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Update: Recent Travel and Cabin/Land

I’ve not been online much. Blogging and even journaling has almost come to a complete stop. Instead, I’ve been posting every now and then in a forum I’ve been a part of for many years because I get more feedback and support there than I tend to get here on WordPress. Most of what I post is very mundane compared to the typical posts on this blog. If you are interested in following along with me there (and meeting some amazing people), please send me a message and I will send you the info/link for the consciousness exploration forum I frequent.

Travel

So, what have I been up to? Well, I recently returned from almost two weeks overseas. I returned on July 4th around midnight and it took me all the way until Monday to start to feel normal again. I swear I must have slept 10-14hrs a day and still felt tired. lol My friend jetlag did not disappoint! And this time it made sure to leave me completely disoriented whenever I woke. One time I woke up not knowing where I was and wandered all over my room looking for doors that weren’t there. It took me about 5 minutes to recognize my own bedroom again. Ha!

Where did I go? Seoul, South Korea, Tokyo and other parts of Japan, and finally Oahu, Hawaii. I spent about four days in each place, not near enough to get over the initial jetlag I had in Korea BTW.

The first and last places (S. Korea and Hawaii) were work related. Japan was a birthday present to my husband from his family. I wasn’t very keen on S. Korea but Japan peaked my interest, especially the Sea of Trees forest.

In S. Korea we visited a palace, Gyeongbokgung, the main royal palace of the Joseon Daynasty. We also went to a Buddhist temple but I can’t recall its name now. Then we visited Seoul Tower and later learned how to make Kimchi and got dressed in traditional dress. I found Koreans to be very friendly and welcoming. The city of Seoul was so clean, so well planned, that it almost felt like an entirely different dimension. It was very different from the U.S.! Unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy the food too much, at least not until I tried the street food. Now that was yummy!

My first impression of Tokyo was similar – clean, welcoming and like a completely different world. Where Koreans mostly don’t know English, almost everyone in Japan seemed to. Everything was in both Japanese and English in most places and everywhere I went (mostly on subways, trains and buses) everything was in English. I spent the first day in the hotel sleeping but the second day we traveled to the Sea of Trees and Mt. Fuji. It took us 4hrs by subway and train and then when we returned by bus and subway it was a bit faster. I suggest if you fly into Tokyo that you do not try to do Mt. Fuji in one day. All the transportation in the park stops at 5pm. I wish we had gotten a hotel and stayed there the entirety of our trip, but we didn’t. Even so, we got to visit two ice caves and the Sea of Trees, which was enough for me.

I’d been to Hawaii before so I mostly slept and worked from the hotel while we were there. I did visit Pearl Harbor (our company has a contract to repair the dry docks) and lingered on the beach or worked during the days. In the evenings it was lots of fine dining and shopping.

Overall, I think the trip would’ve been more enjoyable had we given ourselves more time in each location to get over the jetlag. IDK if it is my age or what but my body was just not adjusting as fast as I wanted. Thus, the sleeping away one day in Tokyo and Hawaii and then three days of exhaustion when I returned to the states.

Here are some pictures which are in order of Hawaii, then Tokyo and finally S. Korea:

Egret
Banyan tree
Sea of trees

Land and Cabin Progress

The day we left for South Korea the old mobile home on the new property was moved. It is gone forever. Donated to a family in need. I feel good about donating it. I hope it’s new family turned it into a loving home. I do not know where or who it went to, just that it is close by (within 1hr).

The little turkey vulture grew up and has feathers. I did not get a picture of him after my most recent trip but the last time I saw him he was bigger than a chicken, though still mostly covered in his white down with some feathers sprouting on his wings.

The cabin foundation was completed before we left. It is now ready for a roof and windows. We are hoping to have it complete by the end of summer or early Fall. We are still waiting on the county to tell us how much it will cost to have county water. The water well works but it will be costly to get running (around $15K). We suspect the county water will be similar but would prefer it since maintaining a water well can be costly over time and county water will be around $50/mo. There is still a lot of work to do on the land such as clearing junk and finishing some of the out buildings. We will tackle those issues once it gets a bit cooler this fall. The temps we’ve had in the high 90’s are not ideal for working outside.

Below is progress of the cabin starting with most recent (as of this past Wednesday):

Critters we’ve encountered on the land to include baby turkey vulture:

Other pics of the land. The first is where the mobile home use to sit. The second is of the shed we are fixing up and the last is what is left of a junk pile:

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Message: We Win When We All Win

It stormed again last night. It is suppose to rain all week, probably at night. It has been a very wet Spring! 

After being awakened by the storm, I fell back to sleep and had a healing dream with a message.

In the dream, I returned to an old school gym from my elementary and middle school years. It was the original gym of the old original town schoolhouse that we used in elementary school for gym class. When I was in middle school, the gym and schoolhouse was shut down to remove asbestos and make it safe to use. In the dream, I went into the girls dressing room accompanied by other young girls. I don’t think I knew most of them but we were all young, like 10 years old. I went inside and found a purse inside an old locker, my old locker. I brought it back out and showed the other girls. It was pink and still had the original plastic wrapping on it. There was a logo or drawing on it of a band I had never heard of. I commented that it might be worth something since it was so well preserved. Then I opened the zipper to the change purse. Inside was a wad of money. I took it out, oohing and awing over it and showing the girls. I could sense a girl I once knew in the background watching – Nicki Bitch is the name I gave her long ago and still call her that. I said it surely was not much money because Nicki said something along the lines of I must have put the purse there or stolen it or worse. I sifted through the money and pulled out one twenty, two, three an then a fifty! Nicki was still commenting that it was a ruse and couldn’t be true and I was saying how it was true and I must have gone back to the gym in my middle school years and placed the purse in the locker. She wasn’t convinced and the other girls were believing her over me (typical). I finally lost my nerve and called her out, reminding the others that she only befriended people who had something she wanted and was known to lie and manipulate others into doing what she wanted. Everyone got quiet and Nicki walked away along with some of the other girls. I knew she was likely planning on doing something to me for revenge. That is how she was. She would hold onto her anger and get revenge years later if she had to, waiting for the perfect timing. I lingered in the gym with my best friend somewhat worried about how she would make me pay.

The dream shifted and I was still with my friend. We were late to a funeral. It was related to Nicki Bitch but I don’t think it was her funeral (not sure whose it was). We arrived just in time to see a group of people leave a church and head towards the cemetery. We decided to join the group and as we were walking towards the group, a couple of girls and their parents appeared and walked alongside us. One girl turned to me and said, “I won’t be listening to you about friends” (or something similar). I told her I didn’t blame her and that she should listen to her heart when it came to choosing friends, not me. Then I apologized for my outburst in the gym earlier. I told her my outburst was because I hadn’t done the work and healed myself. The mother of the girl nodded her head and the girl accepted my apology. It felt like my words were truth and something about them woke me.

Message

I lingered in bed thinking of the dream and how I hadn’t had a dream about my school years in a very long time. During that time I spoke with my guidance and thought through other similar scenarios from my youth. One was how that girl – Nicki Bitch – convinced all my classmates to vote for my best friend as most likely to succeed despite the fact that, as Valedictorian, that spot was meant for me. Not only did my “best friend” agree to the nomination, but she won and later made it clear that she no longer considered me her friend. Not only did Nicki get her revenge but my friend seemed to have abandoned me for the entirety of our senior year. Funny enough, I didn’t ever lash out against my friend, defending her to others when they brought up how she was treating me and always remaining steadfast in our friendship despite her ghosting of me. I was told with this memory that I did well and my actions were a reflection of my inner true self. I heard, “We win when we all win” and that in that moment when I was betrayed by my friend a part of me knew this.

I’d always wondered why I acted the way I did in my youth. I often did things without knowing why and sometimes they made me look like a fool. As I matured I began to withhold that part of myself, convincing myself that it was wrong. Perhaps my guidance is correct and I was my true self more then than I am now?

I also recognized that I was holding onto the hurt from my youth and using it as an excuse and sort of protection against future hurt. The purse and money within shows how much I have invested in it – the lesson, and my response to others, especially groups. Instead of calling out Nicki Bitch like I did in real life (and the dream) I should have quietly distanced myself from her and surrounded myself with those who really recognized my value. But I felt a need to call attention to how wrong she was and how right I was. Whenever anyone does that it doesn’t often turn out well in the end. I deduced from that experience and other future similar experiences that most people have friends primarily for selfish means (to gain something for themselves). For example, my ex husband specifically told me that he liked to have a lot of friends because “I might need help some day”. And my current husband also values friends for that reason, though he is usually the one helping them. He is oblivious to the fact that some of the “friends” are only his friends when they need something from him. I detest this kind of friendship as it is fake and selfish. True friendship is not for gain alone. It really irritates me that so many have shallow friendships. I wouldn’t even categorize them as such but call them associates. 

Still, though, the message “we win when we all win” is a common one. It upsets me, though, because it suggests that I should allow others to win despite my own hurt or upset in the process. Like with my friend, I allowed her treatment of me without even feeling hurt really because I loved her and understood she was going through a challenging time. Funny enough, when she apologized years later she told me exactly that! And I told her I never begrudged her and still thought of her as a friend, which surprised her. Then, later, I began to convince myself that my response to her mistreatment had been wrong. Now I am seeing it was not.

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Lucid Dream: Australia

It’s been a while. I apologize for the long pause but I have not felt inclined to write lately. I am writing today only because, after longer than I can remember, I had a lucid dream. 🙂

Lucid Dream: Australia

I found myself walking along a dirt path in a rural setting. The sky was blue and dotted with white, fluffy clouds. There were stubby trees here and there, tall grasses and large rocks dotting the landscape. Somehow I knew I was in Australia and I remember thinking, “I haven’t been here in a long time.”

I remember having a conversation with someone in my mind about the government giving away land to people in order to get the area settled. They were telling me about a program to help educate newcomers to the customs and traditions of the land as well as to teach them skills so they could make a living off the land (farming, ranching, permaculture, etc.). I remember my only interest was residing there and taking in nature.

I walked down the dirt path towards a metal stake embedded in the rocky soil. Near it were some large, white rocks similar to the limestone rocks of central Texas (when I visited Aussie in real life I thought it resembled Texas). I leaned down and grabbed one of the rocks to turn it over and moved it outside of the property boundary. It was heavy and I could feel the rough surface of the rock under my fingers. There was momentary worry that I would disturb a snake or large insect that had made its home under the rock, but to my relief there was nothing underneath it. I located another rock and did the same, relocating it to the other side of the boundary.

When I was done, I noted that the area was clear of rocks and saw the corner was well defined. I turned around to walk back up the path and spotted a wooden stake, broken in half, with an orange flag on it. I went to retrieve it when I heard someone remind me that the natives didn’t like the newcomers. I assumed one must have stolen the stake and broken it, tossing it far away from the property boundary. Taking the stake in my hand, I put it next to the metal stake where it belonged.

Again, I turned to walk back up the dirt path. This is when I paused to look around and take in the scenery. It was beautiful! I thought to myself how real everything was. I had an inkling that I was dreaming so I leaned down and felt the soil of the dirt path. It was warm to the touch with a gritty texture. I picked some up, letting the particles of soil fall between my fingers while focusing on the feel it it. Yep, it felt like soil. I wondered if it would also smell like soil, so I took a handful of soil and brought it up to my nose. The smell was earthy with hints of other smells. I smiled and let the soil fall through my fingertips to the ground. Again, I looked around, noting the trees, sky and path I was walking. How amazing! Strangely, I did not continue for long in that lucid state but stood a moment in awe as realization hit me that I had a choice to stay or go. For some odd reason I chose to leave, slowly returning to my sleeping physical body.

When I woke I was surprised and pleased I had a lucid dream. It has been a long time! I wondered why Australia and then recalled that just yesterday I had been talking about my visit there. I guess a part of me wanted to return and so did. 🙂

Walk-In

Another thing that happened in the night was a brief waking almost immediately after having fallen asleep. I remember getting reminded, out of the blue, of my past and how I was a “walk-in”. I called bullshit, saying I didn’t believe in that but was asked to Remember, meaning to feel within myself what was truth. After a pause, I acknowledged my past experiences were real. However, I still felt that all of it seems very unreal in my present state.

I am certain this short reminder came as a result of something I had told someone about my past and how I am going through a major stage of disillusionment. When I think of my all my past spiritual experiences they feel to have all been for nothing; pointless.

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Why I am my Mother’s Daughter

Interesting between life recall last night.

My family went out to my mom’s for dinner last night. It turned out very well and was a nice evening. When I got home and was winding down to sleep, I was going over the night’s events, thinking of my mom, and suddenly began to imagine telling her things I should’ve when I was there. I often do this, going over past and even future moments and how I could enhance them by saying or doing things differently. So, I was telling my mom some things I think she needed to hear. I said to her (in my mind), “Mom, I’m so proud of you! You’re a good mom. You’ve done really good as my mom in this life.” Interestingly, I had a sudden flash of what I can only describe as memory when I wondered to myself, “Why did I want to say that to mom?”

The memory was of a visual from above of a young women who was very distraught. She was saying to herself, “I’m not a good mother. I want to be a good mother…” I could feel everything she was feeling. Then I heard myself say to her, “You’ll be okay. I’ll help you.” I don’t know if she actually heard me or not. 

The memory was so quick that I almost didn’t think anything of it, but there was a sense in my heart that it was something that actually happened. I believe I witnessed my mother at some point in her youth, maybe after the birth of my older sister, and answered her call for help. My intention being to come down and help her be “a good mother” because she was so distraught and struggling with the difficult task ahead, specifically with my sister who was a colicky child. My mom has told me horror stories of her time as a brand new mother with a colicky baby who seemed to never stop crying. My dad would be off working and she would be alone, in an unfamiliar city (they were in New Jersey), a new mother, with no family around for support. She told me about her struggles and how, at that time, she had visions of throwing her baby (my older sister) against the wall just so the crying would stop. She was exhausted and needed help but had none. 

I had a between life memory years ago in an OBE where I was in “heaven” in front of a curved screen going through what my life would be. I remember feeling “called” down to Earth after the birth of my older sister. The feeling was absolutely inescapable. I was going “down” and was nervously apprehensive. I wonder now if part of the call I answered was witnessing the struggle my mom was going through and somehow seeing her struggle solidified my decision to incarnate? 

Regardless, it seemed like my imagined conversation with my mom at bedtime unlocked a deeper reason for me being in this life, one that helps me better understand the relationship I have with my mom. We’ve always had a strong connection. 

I was a good baby according to her – quiet, content, and super easy compared to my older sister. Maybe I was that way to show her that mothering could be enjoyable, easy and natural? 

I also recognized when I stopped feeling like my mom and sister were “safe”. A memory came to mind from when I was around 7-8 yrs old. I remember both of them coming into the bathroom and my mom telling my sister to help her hold me down over the toilet. Then my mom put soap in my mouth (Irish Spring, I can still taste it) and literally “washed” it out, reminding me not to say bad words. I have no idea what bad words I said but I do remember feeling completely betrayed by both of them. What was the worst part is that they were both laughing at my distress. So, my guess is that when the two of them are together I go on alert and am super suspicious of being betrayed again. That is how I am. When my trust is broken it is nearly impossible for the person to win it back. 

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Progress and the Eclipse

We’ve been busy here for the last few weeks with a birthday (my youngest turned 10 on Easter), an eclipse and clearing the land. It seems like nearly every day something came up, either planned or unplanned. I’ve just been trying to keep up and get as much rest and downtime to myself as possible in between.

The eclipse was uneventful here. We had about 2 minutes of totality which came and went really fast. It was overcast, so me and the kids went about our normal day assuming we would not get to see much, if any, of the eclipse. Strangely enough, the clouds parted during totality. Ha! I got some nice shots with my new camera using a filter and even took a video but my dog was barking hysterically during totality thinking it was time to play.

I don’t recall any energetic shifts or spiritual events the days before, during or after the eclipse. It was, all-in-all, very uneventful and I didn’t think of it as awe-inspiring any more than the partial eclipse last summer. Regardless, it was cool to witness.

For me, our new land is more awe-inspiring. Every time I go there I am filled with gratitude and awe at the splendor and beauty of the place. I am also constantly reminded that I manifested it and will continue to manifest what I want it to become. To know in my heart that all will fall in line and I will get everything I desire causes me to choke up. I usually have to wipe tears from my eyes each trip there. Plus, nature loves to give me gifts when I am there.

For example, remember the turkey vultures? Well, I was clearing out an old shed in preparation for tearing it down when I heard an odd noise. It sounded like a cat growling or some kind of tiny animal warning me to stay away. When I looked up, I saw a tiny, white fluffball. A baby turkey vulture! It was hissing and growling and stomping its little foot to keep me away. So cute! Needless to say, we are not tearing down the shed until well after it has left the nest.

The baby vulture and its parents symbolize death and rebirth. Not only does this apply to the land but also to myself and my family. My children have all discovered the joy of fishing now and look forward to trip to the land. My husband has found new purpose and even made new friends. It brings me joy to see their joy. We are healing. The land is healing us.

I have also seen many wild ducks on our pond. Some are black with yellow bills and others are brown. They usually stay pretty far away from me, but just recently one came pretty close and I was able to get a video of it. I wish I’d had my new camera to get a good picture of it, but I only had my phone, so no picture – yet. I will get one eventually!

We’ve had an excavator on the property all week and Thursday we were able to check on progress. It has transformed so much! The excavator allows us to not only remove all the piles of junk scattered around the property but also remove any undergrowth and unwanted trees. When before we couldn’t see the pond from the mobile home, now there is a clear view of it.

This weekend is the last two days of having the excavator so we will likely use it to clear other parts of the property and level the land that will eventually be the road to the home site. I have decided to move the home further up the hill for a better view of the pond. The land is more level and closer to the existing septic tank.

Here are some progress pics. Enjoy!

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Heal the Land and it Will Heal You

What a long weekend! This was the second weekend we’ve been at the new property working to clean, clear and prepare the land and home.

Friday and Saturday was junk removal. When they arrived they cleared the mobile home very quickly. It was almost an entire trailer load! They returned the next day and got another two loads from there. There is more, still, but progress is being made. Below is an image of just one of the loads of junk that was removed.

We met the neighbors (my husband had introduced himself when we first saw the land) and they offered to help. They are very nice. The wife is close to my age, the husband is 63 and already retired. They also have a pond and have really created a wonderful space. They have several cabins dotting the area with a pavilion, kitchen/bathroom area and stage for live bands. They use it once a year for a family reunion. I got a tour and it was impressive, exactly what my mom wants her property to be but sadly probably will never create. 

The husband is quite handy and built his own home. He owns a backhoe (or something close, I am not familiar with the name) and said he would be open to using it to help us. He and his wife even came over with their two riding lawnmowers and mowed a good portion of our land. The husband, Randy, mowed paths all over our property – to the pond, the the other buildings, along the fence and road. They also have a stocked pond and said our boys could fish and swim anytime. Since our pond is still not giving any fish (they are there but not biting I’m sure) I took the boys there and, after some coaxing since they are impatient, got them catching fish. Both are now super exciting about fishing and want to go back as soon as they can to fish some more. lol Both of my boys caught more fish than me and bigger ones even! There are bass, crappie, catfish and bluegill in abundance. They stock it and feed their fish often. They let us take some of the fish we caught to put into our pond. We are going to stock ours some point because we/they think our otters are eating up our fish.

The beehives are on the property now, too. We have eight and the beekeeper was very nice and navigated to our land without issue. I haven’t seen the hives yet because he asked us to not go around them that day because they tend to be grumpy after being moved. I will look at them next weekend and take pics. The beekeeper did say the hives will not be there to make honey. He uses them exclusively to help landowners get ag exemption. He said he may give us some of his other honey but he had a rough season last year and took losses. We are fine with whatever. He is a very nice and knowledgeable man. 

Anyway, the inside of the mobile home is completely cleaned out except for the stuff we opted to keep (construction supplies). It makes such a difference in the energy! My husband spent the entire first day fixing the water. First he fixed the intake from the pond. The previous owner told us the beavers have chewed off the floats in the past and so my husband swam out and, sure enough, no floats. The water was being sucked off the bottom of the pond which made it stink really bad. Once he fixed it the water was perfect! It was deceptive enough to cause us to almost accidentally drink it – oops! When the water was turned on to the home he discovered several leaks under that he fixed. I think there was 5 with one he has yet to fix because he thinks he might just need to do a full re-plumb of the whole home. He also got the hot water heater going. So we have running hot and cold water now that doesn’t smell like death! I am so, so thankful to my husband. The second bathroom is completely disconnected though. Also, while he was under the home he encountered a dead raccoon. It was freshly dead and huge! He and the boys buried it.

Friday night we stayed the night (with hot/cold, fresh water) and I, of course, was not tired. I was too excited about all the happenings of the day. When I did fall asleep I had an intense dream.

Dream: Mother Gaia

In the dream I was inside a bathroom with a heavy set woman. She asked for my help. She needed me to wipe her bum. She couldn’t reach it. I agreed, happy to help. When I wiped she winced. The poo had been there a while and she had “diaper rash”. I got her cleaned up and she was thankful. She then presented me with two DVDs or CDs saying they would help me. One was about Angels. I took it and told her thank you and hugged her. When I hugged her I could feel her voluptuousness wrap around me comfortingly. It felt like squishy blankets of love. I began to sob and sob, falling into her warm, squishy skin folds. The crying woke me and I continued to cry. 

My guidance was there and I understood why I was crying. I am still recovering from so much loss. However, I knew this mobile home experience – clearing and fixing it up – was a physical representation of my healing process. I was reminded of many, many dreams I’ve had in the past of being in mobile homes with unsteady foundations (like this one) and full of junk. All pointing to me feeling unsafe and needing to de-clutter emotionally and spiritually. When I woke I told my husband, saying I think the entire process of clearing the home and land is helping me clear my own “junk” and that repurposing the home will also be therapeutic in that it will guide me through my own rebuilding process. He agreed saying he felt similarly. 

The heavy set woman may have represented Gaia and her message was, “Heal the land and it will heal you.” Such love!

I was also told when I woke that “tomorrow” would be “magical”. I think it might be the day before the eclipse because I immediately thought of the Sunday before eclipse. How it will be magical, IDK. I did have a good day that morning, however, in that me and my boys had such a great fishing experience. Our neighbor, Sam (the wife), also seemed very interested in being around me. Her energy wasn’t needly or exhausting and we talked a while. When I told her about the land I almost started to cry and she understood because of her love for her land and her life. She says, “It’s heaven out here”. I told her I could tell before I even met her she was a very happy person. I heard her singing early in the morning as she gardened. When I was near her (she didn’t know I was there) I could sense she was genuine and good. 

I also sense my husband is falling in love with the land. His connection with the neighbor, Randy, also shows promise. He is all about connecting with people and he and Randy get along really well. I could sense that my husband might actually end up wanting to live out there some day. This caused me to cry a little thinking how the land might help him, too. He needs it,

So, overall a great weekend!

Here are some recent photos of the property. The snake is a plain bellied water snake. He was living under the boat alongside a field mouse. Ha! The big tree is an ancient Elm. Isn’t it magnificent?

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New Land, New Possibilities

I have news!

In January I was finally gifted with an opening from my husband. Of course, I took it and ran with it. He finally agreed to help me buy land!

You might wonder why I don’t just take the option of my family’s land. Well, it never seemed to want to materialize. It was one step forward, two steps back time and time again. The final straw being that my mom decided to give an acre to my sister and cousin/BIL. With them “building” (not sure how they will afford it) a dwelling on the property I was going to buy, I withdrew, recognizing (finally) the energies for me living out there again were not aligning and probably never would. Ultimately, my family land is still an option but it has major caveats and I am unwilling to compromise.

Once I decided to turn my back on that option completely, a door opened and progress was fast. I did my own search and found a promising property – 9.92 acres with a massive pond. When we went to look at it, my husband was so blown away that he stated right then and there, “This is it!” So, we made an offer and everything came together seamlessly.

On March 11th we closed on the property!

The land is located about a hour northeast of our family home and 50 minutes east from my family’s land. Unlike most of the area which is poor soil, limestone rock, stubby trees and prickly pear cactus, this place has fertile soil, tall grasses, and water aplenty. The pond is the jewel of the property, taking up the entire back pasture. It is spring fed, 21ft deep and looks more like a lake than a pond. The previous owner told us it has never run dry in the 20 years he’s lived there. The minute I saw the pond up close I was sold. It was exactly what I had envisioned when I thought of where I wanted to spend the rest of my days.

The drawback to the property is that the previous owner had left much trash and debris along with a 1997 single-wide mobile home in poor condition. The mobile home can be salvaged if we want, but I am uncertain still about it’s future. We might demolish it, burn what is flammable and sell what we can as scrap. We might remodel it. Or there is a final option of donating it to charity. We might also consider selling it, but being it is so far away, someone will have to pay quite a bit to move it.

The property currently has agricultural tax exemption meaning the property taxes are really low as long as the exemption is maintained. I have decided to lease some beehives to continue the ag exemption rather than try and put goats, cattle or some other high maintenance animal out there. I won’t be living there full-time for a while and bees are very hands-off. The lease includes all hive maintenance.

My plan is to build a small house/cabin by the pond to fulfill my vision. When it is complete, I plan to live there full-time for the rest of my life. It will take time, however, as my youngest is about to be 10 years old. So, in the meantime, it will be used as a retreat.

My husband is not planning on living out there. So, ultimately, this land provides us with a solution to our marriage problems both short-term and long-term. My boys absolutely love the land, so it gives them plenty of space to roam, fish, swim and camp whenever they feel the need. The land also gives me an out when it comes to my family, the family land and all the drama around my mother’s assets once she passes away. I am 100% okay with walking away from that mess and never looking back. I will happily sell off my portion of whatever I am given. And finally, the land offers me a creative outlet – designing and building a small house by the pond and creating the the kind of space I need to find clarity, peace and fulfillment.

Here are some pictures of the land. You can see the beautiful parts as well as the less than beautiful parts (trash and mobile home). There is also a turkey vulture in one picture. 🙂 You can see my husband and son on a small boat (conveyed with the property) in several pictures.

Below is a picture of the house I want to build by the pond. It was selected by my boys because it has sleeping lofts above the two bedrooms. I like it because of all the windows. Imagine them facing the pond. What a fantastic view!

Screenshot

While we wait for the house to be built, we will have our RV parked out there so that we can stay overnight comfortably. There is a brand new well on the property that needs to be finished (wired, holding tank and pump house). What is amazing to me is that the previous owner had a pump set up that pulled water from the pond. The water is filtered four times and pumped into the house! So, we will have water available from two sources. I always wanted a semi or fully off-grid home and having this alternative water option is really awesome!

I will update as things progress. Step one is the clear all the junk and figure out what to do with the mobile home.

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Dream Premonition: On Watch

Woke at 11am in tears from a dream and then went on to have what I feel is a premonition in a dream.

Dream: All is Love

Despite the intensity of this dream, because it was so early in the night, I don’t recall many specifics now.

I remember walking through an empty house. It reminded me of my mom’s house but also of other houses I’ve lived in throughout this lifetime. A man had come to visit me. I recognized him in the dream as someone I love dearly but cannot place him in this lifetime based upon looks alone. My response to his visit was to make him wait. I was busy, with life I guess. In the midst of my busyness something told me to turn around. When I did, I realized the man was about to leave. I ran up to him and he turned around to face me. In his eyes I saw that his feelings for me had changed. I said to him, “You don’t feel the same, do you?” He told me he did not. I asked him if he still loved me, my heart beginning to ache and tears forming in my eyes. He said he did not, but those weren’t his exact words. What he said was much more kind. I began to sob. An indescribable feeling spread from my chest outward. This is when I began to hear Clair de Lune playing in the background. The feeling was hurt and grief – an overwhelming pain and loss/decimation. He attempted to explain that this was the way of things here (in the physical). It was difficult for me to hear, though, as the pain was to the point that it woke me. The last thing I heard him say was, “Let it go.”

Still crying but wide awake, the explanation was presented again. I was shown a crystal. A pure, white light went into one side and out the other came a rainbow of color. The love I am seeking is the pure, white light. The love of the physical is the rainbow. Love in the physical is broken into the many emotions we experience here – love, hate, guilt, pain, passion, envy, fear, etc. What I am seeking is the unchanging love I am use to but the love I find, over and over again, is not that. I am finding a love that changes as all things change here in the physical. What else did I expect? 

Premonition Dream: On Watch

I was in Montana in college. I remember going to class and giving the teacher a name that was not mine: Heather Heather. I remember telling this name to the teacher, laughing uncomfortably at how nonsensical it sounded. I sat in my desk thinking about the name and how it would make all the coursework I was doing invalid when it came time to graduate because the name wouldn’t match my transcripts. 

I must have left the classroom because next I was in a car traveling through the streets of a familiar city in Montana. It made me happy to see all the natural beauty around me and I began to think of my ex-father-in-law and wondered if I should meet up with him. It was something I very much wanted to do.

The scene shifted and I was with my father-in-law. He and I had gone on a hike. I heard/Knew of a young female student who had shown great promise and was now a professor at the university. She excelled in the study of plate tectonics. I saw a visual of her working over a map, using a device to sketch potential earthquakes in Montana. I saw her draw two circles, one very much in the west and the other to the east of that point. I heard, saw and even wrote her name, but all I recall now is the initials C.S. 

There was a brief portion of the dream where I spoke with this seismologist. I asked her where the most recent earthquake was and she said, “Kalispell”. I told her I would avoid the town and then mentioned how many more people are likely to live there now. She then showed me the eastern location of a second earthquake. I felt forewarned.

Next, I was taken by my FIL to a dirt road. In the road had been dug four square holes. Inside was placed devices to measure the movement of the earth. There were also sign-in sheets near the holes. This is when I signed the name with the initials C.S.

Then my father-in-law took me on a drive to another location. As we drove down a seemingly remote road the trees opened up to a small, circular town. We got out and went on a hike up the mountain. My father-in-law said his hands were cold and asked if I could warm them. I let him put his hands in my pockets with mine and warmed them. He was behind me, our bodies touching, as he warmed his hands. I could feel his interest and got somewhat uncomfortable. He is at least 25 yrs older than me. As I prepared to move forward he stopped me and put his face and lips very close to my own as he stared me in the eyes. It was intense and I waited. He then kissed me passionately. All I remember is the feeling of a sloppy kiss which was not that nice. He then turned and went back down the mountain, giving me a sausage stick and a banana on the way down. I rushed after him, eating the items quickly but discarding part of the banana, yet I did not feel hungry.

I began to wake but lingered in the in-between for a while. This is when I heard and saw written on a wall in my mind, “On watch” and I remembered vividly the map with the circles, the city of Kalispell and the warning of two earthquakes. 

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Dream: Black Hole Sun (Eclipse)

I had a string of interesting dreams last night. But first, I want to share a vision I keep having. I’ve seen it both in dreams and upon waking. In the first one, a dream, I saw myself with blue painted fingernails and wearing blue clothing. I inspected my fingernails, noting the strange blue tinge and trying to figure out why they were blue. In the visions I’ve had, the last of which was last night, I saw myself with blue skin. 

At first, I thought it must be indicating a chakra, maybe the throat chakra, but this blue was not that color blue. Instead, it was lighter and seemed almost to glow.

My next thought was it was exactly the same color of the blue Hindu gods and goddesses. I did look up why the gods and goddesses of Hinduism are blue. Mostly the blue coloring is for Vishnu, meant to depict the color of rain clouds, so more of a steel gray, but sometimes it is brighter blue, like the color I have been seeing in my visions. Blue is the color of the sky and sea, one reflects the other and neither actually has any color at all. Thus, blue is the color of infinity. Hindu Scriptures declare the Ultimate reality to be inconceivable and inexpressible, beyond the grasp of the 5 senses. The only way to express the vastness (Brahman) which is Being, Consciousness and Bliss, is through the color blue.

So, in my vision, I seemed to become a blue goddess. Perhaps Kali?

Dream #1: Running from My Shadow

This dream was unexpected. I very rarely feel fear in my dreams now days but I definitely felt it coming on in this dream. I don’t recall many details now because it was so early in the night (woke at 11pm). What I most remember is that I was avoiding this negative entity that seemed like a giant shadow. It was trying to envelope me and I was resisting. There were many voices at the time, some my own, some my guides and some from this Shadow. The voices of the Shadow were recognizable and familiar. In fact, I’ve memory of chasing it away in my early twenties and calling it a “gin”. Towards the end of the dream I was putting up protection and pushing the negative voices out of my mind. I could sense a shield around my mind and, as I woke, my vision was filled with spheres of all colors floating and undulating as if alive (hypnagogia), indicative of entry into the OBE state. 

Dream #2: Classroom in my Bedroom

I returned to sleep and the next thing I recall is having students sitting all around me in my bedroom. I was still in bed, blanket up around me snugly, but didn’t seem to think it odd that my room was full of students. It was an English class and the teacher, standing near my door, told us that we had to do a research paper. She gave us two topics to choose from and left. Everyone paired up and began discussing their assignment. I sat up in bed, looking at them sitting on my floor and leaning up against my walls and window, and protested loudly about the assignment. I said that I didn’t think it was a good one. What teacher limits her students to only two topics? Why not allow us to explore topics we are most interested in? I then told them I was going to drop out of the class. I didn’t need it. I already had a masters and bachelor’s degree and was just taking the class out of boredom. A male student said he was, too. I asked him if he had a degree and he said no. I told him not to bother, telling him all the jobs I used my degrees for were miserable for me. Only when I decided to follow a different path did I find a very unexpected job that made me happy. He asked what it was and I said, “Accounting.” The entire class was listening attentively at this point and it seemed I might have helped some decide that college was not the right path for them. 

Dream #3: Black Hole Sun (Eclipse)

I didn’t categorize this as a Kundalini dream but it most definitely had elements of Kundalini energy. 

My husband and I parked in an unfamiliar driveway. I was driving but didn’t know how I got there. I immediately got out, finding myself under a large, open, red umbrella. I was wearing my pajamas – a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt – and was barefoot. Still confused, I looked up to a tree and saw a sweatshirt (protection) hanging on it. I pulled it down but then threw it back up not wanting to take something that wasn’t mine. Then my husband drove away and left me there. Not sure what to do, I panicked a bit. I had no phone or any way of contacting help. I felt lost. So, I wandered down the road looking for familiar sign posts. Nothing. 

Then I saw a big truck stop in the middle of the road. It opened its doors and out came hundreds of cats (feminine energy, sexuality). I stopped short and said, “Feral cats.” People were coming up and picking up the cats, though, leading me to believe they were not feral. I wandered closer, observing, and saw the cats were friendly. Still, I kept my distance.

As I turned to leave I saw a little boy crying. He was afraid of the cats. I comforted him and turned him towards the cats, telling him it was safe. I got an adult to assist and left the cats behind.

Then I was at a party. It was full of people I didn’t know, some speaking a language I didn’t recognize. I sat down and waited, still not knowing where I was. Then I noticed a man staring at me. With his stare came a strong, magnetic energy, one I was familiar with. I turned away, feeling immediately nervous, and then moved across the room to avoid him. In my hurry I bumped into my husband who had seen me avoiding the man. He laughed and told me, “He wants to take you into the bedroom.” I didn’t respond and found a corner to hide in.

Eventually the man found me. He came up to me, face to face, and put his left hand on my right shoulder. Our eyes locked and I froze. The energy was super intense and magnetic. It terrified me. The man wanted me to come with him. His energy beckoned me and I knew I would not be able to resist for long. This is when a woman said something to the man. I think she was his wife. He lingered and the woman asked me, “Are you married?” I nodded yes. She told the man to leave me be. He listened and left. I watched the woman for a bit. She was with another woman and a child of around 3 climbed into her lap. I finally went up to her and asked her about the man. Though I don’t recall our conversation, I recognized that she was his wife and they had an arrangement that allowed them to be with other partners.

Then there was a commotion and everyone rushed outside to the driveway. It was really crowded and the sky was a weird shade of reds and oranges. I looked up. Realizing it was the eclipse I averted my eyes. I saw the woman from earlier and went up to her. I could see the eclipse shadow on the concrete. It was nearly complete, a blackness surrounded by a rim of fire. The woman turned to me and we embraced and I sobbed and sobbed as she held me in her arms. The entire time the crazy energy of the eclipse was all around me.

Then there was a hush and I turned and looked up. The sun was mottled red like it was going to explode. 

Seeing the sun like this woke me. Tears were still in my eyes and a chorus from a song was going through my head: “Black hole sun won’t you come and wash away the rain…..”.

Discussion with Guides

After I woke, I couldn’t return to sleep. The energy from the encounter in the dream along with the emotional release at the end was hard to ignore. 

My guidance was close, asking me about how I felt in certain parts of the dream. Specifically, the part where my eyes locked with the strange man. I told them it terrified me. When asked why, it was hard to explain. I think it comes down to total loss of control and not knowing what will happen if that happens. Yet everything in me yearns to follow the feeling and let go completely, to hell with the unknowns that follow. That part of me, the part that yearns, terrifies me. 

When asked about how I felt when I was crying, I recalled a time in this life when I chose not to follow that yearning, choosing instead to complete a cycle/karmic contract. The feeling is beyond description. I recognized the feeling in the dream was the same – solid, unchangeable and full of regret. 

Then there was the visual of the sun there at the end. It felt like a warning, or at the very least a message. Memory of OBEs I had years ago came to mind. In those OBE’s I would see the sun and the moon coming closer and closer together but they never quite touched. If they had, there would have been an eclipse that looked like what I imagine a “black hole sun” would look like. Those OBEs were indicative of Union, or the merging of masculine and feminine, yin and yang, hieros gamos. 

I can’t help but connect the vision of seeing myself as a blue goddess with this last dream. Kali is the goddess of time, doomsday and death. She is worshipped as the Divine Mother and seen as a divine protector who brings liberation. During the discussion with my guidance about my feelings related to that intense, magnetic yearning of which I am terrified, it was relayed to me that “perhaps what lies on the other side is….liberation”.

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Lucid Dream: Alternate Realities, Potential Timelines and Hopelessness

Woke super early, around 5am, once again disappointed that nothing interesting occured in dreamtime. The almost complete absence of spiritual experiences, dream adventures and other similar experiences is really taking a toll on me. It is causing a deep-seated depression and the longer it goes on, the more depressed I become. My guidance happened to be talkative at this time and asked what would make me have more interest in life. I told them to please bring back what I feel to have lost, otherwise I can’t think of anything in physical reality that would make me want to stay.

Somehow I returned to sleep and, not surprisingly considering what I had just requested, ended up in a semi-lucid dream experience.

My dream recall is hazy, unfortunately. The dream began with me waking up in an unfamiliar bed and bedroom, feeling very drowsy and wanting only to sleep. Yet I was being beckoned to explore the space and as soon I listened and opened my eyes, a brilliant light sparked flashed, lighting up the scene and a view of a bedroom came to life around me. As soon as I recognized the dream scene, the brilliance faded away into a more dull, gray scene, reflecting back to me my energy level/mood.

I lingered in bed and from here it is hard to remember the sequence of events. I either got up and explored the area, which turned out to be (not surprisingly) my Mom’s house where I spent my teenage years, or I was thrust into a dream within a dream which revealed to me an alternate timeline.

In the first case, I went into the main house where the energy was very uncomfortable, almost repellant. So, I went out into the front yard and felt immediate relief. I looked up into the sky and saw dark clouds but there was no threat of storm or rain. I heard a loud, rumbling noise that seemed very off, coming from the road, so I went to investigate. There was a massive machine seeming to be grating the road (the roads are paved). I vaguely recall launching myself up into the air and scanning the horizon for anything interesting. Finding nothing, I set my sights back to the house.

Then I was in the back yard. My younger sister was present as were my boys. When I saw my younger sister, I hugged her and was really pleased to see her. I haven’t seen or communicated with her in waking reality for over 16 years. She responded as if in a trance state, completely flat with wide open, unfocused eyes. I remember recognizing her to be me and not questioning it. I placed everyone into the shallow end of the pool (mentally, it was a dream decision) and jumped in with them. I went up to my sister and kissed her on the cheek. I believe I was attempting to cleanse/heal them all as well as myself, knowing that what one accomplished, so did the other. I also recognized that my sister was likely asleep both physically but also consciously, going through life sleep-walking like so many others in this reality.

In the other case, I found myself in an alternate reality, one that is likely just as real as my present life just in another timeline. I somehow knew this, yet found it very disorienting in the dream because I kept jumping from one to the other. In this alternate reality, I was in a psych hospital. Doctors were questioning me and I remember being unhappy because I was not being allowed to return to my “fantasized” reality in my mind, a place I went to escape the uncomfortable position I found myself in. So, I would shift back and forth between this psych ward questioning and the lucid dream of my present life reality. Most of my memory is of being shaken into awareness of this alternate reality, awaking to see the faces of worried doctors with lights flashing into my eyes, their voices sounding like distant echoes.

When these two experiences, seemingly happening simultaneously, ended, I “woke up” (genuinely thought I was awake) and began to write down what I had remembered. I wrote the message in the air with my mind. I heard a male voice as well as my own repeat it back to me. The message was (and there was Knowing with it): “We are all sharing (in) the same dream. We are America’s humanity.” The Knowing is hard to describe now but it was quite clear in the dream, one of those ah-ha moments where I Remembered something my human self forgot. Basically, what the dream experience was reminding me was that we are all connected. Each of our experiences has a ripple effect on the other (think the Matrix). What one heals, also heals another. What one learns, so does another. As one becomes more aware (like lucid in a dream), so then does another increase in awareness, though not necessarily on the same level, more in increments. There was also this Knowing of dimensions and timelines layered one on top the other, interconnected in such a way that confused my human mind.

I was shown scenes from my own life during this time as if to illustrate how this occurs. The memory that appeared to me was when I worked in the alternative school. I was pregnant with my second child. A student who had just had a baby was threatening to me so I asked the administration to put officers in my room. The student had said something (as I remembered anyway) about kicking me in the stomach. I got the officers and the student later told me she would never hurt a baby because she was a mother. She seemed sincere. When this memory came to me, I understood that this incident registered to the student subconsciously and changed her perspective which then changed her life trajectory.

Still thinking I am awake, I felt the familiar sensation of shifting OOB and so opted to go with it. The scene I found myself in was a court room. In front of me was a judge with a gavel. As I watch the court room and judge, my guidance was talking to me, their words blending with the dream scene and into the background. The judge was ruling in favor of a system that had a name I cannot recall now. The ruling was in favor of buying and selling data, personal data specifically. I then saw what looked like a barcode and heard the name of this system. I only recall it had a “J” name and I was told it was the name of the inventor, but the system was not called by that name. This barcode would be put on people.

Hopeless

When I woke recognized the messages and dream experience but was not very pleased with it all because it had not been the kind of lucid dream I preferred where the colors, events and sensations were ultra-real and vivid. It was, instead, more like a regular dream memory, fading quickly. My guidance was there and I remember feeling a question, “Do you understand?” I replied that I did. My actions directly impact others regardless of whether I choose to participate in life or not. All this stems from me wanting to hermit away from everyone, withdraw and wait until death removes me from this place. Thus, the “sleepy” feeling in my dreams. My lack of desire to participate in life has led to withdrawal far beyond the physical. I was asked to shift my focus from myself to others, i.e. “help”. But I’ve had so many losses in trying to help that I have given up trying. There is also this overwhelming sense that my help is like a raindrop falling into a vast ocean, a vast ocean of sewage. It all seems so pointless.