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Dreams: 2FAST4M3 and Dead Swan

I’ve been having quite a bit of dream activity lately. Two nights in a row I’ve awakened with memories that seem to “stick”. Anytime a dream lingers like that, especially visuals like messages and such, I take time to interpret it and try and gain insight from the messages received.

Dream: 2FAST4M3

I was in a house that was quite cluttered and multi-storied (clutters aspects of self). At first I was watching others in the house walking about in the kitchen area. There were cameras (feeling ‘watched’) all over and the house was much larger and spacious. I remember thinking, “What if someone was walking around naked? The cameras would catch everything.” I knew had I been in the house I would have gotten caught naked and laughed quietly to myself. lol

I saw two teenage girls in the kitchen. One was talking about doing her homework. An old computer monitor, like from the 80s, was sitting on the counter. The screen had lines moving through it and there were words but I couldn’t read them. My thought was it was odd for them to have such an old computer.

Then I was in the smaller house with another woman, or girl. I remember going up the stairs with the girl and she accidentally knocked a light bulb off a string of lights that was wrapped around a chandelier. I put the light back. I remember seeing odds and ends on top of the shelf near it and saying it had become a place people just put all their odds and ends.

I also recall watching the house from the outside and having trouble finding it. When I got closer someone was replacing the threshold. A man slid a small piece of wood in and it clicked into place.

Later, after going up and down stairs, I was back on the main floor. There was a lit up license plate that I realized I could change the message on. So I began to type out, “2 FAST 4ME”. Someone corrected me and suggested, “2FAST4M3”. I remember saying, “Too fast for you” as if I was telling this to the person but I can’t recall the person I spoke to.

There was another section where I was attempting to work out with equipment that was not put together correctly. I gave up and decided not to workout and the equipment morphed into the pedals of a car. I ended up inside the car (life path) driving it. The brake and gas pedals were in the wrong position, the gas pedal was way too far up. I was told to push down on the gas until it clicked into the right position. I did this and was able to drive but I had a helmet on, like for a race car, and it kept shifting and making it hard to see. I accidentally drove into the wrong lane – a wide sidewalk actually – but then went back onto the main road. I moved the helmet but the side of the car was sometimes still in my line of sight. It appeared that I was sitting crooked in the driver’s seat somehow. Despite this I was able to drive the car without wrecking.

Messages and Symbolism

When I woke the message on the license plate remained in my mind. I knew it was to be noted so I did. Then I drifted back and forth in and out of a meditative state. While doing this I saw two words flash in my vision, printed very large and in all caps. The first was “FAST”. It woke me, I took note and drifted off again. Not long after I saw, “TWIN”. Again, it woke me and I stayed awake a bit longer.

Eventually I drifted again and this time I saw another written message. This time I read it backwards, not sure why. I read, “PRESSURE, STABLES”. I realized it was, “STABLE PRESSURE”.

I couldn’t return to sleep after that because I kept thinking it was a message about the future. Was I going to end up in a situation where I was progressing very fast? Or was it a reminder of my past experience, which was indeed everything the messages relayed?

What I have decided is that the message is about the past, not the future because what was relayed is in fact true. I was on a fast and furious ride with a “twin” connection that made it hard for me to see the road ahead. In the end, the whole experience turned out to be too fast for me.

Dream: Dead Swan

In the dream I was at my Mom’s house. I opened the back door to the pool area and let out a dog (protection) who then went after a very friendly black cat (intuition). The cat didn’t run and so the dog grabbed him violently and began to treat the cat like a toy, viciously tossing him left and right to try and wring his neck. I thought for sure the dog would kill the cat but the cat got away and climbed up to the roof of the house where he peered down at me.

That is when I saw a horrible sight. There was a beautiful swan (grace, beauty, partnership) laying on the ground. Both its wings were spread open and there was blood spots on them. I saw the swan’s head and neck and it was most obviously dead. I felt so sad for it and the loss of its beauty.

Someone was with me and I said, “It’s dead.” I felt horrible and felt for sure the swan was a bad omen.

The person with me (I couldn’t see them) motioned behind me and asked about a fruit to my left. When I looked there was a large vine (peace), like a tomato vine. It seemed to grow as I looked at it, like something out of a fairy tale, the leaves and flowers going through various stages of growth. Fruits appeared on it that were the size of large tomatoes but they were not tomatoes. They were a light pinkish color, maybe coral. I remember calling them Kumquats.

When I woke I felt concerned and couldn’t get the dream out of my mind. I did fall back to sleep but the next dream I had eludes me. I recall only that it had to do with school.

Symbolism

The symbolism was not lost upon me. The black cat could be a negative symbol but I was sympathetic to it, so I think the symbolism is fear of using my intuition and psychic abilities. The dog attacking the cat could be my belief that pushing away my abilities is somehow helpful and protecting me. Yet I also fear the loss of these abilities and so the cat is ultimately saved.

The dead swan is a sign of a separation which results in suffering. Yet the Kumquat is a sign of luck, wealth, prosperity and abundance. Vines symbolize peace and comfort. So it seems the dream is foretelling positive things arising from a separation situation.

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A Kundalini Dream and Message: Hey Soul Sister!

Unexpected Kundalini dream early this morning along with some messages.

Kundalini Dream

I was with someone who resembled an ex from early on after my divorce. He was the third person I had connected with since my divorce – within that first year actually. In the dream he had taken me to a party where we met with some of his friends. I recall him introducing me to this nice woman who seemed to be the one throwing the party. When she gave her name it was my name, first and last, only my maiden name instead of my married one. She spelled her name with an “e” where mine was with an “a”. What is funny is that when she said her name I saw it in my mind as I heard it which is why I knew it was spelled differently. I laughed and told her, “You have the same exact name I do – my name is also __________”. She laughed and said, “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with my exact name. What is your middle name?” I told her and she told me hers was a different name. Still, it was quite amazing to me and I was a bit in awe of it.

Something about my interaction with this “other me” made my boyfriend upset. So, he left me there – “abandoned” was the word I used. I remember thinking, “I can’t believe he abandoned me.” It felt like this man mistreated me quite a bit but what was unusual is that I didn’t seem to mind it. I spoke with the other me for a while after that. She knew I was married and asked how I ended up with a boyfriend instead of my husband. I seemed concerned about it at first and then tossed that worry for acceptance.  I don’t recall my explanation in words but in pictures.

I wandered about the party wondering what I was going to do and thinking I needed to just wait for him to return, I saw people mingling and felt a bit confused and without purpose. I don’t have much memory of this time. I believe I was contemplating why I would even wait for my boyfriend to return when he mistreated me so. It didn’t really make sense that I would want to be with him yet I still did. It was odd and illogical. There was also a sense that I shifted between being male and female and that my boyfriend shifted with me, mirroring me to become the polar opposite of me each time (me – male, him – female and vice versa).

Then, out of nowhere, my boyfriend returned. I went with him willingly despite him being annoyed with me and seeming to not like me much. There was much disdain from him and at times I could feel anger from him even. I remember him demanding that I help him translate messages from God. It was like I was Moses receiving the Ten Commandments. My boyfriend roughly pushed me to the ground and pointed toward a large stone demanding I relay what I saw. I saw messages instantly etched into stone. The letters burned gold as the words appeared. I read them aloud to my boyfriend and I knew they were commandments but they were quite lengthy.

The scene shifted and we ended up in my kitchen near the stove preparing food together. As I prepared the meal he held up a crumb of something and made a snide comment indicating that I was unable to do even the simplest of things right. He had me pressed into a corner facing him and I felt angry in response to his words. At this moment the man, who had previously seemed like an ex-boyfriend, reminded me of my current husband.

While intent on yelling at him in anger I felt this amazing magnetic connection I could not ignore. So I reached my arms around him and pulled him to me. The anger we both felt transformed into this amazing, passionate feeling that burned through my insides, rapidly moving upward with such ferocity that I could do nothing but surrender to it. I remember breathlessly saying, “I love you so much….” as my chakras ignited one by one in the familiar K-fire.

Unfortunately, the intensity woke me up and I lay in bed breathless and wishing I had not awakened. I remember a male voice speaking with me but his words are mostly lost to me now. What I do recall is shifting in and out of the in-between. As I did this the K continued to rise all the way to my crown, lingering briefly in my heart but long enough for me to relish in it. I worried briefly that it would surely kill me if it got any more intense. Yet at the same time I was blissfully intoxicated. All other similar K experiences flooded my mind and body in recognition of my Divine nature.

Strangely, the K energy lulled me to sleep and I entered into another dream.

Dream: Sleep Chamber

In this dream I was sitting in a room watching my sister give a tarot reading to another woman. The room at times looked to be two places – one a large, open space and the other my old bedroom growing up. My sister was having trouble finding the card meaning in the book and I flipped through it to show her. The cards she was using were a deck of my design and ultimately the message was written on the face of the card which I showed to the woman receiving the reading. She was concerned, however, because the card indicated some upheaval. I told her it was just a part of the entire reading, which was a very large spread of many cards and motioned to the entire layout saying, “This is all of you” then pointing to the other card, “..and that is just a small portion of you.” I can’t recall the message now but it was not positive. The feeling I get now is that it represented some kind of major struggle. The card had a massive lion on the front. The card next to it also had a lion but it was just the head of the lion and it was in the right hand corner. I told the woman this was a good sign.

I attempted to stay and mingle with them but their reaction to me was that they were just tolerating my presence and really didn’t want me there. I left, feeling unsettled and repulsed by their behavior. I remember thinking how I preferred to be on my own to just being “tolerated” by others. For some reason it felt like the women were instructed to do this so I wouldn’t feel left out but they wanted nothing to do with me nor did they care to hear what I had to say.

As I lingered alone in my space a black man approached me and came onto me. I remember not minding but thinking how men always did this and noting the contrast between my interactions with the women, who were in pretense, and the overt honesty of the man.

There was another man who came in who was very obviously not right in the mind. He was very friendly with me and eager to share his experiences. He left not long after and went to a large van opening all of the doors. When I approached it he showed me how the front of his van had been shot up with bullets and repaired, indicating he had been through many challenging times.

The dream gets fuzzy but I recall being selected and taken to do my time in a sleep chamber along with others on what I can only describe as a craft of some sort. I was put into a large, double sized bed that was on the bottom row alongside many others. The beds were hanging horizontally from the ceiling like pods only they were not contained but had floral bedspreads and fluffy pillows on them. When I asked how long I had to stay I got no answer but remember thinking it would be a month.

Message: Hey Soul Sister

When I woke I received messages. One was a reminder about human conditioning limiting romantic love to only one person. Another was encouragement to keep exercising like I have been as it is assisting with the K somehow. The final message was in the form of a song – “Hey soul sister”. It seemed like a greeting almost but the song itself is about love which leads me to believe that it is a message from someone who loves me, though who is unknown.

Dream Interpretations

The first dream seems to indicate a review of the past. At one point I encountered another version of me and became friendly with her. Something like this did happen in my past. I met my HS and then merged with her. This resulted in profound change which my “boyfriend” (husband, masculine energies) could not handle so he “abandoned” me only to return much later. He treated me badly, forcing me to help him interpret the “Ten Commandments”. I suspect this part of the dream is relaying how I learned a difficult lesson, one in which I realized I must follow the “rules” of being a human if I want to fit in on Earth. Interestingly, the anger we felt for one another somehow ignited the Kundalini bliss in the end. That in itself seems to be a message that even anger can be transformed into love.

The next dream appears to be a message from my HS to my lower self, indicating that there is much more to me than I am able to see. I experience something I have experienced many times in this life – women pretending to like me but not really liking me or wanting to be around me. I have always rejected pretense and preferred my own company to that of most women I encounter. Yet with men I do not have this problem. Instead they seem to be overly honest and accepting and as a result I get along with them well.

The final portion of the dream could be an indication of how much time I have left “asleep”. To me, to be asleep is to be unaware or unconscious – on autopilot. When I am “awake” I have more spiritual awareness and spiritual experiences tend to increase.

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Dream: Mermaid Warriors

This whole week I have gone through all kinds of emotions – anger, frustration, anxiety, concerns, guilt, appreciation, gratitude, love, compassion, guilt, etc. My emotions kept me up at night three nights in a row, mainly because I went to bed upset, usually angry or frustrated. Getting unwanted news right before bed is never conducive of a good night’s sleep for me. lol One night I was told all employees at my place of work had to wear masks to work. Another night a “friend” on FB left a rant on one of my posts where she basically called me a narcissist. Another night my husband told me something that now I can’t even recall. LOL Shows how very, very important it was, right?

I started to dread going to sleep because I knew once I closed my eyes that all kinds of thoughts and emotions would surface. I also knew I needed to meditate, calm my mind and body and allow those thoughts and feelings to surface and dissipate. The anger and frustration I experienced was the worst and I didn’t want to feel it because it made certain sleep would not come. Yet if I didn’t at least acknowledge it, it would seep out of me like icky, black sludge throughout the day – which it did. When this happens I usually piss someone off or step on someone’s toes or, worst of all, hurt someone’s feelings.

All the while I kinda knew, deep down, that my reactions to the world situation right now was purposeful. If I triggered someone, it was not a mistake. If I was triggered it was not a mistake.

In one instance, the one involving FB, I had actually considered deleting a post I posted because I knew would trigger someone. I intentionally left it. I don’t remember knowing why but that was later revealed when someone who I know online blew their fuse completely. This person had been acting this way in the online group she hosted, too, so it was not really a surprise that she lost her cool. I had been witnessing her attack people who did not share her beliefs for some time now, remaining quiet and just observing without judgement. When she attacked me online I actually didn’t even finish reading her post because of the pure contempt oozing out of the first couple of lines. I deleted it without a thought when she began using the term narcissist.

Sadly, the term narcissist bothered me. I ended up convinced I must be one all because of this woman and her judgement of me. My concern – guilt even – didn’t last long, though, because I realized that a narcissist would not feel guilt or concern over being labeled a narcissist! lol Also, my research indicated that I did not fit the bill. I may sometimes have some characteristics of a narcissist (as we all do) but I am most definitely NOT one. Yet all it took was this woman labeling me as one to make me temporarily convinced I must be horribly selfish, unfeeling and manipulative. 😦 In the end, though, it was a good thing because it caused me to take a step back and really look at myself, which was needed, especially now.

You may wonder what it was that triggered this woman. Well, I also had to inspect that about myself. My upset has been over the virus and the resulting fear has infected the population. I had finally had enough of the fear posts on FB, the constant fear mongering on the news and the people in my neighborhood brutally shaming anyone who was not in fear like them. When I blew up on FB I had not yet really figured out the true source of my upset.

Since then I have recognized my upset stems not from any of the above but from this – the current and long-term economic impact and its effects on those who were/are already struggling. Children. The poor. The addicted. The abused. The neglected. The suicidal or depressed. The hungry. The longer the shutdown goes on, the more these statistics rise.

But I needed to look even deeper than that.

I discovered at the root, of course, is my sister and her subsequent return home where she was already very likely to resume her meth habit. But now, with the shelter-in-place orders in effect, her enabling and drug-using husband at her side, and the stimulus check coming her way, well she is doomed. It’s not the virus that will kill her – nope – it’s herself.

I often struggle with letting the people I love make choices I know will ultimately lead them to more suffering or even death. Who doesn’t? It has been a hard lesson for me. I want desperately to take control of their situation, make decisions for them, but can’t. I feel helpless – much like everyone around me is feeling with this virus situation, though not all for the same reasons.

Thus, what my guides have been saying to me lately, “We are all in this together.” Everyone is feeling helpless and everyone is being triggered in their own way.

For me, the solution is to stop looking out at the world as the source of my upset and subsequent “problem”. Rather, I need to accept, once again, that my sister has to make her own decisions regardless of whether I think they are “right” or “wrong”. It is her life. I have to let go and allow her to fall – or rise – as in the end it is her path, not mine. Just as it is for every person on Earth.

Thus, it follows, that my upset with the mask order suddenly vanished. I went into work without a mask but by the time I got home I had decided I was going to make some masks. lol I had been dead set against wearing one and then did a complete 180. The release I felt was extraordinary and…..what fun I had!!!

Looky, looky at what I made!

Image may contain: 1 person

They aren’t perfect but they aren’t bad considering I haven’t touched my sewing machine in almost a decade. And what was I thinking about when I went to bed last night? Was I angry? Were my emotions and thoughts all over the place? Nope. Instead I was thinking about how I could tweak the masks I make next. I was creating. I would much rather be kept awake by creative thoughts than by frustration, wouldn’t you? 🙂

Dream: Mermaid Warriors

Shifting gears to dream-land….

My dreams have been few and far between these days but the ones I recall lately seem to involve ships and water. To give you an idea, previously I was on a sinking ship and rescued by three nuns in a submarine. lol

So last night’s dream was quite bizarre. I was on a dock with others standing next to what reminded me of a Stargate (Stargate movie lovers will know what this looks like). A woman was calibrating it and a blue light was emanating from the center. I was very close and the lady put her hand up and said to me, “No. You can’t use it whenever you want anymore. You have to wait.” My feeling and response was something like, “Oh come on!” I really, really wanted to go through it and it felt like I did it all the time. What is odd here is that the woman called the Stargate a “corral”. I’m not sure of the meaning here except to “confine or bring together”. My feeling is the next event or journey, what I was so eager to go into in the dream, is a “corral”.

Then I was being shown a “crew” that was being gathered together. I was told they were a mermaid crew yet what I saw was a group of women with legs standing together in clothing that reminded me of a warrior, like Amazon warriors. They had in their hands spears and their faces were without expression. There were at least 30 of them.

By this time I realized I was with a man who seemed to be directing me. Probably a guide or mentor. The man was tall, broad shouldered and light haired. He was talking about going to a very upscale restaurant that served foods that were not usual. I can’t remember what the foods were but they were things a sea creature would eat, not a human.

Considerations

Funny enough, when I woke I was having a conversation with someone asking to be allowed to go right now. It felt that I was about to be taken away in a “ship”. So, my thoughts were, of course, on a space ship type vessel. I highly doubt that I am going to be taken up in a space craft.

The symbolism here seems to be indicating a journey is ahead, one that will gather together a group of like individuals. How we are alike is unknown but based upon my past experiences I would say we have in common this: We are Light Workers/Warriors of the Light.

The mermaids indicate the ability to shift form from creatures of the water to creatures of land. The sea here is intuition and the ability to tap into it as needed. The land here is being human, or better yet Hu-man. Mermaids are symbolic of higher consciousness and being attuned to one’s authentic self. They also represent knowing and following one’s life purpose. The fact that their human form appears warrior-like feels to be a message or a calling to “arms” though not in the way one might think. It is more of a presence or a duty.

The man says of the food served at the restaurant that there is no use eating it if the restaurant doesn’t prepare certain foods a certain way. My feeling on this is that I am being asked to “eat the right food”, meaning to nourish myself with things that will strengthen me rather than weaken me. I am being asked to be mindful of what “foods” I eat. My first thought here is that I need to pay attention to what media content I am looking at – not just news media but any information being brought to me right now.

I feel blessed to have had this dream. It is promising but also cautionary, advising that while we wait, we be careful of what we consume.

 

 

 

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Dream: Saturn Meets Pluto

Interesting dreams lately, one in particular I think I should recount.

Dream: Saturn Meets [Conjunct] Pluto

The dream location was in space amidst the stars and planets. I was traveling with a companion feeling very interested in what we were doing, which was writing/creating a story based upon the stars. I could change location with a thought and did this every so often to explore the story line.

There are many details lost to me now but some are very prominent in my memory. I remember flying up to a planet and saying to my companion, “….when Saturn meets Pluto”. As I said this, I saw the planet Pluto moving toward me and watched as the entire solar system of planets was shifting around to where the planets closest to the sun were now farthest and the planets farthest were now closest.

Pluto was my focus most of the dream and I actually shifted my position and ended up on the surface of the planet for a time. While on the planet I was talking to many others as if we were children creating an interactive story. In the story, Pluto was a planet where people were sent for a time, like a prison, and the word “prison” was actually used here. The planet looked much like pictures I have seen – a barren, gray rock.

I watched as a person was given their ration of food. It was in a cup and they took a drink but what was inside wasn’t a liquid but instead looked like metal rods. The rods looked like tiny splinters – sharp and silver and most definitely not something a person should eat! The person did not drink the metal and as I watched I shifted positions and took the perspective of the person holding the cup and not drinking.

I vaguely remember discussing Jupiter conjunct Pluto, also, as well as other planets. It was like I was getting a lesson on astrology.

Dream Message and Symbolism

In that instant most of the dream fades from my memory and I struggle even as I type this to fill in the gaps. Parts will surface only to vanish when I try to contact the memory. My best guess is that I am not meant to remember the details and am suppose to focus on the feeling of the message the dream was meant to relay.

The feeling I had here was that I was being told of a circumstance or event where the entire solar system will be flipped or turned upside down. I don’t think this is literal but more an analogy of what is happening or will happen. The solar system is likely symbolic of the Collective and what is happening here on Earth.

The other part of the message is about the planets. There is most definitely an astrological message here, which I explored the minute I woke up. This message revolves around Saturn and Jupiter conjunct Pluto.

Being I am not an astrologer, I have to rely on the internet to decipher what these conjunctions even mean. What I read, though, makes a whole lot of sense and goes perfect with the dream content.

Saturn-Pluto relates to the established power structures and ruling elite versus the common people, nuclear events and restriction on many levels. Source

In 2020, Jupiter and Pluto will form conjunctions in Capricorn as follows:

  • April 5th: Jupiter 24 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 24 Capricorn
  • June 30th: Jupiter 24 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 24 Capricorn
  • November 12th Jupiter 22 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 22 Capricorn

These unusual patterns spell opportunity and change. They also spell the downfall, very specifically, of any person, group or organisation which had total control before, or was abusing power. Source

Unfortunately, I don’t have much time to really delve into the astrological significance of these conjunctions at this time. So I must rely on my feelings about my dream and the message it relays.

My gut feeling says that this year – 2020 – is a year of extreme changes that span multiple areas of life, both personal and collective. We have already seen this with the Corona Virus but the feeling is that the virus is just the tip of the ice burg. The changes going on under the surface are and will breed significant changes in the weeks and months to come, all of which you can bet will push us as individuals and as a world population to our limits, forcing us to rethink and alter the systems, beliefs and patterns that have ruled our lives up until this point.

The part of the dream where Pluto is the a prison planet and the person is about to drink razor blades feels significant to me, also.

Pluto is the great revealer, but often there’s a dark night before the rebirth. Pluto brings to mind purging, exorcising, and releasing buried power or core truths. It’s the planet of creative destruction, and transits can feel like extended ordeals. Source

To me, the fact that I become the person holding the destructive drink and do not drink relays the message that awareness is ultimately attained and destruction is avoided. This could be a personal message for just me, or more likely a message about the Collective.

The planet being a prison is evidence of Pluto’s significance here. We create our own prisons in life. Truthfully, everything we experience is of our creation, even the worst, most traumatic ordeals. So it seems that 2020 is acting as a Dark Night of the Soul for the entire world right now, especially those who have remained asleep (as in versus “awake”, “aware”).

Reflection 

What I find most interesting is that when I awoke this morning I had a realization about my sister.

She is currently in the hospital again after being sent home only to return a couple of days later with shortness of breath and high blood pressure. Turns out she had water around her heart. The doctors fixed his but the medications caused kidney dysfunction and so they have been holding her at the hospital until her kidney function improves. Once that happens they will release her to continue to take antibiotics because the infection on her heart valves still has not cleared.

My mom, who is 71 years old, had agreed to let my sister live with her while she recuperates under the condition that her husband doesn’t visit. This is not only to keep my sister from getting her hands on more meth, but also to avoid her husband exposing my mom and step-dad to the Corona virus. Until yesterday, this was plan, but sadly my sister’s husband came to the house and picked up their son. My mom told both of them that my nephew cannot come back to stay with her until the virus is not a threat. That same day my sister told my mom she wanted to go home and stay with her husband in their RV for a few days once she is released. My mom told her if she does that she will not be allowed to come stay with her and my step-dad.

The most likely scenario is that my sister will go home and then beg my mom to give her a second chance because conditions at her RV are deplorable. My mom is set against the idea and I don’t see her giving in. So, my sister will probably return to meth with the help of her husband and their son, well, God help him.

The realization I had this morning involved an understanding of the dynamics of my sister’s co-dependent relationship with her husband. What popped into my mind was this:

Munchausen syndrome by proxy: A parenting disorder in which the parent either fabricates an illness or induces an illness in their child.

From this I made a connection. My BIL, who has struggled his entire life with self-esteem issues, has been keeping my sister dependent upon him so that he can continue to remain in his caregiver role. This makes perfect sense because he has never been able to find purpose in his life and has long struggled with low self-esteem and self-destructive behavior. Then my sister comes along and he feels he finally has found his purpose – take care of her, be her knight in shining armor. The only problem is that when she is not dependent upon drugs she doesn’t need him and is very independent. So, he enables her to keep her dependent upon him. It is not technically Munchausen syndrome, but it is close.

I am not saying my sister is innocent, but she is like a child in this case. She wants to be taken care of and thrives off of the attention (and the drugs) she gets. She would likely shower her husband with love and affection when he provides her with her drugs and reinforce her need of him. My sister benefits by not having to work or take responsibility for her life. She is allowed to do what she pleases and her husband gets to feel needed.

Though the situation is sad, I was relieved to finally see it more clearly. Whether this has anything to do with my dream, IDK. Perhaps it is a part of it, one of the many stories the Collective is running through at this time. Whatever the case, I hope that the path they choose is the one that leads to healing, wholeness and recovery.

 

 

 

 

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Message: Transfiguration

A couple of days ago I awoke hearing a voice whisper: “Transfiguration”. At first I thought I heard “trans-configuration” and maybe I did, but in Googling it I struggled to find an actual definition except for one used in organic chemistry. Being I woke up thinking about the Corona Virus and it’s potentially devastating effects on the future, I believe the message is in reference to what lies ahead. A date, perhaps? Or a warning?

First, the organic chemistry definition of trans-configuration.

trans configuration. [-kənfig′yərā′shən] Etymology: L, trans + configurare, to form from. 1 an arrangement in which the dominant allele of one pair of genes and the recessive allele of another pair are on the same chromosome. Source

If this is part of the message, I have no idea what to make of it, mostly because I am not familiar with organic chemistry. It could be referencing the virus or human DNA or both.

As for the definition of transfiguration, it is typically a Christian term used to describe an event in the Bible. Even though I was raised as a Christian, my specific background did not celebrate the Transfiguration so I had little knowledge of the event and its significance.

You can read more about the Transfiguration in a Google search of your own if you do not know much about it. Or you can read this articleto get a general idea of it.

The Transfiguration was a special event in which God allowed certain apostles to have a privileged spiritual experience that was meant to strengthen their faith for the challenges they would later endure. But it was only a temporary event. It was not meant to be permanent.

In the same way, at certain times in this life, God may give certain members of the faithful (not all of the faithful, all the time), special experiences of his grace that strengthen their faith.

We should welcome these experiences for the graces they are, but we should not expect them to continue indefinitely, nor should we be afraid or resentful when they cease.

They may have been meant only as momentary glimpses of the joy of heaven to sustain us as we face the challenges of this life, to help strengthen us on the road that will–ultimately–bring us into the infinite and endless joy of heaven.

So, the message may only be for me, or it may be for us all, or both. I will take from it what I need, regardless. I have been blessed to experience such glimpses in my life and I have been guilty of expecting more glimpses of “grace” and resentful when they do not come. So, for me, the message is clear, but is there more to it? Something more all-encompassing?

I did a search on when the Transfiguration is celebrated. Typically around August 6th, two days after my birthday. So this message could be referring to a date – but I won’t be chomping at the bit for that date to come around, anticipating something “profound”.

It could also be referencing the actual time the Transfiguration was said to occur, which would be around February or March. The best timing of this would be Lent, which this year goes from February 26 to April 11th.

Lent is a time that offers us an opportunity to come to terms with the human condition we may spend the rest of the year running from and it brings our need for a Savior to the forefront. Like Advent, Lent is a time to open the doors of our hearts a little wider and understand our Lord a little deeper…. Source 

I find it interesting that the time period of Lent almost perfectly coincides with the Corona Virus outbreak and all that followed. Many were sent home with nothing left to do but be alone with their thoughts which may have turned into a kind of forced introspection for some, which may or may not have been welcomed and accepted.

So all in all, this message seems to be a positive one, even with the organic chemistry term included. Maybe, if we just take the time to be silent and listen, we will find God’s grace within this darkness?

I forgot to add that the message of “transfiguration” was nearly forgotten except that my husband played a song and the message suddenly popped into my head with a feeling of near urgency behind it. This is the song he was playing:

The song makes me emotional. Not only that, but I can’t help but acknowledge the message sync here – Rise Up – the death and resurrection of Jesus – the death and resurrection of Self – the Transfiguration.

And with that I am reminded that I was also told early one morning, “You are not alone.” Remember, even in our darkest moments, in Earth’s darkest times, there is Light – Us – and we are NOT alone.

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I Am Not Afraid

Hope all of you have been well despite the hoopla created by the Corona Virus around the world.

Me and my family are doing well. Not much has changed for us. My husband and I still go to work. I still work from home most days and go into the office 1-2x a week. My husband is there every day. We work in steel fabrication of public works so nothing has changed really except that our shop workers have been limited to 10 people per shift. So we opened another location so they could keep production levels up. Those who are considered most at-risk for getting the virus have been cleared to work from home or have been given extended leave (paid). Thankfully, we are a strong enough business that we can do this for as long as needed. Most want to continue working because – a productive person is a happy person.

The kids have been home since March 14th and started online learning last week. They, of course, want to start on their work first thing in the morning which can make it hard for me to juggle three kids and working, but I do it. My experience as a teacher and school counselor has definitely assisted me with this! The kids love school this way for the most part but my middle child wishes he could go back to school. Bless him.

My mom and step-dad are at their country home living life as normal and not afraid one bit about the virus despite both having underlying conditions. They are both bummed that their social outlets have been cancelled, though. They are avid church-goers and also participate in a choir. I do hope that this shelter in place ends soon so they can resume their activities. It is much worse for an older person to be isolated than a younger one. Thankfully they are able to watch my nephew during this time to keep busy and active.

My MIL is not concerned about the virus and still comes by to visit and goes about her daily activities. She likes to inform us how her siblings are freaking out about it, though.

I’ve noticed when I’m out and about lately (shopping for groceries or driving to work) that there seem to be more people on the roads than a week ago. There are also more patrol cars. When I am in stores the mood is less tense, which I welcome. I was avoiding the stores not because of possibly becoming infected but because people were so full of fear that it would make me anxious and/or ill. So I guess I was scared of getting infected –  infected by fear! It is nice to go out and not feel that. Perhaps all the fearful people are hunkered down at home, terrified to go outside?

My daughter informed me that her friends are referring to this virus as the “Boomer Remover”. I almost choked on my breakfast when she told me. I later told my “Boomer” MIL about the name and she burst out laughing. So refreshing to have laughter during such “serious” times. 🙂

Sleep and Dreams

Some other good news is that I have been sleeping really well since last Friday. Yay! No more difficulty going to sleep. No more frequent wakings. Just, deep, restful, dream-filled sleep.

With the increased sleep I have been feeling that “not alone” feeling in the night and during the evenings before sleep. Not knowing who or what the presence was, I say my prayer of protection and drift into dreamland. A couple of nights ago, though, I woke suddenly and saw my Himalayan salt lamp had turned on by itself. It freaked me out a bit but I got up and unplugged it and went back to sleep. Then last night I woke hearing someone say, “We have been watching you.” lol My response was, “That’s great………..” lol

I’ve had a few dreams of note.

In one dream I was at the doctor’s office getting a check-up. The doctor was Dr. Now from My 600lb Life, which was very strange! He was giving me a breast exam and talking to me about an upcoming surgery. He then got out this strange instrument and pressed it into the area just below my ribs, where the ribs meet. He told me he was trying to hook it into my esophagus. I told him it hurt and he suggested I take a small pill that would make me feel spacey and not feel pain. I asked, “Can’t you just do a chest x-ray?” He nodded and said he could. I told him, “I think I had one done in 2011. Maybe you could get my records?”

There was more to the dream but that was the part that stood out. My take on it is that I was getting spiritual work done on my solar plexus in the dreamstate.

In another dream I was back at school, at a college. I recall walking up to a dorm room and standing at the door, #224. I unlocked it and went inside. It was full of young women. Some were sleeping, others sitting together and talking. I sat on my bed and then tried to get some sleep but one of the women kept talking to me. She asked me when I wanted to schedule my internship in the advanced education field I had opted to study – another Master’s degree in teaching. I told her that I had changed my mind and really didn’t need to or want to do it anymore. For some reason I mentioned Montana and how I hated the cold, blustery winters but loved the beautiful mountains. When I spoke of Montana I got a very dreamy feeling and kept wanting to go back to sleep.

My feeling about this dream is that it was me considering yet another path or lesson in this life. I decided it was not what I wanted to do. The mountains and Montana represent a spiritual destination – could be Home or a feeling resembling Home. The sleepy feeling I was having indicates an avoidance and lack of awareness. It is a preference to remain unaware, comfortable or without the knowledge this new lesson could bring.

I’ve had many, many other dreams and dream encounters but most are lost to me now. Once I wake they fade quickly because I have so much to do during the days now – schooling my kids takes up most of my morning. So dreams and the spiritual have taken a back seat to life. I have brief memories of some Kundalini energy here and there, but it is hard to recover.

The Future

My gut feeling and intuition about the Corona Virus pandemic is that most of the fear mongering and Collective fear-based reactions will lessen once we get into the summer – June being the turning point. I don’t feel this means the virus will be “beaten” but that the fear will have abated for the most part and interest will be more on rebuilding and getting back to focusing on living rather than on death.

A quote has been coming to me whenever I think of the quarantine and shelter in place rulings being made all over the country. That quote is, “Every man dies. Not every man truly lives.” You may recognize it. It is from Braveheart.

Hunkering down, waiting out this virus for fear of death is no way to live. A person can only live in fear so long before it consumes them entirely leading to full-on apathy or full-on rage. These are the two directions the emotion will take most people. Prolonged fear and living in the fight-or-flight condition can and will lead to illness and death. Many people lived in complacency and/or apathy prior to this virus. It is likely they will return to that. Some will “wake up” from this experience, most will not.

My hope is that people will at least learn that living in fear is no way to live and recognize just how much fear has dictated and continues to dictate their life and decisions. Maybe for some this will be the “wake up call” they need to change?

We are eternal Beings. The body is just a vessel, something we use to experience the high’s and low’s of life. It is guaranteed that we will suffer while we are in the body. It is also guaranteed that the body will die.

I continue to be reminded by my guidance to “Follow the 8 Winds”:

The “eight winds” are eight influences that agitate and inflame the human heart and mind.* They consist of four favorable circumstances (prosperity, honor, praise, and pleasure) and four setbacks (decline, disgrace, censure, and suffering). Their contents are roughly as follows:

Prosperity: to obtain what one desires

Decline: to suffer loss

Honor: to be admired and praised in one’s absence

Disgrace: to be criticized and defamed in one’s absence (behind one’s back)

Praise: to be admired and praised directly

Censure: to be criticized and defamed directly

Pleasure: to be happy in body and mind

Suffering: to suffer in body and mind

Source

The key to overcoming these is to find balance through non-attachment. You can read more here.

Currently, with the fear of the virus being propagated everywhere, the main attachment people are having is to life via their body. Meaning, they don’t want to lose their body or suffer the pain that may or may not come with it. Others are fearing the loss of loved ones – so they are attached to others and what those others bring to their life.

I am not afraid of my own death or the death of anyone else in my life. I know if I lose a loved one that I will grieve but I also know they are not truly gone, just in another place, a place I am able to contact when I choose. Similarly, others in my family are not afraid because they know what I know. We know pain and loss are possible, but we don’t dwell on it. We choose to operate in the moment, day to day, without fear of “what if”.

The quote above still echos in my mind as I type this. What is it to truly live? I know, for me at least, it means to live from my heart, without fear, taking life by the horns and riding that bull until the very end.

One thing is for certain, though, “it [all things] will pass.”

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Putting the Past to Rest, Kundalini Dreams and Messages

Two weeks of struggling to fall asleep. I’m only getting about 5-6 hours a night and it is taking its toll. I suspect it has to do with the Corona virus scare and all the hoopla surrounding it. It is me picking up on the Collective more than anything I think, though I have my own issues surfacing independent of the virus and the Collective. All are One, though, so it is all the same to me.

Previous to news about the virus, I have had thoughts about past relationships coming up. This began way back in January, so I know it is not the cause of my sleepless nights because I had no issues with sleep back then. Some thoughts/memories are from past boyfriends, others from past connections in high school. Nothing major – no major emotions or reactions to the memories, really. Mostly I am coming to unuderstand the other person more and more and I think that is the point. This indicates that I have shifted from being the effect of my emotions and karmic lessons to being more at cause and seeking understanding in order to put it all at rest.

For example, a specific ex-boyfriend of mine continues to come up in my thoughts and I even had a long conversation with my husband about him. At that time in my life I had just awakened spiritually and was fascinated with my newfound gifts. My connection with him was a catalyst for my awakening, though a subtle one. He introduced me to the book that had the meditation in it that served to ignite all the swift changes in my life at that time. I realized that was his only purpose and am grateful to him for that. However, I also see how I was so immersed in my awakening that I neglected him, didn’t see the “signs” that indicated he felt ignored, under appreciated and fearful of a great many things. There was recognition that for him, I was more than just a fling, I was a potential long-term relationship and maybe more.

The signs were there but I didn’t see them back then. He took me to meet his father for one despite putting down his father and indicating he cared nothing at all about what his father thought of him and his life choices. He also altered his home environment to suit me. When I met him he had nothing permanent in his home. His furniture was all plastic or dorm style. His bed was an air mattress. He had no dresser in his bedroom. Yet after we started dating he bought a new bed and furniture. When I started drifting away from him, caught up in doing readings and exploring my gifts, he admitted to cheating on me (he kissed an ex-gf). I believe he did this because he wanted to test my reaction. I dumped him immediately and had no emotional reaction other than that. Afterward (we worked together) he was very resentful and demonstrated his hurt via critical comments. Then years later he contacted me in hopes of a second chance, but I was already married. He put down my choice to marry and have children saying, “Oh, you’re one of those.”

I was also able to recognize that he was a very conflicted person. He wanted to marry and have children but resented his brother who was doing just that. His brother was praised and commended for his choices by his father. So two reasons to not be like his brother. I think he began to have feelings for me that scared him. His response was to self-sabotage. Cheat on me and make it easier to escape a situation where he was at odds with himself. Yet despite this, years after he sought to reunite with me because deep down he longed for more.

After all this reflection I find I genuinely love him, not in a romantic way but in a family way. I wish only the best for him in his life and hope that he has faced his inner demons and made peace with his father. Maybe he has settled down with a partner and has found some semblance of peace?

I went through the same process with the other relationships that came to mind – another ex-bf and a girl I went to high school with. Seeing their side of things helps me to let go of any leftover negative emotion, freeing me – and them – from the trap of repeating the lesson in future lives.

Unusual Kundalini Dreams

One benefit of the delay in falling to sleep is I used that time to meditate and go within.

Last night, once again frustrated at not falling asleep, I asked my guidance for help. Since I had done this before with little response I asked to be given something interesting in my dreams – an OBE, a lucid dream with Kundalini, a gift perhaps – yes a “gift” would be nice I said.

My request was granted immediately.

Somehow I drifted off to sleep and entered into a lucid dream within a dream within a dream. The dream specifics are confusing because I was in two places (three really). I was in my bed aware that I was dreaming but I was in two different beds – one in the past and one in the present. The past bedroom was at my Mom’s home. The present bed my own bed in my house now. The dream took place in the past bedroom but I shifted between past and present, aware of each shift.

As I lay curled up on my side (in both beds) I had a dream of an invisible man coming to me. I shifted OOB where I could feel him and hear him, but couldn’t see him. He had stubble on his face which kept scratching me as we kissed. His hands were large but gentle. I recall shifting back to check on my sleeping body in the past bed while observing from the present bed and then shifting back to be with him. I remember becoming passionate with him and pulling back when his stubble scratched my cheek. I commented to him about it even but did not complain. The energy started to build and for some reason I withdrew from him. I don’t remember why. Perhaps I had a consideration of being found out? When I withdrew he did not want me to go. His persistence created more intense energy and my second chakra began to ache in response. It was both painful and pleasurable. This woke me.

When I woke I was surprised and pleased. My lower chakras were active and swirling with energy. I told my guidance, “More please.” lol

I fell asleep for a while and was awakened at 3:30am by my arm which was very, very itchy. I was bitten twice a few nights ago by what I think was a mosquito but the bites did not heal like normal. Instead they have remained very itchy and red. The itchy feeling comes and goes and this is the first time it has wakened me.

I got up and put some cortisone cream on them and then covered them with band-aids to prevent me from scratching them in my sleep. Then returned to sleep.

This time I entered into a dream that was very different from any other Kundalini dream I’ve had.

I remember being at a mobile home and interacting with a woman and her husband. I believe I was having an affair with the woman and trying to stay hidden from the husband. I am not sure if I was male or female but I think I switched between genders because at the end I remember recognizing I was male but feeling female.

The woman is hard to recall and I am not even sure it was a woman. I suspect it was a guide or teacher and the dream camouflaged them to fit with my comfort zone. This guide was touching me and igniting a very pleasurable feeling – and this is an understatement. I recall kissing and the electricity that resulted was beyond my comprehension. It took my breath away and created a chain reaction in my body like a match lights a bonfire. The pleasure wasn’t just energetic but physical, too. Every point on my body that was touched responded the same and every time it happened I was in awe and super curious. I remember commenting about it but can’t recall my exact words. I felt like a teenager exploring and touching for the first time. The places I was touched – hands, arms, leg – all felt to connect and exhibited the same explosive, erotic and pleasurable sensation. The pleasure I experienced is beyond description. I have not experienced the K like that before.

This went on for some time until the woman (guide/teacher) hid me as her husband returned. I remember hiding outside the back door and then crawling around the side of the house. When I saw the woman standing there I froze, hiding from her, too, but knowing she would see me. This is when I felt to be male but female, also. When she looked at me, I woke up.

Messages

When I woke my crown chakra was swirling with energy and wide open. It felt like a stream of consciousness was entering via my crown, a feeling I haven’t felt in quite some time. When this happens it feels as if I am connected to my guidance/HS in an expansive way – a 360 degree feeling.

The memory of what had happened lingered and I was still in awe, asking what had happened and why. The first response was, “You have an itch you need to scratch”. The symbolism was not lost to me since I had awakened prior to this K experience from a very, very itchy arm. My response back was, “Shouldn’t I not scratch? Scratching leads to infection…” I got no reply, probably because I was over-thinking it. lol

Then my guidance reminded me of something I was told years ago in an OBE encounter with a guide who spoke with an accent. At that time the guide started a sentence and I finished it. He said, “Quite a fine sense you have. The more and more (I finished his sentence) you see, the more and more you will believe. Trust them to know what they see”. But this time it was the opposite – “The more and more you believe, the more and more you will see.”

I knew the explanation to be one I had heard many times before. When I first awakened I asked, “Why me? Why is this happening? How is it that I can do what I can do?” and was told, “Because you didn’t believe you couldn’t.”

We are limited by our beliefs. When we do not believe we can’t experience something that opens us up to all that we can. I was being told that I experienced this different K energy because I had no consideration that I couldn’t experience it. I was asked, “Imagine what you could Know if you tossed all limiting belief?”

This conversation left me feeling very optimistic as my imagination went wild with all the things I could experience and Know.

Other messages I received:

“It’s your turn”. This came after what seemed like a memory of my soul group and us “taking turns” in some way related to ascension and the planet. It felt like we went through cycles of “rest”. It’s like we are all holding a rope in tug-o-war and sometimes we have to let go to get a breather and the rest of our group holds on and takes up the slack while we rest. When we return to hold the reigns then others take breaks and so on and so forth.

Vision: I saw a flood of water and knew it was a message that I would witness others around me suffer through troubled times. I was reminded that I would be spared. I saw myself standing as the water flooded on either side but missed me entirely.

Heard a voice say my step-father chose to move on (died). This, I believe, is future related and so the timing of it unknown.

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Keep Calm: The Earth is Purging

The Earth is purging. It has been for a long time now.

Years ago when I had my first precognition visions (unwanted at that) I was shown natural disasters (fires, floods, viruses, drought, migration) to the point of crippling the population and economy, leading to wars, riots, destruction. Massive population movement (displacement) all over the world because of the changes in climate. Water levels rising and flooding populations close to the coastlines, rising up the Mississippi river and other large rives, flooding beyond record levels. That was in 2002 and covered “the next 50 years”. We aren’t even halfway through yet.

I was shown back in 2002 to stay put, location-wise, for a reason. No flooding here. No earthquakes. Climate change would be more positive, in that it would be wetter – similar to the sub-tropics. The Equator will shift as the poles shift, moving the tropics and sub-tropics from the positions they are in now, shifting that weather north in some areas and south in others. I happen to be in the north side of it.

When the fires hit the US I kept hearing from my guides, “Purge by fire”. When the flooding was happening in the US, it was, “Purge by water.” I heard the same with various other natural disasters as they happened happened around the world.

The Corona virus is no different, it’s just “Purge by disease.”

The Earth can only take so much. There are too many people and that number is rising. We are taking more than we need, using up Earth’s bounty, sucking her dry.

When animal populations rise too much, the Earth naturally fixes the problem. Either food becomes scarce, disease spreads quickly or some other method or combinations of methods is used to slow the population rise and maintain balance. Yet humans think we are somehow immune from this. We believe we are “superior”. So we develop ways to avoid the natural process and our population swells to numbers far beyond Earth’s ability to cope. The tipping point is here, though, and if we are smart we will listen to the Earth’s cries.

If a virus doesn’t kill off millions, something else will. The Earth is purging and will continue to.

Resisting the changes won’t help. Remaining calm and centered will. The herd mentality creates more problems, leads to panic and people acting illogically. Quarantining people in their homes for weeks won’t make it go away, it only slows it down. Other virus’ exist, some we don’t even know about, some we do. Are we going to be in quarantine forever? Contact with other humans is inevitable – needed.

I find it interesting also that I just finished watching the show 12 Monkeys which is about a virus that wipes out almost all of the world population. Ha! Not a sync I missed.

I saw a post yesterday that speaks so much about this virus situation. It resonated with me completely.

IMG_6290.jpg

When I observe people both online and in my day-to-day living, I see evidence of these three groups, have for a long while now.

The 4D group is very active on FB and other social media. This person or that is a “pedophile”, the virus is a “hoax”, “Team Dark” is trying to destroy the Light, the elite are using us a pawns, etc. It is not that they are “wrong”. It is very likely such hidden agendas are in the works (probably, actually). But becoming enmeshed in such things acts only to distract them, distancing them further from the inner work that needs to be done.

The fear mongers are frantic. They are the ones I avoid when I go out in public because their fear is broadcast in their energy and makes me feel generally icky. The amount of fear varies, of course, from severe paranoia to mere anxiety, but they are all being controlled by it, not listening to their inner Knowing but instead seeking out the most recent news and then spreading the fear to others in various ways.

The 5D individuals are less openly obvious. They are the quiet ones for the most part. Observing, allowing – centered in their hearts and in their Knowing. They stand centered in Self, watching the world around them without judgement but with compassion.

I feel I am more in line with the 5D group. I struggle with remaining neutral, though. When I see the conspiracy posts on FB or other social media I want to write something to try and show them how distracted they are, but I stay silent. It is the same with those consumed by fear. It will do no good to try and force them to see things the way I do. They are going through their own process, as we all are, and no one path is alike.

So I remain quiet more than not. When I go out in public I smile, I remain calm, I am friendly. Just yesterday when I was out shopping, an employee of the store was also shopping and approached me, smiling and friendly. When he got too close he backed up suddenly and apologized, saying he should not get too close with the virus so near. I smiled, laughed and reassured him that I had no fear whatsoever of becoming infected. He looked positively relieved and began to relax, smiling and continuing to share his story and thoughts. I listened and allowed him to release some of his pent up emotion and fear.

Yet in the same trip as I was checking out I must have gotten too close and the man in front of me stiffened as if he were going to catch fire or drop dead. I backed off, smiled and remained pleasant.

I will leave you all with a positive sign I received two days ago on a trip to see my Mom, who lives about 40 minutes away in the country. It was a pleasant visit and toward the end we were blessed with visit by a Polyphemus moth. My step-father gently picked it up and held it and after a while it flew off into the distance. We were all in awe of its beauty and presence.

moth.jpg

The symbolism of the moth was not lost on me. I knew it was a message. Here is the message of the moth:

moth symbolism

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All is Well

Had some dreams of note. In one I was at a computer screen and sent completed files to this guy. He said, “You forgot to merge the files.” I looked at him and said, “Okay. That shouldn’t take more than an hour, right?” He smiled, laughed and said,”More like four or more hours.” I smiled and took his hand in mine and looked at him. In this instance dream time seemed to slow way down. I can’t remember his face now but I remember thinking that it was okay if it took a long time because that meant more time with him. There was a nice warm feeling in my heart and I woke up still feeling it.

After waking the significance of “merged documents” was not lost on me. I knew it was referencing Wholeness – or becoming One with All. I understood that I didn’t mind waiting because it gave me the chance to be with the man. If we merged I would become the man – which is not the same.

A few nights ago I remember being in the in-between talking about how much I missed a soul family connection. As I cried and my heart hurt, I was being reminded of why I was here. There was a feeling of knowing that the Oneness I so desire is my natural state in Spirit and that I come into human form to experience myself separate from that, which is what I am doing. The separateness is only temporary and with that I should try and enjoy it and learn from it while I can.

The two experiences stayed with me. Then, I had a dream last night in which I was making love to myself while looking into a mirror at my own face. As I looked deep into my own eyes I felt the significance of the experience. Someone interrupted, taking my bedroom door off of its hinges. I got up to put it back on and saw that the bolt that kept the hinges in place was missing. The door was to never be secure. It was just an illusion of security. I saw this, too, and accepted it.

As I woke I began thinking about these messages. If we are merged, One, then how can we experience ourselves outside of ourselves except to be separate from ourselves? I saw this life in human form as that experience. How can I hold my own hand except but to allow myself to be as a man and a woman, separate with separate experiences, reaching out to each other? I saw my husband, my children, my mom, my family, friends, everyone as the opportunity to do this, to reach out to touch myself, see and experience myself and to remember I am not alone because I am ALL.

With all this something extraordinary has been happening to me. Slowly. I almost didn’t notice it, it occurred so slowly, but I have noticed. I think it all comes down to something simple: choice. I don’t consciously do it most of the time. It just happens automatically.

This all stems from a decision I made a long while ago. I decided that some things were just not worth my time and energy. Mostly negative things, things that did not bring me joy or that made me feel a certain way – that anxious pit in my stomach feeling or that unwell spiritual-energetic dissonance feeling. They are feelings that are hard to describe but when I feel them I know them. When I feel those “off” feelings I simply switch off the thoughts that cause them and turn on other thoughts or observe my environment and breathe it in. I do this so frequent it has turned into a habit. Yay!

As a result of this new habit I am much more peaceful throughout my day. I am much calmer and more centered. It is this new Beingness that helped me to notice how much I have changed for the better.

I find much more joy in simple things than I use to. I smile at things that normally I would have not noticed. I enjoy moments more and as often as I can.

I would like to hope that this is progress, at least on some level and all my hard work is beginning to pay off. Or maybe I am just finally entering into a stage, one that comes with getting older, and this is just part of a process everyone eventually goes through? 🙂 Whatever the case, I am feeling so much more solid in this body and life and it is well with my soul.

Something that came to me the other day on a walk (I take two a day now), is about the chakras. I remember thinking, “The lower chakras say, ‘live long and prosper’ and the upper chakras say, ‘but remember who you are’.” lol The lower chakras are all about the biological organism – reproduce, survive, live, die. The upper chakras are the tether that connects our human and physical forms. They work to remind us that we are much, much more than these bodies – eternal/infinite. The two, when streamlined, allow us to be both human (finite) and Spirit (infinite) in balance; merging physical and spiritual.

I can feel when I am streamlined like this and when I am not. I don’t know how I lived my life up until now not noticing the difference! Perhaps the self (little self, Ego) and the Self (Higher Self) are cooperating like intended? 🙂 Like in my dreams where I am in a car, but both the driver and the passenger? The driver being the Self and the passenger being the self. The self can be a HUGE back seat driver but she stays in that passenger seat where she belongs a hell of a whole lot more than she use to. hahaha

It is ironic that with all the panic and ridiculous amounts of fear in the world right now, I am feeling quite the opposite. I hope you are, too.

 

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Dream: May Day

Seems I just can’t catch a break when it comes to my dreams lately. I am having vivid, lucid dreams. Many have been sexual, sometimes with elements of the Kundalini. Others have been upsetting, some so much that I feel they are predictive of some future event.

What is going on, I wonder? My intuition tells me that we are shift, shift, shifting again. Like majorly but in subtle ways that are more inward, drawing out deeply hidden wounds that need healing. Wounds that may have been partially healed but because they were not totally “flushed” from our energy they have to be confronted, handled and released. Based on the intensity of this shift I am betting you all have felt it, too, though your experiences would not necessarily be like mine.

In the past few weeks (since the last week in Feb) I have been having dreams and physical reality encounters (online mainly) with people from my past. People who I met in the first few years following my spiritual awakening in 2002. Three ex’s to be specific. Two re-connections occurred online with men from that first year of my awakening. One was an online chat that went on for half of the work day, the other was just me looking in on them without them knowing.The other connection came via a lucid dream encounter which had me waking up thinking, “What was that all about?”

On top of the odd return to the past I’ve been having premonitory dreams. The V-Day dream I had was one such dream and this morning I woke in tears to another one, this one mentioning May Day (May 1st).

Dream: May Day

The dream shifts and changes settings three times. In the first dream setting I am with others who my husband and I know in real life. There is discussion about the kids all going to one place to hang out while the adults go to another. For some reason it seems like the kids are all going to my house and I make it known that I do not want this. It feels like the group determines I should be the babysitter without asking me.

My husband and I visit a pizza (return to wholeness) place to order pizza. He selects pizza from an metal shelf and begins to taste test some of the food. I watch as the man taking our order prepares a bread loaf by taking dough (money, finance) and rolling it into small balls and putting them together. I take one of the ball of dough and taste it (good fortune), asking if it is okay. He says it is and I put the tasted dough back into the pile and he continues to make the bread.

Then someone mentions it is time to go and the kids all seem to be piling into our car, which is a station wagon (family). I protest and remind them we do not have enough pizza for all of them.

We drive, me sitting in the passenger seat and also in the driver’s seat at times (two aspect of Self). We are going to a “dance” at a school. The school parking lot is flooded (emotion). Water is rushing down the road and getting high enough to stall out a car (upsetting emotion). I drive through it and from the passenger seat I can feel the water hit my feet because there is a hole in the bottom of the car (an aspect of me will be impacted by this flood of emotion).

I drop the other kids at the dance but do not let my daughter go. She is upset and I tell her that she should have told me in advance about the dance.

As we leave we encounter a black man asking for donations to fix his car. A nice, black car is sitting near him, one tire missing. I feel generous and begin to look in my purse for money to give him.

The scene shifts and I am driving with others in a country setting. Again, I am the driver and the passenger. As the passenger I give instructions. “Turn left here.” The driver me drives past and I look back and say, “You missed it. You have to turn around.” We drive up a distance and find some little shops. The road looks to be red brick. We begin to turn around and I see the shops look to be from the distant past, like the Middle Ages. Men are lingering and looking strangely at us, but we drive back to our missed turn.

The scene shifts again and I am in a warehouse that is also an elevator (levels of consciousness). The button is pushed to go up but the elevator malfunctions and it goes up only to fall quickly back down. I know this will happen, though, and am prepared. Then we are trapped inside for a while until someone cuts the wire and the power is cut off. The elevator opens on the ground floor and we exit.

The scene shifts for the last time and I am at a gathering. It feels like a wedding or similar celebration. There is a long table set with various items as if we are preparing for the celebration. At the head of the table is my “sister” though she looks nothing like my sister in real life – younger and much prettier with long blonde hair. She has pretty, thin ribbons in her hands and seems to be braiding them or something.

My “sister” is smiling and talking on “the phone” (there is no phone) with a mother figure. I can hear both voices in the conversation. I recognize that the mother’s voice is not our mother’s but maybe the mother-in-law or some other mother related to my “sister”. I say to her, “That isn’t mom you’re talking to, is it? Mom died didn’t she?”

When I say this, I have a flash of memory and seem transported into this memory. My mom is laying in a hospital bed, sitting up against the raised back. She is very weak and I somehow know that she has had issues with her heart. My mom says to me, “I’m not going to make it.” There is instant memory of an entire event that leads up to my mom’s death.

Shocked at the memory, I begin to see a calendar. The month’s of the year rapidly flip from page to page, pausing on the months and certain dates for seconds before moving to the next month. I see the 14th of January and then the 21st of February. Then the page stops on May 1st. I remember thinking of Mother’s Day and how so much happened to me and my family in 2014 around this time of year – births, deaths, marriage, relocation, new jobs, new directions in life for many of us.

I shift back to talking to my “sister” and say, “May 1st….May Day…..” I begin to sob uncontrollably as I realize my mom is dead. Dread hits me and devastation begins to spread from my stomach up to my throat and my head like a warm liquid. My heart sinks and I cry so hard I wake myself up. As I wake I am saying, “May Day (mayday), May Day (mayday)” as if I am asking for help while also trying to remember the day.

It was 5:30am and I couldn’t go back to sleep.

Considerations

If this is a premonitory dream then I hope, hope, hope it is not literal. My mom has always told me that she could not bear the death of one of her children. She has said, “I won’t make it” which were similar to her words to me in my dream. The feeling of the “heart problem” my mom had in the dream was that she was unable to continue living because of something that happened to her heart.

Just recently I discovered that my sister’s condition has not improved. She has staph on her heart valves despite the removal of 7 infected teeth and her blood tests showing the infection had cleared. She also confessed to being addicted to Meth, which has been a shock to me and my mom and anyone else who now knows that didn’t before.

The doctors have decided to do heart valve replacement surgery and replace the infected valves with pig valves. This is a very risky surgery so my guess is she must be doing pretty poorly for them to risk opening up her chest to replace her heart valves while knowing she is a Meth addict and will likely return to her habit once she recovers and put herself at risk for a repeat of this health emergency.

I have been at odds with myself over her situation. On the one hand I want her to recover and overcome her addiction to become the person she is capable of being. One the other hand I am certain she will succumb to her addiction and end up right back in this place sooner more than later. I am furious that the doctors would replace her heart valves knowing she is a Meth addict and not at all recovered except for her time spent in the hospital. But I imagine they are aware of this likelihood, so if they are doing the surgery anyway then she is at death’s door already.

So if my dream is precognitive, it could be that it is warning me of how my mom might react to my sister’s death. Or, it could just be a worry dream and nothing more. It felt precognitive, though, especially since the message is so similar to the previous one. May Day – V-Day…..

Honestly, the intensity of this past month and the uptick of dreams and dream encounters this past week has me a bit worried. I asked my guidance the other morning, “What is wrong with me?” upon waking from a particularly intense lucid dream. I am losing sleep because I keep waking from intense (Kundalini) or upsetting dreams at early hours of the morning and cannot get back to sleep. I lay awake thinking and wondering and get this feeling that is BIG. It says to me, “Change is coming. Be ready.”

Sometimes my spiritual gifts seem like a curse. Why know what is coming if I can’t do anything about it!? So seldom does knowing help except to prepare me emotionally by giving me a heads up. I wonder, though, does it really prepare me? I suppose in a way it does because I can process the emotion ahead of time so that when the event does occur I can be there for others. I can be less affected and more emotionally stable. For me, the loss of my sister is something I can bear but for my mom? I imagine what it would be like to lose a child. If I lost one of my children it would be devastating. A part of me would die and continue to die for the remainder of my life. Like my mom, I don’t think I could survive it.