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Kundalini Dream: Have Dinner with Me

The vivid dreams continue……

Dream: Have Dinner with Me

The dream began outside in a stadium(firmness of purpose to finish what was started and achieve goals). I was walking along bleachers and saw this very small man. I went up to him and commented on his appearance, taking his hand into my own and saying, “You hands are proportional to your body.” He said, “I’m a dwarf (stunted growth, holding back emotion). I look young but I am 32.” I smiled and responded with, “Really? Wow. I’m 36.” My memory of the little man is vivid. He looked just like a miniature man. He had tanned skin, muscles and a few wrinkles. His face was etched with fine lines and he had fair hair. He was like a realistic doll, maybe about three feet tall.

There was a man with him who spoke to me at that time. Somehow he and I ended up in a different scene. The bleachers disappeared and we were walking into an event hall (likely indicative of “Kundalini events”, of which I’ve had many). The room was decorated in dark colors and we were dressed in formal attire. I remember saying to the man, “I come here all the time”. It felt like he and I met at this event hall, as if I had gone to these events many times but this was the first time he had attended.

The next thing I know I am in my mom’s bedroom (private self). The man is with me and we are laying on the bed together (my happy, relaxed place). Across from us is a walk-in closet (space to store or keep things hidden). Though I can’t recall what exactly was said, I remember talking to the man and him being very forward with me. What his energy said is more memorable to me than his words anyway. An amazingly erotic energy was coming from him and sparking in me a desire that was hard to ignore. I remember laughing quite a bit. I felt playful around him and began to try and get away from him. It felt like a game of tag almost with me moving away from him and him grabbing me and pulling me back to him. Each time his energy would envelope me and I would feel overcome with desire and longing.

Still laughing, I crawled into the walk-in closet (“closeting” myself or my emotions). The light was on and my face was at the level of the shoe rack. The man was behind me. I continued to laugh playfully as I inched my way into the closet, moving shoes (various approaches to life) out of my way. I grabbed a pair of dress boots (strength, victory) and put them on top of other shoes on the rack to my left (the feminine). I commented, “I have way too many shoes!” I could feel the man’s energy as he inched his way closer, still hovering over me. He grabbed onto my waistband and I laughed playfully as I stared at rows of shoes in the golden hued closet. The energy intensified and I began to lose my breath.

Suddenly the man stood up in the doorway of the closet. I turned around and looked at him. I don’t remember what he looked like, though, which is unfortunate. He said, “Have dinner with me.” I laughed and said, “Why don’t we just have sex and get it over with.” 

Dream: Hidden Apartment

I was in an apartment (emotional state) hallway (transition period). I was tending to the children who suddenly burst out a hallway exit and onto the streets. I went out to gather them up and complained to my husband for not keeping a better eye on them. 

When I came back inside I walked down the hallway. At the end was a door (barrier to growth, closed off). To the right was another door, a closet. An older man with a beer gut opened a door on the left and took me into the door at the end of the hallway. Inside was a very neglected space with an old sofa, a window and a dresser. I remember being surprised it was there and that it was only one very tiny room. I walked back out into the hall and turned back to look through the still open door. The man’s friends were inside the room and for a moment it reminded me of a scene from The Godfather. The air in the room was hazy with clouds of smoke.  I could see a group of men sitting on the yellow plaid sofa inside. They were smoking and drinking. One looked at me. It made me feel very uncomfortable. 

Still in the hallway, I looked where the closet on my right had been. Instead of a door I saw a shelf with various first aid supplies on it. 

The scene shifted and I was looking again at the room at the end of the hallway. I felt like a child and there were other children with me. Curious about the room, we went inside to explore. Again the room was in disarray but this time there was a door in the back. The old man who had previously shown me the room was there but he was grossly overweight. He was wearing white underwear with a white undershirt. The room was very dirty, like it hadn’t been cleaned in years. Items were strewn all over. The floors, furniture and walls had splatter marks all over them. 

One child with me needed to use the bathroom so I ventured through the door at the back of the room hoping to find a bathroom. There was a bathroom but it was nasty. Two toilets were on the back wall on either side of a sink. There was also a urinal. Everything with a drain was clogged, stuffed with toilet paper and filled to the rim with nasty water. I told the child, who looked like my youngest, to use the sink to pee because it was the least clogged and the toilets were unusable. When he peed in the sink it also overflowed and I had to pull my son away from the nasty water.  

The obese man then showed me another room even farther back. It was a bedroom that had been closed off for quite some time. It was not as nasty as the other parts of the apartment. I did not go in but could see a bed with white linens inside. 

Considerations

The first dream appears to be an invitation to continue with my clearing work via the Kundalini. As has been my tendency for the past year or so, I avoided the opportunity, choosing to instead “hide in a closet”. I knew immediately the closet was about closeting my emotion. I am trying to hide from something. What? I’m not sure but it likely involves high emotion. 

The shoes in the dream are all on the left side of the closet. The left represents the feminine. The shoes represent all the past roles I’ve played. The boots indicate success in regards to the feminine aspect.

The dwarf in the dream seems significant. I believe he is there to bring attention to my masculine aspect which is stunted and not able to grow into his full potential.

The second dream may be a sneak peak at what is holding me back. The hidden apartment indicates a part of myself that has been neglected. This wound is full of negative emotion that has become stuck and is clogging up my energy body. It may be a partial memory of aspects of a past life or lives, lives where the masculine is seen in a negative light. The connection to The Godfather could be indicative I view some part of my past as “bad” or “corrupt”. The morbidly obese man could represent the masculine energy; gluttony, over indulgence, lack of self-care. 

While the second dream may be pointing to my past lives, it could also just be there to remind me of the many negative beliefs I have about men from this lifetime. From this life experience I have become wary of men in general. I do not trust them. Their number one motivation is sex. They attend to their own needs first. They generally view females as a their servants. We are there to cook their meals, tend to their children, clean their house, wash their clothes, and provide them with sex on demand. So, to put it simply, men are scum.

Yeah, sad, but I can’t help how I feel. The older I get, the more convinced I am that my observations are accurate. Find me one man whose primary motivation is not sex. Just one. And I bet if I do find one he long ago lost the ability to get an erection.

So it’s no wonder that my response in my dream to the man’s invitation to dinner was what it was. Let’s just have sex and get it over with. In the end, isn’t that why he invited me to dinner in the first place? Why tiptoe around the obvious?

Featured image source – http://www.istockphoto.com

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Dream: Teaching Government – and a Message: The Light Will Prevail

I was in a car driving in Montana. I watched the beautiful scenery fly by through the car window. The trees had a vibrant orange foliage. The colors, blurred by the speed of the car, formed what appeared to be smear of orange on the window.

I knew I was going to report to my new job. I was unsure what I would find. As we rounded the bend I saw a large building and thought, “That must be the school.” 

When I walked up to the school building, teachers were rushing about and I could not find anyone to get directions from. I saw the front desk and went to inquire there. The counter was long and gray with a second counter below it for people on the other side to rest against. It reminded me of a teller’s station at a bank. The receptionists were on the phones talking or talking to people at the counter. I overheard their conversations. They were discussing a new policy to ensure no one came into the building infected. Everyone, even the teachers, had to wait in a long line to enter the building. They had their temperature taken and were given an amount of time to wait before interacting with others. 

When I got to the front of the line and spoke to the receptionist I told her I was the new teacher. She asked me what I was going to teach and I said, “Government”. She congratulated me and instructed me to check in, which meant I had to go through the line. 

I walked around to the side of the building and bypassed the line in order to observe everyone around me. It was all very odd to me the way they operated this school – the lines, the mini-quarantine, the metal detector-like boxes everyone had to walk through. They even had little gates that lifted only when a person was granted access. 

When I went through the line I somehow managed to avoid the same stringent inspection. They asked me where I had been and I said, “I was on a walk”. They told me, “Stand over there.” I think I was told I had to quarantine for a whole day but that isn’t what happened, so maybe it was 1 hour? 

A nice woman approached me and gave me keys to my classroom along with some other materials that I would need. I remember a rolling chair that had a compartment on the back where I could hide things. A bag of chips was in the compartment when she demonstrated how it worked. There was a cover that went over the back of the chair. The chair also had a way to position the chair to make it easier to get out of it. I thought it all a bit too much but it was cool regardless. 

Then the woman asked me about my plans. Did I tend to create lesson plans well in advance or as needed? I told her I liked to have an outline for the entire year and several weeks of plans written. She seemed to disapprove and explained that it was expected that I create lessons daily because government was a subject that required students to really master each topic before moving onto the next topic. I nodded my agreement and said that every lesson could be adjusted to the needs of the class. I remember thinking of how the subject itself could be very difficult for some students to master.

The woman also explained that I would be jumping right into teaching. The previous teacher would not be there to assist. I had assumed he would be so this made me a little apprehensive. 

I looked down at the keys to my classroom and decided I would go take a look at it. I had to get into yet another line. This time a student came up to me and smiled. She told me she would be in my class and was highly energetic. I greeted her warmly but I began to second guess my decision to teach there. I wondered if I was under contract. Could I leave whenever I wanted? 

The next thing I remember is being in a car with the woman who had given me my introduction. We were heading to the nearest town which was 30 minutes away. The town was where I would be staying while I was there. I remember asking about the distance and the woman said the school was at least 30 minutes from any town. I again thought about changing my mind. Did I really want to have that long of a commute? A commute that long in the winter could be brutal. 

As we drove I looked out the window and commented on the river. I think my daughter was there. I pointed out that the rivers in Montana were three times the size of the rivers in Texas. All I could see out both sides of the car was this massive river. It was very turbulent with rocks poking out in places. 

A man who happened to be in the car with us was asking me about Texas rivers. He said he owned land in New Braunsfels. I told him about tubing on the Comal River. In my mind I saw the crystal clear waters of the much smaller Comal River. In comparison to the river I was seeing out the window, the Comal was so much more beautiful with its emerald green, clear water and calmer, lazy current.

Considerations

It seemed like the dream was a warning of what lies ahead. When I woke I was thinking of the info I received in a dream in 2013 that told of the Corona Virus and a “change in government” that would happen around 2022.

For me, Montana is symbolic of my journey. As one travels through life, they encounter mountains and valleys. The mountains are the challenges, the valleys are the calmer, easier periods. In many of my recent dreams, I’ve recalled conversations with others about possibly relocating to Montana. I have declined those invitations, indicating that the harsh winters are just too much for me. Now, in this dream, I am moving to MT to teach government. I can’t say for sure if “government” is directly related to my own journey, a Collective lesson, or both. Based upon the virus precautions I observe in the dream, I can’t help but think I am being shown a glimpse of a possible future, one where the US is requiring everyone go through stringent protocols in order to just live their lives. This may mean long lines, temperatures taken, vaccines given, quarantines required, etc. 

The discussion I have about lesson plans seems to be a warning that it would be advisable that I not make any long-term plans at this time. Instead, it is suggested that I take it day-by-day, changing my plans as needed and adjusting to “student” needs. It could also indicate that there is no set path at this time; that the Collective is experiencing a type of “zero point” and so no one path is THE path, but instead all paths are available and open to us. 

When I write about this zero point I see a single point that then explodes into a starburst pattern in all directions. 

The massive river I see indicates a period of turbulence and challenge. I am contrasting this to a calmer river – perhaps a period in my life. In the dream I wonder if I can change my mind. I see the crystal clear, emerald green waters of the Comal River as preferable to the massive and turbulent water of the river I feel surrounded by in the car. 

It felt like I was being encouraged to enjoy this time in my life because major change would be coming. It feels like that change is not something I can control, like it will happen around me via the changing political climate in the US – and likely the world as a whole. I heard, as I awoke, that the Light will prevail in the end. It wasn’t just the Light in general, but my own, also. 

Pic of my personal journal with the prediction (#19)

I was reminded of a list of predictions I was given early into my spiritual journey. So, I opened up one of two, three-inch binders that hold a printout of my personal journal. 

I found the list of predictions for the next 50 years. It was written in August, 2003. One of those predictions did have to do with the political climate in the US.  

“[A] Political party shift will occur in the middle part of the fifty year period. Two new political parties will emerge and Democratic and Republican moderates will merge into a new party.” 

Considering I wrote down these predictions in 2003, the “middle part” would be around 2026. This is very soon! 

I find it difficult to imagine that the Democrats and Republicans would “merge” in any way, but it is possible. The political parties in the US have undergone numerous shifts throughout history. At one point the Republican party was more like today’s Democratic party. So, anything is possible. In fact, I was thinking just this morning how during the Civil War the term “radical” was used as much as the word “liberal” is used today to describe members of a political party with more extreme beliefs. 

I suppose this dream could be considered quite ominous but I prefer to focus on the message I received as I awoke: The Light will prevail.

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Snow Day and Dream: Flying!

We got snow in Central Texas a couple of days ago. There is still some on the ground. Usually snow, if it sticks, only lasts a few hours this far south but we got 4 inches of snow and the temperatures have stayed pretty low, especially over night.

While I like snow, I don’t like it enough that I want it to stick around for two days. Please, weather, warm up enough to melt it all! I prefer warmer weather to this frigid, bone-chilling, cold.

Still, though, snow can be quite lovely. The sound of it falling, the perfect blanket of white covering all imperfections on the ground, the way it illuminates everything…..

Here are some pictures I took. Enjoy!

Dream: Flying!

I couldn’t sleep last night for some reason. When I did finally sleep I had a dream that continued even after I woke several times.

The dream started out with me observing a military operation that was a coverup. The military would send children to “safe places”, but in reality they were taking them to a place where they would eventually be killed. I watched as several groups of siblings were taken away with permission from their parents. I protested quite loudly but no one would listen to me. So I watched this process unfold, unable to do anything to stop it. It was awful. It felt so real and was so upsetting that when I woke I believed I had relived a past life.

When I returned to sleep I was running and hiding. There was still this sense that the military was up to no good. There were dogs on my trail and I kept hiding under trees and in bushes hoping to avoid capture. I ran under some low hanging branches of a tree and tried to climb up off the ground. As I did this, a dog ran up under the tree with me. My last thoughts were, “Fine! I guess I will just get caught” as I looked down at this fluffy, golden colored dog who obviously was not there to do me any harm.

I woke again, this time asking to go OOB or at least to get a dream that was more positive and fun.

The military theme continued. This time, having been “caught”, I was ushered into a large classroom/gymnasium area. It was one of many and the one I was put in was across the hall from another one. Inside this classroom I was asked to wait and get settled. I remember seeing a whiteboard with writing on it and some drawings by previous students. I believe the students were in and out of the room while I was in it.

It was too cold in my classroom so I adjusted the thermostat. As I did so, a woman “teacher”, dressed in a brown military uniform, came over. I made an excuse but she said she was just tying to get to the eggs. She leaned over me and grabbed something, an egg. I remember thinking that what I was seeing as a classroom was not what she was seeing/experiencing. I briefly saw into her “world” and realized I was standing in a kitchen in front of the refrigerator.

My classroom then became a mixture of the two scenes. I saw a trash bag and people cleaning up after a meal right in front of the teacher’s desk. Inside the bag I could see a piece of paper with handwriting on it. I read a bit of it. It appeared to be an observation of me by someone I know in life. What they wrote was inaccurate. I remember thinking, “He can’t think that about me.” So I went and dug through the trash when the woman left the room. Turns out it the piece of paper was hand written notes by me describing arguments I’ve had with my husband. One of them was over something at work. I was embarrassed that this was out in the open for everyone to see because the arguments were very childish and a waste of time and energy.

Eventually I grew bored, grabbed the key to my room, unlocked it and so went across the hall with my dog (not sure where he came from). When I got to the other classroom I began to unlock it. A military woman came and stood next to me. I could see that inside the classroom a whole group of higher ranking military personnel were inside. The woman indicated I was turning the key the wrong way. I felt scrutinized, so went back to my classroom.

When I got inside the room had changed. It was a massive gymnasium-type space filled with students wearing PT clothing (gray sweat pants and shirts). The male PT officer came in and began directing the activities. He had in his hand a PVC pipe and selected students to demonstrate to the group how to do pullups. He pointed to me. I said, “Me?” He nodded “yes” so I went up to him. He asked me if I knew how to do a pullup. I said I did. He then instructed me to grasp the pipe with palms facing toward me. I said, “You mean chin-up then.” I showed him I knew how to do one but when I grabbed hold of the pipe I began to float. I became weightless. It took some practice but I did the chin-up easily, knocking out ten reps without issue. The officer congratulated me in front of the class for good form.

Once I was freed of being in the spotlight, I wanted to float more so I begged the PT officer to let me. He nodded that I could and I began to float and propel myself all over. I ended up flying everywhere, zigzagging across the room as if I was on a bungie cord. I invited other students to join me. Some looked at me like I was the “bad” student, standing below me with disapproving faces. Some joined in on the fun.

Eventually, I was flying with two men through a tunnel. The men were telling me it was time to settle and get back to work. I was flying over the tops of their heads messing with their hats. Both had plastic water bottle caps on their hats, which I picked up and inspected, thinking, “Why are these here?”

Interpretation

This dream seems to one of those where I am semi-aware of a conversation or situation that is not meant to consciously recalled. Therefore, I end up experiencing two settings overlapping. One is in a home, the other a classroom/gym.

There is definitely an emotional past life or current life situation being discussed. The military is symbolic of a serious situation or lesson/struggle I am involved in and discussing. Something is happening to individuals who I feel are innocent or unknowing and I am unable to bring attention to the situation. I feel powerless to help and this causes me great upset. Based upon my emotions and reaction to the dream, it feels like these “innocents” are humans who are not yet “awake” and so not unlike innocent children who I want to protect. These children are being lied to and manipulated and it ultimately leads to their demise. So, it is a Collective dream.

The seriousness of the dream and whatever is being discussed takes its toll so I ask for a reprieve and am given it. Though I don’t become lucid, it was very real, as if I were fully lucid. The flying was amazing! I wanted to go back to that part of the dream when I awoke.

Interesting enough, the symbolism in the end is the most revealing. Going through a tunnel while being told it is time to get back to work is symbolic of my return to the body and physical life here on Earth – I need to focus on doing what I came here to do. The bottlecaps symbolize my roots and connections to humanity.

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Vision: Tidal Wave

Woke this morning and had a vision as I was considering my life at present. I saw a tidal wave coming up over my head. It never hit because I came out of my reverie.

I instantly began thinking of the omens I have seen on my walks since we returned home from Montana. The first was a dead rabbit. Yesterday I found a dead dove in the middle of the field as if it just decided to lay down and take a nap.

Tidal wave symbolism – appears when one is under a great deal of pressure or is going through significant life change. The water aspect is all about emotion and in the form of a tidal wave it is a surge of emotion where one feels overwhelmed or unable to cope with what is happening in their life. Usually these changes have to do with procrastination or avoidance of one’s true feelings about something.

Dead dove symbolism – to see a dead dove means an ending to a significant relationship. Because doves mate for life, when one dies the other often sits by the body of their loved one to their own detriment, meaning they will often die, too. So, to see a dead dove indicates a major loss that brings with it great change. It represents the cycle of death and rebirth.

Dead rabbit symbolism – I already touched briefly on this symbol but I will repeat it. A dead rabbit is indicative of loss, usually the loss of a family, family member or loved one who is like family. 

Altogether these omens and visions seem to point to a great change. At first I worried it meant the death of a family member, and I suppose it could mean that, but eventually I just let it be. I know from previous sightings of dead doves that this omen indicates an end to a relationship, at least for me. In the past I was forced to let go of someone, so it was a symbolic death. I can’t recall ever seeing a dead rabbit before. As for tidal waves, I’ve had visions of them before but cannot recall a specific incident related to those visions.

From experience I know that trying to prepare myself by going through every possible scenario never works. I have to just wait and see.

Dream Theme: Ants

I’ve also had two dreams recently about ants. The first was on New Years Eve:

Dream: Burning Ant Bed

I was talking to someone about my credits in History and considering just taking 5 more classes to get my Master’s in the subject. I remember talking about how easy writing papers was and how the subject came naturally to me. I recall seeing my daughter’s name spelled two ways in a paper I was reading and pointing it out to her but her being grumpy about it.

Then I was walking through campus and noticed large, modern houses were built pretty much everywhere. A three story white, modern home was in a very odd place, like right on the corner of the sidewalk. I walked a bit talking to someone about the campus when I saw a ant bed near the sidewalk. I decided to set it on fire to kill the ants when a small, black and white puppy came over and stood in the center of the burning ant bed. I watched it, shocked but somewhat curious as to what it was doing. Eventually, noticing its paws were raw and bleeding, I plucked it out of the burning bed and inspected it. It seemed okay but it would need bandages.

I went to the house I had gone past and saw my FB friend Betty. I showed her the puppy and she was like, “Oh dear, the nuns won’t like this.” Then a nun wearing all white came by and Betty gave her the puppy to treat. I walked away, worried I would be asked lots of questions. I felt guilty for letting the poor pup burn and for setting the fire. I walked past Betty’s husband and told him my worries and then woke up.

Interpretation: History class symbolizes a life lesson that I am discussing. Perhaps the lesson relates to my own karma? I seem to feel fine about completing a degree in it, confident that I can do it. When I woke my first thought about it was that I am starting to feel better about my ability to complete karmic contracts in this lifetime. Since my daughter’s name comes up, it could be that I am considering my children and my karma with them and their father. My guess is the 5 classes could be a time period of 5 years or maybe just 5 more incidents or milestones that must be reached.

Ants in general symbolize hard work. A whole colony of ants is likely accomplishments made with one’s group or team. An ant colony can symbolize startling changes that are occurring in my life. Because I am burning the colony it could mean that I am attempting to destroy or end relationships. The puppy might represent someone in my life who is young and growing who I want to protect. I see the puppy being burned. Eventually I save it but feel guilty because I didn’t save it sooner and so it is wounded. I’m not sure what the nun means but it could be that I give up control to a higher power.

Dream: Drowning Ants

In the second dream I was outside watching a family playing with a water hose in their backyard. The dad was spraying the kids and they were enjoying getting wet. Then I walked over to the edge of the yard where I saw an ant bed. It had been drenched with water. I took a stick and began to push into the ant bed, tearing it apart to look inside. The ants were waterlogged and desperately clung to my stick. I saw them and marveled at them just like I did as a child.

Interpretation: Ants are about teamwork, hard work, creating something through cooperation. Ant beds must be about community or family or the Collective. Water doesn’t typically kill ants, it just slows them down. Water is symbolic of emotion usually. I am using a stick to look at the ants like I did as a child. It is as if I am observing how “emotion” effects the group. I’m not sure which group but it is, likely “Family” because I had been watching a family play with a water hose. 

Nothingness

In addition to all of the above, I have been feeling this strange feeling of being in between life cycles. It is the open feeling, like I am waiting to be shown the next step. Where earlier in the Fall months I was feeling ready to make drastic life changes and considering doing so, now I feel as if I need nothing at all. It isn’t necessarily a peaceful feeling but more a feeling of nothingness, as if I an drifting in a void. Where I am usually seeking a glimpse of future available paths, now there is no seeking beyond the present. I don’t seem to care. It isn’t apathy, either, it is…..nothingness.

To be honest, the feeling is not one I am comfortable with. So last night I attempted to dig within a bit to try and tap into any remaining emotion that might need release. I have a tendency to bury emotion, especially emotions that are overwhelming or difficult to handle, and sometimes the only way to move that emotion up and out is to do a bit of digging. Besides, often, for me at least, no feeling is a symptom of too much feeling.

I was able to contact some emotion, emotion connected to a past event from over 5 years ago now. There was very little emotion remaining but enough to bring some tears. And, of course, I was confronted with what I can only describe as a hole in my heart that when inspected doesn’t reveal anything except emptiness. I am very familiar with it. It seems to be a part of my Being, as if I were born with it. 

Where in the past I would attempt to fill this hole with whatever I could, I have learned that it is pointless. Nothing external will work. In fact, I am not even sure a hole actually exists but is instead a belief most likely compounded by perceived rejection and abandonment by others. 

Mostly I feel ready. For what? I have no idea but I guess that is the point. 

Edit: After I wrote this post I went on my morning walk. Within a minute I found the playing card I had seen some time ago. When I first saw it, it was the 6 of Hearts, but today when I saw it the 6 of Hearts part was completely gone. The weather must have destroyed it. So it was a completely blank playing card and a validation of what I just wrote. I feel “blank”, just like the card.

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Back from Montana and Surprise OBE

Happy New Year!

We returned from Montana last night. I didn’t get much sleep because there were as many fireworks as the 4th of July. Never heard so much noise on New Year’s Even before. I hate to burst everyone’s bubble of hope, but I highly doubt 2021 will be much better than 2020 no matter how much you celebrate it’s passing. The world has a tough decade ahead and this is not just me being a pessimist.

To give you an idea of what I feel is coming up this year (at least for me), I was met by a gruesome sight on my morning walk. Right before I saw the below image, I had been wondering what 2021 would bring:

A dead rabbit. 😦 This is symbolic of loss, usually the loss of a relationship, friendship or family connection.

Not far from the rabbit was a flathead screwdriver.

My guess is there is quite a bit of work to be done this year.

Montana Trip

But this post isn’t about what is to come, it’s about my trip and how I ended the year.

My children did excellent for their first time traveling by plane. Everything went smoothly with some added bonuses. We got a rental upgrade and a room upgrade when we arrived in Bozeman, the weather was perfect, the roads were clear and the air not too cold. We spent the first day on the slopes of Bridger Bowl Ski Area and the last day near the same ski area at a place called Crosscut Mountain Sports Center where we tried cross country skiing. All three skiing adventures were firsts for my kids. My husband had never tried cross country skiing and I had not done either type of skiing for at least 20 years.

I spent the first two days with my youngest and did not really doing any downhill skiing, which didn’t bother me because, though I can do it, I never really found it fun. I don’t enjoy going fast and do not like heights. When I was young I had plenty of experiences with downhill skiing but put it on my “been there, done it, got the t-shirt” list. I prefer cross country skiing to the downhill version so much that I actually owned my own skis, boots and poles when I lived in Bozeman. 🙂

We didn’t get to do much more than that except on the last day when we visited the Museum of the Rockies on the MSU campus. We ended our day activities before 5pm when the sun set.

I had no past issues come up during this visit. Bozeman has changed dramatically in the last 20 years! When I lived there every native Montanan complained about the number of Californians moving in, buying up land and pushing up the cost of nearly everything. I remember someone once saying their (the Californian’s) goal in Bozeman was to make it “the next Aspen” – a vacation destination during both summer and winter months. Looks like they met their goal. The small town is now full of every modern convenience and there was little left of the sleepy little college mountain town I once loved. Bozeman no longer resembles “genuine” Montana living. Instead, it feels very much like Austin does – dotted with “McMansions”, homes built to look “modern” and expensive, sidewalks and trails made for suburban living, and expensive designer shops everywhere.

Very few people I encountered in Bozeman were locals. They didn’t have the typical Montana accent. Most were from out-of-state, college students lured by the outdoors, the mountain skiing, and proximity to Yellowstone National Park. In fact, on the ski slopes we were told that there were a lot of Texans skiing on the days we were there. Ha! I met a family from Georgia and Louisiana, too. There were more “ya’lls” being spoken than “you guys” that is for sure. More “Coke” drinkers than “Pop” drinkers. Sigh.

We stayed at a hotel that was located in what was once a huge field adjacent to the Costco. The entire field was full of hotels, shops and restaurants. It really did look freakily like Austin! They even had an Outback Steakhouse, a Target, a Ross, and other shops similar to the ones I frequent near my home. My first reaction was, “WTF! What happened to the field!?” lol When I left in 2000 there was Wal-Mart (across town) and Costco and that is about it.

All in all, the trip was a good one but not a healing one. Old memories didn’t resurface. There was one exception, though. On one of our many drives through the city, I saw the Bozeman Inn and said to my husband as I turned and pointed, “Wal-Mart is over there”. Sure enough, past the next light there it was, just as I remembered. I must have driven that route a hundred times. So I guess some of Bozeman is still the same as it was 20 years ago. 🙂

Surprise OBE December 29th

On the second night of our stay I had a surprise OBE. I made sure to write it down to record when I returned, so here it is.

I remember talking to someone who told me that he would love to meet me for lunch when I was in New York. I remember thinking it odd. “I’m not in New York and won’t be….”I thought. When I realized I was dreaming, I decided to exit my body even though I felt for sure I was wide awake.

Sure enough I easily left my body. I went toward the door and ended up outside my mom’s house standing next to a large pick-up truck. I knew that if I opened the door my guide would be inside. Excited, I went toward the door but was pulled upward at lightning fast speeds, up, up into space. I felt strongly from within, “No….” Ugh! I couldn’t do anything except allow and when I did I ended up standing in front of a door.

I opened the door. When I went inside I saw an Indian woman and her two sons. When they saw me they totally freaked out and began to run away from me, muttering something about ghosts. I called to them, telling them it was okay and showing them I was as real as them. They seemed to know me and I felt that I must be a grandmother to the boy. I went up to him and kissed him and ruffled his hair, speaking to him the whole time. Some part of me intimately knew this family.

I remember as I spoke that my voice was masculine and I questioned this but then decided to let it go. I knew if I tried to analyze it I would end my OBE and I wanted to stay. I thought, “Who cares if I sound like a man?” lol

The family relaxed and then showed me how the home had changed. I was taken to the back where they were putting in a huge swimming pool. I explored it and discovered there were two pools. The first was cold and deep. The second was shallow and warm with little kiddie pools and a tube slide. I got into the second pool with the two kids and ended up lost in a dream within a dream. I believe I was talking about a past life and ended up reliving it.

When I came back to my body it was by choice. I remember thinking, “I’m ready to go back now.”

Pictures

I will leave you with a few pics of our trip. Most are pics of the mountains but there is also a pic of a T-Rex at the Museum of the Rockies, the MSU Campus sign and the image of the mountains through the windows of the airport. No pics of me and my family, though. Keeping those to myself.

Enjoy!

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Exit 2020, Enter 2021

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Wishing you all a blessed New Year.

The featured image of this post reminds me of one of the darkest times in my life. The best description would be that I was in the midst of a Dark Night of the Soul. I wanted to give up. My guides seemingly went quiet except for one time. I wanted them to tell me what to do. I could see nothing ahead of me. All was black and depressing. There was no way out, I thought. My guide whispered, “Just put one foot in front of the other.”

Later, after following this advice, I was able to break through the darkness.

For those of you who have struggled in 2020, I wish I could say 2021 will provide the light you are seeking, but I can’t. All I can advise is what my guide once advised me. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually, you will see the light again.

What will you be doing during the last week of 2020?

Trip to Montana

My family and I are about to embark on an adventure. For my children, it will be a week of many firsts. Their first time on a plane. Their first memories of snow. Their first time skiing. Their first view of the magnificent Rocky Mountains (The Bridger Mountains to be specific). Their first time visiting Montana. And probably many other firsts besides these.

For me, I will spend this last week visiting my past, or what I like to call, “My first life”. I haven’t been to Montana in winter since 1999/2000. I haven’t been to my old college stomping grounds since then either. My research revealed that a lot has changed in the town of Bozeman in the 20 years since I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree (yes, exactly 20 years!). It isn’t so tiny anymore, that’s for sure! Yet still, it would be consider tiny to most. I don’t know yet what lies ahead. Healing? Release? Expansion? Gratitude? Joy? Maybe all of the above and more – I hope.

My memories of my time there are wrought with anxiety. The snowy, ice packed, winter roads caused me much distress. As a Texan I was just not prepared for winter driving and even after four years of practice I often drove gripping the steering wheel, fighting mental images of getting stuck in a ditch without any way of contacting help. To give you an idea of just how anxious driving made me, I turned down a good job because I couldn’t confront the idea of the long commute during the winter months.

Other memories consist of my time with my ex and his family, regrets at how I treated them and how I let my anxiety and need for control destroy the very relationships that supported me during this time in my life. The entire time, I was surrounded by nature’s beauty, an awe-inspiring, breathtaking array of Mountains, foothills and wildlife. Yet I very rarely took the time to really appreciate it. The times I did allow myself to breathe in the beauty and magnificence of the place I lived are some of my most precious memories of my time there.

One memory I have that has now become my favorite was on a hunting trip to the outskirts of Yellowstone. My ex was always hunting and had the goal of killing a six point elk. He succeeded on this trip but we got caught in the mountains in the dark and were forced to spend the night. We had no tents, no supplies for camping – nothing. I remember laying in the sage on the mountainside trying to sleep but being blown away by the night sky in all its glory. The air, the smells, the sensations, all remain vivid in my memory. It was spectacular! I can STILL feel all of it as if it was yesterday.

Those are the memories I want to keep. The others, well, they are lessons learned and I hope to share the good parts with my husband and children this week. I want them to see what I often did not, to know the world is glorious and full of wonder if only we would take the time to really SEE and appreciate it.

I will certainly share photos upon our return as well as any lessons and healing experiences I may have.

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Dreams, Conversations and short OBE

Last night was full of wonderful healing energy and a great many interesting conversations and dreams. It began with some powerful surges of Kundalini. They were brief, though, and didn’t keep me from falling asleep.

Dream: Drowning Girl

I had this dream two nights ago but feel it is appropriate to share now.

I was in a boat (unexplored emotions and feelings) with a mother (aspect of self) and her daughter (inner child). The daughter had no legs (feeling helpless). She was just an upper body and midsection. The boat was moving at super high speeds like a speed boat. The mother was holding onto her daughter in an attempt to keep her from going overboard. 

We traveled at high speeds for a while but then the mother lost her grip on her daughter. The girl fell into the dark water and the boat stopped a short distance after, docking near a pier located near some homes. Me and the mother got out of the boat and the mother despaired, wailing for someone to rescue her daughter. I felt unable to help and also called for others to assist, but no one came. I remember worrying the girl couldn’t swim because she had no legs. She surely would sink straight to the bottom.

I looked down at the water’s surface to see if I could see her and saw bubbles rising to the surface. I yelled to the mother, “Look! Bubbles! She’s there!” The mother jumped in and was under water for a while. When she finally surfaced she had her daughter in her arms but she was unresponsive. The mother blew in her face like a mother’s does to get a baby to take a breath, and it worked! Eventually the girl revived and was okay. We were all so relieved. I began to sob and woke up in tears.

Interpretation

It feels like this dream is about my inner child and my desire to save her from a situation that feels out of control. Her lack of legs indicates she is unable to move or progress on her own. She may feel stuck. It seems the dream message is that surrender must occur before progress can be made. My emotion felt displaced and it confused me. I have no idea why I cried so much. Relief maybe?

Dream: Failing Grades

I was back in high school and my teachers were telling me that I was failing their classes. Specifically it felt like I was failing Algebra and there was a question about an English paper that was due. There was discussion about the classes I was passing, too. History was one of them and I commented that it made sense being I was a history teacher. I remember looking at my grade in Algebra (logic). It was a 55 and I knew that I would not pass no matter how hard I worked because I didn’t have time to make up all the missed assignments. 

Eventually I decided that it was pointless to try so hard to pass because I had already graduated a long, long time ago. I remember talking to another woman in my same position and telling her, “I have a Master’s in School Counseling. I was just going to school because it was fun. No one even noticed my age.” I was very proud that I could pass so easily as much younger than I really am. 

The administration in the front office was very irritated with me and had called in someone higher up as well as the police when they discovered I was not who I pretended to be. This is when I decided to just leave with the woman. I said, “What are they going to do? They have my old address, my old information from when I attended in my teens. They can’t find me. There is nothing they can do.”

We went outside and flew along a road to a circular, dirt drive near an old, wooden home. It felt like my new address for some reason but it turned out I had just parked my car there. Rather than go to my car, a guy took us to this van and out of it came two Mexican men with pizzas they said we ordered. I was asked to pay and I remember using a fake card number and signing my husband’s name. lol 

The dream fades out here but I remember traveling.

Considerations

I feel this is a positive dream. It reminds me of a very recent dream where I was still in high school but telling everyone I was much older and had already graduated. In that dream I had been told, “It’s time to go now” and the message was that it was not helping me to repeat the same lesson over and over again, a lesson that the younger version of me mastered a while ago. So last night’s dream seems to be a continuation of that theme except that I decide to leave. My attitude is “screw the consequences”. I realized I was able to fool everyone into thinking I was someone I am not and so they would not be able to find the real me.

So it seems I am done pretending to be this other version of me. I am done learning lessons that I have already learned and repeating the same classes over and over again. 

Discussion and Short OBE

I recall having numerous discussions while in the in-between. Much of it was about the Kundalini, which has been more active than usual. It was explained to me that when it rose this next time to be ready for a major clearing to occur. It felt like a warning but at the same time I was not concerned. I remember worrying I would have major panic but felt it would not be an issue this time around.

In one very vivid memory, I was conversing with three individuals dressed in white. It reminded me of the environment from the movie The Island and there is probably some symbolism to be had in that, too. A woman and I were discussing my current issues with my marriage. She began to tell me about her own situation. She explained how she had a strong connection with a man and so left her husband immediately because there was no comparison. As she explained the amazing connection she had with the new man, I saw him standing behind her. He had a big, puffy, blonde beard. Next to him I saw her husband who also had a beard, only it was red. The husband went up to the other man who was about a foot taller than him. He then kissed the man passionately and they kissed for a while. The woman said to me, “Look what I have to deal with.” LOL

After this interesting conversation I put my attention on how I was feeling. I knew I was OOB but I was floating just over the top of my sleeping body. The energy was so wonderful and I played with it, spinning around and willing myself to expand and contract. Eventually, though, I decided I would just exit my body and see what I could find or explore.

The first attempt didn’t last. I had trouble disconnecting and felt too heavy so I immediately just let myself fall back into the amazing energy. I almost fell asleep but then decided to try exiting again. This time I was successful and flew out of my bedroom. I could still feel the heavy energy. It was not lifting even as I flew up into the air. I opened my eyes as I jumped/flew down the stairs. I could see my dog at the bottom looking up at me. The entire house was golden in color and very bright. As I flew down I could feel the sensation that comes with falling, as if my stomach jumped into my throat. It was a thrill and I was joyous as I reached the bottom but within seconds I could feel that feeling as if someone says, “NO” and I was sucked back to my body.
I didn’t feel myself transition, though. Instead I floated there in the brilliant energy again. This time, talking to the woman who I had been talking to before, I told the woman, “I will stay right here, then.” As I told her this I created a long board and began to apply glue to it. I was showing her that I would glue myself to that spot and stay put. LOL

I lingered in the in-between for a while, soaking up the healing energy. This is how I started my day and I am so grateful for it.

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Dream: Erupting Volcano and Lightning Tower

As the “great conjunction” approaches my need for sleep has increased but my ability to fall asleep has decreased. I suspect all the holiday activities are to blame. My company held its annual Christmas party yesterday and so I spent several hours around a large group. While there I could sense them all – their gratitude, their struggles, their worries, their hope – and felt a comradery I’ve not felt before. Most of our employees I know only in name and feelings their individual energies was revealing in more than one way. But the more people I am around, the more wired I tend to be afterward. Sometimes it can take hours for me wind down.

Despite my lack of sleep I am having higher instances of Kundalini activity and my dream recall is also increasing.

I can’t help but wonder if the great conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter is contributing to all this new activity. Years ago, after several OBEs, I woke with memory of the movie The Dark Crystal. Here is the post if you want to read about it.

The theme song of the movie was in my head along with memories of the prophecy the entire movie was based upon. I loved the movie as a child so the memories immediately took me back to that time in my life. Surprising, I recalled the prophecy word-for-word:

When single shines the triple sun,
What was sundered and undone
Shall be whole, the two made one,
By Gelfling hand, or else by none.

When I heard about the up and coming “great conjunction” I recalled the part of the movie where Aughra said, “The great conjunction is at hand!” In another part of the movies she describes what the conjunction means:

“The Great Conjunction is the end of the world…or the beginning. End, begin. All the same! Big change! Sometimes good, sometimes bad!“

I had the below dream two nights ago. You will see how this dream relates to the above conjunction message if you focus on the symbolism of the dream.

Dream: Erupting Volcano and Lightning Tower

I was in a field behind my Mom’s house with my MIL (aspect of self, the old crone, wisdom). She was asking me to follow her. I had with me a bowl of food (spiritual sustenance) and my phone (communication). I saw that sky was overcast. Huge, dark clouds were rolling in but the sun’s rays were breaking through in areas. It was beautiful so I took out my phone to take photos but the food I carried was making it difficult. I couldn’t take a picture with just one hand and stood there fumbling a while before I put down the food bowl.

My MIL was waving for me to follow so I left the beautiful sky and ran after her. She was way ahead and I had to catch up.

The terrain changed. Trees disappeared and a rugged, dessert-like landscape took its place. I found myself standing near boulders (obstacles) at the base of a steep mountain (difficult path). Above and in the distance I saw a wide, solid red column of fire in the sky. In awe, I stood looking at it, again fumbling with my phone to take a picture. I remember exclaiming, “It’s a volcano (Kundalini)!” What is odd is that the eruption was not in spurts, shooting upward. Instead the column of fire seemed to flow like a river into the sky without any interruption in flow.

I went closer to inspect the odd volcano only to discover a tower rising high into the sky. It was like the tower connected to the sky and if you climbed it you could reach God. As I looked up at the tower I could see bolts of lightning striking it (the Tower card in traditional tarot). The entire tower would light up. I saw then it was made of metal in a grid fashion like a phone tower. The metal conducted the energy and the entire tower glowed bluish-white.

I remember climbing still further. Eventually we reached our destination which resembled an abandoned resort (transition is over) in a tropical area. I could see above me the empty rooms.  Rain (strong emotion) was falling in sheets but it didn’t get me wet. I walked toward the edge of the resort. There was a road that ended in a vast ocean. I could see a small fawn (true friends, faithfulness) struggling in the water. I wanted to save it and began to reach for it, telling my MIL, “Look! It’s a baby deer!” I could see it clearly as it approached the shore but then it morphed into a baby (new beginnings) when it reached the shore. I think I held it but can’t remember. 

Interpretation

This dream feels like both a warning and a Kundalini dream. The volcano is unlike what I’ve seen in other dreams. While volcanic eruptions are common Kundalini symbols in my dreams, the volcanoes tend to send fire into the sky in spurts. Sometimes there is lightning accompanying the eruption. I have described some of my experiences with the K energy as “lightning bolts of energy”, so that is likely what the lightning symbolizes in this dream as well. I find it interesting that in this dream the volcanic eruption is sustained, flowing continuously from root (Earth) to crown (Heaven).

Image from the Osho Zen Tarot deck

The tower is symbolic of the Tower card in tarot. When this card comes up it is a warning of major changes, usually unexpected. The change destroys the old to make way for the new. It typically shakes up the world of the person and there is no avoiding it. This is where the quote from Aughra comes in. The Tower card represents big change – sometimes good, sometimes bad but always destruction of the old to make way for the new.

The abandoned resort indicates a period of transition is over. The road, or my path, ends in an ocean of emotion and there is even more emotion with the rain, but I never get wet, meaning the emotion doesn’t overwhelm me. I try to rescue the fawn from drowning, meaning I want to avoid losing what the fawn represents – true friendship and/or faithfulness in a relationship. When it morphs into a baby it indicates new beginnings.

To add to the above dream and symbolism, I woke with the song Paradise by Coldplay in my head. The specific part I heard was:

And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She’d say, “Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, I know the sun must set to rise.”

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Karma: A Simple Explanation

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, 2020 has been a tough year. Not only has it been tumultuous on the outside (Covid, politics and other world events) but my personal Universe has been quite “bumpy”. Besides all the drama of the near-death of my sister, I’ve also been dealing with personal issues relating specifically to my marriage. Fights are not uncommon and one fight in particular brought up a subject that I want to talk about in this post: Karma.

December 7th

A typical argument ensued. My husband blew up, stormed out and then later returned, calmer, and we actually communicated for a while. The question had come up regarding why he and I are still together which led to him finally “inviting me” to share my truth (as a Self-Projected Projector this is key for me to feel heard and work my magic).

I shared with him a dream I had a while ago where I recalled a past life from around the 1400-1500s. In this dream, my husband was my fiancé. In that lifetime he was a very well-off, rich, noble born man. He was tall, well groomed, blonde and very egotistical. I was petite, beautiful but in a plain way, and from a lower status family. Our marriage was pre-arranged and I did as I was told.

In the end, I broke off our engagement (meaning I lost the support of my family), choosing instead a poorly man who was crippled and likely to die in a year. I loved this other man with all my heart, though, and gave up a life of riches and wanting for nothing to be with a someone who could give me absolutely nothing. My husband’s past self could not handle the rejection. No woman had ever rejected him! In fact, women flocked to him. He was spoiled and entitled and full of himself. His only interest in me was in the pursuit and possession of me. Had I married him he would not have stayed faithful and though I would have wanted for nothing I would not have had love or the freedom to be myself. 

After that, all I remember was that the man I married did die within a short time after I made my choice to be with him. What I recall of him is that he had to walk with a cane because his legs were malformed; twisted as if he had some kind of nerve disorder from an accident or perhaps genetics. He had a brilliant mind, though.

More questions and discussion led to an invitation to explain karma. So, I explained what karma was and how it worked. Interestingly enough the explanation flowed out of me in an unexpected way (as will happen with Self-Projected Projectors like myself). 

I saw how we as spiritual Beings view karma versus how we as humans see it. There is no “good” or “bad”. It is simply decisions and our tendencies to repeat decisions rather than learn from them when in a human body. When we return to Spirit we recall our human life much like a dream. Only parts stick out – the parts that contain high emotion or trauma mainly. Even still those things are not seen as important. They are like in our peripheral, just on the outskirts of our awareness until they build up and become hard to ignore, like pesky flies or mosquitoes that we ultimately have to put our attention on. Karma occurs when the repetitive choices become those “pesky flies”. To resolve this we must reverse the repetitive decisions so that balance returns. 

My husband brought up how we forget when we come into the body. I said that we don’t forget but that the human body/biological Being and the Spiritual Being when merged do not speak the same “language”. The genetic memories and the Spiritual memories combine and become cellular memory but it is below the surface, in the human subconscious. The challenge then is to learn how to tap into these memories via increased awareness so that we then can make difference decisions and shift the pattern in order to create balance. Then those pesky flies disappear.

In my mind I saw all of this that I explained as if a Universe were around me. It was so clear but now, as I try to recall it, the clarity is lacking and my explanation falls short. 

The important part is that my husband has been given the chance to have the life with me that was denied him in another lifetime. I am giving him that chance and also gaining a chance to experience a path I opted out of in the past (maybe several past lifetimes). My husband believes he killed me, or at least had me killed by “the butcher” (his words). I don’t remember this, so I can’t say whether it is true but he had certainty that it was what happened. I told him that what I perceived is that in that life he struggled with letting me go. He just couldn’t do it. So, in this lifetime, his must come to the point where he can do that – completely. 

Sync

I wasn’t going to post about the above conversation initially, but a post on FB changed that. I don’t usually watch posted videos but this one caught my eye. As I watched, a question about “why do we incarnate” was answered.

At the 12 minute mark you will hear what made me decide to share my karma explanation today:

Jurgen explains that you/we don’t decide to reincarnate via our Ego-Self but make that decision via the “energy field of the totality of yourself”. From that vantage point we see all our aspects, everything that we are, and we choose to reincarnate in order to “level the playing field”. I explained to my husband that we sense imbalance and seek to create balance and that is what karma is. Period. It isn’t “good” or “bad”, it is just imbalance.

What I saw in my mind and tried to communicate to my husband was like a small universe – The universe that is me – with clusters of stars of “light”. It seemed that the overly bright clusters of stars/light were what caught my attention and as a result I would “zoom in” to see why. The more focused I was on a specific area the more “karma” it contained.

December 9th – Dream and Possible Past Life Memory

In this dream I was in the gym at a weight machine I have never seen. It was cables with large “S” hooks. I was using it for upper body, chest or shoulders. There was a man there who I was talking to. The man took a cable and hooked it up and then I lifted for a bit. We were talking throughout and he wanted to take me somewhere. It felt like he was interested in me for a relationship. I think he was a teacher and we were talking about what we had that in common.

Then I was in his car driving over very uneven terrain. The road had huge rocks and ledges of rocks. It was super bumpy but he drove it like he had no concern for the roughness of it or that it would damage his car. He also drove fast. I was holding on tight as he drove towards what looked like a cliff composed of large, flat, colored rocks. He went over it with only a large bump. No crash as it seemed would happen.

The man took me into a dilapidated house that was very long and narrow inside. The kitchen was the main part I recall as well as all the family members that were crowded inside. The appliances were out dated and the sink was not hooked up. His family were very uneducated and poorly in appearance. They reminded me of people from slums. I accepted them as they were, though. They noticed I was not like them. 

The man told me that he still lived with his ex and their son. I saw her walking through the house. She was blonde but looked to be high on drugs. She looked awful. I was polite, though. The situation seemed to be that he felt obligated to help her. I also knew his job as a teacher was the only income they had.

Then the man took me to another area of the house, a living area. Inside were more family members of all ages. There was a little girl who I liked and was drawn to. The man began preparing something that looked like tortillas. I told the girl she was special to get homemade bread as most these days didn’t even know how to make it. I described my bread machine to her. She was fascinated.

The man was talking to a male family member who was lingering there. An older man. They spoke of the family assets and how they owned millions in property which they bought to house everyone in the family, young and old. They built a house for a grandparent to take care of them which turned out to be very expensive. I had no judgment at the time, just curiosity, but in considering it now I think it sad to spend so much on housing but not take care of any of it. It was also strange that all the family were so poorly and didn’t seem to care to bathe or take care of themselves.

Then I was with the man alone in a separate room. Near the back was an opening and I walked toward it. I stood at the opening which was like a wide open door and looked out at the swamp-like conditions outside. It would have been beautiful except that there was trash and litter, old cars, etc., dotting the landscape. It saddened me. Then the man turned and told me he was not interested in a long-term type relationship with me. It was odd that he would go to such effort to introduce me to his family but not want anything to do with me in that way. I didn’t get my feelings hurt, though. I got a sense that he had decided to stay with them regardless of how they brought him down. He did it out of duty. It felt that he didn’t want to complicate matters by bringing me into his mess.

I ended up going into a small office with an older man who was family to this young man –  a great uncle or something (higher more wise aspect). It was strange that the office was connected to the house I had just been in. The office was also very cluttered. Floor to ceiling books (wisdom, information) and other items, but the clutter looked organized. It felt like the man was highly intelligent.

The man was professional looking, dressed in a sweater vest, shirt and tie. He had dark hair, wore glasses and reminded me of someone I know in this life. He offered me a seat but they all had white spots on them. He commented on how no one ever wanted to sit in them. I told him I understood why. So he pulled out a different chair that was hidden in the corner. The chair was covered in brown, furry fabric and swiveled. I sat in it. I knew he was a counselor and I was there for a session but I don’t recall ever having one, at least not a normal one. What I do remember is going back into the cluttered and dilapidated house with a sponge and wiping the layers of dust off of things in an attempt to clean up. As I cleaned I said that I couldn’t understand how no one ever took the time to clean. I was shocked that anyone would live in such a state permanently. I was happy to clean and had thoughts of thoroughly cleaning the entire house. I also thought of how I could cook them meals, meals they had never tried before.

Considerations

I believe this was a past life dream.  

It felt like the family situation, generations all living together, symbolized many past lives or aspects. They lived together (all part of one) in the bayou and/or the Appalachians or deep South. So perhaps many lifetimes occurred in the same area? Or it could be a direct link to this lifetime and the importance of family.

At the beginning of the dream when I was talking to the man I was in a gym attempting to lift weights. This symbolism indicates that I was talking about a “weight” I am carrying. The man is carrying it, too, because he is also lifting weights in the gym. The gym is symbolic of self-improvement, so the man and I were there discussing how to improve ourselves. This is where I get the idea that it may relate to a past life, specifically because of the “S” hooks. This takes a more literal meaning to me as the person I know in this lifetime has “S” in his name and the “hook” here is how were are connected (hooked).

What is odd is that this past life feels like it was more his than mine. That maybe he thought about inviting me to participate but then chose to take a different path?  

If this is true, that I was being shown a past life scenario, then it could be that there is an opportunity to resolve karma similar to the karma my husband and I are trying to resolve. The similarity being that both men did not get to be with me in those lives and now have the opportunity to try the path they rejected. My husband didn’t get to be with me because I refused him. Perhaps my friend didn’t get to be with me out of duty to his family and seeing the added complications being with me would create? If this is the case, I find it interesting that now the roles are reversed and I am the one with family obligations getting in the way.

Whatever the case, the dream and karma explanation came within days of each other, which is not a coincidence. I have been specifically asking for clarity on my life in general, so this kind of dreamwork is not unusual. I just wish I could make better sense of it all.

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The Kundalini: Questions

More crazy dreams. I have no clue why, for most of 2020, my dreams and recall have been so funky, but this year has been odd all around. It is like a wave of strange and mysterious poured into the Collective Consciousness and has been slowly replicating, like a virus (ha!). As each “cell” of the Collective Be-ing is overtaken by this force, the “new” replicates” and overtakes more “cells”. We are now infected with the “new” and, as each “cell” is changed, the entire system is “shocked”. Electric shock therapy comes to mind for some reason. Perhaps it has the same result as ECT, perhaps not. I think it has to do with the the individual and how ready they are to accept this change. If not ready, then what? I shudder to consider the possibilities of this.

But I digress…..my main reason for this post was to ponder my dreams and what was on my mind as I awoke.

Dream: Leaving the Movie Theater

I went to a movie (experience one is focused on) with my mom and early on decided to leave the theater. I went to a restaurant (seeking spiritual nourishment) and sat at a table with two men and a woman. What was odd is that I sat there telling them what to look for in a bad relationship. I specifically targeted one of the men who would say and do things to try and control his girlfriend. They were to be married and I was trying to help them avoid a difficult path. It was very obvious that the relationship was not a good one but no one there seemed to see that.

I left to return to the movie. I found my ticket stub and approached the ticket counter but my foot hit the low counter. I saw the ticket person was in a wheelchair (dependency on others). I apologized for kicking the counter, blaming my high heels (sexual expression). The woman took my ticket and I asked if the movie was still playing. She told me the movie playing was “Halloween” and not the one I had been watching with my mom. She motioned to the theater to her right so I went in that direction but found no entrance. So I stood and waited for my Mom to emerge, checking the time and being confused. It was during this time that my root chakra activated, buzzing extremely strongly and woke me up.

I fell back into the in-between where I had a conversation with my guidance. I remember specifically trying to manifest someone in the bed with me, imagining how it might feel to have a partner who was like me and who I could merge the physical and spiritual with. I wondered if it was possible? And if so, would I survive it? Was I even capable? I did get an answer – Yes. I fell asleep not long after.

Dream: To the Bank…um Grocery Store

Most of this dream occurred in the dark (the unknown, unseen). The first part I recall is discussing purchasing food. I was with a younger woman sitting at a computer (communication, information). She kept suggesting we visit this particular website I had never heard of, some kind of social media site. I finally asked her what age group generally visited the website. She said, “Twenty-somethings.” I said, “Well I’m 44 so that website isn’t for me.” Ultimately I ordered four items. I think it was fish or chicken, or both, but I can’t remember except that I saw a visual of meat.

Then I was talking to my son who was upset because no one noticed his new haircut (loss, defeat, lack of progress). I told him I would fix it and upon looking saw that he had a buzzcut but had long, shoulder-length hair hanging around the edges. I took scissors and trimmed it but he ended up looking like he had a bowl cut in the front. lol

Next, I was with my husband traveling in a car (life path) in the dark. I had four checks in my hands that were written to pay for the food I purchased. We arrived at the bank (resources) when it was still closed. They let us in and we waited in the lobby as the employees prepared to open. I remember browsing through essential oils and picked up one called “Pleasure”, put some on and decided to buy it. I remember sending my husband to buy the oil blend but then he left the bottle behind. I didn’t go get it since I has already put some oil on me.

When we finally paid for the food I remember noticing that three of the meats were white colored but the last was red like salmon. I was told the red meat was in fact Flamingo (maturity, security) meat. lol It was specifically for my husband.

As I was leaving the bank I came to the double glass doors where I saw a gentleman assisting an elderly woman with her grocery cart. I held the door for him as he was coming in and he looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you.” The man walked back outside with me, though, and I said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were going out.” He smiled at me and said, “It is great to see you again.” I said, “Oh? I hardly ever come here.” He said, “Well, you come here more than she does (the woman he was helping).” The man was walking backwards as he said this so he could look me in the eyes. He was quite handsome with black hair and pale skin. His eyes were also dark and when he smiled I swear his Light chased away the darkness of the night.

Then our paths diverged but as I walked out in the parking lot looking for the car I kept running into him. I mentioned this and he would just laugh and remind me that he saw me often.

Eventually, I came to some parked cars but I couldn’t see anything. It was pitch black outside. I scooted between the front bumpers of two cars and ran into a dog (protection, guidance) on a leash (restraint). The dog jumped up on me and startled me. I looked down and saw a beautiful Golden Retriever (retrieve, gain control). It licked me and whined and I remember petting it.

At this moment a message was sent to me. It materialized in my mind. I heard a woman’s voice as I read the letter. It said that her four horses (wild, free nature, sexuality) had gotten out and she was worried because her two dogs were not with them. She said, “I know they could find their way home if the dogs were with them, but without the dogs I fear they will be lost.” I saw two beautiful Irish Setters and remember thinking, “Those are not herding dogs…” and thought they would likely kill the horses.

When I woke up a song verse was repeating in my head, but only part of it, “I hope you know, I hope you know….”

The Kundalini: Questions

After I woke, I remember talking with my guidance, asking them questions. I was thinking of all the times the K has risen. It seems that it is either while I am sleeping (this is most frequent) or it is initiated by another K-active person, masculine specifically. When I am asleep I encounter other worldly Beings – non-human entities as some call them – OR one of my guides initiates the K. Sometimes my guides and the non-human entities are one and the same.

I wanted to know, “Can I initiate the K on my own? Or do I need someone/something else to initiate it for me? Why was I told to ‘let him initiate’ when specifically in contact with K-active masculines (has only happened two times)? Is this because, as a woman, I am suppose to be passive? Will it always be that someone/something else has to initiate the K in me? Or can I do it myself?”

I was very much missing the K energy and attempted to get it to rise without success. I can get the energy to swirl and expand, but not from the root upward. When I focus, breathe and relax/surrender, the K will originate in my middle back and then expand in a circular fashion outward until it is bigger than my physical body. Then I can sit in this bliss for a while but it doesn’t go any further than that.

My experiences of being “initiated” are much different. The energy will move either from root to crown or from other areas down and up at the same time (usually my head/neck or heart). The energy is very electric and orgasmic, extremely intense and pleasurable, and when it reaches my crown I feel transported elsewhere where I become One with everything. When in this state of Oneness I sometimes sense another in my body with me, or at least that is what it feels like. It seems that there is another energy occupying the same space as me. The other energy has looked through my eyes but often it just sits there with me. I am not uncomfortable with it. Instead it feels natural, as if this other energy is part of me and always has been.

As I conversed with my guidance, the song kept going through my head, especially when I asked “Why?”

“I hope you know, I hope you know….this has nothing to do with you. It’s personal, I hope you know….”

So, maybe, my experiences with the K are unique; my own? Maybe I experience it as I do because it is what I need and how the K works for me? It is hard to know for sure without others’ experiences to compare it to.

What is interesting is that when I went online one of the first things I read was a post on FB by a K-active female friend. She described a K experience she had that was very similar to one of my own. It seemed not only to be a sync but also a response to my questioning – I am not alone nor are my experiences unlike other women’s, at least this friend’s experiences are similar.

I would like to hear from other females who are K-active. Do you find you have to be “initiated” for the K to rise? Or can you initiate it yourself while not in a dream or with a male energy around you?

The bliss episodes I experience are pleasant but the rising experiences are few and far between. I long to experience that Oneness more frequently. If I could be there all the time, I would. The erotic, pleasurable experiences are great, too, but I long to be One with All, to feel that expansiveness and everything that goes with it.