expansion, only to fall back down and seemingly lose it all?

This guide told me, “You don’t have to.” 

Then he did what I have not experienced in quite a while. Something about him being present, or maybe my acknowledgment of him, created the perfect recipe for Knowing. And so as his communication came through I often found myself completing his sentences and eventually speaking as if I were him. 

What I recall now of our conversation was that to maintain such a state (meaning not coming back “down” after a Kundalini rising) is that conscious change much occur. He/I continued to state that I Knew what change was needed but had been stalling out of fear and inability to confront the entire picture. There is not need for shame over such things. It is part of being human.

Each thread of color, though seemingly insignificant, infuses a dull tapestry with vibrant color until eventually the entire tapestry is transformed. 

One word stands out: Integration.

Integration means taking the “thread” of every transformative experience and sewing it into physical reality. Each thread changes the texture and color of the human experience. Each thread of color, though seemingly insignificant, infuses a dull tapestry with vibrant color until eventually the entire tapestry is transformed. 

This, he said, is how change occurs. It is not necessary for me to do anything as it is already and has been in process this entire time. Eventually, the vibrant colors of my tapestry will be so much that change will take place in such a way as to reveal a new image. When this happens, the old and new will become as one. 

I, of course, could feel what these changes were but I couldn’t and still cannot determine the specifics of the change. How they will come about remains a mystery. Yet a part of me has been feeling particularly sorrowful about the state of the world for some time – my whole life, really. In my daily life I see around me evidence of a dying planet and, with it, a dying people. It is not physical decay but something altogether more devastating. And the human me cannot confront it and so pushes it out of her mind. 

On my daily walks I cannot ignore the utter disregard for this planet displayed all around me. Trash littering the creek. Syringes dotting the sidewalks. Condoms. Plan B boxes. Beer bottles. Face masks. I feel sadness and want to help but I know that just picking up the trash won’t make a dent in the problem.  

For example, I own a section of the creek and have picked up trash only to have the next heavy rain fill the creek back up with even more trash than before it was cleaned. My husband even arranged a community-wide clean up of the creek. He approached the city for help and they provided a free trash container. Only three people showed from our entire subdivision to help clean up. The rest used the dumpster/container to dump their old furniture and garbage. They thought only of themselves and their homes, not of the creek or the bigger problem we were trying to solve. 

I feel overwhelmed. I am just one person, one person against a formidable opponent. It feels like me against the world. 

This morning I told my guide, “There is no hope for this world. Let it die.” 

The word “integration” came to mind again, this time with the chorus from a song, one I have been drawn to over the last few days. 

I spent so long looking for a way
I could be a part of another home
I tried so hard blocking out the waves
But my ocean heart never let it go

This people, my people
Sea people can not really leave
This people, my people
Sea people come back to the sea
Come back to the sea

There is something about the song that calls to me. It brings with it a haunted feeling. The melody and words bring an echo of something familiar. I am not particularly drawn to the sea, though. I feel the song reminds me of myself and how I have spent my entire life looking for Home. And I Knew that the message was I have always been Home. 

The change coming scares me but I know that when it does come, I will be ready. 

Vision

I tried to return to sleep and must have fallen into the in-between briefly because I was brought out of my reverie quickly by a vision. 

I saw a book  in front of me as if laying on my seated thighs. It’s pages large and smooth and so large they stretched from one thigh to the next. Someone (me?) was turning the pages slowly. I saw the images of men I have known pass before my eyes, but I didn’t recognize them except to acknowledge them as part of my “story”. It was clear that I was viewing a photo album, especially when I flipped the pages to the last image. The image I saw was of a bearded man. Various images were situated in a collage on the page. All of them were of this man. He had dark hair that went to his shoulders. His beard was also long, and he had a streak of gray on the right. 

When I saw the picture I felt that I was being shown another person in my story and so the shock of it was what brought me out of my reverie. The shock in part came from the fact that I just saw a man who resembled the photos yesterday while I was on a run. He was walking his dog and waved at me. I remember he turned and stared before he waved and smiled. I glanced his way and waved back. I’d never seen him before. 

Now I don’t  necessarily believe that the vision is showing me my future. It is more likely that a memory of yesterday surfaced and there is no particular reason or rhyme to it. It was very vivid, though, so I had to at least document it. 

by

OBE: Go Back

I continue to have difficulty getting to sleep. Flare activity was high most of the day yesterday, so that is a likely contributor.

I woke around 5am and couldn’t return to sleep until about 6am. I fell into a short dream where I was observing a woman picking up a prescription. Something about the dream brought on lucidity and I shifted OOB.

I had a string of OBE’s after that with each OBE becoming more and more clear as I progressed. My bedroom also changed with each exit. My bed moved from one side of the room to the other with the window remaining in the center.

My vision was off or limited in the first few OBEs and my energy felt shifty and unbalanced. When I would try and leave my bed I felt heavy with blankets or clothing and had to convince myself that I was free of it in order to move away. My vision was off and on. When I could see, it was brief and everything was dark and covered with shadows. In those OBES my attempts to leave my house was unsuccessful. I would reach the front door to my house and return to my body before I could exit. I could make it down the stairs to the front entry but that is it. In one instance my entire front living area was filled with gym equipment and I had to maneuver around it to get to the door.

With each return to my body my lucidity would increase. Eventually, I realized leaving my house via the front was pointless. For some reason that exit was blocked. So, I decided to try my bedroom window. This proved successful and with my first attempt I was able to exit despite several layers of window screens barring my path. The window itself would open and a screen would appear. I would push it aside and another would take its place and then another until finally I decided to mentally remove all barriers. I can’t recall my exact thought but it was something like, “The window is open.”

This is when my OBEs began to become more solid and the experience more realistic. I was able to raise my vibration by singing and sang throughout the rest of my experiences. I can’t recall what I was singing but the few bits and pieces I caught indicated I was encouraging and guiding myself.

My first ventures out my window were short but a pattern emerged after a few successful excursions beyond the limits of my constructed house reality. The seasons changed but the place I visited appeared to remain the same. I am not sure where exactly I was but it was a city, one that was very familiar. In fact, in the few OBEs I’ve had over the course of the last year, this was the city I ended up in whenever I was able to leave my house.

The area near the city resembles a lazy, New England suburb and the city itself feels well established. It had a very downtown feel to it but a downtown that has been updated and modernized. There are lamp posts positioned all along the roads similar to what lines the San Antonio River Walk. Some of the streets are paved with bricks and the sidewalks also have this feature but only at junctures and intersections. The shops are quaint, many with awnings and apartments above. The overall feeling is of a small town but it is anything but that.

With each exit through my window the season changed. Sometimes it was dark and other times it was light outside. Sometimes there was foliage on the trees and other times they were bare.

At one point, I was able to venture far enough away to enter the city itself. I felt myself being pulled upward but I experienced it as if I was learning to control my astral body. It felt very much like I was flying an aircraft, making slight adjustments here and there to remain steady.

Ahead of me I saw lights strung around an outdoor dining area surrounded by thigh-high, red brick walls. The tables were full of people enjoying their meals. When I saw it I immediately wanted to investigate. My main goal was to interact with the people. Maybe I could talk to someone and find out where I was?

I spotted a table. Three people were seated and having dinner. I quickly flew in, landed and approached them only to have one of the men at the table give me a disapproving look. His energy said, “Get out of here. We don’t want you here.” I remember thinking I must have broken a rule. Maybe I wasn’t suppose to be flying? Regardless, the energy of my concern sent me straight back to my body where I quickly recovered and went OOB again.

By this time going OOB felt no different than being awake in the physical. My last exit was so clear and crisp that I had to remind myself I was in the astral.

OBE: Go Back

I flew out my bedroom window and into the tree tops. There were branches in my way, so I pushed them aside. The air was crisp and below me I could see there was snow on the ground. It was still dark out but the area was well illuminated by the city lights.

I flew along without having to fight a pull upwards. It seemed I had mastered flying my astral vehicle. I didn’t notice this, however, as I was reminding myself that I was asleep and OOB. I remember thinking, “Someone pinch me”, because everything was so spectacularly real! I couldn’t believe I had succeeded and was back exploring the astral! I hadn’t had this much lucidity and clarity in so, so long!

I flew through the city. What I recall most is the crispness of the scene. How the darkness was perfectly balanced with the sparkling, city lights. The buildings appeared solid and I could make out the tiniest of details. I took it all in and couldn’t wait to explore.

Suddenly, I heard a masculine voice call out to me from my left. He said, “[Go] back”. I stopped and turned toward the voice in surprise and saw a man floating next to me. He was facing the direction from which I just flew and I knew instantly he was not a dream character but an actual, astral traveler like me. I could see his entire body from head to toe floating there. He had blonde hair and a square jaw like a football player. He was wearing light colored blue jeans, a t-shirt and tennis shoes. He looked to be between the ages of 16-24, likely college aged or close.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to do. I was so surprised to see and hear him so clearly that I froze on the spot and adrenaline poured through me. I tried to stop my reaction because I knew it would pull me back into my body, but I couldn’t control it. I remember thinking, “What did he say? What is he doing here? Who is he?” and more. Not only did I not expect him to be there but seeing him there, floating mid-air, is not something I recall ever seeing while OOB. Why I never have, I don’t know, but seeing him there like that shocked me. The amount of adrenaline I felt is similar to what I’ve felt after narrowly avoiding a car accident. I suspect my reaction was in part due to the fact that everything felt so real and I momentarily believed I was in my physical body walking rather than flying. So seeing him mid-air was unexpected.

When I came back to my body I was worried the man I saw knew where I lived. lol That is how disoriented I was. I quickly recovered but couldn’t return to sleep. It was 6:30am, so I had only been OOB for 30 minutes. It felt like hours!

Considerations

Though the above OBEs are not near as cool as some of my previous ones, I feel like major progress was made. I broke through a self-imposed barrier, one that has been firmly in place for quite a while. That barrier appears in my OBEs as blocked exits. I am not able to get outside and if I do, I usually can’t venture far.

I also recognized that the feeling of being pulled upward, which feels to be controlled by something or someone else, is totally and completely under my control. What is odd is, how I did I get into such a position to believe that to begin with? In my early OBEs I never believed someone else to be controlling where I went, not really. And if I did the control was mutual. I always knew that “other” was me, my HS. Yet here I was learning to fly my astral body all over again. Something I learned to do way back in 2004!

And then, seeing a fellow astral traveler like that and it being the first time I recall such a thing (full-body and in flight), well that is just bizarre! Sure, I’ve seen other travelers but they always felt to be my own creations; part of my constructed reality. This guy was most definitely not! How do I know? I don’t know. I just instantly knew. And the reason he surprised me so much, besides that he was floating there like that, was I assumed the reality I found myself in was one of my constructed ones. How then could someone else be there? Unless….I invited him.

Then, there is what the man said to me. Was he asking me to “go back” to my house? Or just back in the other direction? Or back to my body? I wish I had not reacted like I had. I wish I could’ve talked to him, found out who he was, where we were, etc. Sigh.

On a positive, when I came back to my body it was seamless. No heart flutters or pounding heart. No irregular energy or jagged vibrations. It was an easy, comfortable, settling into my body and return to physical reality.

by

Dream Message: You’re Afraid to Eat

Sleep has been delayed these last couple of nights but when I do finally sleep I sleep well. I believe the energetic shifts I’ve been experiencing lately are related to geomagnetic activity. Solar activity has been high and my sleep cycle and “symptoms” coincide with these events. I was actually warned in advance of these solar flares, I just did not mention them until now.

Yesterday’s activity:

That’s a HUGE flare! Another storm is anticipated today.

This morning I had a very telling dream that has left me feeling contemplative.

Dream: You’re Afraid to Eat

This dream began in my bedroom at my mom’s house. I was sleeping with the bed facing toward the wall. There was a ton of noise to my left and the door burst open. Tiny, pink pieces of fluff were floating around and falling on me. I recognized them as insulation (insulating myself) from the attic. I told the person opening the door to go away. I said, “I want to sleep!” I was grumpy from being awakened. The man told me they were doing work on the a/c and that I would just have to deal with it. 

Somehow I knew that my mom was the cause of all the ruckus. She had remarried a Mexican man who now was fixing up her house. He had his guys there helping. An entire backstory came into my memory and I knew my new step-dad was related to someone I once dated. I said aloud to someone, “This is crazy! My mom is married to my ex-boyfriend’s older brother!” The idea of it was preposterous. Sure, my ex was older than me but I don’t recall him even having an older brother and if he did he would be much to young for my mom!

Then I was sitting on my bed sorting through a pile of typed pages. There were three piles each well over 200 pages. Someone was talking to me about the book I’d written, asking if it was complete. I remember saying, “The book writes itself so I won’t know when it’s done until it tells me.” 

Suddenly curious about my book, I put the book in order, taking the three individual stacks (three lives within a life) and piling them up on top of each other so that the first chapter was on top. Each section was bound up as if a separate book and I knew somehow that the entire book was composed of other books, like “Parts”, because the book itself was extremely long. I counted three parts. This seemed significant but I was mostly focused on putting them in order. Note: Up until this point in my life I feel I have lived two lives, each distinct and unique. This goes along with HD in that I’m a 6 line and 6’s have three distinct phases of life – the first is the testing phase, the second is the observing phase (on the roof) and the third is the action phase (becoming the Role Model).

I read the first sentence and immediately discovered grammatical errors. I knew a thorough edit was in store. The first sentence began with four names – two boys and two girls – and indicated an action. Other than that I can’t recall what it said. I do remember the names were wrong – misspelled and one written twice – and I was thinking of changing them when the edit just wrote itself on the paper. I didn’t have a pencil or pen so was shocked to see my thoughts created the changes. In awe, I exclaimed, “Look! Did you see that! I changed it”, to someone with me that I never saw or heard reply.

The dream shifted here and I was suddenly in my mom’s back yard standing on the steps leading down from the house. It was unfamiliar and looked nothing like real time. First, the porch was missing. Second, the back yard was in a subdivision and quite small with a large privacy fence. 

The entire yard was flooded with waist high water (emotion). I walked out in it, looking around and a bit in shock.  I did not get wet. To my right was where the large inground pool should’ve been, but all I saw was pond water. To my left was where I focused. The grass was visible under the water’s surface as were small, fat, bug-eyed, black goldfish (vulnerability, dream fulfillment). As I watched the fish, they took shape and moved about happily. It was strange and I remember talking to my mom who was standing behind me and asking her about the fish and water. 

I said to her, “You have a pond in your yard. It’s only waist high and there are fish in it.” Her response was something about how she knew and was okay with it, even happy to have it the way it was. She explained that her septic wasn’t working properly and her husband was in the process of fixing it.

I remember her asking me, “Didn’t you always want a pond by your house?” I said, “Yeah, but mine was not part of the pool like this. Isn’t it causing problems with the pool system?” My mom said, “No. It’s actually helping the pool.” This didn’t make sense but I accepted her answer. I then described how my pond would look, indicating a small peninsula of land would separate the two bodies of water and that the pond would be right over the septic drainage area. 

As I described this to her, my mom walked out next to me and we were both standing on that peninsula. This is when I noticed my mom’s hair was replaced with very tall, green clover (transition stage of life) with purple flowers (prosperity). I said, “What happened to your hair!?” She looked like a chia pet! I don’t recall what her answer was, just the visual of her having nothing but clover as hair. She was also much younger than she is in real life, approximately mid-forties instead of 70’s (seeing myself in my mom). 

I continued to look at the pond with the black fish. There were some fish in it that had sharp, knife-like nosed. These fish were trying, unsuccessfully, to eat the other ones (worry). I mentioned this to my mom and she said, “Yeah, there’s only two of them and they don’t harm the others, they’re too small.” I remember the fish resembled small ducks at this point but my attention waivered as if I went deep into thought.

The dream shifted and the pond was mostly dried up. I wandered over by the steps of the house. The grass was extremely green and there were items lined up on the sidewalk. A man called to me from the road, surprising me. He said, “Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you. I just need the skimmer.” I didn’t know what he was talking about but then realized he was there to repair the pool pump. I grabbed the skimmer and handed it to him. He was standing behind some tall bushes so I didn’t get a good look at him.

This is when I noticed a limo (power in life, wealth, abundance) parked on the road by the house. The middle section was opened up revealing the inside. I could see a man lounging inside all by himself. He was familiar. I knew him. He stared out of the vehicle at me. 

My mom was suddenly next to me and we were talking about the man. I told her his name and said he was famous. His fame came from writing a book. She didn’t recognize him so I showed her a newspaper or magazine cover with his picture on it. He was a bit younger sporting a mustache. I said, “Here’s a picture. I think he was 53 when it was taken.” For some reason this age felt very young to me. 

There is a gap here in my memory. It is again as if I went into thought. I remember seeing a small, black object vacuuming up the area where the pond had been and walking up to it to inspect it. I also recall a man approaching me. He was bald. He told me the man in the limo was waiting for me. I could see the image of the limo in my mind. The entire side of the limo was open as if the doors were removed. The man sat lounging casually on the bench-like seating staring at me. His gaze spoke volumes. 

I believe I woke briefly here but can’t remember. 

The next thing I recall is meeting with the bald man. We were going to dinner. He was very nice but I was confused and wondering what was going on. I had no memory of this man or how I got to be with him. It was like I had no history. I was completely blank. 

The man told me, “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you”, and escorted me to dinner. We entered into a large stadium and sat down at a large, round, dinner table. It was illuminated while the rest of the stadium was in the shadows. The set-up was very nice as if we were in a high-end restaurant. 

The man seemed very at ease as the food arrived. He began to eat but how he ate was very disturbing. He took entire pieces of food, uncut and some very large, and rather than put them into his mouth, he placed them into his throat. His throat opened up so large that his entire fist could fit inside. I watched him swallow an entire dinner roll this way. 

When he saw my reaction he said, “You’ll get use to it.” Then he ate something else. As I watched, I thought, “He must have a tracheotomy.” But that explanation made no sense.

The man smiled. I studied his features for a bit. He was completely bald with barely any wrinkles. He reminded me of Mr. Clean. I felt very odd sitting across from him – stunned and very confused.

The man said to me, “You’re afraid to eat.” When he said this I saw that a huge plate of food was next to me on a silver platter. 

I woke up. The last thing on my mind was, “Was that a question or….?”

A song was going through my head when I woke: “When you’re ready come and get it….” 

Considerations

When I woke I knew what the dream was about, at least some of it anyway. The symbolism is quite bizarre, though. 

A guide was present and felt to be all around me and very close. My mind went to the man in the dream who was waiting in the limo. I knew the man and knew that he remained close but just out of sight, waiting and observing. Touching on his energy even briefly caused a reaction in me. I wanted to immerse myself completely in it. 

The message about the food was an explanation about the way I felt and reacted to the man in the limo. The man represents the next step on my journey and I am afraid to take it. 

As I was thinking through the dream and messages it contained I heard another message. I don’t recall the exact words but an image remains along with a summary. One word that was very distinct was, “Twin”. The vision was of the word “twin” between two large masses. I think the masses represented the energy of two people. The message was that once one is engaged in the twin energy, the process must be followed through to completion. 

The message brought me fully out of my reverie and I said, “But that can’t be true. What if one person withdraws?” I didn’t receive an answer. 

Mr. Clean

The bald man in my dream was familiar but only when I wrote out my dream did I recognize him: Mr. Clean. He appeared in this dream – a Kundalini dream.

I had to re-read that dream account before I understood why he was appearing in my dreams again. The six month mark is here. It is March. And I’ve been getting 25 days for a while now. When I first got that message I counted 25 days and got the date of March 11. That date is fast approaching but I can’t be certain that it is even significant. All I know is that I’ve been warned of something happening in March for quite a while now.

The entire dream is quite significant I think. It describes the merging of masculine and feminine. It also describes a familiar feeling. The feeling is one of both utter destruction and Divine perfection.

In the Universal dream I saw pillars crashing in one upon other. Total destruction. The image brought about a deep-seated fear intermixed with a longing I cannot describe except to say that it feels to be all-encompassing. A desire beyond desires. Every cell of my Being calls out for it. But my current dream indicates I am afraid of it. This is true for the destruction is terrifying. At my core I know but continue to deny that this destruction is necessary. So I stall. And he waits. And he wants me to know, “I won’t harm you.” He says it twice in this dream.

What can I say? I’m a coward. And it is really starting to piss me off.

I suspect, in the end, I will succumb to the Call despite my fear. I’m getting too annoyed not to.

by

Lucid Dream: Samadhi

I knew prior to bed that the full moon energies would impact dreamtime. Boy was I correct!

Dream: Attached to My Story

I only recall bits and pieces of this dream as it was more of a life review than a dream. So I will recount the most vivid parts.

I was with a group of others. We were gathering but I am not sure why. Someone asked me about a path near a park. When I answered her the park came into view. It was beautiful! Everything was lush and green as if at the peak of Springtime. I saw a dirt path wind through meadows, past a small building and into a wooded area. I followed the path and soon found myself walking along it hand-in-hand with my husband. I don’t think this man was my husband in this lifetime yet I spoke to him as if he were.

We discussed our past and everything that led us to our present. I specifically focused on our children and he asked me, “Remember when their hands were tiny…” I saw in my mind a newborn’s tiny hand. I could see all the little veins in and around it and it was quite red and new. I replied that I remembered. I said, “It feels like yesterday, doesn’t it?” He didn’t respond but it felt like he didn’t feel the same. I thought about how so many things felt to be like that – like yesterday – yet they were long gone, remnants of the past, never to be again.

Then I was inside a huge building. I soon realized it was a school. It was full of teachers and I recall being asked for my expertise with children. I sat with a woman and looked over a list of names. We were going over test scores. The woman showed me specific students who were at-risk. I saw they had failed the tests miserably. I told her how I use to work with at-risk students and gave her my input. 

As I walked away from the woman I passed by the principal. He reminded me of a previous boss. He said, “Thank you for coming.” I knew he was sincere and said, “You’re welcome.” 

A group of teachers was sitting together in a corner and I joined them. When I sat down a male teacher scooted in close. He seemed odd to me, like a simpleton, so I ignored him. I can’t remember what all the group discussed but it was about student need. I was invited to share and so I did. I felt appreciated and needed. It was a nice feeling.

One teacher was recounting an experience and I saw it vividly in my mind. The next thing I recall is seeing two people on skis in the water. One was assisting the other forward but they were not making progress. As I watched, curious and thinking it odd to have snow skis in water, the scene changed. I saw them on snow and the teacher was very disapproving of her student who kept falling. I remember feeling very positive and looking at the snow wistfully. I smiled at the grumpy teacher and said, “Isn’t it beautiful!?” She gave me a nasty look and I said, “You don’t really want to hear what I have to say, do you?” I smiled as she huffed at me and looked away. I could feel her criticism of her student and her overly serious mindset. I remember feeling sorry for her but at the same time knowing I had not been unlike her at times in the past. I became very sorrowful in recognizing how so many are overly serious about life and miss the little things, like freshly fallen snow, hugs from children and spending time with family.

I began to cry and stood there in the snow looking down at the ground. I didn’t even try to hide my tears from the overly serious woman or the others in the group who were standing nearby. As I sobbed I could feel all the very uncomfortable feelings that come with intensely crying but I just let it all out.

Conversation

My crying woke me up and I continued to cry for a while. I remember asking my guidance, “Why do I feel so much?” They said, “That’s why you’re here, to feel deeply.” The tears continued for a while and I just allowed them. My heart felt like it would burst from all the emotion but I understood the purpose behind it. I can’t have an open heart if I hold in everything I feel.

What followed was a conversation that was mostly me stating my Truth to a guide who very seldom spoke but listened intently and with encouragement. I Knew that the dream I had just awakened from was so much more than a dream. It was a life review. Again. And I remember asking, “Does this mean I’m about to die?” I heard back, “Not for a long while still. You have work to do.” 

I sifted through the feelings and memories of the dream and soon understood why I was crying so hard. I was attached to my story and was struggling to let it go. I Knew change was coming. The review was a preparation. But I don’t want to let go of my story. I have allowed myself to over-identify with it. So I grieve at the idea of leaving it all behind. It felt very much like I was preparing to exit life. The feeling was very strong, as if I was being shown, “This is what it feels like to die.” 

I said some things that could only have come from my HS. I said, “All stories have an ending.” And when I said this I was seeing my story, this lifetime, pass by all at once, like a movie reel in my mind. I specifically struggled with letting the story be over. I wanted to hold onto the memories, the past. I wanted my children to be small again, clinging to me, innocent and full of love. I didn’t want them to grow up, to experience pain and upset.

Finally done crying, I looked at the clock and it was 4am. I was asked, “What did you enjoy most?” I knew my guidance wanted me to focus on the good things. Instead, I said, “I just want to sleep.” I did, however, realize that the moments that were most enjoyable were the small ones. Holding my child’s tiny hand as we walked across the field. Getting a hug out of the blue from one of my boys. Listening with joy to my children play in the mornings instead of being angry that they woke me up. Walking through the freshly fallen snow and feeling peaceful despite all the fear in the world around me. There were so, so many moments. 

Lucid Dream: Samadhi 

Somehow I returned to sleep. I entered into a dream scene located in California. I was at my mom’s house but it was not the house I grew up in as is typical. This house was three stories (levels of Self). The first floor was a garage (holding space, no movement). The second was a kitchen and living area with floors made of mesh metal with a thin liner covering it. The top floor was the bedrooms. 

There were five ferrets (playful, child-like, mischievous) who I called ‘lemurs’ for some reason. They were running about freely and getting into mischief. At one point I was talking to one and it spoke back to me, asking to sit in my lap. I let it and it curled up contentedly in my lap.

My mom (older version of self, the Crone) was my main focus. She was having problems with her female parts. They had fallen out and she was trying to put them back in. I urged her to go to the doctor but she insisted on just pushing them back inside. I told her she needed a hysterectomy. I remember being very concerned but eventually letting her have her way.

Then I decided to sweep the floors (cleansing). This is when I noticed I could see the garage beneath my feet in certain places and that the floor was covered in dead leaves (hopelessness, despair, suffering) from outside. 

The dream goes on with very odd scenes but I will skip to the part where I become lucid. I am invited to a gathering next door. My husband is with me but again he doesn’t look like my husband in real life. He is meeting with a guru and they are going to meditate to reach the state of samadhi. I watch as they get into odd positions and notice my husband shifts around quite a bit. The guru has his legs twisted around in odd ways. It is very noisy where we are and I wonder how anyone can meditate with so much distraction.

Then I was across the room watching them mediate yet my husband was still with me. He encourages me to meditate, too, so I do. This is when I start to feel a warm energy all over and I find myself speaking mantras and another language. Eventually, I feel myself rise out of my body and I fly down the road and stand looking up at the sky. The full moon is visible and I look at it in awe. I think, “I am OOB, I should fly.” But I hear someone calling me back and I know it is the guru. I listen and turn back to my body.

The guru’s voice is female now and she begins to instruct me. I remember seeing sentences in my mind as she informs me of what I need to do. I Know that I am to descend through five levels. The first sentence says, “The Level of Deconstruction”. I focus on this and feel my body vibrate with more intensity. I feel to be sinking deeper and expanding as I go. I believe I go through all the levels but am not shown them as I descend.

Then I see the guru in my mind. She is beautiful and looks Hindu with gold adorning her head and neck. She says, “Next, you gather the golden orbs. There are many in the Universe but you must first collect them from your body.” I see a visual or four golden orbs over my face and I understand that those are my primary focus. 

I am awakened by my husband at this time. I tell him I had just been OOB but that she (points to guru) called me. Since I can no longer meditate, I get up and as I walk out, the guru approaches me. I say, “I  went OOB!” She says, “I saw you and I called you back.” I said, “I heard you.” A man passes by us at this time and turns and looks at me, staring. I realize he sees me. The guru asks me to follow her and I do. 

She takes me with her to her class called The Art of Symbolism. We enter this grand hall and inside is a large temple alter filled with golden objects. It is very religious and reminds me of Hinduism. A group of students is gathered and sitting cross-legged on the floor at the base of the alter. I sit among them as the class begins and soon realize I already know most of what is being taught. I decide to stay and not reveal what I know so as to not interrupt the class and threatened the guru’s position, but I recognize that I could easily take her place. 

The all-over-body energy intensifies. I hear noises and realize my boys are playing, yelling and slamming doors. I eventually wake up but not before thoroughly enjoying the energy. The energy fills me up completely and I feel peaceful. It is difficult to wake up and start my day, but I do.

Considerations

It is hard to describe how I felt when I awoke. My body was heavy with energy and I just wanted to fall into it and stay with it forever. If it hadn’t been for my boys making so much noise I likely would have returned to my OOB explorations.

The first dream was very much a life review and I am not really surprised. Yesterday, I had a long talk with my daughter about my past. I told her about my best friend and how she “ghosted” me our senior year in high school. As I talked and she listened I was able to see a part of myself that I never have. I was able to contact my thoughts and feelings of how my friend treated me and concluded that the reason I let everything roll off me without it triggering me is because I was able to read my friend and understand she was going through something and I should allow it. I never consciously recognized this about the situation until I talked to my daughter and for the first time it was clear to me what my guides had been saying for a long while about how I help others. I saw that my allowing my friend to be herself, to go through her process, was a gift I gave her and in the end, she thanked me for it.

As a Projector I can look deep into other’s and see what they need from me. Then I give it to them. And what I give them is not always perceived as “good” by the other. But that doesn’t matter. I give them what they need most from me. With my friend, I gave her space, love, acceptance and forgiveness because that is what she needed. Years later, when she returned back to me and apologized, I continued to give her the same.

While talking to my daughter I recognized that much of my past memory was fading. I couldn’t remember simple things. For example, when I was engaged to my first husband I stayed in the dorms because our families didn’t like the idea of us living together. What I couldn’t recall was where he lived, though! It is so bizarre! I have no clue. lol I also recognized that other memories, some that once upset me deeply, were also not accessible. I explained that I felt this was because I had long ago cleared them of excess emotional charge. I also expressed that I no longer linger on the past like I once did.

The life review I had this morning was different than previous ones. The main noticeable difference is that I was looking at moments that I enjoyed or cherished and did not want to lose. In past reviews I looked at incidents that haunted me and was unable to move past. As is usual, I ended up with a recognition and realization of where I am at presently. I am still stuck, but not because of something I regret or don’t understand, but because of moments and people I loved and still love in this lifetime.

The Samadhi dream that followed was curious and I’m not quite sure what was going on except some kind of energetic preparation to go with the life review. I have no idea what the “Golden Orbs” are, either.

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Dream: Hieros Gamos

All has been quiet here the past few days. Since the snow melted, the temps have soared into the 70’s, nearly hitting 80 yesterday! Most, if not all, have had their electric, water and other circumstances return to pre-Uri conditions. Yesterday, our boil water notice was rescinded as was the notices in the surrounding areas. Schools were shut down for repairs and today in-person instruction resumes. Most, if not all, grocery stores have everything in stock again but for a while shelves were bare.

May be an image of indoor
Target shelves on February 21st

It was just yesterday that the last remnants of snow melted in our yard. We had shoveled it into a huge pile and the shade protected it from the sun but couldn’t protect it was temps in the 70’s. Sadly, many shrubs and other plants suffered a kind of “freezer burn” effect to include the great Live Oaks in our neighborhood. The leaves are brown and crusty and some already falling a month before their usual molt. Thankfully, Live Oaks are hearty trees and have an unusual life cycle. They are ever-green and replace their leaves in early Spring, so it is likely all will live another year. So far it appears my Calamondin tree was devastated. Everything is dead and I had to prune more than half the tree away. We won’t know if the roots survived until green shoots prove there is still life in it.

Dreams, syncs and other messages from the Universe have been quiet the last few days. I’ve been extra tired and over the last two days more sensitive to the energies of others. For two days straight I had a dull headache that became worse as the day progressed. I had to go into work yesterday and it seemed the more people I was around, the worse I felt to the point that I began to worry I was getting sick. When I left work I asked for healing as I was driving and moments later a warm energy spread from my head down to my upper back where the worst discomfort was felt. I became extremely relaxed and calm and by the time I arrived home all pain was gone. I still felt very tired, though. I suspect removing myself from the company of coworkers was helpful as I was likely picking up on their exhaustion and anxiety from the previous week.

Sleep has been deep but last night I struggled to fall asleep and woke frequently throughout the night. One dream in particular was vivid enough to wake me and keep me from returning to sleep.

Dream: Hieros Gamos

Most of this dream I was confused and questioning the dream experience but it never brought on lucidity.

I was traveling with a group and we ended up staying in a flat in the UK. I didn’t recognize any of the people I was with but we seemed to know one another well enough. My memory is fuzzy but I recall being in a double bed with a man inside a closet. The longer we were there, the more cluttered the closet became until it was only me inside. The closet had shelves filled with items and only a very small area to walk. One man in particular kept storing his food inside and I asked him to put it on the shelf. It was Bulgarian food his mom kept making for him. She also sent him money. I remember commenting on how nice it must be for him to have a never-ending supply of food and money.

At one point, I broke my glasses and got very irritated at the Bulgarian man, blaming him for the cracked frame. What is interesting is that my glasses had only one, oblong lens rather than two. I was upset because with my glasses broken I would have to visit an eye doctor to get a new pair and that meant finding a doctor in the UK. That meant I had to go outside and find a doctor, meaning talk to and interact with someone new. I complained that it would likely cost more, too. $50 more in fact.

The crowded conditions were uncomfortable and so I ventured outside. I remember talking to someone, likely a guide, and getting “ideas” such as “why don’t you explore?,” and “why don’t you talk to them [people]”? I remember standing on the side of the street talking to a man and mentioning the currency. I asked, “Do they still use Euros here or pounds? When I was here before I think they used pounds.” Some stranger from the street explained they used pounds and was very friendly. I turned to the man I was with and whispered, “He must have overheard me.” I didn’t want to interact with the man. I felt uneasy in the strange place I found myself in.

I was nudged to look around and so did as was suggested. The area was quite busy with vendors and people. It reminded me a bit of Mardi Gras in Louisiana but without all the beads and streamers. I received a suggestion to go up to people and talk and almost did, but then convinced myself that no one wanted to hear what I had to say.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw man and a woman walking around with this tablet in their hands. The woman was giving people readings using this tablet. I watched, suspicious, as she spoke with a woman, telling her things about her life and her future. I observed for a while and when the pair went on their way I decided to approach the woman. I didn’t say much as she held her tablet close to my phone.

I looked at the tablet curiously. It was like no device I had ever seen. The screen had mathematical symbols on it and diagrams alongside astrological symbols and charts. The woman glanced at the screen and said, “I hear, ‘Montana’ and ‘Firefly’.” I recognized the two words but didn’t response to her. Instead, I turned away and sat on a bench hoping she would go away. The woman then went into detail about my mother, telling me things only I would know about her but that could easily be gotten from an astrological chart. Specifically, the woman mentioned my mother had Leo as her moon. I remember recognizing Leo as significant, not only in my chart but my mom’s and my husband’s (he’s also a Leo moon). I was not impressed.

Somehow I ended up with her tablet in my hands. She told me, “I’ll be right back,” and I sat looking at the device. I was suspicious of it and so went back to my group to ask for assistance in determining its legitimacy.

I entered a large room full of people laying against walls in sleeping bags, blankets and pillows. It reminded me of a homeless shelter but I knew it was just where we all were gathered. I announced to the group that I was looking for help determining the validity of the tablet I was holding and told them they only had 9.5 minutes to figure it out. Two men raised their hands and I agreed to let them look at it. My main concern was that the tablet somehow hacked my phone, stealing my personal info and giving it to the woman.

Both men agreed that the device was legitimate but cautioned me about letting my phone get near it just in case. They could find no evidence that it “hacked” my phone but I was still wary. I could see the woman talking with another customer and she glanced my way. I knew she was coming back.

Then I was back with the woman. She held the device up and let me look at its screen. I felt pulled into the screen and found myself in space surrounded by stars and planets. The device then showed me all the people the woman had helped before me but it was information, their charts, their astrological information, their choices and options – everything. The info was presented in charts, graphs and mathematical symbols.

I recognized I was being shown the blueprints for each of their lives on Earth and understood that though there was quite a bit of information contained within these blueprints, each person had free-will and so their future was never completely known/clear until they created it themselves via their decisions.

When my blueprint came up I recognized everything and told the woman, “I already know all of this and it is quite boring, really.” She said, “At least you never murder/kill anyone.” Still unimpressed I replied, “Yeah, I’ve never killed anyone.” Looking at my blueprint on the screen, I asked, “Can you tell me anything I don’t know?” She asked, “What do you want to know?”

With her question I felt a distinct shift take place. The woman was no longer with me and her voice morphed from feminine to masculine within the span of the time it took her to ask the question. I was back inside the tablet screen – or “space” – but this time I was hovering over planet Earth looking down at the United States. It looked like an aerial view so I was able to see the coastline, geographical features, clouds, the ocean and the entire continent from coast to coast from my vantage point – the east coast.

I was mentally answering her/his question in my mind. I saw letters typed up on a screen in my mind. I had asked to be shown something I had trouble describing. The word, “SEX” slowly appeared and I said, “No. Not quite that…” Then a sentence appeared below it, but I can’t recall what it said because I was watching the aerial view of the U.S. below me in awe. A tiny, blue dot was zig-zagging around above the map. It went out into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, into the UK and then back toward the US like it was on a plane traveling between the two continents. As the neon blue dot moved, it left a trail behind it. The trail eventually formed a neon blue path showing where it had been. The circles and loops were beautiful. It was fascinating!

When I found the words and feelings to describe what I wanted, the words, “Hieros Gamos” were printed out over the Atlantic Ocean in very large, white, bold letters. A line formed under each word as if to indicate importance. The tiny blue dot, now over the eastern United States, was traveling in a northerly direction. As it traveled it encountered other blue dots, each had its own trajectory that was faded compared to my dot’s trajectory. The dot paused at each dot it encountered and continued on its path. I knew the dot I was watching represented me. The dot traveled from off the map, near Texas (my home state), along what I think was the Blue Ridge Parkway, then north and then turned south. It encountered a few other dots and I saw about 20 more dots scattered across the region as far south as Florida. I remember thinking each dot was a person and that my dot was searching for something specific.

Around the middle part of the eastern coast my dot stopped at another dot and I watched as it began to circle it and then “dance” with it. It looked like a clock-wise swirl and the two blended together into one. Then the two dots, now merged, shot off like a shooting star to the left, over the Appalachian Mountains and finally disappeared over Canada. I heard in my mind (or maybe I sang it), a line from a song, “Then we’ll shoot across the sky….”

At this point I recognized I was dreaming and that a specific message was being given. My lucidity caused the end of the dream to fade out, leaving only the visual of that map of the US in my mind as I awoke.

Considerations

The location on the map of the U.S. was clear to me when I woke up. I must admit I wasn’t pleased with knowing where this other dot was located. It felt like the answer I received was limiting me to this one “dot” in that one location. Was there really only one? Do I not have any other options available to me? I wanted to ask the “tablet” or man/woman in my dream these questions, but it was too late.

The song that went through my head was this one:

There is a particular incident, a brief time period in my life, that this songs goes with. It reminds me of this time whenever I hear it.

Anyway, the symbolism of the dream is clear. My closet, or my safe place, is getting crowded and at some point I am going to have to venture out and be around people again. lol I can’t help but laugh because I can feel that sense of being crowded into a tight space in my waking life. It is subtle now but there. It is asking me to go back out into the world; nudging me. For example, this morning as I was putting in my contacts, I had a strange, near-compulsory urge to go online and start searching for elementary school counseling jobs. And with it was a whisper of a voice saying, “Once Covid conditions have passed they [the kids] will need someone like you….”. It felt as if an opening created just for me would be there when I wanted it. Whaaaat!? I pushed it out of my mind right away. Why would I go back to counseling when I have such a cushy, work-from-home job!? I’d be crazy to give that up for bureaucratic BS and long hours.

I have no doubt I was being shown how blueprints are created and how they are used in an Earth lifetime. I also think I was being reminded that I always have a choice. Always. If only it was as simple as watching a little blue dot zig-zag around.

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Manifestation: The Secret

I am beginning to think my daily walks put me into a space where I am able to manifest more quickly. The longer the walk, the more manifestation potential it has. This is based upon my experiences over time and all the items I “accidentally” find on my walks.

Yesterday it happened again. But first a backstory.

On Monday or Tuesday last week, my husband took the boys sledding in the newly fallen snow of Winter Storm Uri (previously known as Snowmaggedon). He took his brand new AirPod Pros that I bought him only a few weeks prior. He is a talker, always on the phone, so he takes them everywhere. While out enjoying the snow, he lost them. He didn’t tell me the full story, just that he had them one minute and the next they were gone. He looked for them, but the deep snow hid the white AirPods which blended in perfectly. 

I was angry at first. It seemed like he obviously didn’t care too much about the gift I got him if he could so easily lose them. But mostly I was upset because I hadn’t even paid for them yet. They were $250.00, so quite pricey. I charged them to a credit card and the bill comes next month (I pay off my cards monthly). Money has always been a trigger for me and I have to work hard to accept certain situations, especially those that involve “waste”. 

All week I would wake up with the lost AirPods on my mind and then work up to the point that I could accept the loss. Sunday morning I asked my husband if he had asked his brother to help look for the AirPods. He said he did but he hadn’t heard anything. I told him my upset (for the umpteenth time) and then let it go. What could I do about it anyway? Eventually, I reached full acceptance and moved on. I was even looking to buy him a refurbished pair since he still had the charging case.

Sunday afternoon, with temps near 70, I decided to go on one of my long walks. The same walks that have brought me tarot cards for three weeks in a row. I didn’t find anymore tarot cards, though. This time, my mind was on the AirPods. I was thinking, “Maybe I will find a pair on my walk”. None appeared but I was okay with that. As I said, I had reached acceptance level and was moving on, already thinking I would just buy another pair. Still, I had to try and manifest them on my walk after so many previous successes! 

Later, I asked my husband if he wanted me to buy him a pair. I had one selected and all he had to do was tell me “yes”. He said not to, and I let it be.

Later that afternoon, while we were washing the car, my husband got a text from a neighbor. She had a busted pipe and asked him to help. He always says yes and left immediately. When he returned he showed me a wad of money. He hadn’t counted it and so when he showed me and started to count it he was shocked. It was $250. He handed me the money and I took it. At the time I knew he was giving it to me in exchange for the lost AirPods. He felt really bad for losing them.

I instantly knew I had manifested the money. There was no doubt in my mind. The Universe gave me what I asked for, it just came about in a different way than expected.

One of the signs to me that this was a gift from the Universe were the two, $2 bills that came in the wad of cash. I hadn’t seen one since my early teens. Instantly, memories of my great aunt came to me. She use to mail me a card with a single $2 bill in it every single birthday. It felt as if this gift came from my family.

I posted on FB my win and then spoke the my daughter about it. She was shocked but not surprised. I tell her of all my “finds” on my walks and how I manifest them and she believes me. 

As I left to go on yet another walk (this time with my dog) I said to her, “Now we’re gonna find them [the AirPods]”. 

Five minutes into my walk my husband calls me. He had been picking up dinner and so I thought he was going to ask me what I wanted. Instead he said, “I am gonna drop off the food and then head over to my brother’s house. They found the AirPods.” 

Shocked and then elated I ended my walk. My husband said his brother sent out his two boys to look for them and they found them. He then told me the whole story behind the loss. His brother had tackled him in the snow that day and the force of the impact caused them AirPods to fly out into the snow. 

Neither of us knew if they would work but the light turned green on the case when they were inserted, meaning they were accepting charge. Later, my husband called me using them. They worked just fine.

All I can say is that I was amazed once again by the Universe. Wow. 

Not only did I get the money to replace the AirPods but I got the actual AirPods. Double what I requested. Double! 

The Secret

Long ago a friend of mine took me to see The Secret. As I have been typing this post I am reminded of that movie. Someone on FB asked me what technique I was using to manifest and I answered, “None”, but now that I think about it, I think I am using the technique from that movie.

All week I was unable to manifest the lost AirPods. Why? Because I was fixated on the loss, feeling the lack and accepting the lack. So, lack or loss is what I manifested. However, when I accepted the loss and move past it, recognizing and embracing the possibility that the loss was opening me up to receive, the Universe sent me double what I lost. 

So, like the movie teaches, manifestation occurs when we think and act as if we already have, not from a place of want, or lack. 

For so many years I didn’t get what this meant. You can’t force yourself to be in abundance. It is a state of Being and from that state one can manifest anything. 

On all my walks I never considered that I couldn’t have what was given to me. I was accepting of what was, in the present moment, and in doing so – Being that – I was filled with gratitude and abundance. 

Part of my ability to manifest has come from a shift in my reality in general. While 2020 hit many people hard, especially financially, my family prospered. At first I struggled with accepting my new reality but have since fallen into acceptance. 

Having more money hasn’t really changed my circumstances much. We haven’t gone on spending sprees or done anything drastic. Yeah, we took a family vacation and paid cash for it and I can buy ridiculously priced AirPods for my husband just because I feel like it, but other than that we have been living the same as before. Having more money has helped me to release my fear of lack to the point that I am no longer in fear of not having enough. I realize now that what my guides told me years (decades) ago has proven true my entire life – I will always have enough. 

You know what is funny? Since we’ve come into this period of abundance, I think more often about downsizing, getting rid of “stuff” and living a more simple life. Material things are of no interest to me, personally. I enjoy buying things for others I love, though, and do so when I feel the urge, but I do not care to have more things myself. I prefer to use the money to experience life. More family vacations will be planned. South Padre is already planned in May. Costa Rica is also on our radar. And maybe another ski trip to Montana this coming Christmas.

So why do my walks seem to increase my manifestation potential? My best guess is that they put me in “the zone”, meaning I am in the present moment, taking it all in – nature, life, my environment. When I exercise it is a moving meditation, the best kind of meditation IMO. And being I now set an intention when I walk, it speeds the process.

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Kundalini Dream: White Wolf

Intense dreams last night that had me waking frequently.

For the last few nights I have had dream amnesia where I feel an intense heart connection-type energy but it wakes me up and I can’t remember any details. It feels like I am being “visited”, though. These “visits” usually happen early on, like within the first hour or so of sleep. The memory of what I feel is so fleeting that I can barely contact it only minutes later and am left only with a Knowing that it was there.

I vaguely recall a dream meeting with a white wolf. The visual is of it’s face, very close to my own, staring me down. I feel to be pursued but come out of my reverie and the feeling fades.

Prior to sleep last night I felt the heart-connection feeling, that intense pull, briefly before bed. I remember thinking about a recent past situation and wondering what would have happened had a certain person pursued me rather than doing what I asked and withdrawing. I wondered if I had any control over it at all? I shuddered at the thought and felt I needed to be extra careful of Kundalini connections in the future. This consideration may have led to the below dream.

Kundalini Dream: White Wolf

I become aware of dreaming but was not quite lucid. I am in my bed laying down. All around me my family is searching – no hunting – for something. I think, “White Wolf” and remember the wolf was in my dream before, stalking me.

Suddenly, I am lucid. A man is at the foot of my bed kneeling. In front of him are many tarot cards spread out. I can see at least 10, four of which are on top. He is looking down at first but then looks up and stares directly at me. I seem to Know, or maybe am told, he is “a white wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

I am aware of my family in the distance. They are still in my room but my room seems to expand greatly in all directions so that each family member feels to be far away but still within earshot. The sense I have is that they are conducting a “search party”, as if trying to locate a missing person. Yet, I also have this feeling that they are hunting a white wolf and that he has been stalking me.

When I see the man, everything in the dream feels to freeze as we lock eyes. When our eyes lock I am stuck with this feeling that is hard to describe. It originates in my chest and feels warm. With it comes a compulsive feeling I cannot deny. I have felt it before and I just Know. I yell at the top of my lungs to my family in the distance, “Everyone OUT! NOW!!!!”

I am still frozen, eyes locked with this man’s. The tarot cards in front of him come into my mind’s eyes. Two cards specifically are placed in front. One has the image of a single sword on it. The sword is on fire but not consumed by it. The other card has the image of a spiral on it. I remember interpreting the cards aloud. I correctly identify the sword but I call the spiral, “Water”. The man corrects me and says, “No. It’s a wheel. The Wheel of Time.” I look at the card and the spiral on it comes out of the card and begins to spin. I say, “Oh yeah. It’s a wheel, the Wheel of Time.”

The familiar feeling lingers. I feel an attraction to this man but at the same time I am terrified. There is nothing I can do about the feeling and the compulsion to go to this man, to surrender completely, is extremely strong and growing in intensity. Part of this surrender says I will have to do things, things I would normally never do, and I Know this. I remember pushing away my fear and accepting my fate. However, I look away from the man’s gaze and then turn away in hopes the feeling will go away. It doesn’t.

As I stand there in shock, I sense the man moving around. I become aware of standing in my kitchen. The man is on the other side of the sink. I am struggling with the feeling. Part of me is fighting it but the pull is too intense, too compelling. It says, “Surrender”. All I want is to go to this man. Every cell in my Being is screaming at me to go to him, be with him. My analytical mind is not functioning at all. It is completely blank. Even if I wanted to consider the pro’s and con’s of following the feeling, I couldn’t.

Ultimately, I can’t resist the Call to go to this man. So, I walk up to the kitchen sink but avert my eyes, making sure not to make eye contact with him. I begin to clean dishes, occasionally glancing up at him. Every time I look at him his piercing stare causes my heart to pull and my entire Being lights up.

The man talks to me, warning me of a woman, his girlfriend or wife. I know what he is going to say before he finishes. This woman will talk to me. I need to listen to what is behind her words, feel her energy, and not pay attention to what she says. Her words will be hollow.

As I listen to him speak I realize he has an accent. English accent maybe? That is what it sounds like.

The dream ends with us locking eyes again. The Knowing is strong. I Know what I have to do.

As I wake up I am panicking and asking, “What do I do?” I hear back, “Listen.” I repeat my question and receive the same response. I Know that to “listen” means to follow that feeling of surrender, to not resist.

The feeling in my chest begins to subside and somehow I fall back to sleep.

Considerations and Analysis

I briefly recall seeing a vision of the snow melting. I saw this more than once and recognized it as a message of the timing of a future event. It will occur after “the snow has melted”. I believe the event to be what the dream was forewarning.

The feeing I had upon waking was trepidation. My mind was just blank and the feeling, the compulsion to surrender, was ever-present.

Once the feeling passed and my mind was functional again, I wondered, “Who was that man? What does the dream mean? What does a white wolf symbolize and why would he be in sheep’s clothing?”

White wolves are generally good symbols to have in a dream. They symbolize wisdom and independence, freedom and loyalty. When a lone wolf appears it can be a warning to be on the lookout for pretense. It asks one to be cautious and not give trust until it is earned. Wolf symbolism is quite diverse and so the meaning is often up to the individual’s specific situation.

Based upon the beginning of the dream, my entire family seems to be on the hunt for this “wolf”. I also know the wolf is white and is stalking me. Yet when I see the wolf I call off my family and listen to what he has to say. There is wisdom in his words and I feel drawn to him in ways I have rarely experienced in this lifetime.

The symbolism in the two tarot cards is most intriguing. The flaming sword is a familiar symbol from the Bible. Simply put, the flaming sword was placed in front of the Tree of Life to prevent Adam and Eve from partaking of its fruit. The sword is also symbolic of the cleansing fire of God; the Kundalini.

So He drove out the man; and He placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

Genesis 3:24, King James Version

A dream vision I had yesterday referred to the fruit eaten by Eve in the Garden of Eden – the “bitten apple”. This dream seemed to point back to that story in Genesis and the Knowledge gained by eating of that fruit. So, today’s dream and yesterday’s appear to be linked. I have no doubt the flaming sword refers to the cleansing power of God – the Kundalini.

The spiral on the second tarot card is a symbol I have seen often in dreams. I am not sure why I think it represents “water” but I am corrected and told it is “The Wheel of Time”. What is interesting is that the spiral symbol is also a Wiccan symbol, and so then also connects to yesterday’s post but to the dream in which I see a man learning about Wicca and entering a cave as a right of passage.

A Spiral is one of the ancient Goddess symbols, as a sign of Life. As such, it is also one of the primary Wicca symbols…..As the Wheel turns, you come around again, but not to the same point as before. You arrive at same place, but on a new level. Just as May 1900 and May 2000 are both spring, yet a different experience.

https://www.wicca-spirituality.com/goddess-symbols.html

At the end of the dream I am warned of a conversation I will have with a woman. I am asked to feel the woman’s energy rather than trust the words she speaks. I believe she is “the wolf in sheep’s clothing”.

There is so much more to this dream than I have time to delve into. The biblical references are many. I read several articles about Genesis this morning alone and still feel there is much more to what I was shown in my dream. Ultimately, the references point to passing through the gates of heaven, being allowed entry but only after experiencing the cleansing fire of God. Afterward, I will no longer be separate but One with God and be granted entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven.

It is hard to know whether an actual physical encounter will occur. Most definitely I am being prepared. Not only am I finding actual physical clues and messages, but my dreams are building one upon the other. At the very least I can assume a Kundalini event is on the horizon, but even then, nothing feels certain. I am left with that feeling coming from my heart. It is a physical, spiritual and emotional PULL. It is that familiar Call that only comes with the Kundalini.

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Vision: Bitten Apple

It is Day #6 of Snowmaggedon (or if you prefer, Snowpocalyse) here in Texas. The high today was 39, so we experienced quite a bit of melting. However, the temps will be back in the mid-twenties tonight, so anything wet will surely be icy in the morning.

Today I ventured into work with my husband. The roads were pretty clear and I-35 was clear and dry. A pipe had busted at the office, so he fixed it, and then we went out to lunch at a local Greek restaurant we like. Seating is outside but it was comfy enough because it was partially enclosed. The sky was blue and cloudless.

On a walk today the snow melt was even more obvious. The subdivision roads are mostly clear except for the areas in the shade. The biggest change, though, was heard. The birds are suddenly back and everywhere. They are singing as if Spring is here. It is such a welcomed sound!

Most people now have power and water. There are a few exceptions, though. I think Austin power is back on for 90% of residents. I’m not up to date on the water supply in Austin but in my area people are having trouble with pressure and losing water once they get it. In some cases the water is not clear, either, but brown. Ick! We still have water and have no issues with pressure or color, but we have a different water provider than most people in our area. All we have is a boil water notice in effect and I received an email this morning asking us to reduce wastewater.

Sadly, everyone is treating this winter storm like “the end of the world”. They are in panic mode and so, if you can even get into a store, most of the store shelves are empty. It is worse than Corona lockdown! Thankfully, we still have enough to manage. I will not be going into a store until all is clear.

Below are a few more pictures. We received a second round of sleet on Thursday which finally did some trees in. Our beautiful Clamondin tree broke in half from the weight of all the ice. I was already concerned we would lose it. Calamondin trees can only survive in temps above 20 degrees but if the roots stay warm enough it will regrow. Roads were made worse, also, but the birds didn’t seem to mind. We had a flock of some songbirds feasting on frozen berries across from our house. They were so immersed in eating they let me get about six feel away.

Here’s hoping this is the end of winter for Texas!

With all this down time, I’ve been getting plenty of sleep. Unfortunately, my dreams have not been the best. Below are some examples of what my dreams look like right now. I seem to be in pity-party/poor me mode for some reason. Oh how awful life is! lol Obviously, I am OK, just for some reason the mornings have been rough. The return to physical reality has been hard this week!

Dream: Better Off Without Me

I had a dream where I was with this black man in a store. An older woman was helping him pick out candles (seeking guidance). She was teaching him Wicca (the occult or spiritual). I was helping, too, but I’m not sure either of them knew I was there. I suggested he get the black candle (warding against negative). She advised against it. Then he wanted a white candle (purity) and this was wrong, too. The last candle was green (healing) and was very wide. I remember thinking it better than another one because the other ones were life-like, like animals, and needed to be “fed” (need to actively heal self). 

On the way out of the store with a large bag, the man was concerned about gaining gentry into another place. He could only take one bag and I offered to carry it for him. He kept the bag and I followed behind watching a hole form in the bottom.

We got in line and waited. It snaked around and the destination was an old, dilapidated house. I remember listening to a conversation. A woman was asked when she last went to the movies. She said, “25 days” (received this number recently in another dream).

When we got to the house I remember telling someone I had been inside and stayed the night there once. I described the inside as having old, worn, striped wall paper. I never went inside, though. Instead, I looked from the outside and saw a bunch of gray kittens (feminine) wandering around. I noticed they looked deformed, with over-sized and misshapen heads.

I remember watching a young woman (aspect of past Self) go up to the front and be assigned an Aussie dog (protection) to watch over her. The Aussie looked like my old dog, Trooper, and I watched as he followed behind her to keep her safe, as if herding her. I remember missing Trooper. He was so beautiful.

I realized the man and the “witch” left without me. I remember seeing them in a cave (the unconscious) sitting on the floor. The witch faced the man who was sitting next to a woman and holding her hand. I realized he had chosen this woman over me and thought/said, “It’s probably for the best. I would only have ruined his life.” This made me very sad and as I woke from the dream, I was convinced it was true. The men I end up dating or marrying are better off without me in the end.

Dream: Haunted Mansion Wedding

This morning’s dream began at a mansion (the bigger picture, connection to others). I was talking to my best friend from high school (aspect of Self, Higher Self) about her upcoming wedding. She was very happy and looked wonderful – young, untouched by time, and glowing. She chose to get married in the mansion because it was known to be haunted (unaddressed issues that ‘haunt’ me). She and her guests would stay the night. 

I recall going inside the mansion and looking at a huge pot of coffee (awareness). I realize that I was seeing through her eyes at this time. The coffee pot was full and hot and someone was talking to her/me about the future. I can’t recall the words but I remember receiving a vision of the coffee dispersing from the pot, right through the glass. The coffee came out in tendrils and deposited itself all around as if it had a life of it’s own.

Back outside I watched my friend get into a cute little, white car (life path). It was unlike anything I’d ever seen and I thought of it as a “classic”. It had three wheels, two in the back and one in the front, and only enough room to seat four people. I don’t think it had a top. My friend climbed in and began to drive away with her friends. When she drove the car actually flew into the air. I remember being jealous of my friend’s happiness and freedom. I also recall thinking, “I wish I had friends. I never had time for them but now I do.” I thought it would be nice to finally have someone to talk to but thinking about having friends just made me sad.

Next, I saw my friend wearing a swimsuit (confronting uncertainty and a negative situation). There was a lake (healing) nearby and she intended to go swimming with her two boys. I remember her telling me about them and how proud she was of them. She showed me her memories and I saw how she was able to honor their unique personalities. As I listened/watched I became very emotional and began to cry. This is when I woke up.

Considerations

When I woke up I was very sad and recalling a specific incident with this friend. I doubt the incident had anything to do with the dream, but it was still on my mind. At the time, I had just gotten married and she attended my wedding, like I had attended hers. At the time she was battling cancer and had finally gone into remission. One day, on my way back from the doctor, I called her to tell her the good news – I was having a baby girl. When she answered she was annoyed, asking me how I got her office number. She listened but then was very short with me and told me, “Never call this number again.” Later, I wondered if her irritation was really about the number I called or if she was angry because I was sharing good news about my pregnancy. At the time she thought she would never be able to have children. I then thought back on our friendship and all the times she treated me this way. I never even blinked when she did. I just seemed to let it bounce off of me. Yet in my memories I still get sad. 

Then I thought about how nice it would be to have a friend to confide in again. Yet all my close friends have been similar. When I share something with them, they usually reject me in some way. I know now it is because I do not ask permission to share first. This is part of my Human Design aura type – Projector. But still, it seems one-sided that I accept what they have to share without them asking permission but then I have to ask permission! I am rejected so frequently when I attempt to share that I have withdrawn and stopped sharing altogether even with those I am closest to. 

Then I think of all my open centers and begin to get more depressed. It feels like I am here only for others. I listen, I perceive what they need, and I provide that. Yet who does this for me? The minute I attempt to speak about my own issues and struggles, others tune me out. It is like I don’t exist at all.

Vision: Bitten Apple

As I began to grow more and more depressed, all I wanted was to return to dreamtime. I fell into the in-between and pieces of memories and conversations randomly entered my thought-stream. 

At one point a very vivid vision came to mind: the Apple logo. This was the final straw that brought me out of my reverie. 

The vision likely has nothing to do the the computer company and everything to do with the symbolism of the bitten apple. My first thought was: temptation. The next thought was the Garden of Eden and how the apple represented the Knowledge of good and evil; duality.

I began to think of the recent messages I’ve been receiving inferring that I will meet someone very soon. The bitten apple could be a warning that something will tempt me. The bite out of the apple says I won’t be able to resist. 

My reaction was upset. I asked, “Why am I always the bad guy?” It does seem that in this life I am the ideal scapegoat. People love to point the finger at me. Even my current husband enjoys it. I believe if I were to do something, say run off with another man or cheat, he would jump at the opportunity to make me the bad guy. I also feel like I am good at burning bridges with people. I don’t mean to, not really, it just seems to happen that way. I don’t really regret those who I have left behind but a part of me is sad about it. I am sad because I know they blame me. It is easier to blame another than to take responsibility. I have grown use to being that person, too. The sadness comes from knowing this is just the way it is. The sadness comes from knowing that most people are not like me. Why does choosing love, choosing what makes me happy, have to be at the expense of others’ happiness? If they really love me, then wouldn’t they want me to be happy? Wouldn’t they celebrate my joy? Not always.

But there is a part of me who is happy to be the way I am. It is easy for her to just walk away. To start over, brand new. No regrets. It is only after, sometimes years later, that the sadness comes. I miss those I’ve left behind, even those who I didn’t like very much at the time. I wish they could see me today. I want to celebrate with them. Celebrate what? IDK. Maybe just celebrate that I am still alive, that I have made it this far and so have they. Celebrate connection and disconnection and the roles we played in each other’s life journeys. 

One day this will happen. When we return Home. 

Found: Two More Cards

One more thing….

On Valentine’s Day I found two more tarot cards on my walk:

This is what I posted on FB. I forgot to write a blog post because the wonderful winter storm came on that same day.

10 of Cups (Sota): Dark-haired woman with a light complexion.
Housewife. Mother. Good female friend. Artist.

I’m not sure the other card is actually one of the cards in the deck but more like an extra? I can’t say. I am no good at translating it but my husband says it says “Rewards Earned” at the top. Then “5 grand prizes, 10 gold medals, and a diploma of honor”. So maybe a note about the deck being awarded? IDK.

If it is the 4 of cups then it means: Conversations. Reach an agreement. Good communication.

Last week my daughter and I walked this route and looked everywhere for the remaining cards without success. Then, today, on another Sunday walk, the cards are just….there. WTF? And these don’t really make much sense if added to the other two I found. Not sure what to make of these two.

Since then I have learned that the 4 of Cups is in fact one of the cards in the deck and not an extra. If the cards are messages then it could read as: Card 1 = I meet someone who fits this description in some way and Card 2 = we have a good conversation or reach some kind of agreement.

I will say that while my BIL and SIL were staying with us (their house was without water and power), I had “good conversations” with my SIL, who, BTW, fits the description except for the “artist” part. I also wouldn’t call her a good friend, but she is more my friend than anyone else around me at this time in my life.

OR the traditional meaning of the two cards could be applied, but then I don’t want to go into that right now. It’s seems too complicated. If you want to give the traditional card interpretation a try, have at it. I would love to hear what you think the cards mean!

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Snowmaggedon 2021

We are on day 4 of what I am calling “Snowmeggedon” here in Texas. The entire state is and has been under a Winter Strom Warning.

We Texans just aren’t use to this nor are we prepared. Our power grid is experiencing outages and because of that our water treatment facilities also experienced power loss. As a result, the water pressure is really low and some people have lost water altogether. There is a boil water notice in effect, also. Natural gas is another issue but so far I’ve not heard of any outages. Many places are 100% electric and don’t even have fire places, so when the power goes they have no way to boil water and they can’t just turn on the oven to heat a small area of their home. With temperatures in the single digits this is a miserable experience!

There are over 200,000 people in the Austin area without power, most since early Monday morning.

Somehow my family home and our entire subdivision has been spared while homes and businesses around us have been without power for 2 days and most also don’t have water. Our water pressure has been low, but today it is higher, which is good news!

My husband and I walked to area gas stations to try and purchase eggs yesterday. We encountered mobs of people, most buying up water and whatever food items they could find. The grocery stores in our area were either closed or limiting entry to only a few people at at time with wait times exceeding an hour.

As we walked to the store, a van slide sideways on the slick roads and block traffic. He got stuck on black ice and couldn’t move. A Sherriff deputy just happened to drive by. He stopped and my husband and the deputy helped get the van moving. It was surprising how many people were on the roads!

When we got inside a convenience store it was so full you could barely move. Concerns over Corona virus went out the window, that is for sure! Another convenience store made people wait outside in a long line and another one locked its doors despite being open. Many of the gas pumps are closed because people have been buying up gas to keep their cars running so they can charge phones and get a reprieve from the cold. Some people are working remotely out of their cars!

My BIL and SIL’s family, who live about a mile from us, lost power and water over 24 hours ago. They arrived at our home yesterday afternoon and are still here. They heard this morning that their power has been restored but they are waiting to make sure it stays on. They still do not have water. We are happy they came because my BIL went grocery shopping the day before the winter storm hit, so they had many things we didn’t. We are low on eggs, milk, bread and fresh veggies and they brought over 3 dozen eggs, milk and other child-friendly foods we needed. Our house is very full right now – a total of 6 kids and 4 adults! And I just heard my husband and BIL invite their brother and his family over to stay if they can make it. They’ve been without power since Monday. Not sure how that would work but I think we can make room if we have to.

Early this morning we got sleet and rain which has made everything turn to frozen slush. The temps are close to 30 degrees but the trees are now bending under the weight of a second layer of ice. This does not bode well for those without power – or those who still have it!

Only about one or two days before the warmer weather is here. We’re hoping it is sooner rather than later.

Here are some pics to give you an idea of what it is like here in Central Texas. There are pics of the day the snow fell as well as pics from today when the roads are more slushy. The pic of the white truck is from the day of the snowfall. I helped him get unstuck.:

Just now my husband came in and told me he is going to drive to our business to check on it. As of this morning I cannot remotely connect to my work computer. It is likely power went out and is still out, but if it is on then my husband will reboot the server and do whatever is needed to allow us to work from home. He is also going to take his chainsaw and cut some firewood for people he knows who need it. We long ago ran out because we gave ours away to friends and neighbors. Knowing my husband, he will likely bring back people to stay at our house. lol I am okay with it as long as it is not some stranger he met on the street!

Two more days, maybe three. We can do this, Texas!

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Message: Reset

For the second time this year (first was in January) we are seeing snow accumulation in the Austin area. This isn’t just any accumulation either! In my back yard alone I measured 5 inches but the average for the area is 4-8 inches!

I woke around midnight and that is when I first saw the mini-blizzard outside. Snow coming down hard. Wind blowing the snow in circles and sideways. Frigid temperatures not often seen this far South.

I had to go outside and experience it for myself. Just watching it from inside wasn’t going to do. Wearing my pajamas with snow boots and heavy coat, I went out in the storm. The snow was already drifting, nearly freezing the front door shut. I stood in the middle of the street, which was barely recognizable, and just stood there experiencing the rare event, an event that may never recur in my lifetime. The snow swirled around me and the wind whipped snow into my face over and over again. The word “blizzard” came to mind followed by “white out”. No way this could be happening! I must have entered an alternate reality!

I took pictures and video, my hands turning red and then hurting indicating I should go inside and warm up. Once I did, I went back out and walked up to the main road and looked in the distance at the bigger, 4-lane road ahead. A car flew by and I thought, “Who the hell is driving at 1am in these conditions?” Surely the road would be shut down? Apparently not!

Pictures I took at around 1am CST. I would post a video but I can’t. If you follow me on Instagram you can see the “blizzard” video I took, though:

When I finally went back to bed, I couldn’t sleep. I was too excited and my mind was all over the place. It took me until around 4am to fall asleep.

Dream: Wearing a Dead Body

I was in a school (lessons) setting with others like myself. I reported to the lab where others were working on their lab assignments. Lab tables were scattered about the room but they looked like operating tables (healing environment). I remember discussing my situation with someone there. A visual comes to mind of someone taking an oversized dildo and sticking it into a corpse’s vagina. The message was that it was ill advised to do such a thing because it would rupture the body (could be about forcing the Kundalini energy).

I ended up going up to my teacher and asking for a key to her classroom but I called it a bathroom. I went inside to use the toilet (relief sought) but was interrupted when a man came in. I was startled and said, “I should have locked the door.” He went about his business as I sat there in shock, struggling to put my underwear (private matter) back on. The underwear was stained with blood that was a very dark red, almost black. I was trying to hide it because I knew it meant that my body was dying or already dead. I had tried to insert something into my vagina to see if it would rupture and the blood indicated it would. It indicated my body was dying or already dead.

When I went to join the others I remember feeling very awkward and knowing I was inhabiting a dead body. It would not last long and I was worried about what would happen when I was forced to discard it, or “drop” it. I remember a woman was with me attempting to calm me as we walked together to the gymnasium where others in my group were already training.

When I got into the school gymnasium (preparing to put experience to use) I saw others wearing white shorts and shirts doing plyometrics and stretching. I was asking the woman what would happen when I dropped my already dead body. It felt like wearing a heavy, uncomfortable suit. She said, “Don’t worry, you’ll know what to do.” I remember knowing that once I dropped it, I would feel free; unburdened. At this point I remember thinking that I was possibly being shown what will happen when I die. I was not discouraged by this or afraid. Instead I was hopeful. Perhaps I am being prepared to exit this life? Perhaps I am going to get what I have been asking for most of this lifetime?

The last thing I recall is seeing a large graphic placed in front of me. It was in full color and there were symbols and pictures of recognizable human items and activities on it. Someone said to me, “25 days” and it felt like this was when I would “drop” my body. As I woke, my lower back was aching and I could feel energy in my second chakra.

Note: Dropping my body is likely not physical death but referring to an upgrade where I discard an energetic body that is no longer functional or doing me any good. In it’s place I am given a new energetic body, one that functions as it is meant to and assist me in my life journey.

Message: Reset

When I woke I was worrying that the songs Collide and Crash Into Me could be forewarning an actual collision that could cause physical harm – like a car accident. The dream may have been the result of my worry or the cause of it, but I can’t say for sure. I was still in the in-between and hearing my guides, though their words are mostly lost to me. I do recall hearing them say the word “reset” as an explanation of the present moment.

When I went out to greet the newly fallen snow, the word “reset” was repeated. It felt like the message was not just about me. The world is also experiencing a kind of reset.

The message, “Reset”, is not a new one. In fact, I have heard it at least three times before this one. Here is a post where I discuss the reset message and what I think it means. This post was the last time I write about the reset message – 2017.

My best guess at the time is that a reset is a clearing of all of the chakras, either all at once or individually. Based upon my own personal experience, these resets usually involve a major Kundalini rising event that effectively clears blockages all at once. Like a giant tidal wave of energy that pours through me and washes me clean from the inside. Considering my dream is about my second chakra, perhaps I will finally clear the stubborn blockages that have led me so often to feel dead, unmotivated and lacking desire?

If the reset is also about the world, then maybe the entire world will be going through a kind of reset, too? If this is the case then we need to be prepared because resets are never easy on the physical body. My guess is the “physical body” of the world is being affected; thus, the Earth itself is being reset. What will this look like? Well, maybe blizzard conditions in Texas is part of it? Twice in one year is unheard of in itself but the sheer amount of snow is very unusual. Add to that the very real possibility that this snow will be added to on Wednesday with temperatures remaining at and below freezing all week. Well, damn.

I know, also, that there are some who say the Earth has chakras and they are at set locations around the globe. Here is one such article describing the Earth’s chakras with a map of their locations. It is possible that the reset will be noticeable in these locations. How? I’m not sure but I would think that if one looks to how the human body reacts to the cleansing Kundalini then you can get an idea of how the Earth will respond. My first thought is weather patterns, like we are already seeing – fires, floods, increases in tornadoes, hurricanes, blizzards and extreme temperature fluctuations. Then, of course, earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanic activity. Mass extinction events may also arise. The Covid-19 virus and variants are also a likely result. All are an attempt by planet Earth to rebalance itself. Reset.

What can you do about it? Breathe. Listen to your body. Listen to your heart. Allow yourself to reset; come into balance. Every one of us who successfully resets is assisting planet Earth and the Collective.