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Dream: Bug-Eyed Fish

Slept in later than usual. Prior to bed I request that my guides show me what I needed to know.

Dream: Politics

Had a dream where I was at a movie and suddenly the lights came one and everyone was leaving and replaced by a new group. It reminded me of changing classes at a university. I lingered a bit and then left as I saw Obama walk in. I hesitated and then went outside. I was trying to decide if I wanted to talk to him or not. He seemed to intuit that and paused when I walked by him, turning toward me as if to say something.

There were some people mingling about and a long, rectangular table with older people sitting at it. I remember talking to several people about politics. I told them how I voted for Obama but generally voted Republican. Then I remember predicting what would happen with US politics. I explained how, very slowly, the two parties would switch sides. I mentioned the Wigs and Tories as an example. I described myself as a moderate and brought up my best friend from HS and how her dad is what shaped her political views. 

As I was finishing the conversation I noticed my grandmother was standing there. I called her my great, great grandmother, but she was just my grandmother. I hugged her really tightly and started to cry which woke me up. 

I fell back to sleep.

Dream: Bug-Eyed Monster

This time I had a dream at my grandparent’s underground house. My mom was sitting on the sofa and we were talking about her will. She explained it would not be like I thought and I was okay with that. Somehow her will and my grandmother’s will got intertwined and it felt normal in the dream. Mom’s will said everything had to be sold (pretty much true) and she was explaining that like I didn’t already know, again warning me that all would not go as planned, specifically that the split would leave very little for each of her children. I was again okay with it.

Then I began walking on the family land only it appeared different. There were what appeared to be pillars of sand-mountains spotting the landscape. It was eerily other-worldly. There was a circular pond full of water. Mom was with me and we were still talking. We lingered by the pond and I put my hand in it. A bug eyed fish came up. It had a huge, smiling mouth. It opened it’s mouth and I put my finger in and then played with it awhile. It seemed to like me. I showed my mom and moved to another area and tapped the water’s surface. My mom warned me not to and pointed. There was a HUGE version of the bug eyed fish that popped up. It’s mouth wide, it took up the entire length of the circular pond. In it’s mouth were sharp teeth. I freaked out and realized I needed to warn my younger sister. She somehow appeared on the other side of the pond swimming in some shallower water. She was very muscular and had on clothing like she was part of a obstacle course gameshow. She was ignoring me and rolling her eyes. I finally got her to listen so she jumped up and ran over to the pond with the monster in it. To my horror, she gave me a “I’ll show you” look and purposefully jumped in and began to swim across. The monster came to the surface but she didn’t see it, it’s gaping mouth slowly coming to view underneath her. She reach the side, turned around, and began to swim right for it’s huge mouth. I yelled at her right as a huge tooth touched her knee. She quickly turned back to shore and got out.  

I guess she realized I had saved her life and so she was much more open to talking to me. We chatted but she kept up her facade, pretending to hate me and not looking directly at me. I complimented her on her physique. She was super muscular, especially her arms and abs. I asked her how many calories she was eating, saying, “I bet you eat around 2000 a day”. She nodded. I happily shared my weekly strength training workout with her. I told her I recently realized why I wasn’t gaining the muscle I wanted. It was because I charted my calories for a couple of days and was averaging around 1600. 

I woke not long after thinking about my family – grandmother, mom, and younger sister.

Considerations

It surprised me that I had such emotion seeing my grandmother. I did not feel so emotional when she was alive. When I hugged her it was like I was relieved to have someone who understood me. The politics topic of the dream was likely related to how upset I get sometimes when I see how split the American public is becoming. Sometimes I have to distance myself from it all just to keep myself from getting too polarlized.

My mom and I discussing the will was curious to me. Though I don’t recall specifics, it seems like she was explaining that things would not go as I assumed they would after her passing. I was and am okay with it. I think our discussion brought my younger sister into the dream. She has estranged herself from the whole family with her most recently blocking my mom because she voted for Trump. My mom was going to write her out of the will and I suggested she wait until her emotions stabilized and reminded her that she loved my sister. She opted not to take her out of the will. 

Symbolically, I think the pond fish and later monster are symbolic of some hidden emotional upset that threatens to “kill” family ties. Since it is my sister who seems to taunt the monster and then gets out in the nick of time because of my warning, I suspect my younger sister will create issues with the will. She lives in CA and barely scrapes by. Half the year she is a ski instructor and half the year she does odd jobs while drawing unemployment. She is very liberal and opinionated. She is now in her mid-forties and I suspect she is finding it challenging to live like she always has. I suspect when my mother dies whatever money is left to us, her children, will result in some green-eyed monsters, especially for those who feel they desperately need the money. I already went through this when my dad died and learned my lesson. I will not fight for whatever scraps remain when my mom dies but I don’t have much faith that either of my sisters will remain sane during that time. Both have unresolved issues with our mom and will be forced to reconcile one way or the other.

I find it interesting that when I ask to be shown what I need to know that I have dreams that meet that request. I am not sure why I need to know about politics other than my tendency to get upset when I read or see news. On the other hand, I can definitely see how my mom’s passing could result in hidden, emotional monsters waking up. I haven’t seen my youngest sister in almost 20 years. I have always told my mom that she will come back at some point. I hope it isn’t my mother’s funeral that prompts her return. I would rather she come sooner, for our mom’s sake. 

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Snakes and Skeletons

I’ve had several snake encounters lately. It could just be the time of year but I can’t help but take notice.

Snakes for me equal the Kundalini. I wish I could say I had some Kundalini experiences to report, but I don’t. Nothing for a while and if I do have any inklings of the K, they are mild in comparison to what they once were.

This snake I nearly stepped on during my evening walk around the pond. It is a diamondback water snake – harmless. He was about 3ft long.

This is a McKay’s brown snake. Tiny (less than 12 inches) but fierce! Again, I nearly stepped on him. This time when taking out the trash.

After the above snake encounters, I found a snake skeleton on the path around the pond this weekend. It seems symbolic of the death of part of myself. I’m not sure which. Perhaps my divorce or a stage in my life or even the Kundalini itself, which has basically gone dormant – or all three. Regardless, I decided to honor that death by digging a hole and burying the skeleton. I said goodbye to whatever it was that was ending. 

I’ve been feeling very done with life. When I think, “What do I want” (because my guides like to ask me that), all I think of is being free of this body and this physical reality (returning Home, ending this incarnation). The next thing I think of is sleeping because when I sleep I experience a short freedom from this place. Even if I can’t recall my dreams it is better than being awake and going through the motions of life. 

Don’t read this part if you are super attached to mankind, Earth and this physical experience…..

I’ve often wished that this physical reality would be destroyed in a major disaster – like end-of-the-world scenario. Yes, it would kill my loved ones and myself. Yes, it would be awful, but I know that whatever pain it caused would vanish immediately upon death and there would be no loss, no pain, no misery because we would all gather on the Other Side of this mess. I’ve experienced what lies beyond and find it difficult to understand how anyone could be so attached to this physical experience. If they only Knew!

Recently my guidance has been trying to get messages through to me. One was a message I’ve long heard, “Listen.” Another was something about traveling to the cosmos or something for an “intervention”. That is fine by me, if they think it will work. If I can’t get out of this body and physical incarnation, then a dose of Home is always welcomed. So far, giving me the experience of Home has kinda backfired I think because it makes me more determined to get the hell outta this place. lol 

It wouldn’t be so bad if I had something to motivate me here. Something, anything, to look forward to. Usually, I use the next stage or step in life as my motivation. The only stage left for me is old age, slow deterioration and then death. I do look forward to death, just not the long path to it. Maybe I will luck out and not have the long, deteriorating part?

I do recognize all my blessings, I do, but no amount of material things can fill this void inside. I love my land, my pond, my new space – I do! I love that I have the freedom to buy whatever I want/need. I love my children. I love my dog. I love that I am strong and healthy and still can sleep deeply through the night. I try to focus on my blessings. I am good at distracting myself with activities or projects, but that is all they are – distractions. I can’t ever get away from the emptiness inside, the continued sense of numbness, the void of nothingness and, most of all, the Knowing that Home is just on the “Other Side” of this simulation. 

I also recognize that I have been in this place before and it will eventually pass. Something will happen to ignite my curiosity and send me down another rabbit hole. Or maybe “someone”, since my path seems linked to the path of my partners in this life. But, honestly, I don’t want another partner if it means an oversized child to take care of or the expectations that go along with a relationship. And marriage? Hell no! Never again. 

This is also what Human Design says is my experience (my only defined channel is the 1-8) – not Knowing (most of the time) with occasional “ah-ha” moments of clarity and Knowing that propel me in the direction I am meant to travel. Sadly, those ah-ha moments are so few and far between and I end up waiting endlessly (Projector curse) for some sense of clarity, grasping at anything that seems like it might lead to it only to find that, once again, I am wrong and there was never any clarity to begin with.

I am still recovering from the Kundalini experiences of my past. I don’t understand why it happened, why the ET stuff happened, and why I had all the amazing OBEs and transformational experiences. Then they all just….stopped. Abruptly it seems. And now it is like they were only a dream and sometimes it is like they never happened at all. Just smoke and mirrors as the song goes. The only thing that remains is this empty void inside and a more intense longing for Home than ever before. 

Sometimes I think my experiences have left me with a kind of PTSD. I relate strongly with NDE’ers. So many of their stories are similar to my own, but I never actually had a near death, not really, just a “spiritually transformative experience” as ACISTE calls them. Sometimes I wish for an actual near death experience – maybe then I would understand??

Okay, so this is just me rambling now. If you have read this far – I apologize for the darkness of this post. I hope I didn’t bring you down in any way, especially since this is Easter, a day celebrating the resurrection of Christ.

Well, I did just bury the snake/Kundalini/old me, or whatever. Perhaps a resurrection is on the horizon. 

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Message: Reincarnation Amalgamation

I wish I had written the dreams prior down, but I didn’t. Instead, I just recall that when I woke a message was spoken to me in the in-between. The message lingered even after I returned to sleep. It was persistent enough that I finally made a note of it so I could return to sleep without interruption. It was just now, several days later, that I saw it in my notes: Reincarnation Amalgamation. 

Upon seeing the message I laughed. Not only does it have a nice ring to it (rhyme) but it seems significant. Is this message just for me or for everyone? I honestly don’t know so I am sharing it in case it rings true for others.

Perhaps the message goes along with some of my current life changes? Yesterday, for example, I went to the DMV to get my name changed on my driver’s license. It was the first time I signed my new name and it felt really good. The name itself is not new, really. I’ve been using Dayna for over two decades, ever since my guidance told me straight out that Dayna was my name. However, changing it legally finally rids me of a name I’ve not ever really felt any affinity for – my first name specifically. I kept my middle name. It has never been an issue for me and it didn’t feel right to eliminate it altogether. It symbolizes a lifetime lived up until this point at least. My last name was chosen by me years ago – Stone. It replaced my married name, which has been a difficult one mostly because of how it is spelled and pronounced. No more spelling it out letter by letter. Yay! My old married name also symbolizes a group I no longer want to be associated with, not just that the name was my ex’s.

My next step is the Social Security office. I have an appointment next week. Then, well, I guess I get to change my name everywhere that is left, a process I am sure will take some time but will be well worth it. 

But, back to the message….

Reincarnation = rebirth, to be born anew into a new form such as a physical form (or consciousness). 

Amalgamation = the action or process of uniting or merging two or more things.

If I take the message reincarnation amalgamation as a personal message meant for just me, then it means I am undergoing a transformational process in which I am taking my past “lives” and merging them into a new one. In this lifetime I have felt to have lived two previous lives up until now. I call them lives because when I look back upon my many years in this body, I perceive two distinct “me’s”.  

The first “me” I no longer even identify with in any way to the point that she feels not to have been me at all! This would be the first part of my life, from birth until late twenties or so (Saturn Return). This version of me had very little to no spiritual experiences. She was naive and afraid, making many fear-based decisions. 

The second, the one I feel I am in the midst of leaving behind, is more present and real to me; however, I believe she will one day feel as foreign to me as the first. She’s the one who underwent tremendous spiritual transformations, OBEs, Kundalini, etc. She is also the one who got married and started a family. 

Who is this third me? I do not know. I have no idea whatsoever. All I know is that she started with a divorce and a name change. What is to come next is a mystery. Perhaps she will be a mix of the two, as the message suggests? In the past, the not knowing would have driven me crazy, but now I honestly don’t have the energy to bother with that. I honestly don’t care.

I prefer to put my attention on the beautiful space I have created – a new home, a new garage in process, the 10 acre property with pond and wildlife. I spend more time on me, on my own peace of mind and on gratitude for what I have been given.

Speaking of all that, here are some more pictures. 🙂 The skirting on the house is finished and the garage frame is going up. I also included a pic of the beaver lodge located on the adjacent pond (neighbor’s) and some local cows.

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Dream: Crawdad in My Hair

Had a dream the other night that has a message that has been on my mind.

In the dream, there was a bright red crawdad (crayfish). I had leaned over to get something and my hair cascaded down near it. The crawdad grabbed onto my hair and climbed up onto my head. I freaked out and began screaming, “Get it off! Get it off!” while trying to grab it but then shying away from it. I remember worrying it would sting me and feeling like it would be a very bad thing if it did. Someone was there trying to help me get it out of my hair but I woke before it was taken out. 

Here is the message of crayfish: Crayfish Totem. 

It took me a whole day to finally look it up because I had a feeling it was not something I wanted to hear (thus wanting it off my head and thinking it would sting me in the dream). And yes, the message was that I need to shed my old skin and let go of the old to make way for the new. It also is telling me to pay attention to my dreams. I think the crawdad being in my hair is also meaningful. Hair represents strength and growth. The crawdad being in my hair is reminding me that, to grow, one must shed the old, which can sometimes be very painful. The fact that the crawdad was red may also be significant. It could symbolize anger, aggression, and even passion. I think in this instance it was power and new beginnings. I experience fear from these things in general.

Since our divorce was finalized on the 22nd of January, my ex has been very nice and accommodating. Our relationship is better than ever and it has led us to fall back into old patterns and behaviors. These behaviors are more like they were early in our relationship, not like the last few years. For example, he had a dozen roses delivered to me for Valentine’s Day. We are acting more married and loving than in a long time. It is just habit and it is hard to end old habits when in such close proximity. He is still in the house when I am staying there, something I’ve asked him to remedy. I’ve spoken with him about it, reminding him that we are divorced and should be planning for our new, single lives – apart.  

Until just recently all the bills were still in my name. I have since cancelled service and transferred what I could. This upset him but they are his bills, not mine, and late payment would impact my credit, not his, if left in my name. Tomorrow he asked me to help him call all the utility providers to set up service in his name. He has little to no experience with financial matters but he has to step up now and I think he is a bit unsure of himself.

My SIL has been threatening to sue my ex for “divorce fraud”. LOL But then she was very angry at the time. She won’t do it, it’s just a hollow threat to get his attention (even if she did it has no standing). She is mostly upset as a part-owner in the company because I will be getting monthly payments soon and she thinks I am stealing from the company. She doesn’t really understand the arrangement I don’t think. The money is from my ex, not her or the company, it just comes from the company as his portion owed to me. Anyway, I think she has a point (re: the fraud part) and I told him as much. He just laughed it off. 

It is easy to get caught up in what is comfortable and familiar. I think the crawdad is correct – it is time for me to shed my old skin – but I struggle because so much of my life is tangled up with my ex and my position working at the family company. I enjoy my job, especially the WFH aspect. I don’t know what to replace it with were I to resign. I have no issue walking away from his family but walking away from my ex will be hard. He is good at reeling me in – we are good parent partners and get along really well as friends. I am not one to hold grudges or hang onto stupid upsets. I wish sometimes I was because it would make this easier. 

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Long OBE

Wow, what a night! I had a 3 hour OBE, something that hasn’t happened to me in years. 

I woke up at 3am crying from a dream. The dream was of similar themes to dreams I’ve had in the past. I was all dressed up in formal wear with a group of people I know from my life currently (ex, his family mostly). The event reminded me of prom. We entered what reminded me of my old high school except it was a bit different with a metal detector type thing we had to walk through and iris scans of the eyes (lol). I was in a super good mood and very talkative. I noticed they were not interested in what I was saying, some of them looking annoyed. We all mingled together waiting for the other guests to arrive. I mentioned something I was considering. I said I wanted to get a personalize license plate that read “EWW PPL”. LOL – I had been talking about this the day before with my kids. Everyone looked at me like they were completely bored and disinterested, some annoyed. Finally, my ex-BIL laughed half-assed to try and make me feel better. No one joined him and he stopped as he felt their critical eyes on him. 

Feeling very unwanted, I excused myself to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and cried while thinking of all the similar times the exact scenario played out in my life with boyfriends, partners, friends and family. I am good one-on-one with them but as soon as I am in a group they are embarrassed by me and later say, “Why did you have to say that?” or “Why do you embarrass me like that?” or other similar comments. They are happy to be my friend/partner when we are one-on-one but when in groups I become an issue for them.

I got off the toilet and there was a big turd in it (LOL – symbolic of relieving myself of a burden) and as I flushed it I struggled to pull up my hose. I wiped my tears with TP and as I tossed it I saw more crap in the trashcan (I noted its meaning in the dream). As I turned around the bathroom door was gone and a man was standing there looking at me. I was still pulling up my hose but didn’t care if he saw. He asked me, “Are you okay? Why are you so quiet?”  I woke up, tears still in my eyes.

The dream is a reflection of my life for sure as is the last part where the guy was suddenly concerned about why I was so quiet. If I am talkative and attempt to blend in with the group, I am embarrassing and get scolded. If I am quiet then everyone is suddenly worried about me. I can’t win!

I couldn’t go back to sleep at first. I remembered a boyfriend I had years ago who was the exception to the above scenario. I felt bad for the way things ended with us. He was the only one out of so many boyfriends and friends who validated who I was and valued my contributions.

OBE

I asked to go OOB but didn’t think it would happen. I lingered in the in-between for a while thinking of the dream. Suddenly, I felt vibrations and was like, “OMG, vibrations!” (haven’t felt them in a while). I got too excited and lost them but rolled over and was OOB that easily.

I was in my grandparent’s old underground house. It looked like it did when I was young. On the sofa were my two boys. I went over and tapped one on the head. We interacted a bit but I can’t recall what we did. I remember how bright the kitchen was and noted the old gold linoleum, cabinets and countertops. I headed for the door and went out, flying up and hovering over the driveway which was dirt and not paved like it is now. I felt an unseen force begin to pull me backwards and I blacked out a bit. I decided to start singing and regained my vision. I was singing, “Amazing Grace” but sang it with different notes. I flew up over the barn and other parts of the farm. It was dark with a clear sky of stars.

At some point I returned to my body but immediately exited again. I found myself back in the house but this time it was a bedroom and bathroom. It looked like my mom’s room. It was a complete mess and I realized it was a reflection of her inner self. I began to pick up dirty clothes in an attempt to help/heal her. I took a pile to the laundry shute but it was different than real like, opening like a drawer. I put the pile in and it spilled out, old panty liners piled on top. I remember being surprised by the panty liners, they were all clean. The bathtub was next and was full of old, stagnant water. I attempted to drain it but it was clogged. I tried to stop the dripping but it was stuck. The tub was also round and yellowing from old age, not at all like reality.

I came back to my body briefly and then exited straight away. This time I was back in the living room of the old house. A young boy ran past and my boys yelled at him. I followed and found him in the bathroom. I said something to him and he gave me his shoes, the soles were coming off. I told him to get some glue sticks from the kitchen, which he did. I glued them on. He was a little black boy.

I went outside again and flew up into the air. I asked for clarity and assistance and felt the force again but it only turned me around. So I flew around some more enjoying the brisk night air and freedom of flight. I recall asking to see the galaxies above but when I tried to go higher I was stopped.

Again, I briefly returned to my body and then went out again. This time my mom was there. I mentioned her dirty room and how I tried to clean it. I explained that she should be concerned as it is a reflection of her spiritual state. Her response was that she no longer cared if things were messy. I understood. I told her I would help but she didn’t seem interested in changing anything. 

After this I decided to wake up. I felt rested and comfortable when I came to my body. No issues whatsoever with shifting back like irregular heart beat or an off feeling like I sometimes get. 

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New OBE Exit Technique Experience

Had two accidental WBTB (wake back to bed) induced OBEs. Woke up just before 5am wide awake. Got up, had a drink, visited the bathroom and then went back to bed but didn’t fall asleep for a while.

OBE: Floating Out

I was having a dream about my daughter’s friend needing a tire. I remember wondering why she would need a tire when she didn’t have a car, much less a drivers license yet. This may have been what caused me to come to body awareness, but I don’t remember.

The next thing I recall is being in bed laying on my back. I feel subtle energy vibrations but am not sure I can exit. I attempt to sit up and it feels too heavy like being pulled back into body.  I get the idea to try to float out. I tell myself, “Float”. My legs start to float up and there is a distinct awareness that I have two bodies. I have never tried this technique before and am thrilled that it works. As soon as my torso starts to rise, I float all the way out.

I fly towards the bedroom door but don’t recall the journey there. I seem to shift into another scene immediately. I am in a house where there seems to be a house party in progress. I am face to face with two men talking, both are holding glasses and look directly at me. I say. “Well hi there” (not like me at all). The blonde man on the right puts down his glass and pulls me towards him. He open mouth kisses me sloppily. It was not pleasant so I pull away and start to leave. For some reason I pause and turn around. I tell him I’ll show him my boob (LOL no idea why). I turn and start taking of my shirt but it won’t come off. The men try to help. It won’t budge. I notice my physical heart pounding erratically. I come back into my body.

OBE: I Want to Feel It All

I’m in a dream with my boys but they are both much younger. I recognize I’m dreaming and attempt to leave my body but again am not certain I can without waking. This time I am laying in my stomach but in the dream I am laying on my side. I end up standing up and walking right through my son’s leg. I fly up to a second floor where there is a party. I can hear a familiar voice above the crowd. I ignore the voice and continue outside going through double glass doors. 

Outside it is a clear night. The stars are bright and there are lights from other houses. I say aloud, “Show me what I need to see”. I fly higher as I say this, looking down at the scene below. Then I feel a force pulling me backwards very swiftly. As I am being pulled I sense that if I go with it, I will be pulled through what looks like iron bars. This doesn’t phase me. Considering what to do, I remember that singing helps raise my vibration. So, I start singing and the force stops immediately. I fly up and soar as I sing. I end up flying through a city. The city had a lot of cobblestone and old buildings. I remember the words to my song were questions and answers. Questions like, “Why am I here?” The answer I sang, “I want to feel it all!” 

At one point I saw some people dining outside. A young blonde woman was dining alone. I flew up to her and gently touched her face. I told her she was beautiful in my song. Until I touched her she seemed not to see me. Once I touched her, she looked right into my eyes and acknowledged me. Then I went and flew to a guy sitting at another table. I sat in his lap and kissed him on the cheek. I recall both of their faces vividly.

I kept singing but had thoughts that my boys from the dream would notice I wasn’t there. Then I remembered the boys were in a dream and my body was asleep in bed. I felt for my body to check in on it. All was well. So I kept on flying and singing.

I turned to see the blonde woman from before. She walked up to me, smiled and said, “I want you to close your eyes”. I said, “If I do that, I’ll wake up”. She seemed to accept my answer. She asked me. “What brings you here?” We started walking together. I said, “I’m out of my body and just visiting”. I remember noticing my answer and thinking it unexpected. I’ve never said that while OOB. As we were walking I felt myself slowly being pulled back to my physical body. The last thing I saw was the woman’s head as she was about to walk into a low hanging wall. Her head went right through it.

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Cabin/New House Update

I just realized I haven’t updated on the progress of my new cabin/house/retreat! I recently posted that I have been staying there, so – YES – the build is complete, furnished and livable!

It has been livable since around Thanksgiving. I have furnished it, so except for decorations on the walls and such, it is a nice home away from home. The perfect space, the space I visualized and manifested through the help of my husband (no, not ex yet, the court date keeps getting delayed) and our wonderful contractor and his son.

Here are some of the latest pictures. I hope the energy of the space comes through for you all to feel and appreciate.

Future Plans

The next stage will be getting a solid road put in, a garage with added workout space, and fencing around the entire perimeter of the property. Oh, and I am also renovating an old 15ftx15ft shed by adding a new roof (done), windows (Partially done), door, insulation, siding (partially done) and sheetrock.

Today I am meeting with a local and neighbor who does dirt work and who helped dig our pond many years ago (amazing, right?). I’ve already met so many neighbors, all good people, many whose families have lived here for decades. Out here in the boonies, knowing your neighbors makes all the difference.

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Dream Message: ACIM page 40

I’ve been staying at the new house (my retreat space). This is day 3. No apparitions. lol I did have a visitor in my dream last night who gave me a message.

In the dream, I was with my older sister and she wanted to go shopping. We walked along through what seemed like a flea market full of various shops. She looked at a shop with lots of clothing. Of course, she picked clothes that were for work with flowy arms and lots of chenille. I told her they wouldn’t suit her needs since she doesn’t have a job. A sales person for the shop tried to get me to buy something but I told her I prefer t-shirts and sweatpants. I recall looking at what I was wearing and it was similar to what I told her. 

We continued to walk and my sister kept getting distracted by things she wanted to buy. I wasn’t really interested in anything. At some point we ended up at a woodshop filled with carved items. My sister said, “Why do we always end up in places like this?” I looked around curiously at the items but didn’t select anything. My sister grabbed something that looked like a bowl with a little creature that would move with the help of water in the bowl. She asked the attendant to get her some water as she drank the remainder of the dirty water from the reservoir. Grossed out, I walked away to browse on my own.

I picked up a couple of small, carved objects. I’m not sure what they were but one seemed to be four people or characters connected hand in hand. Another was a single character. I held the single character in my right hand and the other one in my left and just started walking.

I walked along a paved road that had other, smaller shops throughout. I didn’t stop at any but just drifted, my mind on my life and what to do. I felt somewhat lost, not sure what direction to go. I recall being reminded by a passing thought that I am a hermit, so I should do what brings me joy. There was some music playing and I began to sing with the music. I let my voice go louder than I normally would in public until I was singing full volume. It made me feel good and I knew that if I just did what brought me joy that the right people would “see” me, or be drawn to me. All I had to do was wait for the right call from one of those people.

On my right a coastline took shape and I saw a blue heron dip below the side of the road towards the shoreline. My attention now on the water, I found a nice spot on the ground with a view of the water and sat down. I could feel the figurines in my hands as I fidgeted with them. 

From behind me I felt someone approach. I knew it was a man and I took a deep breath in preparation for his interruption of my solitude. As I waited for him to speak, I saw a strange looking creature on the shoreline where the heron should’ve been. It looked like a Pokémon creature, kind of like a weird dragon in a fat, pig shape. He had sharp teeth and large eyes, typical of a Pokémon (Bulbasaur maybe?).

Before I could investigate the man behind me spoke about the creature saying it represented change (Bulbasaur is based on the frog which symbolizes transition/change). He then spoke directly to me in a very calm voice. His words were very intelligent and he spoke as if he was from a different time or place. I tried to listen, to remember everything he was saying, but all I could do was grab onto what felt to be most important. I remember he said to me, “A Course in Miracles, page 40”. I repeated this to myself as he spoke more. It bothered me that I would not remember all his words and with that, I slowly began to wake. I remembered what he told me and thought about jotting it down since my memory often fails me nowadays. I wanted to sleep, though, so I opted to get more sleep.

ACIM

When I finally awoke I couldn’t recall anything except for the page 40 part. I heard from my left, the male voice say, “A Course in Miracles”. Curious, I considered it. I’ve never felt drawn to that book, though one of my close friends has recommended it numerous times. Here is the link to page 40. 

What I find revelatory about this section is that it seems to point directly to my thoughts in the above dream – of how I am a Hermit (Human Design) and must focus on doing what brings me joy and while doing so, wait for a call from those who truly “see” me. This has been coming through to my consciousness this entire trip to my retreat space. One of the ways I find clarity is through purposeful alone time during which I am not impacted by any other’s energy and can tune into my own energy; therefore finding clarity from within. Last night, prior to bed, a message came through that I need space and time alone to reflect and find clarity. There have been too many distractions and I have been immersing myself in these distractions rather than taking the time to look within. 

The name of this chapter is “The innocent perception”. This in itself screams Human Design to me. I have only one channel connecting two defined centers: 1-8 Channel of Inspiration. This channel in and of itself is about perception.

This page also speaks of inner vision. This is also written in my HD. This is how I perceive the world and is part of color and tone (link here) – the 4th tone of the Environmental variable – inner vision cognition, or how I take in the world around me. In HD, inner vision is about relying on one’s inner vision to perceive the word instead of using the physical eyes. Though I have not purposefully perfected this part of my design, I have found throughout my life that I rely more and more on my inner vision rather than what is presented to me via the physical world. This inner vision allows me to see past what other’s and the world present to me to the truth. I have often perceived what I can only describe as something distasteful. This in itself is a warning that there is something hidden and to be wary of the person, place or situation. 

So, the message I received was to focus on strengthening my inner vision in order to find truth and knowledge. The definition of knowledge presented in ACIM – Knowledge is an experience of wholeness and unity. 

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Apparition: Young Boy Running

Another spirit sighting. This time in the main home, not the new build.

It was just like my other experience, even around the same time of night. I awoke suddenly. Since I was lying on my back, I was looking straight up. Above me was a young boy running across my field of vision. He was see-through and misty but I could fully make out his entire body, though his feet were unrecognizable. When I saw him my first reaction was to kick up at him from the bed. lol Not sure why I did that. It didn’t do anything. He just disappeared into the wall on the right side of my room. I had to get up to visit the bathroom just like last time. When I got up I felt somewhat out of sorts, had to get my balance, and then visited the bathroom. When I came back I fell immediately back to sleep.

I did not recognize the boy. He was probably around the age of 8. He was wearing blue jeans and had medium brown hair that was somewhat shaggy (needed a haircut). I think he had on a t-shirt but I can’t specifically recall. He never looked at me. He was looking towards the right side of my room.

IDK what is going on but at least I didn’t feel any fear from this one. It was just like I happened to accidentally get a view beyond the veil.

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Spirit Manifested

I’m staying at my new house so there shouldn’t be any spirit activity. Yet last night I was awakened around 11:30pm. I don’t recall why I woke – if there was a dream or some communication that I received, IDK. I opened my eyes and saw above me a swirl of smoke that moved and had color and brightness. It was elongated almost reminding me of a horses head. There was an illuminated sort of backlit bluish-green color as well. The room wasn’t completely dark making it very obvious to me what I was seeing. I said aloud, “What the…” and with that, I blinked, and when I re-opened my eyes, it was gone.

I struggled to return to sleep for some time after. I had to use the bathroom so I got up, which was difficult in itself because I worried I would encounter something on the way to the bathroom. Nothing happened. The whole time I was putting protection around myself, my bedroom and the entire house. 

As I began to drift back to sleep, I got visuals, likely communication from this entity who was female. I was shown the work I had done that day. I was clearing debris from the old mobile home site – pieces of vinyl skirting, old concrete blocks and various pipes. The amount of vinyl siding was ridiculous. Some had been there so long that grass had set roots in the grooves. As I worked, I imagined how the place got into such disrepair, thinking of the excuses made to avoid doing the work needed to keep the place nice. The man who lived there was very obese, so I imagined he thought of how tired it made him and opted to eat a snack or take a nap rather than take action to clean up his messes. I also thought of his wife, an alcoholic, and how bored she must have been. I thought of her choosing to drink rather than clean (there were numerous bottles of cleaners strewn about) and her thinking how she was the only one cleaning and if no one else cared, why should she? Ultimately, I felt that both had gone into complete apathy about their living situation, among other things. I got very angry at first and then ultimately felt sorry for them. To live in such filth and feel you can do nothing about it has to be an awful feeling.

Another communication I received was memory of when I was clearing out the addition. This was early on, just after we had just purchased the property. I found boxes full of documents, photos and other family keepsakes. There were old photo albums, similar to the ones I use to see at my grandparents house. I wondered why anyone would just leave personal items like that. The spirit focused me in on a name I read in that paperwork. I only remember now that it began with a M. 

Realizing I was receiving communication, I again put up protection around me. I received a direct message that I had nothing to worry about, she didn’t have the energy to do it again (manifest). 

I didn’t sleep well the rest of the night and decided to smudge the place as soon as I can get my sage here. That will be tonight because my husband is bringing it to me.

After some thought, I realized I might have stirred up the energy by clearing the old mobile home site debris. I plan to do more clearing today, this time with a rake to grab all the smaller stuff. I will say a prayer and smudge the area as soon as the sage is available. I have no idea if it will work as it seems the spirit is attempting to communicate with me and does not seem to be Earthbound. She may be lingering here with unfinished business but aware that she no longer has a body. This is not uncommon and I prefer communicating with this kind of “ghost” than with the ones who do not know the are dead.

In the past, spirit has been attracted to my “light”. This may simply be that. If so, typically just me asking them to go away is enough.